#okay i have to go shower now
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okay funny posting aside he really does make me very upset lmao when i said that i'm too sensitive to like him i really meant that bc WHY did he say that to rin???? this guy fucking toooooook his time to go and waltz over to his little brother just to crush him again isn't he just so lovely isn't he just so great
#how about you just go and jack off your friend in the fucking showers and leave my boy alone okay#LEAAAAAAAAAAAAVEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE#i'm taking it into heart a bit too much i think butghasgdsaghdghas#i can't#he's#that's just so mean#and i really can't see why he has to be SUCHHHH a massive dick about it#even if he's trying to idk sway him from the soccer world bc oh noo it's tough and it's not fun#why does he have to go about it this way#WHAT FORRRRRRRRRRRRRRR#the battle of the older siblingsashdgshagdhghags#i know i say i wanna punch ppl a lot#in this case#i mean like a very real punch#hgsadghsaghdhgas#just a punch and nothing more i'm taking rin away goodbye#mayor of loserville#this is exactly why it could never work too i take things too seriously and he is too non-chalant#CHALANT MORE BITCH#wait alsohsadgshagda i have more sae loving friends now so just know i'm not trying to yuck anybodys yams#i hope you're all happy with himghsadghgdhsag
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never in my life have i wanted a Daddy more than i do rn 😭
#personal#i'm going to ramble and drop it all in the tags#i'd like to have a pity party for myself thanks#the election?#fucked i've just been scrambling for a week now to prepare for the worst that feels like it's rapidly approaching#vaccines updated birth control bought out stockpile of food started passport appointments made tasers and protective gear purchased#banned books put on a wishlist#the holidays?#trying to make them enjoyable instead of so so so triggering#husband's new job?#barely home he's barely home i feel like a solo parent#i'm absolutely drowing at home mainly alone with two toddlers who have found their spirit and resilience and attitude...#the new house?#we've been fighting we are not vibing it's taking forever for me to feel in love with it#we do not get along rn lol#writing? personal time? self care? nonexistent i have no time alone during the day and then i spend the two hours i have to myself at night#fighting sleep and doing nothing#took a shower today and when i got out my eyelash line started burning and then my eyes were burning and then my nose was running and#then my eyes were watering and i could barely open them and goop started building and then they were SWOLLEN to the point where i could see#the muscles bulging and then i couldn't move them left or right#so i drove I DROVE myself to the urgent care#turns out my water has way too much chlorine in it and now that i've started taking hot as fuck and steamy showers it's just made me#susceptible to severe allergic reactions to chlorine?#it's been horrible my eyes are so sore now and they're just now not sopping in goop#and yeah#just...#i live the same day every day and i'm spiraling and drowning and about to go off the rails while also trying to SUCK THE JOY out of the las#month we have before democracy crumbles so#i just wish i had a Daddy to take care of me and tell me things are going to be okay 😭#preferably a Big Daddy that would let me sleep for days and would bring me food and let me hug and snuggle on him and not talk
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near getting angry at mello hits so different imo because of how patient / understanding he is overall with mello,,, like. this is the most obvious statement in the world given the actual text [gestures vaguely toward all of near's Mello Apologism in canon] but it DOES get me. near is not a doormat in the slightest but he does allow mello a lot of grace, and it is extremely fun to consider & determine what near's breaking point / limit would be in any given universe.
