#oh so basically how the Internet used to work?
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TIT RECAP/THOUGHTS
SPOILERS OBV
Okay so firstly the open PSA that Dan wrote about "no photos or videos if you do, I will sue your ass to the ground" and "no flash photography do you want Phil to fall off the stage...again?!?!?" killed me. it was so cute
preshow playlist, stunning, beautiful all around bops.
the sudden cut off of the music and lights to signal the show started, genuinely shocked and I was SAT let me tell you.
THEY CAME OUT AND THEY WERE REAL?!? NOT A SIMULATION?? listen I still can't get over that, I can't believe they were real people who look and sound exactly like they do on my tv at home!! I was so focused on them and soaking every moment in, I couldn't handle it
have I mentioned how attractive they are?!?!?
okay also literally Phil straight up STOPPED THE SHOW BECAUSE HE HAD TO SNEEZE AND DAN JUST STARED AND WAS LIKE PHIL WTF and I loved every second I was like yes this is straight up what they do in videos, let's have our little squirrel moment babes.
plus it made it feel even more silly and improv, overall I know obv they scripted a lot but it was sooo interactive and they ad libbed so much and I adored it
the dollhouse recap i swear wtf. first off, it was such a creative and fun idea and the different sets, and dressed up dolls that the clothes matched!! also okay I'm so sorry I had no idea the random sex positions would be a theme of the show so I was gobsmacked, but the 69ing during pinof??? "so we did what 2 closeted twinks did upon meeting each other for the first time.... put sharpie's cat whiskers on!!!" shut up for the love.
I genuinely loved the role model or no-el model segment. my show was in NC so they first option for Dan as the Mr. Lawyer was he bans ___ and someone said south carolina and they both just were rendered speechless and were like damn oh dear but laughing too.
The boxing match was so hot dear heavens, Dan's expression when Phil came out in the fake- *cough* I mean very real abs. He was acting for his LIFE.
the confessions were so good, just wish it lasted a little longer. the yapping was good and also idk if this was standardized but the whole thing where Phil said "I have a cute but also sociopathic thing going on and I think it's working for me 😌" like shut up you're so adorable
omg the quick change where they kept their mics on and narrated so many innuendos I was dying omg so silly and so funny I loved it. I was really impressed with how fast they changed, but also talked the whole time.
I loved every single solitary part of this show and I loved how they joked about how they were sorry we all went to school with whiskers then got out in the trash (cause yeah basically) and how they literally did raise us and should be blamed for us being feral not our actual legal guardians.
okay so. this show 9/10. here's where the last 1 point went.
please don't kill me, but I wasn't a fan of the song. I'm not entirely sure what it was, but the whole show was so raw and perfect and then the song was just really synthetic and overly autotuned where I personally didn't even hear their voices. like I couldn't tell who was singing which part. the ukulele part was cute, and I really hoped that would've been all of it, I guess the internet is here and interactive introverts and everything's fine just was so good you couldn't raise the bar again, but that was just my personal opinion, I know a lot of people loved the song and it was catchy and cute, I'm just not personally a fan of kpop/synthesized music so I was a little disappointed in the song but the dancing slapped so hard.
Dan flawlessly executing every move and strut and making eye contact with us while Phil very intentionally was focused on not tripping or walking off the stage and looking at Dan a few times to check if he was doing it right MY HEART.
cuties, gay, both of them, love them
overall I spent last night frantically calculating if I could afford to spontaneously go see the Nashville show as well and spend another 10 hours in the car today but regretfully thought against it.
#pineapple chats#dan and phil#phan#dip and pip#dan and phil games#tit preshow#tit tour spoilers#tit spoilers#titspoilers#tit tour#terrible influenence tour spoilers#terrible influence spoilers#terrible influence dnp#dan and phil terrible influence#terrible influence tour
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König baby trapping his online girlfriend on their first meeting in person.
Now, it's not like you wanted to fuck him on your first real date. You're a good girl who knows about the rule of three dates and how to not be a slut on the internet - and in real life, kinda, too. You aren't entirely sure what the policy is if you already had at least ten dates in various games and video chats where you already saw his dick more times than his face. It should count, right? You're not a slut, you're just...a bit assertive. Maybe not that confident. Definitely really, really into him and you wanted to meet for the longest time, but just didn't had time and everything felt so weird at first, so you just began to... He is just so tall in real life, you feel weird even looking at him. He is cooler than he was describing himself before - for starters, he really is huge. Gigantic. Muscular and bear-like, it didn't surprise anyone when you basically jumped on top of him in the first few hours of finally seeing him in person. No one could blame you - he is handsome, rough, and kinda extreme. You finally saw the guy who was showering you in money for the past few days and, really, you don't want to miss out on anything from that experience. You need him carnally, and your lack of dating experience allowed him to go past your alarms when he asked if you really wanted to use the condom. He said it's really hard to achieve orgasm while wearing something as restricting. He said he doesn't really like the feeling of rubber on his cock, and that he is way too big for this. Honestly, his cock does look a tad too big for a condom. You weren't on any pills, but he said it's fine - there is not a chance you'd get pregnant from just one time. He is sure he is like 80% infertile from the service chemicals. He will pull out. Buy you a morning-after pill just in case. The feeling of his cock filling you up with cum is just too much to bear, to be completely honest. You wouldn't exchange it for anything - you love it way too much. Want him to cover you up completely, to take you with him...little did you know that it's literally his plan. When you text him in panic, saying something about missing your periods and asking about the possibility of pregnancy, he would just tell you he is totally fine with being a father. Was preparing his whole life for this. Already bought you a ring and started working on a nursery in his house...oh, you're moving in with him, by the way.
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Night in the Net // Shigaraki x f! reader (18+)
Synopsis: You find yourself stranded in one hell of a sexist environment: the small town's internet café. Shigaraki's on the night shift. (3.6k)
Warnings: sex with Shiggy basically, mild degradation and misogyny from our fav incel, dom!Shiggy with a twist (no quirk obviously), use of “dollface” (i like it)
A/N: No dark themes here, peace n luv. Also.. yeah he is always linked to some gaming/electronic business ik!! but I like the trope/hc/almost canon.
You'd never imagine this was how your night would end.
Why are you there again? Right, your friends wanted to go to that after party, as if the club wasn't enough. What was supposed to be a night out ended up with you in the local internet café (the only after hours spot) while your friends decided to go to a house party with loud techno music, which definitely wasn’t your vibe. You and your friends lived close and would often call a taxi on your way home, money wasn’t enough for you to ride solo today though—you prayed in times like these that you at least had a job; you wouldn’t have to rely on anyone then.
You knew pretty much everyone there, it’s not like the town had more than ten thousand residents and considering the age group and schools you’d all gone to, the internet café only had a few unknown members. On today’s shift was none other than Tomura of course, that guy was taking up as many shifts as his body would allow him to, apparently there was this rumor a family member was in crucial condition and they were in need. Tomura Shigaraki was one of these people you had branded as incel. Though hardworking (he kept a house of his own, cleaning and doing all chores by himself while providing for whomever he had), you still considered the guy as one. Now—you know the term is heavy, matter of fact, quite offending and serious as an allegation but it’s not like there weren’t rumors. Rumors he’d bash women and call them prostitutes, try to sleep with girls and trash them to his friends a day later, hating them for anything they did and claiming true love didn’t exist nowadays because “all women are sluts, who need money and validation.” Plus, he worked at the local internet café (should be enough reason), engaging in heated conversations with his friends and fellow streamers. God, one look in their chats and you'd get as violent as possible— (not much, you'd discovered it the hard way). Thus, it was no surprise that when you enter the place, you hear whispers and scoffs.
‘’The hell are you doing here?’’ A voice was heard from within, the café had the computer screens up front, a bar and a couch with TV in the back. Tomura was occupied in the designated bar the place had (you often wondered what kind of needs these people had—all they ever consumed was energy drinks and pre-packaged meals, takeouts were for reasons of competitive market prohibited).
‘’Just dropping by for a couple of hours, will leave soon.’’ You sigh as you take a seat on the couch, not bothering to talk to anyone, it wasn’t like they cared anyway. Loud noise and laughter can be heard all around, a couple of guys swearing and some younger boys excitedly standing above their screens. The store had a 16+ policy, but of course, no one ever checked so kids could practically stare unattended. Tomura also encouraged younger boys to play, such a piece of shit, you think, getting them to learn young.
‘’Oh my fucking God, a slut just joined!’’ You hear some guy swear, presumably because a girl joined their online server. These guys were so disgusting, you cringe, it was no wonder they were celibate without wanting it. You stand up, you need to kill some time and you're feeling bored, you think about starting a fight with Tomura, how else could you have a little bit of fun?
You weren’t ever necessarily afraid of the guy, even though you had to admit, he looked intimidating. Quite tall with a pale complexion, ashy, dull hair and scars across his face; no one actually knew much about him and whether he was troubled, it’s not like he ever showed to work beaten up or high and usually kept a low profile. The only frightening thing this man had was his smile, it terrified you sometimes as it looked downright evil.
‘’Getting them to learn young, huh?’’ You ask him, he’s washing up some cups from the previous round of gross gaming guys, who have now left.
‘’What?’’ He responds, not bothering to look up.
‘’How to not get women, I mean.’’ You sigh as he huffs in annoyance.
‘’You should be grateful I let a female in my store in the first place.’’ He retorts, but doesn’t seem very angry, just ironic. Usual.
My store (you decide to skip over 'female') sounds funny but you choose not to comment on it.
‘’So how long until you guys close?’’ You don't bother with the vocabulary—it’s routine at this point. It also never ends well and you had a great night so far, why ruin it now?
‘’Two hours.’’
‘’Mind if I sit on the couch? I’ll be quiet I promise’’ You ask—technically beg, as you see no other options.
‘’Ugh.. yeah I mind. There’s some guys wanting to use it, I have a group for GTA on the PS5.’’
‘’Seriously? People still play that?’’ You whine but force yourself to continue.
‘’Can I sit with you then?’’ It takes strength—but you say it regardless. You came to terms with the fact he was your last resort minutes ago.
‘’Sure. But you need to make yourself useful. Here, take this.’’ He hands you a wet sponge, ‘’Wash these up... carefully, while I go clean the floors.’’ He orders, as if you’re part of the staff (and new on the job apparently.)
‘’Do you actually want me to wash freaking dishes? I just came here to chill, I don’t even bother anyone!’’ You start feeling annoyed with the chores, you aren’t 16 and he isn’t your mom.
‘’You can always leave.’’ The running tap stops and he turns to you, practically shoving the wet gloves on your chest.
‘’Or...you can stop being a brat and be of use during your stay, I have two hours left.’’ He smiles, that same smile that makes your skin crawl and blood boil as he moves away.
‘’Fuck! My dress, you asshole!’’ A wet patch now covers the too short dress as you glance at the time on your phone.
Two hours. Two hours until your friends leave and he closes up anyway.
-
Tomura was at least true to his words. Within two insufferable hours of having to listen to appalling conversations between men (hardly to be considered as such), plate washing and the toilet being constantly occupied, the last customers get up to leave.
You dry your hands and plop down the couch exhausted.
‘’Finally.’’ You exhale checking your phone, your friends hadn’t given you any life signs in the meantime, so you decide to patiently wait, they’d message eventually. Tomura is done sweeping the nasty floors from crumbs and dried Monster remnants, which he still has to mop (for the fourth time, you note and you've only been there some hours). You notice how restless he seems—the guy has been running the whole night after ignorant customers, who had not once shown basic respect for the order of the place yet never complained. Truly a shame he has such a misogynistic mindset, you think. He could get women, if he wanted to.
It’s around 6:30 AM, when he presses a button to close the store's roll-up shutters halfway. Small light outside makes its way in but the place is still relatively dark, as he places the mop near the wall and takes a seat next to you.
‘’Fuuck, I’m so tired.’’ He sighs, making sure to spread his legs on the couch as much as he can, not caring (of course) about you also sitting on it.
You always branded Tomura as an incel, that you knew about. But despite that, you now can’t help but feel for him, not knowing much about him at the same time. Sure, he technically isn’t the nicest guy but a look around would show you that he tries enough for a job kicking his ass. You find yourself sympathizing with a man, whose ideals you hate and try to brush these thoughts off.
‘’And why the fuck am I an incel anyway?’’ He asks, his head rests on the couch and his eyes are closed, he is scrunching severely—almost threatening to fall down. And he manspreads. A lot.
‘’W-well– I..’’ You never thought he’d caught on to that, stammering to stand your ground as you continue. ‘’Well, there have been rumors about you.’’ You say, but it doesn’t come off as confident as you’d hoped for. You also realize, it sounds kind of stupid.
‘’Reaaally? And you made sure to believe them, right?’’ His tone’s laced with irony but the way he talks like he whispers in a raspy voice doesn't annoy you anymore. It makes you more... uncomfortable? On the edge? Excited?...what?
‘’It’s not like you don’t claim it yourself.’’ You retort, finally finding some courage. You notice him looking at you as you awkwardly shuffle in your seat.
‘’All I’ve ever said was that I think women are good for nothing. And I still believe that, but I wouldn’t waste more of my time on that.’’ The statement makes you roll your eyes.
‘’How can you generalize a whole group of people, who are literally in no way inferior to you, you can’t tell me you’ve tried—’’
‘’Listen dollface, unless you want to change my mind there’s no reason to fuss that much, my opinion won’t change.’’
Unless you want to change my mind?
‘’I-I don’t.’’ You stammer, because the answer and pet name (dollface??) takes you by surprise and he laughs.
‘’Relax, you branded me an incel.’’ He jokes, ‘’don’t want the rape allegations on me too.’’
The more he talks, the more your mind races and you curse yourself. He seems..funny? He has a mole under his lips—fuck, it looks cute...He also looks good so (stupid as it is, yes!) you silently want his attention. Why can’t he just look you in the eyes more?
This is so wrong. He must've noticed your lost gaze as he speaks up.
‘’Wanna watch a movie?’’ He proposes and you nod, anything is better than the silence hanging in the air. Silence you caused. For thinking... things about him.
Of course Tomura ends up choosing the most depressing film anyone can possibly watch in an internet café at 6 AM, Fallen Angels, and the dramatic cuts make it hard for you to concentrate. He at a certain point leans closer to you but you justify it, how else would he be able to see?
During this one scene, the woman pleasured herself with her legs closed, rubbing together and that’s when you feel a soft hand touch on your thigh. The dress you wore rode up, because your legs rested on the table ahead so it gave him the space he needed. The movement made you tingle and your core involuntarily contracted. The smooth fingers teasingly trailed up and down your leg, from your knees to your inner thighs. You didn’t want to look at him—he was too close and the scene seemed endless. But…he went on about it as if nothing was happening.
Without saying a word, he carried on. A pad of his finger tip dangerously close to your now heated entrance, the images flashing before your eyes lewd, his hand tempting and threatening to reach your already soaked cunt—all this while the two of you hadn’t even shared a kiss. But he doesn't stop, looking ahead and acting like everything’s fine, until he touches your lower lips and you hiss, his finger traces the wet spot over your underwear while you try to move and speak up.
‘’W–what are y—’’
‘’Shh..’’ is all he says.
You want to tell him no. But no to what? You like the feeling of his two fingers against your folds. His palm moves your panties to the side and he stuffs them inside—they dampen from the fluids. How is he that quick? You can’t form a response but you’re about to ask him why—
‘’All that and I haven’t even kissed you.’’ He murmurs, gaze still fixated on the television ahead as you moan, when he slowly pumps them within your walls. Fuck, are you turned on by this?
‘’P-please..’’ You whisper, turning to look at him and for the first time, his eyes are removed from the stupid TV, a sly smile on his features as he tears away his hand.
