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uno-reverse-fic · 4 years ago

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Part 2 Chapter 4

You woke up the next day with renewed energy, having gotten a surprisingly good night's sleep for the past few days. You rushed around your room, getting dressed and gathering a bag with your phone and money. You slipped on your crocs and headed out of your room towards the common area. You snagged an apple from the kitchen for breakfast and shove a granola bar in your bag in case you got a bit hungry before lunch. Kirshima, Mina, Todoroki, and Iida were already waiting for the rest of the group to show up. You sat and conversed with them, as a few more of your classmates showed up. Midoriya, Ochaco, Jiro, Hagakure, Yaoyorozu, Sero, Kaminari, and Tokoyami eventually showed up and you all began your trip to the mall. You sat in between Midoriya and Kaminari on the train, sharing memes with the two of them. You could already feel your spirits begin to lighten.

Once you got to the mall everyone split up into three groups depending on where everyone wanted to shop. You went with Todoroki, Tokoyami, and Sero, and Jirou who were stopping at the emo-teen stores. You liked the anime merch that was usually in those places, but you didn't usually go to them for any other reasons, so you decided that you would break off from them and meet up with Midoriya, Iida, Ochaco, and Kirshima to check out the more nerdy, stores after you hit Hot Topic.

"Alright since Surō wanted to meet up with Midoriya's group we'll go to Hot Topic first, that way you can get on your way without us boring you in the rest of our emo-kid stores." Sero suggested, gaining nods of approval from the rest of the group. The five of you made your way to the second floor, where said shop was located. However without your knowledge, you caught the eye of someone who definitely didn't want you around.

You looked around a bit, gazing in awe at the huge wall of figurines, but nothing peaked your interest enough to spend money on, so you decided to check out and meet up with Midoriya's group.

"I'm gonna go find the others, see ya later!" You said, waving to your friends as you walked out into the busy crowd. You sent a text to Iida, who you knew would respond the quickest, asking where they were. Just as you suspected he responded quickly, and mentioned that they were a few stores to the right of the Hot Topic entrance. You began heading in that direction, and looked down at your phone once again to type a reply. However, in your multitasking, you didn't notice the hooded figure that walked right into you.

"Ow! Sorry, wasn't looking where I was going, my ba—" You looked up to see him walking right past you, clearly unfazed by your collision. He shot you a crooked, yellow, smile and tapped you on the back of the neck.

"Have fun," He whispered slyly in your ear. Then you felt it. An all too familiar, horrible nauseas feeling, accompanied by dizziness. You stumbled your way through the crowd, and caught yourself on a nearby bench. Out of the corner of her eye, Ochaco saw your sickened movements, and rushed over to help.

"Oh my god what happened is everything ok?!" She worried.

"Oh yea, I'm fine. Just felt a little light-headed there." You said, recovering from the sudden burst of sickness.

"Oh my gosh S-Surō! A-are you ok?!" Midoriya stammered, rushing over to you as well to make sure everything was ok. You nodded to him, and did the same to Iida and Kirshima when they asked.

"I'm fine, really. Probably just dehydrated." You told them, knowing full well why you had that nausea burst. He was back, the same villain from before, and you only had 24 hours to come up with a plan, and get him to fix this mess before it started. 24 hours, and the clock was already ticking.

You spent the rest of the morning silently brainstorming ideas, and looking around to see if you could find the villain again. You were sure your friends suspected something was up, but they didn't say anything about it. At lunch Ochaco told everyone what happened, and how they found you clutching onto the side of a bench, trying not to fall onto the floor. Immediately everyone began questioning you and worrying, you dismissed it as possible dehydration, and continued eating. After lunch had finished, everyone decided to go home, the morning seemed to have been enough time for everyone to shop around.

Everyone hung out in the common area when you got back, and rumors quickly spread about your dizzy spell. Everyone bought your excuse, except for one person, Bakugo. He knew exactly what was up, and decided to keep his eye on you until the inevitable happened. He didn't question you however, knowing you would only blow up in his face again, and you had seemed happy enough the past few days, he wanted to keep it that way. He also didn't miss the way you seemed to get lost in intense thoughts quite often that evening. You were trying to form a plan without telling anyone, trying to keep your problems to yourself instead of burdening everyone else, even though that was sure to get you killed.

That night after dinner you were sitting around the TV, talking with some of your friends, when an unexpected news report came on.

"Breaking News: a criminal known as Tarachi Isoya escaped captivity last night. He was last seen wandering around a mall, before leaving in a hurry. If you see this man do not engage with him, and do not allow him to come into direct physical contact with you. His emitter-class quirk allows him to shrink any object he touches, however it's effect only works 24 hours after initial contact. He is extremely dangerous and has successfully taken on pro heroes. If you see him, immediately call the police." Then the report ended, and all eyes immediately shot towards you.

"Heh heh, what a coincidence that I happened to get a dizzy-spell on the same day he showed up at the mall." You sweated nervously. Mina cut in,

"So, dehydration. Is that also a side effect of his quirk." She said sarcastically.

"Yea what were you gonna do once you... ya know. Shrunk?" Kaminari asked, wary of his word choice, for fear of another attack.

"Ok, lets stop harassing the soon to be shorty and formulate a buddy system." Kirshima remarked, sliding in a small joke along with his idea.

"I don't need a buddy system." You said,

"I'm fine."

"You wont be saying that tomorrow at— wait do we even know what time it happened?" Ochaco asked. Midoriya shook his head,

"No, I vote for the buddy system strategy."

"Oo oo! We can make it like a game! Each hour we'll switch out, and we can draw lots to see who gets which hour of the morning! And then whoever is around when she shrinks gets to take care of her until we can figure out what to do next!" Kaminari chimed in again. That was it, you couldn't take the thought of your friends placing bets on your life. To them maybe it was a simple game to see who would have to hold the responsibility of taking care of another human, but to you, this was a live or die situation.

You got up and went to the bathroom, passing Bakugo, who was obviously eavesdropping, on your way there. He grabbed your arm before you could go any further.

"What do you want blondie?" You asked him.

"I wanna give my input on the situation." He said.

"Fine make it quick." You snapped.

"I think you shouldn't have tried to hide it from them in the first place, they eventually would have picked up on it, and if not you'd be dead meat without me. I was the only one who knew, and I know for a fact you would rather die than spend another week with me," You nodded at him, confirming his assumption,

"I don't think its right that they're drawing lots to see who gets to carry you around in their pocket for who knows how long. However, the idea of someone keeping an eye on you isn't a bad one. Just try to take my advice, and rather than have them decide who takes care of you, do it yourself. Make a decision quickly, before you dont have any authority over them." He concluded, letting go of your arm, and finding that you didn't storm off right away. Instead you pondered his idea for a moment before shaking your head and turning to head to your room.

"Tch, idiot. She's gonna wake up tomorrow and realize she shoulda listened to me." He muttered to himself before turning in for a good night's rest.

The next day you woke up to a knocking on your door,

"Surō, wake up! We cant have you in your bed all day, we have to keep an eye on you!" Iida exclaimed, his overly enthusiastic voice muffled by the door.

"Ok, gimme a few minutes." You already hated today, it was once again the beginning of your living nightmare. You pulled on the same gray t-shirt and red shorts you had worn the last time, having found they were quite comfortable to spend an entire week in. You slugged downstairs to be greeted with words of worry, and concern. You were completely mad at anything and everything, your weekend was ruined beyond belief. You made yourself your last cup of coffee for the next few weeks, and quickly downed the hot liquid. Today was going to be entirely about avoidance. You dropped your mug in the sink, and before you could run back off to your room, you were greeted with Ochaco's smile.

"Hey Surō! So last night we drew lots, and lucky me, I got the first hour!" She said cheerfully, but her voice soon dropped,

"Sorry about all of that, after you left Midoriya suggested that we let you decide, but you had already gone to sleep, so we were forced to go with Kaminari's idea." She told you, and you shrugged at her.

"Maybe we can take a walk outside since it's supposed to rain later today." She suggested.

"Sounds good to me." You knew the real reason she suggested that, it was because it was one of the last normal things you could do before your life went tumbling downhill again. You went with it anyway, taking her idea as a gift of gratitude. It was too bad she definitely wouldn't be the one to keep you for the next few weeks, you trusted her kind nature.

The first hour consisted of you and Ochaco chatting, and walking around the campus, by the time you made it back to the dorms, Yaoyorozu was waiting patiently, with a hot cup of tea, for your arrival. You spent the next hour with her, and the hour after that was with Midoriya, the two of you watched anime the entire time. After that was Mina, who decided that watching a rom-com would be a delightful way to spend her hour with you, the movie wasn't bad and despite your lack of endearment towards that genre, Mina ended up finding one that you enjoyed quite a bit. However this cut into the next hour, which you were to spend with Kirshima,

"Aw darn, I didn't wanna disturb your movie, so I waited til you finished, but now we only have 40 minutes." He complained, and you comforted him with a pat on the back.