#meronia#neallopost#i've written this a number of times but i feel like the most substantial examples are#fic: bury us both#fic: i want to hold you (hostage)#<- not so much outright anger but simmering beneath the surface for a lot of ch3#fic: there's nothing i hate more than what i can't have#and it will be in#fic: love chained#and#fic: all's fair in love and war#okay christ sorry i'm done self-fellating on main. i hve to go shower and write now BYEEEE <3
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whenever I get out of a period of darkness and start feeling normal again I’m like Wow. I Really Was Not Having a Good Time
#the past two weeks have been#SOMETHING#but today I cooked myself fun little meals and worked out and now I’m going to shower and watch a movie#and everything is okay#I need to do my laundry so bad though but my housemates always leave their stuff in the machine for days and I’m too awkward to be like#Can You Move This
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OOOH MORE WIPS UPON YYEEE i amm gonna crawl outa this artblock even if it KILLS ME! and speaking of killsing. whats with THIS dead guy huh??? its chip jrwi baby yeaaah its undead chip baby yeaaaahh its chip n hes fucken dead and rotting and gross and OOHHH IM SO PROUD OF HIm(for being dead)
#riptide spoils#HEY REMEMBER THAT SPOILER TAG I MENTIONED I WOULD USE#ieah i know its ppprobably commonish knowledge rn what happpend to chip n stuff but yknwo.#still a pretty big fuckan spoily#ANYWAY LOOOK AT HOW MY STYLE SIMPLIFIES AND BOILS DOWN ALL THE COMPLEXITIES INTO CONSISTANCIES#i think the flow of my art going from more detailed to less detailed is fun heheheh weeee!! having fun and drawing!!#ALSO I MISSED DRAWING CHIPP OUHHH ITS BEEN SO LONNGGand now look at him...hes gorgus....HES SO CHARMINGLY GROSS#twirling my hair kicking my legs honesttllyyyyy ive been sooo in love w chip since i started the show... hes just so cute and stabbable#like i waant to see him in unimaginable pain and agony and also i want to see him hold hands w several other characters#INCREDIBLY easy to ship w people if u just look at how much every1 WANTS this guy. like remember how niklaus treated him. like damn.#ill draw another 'i ship chip w everyone' page again.someday.if u wanna see the first one u gotta go dig it up. go fetch.#anyway isnt it wack that chip is just dead now and hes jsut gotta deal w that and hes about to go into a big important arc as a dead boy#CAN U IMAGINE the reactions when he comes home. he wears the disguise ofc but all it takes is a hug to realize that he is rotting mush now#and also bones. HES TERRIFYING. hes gross. HES EVERYTHING U WANT. is he okay.#TRUST THE PROCESS! THE HOLY WATER SHOWER HURTS BUT WELL. MAYBE THATS HOW ITS SUPPOSED TO BE. UNDEAD BASTARD. FUUUCK#IM working on other doodly pages. finishing up an edyn one thats VRY OLD.also a queen doodly page.ouuhh i gotta relisten to som eps tho...#but i dont have TIME or SPACE FOR PODCATS RN!!! HELPP!!!WAT THE FUCK IS JUDGMENT??????AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
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jesus christ am i ever having a stressful week
#personal#pipes froze. plumber came and cut holes in the wall and fixed the pipes#pipes froze again the next day. second plumber couldn't do anything because the problem was too far down. we had to call the city#city crew took until this morning to get here so we've been without running water for the better part of 2 days#they've thawed the pipes by (i think?) running electricity through them(?) which is cool#but now there's some sort of leak! and idk yet when we'll have water or how complicated it will be to fix#i also have Doctor's Appointment this afternoon which is stressful and which i am in no shape for#not to mention *waves hand in direction of united states* all of That#i really just want to take a shower. in my own house. that would make me feel 15% better#i can probably use someone else's shower if i really need to but using an unfamiliar shower is Also Stressful & it'll cancel out r.i.p#i guess i should go find out what the pipe situation is now.#it is at least warming up outside today. so less risk of refreezing#OKAY GOOD NEWS ACTUALLY it sounds like they can fix it today#it was the water meter leaking & theyre going to replace it
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Feel free to ignore this, yapping into the void makes me feel better
Bros... The day I had went from good, to eh, to wtf
Even my own body tried to kill me today what /hj
#Vent warning#Because complaining makes me feel better :P#My luck strikes again....#I knew I had too many good things happening too many times in a row without back falls UAGHHHHH#RELEASE MEEEE I DON'T WANT THE BAD LUCK DAYS PLEASEEEEEE#Also legit feared for my life for a good 20 minutes but I'm okay#Stupid ah went into shock seeing blood where there shouldn't have been#Feinted in the shower but didn't get a concussion when I hit my head yippie#I literally felt like the whole world was upside down when I fell#I am so smart I turned off the water before blacking out hehe#also immediately went to unlock the door when I woke up#Shout out to the bestie/roommate for talking about anything else to help me recuperate and not freaking out about my state#accidentally flashed her oops#Almost feinted again at seeing the blood still appearing but I pulled through like a G#Also what I mean by everything trying to get me today#Choked on water like 3 times throughout the day#The room divider almost completely fell on me#The PMS PAINS#And TMI body issues that caused the blood yay#Said issues causing discomfort all day and last night uaghhh only 3 hours of sleeeeeep#Class wise and productivity wise twas a good day it was smooth and I had fun drawing#My overall safety 💥💥💥💥💥 uogh#Honestly i'm surprised I don't hurt anywhere from falling#Praise be that I dropped myself on my head repeatedly as a child#I'm not gonna die we chilling#It's not that serious of issues I've been through way worse#Going back to being happi and drawing now it's all in the void#cw blood#tw blood#Vent
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i hate having executive dysfunction and decision paralysis cus i have shit i need to get done today but im staring at the list of things to do and going "idk where to start :( guess ill just Sit Here until i magically decide" and internally in like "NO YOU HAVE TO PICK SOMETHING. YOU WILL WASTE THE WHOLE DAY" but externally im just chilling.