‘’What is it? Want the incel to kiss you? Maybe even fuck you to prove a point?’’ He says and you frown.
‘’I—no, I have to go.’’ You get up, fixing (lowering) your dress—you have nowhere to go but you’ll figure it out eventually. You think staying longer only plays into his cruel intentions and whilst you can’t deny the pleasure he could give you, your pride’s in the way.
‘’You’re not going anywhere.’’ A wet hand clasps around your wrist and brings you on his lap, as he grins; you seem confused at the sensation. You are hiding the TV screen but he couldn't care less, he never paid attention to the movie.
‘’Feel the stain you left, too?’’ He says as he brings your face closer with the sticky palm grabbing you by the hair. You softly moan, noticing the small mole up close and feeling a bulge poke where your bodies meet. You sway your hips in a silent effort to have him initiate a kiss, you feel desperate and curse yourself again internally. He can only smile.
(You were so clueless, walking around in that slutty dress earlier—making him hard like that, did you even know it?)
He’s quick to kiss you, eager for more already, as mouths clash, teeth collide, the need you both have exceeds proper manners. You sloppily grind against him, the friction from a long outline beneath you makes it hard to think.
‘’I’m guessing, you’re really fucking the incel then.’’ He half smirks as he grabs you and repositions you to sit on his now fully hard cock that throbs in his pants; he lifts your dress above your ass and guides your hips sluggishly back and forth—he’s tormenting you and he enjoys it to the fullest.
‘’T-tomura..p-please.’’ You whine, the urge to have him inside you makes you blabber.
‘’Please what?’’ He slides a hand behind your waist, lowering it to find your slit from behind, his fingers pet your cunt and you moan. Loudly. He is tugging at your panties, the fabric annoys him and he wants full access and the words. The words to prove his point.
‘’P–please...fuck me already!’’ You breathe out and he groans to the sound of your voice.
The ironic remark he prepared evaporates as he quickly pushes you back, just enough to not fall off his lap and quickly unzips his pants, thanking god for not wearing a belt.
His pants and underwear are sloppily moved down his knees, as his cock jumps with a pop on his lower abdomen, stiff with a weeping tip. Pretty veins throb around it as your eyes widen.
Shit, he’s big, can you take him?
‘’I’d ask for a nice blowjob, dollface, but wouldn’t want the feminists after me.’’ He says as he brings you close, kissing you yet again, a string of spit runs down your jaw, as your hands roam his tangled, uncombed hair.
He positions you on his cock, one hand snakes around your waist while the other one clings to the back of your scalp and you’re swiftly lifted by the head and pushed down on him, as you let out a scream.
‘’Shut the fuck up.’’ He hisses, quickly looking around, the sensation from almost his whole length makes you tremble, he feels too full, too painful...too good.
‘’Shit, c’mon now you got this.’’ He encourages as you hesitantly move up and down his cock, gripping his shoulders and looking at him; he seems more concentrated on the sensation than your body, staring at you while you wrap around his length.
‘’Fuck...dollface, this too much for ya?’’ He tries not to grunt and you give your best not to cry, each moment that goes by turning the initial pain to pleasure—your cunt adjusts slowly and bit by bit to his girth.
‘’T-tomura... y-yes..it’s too much!’’ You whine, sweat forms in your forehead as his hand finds your swollen clit and circles it while your nails dig deeper in his shirt.
‘’You can take it.’’ He says, he feels you squeezing him in, you bounce with dedication on his legs, making the couch squeak as if on some sex tape—you want to bring yourself even closer. So nasty, aren't you? Acting righteous, only to fuck yourself on his cock like a desperate whore.
‘’I-ugh-p-please..’’ You try to speak but he secures his hand around your torso and sinks (lower than before) down the couch. Two strong hands force you to stay still in the air while he drills himself into you at a steady pace, kind of sloppily too. Both of you moan, the position gives equal pleasure, your clit bumps on his groin and his cock reaches your g-spot with ease.
‘’S–Shit, you’re squeezing way too much, haven’t you been fucked like this before?’’ He sounds annoyed but the stammer in his voice betrays him.
Not like this, you want to say but can’t really speak the words. Your weight falls entirely on him, he doesn’t mind one bit—he loves it actually, this skin on skin contact as he guides you on his cock, it feels surreal. He hits soft and spongy spots inside while you slowly fall apart.
‘’T-Tomura right there..I ugh—I'm close!’’ The sensation overwhelms you, his eyes are still fixated on your face, yeah I can tell, he thinks. He gets off on your desperation, mouth parted all for him? Your eyes threaten to spill by the way he tears apart your cunt and morals bit by bit.. it’s–
‘’Tomura, aren't you closing yet?’’ Someone asks from outside, interrupting the moment. The shutters only reveal a pair of shoes.
‘’Yeah, I’m on it.’’ Shigaraki stops composed, cockwarming you in a funny way, while a hand, his hand covers your mouth. Your eyes widen as slick trickles down his thighs in silence.
‘’Alright, see you then.’’ The man leaves and he cusses him out. (''Cunt.'')
‘’We’re not done.’’ He turns his attention back to you and seizes your face, bringing your mouth closer.
‘’Open up.’’ He orders and you do, clenching around him in anticipation.
He spits in it and closes the gap with his index finger.
‘’Swallow or I won’t continue.’’ You quickly gulp down.
‘’So obedient all of a sudden, aren't you?’’ Sarcasm evident as he gives your ass a solid hit, before starting to get back on his pace, only more rough this time, he longs for your release on him. You’re moving up and down his length, trying to grab anything accessible really, his hair, the back of the couch, under his shirt and you feel your orgasm resurface stronger; the delay highlighted all of your senses.
‘’T-Tomura—’’ You shudder, as his cock hits your g-spot expertly–fuck, this guy wasn't some incel–and your swollen clit has to brush one last time past his groin before you feel an overwhelming orgasm take over. You clamp down his length and moan embarrassingly (Fuck Tomura! I–I'm...too good!) This time he lets you, he needs to hear this.
‘’Fuuck—agh, look at you dollface.’’ He hums, a feminist creaming herself on my cock, he wants to add but it’s too many words and you just came so he wastes no time. He brings your neck close to his mouth and bites on it, teeth sink into your flesh and hands force you all the way down. His cum spills inside and he groans, trying to stifle his moans by biting down the sensitive skin even harder.
And fuck if that isn’t hot.
He keeps you on him, arms fasten around your waist with cum dripping onto his lowered pants but neither of you bother to care; ragged breaths and the sounds of the film still playing are audible as more light enters through the rolled shutters.
God must’ve been on your side that day because a message appears on your screen moments after you both wordlessly got up and cleaned yourselves in the bathroom. Tomura would have to clean again, you think, as the message on your phone signals your time to leave.
You turn to look at him, he has removed his shirt and small nail scratches decorate his pale back and you..smile. What the hell? Was this..? Oh no—You try to find an appropriate goodbye.
See you soon? Thanks for the mind blowing dick? You aren’t the incel I thought you were? Everything seems embarrassing at present time.
‘’I-I’ll be seeing you soon.’’ You opt for that, stupid as it is, you still look at him in anticipation. He turns to you, hands on the mop cleaning near the couch and nods.
Great, you think, that was a disaster. You defeatedly walk (actually stoop to get past the almost closed door) feeling like a hooker after a client, miserable and kind of used. This is always the worst part.
You feel an arm touch your shoulder, you’ve only taken a few steps in the daylight.
‘’Take this in case you revoke your incel statement.’’
Tomura hands you a piece of paper and quickly disappears behind the store’s shadows.
#shigaraki x reader#shigaraki tomura#shigaraki x you#shigaraki smut#shigaraki tomura x reader#mha x reader#tenko x reader#shigaraki tomura smut#tomura x reader#tw degradation
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let's show the world ꨄ carlos sainz smau
carlos sainz x wife!reader
warnings: hateful/mean comments, cyberbullying
in which carlos has to make it clear to the world how much his wife means to him, and how strangers on the internet know nothing about them or their relationship.
f1drivernews
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f1drivernews it appears ferrari driver carlossainz55 and wife yourusername spent the summer break in style, rumours have it that the resort they stayed in ibiza was almost €7500 per person a night. sainz and his wife have been notorious for staying in extravagant hotels and resorts during both summer and winter breaks. the lifestyles of the rich and famous continues!
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username oh the things i would do to be a millionaire
username just be like yourusername and bag yourself a rich husband, constant flow of money lol
username that's a polite way of saying just be a gold-digger and you'll be set babes
username lol the fact b4 he met her carlos used to spend breaks with his fam and friends??? has no one told him how much of a red flag this is???
username girl since when is a driver spending their break with their WIFE a red flag???
username €7500 PER PERSON???? aint no way that was carlos' idea lol what a joke
username i'd be so embarrassed to be yourusername like what does girlypop even do??? other than mooch off her husband ofc
username she's actually very successful in her own line of work? not sure what you're alluding to but yeah
username she could be the top 10% of whatever she does and still not be as successful as carlos, hop off hunni
username guess f1drivernews was too nice to post the hideous closeups of yourusername... girly's not looking too great nowadays poor carlos
carlossainz55 has posted a story
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landonorris your mrs told me she got a hole in one, how's it feel to suck carlos
yourusername 🫶🏻🫶🏻🫶🏻
username bet you paid out of your ass for her for this round of golf too smh
username embarrizzing sorrrrryyy carlos
yourusername has posted a story
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carlossainz55 thank you for dinner amor, you spoil me as always
username girl delete this rn this is so embarrassing
username loool ur not fooling anyone sweetie
username red nails for a golddigger? typical babes
yourusername
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tagged carlossainz55
yourusername i'm amazed by you every single day, even more when you come back to our room stinking of champagne 💗
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landonorris no special post for me?? you told me i was ur son the other day and this is the treatment i get ? emancipation right now
landonorris before you say it, i know that's a big word for elmo. thanks.
alexandrasaintmleux im still obsessed with that jacket 🫶🏻
username you looked so pretty this weekend! carlos is so lucky
carlossainz55 always more special when we're both coming back smelling like champagne hermosa
username i think its like so childish u deleted 75% of ur followers like u wanna be in the public eye but dont want what comes with it??? weird but alright
username im so over you honestly carlos deserves better
username ur acc the worst wag like yikes
f1gossip
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f1gossip the streets are saying carlos was in suzuka alone this week, his wife of two years yourusername reportedly took a flight home instead of following her husband along to suzuka after the singapore win... trouble in paradise? 👀👀
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username omg it's happening
username FINALLY GOOD RIDDANCE
username my man is back on the market!!!!! time for someone prettier, hotter, better, basically anyone opposite of his wife lol byeeeee
username ur all insane, she has her own job??? she can't follow her husband to every end of the earth
username waiting for the ig stories 'we've decided to split amicably, please allow us privacy'
username LOOOL i bet it's gonna say that word for word!!!! not like we'll see hers tho cause she locked us all out
username this acc made my day ahhhhhhhh
yourusername has posted a story
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carlossainz55 amor what's wrong??
yourusername i just dont understand why people have to be so mean.
landonorris carlando to the rescue dont worry y/n
carlossainz55
liked by yourusername, charles_leclerc, landonorris, and 1,399,402 others
tagged yourusername
carlossainz55 this last week has been extra special for me, to know it is the anniversary of the first time i met my best friend, and that she was able to be with me when i lifted the trophy in singapore is a wonderful feeling.
but to see all the ignorant, unkind, and hurtful comments that are regularly directed at my wife has put a negative twirl on this time. my wife, to me, is the most beautiful woman in the world. she is kind, and loving, and has given up the world for me time and time again. no one knows our relationship more than her and i. many of you speak things that are so ignorant and false it is disgusting. if you are one of these people, please know, you are not a fan i find myself caring for.
i beg those who continue to speak poorly of my wife, to think about how your actions can harm others. thank you. and to yourusername, you are the most important light in my life. i cant wait to see you amor.
comments on this post have been limited
landonorris 🧡🧡
charles_leclerc be kind always!
yourusername te amo, always and forever.
carlossainz55 has posted a story
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yourusername i didnt even see you take that photo... ur so cute ily
landonorris tell her i got 50 of the flowers for her
username omg i love that book!!!! y/n has great taste what a queen
username i would die to be ur wife, but i would also die to be y/n's wife so lol
ahhhh this is the smau part 2 i promised to my last carlos written story! thank you to the lovely person who requested it, i hope it's what you wanted! please let me know what you think, i hope you all loved it 💗
taglist
@leclercdream @myescapefromthislife @princessria127 @iloveyou3000morgan @love4lando @asfaraslifegets @decseptapril @somanyfandomsbruh @fangirl125reader @imagandom @motorsp0rt @jspitwall @sarahedwards16 @glitterf1 @christianpulisic10 @carlandonorri-s @smoothopz @eugene-emt-roe @epitios @ihrtdan @myloverjk-blog @glow-ish @goldenmclaren @mercunty
if your name is bolded/striked tumblr wont allow me to tag you! ive tried multiple things, but it's unfortunately giving me a very hard time with a few people. im so sorry! please let me know if you'd like to be added to the list!!
#carlos sainz#carlos sainz x reader#carlos sainz x you#f1 x reader#f1 x you#formula 1 x reader#formula 1 x you#f1 smau#carlos sainz smau#carlos sainz imagine#f1 imagine#f1 fanfic#f1#formula 1
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Top 23 of 2023
Have you been aching to get your hot little hands on 52 weeks of data around original posts, likes, reblogs, and searches, all weighted and ranked and tied up into categories with a nice little bow on top? Well, today’s your day! It should come as no surprise that Artists on Tumblr reign supreme: from stunning traditional art, jaw-dropping digital art, fanart, sculptures, textile art—you name it, basically—this year’s list shows that Tumblr truly is the home for art and artists. Thank you, Artists on Tumblr, for enriching our dashboards day after day.
Rounding out the top three, we have two iconic shows: Good Omens is live-action, and The Owl House is animated, but both have a heck of a love story at their core. The second season of Good Omens blessed us with not one but two ineffably exquisite ships, while the final season of The Owl House broke and then healed fans’ hearts in equal measure. Thanks, @danaterrace! Actually, come to think of it, the Good Omens finale kinda did the same in reverse. Thanks to you, too, @neil-gaiman! We can’t wait for season 3.
Speaking of heartbreak and healing, Our Flag Means Death’s second season offered both in droves. The entire cast gave stellar performances, and fans couldn’t have been happier to see the kinds of representation the show displayed. Last year’s #1 topic, Stranger Things, may have dropped a bit, but trust us, you wouldn’t know it from the amount of meta, fanart, and fics in the tag. And did you hear about the live-action adaptations of both The Last of Us and One Piece? They were a preeeetty big deal this year, too. Check ‘em out if you haven’t yet (lol, of course you have). And we’d be remiss not to mention the hugely dedicated fans, fanartists, and fic writers devoting their time to all things Rise of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. Y’all deserve a little pizza, as a treat.
2023 was also a year for blockbuster movies, which of course hasn’t escaped anybody’s notice here on Tumblr. Barbie smashed box offices worldwide and left us reeling with every re-watch. How can one describe Greta Gerwig’s pink-filled opus? It certainly is one of the movies of all time. Meanwhile, with its incredible animation and soundtrack, Spider-Man: Across the Spider-Verse introduced us to a whole new multiverse of Spider-People, opening the portal to a veritable flood of incredible OCs. And then, of course, we got a fresh perspective on an old classic when cinephiles introduced Martin Scorscese’s cinematic masterpiece, Goncharov (1973), to a new generation of film aficionados who resoundingly agree that it is, in fact, the greatest mafia movie ever made. We’re so glad this underrated film finally got the acclaim it has long deserved.
