#okay i'll shut up now and go to sleep i'm sleep deprivation rambling

[chenziee]

Somebody pay me a full salary to just sleep, write fics, play games, play with my cat, vacation, and sleep

[nastybuckybarnes]

Teddy Bear Picnic - Three

Pairing: Dark!Steve Rogers x Reader

Summary: If you go down in the woods today you’re sure of a big surprise. - The one where you give in.

Warnings: Dark fic, dark themes, dub con, language, violence, kidnapping, injuries, eventual smut, 

Word Count: 1.2K

A/n: Short lil chapter, we'll be getting into more real stuff soon. I hope y'all enjoy!

!!This is a Dark Fic with Triggering and Sexual Content. Read at Own Risk!!

~*~

He doesn't come back with food that night.

In fact, you don't see him for over a week.

For the first several days you stay exactly where he left you, but eventually you need to use the bathroom.

It proves to be a challenge to do much of anything with your arms bound behind you the way you are, but you manage to turn the water on and stick your head under the faucet, drinking small sips of the leaky tap water in a pathetic attempt at stopping your stomach from digesting itself.

When he finally does come down the stairs, he does so with a bowl of soup in his hand.

You're slumped against the cool concrete floor, cheek pressed to the damp ground as your body threatens to shut down.

You peel an eye open and watch as he stands in front of you for a long while before crouching down.

"Will you be good?"

You only close your eye and pray that death takes you in the next few seconds.

"Oh, look at you, poor thing. Now, whose fault is this?" He asks softly.

Slowly, you pry open your eyes and look up at him, licking your cracked dry lips.

"I'll be good," you croak, voice weak and hoarse.

He nods, his eyes softening the tiniest bit.

"Yeah, I bet you will. Sit up."

It takes you a while to feel your body again, but eventually you manage to push yourself into a seated position, head tilted back against the wall.

"Open up."

You obey, opening your mouth as he brings a spoonful of soup up to your lips.

An audible moan leaves you when it hits your tongue, and you eagerly swallow it down and open your mouth for more.

You're not sure if it's simply because you haven't eaten in days, but this is the most delicious meal you've ever had and you're greedy for more.

He gives you another spoonful, pulling back when you immediately open your mouth for more.

"Slow down. I don't want you to make yourself sick."

You shake your head desperately and lean forward, only for him to pull it further from you.

"Please, more. I'm so hungry, please," you beg, tears filling your eyes at the thought of him depriving you of this delicious soup.

"Shhh, none of that now, honey. I won't take it away as long as you're good for me, okay?"

You nod desperately, opening your mouth when he lifts the spoon once again.

Silent tears trek down your cheeks as he continues spoon-feeding you until the bowl is empty.

Your stomach feels better, and now all you want is a glass of water, a hot shower, and to sleep for the rest of your life.

It's quiet for a while, and his heavy gaze eventually gets too uncomfortable for you to sit under.

"Thank you for the soup," you finally whisper.

Having spent so many days alone, you crave human interaction. And right now, you don't really care who that human is.

"What's in it?"

Your question surprises your captor and he looks at you with bewildered eyes before clearing his throat and glancing at the empty bowl.

"Chicken and vegetables. The veggies are from my garden and I know a butcher a few towns over - he always gives me fresh meat."

You nod slowly, his words processing in your head.

"You have a garden," you whisper. The idea of him gardening, doing something so normal, is unnerving. It makes him seem more human.

"That... that's nice. I used to garden," you confess, eyes on your fingers as you begin to ramble. "Mostly flowers, but I planted some tomatoes last year that did pretty well. I've always wanted to really get into gardening but... I guess I never really had the time between school and work and... life." All things you no longer need to worry about. But you don't say that last part lest you anger him.

His face softens and he leans forward, eager to learn more about you and happy that you finally have something in common. Something to bond over.

"What do you grow?" You ask, lifting your gaze to his. You're surprised by the softness in his eyes. Gone is that horrible anger, the monstrous rage that was there the last time you saw him. It's like he's a completely different person.

He seems to relax even further as you continue speaking, asking him things. Trying to get to know him.

"Lots and lots of herbs. I like to make my own tea. I also grow lettuce... carrots, beets, and onions. I've got a strawberry patch and some rhubarb as well, but I have a hard time finding good recipes with rhubarb that I like."

"I've heard it's good in pies with berries," you whisper, dropping your gaze as your bottom lip starts to wobble.

Your grandmother used to make a delicious strawberry rhubarb pie.