#send help#im trying to do things Efficiently but that's gonna result in me not doing things#so really i just need to suck it up and START somewhere#one of the problems being that i need to go to my sisters house for one of them and ik ill probably get Stuck there#which would make me want to go LAST but then it's also line i can't go TOO late bc i need to come home at a reasonable time#since i have work in the morning#but THEN it's like ok but i need to message them and ask#and i have to go to my OTHER sisters house too but im gonna want a SHOWER after that which means coming straight home and i just. hhhhhhhhh#and i also gave to come straight home after the store bc im getting cold shit so it has to go straight to the fridge/freezer#and just AAAAA in general.#i think..... i may message sister 2 and say 'ik i said i would this weekend but im gonna do it tomorrow after wprl instead'#cus that will at least get rid pf One Task#PLUS i can just go straight there after work and then simply do my work shower and my after shower at the same time#yeah... okay that helps.........#then i can start by going to the cafe to get coffee/see if they have wifi back yet.......... do those tasks if they do#and if not then come back up here to use the Parking Lot Wifi for a bit............#store and then home......#and THEN i can go to sister 1s house to get my Thing#and maybe play games idk ill ask before i leave#OKAY. OKAY WE'VE GOT A PLAN NOW.#SOMETIMES TUMBLR DOES HELP.#shh ac
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hey why am i crying after a largely successful tuesday. what’s the matter with me
#like i had such a great day and then got home and didn’t get things done#and it’s okay. i have so many days to get things done#but i really want to go with someone to an event but i can’t because it’s when a friends bday party is but they’re leaving next week and i#want to hang out again. and i meant to get home then sweep then mop then shower then do homework#and somehow i’ve been sitting here for three hours recalibrating#but now it’s been three hours and i feel like shit for not getting myself to do this#and realistically i know im also back on t and probably having mood swings and also my adhd meds wore off so like there’s that#but like my heart is a fragile little trembling thing and my eyes are watering. WHY fuck
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@reserved-fruit thank you for the link to this video with Kris' heart ring (goes perfectly with Keep Me Grounded, Keep Me Calm, just saying 👀 do you like friends (Bojan and Kris) comforting each other and jokingly proposing while still being deeply serious about how important their friendship is? Go read this!).
Here's some screenshots to look at with me, why? Because I'm a touchstarved bitch and scream and cry at any sighting of physical affection. Thank you Bojan for providing enrichment in my enclosure.
Also this one. Because I see a mention of friends spending time together because they love each other and love spending time together, I scream and screech in missing my friends noises.
