#ohh the little snores and chirps and beeps.

[the19thduckpotato]

The Ties That Bind Part 3 (MHA fanfic)

Part 2

in which there are indeed chicken nuggets and remembering

(sidenote: please don’t attempt to binge this fic, it is VERY LONG.  or do if you wish--just don’t say I didn’t warn you c: )

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The visit to the hospital's cafeteria passed in a haze.  Once the kid behind the counter recognized him, she chirped cheerfully as she helped Toshi pick out a trayful of food for Izuku.  Toshi guiltily realized he couldn't remember what he had said back to her beyond the usual niceties.  He scratched out an autograph at her bashful request and smiled softly as her face lit up. There was a tiny gnaw of guilt --if you only knew-- "Oh I couldn't possibly take your money!" she practically squeaked as he tried to pay.  "I doubt the hospital would, either!" Toshi gaped a moment, still holding out the cash.  "Then," he said, "could you use it for someone that might need it?" "So sweet!"  She finally took the folded notes and tucked them into the register.  "I might know just the person.  It'll really make their day." The gnaw of guilt grew teeth--trying to buy away the shame? "Need help with the tray, Mister All.Might?" Toshi waved away the offer.  "Thanks but no.  I appreciate all your help." She bobbed happily and bid him a great day then turned to the next person in line.  Behind him, he could hear low voices chattering, asking if it was really him, what was on the tray, would he be eating all of that, he needed to really, look at him-- Toshi's hands squeezed the tray tightly, knuckles turning white.  A moment later, he almost stumbled as a young child bounced off his shin.  With an expert motion even he was surprised with, Toshi caught the slipping tray with one hand and scooped the small boy up with his other hand. "Takashi!"  The boy's mother raced across the room, flustered and bowing her apologies over and over again.  "Oh sir, I'm so sorry, please forgive me!" "No worries," Toshi replied, rumbled soft laughter as the boy stared wide eyed at him.  He passed Takashi back to his mother, then looked over the tray and picked out an orange.  "Here.  I hear these are especially sweet today." Takashi continued to watch Toshi as his mother bobbed again, thanks this time.  She too chattered a moment to the famous former hero.  And he too felt lost in a fog of other thoughts, trying to be in the moment but only managing polite responses.  Perhaps the mother picked up on this for she soon tapped her son's nose. "Time for us to go, Takashi.  Say thank you to the nice man." Takashi continued to just stare as Toshi waved and made his way across the cafeteria. "The poor dear, I hope he's all right." The blond, still lost in his own dark thoughts, disappeared down the hallway and back to Izuku's room.

A tap on the door sounded through the quiet room, and Izuku jumped and squeaked. He watched the door tensely.

"Back!" A muffled thump as Toshi found it a slight struggle to balance the tray and open the door.   "And I might have snuck in nuggets.  Don’t tell anyone."

The tense lump of Izuku relaxed as soon as he saw who it was. “Oh—“ a quiet sigh of relief “—hey.” His eyes widened. “That’s a lot of food.” He held out his hands, ready to steady the incoming tray.

Toshi held a hand up very quickly--"Stay put.  You think that machine is annoying now, wait till it detects you getting up."  --then wedged himself in and set the tray on the bed.  "Got a little bit of everything.  Dig in before One for All has you snoozing again." Izuku slumped disappointingly at the reminder that machines were monitoring his every move. He scooted away from the tray in order to make room, though he didn’t really need to. He hovered a hand in midair and scanned the tray, skimming over slightly grayish green beans, and— ooh, jello! He quickly kept looking and— “Nuggetsssssss!” He shot out his hand and snatched one, stuffing it into his mouth. “Mmpff— h ot...” He chewed very carefully, regretting his haste just a tiiiiiny bit.

Toshi made a comical alarmed face.  "Please don't choke, I'd never hear the end of it." His fingers wrapped about a small bowl of rice and he toasted Izuku with it before nibbling.  It was weird to have an appetite, even one as scant as his was. Especially after what had happened.  He would be sick to his stomach if he still had one.  And yet, his body seemed to crave food. Rice fast disappearing, he scanned the tray and debated what would be ok to eat Excuse you, that all belongs to Izuku then forced himself to stop devouring his own food. He instead picked up the remaining orange and went to work peeling.  Citrus filled the air and he placed the fruit sections next to the nuggets, one by one.

