#oh great this is gonna become a vocal stim

[plague-karm]

Sonic 3 Spoiler Post Wheyyyyy

I’m gonna talk about literally everything so if you still haven’t seen the movie then scroll away, I will be adding images a week after this post goes up as well so yeah. This is NOT going to be well thought out at all it’s just going to be a ramble fest because why not shejsjjejejs

The fact that they made Live And Learn a song Maria wrote gives it SO much more meaning and a reason for the song to be included in the movie (besides fanservice lmao), a story line centred around the process of grief culminating with a grandiose reprise of a song made by the person one of the characters is grieving? CINEMA

The third act was incredible of course but god I wish they stopped going back and forth with the Robotnik stuff, the switch ups between the immaculate fight choreography and the slapstick bullshit really began to run its course and I was just waiting for peak to start again

Speaking of those fight scenes OH MY GOD THE FIGHT CHOREOGRAPHY IS SOME OF THE BEST THIS SERIES HAS EVER HAD IT WAS ON SOME DRAGON BALL TYPE SHIT. When Super Sonic and Super Shadow were beating the everloving fuck out of each other in different countries I was stimming like crazy

Knuckles is the unsung MVP of this movie and I’m so happy they got to show his character development in a really natural way, he’s really become a big brother figure for the other two and the way he tried to talk Sonic down after Tom almost died really got to me he’s come so far 🥹

When the trailer fakeout shot came up I was LOSING IT 😭

Also I want to know what the cinematographer was smoking because some of the shots in this thing are BEAUTIFUL, especially the ones in space (when Sonic and Shadow enter their super forms and go around like blazing comets I was going crazy)

The colour grading is a huge step up from the last two movies as well, you can tell the budget went up because the models here are stunning (especially Shadow’s)

I wish Live And Learn got to play a little longer but I’m just happy they included it either way (when the vocals came in so did I)

Agent Stone continues to be one of my favourite human characters in the entire series, I honestly wouldn’t mind them adding him to the games because his dynamic with Eggman is way better than whatever Orbot and Cubot have going on

They definitely listened to the critiques for the second movie as well because the human stuff has been very toned down and I honestly think it’s for the better (and this is coming from someone who actually really likes Rachel idk man she’s just fun)

I’m pretty satisfied with how they handled Gerald outside of the usual Jim Carrey shenanigans, portraying him as a madman so consumed by grief that he’s completely willing to let Earth and himself die out of pure spite was crazy, I saw someone say that this is how he’d act if he didn’t get executed 50 years ago and I can see that pretty clearly. I loved the glimpses of humanity we get of him as well (the way he referred to both Maria AND Shadow as “kids” in the flashback made me feel like he genuinely did care for him at that point and the death of Maria just threw him off the deep end)

The scene of Shadow and Gerald finding Maria’s body was DEVASTATING, the way Shadow didn’t know if she was dead at first and all it took was to see how heartbroken Gerald was to figure it out killed me 😔

Speaking of which they actually did a rewrite for Shadow’s backstory while keeping a lot of the same elements and I’m pretty happy with it for the most part, him coming to earth in a comet is black arms foreshadowing 100% and the flashbacks of him and Maria just hanging out and having fun like normal kids was really nice (the inclusion of the biolizard being the monster in the movie they were watching was really cool too I didn’t even notice that at first until someone pointed it out)

Despite these changes he was handled SO well, Keanu did a great job voicing him and to hear that he actually wanted to play the character made me so happy, it’s almost like getting people who give a shit about the source material is a really important factor of making adaptations succeed idk

The reason why Maria’s around though is kind of weak? She isn’t ill in this version and the only reason she’s in the lab is because Gerald takes her everywhere? That’s it? Why couldn’t they have said that he adopted her or something? (Or maybe her parents had an incurable illness that Gerald tried and failed to help with so he took her in after the fact idk)

Ben Schwartz popped OFF in the third act god I love it watching whimsical characters completely losing their shit after they’ve been pushed too far

The fact that the iconic “announcement” was changed to a tragic yaoi send off is beautiful, I hope Agent Stone comes back in future movies his dynamic with Tails was really cute