#i'm half convinced alistair has saved me on discord as touchstarved fuck or something#anyway. do these fuckers know how LUCKY they are to have their friends this close at any given time?#I spent 2 1/2 weeks at my parents' during christmas and I saw friends I think... three maybe four times#plus a visit at a friend's place across the border for two days#which i was very happy about! i was really happy about the times i did see friends!#but it also sucks that everyone's so busy with their own lives and responsibilites and whatnot that it's this hard to see friends now#plus that one friend who just doesn't answer anyone anymore. just TELL US if you don't want to see us anymore#that's okay. it would still hurt but sometimes a friendship has come to its end and that's okay even if it hurts. but don't just#ghost your entire friend group while still sending snaps and then not answering if we answer there#okay that turned into a rant#because like bojan in the shower with kris i am incapable of shutting the fuck up in the tags#go read that fic!#mine#joker out
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Update 3: drove the asshole home bc I was so sure he was fr gonna die if he drove himself lmao. Poor dude looked so miserable, like bro was either holding back while we were working or he got worse the second he was able to relax, bc there wasn't a single moment of silence the whole drive back, dude was just curled up in the passenger’s seat shivering and being so fucking symptomatic. Like he was doing that thing where you basically cough all of the air out of your lungs then doing that rattly little inhale and then repeating, like it was Not Good 😬 0/10, hated being there to experience that in person, I was horrified, I want all of that to stay in audio recordings where it can't hurt me lmao. And he wasn’t sneezing a ton, but when he did, he stifled them until I told him to quit it bc the last thing he needs is a fucking ear infection on top of whatever the hell is already wrong with him, and even when he stopped, he was so congested that they sounded kinda stifled anyway 😭 like it's all objectively hot and I would've loved it had I just read it and not experienced it first hand, but unfortunately I'm a massive germaphobe and had to sit three feet away from this guy all damn day. So I bleached the hell out of my car and scrubbed myself down in the shower three times and I still don't feel like anything is clean enough, but I'm tired so it's gonna have to do for now lmao
#this is kinda snz kink ain't it?#i might shower again before i go to bed idk lmao#OH ALSO important to note#he was stifling with his fingers so he was getting that shit all over his hands i was like IN MY CAR????? fucking horrific#again it's objectively hot but not when it's in front of me 😭#i hope y'all are enjoyjng this at least bc I'm not lmao i was trying not to pass away the whole day#like i feel so bad bc i consider my partner a friend so obviously i care about him and wanna help#but at the same time i literally can't train my disgust reaction out of me#I'm fucking weird when it comes to who I'm more okay with being around when they might be sick#like if he wasn't my usual partner or if he was just some random coworker i wouldn't have given him a ride#like i did it scared but i still did it lmao#anyway#i told him to text me tomorrow so i know he's not dead and to call if he needs anything#so we'll see what comes of that#and i will be passing away if he gets me sick so stay tuned for that#knock on wood i haven't been sick since i was 13 and I'm almost 22 now#and last time i was sick i had strep and bronchitis at the same time so that wasn't good#but other than that it's just been allergy flare ups#so other than the vaccine reactions i genuinely don't remember what it's like to actually be sick#so let's hope i just manage to avoid it 😭#partner posting
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the lord is testing me so hard rn. holy fuck. give me a break
#hbbbbbb spent what i built up after the semester on the mortgage i'm tired i have a full shift tomorrow and now the powers out and#i need a charger block for my phone cause i need to wake up tomorrow. wanted a shower. mom was gonna make a quiche i don't want wendy's lmao#i also do not want to start crying in front of her i am just. grumpy. and it is fine. but i need to not be tearing up when i get to the#pharmacy because my friend works there and will ask what's wrong and im not crying in cvs. so. hough. okay.#stop tearing up. get meds. get shitty stupid dinner i'm so sick of chicken holy fuck. go home. mom is also extremely overwhelmed i don't#want to get upset in front of her idk how to not do that. hhhgh. sucks. it sucks and it's bad and i'm tired
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ugh he woke up BRIGHT red which could just be a flareup of baby eczema but is a little worrisome when combined with his extreme crankiness. of course the doctor has no appointments today or tomorrow and the only clinic that could see us is a 70 minute drive away. nurse triage line put us on hold for 25 min and then hung up on us lol. I called back using a different number and was told that the nurse triage line no longer exists (??) which cannot be true because the coordinator connected me to it. I will call back again but am just gonna give myself a little mental break first. he also screamed his head off when I tried to put him down for his first nap sooo we are napping on mom to ensure he gets some sleep. I think I am gonna officially call it: we are back in Survival Mode this week!!!! on the positive side I made him laugh a lot by showing him he could grab his own toes. this revelation was absolutely hilarious to him and he wanted me to help him grab them many times in a row. peak baby humor lol. we will get through this.