Izuku watched the tiny specks of citrus oil go flying from the orange as Toshinori peeled it, glowing brightly in the early sunlight. He put out a hand to touch them, the same spark of wonder growing in his heart as when he looked at a sky full of stars. "Pretty...." he breathed. What are you, four? You're not supposed to grab at everything you like the look of. Well-- maybe I am on the inside! So there! A soft, breathy laugh escaped, and he continued to wave his hand around in the quickly-dissipating cloud of shining droplets.

Toshi smiled and relaxed, not realizing his shoulders had been tensed up.  It's going to be ok, everything is going to be fine. But-- Nope.  Everything is fine now. He clutched that thought tightly and sighed in relief.

Izuku heard the soft sigh and looked over, glad to see him relaxing. The weight of the past night curled in his stomach, but... Things are golden now. He stared in slight awe at the intense, bright halo of the sun in Toshinori's hair. Warm. Right. ...Home. That will never go away. Not as long as we're together. He looked down at the tray and pointed at the orange slices set next to the nuggets. He knew Toshinori was trying to give them to him, but.... "Aren'tcha gonna eat that?" You've barely had anything... c'mon, please? Just a little more? I'm worried. You're always worried. Ohh-- so what.

His teacher chuckled softly.  "Nah, the acid might mess with me."  He grinned sheepishly--it seemed such a silly thing to admit to--and pushed a slice toward his boy.  "Besides, you need all the energy you can get." He leaned back in his chair, his eyes closing and refusing any further argument.

Izuku nodded. "Oh, okay." He stuffed a slice in his mouth sideways, talking around it. "Fhankfh!" He gave a smile, the orange where his teeth would be. The older man's grin widened as his head nodded once...snapped back up.  Nodded again.  Wobbled back up.  Nodded slowly a third time and stayed down. A soft snore drifted out a moment later.

I... well okay then. Another orange slice followed the first. He squinted. Poked at the jello suspiciously. Do you taste like the good kind of jello? It jiggled. As jello does.

The monitor's beeping became a quiet rhythm that coaxed Toshinori into deeper sleep.  He struggled, wanting to make sure Izuku was safe. As if from far away, he could still hear the kid's voice, if not the words.  The tone was calm, relaxed, at ease; and in turn, he grew calm, relaxed, and at ease. Just a few minutes, then. Just a few . . . . . . He was on a street.  People walking past.  He tried to look past them. He was looking for someone He saw green here then there People turning to look at him Knowing who he was Knowing he had to hurry What They were parting before him Pointing Something was wrong From a distant that was immediately up close He saw Izuku fighting And the people in the crowd murmured that Toshinori knew how this would end And they wondered why he was here and not there He tried to run but his legs wouldn’t respond And Izuku slid further away from him  The people in the crowd just stared at him "Help him!" Toshinori pleaded His legs shifted s l u g g is h l y "Help me!!" Toshi tried to cry out.  A few in the crowd turned, heard him but didn’t understand. Izuku falling from a great height now, a much larger figure chasing his green form.  And then Toshi was there, he had his boy, they would fall together, but he had him now and Izuku stared at him in dull disappointment.  He was unraveling, emerald thread whipping about in the wind.  Toshi tried to hold onto him, hold him together, but the thread unwound quickly, slipped from his fingers, was lost to the wind. Heavy breathing behind him How far was the ground Toshi twisted about somehow A hulking shadowy figure towered over him Baleful chips of blue bore into him A grinning mouth, shark wide, too many teeth Above the figure's head (from which two spikes jutted out, sharp enough to impale), two thick fists clasped into one monstrous wrecking ball the mouth cracked open as primal rage roared out And as the large figure swung down at Toshi's head it's going to crush me It leaned in dear God in heaven, it IS me All Might bellowed guttural laughter as his fist filled Toshi's vision And all around them, a horrified scream Like emerald thread Toshi awoke with a violent start and clutched his chest, gasping for breath.

