#okay it's 2am so i really gotta go but i'll be back tomorrow

[hbyrde36]

STWG Drabble 9/30/23

Prompt: Drunk talk

It was 2am, and Steve was sitting on the kitchen floor huddled around the phone, gripping the handset like it was a lifeline. It only rang twice before Robin picked up. She'd begged her parents to install an extra phone line in her room after Starcourt, and they gave in quickly once they realized it was either that, or getting woken up regularly by middle of the night panicked phone calls from the boy their daughter swore she wasn’t dating. Her parents didn’t know what had really happened to the two kids, just that whatever it was had left them with a lot of trauma and a little bit of codependency, but they loved their daughter, so they did what they could to make her happy.

“Steve?” Robin yawned his name into the phone, a hint of concern coloring her voice even though she was only half awake.

“Robbi-” Steve choked out through a sob that was punctuated with a hiccup. “I thhhink I fuccked up.”

“Are you drunk?” She asked, sounding a little more awake.

Steve snapped his fingers, pointing as if she was in the room with him. “Guessed it’n one.” He slurred a little, sniffling as he tried to speak. It was a wonder she understood him at all.

“Jesus, how much did you have? Wait, weren’t you and Eddie supposed to be hanging out tonight?”

“Oh Eddie” Steve sighed dramatically. “Eddie, he wasss here, he..oh god.. Robin I fuuucked up so bad - e’s never going to tttalk to me again.”

“What happened?” She asked.

Steve cleared his throat and took a few deep breaths. Trying hard to sober himself up.

“We were drinking.” He managed the three words with much less slurring than before, he thought Robin should be impressed.

She wasn’t.

“Clearly”

“Don’ be mean, i’m upset!” Steve groaned.

“Sorry, go on.”

“And I knew I shouldn’t have let myself drink so much but I did and god, Robin, he looked so hot!” Steve rambled on. “He had his hair up and a crop top on and I couldn’t help myself…. I all but sat on his lap when we decided to watch a movie.”

“I’m failing to see the issue here. You were flirting with him, so what? You like him, he likes you.”

“We don’t know that!” Steve hissed.

“We do know that! And I've been telling you to ask him out for weeks!.”

Steve hesitated, a little of his old panic rising in his chest. “I…i wasn’t ready.”

Robin’s tone softend. “That’s okay, you’re allowed to not be ready.”

“I think I am now, but…” He trailed off.

“Okay, so what’s the problem?”

“Eddie kissed me.” Steve said simply, as if that explained everything. In fairness to his booze soaked mind, it did.

“I’m gonna need you to elaborate, babe.”

“I freaked out, Robin! I freaked out and he thought I was freaking out because I didn't want him to kiss me, but really I was freaking out because I like him so much, and the kiss! Oh, the kiss was amazing. I had no idea that kissing could feel like that, but then I panicked because - what if I mess it up, Robin? What if I mess up with Eddie like I did with Nancy? I don’t know if I could survive that again.”

Robin was quiet for a long moment before she said anything.

“Shit, Steve. Do you…feel the same way about him as you did about Nance?”

“I think I do, Robs, I think I'm in love with him, but it doesn’t matter because I already ruined it.”

“Is that true?”

Steve’s heart sank as a deep voice sounded behind him.

He heard Robin suck in a breath on the other end of the line. He looked up, already knowing what he would find. Sure enough, Eddie was standing in the doorway to the kitchen, jacket on and keys still in hand. How long had he been standing there? Did he come back, or had he never left?

“Is that..?” Robin started to ask, but Steve cut her off. “Yeah, it is, um. I gotta go, I'll call you tomorrow.” He hung up before she could respond, never taking his eyes off the boy in the doorway.

Steve gulped audibly. “How much of that did you hear?”

Eddie shuffled his feet, looking nervous. It wasn’t something Steve was used to seeing on the other boy, he usually exuded confidence.

“I guess that depends.” Eddie replied.

“On?”

“How much of it did you mean?”

“All of it.” Steve answered quickly, eager to fix the mess he’d made of things.

Eddie pressed his lips together in a thin line, thinking. “Are you sure it’s not just because you’re drunk and sad?” He said, finally.

“If you stay, I'll say it again in the morning.”

Eddie smiled and shook his head. He walked over and sat down on the floor next to Steve, taking his hand and entwining their fingers. “What a line, Stevie.”

Steve ducked his head. “I’m sorry I freaked out.”

Eddie raised their clasped hands to his mouth and pressed his lips to the back of Steve’s fingers.

“I’m sorry too. I left and didn’t give you the chance to explain. I got into my van and even started it, but I couldn't leave. I didn’t want to run anymore. I came back inside so we could talk about it. I hoped you would forgive me for kissing you and we could still be friends.”

“I don’t want to be just friends, Eddie. Can we try the kiss again?”

Eddie squeezed his hand and stood up, pulling Steve along with him.

“Let’s get you to bed, and if you feel the same way in the morning I would be happy to have a do-over.”

Steve pouted but allowed Eddie to lead him out of the kitchen and up the stairs to his bedroom.

“Don’t pout, baby. You’re really drunk, and it would feel too much like I was taking advantage of you. Let’s just go to sleep, I promise I'll still be here in the morning.”

Baby.

“Will you sleep in here with me if I swear to keep my hands to myself?” Steve asked.

Eddie usually slept on the couch or the guest room when he stayed over. Steve had always hated it, but he had never been brave enough to ask Eddie to stay with him until now.