Pansexual Eggman is now canon we are so back

Loved the brief snippet of E.G.G.M.A.N, it played for five seconds but I was stimming anyway

The soundtrack is also a huge step up from the first two movies as well (also Throw It All Away is one of the song titles holy shit)

The post credits scene was PEAK I love Metal Sonic and Amy’s designs so much, Im really interested to see if it’ll be a loose adaptation of Sonic CD or it’ll be its own thing (maybe Amy and Metal are originally from the games’ bad timeline and that’s how Silver shows up later? I’m not sure, I just want Silver fans to get SOMETHING they’ve been fucking starving bro I feel bad for them 😭)

[oakthefrog]

My Tribute to Shorts Wars

(Spoilers for all 3 seasons and the finale) (and chat istg I'm trying to keep this 'short' BUT I HAVE SO MANY THOUGHTS AND FEELINGS I JUST CAN'T)

I was a fan since day one. It was the first week of summer for me, after one of the worst school years I've ever had (at the time). It instantly became a hyperfixation.

One of my only memories from that summer was watching and rewatching shorts wars, being ecstatic for every video, it gave me a routine to follow and a community to stand behind.

That summer was possibly one of the hardest times of my life so far. Hell, the Dear Danno channel is probably a reason why I'm still here today. Shorts Wars got my through it.

The build-up to season two was probably the lowest point in my life, mentally, at least. The anticipation for a new wave of theorising, content and joy got me through it all.

I remember sitting on the school bus right after my final class would end, and I'd watch the everyone's short for the day on the way home. It was truly a 'you-had-to-be-there' thing for me.

The only reason I have a discord account is so I could join the boss's server, and on there I met my first internet friends, who I've stuck with ever since (if you're reading this guys, thanks for being so nice to me this whole time :]).

And tumblr, oh boy tumblr... I won't sugar coat it, it's been a hell of a ride that's for sure (in a good way, the best way possible). It wasn't that long ago that I was squealing over the moss arc 'final' fight and making my first roleplay blog (Joe Caine). And now I have like 11+ alt blogs, I've met A MUTUAL IRL (you were so cool to meet and talk to if ur reading this :3).

And oh boy this is long as fuck so I'm gonna wrap this up-

Season 3 came at a great time for me, I've made so many friends bc of this, my art's improved, my mental state has improved and this ARG has been my constant through all the shit I've gone through in the last 12 months (ish).

I've laughed, I've screamed, I've cried and I've almost thrown up out of fear, joy and overall sickness. All in the last 2 hours. I bet some quotes from the finale will engrain into my skull, become inside jokes and/or vocal stims and I hope I never forget any of it. The good, the bad and the scary.

From the bottom of my heart,

Thank you Rumble Pack and anyone who's worked on Shorts Wars. I hope you're as proud of what you did as we all are, and I hope YOU GET SOME SLEEP BECAUSE GOOD GOD-

-Oak (aka Alex bc signing this long-ass kinda depressing post off with a silly internet name seems odd-)

[gloryofluv]

How the First Four Brothers react to MC with ADHD

Due to my ADHD and knowing the severity of the highs and lows, here’s my take on the boys reacting to such a situation. First Four. Hope you like it.

Here’s the last three brothers and bonus additives!

Lucifer-

Would have found out through Diavolo but didn’t think much of it. His brothers were already ridiculous, it was going to be difficult to deal with a human let alone an idiot human. Cue the grumbling complaints prior to your arrival.

However, after meeting you and realizing you actually did seem to be less of a nitwit, he pays more attention. Fidgeting. Social anxiety that isn’t read in your face but body language. Variation of sleep and forgetfulness, but always so willing to keep trying harder to impress.

Well, that’s a delightful difference. Maybe he needed to understand this a bit better. He sits you down casually and finds a subtle way into the conversation. Maybe mentioning you seem quite talkative at times and tired at others.

Explaining it to him is easy, even if he doesn’t react. He may not fully understand your view, but he can sense it is a topic that makes you uncomfortable. Presses very little. No, instead, this demon will ask Barbatos for information. Probably in a way that might seem insulting. “The human seems to be lacking in a curricular front and I need information on their issue.”