"Maybe one day you can take over the garden for me."

Your eyes snap back up to his, tears drying at his words.

His eyes are guarded, but still kind.

"You... you'd let me?" You ask softly, waiting for him to laugh and tell you it was a joke. To beat you and hurt you and make you cry again.

He chuckles, reaching forward to push some of your hair behind your ear, frowning when you flinch away instinctively.

He lowers his hand with a sigh and shakes his head, looking down at his hands.

"I don't want to keep you in the basement forever, honey. I want you to be happy here. I want to trust you enough to give you free rein of the house but... I can't do that yet."

You nod your understanding.

As fucked up as the situation is, it makes sense. How could he trust you when you tried to run? You wouldn't trust you either.

"Is this... is this my home now?"

He nods, a sort of bittersweet smile on his face.

"It is, sweetheart. And I'll show you around one day... when I can trust you. But until then, you need to stay down here."

You sniffle but nod again, dropping your eyes to the ground.

"Can you... can you untie me, at least? Please. It's just... it's hard to go to the bathroom like this and it-it hurts."

He watches you closely, brows drawing together as he weighs the pros and cons.

Last time he trusted you, you proved you were undeserving. But you seem like you've genuinely learned from that.

"Turn around."

You obey as quickly as you can, wanting to prove to him that you'll listen. You'll be good.

He unties your hands gently, and you shiver when his fingers dust over the back of your neck. You allow him to move you, groaning at the ache in your muscles as he slowly releases your arms.

"You'll want to stretch," he says quietly, taking a step back and watching as you turn back around.

You slowly stretch your arms out, wincing at the pinching pain, needles poking at your fingertips as you regain feeling in them.

You stay seated on the ground, moving very slowly when you need to, showing him that you're going to listen, to obey.

He seems pleased with this, scooping the bowl up off of the floor and walking toward the stairs.

"I'll be back later with dinner." He pauses and shoots a small glance over his shoulder, "I promise."

[galadriiel]

there is a very fine line between "alright i'm pretty exhausted and i'm way past caring about anything so i might as well use this time to email back someone i've been ignoring for weeks seeing as i'm not riddled with anxiety for once" and "i'm actually high on exhaustion and spouting bullshit and shouldn't be allowed anywhere near my phone" and i toe it almost every night but i only ever know whether i crossed it the next morning when i face the consequences of my actions

[raggaraddy]

Mouthy

Prompt: You say to Yandere BTS "Oh my god! Just shut up!"

A/N: Couldn't sleep, so I wrote this laying in bed. I hope it's not some sleep-deprived nonsense ^-^

Trigger warning: Yandere themes, violence, emotional manipulation, choking, non-con, D/s themes, examples of a bad D/s dynamic.

Alpha! Namjoon

"Oh my god! Just shut up!" You scream it through your bedroom doorway. Storming to the railing of the stairs, you lean over and scream again. "Shut up!"

The sea of people on the ground floor go quiet. Only the music dares to keep making a sound in the background. You skulk back to your room, slamming the door loudly behind you. You had had a long, disappointing day. You were tired and grumpy, and moody and sad. But the dozens of uninvited pack members couldn't care less as their party raged on into the night.

Not allowing you enough time to even climb back into bed, Namjoon storms after you to address your outburst.

"Y/n, go downstairs right now and apologize." He orders.

"No." you mope. Feeling it's a wildly unfair request. All these people are in your house making so much noise when you're trying to sleep. How is it you that's in the wrong?

"Do you think I am asking you? I'm telling you. Get downstairs now." He says sternly. His strict tone making you even more emotional. You just wanted him to be on your side for this.

"But- But I," you sniffle, with tears in your eyes.

"No," Namjoon cuts you off. "I've asked you all afternoon what's wrong. And you wouldn't tell me. So right at this moment, I don't want to hear it. You have been disrespectful to me and my people. So you are going to put some more clothes on and cover-up, and you will go out there and apologize to every single person." He growls, leaving no room to argue. "And you will do it sincerely, or I will give you something to cry about."

King! Seokjin

You didn't say it to his face. You would never be that stupid. But still, you clearly weren't smart enough. While gossiping to a friend, someone you thought was a confidant, you're complaining about a seemingly endless, boring meeting you had to serve today.

"And I just wanted to tell all of them; Oh my god! Just shut up!" You laugh. 

But hours later it's no longer a laughing matter.

"How did you enjoy serving me today, Princess?" Jin asks his tone giving nothing away of what he already knows.

