#once again jumping to the conclusion that I am doomed to this kind of life forever or maybe I don't deserve affection other than
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Situazione mentale: ho visto una foto mezza tagliata e sfocata di due persone che si abbracciavano e mi sono messa a piangere
#once again jumping to the conclusion that I am doomed to this kind of life forever or maybe I don't deserve affection other than#from my family which is something I'm grateful for because a lot of people aren't this lucky but at the same time it's suffocating me#i lost everyone else and this keeps happening no one ever wants to keep me around so probably I'm not made to have friends and such#but i want it so bad i want people to come to my house and spend the evening watching movies together or going to the mall or go for a walk#who will remember something about me who will send me silly little nothings during the week just to tell me they're thinking about me#who will come to me for advice and whom I'd feel comfortable enough to talk to#how sad is that something happened to me this week and I'm waiting for Thursday to tell my therapist bc i have no one else to talk to#I was so hopeful that this year would be the one I'd finally take my life in my hands but then the hip thing broke me once again#I've lost my adolescence now I'm losing my twenties#I'll never be a functional adult this way#sorry I'm sorry I'll delete this later#rant
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Scandal Ch. 4 - Loki x Reader
Summary: Nothing can stop the wrath of the God of Mischief, when he realizes he had been deceived by the people he trusted more than his beloved wife.
Warnings: Angst, Violence
Words: ~1700
"But what the world fails to realize is a villain is just a victim whose story hasn’t been told.” - Chris Colfer
I Story Masterlist I General Masterlist I
Taglist: @hi-there-x @haloangel391 @misssilencewritewell @babayaga67 @accioremuslupinn @mochimommy2002 @just-someone-who-likes-to-write @damalseer @bethanystan @loser-alert @star017 @nina1800 @queenariesofnarnia @n1fangirlsblog @vengefulsokovian @lunamoonbby @freyagallileaevans
A/N: This is a rather boring chapter, but we’re far from done!
“She already left several moons ago. It was her own wish, we did not force her.”
“Where to?”
“Midgard.”
Loki was long back on Asgardian territory, yet his mind couldn’t find peace. Well, how could he, now knowing what Laufey told him?
His world had already crumbled to dust when he left you behind - but if Laufey spoke the truth, his whole existence had been built on lies from the very start.
Not knowing where to search for answers, the prince sneaked into Odin’s forbidden chambers, walking in the shadows protecting him in the midst of night.
There it was: The Cascet of Ancient Winters - the very relic that doomed the fate of your newborn, revealing it’s shameful blood to all of Asgard.
It just urged him to try and see for himself, even if the truth would shatter his heart.
“STOP!”
Loki wouldn’t even flinch at the Allfather’s words, already tightly holding the cascet in both hands.
“Am I cursed?”
The God of Mischief wouldn’t even dare to turn around and look at the person he always ever thought to be his father - for as soon as he laid fingers on the cascet, he began turning into that same shade of blue your son did.
Panic began to rise in the young god, fearing to be killed by the people he loved so dearly shall they lay eyes upon what he truly was. His chest began to tighten, fastened breath turning into a cold mist.
“No” was Odin’s firm but unsatisfying answer, to which Loki only responded by putting down the cascet.
“What am I?”
“You’re my son.” His words came from the heart, not even faltering as Loki turned around to present his Jotun form to the Allfather.
“What more than that?!” he almost growled in between gritted teeth, appearance slowly returning to his usual self.
At that deepest, darkest day in his life yet, Loki would be too blinded by betrayal and rage to see his father’s true love towards his adoptive son.
“The cascet wasn’t the only thing you took back from Jotunheim that day, was it?” The prince took firm steps towards the man that he had known all his life, but had become a complete stranger towards him through that sole moment.
Again, only a “no.”
Loki’s mind was racing, thinking about what else may have been hidden from himself - and what kind of consequences that revelation had for everything he had done up until now.
“In the aftermath of the battle, I went to the temple -- and I found a baby” the Allfather continued, “Small, for a giant’s offspring. Abandoned, suffering, left to die...”
“...Laufeyson” Loki completed Odin’s sentence. So every word the King of the Jotunns had said was indeed a fact.
“W-W-why?!” he almost whined, voice weak and defeated. “You were knee deep in Jotun blood, why would you take me?”
“You were an innocent child-”
“No.” The God of Lies himself had become so sick of being fed those, starting to snap. “You took me for a purpose. What was it???”
For what felt like an eternity, there was only silence.
The image of that small, blue child in his arms had been painfully burned into his heart back then. But now that he knew the story behind all of this, it held a completely different meaning.
Just like he had been abandoned back on that frozen rock, he had abandoned his own child, as well as the love of his life.
Outcast, abused, left to die...and now, god knows what had happened to you...
That secret had destroyed more than just his own life. It had ruined the only honest happiness he was ever given - you, and his son.
“TELL ME!”
He just needed to know: The reason behind all the pain and suffering he had to endure - and caused to others as well.
“I thought we could unite our kingdoms one day, bring about an alliance, bring about permanent peace...through you.”
That was just too much for Loki to bear. “What?” he reacted with a barely-there voice, every word of his father shooting daggers through his heart.
“But those plans no longer matter.” No matter what Odin might want to explain, Loki wasn’t able to listen to any more, jumping into his own conclusions.
“So I am no more than another stolen relic, locked up inside of here until you might have use for me?!” he croaked, afraid of the answer.
“Do not twist my words.”
“You could told me what I was from the beginning!” he now yelled, furious at how virtuous Odin would still defend his own action. “Why didn’t you?”
“You’re my son” he repeated once again. “I only wanted to protect you from the truth.”
“Why, ‘cause I-I-I-I’m the monster people tell their children about at night?!” Loki clenched his fists, fingernails drawing blood to his palm.
“At least when my son was born, you should’ve dropped the charade!” Pure agony was dripping from every syllable, and for a mere second, his eyes were glistering bright red once again. “You’ve forsaken two innocent lives - the most important beings in my pathetic existence - and now you’ve burdened me with their suffering as well!”
That sure was a miracle - how a person so broken from the beginning wouldn’t collapse under pressure that huge.
“It all makes sense now, why you favoured Thor, all those years! Because no matter how much you claim to love me, you could never have a Frost Giant sitting on the throne of Asgard!”
But who cares about the throne, honestly? Not him. Not anymore. Ever since he knew you.
It all dawned to him now: What he could have, if only he had put his trust in you like so many times before.
All his life, he only ever remembers a shadow. At first, he thought it to be the shadow of his brother, or never being enough for his own father. Maybe the other Asgardians looking down on him, making him feel like he doesn’t belong.
Yet in the end, that very shadow was inside of his own mind.
But you?
You had loved Loki with all of your heart, banishing the darkness from his mind through your bright affection.
It didn’t matter to you what anyone thought of him - or even what he thought himself to be.
Because you saw him for what he really was, and he found peace with that.
And he was certain that it wouldn’t matter to you whether he called himself Odinson or Laufeyson - as had you loved his child dearly, ever since he took his first breath.
He could never make up for that greatest of his sins, Loki knew that much.
Or...?
“Where are you going, my son?”
Reluctantly, Loki made his way past the man he now only considered a stranger. Still, when Odin tried to reach out to him, Loki immediately ducked away, startled and afraid for his true nature to hurt anyone.
More than ever before, the God of Mischief despised himself to the core of his being. He was lost, confused, shocked - and still, determined.
“Creating a Kingdom for my family.”
___
[Earth, 2 months later]
On times like these, you thought your mind was betraying you.
Especially when you catched yourself reminiscing sweet, innocent moments - far back in the past, before everything you ever held dearly got destroyed.
You still felt his touch, feather-light on your skin, as well as his scent haunting your memories. And sometimes you couldn’t help but wonder how life would have been, well...if things were different.
Frantically shaking your head, you clasped the book closed and threw it into a corner of the small one-room-flat SHIELD had provided for you.
Your magical pockets were always almost empty, except for a few necessities - and that book. It held the first flower Loki ever gifted you, and you had dried it in between those pages so it would never lose it’s beauty.
But now, remembering meant pain - because Loki Laufeyson would never come back.
For he is dead.
Fell of the Bifrost, as confirmed by Heimdall, who secretly kept in touch with you all this time. So you knew it all: Of his grief and treason, which slowly led him into madness.
And what did you do in the meantime?! Nothing at all!
You should’ve tried everything, anything to get back and help him go through that time of need, hel!
“Endure it, Y/N...you need to stay strong...for Liam.” After so many times of telling those words to yourself, you doubted them to have any effect on your broken heart at all.
Yet it would never fail to keep you going. For that wonderful child was proof of your love, and now your last memory of him.
Rocking the small Jotun to sleep, tears found their way to your eyes like so many times before, dropping to the baby’s face unnoticed.
So you tried to sing your pain away as you cooed that little wonder to sleep.
“Å eg lengtar så tidt dette landet å sjå, Og det dreg meg så blidt, når eg langt er ifrå. Med den våknande vår vert min saknad so sår, så mest gråta, mest gråta eg kan. Å eg minnest, å eg minnest, å eg minnest så vel dette land. Å eg minnest, å eg minnest, å eg minnest så vel dette land.”
*Translation:
“Oh I long so long to see this land, And it pulls me so gently, when I'm far away. With the waking spring host my missing so sore, so most cry, most cry eg can. Oh I remember, oh I remember, oh I remember this country as well. Oh I remember, oh I remember, oh I remember this country as well.”
#Loki#Loki x Reader#Loki x You#Loki / Reader#Loki / You#Loki Laufeyson#Loki Odinson#Loki Friggason#God of Mischief#Loki x Y/N#Self Insert#Writing#Fanfiction#Jotunn#Jotunheim#Asgard#Frost Giant
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RobStar Week 2021, Day 6 - Formal Night
(Have a RobStar/BBRae double date for this prompt as a two for one special!)
---
"Do we have to go to this?" Beast Boy whined, fidgeting a little as Raven straightened his bow tie. "Can't we just like, video conference in or something?"
"Metropolitan Society of the Arts hasn't quite nailed down simulcast technology yet," Robin said in explanation, helping the changeling into his dinner jacket. "We could watch the livestream, but it'd be really laggy, and we'd lose connection more often than not." He brushed Beast Boy's sleeves off when he was done. "Besides, this is culture. It's good for you."
Beast Boy gave an uncertain whine, but made no further comment, as Raven withdrew to slip her faux-fur-lined shawl around her shoulders and Starfire moved in to futz with his hair, smoothing it down into a semblance of orderly flatness.
"Do you not like the opera, Beast Boy?" she asked him, making sure his hair was to her satisfaction before stepping back and tugging up her long gloves again.
"Never really been my thing," he admitted, reaching up and feeling the slicked-down hairdo. "Always puts me to sleep."
Robin wound an arm inside Starfire's, his jacket sliding neatly against the silk of her gloves. "I wouldn't blame you," he laughed. "Opera is kind of an acquired taste."
Starfire beamed at him, her eyes sparkling. "It reminds me of the poetic ballads we would perform upon royal holidays," she commented. "I am very excited for this."
Beast Boy shrugged, grabbing up his wallet and shoving it into his back pocket before reaching to grab Raven's hand. "Well, as long as you guys enjoy it, I think I can manage."
Raven gave a wry smile as she entwined fingers in his. The contented feelings of love and happiness from their double dates were like a warmth on her senses, familiar and comforting. Starfire's eager excitement and the anxious thrill racing inside Robin at the thought of doing something with her she loved never failed to make the empath feel... more at ease, somehow.
The looks of adoration they traded with each other, the casual level of comfort they felt... She and Beast Boy were still navigating their awkward newfound feelings for each other but Raven very much hoped they could reach that level of ease with each other.
Beast Boy did like to cuddle, so that was a good start.
She squeezed his hand encouragingly, leaning in to whisper in his ear.
"I snuck your gameboy into my clutch," she told him. "If you can stay awake until intermission, we'll sneak off and find a quiet corner."
He looked confused and bewildered a moment, but then seemed to light upon her insinuations. "Ohhh, leave the happy couple alone for an hour, I get it," he said with a grin.
Fortunately Robin and Starfire were busy fussing over who was going to hold the tickets and didn't hear their private exchange.
*** Starfire's eyes were shimmering; she clutched hands over her heart as she listened with rapturous emotion, her Tamaranian powers almost haywire inside her with the strength of her feelings.
Beast Boy was snoring lightly in his seat, his head slumped over the top and drooling a little from his mouth, but Raven didn't seem to mind, leaned against his shoulder and quietly listening to the music with a faint smile.
Starfire could feel Robin's eyes on her instead of the performers, watching her reaction to every line, every moment, but she barely paid attention, so enraptured she was with the moving story and the beauty and technique of the singers' performances.
The main soloist was onstage now, pouring her heart out into a powerful aria about difficult love and Starfire felt herself ache for the poor fictional girl, doomed to forever be apart from the one she treasured and adored.
She clapped vigorously with the rest of the audience as the act concluded, peeking aside at Robin when he stood up, and doing the same.
"What is this called?" she asked, observing the same phenomenon from patrons down below on the floor.
"A standing ovation," he explained, saying it into her ear. "It's basically used to compliment the performer, tell them they did a really great job."
Starfire beamed and clapped harder, joining the chorus of appreciation for the soloist, who stepped forward and took a quick bow as the lights came up.
Beast Boy snorted and startled awake, shaking his head and quickly wiping the drool away with his sleeve. "What'd I miss?" he asked.
Starfire jumped into an explanation at once, her dress swishing around her ankles as she turned eagerly to Beast Boy. "The heroine and her lover both snuck away from their houses for a secret rendezvous, in which they proclaimed their eternal affection for each other. But the heroine's stern guardian found them out, and attempted to duel the lover to the death. He barely escaped with his life and now the heroine has been locked in her room and has conveyed that she feels she cannot live without him."
"Oh." Beast Boy scratched his ear. "So pretty normal stuff, then."
"It was so moving!" Starfire exclaimed, her voice almost breathless. "The lyrics of the aria were so beautifully poetic!"
Behind her, Beast Boy observed Robin, his eyes shining at Starfire like she was the beautiful piece of poetry.
He smirked a little to himself. "Yeah I'll bet. Hey Rae." He nudged Raven conspiratorially. "You remember where the bathrooms were? I uh... kinda need to use the men's room. Fast."
She caught on to his excuse, rising from her seat with him. "Well don't pee on the floor, I'll get you there," she assured him, trying to hide her grin.
She quickly enveloped them in black energy and teleported them away.
***
He'd known Starfire was a sap—known for ages, really—but it still surprised and alarmed him when the Tamaranian princess burst into tears at the conclusion of another powerful number.
"Woah, woah, hey!" he said in concern, turning in his seat towards her at once as the applause filled the auditorium, almost drowning him out. "Star, are you okay?"
She hiccuped, her breath hitching and stuttering as she tried to get her words out. "It is just—so sad!" she managed around choked sobs. "They can—never tr—truly be accepted by their families!" Big wet tears were sliding down her cheeks, running the mascara Raven had so painstakingly helped her apply earlier that evening. Starfire fumbled in her clutch purse for a tissue, her hands shaky, Robin eventually producing his handkerchief from his pocket and dabbing away at her eyes, worry pinching between his brows.
She looked at him gratefully when he finished, whispering a strained, "Thank you."
He nodded silently but sent an anxious glance back towards the door that led into their private balcony box. Raven and Beast Boy had been on a long bathroom break.
Where the hell are they?, he wondered anxiously.
Turning his attention to his distraught girlfriend, Robin wrapped arms around her shoulders and waist, rubbing up and down her back, trying to soothe her back to emotional stability. She calmed as he held her, her sniffles settling down, quieting into a somber ease.
"Sorry," he said. "I should have warned you this one had a tragic ending."
"It is not that," she mumbled, hiding her face against his lapels now, vibrating the words against his chest. "It is.. very silly but... these kinds of... melodramas about love and romance," she began, raising her head slightly, looking into his face with sad green eyes. "It just brings up... old buried feelings," she said.
"What do you mean?" he asked.
Starfire took a deep breath, wringing her gloved hands. "For the longest time... I feared you did not have any desire to be with me," she admittedly quietly.
That stung like the knife the heroine had stabbed herself with in Robin's own heart, and he gripped her tighter, fiercely. "I know," he whispered in apology. "I was stupid. I kept putting up excuses for why we shouldn't be together, and I hurt you with how long I stalled, afraid of my feelings." He shook his head. "Afraid of myself, of being vulnerable."
"That is not how you feel now," Starfire said with conviction, looking at him adoringly.
He grinned. "Nope," he agreed. "I can say it now. I love you, Starfire, and I never want to be without you again."
Her smile cracked her face and she flung herself at him, capturing his lips with a kiss as the audience applause and cheers down below became deafening.
***
Raven had the audacity to look completely unbothered as Robin stalked up to her, with Starfire trailing behind, leaned up against the wall just outside the men's bathroom with her arms crossed casually. Beast Boy sat indian-style on the floor next to her strappy sandals, thoroughly engrossed in his handheld gaming device, beeping softly as he mashed buttons.
Robin set annoyed eyes on them. "And where exactly have you two been?" he demanded.
"What?" Raven replied, shrugging. "Starfire gets a little overpowering on the senses when she's emotional. I figured I'd spare myself the headache."
"Besides dudes," Beast Boy piped in, not looking up, "we figured you two could use some alone time. You guys haven't been on a real date in ages."
"Is that what you were doing?" Robin pressed, still a little irritated. He nodded his chin towards Raven's shoulder, where her dress strap was askew, down around her upper arm. "Having alone time?"
Raven coughed lightly and surreptitiously reached to fix her strap and cover it over with her shawl.
"The sentiment is appreciated," Starfire spoke up, eyes soft but strained, "but I was looking forward to spending the time with the both of you."
"Well, the night's still young," Beast Boy said, standing up, his Gameboy loose in one hand. "I'm sure we can find something to do that we'll all like."
"Oooh!" Starfire exclaimed breathlessly, turning to her date. "Robin, there are newborn giraffes at the Jump City Zoo!"
"Sounds good to me!" Beast Boy said, immediately grinning. "Rae?"
"Nice quiet evening with only a few people and lots of calm content animals? Sounds up my alley," she quipped.
Robin had trouble finding his words for a moment, having been quite distracted by the warm golden chandelier light glistening in Starfire's red hair and the adorable eagerness with which she looked at him, and stammered a bit before his brain shook itself back into order.
"Uh... that's—I mean—uh... uh yeah, sounds—sounds good to me."
She gave him a peck on the check affectionately, amused by how easily she could still flummox him, and slipped her gloved arm through his elbow, settling comfortably into his side.
"Would we not be overdressed, though, in this attire?" she asked, slight worry wrinkling her brows.
"You should keep the dress on," Robin blurted, then blushed heavily and trailed off into babbling again. "It—I mean it uh—it suits you, green always—uh it looks—it looks really great on you and—"
Beast Boy rolled his eyes. "Ugh, they're like the model couple, it's disgusting," he commented aside to Raven.
"Revolting," she agreed with a smile. After a pause she shouldered away from the wall. "C'mon," she urged.
Giggling, Starfire tugged her still-blushing boyfriend along as the two couples made their way through the glimmering tiled halls of the theater towards the exit.
---
So I’m not saying that Raven and Beast Boy totally had sloppy makeouts in the men’s bathroom but... yeah I’m totally saying that lol.
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i can't be the only one who wants izuku to get fucking pissed at his situation, at all might, start questioning what the fuck is going on with OFA.
because if you're going to trust a fifteen year old with something like OFA and bind them to the life of a symbol, you do not get to withhold information. deku was not told he'd be dealing with an enemy like AFO when he got the quirk, nor was he told that basically its whole point was not fighting some vague concept of evil, but fighting a very tangible very dangerous villain. he wasn't told that up until all might, inheriting this power was guaranteed suicide, and even after all might you only have a vague chance of survival. to be offered such a life altering "gift", Izuku should have been warned of everything. from the start. and if not then then from the very moment izuku started seeing vestiges, or at least when AFO resurfaced. WHY IN GOD'S NAME WOULD YOU HIDE ANY, ANY BIT OF INFORMATION ON A QUIRK THAT IMPORTANT?????
no because, if you look at it cynically, All Might took this kid who had nothing and who looked up to him as effective god. He took this kid who he knew had no sense of no self-care or self-preservation. This extremely reckless kid who he saw putting his life at risk three times (sludge v1, hanging on to AM as he jumped, sludge v Katsuki) within 24 hours. He picked this kid who he knew would give everything (because Izuku had "nothing", and therefore nothing to lose) and "gifted" him with a ticking time bomb. Of course Izuku is willing to break himself if it means using OFA to max potential. So much of his self-worth is based on OFA. He's said time and time again he isn't sure if he deserves it, that it's a borrowed power. If you've taken this kid and given him everything practically overnight, of course he'll go to self-destructive lengths to prove himself worthy of it. Who'd want to go back to being nothing after all?
And this is a logical conclusion. Someone like Izuku, someone like All Might probably used to be in his youth and still kind of is, they're perfect to be put on this kind suicide mission. They're a perfect vessel. Sure they're heroic and brave and selfless, but most importantly they're willing to die for the cause. OFA the quirk knows this. Literally two seconds after Katsuki sacrifices himself telling Deku not to do shit alone, Deku renders said sacrifice useless by doing exactly what Katsuki warned him not to😭 And the quirk and vestiges encourage him. They don't give a shit about repercussions and Deku's chronic pain or possible arm paralysis. They just want to beat AFO. You go son you break those arms 🤠
Doesn't it all feel a little bit exploitative?
Look at it like this. A kid is born with no power. This kid wants to be great, but the world says he can't. He meets his hero, and the hero says he can't either. Then the kid acts heroic, but reckless. The hero sees an opening. This kid is good and doesn't care one bit about his well-being? Jackpot! He offers the kid a deal. Great power, an extraordinary gift at surface layer. But one with so many more hidden strings attached that hurt and break and haunt the kid, that he was never warned about or taught how to deal with. But he can always give it to someone else! Can he, really? Can he go back to being nothing? With a personality like his, well nope. And that's why you pick the overly selfless reckless ones. The ones that will feel indebted to you to a ridiculous degree.
Isn't it like dare I say... like a deal with the devil?
As we progress more and more into the lore of AFO and OFA, I can really see why Katsuki's started to view it as a cursed power. And with how wildly different from expectations (at least mine) + far more nuanced the Todofam drama has revealed itself to be compared to what it seemed upon first intro, I'm inclined to believe there's more to the OFA story than clean cut, young bro good guy vs mean big bro oppression.
TL;DR - All Might is the metaphorical devil jr who gave Izuku a passed down deal, and neither he nor broccoli boy read the fine print.
Bakugo’s ghost sent me this ask 💀
Lol but seriously, these are all excellent points and I’ve been sitting on this ask until I had time to answer it because you’re absolutely goddamn right
This shit is explotive af, and I’ve got a suspicion as to why
I don’t think Deku was a random choice, there’s a layer of fate/mystic woven into the bnha world that gets over looked.
Sir had insane fortune telling abilities that were never once wrong about anything except when it came to the 2 OFA users fates. Deku even specifically says he’ll smash any fate in his way, and I think on some level he knows he can because he has a different destiny.
The vestiges break him from Shinsos hold, meaning the can have some level of control over Dekus body. You think AM noticed every time something like that happened? AM didn’t even notice Bakugo internalizing all the blame for his retirement even after watching his mom force him to apologize for it??
“I keep forgetting that your still a child” AM, sir, this is the third time you’ve admitted out loud that you were just gonna let Bakugo suffer his own fate 💀 please stop indicting yourself and at least pretend you care about Bakugo outside his relationship to Deku jfc
Also what are the chances you get nine random holders and none of them turn out to be corrupt or at least too self serving to die for the cause??? Slimmer than the pages bnha is printed on.
There’s something pulling some strings here, and I think it’s the true power of First users quirk.
What would be the point of transferring a quirk if that’s it’s only power?
What would be the point of this quirk being essentially password locked?
What would be the point of this quirk being able to forced on to someone?
There’ wouldn’t be any.
But what if that’s not what the quirk is?
What if the quirk is actually passing something along, and that’s why it’s dna based, it’s the transfer of an integral part of them.
Something that would change a person if forced on them but would possibly eradicate someone if stolen. Something like a souls desire? That could be a dangerous thing to give to someone else especially if it’s something they didn’t want, now they suddenly have to?
Then you give this quirk a strength enhancing quirk?
Now it’s got some juice, how much stronger did it get? Can it sense others with a similar goal, can it make its host gravitate towards those people?
Is the firsts quirk purposely finding exploitable heros, like Nana AM and Deku. All people who were/are willing to give up everything for the cause. How much of the first is in there, how much sentient power does this quirk have?
We know that Nana gave up her family, her child, for the cause. AM never bothered cultivating a family and pushed away Sir and anyone else who is anti him dying, and now we’re seeing Deku do the same.
Deku who had no friends to begin with, a dad who’s out of the picture, and an already slightly strained relationship with his mom?
Is this quirk capable of learning? Does it know that having people you care about slows you down from sacrificing yourself?
Does this quirk compound with the other users goals make the drive stronger each time?
Idk but there’s a glimmer of hope that Deku isn’t doomed to be a glorified meat puppet, and it exists in the form of Kacchan.
No one else had someone so deeply rooted to them, who could fight right along side them. Bakugo is an outlier in this story, almost the exact opposite kind of hero OFA wants, his connection to Deku breaks the cycle.
Deku would never give up on Katsuki, and even if he tried Endeavor will start coughing up ice cubes before Bakugo lets him. He couldn’t leave Deku alone when he was convinced he hated him, there’s no way he’d do it now.
Dekus story will be different from the other users that’s for sure.
#get it?? cause endeavors quirk is hell fire 😀😀😀#bnha#mha#my hero academia#boku no hero#bnha bakugo katsuki#bakugou katsuki#kacchan#deku#izuku midoriya#all might#OFA#AFO#oneforall#allforone#nana shimura#softy answers#am i on to something#or have I just officially lost my mind?
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The Unexpected Reward - Chapter 17
Summary: Natsu and Lucy go on a job together, but what they bring home is something neither anticipated. Forced to make a life changing decision, they have to adapt quickly, but that's never easy, especially given the circumstances. As they work together on their toughest adventure yet, they find themselves drawn to one another, in ways they never realised. Rated Mature.
"Hey, Flame head! Wait up!" Gray called over, catching the fire mage as he hurriedly made for the guild's exit. "Where're you going in such hurry?"
Turning to catch the ice mage walking straight for him, Natsu stopped to answer, "Home. I left Lucy and Haru asleep this morning, so I better get back to 'em."
"Oh... You've not been at the guild much lately, is everything cool with you?" The ice mage pushed further.
"Uh… Yeah! Been kinda busy and stuff, ya know." The slayer shrugged, not seeming too interested in divulging any further information.
"Well, are ya too busy to come on a mission? It's been some time since our last job together as a team." Gray asked, scratching the back of his head.
"It has been a while, now you mention it… I'd have to ask Lucy if she's feeling up to it yet, she's still not feeling too good… Anyway, catch ya later!" Natsu spoke cheerily and turned back towards the door, his hand reaching for the handle.
"Lucy's been sick for an awfully long time now, Natsu." He heard another voice say, halting him in his tracks, "Are you sure there's not something else going on?" Lisanna came up and elbowed him playfully in the arm.
"Hm?" He replied, retracting his arm back to his side.
"That's right! Lucy hasn't shown her face in months now. Has something happened? Are you guys having relationship issues?!" Levy gasped at the thought, her eyes wide with her mouth hung low.
"Relationship issues?" Natsu cocked his eyebrow in disdain; what kind of nonsense was that?
"I think you're getting a little carried away there, Shrimp. You've been reading too many books again." Gajeel teased, poking Levy's pouted cheek as he came up from behind. "And Lucy hasn't been gone that long… has she?"
"How suspicious… His beloved is sick and yet he's not with her!" Juvia murmured, appearing creepily behind Gray, making him shudder. "What is he hiding?"
"I'm not hiding anything! You guys are looking way too much into this." Natsu lied, but for good reason.
The truth was a little more complicated than that. With Lucy being so unwell, she'd not been able to leave the confines of their house, having suffered greatly in the first months of her pregnancy. It'd been hard for the both of them, but Natsu had promised to look after her—to not leave her side, and he'd kept to his word. Having skipped out on job after job, and taking longer and longer breaks between each visit to the guild, it was only natural for their friends to worry and speculate, but it did put him right in the firing line.
He was wasting time. He had to get back to his partner and son, it wasn't fair to keep them waiting. The guild would get their long awaited answers when Lucy returned, which with any luck, would be very soon.
"Can I go now? I got things to take care of." Natsu huffed, starting to get frustrated with their incessant intrusiveness.
Trying to slip out from under the guilds snooping nose, the fire mage was beginning to question whether that was even an option any more, not with the amount of people now crowding him, wanting in on the action. He just hoped the great Titania didn't decide to intervene, then he'd be doomed.
"What things would that be then, Natsu? You're not usually this secretive." Lisanna hinted again, even more curious than before. "I thought you said you had to go home?"
"Just leave the kid alone, he's got his reasons." Laxus shrugged nonchalantly, pretending not to be interested, when really he'd heard everything.
"Yes, listen to Laxus!" Freed jumped in, also creepily appearing out of no where, making the lightning mage quiver. "Natsu doesn't need you all pestering him!"
Said boy sighed, glad to have someone on side and took the opportunity to make his leave—But things were never going to be that easy. The slayer found himself almost smacking his head against the thick, wooden door frame, utterly exasperated, when yet another of his guild mates decided to pipe up and add their two pennies worth.
"Yes, you're right. However, doesn't he usually have the kid with him? Why not today? So many questions that have yet to be answered. It makes you wonder really…" Evergreen chortled to the dubious guild members, hiding her conniving smirk behind her fan.