"Sorry bout that. I gotta go to the bathroom real quick is that ok?" You asked.

"Yea, I'll wait right here." He answered, and you made your way to the bathroom for a short break. You weren't the happiest camper, because next up was Kaminari, and you definitely didn't wanna get stuck with him.

As you walked out of the bathroom however, you saw Bakugo walking in your direction, hands shoved in his pockets, and eyes fixed ahead of him. He wasn't there to watch you, but his plans soon changed when he saw you stumble back with a surprised look on your face. A horrible wave of dizziness and nausea washed over you, and in a panic, you stumbled backwards, tripping over your own feet. Bakugo's fast reflexes allowed him to catch you before you fell, but he gasped when you began shrinking in his hold. Your eyes opened and immediately locked onto his, you quickly pushed from his hold and stood up to regain your composure, but your pride was short lived. You watched in horror as everything grew around you steadily. Your eyes darted around frantically, and when they landed on Bakugo you felt the tears run down your face.

"No. No. No. Not here. Not now." You said, backing away from him. You didn't want a repeat of last time, you were scared, terrified, as Bakugo's growing form loomed over you. Tears ran down your face,

"Please, please don't take me." You cried to him, his hand came down gently on your shoulder, enveloping it, and part of your arm, as you continued to shrink.

"Surō listen to me. I'm not gonna hurt you, please stop looking at me like that." He said, but you couldn't move, frozen in place with terror. You were at his waist now, and he slumped down to his knees to level himself with you. He spoke again,

"Surō, please, trust me. I'm not going to make the same mistake twice. I'll protect you with my life. I promise. Please just forgive me, I had no idea what I was doing to you." He pleaded, it surprised you, he was practically begging for you to trust him. You had no idea what compelled you to do so, but in that moment you listened to him. You wrapped your arms around his growing neck, standing on his thigh to reach him as best you could. You felt his hands wrap onto your back, comforting your shrinking form. You cried into his chest, feeling his hands behind you, and you felt safe. You didn't completely trust him, but there was something in the way he spoke to you, that compelled you to listen. You felt the warmth of his chest, and you could hear his heart beating, growing louder with every second.

But just as soon as it began, it was over. You slumped against his hold, feeling his hands tremble slightly at the feeling of your tiny form. You could feel him tense up when you shifted to look up at him. He held a look of concern in his eyes, and he took a deep breath before he spoke to you once again,

"Your safe with me."

MASTERLIST

#mha #g/t #fanfic #bakugo #bakugo katsuki #bakugo x reader #bakugo x oc #bnha #UNO REVERSE

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transbionic-shieldmaiden · 4 years ago

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a really long post about my stupid HRT adventure

cw medical stuff, tumors.

context: there was a post about getting on HRT that I read but I decided this was too personal to go in a reblog. donut rebagel, but feel free to reply.

ohhhh man, so like obviously i’m glad other people have had a better time than I when it comes to getting on hrt but i really gotta rant about the issues i had, because I had a hell of a time getting it DESPITE NOT ACTUALLY RUNNING INTO GATEKEEPING. so, story time:

this got long, so have a read more.

So I have executive dysfunction, which I cannot recommend. For me at least it comes in a package deal with a bunch of plasticbrains things I’m very much a fan of (stims! hyperfocus! being trans!), but I’d still very much like to not deal with it. And I also have social anxiety. Which overall is not a great combination of issues for dealing with the medical system.

Case in point: figuring out I’m trans was the catalyst for getting me to actually seek therapy (at MIT medical, which -- sidenote -- is free for students and I can’t recommend them highly enough), but what this actually meant was I took basically an entire semester to make the phone call to get an appointment, which was scheduled for a month after the call*. So far so great.

Anyway, as my therapy continued I kept coming in and complaining about dysphoria and being like “man i wish i could start hrt! but i won’t, because that involves talking to strangers :(” and eventually my therapist was like “so like. regular medical, which can prescribe hrt, is literally one floor below us. i can walk you down and schedule an appointment right now.”

and i was like “uhhhh wait i didn’t actually want my problem solved that means i have to talk to strangers!!!” but like obviously this was the social anxiety talking because i did actually want hrt. so my therapist walked me down to medical and i scheduled an appointment with the one Trans Doctor (tee-em) at MIT medical (like seriously this woman is as far as I can tell the PCP for like half of MIT’s trans population, we stan).

so the way this worked out is I needed three appointments: one intake appointment which was largely informational, one appointment with a physical checkup and a blood draw, and finally an appointment once the blood draw results came in. So I went in to the firs appointment, scheduled the second once it was done, and then MIT medical stole my blood.

And when that appointment was done I...didn’t schedule the third.

Cue several months passing due to executive dysfunction and social anxiety.

So I finally get myself together enough to schedule the last appointment, and I go in...and it turns out I have abnormally low testosterone. And I was all ready to be like “Oh no...isn’t that a shame...how terrible...” but the problem is, low testosterone in conjunction with my other blood metrics...was possibly a sign of a brain tumor.

That sounds worse than it actually is -- the brain tumor in question would’ve been benign, so it wouldn’t have been cancer. It does occasionally lead to blindness however, and low testosterone from said tumor would obviously not be very visible once I was taking spironolactone. So we needed to make sure I didn’t have a tumor before we could proceed with HRT. I was sent to take another blood test, optimized for the time of day when testosterone levels peak, and was therefore in the strange situation of being a trans woman hoping for high testosterone levels on a blood test.

Alas, it seems I was truly too trans for my own good, for it turns out the second test was even lower than the first.

This meant I had to go in for another blood test, and I had to get an MRI. And of course remember that every appointment I make here means 3-5 weeks depending on scheduling, all while I’m engaging in the standard MIT pastime of drowning in psets. Which is not fun when you’re depressed from dysphoria, let me tell you.

The MRI rolls around and it’s in this area of the Boston metro area Where The T Dares Not Go. There’s a bus stop near the clinic, but I have only been on an MBTA bus once and I really didn’t want to miss my appointment. So I hop in a lyft and soon it’s time for me to go in the Big Science Tube.

So here’s the thing about the Big Science Tube. It’s loud, it’s cramped, and in my case at least you get pumped with Contrast Juice which like goes in your brain or something? idk i’m not an MRI tech. I actually found it to be a not entirely unpleasant experience, because it sort of feels like you’re in a cryosleep chamber or something and I’m a huge nerd. But it’s also...massively disorienting. You can’t move, your vision is limited to the inside surface of a white cylinder, the whole thing is making Noise and vibrating, there’s the Contrast Juice sloshing in your brain...Oh, and at least in my case they let me listen to satellite radio while i was vibing in the science tube. Thing is, I don’t generally like radio music, since I tend to like individual songs more than genres, so I picked the jazz station. I figured this would ensure fairly enjoyable music the whole time, instead of a weird roller-coaster of songs I like, songs I hate, and songs I haven’t heard (the vast majority).

While I stand by this analysis in general, I do not recommend jazz as the soundtrack to the big science tube.

All this is to say that by the time I got out, I was extremely out of it and loopy. Oh, I also forgot to mention: I did not sleep well the night before. My sleep schedule is a mess at the best of times, and I was very nervous. So I am...completely off the shits by this point, not to mention extremely hungry and thirsty. They tell you to drink a lot to flush the Contrast Juice from your system, so that works out OK. In theory.

I get out, stand by the bus station for a bit, and conclude the bus isn’t coming. I walk across the street to a McDonalds, figuring I could really use some food and liquid. Which was correct.

...Except the bus came and went while I was in there, and looking at the schedule on my phone revealed I’d have to wait another half an hour for another.

This is where I make a terrible mistake. I look at my map, see that Harvard...isn’t too far from where I am, and Harvard has a T station! Perfect! So I, completely loopy from the MRI, still dehydrated because I haven’t gotten nearly enough liquids from McDonalds, decide to WALK TO HARVARD. It was a 30 minute walk, through unfamiliar territory, and I cannot stress this enough: I. Was. Off. The. Shits.

So I walk to Harvard using my phone’s GPS and whatever brain cells were not full of Contrast Juice, somehow managing to navigate through this random neighborhood and over the bridge without getting too lost or getting hit by a car. As I reach Harvard, I realize that this is a bad place for me to be in my current mental state: it’s bustling, full of standard college craziness; i think there was a guy in a chocolate bar costume which I could not process at the time. Oh, and I’ve never been to the Harvard T station so in my condition I struggle to find it. And when I do get there...well, here’s the thing about the Harvard T station: It’s huge. There’s several floors of underground bus terminals and an absolute warren of tunnels. Perfectly navigable, if you’re sober or know the area.

