#okay see. now i'm even talking in depressing ways. fucked up sick and twisted

[trlvsn]

btw sorry for the severe lack of art and properly meaningful things to say. i'm in a state

[archangeldyke-all]

what about sevika with reader who has depressive spells where they lack with their hygiene? and reader tries to avoid her because they feel gross and don't want her to see them like that? definitely *not* something i do... just an idea..

anon, there's absolutely no shame in this, i'm the exact same way. the first thing that goes when i'm in a depressive episode is my hygiene. it's normal and common and nothing to be ashamed of. love u babe :) take it easy on yourself.

men and minors dni

you've been in bed for a week. sometimes you get up to pee or grab some chips from the kitchen, but besides that you're in bed, sleeping or crying.

sevika's been asking about you. you don't want her to worry, so you've just been telling her you're sick. you tell her it's a stomach bug, that she shouldn't come over because you don't want to get her sick too.

the truth is, you don't want her to come over because you're depressed as shit, too tired to do anything but lay in bed and stare at the ceiling.

the thought of a shower makes you queasy.

brushing your teeth feels like running a marathon.

you know you look like shit. you smell even fucking worse. you just can't help yourself.

there's a knock at your door. you shoot up in bed, your heart pounding in your chest.

you're not expecting anyone. you haven't ordered any packages.

you think maybe it's just solicitors, and you cautiously lay back down in bed.

but the knocking happens again.

followed by sevika's voice.

"baby? you awake?"

tears well up in your eyes.

fuck.

you didn't realize how much you missed her until you heard her voice. now that she's here, standing outside your apartment, it feels like you're falling apart.

sevika must hear your shaky cries, because you can hear the lock of your front door twisting open. you curse yourself for giving sevika a spare key two weeks ago.

you bury yourself under the covers.

"baby?" sevika's voice calls as she closes the door behind her and shoves her boots off. her feet gently pad through your home until she's standing beside your bed. you try to muffle your sobs into the pillow. "baby, what's wrong?" she asks. god, she sounds so worried.

she gently pulls the blankets back, letting out a heartbroken little sound as she looks down at you. you try to hide your face from her view but she stops your hands with a gentle grip around your wrist, gently straddling your body.

"baby, talk to me." she begs as she wipes your tears from your eyes.

with sevika on top of you, you break.

you shoot up to bury your head into her chest, and her arms quickly wrap around your back, holding you against her.

"i'm sorry." you whisper.

"what!? for what?" she asks.

"i'm fucking disgusting. i'm depressed, i can't get out of bed, i can't even take a fucking shower, sev. i don't-- you should leave, i don't want you to see me like this." you say.

sevika holds you until you're out of tears. then, she gently guides you back down onto the bed, plastering her body on top of yours as she peppers kisses all over your face and head.

"you aren't disgusting." she whispers. you scoff, and she grips your jaw, forcing you to look up at her. "you aren't." she says firmly. you blink up at her as tears well in your eyes.

"i smell like shit." you say wobbily. sevika chuckles.

"yeah. and you look like a little greaseball." she says. you know she's teasing, but it just makes the tears fall. sevika coos at you and kisses your tears up, quickly amending her statement. "that doesn't make you disgusting, baby. nothing could ever make me think that about you." she says.

you sob, your arms shooting up to cling to sevika. "i'm s-s-sorry." you cry. she holds you through it, kissing your tears.

"you've got nothin' to apologize for." she whispers. "i'm sorry i didn't come check on you sooner." she says.

"i told you not to come."

"i know, but it's my job make sure you're okay." she whispers.

"i should be able to take a goddamn shower by myself, sev, i'm a grown fucking--"

"you've got a disease, baby." she says, gently pressing a finger to your lips as she cuts you off. sevika's always been aware of your mental health issues, but she's never seen you struggle like this before. "you can't control it." she reminds you.

"it's so stupid." you protest.

"do you think it's stupid when i get my phantom pains?" she asks. you blink up at her.

"no! sevika, of course n--"

"what makes this any different?" she asks.

this catches you off guard. you've never considered it this way.

sevika smirks down at what must be a shocked expression on your face. "gotcha." she says.

you chuckle. it's the first time you've genuinely laughed in days.

sevika smiles at you like you've just handed her a check for a million dollars.

she swoops down to press a kiss to your lips. you squeak and try to push her away-- you haven't brushed your teeth in a week!-- but she just bats your hands away and kisses you soundly.

she settles into bed beside you, pulling you to her chest, peppering kisses on your head as she rubs a hand up and down your back. "go to sleep." she whispers. "i'll be here when you wake up." she promises.

she keeps her promise. when you wake up, sevika's still holding you.

she helps you out of bed and into the shower. she strips you down, then herself, directing you under the stream and scrubbing away at your skin while you simply stand there. she keeps one hand on your hip at all times, drawing small circles into your skin.

she washes your hair with abundant care, untangling the knots with gentle fingers, then a brush, kissing you each time she pulls on your scalp to apologize.

when she's done, she dries you off and guides you to sit on the toilet. "wait here." she says. you nod, and she presses a kiss to your hair before she leaves for your bedroom.

when she returns, she helps you dress, gently massaging lotion into your skin, kissing each of your limbs after she's done. she helps you to the sink, preparing your toothbrush for you and handing it to you.

