#oh my god are kidding. death by hammers for 1000 years.

[skillesswriter]

A Man, Women, and an Egg. [prelude]

“So you're making me an omelet?” the question came from a man as he stared down an egg. He was tall and well build. The scars across his finely tuned body was a testament to the achievements he made in life. He wore only a pair of cloth pants that had leather padding added to it for protection, but nothing else. His short black hair was chopped hazardly and there was a deep scar that ran along his head. This scar refused to allow any hair to grow which would explain why he failed to care about its appearance. His green eyes, fixated on the rather unusual egg before him, were dimed from light. The joy of life had left him a long time ago and his eyes reflected the large amount of work he had before him. A large greatsword was dug deep into the ground next to him.

The egg itself was sitting in a chair. The polished wood and high-quality cushions comforted the egg in its beautifully designed arms. The egg itself sat just inside it and was as large as a small child. Its rough shell was painted white but if he wasn't told beforehand what it was he would have mistaken it for a rock that she picked up from the side of a road one day. That still was a possibility but he wouldn't doubt her, they had been through far too much.

She simply laughed at his question. She had Silver hair that reached to her waist, it shone brightly even though the light failed to reach inside properly. Her white eyes reflected the beauty in every sense of the word. To look at them too long was to invite euphoria and the danger of being lost to that feeling as you melted in them, swimming in the white waves that lapsed over the oculus of her soul. Two long but think horns breached out from her head, they curved around her head and they hid in her head. To glance at he was to miss them, only a second look would allow you to see them properly. She laughed because it was a silly question simply because “This is our baby.”

He looked over to the egg and back at her. He repeated himself several times as he tried to sort out the numbness inside his skull. She wouldn't lie to him about something so serious. Would she? Times changed and now that the crisis was over the companions he once had changed as well. In the long journey that wore on their soal perhaps she picked up a sense of humor. Except it wasn't a funny joke.

“I thought that when the chicken laid the egg then-” he was trying to play along but the pressure changed so suddenly. A chill spread through the desert shack and sweet started to gather on his skin. He turned to the source to find her smiling back at him her head tilted ever so slightly and her eyes calmly closed. “Am I a chicken?” she asked it calmly and he realized his mistake. She was never one to joke around and now he just insulted the most powerful creature he knew.

Dear god. I have lived a good life. There were challenges but I handled them well. I have no regrets…

He closed his eyes and bowed his head, then he waited for the inevitable. Death would soon reach out and take him by the hand. It's blackened robes concealed its skeletal figure as it drew closer to him, slowly reaching out its hand a smile plagued on its skinless face and then

“It’s fine.” the pressure faded. He stood up from his bow and look around. That was close, he saw death there for a second. He breathed a sigh of relief and asked, “are we sure this is mine?” he was quick to add, “Don’t get me wrong, it's just humans don't really lay eggs when they have… no wait are we even compatible? There is no way we can have a kid right? It's against biology or something?”

She tilted her head at his ramblings. “I don’t know what biology is but as far as I know a human and a dragon cannot have a kid.” she smiled at his confused expression, “but that's what happened here.” He asked again, just to be sure, “You’re sure it’s mine?” she brought a hand to the back of her head and told him the honest truth, “You are the only one that I had relations with for the past thousand years or so.”

“What?” that surprised him to no end. She was a beautiful work of art and just being in the same party as she drove everyone nuts. Their frustration knew no bounds as she plagued their polluted minds. She looked on his pained expression and felt rather odd. “You see,” she informed him, “when a boy and a girl love each other very much-” He stopped her there, “I already know about that!” he cried. Seriously he was well over 40. It was a subject he covered before he was sent to this world. It was awkward then and it sure as hell awkward now.

For a while neither of them said anything. A painful silence hung in the air until he asked a question he was unable to answer. “Well, where do we go from here?” she gave him a tired smile. The expression on her face was one he knew all too well. He wouldn't like her answer. “I was hoping you can take care of it for a while.”

“That would be a bit of a challenge, you know I'm in the middle of a war here.” perhaps mocking his definition of war or his fragile human strength she laughed at him, she told him that “it would be no problem. I'm sure you will make a fine father!” he shook his head, that wasn't the point. “What if I die? Who would look after this thing? What about when we are attacked, I can't watch over such a fragile thing.”

“Oh that won't be a problem,” She pulled his sword out of the dirt and raised it above her head in an instant. Then just as he registered that he took his blade, she brought it down on the egg. While he was focused on the after image a loud cracked broke out from the egg had stood. it shattered. The fragments splintered, torn apart by the pressure and force brought down by the blade, they scattered everywhere and with such force that they fractured even further. What a waste of a good chair. The egg was fine, it was now buried in the ground. If he didn't see it hammered in there with his sword he wouldn’t have noticed, In fact, there was more damage to the blade.