I am of course none of these things.

Still, somehow I find my way to the train, but that wasn’t even the end of my problems! Because, you see, my dorm is twenty minutes from the nearest T stop! So even once I get back to MIT I still have lots of walking to do. I don’t remember how I got back at that point; I think it involved a lot of drinking fountains.

Anyway, I guess this was supposed to be about me getting HRT? So it takes a while for the MRI results to get back, but it turns out I don’t have a tumor. However, in the meantime my parents have been pushing for me to freeze some sperm cells, so that I can have kids someday. Here’s the thing: I do not want kids. I do not expect to ever want kids. And if that changes, I’d be quite happy to adopt kids. But my parents are offering to pay for it, and the risk-averse part of my brain is like “oh...maybe i should do it...just in case???”

It takes me a month to actually call a fertility clinic. In the meantime, I am struggling in my classes; dysphoria is not conducive to educational success. It was not a good time to be me, let’s just put it that way. Finally, I make the call, and uhhhh it turns out sperm freezing is really expensive? And you have to go in for an intake appointment...then do some tests...and then...

So at this point I say, fuck it! And I get on HRT the next week. In total it took me like...a year to get on HRT, depending on how you count it? And all this without anyone actually gatekeeping me on being an Invalid Trans or whatever. But it’s all good, because now I’m far happier and more together than I ever thought I can be. The moral of this story is: HRT good, executive dysfunction bad, and don’t wander through Harvard while completely off the shits from MRI aftereffects.

*this is the one issue with MIT medical; their services are great but also in high demand. the system is a bit better once you actually get into it though.

#genderfeels #trainsbionic-shieldmaiden #plasticbrains #personal #donut rebagel #medical cw #tumors cw #the word of the shieldmaiden

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thisisstillme · 4 years ago

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Time for a resolution

Thursday 9th May Woke up feeling dehydrated, feel confused as I haven’t had a drink since Sunday, then remember I had Chinese takeaway last night, so salty! I really notice it as I never add salt to my food even when cooking, I just don’t like it, weird how I like Chinese takeaway though! I didn’t actually eat a lot of it either, made up a small plate and would usually go back for more but I didn’t, I let myself get full and then went to bed. Now I’m up and about to make my first shake. Eeek! Think I’ll play safe and go with strawberry. I’d joined the Facebook group so had been reading up the night before, a lot of people were saying they use a blender with the ice, some were even saying it was like a McDonalds milkshake. Put it in the blender, 200ml of water & 3 cubes of ice. Poured it in my jam jar glass with lid & straw, reserved purely for healthy things like this, so it feels like a special occasion. It doesn’t look like a lot, this is supposed to fill me up until lunchtime! I take the plunge. Ooh it’s actually ok. I couldn’t taste anything chemical like some people were saying but it also didn’t taste like a McDonald’s milkshake, I haven’t had one in a while but it wasn’t like the last one I had. Walk to the station and see a woman probably about 30, she’s dressed pretty casually putting her little boy in the car and I start comparing myself, she looks lovely and there’s me in a dress I’ve had for years looking like a blob huffing my way to the station, if I wore that same outfit, which was simple black fitted trousers/leggings and an oversize shirt, I would look hideous. I realise that comparing myself to others is not productive and I need to improve on my self talk, I’m the only one saying these things about myself, but I find it increasingly difficult. I know my husband loves me and I’m pretty sure my friends think I’m ok, but what good is that when you don’t think much of yourself? I need to stop this immediately. I’ve got a lot of self care books at home so I shall have a look at those tonight and see if my old friend google can rustle something up. Have to drink lots of water with Exante, already had a litre this morning and I’m not even at work yet, this is good. I have a 750ml water bottle on my desk so will try and get through two of those today and then another litre tonight when I get home. I had to drink loads when I was on Joe Wicks and found that I really craved water when I was on it. Might even find my way to a bit of exercise tonight. Dear God, McDonald’s have just liked one of my Instagram posts. 🙈 I’m sorry but why is Their food just so good Please *don’t* send free food! I have totally forgotten that I am going to the theatre with my best friend tonight to see Girl on the Train. How the F have I forgotten this? I look a right state as well 😩 Starting to feel a bit hungry now, I had my shake over 4 hours ago. Am glad I’m having food for lunch now and a bar for dinner. Met my friend for lunch and found myself on the 14:47 train home, she is a bad/good influence, whichever way you want to look at it. At least I can spruce myself up now. Had a lovely night with the girls at the theatre and we're now arranging to meet up when we're all back from holiday. 

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thejustinmarshall · 5 years ago

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The Bighorn 100: A Race Report

Here’s something you don’t really want to hear the week before you run a 100-mile race you’re not sure you can finish: The course has so much mud and snow on it this year that the race directors will give everyone an extra hour to complete the race.

Also, the night before, at the pre-race meeting: The section of the trail they usually say has “shoe-sucking mud” is now being referred to as “horse-sucking mud” because they almost lost a horse there a few days prior when the horse plunged into the mud up to its belly.

The Bighorn 100 is known for a lot of things: beautiful scenery, wonderful organizers and volunteers, lots of elevation gain (somewhere between 18,000 and 20,000 feet of climbing), and sometimes, slick mud. I signed up for the race back in January because a) it was in June and I wouldn’t have to take up my whole summer training for it, b) it’s in northern Wyoming, only about six hours from where I live, and c) I had a fuzzy memory of my friend Matt Trappe telling me it was fun when he ran it four or five years ago. At least I think he said “fun.”

The night before the race, at our Airbnb in Sheridan, Wyo., about 30 minutes from the race start near the town of Dayton, I was more worried about overdoing it in the heat than about the mud. “Mud, I can handle,” I foolishly told myself, popping a melatonin and lying down for what I hoped would be 6.5 hours of sleep.

The next morning, we drove to Scott Park in Dayton and boarded school buses taking us up the Tongue River Canyon to the starting line, and stood on the gravel canyon road for a few minutes awaiting the 9 a.m. start. I stood near the back of the pack and reviewed my goals, in order of priority:

Don’t die

Say thank you to all aid station volunteers you encounter

Don’t complain

Finish the race before the 35-hour cutoff

If possible, finish faster than 35 hours

Don’t sit down at more than five aid stations total

Don’t sit down for more than five minutes unless you’re changing socks

Run all the downhills until at least Mile 70; hike the rest as fast as you can

Don’t get hungry

Avoid serious injury

We jogged and walked up 1.25 miles of road to the Tongue River Canyon trailhead, where we switched to singletrack, and I ran into a couple local guys I know, Chris and Steve. I hiked and chatted with them for the entire first climb up the canyon, 3,300 vertical feet in seven miles. I had told myself that if I soaked the front of my shirt in sweat in the first climb, I would be screwed, as it would be impossible to replace all the fluids I lost. And of course, hiking fast to keep up with Chris and Steve, I was very near soaking my shirt in sweat. Thankfully, we dropped downhill at about 7,500 feet and I cooled off a little bit, and went off on my own pace. The people who said the course was beautiful were right—the route is essentially a tour of canyons with high limestone cliffs dotting the sides, and alpine meadows. Lots of it is open and exposed to the sun until about Mile 30, but breezes and a couple rain showers and thunderstorms kept me cool.

At about mile 9, I started jogging down a faded two-track road and all of a sudden felt the left side of my running vest become really loose, bouncing every time I took a step. I knew what had happened: Several weeks prior, I’d noticed the cord holding the left side of the vest together fraying. The core of the cord had remained intact, and I, an idiot, had figured it would be fine. I also didn’t bring another vest, even though my crew (my wife, Hilary, and friend Jayson) would be meeting me at Mile 30 and 66. I kept walking, pulled my vest off and tried to juggle it and my trekking poles as I figured out how to jury-rig the whole thing to last another 91 miles. After trying to tie it together twice, I looked down and realized my race bib was pinned to my shorts with four safety pins, which have heroically been holding things together since 1849, and, it struck me, might be able to do the job here in the Bighorn 100 as well. I pinned my vest together, ran about a quarter-mile, and forgot about it.

I rolled through the next few aid stations, stopping only to fill my bottles with water and Tailwind, always checking my watch to make sure I got in and out in less than two minutes. At about Mile 14, the course jogged up and down small inclines for about 10 miles, and I hiked the uphills and ran the downhills, chatting a bit with a few runners, including Sergio from South Carolina, who was running his first 100-mile race, and Larry from Pennsylvania, who had been running competitively since the 1970s and has done dozens of ultras. For a solid hour, we were harassed by rain and increasingly loud thunder, which got as close as about two miles away, and then moved away.