In the realms of gaming and tech, the long-anticipated Baldur’s Gate 3 has basically become everyone’s new favorite D&D/dating sim combination. Of course, the Pokémon franchise, games, shows, and Hatsune Miku collabs remain perennial favorites. Elon Musk’s purchase of Twitter, sorry, we mean of course X, made waves across the internet. Similarly, the Reddit blackout drove Redditors to new venues, and Tumblr users welcomed the folks from r/196 with open arms—we’re huge fans of your memes, y’all, and you fit right in. Welcome, we’re glad you enjoy the chaos. Here’s a fun fact: if we included post metadata in Year in Review rankings, #polls, introduced in January of 2023, would have been the #5 topic on Tumblr this year. Phenomenal.
And, oh right. Taylor Swift had kind of a big year, what with the albums, the epic global tour, and the movie and stuff. Fantastic work, @taylorswift, the Swifties on Tumblr thank you for everything.
This is Tumblr’s Year in Review.
Artists on Tumblr
Good Omens
The Owl House
Barbie
Pokémon
Spider-Man: Across the Spider-Verse
Critical Role
Goncharov
Taylor Swift
Genshin Impact
Stranger Things
The Last of Us
Rise of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles
Elon Musk
196
Star Wars
Our Flag Means Death
Crowley | Good Omens
LGBTQ
Cottagecore
Baldur's Gate 3
One Piece
Aziraphale | Good Omens
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♡ It's Not You, It's Your Pants | CL16
Pairing: Charles Leclerc x Reader [Crack Fic]
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Summary: Girl roasts Charles Leclerc’s tragic pants online, then accidentally crashes into him in Monaco. Cue spilled coffee, fashion rants, and an existential crisis about how her life turned into a Wattpad fanfic in under five minutes.
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A/N: Just a random crack idea I had after seeing Charles' pants on Pinterest.
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check out my other works: Masterlist
The pants in question:
Monaco was as glamorous as your Instagram feed had led you to believe—blue skies, sparkling yachts, and streets that looked like they’d been personally polished by billionaires. You’d come here for a break from your intense fashion studies, soaking up the vibes (and let’s be honest, hoping for a celebrity sighting). And maybe—just maybe—you’d catch a glimpse of a certain F1 driver whose face had become a staple on your social media, along with some questionable fashion choices.
It was your first time here, a small vacation before diving back into the hectic world of fashion school. Your excuse? Inspiration. But honestly, you just wanted to escape to the Côte d'Azur and sip some coffee.
But you weren’t just an F1 fan. You had your own little corner of fame on Instagram. As a fashion student with a decent following, your niche was breaking down and rating celebrity outfits. Recently, you’d gained serious attention for a video where you roasted none other than Charles Leclerc—the beloved racing prince of Monaco—for wearing, and you quote yourself, “blue baggy pants that looked like they were in a fistfight with a bunch of scissors.”
It wasn’t personal; it was business. And the fact that the pants had star-shaped rips in them? Your comment was basically a public service announcement.
“Look at these pants,” you’d said, holding up a screenshot of Charles sporting his, ahem, questionable fashion statement. “I mean, what are we even doing here? Are these pants or a craft project gone wrong? Who looks at a pair of baggy jeans and thinks, ‘You know what’s missing? Giant star-shaped cutouts for maximum confusion!’”
As you strolled through Monte Carlo, cappuccino in hand, you scrolled through the comments on your viral video.
“Not gonna lie, I kinda miss when Charles used to wear those skinny jeans that made him look like a confused hipster.”
“ARE WE JUST NOT GONNA TALK ABOUT THE STAR CUTOUTS?!?!”
“I think Charles Leclerc has been taking fashion advice from his 8-year-old self. Stars? Really? Babe, it’s not the 2000s anymore.”
“Not the hero we deserve, but the one we need—thank you for saying what we were all thinking about those pants.”
“Leclerc’s stylist should be fired, immediately.”
You chuckled at one of the memes someone had made—a zoomed-in shot of Charles in his infamous star-cutout pants, captioned: “I’m a star, literally.” Honestly, the internet was undefeated.
Mid-laugh, you rounded a corner, not looking where you were going, and—WHAM—collided with someone solid, causing you to spill your coffee, drop your phone, and let out a noise that was somewhere between a gasp and a scream.
“Oh my God! I am so, so sorry!” you babbled, fumbling to grab your phone off the ground.
“No problem, really—”
You froze. That voice.
You didn’t need to look up to recognize that slightly accented, velvety smooth tone. The universe had decided today was the day it turned your life into a Wattpad fanfiction.
Charles Leclerc was standing right in front of you.
And not just standing. He was smiling—that damn heart-stopping smile—and then something in his expression shifted. His eyes narrowed slightly as if he was trying to place where he knew you from. You, meanwhile, were contemplating whether it was possible to will yourself into nonexistence through sheer force of embarrassment.
“You’re…” Charles blinked and then a glint of recognition flashed in his eyes. “Wait, you’re the girl from that Instagram video. The one about my pants.”
If your life was a movie, this would be the part where someone hit pause so you could have a full existential crisis. Unfortunately, reality didn’t work like that, and all you could do was stare at him, jaw slack, as your brain tried to reboot.
“I, uh… well…” you stammered, unsure of how to explain to the very person whose fashion choices you’d roasted in front of millions of people that it wasn’t personal.
Charles tilted his head, his smile widening. “You really didn’t like my pants, huh?”
Oh God. This was happening. This was actually happening.
“I mean, it’s not that I didn’t like them…” you began weakly, still trying to wrap your head around the fact that you were currently being confronted by Charles freaking Leclerc. “It’s just… they were, you know, kind of…” You gestured vaguely toward his legs as if that would somehow help explain your deep-seated hatred for the star-ripped monstrosities.
“Kind of what?” he asked, clearly enjoying watching you squirm.
You took a deep breath, deciding to just go for it. “Okay, look. They were confusing. Like, were they pants? Or was it some weird attempt at turning your legs into a constellation? I couldn’t tell. They had star-shaped rips, Charles. also, why were there so many weird cutouts? Are they… windows? Are your pants ventilated?”
Charles let out a snort, clearly struggling to keep it together. “Ventilated?”
You nodded, gaining momentum now. “Exactly! They look like they’re half-torn on purpose, but not in a cool, grungy way. It’s like someone started cutting them up and then gave up halfway through. And the bagginess? Charles, I don’t even know where to begin. It’s like you bought them two sizes too big, but then tried to fix it by adding rips. And it just… doesn’t work.”
Charles burst out laughing, his hand covering his mouth as he tried to rein in his amusement. “You really think they were that bad?”
You blinked at him, dead serious. “Charles, those pants looked like they got into a fight with a pair of kindergarten scissors and lost.”
He was full-on laughing now, and you felt a small victory in that. At least he wasn’t offended. Although, considering how often people talked about drivers online, he probably had thicker skin than you’d given him credit for.
“I have to admit, I didn’t think anyone would notice the stars,” Charles said between laughs, wiping away a tear from his eye. “But you? You gave them a whole five-minute segment.”
You groaned, pressing a hand to your forehead. “I didn’t mean to turn it into an entire rant! It just… it snowballed.”
Charles grinned at you, his expression softening a bit. “No, it was funny. I saw the video. My brothers couldn’t stop laughing. Arthur sent it to me like five times.”
You blinked. “Your brothers… sent you the video?”
“Yep. They even gave the pants a name. They call them ‘the constellation pants’ now.”
You couldn’t help it. You snorted. “You should burn those pants. Like, immediately.”
He looked down at his legs, pretending to think it over. “They’re not that bad.”
“Charles,” you sighed, suddenly feeling a wave of passion wash over you. “Those pants were an abomination. They weren’t just bad—they were like an insult to pants everywhere. Like, what even were they? Baggy, ill-fitting, with random star-shaped rips? Did they start out as pants or was it some kind of tragic attempt at upcycling? Because I swear to God, it looked like a fabric store exploded on your legs.”
He blinked, clearly not expecting you to dive headfirst into a passionate rant about pants, but there was no stopping you now.
“And don’t get me wrong,” you continued, gesturing wildly. “I’m all for experimental fashion. I love a good risk. But those pants? They looked like you lost a bet to a five-year-old. I’ve seen better craftsmanship at a kids’ summer camp sewing class. They were offensive, Charles. Offensive to pants, offensive to legs, and offensive to anyone with eyes.”
Charles looked back up at you, a mischievous glint in his eyes. “Okay, but what’s so wrong with adding a little personality to my wardrobe? Stars are cool.”
You couldn’t help but laugh at that, shaking your head. “Not when they’re cut out of your pants, they’re not!”
“Fair enough,” he said, still smiling. “But now you’ve got me curious. If I did burn the pants, what would you suggest I wear?”
Was this a trick question? Was he seriously asking you, the random fashion student who insulted him online, for fashion advice? What was your life?
“Well…” you began, mentally assembling an outfit in your head. “For starters, how about something that doesn’t look like it belongs in a bad 2000s boyband? Maybe some slim-fit jeans that actually fit properly. And—oh!—ditch the weird rips. You’re Charles Leclerc, not a rejected *NSYNC member.”
He raised an eyebrow, clearly impressed by your decisiveness. “You’ve thought about this a lot, haven’t you?”
You shrugged, trying to play it cool. “I’m just saying… you’ve got the face, the career, the whole package. You shouldn’t let the pants drag you down.”
Charles grinned, leaning in slightly. “So, you think I have the whole package?”
Your brain screeched to a halt. Did he just—? Did Charles Leclerc just flirt with you?
“Don’t get ahead of yourself, star boy,” you shot back, smirking despite the fact that your internal monologue was currently having a breakdown. “I’m only here trying to fix your fashion sense.”
Charles chuckled, his gaze lingering on you for a moment longer than necessary. And that’s when the next bomb dropped.
“Well then, maybe you can help me shop sometime?” He said it so casually, like he wasn’t currently turning your entire existence upside down with one smooth sentence. I THOUGHT CARLOS WAS THE SMOOTH OPERATOR.
“I—wait, what?” You blinked rapidly, wondering if you’d heard him correctly. “Did you just… ask me to go shopping with you?”
He smiled again, that devastatingly charming smile that should probably come with a warning label. “Yeah. I mean, you clearly have strong opinions about what I wear. Might as well put them to good use.”
Okay. Okay. Deep breaths. This was fine. Everything was fine. You were standing in the middle of Monaco, and Charles Leclerc—your internet crush since forever—was asking you to go shopping with him. Totally normal. Just another Tuesday. Nothing to freak out about.
Yet your inner monologue was screaming, “MY LIFE IS A WATTPAD FANFICTION, WHAT IS HAPPENING?!”
“I, uh…” you stammered, trying to process this. “Are you serious?”
“Of course,” Charles replied smoothly, his eyes twinkling. “I’ve got to fix my ‘constellation pants’ problem, right? Who better to help me than the girl who went viral for hating them?”
You were pretty sure your brain had short-circuited at this point. But somehow, you managed to respond, your voice steady despite the fact that your insides were doing cartwheels. “I mean… I guess I could do that. If you really want fashion advice.”
Charles nodded, then casually pulled out his phone. “Great. Let me get your number, and we’ll sort something out.”
You stared at him. Was this real life?
He handed you his phone, and you slowly, robotically, typed in your number, still half-expecting to wake up from this fever dream.
After you handed it back, Charles shot you a grin that could probably melt steel. “So… how about lunch tomorrow? We could discuss your fashion intervention plan.”
Your internal monologue was now full-on screaming. WHAT IS THIS LIFE?
“Lunch? Uh… sure?” you replied, feeling like a character in a rom-com who was two seconds away from tripping over their own feet.
“Perfect,” he said, his smile widening. “I’ll text you.”
And just like that, Charles Leclerc—the man whose fashion sense you had ruthlessly destroyed in front of the entire internet—waved goodbye, leaving you standing there in a daze, wondering if you were hallucinating or not.
Your life? Officially. Unreal.
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#f1#f1 fanfic#f1 fic#f1 imagine#formula one x reader#f1 x reader#formula one x y/n#f1 x female reader#f1 x you#f1 x y/n#f1 x oc#formula 1 x reader#formula 1 imagine#formula 1 fanfic#formula 1 fic#formula 1 x female reader#formula 1 x you#formula 1 x y/n#formula 1 x oc#formula one x you#formula one imagine#formula one fanfiction#formula one x oc#charles leclerc x you#charles leclerc x reader#charles leclerc x female reader#charles leclerc x female oc#cl16 imagine#cl16 x reader#cl16 x you
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Oh, you know, just the usual internet browsing experience in the year of 2024
Some links and explanations since I figured it might be useful to some people, and writing down stuff is nice.
First of all, get Firefox. Yes, it has apps for Android/iOS too. It allows more extensions and customization (except the iOS version), it tracks less, the company has a less shitty attitude about things. Currently all the other alternatives are variations of Chromium, which means no matter how degoogled they supposedly are, Google has almost a monopoly on web browsing and that's not great. Basically they can introduce extremely user unfriendly updates and there's nothing forcing them to not do it, and nowhere for people to escape to. Current examples of their suggested updates are disabling/severly limiting adblocks in June 2024, and this great suggestion to force sites to verify "web environment integrity" ("oh you don't run a version of chromium we approve, such as the one that runs working adblocks? no web for you.").
uBlockOrigin - barely needs any explanation but yes, it works. You can whitelist whatever you want to support through displaying ads. You can also easily "adblock" site elements that annoy you. "Please log in" notice that won't go away? Important news tm sidebar that gives you sensory overload? Bye.
Dark Reader - a site you use has no dark mode? Now it has. Fairly customizable, also has some basic options for visually impaired people.
SponsorBlock for YouTube - highlights/skips (you choose) sponsored bits in the videos based on user submissions, and a few other things people often skip ("pls like and subscribe!"). A bit more controversial than normal adblock since the creators get some decent money from this, but also a lot of the big sponsors are kinda scummy and offer inferior product for superior price (or try to sell you a star jpg land ownership in Scotland to become a lord), so hearing an ad for that for the 20th time is kinda annoying. But also some creators make their sponsored segments hilarious.
Privacy Badger (and Ghostery I suppose) - I'm not actually sure how needed these are with uBlock and Firefox set to block any tracking it can, but that's basically what it does. Find someone more educated on this topic than me for more info.
Https Everywhere - I... can't actually find the extension anymore, also Firefox has this as an option in its settings now, so this is probably obsolete, whoops.
Facebook Container - also comes with Firefox by default I think. Keeps FB from snooping around outside of FB. It does that a lot, even if you don't have an account.
WebP / Avif image converter - have you ever saved an image and then discovered you can't view it, because it's WebP/Avif? You can now save it as a jpg.
YouTube Search Fixer - have you noticed that youtube search has been even worse than usual lately, with inserting all those unrelated videos into your search results? This fixes that. Also has an option to force shorts to play in the normal video window.
Consent-O-Matic - automatically rejects cookies/gdpr consent forms. While automated, you might still get a second or two of flashing popups being yeeted.
XKit Rewritten - current most up to date "variation "fork" of XKit I think? Has settings in extension settings instead of an extra tumblr button. As long as you get over the new dash layout current tumblr is kinda fine tbh, so this isn't as important as in the past, but still nice. I mostly use it to hide some visual bloat and mark posts on the dash I've already seen.
YouTube NonStop - do you want to punch youtube every time it pauses a video to check if you're still there? This saves your fists.
uBlacklist - blacklists sites from your search results. Obviously has a lot of different uses, but I use it to hide ai generated stuff from image search results. Here's a site list for that.