"I enjoyed it. Thank you, your Majesty" You politely smile, thinking his question to be a kindness.

"I often find these meetings so dull. Many of the Lords do like to ramble on. Sometimes I would enjoy telling all of them to just shut up." He speaks the words so purposefully that you know at once you've been exposed.

"My Lord, I-"

"If you are smart you will not say another word." He speaks softly, with a grin on his face. "I want to thank you, Y/n.  I have an endless supply of other people I can hurt. Each one of them is freely at my disposal, but you are my favourite toy." He fills the space in front of you. "However, I am a man of my word. I swore to you that you will be unharmed if you are obedient, and I would not dare to break this vow. Of course, I have sorely missed playing with my beloved little dol, though."

Towering over you he sets off your instinct to get to your knees and grovel, begging his forgiveness for your carelessness. But that would only be a wasted effort.

"So thank you, Princess, for giving me the possibility to hear your pretty cries of pain again. I will make sure to use this opportunity to its fullest."

Assassin! Yoongi

He had been in a hyper mood for 2 days straight. His energy and enthusiastic interaction was something you always craved, but you had never dealt with it this long before and you were losing your sanity and your composure.

"Oh my god! Just shut up!" You shout at him as your last nerve snaps.

"Okay, Y/n." He gives little to no reaction. "Remember you said this in a month from now when you're begging me to speak to you."

But it didn't take a month. In two weeks you were in tears apologizing. He left you free to roam the house, but he revoked all communication from you. The only times he gave you any attention, was when he forcibly made you stop doing something he didn't like. Or when he wanted you for sex. But still, he wouldn't utter a single word, only bending you over to take what he wanted.

After 5 weeks, just as you thought you'd never hear his voice again, he finally broke his silence. Only to break your heart.

"Listening to you these past few weeks, I realise how much you talk. It's time you take your own advice and shut up. Y/n, I don't want to hear a sound out of you until I say. 5 weeks was easy enough for me. So let's start with that, and then I'll see if I want to hear from you yet."

Vampire! Hoseok

Hoseok was always so animated. Normally it didn't bother you, but he was talking and reacting through yet another movie and you were sick of it. It might have been because you were PMSing or maybe because Hoseok had forgotten to feed you all day, but when he yelled at the TV, you yelled at him.

"Oh my god! Just shut up!" And right away you were teeming with regret.

"I'm sorry baby. Am I being too loud?" He laughs with an unexpectedly harmless reply. Playfully but roughly slapping his hand on your thigh. "I'll keep it down."

You're not dumb enough to think that your eruption would go unanswered. So you sit tensely, anxiously waiting to see how he will repay you.

"Baby," he whispers in your ear, after sitting in silence for 20 minutes. "You know I have very strong hearing right?" You nod nervously. Chewing your lip. "Well, your breathing is too loud and very distracting. I can hardly hear the movie. Can you please fix that?"

You know this is going to lead to something horrible, but you have no choice but to do as he says. For the next 10 minutes, you're completely distracted trying to inhale and exhale as softly and shallowly as possible.

"Hmm baby, it's really too much. I can't concentrate on the film." He stands, pulling his belt off. "Here let me help you."

He wraps his belt around your neck, pulling and setting it so tight that it's biting into your skin. Your throat constricting, barely letting you breathe.

As you wheeze and splutter and cough, he holds the end like a leash. Sitting back on the couch, he turns his focus back to the movie without letting you loosen the strap or get away. Your whole body is shaking, your eyes starting to roll back as you struggle to inhale. The belt is cruelly not tight enough to have you pass out though. Only allowing you to sit in your suffering. The sound of your gasping filling the room.

"Ahh, there you go baby. That's much better. Don't worry, it's just while we're watching movies. And there's only two more left in the trilogy."

Playboy! Jimin

He was telling you over and over how sorry he was. How he didn't mean to kiss that girl. That he was drinking. And that she kissed him. It was every excuse and lie he had spouted 100 times before.

"Oh my god! Just shut up!" You yelled at him. And for a moment it worked. He sat in stunned silence. But as you got off the bed to leave, taking your car keys with you, he chased after you.

"Where are you going?"

"Out Jimin. I need some time alone to think." You scowl.

But he refuses, blocking the door. Holding his arms to either side to barricade you in.

"No, you can't leave! I said I'm sorry."

"Fuck off Jimin, your apologies mean nothing." You say shoving him.