Eddie chuckled. “Yea, Stevie. I’ll stay with you.”

[ravs6709]

All This Love (I'll Show You How It Feels)- Ambiguous Kam

Word count: 2.8k words

To ink @soryasongsaa !!! Happy late birthday! Have some kam fake dating shenanigans because it hit my brain and I couldn't not write it <3 it was fun as hell to write and I hope you enjoy it just as much

Also he/they keefe!!!

Warnings: swearing, and vaguely suggestive scene except it'd also just crack

•~•~•~•~•~•

Tam thought that it'd been a perfectly normal day. It had been a perfectly normal day. It was 11 p.m., he was in his room and had no reason to interact with anyone, so really, the day should have ended completely normal.

And then there was a knock on his window.

(Oh, of course when the window mesh was damaged, that's when all the nonsense happened.)

He grabbed some old, heavy as hell, textbook in one hand and opened the curtains with the other, then the window, ready to knock the intruder to the ground.

When he saw a glimpse of messy blond hair, he nearly smacked the intruder out of instinct, but barely managed to refrain.

"What the hell are you doing here?" he asked Keefe, who was casually sitting on the narrow ledge of Tam's window. "Give me a reason to not just shove you off."

Keefe guffawed. "Bangs Boy, is this a death threat?"

He rolled his eyes. "It's not a long fall."

(...he would know, he accidentally fell out one time when he was younger.)

He raised an eyebrow. "A favour."

"Ugh, fine, I have a favour. Can't let me be dramatic in peace."

They nodded. "A favour. Unless you want me to go to Linh instead-"

Tam yanked them by the arm and pulled them in. "Do not." Ignoring Keefe's yelp, he continued. "You want me to do some last minute assignment due tomorrow?"

They rolled their eyes. "I wish. I'd have just gone to Fitzy. Unfortunately, I can only ask this of you, because I'm in a much, much more dire-"

"Get on with it. You're interrupting my sleep."

They laughed. "Sleep? You were just gonna stay up until 2am playing a gacha game."

Keefe scowled briefly, then their features shifted into that really annoying expression they got when they were planning something. "Be my boyfriend."

Tam blinked. The expression on their face didn't change. The clock on his wall kept ticking.

"What?"

"Be my boyfriend," Keefe repeated, as if this wasn't the most inane thing they'd ever said, and they'd said some really inane things over the two years that Tam has known them for.

"I know what you said. But let me repeat myself. What."

Their expression schooled into something serious, and Tam decided he wasn't going to throw them out of his window.

"It's fake dating, not a real relationship," they said, "just to clarify."

Never mind. The window was back to being appealing.

"Why."

They shrugged. "To piss off my dad?"

Tam sighed. "Alright, fine, that's understandable. Why the hell are you asking me? You know Sophie would be down for pissing him off."

"I know. But Daddy Dearest himself said I should get a girlfriend."

Tam scrunched his face in disgust. "He actually told you that?"

"It was so awkward, I didn't even know how to snark my way out of what."

"Okay, fine. A boyfriend. Fitz?"

"And interrupt whatever weird Fitzphie pining is going on?" They scoffed. "Another reason I can't date Foster, by the way."

He nodded. "Dex?"

Their expression went serious again. "For... personal reasons, I can't. So really, that leaves you, Bangs Boy, as my final and only candidate." They sighed dramatically. "So. Be my boyfriend?"

He raised an eyebrow. "How does this work? Do I go to your dad's house and hold your hand? Kiss you on the cheek?"

They both grimaced at that. Yeah, no.

"Uhhh, it'd be nice if it were that simple. We gotta like, do a full pretense. Date at school and all that."

He narrowed his eyes. "You want the whole school to know we're dating?"

They nodded. "Yeah, and our friends should believe it too."

"Why the fuck do they have to believe it's real?"

They waved a hand. "They're shit at keeping secrets. You know this. Daddy Dearest is also great at sensing lies, so the less people to lie to him, the better."

This went from mildly annoying to getting on his nerves. "You're annoying."

This was insane. He had to pretend to date Keefe, and make it believable to his friends. He had to fool Linh. "I'm not kissing you."

They gagged. "Ew, hell no. Are you stupid? Who needs to flaunt kissing to prove they're a couple? Bangs Boy, you read too many romance novels."

"Shut up, or I won't date you."

"...you were going to agree this fast?"

"No," he lied.

Obviously he didn't actually want to date Keefe, but they clearly didn't want to do it either, seeing as he was a last (and only) resort. The fact that they actually came to him meant that this was at least kind of serious.

"How long is this supposed to last?"

"I'm gonna move out once I start college. Then give it another month or so, we can break up saying the distance was too much for us."

Tam had to say, for how impulsive and absolutely reckless this fake dating thing sounded, it sounded like they'd thought a lot of this through.

He weighed the pros and cons of this in his head.

Cons: he had to fake date Keefe. He'd have to swallow his pride and be a little affectionate towards them. He'd have to be believable. Keefe would make fun of him. Linh would tease the hell out of him. His parents wouldn't be the happiest with him when they found out.

Pros: He'd have to watch Keefe swallow their pride in order to be affectionate. And they were a very physically affectionate person. He'd get to make fun of them back. He could say he got a boyfriend before Linh could get herself a girlfriend (it was fake and they came to him but that didn't matter). His parents wouldn't actually do anything, might send a few judgemental looks, but he'd long learned to not care about those. He didn't even have to worry about the breakup story.