This was getting out of hand! They were just going 'round and around in circles and at this rate he would never leave. Being backed into a corner, he had no idea what was really going on. His guild mates were chucking all sorts of nonsensical bullshit at him.
Who knew what they were accusing him of? Because he sure as hell didn't know, and was pretty convinced now that they didn't either.
"I've already said Haru's at home with Lucy… The only reason I'm here, is to check in with Mira to make sure everything's ready for his party later. You know, for his birthday today." He explained once again, sighing loudly and slumping forward in despair. "I wasn't gonna bring him in early and spoil the surprise, now was I?"
He wouldn't have bothered with any of it, if it hadn't been for the take over mage and her desire to throw some massive party for the little boy, such was the way of Fairy Tail. But this time, Natsu would've much preferred to celebrate at home where Lucy could be present to enjoy it, too. However, Mira had made her own plans, having suddenly sprung the idea upon the unknowing young man one day in passing, and had given him little choice in the matter—his ultimatum much scarier than Erza could ever be.
"We're well aware of the little one's birthday celebrations today, Natsu." Erza's stern voice echoed through the hall, startling everyone into silence and swiftly marched herself right up to the slayer's retreating body. His heart raced as his worst fear became reality and felt a wave of dread as she approached at speed, her hardened features coming in way too close for his comfort. "However, that doesn't mean I'm any less suspicious of you."
"But why?! There's nothing to be suspicious about, I swear!" Holding his hands up in submission, the fire mage was stunned into silence; his mouth dropping open in disbelief; why were they all so hell bent on this? What even was this? He'd told them what he could; what more did they want? "Lucy and Haru are at home where I left them… What else do you want me to tell you?"
"So secretive and elusive… like you have something to hide. Have you no shame?" Ignoring Natsu's plea, the armoured girl had already come to her own conclusions and summoned one of her treasured swords to point directly at the slayer, her icy glare not the only thing threatening to pierce through him, "Our Natsu would never act like this! He's impulsive and reckless and just downright stupid! What have you done with the real one?"
The fire mage would've taken offence, had the red head not so angrily directed her sharp sword at the bridge of his nose. Narrowing his eyes at the sharp metal so close to him, he gulped thickly, praying to whatever god there was, that today of all days, Lucy might just walk through those big doors, saving him from the hell that was Erza Scarlet.
He shook in his sandals, showered in sweat as the red heads sword tip made contact with his skin, pushing his head right up against the wall, "B-But I am the real Natsu…"
"Then prove it! Explain yourself, now!" She was taking no shit from her fiery companion, not after convincing herself that he was, indeed, an imposter.
Desperate not to be on the receiving end of Erza's wrath, Natsu opened his mouth to speak, but just as quickly shut it again when the old guild doors suddenly creaked open. The sound of an infants voice followed by bickering between two others could be heard filling the loud silence, abruptly halting the interrogation of the defeated fire breather.
"See, Happy! I told you he'd be in here!" The young woman pointed, her eyes landing right on the dragon boy she'd been arguing with flying cat about, only realising moments later the presence of Erza's sword and every eyeball in the building staring unashamedly at her, "Uh… Am I interrupting something?"
"Lucy... you're here..." Natsu croaked in relief, never more glad to see his beautiful girlfriend as he sank to the floor. His voice cracking from the genuine fear the older girl had provoked in him, her sword now fully removed from his face. "My sweet saviour…"
"Uh-oh! Is Natsu in trouble again?" Happy giggled, glancing over at his pink haired friend, taking pity on his horror-stricken features.
"Lucy… You're alive?" Erza stated more than asked, stomping over to the young blonde to inspect her further.
"U-Uh…" The girl in question looked down at herself, confirming that she was definitely alive before looking back up again, confusion etched into her expression. "D-Do you want me to answer that?"
"Maybe you should lay off her a little; I'm sure Lucy's had it rough enough." Gray proclaimed bravely, unable to make eye contact with the unsettled knight.
"Please don't scare her off, not when she's only just returned!" Levy all but pushed Erza out of the way and threw herself at the blonde, who was now trying to balance the new weight along with the baby and herself. "I'm so happy to see you! I've missed you, Lu!"
"I've missed you too, Levy, but I'm sure Natsu's kept you updated." Lucy reassured her, then looked up to all of her other friends, "Hasn't he?"
"Natsu told us you hadn't been feeling well, but that's a suspiciously long illness Lucy, one I hope has a good explanation for making us all worry so much." Erza explained, crossing her arms over her chest.
"That's one long tummy bug!" Mira giggled, walking over to the ever growing group to stand near Lucy. "Anyone would think that you were p-" She paused, eyes growing wide with realisation and darted them down to the stellar mages midriff, before promptly fainting on the spot.
"Huh? Mira! Would think, what?! What were you going to say?!" Lisanna yelled, desperately trying to wake her sister up.
"Oh! I get it!" Gray understood, thinking back to the weird conversation he'd had with Natsu in the park and how it all made perfect sense now. "It definitely explains that idiots weird behaviour." He reached out to pat Lucy on the shoulder affectionately and smiled at her, then turned to smirk at said fire mage still recoiling on the ground. "So that's the way you wanna play? Game on, Pyro!"
Turning his head, Natsu smirked back, accepting the silent challenge as he jumped back up to his feet, looking cocky as ever, "You know it, Frosty!"
"Wait, what does Gray know? Is he a part of it too?" Levy gasped, pointing her accusatory finger at the demon slayer.
"Hell no!" Natsu and Gray yelled out in defence, both offended and totally disgusted by the very thought.
"Then what? What is going on here?" Cana shouted from her bench, having heard everything. "Quit with the suspense and just be out with it already!"
"Juvia understands." Out of the shadows, said water mage appeared before her once 'love rival' and smiled happily at the girl she was about to congratulate, "Juvia is so very happy for you both!" She looked down to her own rounded tummy and placed a hand on it, a noticeable difference in size to Lucy's, "They will be the best of friends, Juvia is sure of it."
Lucy's smile reached the corners of her eyes, relieved the rain woman didn't see this as another rivalry, like their partners apparently did, "Thanks Juvia, I'm sure they will be, despite what their father's might think." They both giggled at the expense of the boys gormlessly standing there, along with the rest of the guild, who still had no idea.
"Hold up! So, what does that mean? You're having a baby too, Lucy?" Lisanna asked, cradling her sisters limp body.
The guild's eyes fell to Lucy, more specifically her stomach where if they looked closely, they would see a small, but noticeable bump stretching out her pink summer dress. She could see the expectant faces of her friends waiting for her to answer, and the warm presence of her beloved dragon slayer come to stand next to her, obviously noticing her hesitancy.
"Natsu, I think you should tell them, I know you're dying to." She murmured, her voice quiet but firm.
"Are ya sure, Luce?" He asked, assuming she'd want to do it after all this time, but seeing the certainty in her eyes and the bright smile lifting her cheeks, he took her hand and turned back to the crowd, not needing any more confirmation than that. He glanced at each person in turn, a sense of pride filling his chest as the words left his mouth, "Heck yeah, we are!"
The entire guild erupted in a chorus of whistles and loud cheers, shaking the very foundations of the building in their excitement for the couple, "Oh, wow! Thanks guys! You're too kind!" Lucy's smile shone brighter than it had done in ages, overwhelmed with glee that their guild mates were so pleased for them.
"They've all been worried about ya, Luce." Natsu whispered closely so only she could hear and leaned in to kiss her cheek, knowing just how much this all meant to her. He took the excitable little guy off her hands, giving her the freedom to catch up with everybody.
"I knew it! I knew there was something fishy about you two! But congratulations guys, that's great news!" Levy cheered, ready to get down to the nitty gritty of every dirty detail.
"You had us worried there, Lucy. For a while, I thought you were never coming back!" Lisanna shared, hugging the celestial mage tightly, probably a little too tight.
"Oh… I'm sorry to have made you all worry, but I'm feeling much better now." The blonde explained, a light tint of pink dusting her cheeks from all the attention she was getting.
She could see Natsu hadn't moved too far away from her and tilted her head to look at him. Chuckling to herself, she could hear Erza try to apologise to him, suggesting the boy punch her right in the face for making such a mistake, a suggestion that was right up his alley, if it weren't for Haru in his arms.
Catching his beautiful blonde staring at him through the corner of his eye, he turned in her direction and winked, grinning as he held the little boy up on his shoulders to walk back over to her, "You feeling alright, Luce?" He asked, worried she may have forced herself into attending the celebrations before she was ready.
She nodded shyly, a little taken aback by the overwhelming attention she was receiving. Feeling his hand once again take hold of hers, she stared up into his confident eyes, then up to the child having the time of his life on his fathers shoulders, "I'm okay, but today's about Haru, not me, and I wasn't gonna miss this for the world." She grinned up at the small boy and reached up to stroke his cheek affectionately, chuckling at his enormous smile.
"You're right! Come on, Lucy! I wanna show you what we've done!" Natsu all but dragged the poor girl outside, Haru and Happy in tow, to show her the sheer amount of effort that had gone in to making Haru's first birthday, special.
The entire guilds courtyard had been lit up like a Christmas tree, with nothing left untouched. Banners and bunting of every colour hung from every post, table and tree. Tables upon tables of delicious food had been laid out with the most gargantuan home made birthday cake (courtesy of Mira) proudly sat in the middle of it all. An enormous pile of gifts had also been laid out, all individually wrapped with little cards to say whom they were from and most importantly, the pool had been filled with all kinds of fun inflatables and toys for all the children to play with.
Lucy looked around in amazement. She couldn't believe they'd gone to so much effort just for a one year old, a child that would unfortunately never remember this, but it didn't matter, she and Natsu would for him. "This is incredible, Natsu! I can't believe you did all this without me!"
"Don't sound too surprised; I can help organise things when I want to. And it wasn't all me, Mira came up with the idea." He looked up to the child above him and chuckled, "You like it, Haru?" The child had no idea what was going on, with no concept of birthdays or parties, he simply cheered anyway, responding to his Daddy's infectious grin, "Good! Well then Luce, let's get this party started!"
With his grin turning evil, he squeezed her hand tight and dived head first into the pool, with no consideration for his, Lucy's or Haru's clothing. She yelped at the top of her voice, her only reply a cackle before being submerged under water, thus setting the mood for the rest of the day.
After a full afternoon of playing with the other children, eating lots of cake and other treats, and opening presents, Haru found himself in the pool once again, this time in more appropriate attire for the water. A pair of cute little lion themed trunks (gifted by Loke), and a cute turtle inflatable ring adorning his middle (a present from Lisanna), made it much easier for him to stay above the surface while enjoying a swim in the water.
Natsu, in his usual flamed swim shorts, also found himself in the pool, diving under and popping back up in random places to surprise the little boy. Haru loved a good game of peek-a-boo, the anticipation of where his Daddy was going to pop up next was just too exhilarating. He squealed and laughed every time he resurfaced, then his eyes would grow wide in anticipation when he dived back down again.
"Gotcha!" Natsu exclaimed, appearing behind the little guy and grabbing his sides. "Does Haru want a go?" He asked, lifting him out of the rubber ring and holding him above the surface with just his hands, letting the infant tread the water to keep himself up, "Look at you! You'll be swimming in no time!"
Lucy watched on from her sun lounger, not remotely amused that the slayer had got her cute dress soaked, or that she now had to lay in just her pastel blue bikini, feeling somewhat self conscious with everyone staring at her exposed belly. She laid comfortably basking in the hot sunlight kissing her skin, trying to catch some semblance of a tan, relaxing while she could. She felt happy, content even, thankful that her symptoms had calmed down just in time for Haru's big day.
It'd been a long time since she'd been able to do this without having to run to the bathroom. With no spell or potion being strong enough to truly rid her of the awful feeling, she'd become well acquainted with the toilet in their house, having spent most of her time with her nose down it. It'd been hard over the last few months adapting to her changing body, her wild mood swings and questionable cravings, but she also knew it would be worth it in the end and it was on days like this, with her friends and loved ones surrounding her that she sincerely felt it.
Smiling to herself, Lucy placed her hand on her small, protruding stomach, feeling the tiny flutterings of the little one moving around inside, "You're an active little one today." She giggled, looking to be talking to herself by onlookers, but she didn't mind. "Then again, you're active everyday."
"Juvia's baby is quite active too, but he's closer to his due date than yours and is much bigger." Juvia said, coming to sit on the next lounger. She cradled her own, much larger bump that'd been covered by a flowy, light green summer dress, finding her regular clothes to form fitting and hot to wear now. "It's quite the feeling when he does somersaults in Juvia's belly."
"He? You're having a boy?" Lucy asked, intrigued to learn more and catch up with her friend.
"Yes, Porlyusica told us the last time we visited. Juvia always imagined she'd have a little boy, maybe watching Haru has something to do with that." She gleamed, looking over to the small fella splashing about in the pool still, having the time of his life with his father.
"I'm so pleased for you! I bet Gray was thrilled!" The blonde exclaimed, knowing he would be.
"Of course! Gray was very pleased. In fact, he made us go out and buy all the boys clothes we could find in the market afterwards. Then he took Juvia home and made-"
"No, it's okay… I don't think I need to know any more!" Lucy felt her cheeks burn red at the very thought.
"Made Juvia dinner…" The water mage finished, furrowing her brows at Lucy's assumption.
"O-Oh… Oops! Sorry Juvia, I thought you were going to say that you guys-"
"Made love? I think those hormones are getting the better of you, Lucy." Cana appeared, wagging her imaginary tail at the slightest mention of sex. "They say you get more horny when you're pregnant. I bet you and Natsu are at it all of the time? Actually, I'm kinda surprised he's not over here right now, with you looking all juicy like that!"
"Cana!" Lucy spluttered, her cheeks burning even more furiously. "You can't say things like that in public!" She didn't want to discuss her sex life in front of others, even if what they were saying was true—when she wasn't heaving of course.
"She's right though, Lucy. Juvia hasn't been unable to keep her hands off of Gray." The blue haired girl reaffirmed, her eyes like love hearts as she thought of her beloved Gray. "And Gray hasn't been able to keep his hands off Juvia, either."
"Wow, looking kinda smug there… You were like that any way…" Cana murmured, shaking her head at the love struck girl.
Well, there went Lucy's relaxing in silence, now she could barely keep from her head exploding—Good ol' Cana! "I don't wanna hear any more!" The celestial mage reiterated, covering her ears for emphasis.
"Oh, come on, Lucy! You're pregnant! That didn't happen by accident! You and Natsu knew exactly what you were doing." Cana retorted, moving herself closer to the flustered girl, her boozy breath permeating the air.
"U-Uh… Well… No, actually. It was kind of an accident…" Lucy admitted, feeling a little awkward by saying that out loud, her friends surprised faces not helping matters, "But it was a good accident!"
"Huh… And here I was thinking you were the cautious type, Lucy… Not that it matters. It's good to let the mood just take ya." Cana grinned, her shock forgotten.
"Don't look so ashamed Lucy, you'll both have another sweet baby to call your own and that's a wonderful thing. I imagine Natsu was over the moon when you both found out." Mira beamed her usual motherly smile as she came to sit near them all, having wanted to get the details on Lucy's pregnancy since earlier, "If Juvia's is a boy, then I bet yours is going to be a girl, Lucy."
"You think so?" The blonde asked back, never having actually considered what the sex would be before, but the thought of having a little girl join the family sounded rather appealing, especially in a house dominated by boys.
"Yes, with Haru as well, we need a little girl to make it more even. And she's gonna have the cutest pink hair and big brown eyes, I can just see it now!" Mira was off in a little world of her own, thinking of blue haired baby boys and pink haired baby girls—she was incorrigible.
"Boy or girl, I just hope that after living in a house full of ravenous beasts, this little one might be more like me. Haru's just a dark haired Natsu, he even laughs like him." Lucy placed her hand where she could feel the little movements of her baby and chuckled down, "But who am I kidding? You've already got your father's energy, that's for sure."
"Hey! Don't say that like it's a bad thing, Luce!" Natsu overheard as he appeared out of no where. "There's nothing wrong with having a mini-me, ain't that right, kid?" He hi-fived the now dry child in his arms, having already dried himself using his magic. "Who cares what they are or who they look like? You'll be in there somewhere, Luce; you're their mother, after all."
"Yeah, you're right." She said, always fascinated by Natsu's simplistic, yet logical way of thinking.
"Any way, it's getting kinda late, I was gonna take Haru somewhere a bit more quiet," Natsu gestured to the current brawl taking place behind him.
"Leaving so soon?" Mira asked, standing to say goodbye to the grizzly birthday boy.
"Yeah, he's all pooped out from the busy day he's had and I think he's ready to go to sleep now. Thanks for organising it, Mira!" He said, before turning swiftly to Lucy, "You coming?"
The bikini clad girl jumped to her feet and stretched her arms up, feeling the tiredness begin to set in, completely unaware of her partners roaming gaze, "Yeah, sure... Just let me put my dress-"
"Lucy! Watch out!" She heard Natsu shout suddenly as she bent to grab the item of clothing.
Feeling herself being pushed back onto the sun lounger, she flailed and reached her arms out to catch herself. Darting her eyes up to see what was going on, she was met with the exposed back of the dragon slayer that had moved to shield her from something. Smoke clouded him and the infant; an unfamiliar heat emanated off of his body. The girl hadn't seen what'd happened, or what she'd been saved from, but if the harsh, heavy breathing of the man in front of her was anything to go by, it was a close call.
"Natsu…" She started, but stalled there after, unsure of what more to say to him.
"What the heck do you think you're doing, you old geezer! Do you have any idea what could've happened just then?!" Natsu bellowed, his voice teeming with rage as his eyes narrowed at the culprit. "You're lucky I was here to catch your stupid attack, or that would've gone straight for Lucy!"
The brawl had come to a complete stand still and Macao, the one that'd thrown a fire ball initially at Wakaba, had gone ghostly pale as the dragon slayer's piercing gaze stared him down. "Hey man, I'm sorry… I didn't even know she was there, it was an accident!" He held his hands up in submission, not wanting to enter into a fight with the maddened slayer, knowing that was one he'd never win. "We got a little carried away, that's all."
"Oh yeah? Maybe I should go all out and see how you like it? Try and dodge this one!" Natsu roared, sending a blazing ball of fury of his own hurtling through the air, aiming it right at Macao's cowering body. Turning hotfooted back to Lucy, the distant cries of the offender being struck by his magic was like music to his ears, his anger satiated.
"Are you hurt, Luce? Did anything hit you?" He did a full search of her body, checking for any kind of injury. His worried eyes eventually fell upon her exposed belly and instinctually brought his hand out to caress it softly, "Is the baby okay?"
Smiling up at him, she brought her own hand to rest on his cheek and pulled him closer, loving just how protective he could be, "Of course, our baby's fine. No need to worry." She guided his palm to where the little one was doing somersaults and allowed him to feel the light pads against his skin.
Unable to keep his infectious grin down for long, he pushed his mouth hastily against Lucy's in a kiss that turned heated all too quickly. Buzzing with adrenaline from the incident, Natsu moved his hand from her belly and tangled his fingers into her hair, holding her in place as he enjoyed the taste of her warm lips.
"That's it, fire breath, you took it too far this time!" He heard Gray shout from behind him, knocking him out of his 'Lucy' trance and pull away, glancing over his shoulder, "Look at what you've done to the pool, you dumbass!" The ice mage pointed to the steaming pit that was once the guilds pool, fuming at the state of it.
"Ha! Looks like you and Juvia are gonna have a fun time filling that back up!" Natsu guffawed, passing the fidgety Haru to Lucy.
"Screw you, Pinky! You're going down!" Gray threatened, launching himself at the fire wizard and starting yet another brawl.
Rolling her eyes, Lucy looked down at the sleepy boy rubbing his tired eyes, and decided to creep away from the fight that just seemed to be attracting more and more people, "Come on then, sweetheart. It looks like Daddy's got himself distracted again." She chuckled, disappearing back inside before anyone had noticed she was gone.
By the time the evening swept in, Lucy had found herself a quiet spot up on a small hill a little ways from the guild, overlooking the lake behind it. She sat cosily against one of the many old oak trees, with a blanket wrapped around her shoulders and the baby laid across her chest, begrudgingly, but slowly falling asleep. She hummed her sweet lullaby to soothe her tuckered out child, hoping to coax him into closing his eyes.
It was moments like this that she cherished the most with Haru, just her and him with no one to interrupt. The atmosphere was peaceful and calm, exactly what she was looking for compared to the ruckus that was the guild's 'after' party that continued on down the street. She could even hear the rumble of their antics from where she sat, but luckily, it was pretty muffled, unable to spoil her quietude.
After weeks of staying at home, it sure made a pleasant change to be watching the sunset instead. She'd grown tired and achy after such a busy day, her feet were sore and her head had grown weary, but still she watched contented as the beautiful evening began to fade.
The young mother could finally hear the soft, even breaths of the slumbering child and gently placed him upon her bent up legs, covering him with her blanket to keep him from feeling the chill in the air. Staring at his little angelic features, she found it hard to fathom how drastically her life had changed compared to just twelve months before. She'd grown so much as a person and gained everything she'd ever wanted and more, making new memories along the way.
She and Natsu had unknowingly plunged themselves into a completely new world, taking on the responsibility of an abandoned child and calling him their own. Haru had opened their eyes to a life they never thought they'd get to experience, especially not with each other. The little boy had brought them together in a way that would forever bind them, creating the family unit they were today. It only seemed fitting to name this day as Haru's official birthday, for it was the day his life, and theirs, had begun anew.
Leaning her head back against the tree, becoming lost in her memories, her eyelids began to close, a wave of exhaustion rushing over her while sleep tempted her in. A rustle of a nearby bush was quick to quash that feeling though, as a startled Lucy snapped her eyes wide open and darted her head over to where the sound had come from.
"Oh, Natsu… It's just you…" She breathed, laying her bleary eyes onto that familiar toothy grin and untameable pink hair, a scaly, white scarf to match. "Tell me, what were you doing hiding in the bushes?"
"Looking for you." He said simply, walking out onto the hillside to join her, having deliberately left out the part that he'd been hiding there for much longer than he'd care to admit. In fact, one might say he'd been there the entire time, watching the beauty that was Lucy quietly sing their son to sleep and hadn't wanted to disturb her until she'd finished. "You left, so I had to come find ya."
"Oh, you didn't have to. I just wanted to settle Haru before he started getting grumpy. It's nice and quiet out here." Her voice sounded airy and light, her eyes half lidded and a little bloodshot. "You can go back and join the others if you want, I'm okay." She offered, but Natsu knew better than that, he always did.
"You don't have to pretend for me, Lucy. I can see how tired you are." He'd learnt pretty quickly in the past few months that pregnancy didn't just make her exceptionally sick, but that it had an array of different symptoms, some physical and others emotional, but all unpleasant and incredibly draining for her. "Why would I leave any way, you're all out here?"
"Happy's not."
"Yeah, and Happy's capable of looking after himself. He's too interested in Carla to notice we're even gone. You know what he's like." Natsu explained, scooting closer to Lucy to take the infant from her legs.
He set the baby down in his lap to keep him warm, the fluffy blanket tightly swaddling his body. The two mages cuddled up to one another, watching the twinkling stars come out to glimmer and shine down onto the glistening water in the distance.
"It's crazy to think it's been an entire year since we brought him home. Who knows where we'd be without him here?" Lucy reminisced, her gaze drifting from the moonlit lake, to the baby snoring peacefully without a single care in the world. "Or where his life might've gone, if we hadn't taken him in."
"We'd be what we always were," Natsu stated bluntly, tearing his own gaze away to look at the girl beside him, "Best friends, going on adventures and honestly, that's kinda the sad truth of it all. As for Haru…" He glanced down at his cuddled up son, smiling sadly as he remembered the first time he ever set eyes on the tiny, lifeless baby, that fateful day, "I made a promise to keep him safe; to make sure he lived… He was always going to come with me, there was never another choice. I just didn't know it then."
"And I'll be forever grateful that he did, because..." Lucy cleared her throat, feeling a little emotional at the thought, "Now, I have you and him! And nothing has ever made me happier! Choosing to adopt a child was the most daunting thing I've ever done, but it's proven to be the best decision I've ever made, one I'll always be thankful for." She gave her own toothy smile, a slight tint of pink dusting her cheeks as she poured her heart out to him.
Natsu felt his heart squeeze tight, her words reminiscent of his own feelings and quirked his lips up at her. Reaching his hand forward, he smoothed his fingers through her golden locks, before coming to rest it under her ear, guiding her to him, "Me too, Luce. Which is why…"
Lucy's breathing deepened the closer she got and felt his other hand come up to hold hers tenderly, paying no mind to him fiddling with her fingers, "Which is why, what? Is there something else?" She asked, cocking her head cutely as their breaths began to mingle. "Natsu?" Her eyes fluttered between his dark ones, waiting expectantly for him to finish.
"I… I wanna ask you something." He murmured just before claiming her mouth, connecting their lips in a kiss so sickly sweet, it made Lucy's belly fill with butterflies.
She could have melted into a puddle right then and there, the feel of his affections always had a way of making her turn to goo in his hands. Her spine shivered and the adrenaline buzzed through her system, not having the capacity to comprehend the words that'd been spoken, for her mind had been taken over by the feel of his hot mouth. Letting go of her hand, he snaked his fingers up to the other side of her neck and pulled her closer, craving those sweet cherry lips that he liked to nip at with his teeth.
Her fingers were now free to roam and touch as they pleased, tangling them up through his hair and tugging on the pink strands at the base of his neck. Desperate for breath, she pulled herself away and gazed into his half lidded eyes for mere seconds, before he impatiently delve down to ravish her neck. The sucking and biting just under her ear caused small gasps and whimpers to escape the increasingly aroused celestial mage, her eyes fogging with lust, until something bright caught her attention.
"What was that?" She asked panting, her voice raspy as she tried to catch sight of whatever it was again. It had flickered like a light, shined like a reflection and sparkled all at once, making her wonder if she'd really seen anything at all.
"What was what, Lucy?" He asked her, not meaning to sound quite so unsurprised, when usually he was the first to go looking for trouble.
"I thought I saw…" She didn't really know what she'd seen, her mind too muddled from the heated moment they were having; maybe it was just her eyes playing tricks? Or worse… someone was spying on them.
Natsu clasped at the hand she had buried in his hair and brought it into view, "Was it this, maybe?" He asked, drawing attention to one specific digit.
Feeling the contrast between his warm skin and the cold hardness of something else against her finger, Lucy peered down in curiosity, her breath stalling when her eyes laid upon the object of confusion. Gasping loudly, she clasped at her mouth, two enlarged chocolate orbs flickered between him and her hand in utter astonishment. Somehow, in the midst of their make out session, Natsu had managed to band the most simplistic, yet beautiful ring onto her finger, where it sat proudly and spoke of untold intentions.
"It's… I-It's beautiful! B-But how did you- When-" She stuttered, too lost in what this all might mean, searching deep within his dark eyes for the answers to her silent, but obvious questions.
"That's the right finger, isn't it?" He asked, looking uncharacteristically nervous, a small pink hue dabbing his cheeks. His heart was beating much quicker than he would've liked, hoping he hadn't screwed up already.
That was all she needed to hear to confirm her suspicions, her brown eyes wet with unshed tears, "N-Natsu, I… I don't know what to say-" She couldn't speak, this was too much and he'd not said anything yet.
"Lucy…" He spoke with every sincerity, taking the ringed hand and entwined their fingers. "I'm not so good with this stuff, but I know that getting married is important to you, which makes it important to me, too. I promised you forever and I guess you could say, this is me making good on that promise." He caressed her soft cheek with his thumb and smiled when he saw the glint in her eyes shine back at him. "So, what do you say? Prepared to commit yourself to this," he gestured to himself and winked playfully, "For the rest of your life?"
Finding herself unable to keep her emotions in check, the girl didn't answer, but instead, launched herself at him, giving him barely any time to move the slumbering child out of the way and brace for impact. Landing on top of the winded dragon slayer, she managed to catch herself with her hands and gleamed down at him, tears falling from her eyes and the smile on her face rivalling his. She leant down and connected their lips once again, taking the lead this time, unable to keep her happiness from pouring out.
To the side, still held in Natsu's opened out arm, was Haru, completely unaware of what was going down, his dreams taking him to far off places. His developing sibling in his Mommy's tummy, however, didn't seem quite so pleased, having been wedged between the two loved up adults as they made out under the sea of stars, had decided to take matters into their own hands. With one almighty kick, the kiss came to a quick halt when Lucy groaned and pulled back, grabbing hold of her bump to sooth the sore area.
"Jeez! Was that the baby kicking you? 'Cause even I felt that one!" Natsu looked surprised, amazed that their baby was so strong, at just five months, that he'd been able to feel the force of the kick against his own abdomen. "Is it still hurting, Luce? Are you alright?"
"I'm fine, it just shocked me, that's all. They've never been quite that strong before." She chuckled, sitting herself up and straddling his hips as she looked down to her belly, gently caressing it with her thumb, "You were just trying to tell Mommy to move, weren't you?"
Balancing himself up onto his elbow, Natsu also placed his hand on top of Lucy's bump and smirked, "Or maybe, they were just tryin' to get their Mommy to say yes."
"Like you needed an answer!" Quirking her eyebrow up at his smirk, she shifted back a little as he sat himself up against the tree, laying Haru gently next to them while Lucy remained in place, "But you haven't actually asked me anything yet. Who knows what I could be agreeing to? This is you, after all."
The young man chuckled and grinned his thousand watt smile, knowing she'd catch him out eventually, "Alright, have it your way." The mischievous look on his face didn't disappear, even when he tried to take it seriously, "Will you marry me, Lucy?"
She returned his beaming smile with one of her own, glad to have heard it come from his mouth and nodded her head enthusiastically, "Of course, Natsu, the answer was always a yes."