He doesn't accept that. With a roar, he grabs your shoulders throwing you down onto the bed. Quickly straddling you, using far too much force to keep you pinned beneath him. Tearing off the pillowcases, he makes some shoddy but effective restraints. Tying you to the bars on the headboard.

Ignoring your screams and how you struggle he starts to kiss down your neck, pulling at your clothes, rubbing his hands down your body.

"I'm gonna make you feel good Y/n. I'll show you that I only want you, then you'll have to forgive me." He says sounding desperate and unhinged.

You cry and yell for him to stop, trying to buck him off you, but his hand covers your mouth, his other successfully tearing down your panties from under your dress.

"Don't fight me, Angel. Just let me in. And I'll prove I love you the most."

Dom! Taehyung

Finally, Taehyung had agreed to spend some time with you in a social environment. He and you went out to a movie and dinner with some of your friends. They were vanilla friends though, so as an exception, for the day he loosened a lot of the restrictions and formalities you normally had in place.

You, however, you were getting a little too relaxed. While you joked with you're friends, you started to speak to him the same manner. As you and he were playfully arguing about trivia facts you realized you were losing the debate.

"Oh my god! Just shut up!" You joke. But in the company of your friends or not, Taehyung was not about to let you disrespect him. Even in jest.

"Is that how you should talk to me girl?" He asks loudly and in front of everyone, bringing the group conversation to a grinding halt.

His change in tone and his use of the possessive pet name, right away have you back in your place.

"No," you whisper. The sting of embarrassment hot upon your cheeks.

"No, what?" He pushes it.

You can't stand to look up. All of the attention is on the two of you. And even in your peripheral, you can see your friends looking at you judgementally, wide-eyed and in shock.

And he was making it worse by having you use his title around them.

"No, Sir." you surrender, your head hung low.

"Shouldn't you also apologise to the other people at the table? For interrupting our night with your rudeness." He keeps piling on one shame after the other. Stretching out the ordeal.

"No, it's fine." One of your friends tries to laugh off the awkwardness and speed the discussion away from this point. "She doesn't have to."

"Y/n," He prompts you, disregarding what your friend had said.

Thoroughly humiliated, you can't imagine how you are going to repair these relationships or explain this treatment away.

"I'm sorry for interrupting the night with my rudeness." you swallow heavily, hands shaking.

"Good girl. Now mind your mouth. Before you make me embarrass you further."

Mafia! Jungkook

"Oh my god! Just shut up!" you say in a hushed voice. More of a prayer said to yourself than an actual demand you expected Jungkook to hear.

"What did you just say to me?" he lowers the phone, gawking at you.

You really didn't mean to, it just slipped out. He was talking on the phone, going into too graphic detail about how he and his men dealt with a threat recently. You couldn't handle the gruesome details he was recanting anymore and the words just fell out.

"What did you just say? Did you just tell me to shut up?" He repeats again through your nonreply. His tongue running through the inside of his cheek, his jaw and muscles tensing. His voice jumping rapidly from stunned to aggressive.

You're at home alone with him, so you weren't paying much mind to what you were saying. But this afternoon he's been dealing with work. And right now he isn't Kookie, no the person in front of you is Jeon Jungkook. The temperamental Mafia head, who would as likely hit you as he would speak to you.

"I'm sorry," you squeak.

"You're sorry?" He scoffs, slamming the phone down. "If you had said it and meant it, that would be one thing. I could respect that. But you really just can't control your stupid little mouth can you."

"I-" you start a defence, or more a plea for mercy.

"Shut the fuck up!" He growls leaning forward in his seat making you flinch back. Darting his hand out he grabs you by the hair, pulling you back to where you were. "Don't flinch. I'm not gonna hurt you, I'm gonna help you." He smiles.

You wriggle in his clutches, mewling the same trifle apologies under your breath.

"Shhh, my brainless little Kitten. I'm gonna give you a gift." He smirks. "For your own safety, you don't need to talk for the rest of the day. I just need you to come when I call. Sit on my lap when I tell you. And purr for me like a good little pussy." Grabbing your arm harshly, he yanks you off your chair and onto the ground. "There you go, where you belong." He laughs. "You think you can remember to do all that? I know you can. Otherwise, I'll buy you a kat collar to remind you how my Kitten should behave."

[hikikomori-electricboogaloo]

You know what song I'd love to hear in pjsekai?

-ERROR by niki.

and do you know who I'd love to hear cover it?

Nightcord at 25:00, but specifically Kanade.