"How are we going to convince our friends we're in love?" Tam asked. "We hate each other."

To his utter surprise, their face turned red. "Um. There's a non-zero chance that at least one of our friends think I have a thing for you."

"What."

"Weird conversation in a groupchat for that gacha game Linh plays. Denying it made it worse."

"What."

"And since Marella and Biana play it too, they might actually be convinced too-"

"What."

"It is not my fault if I think a fictional character who happens to look like you is hot-"

Tam put a hand over their mouth. "Please," he said, his voice oddly strained to his ears, "shut up."

Keefe nodded, their face growing warm to the touch. Tam removed his hand, and Keefe scowled at him. "We never speak of this again."

Tam nodded sagely.

•~•~•~•~•~•

So that conversation had happened on Sunday night, and now it was Monday morning, and Tam had to go to school. It felt like a blessing now more than ever that they were in different grades, because it meant they only saw each other at lunch or at the school's strings ensemble.

When lunch came, Keefe was at the lunch table already, so he just sat beside him.

Linh raised an eyebrow, and sat opposite of him. "Strange."

Marella, who sat beside her shrugged. "If it means they won't play footsies again, I'll take it."

Tam glanced at Keefe, wondering if this was a good opportunity to say something, but the idea of a public announcement of dating was so weird. How do you even make that kind of announcement when neither of you showed interest in the other?

(Well, ignoring... what Keefe had said. That didn't count.)

He had no desire to kiss him on the lips, a cheek kiss was less weird but still way too excessive. Handholding was probably not a bad idea, but when it came to the two of them, it seemed too quick, too fast.

Keefe kicked his foot. Tam kicked it back. The angle was weird because they were sitting beside each other instead of on opposite sides, but clearly, that wasn't stopping Keefe.

"They're at it again," Biana said, from where she was sitting beside Keefe.

When Keefe's foot knocked into his again, Tam hooked his ankle around Keefe's. He glanced at him from his peripheral vision, and noted the almost wide-eyed look. It was such a minor action, but it seemed to have stunned him.

Linh hummed, looking straight at Tam, before her eyes flicked down as she leaned back, peeking under the table.

Tam hid his smile as he continued eating. Maybe this could be fun.

•~•~•~•~•~•

Well. Unlike Tam, who was going for subtlety with his under the table, before building up to something more, Keefe had no intention on that. Which, he really should have expected.

They'd been a little quiet during their group study session/hangout at the Vackers, but it wasn't until they'd slid a paper onto his notebook did he understand why.

Tam picked up the sheet of paper and looked at it. It was a sketch from a pencil, the lines smooth as it depicted a soft looking picture. A picture of Tam doing some of his work, a slight smile on his face, probably a relieved smile from when he'd managed to figure out an answer to a question earlier.

"This..." Tam began, lost on what to say.

"Felt like drawing you," they replied, as if that was a proper answer.

And if that wasn't enough, they then grabbed his hand and brought it to their cheek. For a moment, he almost thought that they'd bring his hand to their lips, but fortunately, they did not do that. "Your hand's cold," they murmured, "but it feels nice."

"You are... very shameless."

He thought that they'd struggle more to be affectionate with him. Then again, they were always one to defy expectations.

"What?" Sophie asked, and not just her, but the rest of his friends were staring at them. "Since... when?"

"It's not unexpected," Linh said neutrally, looking at Tam. "The more surprising thing is that I didn't get to know beforehand. That being said, I also want to know how long."

"Last night," Tam replied. "Came to my window like they're in some romantic drama, then confessed their undying love for me. The absolute sap."

He hid his smile as he glanced at their briefly scowling face. And because they hated being outdone, they had to add, "Well, you should've seen the look on his face. The cute blush, the wide eyes, the way his voice lowered as he told me how he hated me but still couldn't help loving me."

He glared. It wasn't as chilled as it usually was, which was a testament as to how surprisingly calm he felt. If this had been even yesterday, there was a relatively high chance of this devolving into a fistfight.

•~•~•~•~•~•

During one of Tam's grocery shopping sessions, he'd been browsing through the snack aisle. He usually only came here every once in a while to stock up on some relatively low sugar cookies. As he walked down the aisle, he spotted a certain brand of cookies.

("Bangs Boy," Keefe whined over the phone, because for some reason, Tam decided to accept his call instead of denying it like he normally did. "I'm out of cookies and the store doesn't have more in stock."

"That sounds like a you problem," Tam told him.

"Such a mean boyfriend, you are. I've got the worst boyfriend."

"Sure, sure," he said absently, because he'd been paying more attention to the show that he'd been watching before he got the phone call.)

Without thinking, he grabbed a box and tossed it into the shopping basket. He paid for his stuff and shoved it into his backpack, then walked over to Keefe's house.

He probably could just enter the front door, but at this point it was almost 9:30 p.m. and he didn't feel like coming across Keefe's dad. There was an easy to climb tree, and it was definitely easier than getting to his own window.

The mesh was attached, but the window had been opened slightly, and Tam could hear the sound of a violin playing.

Now, he was no stranger to Keefe's playing, he heard it every time during their strings ensemble club meeting. He was even familiar with Keefe playing to only him. But there had always been an audience, and when there was an audience, there was always the need to play a certain way.