"want me to?" she asks, genuinely. like she wouldn't mind brushing your teeth for you. like she wouldn't even bat an eye. it makes you tear up, and you swoop in to kiss her.

"i can do it." you say once you pull away. she smiles at you and holds you as you brush your teeth, pressing a kiss to your head when you spit into the sink, handing you a glass of water when you stand again.

you almost fall to your knees when she leads you back to the bedroom and see that she's changed your sheets for you, and has placed a tray with a bowl of soup and crackers and tea on top of it.

"sevika..." you wobbily say. she blinks down at you.

"i know soup's not exciting, but i thought you were sick so i wanted to bring you the classic--"

"sevika, i'm in love with you." you say suddenly. sevika freezes. you gulp. "sorry, i know it's soon, forget i sai--"

"i'm in love with you, too." sevika whispers.

you swallow against the lump in your throat, a shaky smile forming on your lips. sevika smiles just as shakily back at you, before she kisses you slowly and sweetly.

she pulls away with a dreamy sigh. you grin up at her.

"i would totally jump your bones right now, but my libido isn't exactly--"

"that's okay." she cuts you off. "when you're feeling better." she says as she gently guides you to bed.

she spends the rest of the night spoon feeding you soup and pressing kisses to your head.

in the morning, she makes you breakfast in bed, then takes you on a stroll around the block. the fresh air feels nice.

you aren't better. you probably won't be for a few more days. but with sevika by your side, helping you through your episode, all the impossible little things you've been hiding from start to seem... easier.

everything seems easier with sevika.

taglist!

@lesbeaniegreenie @fyeahnix @sapphicsgirl @half-of-a-gay @ellabslut @thesevi0lentdelights @sexysapphicshopowner @shimtarofstupidity @love-sugarr @chuucanchuucan @222danielaa

[bxxpbxxprichie]

The one where richie steps in front of the train can you do a part two like someone pulled him back and once all the losers here about it they start trying to make up for being awful to him like while he's been put on watch they always come in and see him and bring him things trying to get him to talk to them it's ok if you don't want to do this but I just thought it would be an interesting twist I'm not saying he should forgive him it's up to you ~friend

Part one | Alternate Part Two

He could see it coming, and hear it from a mile away. The lights shone brightly in his direction. He was just waiting. Waiting for the train to hit him. His heart was pounding all too loudly in his ears. 

It was closer now, and he stayed on the tracks. He was ready. He was accepting the fate. He wanted death. He didn’t want to live in this world anymore.

He closed his eyes and waited for impact.

“Richie!”

His head snapped to the left, just in time to see Beverly barreling at him. She tackled him off of the tracks just in time.

His heart was pounding.

His body felt like mush against the ground, and he started laughing and crying all at the same time. 

“Are you fucking kidding me?” He croaked from underneath the shaking girl. “You hate me that much, that you wont even let me take my own life. You wont let me sleep.” Tears were streaming down his face and dirt was getting stuck to his cheeks from where the train had thrown it up.

“You’re such an asshole.” Beverly sat up on top of him, and began punching him in the chest. “What the fuck were you thinking?!” She screeched, sobbing loudly. Her punches were weak. Richie knew they could be so much harder. 

“You know what I was thinking. You read the note.”

At this point, Richie was stagnant. He wasn’t crying. He wasn’t laughing. He was back to how he had been for the past few months. Uncaring. 

“I fucking love you, you idiot! I’m..I’m sorry, okay? I’m so sorry for how everything has happened and I don’t…I don’t understand how things got so bad but I’m sorry.” Her face was now pressing against his sweat-slicked neck, and Richie felt genuinely loved for the first time in ages.

But it wasn’t okay.

“I love you too, Bev.” He didn’t want to talk about it right now. He cradled her head with his hand, and closed his eyes. “God, I love you so much.”

Although Richie���s parent’s didn’t care much, to keep up appearances they paid to have their son admitted. If anything, it was no skin off their backs. Derry Hospital didn’t technically have a psych ward, but they kept those under watch in one part of the building, and those who were sick in the other part. If there was over flow, they definitely melded them together.

Richie didn’t mind his room, really. It was all white, sure, and the bed wasn’t the comfiest, but he was starting to feel…better. He was under watch for another few days, and during this time he was going to therapy, singular and group, and they had put him on anti-depressants and anxiety medication. 

The Losers had been coming around a lot. Something he was surprised about. But he also didn’t know how to feel. They were the reason he got so bad. He did blame them, as a whole. But it hurt him to try and be this way. To be so angry at them. They didn’t even have reasoning’s as to why they did that, or why they started doing it, but Richie could tell that there were some definite tensions in the group. Namely, between Stan and Eddie.

If Stan and Eddie were both there at the same time, they would stay as far away from each other as possible. Richie even noticed Eddie all out glaring at the other boy for some time when they thought he was caught up in a conversation with Bev. It was strange, and he didn’t get it.

But he was trying to get over being so angry.

He was trying to get over being so negative. 

He didn’t want to be angry for the rest of his life. He didn’t want to be upset at them.

It was a process. It would be a process, a long one.

But he knew eventually, that he would find his place with the losers again, and they would become whole.