#omg guys he's gonna break the screen and pounce on me

[shy-nightmare]

Before I go to bed, let me tell you about a crazy dream I had last night. I've been having dreams about the Toon Patrol lately, but I had a dream about this guy

This GIF does not belong to me. It belongs to @sheleuina. The other one doesn't belong to me either. It belongs to @glaice66. I give credit 😊

OK, so in the dream, I'm in a nightclub in Toontown and everyone's having fun. Smartass and Greasy are both at the bar watching the dance floor when Smartass has to leave.

He's gone for five seconds, Greasy looks at me in the eye...and he winks at me.

I joke you not, I woke up like

I don't know if I should be flattered or terrified.

Help me.

[cnc-hoebayb]

We could start off every day with sex n super smash bros

*Smut warning!!

Erick sinnn omg guys im so nervous

Also this isn’t gonna be superrrr explicit like my others just bc this is new territory and a lil different still...

But here it goes, lmk your feedback pls 🙃

.

“Ew don’t touch meee” Erick whines as you roll over, playfully nudging him with your toes. His eyes are scrunched shut tightly, trying desperately to ignore you. “Pero es la mañanaaaaa,” you fight with him as he pulls the sheets over him and drowns you out with a pillow over his ears.

You can’t seem to find a hole in his little barrier, so you give up with a huff, slumping back onto your pillow. It was your one day off. A day for you to sleep in and relax, but of course you would end up fully energized at 7 am. Erick was no help either, that kid would be asleep for another 3 hours max and there was no way to stop him.

The phone on your bedside table buzzed and maybe it wouldn’t be too bad to just browse social media for a couple hours. Or so you thought...

You click the little Instagram icon and it immediately shuts down. Click again, same thing. You go back and forth between apps, disappointed as each one loads with an error- no connection. “Dammit,” you whisper and notice the icon on the top left of your screen disappeared, WiFi shut down.

The laziness in you kicks up and overpowers the effort to fix it. You look over to Erick, still buried in blankets and sleeping soundly. So trying not to wake him, you remove yourself from the bed slowly, inching your way out as quietly as possible. Feet hit the cold tile beneath you and you bolt over to your closet. Moving a few old jackets and shoes, you find a big box and slide it out next to your tv.

You remove the contents quietly again, making sure to check on Erick every time a sudden noise was made. Tangled chords get plugged into multiple ports and outlets, your desperate attempt to find some entertainment for time being. Once it was all set up, you place the console on the tv stand excitedly, digging through the box one more time for exactly what you were looking for. You insert the game and hop back in bed carefully, controller in hand.

Once you got situated in a comfy spot on the bed, a good distance away from Erick to give him room, you clicked the switch for the tv. The room immediately filled with the blaring music from the theme opening. You scramble for the remote rapidly and smash the button until it was silent. It didn’t work, however, since Erick was already up and facing towards you.

His hair was messy, sleep still in his heavy eyes and with a little baby frown. “Que estas jugando??” He questioned and looked at the screen so obviously plastered with the logo. You shrivel up a little in place, trying to look unknowing but also cute enough to get away with it. “Super smash bros......”

You fail to hold back a playful smile and cover your face with the controller. “Without meee!?” He argues and pushes you away from him. You point at him with the controller in hand, “Erick- estabas durmiendo, déjame en paz im bored.” His pout becomes a little softer, but he sits still with his arms crossed.

Some time passes of him being silent, you watch and wonder what’s running through those sleepy thoughts of his. He lets out a defeated sigh, rubbing his eyes before holding his hand out to you. “A controller,” he starts and yawns in between, “dame.” You hand him the one you were holding and grab the other off the nightstand. He adjust his eyes to the screen and gives you a nod to start it. “Ready to lose?” He jokes, and you lean in.

“Can i have a good luck kiss at least...?” You rest your head on his shoulder and bat your lashes up at him. He perks up quickly, catching himself just as fast, trying to play it cool. “Yea ye, i guess i could share some of my super smash bros skills with you this way.” He turns his head to press a soft kiss on your lips. You take it in while it lasts and run your tongue across your lips right after. Erick goes on and turns his attention back to the tv, ready to play.

But you look up at him and that messy hair, that light cover of stubble layering his chin, his perfect pink lips- and maybe there’s another game you wanna play now.

“Erick,” you say and he responds with a quick “que”, choosing through a long list of characters and not looking back at you. You roll your eyes and say it again, but this time while tugging at his shirt “Eriiickk.” He sets the controller down and turns toward you “queeee??”

You hold him by his jaw and slam your mouth to his, his eyes going wide with surprise. He pulls back a little, not quite sure what to do. You take the controller from him and toss it off the bed, yours following shortly after. His confused look changes up as you assure him of what you want, locking your arms around his neck, laying back and pulling him down on top of you.