"Good. Can I go back to kissing you now?" He asked, but didn't bother waiting for a reply and went to pull that enticing mouth back in for a third kiss, hoping this time there'd be no more interruptions in the forms of sparkling rings or unimpressed unborn babies.
But just as their lips were about to touch, Lucy paused ever so tantalisingly close to him and furrowed her brows, causing the boy to sigh impatiently, "What is it now?"
"Have you been holding on to that ring all day?" She enquired, only realising now that he must've got it from somewhere.
"Nah, not all day, just the party. I had to ask Happy to go and get it for me while you were distracted with Haru." Natsu explained, scratching the back of his head, "I was gonna do it myself, but stuff happened and then you suddenly showed up."
"Stuff… happened?" Now she was even more curious; what could've gone on in her absence?
"Yeah… them." He shivered still traumatised, pointing over to where Fairy Tail's guild hall stood, still alive and partying, and Lucy understood immediately just what he was referring to, giving her an insight into what she'd unsuspectingly walked in on earlier that day. "So, I had to change up my plans."
"Oh! Why didn't you just do it tomorrow instead? Rather than make it difficult for yourself." She asked, feeling a little smug when she saw the light go on in his brain.
She'd stumped him there. Always the brains of the operation, he couldn't believe he hadn't thought of that. He'd wanted to do it on a day that meant something to the both of them, but really, did it matter? The result would've been the same.
Noticing her cocky smirk and the playfulness in her eyes, he rose to the challenge, a fire in his belly, "Because, Miss Know-it-all, today was special, just like you said… And it wasn't difficult… I had it all under control…"
"Uh-huh…" She watched him become a little fidgety as if he weren't quite telling the truth and her smirk widened into a smug, toothy grin, "So you were just pretending to be scared when Erza was threatening you? I get it."
His eyes were sharp and intense, just like they were in battle, the one sided grin to boot as he bore into her playful expression, "Your playing with fire, Lucy…" His voice dangerous and brimming with cockiness.
"Then let it burn." She whispered close to his ear, barely able to get the words out before she found herself being forced onto her back, her hands held down above her head, with a fired up dragon slayer carefully leant over her form.
"You asked for it!" He growled, gulping down a large breath as he connected his mouth to the sensitive skin of her neck, torturing her senses with his loving but fierce embrace.
#nalu#nalu fanfiction#fairy tail nalu#nalu baby#nalu child#natsu dragneel#natsu lucy#fairy tail natsu#fairy tail#fairytail#fairy tail lucy#fairy tail 100 year quest#fairy tail fanfiction#fanfiction#fanfic#nalu fanfic#fanfiction writing#lucy heartfilia#Natsu and Lucy#natsu x lucy
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Take Me Home (4/5)
Andy Barber x Reader (Post!Defending Jacob)
Summary: After the unfortunate events of the trial and after, a depressed Andy Barber decides to call it quits and start a mundane life far away from Newton. He decides it is best to have a fresh start away from prying eyes and alone, but he never thought his caring neighbor (and her son) would change all of that.
Chapter Warnings: MAJOR D.J. SPOILERS (BOOK Ending), Reminiscing the Loss of a loved one.
Andy soon came to realise that walking out on you was never ever really a solution. In reality he knew with his current state, without you he was doomed.
He needed you because he has no one. He needed you because it was his chance at something new; something no one would understand.
He needs you because in between all those shenanigans in these few months, he was falling hard for you.
But he did what he had to that day because he just wanted some space. In his head it seemed to be fine, but alas it hurt like a bitch.
On the other hand, Nikolai had no idea what was going on. It only took him minutes to fall in love with his new room. The lights, the colour of the room made him so jubilant, later on only to see you a bit unhappy. You were able to deflect from your son’s questions, but how on earth were you going to tell him that Andy won’t be meeting him anymore.
It hurt. So hard. All you needed was one conversation with him to settle things away but he wanted his space and so you half heartedly respected it.
Nikolai on the other hand was hitting a real low seeing you unhappy the whole day sporting stuffy red eyes. Like any other kid, Nikolai jumped to the conclusion that their mother is crying because she got a boo-boo or lost her favourite toy.
But that little brain of his pieced it slowly once he realised Andy never visited them for any of the dinner nights.
“Mommy pwese don’t cwy” his nimble fingers wiping your fat tears rolling down your cheek.
“I know peaches. I’m trying so hard to get Andy back okay. I’m sorry for crying around you like this baby.”
“B-but Wandi pwomised he neva gonna hurt you mommi…”
“Oh Niko,” you wiped the cookie crumbs around his tiny lips, “Your little brain won’t get it. It’s okay.”
“No. Not owkay. Wandi hurt you. Wandi bad. I don’t wike Wandi cahr now.”
You couldn’t help but surpass a giggle. “Niko. Andy is never bad. Never. He is just feeling sad and lonely. We just need to tell him we have him and love him okay?”
Love? Too soon. Maybe it’s more than like but it was too late to change it for your son and for yourself. You always saw how Niko’s eyes sparkled whenever Andy was around; he was soon accepting him to be a member of the household.
“Owkay,” he dug his head to your neck, “I wike Wandi and his cahr.”
–
The following week were hard for you and him. From sharing couches to kisses, now the only thing you both shared were small talks.
Yes. Small Talk. Or texts rather.
Andy told you he finally found a therapist to speak to and slowly expressed his wish to still visit Nikolai till you both figured out what was happening between you two.
Why did this have to get so complicated?
You on the other hand replied he was free to do so because to be real, the little kid missed him too. So, the next day he asked you for permission if he could take Nikolai on a car drive.
You had no idea what would go on in his head at times. From seeing Andy’s perspective, he was denied of the choice of telling you his story. It was his fucked-up childhood, his story that he wanted to tell you. Not a pity tatter-tale gossip story that was to be heard from your characterless, ex-husband.
Andy later in the evening sent a message that he was ready, and you saw the man your heart so longed for.
His eyes were back to being sunken, those blue irises not having the guts to meet yours. His hair was ruffled like he just woke up from a nap. Looking at him made you realise how much your hands were twitching to just hug him. You were reminded of the first night you spent at his house; that blue sweater he gave you while you two made out on his couch for the first time was now worn by him.
You walked towards him as you held Nikolai’s convertible baby seat to be fixed in his car and he was kind enough to open the door for you.
Andy on the other hand knew he had to- no, wanted to strike a conversation with you; but didn’t know what to say.
Hey long time huh?
Y/N. Hey, how are you?
Hey listen…
Nope nothing came out of his mouth while you fixed the seat.
He took in your appearance too; that ray of sunshine that beamed from your smile was non-existent; replaced with a forlorn look that he hated to see on you. The past few days were definitely much harsher on you than it was for him. Andy knew he couldn’t get any more foolish. He had to get back to what you two had before.
He needed it.
“Have we gone back to square one? Because of what? My ex-husband?”
Andy came out of his tiny reverie and focussed back on you. He didn’t pay attention, but he did realise you said something bitter that meant to sting him.
“Honey listen-”
“Oh, don’t you honey me Andy. How could you? How could you be so- so-“ you tried so hard to not break into a stream of tears.
How could you be so hateful to yourself Andy? Did you not trust me?
“How could you just desert me like that? D-did you think I was going to throw away my second chance at life for something you father did? Did you want to throw away your second chance at life because of your father who has no role in our lives right now?”
He sighed dejectedly, disappointed with himself. Hearing your voice break wrecked him, “I know Y/N. I was an asshole that day, leaving you without an explanation.” He found himself taking steps towards you and cupping your cheek, tilting his forehead onto yours, “I am so sorry hon- Y/N. I am sorry.”
You bit your lip and looked up at him, his eyes still closed; now content that he and you could just touch each other after a very long time.
Any other situation, you wouldn’t let a man walkover you so easily after fucking up. But this was Andy. The man who made you believe in second chances. You gave him a first chance already, and now it was again your turn to give him one more.
“You weren’t an asshole Andy,” you held on to his hands, “Its just, I don’t know…”
“I know you know exactly what you want to say Y/N. Just say it.”
You could hear Nikolai running around his circles with his unicorn plush doll behind you, “I was angry when you left, but at the same time I tried to understand your point of view, your emotions and your feelings about this whole situation. But I think or- or I know that I didn’t deserve to be ghosted like that Andy, because I liked you for you, not what your father did, especially when we had something so good going on.”
He removed his hand from your cheeks and looked down like a disappointed child. He knew he was at fault and so he didn’t say anything; head hung in shame looking at the little, carefree boy that he loved so dearly.
“It’s only had if you want it to be,”
“What do you mean?”
You saw a glint of that eagerness that Andy always had with you before, “I told that we had something good going on? It’s only had if you want it to be…“
Andy took some time to find his words. Again. It was the second time he fucked up so bad and here you were, taking him back even after he exploded like a mine. Was this woman for real?
“Of course, I want this honey. I always want us. You’re always so good to me.”
He reached out to graze your cheeks, but he was blocked by your squealing son.
“Cahr Wandi! Can we gooo?”
You were surprised that you weren’t interrupted by your son sooner, but nevertheless your son’s new founded patience was found to be a blessing in disguise.
The cutest sight unfurled before you as Andy made grabby hands at your son, only for the latter to be scooped into Andy’s arms like a cocoon.
“Come on Y/N, join us wont you? For a drive?”
You shook your head, “I think I’ll pass.”
“Y/N. I want to really make it up to you. Like real time. Please come with us?”
“I know Andy, but who will make dinner if I come along with you boys?”
Andy slowly grinned at your implications. He never ceased to be impressed by your gracious generosity and the small acts of kindness.
“I’m not mad, not as much as I was before I promise,” you dared to but tiptoed to place a kiss on his cheek, “We can talk over dinner today.” You saw how his cheek sported a cherry red tint, slowly creeping up till his ear. A teenager in a old man’s body.
“Peaches,” you turned to your son right now jumped into Andy’s arms, nuzzling his face in that soft sweater, “Be good and behave okay peaches? Don’t trouble Wandi- I mean Andy for anything on the way okay?”
Everything drowned inside a chorus of laughter when Andy realised how you had called his name. Niko had no idea what the humour was for but joined the chorus when he found his two most favourite people in the world giggling.
Were you forgoing all that pent-up sadness that this man gave you this week? Yes. Yes you were.
And you would soon realise that it was the best decision you made.
Hours passed by and the boys came back home. Nikolai was gleefully pulling onto Andy’s beard and curiously asking him when he was going to get a ‘bweard’ like him and heard both the boys animatedly inhaling; the smell of aromatic food that stirring their tummies.
“MOMMY IS MAKING PAWSTAHH!”
Andy was so confused. You always made the best Italian food for your child.
“Let’s just say after that episode we had with Chad, I was cooking boring greens and ordering takeout for the little one and me. I lost the will to cook. Thought I’ll revive the poor kid’s taste buds.”
It was always these small gestures that pulled you towards Andy; like this one. He tugged you by your shoulders and placed a soft kiss on your forehead and then cupped your cheeks so lovingly.
“Sorry Momma bear.”
“Shhh. It’s okay grumpy cat,” you winked.
Dinner on the other hand did go relatively smooth than you expected it to. Andy explained himself, his feelings and what he felt that day when he left you and tried his level best to process your emotional state that day.
The baked pasta was licked clean by your two boys and you while Andy also spoke about his past few days with his therapist, who seemed to help him more than he possibly could ever think of. Over a glass of wine, Andy held your hand promising you that he wouldn’t do any more foolish stunts that ended up hurting all of us in the process.
But as you and Andy were doing and drying the dishes, you felt that he was holding back something.
“You’re doing that thing.”
“What thing.”
“That thing you used to do when I used to pick movies that you don’t like.”
His grin could make your whole body mushy and soft like a teenager having their first crush “So? Is that my fault honey?” he feigned hurt, glad that he could now call you back with his favourite sweet name.
“Nah,” you playfully tapped his shoulder. “You give me that look so prominently so that I understand that you want something from me, or you want me to do something for you.”
Andy looked so lost and you knew something was biting his thoughts because he enjoyed doing domestic chores with you; his favourite being you washing the dishes and him drying them out and keeping them inside the cupboards. He didn’t reply until the last wine glass was kept inside the cabinet
“It’s just-” hesitated Andy. You waited patiently for him to find his words.
“It’s about Jacob.”
“Oh.”
For a startling few seconds, you held your breath; thinking about Andy’s son was something wrecked your thoughts and heart every single time.
“My therapist says that I haven’t, you know, fully processed Jacob’s death. Like I’m holding on to something. But parents don’t, right? They can’t move on from their child’s death right? It’s practically impossible.”
You weren’t sure what to say but you nodded, gripping on to his arm and gesturing to sit with you to the couch where little Niko dozed off with two of his stuffed dolls clenched in his hand.
“But she did say one statement that made sense to me, I don’t know. It made sense about how we can’t forget our children who are no longer with us but we can learn to accept the fact that they are no longer with us.”
Oh bub, how much have you been through? “Do you agree with this Andy?” You asked him to keep yourself strong during this conversation for him, and you did.
“Of course, yeah. Maybe. But the thing is I think I haven’t accepted it honey.”
You took both of his hands and squeezed reassuringly, “I have no idea what you are going through bub but I’m glad you are talking to me about this. Take your time; its going to be hard, but I’m right here okay? Whatever you need, I’ll do within my best ability.”
He hummed, but still hesitant.
“Andy its okay, tell me. Talk to me bub.”
He squeezed your palms even more tightly, turning towards you completely. “C-can I ask you a favour? I mean you can say no, I will understand.”
I’m ready to give you all the happiness in the world to you bubba. “Anything for you Andy? Tell me now.”
He didn’t meet your gaze, but instead shifting his focus to trace your knuckles, “My therapist told me to visit Jacob’s grave whenever I was ready, to mourn him, to accept he is no longer with me and you know…talk to him I guess. To process my emotions. And um…Oh god I am a bubbling mess Y/N.”
“Hey its okay baby take your time. There is no pressure.”
“I can’t do this alone honey…I need you there with me. Can you come with me to the graveyard?”
How could you ever say no to this solemn situation?
“Of course, honey. Absolutely anything you need.”
And what seemed like after ages, Andy Barber enveloped you into his signature bear hug. Both of you left a huge sigh of breath, relief washing over that both of you were slowly getting back on track.
Until you heard a rugged whimpers from the little boy beside Andy.
You didn’t want to tell Andy about this, but Nikolai’s nightmares were back and the little boy was finding it difficult to sleep at night. The new nursery still did not work for him, so he ended up sleeping on top of your chest; your heartbeat probably soothing him to sleep.
But Andy the experienced father he was, quickly scooped him into his arms and started cradling him, rocking him side by side with his arms protecting him, humming a familiar soft tune that seemed to calm you in the process too. You saw how Niko’s head was cushioned between Andy’s pecs and muscles, slowly relaxing and nuzzling into his touch.
Niko’s scrunched up face was now back to a peaceful baby lost in slumber.
Andy met your gaze and blinked at you with a smile and it conveyed so much than you think.
We got this baby. We all gonna get through this.
–
The decision to take Nikolai along with you and Andy was refuted by the latter saying that a young boy like him shouldn’t be visiting such desolate place.
“Children are the embodiment of new birth, new life. And graveyards, quite opposite.”
But you knew secretly he also didn’t was your son to see him in such a vulnerable position. You were grateful for the fact that the rough patch between you and Andy was solved; for the little boy saw Andy as his new father figure with Chad gone away with a new girlfriend.
Talking about Chad, he did not make efforts to meet his son; and you didn’t bother contacting him. Better off without him you wondered.
The drive to Jacob’s grave was a couple of hours away and ride in itself was a quiet one. Andy and you were informally dressed in dull colours, hearts dull too. You knew it was a big step for Andy and you were going to support him till he thinks he is over it. Car windows were rolled down, the fresh air making efforts to refresh you both.
You could also see Andy’s urge to interlink his hands with you while your drove and you did; Gripping onto his palm or occasionally rubbing his shoulders or thighs throughout the ride would help him calm down and relax his creased forehead.
When you both got down from the car it was so hard to read Andy’s thoughts. He came over to you and interlinked your palms and made way to the place where his son was buried.
Jacob’s grave was flowerless when arrived. Andy soon fixed that after leaving a wreath of Jacob’s most favourite flowers, daisies.
A graveyard, a place of death, sprouting trees filled with life here and there. The irony of life.
You didn’t know the boy but the aura of the graveyard, the impersonal feeling towards the dead even though you have no idea who they were beneath the stones made you heart sink. It then came to your senses.
The boy was just fourteen.
Both of you sat down near his grave, not caring about the grass and mud staining your clothes. He finally took away his palms from yours.
Andy spoke some kind words, rekindling memories of his son’s favourite pastime, his favourite stories and one of his embarrassing yet kind-hearted moments. He sought an apology on behalf of his mother, trying to make Jacob understand that his mother loved him so much, that it unfortunately ended tragically.
Another thought popped into your head, how couples these days separate over trivial matters, over materialistic matters, and infidelity. But Andy? He separated because his wife- No no. You didn’t want to complete that thought.
But after a while passed and you decided give Andy some needed space. He was probably going to be anxious, but it was for the best.
“Andy, you feel a bit better?” you whispered.
“You can say probably.”
Here we go. “I’m going to leave you two alone okay?”
“What? Honey. If I can’t-”
“You can Andy. He is your son, remember that. So, don’t hold back. I know you wanted me to be here with you and I did and I’m so proud of you, bubba,” you stroked his hair. “But unintentionally you may be holding back on expressing because I’m here and that’s normal.”
Why are you so good to me?
“I’m just going to be near the parking lot okay? I’m not going anywhere,” you reassured him with a peck on his cheek and made your way back.
You shed your tears while you sat inside his car, thinking about the little boy. It was difficult thinking of losing a loved one that you gave birth to. He was too young. Too fucking young.
Oh, this cruel world, how you hated it so immensely right now.
Half hour passed by and you saw Andy making his way towards the car. It was so strange to think of this, but he didn’t look red eye rimmed like you; he looked the same with much more solemnity. He didn’t cry and that slightly bothered you. Maybe you had to accept the fact that different people process emotions differently.
He got into the car and took in your red eyes. He knew you had cried. Seeing you like that made his pull your lips onto his for just a chaste kiss, the first time you two felt each other’s lips after an eon. All he breathed into your lips was that we are going to be okay and drove back home with no word exchanged. For the upcoming hours, the fresh air offered you comfort, drying out those spilt tears along with the lingering touch of his palms; interlinked like their souls.
After coming back, you took advantage of Andy’s silence and maneuvered him to your home. He seated himself on the couch pulling out his phone and wallet from his pants and placed it on the coffee table.; trying to steal a quick nap while you picked up Nikolai from your neighbour Mr. Arthur.
Andy sleeping gave you an immense sense of peace, but for the little boy in your hands; not so much.
“WANDI!!!!”
He groggily woke up thanks to Nikolai running towards him, lying on his chest like he does with you. “Hey buddy.”
“You home yaay!” Probably meant that he was excited to see the man in house like the usual dinner nights. Nikolai calling him and telling he was home pricked him and at the same time felt so right. As cliché as it sounds, he always has heard this quote where Home is never a place with four walls to cover your head; home is where the heart is.
His heart was with you and Nikolai.
After eating Andy, and you began to do your dish washing routine, this time he washing the dishes. He was slow, but that was alright, you had all the time in the world.
Niko on the other hand was singing all the rhymes he learnt from daycare in different pitches, earning a chuckle from the both of you here and there. He was also carelessly playing with Andy’s phone and wallet, both of you seeing that the little boy had dropped all the contents of the wallet on to the floor. Once they were done Andy picked up the falling things patiently without chiding the little one like any other adult would.
He picked up his Dollar bills, receipts and then a forgotten thin strip of a photo roll.
It was him and Jacob.
The roll had four pictures of him and his son posing for the silliest pictures, the first three with their tongues sticking out in the goofiest angle possible. The last one however was so pure; Andy giving a forehead kiss to Jacob because he was so proud of his son, remembering he had bagged the highest grade in English that term in school.
Minutes pass and he didn’t notice his waterworks brimming. A blink and they would fall down.
And they did, when he heard Nikolai nudging him by the thigh. “Why you cwyin Wandi?”
That startled you enough to stop whatever it was you were doing and went to see what was happening.
Oh bubba.
You sat near Andy, touching his thigh for comfort while your son got closer to the photo that was in Andy’s slightly quaking hands.
“Who that Wandi?”
“Th-thats my son buddy. His name was Jacob.”
“Can he play with me Wandi?”
Everything just pricked. The boy’s innocent questions and Andy’s realisation of his emotions. This was too much to bear.
“No buddy he can’t-“
A hand around his shoulder, it was you. When he looked up his eyes were blurry from the tears that were falling. He was so upset he didn’t even realise you were next to him. It was you. Only you.
It was then you realised it finally that it hit Andrew that his son was dead.
“You don’t have to answer that Andy. He’s just a kid. It’s okay.”
The little one feeling that he had said something wrong hugged his arms with his little arms. “I’m sowwy Wandi. Don’t cwy.”
“I’m not buddy, I-I’m not.” He reassured the kid, and falsely assuring himself too.
“Wandi, I’m feelin sleepy…” “Yeah, let’s get you to bed buddy,” he cooed with his quivering voice.
“Andy I’ll take him-” But he refused to and took the child. You took a few minutes to pull yourself together after witnessing Andy so vulnerable. Even in these moments, he took care of your son. When you reached the nursery, Andy was whispering a lullaby to a dozed off Niko for a good ten minutes. He even spoke to the little boy, telling him that the measly Audi car painting he did in the room was going to protect him and his nightmares; and the boy believed because Andy said so.
Few minutes later and Andy didn’t refuse to hold back.
“I held Jacob like Nikolai, put him to sleep like Nikolai. My sweet precious baby, my innocent child Jacob. He didn’t do anything and he is away from me Y/N. Far far away-”
Andy let out a loud whimpering cry, the sound swallowed when he buried his head into your neck and your tears began streaming, him sobbing uncontrollably the next minute.
Andy and your tears began streaming; you pulled yourself together soon but Andy? He was weeping uncontrollably. You only could take him in your arms and offer him comfort. No words could heal his wounds instantly. He buried his face into your neck, his safe place, which made you remember the initial days with Andy when he lent a shoulder when you cried. Now it was your turn.
You whispered in ears how it was best not to do this near Niko and maneuvered Andy to your room. He held onto your arms as you took him to your room. You urged Andy to talk to you if the visit to the grave was still bothering him. He sought recluse in your safe place again, lying down on the bed, head tucked in your neck.
“Andy you can tell me anything. I promise it won’t affect whatever is between us.”
It was too twisted, he was distraught. He ranted about Laurie and how she unravelled into killing her own son. He slipped some details of how Laurie always kept bringing up past incidents of his son to prove that Jacob was the possible killer. He kept blaming himself that he was too weary with Laurie and that he should’ve seen her actions. Your whole body pricked; he was crying as he said all this.
You couldn’t imagine Nikolai and yourself in that situation. It brought tears to you eyes but wiped them off before he could see it. You let him talk as much as he wanted to, calming and soothing Andy in the process, running your fingers through his hair gently. You comforted him as much as you could and kept reminding yourself that this was the first time he came to his senses and realised he was crying out for his dead son; and so you were patient.
“My own wife murdered him Y/N. My Jacob. If I had been more attentive”
“Shhhhh Andy,” you cooed into his ear “Your circumstances were horrible. Don’t blame yourself bubba, none of this was your fault okay? Jacob’s death was out of your hands, it was an unfortunate accident Andy.“
Andy could stay all day in your embrace, his head on your gentle shoulders while your soft hair caresses made him doze off to sleep.
But his head felt like it was going to explode and he couldn’t let you see that.
“I’m going back home honey. I think I need to be alone tonight. I- I am not abandoning you okay, I promise, I’ll be okay tomorrow.”
“Andy are you sure? Stay with me, I don’t want to leave you alone.”
“I- I think I need to be alone for sometime you know? Please don’t be upset.”
“I’m never ever upset okay? As long as you are sure bubba; whatever you think is best for you okay? This house is always open to you.”
Kisses on the cheek were exchanged before he left your home. But you stayed awake, in the hopes he’ll be back because deep down you knew, he needed you.
You would give him space, and why not?
He was your home.
–
Andy soon realised he couldn’t. Staying alone was the worst decision he made.
Yes he did get the desired space he absolutely needed for like an hour and he did try to cease his crying, but his heart, oh his heart was pounding like nobody’s business. Anxious. Alone. Not cared for.
The walls of his room closed around him, his breathing becoming rugged, the laughter of his dead son echoing in his head. But he remembered he was cared for. By you. He had only you now.
He wanted, needed your soothing embraces, your kind words, your optimism, your affection. Everything.
He just wanted you now.
He had to forget. It was a bit past midnight, but it was you. His reliable rock; soon to become the love of his life. He had to forget what he was going though and in a moment of desperation, he texted you. His thought was confirmed, you would always be there for him.
—
Last and Final Part 5 on its way :)
#Defending Jacob#Andy Barber#Andy Barber Imagine#Chris Evans Imagine#Chris Evans#Andy Barber x reader#Chris Evans x reader#Andy Barber Smut#Chris Evans Imagines
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Sango
https://www.deviantart.com/antoni-matteo-garcia/art/The-Most-Pathetic-Demon-Slayer-Ever-845482990
The Most Pathetic Demon Slayer Ever
This screenshot demotivational poster is highly, highly Anti-Sango. So, sit back, relax, and revel in the evisceration of this lame excuse of a demon slayer and even lamer excuse of a friend. Out of Inuyasha's so-called friends, I remembered tolerating Sango a whole lot more than Miroku, Kagome, and Shippou combined. Just add in her nekomata Kirara and their overall presence would have been easier to swallow. Since Kirara treated Inuyasha more like a friend than Sango ever did, I am just going to go out on a limb and say that I have lost all respect for this lame demon slayer. I could not deny that I really liked Sango because of how physically strong she was in super stark comparison to Kagome and her whining, puerile ass. In fact, when comparing her to Kagome, the former seemed like she was a more capable heroine than the latter. Ergo, she did display a lot of potential and promise as a take-charge, tough, unwavering young woman with a huge boomerang to match and an even bigger heart showing concern for her little brother, Kohaku. The other piece of potential I spotted in her was trying to stay by Inuyasha's side as his ally and great friend, as she stated in the 52nd episode. It could be argued that out of Inuyasha's human "friends", she did try to get to know him better than either Miroku and/or Kagome ever could. In fact, Inuyasha and Sango seemed really strong and capable on their own terms, which was why I initially found them a bit compatible with each other. However, that notion of them being together was not only the childhood voice in me speaking but also the nostalgia goggles doing all the talking, even though I was consistent with my undying love for Inuyasha x Ayame. Unfortunately, these are where all my positive sentiments about Sango cease and desist because I no longer have any kind words to say about this lame demon slayer. First of all, one negative facet that I have realized about Sango is that she is easily manipulated despite being physically strong. When she was introduced, Naraku easily tricked Sango into believing that Inuyasha wreaked havoc on her village and annihilated her family and her overall clan. However, it was just a ploy by Naraku to collect Inuyasha's Tessaiga and use it for his own means. Even Inuyasha did not comprehend why Sango would be so brazen to attack him. In the twenty-third episode of Inuyasha: The Final Act, her weak mind went even further, as Naraku created an illusion of himself and manipulated her once again to kill both him and Rin, who in fact was not an illusion but the real deal. She had to do all this to save the life of her "beloved monk" Miroku. Luckily, she was able to snap out of it, but the mere fact that she was about to sacrifice Rin's life for the sake of a pathetic, know-it-all, womanizing monk is not only pitiful, but also extraordinarily feeble and groan-worthy. So much for someone who is physically capable of beating demons with her huge boomerang and can kick butt every way until Sunday. This also goes to show that her character really derailed in The Final Act all because she ended up being in a conjugal relationship with a lousy pervert monk and that she would be so willing to kill Rin just to save him, despite her going her through her second death with Sesshoumaru saving her by using that pendant his mother had to restore her life once and for all. That, my friends, is completely sheer incompetence and a miserable excuse of a combatant on Sango's side. Speaking of that loser monk Miroku, how many times did she end up slapping him, knocking him on the head, and insinuate physical attacks all because he was groping her buttocks, her boobs, and Lord knows where else? And after all the, he ended up proposing to her? Even after he asked a lot of women to bear his children? Seriously, Sango should know a whole lot better than that! The chances of her being in a long-lasting relationship with that filthy monk is absolute zilch. Who knows if he is ever going to stay by her side and their children to give them the home life they truly deserved. When
all is said and done, she ended up being a lousy breeding mare to a perverted monk instead of opting for someone who could actually treat her better like Kouga. Yes, I know Kouga is a huge lame-o too. But at least he is not too shady with his pervertedness like Miroku is and would probably treat Sango more like a queen than that loser monk did to her! Another facet that correlates to her inability to think for herself and be the strong person that she was supposed to be is that she is such a sheep towards Kagome. How do I mean by that? What about that she constantly jumps on the "Inuyasha is unfaithful to Kagome with Kikyou" bandwagon and does not seem to stop her from abusing the poor guy? This even got to the point that she dared to use that God-forsaken "Sit" command on Inuyasha in the 160th episode all because he and Kagome had another argument revolving around Kikyou. The reaction that Inuyasha gave when Sango did that was legitimate, despite Kagome having full control of that power over Inuyasha. Sure, Inuyasha was not any better when he called her stupid, but that was what Sango was pretty much the entire time. She was really stupid for not thinking for herself and standing her ground, although she stated that she wanted to be with Inuyasha in the 52nd episode! One would think that with Sango being as strong as Inuyasha that she would go out of her way to stop Kagome from inflicting those terrible "Sit" commands on him. But no. She was much too weak and too much of a sheep to try to have anything to do with Inuyasha's tragic past with Kikyou. The kicker is that she, Kaede, Miroku, and Shippou were pretty much pushing Inuyasha to be with Kagome just because of those innate powers and nothing more when all they did was argue and argue and argue. I guess she just does not understand individuals like Inuyasha as she thought she did. Going back to her relationship with Inuyasha, while it was funny of how she and him traversed through the drunken mists of a mysterious forest and attempted to kiss him in her inebriated state, it did not reflect how she was going to shield Inuyasha from the pain Kagome inflicted on him. If she believed Kagome truly belonged to Inuyasha, she was darn wrong because she was too weak-willed to speak her mind to Kagome just because she was someone special from the future or some other malarkey. Put all of these negative sentiments I have against Sango and they can be boiled down to this. She cannot decipher the situation in front of her and she is a pathetic knee-crawling sheep who cannot get over her emotions or even use her skills to triumph over those said emotions. All these and more make her a very pitiful waste of potential for her to grow to be a more capable heroine. In conclusion, Sango may talk the talk of an independent, take-charge, kick-ass heroine, but she cannot walk the walk in the slightest iota. With her tendency to be easily manipulated by her arch-nemesis, her inability to shield Inuyasha from Kagome inflicting abuse on him, thus being nothing more than a sheep around this loser "heroine", and becoming nothing more than a breeding mare to a loser monk, she has doomed herself to a life of terrible Karma. And to think I used to like her. Well, the rose-tinted glasses aimed at her are off for good and for all, and all I see in Sango is wasted potential and a whole bunch of nothing inwardly strong about her, even though her physical strength did most of the talking. I am done liking this lame excuse of a demon slayer for life. I hope you all enjoyed my evisceration directed towards Sango and I will see you in the next submission. Take care and stay safe, everybody.