She twirled the blade around and rested it on her back, striking a victory pose. “See! Our child is really strong! We did such a great job! hehehe” what the hell are you talking about! She seemed to be excited by this marvel they created but he was at a loss. He still trying to figure out how she gave birth to this thing half her size, could eggs grow after they hatched? She buried his blade in the sand why he thought of pointless things. She rubbed the egg gently a large smile on her face as she praised its strength. “So if its this strong why do you want me to look after it? Why not leave it somewhere and get back to it later?” she stared at him her eyes wide, “you want me to abandon our child!?” tears gathered under the white waves of her eyes.

“No! That's not what I said! I just mean… I mean, if you couldn't damage it then I don't think it would be vulnerable to anyone.” he knew her strength, he fought beside her in a war far grander than the one he was currently engaged in. if she couldn't scratch it then no one could. “Well that's fine and good for when he's just a cute little egg, but he's going to hatch you know. They are suuuuper vulnerable when there’re just hatchings, and whos going to be a good little hatchling… yes, you are! hehehe”

“Then why don't you look after him?” it was a simple question, and really he didn't know why he had to play the single parent, he would be fine raising it together but, “I'm in the middle of a revolution you know, I can't exactly watch over the thing as” The air froze once more. She stopped petting the egg and looked at him with tears falling from her angry eyes “he is not a thing!” he took a step back reflexively, “r-right! No, I know he is our precious son!” her mood changed way to fast as she was now smiling brightly after he accepted the egg as his own. “Yes! That’s right he is our dear child!”

“It's fine, he should hatch just as you settle things.” her answer left him concerned. “how long do you expect me to look after, er… him.” he was in the middle of a revolution, he just overthrew the old king and publicly executed thousands of his supporters, there was a limit to how much he could do right now and looking after an egg was definitely on the low side of the totem pole. “A few years, I would think that he should spend some time with his father.” he could do that, it's not like an egg needed to be read to sleep or changed… was it? “how many years exactly, I don't want to get a title like I'm a crazy man with a pet egg.”

She answered him after some thought.  “um..10 or 20 years? I don't know, we would have to collect him sooner rather than later, I mean if we left him with you for 1000 years or so people might get suspicious. He would still look like a ten-year-old and I don't think the other dragons would welcome him after humans raised him for so long” they would get suspicion sooner than that! Wait did that mean, “We have to hide his origin?”

“Oh, corse! I'm a priest remember! I can't be seen with a child, just think of what the orthodoxy(?) would say! I mean I did just join them on a whim… because I was bored that day… I mean it's not like I really follow that god oh.. What was its name... I really should know this... It’s on the tip of my tongue!” she rambled on and on talking more to herself with every breath. As she did so he wondered exactly what was supposed to be so priestly about her. “You just thought of something rude, didn't you?” he shook his head, “not at all!” she couldn't read his mind, just stare back at her! You can do this! “hmm, suspicious!”

He changed the subject, “so the only reason you want me to watch over our kid is that it will make you look bad as a priest?” she shook her head, “there is that, but I do have to inform the others about this. It is a rare thing to have a dragon of light born, you know. This is actually a big deal! You're going to be a famous daddy! Although you are already kinda famous… anyway, I have to prepare my fallowing for this.” he nodded, that did make sense, she needed to let her family know and tell her following... wait, “Following? How do you have a following?” he never seen her led anyone. Even though she was a priestess she ignored anyone and did whatever she wanted. “Well this is a bit embarrassing to tell you after all this time, but... I am kind of a god you know - Just a minor one!”

“You’re telling me that you are a god!?”

“A minor one!”

“You are a God?!”

“Not a very big one…”

“A God!?”

“really just a pebble in the grand sea…”

“GOD?”

“Slowly sinking into the sea of obscurity”

It took him a minute to calm down as she meekly repeated her small status. Suddenly his grand adventures fell flat, void of reason. He felt numb

“Fine, I'll take care of the thin- child, I'll take care of our child!” he corrected himself just in time and she smiled happily as he accepted. What else could he do? “Thank you very much, dear! I appreciate this! Oh, that’s a wight of my mind!” D-Dear!? Wait, they were having a kid- had a kid? Where they support to get married now? Wait! No no no! That thing looks nothing like me!!! Wait… that's a good question, “can dragons and humans even have kids together?” “I don't know? I wouldn't think so.” “eh? Then how do you know it’s mine!” “it’s the only possible explanation, duh.” “how!” “well… when a mommy and a daddy love each other very much they-” “I Already know that! I want to know how you know it's my kid and not someone else's!” “how rude! I am a priest of [religion] you know! I don't sleep around, it would be impure!” “you sleep with me!” “Yes well… that was different! You were going to die! It was a favor, A favor! Your welcome!” “A fav- you're the one who wanted to-” “I said your welcome!” “but” “Your. Welcome.” “...thank you.” “there! Doesn't that feel better!” no… but “how did you know it's mine?”

“Your the only one I had sex within about a thousand years or so, so that's how I know!” “I see…” a thousand years, damn that was a long time. There were many questions and concerns he had, but there was one he needed to know above all else. His pride as a man demanded an answer. “Was I any good?” it was a question he would regret. As she put a finger to her chin and thought about it for only a second, “eh.” he fell on his knees, defeated.