At 25 miles, the trail started to drop, gradually and then steeply, losing about 2,500 vertical feet before Mile 30. Up until this point I had seen little mud, but knew the forecast called for more rain, and wondered what the steep downhill section would be like on the way back the next morning.

I jogged into the 30-mile aid station just under the eight-hour mark to meet up with Hilary and Jayson, wipe off my feet and change my socks. My list of “Things I Need You To Make Me Do That I Might Not Want To Do (Or Remember To Do) at the 30-Mile Aid Station” read:

Eat a banana

Drink a protein drink

Refill food in vest (5 waffles, 6 bloks, 2 pie bars)

Pack two slices of pizza in vest

Put extra headlamp in vest

Put pants in vest

Put wind jacket in vest

At 30 miles, I felt OK. A headache from dehydration (took off too fast on the first sunny climb), but no major aches and pains, no hot spots, and no chafing. As I took off from the aid station, it started to downpour, soaking me through as I started a steady, 4,200-foot climb over the next 15 miles. Soon enough, I passed the Cathedral Rock aid station at Mile 33.5, then the Spring Marsh aid station at Mile 40, as the sun set and the light slowly dimmed around me.

A mile or two after the Spring Marsh aid station, the trail entered an aspen stand, the entire floor of which seemed to be mud. I picked my way around, trying to keep my shoes clean and dry, succeeding for the most part. Almost out the other side, a runner came back through the forest toward me—he was near the front of the pack, headed down already. He saw me tiptoeing through the muck and said, “Don’t worry, there’s plenty more of that ahead.” Foolishly, I thought, “How bad could it be?”

At the Elk Camp aid station (Mile 43.5), I filled my water bottles and continued up, clicking on my headlamp. I suppose you could say this is where the bullshit started. When you think of mud, you probably think about it being messy, wet, maybe even sticky. The mud of the Bighorn Mountains is not sticky. I had actually read about it on the internet before the race, while doing a little research on what to expect. People said it was slick. People were right about that.

Most of the way up, it wasn’t that horrible. I had read previous reports of people saying they took two steps up and would slide one step back—at the time I was headed uphill, it wasn’t that bad. I slid around a bit, lost my footing a lot, and in general used way more energy than I would have if the trail was dry, or even less wet. My shoes and socks got completely soaked, and it was getting colder as I gained elevation, but I figured I’d be OK if I just kept moving.

The route between miles 43.5 and about mile 45.5 was mostly just a quagmire, a 10- or 20-foot wide path of marshy, muddy footprints. I gave up and started plowing through the mud, having given up on dry feet or clean shoes. Then some snow started to appear, and for the most part, I could trod across a dirty path where others had already tamped it down. But then I stepped shin-deep, both feet, into icy water that couldn’t have been warmer than 32.1 degrees Fahrenheit. I paused, shocked at how cold my feet were now, and wondered if the rest of my body would follow suit. For about 60 seconds, I was pretty sure I was fucked. I had no dry shoes or socks until Mile 66, which, at my pace, was six hours away. Unable to do anything else, I shrugged and kept plodding uphill.

Eventually, I came to a man holding a flashlight in the middle of nowhere, and he told me to continue across a dirt road, where I’d see the rest of the marked trail. Then another man with a flashlight, and a few minutes later I arrived at the heated tents at the Jaws aid station, Mile 48, at 8,800 feet above sea level, 11:15 p.m. If I wanted to, I could sit next to a heater, dry my clothes, eat a ton of food, get really comfortable, and take a nice nap. Also, I could quit the race—because after I did all that nice stuff and got comfortable, if I didn’t quit, I’d have to go right back down all that mud and snow I just wallowed through.

I sat down for four minutes, a saint of a man brought me a cheese quesadilla, I fished around in my vest and found my beanie, filled my water bottles, and got up and left. It was cold, and I was in shorts, a wind jacket, and a rain jacket, with both jacket hoods up and cinched, and it was just enough clothing to keep me warm if I kept moving. My headache from earlier in the day had disappeared, thanks to drinking lots of fluids, so on the spectrum of Feeling Like Shit to Feeling Fine, I was just over the halfway mark, slightly closer to Feeling Fine.

I started to gradually descend, and the course markers led me back into the woods, the mud, and the snow. I postholed in some of the same places, sort of flash-freezing my feet in the icy water again, and clenched my teeth for a second while I kept moving. I slid all over the place, worse than going uphill, at times feeling like I was wearing penny loafers while trying to walk down a ski slope. It sucked, but it was just going to suck as long as I was in it, so I kept going.

I kept thinking of the Russian spy character in Bridge of Spies, when Tom Hanks keeps asking him if he’s worried the Russians will kill him. He replies very calmly more than once, “Would it help?” as in, “would it actually change anything if I worried?” Complain, get mad, get sad, cry, whatever—none of it was going to dry the mud, or my feet.

I passed a lot of runners on their way uphill as I made my way downhill, wondering if they were thinking the same thing I was on my way up: that I would have to go right back down through this mess in a few minutes. I was solidly in the middle of the pack, so I’d been passed by 100-plus faster runners going the other way on my way up, and I passed 100-plus runners going the other way on my way down, as well as a handful of their pacers.

Probably around Mile 51 inbound/Mile 45 outbound, as I was negotiating another slick/steep section, I slipped, barely catching myself without falling, probably looking very much like a cartoon character. At the exact same time, an uphill runner about 15 feet from me slipped and fell into the mud, catching herself on one arm and narrowly avoiding a total mud bath. As she got up, she yelled, “Jesus Goddamn Christ, Shit, FUCK!” Which is basically the same feeling I was having, and probably almost everyone else in the race was too. I told her there was more mud ahead, but a nice warm tent at the top of the climb. Not that that helped our current situation, I guess.

I eventually made it through what I thought would be the worst of the mud, popping into the next couple aid stations to refill my bottles and then jogging and hiking the rest of the descent to the Mile 66 aid station, where I would meet my crew. I had lofty hopes of arriving there while it was still dark, but the sun came up in the last hour of my descent, gradually lighting the canyon around me as I shuffled along next to the Little Bighorn River. A lot of people say the night is the most depressing time of a 100-mile race, but I actually hate the sunrise the most—probably because I’m slow and it’s a sign that I’ve already been going almost 24 hours but still have several more hours to go.

I jogged into the Sally’s Footbridge aid station, Mile 66, at almost exactly 5:30 a.m., and sat down for about 15 minutes to change socks and shoes—my shoes, socks, and lower legs were now coated in mud a few millimeters thick. My list of “Things I Need You To Make Me Do That I Might Not Want To Do (Or Remember To Do) at the 66-Mile Aid Station”:

Eat a banana

Drink a protein drink

Refill food in vest (5 waffles, 6 bloks, 2 pie bars)

Pack two slices of pizza in vest

Apply sunscreen

Take phone charger + cable

Ditch pants and wind jacket

Ditch headlamp

I would not be the first person to say that people who pace and crew ultrarunners are heroes. By the time I jogged into this aid station, Hilary and Jayson had been awake for two and half hours, getting up at 3 a.m. just in case I was having the race of my life and managed to get from mile 30 to 66 in 10.5 hours. That didn’t quite happen.

But Hilary was waiting, standing at the check-in tent looking up the trail for me when I got there, and Jayson was ready to start running because he knows showing up is 75 percent of friendship. We started the steep uphill climb out of Sally’s Footbridge just before 6 a.m.—hour 21 for me. I trudged up the trail, dry at first. Then there appeared sections of mud that weren’t there the previous day. Then more mud, then very nearly the sort of fuck-this-shit mud we had wallowed through the night before, though not quite wet enough to submerge a whole shoe.

Here’s a neat thought process you should never start if, like me, you’re not a fast ultrarunner:

“Wow, I’ve been going for 22 hours now.” “If I were fast, I’d be done now.” “I’m not fast.” “How many miles do I have left?” “Wow, that’s a lot. How long will that take me, if I keep going the pace I’ve been going?” “Oh wow, that makes me kind of sad.”

Instead of doing that, I recommend finding a friend to pace you who cares enough to do things like:

Take over for the part of your brain that is responsible for self-care and ask every few minutes if you have been eating and drinking, and if everything feels OK

Make you “run” downhill and flat sections, even if you can’t jog faster than 14- or 15-minute miles

Talk to you even though you’re the worst conversation partner ever

Keep you moving no matter what you say

Make you eat food at aid stations even when you repeatedly say, “No thanks, I’m fine.”

Put up with all this for 8-12 hours and still be your friend afterward

We trudged onward, thankfully in the shade for most of the morning climbing, leapfrogging with a few people including Katie, a young woman from southern Utah, and her pacer, exchanging wisecracks. The runners of the other Bighorn races, the 50-mile, the 32-mile, and the 18-mile, gradually joined us and shared the trail. Every once in a while, someone would glance over and see my 100-mile bib and offer encouragement or congratulations. At least I think they were looking at my bib to see if I was a 100-mile runner. They may have just assumed by my glacial speed and posture that I had to be running the 100-mile race.

