#oh man ive had this planned since a looooong time

[ifidogaysomyself]

worlds most pathetic ao3 writer interview

thanks for the tag @aconfusedkitten ! unfortunately i do not publish jack shit but i can answer Some of these questions and also i like tag games. and also for the lols. anyone is free to ask me about any of this btw

how many works do you have on ao3?/your top five stories by kudos/likes? *hall of the mountain king starts playing* okayy soo ;3. i have One (1) fic published on ao3. it has 21 kudos total. all of my fics stay IN the pages. yeah im nnnnot good at clicking post BUT WEBALLL

do you respond to comments? why or why not? if i had any comments on ao3, i definitely would! i used to post on…. other sites and i always tried my best to respond to comments there!

what’s the fic you’ve written with the angstiest ending? ooooh thats a tough one. mostly because ive never um. managed to end a fic. HOWEVER from my outlined wips, it would have to be [svsss] yet untitled bingjiu painshare soulmates au. it’s like in my head man if i ever get to writing it it’s gonna fucking hurt. (actually pretty much most of my inthewips bingjiu fics could go here tbh they’re all bad and end worse)

what’s the fic you’ve written with the happiest ending? besides the fact that (again) i am really bad at… actually finishing any of my wips (HENCE WHY THEY’RE NOT PUBLISHED!!) this one’s tough because i plan happy (or at least open-positive) endings for pretty much everything, bingjiu notwithstanding, so… i can’t really pick what’s the happiest? i think the least angst involved fic premise i have is a [svsss] no abyss slowburn romance au, since that has like... mostly just silly vibes tbh. unless you're yqy in which case sorry king

do you write crossovers? yes!!!!!! i used to plot them all the time! i don’t really write that many anymore, but there’s definitely a couple in my pages i can think of that i might come back to if i ever go back to those fandoms

have you ever received hate on a fic? ahaha. haha. ha. why do you think i don’t Publish On Sites anymore

do you write smut? if so, what kind? i do write smut! in fact one of the fics i might (???) actually publish if i finish it (and looking like i will) is like . some percent smut. as for what kind, well, i live by the tenet that smut is ideally also a character study. the 2k of blowjob IS in fact a necessary part to the media analysis. any smut i write is probably gonna have something to say about the characters. also i excel at writing Bad Sex That Sucks So Much And Feels Painful To Read. these two things are connected more profoundly than you think. (also my wip that i might publish is svsss cumplane i think that tells enough)

have you ever had a fic stolen? nope! i've disowned fics that i don't care about anymore though so someone might've taken a concept since i basically put a free for all in the last chapters of all of them idk

have you ever had a fic translated? i do everything myself around here. (i translate my own sometimes for fun)

have you ever co-written a fic before? i got into writing long form fic properly because of my beloved bestie crunch who was like do you want to take some yaoi crack cocaine together which proceeded into us egging each other on in a google doc. so yes absolutely some of the fondest memories of my life tbh

what’s your all-time favorite ship? oh dear god difficult question. like really difficult. im gonna give my top 3 instead. SOOO well for nostalgia’s sake i unfortunately have to say [taw] felis is probably my alltime #1 I Will Never Shut The Fuck Up About Them ship. but on like a purely “they have Everything” scale im gonna go biased and say my #2 is [svsss] bingqiu and i likely will stay in bingqiu hell for a looooong time because they literally DO have everything i could want in a ship and more they're insane!! #3 is [genshin] kaeluc because homies got me to rotate what it means to analyse media and the true meaning of varying interpretations at least 3 separate times, and i enjoy seeing those weirdos to this day. HONORARY MENTION [dgs] asobaroryuu because theyre INSANEEE but me and my objectively correct friends are the only people who Get Them. so yeah <3

what’s a wip that you want to finish but don’t think you ever will? in my wips there is a svsss-inspired bnha au. it’s a banger concept and i have a lot of ideas for it but honestly i am just not invested enough in Making It Happen, so it’ll probably stay in the wips forever. there’s also a good bunch of throwaway fic concepts i’ve had that are cool in theory but i’ll never probably write, but game of self-preservation is the only one i actually started plotting out and writing that i fully do not think i will ever do anything with further. open to talking about it but i just really won't write that thang

what are your writing strengths? i like to think i’m good at balancing crangst a lot. i’m physically incapable of not making things at least a little funny, and i love making blorbos suffer, so this gives me like… mad tragicomedy skills? also i'm pedantic about having plot threads followed up on and the ending being satisfying, so i Try! also i am, for reasons i cannot possibly explain, really good at writing weed fic. the person who knows what im talking about Knows Why and it stays in the grave.