“Whoa whoa,” he lets out as he falls over you and begin kissing and nipping at his ear. The tv played on in the back, background game music that sounded ridiculous in this situation. You smile against his skin and he giggles. “Ahora que” he laughs, now starting to kiss all over your neck and face. “La música, it’s funny,” you reply and he stops to listen.

“Guess we just gotta drown it out,” he says and sucks a mark onto your collarbone. Now there’s the gross teenager in him. You fall into his embrace, letting him droop over you lazily as kisses become more sloppy. The heat in your body increases as he takes the initiative to grab your thigh and lift it for him to settle in between.

“Por que eres tan bella en la mañana?..” he mumbles against your ear and it makes your heart flutter a little. His lips slide against your skin in all the right places, knowing exactly where to hit you for these types of moments.

A good amount of time goes by before you’re both ready for the next level. With as great of a kisser he was, you could get caught up in those lips all day. There would be no problem with that on either side too, because Erick definetly felt the same way. But what was happening now was sudden and pure need- a desire that wanted to be addressed immediately. And honestly, mornings like this was one of the times where he was at his hottest to you. So this would be fun.

The now so obvious bulge in his sweatpants grinded between your legs, making you gasp with all the thoughts that started to build in your head. Knowing he never liked to initiate, you part from his lips and squeeze his biceps with intention. “Erick,” you stop mid sentence and he bites his swollen lips while looking right into your eyes. “Grab a condom, I’m ready.” And with the speed of light, he rolls off of you to dig through the bedside drawer, pouncing back over you as he shows off the tiny little package.

You giggle at the goofy excited face he makes and he tears the corner of the wrapping with his teeth. He leans down to kiss you deeply one more time, letting you help pull his remaining clothing off before doing the same with yourself.

His nose rests against yours, pretty little lips hanging open as he slides the condom on, your own hands making their way down to assist. He exhales sharply and interlocks his fingers in yours. “Lista, bebe?” Its quiet and intimate, opposing slightly his normal character. I mean, he was always sweet, but it surprised you to see another side to his sweetness, however many times you’ve seen it before.

“Lista,” your hands massage the back of his neck, right where his hairline starts to fade. He’s slow, gentle, almost to the point where it’s too hard to wait for more. But he was careful with you, and that was always the most important thing.

He bottoms out fast, collapsing over you with a deep breath. “Don’t start losing on me now,” you joke and it helps relieve the tension of the moment, his confidence boosting up again. You guide him with a pace, something you can both handle and work out together, rolling your hips up into his.

His soft groans were actually more like whimpers, never afraid to overcompensate and be too dramatically vocal, he was as natural and amateur as any other boy your guys’ age. You clench onto his arms, arching up at his constant thrusts. The veins in his neck flex slightly and he’s never looked so focused in his life.

Your loud whines match the volume of the still playing video game and the squeaks of the bed frame. Sheets bundled at your feet as he pushes your bodies higher up on the bed, getting that perfect leverage to finish you out. “WhoA-“ you accidentally mutter, the sensation simply emitting your first thought out suddenly, and in a totallyyy not sexy manner.

He smiles wide and it’s almost like he wasn’t literally inside of you right now, because before you know it you’re both giggling at your little slip. Your eyes start to water as you try to keep it together and not break out into a full on laughing fit- Erick above you doing the same. “I couldn’t stop, it just came out,” you justify and cover your face with your hands, all previous movement now at a hold.

“You’re a nerd,” he teases and starts to poke at your hands while pinching and tickling around your face, trying to get you to reveal yourself again. You squeal when he blows a raspberry on your neck, making you wiggle and finally push him away. The both of your laughter fills the air and the mood is so much lighter than before.

You push his hair back and snap back to what was happening before your guys’ fit of laughter. His cheeks are flushed with color and you bring him into a kiss. “I ruined the mood didn’t i?” You smile nervously and he continues to pepper your face with kisses. “No, you made it better” his tongue sweeps along the roof of your mouth with skill and you moan in response.

The rest is frantic- hands pushing and pulling at open skin, hips pounding against one another, muffled noises as teeth bite into soft flesh in pleasure. He mutters a string of broken English, bucking into you roughly. His body spasms and you chase your release shortly after, burying your face into his warm neck.

Your fingers clench into his skin as you come undone, feeling lost in his touch and body. You both start to slow down until he finally rolls from on top of you, plopping onto his pillow. He lays there and it looks like he’s trying to reload back into normal Erick mode.

“You’re weird,” you cuddle up to him to lay your head on his sweaty chest. And like all he needed was the sound of your voice, he turns his head to you and shows off those perfect teeth. “Youre weirder,” he wraps you in his arms and starts to play with your now very tangled hair, “siempre me quieres así en la mañana.”