He couldn't see Keefe at this moment, but he could imagine the lack of tension in his posture, could imagine closed eyes as he immersed himself fully.

On your own, when there was no one to hear other than yourself, there was a lack of restraint, there was a vulnerability. He knew it from hearing Linh play cello, but hearing it from Keefe, it was...

The flash of a camera blinded him.

"You look like a creep, staring from my window," Keefe said.

"You play well," Tam blurted.

His mouth parted into a small gape, and Tam had expected a reply of 'obviously' or 'you finally admit it, Bangs Boy?' but he didn't say anything, eyes wide.

"Soo, why are you here?" Despite the words, he took down the mesh and let Tam in. "Surely it wasn't to act like a creepy stalker."

Tam pulled out the box of cookies and threw it at him, annoyed by the ease of which he caught it.

"Oh my god, a present?" Keefe gasped dramatically. "I've changed my mind. You're the best boyfriend!"

"Don't expect this to happen often. I just happened to be shopping."

Still though, Keefe was grinning, ice blue eyes gleaming, as he hastily opened the box and took out a pack. "Thanks, Bangs Boy!" There was a sense of genuine happiness, none of that smugness, none of that bravado, and it wasn't often that Tam was the one to make him that happy.

While Keefe was busy pleasantly eating his cookies, Tam snatched his phone out of his pocket.

"Hey, what the hell—hah, you don't know my password!"

Tam quickly entered his fingerprint—because he'd managed to sneak it on and was saving it for an important moment—and he opened the photos app.

Upon realizing this, Keefe tackled him. They both fell on to the bed.

"When the hell did you get your fingerprint on?"

"I'm not telling you."

They wrestled on the bed for the phone. Their hands fumbled as they aggressively grabbed at each other.

"Delete that picture."

"Hell no!"

They continued wrestling, as Tam managed to pin him down on the bed. It was only when Keefe stopped struggling when he realized the position that they were in.

And then the door opened.

"Keefe—" the sound of Cassius Sencen's voice cut off.

And if that wasn't horrifying enough...

"Oh, dad, can't you see you're interrupting something?" Then he cupped Tam's face in his hand.

Tam didn't dare look back to actually see Cassius's face, but there was an awkward silence and then he could hear footsteps leave.

"Keefe," Tam let out a breath. He was frozen in shock. "What the fuck what that?"

He grinned. "I was planning to pretend to kiss you in front of him anyway, this could not have gone better."

"Your dad thinks you and I are..."

"Tell me it isn't hilarious."

"It is. But I'm going to be horrified anyway because what the fuck. I'm leaving. Also, delete that picture or else I'm telling Sophie about your fictional crush."

"Hey—we agreed we'd never speak of that again!"

•~•~•~•~•~•

When Tam opened his locker at school, he was not expecting a crap on of drawings of him pasted on the walls by magnets, but somehow, he wasn't surprised.

"And you call me the creepy stalker," Tam said to Keefe.

"This is revenge for you getting your fingerprint on my phone."

He raised an eyebrow. "I'm sure you've been here before."

They sighed. "Yeah, you're right."

•~•~•~•~•~•

During lunch, Keefe had a physics test soon that they were now whining about.

"I should've dropped out," they wailed. "What if I ditch the test?"

"Hey," Tam said, leaning over to rest a hand on their head, ruffling their hair a little bit. "You'll be fine. You've done better with less studying."

Keefe relaxed into his touch, and he wondered when this became normal. Physical touch wasn't necessarily his thing, but he'd noticed that Keefe was very receptive to it. And he was more fine giving it, comparing to receiving. It even made Keefe less annoying when they got this comfortable.

This whole fake-dating thing was... kind of fun. He found he didn't mind if Keefe dragged him on random outings or showed up at his window at 11 p.m.

He didn't mind keeping up this pretense.

•~•~•~•~•~•

Kotlc taglist: @stellarune @my-swan-song @impostertamsong @subrosasteath

Want to be added/removed from the tag list? Just let me know!

[jaderimehardt]

So, Cali is in the middle of another storm, yay me~ 🙃. Tomorrow I get to go out in it because I have appts and errands. We're in the middle of a flood watch with wind advisory and potential power outages atm. Nothing new, I guess? 😅

Yesterday I had my bedroom window open listening to the deluge of rain, because I actually love the rain. For the longest time, Cali was in a draught and I wished for nothing more than rain. I can't help but feel that phrase "be careful what you wish for" is coming back to haunt me.

I'm sure it'll be okay. It's global warming, surely. Everything's out of whack. Just gotta hang in there until the next season's crazy weather, and then the next, and the next.

I've also been watching lots more vids on Youtube (to no one's surprise), but from all the things I like; ranging from culinary, to Myer Briggs, to art, to science, to resin... man I miss working on resin.

I keep checking the weather forecast and I need 70+ degree weather to come back (to work on resin) but I also really don't want warm weather back, lol 🫠. So conflicted.

And then I remember I still have a ton of things I can work on with graphics- on the computer and on mediums. I just seem to mentally skip over that. It's like I need a huge checklist or sign right in front of my face. Even if I'm watching vids most of the day, when I get free time to actually sit and do something- I give that time to something else- I prioritize something else. I don't know what it is. Or why that is.

When I work on resin, I'll literally wake up in the morning, go out into the garage first thing, won't come back inside until it's like 1am or 2am. I'm out there all. day. long.

It's like an escape.