Redirect AMP to HTML - redirects links from their amp version to the normal version. Amp link is a version of a site made faster and more accessible for phones by Bing/Google. Good in theory, but lets search engines prefer some pages to others (that don't have an amp version), and afaik takes traffic from the original page too. Here's some more reading about why it's an issue, I don't think I can make a good tl;dr on this.
Also since I used this in the tags, here's some reading about enshittification and why the current mainstream internet/services kinda suck.
#modern internet is great#enshittification#internet browsing#idk how to tag this#but i hope it will help someone#personal#question mark
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AlterEgo
The last thing I expected on my 20th birthday was to receive a gift from Cody, my roommate. We were never close, and there was no way in hell he actually knew much about me to know it was my birthday without me telling him. Him and I were basically complete opposites. While I was your typical nerd, smart, introverted, and so on, he was basically your typical jock in all the worst ways. He was boisterous, arrogant, and a total meathead. We mostly agreed to stay out of each others’ way, considering our irreconcilable differences, but that didn’t stop him from being a massive pain in the ass. His room was constantly in a state of disarray, with sweaty clothes scattered all over the place. As such, I often avoided being anywhere near his room if necessary since it smelled like a locker room. He often invited over his “bros” who were just as bad. Whether they were hogging the TV to watch whatever game was on, smuggling alcohol into our dorm to get wasted, or playing catch in the fucking living room, they were always a nuisance. And whenever I brought any of that up to him, he would always end up saying something like “It’s not that serious, dude. We were just having a good time.” Yeah, a good time at my expense. Whoever assigned the two of us to live together must’ve thought this was some twisted joke.
I woke up at 9 AM, still a little tired from last night. I hung out at one of my friends’ dorms to celebrate my birthday. I yawned, and went to the kitchen to make some breakfast. I saw Cody was up as well, his legs spread across the couch, to the point that he was taking up two seats, watching something on the TV that was several volume levels too loud for me.
“Hey bro, today’s your birthday right?” Cody asked, as he tilted his head to face me.
“Uhh, yeah. How did you know?” I responded.
“Oh don’t worry about it, bro. Happy birthday!” I saw him get up and run to his disorganized room, likely to grab something for me. I could see a pair of worn gym shorts on the floor through the crack in the door. He pulled out an old Nike shoe box, since he likely had nothing better to put a gift in. “I’ve been saving this for you. I hope you like it!” Is this his way of trying to get on my good side?
I rolled my eyes since I doubt he got me anything I would enjoy. He probably just got me something that he’d enjoy, like some tight-fitting tank top or protein powder or something. Not that I work out or anything. The only gift I’d want from him is for him to stop being a douche. I opened the box and I was surprised about what I saw. It was a video game. Not any that I’d ever heard of. I looked at the box art and the words AlterEgo were written in a wacky, colorful font.
“Yeah, I knew you like video games, so I found this for you. I heard on the internet that it’s pretty nitch…nichy…what’s the word…”
“Niche?” I responded. I had to admit, him struggling to pronounce the word right was a little amusing. As amusing as being with a simpleton like him could be.
“That’s the word! I got it for myself, but I realized like half an hour in that it wasn’t my thing. I’m happy with what I have right now. I figured you’d probably get more out of it than me.”
“Thanks, I guess.”
“No problem, dude. Anyways, I gotta hit the gym. I’m gonna be out all day so you have the PS5 all to yourself. Hope you enjoy it bro!”
I watch him leave, thankful to have some peace and quiet. As I ate breakfast, I read the back of the cover in order to figure out what this game was about.
“Become a new you! In this life simulation adventure, you can become any kind of person you want and live any way you choose. Control your fictional avatar, your AlterEgo, and level up your stats to become closer to your true self.”
The game seemed something like The Sims or Animal Crossing, but with some stat progression system. It was a game that I had never heard of, but it could be some hidden gem. The rest of the back was filled with screenshots from the game with the cartoony characters doing activities such as cooking, jogging, and riding a motorcycle. I figured I might as well try the game since I did get it for free. Even if it was from Cody, I wasn’t one to refuse someone’s generosity.
I put the game in the disk slot and booted it up. The title screen had that same logo and some bubbly background music. I pressed the start button and I was presented with a save selection screen. I noticed that Cody’s save was on there, which was odd because I was playing on my account. I knew I should’ve put a password on it. I wanted to make my own character, but part of me was curious about the character that he made. Knowing him, I can only guess. His game time was less than an hour, as he was only on Day 1, and he likely spent most of that time on the character creation screen.
I started his save and my character was sitting in his room. At this point, it was very bare, with only a bed and a bunch of cardboard boxes scattered around the room. I guess the character starts by moving into their new home? I went into the menu to find more information about the character. The character was named Cody obviously and his AlterEgo somewhat matched him too. I went into the stats screen and I was greeted by a tutorial.
“Here you can check your AlterEgo’s stats. You have already set your initial growth modifiers and assigned your base stats. If you need a refresher, whatever stats you chose your AlterEgo to excel at are highlighted in red and the ones you chose to trade off are highlighted in blue. This means that your AlterEgo will grow in the stats in red much faster and prioritize activities that increase those stats and avoid activities associated with increasing your stats in blue. As you play, your AlterEgo will naturally develop into one of hundreds of potential archetypes based on the activities that they excel at. Experiment and see who you become!”
I looked at the stat screen and saw a list of stats with a bar indicating percentage level. The stats included Strength, Constitution, Dexterity, Intelligence, Wisdom, Courage, Charisma, and Luck. Not too far off from DnD I guess. It seemed like he chose to have Strength and Constitution as his highest stats as their font was colored red and Intelligence and Wisdom as his weakest stats as they were colored in blue. Gee, why am I not surprised… Cody was anything but a genius. It seemed like he had 20 initial points to allocate wherever he chose with a default limit of 5. And I was equally not surprised to find that my meathead roommate chose to put 5 in Strength and Constitution again like a barbarian. It’s like all he cared about was his looks and perceived masculinity, even in game.
Strength (physical strength): 5
Constitution (physical build and stamina): 5
Dexterity (agility and flexibility): 2
Intelligence (knowledge): 0
Wisdom (intuition and discipline): 0
Courage (risk-taking and bravery): 3
Charisma (social skills): 3
Luck (good or bad fortune): 2
After looking through his stats, I decided enough was enough and I didn’t really want to go around pretending I was Cody the whole game. I quit out of his save and went back to the title screen. I was back on the save select screen when I became confused. There was still one save, except the name of the character wasn’t Cody…it was mine? The play time was set to 0 minutes. I don’t know how that happened, but if it saves me the trouble of building a character and reading more tutorials, I’m happy.
To my relief, the avatar representing Cody wasn’t there. Instead, a very generic, average character stood in its place in the same room. I wouldn’t be surprised if this was some placeholder account with everything set to the default. Whatever, I can probably change stuff about him later. I decided to move my AlterEgo outside and I was greeted by a map of a large city. I chose an area of the map to explore at random and controlled my new avatar. On the busy city street, there was a cafe, restaurant, and a gym. It was too early for the cafe and restaurant to open, so I guess my only option here is the gym. I’ve never stepped foot in a gym before, but this character doesn’t have to represent me as a whole. Plus, I’d like my character to be well-rounded unlike Cody’s who would probably spend the whole time grinding here.
I went into the gym and had to perform a set of quick-time events. First, I had to do some bench presses. Then some squats. Then finally, run on a treadmill. At the end of it, my AlterEgo did a cartoony celebration and flexed his arms. A pop-up showing that my Strength, Constitution, and Dexterity went up by 1, followed up by another one saying that my Strength and Constitution will double every time I do activities like go to the gym. So it looks like Cody’s modifiers carried over after all despite everything seeming to be the default. That should’ve been the first thing I checked. I didn’t want my character to be specced to be some lumbering brute. I suppose that if I wanted to get my character’s Intelligence and Wisdom, it’d probably be like playing on Hard mode. Honestly, I was open to the challenge.
I was disappointed to find out that it’d be harder than it seemed. When my character got home in the evening, I went into one of his boxes and I was presented with an option to read. I was presented with several options, ranging from comics to full-on novels. I chose the novel since I figured it would raise my Intelligence the best. I watched my AlterEgo try to read the book, but I saw a look of confusion on his face. Eventually, he grew frustrated and threw the book back into the empty box as if he were shooting through a basketball hoop. I expected my Intelligence to stay the same, but no, it actually dropped!
“Sometimes when your AlterEgo fails to complete an activity, their stats can decrease! These stats can even go into the negative. Make sure to keep your stats high because it can become very difficult to increase your stats if they fall below a certain point.”
I couldn’t believe that my character struggled to even read. This guy was nothing like me at all! I hoped that it would be easier to raise my AlterEgo’s Intelligence because I didn’t want him to be a moron. I watched my character fall asleep and I could see into his dream. Another tutorial popped up.
“Sometimes your character will have dreams! These dreams are mostly random, but will also depend on your character’s stats. Just like other activities, you have a chance to increase your stats.”
I watched my character fight in a zombie apocalypse, but the zombies didn’t even look remotely threatening. I succeeded in the activity and my Courage went up by 2 and my Luck and Strength went up by 1. My character wiped his head of sweat as the zombies turned to dust.
The next day, I learned that my AlterEgo can go to school. That was expected, considering my character’s age, only I didn’t realize how hard it would be for him. He was sitting in a desk trying to write down notes. Eventually, like an idiot, he slammed his thick head on his desk and started snoring. This was honestly getting embarrassing. My Intelligence and Wisdom dropped yet again, not by 1, but by 2. If I didn’t do something different, my AlterEgo would basically be a clone of Cody instead of myself. After class, instead of being given an option to go and do something, my AlterEgo is approached by a group of buff men.
Quarterback: Hey new guy, you’re looking pretty strong. Judging from your Strength and Constitution, I think you’d make a good fit for the football team. Your Dexterity and Courage also seem pretty good. Wanna join, bro?
You know who else played football? Cody. I had to keep being reminded of him even when he wasn’t even around. This was my character and I didn’t care about sports, so I clicked the no option. To my surprise, my AlterEgo nodded instead. It's like this game is going out of its way to spite me at this point. Two tutorials popped up.
“If your Wisdom is too low, your AlterEgo might act on their own desires rather than your command. This means that they can sometimes act on their own or select activities that they are more interested in rather than those they are not. Raise your Wisdom or else you will have less freedom when developing your AlterEgo.”
“You have decided to join a club or organization. This will grant you a passive growth to certain stats every week.”
I watched as my AlterEgo walked away with the group of jocks. A football uniform magically appeared over his normal clothes. For joining the football team, I was granted a point in Strength, Constitution, Courage, and Charisma every week, with the usual double for Strength and Constitution.
I kept playing the game, getting frustrated at my AlterEgo’s reluctance to even try to act smart or reasonable. He frequently avoided or skipped intellectual pursuits to focus on those that made him look or feel good. It honestly just felt random whether he wanted to obey me or not. By the end of Day 7, the first week my stats were looking like this.
Strength: 30
Constitution: 28
Dexterity: 10
Intelligence: -20
Wisdom: -15
Courage: 21
Charisma: 17
Luck: 16
My Intelligence and Wisdom seemed unfixable. My AlterEgo wouldn’t even bother to try to read or pay attention at school and he consistently started to make random choices that satisfied his needs as the week progressed. I grew incredibly frustrated at this, but out of curiosity, I wanted to see if there was an end to this so I could go back and make my own character. Either way, this game was plagued with questionable design choices. It’s like the AlterEgo was already locked into a specific path. I hoped that I had accidentally skipped a tutorial or something and that I hadn’t softlocked myself out of raising certain stats. Unfortunately, my AlterEgo’s stats continued to grow and drop as I hit Day 30.
Strength: 75
Constitution: 69
Dexterity: 44
Intelligence: -66
Wisdom: -49
Courage: 54
Charisma: 37
Luck: 41
I received another tutorial message on Day 31.
“You look like you are on track to evolve into your archetype very soon! By this point, your AlterEgo’s stats will be locked in place. That will be the end of the main story, but there is still so much to enjoy afterwards!”
I figured I might as well see this through to the end. You know, see how much of an idiot my character can become. Despite my efforts, all my AlterEgo does now is work out, practice and go to games, and go to parties, outside of necessities. His Intelligence is so low that he rarely even goes to school anymore and that has caused his intelligence to plummet to the bottom. I played for even longer, eventually hitting Day 60. Turns out that this is the day I would discover my AlterEgo’s archetype.
“Congratulations on making it this far. I hope you are excited to find out your archetype, because I know I am! Remember that these changes are permanent, so there will no longer be ways to increase or decrease your stats.”
I watched my AlterEgo marched onto the stage and I was able to view my final stats and a rating of each of them. The descriptions seemed to be heavily based on my other stats, and trust me, they were very satirical, and in my case, very scathing.
Strength: 100
I’d give this an A+. I’m not even sure if you are human anymore. I’ve seen you lift things that no normal man could, not because you have to, but because you want to. You spend more time at the gym than you do at your own house and you might give The Hulk a run for his money.
Constitution: 100
You also get an A+. Your months of training at the gym have given you a perfect, chiseled body that looks like it could be made out of iron. You have a seemingly endless supply of testosterone and your stamina (in more ways than one, it seems) cannot be beaten.
Dexterity: 75
This gets a B. You are very athletic and quick on your feet despite your appearance. However, your large size means that you can be pretty clumsy and you’ve probably broken more things than you’d like to admit.
Intelligence: -100
I’ll just go along with your teachers and give you a big fat F. Are you even trying? I worry that there’s not a single thought going around in your thick skull. You care very little for anything intellectual or sophisticated, not that you even know what those words mean.
Wisdom: -90
Likewise, you also get another big fat F. Were you dropped on your head when you were a baby or did you take too many tackles to your cranium? You have incredibly poor judgment and you only make decisions that satisfy your brutish desires. In short, you often act before you think. Your lack of discipline is only matched by your lack of brain cells. As long as you’re having fun, should I really care what you do with your life?
Courage: 90
I’d give this an A, but not an A+. Because your brain moves too slow to process any risk, you often think before you act. You often find yourself in the most dangerous of situations and you often perform incredibly stupid stunts. When you’re on the field, you’re a risk taker, and at least it usually pays off. On the bright side, you always come out unscathed, so I can commend that.
Charisma: 70
I’d give this a B-. Being on the football team and being very attractive is going to place a lot of eyes on you, but they are all focused on your body because everything else you have to offer is very superficial. I wonder if you surround yourself with people who think and act the same as you do or if people keep you around to laugh at every stupid word that comes out of your mouth.
Luck: 80
Lastly, you get a B. Your luck genuinely amazes me sometimes. Despite everything, despite your lack of any intellectual thought or reasoning, you have survived long enough to make it this far in life. This alone proves that life favors some over others. If there is room for the concept of a higher power in your shrunken headspace, then they probably feel a sense of amusement at the state of you bumbling around through life with only your good looks and muscles salvaging you.
“What do you think? Are you happy with your results? Anyhow, it’s time to reveal your archetype. It’s who you are and who you will be from now on! Drumroll please… (As if it wasn’t obvious enough…) You, my friend, are…THE JOCK!”
The Jock
You are likely an athlete or bodybuilder and you likely care little for intellectual thought. You enjoy playing and watching sports and working out above anything else. You are hyper-masculine, aggressive, arrogant, and egotistical. However, you are also very muscular, tall, athletic, popular, and handsome. You feel a deep sense of camaraderie with anyone you consider your bro, which mostly includes other jocks like yourself. Your wardrobe mostly consists of tank tops, jerseys, varsity jackets, shorts, sweatpants, jockstraps, baseball caps, sneakers, and everything in between. Because of your high testosterone and your above average genitals, you are viewed as a desirable partner and often partake in sexual activities with members of the opposite sex, and sometimes even other men depending on the person and situation. Your most likely career path is as an athlete or coach, but as long as it doesn’t require too much deep thinking, you could probably find a job anywhere with your connections and attractiveness. Enjoy your new self!