“You’re not complaining” you snap back and he agrees silently with a single look, fingers still locked in your silky strands. You squeeze him tightly to remind yourself how amazing he is and how lucky you are to have him to yourself. He groans as you squeeze tighter, almost pushing you away. “Oowww,” he squeezes you back to play along.

You release him and kiss his cheek one more time. “Okay can we go back to playing the game now?” Youre already reaching for your controller on the floor, pressing buttons to get it started. “Desnuda???” He almost screams, already halfway through putting his own underwear back on.

“Yea, it’ll distract you more,” you wink at him and press play. “My chance of winning is waaayy better now,”

[admittedlynotspartacus]

“Game of Thrones” Season VII: Episode 5 - Let’s Do the Time Warp Again

WARNING: SPOILERS for the latest episode below, so if you haven’t seen it and don’t know yet who dies, who fucks who, and who finally stopped rowing, turn back now.

THE ROAD TO KING’S LANDING

So right from the get-go, we have Bronn and Jaime popping up like -

And Bronn’s pretty much just like -

But most importantly, the man who was sinking to the bottom of the river at the end of last episode swam to safety with full armor and a golden hand!

But if you want logic, look elsewhere because D&D spent an entire episode last season with Arya doing parkour and now THEY HAVE NO TIME!!!

P-Dinky is the only one looking for Jaime, which seems crazy considering he was like the general of the Lannister army and seems like an important enemy, but whatever. And honestly, maybe P-Dinky’s not even looking for him, he could totally just be like -

Anyway, it matters not because the Dothraki are marching all the Lannisters to D-Baby like -

except at the top of the rock is a giant hungry dragon and a crazy lady who’s like “I’m not here to murder you” when just a few hours ago she was like -

She’s predictably giving her same old “Bend the knee or die” spiel, and some people bend the knee but then the dragon’s like -

and totally torches Daddy Tarly and Dickface.

and then all the non-believers are like -

KING’S LANDING

Jaime used the teleportation device and struts into Cersei’s room looking like he just did a full day of Tough Mudder. And Cersei’s like, “Don’t worry bro, we’re gonna beat her.” But Jaime’s, like, “Shut your mouth. Pack your bags.

DRAGONSTONE

D-Baby is back on her dragon, which is charging full fucking speed at J-Snow like -

But J-Snow just whips out his inner Caesar Milan like -

and Drogon's instantly like -

And lemme tell you, D-Baby slides off that dragon like -

#MustLoveDragons.

By the way, did you know that D-Baby thinks of her dragons as her children?

D&D just wanted to drop that little nugget in there one more time before Jorah Mormont pops up like -

And suddenly Dragonstone just got a lot like -

I’m Team Jorah. Always.

Somewhere in here there’s also a scene with Varys where’s he’s basically just like -

WINTERFELL

Bran’s taking a break from reciting Jaden Smith tweets to summon all the Winterfell ravens like -

and they’re flying for a long time. And they’re just kinda like, Snow. Wall. Then boom. White Walkers.

And Bran’s spying and it’s totally going well until the fucking Night King is just like -

OLDTOWN

But Bran does send a raven to Oldtown, which of course causes MORE heartbreaking conflict between Sam and National Treasure Jim Motherfucking Broadbent. And more importantly, more Harry Potter references. Because Sam is basically like, “Be brave, Professor. Be brave like my mother.” And you can tell NTJMFB wants to just be like -

But alas, he’d be rocking the boat of the other maesters too much.

So Sam runs to the Restricted Section, he grabs a bunch of scrolls and shit, he takes Gilly, he takes Little Baby Boyhood and he’s just like -

DRAGONSTONE

J-Snow also gets a raven, and at first he’s like, “OMG Bran’s alive!” OMG ARYA’S alive!” And we think J-Snow may actually have to deal with legit emotions, but then he’s just like, “Winter is coming.”

So P-Dinky comes up with a plan to do a private screening of An Inconvenient Truth for Cersei in the form of J-Snow and Jorah... going to capture... a wight? And like... bringing it to her... to show her...???

KING’S LANDING

Part of the above plan is that Davos will smuggle P-Dinky into King’s Landing to meet with Jaime so they can get the audience for the screening. So they use the teleportation device to get there in no time flat, of course. And the bro reunion goes about as awkwardly as imagined.

Meanwhile, Davos is like, “I have business in Fleabottom. And we’re all like -

Sure enough it’s Him...

But of course D&D ruin the moment real quick by having Davos literally say, “Wasn’t sure I’d find you. Thought you might still be rowing.”

In actuality, he does have a point; you’d expect his arms to be a LITTLE bigger.