The hours began to drag, and the pain in my feet and legs kept growing and growing, a steady ache that began as a whisper saying “Stop. Sit Down.” It got louder and louder from Mile 70 onward, until it was basically grabbing me by both shoulders, shaking me and yelling, “SIT DOWN.” I don’t know what other people think about to deal with this kind of thing, but nothing really works for me: not thinking about the food I’m going to eat when I finish, not thinking about seeing my wife, not even thinking about sitting in a chair. Usually I just hike and jog with my mouth hanging slightly open, trying to keep moving as quickly as possible, because there seems to be very little difference in the amount of pain in walking or running this late in the race, and as my friend Brody has kindly pointed out, you might as well shorten the time you’re in pain.

One other thing that’s neat about ultramarathons is that sometimes when you’re so fatigued that you can’t imagine bending your knees any further than about 45 degrees, you will probably have to take a shit. If you’re lucky, you’ll be near a port-a-potty at an aid station. If not, well, here’s what I recommend: Have a latex glove in your race vest, with one or two sanitary wipes in it. Go off the side of the trail and dig a hole with a stick or find a half-buried rock you can pull out of the ground so that you leave a 6-inch-deep hole under it. Put the glove on, squat down, do your thing, and clean yourself up using your gloved hand. Bury your poop, pick up your wipes with the gloved hand, and pull the glove off with by the wrist so that the wipes stay inside it. Tie off the glove at the wrist so your hazardous waste is neatly sealed off inside the glove, and put it in a vest pocket to throw in the trash at the next aid station. This way, you can continue to eat cookies without eating your own, well, you know.

By Mile 82.5, I was dragging ass up the hill into the Dry Fork Ridge aid station. At the aid station, I negotiated with Jayson to let me sit in a chair for five minutes. Being the friend he is, he not only agreed, but also somehow found a slice of hot cheese pizza somewhere at the aid station and delivered it to me. We hiked uphill out of the aid station and continued on, jogging some downhill sections of road on the way to the next aid station. I pointed out where my running vest had broken almost 80 miles back, when I was a much younger and more spry man, the morning before.

In my previous two 100-mile races, a similar thing has happened: Around Mile 80 or 85, I encounter another runner who wants to talk about how bad things are. A couple years ago, it was a guy who said he was trying to think about how he could get disqualified so he didn’t have to finish the last 20 miles. During my most recent race, it was a guy who was mad that the previous aid station was out of cheese for quesadillas, and that the volunteers told him he was in the home stretch, despite the fact that he had a 5,000-foot climb and a long technical descent remaining. Thankfully, in the Bighorn 100, this didn’t happen. I have a hard enough time keeping the negative thoughts in my own head quiet, let alone trying to drown out someone else. I mean, nobody’s making you do a 100-mile race. What am I supposed to say? “You’re right, Bob, this really is unjust. How dare the forces of the universe conspire to make us do such a painful thing to ourselves.” A few days before this, I was listening to a podcast about prison life, and to the stories of men who had done more than a decade in solitary confinement, and how they’d gotten through it. In our situation, in which we volunteered for and paid good money to attempt to find meaning through physical pain, I’m pretty sure we can make it to the finish line despite the lack of cheese, or whatever. (Not that the Bighorn aid stations ran out of cheese, to my knowledge.)

At Mile 87.5, we hit the Upper Sheep Creek aid station, and I grabbed a fistful of bite-sized candy from the tables and ate it while hiking away, with a fervor reminiscent of 9-year-old me on Halloween night. My first Butterfinger in 15 years or so was quite disappointing, but several bite-size Twix bars boosted my morale a little bit. We chugged up our final 500-foot climb, a steep half-mile I had sprinted down the day before, and popped over the top to look into the rolling descent down the Tongue River Canyon, which was larger and longer than I remembered. We jogged a little, but mostly hiked down the steep singletrack. I kept scanning the end of the canyon, looking for a color other than green or brown, an aid station tent that must be just around the corner. I did this for approximately 8,000 downhill steps.

Eventually, a tent and some really nice guys appeared. I negotiated with Jayson for one more five-minute sitting session and had a rather glorious time in a camp chair before we headed out to finish the last 2.2 miles of singletrack.

At the Tongue River Trailhead, our singletrack ended on a dirt road, and the aid station volunteers soaked our arm sleeves and hats with cold water for the sunny final five miles. Apparently someone had tried to drop out of the race earlier at this aid station, five miles from the finish line, and the folks there convinced him to keep going, with a volunteer walking him in.

We walked a lot of the final five miles, me doing the math in my head: If we ran, we’d only cut about 20 minutes off my final time, and I just couldn’t motivate to do it. I swear the road was slightly uphill most of the way into town, but that may have been a slight hallucination. We passed a boom box playing the theme from Chariots of Fire, and then the theme from Rocky (Rocky II, I think), and eventually the houses got closer together and we were in town. We jogged the final half-mile into Scott Park, around the perimeter of the park, to the finish line at Mile 100. Jayson was smiling and laughing, and I was just relieved to be done.

Hilary led us over to a camp chair and some pizza, and we sat for a few minutes and didn’t run or walk, finally off the clock after 32.5 hours. It was difficult. But we all signed up for it looking for something difficult, didn’t we? I guess I got my money’s worth. And hey, a free belt buckle.

—Brendan

[For more: We talked about the Bighorn 100 on last week’s episode of Off The Couch. Click here to listen to the episode.]

The post The Bighorn 100: A Race Report appeared first on semi-rad.com.

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olivereliott · 5 years ago

Text

The Bighorn 100: A Race Report

Don’t die

Say thank you to all aid station volunteers you encounter

Don’t complain

Finish the race before the 35-hour cutoff

If possible, finish faster than 35 hours

Don’t sit down at more than five aid stations total

Don’t sit down for more than five minutes unless you’re changing socks

Run all the downhills until at least Mile 70; hike the rest as fast as you can

Don’t get hungry

Avoid serious injury

Eat a banana

Drink a protein drink

Refill food in vest (5 waffles, 6 bloks, 2 pie bars)

Pack two slices of pizza in vest

Put extra headlamp in vest

Put pants in vest

Put wind jacket in vest

Eat a banana

Drink a protein drink

Refill food in vest (5 waffles, 6 bloks, 2 pie bars)

Pack two slices of pizza in vest

Apply sunscreen

Take phone charger + cable

Ditch pants and wind jacket

Ditch headlamp

Here’s a neat thought process you should never start if, like me, you’re not a fast ultrarunner:

Instead of doing that, I recommend finding a friend to pace you who cares enough to do things like:

Take over for the part of your brain that is responsible for self-care and ask every few minutes if you have been eating and drinking, and if everything feels OK

Make you “run” downhill and flat sections, even if you can’t jog faster than 14- or 15-minute miles

Talk to you even though you’re the worst conversation partner ever

Keep you moving no matter what you say

Make you eat food at aid stations even when you repeatedly say, “No thanks, I’m fine.”

Put up with all this for 8-12 hours and still be your friend afterward

—Brendan

[For more: We talked about the Bighorn 100 on last week’s episode of Off The Couch. Click here to listen to the episode.]

The post The Bighorn 100: A Race Report appeared first on semi-rad.com.

0 notes

drink-n-watch · 6 years ago

Text

Just a few minutes ago I somehow managed to loose all the screen caps I had taken for this episode. It’s a bummer. I had so lovingly chosen each one. Oh well, I guess I’ll do it all over again in a little bit. Happily, this minor annoyance has not dampened my enthusiasm for the episode. Irina here, I will be hosting this week’s Demon Slayer discussion. First, how are you Crow? Recovering from Easter yet?

Doing fine, thanks for asking! Trying to recover from Easter as much as from the excitement of this episode!

you weren’t supposed to cut the rope, start over!

The episode quickly reminds us that Tanjiro was finally able to cut the boulder thanks to Sabito and Makomo’s help. The music got a touch overbearing this week but once again the CG was on point!

What’s more. The scene showing an exhausted Tanjiro quietly listening to Urokodaki admit that he had given him an impossible task to keep him from the dangers of the final selection and the cathartic release that followed were genuinely touching. I could feel both men’s grim determination an mutual respect. Am I reading too much into this??

If you are, you have company! I thought that was a beautiful, touching, and authentic moment. After all that training and effort, after slicing the boulder, Urokodaki saying “Tanjiro, you’re a remarkable kid” meant a lot to both of them.

d’awwww

As bittersweet as it was, Urokodaki could not hold Tanjiro back from his destiny and meter they chose to celebrate with fasts and a gift of masks. I really like masks. Especially kitsune ones.i think more rites of passage should be marked with gifts of masks.