I think there's a disconnect with other things when I compare it to that. Because when I find an attachment to projects, I don't pry away. It's almost impossible to pry me away.

🤔

Another thing I've been doing lately is watching movies in the evening. Some new, some old. But I'll put them on with a sketch book in front of me, and doodle.

For the record, doodling is different from working on an actual project (for me at least).

I'm also still trying to figure out what graphic to make for that puzzle. Thinking some kind of scenery with focus on ~something~. I might actually pull some places from a book I once was writing back in college (that I never finished). It might be time to revisit that.

My skills in drawing scenery though... 🫠. Yeah, this will be a fun challenge /sarcasm. Let's just reference all the trees and foliage necessary to get this task done 😶

Because, I mean, it's still all here in my head. I just never followed through with writing the whole thing.

I was like 170 pages in at 8pt font or some nonsense, and not even halfway done with the book. That's why I stopped, lol. It would have had to be chopped up into multiple books with multiple "climatic" endings 🤷🏻‍♀️. It put me in a position of "I dunno what the heck to do" and we see how well that went 🙃

That turned into "I'll come back to it later" and "later" turned into months, months into years, and years into indefinitely, and indefinitely to..... I think about it occasionally. It's in a folder in my bookcase where the last time I looked at it was years ago.

I still use my OCs in a lot of things though.

And if anyone is curious why my blog posts tend to lean more on the ramble-y side:

This is one of the handful of vids I watched today. When watching it, it was kind of like a lightbulb 💡; I was like "Oh! This explains a lot."

He has good Myer Briggs vids /nods (I'm an INFJ -t)

Edit: Oh, my god. Let me edit in this tweet I just found on Twitter.

It's a visual chart for pencils and this is awesome.

Marcel aka Draw Like a Sir, on Youtube, has a video that I'm pretty sure I've linked in a previous post- about how the B pencils are not easy to erase, but they're great if you're "coloring" or "filling" with them. Use the others for sketching, as they erase better. Always remember to sketch lightly, so your eraser will have an easier time to erase.

I think the vid was called "5 worst mistakes" or something 🤔

[avungerthatgotaway]

Baby it's the Sign of the Times

Eyoo guyzz! This is a new oneshot, I hope you like this❄ I'm currently rewriting my Hawkeye fic, so I'm not gonna post that one for a little. This one is a bit longer than my previous ones.

I totally recommend you to listen to this song while reading, even if you're not a fan of Harry's. It will really help the mood.

I don't own anything, even tho I'd like to have a few... choice words with Russo brothers about endgame...👍🏼🤔

Warnings: none

Summary: events when Peggy dies, mainly before Steve goes to London, and you comfort him. (I know it's stupid summary, but I don't want to spoil it, sorry)

Genre: angst

I don't mention civil war at all. No other avengers are at Peggy's funeral. There are no romantical pairings, and Sharon is not mentioned cuz she doesn't fit in the storylineeee.

----------------------------

She's gone.

In her sleep.

This words crushed Steve inside. He knew this was coming, but he'd never be ready for it, no matter what.

When he came from ice, he met her again. He knew they could never be together. No matter his actual age, Steve still had a full life in front of him. Unfortunately, same couldn't be told for Peggy.

Oh Peggy... She was always his ray of sunshine. Even through darkest of days. It is a cliché, but she was.

Was.

She is gone now.

Why did she have to go? Why didn't he get to spend a life with her? Steve's biggest wish was, and always will be, to spend a happy life with her. He didn't want any of this famous captain shit. He wanted a house in a village and 2 kids with Peggy. And a little dog. Or they'd be of service, and fight next to each other. Nevermind, Steve wanted a life with Peggy. For them to watch each other go grey. Maybe he could've been there for her as a husband now, through her sickness. Or maybe he'd be the one to go first. But still, that'd be a life...

One tear slipped down his rosy cheek, the other one following. Soon he had tearstains on his cheeks, but he didn't care. It was a silent cry. Those carry the most pain.

"Eyo, capsicle! You good there?" Tony snapped him outta his thoughts. Steve forgot the whole team was in the room. Fortunately, he was turned, so they were facing his back. He just couldn't talk to anyone right now.

"Yea yea, I'm good. I gotta go." he quickly got up and exited the room. He climbed up the stairs 2 more floors, but his toughts started haunting him again.

He's going on a plane tomorrow morning to say goodbye for the last time. Oh God, even thinking of a last time kills Steve inside. It's pretty late, but he didn't know what to do until morning. Sleeping wasn't an option, he knew that much. He gave in to overthinking again.

Of Peggy. Of her life. Of what could've happened if he didn't freeze...

"Just stop your crying, it's a sign of the times..."

"...welcome to the final show..."

"...I hope you're wearing your best clothes..."

Steve heard a silent piano in the background, and he heard an angelic voice. He still had tearstained cheeks, but he needed to hear what the voice had to say.

"...you can't bribe the door on your way to the sky..."

He was still clutching his cellphone in his hand, while following the voice. He came in front of Y/N's room. Y/N was a 16 year old avenger. She was very mature and wise for her age.

Her door was opened, and he just leaned against the doorframe, listening to her beautiful voice.

"...if we never learn, we been here before..."

"... why are we always stuck and running from the bullets..."

"...they told me that the end is near..."

Steve was crying a river at this point, and he didn't care. First shock was wearing out, and silent cries became little sobs. Yet, not loud enough for Y/N to hear.