Takes extra care once finding out specific issues and how to alleviate them. Maybe through suggestions. Asking Beelzebub if he’d seen the human eat today. Asking Satan to assist the human in their studies. Pulling every fucking string imaginable to make your life easier in the Devildom. After all, this has to be successful.

Your smile and less socially awkwardness helps too. He enjoys it and soon praise is a regular routine from him with little harsh critique at your failings. Watching you flourish summons feelings in his chest he hadn’t had in eons. He just wants to keep nurturing you… from a distance. Well, he’ll try from a distance.

Mammon-

ADHD boy himself. He hears about it from Satan and snorts it off. Fuck that. Stupid irregular human.

However, after meeting you, this baby boy is hooked. You talk fast when you’re happy, you randomly collect things that don’t make sense to others? Oh, you like to do impulsive shit too? Sign him up. Although it’s always gonna be his idea, no human could ever affect his decisions!

Soon you’re praising him. Patting him on the head when he helps you. Genuinely, you’re the nicest mess he’s ever met. Never bullying him. Always being supportive even if he fucks up. What the fuck? Did he just meet the love of his life? He could kiss you, but you know, you're human!

You never say no to his antics, but definitely don’t let him have everything he wants either. It’s so frustrating and sexy. No way, not sexy. Nope. Just annoying and he loves the way you have a list of things you ask yourself to remember before walking out the door.

You forgot your bag!? Hold on, he’ll get it. He does that a lot too. You forgot your water bottle? Not to worry puny human, the Great Mammon will get you one. You need help cleaning your room for a surprise inspection by Lucifer? Shit, let’s throw everything under the bed and forget it! None of it will matter anyway. That’s tomorrow’s problem.

What gets him the most. THE MOST. Is your sad moods. He gets them too. Instead of being a false ego and vocal, he’ll just crawl on the bed with you and listen to you talk. Cue puppy dog eyes and blushes. He will tell you stories of all the times he fucked up to make you feel less in your feels. Laugh with him and not at him, and he’s a goner.

All in all, he doesn’t get the specifics, but he understands YOU. He may gripe and moan, but this sweet boy will be your best friend, (Maybe more, ya know, if you want?)  through the best and worst times. Just don’t tell him you don’t love him. Rejection like that would crush him as much as it does you.

Leviathan-

Oh geez. Another idiot normie with problems? Don’t sign him up to help.

Finds out you like video games because you get nervous around people and can hyper focus on them if they’re good? Welcome to becoming his best friend! He will encourage you to find  ones you like from his vast collection. He will explain the details of their importance and potentially wreck you in competitive ones.

Totally relates to having a poor sleep schedule. Stays up all night with you on insomnia riddled ones with a fresh anime. Even if you’re not an okatu like him, he will explain the plot and offer his snacks.

Wants you to never leave his room. Don’t join the normies!!! They judge! Stay with the shut-in and have fun, p-please? 

Realizes he probably has several of your problems after you physically stim by twirling your hair or sweater string for hours. Realizes it more when he has to remind you to drink because humans are weak.

Loves. Your. Praise. Won’t praise you back at first until your intimacy level is higher. However, he will always offer to buy you cool things that you couldn’t afford with your impulse buy list on Akuzon. Welcome to Levi’s ultra tight friend circle.

Doesn’t care an iota about your disorder, just knows you understand him and wants to keep you all to himself. Lucifer warned (threatened???) him several times not to hold the human hostage with snacks and video games as bait.

Satan-

ADHD. Ah, a human disorder. Immediately gets all the reading material he can find. Finds out that this is going to be an interesting experiment. Even more intrigued and doesn’t show it, but prepares for all the possible scenarios of how this could go in the Devildom.

When he meets you, he’s standoffish, but not unkind. He knows enough now to know it’s not personal that you don’t want to talk because of anxiety, even with demons. Takes mental notes of everything you do in the first couple of weeks. Sleep schedule, eating habits, hygiene. All the routines that make him your own personal stalker.

When he finally approaches you, it’s when you're huddled in the library at the bay window with the curtain surrounding you. He kindly asks you what you're doing and you say it’s to make you feel less overwhelmed. You have a project due and it’s your first one.