Unless they’re like the masks from that Twilight Zone episode. < shudder >

had to look it up – is this it?

You know, I have been a bit judgy on the perceived motivations in this show and kept reminding people that Tanjiro never wanted to become a demon Slayer in the first place. However, if I remember correctly, he’s been training for this for close to two years now. Even if he may not have set out for it, becoming a demon Slayer is the only purpose he’s known for a while now, I bet it’s beginning to mean a whole lot to him.

And in all that time, Nezuko has not woken up once. Do you miss her too Crow?

Yes, I do! I’m also wondering if Urokodaki is turning her from time to time, because if she doesn’t, she’ll get bed sores! And that bamboo bit has got to be chafing by now! And secretly? Part of me wonders if her slumber is a bit too convenient…

oh no Crow suspects something – quick, knock him out

I’m just going to say it: told you so. Told you those two were Yokai!

Yes, you did! In the comments from the last episode, Lynn was close, guessing they might be spirits. And didn’t you think how the episode presented them was so sad? They were dead themselves, but they kept worrying about Tanjiro! But I’m getting ahead, aren’t I? Please, carry on!

yes you are Crow

Thank you! As Tanjiro made it to the final selection, I got a bit nervous. It reminded me of the Hunters Hunter exam and that’s not a good thing. Maybe it was the creepy twins or the brutal nature off the exam but I have a though time trusting the demon Slayer organization.

The show is teaching me to distrust cute, that’s for sure.

The second half of the episode was basically one tense survival/fight scene. One thing that has consistently impressed me about Demon Slayer Kimetsu no Yaiba is how well it creates disturbing scenes.

this freaked me out

The mega demon was nothing short of an abomination and it was a little difficult to watch him with the victim. Am I just too precious here?

That monster was horrifying! And do you know what helped sell that idea? Tanjiro’s reaction! The other candidate was screaming, but we have no idea who he was. Maybe he screamed in terror at the sight of kittens! But Tanjiro? We know he’s tough. So if he’s scared, there’s something to be scared of!

But a lot of shows can’t stick the landing. Even after we saw the creature – it was still horrible!

The episode also did a great job at creating an emotional reaction. After all, I know Tanjiro is going to be OK, I see it in the opening credits. This fight doesn’t have that much riding on it all things considered and yet. I was wringing my fingers holding my breath and rooting for Tanjiro like my life savings were on the line.

I’m gonna punch you except you’re super scary – Tanjiro, you do it!

The scene pulled us in so deeply that were were in the flow, so to speak; anxious to know what was next! That’s a great sign.

I think they managed this through a couple of tricks. First you had that rather brutal introduction to the big Demon that instantly identified it as not just an antagonist but an abomination. Second, you had that other student playing the role of damsel in distress to get our protective instincts ging, and finally you had the demon bring up a personal connection and history with both Urokodaki, Sabito and Makomo. And what a history it was.

I am not a blood thirsty person by nature nor do I find vengeance particularly motivating but I really wanted Tanjiro to kick his but!

you go!

Did you see Tanjiro’s reaction? His moment of realization? Powerful stuff. For me, his motivation at that point was less revenge (which is completely understandable!) and more a primitive instinct: to remove a threat to your kind.

If we overthink it for a second, there’s quite a bit of fridge horror going on here. Basically they are all on a mountain which is surrounded by a wisteria grove. For reasons not yet revealed (and maybe never to be revealed) demons stay away from the flowers to the point that they are trapped on the mountain. I’m not sure how often these final selections are held but I’m thinking no more than once a year. Potentially even once every other year or less. Those demons are starving. Even one that’s been around for eras has only managed to eat 50 hopefuls. Considering a demon like that could probably get quite a few every time.

They are sending a lot of trained but still completely green recruits without backup or supervision in there to survive or 7 days. With no food, shelter or light. No provisions at all. Just their weapons.

Tanjiro was incredibly lucky to have run into that thing right off the bat. Imagine if it was night 5 and he was exhausted, hungry and mildly dehydrated, show would be over.

whatever, let’s take a nap

If the training and selection are this brutal, what’s waiting for them after graduation? For the few that graduate, I mean. I suppose one way to look at it is if they send poorly trained slayers into the field, they just become demon food, which makes the demons stronger. They can’t have that!

In any event, you’re absolutely right about how lucky Tanjiro was. And did you notice how he had thought things through? He was planning to stay mobile at night when the demons were active and sleep during the day. He was also heading for the spot on the mountain where the sun would hit first! He’s a smart kid!

I’m happy we finally got to see those ‘water’ animations. Seems it’s the style Urokodaki teaches. I find it visually stunning. Do you think other masters wield different elements?

That’s something cool to think about, isn’t it? What did you think of the moves’ names, like Striking Tide, Water Wheel, or Water Surface Slash? I geek out over that kind of stuff!

I liked them!

We saw a few faces that I recognized among the kids at the selection. If I had to guess, I’m thinking we’re going to be seeing more of them next episode. I’m pumped this is a 24 episode run. Even with everything that happens each week, I always feel like we’re going to run out of time. Maybe that’s just because every week, the episode is over before I know it!

An I got my screencaps back! And then some.

That’s a relief! Oh — did you notice how Tanjiro said “Rest in peace” after killing the first two demons? That reminded me a lot of Allen Walker from D.Gray-Man! That differentiates those two heros from their peers.

Demon Slayer: Kimetsu No Yaiba Episode 01: Cruelty

Demon Slayer: Kimetsu No Yaiba Episode 02: Trainer Sakonji Urokodaki

Demon Slayer: Kimetsu No Yaiba Episode 03: Sabito and Makomo

and here are those screencaps in question. Some are very pretty, the wisterias for instance!

Review Of Demon Slayer: Kimetsu No Yaiba Episode 04 – The Names of Dead Children Just a few minutes ago I somehow managed to loose all the screen caps I had taken for this episode.

#action #anime #Collab #Demon Slayer: Kimetsu No Yaiba #drama #episodic #Horror #supernatural #suspense

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yellowisthehappiestcolor · 6 years ago

Text

2/13/19

meh.

overate today already (it’s 1:40 PM). I'm going to remain positive and nonchalant about it though. here goes my rationalizing lol...

I woke up this morning with (I think) my lowest weight (at least in a while!) of 162.9. so that was good. but I had a bagel with vegan cream cheese and I think the guilt (cause there was some for eating it) I suppressed to the best of my abilities. now, on top of that, I was dehydrated because I only drank one glass of water in the morning and nothing else (big red flag! 🚩)

I was very active yesterday - props to me!!! - and ran 3 miles and walked 4.3 miles. obviously I've had better days but still! and I ate well and even allowed myself a night snack when I felt my energy levels dropping during my night class and really felt hungry. I probs had about 2,000 calories yesterday if I had to estimate - but CALORIES DO NOT MATTER, HEALTH MATTERS!

but anyway, today, I've walked 2.4 miles so far and I am going to run my 2nd training run of my training schedule (4 miles 😊) later today after I drink more water, do a bit of work, digest and hopefully poop. I probs had about 2,500-2,600 calories today so - rationalizing that out - it would average to 2,300 (and 2,000-2,200 is healthy for my body) but add the running on top of that, it probs levels out. because according to my app, the run yesterday burned 462 so, even if it was just 400, I'd still be at 1,900 for yesterday which is very much so healthy and sustainable.

FUCK. I need to stop. Stop dwelling. I just did so many mental calculations regarding numbers and calories and blah blah blah. I need to let go and let God. TRUST THE PROCESS. the good WILL happen for me - in this case, the good being weight loss to the size where I feel most happy, healthy and confident again around 115-120 pounds. I need to relinquish the need for all control. I need to will step out of my OWN way to allow the good to happen for me. I'll just focus on eating regularly, healthily, sustainably (food that makes me feel good inside and out!) and just stay on track with my training schedule to fulfill a goal for MYSELF. and everything will take care of itself so long as I am holding up my end of the bargain. I don’t need to control/do everything here! hell, it’s impossible to!

on a completely unrelated note, there are 2 or 3 boys who I think are quite cute in my lab on Wednesday mornings. I noticed them last Wednesday (our first lab this semester) but I haven’t seen them in lecture! however, lecture is huge with tons of people and I sit on the side somewhere so hopefully - you know what?! I'll manifest it! the boys (at least one of them) that stare at me will see me sitting on the side in lecture one day and intentionally sit next to/near me and strike up a convo with me during class so we can have a conversation and build a repertoire and at least become friends (and eventually something more :))

the one that stares at me, though, is v tall (like at least 6′1/6′2) and has good hair. like dirty blonde-ish hair to probably about the bottom of his ears. cute. and like I noticed him looking at me at least twice today (when there was absolutely nothing to excuse why. like he wasn’t looking out the window next to me, he was dead on looking at me. which is totally fine by me! lol. enjoy the view hahahaha.