But really, he hasn’t been rowing all that time. He’s been forging shit, but all the while like -

So he’s like, “Fuck this. I’m ready,” and he takes out this giant hammer that literally looks like an inflatable toy I had when I was a child. Except it super fucks up these two Monty Python guards when Davos fails to distract them with a Viagra pitch.

Jaime brings the Al Gore news to Cersei, who’s suddenly open to it.

And she’s got some more news as well -

DRAGONSTONE

Gendry and Davos are fucking back, and truly someone is gonna open up a fucking alternate dimension with all this time-hopping, MAYBE YOU GUYS SHOULDN’T HAVE SPENT SO MUCH DAMN TIME WITH PODRICK SLAYING VADGE IN KING’S LANDING BACK IN SEASON THREE!!! But more importantly J-Snow meets Gendry and he’s like, “You look leaner.” And Gendry’s like, “You look shorter.”

WINTERFELL

So remember how last week Arya was like -

Yeah, now she’s like -

Because conflict. So later on when Littlefinger is being Littlefinger and creeping around, Arya’s sneaking around after him like-

Like, girl. You trained with Faceless Assassins for TWO FUCKING SEASONS. This is the best you can do?!?

Anyway, Littlefinger totally knows what she’s doing, because she’s literally just hiding behind pillars.

So he leaves something for her in the form of the letter the Small Council made Sansa write to Robb in Season 1 begging him to bend the knee. In other words, it’s gonna fuel Arya’s newfound suspicion of her sister. Naturally, Littlefinger is pleased.

EASTWATCH

Our last fucking stop on our whirlwind tour of Westeros this week is Eastwatch, which for being the title of the episode is a very brief stop. We’ve got all the dudes here - J-Snow, Jorah, Gendry, and Davos meeting with Tormund, who’s really hung up on Brienne.

They team up with even more dudes when Tormund reveals he’s imprisoned Beric Dondarrion, The Hound, and The Dude. So they’re gonna join in on this wight expedition.

And then they’re off. Beyond the wall. And from there, it’s a Michael Bay wet dream.

BODY COUNT: 4 (RIP Daddy Tarly and Dickface) BOOB COUNT: None EPISODE GRADE: B

SER POUNCE’S STRAY THOUGHTS

Nobody says “Cunt” like Bronn.

Right from the get-go, there’s a curve-ball with the War of the Two Queens - we all kinda figured this season would end with an all-out brawl between Cersei and Daenerys, right? Now that seems unlikely, at least in a militaristic sense.

Daenerys is turning evil clue: Just last week she was all, “I’m a ruler because people chose me,” but now she’s forcing people to bend the knee out of fear. That said, I expected more to be done with Tyrion’s feeling icky about the whole situation. It felt like we were being set up for more conflict there that vanished around the halfway point of the episode.

Daenerys doesn’t know Jon is a Targaryen, so her driving Drogon straight at him is pretty crazy. I mean, we gotta believe if he hadn’t dog-whispered it it would have eaten him, right? What the fuck was her move there?

We’ve only seen three people interact with dragons as Jon did this episode. He did it, Daenerys has done it, and Tyrion. There’s been a long-standing book theory that Tyrion is a Targaryen. And the dragon does have three heads.

The whole wight thing seems really stupid, right?

And another stupid thing: the key to Jon’s parentage randomly hiding in a book in Oldtown. But cleverly done, I think, with Sam ignoring it. So you gotta figure both Bran and he are needed to reveal the truth to Jon - Bran knows that he’s not a bastard - that he’s a Targaryen, and Sam (with Gilly’s info) will know that Rhaegar didn’t abduct and rape Lyanna - it was a consensual love affair.

Sansa will be queen theory proof: Once again being the one person thinking about the realm and the future as opposed to what will be best for the moment at hand.

I loved pretty much everything about Gendry’s re-entrance - the Jon-him dynamic mirroring their fathers’ most of all. And I’m amending my Sansa is queen at the end, Tyrion is her hand, to adding Gendry on as Sansa’s king. It would be the Baratheon-Stark marriage that was meant all along, plus a Lannister (possibly Targaryen) on the side.

This pregnancy news is crazy after I brought up her possibly dying in childbirth last week. Do we believe it? It’s a huge power play on Jaime regardless of its legitimacy.

Where’s Theon?

Where’s Uncle Freddie Mercury?

Where’s Barack? Isn’t Michelle worried?

All right, so we gotta figure there will be some casualties in the North during what seems destined to be another big money episode. I’m calling J-Snow safe, same with Gendry or else why bring him back? Anyone else could go, although Beric or Thoros wouldn’t sting much. But Tormund, Davos, or Jorah going might be happening...

NEXT WEEK: Hardhome: Bigger, Longer, and Uncut.