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Disagreement
Accepting that they were soul mates could only spell their doom. He was still a peasant who hated royalty. She a princess who hated peasants. Fate was malevolent. Gift story to Oighear for his wonderful work.
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Everything was wrong. Bad in so many ways that they should stop, try, get the strength to end it, but as darkness and mystery enveloped them both with a silent complicity it became difficult. Especially when he heard her utter his name between gasps, he felt almost a masochist, longing for the forbidden apple, his wet kisses so passionate that they gasped, his lungs pleading for air during his pauses, his clasped hands resting on the bed on either side of her head, he stopped to soar over her, watching her silver (white) hair spread across the sheets, free of her ridiculous hairstyle, her face flushed, the pink irises peeking out of her eyelids. Half-closed, with a glint of desire on them, their lips spread in a slight smile. She was so damn dangerous to him. - Zora. He called out squeezing her hands to attract her attention, the top of her outfit had loosened so she could see a little more skin than appropriate. - We must stop this. - She said even though she leaned down to kiss her cheek. - You do not seem to be convinced of what you say. - One of the two has to be responsible. - I whisper in her ear followed by her to which he sat down using her clasped hands to sit her down as well - Nebra, this is going to get out of control. - I thought you didn't care about that. - He murmured in a low tone of voice. - I don't mean to hurt you. - I caress the back of her hand with her thumb - I don't know how you've gotten under my skin, it's frustrating like all of you, but I don't want to hurt you. - You started this. - He complained using her index finger to caress the contour of her jaw - You wanted to see where my tattoo was. - You knew where mine was, you were also drunk the day you showed it to me, you weren't sure if you remembered that and it was the only way to make you talk. Nebra smiled slightly when she clearly remembered how that day they were sharing the office that corresponded to them as a team, they were carrying out the paper of the last investigations when the peasant out of nowhere decided to ask where his soulmate tattoo was, she knew that he knew where it was, so he didn't understand the idea of asking unless he thought she didn't remember showing it to him during his drunkenness. - You've seen where mine is. - Said the redhead. - I did not want to see where yours was, that happened because you presented yourself indecently to royalty. - Says the one who wore a very revealing nightgown. - Were you looking? - How am I not supposed to see you? If you run into my room screaming for a rat. - He teased with a funny expression. - We said that we would not say anything about that subject. And you also jumped on the bed. - I didn't promise I would. - I cross my arms in annoyance at the reminder of his moment of fear - You're trying to change the subject. - You know where it is. It is not something that matters, it is a mistake that damages my perfect skin. Why do you want to see it again? - Curiosity, you were drunk the time you showed it to me, it doesn't seem fair to me. - He did not go along with his complaint with fate, they had spent the last weeks sharing in that office, despite their frequent discussions they achieved a certain harmony, once he got used to his rude way of speaking he was able to establish a certain routine - It is not in sight, although the clothes used by royalty are usually so pompous. - It is that you prefer to walk without almost clothes. - But have you noticed that? Do you like what you see? Miss Royalty. - He didn't expect her to blush at her joke, but seeing her just made him smile, it was fun to mess with her. - Shut. - Can you show me? - Why do you insist on this? - I ask nervously, she did not want to show him again - We know it is a mistake and it will fade at some point. - Do you really think that will happen? - Her question was honest so she fixed her gaze against his. - Have to. - Come on, you like research so I would not be surprised if you have looked for every book that mentions something about it, I did. We both know he won't go away. - I can't get this ink on my skin. - He said without wanting to admit that he wanted to do a deep investigation on the subject, before knowing who his soulmate was, he tried to erase this aspect of his life from the back of his mind, after meeting him he did the opposite, looking for all possible information. - Royalty does not marry for something as useless as a tattoo. - Did your parents get married in an arranged marriage? - Yes. - They were happy? - I do not know. She - she She hesitated, not quite sure of her parents' relationship. - There must be other nobles with tattoos. - If there is, the secret must be taken to the grave. She - She declared so firmly that she Zora could see how much that was engraved on her person. - What happens if it is discovered? - Why are you questioning me? - Okay, I won't waste my time trying to understand this. - Zora was about to back off when she started speaking. - It is a disgrace, that a member of royalty has a soulmate tattoo is a disgrace, we must marry people who are according to our status and social position to maintain dignity. - What about ... the soul mate? - It must disappear. According to the few records they are usually removed, it is the only way the tattoo disappears. - They kill them? - I don't specify it, although I assume that would be correct. - They both knew they were murdered. This shed some light on what he read in books, it was easy to get information in libraries or stories that were passed from person to person among the commoners, romantic stories of a true love, predestined and capable of surviving any setback that got in the way. between the couple, nonsense, although they maintained certain things: 1. The way the ink stayed on the skin, no matter what you tried to remove it. 2. The way fate seemed to put them together after the tattoo appeared. 3. The attraction that was born between those affected, the emotions that began to grow between them, not as a love at first sight (despite the fact that some legends presented it that way) but something insidious, which grew little by little with the coexistence. Zora felt dizzy with all the reflections she was processing until she came to a horrible conclusion. She liked him. The unbearable princess attracted him. He had wanted to drown in alcohol with Vanessa when he realized, first because he disliked what she was, second because it was problematic and with which she now confessed dangerous, third because after seeing her at her most fragile point some emotions were obvious , the big question now is what was wrong with her? - Where is your tattoo? - He insisted, he was not entirely sure that he remembered that day so much and also needed her to speak. - On my leg. - Nebra thought that if she solved her question she would stop bothering, mainly because she felt cornered, working with him became an activity she enjoyed, she enjoyed having someone answer her in the same conditions even if she was not allowed to do so, she felt free to be herself. - That's interesting. - Zora kept her hands together before continuing to ask - What do you feel about this? Without the veil of royalty, of all your prejudices. - Is this just a children's story? - Do you want to take a test? - Question moving her chair to be closer to her. - What kind of test? - A kiss. - That? She blushed quickly and jerked away from her with her shrill voice rising several levels. - Listen to me, it will only be a way to show that the ink on our skin is nothing more than that. - He could see her waver, which made him feel even more intrigued, he didn't know if it was due to her modesty instructed her as a princess (something strange since she had shown him her thigh when she was drunk) or because she was afraid that something else it will happen. - Aren't you trying to take advantage, peasant? - I accuse. - Kisses are not requested, princess, they are stolen. - I answer, looking with amusement as the skin on her cheeks turned redder - You do not ask permission before doing things, but I will not lower myself to be like you ... - Only one. That she accepted made his heart tremble, he was regretting his stupid idea almost immediately, however, he was not willing to back down, he stood up to close the distance he had put between them, being just a little taller than her. I observe, his nervousness evident in the trembling of his lips, the blush of his skin, his eyes radiated a feeling that he could not determine, he took off his mask before her expectant gaze, if he was going to kiss her, he wanted it to be without anything of in between, his hands held her cheeks gently, tucked a lock of her silver hair behind her ear, seeing her close her eyes ignited her warmth, she trusted him. He closed his own eyes while their lips met in a chaste kiss, of just a few moments, but that ignited a longing that they did not expect, Nebra moved to repeat the gesture, staying longer, then another and another followed, for when they wanted to give each other I tell her kisses became bolder, passionate and intense, the male hands lowered to her waist to attach her to his body while hers rested on his shoulders, his fingers tangled in her red hair. They were lost, they were a calamity. - Zora. - And she chose that moment to use her name for the first time, hearing it in her voice made her heart skip a few beats, especially when her eyes returned a look full of warmth. - I know. - Once again he leaned down to kiss her as if there was no tomorrow, if everyone found out about her there might not be one. She couldn't be his. He was hopeless. So pitiful. - If this continues, there will come a time when we will not be able to turn back. - Commented once they calmed down, she kept her eyes closed lying on the bed again. - I can not hear you. - Are you upset that I stopped us? - I do not know who you are. - You're being spoiled. - He sighed before laying down next to her, hugging her from behind - You know what you mean to me. - I know. - She tilted her head to see him - There is nothing wrong with kissing us. - You like that I kissed you, princess. - It's not bad at all. Zora sighed, buried her face in her neck to leave mocking kisses, caressing her stomach and arm with her hands, she would not go any further, she loved her enough to want her, but she loved her even more to allow them to move forward, she had lost for She completed her prejudices about the situation when they were alone, however, someone had to keep common sense, she took his hand to intertwine it with hers, still sulking. So pitiful. He snuggled closer to her, hugging her affectionately, after some conversations they had to admit that they liked her hugs, so they used to do it frequently, other times they just held their hands together or shared glances. "Everything okay, Little Miss Royalty?" - I whisper in her ear.
#alternate universe - soulmates#romantic soulmates#soulmate-identifying timers#first kiss#idiots in love#love story#black clover#black clover fanfiction#black clover fic#zora x nebra#nebra silva#zora ideale#black clover zora
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Nothing but the Truth - Pt.5
The Truth and Nothing but the Truth
Pairing: Steve Rogers x reader Word count: 4490
Summary: A fake dating AU. Lies always have consequences; you just never imagined they would look like this. You should have known better… Aka the one where shit hits the fan.
Warnings: a lot of swearing, rudely interrupted fluff, implied stalking, creepiness and sick beliefs leading to violence at its finest, kidnapping
Story Masterlist
Coming back to work was a true life-hazard.
First of all; you didn’t sleep properly. Basically not at all. You couldn’t get Steve out of your head, the feeling of his lips on yours and their taste, his hand on your face, on your hip, the sensation under your hands, the sincerity of his tone when he spoke about you two together— all of that kept you awake, ruminating in your head, lines between reality and fantasy blurring in the restless slumber keeping you company the whole night.
Second of all; there was a pile of paperwork to fill since you had been absent for the past two days.
And the worst of all; your colleague was there. And she was terrible at hiding her curiosity, downright gawking at you, her eyes following your every movement, every nervous shift in your posture, not single one of your sighs escaping her attention.
Hint: you were mostly sighing because you could feel her glare on you and you knew she wanted to ask about everything, but gave you the opportunity to start talking on your own, while being passively aggressive as fuck and driving you insane.
You didn’t have the slightest idea what to tell her, because you sucked at lying, you felt bad about lying to her in the first place, but you also signed an agreement on confidentiality.
So… where did that leave you?
You sighed again, leaning your back onto the backrest of your ergonomic chair and crossed your arms on your chest, spinning the chair to face your friend.
“Yes, Irma? Something on your mind?” you asked slowly and she grinned.
“What the fuck is happening?” she blurted out, using the swirling hair as a means of transport, wheeling to you and despite yourself, you snorted at her ridiculousness.
“Well, you’re staring at me the whole day while I’m working through this big-ass pile of papers, that’s what,” you shrugged light-heartedly, while your heart in fact sped up in your chest.
Why hadn’t you just kept your mouth shut and let her come to her own conclusions only?
“Har, har. Spill it. I leave you alone for two days…” You left her alone, thank you very much, because you hadn’t as much as shown your face in the office. “You’ve been ignoring me.” In that respect, she was correct; she had been blowing your phone and you blatantly ignored her. “You can’t escape me now. So…what the hell?”
“Huh?”
“Don’t play dumb,” she huffed, patting her feet on the ground again, her inching closer. “Congrats and all that, glad that the heart-eyes exchange that’s been going on for a while escalated and you finally got together, but what is all that interview and engagement bullshit?”
You groaned, turning back to your table, and let your forehead meet the desk.
Right. Irma was convinced that there was something going on between you and Steve (she very pointedly called it ‘eye-fucking’, god bless her for saying ‘heart-eyes’ just this once) ever since you had started going to lunch with him alone – courtesy of Sam being busy at the moment and hence not being able to join you two and your friendly lunch date.
“Got the sentiment, not the words, hon. Spill it.”
You huffed, your lips barely moving as you were practically kissing the table. “It’s…” What was the word they always used? “…classified.”
“Oh come on! I’m your friend! And who am I gonna tell?” she exclaimed, half-offended, half-excited. “I’m totally harmless!”
She… had a point, right? Who was she gonna tell? She was your friend and she even covered for you when you messed something up, she was loyal to the company, being there longer than you and—and-
And you still couldn’t spill your guts to her.
Or could you?
Raising your head and meeting her expectant gaze, you kept your mouth shut as you reached for your phone and started typing.
Peripherally, you could see her frown in discontent and confusion.
“I’m sorry, are you ignoring me again, young lady?!”
You held up your index finger, sent the text and then you resumed to ignore her.
She rudely waved her hand in front of your face when you returned to the paperwork.
“It’s classified,” you repeated absently, distractedly reading over the lines of the document, checking for typos.
Irma threw her hands in the air and refused to leave, looking over your shoulder as your heart nearly gave out with the insane pace it was set up in.
Had she always been so nosy?
You almost jumped out of your skin when your phone started vibrating, lighting up with Steve’s face.
You hadn’t spoken or texted ever since the taxi dropped you off at your apartment after the interview. You had spent the rest of the night alone, perfectly content with a take-out and your intrusive thoughts about ridiculously attractive and kind supersoldier keeping you from some quality sleep.
“Your boyfriend’s calling you,” your friend pointed out, grin in her voice as you sarcastically thanked her for her observation and accepted the call.
“Hey- hey, Steve,” you stuttered to the phone nervously, not expecting him to react to your stupid text so soon, with a phone-call no less.
“Hey,” he greeted you courtly and you gulped, avoiding your friend’s gaze. You were dating Steve; whatever he was about to tell you, you shouldn’t look spooked when talking to him in front of anyone who wasn’t involved. “I assume you’re talking about your office-mate?”
“Y-yes.”
Your breath was knocked out of your lungs when he proceeded to tell you her full name, social security number, her marital status and names of siblings and parents.
“Yeah, that’s… eh, that’s her.”
Your colleague raised her eyebrow questioningly.
“Do you trust her?” he asked matter-of-factly. “Her records are clean, but we can’t have her telling tales anywhere.”
“Yes,” you confirmed, trying to sound firm.
The idea of confiding in someone who wasn’t an Avenger and didn’t have a penis was way too tempting and you started to getting giddy on the inside, already feeling the relief at the mere idea of spilling it to someone.
You melted into your seat when Steve spoke up again, his tone much more like the one you were used to, hell, softer even.
“I understand this must be difficult for you. You deserve to talk about it with your friends and I… I understand that maybe you don’t… you don’t want to talk about it with me. Just… you can, you know? You can tell me anything, doll,” Steve coaxed you, voice falling an octave.
Yeah? How about I tell you that I think I love you? What would you say to that? Can I tell you that? Because I really want to, especially when you’re using that stupid, stupid petname-
“…but I understand. It’s your call. If you trust her, you can tell her.”
There were literally no limits to Steve’s kindness, you were sure of it. You truly were doomed, weren’t you? How could you not love him?
“Thank you, Steve. I… really appreciate it. I… I trust you too, you know?” you whispered, momentarily forgetting he wasn’t the only one hearing you.
You could imagine the subtle lift of the corners of his lips – lips that kissed you yesterday, oh dear God, lips you dreamed of –, the gentle light in his eyes, yet with a tiny cocky spark in the irises… you could picture all of that only by hearing the tone of his voice when he answered.
“I hope so. You’re doing alright after yesterday?”
No. “Y-yeah. You?”
He sighed tiredly. “Work is work is work and the PR is sending me e-mails that are basically just streak of curses – I’m learning new words today –, because their phones won’t stop ringing. I’m fine.”
You chuckled, imagining Steve’s eyes widening and his cheeks flushing at every new swearword, probably a new term for a manhood.
“Aww, you poor baby,” you cooed, your lips automatically curving in a smile. “Do you want me to beat them up for you?”
“God, no!” he blurted out, sounding almost as if he panicked at the image of you trying to sock the employees of personal relations in their jaw. Whether his horror was caused by the fear for them or you, you’d never know. He chuckled then. “Thanks for the offer though.”
Someone tugged at your skirt and you realized that you were, in fact, not alone in the room.
“Anytime, Steve. Gotta go back to work now. Stay strong?”
“I’ll try. Same to you. See you for lunch?”
You grinned. “Yep. Sam already told me he will be our bodyguard. Brave man,” you teased Steve and you could practically see him rolling his eyes.
“Brave man,” he mimicked, as if jealous. “He sure is. See you then. Have a nice morning.”
Was it a hobby of his to cause your heart to burst with his insufferably gentle voice or something?
“You too, Steve. Bye.”
“You two are honesty disgusting. If I wasn’t so happy for you, I might puke. And did you just ask your boyfriend for permission to tell me? Really?!” Irma instantly chimed in and you shot her a look to cool her down.
“Yes. I told you: it’s classified,” you deadpanned. “I’ll tell, but not now, not here. Girls’ night?”
She pumped her fists in victory gesture and you sighed, mentally preparing for an interrogation. You had to go somewhere where they had no desk-lamps; she would aim it to your face for dramatic effect, you were sure of it. You couldn’t believe she was almost five years older than you sometimes.
“I thought you’ll never ask, future Mrs. Rogers.”
You grabbed the nearest paper, hoping it wasn’t important, and scrunched it up. With your perfect toss, it hit her square to the middle of her head as she unwisely turned her back to you.
She snorted in laughter, but let you breathe for the rest of the workday.
The evening couldn’t come fast enough.
Contrary to what you thought when learning you’d talk fake relationships with Irma in the evening, the day actually passed in a blur; a very exhausting blur filled with work, with a highlight of the lunch with Steve and Sam. You only attracted a few more glances than usual, people discouraged by the two Avengers glaring at them if they lingered with their eyes for too long. At the same time, Sam served as a mediator for you and Steve, keeping the conversation light and off potentially dangerous topics like kissing, so that was… nice.
Naturally, you thought the night would turn out nice as well. Which… it did? Kinda…? The alcohol helped.
Irma, the amazing friend she was, got you tipsy first, listened patiently and then proceeded to tell you that you were in some deep shit, totally screwed – or not screwed at all, to be precise – and that it would blow up to your face, because you could be terrible at communicating and voicing your feelings, which was why you were in this situation in the first place, because otherwise you and Steve already would have been a couple, you could have, if you just opened your damn mouth and told Steve how you felt weeks ago, after which he would have kissed you and screwed you against a wall or something, because eye-fucking, duh, I keep telling you that.
You had a wonderful girl-friend. Was it too late to call Sam?
But in the end, confiding Irma in felt really good and overall, it was a great night.
You should have known something was going shit all over it.
As tipsy as you were, you and Irma agreed to take a walk rather than call a cab, saving money and reducing the danger of throwing up.
What an idiotic idea since you lived over twenty blocks from each other!
The moment her door clicked shut behind her, you snuggled up into your coat and started walking; at much faster pace than before. Not that it was easy in the heels, because of course you were wearing heels; it was girls’ night and you wanted to feel pretty and you hadn’t anticipated walking a long distance in them.
Silly you.
Feeling the pleasant buzz of alcohol which had been warming you up before vanish, you shivered, looking over your shoulder when a particularly loud guy from a group of drunks by the near-by bar yelled how much he loved America.
You could relate, partly at least, by one half to be precise, because after your heart-to-heart with Irma, you were pretty certain you were at least a tiny bit in love with its infamous Captain, but who cared. You didn’t feel drunk anymore and other drunk people scared you.
Hell, everything seemed frightening to you now for some inexplicable reason, especially since another guy from the group catcalled you as he noticed you turning around to glance at them. You quickly whipped your head back and quickened your pace.
Turning around the corner, you sighed in relief when you heard them start singing, apparently not too upset you disappeared from their view.
It was only about a minute later, when a shiver ran down your spine, a premonition of something dark, shady, chilling. Vaguely remembering that glancing over your shoulder and actually spotting the person whose eyes you felt following you might only encourage them, you kept glaring ahead, yet couldn’t help but add to your tempo. Your feet were starting to hurt, but you didn’t give a crap, feeling your heart jumping to your throat, beating wildly, your chest feeling tight.
You were confident enough that people didn’t recognize you throughout the whole night at the bar, let alone identifying you as Cap’s girl on the night New York street; everyone was much more focused on the fact that their beloved Captain liked it so he put a ring on it, rather than actually giving you a second glance, you were sure. And contrary to the popular belief, people – even of New York – had other things to live than for Avengers’ romance.
Still, you were a woman – a stupid lone woman walking the street at night, in heels no less, and really, just how did you make such a stupid decision at your age? To be fair, you were fake-dating a man you likely loved, so the bar was set very low.
And because despite your poor decision-making you were still a grown-up, so you did the first thing that came to your mind.
No, you didn’t call a cab.
You called Steve.
You were surprised when he answered after two rings only; perhaps you shouldn’t have. Steve Rogers was always at his friends’ disposal.
Steve Rogers was also very sleepy when he spoke.
“Hey,” he greeted you, quietly and you could punch yourself for waking him up. Of course he was asleep! It was like… oh, two a.m. already. “Are you okay?”
“I’m sorry!” you blurted out instantly, feeling like an idiot.
Not because Steve was always asleep at two a.m. – in fact, you had the privilege to know that there were times when he was desperately trying to fill his sleepless nights with pretty much anything, as nightmares, his restless brain or the serum coursing through his veins kept him awake. You felt like an idiot, because there had been a little chance he actually would be asleep and you just ruined it for him.
“What are you sorry for?”
“I woke you up. I’m an idiot. I’m sorry-“
You would swear that even over your babble, you could still hear someone’s steps approaching and you squeezed your eyes shut, unable to walk faster.
“You’re not an idiot,” Steve’s soothed you, voice still rough with sleep. You could hear some rustle; bedsheets, you assumed. “What’s wrong?”
I’m shitting my pants, because someone is following me. I think.
You gulped, pushing yourself to speed up without breaking into a run and nearly sighed in relief when the person behind you resumed their pace.
“I’m on my way from the bar. It’s stupid but… I feel lonely?” you explained, lowering your voice and judging by the sharp inhale on the other end of the line, Steve understood you felt hella lot more than just lonely. “Could you… could you maybe stay on the phone with me? Please?”
“Of course I will,” he was quick to assure you, but you heard him moving around his room now. Could he be- “But I’ll do you one better. Where are you?”
“Steve, you- you don’t have to do that.” You instantly felt bad, mostly because the idea of him coming to get you sounded like heaven and it caused your gut twist in guilt, because you had no right to ask that from him. “You’re not obliged to—it’s not like– like you are-“
-my boyfriend.
“Hey. You might not be my fiancée, but you’re my friend. When my friend doesn’t feel safe, I’ll go get her so she will.”
You could weep at that, both regret you were nothing more but friend and at the tone he said it, warming you from inside out despite the fear still at your heels. You slowed down just a fraction, tension in your shoulders easing, your chest finally expanding as you inhaled generously, not realizing you had been barely breathing before.
“Thank you, Steve,” you whispered.
“Of course. Anytime,” he threw your earlier remark back at you and you couldn’t help but smile despite feeling shaky on your feet. He could be so damn cheeky sometimes.
“Apparently,” you hummed. “But seriously, thank you.”
“No problem. I might have already checked your tracker so I’m coming to get you, yeah?”
Oh. Right, you forgot about that; the trackers. You had got so used to the weight of the necklace on your chest that it was easy not to think about the fact that it contained a tracking device. You felt even safer now; if anything happened, they’d find you; which it wouldn’t, because Steve was on his way.
“Now talk to me. Did you have a good time?”
You smiled at his inquiry and continued walking, almost at peace.
“I mean, it wasn’t bad at all…”
Waking up from your slumber, your first thought was that your head hurt; the second was that the pain was so immense that you might as well be in hell.
Hell seemed to be very uncomfortable; your head lulled to your side, neck craned in such strange angle that it made the headache worse and something hard was digging into your spine, not to mention you could barely feel you bottom as the surface was as unwelcoming as the flat backrest and overall, hell simply sucked.
Where the heck had you fallen asleep? This was the least comfortably chair ever made.
With a groan, you tried to move your head to a less headache-inducing position, but your body felt so heavy.
What in the fuck had happened? How had you got- where had you-
Blurry images of a dark street, roar of a motorcycle, Steve’s sleepy and yet cheeky grin as he hopped off– ‘You look like the most handsome biker-gang leader, Steve’- “Will you be my stunning biker chick then?’– gentle hands taking your coat and slipping a leather jacket on, the comforting smell— the world swaying off of its place- darkness– pain-
Gasping, you forced your eyes snap open, even the dim light too sharp for your hungover eyes; several blinks that followed did little to sooth the burn.
With a heart in your throat, you took in your surroundings; the very first thing you saw was Steve and you could cry in relief. Whatever was happening, whatever your mind wasn’t ready to supply you with just yet, it would be alright. Steve was right here–
-hunched in a metallic chair, his wrists, shins, ankles strapped to it, thick leather strip over his chest keeping him upright, because he was- he was—your breathing stopped in horror when you noticed the thin wires leading from his body, needles piercing his skin on several places— unconscious, he was unconscious and-
With a cry of his name on your lips, you lunged forward, not expecting the resistance you met with. Your voice died in your throat as you quickly scanned your body, marking that you were very much strapped to a chair as well. God bless, no needles in your body, just some sort of tourniquet reminding you of check-ups at your GP-
Jerking with all strength you could gather, you whined in frustration when your restraints didn’t give, not moving even an inch.
Tears gathered in your eyes, your other senses engaging to build an image of terror – cold was seeping into your bones, the sharp stink of mould, sweat and urine filled your nose and you could hear periodic taps, drops of water falling.
Surging forward once more with zero result, you cried out, a sob breaking from your lips.
Your frantic gaze searched the room, devices you couldn’t even hope to recognize on your left, seemingly endless emptiness on your right. And if front of you-
“Steve!” you sobbed, clearing your throat to speak louder than in a broken whisper. “Steve!”
He was motionless; you squinted in the shadows, focusing on his chest, praying you could see it moving.
Tears spilled from your eyes, this time from relief; the expands of his ribcage were there, barely noticeable, but present.
Your gaze followed the wires that led from his body to one of the machines and your stomach made an unpleasant somersault as you tasted bile on your tongue.
What the fuck was this nightmare?
The answer came from your right, a heavy metallic sound and creak, door shutting. You winced, not daring to breathe, your heart nearly beating its way out of your chest with the swift footsteps approaching.
Instinctively, you backed into the chair, ignoring how uncomfortable it was; that was the least of your worries now, being comfy.
A man of average height emerged from the dark, black hair the only thing visible from his head as he wore a plastic mask, nearly transparent with black lines in the place of eyes, nose and mouth.
You shrieked in terror when he tilted his head curiously.
“You’re awake. Good,” he stated, sounding pleased as he paced to the machines, ignorant to your paralysing panic.
You felt a tremble running through your body, your throat too tight with dread for you to speak; to demand what this was, how did you get here, how-
“The captain is taking a bit long though,” he mused and your gaze, following him previously as he flipped a switch, bringing another of the machines to life, swiftly moved to Steve’s crumpled figure.
A sting of longing and fear punched your ribcage and you finally found the courage to speak, praying it wouldn’t set the mysterious man off.
“What did—what did you do to him?” you whispered, voice hoarse from crying.
The man looked up, the smile painted on his mask making you want to throw up.
“Combinations of tranquilizers. Perhaps I overdid it.”
You would have doubled over if it wasn’t for the strap on your chest keeping you upright. The edge of your vision darkened, black embracing you soothingly for few seconds.
Perhaps?!
Your eyes swiftly found Steve once more, clinging onto the motions of his ribcage like onto dear life.
Christ, he’s lucky to be even breathing.
Needless to say, you would have been much more assured if Steve was awake and if he hadn’t had… had the—the-
“The… the needles?” you choked out, a sob bubbling in your throat as the image of multiple thin needles in Steve’s body burned itself into your retinas.
You’d never forget this sight in your life.
Fairly enough though, that might not be a very long time. The thought had you squeeze your eyes shut.
“Electric pulses,” he explained as easily as if he was telling you it was raining outside.
Electric- you wanted to cry and puke at the same time and most of all, you wanted to wake up from this fucked up nightmare.
“It should keep him less mobile once he wakes up. It took me quite a while to figure it out. Not an easy task to keep Captain America down.”
He seems down enough now, you thought wryly and shivered, your face twisting as you tried hard not to imagine what was being done to Steve’s body.
When you looked closely – really closely – you could see the tinniest twitches of his fingers.
Before hope could get a hold of you, you noticed the startling periodicity of those motions; he wasn’t waking up. It wasn’t him moving on his own account.