and the TA wasn’t anywhere near me so that he was looking at the TA and his eyes just glanced at me. I noticed him looking when I just was turning my head around and - ok, I admit, I felt that someone was looking at me. and I also wanted to see if I still thought those boys were cute and so I literally looked for a split second. but both times I caught him staring (his friend kinda looks like him so I can’t entirely tell if just one of them has been looking or both lol) he immediately turned away looking a little embarrassed like he got caught hahahaha. but yeah, I wish he would just say something on the way out! and in my head, he totally does wanna say something, he just doesn’t know how to strike up a convo with me/what he would say! if only there was alcohol in the mix to ease conversation 😂 lololol

and like we had to hand in our ID cards to pick up safety goggles and he was walking by me in line (as well as everyone else in front of me) and he locked eyes with me for a second and was like “I'm sorry, excuse me”. and I KNOW (LOL) reading that back sounds like NOTHING but it meant something. like he was going out of his way to just talk to me a teensy tiny bit.

but yeah. he will come over and talk to me. worst comes to worst, if I don’t like him *like that* once we start talking, I'll have a new guy friend :) oh! and also, on the way out of class, I TOTALLY was taking my time to clean up and pack up my bag and put on my sweatshirt to leave. and he & his friend were ready a few MINUTES before I even started packing up. and everyone was free to leave, too, so he didn’t have to stick around. but he sat there at the table on his phone with his friend for a few minutes and then when I stood up and started walking towards the door, they stood up and just stood at the doorway and then I walked by, they headed out. and they were right behind me but I was speed walking (LOL, stupid ho 😂) so they were kind of left far behind - well, like half a hallway behind me.

but I'm thinking he is just building up the courage to talk to me about SOMETHING. also, I would like to note that I totally would be the first to strike up the convo with him but I'm kinda in the same exact position too! how do I talk to someone who sits at the lab table catty-cornered to mine? like I can’t just get up and change tables (ok, I mean, I could but that’d be hellllllla obvious and weird because it’s not like I don’t get along very well with the girls who sit across from me at my current lab table). so the question here is how can I/he start a conversation with the other one naturally? *unless* he gets the courage to randomly sit at MY lab table one day and replace the boy who sits next to me. and then that way we could work together and talk and become friends/get to know each other and blah blah blah. that would just solve all the problems. OR he/all of them sit near me in lecture and we could start talking that way.

c’mon mystery boy (mystery because I don’t know/remember his name from the first day! haha), you can do it. come talk to me in class, whether it’s in lecture or lab! :)

#diary

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opepin · 7 years ago

Text

september: week two

04: we got out of bed pretty late. we were exhausted from traveling so late yesterday. i did a bit of cleaning up and doing some household errands / internet errands for myself. we ate chicken nuggets and potstickers for brunch and then went straight into playing overcooked. we beat the main game! the last level was pretty hard because you were only given a certain amount of time for different foods to make. then we played a bit of battleblock theater before meal planning and getting groceries from kam man; it was a quick trip. kevin played some overwatch after putting away the food and i continued doing things on my to-do list haha. then i did a hiit workout with my old mizunos i brought back -- they’re not cutting it LOL so i think i’ll bring them back home during thanksgiving for my mom to donate with the other shoes. i think for now, i am leaning towards working out in the yoga studio with my adidas. i’m still thinking about getting the white ones but when they’re on sale mayhaps. anyway, after exercising, i made rice and made the pico de gallo part of our makeshift chipotle burrito bowls. kevin made the chicken.

we ate our pretty healthy dinner while watching an episode of agents of shield and then we went into playing another co-op game. i think it’s called something force? i forget, but it’s more fighting-based. it took some time to hook it up so i talked with vivian for a bit and then once kevin figured it out, we got into the groove of the game. i actually did an abs workout as well today after. i put on the rest of ‘the break up’ on netflix and worked out while finishing the movie. it was too late for me to wash my hair so i just took a quick shower, brushed my teeth, and headed into bed. i was struck with sleepiness during my shower haha. i think kevin showered soon after and went to sleep too. zzzz. it was 1 am though and we felt like it was 12 am (it would be the case if we were back in chicago).

05: i was so dehydrated when i woke up x_x i did 30 minutes of cardio and then kevin left for work and i ran some errands before working. i washed my hair today and i felt so cleeeaaan. then i went downstairs to drop off a package mistakenly put into the concierge locker under my name and also pick up my package from eggie!!! it was just a normal box but when i opened it, my black blazer was covered in an eggie bag, it was on a hanger, and there was a cute eggie zip bag in there that i can use to hold skincare or make up for flights! i can’t really tell what it looks like because i don’t have a full body mirror, but it looks and feels amazing! then i started doing laundry and used the new mesh bags i got on amazon to wash my sports bras, bras, and delicate shirts. after all of that, i hopped on a client call and then cleaned out my email and ordered another sports bra from aerie just in case i run out again...haha. i ate lunch while catching up on youtube videos and then went to work a bit on wireframes.

after stand up, i talked with phil about my wireframing and i basically have to make new ones, which frustrates me a bit because dave and phil didn’t really communicate what they wanted from me? or at least, when they decided to switch gears, i wasn’t involved in that conversation so all my wireframes are ‘not attached to real life situations’ right now. ugh. the good thing is that these wireframes are probably going to be easier to mock up. after the call, i folded laundry and then finished some errands and then did a bit of work on the wireframes. i want to double-check with dave as well before diving in so we’re all on the same page... i did some of the beginnings of the wireframes and then i took a break and worked out. i did thighs today and they burned like crazy. then i showered while the chicken and rice cooked. kevin got back later than i expected so i ended up nomming on my chicken and then ended up just eating dinner before he came back. we watched agents of shield and then i became pretty obsessed with finding what shoes kelsey wells, an instagram fitness star, wore. LOL. she had three pairs that i was super curious about and they were all adidas so that was a start. i ended up pinpointing that she has the black adidas adipure 360.3s, black ultra boosts, and black/turquoise pure boost x’s,

this gives me a lead on what shoes to get for training again. i also noticed she wears the shit out of her white edge lux shoes ;D this was what i was going to get if all else fails but i didn’t want to get the same shoe in a different color because i own the black/white ones. anyway, i really like the shock yellow pure boost x runners and the black / dark grey / sunglow pure boost x trainers. the adipure 360.3s would make more sense for me to get but i don’t just want a plain black sneaker ;( anyway, kevin and i also spent some time figuring out flights for holidays. i might get my family to come over for thanksgiving and then for christmas, fly out dec 18th to st. louis to hang with the chen fam and then fly back to chicago for christmas and new years. tickets for thanksgiving are so expensive thoooo. i’ll figure it out. with all the shoe research i did at night, i went to sleep later than i wanted to (12 am) but i still ko’d real quick.

06: i woke up at 7:15 am and then felt really awake but then slept for like 10 more minutes lol. i did a cardio kickboxing workout in the morning, showered, and then ate breakfast. i decided to wear my new eggie tuxedo blazer today; it blew in the wind like crazy but i felt so cool ahahha. there were severe delays on the red line coming from both ways -- cole messaged me in the morning and said he was basically stuck for like an hour on the train x_x; so i took my time in the morning but i still ended up taking an hour to get to work. i got to work before 10 am though :P i found out where the ups drop box is inside the building -- there’s a fedex one here too! then i did a bit more adidas shoe research and got to work. it felt like a pretty short day because we had a 1.5 hour meeting for all-hands. i finished up my wireframes for the day and did some internet errands before the meeting. it was an in person meeting so we all had to go upstairs to a conference room. we all hopped in an elevator and then met some people in the conference room. i didn’t know what was happening. i got to snack on some sweets before the meeting started. so by the time i post this, the news will be out, but my company, t7, has been acquired by genpact.

nothing is changing culture-wise and work-wise yet so i’m not sure what the effects are going to be on the company, but it seems like a symbiotic relationship and i hope this goes well! lol, it’s funny because i said i would probably never want to work under a huge corporation and now i am. x_x we’ll see how i’ll feel about this. the meeting went a bit over 5:30 but i stayed a bit and mingled until kevin got to south station. he waited for me so we would go home together <3 i told him the news and then we went back home. we chilled a bit too long before he cooked and i exercised. i did pretty intense oblique exercises because i feel like i haven’t been at my best recently and i feel blech all around -- eating and working out. i think it’s more of my stomach troubles though because my stomach has been hurting nonstop for a few weeks. anyway, i made sure i worked out my obliques real good but i was super hungry after and i ate a bigger portion of noodles than i should have...

needless to say, i went to sleep bloated ): ugh. i need to eat earlier too. man, i should take my own advice. lol. we ate at like 9:30 pm so that’s pretty late. we watched an episode of agents of shield and because we slacked off when we came back home, we couldn’t game together. i was exhausted and went to sleep at 12 am...because i was on my phone before sleeping lol. gg me.