"...just stop your crying, baby it'll be alright..."

"...we got to get away..."

She played final chords on piano, and then she turned around.

2nd person POV

You were singing "Sign of the times" and playing your piano. You loved this song. It was helping you relax, the melody was perfect. During the few last, silent piano chords, you tought you heard something. You softly finished and turned around. It was Steve.

But not the Steve you knew. This one had red puffy eyes, swollen from crying. He was sobbing quietly, trying to stop the sobs, but he couldn't.

You slowly came up to him, like to a wounded animal. He was just so hurt, you could see it in his eyes. You felt bad for him, but you wanted to know what happened. Who could hurt Stevie so badly.

"What happened, Big Guy?" you asked him. Steve just kept on sobbing even harder.

You moved him a little, so he was in your room, and you closed the door. You lead him to your bed, and sit on it, next to him. He was clutching his phone tightly in his hand, so you lifted his hand and gently tried to take it. He wouldn't let it go. You don't wanna pressure him, but whatever is on that phone is causing him this much distress.

"Stevie, cmon big babe" you cooed and rubbed the back of his hand with your thumbs. It may sound strange so someone, but Stevie really was like a big baby, so fluffy and vunerable inside.

He gave in and the phone just slipped from his hand in yours. You read the text and everyting was clear right away. You knew he went to visit Peggy in hospital, you didn't know she was this bad. I mean, Steve and you were close, but still that's too personal. You felt sooo sorry for him. He didn't deserve it. Not now. Not ever.

"Ohh, I'm so sorry Stevie..."

You immidiately hugged him close to you. He burried his head in your shoulder and neck, crying his eyes out, but at the same time trying not to cry. At least not to sob.

"Stevie, bear, it's okay to cry. Just let it all out."

That was all he needed. He started crying and sobbing uncontrollably, and your shirt was soaked in his tears. You didn't mind it tho, if it'll help him to feel better afterwards, he can cry as much as he needs.

After some time he lifted his head and looked into your eyes with his puffy baby blues.

"I'm sorry, Flower, I-I ju-ust can't believe s-s-she's go-one-e" he was still crying. You could see how much Peggy meant to him. You hugged him again, tugging at his hair softly to comfort him.

"Hey, hey no need to apologise Stevie. You cry yourself out, it'll help you. I'm here for you, Bear."

"T-tha-ank you. A-and and please... ca-can you-u not tell a-anyone about he-er ye-et..."

"Shhhh, Bear, I won't tell anyone about her. You wait until you're ready." you whispered.

You understood him. Not everyone in the team knew Peggy existed. And now telling them that she died, and what happened with them would be too much for Steve.

"T-thanks"

"Shhh, it's okay, it's okay." you whispered. You whispered to soothe him, you didn't know what to do when someone's loved one dies. But you wanted to be there for Steve so badly. Little did you know that what you did was just perfect for Steve.

-

Steve at first felt ashamed, because he cried in front of Y/N. But she talked just enough, whispering soothingly. He didn't have streinght to act like a big guy anymore. He craved comfort so badly, and he got it from Y/N. It felt nice.

-

Back to 2nd person POV

Something was bothering you. Steve didn't want anyone to know about Peggy's death which meant he was probably going to funeral alone. You didn't want that for him. At least he needed someone to be with afterwards. You knew Steve and how sensitive he was. You didn't want to think of things going through his head while he's alone after funeral. But if it was in London, as you tought it was, you had a plan.

"Stevie?" you said quietly playing with his hair a little.

"Mhm?" he asked, face still in your shoulder.

"When is Peggy's funeral? Is anyone going with you?" you asked. He lifted his head a little.

"T-tomorrow. L-london. And no. It's too much-h t-trouble for anyone. And I know it is Y/N, do-don't try to o--object" he smiled through his tears. You smiled back at him, your own eyes glistening with tears a little, but you didn't want him to notice.

He burried his head in your shoulder and neck again, like it was his safeplace, and he just cried. You couldn't imagine where those tears come from.

You softly stroked his short blonde locks, and started singing.

"Just stop your crying, it's the sign of the times...

...welcome to the final show

...I hope you're wearing your best clothes..."

Half into the song, you felt more weight on your shoulder. You looked down, and realised Steve fell asleep. You pressed one kiss to his temple, and moved him, so he was lying in your bed.

"Good night, Stevie Bear." you whispered.

-

When you exited your room quietly, you immediately called your best friend, Jon.

It was 2am, but you and Jon were just the best friends, you could call him whenever, and other way around.

Him and his family were going to London, and he invited you to go with them. You declined the offer, because you had to study so. so. much. But this was way more important.

"Heey, Jonny. Is that London offer still on?

Great. When are you going?

Ohhh, in 2 hours?

Yea, I'll be there. Thanks

And by the way, I'll have somewhere to go to tomorrow, around 4pm, I hope you guys don't mind.

Ohh cool. Thank you bruhhhh. Byee"

Great news. They still had a plain ticked to spare, and they'll pick you up soon.

You quickly packed your stuff, careful not to wake up Stevie. Poor baby. With everything he's been through, and now his Peggy dies...

You tell JARVIS to tell Tony you're in your friends house, and to wake up Steve 'round 6am. His flight was in 7. You knew this, and which Church it was in at what time because you did a little research. Aka, asked JARVIS for help. AI already heard everything, so it wasn't news.

You left the tower and went to meet up with Jon and his family.