It was the pulses.
Your head spun, the whole world swaying aside, your eyes rolling back; you didn’t feel like your body belonged to you anymore as the wave of revulsion caused your insides to coil violently.
What kind of a sick monster did this to another person?
Tearing your blurry gaze away from Steve’s form, you shot the other man a loathing look, the force of hatred towards him nearly startling you.
“Stop that right now,” you hissed dangerously as if you weren’t strapped to a chair yourself, utterly helpless.
You had a feeling that the maniac smiled behind his mask, but you couldn’t tell for sure.
How did you not throw up just yet?
“You don’t make demands here.”
Electricity crackled in the air with whatever he did with the machines and you winced, your whole body tensing in horrible anticipation.
He was going to the same to you—he was about to-
“Now, I’m sure you’re curious what’s happening here…” Not really, no, Christ, just let us go- “…I brought you here to ensure your future commitment to each other will be proper.”
What in the-
He rose from his own chair, carrying what looked like electrodes towards you.
You balled your hands into fists, trying to break the restraints, but they didn’t even budge as the man leaned forward with a purpose; clasps joined to your cuffs and you felt your teeth clatter at the icy fingers of fear running down your spine.
He just wired you to a source of electricity.
Sick, he was such a sick person, whatever he had said meant–how could anyone just-
“What the hell are you talking about?” you breathed out, not having a clue where the strength to speak up came from.
“I’m simply gonna ask a few questions,” he replied, fastening the same clasps on Steve’s straps – as if the blond didn’t already have electricity coursing through his body making him fucking spasm every now and then – before turning to face you. “And you’re gonna tell me the truth. Nothing but the truth.”
Part 6
Tags:
@mermaidxatxheart @bobertswagert @kakakatey @ccolz88-blog @joeyrumlow@lovemeterwrites @jessyballet
Dun dun dun.
Oops, this one got away from me a bit and it’s… morbid, I know. But we finally got to the title at least…?
#marvel#mcu#fanfiction#steve rogers#captain america#steve rogers x reader#steve rogers fanfiction#steve rogers imagine#captain america imagine#captain america fanfiction#fake dating#fake-dating#fake dating au#nothing but the truth#anika ann
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Wei Wuxian – An analysis on Xiao Zhan's acting Part 3
Part 1.1 – Wei Wuxian
Part 1.2 – Wei Wuxian
Part 1.3 – Wei Wuxian
Part 2.1 – Yan Bingyun
Part 3.1 – Period Dramas
Part 3.2 – Period Dramas
Original Article: https://www.weibo.com/ttarticle/p/show?id=2309404473348091412589 Original Author: 诗债累累
From Conscious to Subconscious, the Art Behind Crafting a Role
Let us quickly review the previous two articles:
1.1 Grasping the character’s base psychology by understanding the character’s childhood and teenage years.
1.2 Crafting the character’s theatrical actions during the Yiling Patriarch stage, using incite and conflict.
In this article, we will talk about the creation of Wei Wuxian, from the conscious to subconscious.
In Xiao Zhan’s portrayal of Wei Wuxian, his realism blurred the line between role and actor, and caused viewers to believe that he and the character were the same person. In his interviews and events during the publicity period for “The Untamed” in China, audiences were usually struck with the sudden realization that his personality is quite unlike that of Wei Wuxian. This was further amplified when “Jade Dynasty” was released – “Was the actor for Wei Wuxian the same actor who did Zhang Xiaofan?”
Following the timeline of this article, we should be currently at the point of “the invincible Yiling Patriarch” until his eventual death in the Never Night City. Using dramatic action, the incident and conflict came from the changes from war to postwar, i.e. winning was paramount before Sunshot Campaign; distribution of the spoils of war and political maneuvering became the main activity post war.
The changes in situation also created an opposition for Wei Wuxian.
(1) The fear of an uncontrolled power
This could be attributed to the natural instinct of the survival of the fittest. Even if the tiger would not attack you, you would feel threatened by his existence nonetheless, because he could if he wanted. The existence of Wei Wuxian became a threat.
(2) Orthodoxy (path of the sword) and unorthodoxy (path of the spells)
This basically stood for the difference in values, and in this, Wei Wuxian was a heathen. Values were something that meant nothing during times of crisis and war. For example, Lan Xichen said, “He had read all the books in the world to no avail”, or Lan Qiren said, “No eggs are spared in an upturned nest”. However, this would definitely become a problem in peace times.
(3) Wei Wuxian’s pragmatic altruism
This character cannot be bribed or restrained by worldly rules. He would not haggle, nor would he abide by norms. He was not self serving, he did not have any specific desires, maybe with the exception of protecting the Jiang Family.
(4) Breakdown of clan structure, because his existence could not be surpassed
In the Bloodbath of Lotus Pier, a new clan leader rose and joined the ranks of established clan leaders. However, Wei Wuxian became some sort of a special force on his own, an ace, one who could defeat tens of thousands on his own.
(5) The horror of demonic cultivation
This was overlooked in the Sunshot Campaign, but when peace times arrived, for one’s psychological comfort, they would judge those who were demonic-cultivated using their ethical and moral values.
This was the environment in which the character faced, and this environment has a very strong sense of realism. This is a classical trope, for example, under the benevolent ruler, a very strong general might be asked to relinquish his military powers and retire, but under a not-so-benevolent ruler, this general might be killed after completing his conquests.
This realism also stimulated the actor and the audiences. Audiences would have been drawn in and mesmerized by the sense of impeding tragedy and doom.
For the actor, with feedback with partnering actors, the above 5 points of opposition were able to arouse creative intuition. As briefly stated in my previous articles, Xiao Zhan’s handling of direct emotional scenes, i.e. scenes that required a direct reaction without much thought, was still quite halting, as though he would be thinking about his reactions, but for the scenes which required complex emotional outburst, he handled very cleanly.
Xiao Zhan’s understanding of his character during this period could be summarized in the following phrase: “What’s black or white, what’s good or evil?” Note that this refers to this period – this is not a conclusion of the character, just a status of the character. The gist of it was that it was impossible to determine what is right or wrong during such trying times, and hence whatever he did or whichever path he took, would have to answer to himself according to his values and morality. In terms of status, it meant that he would be swinging between black and white, good and evil, and he would only be faithful to his heart based on the current situation.
Xiao Zhan captured this status perfectly and showcased his intelligence as an actor. He did not simply portray this as an antihero, but instead, added layers of tragedy, self-conflict, and selflessness to his character.
During this period, most of Wei Wuxian’s actions should have been thoughtless. Most of his reflections would be related to whether he could have walked a different path from demonic cultivation (he could not), and whether his actions would really bring forth a better world after killing so many people.
This resulted in Wei Wuxian not providing any explanations for this actions, but instead, creating a system of philosophy for himself such that he was able to face his own values and morality. Once this system is not unified, it would break apart, and once it broke apart, it became highly sensitive to him. Xiao Zhan added this layer of fragility and high sensitivity, when Wei Wuxian met Nie Huaisang after his return – he dodged his arm, shrunk away from his touch and went into high alert, which reminded his viewers of his days in the Burial Grounds.
When Lan Wangji told him about how demonic cultivation would harm his spirit and possibly become uncontrollable, his reaction was to rebut, “How would you know the kind of person I am?” and thereafter, comforted by assuring that he would not have any problems.
When Jin Zixun refused to tell him where the remnants of the Wen Family were, he became conceited, his lips curling in a grin, his hands twirling Chen Qing. He almost drew Chen Qing like a weapon, as though he was telling everyone that he was a bomb ready to be set off. And he gave these famous words: “Who dares to stop me? Who can stop me?”
In the Ambush at Qiongqi Path, he was confident at the beginning that he would survive even though there might be traps. However, when Jin Zixuan died, he broke down. His performance showed two points – this was his brother-in-law, and this was his retribution.
At the Battle of Never Night City, Xiao Zhan’s emotions reached his peak, showing extreme arrogance and condescension, and he viewed his existence as an outlook of life and values. He had lost all sense of logic and rational thinking.
When facing Jiang Yanli, his performance became childlike, akin to a child who has made a terrible mistake.
When he jumped off the cliff, he had understood that this was truly his retribution, and his performance showed relief, liberation and atonement. Life was but a tragedy, and only death could put an end to all of this.
The emotions, action and psychological characteristics in all these scenes are connected and highly coherent, and encompasses the phrase: “What’s black or white, what’s good or evil?”. This was a conscious effort leading to the subconscious creation of the character.
Subconscious character creation requires the actor to be able to control and summon his inspiration, and you would need a lot of hard work on the conscious creation in order to do this.
When actors create their characters, knowing how to do so is easier than the action creation – the actor will need to temper his will, and get close to his character, and draw inspiration from the actor’s personal experiences. In order to experience the character, the actor will need to firm up his external actions to allow his audiences to have a fixed impression on the character, and then display the internal fluctuations appropriately. This would enrich the performance and create a drama that would be worth watching again and again.
With a complex character such as Wei Wuxian, Xiao Zhan has stepped into the school of acting through his painstaking hard work.
Author’s Note
With this, I end my analysis of the character, Wei Wuxian, because the scenes thereafter would be his reconciliation with himself, and would create repetitive analysis.
I would slowly edit and supplement this article, but there would be limits to this. This article was meant to create some food for thought, and I welcome friends to add pictures or videos to support this series of articles.
Upcoming would be an article on Yan Bingyun.
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Sins of the Father
Genre: Mafia Au
Pairing: Junmyeon x Reader
Summary: Soon after your second birthday, your parents were killed and you were adopted by your father’s best friend, taken away to their home country where you lived your life in peaceful ignorance. As far a as you knew, your parents simply left you large fortune to be released to you once you reached your twenty-third birthday. At least, that’s all you thought you were inheriting. When a famously ruthless mafia boss discovers your existence, you are left at his mercy. While under his roof, you learn more about your father than you ever wished you had, including the part of your inheritance that made you the most valuable person in the underworld. Hidden in a bank in New York City were files that held the darkest secrets of the mafia families and everyone in their pocket. With another terrifying leader’s eyes trained on you, you’ll learn to watch your back… and guard your heart, before your father’s past becomes your doom.
Part: 1 I 2 I 3 I 4 I 5 I 6 I 7 I 8 I 9 I 10 I 11 I 12 I 13 I 14 I 15 I 16 I Final
**
You woke up confused. The last memory you had of the previous night was definitely falling asleep on the couch, but now you were warm and tucked in your bed. After a quick mental run through, the only conclusion besides sleepwalking - which you had never done before - that seemed reasonable was that Junmyeon had brought you to bed, as all the other boys were long gone. The thought of him carrying you through the halls towards your bedroom didn’t disgust you like you would have expected, but you were still confused as to why he would even bother.
Stumbling to the bathroom, you washed your face, hoping that would wake you up more. You got dressed in simple jeans and a tank top before shuffling back towards the bed.
On top of the album that was currently resting on the nightstand was a thin white box. Taking the lid off, you found black cloth folded neatly inside. Too curious to just leave it alone, you picked the clothing up and groaned.
It was a dress, a clothing item you hadn’t worn since high school. On further inspection of the piece, you were becoming livid. The dress was short, barely coming mid-thigh. It had a high neck which didn’t really compensate for the fact that there was no back to it.
Junmyeon didn’t seem like the type to just randomly give you gifts. Even if he was, this gift rang loud and clear as to just how little he actually knew about you.
Preparing to throw the thing into Junmyeon’s office for him to find later tonight, you stormed out of the room and down the hall. But you didn’t make it too far before you spotted your target.
Sitting at the island, drinking coffee and reading over the newspaper was Junmyeon in a white t-shirt and sweatpants. You’d suspected from the way his suits were cut that he took care of himself, but from the way the cotton fabric clung to his torso, you’d say he put a little more effort into it than your average Joe.
Stop it. You will not ogle at him!
He hadn’t noticed you standing there at the edge of the kitchen so you cleared your throat to get his attention. Putting the newspaper down, Junmyeon met your eye.
“Good morning,” he greet, a crooked smile on his lips.
The friendly demeanor threw you off, letting you do little more than blink. Mentally slapping yourself back on track, you held out the dress. “What is this?”
“I believe it’s called a dress,” he answered sarcastically. “However, I’ve never worn one myself.”
“Ha ha,” you clapped back. “What exactly do you expect me to do with it?”
Junmyeon finished his coffee and walked over to the sink to rinse the mug out before answering me. “I expect you to wear it tonight. We have an event that requires all of us to be there. Since no one can stay behind to watch you, you’ll have to come with us. There’s an expectation on attire at these events. You can’t just wear jeans and sneakers. From what the guys told me, you don’t own a single dress, so I had one picked up for you.”
You balled the dress up in your hands, tempted to put a rip in it. “Or you could have saved yourself some money and just let me stay here. You can trust me, you know. I’m not going anywhere.”
It was the truth, as much as you hated to admit it. While you were still struggling to forgive your adoptive parents for signing your basic human rights away, you still loved them and would uphold the bargain for them. You haven’t broken any of Junmyeon’s rules so far. Wasn’t that proof enough?
A little bit of hope grew when Junmyeon turned to look at you. He seemed to taking in what you were saying and actually considering it. And then the hopes were dashed.
“No,” he stated. “I need you there.”
“I told you, I am not a trophy,” you reminded him through clenched teeth. You felt like a Barbie doll for him to dress up and put on display for his other mafia buddies.
“I’m not taking you to show you off,” he said sternly. “I just need you there.”
“Whatever,” you mumbled, tossing the dress onto one of the stools. Sulking over to the fridge, you took out ingredients for breakfast. You glanced over at Junmyeon, who’d sat back down at the island and picked the newspaper up once again. “Have you eaten?”
His eyes snapped up at you, confused. “I’m sorry?”
“Breakfast,” you offered, holding up the carton of eggs. “Have you eaten that meal yet? They kind of say it’s the most important of the day.”
“Oh, um,” Junmyeon pressed his lips together. “No, I haven’t. I don’t usually eat breakfast.”
You turned the stove on and started whipping up the eggs. “Do you have anywhere to be?”
“No, not at the moment.”
“Okay, then,” you nodded. “I’ll make you some.”
The kitchen was silent, save for the occasional scraping of the pan and the toast popping up once it was finished. You didn’t bother asking Junmyeon how he liked any of his food. You didn’t want to seem like you were eager to please. It was simply a gesture in trying to be nice, but you weren’t a personal chef.
You weren’t even sure why you were being so nice. He’d just declared that you would be forced to go to whatever event he had scheduled tonight and that there was no way in hell you’d be allowed to stay behind. Really, you should have been making your own breakfast and devouring it in front of him spitefully. And yet, here you were, cooking for two.
Junmyeon never took his eyes off of you as you slaved over the stove, his eyebrows knit together in concentration. What was going through his head, you wondered. Perhaps your kindness was confusing him. Maybe that’s why you were doing it: to show him the opposite of what he was expecting.
With the food done, you made up two plates and set one down in front of your fiancé.
“Thank you,” he mumbled, picking up the fork you’d slid in his direction. You couldn’t exactly eat a western breakfast with chopsticks.
“Mhmm,” you hummed back.
“Do, um,” Junmyeon scratched the back of his neck nervously, “do you want any coffee? I can make another pot.”
You shook your head, “No, thank you. I don’t really drink coffee.”
A sound that was halfway between a laugh and a snort echoed off the walls. You could hardly believe that its source was Junmyeon.
“Minseok would be scandalized to hear you say that.”
You titled my head in confusion. Was there a tenth person you hadn’t met yet? “Who?”
“Xiumun,” he clarified. “That’s his real name. And he is… well, let’s just call him a coffee enthusiast.”
“Oh.” You chewed on your bottom lip, looking around the kitchen, “I would like some tea. I found some last night that was on the counter, but I don’t remember exactly where–”
Junmyeon jumped up and went over to the cabinet in the far corner. He opened the door to reveal two shelves filled with different assortments of tea. You may have just gone to heaven.
“What kind do you like?” Junmyeon asked, looking over his shoulder at me.
You blinked. Was he really going to make it for you himself? “Um, just green tea is fine.”
He took down an open box and plopped the little Keurig cup into the coffee maker. It seemed like a crime against tea to make it that way, but you decided to play nice. He was going out of his way to make it, which were you still in shock from. Placing the steaming mug in front of you, Junmyeon sat back down on his stool and continued eating.
“Thank you,” you said shyly. Considering you’d stormed into this kitchen in a raging fire, it was odd, the dynamic you were sitting in right now. It was almost… domestic.
Junmyeon finished off his plate first. You told him you would just clean the dishes when he stood up and he excused himself to his office, leaving you alone.
The kitchen felt suddenly empty. You kept hoping that one of the boys would come stomping in to break the loneliness, but that hope was never fulfilled. Usually at least someone had arrived at the penthouse by now. Was it because was still here that they stayed away?
It was strange, the way you looked forward to spending time with them. In the past you didn’t care for people, preferring to be the loner in the corner, left to your own devices and content. Maybe it was the fact that you were locked up here that made you accept their presence and rely on it to not lose your mind or become depressed.
Or maybe you just needed a specific type of person to make you comfortable and actually like to be around others. The type that wouldn’t judge or stare because of your “otherness”. You just hoped that specific type wasn’t their mafia association.
Finished with your own plate, you filled up the sink with soapy water and began to hand wash all the dishes.
As much as you hated other chores growing up, you never really minded doing the dishes. There was something relaxing about it. At home, you would put on music and bob to it while trying not to splash water everywhere. Here, you didn’t have access to your phone, so instead you just hummed whatever song popped into your head as you scrubbed at the dirty plates.
All done, you unplugged the stopper to drain the dirty water and gave all the dishes one last rinse with the hose before gently setting the drying rack the rest of the way down in the sink. You’d put them away later once they were free off all little water droplets.
“Are you done?”
You jumped, letting out a small yelp as you turned around. Junmyeon had suddenly reappeared, now wearing jeans instead of sweats. It was strange to see him in such… normal clothing. You figured he just wore a suit twenty-four seven and didn’t even know what the word “casual” meant.
“Uh, yeah, I am,” you answered, trying to get your heartbeat back down to a regulated rhythm. “Did you need something?”
“Let me see your hand,” Junmyoen directed, holding out his own, palm up. You placed your right hand into his hesitantly, but he dropped it straightaway. “No, your other hand.”
When you gave him your left hand, he slid a diamond ring onto that foreboding little finger. It was small, nothing too grand or over-the-top like you would have guess. It was just a single, medium-sized diamond set on a woven silver band.
“What is this?” you asked dumbly. It was obvious what the ring represented, you just never thought he would go this far.
“It’s a ring,” he deadpanned. “People tend to wear them when they get engaged.”
You crossed your arms, looking pointedly at his empty finger. “Where’s yours?”
“I don’t wear jewelry.”
You huffed, yanking the ring off your finger. You didn’t care how pretty it was; it was just another symbol of your enslavement. Shoving the ring into his chest, you didn’t bother to make sure he caught it as you stomped back to your room.
Curled up on your bed, you stayed there for hours, finishing up the book you’d bought just before your freedom vanished.
The main character of the book kept reciting the phrase “the sins of the father will be visited upon the children”. If you weren’t so invested in the story, you would have thrown the book across the room for mocking you with that statement. It was all too real in your world.
But what would have happened if your parents had never died? Would you have just always been a part of this world, circling the edge until the tide finally sucked you in? Taegun had said that you were supposed to marry another mafia leader’s son. You wondered if your father would have agreed to that, if he would have allowed that to happen to you, his only daughter.
You liked who you were now and didn’t want to image being like Michelle Pfieffer in Scarface. Okay, you doubted it would have been that extreme. Maybe more like Diane Keaton in The Godfather, tricked into a world that you didn’t quite understand but had no choice other than to stay.
A knock on your door brought you out of those ridiculous imaginations and back to your current predicament.
“Who is it?” you called out as you sat up.
“It’s Chen.”
Lazily getting off the bed, you went to open the door. Chen was standing in the hallway, dressed in a very expensive tuxedo that was cut just for him. His hair was slicked to the side and his bright smile was absent, only an apologetic look on his face. In his hand was the stupid black dress.
“We have to leave in an hour,” he informed you. “Junmyeon told me to have you get ready now.”
You had to bite down painfully on your tongue. It wasn’t Chen’s fault and only repeating that in your head kept the sarcastic remarks at bay.
Sighing, you took the dress back. If only you’d thrown it out the window instead. “I don’t have shoes to go with this.”
Guiltily, Chen brought out his hand that was hiding behind his back, holding out a pair of black pumps. You were probably weren’t lucky enough for them to be the wrong size. Junmyeon was too thorough for that.
You stared open mouthed at the height of the heels. “You’re trying to kill me, aren’t you?”
That actually got a laugh out of him. “You’ll be fine. Get ready.” He handed you the shoes and then fished something out of his breast pocket. “Before I forget.” Opening up his palm, he revealed in his hand the engagement ring.
Just when he was creeping up your list of favorites. You rolled your eyes, walking away from the door.
“He picked it out himself,” Chen added, as if that would make it any better. “Xiumun and Baekhyun tried to get him to go with something flashier since he could afford it, but he said you would like the simpler one. Just so you know.” He set the ring down on the vanity that sat across from your bed and left.
Closing the door, you threw down the shoes and tossed the dress on the bed. As quick as you could, you jumped in and out of the shower and hurried to dry every inch of you before putting on makeup. You weren’t an extraordinaire in the art of applying cosmetics, but you knew the basics well enough to be presentable.
For about five minutes you debated on what to do with your hair before settling on just leaving it as is. No need to go the extra mile for this crowd.
The dress fit perfectly, to your dismay. There had been a tiny sliver of hope that maybe it would be too small or too big and then you’d be free to stay behind with nothing to else wear, but, sadly, that was not the case. You slipped on the shoes and walked much better in them than you thought you would as you trekked down the hall. With barely five minutes until the hour deadline was up, you strolled into the living room where all nine men were dressed to perfection.
Your eyes met Yixing first, who beamed with his irresistible dimple at you. Chen let out a low whistle while Kai smirked, making you just the tiniest bit smug. So this was why Minah dressed up so much.
Junmyeon had his back to you, checking the expensive watch that adorned his wrist. At the noise his men were making, he glanced over his shoulder and then froze when your eyes met. He took in your appearance from top to bottom. Feeling sorry about your earlier behavior, you’d put the ring back on, which didn’t go unnoticed by the mafia leader. His gaze lingered on the ring a little longer than necessary as if he was relishing in its presence.
“All right, boys,” he called out, his eyes drifting back up to your face. “Head to the garage. We’ll meet you down there shortly.”
Without a word of complaint, they all filed into the elevator, their eyes flicking back and forth between the two of you who remained.
Once the doors had closed and the light indicated they were headed down, Junmyeon pulled a long black velvet case out of his inside pocket. He closed the distance between you and opened the box for you to see the sparkling diamond bracelet inside.
If he was expecting a gasp or a smile, he was vastly mistaken.
You simply raised an eyebrow at the gesture. “You know, I don’t have any experience in that area, but this is the second piece of jewelry you’ve given me today and according to the movies, that means you’re apologizing for something.”
Junmyeon actually looked taken aback by your brazen statement.
“I’m just trying to be nice,” he argued, snatching the bracelet out of the box and clasping it around your wrist.
“Did you get all your girlfriends jewelry?” It was poking a sleeping bear, but, admittedly, you were having a little too much fun watching his expressions change so quickly.
“They never lasted long enough,” he smirked, a mischievous glint in his eyes. As if portraying the bad boy would make you swoon or put you on edge.
“Wow,” you feigned surprise. “You couldn’t get them stick around for any longer than two weeks? That’s so sad.”
That wiped the grin of off his face. “All right, enough. Let’s get going.”
The boys were already sitting in two black SUVs in the parking garage, the engines running by the time you reached the garage. Chen stood next to the same Cadillac you were picked up in before, holding the back door open. Junmyeon helped you into the back seat of the car, surprising you with his chivalry.
It was a quiet ride as Chen drove the way to wherever the hell it was you were forced to go to for the night. Junmyeon kept his attention on the tablet in his hand as if he were completely alone in the back seat. Chen sometimes made eye contact with you in the rearview mirror, causing both of you to crack a smile in the weird silence.
The final destination turned out to be a dingy, one-story brick building in a rundown warehouse district. There was no one outside or even other cars to indicate that this was a gathering place of any kind. Confused, you hadn’t notice Chen get out of the car and open your door.
He snapped his fingers in front of your face. “(y/n).”
Embarrassed, you took his outstretched hand. “Sorry.”
Junmyeon stepped out on the other side, glancing around.
“Usual parking spot?” Chen asked. Junmyeon nodded and Chen hopped back behind the wheel, heading down an alley on the far side of the building as the two SUV’s followed him.
The air was chillier than you thought it would be and you regretted not bringing a jacket or even a scarf to keep you somewhat protected from the breeze. Junmyeon pulled you in close, placing your hand on the inside of his upper arm. You weren’t sure if it was because he noticed you were cold or to show that you belonged to him. At least your fingers were warm.
Inside, the building wasn’t much cleaner than its outer appearance and it seemed smaller than you would have guessed from the dimensions of the exterior walls. At the far end, there were two men flanking either side of a plain wooden door, pistols resting comfortably on their hips for the world to see.
You pushed down your curiosity that was itching to ask questions as Junmyeon led you towards the men, too afraid to make a sound beyond your heels clicking against the concrete. They nodded at Junmyeon silently and opened the door.
From all appearances, it should have led to either a back street or a very narrow room. Instead, a staircase was revealed. Music and chatter attacked your ears as you headed down the creaky, spiraling steps. Big, heavy, red velvet curtains cut the staircase off from whatever was waiting for you on the other side.
Pushed aside, they revealed a large, underground casino. Dozens of table were set up for people with too much money to place bets on craps, play blackjack or poker, or just be swindled out of everything in their wallet in any way imaginable. Some of the tables were on even elevated platforms like a spectacle. From the amount of chips in front of those players, you assumed those were reserved for high paying clients.
By instinct, you clung closer to Junmyeon. You hated large crowds, especially when you didn’t know a vast majority of them or their intentions. The entire situation was sending your system into overdrive and you had to concentrate on your breathing just to keep it from getting too shallow and causing you to hyperventilate. Sensing your nervousness, Junmyeon pulled you away from the floor, not stopping until you reached a bar set up on the far side.
With soft hands, he pushed you down onto a stool to rest. To the bartender, he said, “I’ll have whiskey on the rocks and a glass of red wine for her.”
“I don’t really drink,” you mumbled.
Junmyeon let out a short laugh. “Is there anything you drink besides tea? Just sip on the wine, it’ll help with your nerves.” He leaned in close to you, his breath on your ear and neck. From an outsider’s perspective, it might have looked seductive or even romantic. “If you’re nervous, then you’ll make the others here nervous and that doesn’t end pretty. Just stay here until I come get you, okay?”
At the mention of him leaving you alone in this place, your hand snatched up and clutched onto his jacket sleeve. Your heart was pounding in your chest to the point that you thought it might give out. You knew this particular feeling all too well.
“Please, don’t leave me,” you pleaded back in his ear. “I… I have bad anxiety in crowds. This is why I wanted to stay home. I can already feel the panic attack starting.”
Pulling back just a bit, you were met with guilty eyes. Junmyeon nodded sympathetically before pressing a warm kiss to your forehead. Your eyes widened in surprise, but you didn’t protest or push him away.
“I have to speak with these clients and they wouldn’t like a new face around no matter how pretty, but I’ll find Chen or Baekhyun to come stay with you until I need you again, okay?”
You were still in shock from the little sign of affection that all you could do was nod. He smiled down at you, caressing your cheek before disappearing into the crowd.
You tried to just sip on the wine, but your nerves were still too on edge waiting for one of the boys to come to your rescue that the glass was empty in just a few gulps. The bartender refilled your glass instantly and you didn’t really protest. Massaging your temples, you tried to block out the voices milling about and pretend that you were in an empty bar in a nice neighborhood that never saw any trouble and you were in no danger whatsoever.
“Well, I didn’t think it was possible, but you grew up to be even more beautiful than I’d imagined.”
A man you were sure you had never seen before sat on the empty stool beside you as if he name was written on it. He was tall and lithe, his knees barely able to fit underneath the bar. Underneath thick eyebrows were a pair of roguish eyes that gleamed with excitement. His lips were naturally puckered and his brown hair was of a longer length and slicked back by hair gel to reveal an undercut. The styling made him stick out in this crowd who went for a much more classic look. Something about the way he looked at you made you forget all about the packed room and not in a good way.
“I-I’m sorry,” you stammered, trying to stay polite. “I think you have me confused with someone else.” Starting to stand, you decided that you would go look for one of the boys even though Junmyeon would probably be pissed that you didn’t stay put, just to be away from this stranger.
Before you could get all the way up, the man grabbed your wrist. “Don’t be like that, (y/n).”
In utter shock, you collapsed back down onto your seat. “How do you know my name?”
He smirked. “Our fathers were friends, (y/n). You don’t remember your favorite Koko?”
A vague memory of you as a toddler calling out for someone named Koko flashed in your mind, but beyond that you were clueless. You couldn’t even be sure if that memory was real.
“No, I don’t know what you’re talking about.” You tried to remove your wrist from his grasp, but he held on, tightening his grip so you couldn’t flee.
“I guess I shouldn’t be too surprised,” he shrugged, not acknowledging your struggle. “You were only two the last time we saw each other face to face. My father took me to America to meet with your father. You would follow me everywhere, although as a seven-year-old I didn’t find it cute at the time. Turns out I came to miss it.”
The realization of who this man was hit you just then as the pieces fell into place. “Junko?”
His grin widened as he released his hold on your arm. “So, you do remember me?”
“Barely.” You figured that it was better to play along rather than just saying you’d learned his name from Junmyeon. “As a toddler, you don’t form too many memories.”