He offers help and a less loud place to do it so you both aren’t interrupted. That’s when he finally gets you alone to talk. While you're doing the project he mentions he’s been brushing up on ADHD. He also asks if he can continue to help you study if you want a companion, knowing it’s more difficult to focus alone.

He is the equivalent of your own personal trainer in a sense. He offers many avenues on how to handle the Devildom and even offers to tap into his contacts if you need anything. Starts to think of you as a cat. No shit. Pats your head when you do well. Makes sure you’re eating, reading, and overall happy.

You still can’t tell if he’s doing it because he’s continuing this odd research or because he wants to. However, even with his masked smile and standoffish nature, you still wheedle into his heart. He could never get angry at someone who just tries SO HARD to impress him. 

Absolutely appreciates that you join him on pranks that have to do with Lucifer. That’s the only impulse he feeds. Well, that and you curling up with him and a book until you are snoozing against him. Yes, he strokes your hair like a cat and smiles.

[punkclowngod]

hi i’m back lol, haven’t killed myself if anyone wondered, just uh… idk been procrastinating? was feeling awful at first, then better, then great, then meh, now i’m kinda good

little life updates:

got a new kitty, his name is Bingo, i love him

my DC special interest only got worse, i am LOST, i’ve read over 500 comics in the last month and a half and it’s all i ever think and talk about lmao (i can quote so many Jason lines, it’s become a problem)

my sibling got top surgery yesterday and i am SO jealous

didn’t go through with my hysterectomy and instead i’ll just stay on pills

got new tattoo, it’s a clown dog :•>

started being able to go out and go to new places all by myself which is great for my brain but awful for my wallet lmao

got a new friend! then i started ghosting them and now i feel too bad to reach out to them again

seriously, DC is consuming my soul and bank account, send help, i keep quoting Jason all the fucking time and i’m pretty sure i’m driving everyone around me crazy but they don’t want to admit it, and also bcuz i know bunch of lines from Arkham Knight i also by default learn some of Joker’s and i HATE it i don’t want to quote that fake clown but i can’t stop myself. at this point saying “is that what you think this is about? your letting me die?[etc]” is as much as a vocal stim as making weird sounds (on top of “turn around. […] what’s the matter? lost for words? i expected more… i’m hurt.” and “I CAN FIX IT!” and other things), like for real i can’t stop.

comic con was fucking awesome, my sibling and i are going to go as Nightwing and Red Hood next year (why is every dysfunctional sibling dynamic in media always fits us so well? them, the eldest, prodigal, favorite, big older sibling energy, me youngest/middle child, troublemaker, loud, estranged. fr we watch Arcane or read anything with Jason and Dick and we’re just like… yeah that’s us). i bought a really cool Red Hood leather jacket and plan on buying the Nightwing one for my sibling this christmas so we can match. also i made crowbar earrings for my cosplay and yes i think i’m very funny

i got a button maker and it’s super fun

idk what else, once again DC is consuming my entire being and it’s very draining lmao

oh yeah i got two helix piercings

and i went to pride, it was super fun, can’t wait for next year already

and yeah i turned twenty in june and i’ve been coping with that the best i could lol

so yeah i’m easing back into social media, might not be very active still, idk, all i do everyday is read comics, replay Arkham Knight, quote Jason, and rn helping my sibling with their surgery recovery and trying not to be too jealous lol

sorry if i missed anything important, i hope everyone’s doing well, and uh.. yeah! idk if i’m gonna come back again, i’ve been pretty good rn and i know i get triggered often when i go online so i’ll be more careful now so i might log in more occasionally instead of obsessively!

missed you guys! <3

[a-walking-fandom-reference]

Uh hey so i had a question?? Maybe you could help idk but I'm having trouble finding a stim that works right now?? I don't have any stim toys but i normally find other things that work for me and i keep flapping my hands but it's not really helping?? Idk it's very frustrating and i feel like im trapped in my skin

Hey! Sorry i didn’t respond sooner but i totally get this. I definitely have times where i super need to stim but nothing feels right or works and it’s so so frustrating. I didn’t have any stim toys either till a couple years ago and even now i just have some fidget spinners, a fidget cube, and a chew necklace. i’m gonna list some stims i do or stim with besides those and hand flapping (which i do a lot too) and hopefully it’s helpful for you. warning: this is wayyyyy too long and has way more information then you asked for but finally got those adhd meds again so i’m like oh can’t stop typing (typing stim right there).