-

Steve woke up by alarm ringing at 6am. He immediately realised he's not in his room. He was in Y/N's. And then he remembered how you comforted him. He was so thankful for you. Even though, you weren't here, and it was confusing. You probably went to sleep on the couch, or in some other room, and Steve felt bad about it. He quickly got ready, and tried to find you, so he could get you back to your bed. Fortunately JARVIS easened his search.

"Mr. Rogers, ms. L/N went on a trip with her friend a few hours ago."

"Oh. Thanks JARVIS." Steve said, and left the building. You didn't mention any trips, but then again, you two didn't talk anything except Peggy tonight.

-

(timeskip to Peggy's funeral, cuz no one wants to listen about the trip now)

-

3rd person POV

It's so devastating to attend a funeral on your own.

Even more so if it's a funeral of your lost loved one.

Maybe Steve should've brought someone with him. For comfort. At least to feel the familiar presence. He carried Peggy's coffin, and it was enough to make him feel empty and sad. It was nearing to the end of funeral, and Steve didn't want to be alone. He wanted comfort. Like when Y/N comforted him last night.

After the ceremony ended, he stayed behind a little. He craved someone's presence. Anyone familiar. And then he felt a smal hand on his shoulder. He turned around, and it was Y/N. At first, he tought he was hallucinating. But her petite hand on his shoulder felt so real. He felt so grateful for this small human being at the moment, he just wanted to thank God over and over for having her with him.

"Y/N, Flower, what are you doing here?" he asked, still in shock.

"Hey Bear. I figured out you could use some company after the funeral. But if you wanna be alone, I understand, I'll go."

"No no, I mean, if you can stay, it would mean a world to me. You really know me better than I know myself sometimes Y/N. Thank you so much, Flower." he said, and immediately came for a hug. You hugged back, of course.

"I'll stay for as long as you want, Bear. I'm here for you, as long as you want me to stay."

"I want you to stay forever kiddo" he mumbed in your hair.

"Forever it is."

----------------------------

@afictionaladventure16 @rae-is-typing @elles-writing @avengersarchive @avengersuniverse

[cherylsblossom]

that's good because i'm having fun talking to you too and i'm completely incapable of not mentioning my only two talking points in every conversation. that's so on point though. scott and stiles just taking turns making each other cry at the stydia wedding. now i'm crying. you're right about the christmas hc's too. also in the world where kira gets what she deserves, i could see scira going all out on chrsmas every year and spending it w stydia. im running out of space elaborate for me -ts anon

lmao i can literally relate every conversation ever back to taylor swift, it’s my one true talent. i wore my 1989 tour shirt out the other week and got stopped by like three different people to ask me about it

i’m all about wedding hcs lmao so we’ll get back to christmas later

there are 2 empty chairs in the front row of their wedding, one for allison and one for stiles’ mother. it hurts that they’re not there, but when lydia does the seating chart (no way she’s leaving stiles in charge of that) it feels wrong to not include them some way (also i sort of like the idea of lydia taking her wedding bouquet to allison’s grave instead of throwing it like the tradition. she remembers how allison talked her into taking stiles to that dance in s1 and she wishes allison could be there to rub it in her face how right she was)

scott and stiles spend the wedding reception crying and hugging each other. several people make comments about how it wouldn’t be hard to believe it was their wedding rather than stiles and lydia’s. lydia doesn’t cry. she gets emotional at marrying the actual legit love of her life but she doesn’t cry. if anyone comments on it she’s like ‘why ruin my make up when scott and stiles are doing enough crying for all of us’ 

lydia’s vows have been drafted and redrafted for months in advance. the entire pack has been drafted in for edits and rewrites. they are beautiful and stiles starts crying the second she opens her mouth. stiles’ vows are mostly improvised but they’re beautiful all the same. kira gives stiles thumbs up from her seat the whole time bc scott is too busy crying. 

lydia corrects the officiant on how to say stiles’ name and her pronounciation is perfect and stiles has literally never loved her more. also he literally never gets tired of introducing lydia to people as his wife. (’have you met my wife, lydia?’ ‘stiles i went to high school with both of you’)

(scott and kira are absolutely that couple who have matching christmas jumpers and are disgustingly cute about it all. stiles opens his mouth to ask lydia if they should get matching ugly sweaters and lydia is like ‘no’ before he can even ask bc she knows him so well at this point) 

(stiles: but how do you always know what i’m about to say

lydia: (deadpan) it’s bc i’m psychic)

[jocy-diaries]

06.30.2022

Okay so I woke up at 2am to watch the Weeb Wednesday movie and it was super fun!! It took me a little while to actually wake up and I felt drunk and awful until that happened, but once it did I was able to enjoy the movie and it was SUCH a good movie. He always picks the best stuff and I'm here with my mediocre choices lol By the end of the movie I was feeling foozy again so I have no idea how I'll fare tonight with DnD AFTER I go out drinking with my roommates. That will be interesting.

But ohmygosh I ate a croissant this morning for breakfast and I felt so disgustingly full. It's probably because I ate till I actually felt full yesterday which made any addition just feel Bad. But anyways, today I did wake up late again, so no coffee. And I had weird dreams... In one dream I had a boyfriend who I was actually dedicated to. But I wanted to pass a test for medieval archiving And I failed twice and I was so annoyed about it that I didn't want to speak with my boyfriend and he wasn't making matters any better by pushing it and talking about how the test wasn't that important eventhough he kept on distracting me. Even the test counselor made fun of me for failing... But after a day or two I calmed down and when my boyfriend came to ask to borrow money very stoicly so he wouldn't annoy me with his card eight there to pay me back, I leaned into him and gave him the few euros he needed without asking for anything in return and all of a sudden things were better. I wasn't angry with him anymore at that point so it's fine. It's weird though, because love and touch are not my languages yet that's not I had to respond to make him feel better and I didn't mind it. Whack.