“But I left some sort of impression.” Reaching out behind you, Junko glided his fingers down your exposed back, causing you to shiver.
You kept your focus on the wine, not letting him know he was getting to you when what you really wanted to do was run away screaming for one of the boys. “What do you want, Junko?”
He shrugged as his knuckles continued to caress your skin. “To catch up. And you can still call me Koko, you know.”
“I’m not a child anymore.”
“No, I can see that,” he hummed in a predatory tone.
“Lee Junko!”
Like a miracle, Junmyeon marched up to the bar, swatting Junko’s hand away and pulling you to your feet.
“Aw, Suho,” Junko clapped his hands, standing up. The name that he called Junmyeon caught you off guard, but if Xiumun had a different name, you shouldn’t be so surprised that the leader did too. “Long time no see. As much as I would like to catch up with you, I was already in the middle of something.”
“And now it’s over,” Junmyeon growled.
The grin was completely gone from Junko’s face. “And what right do you have to end it?”
Junmyeon wrapped a possessive arm around your waist. “She’s my fiancé.”
“What?” The sound came out of Junko’s throat like a whip. His eyes turned animalistic as they flashed between Junmyeon and you before settling on the ring on your finger. In a second, he had a fist full of Junmyeon’s collar. “She was promised to me!”
Junmyeon didn’t even flinch. “According to my sources, that was only ever a verbal agreement between your fathers, both who are now deceased. I, on the other hand, have a written document binding (y/n) to me signed by her legal guardians.”
A snarl appeared on Junko’s lips, but then he smiled. “A document that would be void by their sudden deaths before the wedding, I presume?”
Fear swept over every inch of your body. Images of him shooting down Taegun and Hyunmin were forming in your mind.
“Don’t you dare touch them!” you screeched. You lunged at Junko, hoping to claw his eyes out for even thinking about hurting them, but Junmyeon wrapped his other arm around your waist, holding you in place. Junko just found it amusing.
“I’ll leave them alone,” he promised, his eyes trained on you, “if you come with me.”
Your chest heaved up and down. Junmyeon’s vice tightened around you, letting you exactly what his answer already was without giving you a choice.
“She’s not going anywhere with you.”
Junko lifted his shoulders then let them drop lazily. “Suit yourself.” Shifting his dagger-like gaze to you, he leaned in close, practically bending in half to level his face with yours. “You’ll come to me eventually, (y/n). You were made for me. Make the right choice.”
Throwing one last smirk to Junmyeon, he turned around and melted into the crowd.
Once he was gone, the fight in you dissipated, too, and your knees buckled under you. Junmyeon’s grip was the only thing that kept you upright. Tears started falling down your cheeks, blurring your vision. Junmyeon helped you straighten back up, cradling your head against his chest.
“Shh. (y/n), don’t worry,” he whispered into your ear. You clung to him, unable to stop sobbing. “I promise you, he won’t get near them. I already have people watching them. I’ll double it. I’ll keep them safe.”
That gave you just a small sense of relief. You believed him that he would keep them safe, even if it was to protect his own interest. While the tears kept coming, you were able to breathe again enough to say, “Thank you.”
“(y/n)!”
Chen pushed through the outer layer of people, huffing to catch his breath. Junmyeon carefully removed your fingers from his jacket, a fire in his eyes.
“Where the hell were you!” he yelled, making Chen flinched.
“I’m sorry, I was on my way over here, but I caught Ho Nam talking about the west shore and I couldn’t–” Chen finally glanced at you, noticing your red eyes. “Shit, what happened?”
“Junko happened, that’s what,” Junmyeon snapped. “You were supposed to come straight to (y/n) so she wouldn’t be alone. Instead, Junko found her and threatened her family.”
Chen cursed. “(y/n), I’m so sorry.”
“It’s okay,” you whispered, looking down at the tile flooring.
“No, it’s not okay,” Junmyeon countered.
Yixing joined you just then, scanning the group. “I could hear you yelling over all these people. Is everything okay?”
“We’re fine now,” Junmyeon told him through clenched teeth. He stared at Yixing like he was debating a decision before sighing. “Yixing, can you watch over her? I don’t want Junko coming near her again.”
Yixing nodded before holding his hand out for you to take. You looked up Junmyeon, who wiped a tear from your cheek and then nudged you over to his private doctor. Once your hand was in his, Yixing guided you away from the others and through the tables and players until you reached a dance floor.
The music that you hadn’t noticed before was slow and melodic. There weren’t many couples in the sectioned off area, but that didn’t stop Yixing from twirling you into his arms and leading you around the dance floor expertly.
“I’m sorry you had to meet that monster,” Yixing said, breaking the silence.
“Technically, I’ve met him before,” you corrected. After getting a confused look, you explained, “I was really young. It was before my parents died so I don’t really remember him, however, I do vaguely remember someone named Koko. Apparently, that was him.”
“I know you’re worried, but we’ll take care of you,” Yixing promised. “You mean more than just a business deal to us now and I think I can speak for the others when I say we’ll fight for you ‘til death.”
You shook your head. “I don’t want anyone to die. Especially for me. I’m not that special. I know the simplest answer would be to just hand me over Junko, but Junmyeon won’t let that happen. Junko said he would go after my family–” you couldn’t finish that sentence as the tears were starting up again.
“Hey,” Yixing chuckled as he wiped away the trails on your cheek with the back of his fingers. “Don’t get upset. He won’t touch them.”
Sighing, you rested your head against Yixing’s chest, just letting him rock you back and forth. His chin rested on the top of your head in a way that was meant to be comforting. But his presences wasn’t having the same effect on you as it did in the beginning. Sure, his smile still made you grin, but the butterflies no longer fluttered in your stomach.
A few minutes went by before Chen stepped in and interrupted the moment.
“(y/n), Junmyeon said I could take you home.” He threw a strange look to Yixing before smiling back at me.
Saying goodbye to Yixing, you let Chen walk you out of the illegal casino and into the back alleyway, relieved to be going to the penthouse that really was becoming home.
#exo#exo fanfiction#exo fanfic#exo mafia au#exo mafia!au#junmyeon x reader#kim junmyeon#suho#exo gang au#exo gang!au#exo series#Sins of the Father
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Turns Out Being a Super Hero Is Actually Really Gay! - Chapter 3
I am so, so sorry this is late guys! A lot of things have been going on and I wasn’t able to finish the chapter on time yesterday. But it’s here now and I hope you like it. As always I would like to thank the lovely @sugarglider9603 and @ask-spiderverse-virgil for there lovely AU for without it I would not have the inspiration to write this. ENJOY!!!
Master Post
Beginning
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So, after the group of teens were done freaking out because “holy shit, Thomas Sanders, top YouTube celebrity, is THE Rainbow Weaver!” Thomas decided to take them to a small but cozy pizza place down town. He bought them six boxes of pizza, hot wings, fries, onion rings, ice cream shakes and a few other goodies, much to the teens protests and insistence that they could pay for themselves. Thomas assured them that it was fine but that still didn’t stop them from arguing that it wasn’t. He payed no mind to their comments as he payed for the food and lead them towards the back of the restaurant where a large circular booth resided, big enough to fit them all.
As Thomas watched these teens…these children scarf down their food like they hadn’t eaten a day in their lives he couldn’t help but worry. He knew exactly how scary it must be for them to suddenly gain strange new powers and not know what to do with them. But the difference between them was that Thomas got his powers near the middle of his senior year of high school and these kids were still…sophomores? Junior? Either way, they were still much to young to be worrying about powers and weird things like that. Unlike them Thomas didn’t have much of a “social life” in high school and college so being Rainbow Weaver was a good distraction from that but these kids…he doubt they were the same.
They had come searching for him for help and honestly Thomas was totally willing to give them whatever help they needed. He just didn’t know what? He wasn’t a teacher, he was a chemical engineering and theater major that did YouTube videos and super heroing on the side. I mean, if they needed help controlling their powers Thomas would to the best, he could to teach them but if they wanted to become super heroes…
“Are you okay, Mr. Sanders?” Thomas looked up to see four pairs of curious eyes looking at him, still munching away at their meal. He was pretty sure it was the stoic looking kid that asked him this, Logan he believed his name was.
“Hmm, yeah,” Thomas said, shaking his head “yeah, why do you ask?”
“You kind of have this…” The loud kid, Roman if he was remembering correctly, gestured towards him “…face, like you’ve just kind of walked into your doom.”
Thomas saw how the groups shoulders slumped, the mood severely brought down by that statement and he really didn’t want to see these boys in anymore distressed then they already were.
“Oh, no, no, uh, I was just…thinking you know,” Thomas sighed, rubbing his face tiredly “like, how is it that Oscorp can screw up twice and let a multimillion-dollar mutant spider escape…again! Like, they’re supposed to be a bunch of geniuses, right? But they’re letting this happen again and god only knows how much more powerful that little spider is. I was lucky enough to have accidently stepped on mine and killed it but it seems that little guy you got there is a bit smarter.”
“Indeed,” Logan perked up “from what I was able to study and pick up from its distorted speech pattern, it seems to know what it’s doing. It was trying to kill us as it saw us as a potential threat, which is why the venom dosage increased with each victim, but it unknowingly mutated our DNA. To say it was disappointed that I woke up the next morning is…an understatement.”
“It likes me though.” The gloomy kid, Virgil he recalled, stated smugly.
Logan rolled his eyes, “Yes, well you did help it escape out your window so of course it sees you as some sort of ally.”
“Are we just going to skip over the fact that it TRIED to kill us?” Roman said worriedly.
“Yes, because I don’t wanna think about it,” The cutesy kid, Patton, whined childishly but there was a glint of fear in his eyes “and for the record tell that creepy crawly death dealer that I don’t like it either!”
“It’s nothing personal Patton,” Virgil assured “consciously or not it’s just a defense mechanism all spiders have when they’re scared.”
“I don’t care,” Patton cried “I still don’t want it anywhere near me!”
Thomas watched as they continued to argue and bicker, a small smile tugging at the corner of his lips and the bitter taste of dread at the pit of his stomach. These were kids, teenagers really but still kids none the less, still full of life and wonder. He couldn’t burden them with the life of a hero. All the worry and sleepless nights and existential dread that came along with the job would definitely snuff out whatever innocence these boys had left. But he couldn’t just leave them to their own devices, they needed guidance on how to navigate their new-found powers. He’d be willing to do that, only that, nothing else. His job was dangerous as it was and he didn’t need to drag these kids into it, especially if they still don’t yet know how to control their powers.
“So, I’ve been thinking,” Thomas said, finally interrupting the boys’ argument “I can help you guys out, well, I can try. I’ll help you guys understand what you’re going through and how to control your powers better, though I’m not sure if we’re exactly the same in that regard. Again, I have no idea what advances Oscorp has made in genetic splicing. You all could have totally different powers then what I’m used to.”
“We have all the basic functions,” Logan explained helpfully “though only Virgil and Roman can make webbing and I assume you can’t hear at the frequency we have; thus, you can’t hear the spider talking.”
“You would be correct in that assumption,” Thomas nodded “though, I mean, sometimes I can sense where they are and how they’re feeling but that’s about it. Nothing too crazy. Anything else?”
“None that we know of,” Roman shrugged “we’ve just been sticking to things all day and seeing weird colors radiating off each other like fireworks and this weird buzzing in the back of our head that keeps telling us somethings happening.”
“Yeah, that would be your spidy sense.” Thomas said.
The boys tilted their heads like some sort of adorable, confused puppy, “Spidy sense?”
“It’s a thing that I have and you guys have that makes us a LOT more aware of our surroundings,” Thomas explained “how do you think I’m able to attack, dodge, and shoot things without even looking at them?”
“Oh, you mean precognition,” Logan said “like the crab spider.”
“Sort of,” Thomas said “think of it as a sort of alarm clock that goes off every time dangers near.”
“Oh great, just what I need in my life,” Virgil said sarcastically “even more anxiety.”
“Yeah, that’s gunna be a tough one for you to handle bud,” Thomas said sympathetically “given that you have anxiety it’ll feel like one and the same but I’ll teach you a few tricks to help tell the difference.”
Virgil gave him a shy appreciative smile and Thomas all but melted as the kid mumbled, “Th-thanks…that would…help a lot actually.”
No Sanders! Do not get attached to these kids! Do not!
“So, um, what are we gunna do now?” Patton piped up shyly “Are you gunna teach us to be super heroes?”
“Do we get to be your sidekicks?” Roman asked excitedly, practically bouncing in his seat.
Thomas bit the inside of his cheek anxiously, “Um, well, I’ll teach you guys how to control your powers and understand yourselves better and everything but I don’t think-”
“Obviously, we would have to train a significant amount before even considering becoming his sidekicks.” Logan stated plainly.
“I know that Einstein,” Roman huffed “I’m just asking!”
“Wait, if we’re gunna do this are we gunna have to make our own costumes or something?” Virgil asked “Because I don’t know if I’m willing to put in that much effort.”
“Ooo, Roman and I can help you guys if you want,” Patton offered “I’m good at sewing and Roman sometimes helps out the costume department at the drama club.”
“Thank you, Patton, but I don’t think we should be thinking about costumes until after we’ve completed our training.” Logan said.
“Boo you whore,” Roman grumbled “you’re no fun.”
“You are not super heroes!” Thomas said firmly causing the table to go quiet, all four boys staring at him with a mixture of confusion and disappointment. He sighed, “Look, guys, my job as Rainbow Weaver, it’s not a game. It’s dangerous and tiring and…is the biggest responsibility you could ever ask for.”
The boys fidgeted in their seats, having now realized they were sort of jumping to conclusions and not seeing the reality of the situation. Thomas continued on, “You guys are just kids, you’re still in high school, you’re still growing, you still have a life! I don’t want you guys to leave that behind. Being a super hero may seem cool and glamorous but it’s a lot of work and sometimes…” There was a look of pain that flashed across Thomas is eyes, too quick for the boys to properly evaluate “…sometimes you won’t be able to save everyone. This is a job where you can’t afford to make mistakes because they have dire consequences. For you, the people around you, their families, everyone, they’re all affected. And no one will give you the benefit of the doubt because you’re a hero and it’s your job to protect them.”
It was silent for a moment then Roman asked, quiet and unsure, “If it’s such a burden then…why did you become a hero?”
The look of pain and regret returned to Thomas is eyes as he ran an anxious hand across his salt and pepper brown hair, “To become a better person then what I once was.”
“What does that mean?” Virgil asked bravely but still quite gentle.
“Sometimes,” Thomas began carefully “things happen and…people get hurt and then you have no choice but to take responsibility for that.” No one pressed him any further but it seemed Thomas still had more to say, “You guys have an opportunity to…live a normal life. I had that opportunity but the choices I made forced me to abandon it and I regret it so much. But I knew it was something to be done and because of it I did end up helping a lot of people but…also hurting a lot of people as well.”
Finally, Thomas looked back up at them, a strong determined look in his eyes, “I don’t want you guys going through the same experiences as I did. I want you boys to live your lives as normally as possible. Go out, make friends, date, have parties, worry about exams…live a life. Because if you choose to go down this path this will be your only life, do you understand?”
It was quiet again, this time much longer and this time it was Logan who chose to brake it, “No offence, Mr. Sanders, we understand completely what you’re trying to tell us but what else do you expect us to do with these abilities?”
Thomas sighed tiredly, “Look, kid-”
“No, we get it,” Logan continued “well, at least, I know I do. I can not speak for us all but I understand how big of a responsibility this is. But do you really expect us to go about our lives normally as we did before? How are we supposed to live “normally” when we know that we are anything but? How are we going to go our whole lives doing nothing and letting our powers sit dormant when we can feel it itching beneath our skin? Honestly, could you have done that?”
Thomas thought a moment, flashing back to when he first got his powers and how everything felt jittery and loud. How he had trouble sitting still and had been restless for days. Then he became Rainbow Weaver and everything changed, it was difficult yes but it really helped get out a lot of that nervous, restless energy he had inside him. He felt he was using his powers correctly and not just sitting there while his head buzzed like an angry hornets’ nest. When he first got his powers, he knew he needed to do SOMETHING with them but he didn’t know what. That lead to a lot of trouble be even then after he knew that he still couldn’t just sit there.
“I’ll admit that I would have been restless and miserable my entire life if I hadn’t become Rainbow Weaver,” Thomas answered honestly “however, I think I still would of chosen to do so instead of taking on the mask.”
“Do you really hate being Rainbow Weaver that much?” Virgil asked. He looked…hurt? Disappointed? Thomas wasn’t quite sure but he knew for sure that he didn’t like it.
“I don’t hate being Rainbow Weaver,” Thomas said, looking out the window next to their booth “it’s just…after a couple of years it kind of takes a toll on you. I’m just a tired, grumpy old man, nothing special.”
More silence, the boys quietly mulling over the conversation, fidgeting with that same restless energy mentioned earlier and then…
“You’re special to me.”
Thomas looked back to see Roman staring back at him with a pout and a gentle yet fiery look in his eyes. “You may not think yourself special as a person but to me, be it Thomas Sanders or Rainbow Weaver, you’ve brought…just a little bit more joy into my life. And maybe it’s not a lot to someone like you but it’s a lot to me. So…if I could be able to do that for someone, even if it’s just one person, I’d be over the moon.
“I understand your concern and you’re absolutely right, this is not a game. But Logan is, dare I say it, right, we can’t just sit around letting these powers fester inside us. What are we supposed to do with our selves for the rest of our lives? Can’t go back to being normal when we know for damn sure we’re not and I don’t know about the rest of you but I want to do more with my life. Especially now that I can!”
Thomas sighed once more, rubbing a hand over his face and hair, “You gotta understand kid, this isn’t like the comic books. The dangers and hardships are real and once you’re in there is no going back.”
“And I accept that,” Roman replied firmly “I accept all of it and everything and…if I live to regret it then oh well. But I know that I’ll regret it more knowing I had the power to do something but instead chose to do nothing. In the end it’s my choice and nobody else is.”
Well, I’m not sure about the whole super hero thing,” Virgil pipped up “but…I do feel like I should be doing something with these powers. I’ve taught my self to play it safe and keep quiet my whole life but now…now I wanna do something more. I don’t want to just sit here letting the world pass me by anymore I want…I want to do something spontaneous and brave.
“A-and I know this isn’t some sort of hobby you pick up like dancing or painting or something,” Virgil said quickly “but I feel like…it’s something I need to do. Something I have to do. Do you get what I’m saying?”
“I…” Thomas wanted to say yes, yes, he understood everything that they were saying because it was what drove him to be Rainbow Weaver in the first place. But he also wanted to lie and say no, just so he can protect these kids from the horrors that awaited them down the hero’s path.
“Plus,” Patton added “you look like you could use the help. It must be difficult looking after an entire city alone. And since we all have powers now, we can make the work a whole lot easier for you in return for you helping us control our powers.”
“Indeed,” Logan said, readjusting his fake glasses “crime rate will surely go down in numbers with five on the team. It will give you time to have optimal rest between shifts as well as pursue what ever other hobbies you previously could not do. It’s a solid business proposition for all of us, we get the proper training we need to control our new-found abilities and you have a more balanced out schedule for both your vigilante duties and personal life.”
Thomas looked over these kids, determination in their eyes and fire in their bellies, ready to take on the weight of the world for him. They were stubborn and foolish and so not ready for anything yet to come…but it would be very hypocritical of Thomas to deny them this path. Plus, he wasn’t their parent, it wasn’t like he could completely tell them what to do. All he could do was warn them of what was ahead and hope to whatever god above they take his advice. Thomas sighed again, then he groaned, then he banged his head against the table because these kids were so stubborn, exactly like him, and it was all just so frustrating. He looked back up at them, face squished against the table as four pairs of worried eyes stared at him, he probably looked insane. He probably was insane but was too deep in shit to actually be affected by anything now.
“Fine.” Thomas said, he was so going to regret this.
“Fine what?” Roman asked.
Thomas made a vague gesture with his hand, “Fine, I’ll…teach you and train you guys and, if you really want, I’ll…consider letting you help me out a bit.”
“Really?” Logan said, somewhat excitedly, like a child on Christmas.
If this were not such a serious matter Thomas would of laughed, “But nothing to dangerous, just…common things, purse muggers, corner store robberies, assaulters, jay walkers, all that jazz.”
“Hey, that’s good enough for me.” Virgil said, a small excited smile growing on this face.
“Me too!” Patton exclaimed.
“I second that motion.” Logan added.
“Epic!” Roman cheered.
“But!” Thomas interrupted “You guys are still minors and in high school so you all are under my rule, got it? You do exactly as I say when I say it.”
They all nodded enthusiastically, still jittery with excitement as Thomas continued to give out instructions, “This is a dangerous job and I want you all trained first and for most. So, we aren’t gunna be going out on patrol anytime soon, get that into your head right now. Secondly, it is imperative you keep all of this a secret, everything we do can not only put you at risk but your families and friends.”
“Luckily, I don’t have any friends.” Virgil half joked.
Logan rolled his eyes, “Gee, thanks.”
“Thirdly,” Thomas cut in, his expression growing dark and serious “if you guys are going to do this, you have to be willing to put everything you have into this. No short cuts, no half assed effort, no walking away. It’s all or nothing, got it?”
“Got it.” They echoed, just as serious and determined as Thomas feared they’d be.
“Alright,” Thomas huffed, leaning back to stretch “let’s finish up here and then we have to go somewhere.”
“Where?” Patton asked curiously.
“There are a few people I want you to meet.” Thomas smirked mysteriously.
---
Thomas had been worried at first, it was very suspicious for a grown adult man to take for underaged teenagers to his house. It gave off the wrong impression to people and made him look like a creep. But what else could he do but make sure the boys were safe and comfortable, assuring them that nothing bad would happen even though when he said it out loud it still sounded mildly disturbing. Like sure, he was Rainbow Weaver, but he was still a stranger to these boys and he did not want to scare them off when they had no where else to turn to for help.
Thankfully the boys understood Thomas is worry and were careful to not crowed around too much to make it seem weird. When they got to his neighborhood Roman commented that the two-story brownstone townhouse Thomas lived in looked like the house from Stuart Little. Thomas paused a moment, tilting his head back to get a good look at his house before chuckling and reluctantly agreeing that, “Yeah, you’re kind of right.”
Inside, the house was spacious and neat, band, concert, musical and play posters hung on the wall alongside pictures of Thomas and his friends and family. There were lots of colors, figurines from movies and shows, potted plants on shelves, tables and corners, and just and overall warm atmosphere.
“Whoa, your house is really neat-o!” Patton exclaimed, excitingly looking over one of the potted plants filled with sweet peas.
Thomas smiled bashfully, “Oh, thanks, I-”
“You went to a My Chemical Romance concert?!” Virgil gasped softly as he stared at one of the hung-up posters “And you got it signed?!”
“Yeah,” Thomas nodded “me and Joan went-”
“You went to see Hamilton!” Roman squealed, looking up at another poster “And you got it signed by Lin Manuel Mirandas!”
“Yes and-”
“Do you have the entire anthology of Agatha Christie and Arthur Conan Doyle’s work?” Logan asked excitedly, he ran his finger over the books of the bookshelf and plucked out The Murder of Roger Ackroyd.
“Not entirely but-”
“Oh my gosh!” Patton squealed, running over to the living room towards the shelf filled with pop vinyl’s “You have a bunch of Winnie the Pooh pops! And Steven Universe! I love that show!”
“I heard Steven Universe!” Roman exclaimed, rushing in behind his friend.
“Where?” Virgil chimed in, not to far behind with Logan tailing along, nose deep in a Sherlock Holmes book.
“You have a record player!” Roman gasped, quickly kneeling to look through Thomas is record box “What types of records do you have?”
“Oh, David Bowie!” Patton smiled as he pulled out a record.
“Cool, the Beatles White Album!” Virgil grinned.
“Isn’t that the one that Charles Manson was obsessed over?” Roman asked.
“It’s still a good album.” Virgil and Thomas said at the same time. They blinked at each other in surprise before dissolving into a fit of giggles. It was all a little more chaotic then what Thomas was expecting but it wasn’t unwelcome. Thomas didn’t usually have many people over except for Joan and Talyn so it was…nice hearing the house so full of laughter.
Speaking of Joan and Talyn…
“Thomas? Is that you?” A voice from down the hall made it’s way closer and closer to the living room where it was revealed to belong to a lanky, scraggily looking person in an orange beanie. “Talyn and I just finished-”
They paused, looking over the scene carefully as the boys all froze like deer caught in headlights. They scanned over each teen one by one before making direct eye contact with Thomas and carefully asking: “What the hell is going on?”
“Joan, uh,” Thomas flubbered in place, caught way off guard “look, hears the thing, uh, they have what I have.”
“That isn’t making any of this look any better Thomas!” Joan exclaimed, frustrated.
“Uh…”
“We have spider powers!” Roman butted in, shooting a web at a nearby picture frame causing it to fall and brake “Sorry!”
“God damn it Roman!” Virgil shrieked “Be careful, this isn’t your house!”
“Oh please,” Roman huffed “as if you weren’t just going through his vinyl collection not five seconds ago. And without permission might I add.”
“You did so as well,” Logan rebutted “so it’s kind of hypocritical of you to make that statement.”
“Right back at you!” Roman shot back, gesturing to the book in Logan’s hands.
The bespectacled man flushed with embarrassment, setting the book down on a nearby table as Virgil bounced back up, “Well, he’s not the one that broke something!”
“Come on guys, please no fighting.” Patton begged but it fell on deaf ears and soon the room was filled with loud arguing. Joan and Thomas observed the chaos unfold silently, contemplating what their best course of action should be. Wait it out? Get involved?
“What’s going on?” Another voice chimed in and the room went silent once more, turning to find a short person with orange and black hair. Joan pointed to Thomas who merely shrugged sheepishly and said: “Talyn, you’re never gunna believe this.”
---
They head down towards Thomas is basement (which still sounds super fucking creepy) and find that it has been transformed into pretty sizable high-tech lab. If Logan had been excited by the books that Thomas owned, he was over the moon by all the gadgets and text books he had down there. He kept asking question after question about how everything worked and what did this do and what did that do? Thomas found the whole thing very amusing, like watching a little kid at a candy store.
“Did you all make all this stuff?” Logan asked excitedly.
“Well, it was mainly Joan and Talyn.” Thomas said.
“Don’t sell yourself short man,” Joan scolded lightly, patting their friend on the back “you did a lot of the designing and schematics. Not your fault you had to be out saving everybody.”
“Stay still please,” Talyn ordered gently, seating Logan on a near by chair next to Patton, Roman, and Virgil who had a few suction cup wires stuck to their foreheads, necks, chests, and arms. “The scanning process will go a lot faster if we’re able to draw blood from you and use is as a sort of blue print to navigate your body. Is that okay?”
The boys looked at each other tentatively before all nodding in agreement. As Talyn got a few petri dishes and micro slides ready Joan had taken the spider from Logan’s backpack and transferred it into a small containment unit that was hooked up to the large motherboard computer. Thomas watched anxiously from the sideline as his friends scurried around to get everything ready.
“So, what are you gunna do to us?” Virgil asked nervously as Talyn carefully wiped down one of his fingers with rubbing alcohol.
“Well, we took a sample from the spider and scanning it right now to see what’s been mixed in to it,” Talyn explained as they took a clean syringe needle and pricked his finger with it dropping blood into the petri dish and micro slid before bandaging it up. It hadn’t even hurt. “Then we’re gunna use your DNA to see what’s been transformed as well as to easily scan your vitals.”
“Why are you doing that?” Patton asked as he watched them move on to Roman.
“Well for one, to make sure your mutation is stable,” Joan chimed in helpfully “and to also see what other abilities you guys may have. Keep in mind you guys may or may not have other abilities within you that will take a bit of time to, uh, activate.”
“What happens if our mutation isn’t stable?” Roman asked, rubbing his bandage finger.
The adults were quiet for a moment which of course did not sit well with the teens one bit. Talyn gently smiled at them, wrapping up Patton’s finger before finally moving on to Logan. “Don’t worry about it, it’s most likely not going to happen. You boys seem pretty stable from what we’ve observed.”
“That’s not ominous at all.” Virgil said sarcastically.
“Starting scan,” Joan announced once Talyn was finish getting their sample from Logan. They typed away quickly at the computer as a long beam of blue light scanned the quartet up and down and a light tingly sensation was felt where the suction cups were attached. The boys didn’t move once, much to fearful they might accidently mess up the scanning process, Virgil didn’t even want to breath.
Finally, after a few seconds, there was an audible beep and the blue lights shut off. Virgil, along with the other three, let out a loud sigh, shoulders still a bit tense but not as much as when the scanning was happening. Thomas quickly walked over towards them to make sure they were okay.
“You guys good?” He asked.
“We’re okie dokie,” Patton giggled nervously “just, uh, a bit frazzled.”
“I think I’m stuck to my chair.” Virgil admitted bashfully, his hands had been gripping the sides of the stool and Thomas could now see that he was physically trying to pull them off.
“Hey, hey, hey, you’re gunna hurt yourself,” Thomas cooed softly “just breath, in for four…hold for seven…out for eight. Good job, keep it up.”
Once he was able to calm Virgil down enough and get him unstuck, he looked to the others to make sure they were okay too. As Patton said earlier, he was a bit frazzled but ultimately okay, Roman was a bit jittery but seemed to be calming down as he followed Virgil’s breathing technique. Logan was just fine and was once again talking and asking a dozen questions about what just happened and how it worked and what did they find and etcetera, etcetera.
“Good news, your mutation is stable,” Joan announced and there was an obvious sigh of relief from both Thomas and the boys “we have found some interesting data though. This poor little spider has been spliced through hell and back. It’s practically a new species on it’s own, way different then the first generation that bit Thomas.”
“How so?” Logan asked, intrigued.