(p.s. if you or anyone ever wants to talk or ask about neurodivergent stuff feel free to i’m always happy to talk about or help and my inbox and dms are always open)

chewing: i chew on stuff a lot to stim (even though it’s like the worst stim for my tmj) and sometimes find myself eating stuff just to move my mouth. but mostly i chew on my shirt collar a lot or just have it in my mouth a lot of the time, i also love gum and hard candies but tic tacs are my favorite but i end up eating a whole container of them when i have them because i just love chewing them. also uncooked pasta is a favorite to chew on. i also sometimes chew on pens

listening: i listen to songs, tv episodes, and podcasts on repeat a lot like a lot a lot. i don’t like quiet most of the time or not really quiet because i can hear everything around me all the time but like i don’t really like that either so. i listen to my brother my brother and me like 24/7 i’ve listened to all the podcast episodes? like way too many times, i also listen to bojack or bob’s burgers a lot because i’ve also seen the episodes so many times i know exactly what’s happening in every scene, the music i listen to on repeat is either a single song or an album, so show yourself, rewrite the stars, words fail, etc or frozen ii, jatp, dear evan hansen albums. i also cover and uncover my ears a lot because i like the noise.

touching: i love feeling stuff mostly soft stuff so petting my cats or rabbit, feeling blankets, holding and rubbing stuffed animals

smell: i’m super sensitive to like 95% of smells but the smells i do like i can smell for hours and are big stim i’ve been doing for a long time specifically laundry detergent so i put my shirt over my nose a lot also my haunted mansion themed body wash is my favorite scent ever and so i just smell that and it really calms me

vocal: i don’t talk a lot i’m a fairly quiet person and could and have gone days without speaking but i can be loud and talkative when hyper or infodumping and have always stimmed a lot vocally. i hum a lot or just make noises or beats, i have a kind of odd vocal stim where i just kind of sing old mcdonald randomly (i don’t know why but i’ve done it for a while) and also echolalia, a lot of them are just weird and everyone around me is like please stop saying, “it’s not just food, it’s fourth meal” but i love echolalia i think it’s a super cool thing autistics do!

body stims/stuff with my hands: i rub my hands together, crack my knuckles, clap, drum with my hands on anything and everything (i was a percussionist in middle school band and have always loved the drums so) i also use pencils/chopsticks/paint brushes or anything and drum on tables or just air drum with imaginary drumsticks. i twirl my hair a lot and now that it’s longer i do little braids braiding is such a nice stim. i also do body stims that aren’t good for my joint hypermobility but like i just need to do them sometimes, such as doing circles with my wrist or ankle or hyperextending my elbow. one of my favorite stims i do and one i do mostly in public because i need room (and since covid and like barely ever leaving my house when i do go out i do it a lot) is i kind of jump up and lift one leg in the air and clap under my leg. that probably sounds weird and like it kind of is but whatever stims can be weird and that’s great! i also rock back and forth on my heals a lot.

visual: i’m not a person that gets into a lot of like stimboards and stuff because a lot of stim gifs aren’t stuff i like but my favorite stim gifs or videos are calligraphy writing ones, cooking/cake decorating, nail painting, and just food recipe videos. sometimes i’ll just end up in a wormhole on pinterest of food recipe vids, like they are never foods i could actually eat or ever need the recipe for but i just love watching them (except meat heavy ones i just don’t like looking at meat). also i love watching fandom video edits on instagram i have like a bajillion saved and watch them all the time. i also love love watching gifs of characters stimming and sometimes just go through my autistic collection to watch these gifs for hours.