I watched my AlterEgo vanish within a cloud of smoke and come out a cartoonish representation of your average stereotypical jock with blonde hair and a very lunkish, yet admittedly impressive build. He looked around, clearly disoriented, with a dull, confused look on his face before flexing with a cheesy, confident smirk on his face. The audience cheered and clapped at this ridiculous personification of a walking stereotype as if they were watching a magic show. Honestly, it was almost amusing how the description it gave for “me” couldn’t possibly be more wrong. It sounded like everything Cody was, not me. Although I guess I was playing with his settings, not by choice I will add, but I had little control over how my AlterEgo decided to live its life. I just wish I could get him off my mind for just one day. Either way, I found myself incredibly dissatisfied with my new AlterEgo, but I accidentally found out a way to make things even worse for me. I just wanted to scroll through the remaining text to get to the credits, since I have been playing for 8 hours by now, when I saw a selection that would seal my fate.
“Are you satisfied with your result? Now that you’ve discovered who you truly are, are you ready to be The Jock in the real world? WARNING: If you select Yes, your save will be deleted as a result. These changes are permanent. If you click No, you can continue playing after the credits.”
I accidentally clicked Yes as I was mashing through the text. What the hell was I thinking?! I had no idea that this would change the entire trajectory of my life. At first I felt nothing, as the screen faded to black. Then, I saw the credits start to roll, playing a remix of the joyful title screen music, and that’s when I started to feel all warm inside and I felt a painful shock come from my controller.
I felt a sudden wave of pain rush through my body as my bones started to crack and shift in my body and my muscles began to inflate like balloons. I looked at the credits and noticed that the new jock AlterEgo was doing the things he normally enjoyed doing in the background. But I couldn’t really concentrate on it as I found myself focusing down below. My legs stretched and stretched until I was around 6’4. My feet grew to a size 15 and my thick glutes and ass made me sink deeper into the couch from their weight. The fat in my stomach felt like it was melting as it left behind nothing more than a layer of sweat and a firm six pack of abs. My upper chest formed into a round set of bouncy pecs. Likewise, my biceps and triceps were almost the size of my head now and my soft hands became rough and covered in calluses from intense lifting. I felt my clothes cling tightly to my body as if they were two sizes too small, and they’d easily rip if my body grew any more. My shirt fit more like a crop top on me and my clothes were damp from pit and ass sweat.
I felt my long hair recede into my head until it formed into a shorter cut that was much easier to maintain. As it did that, my chestnut-colored locks lightened into a golden blonde. My soft, round eyes became more sharp and masculine and I could feel them turn from a chocolate brown into an icy shade of blue. My youthful face lost most of its baby fat and buried beneath it was nothing more than the chiseled edges of my jawline. The lower half of my face, which used to be soft and hairless, was now covered in a prickly lawn of stubble. Even my pasty skin turned a shade tanner from the years I spent in the sun throwing balls around. I noticed that my entire body started to sweat profusely to the point that I could smell my own musk and I became absorbed by my new-found masculine scent. I could smell the testosterone that was pumping through my veins like a drug. I felt powerful, dominant, virile, and dare I say it, good… Lastly, I found my lips contort into an obnoxious, conceited smirk. Was I…enjoying this? Judging from the growing feeling in my groin, I was led to believe that I was. And it kept growing and growing and growing…
All the while, the credits continued to play and the happy-go-lucky music felt like it was mocking my painful situation. Despite the strange pleasure I felt, it was only a distraction as my body still writhed in pain through the whole process while I changed entirely into a real life manifestation of my AlterEgo. What the hell is this game? I noticed that the jock avatar stared directly towards the screen, as if he was breaking the fourth wall, and started to walk closer and closer before vanishing from his virtual prison for good. The lively credits started to simmer down, giving the screen a more empty and disquieting feeling. That was the last thing I noticed before I felt a sharp headache ring through my head. I am usually fine playing games for a long period of time so why…Why did my roommate buy me this game anyways, bro? If he was gonna buy me any game, he should’ve gotten me the new CoD or Madden game, not this weird shit. I had to admit, it was kinda addicting. I liked being able to work out or play sports even when I’m at home. Wait, what was that? I felt like I just heard another voice in my head, both sounding similar yet different to my own. Eventually he called out directly to me.
“Hey bro, it’s me. Your AlterEgo. You know, the real you. It’s been fun, dude. Now I get to enter the real world, isn’t that sick? So here’s what’s gonna happen, dude. I am currently inside your mind and I’m making the final changes to turn you into the person you were always meant to be. That’s right dude, we are becoming one singular person in both body and mind. Don’t try to struggle or fight back. You know I’m stronger than you. There’s no going back. So, are you ready to become one with your true self?
No…I thought to myself. I wasn’t a jock. I was never a jock. I’m nothing like my AlterEgo. This is a mistake. This was Cody’s AlterEgo, not mine!
“Chill out, bro. I know you read the warning and you clicked Yes, so you obviously knew the risk. Why did you keep playing if you knew you’d become a jock regardless of the decisions you made? Because you are one deep down. Or maybe you secretly wanted to be one. Maybe you wanted to see what life was like on the other side. Maybe this Cody guy wanted you to try out this save, you know, to see what would happen... Whatever reasoning, it really doesn’t matter dude. I know you can feel me taking over your mind. You’re finding it harder to think. Soon you’ll be The Jock, me. I just wish you realized a little sooner who you really were…”
I felt my brain starting to shut off and my vision starting to become blurry as my AlterEgo took it over. I don’t even know how any of this is possible, even by today’s standards. An AI buried deep within the game was taking over my body and mind entirely, reshaping me in his image. But I continued to resist, to cling onto whatever parts of my personality I could. However, as I felt my mind sink deeper and deeper into this mental void, I felt myself slowly becoming more and more like The Jock. The archetype that was decided on, not by me, but for me. Until that’s all I was.
Everything turned black for a few seconds. I slowly regained consciousness as my brain rebooted itself. Wait…what’s a reboot? I sat and watched the credits with a dim look on my face as it finally ended. I was booted back to the title screen and saw that my save was indeed deleted. This was proof that my AlterEgo was now a part of me and that he was finally whole. I pulled out my phone wanting to learn more about this game, because, dude, it was kinda fucking weird. By scrolling, I couldn’t find much, but I did discover a post from not too long ago on some ancient forum site that was probably made in the early 2000s.
“Is The Game AlterEgo Real?”
“I’ve heard rumors about this game called AlterEgo, but I have very little information on it. It’s said to be incredibly dangerous and could lead to permanent bodily and mental changes. Throughout all of my research, I could not find any copy of the game for sale, nor any definitive proof that it’s real or any information on the company that developed it. If you have any information on this game, please let me know.”
I skimmed through the forum page, not that interested in reading what everyone had to say. Who has time for that anyways? But I did find one reply that caught my eye.
“I can confirm with certainty that AlterEgo does exist. My friend received it as a gift for Christmas and he wouldn’t stop talking about it to me. It’s like he was addicted. A week later, when I saw him next, I could barely even recognize him. His body had grown and changed greatly and he didn’t act like his usual self. I even feel like his memories might be a little distorted. I tried checking his house to find the game in order to figure out what it was all about, but I don’t think he has it anymore. He probably sold it or gave it away since he said he finished it. No matter what, he won’t tell me. If there are any other copies of the game left, please let me know.”
Woah, so this game is fucking weird, dude. Wasn’t just me. I just played it right? But I don’t feel any different. You know, I bet these nerds would pay a lot for a chance to find out about this game. Maybe they might come out as different people. I’ll put it up on eBay for a high price. One of those dweebs just has to take the bait. I wouldn’t mind a little cash though. I’d feel bad for selling Cody’s gift, but just imagine what I could get with that much money.
“Hey bro, you still in here dude?” I heard a familiar voice shout as they opened the door.
“Yo Cody, there you are. What’s up dude?” I was happy to see him. Cody was my roommate and my best friend. We were practically inseparable. When he made eye contact with me, his eyes widened. I couldn’t really blame him for being impressed with my awesome body.
“You beat that game I gave you already?” He seemed surprised, yet almost impressed.
“Yeah, it’s not usually my type, but I enjoyed it dude.”
“Do you…feel any different, bro?” Cody sounded kinda hesitant there. Had he read about the rumors too? I don’t see why he’d have to worry. None of those rumors are true anyways.
“Nah, same as I’ve always been.”
“Alright, good. I was just making sure you were down to get some food. You should be out partying and celebrating your birthday, not playing some nerdy video game. And trust me, I know all the good spots.”
“You’re right bro. I haven’t gotten enough exercise in today. Let’s go.”
“Wait, before you go, your clothes are so sweaty dude. You should change.”
“Oh shit, good idea.”
“Y-you can just wear one of my clothes. They’d probably fit you better.” He was right. As I soon realized, someone shrunk all my clothes as part of a prank.
Me and Cody went to a sports bar to watch the game. If I remember correctly, this was our favorite spot to get food, except you know, anywhere that lets me hit my macros. Since it was my birthday, he even paid for the whole meal. I don’t remember how long I’ve known him, but couldn’t ask for a better bro. On the way home, Cody grabbed a six pack of beer from the frat house and brought it to our dorm to drink the night away. I wasn’t old enough to drink, but it’s not like I never had alcohol before. And besides, today was basically my cheat day.
We got wasted while we watched TV, and we did some things that I probably wouldn’t admit to anyone but him. I couldn’t help it though. I hadn’t gotten laid all weekend and it was my birthday. Quite frankly, I deserved it. Thankfully Cody took one for the team. He said it wasn’t weird because we’ve definitely done it before and that it was our secret. I had to give him credit. His tight hole is better than most girls’. I didn’t know he was a bottom until tonight. I also didn’t remember having a dick this big, but you don’t see me complaining. After all was said and done, I passed out drunk next to him in his bed, our bodies drenched in sweat and each other’s fluids, as I enjoyed the bromance I have with my best bro. This was the best birthday ever.
The next day, I got up extra early to go for a run despite my hangover. Afterwards I went to school, but like usual, I struggled to pay attention. It was like my mind was in a constant fog. My grades are slipping and this football scholarship is the only thing keeping me from dropping out entirely. After classes, I joined Cody and the others at practice. Throughout the day, I kept getting this feeling of uh…dayjah voo? That word that means that you feel like you’ve done something before. I wasn’t exactly sure where it was coming from. I shrugged it off. I was just a jock and I didn’t need to worry about stuff like that.
When I got home, I got an offer for the game Cody gave me. You know, AlterEgo. Some nerd seriously offered $1000 for it. I didn’t actually know it was that rare. I hope he enjoys it more than I did. I’ll sure enjoy the 1000 dollars. I bet he’ll love passing it around to all his other geeky friends. I wonder what their AlterEgos might look like…
#jock#jock bro#jock tf#jock transformation#jockification#male hypnosis#male tf#male transformation#mental change#muscle tf#dumbing down#dumb jock#dumber#dumbification#himbo tf#himbo#himbofication#gay tf#gay jock#football jock#college jock#nerd to jock#personality change#reality change
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How does the stalker business work?
Loredump. October 2023
A web of alliances, insiders, clients, and territorial disputes - this is what forms the stalker business, a domain that’s as illegal as it is profitable.
Today, we’ll delve into the basic origins and inner workings of this peculiar profession. Let’s find out how these glorified marauders operate!
How did the stalker business develop?
The stalker business emerged almost as soon as the Zone itself was born. But, much like every structure based around the Zone itself, it became more refined - and more corrupt - as years went on.
What started as individuals travelling the Zone completely on their own accord grew into a network of organised groups with their own informants, clientele and designated territories. Yet when it looked like major alliances had become fully solidified with a couple of large groups operating across vast stretches of the Zone, the development of the internet put a dent in the system.
Yura: Do I really need to know the territorial policies of 70s factions Sergei: YES Olya: No.
As many information-gathering and order-related operations moved online, doing business in smaller groups became a more viable option. Nowadays, the majority choose to operate in gangs of up to 30 people.
Since the business has grown more decentralised and, in a way, accessible, the competition within it has increased dramatically. Territories are less clearly defined and run-ins with members of rivalling gangs are commonplace. When it comes to the human factor, it’s more dangerous than it ever was.
How are the little groups organised?
Modern stalker groups are typically formed around somebody who has direct connections to potential clients or those able to nicely aggregate information about the Zone’s current state. So any group needs at least one product reseller and one strategic leader, which can sometimes be the same person.
The latter is true for Sergei's group, for instance.
He is responsible for processing orders, evaluating the delivered artefacts, reselling them, gathering up to date information about the Zone’s landscape and traffic, and helping the available stalkers plan their trips accordingly. It’s a heavy workload, so having just one person performing all of those tasks wouldn’t be manageable on a larger scale.
Obviously enough, smaller groups are more reliant on the quality of their individual members, even more so when they have a specific role to fill. If we use known members of Sergei’s group as examples, they fit pretty neatly into the following roles:
Radar (радар). Formerly fulfilled by Kolya – a stalker with an outstanding sense for anomalies. Irreplaceable for navigating the more treacherous parts of the Zone. Yura was going to inherit that role.
Doctor (доктор). Self-explanatory. While it’s recommended that all stalkers undergo some form of first aid training, it never hurts to have someone with a deeper knowledge of medicine on the team. This role was filled by Nikita.
Insider (свояк). As the name suggests, it’s a person that helps in various aspects of stalker work by providing client contacts, guard post information, info about other gangs’ operations, and so on depending on their position. Insiders don’t usually take part in actual trips or even work with specific stalker groups, but Olya is built different.
Ram (таран). The muscle of the group. You don’t need to be especially physically fit to navigate the Zone,but when things become dire, it absolutely helps. This was Sergei’s role when he still travelled the Zone.
These are arbitrary designations and many don’t fit into one particular role. That said, creating a balanced group of 3 is easier when there’s a fair understanding of each person’s strengths.
Yura: Oh, kinda like video game classes! Sanya: Yeah, I guess. Yura: So who would I be? Sanya: Support.
What does the typical work cycle look like?
An order is either placed on an online marketplace or is mailed directly to a trusted trader. The trader then passes the information to the strategist, who analyses the current Zone layout, as well as the latest available information about the placements of various artefacts and anomalies.
The strategist then determines the optimal routes to retrieving the ordered goods. Some use special software to aid in the process. The service price is then estimated based on the difficulty of retrieval and transportation. If the initial price suggested in the order is lower than this estimate, price negotiations will ensue.
Once the minimal price is agreed on, the actual planning starts. A group of three is gathered from the pool of available stalkers. They are all informed about the mission specifics and the route they need to travel - this is when the team can discuss and make adjustments to the plan.
Nikita: No, no, this route will be way too stressful for Olyechka. Perhaps, she should sit this one out? Olya: If we don't make this route shorter, Nikita won't come back, I'm afraid. Nikita: Well, aren't you a treat. Anyways, Serozha, my leg has been getting worse and I won't make this climb. Olya: Perhaps, you should sit this one out.
After the artefacts are delivered to the trader, their quality is evaluated. Stalkers tend to pick up whatever valuables they find on the way, which means extra cash for them and more work for the trader.
Once the evaluation is complete, stalkers are paid off and the products are resold at a significantly higher price. The artefacts that were specifically ordered are exchanged for the agreed upon amount of money and the extra stuff is peddled to other high-paying customers.