what are your writing weaknesses? Actually Finishing Things, and Actually Hitting Post. those two are related. i have can't focus on one project for too long disease, and i’d feel guilty posting fics i might not come back to just out there, especially since i write non-linearly, so. yeah.

what are your thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages in a fic? i think it’s cool as fuck more writers should use languages nyehehehehehehe. i kinda do it when writing danmei fics because untranslatable terms are fully undodgeable in that one, so.. can't say i've ever complained

what’s a fandom/ship you haven’t written for yet but want to? strangely, for all my actual years long love-hate relationship with it and also my love for felis, i haven’t… written any actual substantial asterisk war fic. i do want to one day i just have uhm. [looks at my evergrowing pile of svsss fic] other interests rn

what’s your favourite fic you’ve written? and, there’s the question i knew immediately how to answer. where the dog lies is a [tgaa] time travel/massive canon divergence fic, and as much as i’m not tgaabrained right now, i know i will come back to writing it, because it’s genuinely my magnum opus, my best fucking work ever. talking about it as a time travel is true but feels a bit reductive, because in the time travel concept is a hidden character analysis/recovery fic that i’ve legit cried about leaning over the keyboard. something that can be so deeply personal. like i WILL finish it one day once i fall back into the tgaa hole it’s my favourite thing ever that i’ve made as a creative.

again thanks for tagging, and again anyone can ask me about Any Of These (this is a cry for help). for the tags uhm. @choctalksalot because i need to drag you into my boat bitch, @memeticallyengineered , @applestorms and . because i’m curious even though we’re not mutuals but we’ve talked like twice so i think it’s fine @ofstormsandfire ! also any of my mutuals who i wanted to tag but the 5 tags per post limit is so so sad to me

[dustandthunder]

ive had a lovely few days.

almost everyone is back in the flat now which is cool, feels like forever since I’ve seen them.

Gina and I went to the gym and then I had an assignment to do so Scott came to my room to do it. We FaceTimed Jaz which was awesome cause I haven’t seen her in ages and ages. And then Gina and Shannon came in too while we were doing the work (I use ‘we’ very loosely, i didn’t understand anything so Scott did mine for me). The three of them sat on my bed and I sat in the desk chair and Jaz was in the phone and it was so cool. Scott only got 50 % on my test but I don’t really care. I did ok in the other assignments for that module so hopefully it won’t make too much difference. Pretty sure I’ll pass regardless anyway (I hope so haha)

Anyway, while Scott was doing the tests, I was doing my makeup cause matt was coming to visit!

The night before we were talking until pretty late. He’d had the day off cause it was Sunday and was on early yesterday so he had to be up at 4 in the morning, but because he’s been on lates a lot recently he wouldn’t be able to get to sleep until around 3. And of course I don’t like to sleep when I could be talking to him so I stayed up too. It was one of those nights where we discuss old stuff and he asks all the questions because we can do that now and it’s ok because we’re over all the shit things and it’s not awkward at all (literally nothing is awkward between us I don’t know why I even needed to say that). But we were talking on FaceTime for ages and I said he should come and see me after work tomorrow (which is now yesterday if that makes sense) cause he finished at 2 and then had the next day (now today) off, and the day after (now tomorrow) he’s on late. So it worked pretty perfectly really !! And he was like yes sounds like a plan .... so yay !

He got here literally as soon as I was done, oddly perfect timing really haha. I was so excited to see him :) it was so lovely, I’m so sad now cause I’m writing this after he’s left and I feel so lonely again haha. Not like properly lonely, just weird cause I’m sat in my room on my own now and it’s all tidy, when earlier all of his stuff was everywhere and my mattress and the air bed were on the floor and there were pillows and duvets and blankets and cushions all over (cause we always make a double bed on the floor and push the single bed frame on its side against the wall cause it’s too small for both of us). Feels like a really awesome sleepover. I guess that’s literally what it is anyway but you know what I mean.

So anyway last night we made the makeshift bed on the floor and then we went out for dinner. We went to this cool place not too far away which is like an American diner and grill. I’ve noticed it before but we’ve never been. It was so lovely inside, with all the booths and red and cream upholstery and Coca Cola fridges and neon tube lights and a big motorbike hanging from the ceiling. It was pretty empty, only two other tables of people. That was nice too, cause I could take photos and have a proper look at it without looking accidentally at people . Haha. The food was good too I would definitely go there again, although it was quite a lot . I think my stomach wasn’t used to a big meal because I haven’t really eaten in a week or so. It was still amazing though. Afterwards it was getting dark but we went for a drive like we always do and we listened to soft songs and it was so nice to be back together, even though it’s not even been very long.