07: man, i need to sleep earlier with at least 30 minutes of no electronics before sleeping... i woke up tired again x( i did a cardio sculpt routine in the morning and then showered and took forever to figure out what i was going to wear in the rainy/humid weather :/ then i ate breakfast and waited for the train for like 10 minutes :/ womp womp. my train slowly moved and then stopped and told everyone to get off at jfk/umass so we waited for the next train. i got to work an hour late again but when i got in, no one was in the product office...lol. i talked to cole for a bit before going to the new members brunch for wework. we got free french toast <3 we ate and talked for a bit and then headed downstairs to get back to work. i made a few changes to the wireframes and then decided that i would leave work probably after the 2 hour training session phil and i had at 1 pm. my stomach was not feeling ok though. i decided to leave during lunch time because my stomach was feeling pretty bad. i got home and just had calls for the rest of the afternoon. after work, i did a weighted booty workout and then i showered and relaxed. kevin got back home from climbing and we ate leftovers while watching an episode of agents of shield and we got to play a bit of battleblock theater before kevin washed the dishes and cooked lunch for tomorrow. lol i ko’d on the bed while waiting for 12 am to arrive so i could wish vivian a happy birthday <3 i woke up at like 11:50 pm and then brushed and got into bed, typed up a message, sent it, and then stayed up on my phone until 1 am LOLLLL. -__-” i was so close to sleeping early and healthily T_T

08: i slept in today and got up when kevin did. then i ate breakfast before i did a strength workout in the morning. i’m going to focus on strength stuff moving forward and cut down my cardio. i need to change up my schedule a bit. after, i showered, and then got on a call with phil and a client. i picked up my aerie package and saw that they sent me the wrong shirt :( so i live chatted customer service and they were pretty much useless... so then i decided to call. i also found out that my zappos returns was just sent to me as store credit -_- so i had to email customer service on that. blech. today i feel a bit unfulfilled. i got on stand up after eating lunch. i recorded a video tutorial before the end of the work day and then went straight into another strength workout. i think i worked on back and arms. kevin came back early and we played some coop games before eating dinner and watching agents of shield. i was expecting us to sleep early but we didn’t lololol. we gamed after dinner as well and yeah, it didn’t feel like we were going to be moving tomorrow. i think we slept somewhat late but planned to get up early tomorrow... well, at least i did LOL. oh, the ae rep i called was super helpful and let me keep the wrong shirt, gave me a refund, and ordered the correct one at the price i bought it for previously! he was great. i also got my zappos return back on my credit card. woot! yup, lots of things happening.

09: kevin got out of bed at like 11 am. i thought we were supposed to wake up early today :P haha. we ate breakfast and then signed our lease and then we got a cart and started moving. it was sort of a moving blur today. lol i kept thinking about when i was going to eat next haahah. we moved all the entryway stuff, then clothes, and then to actual furniture. we didn’t want to deal with the bed in the morning so we left that for last. we used all of our suitcases in storage to move everything and some plastic bins as well. you’d think it’d be easy to move down a couple hallways but it was still a struggle. the cart we had kept veering off to the left too. ahha. well, we moved from 12 pm or so until 6 or 7 pm. we left the cart outside of our apartment just because it didn’t seem right to keep it inside. we ordered takeout fro kkatie’s burgers and i got a veggie black bean burger again because i need that fiber. i also got green fries, which turned out to be green beans ahah. kevin got the hawaiian burger with curly fries. we put away things that we could. while we moved, kevin and i noticed things that might be a problem. for example, there is no built-in spice rack anymore and i realized that our kitchen cabinet space was cut by about half because the kitchen only takes up one wall...

so little things here and there were noticed but the windows and light coming into the apartment soothed my worries haha. we drove to get the food and then kevin popped in oh my tea to get us some boba too. we ate at home while watching agents of shield and then once we digested and everything, we opened the door only to find that the cart was gone. .___. kevin looked on all the floors to check if there were any anywhere. there are 3 carts in the building for use: two smaller, shorter ones and one tall one where you can hang stuff on. we had the tall one. this meant that we couldn’t move our mattress and bed frame. this meant we would have to carry all the cups and pantry stuff in boxes. by this time, our arms and backs were tired. so then we did some organization in the new apartment. then we both went to look for a cart a couple more times. we even reached on out the facebook group -- we had a lead but nadda. this means that someone in the apartment flippin’ took it inside their apartment and didn’t bother to put it back in an common area. -__-”

kevin was tired so he relaxed on his computer for a bit after he set it up. we set up the den area with our computers and stuff, which was nice :) we also picked out a kitchen shelf for our pots and pans and pantry items / stuff we couldn’t fit into our cabinets. then i went back to the old apartment and started cleaning the crap out of the kitchen and bathroom. kevin came by to help vacuum and swiffer later. after that, we just chilled on the sofa in the new apartment. we checked one last time to see if any of the three carts were returned but nope. so we went and got our sleeping clothes from the old apartment, showered in the new apartment, and then went back to the old apartment to sleep. yup. great. lol. we did ko super quickly though. i think we went to sleep at 1 or 2 am. moving is tiring even if you’re in the same apartment complex x__x;

10: kevin actually woke up at 9:30 am :O we had to walk over to the new apartment from the old one (where we slept) and then get ready for the day. we pretty much skipped breakfast and then drove to target to pick up the kitchen shelf. i got benefiber and kevin got glazed apple fritters because he got hungry. we waited a bit for them to bring the shelf up and we also looked at other furniture and found a nice ottomon we liked :) it was cheaper online so we decided to get it there. we got everything and then went back to the apartment. the office didn’t open until 12 pm so kevin built the shelf while i went back to the old apartment and brought all the fridge stuff and leftover pantry stuff over. i was cleaning like crazy and walking back and forth a lot and my body kind of freaked out. my hands were red and started shaking so i ate some food and rested a bit. then we finally got a cart and i went back to the old apartment to clean the fridge -- it was dirty af. kevin helped me and then i finished cleaning the apartment in its entirety after that. :D

we also moved the dresser and all the artwork. moving the mattress tested my frustrations LOL. -__-’ it was a floppy queen sized mess but we made it! kevin had to take the head board of the bed frame off and then we moved the light headboard and then moved the big af bed frame. it was so heavy x_O we got it and then celebrated a bit. we fixed up our room and then went to vacuum the old apartment once more and said goodbye to it :( then we dropped off our keys and laid on the bed for a bit to rest. then we drove to ikea! ikea is only a 10 - 15 min drive from us! it looked like an amusement park when we drove in. there were a lot of flags. i noticed that kevin was just overwhelmed by everything and asked if it was his first time in a physical ikea LOL. it was his first time as an adult in an ikea :OOOOO we went straight to the restaurant and i got the vegetable meatballs and an almond brittle cake and apple pie slice, kevin got the swedish meatballs and cheese pie, and we split a plate of chicken and waffles. all of this was only $26!!! i got the lingonberry fountain drink and it was so refreshing. the vegetable meatballs were kinda meh because of the artichokes in the sauce x( i’m always going to get the swedish meatballs from now on.

after eating, i guided kevin through the showroom and taught him how everything worked. we actually got everything we needed...and more... kevin was addicted to getting stuff and we had to kind of run through the last sections of ikea because he was scared he was going to buy more things LOL. we got a dining table, 6-drawer chest, and a large mirror and sent that for home delivery because those things were loooonggg. we also got 2 really pretty serving dishes, jars, drawer organizers for the kitchen and clothes, baskets for the kitchen shelf, and some orange marmalade. after shopping, i got us an ice cream cone, hot dog, and cinnamon roll for only $2.75. i love ikea. we’ll be back! we still need dining room chairs so yeah... we got home, cleaned the apartment and put things away the best we could. there was a foul fishy stench coming from where we stored the potatoes and the dish washer so i thought the former tenants didn’t clean the dish washer properly because there was gunk on the sides... we cloroxed it and then ran a cycle with vinegar but even after, it still stank. we pulled out the potatoes and found a rotten black ass potato and i asked kevin to sniff it and he’s basically traumatized now LOOOL. it was the rotten potato... i didn’t know that potatoes could smell like that???

well, i watched youtube videos for a while, kevin gamed, and then i showered and noticed that the water kept draining slowly... ugh. then i watched more videos until kevin showered and we called it a night. it was like 2 something am when we went to sleep. i was definitely going to wfh. both of us are exhausted from moving this weekend... we are ded. our apartment is looking really nice though <333

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