“Well, for one it has a few functions not typically normal for a spider,” Talyn said, looking through a few graphs on their tablet “it’s been extremely enhanced and mutated over and over again. Like if they were copying the same piece of paper again and again. It just all stacks up into this…it can barely be called a spider, I honestly don’t know what it is.”
“Well, it still looks like a creepy crawly spider to me.” Patton pouted.
“Looks are one thing, the function of it is another,” Joan said thoughtfully, pressing a few buttons and gesturing towards the containment unit the spider was in “watch this.”
The boys and Thomas looked towards the chamber and watched the spider scuttle around as the soft buzz of electricity filled its tank then it disappeared. Their eyes widened as they did a double take to make sure that really happened and the spider really wasn’t there anymore.
“Where’d it go?” Roman asked.
“It’s still there,” Joan said, typing once more and the tank was soon glossed over in Infrared light. There they saw the spider, still inside, scuttling around its tank as if nothing has changed. “Besides invisibility it seems to have other super abilities as well. We can’t for sure name all of them but I’ve got a few here listed out and ready for testing.”
“Sit back boys, Thomas move out of the way, please,” Talyn ordered gently “this’ll tingle a little.”
They typed something out on their tablet and the boys felt a slight tingle of electricity move throughout their bodies. It didn’t hurt and it didn’t last long so the boys were left confused as to what happened. Until they looked to Virgil.
“Virgil?” Logan called out, looking around the lab when he saw that his friend was no longer seated on the stool “Where’d you go?”
“I’m right here.” A disembodied voice said.
Patton screamed, jumping out of his chair and on to Roman’s lap, “There’s a ghost!”
“What?”
“V-Virgil, is that you?” Roman asked, holding Patton close.
“Yeah, what are you guys looking at?” The voice demanded.
“We aren’t looking at anything, we’re looking for you.” Logan said.
“But I’m right-” There was a sudden pause then a shriek of fear “I can’t see my-my hands or my feet or my anything!”
Thomas quickly turned to Joan and Talyn when he heard the panic rise in Virgil’s voice, “Whatever you did, stop it now!”
Talyn nodded, quickly typing on their tablet and another small tingle of electricity was sent out. Virgil reappeared slowly, arms hugging around his waist as he curled into himself and eyes squeezed shut. Thomas was by his side in an instant, gently coxing him back to reality, “Hey, its okay, you’re okay. Breath for me, please.”
Virgil took a breath and peeked out from one eye before looking down and sighing with relief when he was able to see himself again. He looked back up to Thomas with fearful eyes, “W-what was that?”
“I’m not sure,” Thomas admitted before looking over and firmly pining his two friends with a look “what did you guys do?”
They gave an apologetic smile as Joan leaped to explain what happened, “Well, we sent the same small electric pulse we used on the spider towards your brain to see if you would have the same effects. Obviously, it did and obviously we should have prepared you guys a bit more in advance. We’re sorry.”
“Yeah, that’s our bad.” Talyn added.
Thomas sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose, “Guys, we talked about this, please give substantial warning BEFORE the experiment happens. Not everyone is super geniuses like you two and know exactly what’s going to happen.”
“I take it this has happened before?” Logan stated, having now gotten up to be by Virgil’s side, a hand placed gently on his friends back rubbing soothing circles.
“Yeah,” Thomas admitted “but usually it’s with me on the receiving end. I’m used to it by now but of course you guys aren’t so…” He gave his friends a pointed look “warning next time.”
“Next time?” Virgil squeaked.
“Oh, you don’t have to if you don’t want to,” Thomas assured quickly “we can do this another day. I know today has been really stressful for you boys already so I understand if you guys want to go home already and get some rest.”
“No, no, I’m fine,” Virgil said quickly “really, just…you know, a little freaked out. Might as well get it over with now so we won’t have to worry about it later.”
“Are you sure?” Logan asked, his hand still remained in contact with Virgil’s back.
“Don’t push yourself too hard,” Roman added “mental health is just as important as physical health you know.”
“Yeah kiddo, if it’s gunna be too much for you we rather just wait for a bit to cool down.” Patton said sweetly.
Virgil cheeks flushed a light pink, head ducking down so that his bangs cover his eyes, “I’m fine, really. Th-thanks for checking up though. But, like, what about you guys? How do you guys feel about all this…experimenting stuff?”
“Yeah, I want to make sure you boys are all comfortable with all of this,” Thomas said firmly “if anything crosses a line or you want to stop, tell us okay?”
“I’m good.” Roman nodded.
“I am as well.” Logan confirmed, sitting back down.
“Me too.” Patton chimed in as he climbed off of Roman’s lap.
“I’ll be fine.” Virgil murmured.
“Excellent,” Joan said excitingly turning back to the computer “the next set of tests will be of a similar fashion. We’ll send a wave of electronic pules to your brain’s nervous system and see if we can get a reaction.”
“Remember, if you guys get uncomfortable or need us to stop don’t be afraid to tell us, okay?” Talyn added.
With one last nod of confirmation Joan said, “Let us begin.”
---
“Roman can you sing a note for me?” Talyn asked.
Roman gave her a look of confusion, “You want me to sing? I mean, not that I won’t do it but why?”
“With this test we seem to only be getting a reaction from your brain so I want to see if the ability we’ve unlocked is active,” Talyn explained “but make sure to face the wall over there, please.”
“Uh, okay,” Roman said, shifting in his seat towards the directed area “can I ask what ability this is?”
“Sonic sound waves,” Joan said casually “we all might want to take a step back just in case.”
Thomas and the other three stepped behind Roman who in turn rolled his eyes before focusing on the task at hand. All he had to do was sing a note, but like what note? How high? How loud? How would this even work? Roman sighed, shrugged, and decided to just riff Ariel’s theme.
“Ah, ah, ah! Ah, ah, ah!”
The room shook and shuttered like an earthquake. Everyone covered their ears from be beautiful yet ear piercingly loud tune that shook the entire building. The wall which Roman was facing when he sang had shook so violently there was a large crack that ripped down the middle of it.
Roman was quick to cover his mouth, eyes wide at the destruction he’s caused, “Oh dear…”
“Yeah, I think we should have that dormant for now until he learns how to control it.” Thomas suggested, trying to settle the ringing in his ear.
“We can’t exactly turn their powers on or off,” Joan explained “these are just electric pulses that activate their powers for them artificially. On their own we don’t know when these powers will pop up or how they’ll be able to activate them. It could take days, months, even years.”
“I just hope it doesn’t come out during the play this winter.” Roman moaned.
---
“This one is simple,” Joan said as they walked over towards a light switch on a wall “it shows that each of you have some variation of night vision, though I’m not sure how strong it is. I’m gunna turn off the light and you guys tell me what you see, okay?”
Four nods of agreement were seen and Joan finally flipped the switch. Nothing happened, well, at least for Logan. He looked around confused, was the light switch broken? Everything still looked the same to him.
“What do you see?” Talyn asked, they stared straight ahead at nothing and Logan wondered why that was.
“You still haven’t turned off the light.” Logan stated obviously.
Joan, who was also looking into the nothingness, pulled a face of confusion before breaking out into a large grin, “Logan, we just switched them off.”
“No, you haven’t,” Logan argued “I mean you used the light switch but they’re still….on.” He looked up to the florescent lights above him that were now dark and it suddenly dawned on him “I have night vision…”
“I think I do too,” Virgil piped up, squinting around the room “but when you turned off the light everything just kind of got dim.”
“Yeah, me too.” Patton chimed in.
“It all turned black and white for me,” Roman said “like, I can see everything fine but it’s all just shades of gray.”
“Excellent,” Joan smiled, flicking the light switch back on “it seems like Logan has the better night vision out of everyone. Roman’s vision is probably more what the spider would see normally and Patton and Virgil’s are about the same as Thomas.”
“Why do you think that is?” Logan asked curiously “We all got bit by the same spider so you would assume we would all be the same ability wise.”
“You’re all different,” Talyn said obviously “if you were the same person then maybe you’d have similar reactions but depending on your DNA your bodies will react to the venom differently. Plus, you did theorize that with each victim the spider used more and more venom so that can also be an important factor.”
Logan nodded thoughtfully, “I guess so.”
---
“We’re gunna do a quick test on just you Patton,” Talyn said as they tied a blindfold over Patton’s eyes “we’ve been picking up some strange brainwaves coming from you and we want to if we’re right.”
“Uh, okay,” Patton said tentatively, squirming in his seat “is it something bad?”
“No, no nothing bad,” Talyn assured “it’s just we’ve noticed that you seemed to be a very empathetic person and we want to see if that has been enhanced in anyway with your mutation.”
“Oh, well, what are we gunna do then?” Patton asked.
“Well, we’ve given everybody a note card of a certain feeling and they’re gunna try to emulate that feeling,” Joan explained as they passed out the note cards “your job is to guess what that feeling is.”
“How am I gunna do that?” Patton asked, head turning to try and track Joan’s voice.
“How ever you deem it necessary,” Joan said “I’ve known some people to sense thing through auras and given your ‘spidy sense’ that could be the case. But sometimes physical contact is needed to truly pick up what the other person is feeling.”
“Mmh, okay,” Patton said “but why the blindfold?”
“Eye contact and facial features can sometimes give away what a person’s feeling very easily,” Talyn chimed in “so this a ‘no cheating’ blindfold.”
“Oooh, sorry, I’m dumb.” Patton giggled.
“You are NOT dumb, Patton!” Roman said firmly, arms crossed stubbornly and glaring at his best friend even though Patton couldn’t see him.
Patton smiled passively, “Whatever you say, Ro.”
“I will punch you in the name of friendship!” Roman declared dramatically.
The group laughed at the two friends’ antics before quickly settling into silence as Joan lined them up in front of Patton with them going first. Patton fidgeted nervously as Joan stood in front him, he could tell someone was there but he just couldn’t read them properly. Shyly, Patton extended both his hands out, palms up, and Joan silently replied by carefully setting their own hands over his.
“I feel…curious,” Patton hummed “like, I have a lot of questions, well, they have a lot of question. I have questions too but that’s not me feeling question…wait can you feel question? Oh, it’s changing. They’re amused but also satisfied that they’re questions have been answered. Is that right?”
“Yes, it is.” Joan chuckled, letting go of Patton’s hands.
“Oh, Joan,” Patton said surprised “I didn’t know you’d be participating too. I don’t have to guess names, right? I don’t think I can do that.”
“No, just feelings.” They assured, stepping away and letting the next person go up.
Virgil carefully stepped up, looking down at his note card before stuffing it in his pocket. He just stood there a moment, staring down at Patton’s extended hands before carefully reaching out to grab them. Patton hummed curiously, soft warm hands squeezing Virgil’s gently.
“They’re kind of nervous,” Patton stated “they really don’t know what they should be doing right now. Aw, don’t be nervous, you’re doing great. Oh, they’re relaxing a little, that’s good. Glad I could lend a hand.”
Virgil snorted, Logan groaned in the background and everybody else chuckled. Patton giggled delightfully, “See, they think I’m funny! Did I do good?”
“Doing great Patton,” Joan assured “Next please.”
Virgil stepped out of the way for Thomas to move forward. The older man was hesitant at first but ultimately sighed, handing his note card off to Joan before grabbing hold of Patton’s hands. Immediately, Patton’s smiling face morphed into a melancholy frown, brow knitting together as if in immense pain.
“Oh they’re…i-it feels…sad,” Patton whimpered, voice cracked and watery “b-but it’s not a normal sad it’s like…like they lost someone precious to them.”
The others watch on with amazement and worry as tears began to stream down Patton’s face, “They’re in a lot of pain but…they also feel empty and cold. N-now they feel guilty, oh don’t feel guilty! I’m fine, really it’s just…can I give you a hug?”
Thomas looked down at Patton’s tear stained face, fear and guilt clawing at his chest for causing so much destress to such a sweet kid. Taking a breath to calm himself Thomas stepped forward and engulfed the teen in a big hug. Patton was quick to wrap his arms tightly around Thomas’s waist as if he was trying to physically mend all of Thomas is broken pieces back together. Warmth bloomed in Thomas’s chest at the sweet gesture and he couldn’t help but squeeze a little tighter and hold on a bit longer. The room was calm and quiet, no one wanting to disturb the gentle moment being had between the two.
“I know it’s hard but…I promise we’ll get through it eventually.” Patton murmured gently into his chest.
They final let go after a long while and Thomas sheepishly side stepped away while Patton wiped away the tears from under his blindfold. Roman was about to step forward but Talyn held him back to take his place, seeing that Roman’s note card also had an extreme emotion they figured Patton could use a bit of an emotional cool down. Gently, Talyn grabbed onto Patton’s hands, rubbing soothing circles over his fingers.
“They’re very clam,” Patton sniffed, taking in a breath then slowly letting it out “it’s gentle and nice, very soothing. Like, aloe being put over a burn mark…that’s weird analogy, I’m sorry.”
Talyn huffed out a laugh, “I think it’s suitable.”
“Oh, Talyn, you’re here too,” Patton smiled “did I get it right?”
“Mmh,” Talyn nodded before realizing Patton couldn’t see them “yeah, you did. We can stop now if you want, we have plenty of date.”
“No, I wanna finish,” Patton said determined “I’m fine to continue.”
“You sure?” Talyn asked carefully.
Patton nodded, “Yes, I’m sure.”
“Okay, next person.” Talyn stepped aside and let Roman take their place. Roman handed them his note card before firmly taking Patton’s hands in his. Patton pouted, his brow scrunched up in annoyance.
“I feel…angry,” Patton said “well, maybe not ‘angry’ angry but like…kind of annoyed, maybe a little more frustrated. Also, a tad bit worried. Geez, what’s got you so riled up?”
“Because my best friend thinks he’s dumb but he’s not and I love him very much!” Roman grumbled, stomping his foot childishly “Also you were crying earlier and I don’t like seeing you sad.”
“Aw, Ro-Ro,” Patton giggled, pulling Roman in for a hug “I love you too, sorry for making you worry.”
“It’s not your fault Peaches,” Roman murmured, burying his face into Patton’s hair “but to quote you: ‘if you keep talking bad about yourself, I will physically fight you!’”
The friends giggled, holding each other for a little while longer until Roman finally “forgave” Patton and moved out of the way for the last person. Logan fidgeted nervously, quite unlike his usual calm and cool self, frowning down at the note card in his hand, “Happy” it read. Logan was pretty sure that Virgil switched out their note cards if the smug face he had was anything to go by. He glared at his best friend before handing off the note card and stepping in front of Patton, who extended his hands readily.
Logan gulped nervously, no that was not the right emotion to be having right now. Happy, he had to be happy. Think happy thoughts…what kind of happy thoughts? His mother’s homed cooked Mansaf…his first telescope his brother got him on his 7th birthday…the first time his father took him to the aquarium and the jelly fish looked like stars…the time Virgil fell down the stairs…Logan huffed a small laugh on that last one.
Carefully, Logan lifted his hands and hovered them a few inches above Patton’s own. He gulped again, face red hot and all eyes (minus Patton’s) were on him, waiting. Why was he nervous? Why couldn’t he move? Why were his hands suddenly so sweaty? This was just an experiment, it was not big deal!
“Um, are you still there?” Patton asked, confused as to why it was taking so long.
“Give them a minute,” Joan said helpfully, but the knowing smirk on his and everybody else is face wasn’t helpful at all. At least not for Logan.
“Oh, okay, take your time.” Patton said soothingly, a soft smile painting his face. Patton always had a nice smile, it made everything feel lighter. Logan was quick to stop that train of thought and immediately dropped his hands onto Patton’s.
Patton hummed quietly, his hands were soft and warm, short and fat compared to Logan’s cold, clammy, spindly fingers. They were so different and yet they felt completely natural together. It was a completely absurd and illogical thought to say the least but it was a common thought process Logan had whenever he was around the bright sunshine of a human being known as Patton Foster.
Patton smiled, a pretty blush spreading across his cheeks, “It’s really warm and fluttery.”
‘Fuck, fuck, fuck!’ Logan thought to himself ‘Abort mission! Abort mission!’
But he was frozen in place as Patton continued to explain, “Like a thousand butterflies in my stomach but I also want to throw up at the same time. Not in a bad way though. They’re a bit nervous too but also kind of excited. They’re in love!”
Logan choked on his own spit and he heard Virgil and Roman in the background quietly snickering to themselves. He threw them a glare to shut up before turning back to remove his hands but found that Patton still held them firmly in his own. Turns out he wasn’t done yet.
“They’re embarrassed now,” He said tentatively “was I not supposed to say that? Sorry, I got excited. You’re love is a very nice feeling and whoever that lucky person is to receive it I hope they know how wonderfully blessed they are.”
Logan was pretty sure his face was on fire now, he’s surprised that the smoke alarm hadn’t started beeping. Or maybe it has but he just couldn’t hear it over the beating of his own heart in his ears and Roman and Virgil’s annoying laughter. Logan cleared his throat, shaking his thoughts out of his head before carefully removing his hands from Patton’s gentle hold and rejoining the group.
“Did I get it right?” Patton asked.
“Uh, it wasn’t what was written on the note card but I think you still got it right,” Joan chuckled as they went to remove Patton’s blindfold as well as the suction cups on his head and neck “I think that’s enough testing for today. It’s getting late and you kids should probably start getting home.”
“Should we come back tomorrow?” Patton asked, blinking his eyes to adjust to the light.
“Only if you want to,” Thomas butted in before either Joan or Talyn could answer “and only if you guys are not busy. Remember, you still have school and a life to attend to.”
“Don’t remind me,” Roman whined “I still gotta finish my homework when I get home.”
“That’s ironic since we told our parents we were in a study group.” Logan said.
“What time is it anyway?” Virgil asked, stretching out his arms.
Talyn looked down at their watch, “’Bout to be eight thirty.”
“Eight thirty!” The boys exclaimed, panic rising in their eyes as they scrambled to pack their things.
“Aw, man my mom’s gunna kill for missing dinner!” Patton shrieked.
“You’re mom? Have you met my mom?” Roman voice cracked “She still thinks I’m sick and wanted me to stay home!”
“Thanks for everything Mr. Sanders, uh, we’ll come by tomorrow if we aren’t grounded.” Virgil said in a rush as they all raced up stairs.
“Pleasure meeting all of you!” Logan called out as he dashed out the basement door with his friends. The door slammed shut and there was a rumble of feet running across the hall before they heard the front door open and slam shut too.
“Nice kids.” Joan said after a moment of silence.
“Don’t get too attached to them,” Thomas warned as he walked over to the containment unit where the little spider was still scuttling around in “this all has to be taken seriously and professionally. These kids have no idea what going on to them or what they’ve just gotten themselves into so we have to there to guide them.”
“Mmh, are you telling us that or yourself?” Talyn smirked.
Thomas sputtered uselessly, “I-I…wh-what are you talking about?”
“Don’t think we don’t see how you interact with those kids,” Talyn chuckled “all maternal and such.”
“I’m not – it’s not…I don’t do that…” Thomas said meekly, but even he was starting to doubt that “I mean, they’re just kids and I know what it’s like going through what they’re going through. God knows I would have liked a bit of guidance. And they’re also younger then what I was when I first got my powers, we have to keep a careful eye on them.”
“I have a theory,” Joan announced dramatically “that by the end of the week they’ll have you wrapped around their little fingers.”
“Yeah right,” Thomas grumbled “I don’t know if you’ve noticed but I’m not really ‘hip’ with the kids.”
“You’re right, I should give you the benefit of the doubt,” Joan said solemnly “one and a half weeks it is.”
Talyn and Joan laughed while Thomas groaned but it wasn’t because he was frustrated but because he knew Joan was probably right.
Tag:
@immortaldystopia @metaphoricalpluto2 @ultimate-queen-of-fandoms2 @misunderstood-shadow @fairytailtwists @0callmevirge0 @blenderkit17 @galaxy-lilies-main @lumi-1 @paint-in-flames
#thomas sanders#sanders sides#sander sides fanfiction#patton sanders#logan sanders#virgil sanders#roman sanders#logicality#prinxiety#spiderverse au#tobashiarg!
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Can You Feel the Love Tonight? (Charlotte's Diary)
This entry was inspired by Day 14 of the Choices July Challenge hosted by the amazing @kinda-iconic under the profile @choicesjulychallenge!
I am now listening to the (original) Lion King soundtrack because of this fic. Lol. XD
This fic is dedicated to @mariaoz and @itsbrindleybinch, my beautiful Jaime enhusiast friends! Jaime's still here! ;) ❤
Tagging also the amazing @brightpinkpeppercorn @choicesarehard @jlpplays1 @lady-kato @desiree-0816 @flyawayboo @client-327! Thanks for all your support! ❤
Day 14 Prompt: Celebration
Summary: For the end of school Jaime, Charlotte, Dawn and Shane celebrate with a movie night! ;)
Note: In order to understand this entry better, I recommend you read "Just Because"! It'll help you understand why Jaime's treating Charlotte the way he is. (But soon I'll post more entries that will make it clearer.)
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6.17.2011
Dear Diary,
Today Jaime and I met up with Dawn and Shane to celebrate the end of school. We sat on the couch of Jaime's house, looking at different DVD titles we could potentially watch.
"The Lion King?" I asked.
Dawn nodded enthusiastically. "Ooh yes!"
She reached her hand to take the box, but I moved out of the way. Closer to Jaime, to safety.
Or what it used to be, once upon a time. When his beautiful dark eyes looked into mine, I could swear that he truly did care for me, one of the only people I could truly rely on.
But then his eyes fell on the colored tips of my hair, and he backed away. As if I was a carrier of the flu or something.
I hated that. What was the problem with my hair?
I turned toward Dawn in a desperate plea for help, but she was busy laughing with Shane, like a young, lovestruck girl.
Or maybe I was wrong, and she really did see him as only a best friend?
"Well, there are lots of other Disney movies here. Um… what about Lady and the Tramp? Aladdin? The Little Mermaid?"
Shane looked at us. A pure yet mischievous smile graced his face, as if he was thinking something he shouldn't. "How about Lady and the Tramp?"
I swallowed. Shoot, I did not want this movie. Why did I even mention it?
Stupid brain.
Dawn looked at Shane. "But the lion king has the best songs!"
Shane whispered something in Dawn's ear. She looked at us, as if contemplating his suggestion, before shaking her head. "The Lion King."
"But-"
I smiled. Anything was better than that. "The Lion King it is!"
I hurried to the DVR like a gazelle running from Scar. I immediately inserted the disk, and hurried back to my place, a smile of relief on my face.
Phew. Safe. No awkward spaghetti kiss this time, Shane!
The movie started. The Circle of Life started playing, and we watched Rafiki hold Simba up as if he was some idol or something.
And then, somehow, we reached Hakuna Matata. Dawn and Shane were singing along, smiling and laughing the whole time, while Jaime and I just stayed near each other. Awkwardly.
Thankfully, I noticed the popcorn was gone. I got up, volunteering to get more for the four of us, when the song ended. I got on my feet, about to go get some more, when Dawn forcefully sat me down. "Sit, I'll go get some more."
"But-"
"No."
I huffed as she walked toward the kitchen. The oil and the dry corn kettles were still out, waiting patiently to participate in another batch. Dawn turned the dial before turning to make more popcorn.
I know it would've been easier to make with a microwave, but Jaime's mom never believed in all that stuff. Remember, diary?
I turned toward the movie. Simba was now fighting Nala, their growls reverberating through their throats, like two enemies about to slaughter each other.
It was weird to think that soon they would play together, dancing to the sounds of…
No. No. No. Dawn, you evil genius.
Sometimes I really hate that girl.
I hesitated. I needed to run away, but what could I do that would not totally embarrass myself?
It was a hard question. So hard, that before I reached a conclusion, I heard the words I knew started the song.
Oh, no.
"I can see what's happening." Timon started, and I winced.
"What?"
"And they don't have a clue!"
"Who?"
I swear I could feel both Shane's and Dawn's eyes on us.
"They'll fall in love and here's the bottom line, our trio's down to two."
"Oh."
"The sweet caress of twilight, there's magic in the air…"
Was it me or was Timon almost as bad as Dawn and Shane?
"And with all this romantic atmosphere, disaster's in the end!"
He got that right, at least. I was not going to survive this.
The music started, and I awkwardly scooted away from Jaime. His eyes flitted to me for a second before he turned his gaze back to the screen.
"Can you feel the love tonight, amidst the evening air?"
Nope, nope. No love here, lady. Sorry.
"The world for once in perfect harmony, with all its living things."
Well, good. Because I was not in perfect harmony. On the contrary.
Simba's voice drifted from the speakers. "So many things to tell her, but how to make her see? The truth about my past? Impossible! She'd turn away from me."
As Nala's voice came, I felt a weight from my right side. I turned to Jaime, who looked at me in a way that made my heart stop.
Why was he…
As the chorus started again, I felt my cheeks heat up. Not just because of the way Jaime was looking at me, but because, for one moment, his hand brushed mine.
Yes, I'm sad to say I was not far enough for that not to happen.
The song came to a close, with Timon and Pumba's last words. Words that, for some reason, really got to me.
"In short our pal is doomed!"
Yup, I was doomed, huh?
At least Jaime was smiling at me now. A warm, kind and genuine smile. And with a light heart, I smiled back.
"Finished!" Dawn called. She put the popcorn on the table in front of us and fell on the couch next to Shane. I blushed as I hesitantly reached for the popcorn, and before I knew it, I was stuffing my face. Just so Jaime wouldn't notice how weird I was acting.
The movie ended not long after. Dawn and Shane were talking animatedly now, but I couldn't tell what about. I tried to figure it out, but it was really hard to focus when Jaime's eyes were staring right at me.
"Char." He whispered, and I automatically turned toward him.
"What?"
"I'm sorry about before. Really. I was-" he shook his head, a weak smile to his lips, "I was stupid. I'm sorry."
I returned an even less successful smile. "Hey, no problem, Jaime! It's fine."
I punched him on the shoulder, like guys in the movies always do. He jumped in place, rubbing the place I hurt him. "I guess I deserved it."
I cursed. This was not what I meant! Ugh, stupid Charlotte.
In reality, though, I forced a smile and nodded. "I forgive you. Friends?"
He took hold of my hand and pulled me towards him, till we were as close as before. Yet somehow, if before it felt like a chasm seperated us, now I really felt how close we were to touching.
"Of course, Char!" Jaime laughed at my question, before pulling me into a hug.
And for once, I was really and truly happy.
And it was all thanks to Jaime.
And maybe... thanks to you.
Sincerely,
Charlotte
#playchoices#choices#choices stories you play#jaime x mc#jaime lewis#jaime lewis x mc#wishful thinking jaime#wishful thinking#wishful thinking choices#choices wishful thinking#wt#choices wt#wt jaime#choices fanfiction#wishful thinking fanfiction#playchoices fanfiction#charlotte's diary#choices july challenge
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Baby Bird (Fly Home) - Chapter 12: Who Was the Last?
Summary:
The story continues! It is perhaps the most disheartening to learn what you have once you have lost it. Patton is trying to return to life before the boys, the boys are trying to maintain some control over their lives, and Mrs. Strand just needs to stop reading so many parenting books.
Notes:
I am back and ready to give you all more angst! In repentance for the last heartbreak I gave out, I also offer you some fluffy boys being comforting towards each other.
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
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Virgil hated how quickly he adapted. The routine of accepting the pity of others because the grownups told you that you didn’t have a choice. He shot a glance at Logan, making sure that he was alright. They were walking home from school. They had been placed with the Strand for the time being while lawyers and attorneys argued back and forth about their future. The world was never kind enough to pause while unfortunate sufferers tried to gain some footing. The world kept turning, high school still sucked, and he was sure that he was the hottest topic at his previous workplace.