Since selling artefacts is a risky and complicated endeavour in itself, most stalkers are content with the paychecks they get from their trader.
Finally, when everything is done, stalkers may anonymously share information about their trip to the online community. But considering the competitive nature of the business, not everyone is willing to help out their fellow colleagues – or really, not everyone wants to talk about the things they’ve seen.
What is the online stalker community like?
As was already mentioned, the internet has majorly changed how stalkers went about receiving orders and information about the Zone. It has become an important channel for communication and securing deals.
Firstly, all of the relevant platforms are on the deep web. Secondly, all of them are invite-only.
The three major platforms are:
Doska (literally “the board” as in bulletin board)
A marketplace where orders are placed and taken up by anyone interested, as well as an auction platform for selling off artefacts. Widely used by groups and stalkers who have not yet gained established clients.
Krematorii (crematorium)
A closed forum. Discussions, rumours, shitposting.
10K Crematorium karma
14KKM (as in 14 thousand kilometers, the approximate area of the Zone)
A dynamically updated map of the Zone. User-managed, hence chaotic and unreliable.
Users can mark locations of witnessed anomalies and artefact positions, which others can confirm or downvote. A marking needs to be confirmed by at least 4 people before it is put down and is removed if at least 4 people downvote it. All markings can be commented on.
Most of the community tries to maintain it more or less accurately for the sake of their own future missions, but there are malefactors that will add false markers to it. Should be taken with a huge grain of salt.
Of course, it bears mentioning that there are plenty of fake online communities on the surface web. Those are rife with people roleplaying as stalkers, scammers, kids, and just shitposters. No actual stalker uses those for business.
Rules regarding the Zone
Though the information side of things has changed a lot, the core methodology of travelling the Zone itself remained the same. Sets of universal rules became solidified over the years, which can be described as a mixture of operational protocols and esoteric beliefs.
What are the basic operational protocols?
Basic operational protocols outline best practices for dealing with simple anomalies, traversing the Zone, bypassing guard posts, and handling difficult situations (mercy kills, painless death, encountering other stalkers).
Some common recommendations include:
use projectiles (usually bolts with pieces of cloth attached for visibility) to check for gravitational anomalies;
operate in groups of three - two do the job, the third one watches on;
do not consume any food or drinks you find;
avoid unnatural shadows;
do not stay at the Hollow for over 20 minutes (your body will start to decay);
do not approach the Town (your body will permanently distort);
do not handle fizzy clay without rubber gloves (will leave you debilitated or addicted to the substance);
always send the draisine back;
don't photograph ghosts;
etc.
They are objective results of many years of trial and error. Going against them is likely to end in death or injury regardless of your personal qualities. In other words, there is little dispute over the validity of these rules. The same cannot be set for the second ruleset.
What are stalker beliefs?
The Zone favours the miserable. The desperate, the broken, the lonely. The Zone favours ones that are willing to give up their whole being to her, to completely entrust themselves to her whims. She rewards dejection.
These are common truths to some and hogwash to others. There is no solid proof for any of these claims - how can there be? However, there is no happy stalker, and there is no living stalker without a scar. To many, that's evidence enough.
On top of that, there are some group-specific philosophies. They include:
the Zone is a holy place that needs to be revered;
the Zone is an ulcer of the world that needs to be cleansed;
the Zone is the new stage of Earth’s evolution;
the Zone is divine punishment;
the Zone is a point of contact with a parallel universe;
and many others.
These philosophies dictate how people go about their activities in the Zone in a more ritualistic sense. It’s hard to devise whether or not those little rituals have any effect that isn’t purely psychological.
There is a good number of people that hold a purely cynical view of the Zone. But whether they admit it or not, everyone gradually develops a sense of fear and reverence for it. How they compartmentalise it is a different question.
Conclusion
I could write more about the topic, but as of now, I think this general outline should suffice. The stalker business is a multifaceted enterprise to say the least, so hopefully this article has shed the light on its most essential aspects.
Perhaps, there will one day be a more in-depth follow-up! Who knows. As we continue to unveil the enigmatic layers of the Zone, only time will reveal the full extent of its mysteries... And the engimatic layers of shitty Stalker forums, I guess.
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reminder extremely tough and maybe a little harsh.
a lot of folks gotta work themselves to death just to have a halfway comfortable life, some don't even have the basics. many will have to do crazy stuff for money and others dream of giving their loved ones a good life but can't. some will only be able to see luxurious lifestyles on phone screens or in other people's TikTok accounts. and others don't even have the money to pay for internet to see that.
lots of people will spend years hating themselves, hating their appearance, personality, social life, social status, skills, everything about themselves. many live with insecurities, feeling like a supporting character in their own story, some have things that bother them but it's "impossible" to change them so they'll just have to live with it. others spend a fortune on surgeries or treatments to change something about themselves, and many die because of it.
many people will have to live trying to recover from traumas and bad things that hit them, without knowing how to simply erase them from their lives, and unfortunately, some prefer to end their own lives so they don't have to live with those burdens.
many people will have to face horrible diseases, some they simply can't get rid of and others that are incurable. suffering, waiting for a miracle to free them from this torture.
some folks may never achieve their personal goals and dreams, out of fear, lack of opportunity, lack of means, or because they think it's impossible for them. so consequently they will have to surrender to a mediocre life that they hate.
many people will have to spend years in shitty relationships without knowing how to get out, others will see the love of their life being happy with someone else, others will think that love only serves to deeply hurt them, and others will accept horrible things from their partners because they think they don't deserve anything better.
a lot of folks unfortunately live out there lonely, without love, without a good social circle, without friends, with an abusive family, with people who don't want the best for them, with people who only hurt them and make them think that's what they deserve.
you might think I'm a jerk for talking about such harsh examples and I'm sorry if I hurt anyone, but damn..
all these examples I mentioned are really sad and they leave us with a heavy heart thinking that a lot of people go through this. I think everyone deserves a dignified and happy life, you deserve a dignified and happy life. you don't deserve to be like those people in the examples I mentioned, and you're not. because you have a key in your hands. it's like life is a damn game and you have all the hacks and cheats to simply WIN and do whatever you want, while other people don't even dream of that or are too skeptical to try.
but you know what's funniest about this? it's that this shit ain't just any game, it's your life. it's literally your damn life and you're there playing with the law? saying "oh I can't" "oh persisting is too hard" "I think I'll never have my desires".
girl, I'll kill you if you keep thinking like that.
there are folks who just don't take the loa seriously, and that's why they never fulfill their desires!!!!!!!!!!!! and they won't have anyone to blame for their failure but themselves!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
the LOA community is very small, discovering about it was extremely lucky. so tell me a good reason why you know about it and simply can't manifest? exactly. there isn't one! you can and you should.
I'm not here to judge your difficulties in manifesting (even if I judge everything and everyone), because having difficulties and keep trying is one thing and simply giving up and saying "I can't manifest" is another.
it was a blessing from the universe, God, higher power, whatever you believe in. you discovering LOA was the damn greatest blessing of your life, don't you see that? don't you really see how blessed you are? maybe in the past you've been through hell, but now, my love, the sun is shining for you, you just have to want to shine. unfortunately a lot of people will never have that luck, there are people who would kill to be blessed like this. so please, I beg you... use this tool and have the damn happiest life you can, enjoy it and stop playing with the law.
tell me what do you really want? a true and light love? have a look that would never make you feel insecure again? being the pride of mommy and daddy and having their love? having that beautiful house and a happy family? finally healing from depression or other mental disorders and finally being able to live to the fullest? friends who really care about you? want to meet that idol you've been a fan of for a long time and that everyone thinks your passion for him is silly? want to live in that country far away from everyone? want to stop feeling that guilt or any other bad feeling that has been tormenting you for a long time? want to be truly happy for the first time in your life? want to be rich, a millionaire, billionaire, trillionaire? or just have enough money to lead a comfortable life and never have to work again? go ahead, tell me what you want. you can have it.
stop suffering, you don't deserve to suffer. enough torture. take what's yours and move on. you're strong enough for that. the game ain't over for you, you can't just give up like that. the game is yours, it obeys you, and it ends when you decide. take freaking control.
i suffered a lot in life, i hope one day i have the courage to tell you about my success here. and I simply don't know what I would do without finding out about LOA, just thinking about it fills my heart with gratitude. I feel like a winner. you deserve to feel this peace of having won too.
God bless you. take care of yourselves and put your head to work.
i ain't that selfish. if you need some backup, im here for you, babe. I wanna see you win. 🌟
#law of assumption#master manifestor#void state#loa blog#mentaldiet#neville goddard#success story#loa motivation#loa tumblr#loa success#affirm and persist#loablr#law of manifestation#edward art
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I finished season 1 of Vrains and it was cool but I thought it needed about 2 billion more secret identity shenanigans
extended thoughts below
So I went into a deep dive in my last two posts (1, 2) about all the problems I had with Vrains, and you'd think I didn't enjoy it, but in fact as I was watching, there was a separate, parallel version of Vrains that was playing in my head, a Yugioh I think we were robbed of and which fixes every problem I had with the first season, and that is Secret Identities AU.
Yusaku needs FRIENDS
This is YUGIOH.
This dynamic is everything I wanted from Vrains. Yusaku developing unexpected fondness for these bozos who think he needs a defense squad. I want Miraculous Ladybug levels of secret identity shenanigans. I want Yusaku slapping his duel disk every time Ai tries to blow their cover.
This AU sprung forth from the scene in the duel club where he shows Naoki his decoy deck. Having Yusaku passing as a bad duelist is 1) so funny, but 2) Yusaku needing to maintain his low profile is a useful contrivance for other characters to get more duels, and 3) I think it would be a really fun one-off episode where Yusaku has to duel using his bad deck. When he wins, Naoki is so proud he cries.
Having Yusaku actually have to interact with the other characters in the real world opens up Greek play levels of dramatic irony. The crux of a secret identity story is that every single interaction builds up anticipation, because you the viewer know that the other party is being deceived, and that the tension will snap when the secret is revealed.
I have zero anticipation about Playmaker's identity being revealed, because Aoi would be like "oh.... I guess he goes to my school" and Go would be like "have I seen that guy before?" But SIAU Playmaker? My guy is making friends just so he can betray them. Insane.
Go needs A ROLE IN THE STORY.
I said in my first post that Go isn't a rival or a best friend character. SIAU fixes this by making him both simultaneously.
Having him be the ace of the duel club is a natural replacement for his whole hero of the orphans schtick, while placing him directly the circle of relevance with the other characters. Instead of being disgruntled that the orphans suddenly like Playmaker more than him, he's disgruntled that Naoki and the duel club mooks are fawning over Playmaker -- which is actually just Naoki's character anyway.
I would kill for a big dramatic moment where Go learns that Playmaker and Yusaku are the same person, and even though Go feels betrayed that Yusaku has been deceiving him, he stands by Yusaku anyway because they're friends.
With a secret identity story, every conversation is working on multiple levels because each character is working with asymmetric information. You get these fascinating, layered scenes of two characters talking past each other because they cannot give up their secret.
Which would go especially hard with Go and Yusaku, because Go has legitimate criticisms of Playmaker in canon and Yusaku has legitimate reasoning behind the things he does, and as Go Onizuka and Playmaker they could never come to an understanding on them, but as Go and Yusaku, two friends in duel club, that door becomes open to them.
Aoi needs WRITING THAT ISN'T A TRAINWRECK
I made a whole post on this. Basically every problem would be solved if Akira doesn't know that she's Blue Angel. There's no reason for her to lose grotesquely against Yusaku, or have her basic autonomy called into question constantly.
Having her actively deceive her brother is delicious. Like I said in my last post, it's so obvious how Akira's overprotectiveness has taken its toll on Aoi, and pushed her into developing this other persona, Blue Angel. I want this absolutely dysfunctional sibling relationship so badly. The Blue Angel vs. Zaizen duel would make me lose my mind.
And a secret identities setting works so well with the potential themes of VRAINS as a stand-in for the internet and Blue Angel as an idol. Give me that Perfect Blue Satoshi Kon good stuff. Give me those themes about identity, and the different lives we live, outward and inward, online and offline.
This also helps Akira's character, because I think he would be much more interesting and relevantly positioned in the story if he stayed a SOL Technologies baddie. SOL Technologies has very little presence in season 1 despite being critical to the story. After Zaizen is replaced by an irrelevant clown, they don't do anything but send out mook AIs to get destroyed. By having a three-way standoff between Yusaku's squad, the Knights of Hanoi, and SOL Technologies, both Hanoi and SOL Technologies become more compelling. They've both got all the reason in the world to want to take down the other. Zaizen vs. Revolver or Spectre? That's good shit.
And don't get me started on how I would turn Revolver into a Secret Identities character.
#anyway hire me konami#I didn't even get into how I would involve kusanagi and ghost girl#yugioh vrains#yusaku fujiki#aoi zaizen#go onizuka#akira zaizen#naoki shima#ai vrains#ygo#pico art#pico commentary
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OUT AT THE OPERA ★ LN4
PAIRING ✦ lando norris x fem!opera singer!reader
SUMMARY ✦ lando's relationship with his aspiring opera singer girlfriend had always had the internet in awe, but especially when they find out just how they met to begin with, or rather who helped them meet. [ SMAU ]
WARNINGS ✦ none, i think!
REQUESTED ✦ here!
NOTES ✦ reader is australian. implied age of reader is between 22 & 23. the fc i've used is darianka sánchez, but feel free to picture whoever you want! my requests are closed at the moment.