#I am also having SO much trouble with this one student and it’s really stressing me out but#I reached out to our coaching coordinators and set up time to brainstorm with them tomorrow about it#so I am at least taking steps there to resolve that#okay. I can’t shower right now because he’s napping on me and will wake up crying if I leave#I think I’ll try to get him to sleep until his nanny gets here at 11#then I’ll shower 11-11:30#do student work 11:30-1 (comments for NF and EP)#then student meetings 1-3#walk the dogs and talk to A about CC job from 3-3:45#then collect the boy from his sitter#all of this assuming his temp is normal when he wakes up#if not we’ll reschedule everything and go to urgent care#baby tag
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spending this sunday morning pondering how the long and convoluted network of decisions we make everyday leads us to the people and places we love now
#i love the people i’m surrounded by. i’ve never been happier and more myself before#but also#i was fully going to move out of this area when i graduated college last year#but i didn’t#well….haven’t yet is the better wording#i can’t see myself living in this town for forever#but if i did - where would i be now? who would i be??#would i like them? the people i’d have met and people i’d have gotten close to and the person i would’ve been?#would i be in some big faraway city with a cramped apartment or in some seaside town living above an ice cream parlour on main street?#would i still talk to my mom everyday? my best friends who i grew up with?#would i have missed what i have now? or would i have been happier??#it’s not exactly healthy to think about these things so much#but every once in a while is okay#and i think facing them with this easy gaze of sleep-riddled sunlight breaking through half-parted curtains makes it easier to understand#i also think i’ve sat here for too long now. i should shower and get ready for the day#sky says
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I was rewatching the r.ed r.ain earlier and goodness he's so handsome
#ash rambles 💚#chain breaker ⛓️#okay lets write this post again. he's so handsome!!! i kept having to pause and rewind sjdhqjdhs to think that when i first watched this#series he was just some guy. and now years later I'm suddenly into him? love is a weird thing#i know i said i wouldnt post about him much but really i was just scared and embarrassed of coming back to the series after so many years#but thanks to my friends for being so supportive 🙏🏽 i am going to speak my truth now#and my truth is that sjdjqjdjq i love him so much!!#he's so dreamy..#that scene where he gets out of the shower and has the towel around his neck... oh my god. ohhhh my god.#save me mean scary biker guy that's super cold and likes punching things but is secretly really kind and sweet and loves cats#and his brothers and can canonically cook really good curry save meeee#ohhh long late night rides on his motorcycle with my arms around his waist.. hehe..#and i know the leather jackets are kinda his thing but. I'm sure he has multiple so um...#if you ever see Ash in a leather jacket that's a little too big for her.... Hehe!#methinks all it'll take to melt that Icy Exterior™️ of his would be a kiss to the cheek... but hey only one way to find out right?#also methinks these two get matching jewelry. either a necklace or an earring is fine by me! i know he wears a cross earring on one side but#i bet ours looks different. he can wear the cross earring as much as he wants! i know he was raised like that but i fucking wasn't lol#man... he's so pretty... i can't stop staring- this is one of the few times that i don't care for developing an s/i since it's been years#since i was into the franchise at all and my old s/i is both absolutely horrible#and was shipped with a character i no longer feel anything towards so... whatever. besides I'm like a series veteran lmao i dont think#i need a super cool fleshed out s/i to kiss this man when I've been the one person yapping about this franchise since like 4 years ago#anyways back to the post at hand#pretty... so handsome... he's so dreamy... ugh and that voice.. so nice... ajdhwjdhqjdh I'll go finish the movie later after some more hw#it takes me a while to watch since i keep having to pause and giggle ajfhqjdhwjehe ohhhhh handsome biker bf..... meoowww-#oh also s.uperbowl tonight! my team did shitty this season but I'm rooting for the eagles. also the k.endrick halftime show was awesome!!!#but i just like k.endrick#anyways#h.iroto... handsome...
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eyeball emoji. doing the monthly check-in on general system data (mostly seeing if any roles have changed, who’s active and who’s dormant, see if any issues between sysmates have occurred) and hey, mark? you can’t just write down, “potentially catharigenic and/or willogenic, maybe.” and not elaborate any further?? hello?
#okay in xyr defense she did elaborate a little but huh??? guess i’ll have to look into this when i have the time to do so.#as for some other news! grins! i may possibly be a cohost. i mean i’ve fronted ah…#8! 8 more times than parker has and parker is a cohost. so :3c i may have a new role…#do you all think he would find it funny if i teased him about it? let me go see if i can find him anywhere… ohh parker you’re retiring!!!!#quit your job it’s mine now!! hehehe. anyways i’ll be taking a shower soon before we have to go down to school#ivy: text (they/she)
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