Side note here: I feel so clingy because I miss him so so so much and it’s crazy how much I want his constant company, I hope it’s normal haha. I just really love him to a point I didn’t even realise was possible, and I’m so grateful for every second. I really can’t help being so soppy.

We drove through the mountains and we parked in the lay-by that we always do and we talked about how the new car he’ll get has a retractable glass roof so we can do this sort of thing and look at the stars. I think with that roof I would really want to kneel or stand on the seats and be half way out of the car while he drove, like Sam does in The Perks of being a Wallflower. And listen to stevie nicks singing landslide and maybe cry too, because I’m thinking about that now and it’s making me get a tight chest.

I mean that’s pretty illegal anyway, so maybe not. I’ll settle for holding my hands up through the roof and singing along with Matt and smiling like crazy and him holding my thigh and grinning at me in a way that still makes me cry. Why is my go to thing crying. Everything makes me cry. That sounds amazing anyway.

We sat there in the car for a while. The air was really still and pretty warm compared to what you would think it should have been. There was no signal there so we were listening to the shit on the radio and I had my head on his collar. Perfect nights man

Then we drove back, going too fast as always, and it was pitch black so you could just see the mountaintops either side and I called my mom and it was just great.

Matt was tired so we didn’t go to sleep too late really, he was completely gone by half midnight. I was sleepy but still awake, just listening to his breathing and kissing his shoulder blades and feeling the warmth. god tonight is gonna be shit being back on my own again. I was thinking earlier, in some ways i think it’d be better to not visit because it makes it a million times harder to readjust after yknow ? But at the same time I’d definitely rather deal with that than not see him. I can’t wait til it’s just very single night. I mean it is every single night when I’m back there but I always have to come back to uni. Summer will be good though. Going to work or whatever every day then coming home to falling back into bed next to him. I feel like I sound like one of those people who puts on social media about how their dream is to have a husband and a ton of children and just make it their life to look after them all and never have anything for them self. Haha . (Not that i have a problem with those people at all). But I’m just saying it’ll be nice to have such a long period of not being away.

We got up pretty late, obviously he hadn’t slept the night before so it was understandable, although I was getting pretty restless. We didn’t do too much today. We just went to a town further along the coast and got lunch and went around there for a while. There were lots of sweet dogs everywhere :)))

Talking of dogs, Matt and I have finally decided what dogs were gonna try n get when we have our own place. To be honest this may well not happen but as of now it’s the plan, so @ future me, don’t hold me to this. Ok so we’ve decided we’re going to have three, a Labrador because they’re just lovely, a lil spaniel like Lexie because she’s adorable and I can’t imagine life without her now, and a little sausage dog because we both love them so much. I hope we can rescue some that would be amazing :)

Oh also, when we were walking from my place to matts car, we just randomly saw matts cousin. So weird, turns out he goes to my uni and he lives on my accommodation site ??? Matt had no idea, we just saw him out of the blue. I’ve never met him before I had no idea who he was cause when their family all went to their grandparents at Christmas he didn’t go cause he was ill so I didn’t see him. He’s two years older than me but he’s in first year apparently. How crazy... small world haha.

After we got back from that place, we were going to go to the beach we always go to, but we forgot and came back to my flat. We just got back in bed and cuddled for agessssss with the curtains drawn so it was all dark.

I didn’t want him to go. Obviously. I always get pretty sad when he leaves but hey its only a few weeks now til I’m done with the first year ! That’s so mad honestly . Every single day I tick the date off of the calendar poster I have on my wall, and as of tomorrow I’ll be in the last month .

Anyway, I walked him to the car and helped carry his things down. And then he was gone ! (After a looooong hug) :(

He’s home now, back safe thank fuck. Scares the shit out of me everytime he drives pretty much anywhere that I’m not with him. But he’s ok, so I am too.

After he went I played monopoly with Gina and Shannon, and Gina and I went to do laundry. She paid mine again. She’s always like yeah no worries I’ll pay and I’m just like ???? Thank you so much. It’s not like i couldn’t pay myself but she just insists that she’s got it. Really so grateful .

Right now, like I said, I’m sat on my bed on my own. Matt keeps sending me photos of the dog, she’s so cute. I’m pretty tired, it’s after midnight. I need to take what’s left of my makeup off and go to bed.

It’s been a nice few days, and much as I’m a bit sad now, I am appreciative and happy for that.