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yourusername living my dream life 💄
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user1 Y/N L/N LADIES AND GENTSSSS
user2 leave lando for me? (please)
user3 SO REALLL
user4 lando norris you lucky lucky man
user5 okay but a minute for the dress?? wowww
yourusername right?! it was suchhh a bargain!
user6 NIGHT AT THE OPERA?!
landonorris wowww look at you 😍😍
yourusername love you sm ❤️
user7 MY PARENTSSS
lilyzneimer my girl foreverrr 🩵
yourusername my lilsss 💗💗
landonorris missing my koala extra hard rn 😔
yourusername you cannot call me a koala just because im australian
landonorris yeah i can - you're a koala and oscar is a kangaroo
oscarpiastri oh ffs lando not again 🤦♂️
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tagged fransisca.cgomes
yourusername when in paris 🩶
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user8 SHE'S IN PARIS??
user9 yup!! on her story she posted about getting the offer to watch the opera in paris, and so she went to stay with kika for a bit!
user10 i loveee seeing you achieve ur dreams
yourusername ❤️❤️
user11 y/n is so effortlessly gorgeous oh myyy
user12 lando is so lucky my oh my
user13 the way all of her posts are so aesthetically pleasing pleases my soul so much you have no idea
fransisca.cgomes you musttt come back im missing you already 😔😔
yourusername cant wait to see you in my home this time ❤️
user14 Y/N GOING TO MELBOURNE CONFIRMED??
user15 well duh she is literally from australia lol
landonorris couldn't have taken me with you huh 😔😔
yourusername mr clingy i think you'll manage another two days without me
landonorris noooo come back soon please ☹️
alexandrasaintmleux oh myyy 🫶
yourusername alex i love you 💗
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tagged yourusername
f1wagss Who is Lando Norris' girlfriend? Y/N L/N is a music graduate from Australia, who's currently in the process of working to become an opera singer. Though we don't know much of how the McLaren driver came to meet Y/N, they're rumoured to have gotten together around June 2023, and their relationship has been the talk of F1 fans for many months, due to their internet presence & instagram posts together. We love you, Y/N! 🫶
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user16 THE MOST PERFECT WAG
user17 speak on it admin!! we love herrr 🗣️🗣️🗣️
user18 y/n marry me challenge GO!!
user19 urmm she's acc already married to me so??
user20 her and lando are so perfect together though i cant
user21 no fr??
user22 so basically she doesnt work? 🤣🤣
user23 judgy much??
user22 im just sayinggg lando can do so much better
user24 im pretty sure lando can do without you fighting in his corner sweetie ❤️
yourusername awww thanks!! im so honored to have a post to myself like this!💗
user25 PEOPLE'S PRINCESS HAS ARRIVEDDD
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yourusername no better feeling than being back down under 🇦🇺❤️
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user25 you can tell how much she loves being back in australia, its the sweetest
user26 oh absolutelyyy
user27 lando in the last slide 🥺🥺
user28 he's so good w kids i canttt
user29 y/n l/n you have done it againnn
user30 meeting her would mean that my life's goals are complete.
user31 as a fellow aspiring opera singer, you are such an inspiration to me, i love you and your content so much ❤️
yourusername awww im so glad!! ur so sweet 💗
oscarpiastri rare picture of lando not terrorising little children?
yourusername i know i was shocked too
landonorris guys i DO NOT terrorise little children
yourusername you growled once at my three year old cousin and now she's scared of you
landonorris stop i love maria tell her im sorry ☹️
landonorris finally reunited ❤️
yourusername lando we were apart for a week and im currently thirdwheeling you and max i think i'd rather go back to missing you again
maxfewtrell im very sorry y/n didn't mean it ☹️
yourusername ur excused bc i love ur girlfriend 💗💗
lilyzneimer MCLAREN WAGS ON TOUR ‼️
yourusername MCLAREN WAGS ON TOUR ‼️‼️
yourusername @/maxfewtrell JOIN IN
maxfewtrell MCLAREN WAGS ON TOUR ‼️‼️‼️
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yourusername MCLAREN WAGS ON TOUR ‼️
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user33 THE CAPTION HAS ME CREASING
user34 the way she's acknowledged it is acc making me laugh sm
user35 you and lily are my fav wags fr
user36 max and keegan in the last slide 🤣
keeganpalmer favorite aussie 🦘🦘
yourusername favourite american 🦅🦅
keeganpalmer i see we'll have to disagree on the spelling of 'favorite' 😔
lilyzneimer I LOVE YOUU!!
yourusername had the best day running from media with you lils ❤️
user37 'running from media' THEY'RE SO REAL
landonorris without me? 😔
yourusername we're all mclaren wags mate you're a mclaren DRIVER you don't make the cut 🙅♀️
landonorris ☹️☹️☹️
oscarpiastri is this not that arcade from when we were kids 🤣
yourusername IT ISSS!! I WOULD ALWAYSS BEAT YOU AT BASKETBALL LOOLLL
user38 SORRY?? WHEN WE WERE KIDS I BEG YOUR PARDONNN??
user39 HAVE WE MISSED A CHAPTER ORRR
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yourusername week at home coming to a close, sydney week opening up again ✈️
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user44 SHE'S IN SYDNEY? OH MY GODDD
user45 what does she mean week at home?
user46 she's from melbourne!!
user47 okay now TALK ON UR FRIENDSHIP W MR PIASTRI
user48 NO REALLL THE FANS WANT TO KNOW
user49 MISS L/N HOW DID YOU MEET OSCAR
landonorris blue is your colour 😍😍
yourusername i thought you said papaya was my colour??
landonorris yeah well anything is your colour to be fair
oscarpiastri my best friend guys 🤣❤️
yourusername oscar STOP we have the internet in shambles as it is
oscarpiastri y/nnn don't ruin my fun ‼️
YOUTUBE [ 'Pre Race Interviews Extended: Melbourne ]
yourusername
( caption 1: im a teensy bit scared right now 😭 | caption two: night of my dreams is over 💗 love you sydney 🦘🇦🇺 )
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yourusername WOWWW where do i even begin!! ever since i was a little girl i DREAMT of being able to perform in the sydney opera house, and to think i've now been able to say i've been there, done that is crazy! could never have done it without my best friend, who took me here for my 22nd birthday last year, and my boyfriend, who i met on said birthday. feeling extra grateful today, thank you all sm for the love. 💗
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user53 THE WOMAN YOU ARE MISS L/N.
user54 if i had vocals like you i'd never stop singing oh my days
user55 THE VOICE OF AN ANGEL FRRR
user56 admittedly i originally looked at ur content for lando, but im so obsessed with you now its crazy
user57 oh she's everything and more.
oscarpiastri so proud of you ❤️
yourusername lots of love for you osc 💗💗
lilyzneimer watching you live tonight was everything 😍😍 can't wait to do it all over again 🩵🩵
yourusername loved having you there sm my angel 💗
carmenmmundt @/georgerussell63 we're going next time for sure 🤩💘
yourusername carm i love you to pieces 💗
landonorris my koala. forever the proudest of you ❤️🐨
yourusername can't even retire the nickname for this cute little post??
landonorris you know you love me really 🤣❤️
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#f1#f1 x reader#f1 smau#formula one x reader#f1 imagine#formula 1#f1 imagines#f1 x you#requests#lando norris x y/n#lando norris#lando norris fanfic#lando norris x reader#lando norris imagine#oscar piastri#formula one x y/n#formula one#f1 x female reader#f1 x y/n#formula 1 x reader#mclqren
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Yes, master
pairing: lee felix x afab!reader
word count: 3k
description: you and your boyfriend are youtubers who share cute prank videos on youtube. one day you decide to prank him with a maid outfit, and it ends just how you intended.
genre: smut, fluff
warning/s: use of master, spanking, lots of dirty talk, degradation & praising, reader is called slut, unprotected p in v (don't do it)
a/n: inspired by renjie&binbin on yt, go check them out, they're adorable. also yes another felix scenario, what can i say he inspires me hehe
Your outfit was finally here. You had ordered it on the internet 2 weeks ago when you planned out the next prank for your dear boyfriend. You couldn't be more excited.
Both of you loved playing harmless jokes on each other, and most of the pranks you did had the goal of riling each other up for later. Every time you turned off the camera, you would be all over each other, sometimes you'd even leave it on and later watch the footage together, careful to cut out the sexual part before posting the video online. You kept all the spicy parts to yourselves, it was somewhat of a private collection of yours.
You had quite a good following of loyal fans who watched you grow with each other through the last 6 years of your relationship. Everything was filmed, not only the pranks, but vlogs of your travel adventures, your move to a bigger apartment, you getting a promotion at your work etc. Both of you loved having sort of an online diary of your memories and loved sharing your good vibes with other people.
People always viewed you two as two cutie pies, yes, your pranks were suggestive but no one could guess how freaky both of you actually are. Felix especially was seen as this sweet innocent sunshine boy but you knew better. And that's why you couldn't wait to provoke him with that maid outfit you ordered.
The next morning, you quietly slipped out of bed, having to cautiously roll out of Felix's arms cause he always clung onto you like a koala while you slept. His brows furrowed and you gently pushed your pillow between his arms so it would replace you. You tiptoed to the bathroom, after grabbing the maid dress you hid in the closet last night. You got ready and hurried downstairs to make breakfast before your boyfriend wakes up.
When you were done, you ofcourse went to set up the cameras. One was above the bed, and you had to basically do gymnastics quietly just so you can set it up without waking Felix up. You also set up two other ones in different corners of the room.
"Hi guys! It's morning and Felix is still sleeping."- you say to the one of the cameras in the corner, moving your body as you scrunch your face up and point at your boyfriend's sleeping form behind you. "Sleepy head."- you giggle quietly.
"As you can see, I'm wearing a maid outfit. I'm going to prank him or rather surprise him today with serving him dressed like this all day."- you announce. "I'm also gonna call him master. Let's see how he reacts."
Satisfied with the intro, you go back downstairs to grab the tray with breakfast that you prepared. You set it aside on the night stand, and sit on the bed next to Felix.
"Lixie, wake up."- you whisper quietly, caressing his hair and winking at the camera above you.
"Mhm."- he grunts, eyes still closed.
"Lixieeeee. Baby. I have something for you."- you giggle as you continue carding your fingers through his soft hair.
"Mm. What?"- he turns to you and finally blinks his eyes open. He squints at first, the expression on his face that of confusion. He didn't register your outfit yet. You wait for him to rub the sleepiness out of his eyes.
"Oh."- his eyes widden when he takes in your appearance. You were sitting back on your feet, a skimpy maid dress revealing your plush thighs and giving you the perfect amount of cleavage.
"What're you wearing?"- he asks, blood rushing downwards, but then he notices the camera placed perfectly above his face, he groans and starts chuckling.
"I'm here to serve you, master. I made you breakfast."- you say and start giggling with him because that coming out of your mouth at this moment is funny to the both of you.
"Oh my god, you're crazy."- he laughs, his face red as he pulls the blanket up to his neck. "Wait."- he adds, his hand sneaking out from under the blanket and landing on your thigh.
"Are you wearing anything under this?"- he smirks, lifting up on his elbows and sliding his hand towards the hem of your dress.
"Felix!"- you squeal pointing at the camera and he laughs.
"What? We can cut it out later."- he chuckles, making a motion towards the camera.
"Stop it."- you laugh slapping his hands away. He groans again, smacking his head on the pillow.
"Come on, eat your breakfast."- you say. He sits up and looks right between your legs, wiggling his eyebrows at you suggestively.
"The food I made. With love. For my master."- you bat your eyelashes at him, you've never called him that before today but even though he was laughing at it because of the camera, you could see how it affected him.
"Ask nicely, hm?"- he says and there's a shiver running down your spine.
"Please, master?"- you bite your lip.
"Alright, when my baby put in such an effort."- he smirks and you chuckle at him. He grabs the tray but before he can put any food in his mouth, you grab the fork and bring it to his lips.
"Are you gonna feed me?"- he chuckles.
"Well yes. My master doesn't have to do anything. Today is the day I serve you master."- as you keep talking, his eyes are getting darker and your cunt is getting wetter. For some reason, you liked calling him that and liked seeing his reactions. You caught even the smallest ones, like his eyebrow twitching every time you said the word 'master'.
His hands kept wandering to your thighs as you fed him and you had to constantly remind him that the cameras were on even though you were pressing your thighs together. And he knew. You were getting needy too but he wanted to tease you too, it was one of his favorite things to do anyways.
So when you moved to the bathroom, carrying a camera with you, you grabbed his toothbrush and he chuckled again. He looked a bit flustered when he realized you actually wanted to brush his teeth.
"Y/n, that's sweet of you but I can do it on my own."- he chuckled, his hands coming up to hug himself as his face got redder. He glanced at the camera and you laughed, feeling shy suddenly.
"Please, let me do it. Master."
He couldn't say no. Both of you were trying not to burst out into laughter as you attempted to brush his teeth. It got too messy so he just grabbed the toothbrush and continued on his own as you playfully pouted at him.
"I'll help you wash your hair. Please, master?"- you ask when he's done.
"Sure, that'd be nice."- he chuckles.
You adjust the camera so the viewers can look at you both from the side. You put a towel on the sink so he can lean his head down, and he chuckles again, eyes trailing to the camera. You start getting his hair wet and Felix looks at the viewfinder, finding a blind spot where no one could see his wandering hand.
You almost jump out of your skin when you feel his hand on the back of your thigh but you opt to act like nothing is happening. Felix looks up at you innocently as you grab the shampoo. His hand slowly travels up, fingertips tickling your sensitive skin. His fingers come into contact with a wet patch that formed on the thin lacy panties you wore under your maid dress.
Your hands tremble and you almost drop the bottle of shampoo on his head, but for the sake of entertainment you ignore his hand and start joking around. He jokes back with you, but you can feel his fingertips pressing into your cunt, teasing you as he slowly runs them over it then to your clit, making little circular motions into it before sliding his fingers down your lips again. You let out a shaky breath and clear your throat to cover it up.
You start rinsing his hair out, and he decides to move your panties to the side just enough to uncover your hole before he pushes one finger between your folds. Your knees buckle but you chuckle nervously as he eyes you, his eyes darkened with lust but there's still an innocent smile on his face. If only the viewers knew.
You stay perfectly still, only spreading your legs a bit so he can fuck into you deeper. He's moving slow, torturing you but you know you brought that on yourself. As you grab another towel to dry his hair, he presses his thumb into your clit and pushes his middle finger deeper into you making you gasp.
"What's wrong, darling?"- Felix grins at you.
"N-nothing."- you shake your head glancing at the camera as you dry his hair. He pulls his finger out, moving his hand away from you much to your disappointment but you had to go get the hair dryer. You still need some content for your video. So you stand between his legs and dry his hair, his hands running up and down the back of your knees and thighs as you both continue chuckling and talking like he didn't just pull his finger out of your cunt. You're becoming desperate now and you can't wait to film the outro so you can turn off the camera and let your boyfriend fuck you.
But Felix had other plans for you. As soon as you walk back into the room, you put the camera down so you can film an outro together but before you can even start talking your boyfriend grabs your face and crashes his lips into yours.
"Lix-" - your voice is muffled as he kisses you harder and forces his tongue inside, making you moan into his lips. You grip onto his arms and try to pry him away from you.
"L-Lixie we didn't film an outro."- you heave, trying to catch a breath after he stole it from you.
"Oh we're filming it now, sweets."- he smirks at the camera and then looks back at you.
"You said you'd serve me all day. As far as I know it's not even noon so you're not done yet."- Felix says and he's rarely so dominant with you. It makes you tingle with anticipation.
"Get on your knees and serve me then."- he says, his voice low.
You look at him for a moment but there's nothing but dark lust in his eyes so you know better than to not obey. You slowly fall down to your knees as he pulls his pants and boxers down.
"And it's master for you, not Lixie, okay?"- he adds, his cock now inches away from your face, you lick your lips and nod fast.
"Words."- he warns, slapping your cheek with his hard cock and you whimper.
"Mm yes master."- you say and he smirks again.
"Open your pretty mouth for me."- he orders and you do as you're told, opening wide for him and he slowly pushes his cock in. You glance at the camera and see yourself in the viewfinder, your mouth stuffed full of your boyfriend's pretty cock.
You moan around him and Felix tangles his fingers in your hair.
"You look so pretty like this. Come on darling, show everyone how desperate you are for my cock."- he grips your hair pushing in deeper and you choke a little, tears forming in your eyes and arousal pooling on your panties. You start bobbing your head, taking as much as you can and jerking off the rest with your hand. Felix keeps grunting and holding your head in place so you don't dare lift off of him.
"Mm everyone will know how you're such a slut for me, darling."- your boyfriend coos at you and you feel like people are actually watching you do this live even though you know they aren't. It makes you feel so embarassed but so aroused at the same time, the thought of people knowing who you belonged to and whose cock you were drunk on. Your throat relaxed a little and you breathed deep through your nose as you slid down on Felix's cock, his tip hitting the back of your throat and your nose touching his navel.
"Fuck baby!"- he grips your hair hard, his legs shaking. "You're gonna make me come"- he hisses and pulls you off, a string of saliva between you and his hard cock.
He smirks at your expression, turning your face to the camera.
"She looks so fucked out and I haven't even touched her pussy"- Felix talks like he's talking to your viewers and a wave of hotness washes over you.
"Please."- you whimper.
"Please what?"- he looks down at you darkly.
"I need you inside me. Please master! I'll do anything!"- you beg on the verge of tears, your pussy aching for him.
"Anything?"- he lifts his eyebrow and you nod fervently.
"Oh, we'll explore that."- he smirks. "Face the camera."- he adds and you do as you're told, your heart beating fast in anticipation.
"Get on all fours, darling."- Felix orders and you do so, leaning down on your hands, your ass up in the air and legs spread for him. Usually, he takes his time with you especially with his tongue and fingers, he enjoys eating you out maybe even more than you do. But, today he's had enough of your teasing, the maid dress driving him more insane than anything you've ever worn for him.