Logan hated how he couldn’t get Virgil to talk to him openly. He had to quicken his pace to keep up with Virgil’s long strides, his backpack jostling as he did so. Virgil seemed dead to the world. His hood was up, and earbuds plugged his ears. Logan knew better though. He could see the bright eyes partially hidden under the bangs. They darted back and forth quickly, assessing every person, sometimes dwelling on someone for a millisecond longer. Logan had learned to both trust and fear Virgil’s mind. He was always ready to jump to Logan’s rescue or protection, always on edge. At the same time, though, he was always on edge. He didn’t trust anyone, and his mind was constantly twisting the normal world into paranoid ‘what ifs’. Virgil was the first person to run to in danger and the last person to ask for optimism. Logan watched him wearily now as they slipped back into the gated community that the Strands occupied. He wondered how much longer he would be forced to wait until he got his Virgil back again. Patton hated how quiet it was. He ran the vacuum in the now empty apartment that had been Virgil and Logan’s. The furniture he would sell and give the money to the boys. The rest of the room he simply cleaned and got ready to show to other possible guests. At the same time, however, he didn’t want to give it away. The idea of that felt like he would be accepting that they were really gone. Not that it made too much of a difference. They were gone and the sooner he accepted that, the better. He bit his lip and blinked hard. He turned the vacuum on and ran it over the carpet for the fifth time. He really did hate the quiet. Roman hated the traffic. He placed his chin on his hands, staring out the windshield with a bored expression. The people around him crawled forward and he groaned as his phone began to ring wildly. It had been three days since he’d seen the picture of the boys in the paper. Logan and Virgil were their names. Since then his life had been chaos. He’d tried in vain to find and contact his sister, cancelled at least a dozen different appointments, and convinced his agent that he could drive himself somewhere for a change. That didn’t stop people from calling and pestering him, though. He cocked an eyebrow at the mobile device before resolutely turning it off and tossing it into the back seat. No distracted driving! He chuckled at the irony of the situation as he realized that he wasn’t actually driving anywhere. Man, he really hated traffic. Mr. and Mrs. Strand hated when the boys were moody. At least, that’s what Virgil had concluded. Mrs. Strand got a very forced smile whenever Virgil and Logan returned to the house and didn’t return her cheerful greetings. They were new to the foster system, that much was obvious. Logan was polite but closed off. Virgil watched Logan as he neatly hung his backpack on the wall and nodded to Mrs. Strand. Virgil let his own bag fall to the floor only to have Logan pick it up and shoot him a look. Virgil sighed apologetically and Logan huffed in forgiveness. Mrs. Strand cleared her throat and smiled. She hated how the boys seemed able to communicate without her knowing what was going on. “Virgil, that was very nice of Logan, what do you say?” The boys blinked. They looked at each other in surprise. They both knew exactly what Mrs. Strand wanted and they both reached the conclusion that giving into such a ridiculous request was the last thing they wanted. You didn’t have to say ‘thank you’ or ‘you’re welcome’ if you were the Storm boys. You looked out of one another and did without a second thought. If one was in the wrong, you owned up to it, if you were in the right, you fought for it. They didn’t owe each other anything because everything they did for one another was an act of protective love. The difficulty was trying to explain this to a grownup who had never been in their position. The idea that they would have to had never occurred to the boys. Now, here they were, with Mrs. Strand staring them down and growing impatient, “Virgil.” She said, jerking her head in Logan’s direction. “That’s quite alright, ma’am.” Logan said sincerely, “Virgil doesn’t -” “No,” the woman cut him off with a raised hand, “Virgil, what do you say to Logan?” Virgil’s face turned red with embarrassment and then pale with anger. Logan read his expression and his mind flew. In a flash he assessed the situation and formulated a plan. If Virgil was surprised when Logan suddenly charged down the hall and past Mrs. Strand, the woman was stunned. The small boy pushed past her roughly and didn’t look back. He mounted the stairs quickly, clutching the railing as his glasses bounced up and down on his nose. Mrs. Strand turned a confused face after Logan and then looked to Virgil and then back towards the stairs. She couldn’t seem to make up her mind as to whether she should chase after the boy or drill the teen about what was wrong. She seemed on the verge of making up her mind when Virgil moved past her too, “Logan?!” He disappeared up the stairs, leaving Linda Strand to stare on in silence. Virgil found Logan sitting quietly on his bed. The boy looked up expectantly as Virgil entered. He seemed to relax somewhat, “Oh good, I was afraid Mrs. Strand was coming up and not you.” Virgil smirked, “You don’t like her either?” Logan looked ashamed, “No, she’s not the type of person I would ever imagine would have interesting kids. Or kids at all for that matter.” He slid over so Virgil could settle next to him. The teen wrapped a comforting arm around him, and Logan took the invitation to nuzzle close to the dark warmth and solid body next to him. “How’re you feeling?” Virgil asked as he ran his fingers through Logan’s hair. Logan shrugged, “The pain medication I took earlier is starting to wear off.” Virgil tensed, “Pain medication? What?!” Logan did his best to hide a flinch, “I had a headache this morning. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you.” Virgil took a deep breath, “No, no, sorry for freaking out. I think I still have some stuff in my room from Patton. I’ll get you some.” It wasn’t a question, but Logan nodded. He sighed as Virgil drew away. He immediately missed the warmth of the other individual, but the teen was back in a matter of moments. He handed his brother a single pill and a half empty water bottle. Logan obediently swallowed the pill and chased it down with a few gulps of water. He let himself fall back against Virgil. “Tomorrow’s another day.” He stated with a feeling of dread. Virgil huffed, “Redundant but you’re not wrong.” Logan groaned and sunk deeper into the comfort of his brother’s grasp. Virgil looked over him worriedly, “You okay?” Logan shrugged noncommittedly before staring thoughtfully off into the distance. Virgil watched the brown eyes trace imaginary lines through the air, darting around. His face grew relaxed as he let thoughts drift in and out of his active mind. Virgil could tell when a particularly interesting thought captured his attention. His eyes lit up and he got very still. Virgil playfully poked the younger boy’s side, “What’s going on in that brain of yours?” Logan blinked a few times before he smiled sheepishly. “I was thinking about the time we planned to sneak out and buy some hair dye to change your hair.” Virgil smiled at the memory, “Oh yeah,” he laughed softly, “we were so excited and then we both fell asleep. You were so bummed about it the next day. It was almost funny.” Logan huffed and shoved Virgil away, only to have the older and bigger boy tackle him and pin him under his larger form. Logan grunted and shifted, wriggling around. He finally let himself go limp and resigned himself to his fate. Virgil got comfortable and let his eyes close. It was peaceful. A small pocket of quiet carefree fun in the midst of unknown realities and the feeling of impending doom that haunted them. Virgil felt sleep tugging at him when Logan spoke up again, “We should really do our homework.” Virgil turned his head so as to see Logan better, “Don’t act like you haven’t done it already.” Logan sighed, “Yes, I have. Have you, though?” Virgil smirked. “Yep.” He popped the ‘P’ happily, “We had a sub for my last class and while the rest of the class watched a movie, I did homework.” Virgil was fairly behind the rest of his age group. Neglecting one’s education to work full time to support a plan to take care of your little brother, turns out, does have consequences. Despite this, Virgil was catching up fast and he had one on one meetings with teachers to help him progress. Virgil had always been a good student, when given the opportunity. He had trouble staying motivated, though. His passions drove him to pursue English, writing, art, and subjects that allowed him to express himself and his thoughts behind the safety of a piece of paper or some other material. Math and science, on the other hand, drove him to resentment. He understood that the material was somewhat important but that didn’t change the fact that he had no desire to invest himself in those areas. Logan’s finger dug into Virgil’s cheek. “Are you listening to me?” The brown eyes flashed an amused light from behind the glasses. Virgil blinked a few times, “Uuuuuuhhhhh…I agree completely with whatever it is you just said?” The emo offered a toothy grin. Logan raised an eyebrow, “I asked you a question, Verge.” Virgil’s grin grew slightly wider, “Ah.” Logan rolled his eyes and shook his head. “Okay, first, get off me you weigh a ton!” He shoved at Virgil’s shoulders to emphasize his point. Virgil let himself relax completely for a moment before rolling off the smaller form. Logan grumbled and straightened himself out somewhat. “Secondly, I asked if you were still interested in dying your hair.” Virgil blinked. The dream of having a mop of unnaturally colored hair was one that Virgil had promised himself that he would someday do. However, it was hardly something that he had given much thought to in the past few years. He had been busy pursuing other plans and fantasies. Now, though, he could see some of the old Logan eagerly anticipating his answer. A request for adventure, to be Lolo and Verge once more with no thoughts towards parents, responsibilities, or eyes watching their every move. Virgil smirked and Logan’s whole face lit up. He jumped up and shot a glance at the clock; he estimated they had two hours before dinner would be ready. Plenty of time for them to sneak away, purchase the necessary supplies, and return before either of the Strands would come looking for them. Virgil seemed to read his thoughts because he dragged himself to his feet and disappeared into the room he was staying in. He returned with a wallet and a box of snake cakes, “Ready?” He asked as he slid the window open. Logan nodded eagerly and, together, they climbed out into the dying light. Patton woke to the sound of his phone going off. Blearily, he waved his hand around, searching for the device. He squinted but, without his glasses, it was impossible for him to see the number. Stifling a yawn, he accepted the call. “Hello?” He muttered sleepily, “WHERE ARE THEY YOU…” The rest of the sentence was lost as Patton threw his phone across the room. He blinked in surprise before scrambling to turn on a light and find his device. He clambered about for a few seconds before he finally located it. Luckily, it wasn’t broken. He carefully brought it to his ear once more. “Hello?!” The voice on the other end was a man’s voice and it was, thankfully, much quieter than the original speaker. “Y-yes?” Patton breath shakily, trying to wrap his sleepy mind around what the heck was going on. “Is this Patton Sanders?!” “It is…who is this?” Patton shifted uncomfortably. Who could be calling him at, he glanced at his clock, 11:42 PM? “My name is David Strand, we met when you brought Logan and Virgil Storm to the police.” Patton’s heart sunk, “What happened?” He demanded. His voice sounded small and strange and far away. There was a beat of silence on the other end. “We were hoping you could answer that.”
Notes:
My sister told me that I need to stop ending chapters on cliff hangers...I refused.
Tag list:
@bunny222
#fanfiction#sanders sides fic#Baby Bird Fly Home#thomas sanders#logan sanders#patton sanders#roman sanders#virgil sanders#My writing
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Realtalk(tm): Living With Ada Doom
ALRIGHT. so. those of you who have read Cold Comfort Farm know exactly where this is going.
so, when I was a kid, my mum would get drunk, and sad, and tell me about how awful her mum was, all the depressing shit, and she’d cry on me, you know, the works, the kind that should go down with a counsellor, or therapist.
I don’t remember it clearly. I had to like, switch off, you know? Mummy’s sad. I’m sad too. It’s going to be okay. Stroking her hair. That’s about all I remember, apart from the pain I had to hide to make everything better.
Except, it totally wasn’t okay, because I was giving my drunken mother comfort, and the next day she was giving me smacks, and isolation as punishment, and denying me food when I was rowdy, as children are.
Later, she’d give me a book to read, called Cold Comfort Farm.
It’s a good book. It’s a parody of things along the lines of Wuthering Heights, you know, mopey miserable out-in-the-countryside romance novels where everyone is abusive, but That’s The Way It’s Always Been, Out Here.
Flora comes along and fixes everything right up.
Some part of her wanted me to be Flora.
A good, proper, refined young woman. Stately. Observant. Academic. Very sporting.
I am not Flora.
I was very nearly Ada Doom, the woman who saw something nasty in the woodshed. Well - for a while, I thought I was her, but I didn’t have control over a farm/family. I wasn’t holding all the books.
This phrase got used against me a lot - “something nasty in the woodshed.” It translated to, “you’re overreacting, be quiet,” in the circles I moved in. Often delivered as a joke, but actually, a warning.
Flora was not, actually, a very nice woman, and she was not, actually, very nice to Ada Doom.
“Did it see you?”
The point I’m continually making, is.
I didn’t see something nasty in the woodshed, once, when I was a child.
I saw a whole fucking lot of nasty things, all around me, in my own home, that chased me into my bedroom, that physically, verbally, and emotionally abused me, for over a decade. I heard other nasty things going on, in rooms I wasn’t in, but sound carries. I saw and heard even nastier things happening between the only Adult Role Models I had.
This all seemed very normal, until I had an assembly on abuse in primary school, and recognized myself in it.
I told myself, “mummy loves me. It’s not really abuse. Is it?”
I told myself this for years.
Skip to the future. It’s easier for me.
Later I ran away somewhere a bit cleaner, to live with a racist opioid addict. It was fucking awesome, for a while, but yeah, that’s another post. He’d also use “something nasty in the woodshed” against me, or just say “Ada Doom.”
My mother would chatter things about “he’s brainwashing you! Mind control!” when I did see her at the same time as him, separately. It’s like she didn’t realize he was only using things he’d seen her use on me. She probably didn’t, because they’d probably been used on her, and she hadn’t spotted the conditioning.
So, in this story, what did “Flora” turn out to be?
An angry, inhibited, explosive, snappy, hungry young man, who just wanted to get high, forget about the past, and go to lesson, so he could learn something that would get him out of this shithole, and into a decent home, with a car that runs and a job that pays in the wallet, mind, and heart.
I hid so much of the pain I was in, because when it was actually expressed, I’d get dismissed, belittled, or outright yelled at, even after the physical hitting had stopped.
She always said, “you know you can talk to me about anything, don’t you?”
So I’d try, like a kid, who desperately wanted to believe that his mother did “love him” - that is, knew how to give emotionally healthy and nourishing expressions of love.
And time and time again, I’d get, “I think you’re overreacting.” “Isn’t that a bit extreme?” “It doesn’t mean anything.” “They’re just jealous.” “You’re imagining things.” Or, you know, “I think you’re being selfish.” “Selfish little cow!”
So there I was, my self harm getting worse and worse, the pressure my piece of shit school placed on me getting worse and worse, hearing Mark fucking cussing me out again, becoming increasingly abusive towards myself and people I really, deeply cared about, because I had literally no understanding, no framework for internally and mutually rewarding loving interaction.
I don’t even remember what happened. Shit went down, mother had got a “boyfriend,” they were going to get married, they split up, I was caught in the middle because I was a kid who never really had a dad and desperately wanted one, I got used as a pawn in a game of chess between two emotionally unwell adults who couldn’t agree to break up without causing an enormous fight and dragging their entire circle of Facebook friends into it. It was really ugly. Like, one of the friends died, and shit like “good riddance” was getting thrown about. It was really ugly. I wanted so badly to get involved and break it all up, but yeah, fuck Facebook, I didn’t use it, still don’t.
So, I ran away to live with the one who’d caused me less hurt, the racist opioid addict, because at least he could see me as a son, while the drunk was still transphobic as hell. That’s the other post, for the future.
But yes, Ada Doom followed me there, and according to them, I was still living in the woodshed.
But I was supposed to be Flora. I was supposed to be good, nice, and orderly, and I was accepted while I was these things. If I wasn’t, I’d get a verbal slap in the right direction, through this insidious fucking phrasology tied in with a long, long history of emotional manipulation.
This all started with my mother, and her mother, and probably her mother before her, and a whole line of absent fathers.
I’m the one who noticed this, and decided, “no more of this shit. No more of this shit. I am never bringing a child into this world so full of pain, and I have no idea how to fix any of this on my own, and the people who are supposed to help me don’t, and I don’t fucking trust anybody enough to let them in.”
I’m the one who noticed this was abuse. I’m the one who started reading, trying to understand the inside of my head, getting it wrong, getting it right-ish, doubting myself, always coming back and really thinking “fuck, that is so much like me” to conditions that arise as a result of complex, long-term trauma.
I’m the one who made the jump into homelessness when the racist opioid addict became unbearable. I’m the one who went into a hostel while I was doing my A-Levels. I’m the one who passed them. I’m the one who saw a counsellor every week and just fucking sobbed because there was nowhere else I could cry like that without killing myself.
I’m the one who read about psychodynamic theory, and fundamental interpretations of the structures of psyche, and thought about it all myself, how it might apply to my brain in particular. I’m the one who read intently about complex trauma, and healing from it. I’m the one who learned about EMDR, and figured out I could do that with good stereo music, and tapping my hands and feet on the bus. I’m the one who studied very specific parts of the DSM V, over and over, circling and circling until I zeroed in on the places that fit well enough to help me understand, find resources, and recover.
I’m the one who read very, very, very closely about marijuana, the endocannabinoid system, and its relation to trauma. I understood this was drug abuse, and dependency, and that dependency and addiction are almost interchangeable. I’m the one who knew I didn’t really want to smoke until my mind burned away, unless I couldn’t Make It at university. I’m the one who smashed my pipe in July, and hasn’t wanted to smoke again since, and doesn’t really want to go back, but will if he falls/fails.
I’m the one who learned to meditate, just drop out into a trance, for minutes or hours, with and without drugs in my system, with silence or with music, and now increasingly with background noise, although that one is REALLY difficult for me. I’m the one who learned all those weird skills like “noting” and “radical acceptance” and other things I’ve forgotten the name of but notice as different states of consciousness.
I’m the one who knew all this psych work was supposed to be very dangerous, you shouldn’t do this if you aren’t A Professional(tm), but I’m also the one who knew I didn’t trust a single fucking “Professional” to do the right thing, make the right referrals, administer the treatment properly, after being betrayed and forced and dismissed by so many so-called Professionals.
I’m the one who decided, in not so many words: well, fuck, it’s less dangerous for me to do all these things, and make mistakes trying, than it is for me to let somebody in, and receive another injury, at my most vulnerable.
The thing about Ada Doom is, she’s a character in a fucking parody novel.
You’re not Ada Doom. You’re not Catherine Earnshaw.
You can’t live your whole life making sad allegories through books that dig up your old pain without actually resolving any of it, because you’re reading ahead and projecting the romantic, ugly, fantasy conclusion onto what really happened, to your body.
It’s really useful! It’s really useful, for a long time, to connect with your pain through fiction. Forever, actually.
But I’ve got to get angry about being expected to be a character from a fucking parody novel.
“You’ll understand later.”
I understand. I understand why you did what you did. I understand you couldn’t control it. I understand why you showed me this book.
It cannot negate, diminish, or remove any of my anger.
I had to go to a counsellor, for years, research, for years, think and feel, for years, to find the right language and tone to communicate my experiences. I’m still learning. I’m especially still talking, because I haven’t been able to talk about any of this, because my mother wouldn’t let me. All she did was give me strange, roundabout books, that were good, and annoyingly on the nose, and say “You’ll understand later.”
If you’re saying that, if they’re asking the question isn’t it about time you explained?
Isn’t it about time you realized you need help explaining?
I can’t keep going back to a sad fucking house full of hurting fucking children. It drags me down again every time, although I really do cherish the moments where I could just pretend it was all normal and painless and easy to be a family. I really do.
And yes, I know, it’s circular, it’s not that fucking easy, because I couldn’t let anybody in, because I was “normal,” as far as my mother was concerned. I know I’m lucky I’m very quick, I learn well, and I’m completely fucking invested in research and execution.
I had to become these things for a sick, sick woman, who wanted a kid who would save/change her life.
It’s not a fairytale. I know it feels like one. I know it feels like Prince Charming is just around the corner, it must be soon, just one more page! The Big Bad Wolf is still lurking!
You gotta make Prince Charming. You have to make the person you want to marry inside your head. I’m getting there. There’s no ring on it. That might be the total illusion of self. It might not be. I don’t know what’s happening to my system, yet.
That voice in your head who yells at you, but isn’t you, but won’t tell you their name? Give them a fucking name. Think them up a face and a body. Go and learn some emotional regulation skills, slowly, because it’s really difficult. Revise them. Pass them along. Talk to them. They’ll stop yelling at you. You’ll be able to turn to them for comfort, and they’ll get all your jokes, because you’re sharing a brain, and the connections do keep coming your entire life/lives. They can be your partner, if you like, and they do too.
I don’t know what happens after that, and that is just this body/me/us/the irrelevancy of pronouns astounds me.
So, I’m very stupid.
I really did take the hood off my car at the side of the road with smoke pouring out. I didn’t know anything about what colour meant “get the hell away” or “it’s fine, just call the recovery van.” I just knew there was a problem, it needed fixing, and I didn’t have insurance.
I did it the stupid way. I touched it while it was hot. I tried using stuff I had in the back of the car. I walked to the garage, and they rang my mum? I walked back to the car and slept in it for a while, resolute in my decision not to go back to the garage again. I walked to the tool shop, and bought something to take that bit on the top off. I walked to the library and borrowed a book on cars. I bought more tools. I borrowed more books, this time on engines, because the car book was only about cars, and I had a problem with the engine.
I kept getting the wrong fucking tools, and the wrong fucking books, because all engines are different, and different tools fit different engines. I just compared what I had to what was in there, then threw the wrong crap into the boot in a huff, or whacked the engine with whatever size spanner I had at hand.
I went back to the garage. They didn’t know what to do, they couldn’t see the car, just somebody who read too many manuals, and was on drugs. I still knew I didn’t have insurance.
More tools, more books, still showing up at the garage, still getting dismissed, hating them more every time, them getting more and more bored of me. I was getting closer to fixing the car, but still making mistakes.
I found a mechanic, one who didn’t work with the garage. He let me tell him about the car, slowly, the way I’d figured it out.
He knew a few things about engines. We spoke about the garage. He was very sympathetic. We spoke a lot about the car. He knew more than a few things about engines, actually.
I got better at fixing the car on my own.
Unfortunately, all this walking was fucking my legs. I’d really like to get back in the car again, and go places quicker. All this work is really slowing me down from what I’d like to be doing. It’s also getting me to a point where I can do what I’d like to.
The car still isn’t fixed. I’m not sure what goes where next, or if this is actually the same engine I started with at all, but I have an idea what might work, and a mechanic who knows he doesn’t know the problem, but actually lets me tell him, unlike the garage.
So yes. Ada Doom is and is not dead to me.
The fairytale thing is great, but at some point, you gotta stop reading other people’s, and start reading/writing your own. But only if you’re that way inclined, and I said the bit before in a rude tone because I’m frustrated.
Long post. That’s enough.
I’m not Flora Poste.
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Too awkward to hear
@marius-new-hat-and-coat I wrote the thing
Marius wanted out. Or to die. Whichever was fastest. He hadn’t really had such friends before but he thinks he’s found the worst possible way to make them.
He had been walking home when he was struck in the side of the head with a ball. Apparently someone had yelled ‘look out’ but Marius was so pre-occupied with his own thoughts that he hadn’t even looked up.
When the students rushed to see if he was alright Marius panicked. They looked like they felt so guilty and Marius felt so embarrassed by the fact that he wasn’t paying attention. He isn’t entirely sure why he just stared but apparently he stared long enough that one of the boys realized something might be wrong.
“Can you hear me?” He spoke slowly and enunciated carefully thinking that Marius might be deaf.
“Oh god, we deafened him!” The other, a curly haired boy, seemed moments from blind panic.
Marius quickly shook his head to try and comfort them before realizing it further played into the idea that he couldn’t hear. At least now they didn’t think he was a moron for not noticing the warning.
The first one who spoke took out his phone and typed up a question.
‘Did you just lose your hearing?’
Marius shook his head no in response. It would be too painfully awkward to correct them now, especially seeing as they were being so kind.
“Don’t worry, he was already deaf. You didn’t deafen anyone today.” He spoke to the second one and showed him the message.
“Oh thank god.” The tension left his shoulders. “We still should at least get him a drink for nearly taking his head off.”
“Well technically you did.” He grins. “The others will agree though.” He then types up something on his phone.
‘I’m Combeferre, this is Courfeyrac, would you like to come meet our friends?’
“Tell him about the free food!” Courfeyrac adds.
‘We’re celebrating the end of the semester with a picnic. You’re welcome to join.’
Marius didn’t want to impose but he was quite hungry. He nodded and smiled when Courfeyrac quickly helped him to his feet.
“Be careful, he could be more hurt than you realize.” Combeferre warned.
“Don’t even start, I beg you.” Courfeyrac pulled Marius further into the park and introduced him to everyone as “the nice boy I nearly killed” they were all kind as well.
A blonde in a red hoodie chastised Courfeyrac for not asking Marius his name and quickly whipped out his phone to do so. Enjolras, as he learned from the contact information, was a bit intimidating but Marius got the feeling that the intensity was just who he was. It at least didn’t seem to affect Courfeyrac at all.
A fellow medical student of Combeferre’s, Joly, checked him for a concussion once he was cleared Jehan introduced himself and gave him a flower crown to match the others that he had been passing out.
It actually wasn’t that difficult to not speak, he felt like he’d been trained to be “seen not heard” for years. Not reacting to sounds however was a lot harder. Bahorel’s loud laughter, Montparnasse yelling from across the park to get Jehan’s attention, and Enjolras falling into an argument with Grantaire all threatened to expose him.
He managed to keep everything together until it was time to leave. Courfeyrac threw an arm around his shoulder and texted him.
‘Want to come to a meeting? We can learn sign language and everything.’
Marius had heard snippets about these meetings and gotten texts throughout the day about them. Apparently they were a political group. That wasn’t what shook him.
Courfeyrac said they would learn sign language for him. Something they didn’t even need. Just so he would be included. He had to back out.
‘I don’t want to impose.’
‘No way! We’ve mentioned it before but never had a reason to commit! It’ll be fun!”
Marius bit his lip as he tried to think of excuses. A half-truth will help.
‘I doubt I would be a great addition as -‘ he paused and thought of exactly how to phrase it ‘someone who was raised as a Bonapartist.’ Marius wasn’t exactly sure how his views aligned with his grandfather’s anymore, they were certainly too liberal to be living with him but likely far too monarchist for this crowd.
Courfeyrac’s eyebrows jumped nearly to his forehead but he just texted back with a grin.
‘We can work on that! Just don’t text politics with Enjolras’ parents anytime soon. They’re Orléanists! If you’re nervous just know it’s kinda like this but Enjolras and Grantaire gripe at each other more. There’ll be more food~’
Courfeyrac wiggled his eyebrows and Marius new he was doomed. He really did need a confirmed source of dinner in his life. Maybe one meeting wouldn’t be too much. He just couldn’t disappoint and drop the act.
One became two. Two became Marius frantically learning sign language and coming up with excuses for why he hadn’t ever used it before. He kept telling himself he could opt out at some point but it just kept getting worse.
Then came the real kicker. He was evicted from his disgusting little apartment. Courfeyrac of course let him move in with him.
He was living with someone who thought he was deaf. Courfeyrac thought he was deaf and was going out of his way to be accommodating. Learning sign language, flicking the lights to let him know he was headed out at night, turning on subtitles on anything they watched. It was eating Marius up inside.
He was his best friend! His best friend that he had been lying to the entire time he knew him. Marius wished the ball had killed him.
The Internet wasn’t that much help either. Someone suggested that he get hit again and pretend to regain his hearing, knowing his luck he’d actually lose it. There were plenty of joke answers as well, including one about pretending to be the next messiah. That wouldn’t do either.
The worst were the ones that told him to just come clean and said if they were really so kind they would understand. He knew that was likely his only chance but still that wasn’t what he was looking for.
In the end it was a fluke that revealed him. The group had been walking home when a familiar car came screeching up behind them. He knew it was his grandfather right away by the sound of his tires but his friends had no idea.
Enjolras must have assumed that it was someone trying to intimidate them because he stopped firmly on the curb and stuck his arm out to keep the others back. Marius’ heart stopped, this isn’t what his grandfather expected. Every time his grandfather would roll up at top speed and open the side door before fully stopping because Marius would jump back every single time. There was no risk when it was just a show for him. But with Enjolras on the edge of the street refusing to move because he thinks it’s some cat-caller suddenly things got deadly. Marius wasn’t close enough to act fast enough so the words just fell out of his mouth.
“G-Grab him he’s going to open the door!”
By the time he yelled ‘Grab him’ Combeferre and Grantaire both had their hands on Enjolras and jerked him back. They likely had been looking for any reason to do so.
Marius could feel eyes on him when the door swung open in the spot that Enjolras had been in moments before. His grandfather seemed shaken for a moment before recovering.
“Marius Pontmercy quit this non-“ Before he could finish Marius violently kicked the door shut. Normally he would have tried to speak to him but he didn’t care anymore. The scuffmark on the shiny black door as it sped off was the smallest of comforts.
Marius ran his fingers through his hair and stared at the ground. “I’m sorry.” He whispered.
He isn’t sure what he expected from the men behind him but having a pair of arms wrap around him was a surprise.
“Are you okay? Was that your grandfather?” Courfeyrac spun him around as he questioned him. His hands flew about, signing out of habit.
“A-am I okay?” Marius stared at him wide-eyed. His confusion was doubled when it seemed like the others were worried about him too. “Aren’t you angry?”
“Well yeah later probably. But you’re not hurt right?” The rising panic reminded Marius of when they first met.
“No, I’m not. He’d never.” The moment he finished Enjolras shook off his shock and looked infuriated. Marius braced himself for a tongue-lashing that turned out to not be directed at him at all.
“Like hell he’d never. That whole display was meant to intimidate and threaten! He thinks he has the right to control you!” Enjolras gestures angrily towards where the car had been. “What if you hadn’t noticed him? I would be dead!”
“Wait, you’re not…but I pretended to be…” Marius could usually count on Enjolras to be angry about anything. “Surely you should be angry with me. Hate me even.”
“I’m not going to pretend I’m perfectly okay with it but you abandoned it to save me. At what you thought would be great cost. It certainly makes it hard to be unforgiving.” Enjolras puts a hand on his shoulder.
As Marius flounders for what to say Combeferre looks him over. “Your grandfather, did he make a big deal about meeting expectations?”
“Well yes everyone should be pushed to be their best.” Marius didn’t understand where this was going.
“And not meeting them was met with a display like that?” He uses his head to gesture to the ghost of the car.
“Occaionally? I don’t understand.” Marius cocked his head to one side.
“Then this is as much mine and Courfeyrac’s fault as it is Marius’. We came to the conclusion that he was deaf when in reality he must have been stunned. Marius was just meeting expectations.” He sighed.
Marius could feel himself blush. He hadn’t really considered that. It’s likely true, he hadn’t wanted to make things awkward and once he got trapped he just played along. “It’s not your fault. I should have said something. Especially when Courfeyrac invited me to the first meeting. I just…I didn’t want to disappoint.”
“Near death experience and realization of some deep seeded issues aside can we acknowledge that Pontmercy akwarded himself into pretending to be deaf for like six months?” Bahorel cut in with a grin and effectively broke the ice.
“Wait did you know sign language before or did you learn it for this?” Jehan suddenly asked.
“I um, learned it.” Marius’ blush now covered his entire body. He was just thankful it was dark.
“Holy shit!” Grantaire burst into laughter. “Just casually learn sign language to cover up my web of lies.”
“And get good enough to teach it!” Courfeyrac added. “He taught me!”
The entire group picked on him for the rest of the evening and likely would come back to it periodically for the rest of time but Marius was thrilled with it. Anything was better than outright rejection.
They also found the forum he had asked for help from in a matter of hours. Marius was trapped between being mortified all over again and relieved that they could see proof that this was something he’d wanted to get off his chest for a while. Mostly they just teased him for how many times he referred to them as ‘nice’ and ‘kind’.
Interestingly enough sign language remained a part of the group dynamic. Grantaire would use it when too hungover to bother with speaking. Enjolras would signal the others across crowds of protesters. Combeferre and Joly discussed lectures during said lecture without being caught on their phones. Jehan taught Montparnasse who reportedly used it for ‘things’. Feuilly had something great to put on his resume.
Marius and Courfeyrac often found themselves signing to each other on quiet mornings. It was one of Marius’ favorite ways to begin the day. There was still the dream-like quiet of being asleep however the quick motion of his friend’s hands could tell him story after story.
Perhaps he hadn’t found the worst way to make friends after all.
#marius pontmercy#courfeyrac#combeferre#Enjolras#All the amis are here but there are so many#Les mis#mild warning for not great relationships with family#i couldn't help myself
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