I mean the song was basically made for her. Well, to some extent. All the other member of N25 would also suit this song, but I'm currently listening to the Will Stetson cover with english lyrics written by David Toth (@BreadBoxVideo on twitter, go check him out!) and they link best with Kanade in my opinion (and are comprehensible for me in my sleep-deprived state).

So here we go! A deep dive into -ERROR and how I think it best suits Kanade (and other members of N25)

DISCLAIMER: I haven't read any of the JP events, I'm waiting for them to come out in English (despite my patchwork knowledge of them) so if anything doesn't align with the JP events, well, then please forgive me and at least spare my corpse for the crows.

Also a spoiler warning ig??? (Also I'm going to abuse the hell out of Tumblr's new text colours so be warned if you don't like colour and value your eyes).

So how am I going to do this?

NORMAL text is merely my thoughts.

BOLDED words are the lyrics.

ITALICS are thoughts included in my ramblings and can be ignored as you wish.

"ITALICS" are the JP lyrics taken from the Vocaloid wiki.

Also I'll probably be skipping over some lyrics as I can't analyse all of it. I don't have enough brainpower for that. Okay now get ready for some unhinged rambling.

Can you see, my wretched tears? Burning in these eyes now clear; all life's vivid colours are blurring.

The first lyrics are impactful. The song itself is about endings and trying to reject them, but ultimately failing to. These lyrics represent the first realisation that something is coming to an end. From Kanade's perspective, it's her dad collapsing and her blaming herself for his hospitalisation.

The 'life's vivid colours are blurring' (not to mention how poetic this line is) part is her becoming a shut-in and dedicating herself solely to the monotony that comes from trying to create life-saving music as she overworks herself in an attempt to 'repent' for dad's condition.

Tell me exactly what you're leaving behind, I call your name as I fall from life.

This is a bit harder to interpret in EN, but the original JP lyrics are "What have I left to give you? I ask the question, I cease to function".

Still kind of to interpret, but it gives us the understanding that someone, Kanade, is trying to give more than they can. In an attempt to try and understand Mafuyu to save her (I could talk about Kanade's parasocial dependency on saving others in order to satisfy her savour complex but I won't), she is left with more questions, riddles and confusion than she started with. She doesn't know what to do when she can't save someone with her music. Hence the feeling of helplessness that Kanade's story explores, and the song attempts to convey to the audience.

-please note I skipped some lyrics here!-

Tell me exactly what you are looking for. I chase your shadow, collapsing more

This relates very closely with the previous lyrics and the feeling of helplessness in an attempt to try and save Mafuyu, but meeting obstacles and roadblocks that make it more and more difficult for her to save her. Obviously, as the story progresses, they get closer to saving Mafuyu, but those pitfalls feel impossible to overcome sometimes. So, Kanade feels helpless to help Mafuyu, as she was to save her dad.

-please note I skipped some lyrics here!-

Tell me, am I breaking down? All I am is broken now! Even so I want to keep on breathing; I'm breathing!

AND HERE'S A MULTI-N25 LINE.

I mean this line fits all of the N25 characters so well. They feel unable to fit in (the high school blues ;-;), hence why they can relate to Mafuyu and the Empty Sekai. Mafuyu at the start wanted to give up, she even said that she knew the others 'wanted to disappear too'. Yet they still persevered through the worst parts of their life.

This line is also symbolic of Kanade's (UNHEALTHY) saviour complex. She wants them to keep breathing to be able to save them. (But I won't lie, I know that's a bit of stretch).

-please note I skipped some lyrics here!-

My words now can't even reach you! -ERROR

I feel like this is self-explanatory, but Kanade feels as if her words aren't getting across to the people she wants to save, like her dad and Mafuyu. (this opens up the possibility of an event where Kanade sees a comment from someone her song couldn't save. extra points for trauma). The ERROR is especially powerful. It can be interpreted in different ways but I see it as a machine, or person, unable to complete its job because something has stopped them from being able to perform their (Kanade's perceived) function.

On a distant day, empty tender light had shone warmly, flooding all the sky with its colour

I see this as a multi-N25 line. They find solace in each other, in Kanade's music. And so that brings comfort to Kanade and reinforces her belief that she can use her music to save people. (These 'blurbs' are gonna get shorter cuz i am t i r e d, but still determined).

Actually nevermind. I'll finish this tomorrow. If ever. I'm tired. I'm going to lay in bed for 4 hours before actually going to sleep. Wake me up when a Pinochio-P cover is finally added to PJSekai.