You feel him massage your wet pussy with the tip of his rock hard cock and you melt instantly, leaning back to feel him more.
"Is this what you want, hm?"- he teases a little more.
"Please please please!"- you whine, pushing your ass into him.
"Fuck!"- he curses as he pushes his length in, his eyes rolling back as your cunt sucks him in fast, since you were so wet and needy.
You moan loudly at the familiar stretch, your boyfriend's cock fitting snuggly inside the space made only for him.
"So tight for me."- Felix whimpers.
He grips your hips and starts fucking you semi-fast and you start moaning immediately, scratching at the wooden floor beneath you.
"You want a good outro baby? How about this, hm? Letting everyone see how dumb you are on my cock."- Felix growls, pounding harder into you.
"M-master"- you moan, unable to form any coherent sentence with the force of his hips on your ass and his thick cock splitting you apart.
"Look at you."- he coos grabbing your hair and pulling your head back harshly so you can see yourself in the viewfinder.
"Taking it so well. Such a good girl. Made to be fucked like this."- he says lowly. Your mind buzzes along with your whole body and you think you've never came this fast or this hard.
Felix whines at the feeling of your pussy clenching around him.
"You came already? So desperate. So pathetic." - he chuckles at you, spanking your ass. You whimper and bite down on your arm to stop yourself from screaming at his words and his relentless hips.
"You like when I talk to you like this?"- he asks and you whimper and nod fast.
"Use your words!"- your boyfriend spanks you harder.
"Yes, yes master!"
"You like when I tell you that you were made just for this? To be fucked dumb on my cock. Just my little play toy."- he talks as he fucks you harder, the tip of his cock hitting that sweet spot inside you every time he pushes in.
"Mm yes master"- you whine, your mind cloudy.
"Made to please me. My little slut"- he chuckles darkly pulling on your hair and you explode all over his cock again.
"M-master!"- you cry out as he helps you ride your high. "I can't take anymore."
"Yes you can. One more. For me. Come on baby, you can come for me one more time."- Felix coos at you, hovering over you and caressing your hair, his hips less brutal but still moving deep inside you, abusing that sweet spot.
"I- I can't master please"- you whimper, but you know you're close and you want to obey him.
His hand is between your legs, fingers pressing into your clit as he flicks it and starts fucking you faster again.
"Oh my god"- you whimper, pushing back into him, the pleasure in the pain of overstimulation driving you wild.
"Yeah just like that baby. Fuck yourself on my cock."- Felix moans behind you, his hips stuttering and you know he's close too.
You keep pushing back into him in the same pace he's fucking you in, and it doesn't take long for you to be on the edge again. He knows when your pussy clenches around him deliciously.
"Come for me darling"- he says, gripping your hair and you do. But this time you squirt making him pull out and whimper as you coat him with your juices. Felix watches it slide down your thighs as he jerks off once, twice before he explodes, hot spurts of cum painting your ass and the back of your thighs, mixing with your arousal.
"Fuck"- he groans as you breathe hard. He hovers over you, moving your hair out of your face gently.
"Are you okay, baby?"- he asks, a sweet smile on his face, contrast to the dark look he was giving you just a few moments ago.
"More than okay. That was really hot."- you turn a little and he scoops you up in his arms, pulling you into his lap, not caring about the mess you both made.
"I agree. How about next time I wear the maid dress for you?"- he looks at you with big innocent eyes, the look everyone's familiar with but only you know the meaning of.
"I think that's a wonderful idea."- you chuckle and lean in to kiss his pretty lips.
"Mhm. But since I'm not done with you yet... how about you lay down on the bed and spread your legs for me?"
"Yes, master."
#skz x reader#skz smut#skz fluff#stray kids#lee felix x reader#lee felix fluff#lee felix smut#stray kids x reader#skz hard thoughts
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can we get some bakugou recs 😊😊 (written and smaus pleaseee)
hello hellooo! oh man do i ever have some! you have no idea the can of worms you are opening my friend.
but first i am so sorry for how late this rec is! i wanted to get this done days ago, but the semester has been crazy packed. i'm going to get through all my asks one by one. thank you for your patience! anyways let's get into this !!
Bakugou Recs
Garden of Lungs (Hanahaki) by oweCrew [ao3]
synopsis: you have your whole life ahead of you, a promising future and jobs lined up after UA...but these stupid flowers are going to be the death of you, literally.
i flew through this fic so fast. it was the first time i had every heard of hanahaki disease and oof to my heart. i loved it!
Late Night Calls by fictionpls [ao3]
synopsis: much to bakugou's disdain, you skipped your meals again. tch, he's basically taking care of you at this point.
cute lil fluff oneshot with bakugou as your best friend...maybe more.
Nothing More, Nothing Less by @dekustowel
synopsis: bakugou made a big whoopsies. the only way to get out of it? fake date you, the internet's sweatheart, duh!
this smau idea has a hold on me. i'm a sucker for the fake dating trope. and i mean seriously, it's bakugou! [ongoing...]
Nerd (Affectionately) by @oniku-niku
synopsis: you're in love with bakugou, have been since you were kids. there was no use in hiding the truth. but did he have to be so rude about it??
most of this smau is a big ouch to the heart. but the drama gets heavier as the story goes on and i'm here for it! happy soft ending! :)
Speak by Kikyo851 [ao3]
synopsis: you could not believe that your soulmate was such a crude and violent person...just to spite the universe and him you decide not to say a word to your "soulmate."
soulmate au in which the first words that your soulmate says to you is written on your wrist. this fulfilled my needs of a bakugou soulmate au! so cute and it is complete!
Of Snowscapes & Explosions by sugarbun [ao3]
synopsis: you've been categorized as second to shoto todoroki ever since grade school. after a frustrated vent to bakugou and a few of his cracks revealing some of his own frustrations you realize that maybe you and him aren't so different after all.
guys....when i tell you this fic is the slowest slow burn. i feel like it's so accurate to how bakugou would actually fall for someone. sadly, this fic is unfished tho and hasn't been updated in a couple years😭 but you should read it anyways.
cover shot (through the heart) by @andypantsx3
cross posted on ao3 here! cover shot (through the heart) by andypantsx3
synopsis: you're the only one who can deal with bakugou's attitude in the industry. he hasn't found something that bothers you...until he starts flirting with you, hello??
model/celebrity au. super cute fic. i'm warning you this is much spicier than some of my other recs. mdni. (also check out this author's other works. they have a lot of top tier content!!)
Motherly Love by @kweenkatsuki-fics
synopsis: bakugou gives his mom a late night call to thank her. the reason why softens her heart greatly.
super soft lil drabble that just about brings me to tears everytime i read it. in love with bakugou fr.
déjà vu by @cashmoneyyysstuff
synopsis: bakugou thinks back to some oddly familiar memories with you. and one thing always stays the same, you both are together.
oneshot the made my jaw drop. hit me hard in the feels.
untitled oneshot by @honeypirate
synopsis: being paired with your number 1 enemy for a group project proved that the universe hated you. well might as well have some fun with this and make bakugou's life just as miserable.
college au oneshot. i am always down for a good enemies to lovers trope!
risky by @kusaka6e
synopsis: moving from another country to work as a pro hero in japan was not the easiest. and a certain hot headed hero only adds to your frustrations.
oneshot about the obvious grown tension between you and pro hero dynamite.
i hope you find something you like! sorry for the late rec, have a lovely day/night!
#bakugou#i come back to you every time#mha x reader#mha#mha bakugou#boku no hero academia#my hero academia#katsuki bakugou#bakugou x reader#bakugou x you#bakugou x y/n#bakugou katsuki#bnha x reader#bnha#bnha x you#bnha x y/n#katsuki bakugo x reader#bnha bakugo katsuki#bnha bakugou#katsuki x reader#katsuki x you#katsuki x y/n#ghost rec
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here's a list of mozilla add-ons for all of you tumblrinas out there to have a better internet experience
also, if you like my post, please reblog it. Tumblr hates links but i had to put them so you adhd bitches actually download them <3 i know because i am also adhd bitches
BASIC STUFF:
AdGuard AdBlocker / uBlock Origin : adguard is a basic adblock and with origin you can also block any other element you want. for example i got rid of the shop menu on tumblr
Privacy Badger : this add on will block trackers. if an element contains a tracker it will give you the option to use it or not
Shinigami Eyes: this will highlight transphobic and trans friendly users and sites using different colors by using a moderated database. perfect to avoid terfs on any social media. i will explain how to use this and other add-ons on android as well under the read more cut
THINGS YOU TUMBLINAS WANT:
Xkit: the best tumblr related add on. with many customizable options, xkit not only enhances your experience from a visual standpoint, but provides some much needed accessibility tools
bonus: if you are into tf2 and wanna be a cool cat, you can also get the old version to add cool reblog icons
AO3 enhancer: some basic enhancements including reading time and the ability to block authors and tags
YOUTUBE
Return of the YouTube Dislike : pretty self explanatory
Youtube non-stop: gets rid of the annoying "Video paused. Continue watching?" popup when you have a video in the background
SponsorBlock: gives you options to skip either automatically or manually sponsors, videoclip non music sectors and discloses other type of sponsorships/paid partnerships
Enhancer for YouTube: adds some useful options such as custom play speed, let's you play videos in a window and most important of all, it allows you to make the youtube interface as ugly as your heart desires. I can't show a full image of what it looks like because i've been told its eye strainy and i want this post to be accessible but look at this <3
PocketTube: allows you to organize your subscriptions into groups
YouTube Comment Search: what it says
FINDING STUFF
WayBack Machine: you probably know about this site and definitely should get the add on. this allows you to save pages and access older versions with the click of a button. while you can search wayback using web archives, please get this one as well as it allows you to easily save pages and contribute to the archive.
Web Archives: it allows you to search through multiple archives and search engines including WayBack Machine, Google, Yandex and more.
Search by Image: allows you to reverse image search using multiple search engines (in my experience yandex tends to yield the best results)
Image Search Options: similar to the last one
this next section is pretty niche but... STEAM AND STEAM TRADING
SteamDB: adds some interesting and useful statistics
Augmented Steam: useful info specially for browsing and buying games
TF2 Trade Helper: an absolute godsend, lets you add items in bundles, keeps track of your keys and metal and your recent trades, displays links to the backpack tf page next to users profiles and more. look it tells me how much moneys i have and adds metal to trades without clicking one by one oh may god
IN CONCLUSION: oooooh you want to change to firefox so badly, you want to delete chrome and all the chrome clones that are actually just spyware and use firefox
HOW TO USE MOZILLA ADD-ONS ON YOUR PHONE
if you already use firefox on android, you'll know there are certain add-ons compatible with the app, some of them even being made just for the mobile version such as Video Background Play FIx. while most of them are pretty useful, some more specific ones aren't available on this version of the browser, but there's a way of getting some of them to work
you need to download the firefox nightly app, which is basically the same as the regular firefox browser but with the ability of activating developer mode. you can find how to do that here. once you've enabled it, you need to create a collection with all the add ons you want. i wouldn't recommend adding extensions if the creators haven't talked about phone compatibility, but XKit and Shinigami Eyes should work
also, don't tell the government this secret skater move, but you can try using both the regular firefox browser and nightly so you can have youtube videos in a floating box while you browse social media.
see? i can block this terf while Rick Rolling the people following this tutorial. isn't that tubular?
#zezo talks#firefox#internet safety#accessibility#id in alt text#this will get tagged as tf2 because mine heart desires and its mentioned like twice#tf2#long post#but it's worth it i promise#tumblr
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part 2 of yandere model please 🥺🙏
Tw. For mentions of sex, dubcon, and surveilance
Yandere model, known as Caspian to his fans and most of the modeling world, has been keeping you locked up in his luxury penthouse for god only knows how many days.
It wasn't too bad, in all honesty. Besides the whole being locked up part, you had free reign of his house, and even access to the internet. Though, it was heavily monitored and restricted as you quickly found out after you attempted to log into a social media account to ask for help. Caspian had sent a barrage of messages, the computer crashed, and you weren't allowed to leave your room for two or three days after that.
Something you noticed was the cameras that were set up in every crook and corner that you could possibly think of. You felt a coil of anxiety whenever you caught sight of a blinking light in the corner of your eye. It was even worse when you realized that there were at least five separate little lenses in the bathroom. You shuddered to think of what exactly he used the footage for. He would come to you everyday after work and tell you all about the shows, auditions, and meetings he attended with a small smile.
"I saw you ate that new flavor of yogurt I got you! Good job, honey. It's healthier for you than that old slop you used to have in your fridge," He laughed and stroked your hair as the two of you lounged in bed. "Oh, and I love that pair of panties on you. Can I see them? They looked so cute when I saw them on screen," He chuckled and kissed your cheek, his fingers playing with the loose elastic waistband of your sweatpants.
He was such a creep.
Another thing you came across was the fact that you never realized how much Caspian credited you for his career before this whole ordeal either. He had basically given you a bit of homework to do.
"Every day while I'm out, you need to watch at least three clips of me on the runway," He instructed, much to your confusion. It was just so odd of a request to make to what was essentially a captive. "I'll know if you haven't," He added quickly, an odd, giddy lilt filling his words. It was like he was excited to cause you discomfort, to know that you felt anything for him at all.
You watched him on screen daily. You studied his poses, his gait, and his facial features out of sheer boredom. When he would come home, Caspian would snuggle into your arms and chatter excitedly about the shows and commercials you'd seen.
"What did you think of my poses for the jewelry brand? Hm? You know honey, I was thinking of how you'd look in all those pretty gems. That's how I got so into the role there...Oh! And see how I was strutting in this one? How angry I looked? That's me thinking of how mad I would be if you ever tried to leave me haha! You're my muse (y/n)!"
You tried not to think about it too hard. You tried not to linger on the fact that it was like every move he made was part of some elaborate, hidden worship of your love and relationship that he had conjured up from nearly the moment you met. It was like he couldn't do what he did if he didn't have you.
Maybe the worst part about living with Caspian, if you could even call it that, was that he pretended like this was somehow normal. He bought you a slew of makeup products, all high quality and from luxury brands, and presented a basket of new products to you everyday.
"Here! For you to practice with!" He beamed and pushed another round of expensive goods that you could only dream of touching when you were a newer Makeup artist on the scene. You picked them up gingerly with narrowed eyes as if they would burn you if you held them too long. For Caspian, you doing makeup, either on him or yourself, was like a nostalgic, sweet callback to the first time the two of you met back at a less than respectable fashion show that the two of you had been paid pennies to work at.
At the time, the you were so fresh faced and eager to get any gigs you could. Maybe if you hadn't been so career hungry, you could've maybe questioned why you were being booked to high end events all of a sudden. Maybe you could've stepped back and noticed his hungry eyes on you, or the fact that you never seemed to get any jobs without him. That's why you knew he didn't actually care about your happiness.
If he cared, he wouldn't be chasing your admiration, approval and affection all while gifting you what was essentially a slap in the face.
Your job, your life, your individuality wasn't as important to him as owning you was, and you felt that every time you applied lipstick to his perfectly shaped mouth. He shuddered under your touch, and you always kept your gaze even. To him, everything you had done before he had pinned you down, kissed you, and knocked you out backstage at a show was just him allowing you to play and pretend at being free. At being successful. At ever being without him.
The realest you that you could be, according to Caspian, was in his lap, in his home, lavishing over his face exactly as you had when you first met.
#yandere x reader#yandere#my writing#yandere male#tw yandere#yandere x you#x reader#fanfic writing#answered asks#yandere model#yandere oc#yandere original character
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