"Dad!!" ...What the crap, Izuku. ... You better hope to high heaven that he was too far out of it to hear you. He clambered off the bed awkwardly, wincing a bit as his weight came to rest on his still not-quite-healed ankles.  "Shut up," he growled at the beeping machine. "Hey. Hey." His hands reached out to Toshinori. "Hey, you're sitting in the hospital. You were dreaming. You're okay now." He supported himself on the arm of the chair, hoping that he wasn't too close to Toshinori or freaking him out. His eyes rolled wildly, his hero instincts kicking in.  One fist clenched as he sought the source of his panic "Dad!!" It was a burst of gold in the surreal storm, a familiar voice among the unreality. He latched onto it, let it pull him back, knowing full well it was part of his dream, knowing it didn't exist in the real world. But it brought him comfort and that was the pillar he stood on as the nightmare sloughed off. One by one, other familiar sensations returned: the morning sun and its warm golden brilliance, the gentle beeping of the monitoring device (which at this moment was growing more insistent), and his boy he's safe he's safe oh he's safe leaning close, reaching out for him. He clutched that single golden mote of dream a moment longer before he let it dissolve. if only that part had been real...

Izuku gave a strangled gasp as he was suddenly pulled into Toshinori's arms, stiffening as his balance was interrupted. He stopped himself from crashing into his fathementor by awkwardly propping his arms against the back of the armchair before he could be pulled headlong into the hug, wincing and giving a tiny growl of pain as the remnants of his injuries protested. A bit more slowly, he let himself be pulled in, wrapping his own arms around Toshinori's shaking form. "Hey--" he gasped, a bit out of breath. "Hey, it's okay... you had a bad dream, you-- you had a nightmare. You're awake now, you're okay." He felt One for All trying to pull him back under, trying to stop the sudden exertion. No!! NO!! I refuse!! I won't let this happen now, not now! He squeezed his eyes closed and willed it to stop, for the surge to back down.

Toshi raised his hands to cup Izuku's face-- "Kid--" breath caught in his throat, not so much worried that Izuku would burst into emerald thread, that seemed so nonsensical now.  But he was terrified of the boy looking at his with that dull disappointment--that image still remained from the nightmare.  Toshi opened his mouth, about to say something, anything that would prevent that look. And the monitoring machine's beeping became impatiently frantic and teacher pushed student back into the hospital bed. "--you really shouldn't be out of bed," he answered a bit gruffly.  But in his eyes, a world of gratitude.  And then a faint worried frown as he saw the signs of One for All trying to work.  "C'mon, quickly now."

Izuku stiffened, wide-eyed, not expecting to be pushed back into the bed. A startled hand gripped at the arm pushing him as he tried to process the sudden change in the situation.

Toshinori gave him a look of stern concern but his sunken eyes glimmered wetly.  "I'm here but I need you to be here," he said, still pushing Izuku back into bed.

"But-- but I'm here--" Izuku's breath quickened and his eyes flickered around as he tried to figure out what to do or say next. Try obeying, doofus? His brain spat at him. That's what you're supposed to be doing. Like, all the time. He carefully, still kinda stiffly crept back to his spot, ducking his head a bit, but watching closely and ready to jump out again at the slightest notice.

Toshi rubbed one hand over his face and leaned back in his chair with a noise somewhere between relief and distress.  He was exhausted, he wanted to sleep feels like I've ran a marathon but he did not want to dream again. that thick sound, like a bat hitting raw steak One fist white-knuckle clenched again and his other hand pressed against it to unclench. Maybe some hot tea to keep him up....

In a surprisingly fluid motion, Izuku slipped out of bed again and curled beside Toshi's leg on the floor, leaning against the chair. He rested his head against Toshinori's knee. Maybe if I'm just very small and still and quiet, he won't mind that I won't stay put. He curled a hand around the seam of Toshinori's pant leg, just... holding on.