Anyways. Italian class went okay. I was supposed to go straight to a museum but I'm freaking tired. And I technically have to return some clothes that don't fit me. I might just skip the museum today honestly...

But tomorrow I'm going to Museo Stibbert for sure since I'll be working there. Tomorrow or this weekend, one of the two.

I need to return some of the clothes I bought.. The most expensive things I got don't fit me. It's so annoying, they're all too big. I guess I'll have to actually try them on today.

Okay so I was able to return stuff from both stores without any problems! Now I just gotta get them in an extra small and I should be good. I will be trying them on though, just in case.

I was able to find the same shorts but not the cute dress ;^; I hate the streets here though, and the stores. They're too crowded and oversized. It's busy. And annoying.

I literally don't have anything cute to wear now. I'm going to need a whole ass second bag to fly back home with just filled with new clothes. I left all of my cute shit behind. Why did I do that.

Okay my roommates and I are getting ready to go to dinner because one of the girls from our group is going to leave for Pisa soon (they're group really, I'm more of an interloper) and I almost wanna apologize. I have nothing sexy to wear and my cute clothes are gone. Which sucks. And I have no high heels. I wanted to buy some but ended up not. Big sigh. I'll be the ugly dame at the ball but at least I'll have good food. If they want anyone to take pictures I'll be there for them. To their credit though, they've been super nice to me this whole time. Like, every single one of them. So kind.

I think I'll reach out to one of the recruiters that found me to try and get a new position. Just in case Sptfy is acting a bitch.

Ohmygosh. This was my first time at a club and it was so much fun oh.ygoah. some guy from Austria spun me around twice it was great. We sang so many songs and I'm a little drunk.

[jocy-diaries]

06.26.2022

Wow, do waking up early for DnD is a LOT harder when I'm on my own for some reason. This is going to be tougher than I thought... Also, I really want to drink some water but the only thing I have is the carbonated water. RIP. Didn't help that I had drank maaaybe a bit too much yesterday.

Well, that was an interesting game. Two of our characters are gone for game related reasons so we'll be getting two more new ones. I'm still not sure how I feel about this...

Last day in La Spezia! I really like this place. I hope I get to come back. But also, after so much traveling, I think it'll be nice to stay in one place for a whole month. I'm kinda tired of lugging all this stuff around lol it's too heavy.

My gosh. I went to my cart in first class and I told the girls sitting there that they were sitting in my spot (politely of course) and they told me to just sit somewhere else. Being non confrontational, I did. And now the ticket guy came to check our tickets and they had to move because that wasn't their seats 🙃 Vindication.

I'm so thirsty. It's like, I refuse to do any non essential tasks until i get some water.

I GOT WATER At first I got sparkling and nearly threw the bottle in restriction lol.

Now I'm on this train for a whole hour and it's full to the brim so I can't sit down. This sucks.

Two girls just went into the bathroom giggling together? Huh. At least they get to sit.

Finally made it to a seat!! Thank goodness. I can relax for these last thirty minutes. I swear time moves do weird in public transportation. Or maybe it's just in Europe.

The driver who was supposed to pick me up is late because he took the train? ....what?

Okay, after all of That confusion I was able to get to the apartment! We had to drive through Busy pedestrian walkways which was stressful, but apart from that things were good! It's a legit little apartment and my roommates are super nice. They're three beautiful white girls so of course I feel entirely inferior, but they're all very nice to me so I appreciate it. Apparently they were in Cinque Terre yesterday, I feel like I might have met them if I had decided to go again. Wonder if that's a good thing or a bad thing..

The first thing we did was go out for drinks lol I got a Spritz! It was a lot easier to drink than the last one. Then we went grocery shopping where I might have bought a bit too much but also not enough. I had no idea where the freaking sugar was. After lunch (a cantaloupe for me) I took a nap.

I think I'll legit have to really regulate my DnD games. I don't think I can actually keep waking up at 2am three times in a row, not when I'll have class at 9am this whole week and the internship starting soon... I think I'll keep some of the games but not others. Tempted to also cancel my Wednesday anime nights to keep me sane... I might have to, actually. Keeping Thursday's game, Saturday's game, and _maybe_ Friday's game. I feel bad though, there were really good plots for the other games that I wanted to explore. But I just can't...

I'll go shopping tomorrow. I desperately need more things in order to feel comfortable and settled here. Our internet is a little crap, I gotta admit. It doesn't reach the bedrooms. They said someone is coming tomorrow to fix it, and I really hope they do actually fix it. Also really wishing I was prettier. It would certainly help me feel more confident in things. And I don't really wanna go back to the us tbh. I don't want to return to sitting at my desk all day and driving everywhere. Oh! But guess what? It'll be a 40min commute from here to my internship place so I officially have audiobook time again~

I feel a bit weird... And I'm not sure if it's all the alcohol ove had, or if it's me taking my medication again... Or if it's the fact that I haven't eaten much. Either way, not liking it.