"C'mon, young Midoriya, don't."  He half heartedly plucked at the kid's hospital gown, to get him back into bed.  "I don't want you to--" I don't want to see you get hurt again Another fist formed and just as quickly gone again. the scream--that last one.  It had been Izuku It was all he could do to keep his composure. "--please," he breathed.

Izuku stared up at Toshi, eyes wide as he sat there frozen. His heart was either in his throat or in his stomach, he couldn't figure out which. Moving would break the moment, would feel... somehow wrong, even though Toshinori had asked him to. Not moving... held far more unknowns. Would Toshinori be angry if he didn't move in time? Or would the truth break loose? What truth? There aren't any lies here! ...And yet the truth of the moment is held back. He was somehow sure. But is the the way to gain it? You could ruin everything-- Move or stay? His mind flashed between both options too fast to choose. And in doing so, he chose by accident, because he stayed frozen on the floor. Still staring at his mentor.

"Young Midoriya--!"  Toshinori gaped at him, reached out to push the kid back to bed Don't you dare touch him.  Not with those hands. the hands that had swung in anger he had been fully aware of what he was doing the sounds the stench of sweat and fear red red so much red all over those hands of yours And with a tch! of despair and disgust, he dropped his hands in his lap.  He could feel his face starting to crumble and quickly jutted his chin out to combat it. "Izuku, please," he croaked.  I can't force you.  And I don't dare get angry.  I can't afford to risk it.  What if Next to them, the monitoring machine was getting insistent again.

Izuku watched Toshinori's face as he sat there, waiting to see-- Incredulous shock. Oh no I made a mistake Hands reaching out. no wAIT IM SORRY-- Izuku quickly scuffled to get his feet under him.... ...then... ...? He almost reached out, but pulled back before he could. Don't touch him don't invade his space you'll only make him angrier ...Well he doesn't... really look... angry at all... he looks devastated. Have I really messed up all that badly? No. I think it was just the straw that broke the camel's back. Look at his hands. How he looks at them. He's afraid of them. Of his power. A lump formed in Izuku's throat. No.... He pleaded silently. Not you, All Might, you of all people I'd trust with power.... But look what he did with it, a horrible, sinister voice whispered. He killed. He DIDN'T KILL, HE WON'T! HE'D NEVER!! Izuku's hands turned into fists. Then he heard the quiet, desperate croaking that cut through his thoughts like a knife. "Izuku, please...." Toshinori was on the edge of his emotions. Izuku could hear it, and it dug claws into his chest. I made a mistake... I failed, I failed you, I'm sorry-- A few hot tears spilled over quietly, and he struggled to balance as he pushed himself up. "I'm sorry--" He gave a tiny gasp suddenly as his ankle refused to be stood on, and he started falling.

It was automatic. No hesitation.  No deliberation. One hand reached out to catch, the other to protect Izuku from hitting anything. Your hands can still do good, yes "Gotcha," Toshi murmured then tilted his head in surprise.  "Hey, what--why are you--?  Sorry?"  He held Izuku close a moment is that his heart beating wildly?  Mine? Then set the kid back on the bed (the frantically beeping machine slowly pacified). Once more, he found his own worries and dismal thoughts shoved away, making room only for Izuku.  A welcome distraction.  And still an automatic reaction. "What on earth have you to be sorry for?" he asked.  "You've done nothing wrong.  If it's this--"  And he gestured to the room.  "--then don't worry.  I've been in my share of them and I'm supposed to be the greatest, right?" Greatest.  Ha.

Izuku lowered his head slowly, his head coming to rest gently against Toshinori's collarbone. His hands still held onto his mentor's sleeves-- when had he grabbed on? It must have been when he was falling. He closed his eyes and said softly, "You are." A quiet pause. "You are great." The machine beeped. Izuku's fingers moved the tiniest bit, making a soft noise as they brushed along the ripped fabric. "But you're good, too. And that's so much better." I need you to know that.

He knows. Toshinori hung his head, bangs obscuring his face. He knows. His heart sunk while the rest of him turned numb. He knows and he's still here, he's still looking up to me He knows I did it because of what they did to him He knows what you did. He couldn't even manage a sound of acknowledgement.  He was numb, time was numb, the world was numb. What happens now?