random stims: one of biggest stims is playing with toy cars and toy skateboards. i just kind of roll them on my arms/hands/legs or tables. i actually take a mcdonald’s clone wars anakin skateboard toy like everywhere with me, and i love it i found it at my gramma’s house years ago and it’s become like a comfort item at this point and of course because of adhd i lose everything i touch so before i leave the house i’m always like where is my anakin skywalker skateboard. i also have a lightning mcqueen car that was my comfort stim toy before anakin and i still take him a lot of places too. i also love wear rings to stim with, i don’t have any like spinning rings or anything yet but i just like twisting them on my finger a lot, my favorite to do that with is my great grandmother’s spoon ring it’s the perfect thing to twist and i love it. i also like pressure stims sometimes if my body can handle it like putting couch cushions on me or my weighted blanket. i also just play with my pop socket a lot and use it so much i broke the top of it off but i don’t know what i would do without it.

sorry that was way too long and way too much information and i don’t even know if any of that was helpful at all but i really hope something was or it gave you an idea for a different stim. like i said before you can literally ask me about anything especially neurodivergent stuff.

[glittergummicandypeach]

Rejecting parents’ religion: parenting advice from Care and Feeding.

Care and Feeding is Slate’s parenting advice column. Have a question for Care and Feeding? Submit it here or post it in the Slate Parenting Facebook group.

Dear Care and Feeding,

All my life I have raised my child Christian, and now as she moves on to college and has a boyfriend, I’ve got it out of her that they are atheists. It devastates me, but I also know it is up to her to get her salvation.

The above statements are what I know my parents feel. I am the atheist child.

What do I do to help my parents feel less crushed? I know they only want me to accept God again, but I just don’t believe. I understand their faith, I just don’t want them to continue to feel hurt by seeing me.

As I move on to hopefully marry someone who agrees with me on my views, I feel they will continue to be devastated. And, will cry tears of agony instead of joy if they attend my wedding.

I know my views could change, but I seriously just want to hear what I can do to lower their agony.

—Child Turned Away

Dear CTA,

You are a kind and gentle person. I’m actually very touched by the concern you express for your parents’ feelings. It indicates they are not being total D-bags to you about the situation, which is great, but also complicated: When parents are being total D-bags about your loss of faith (which may not be a loss for you), it’s a lot easier to tell them to pound sand and move on with your life. When parents just seem fragile and sad about it, a lot of protectiveness and misplaced guilt can kick in. Fragility and sadness can also be very effective tools of control. Don’t feel like you have to apologize, equivocate, or take on the burden of their sadness.

You’re no longer a child. You’re their child, but none of us get any guarantees about our children, I can assure you. I’m a generic Protestant who is pretty into it without being an evangelical, so my lovely and mega-progressive shit-stirring Catholic mom is only mildly disappointed I’m on the JV squad of God and not playing varsity, and my lovely atheist dad is mostly bemused, as he really did lay out a great case for Only the Sweet Release of the Cosmic Void Awaits Us All (frequently a very comforting thought in its own right). They’re fine. I have no idea if my children will turn out to want or seek or find faith. I believe in God and that one day the circle will be unbroken, but today I cried for (checks watch) almost 45 minutes about John Prine dying, so it’s certainly not a magic balm that eases all lives and has the power to protect us from the fear of death. Religion can be a real motherfucker, as history past and present shows us.

My answer is that I want you to try to first release this weighty sense of obligation for their feelings that so clearly presses on you. You have nothing to be sorry for. You didn’t burn down their garage. They have experienced a form of loss and that’s for them to work through. But you do feel a sense of obligation to lighten their load, and I want to acknowledge that and offer some words of help.

Don’t dangle any “well, who knows what the future holds?” carrots in front of them. If a burning bush speaks to you, you can handle that when it comes. Expectation management is one of the true keys of human existence.

You are a person with values. Some of those values probably came from your parents. You can thank them for those values, if they have helped you become the good person you clearly are, without needing to buy into the belief system that provided them to your parents in the first place. You can talk to them about your own values. You do not have to be the Best Atheist in the World Who Cares About All Living Things and Climate Change and Systemic Inequality Every Single Damn Day; you can just be yourself. You’re the same kid they had last year. A good person.

You can also, down the road, absolutely say, “If you are gonna cry tears of agony at my wedding, don’t come.” That’s nonsense. If they try to win you back to Christ with teary phone calls in the more immediate future, you can say, “Let’s talk in a few days when you’re calmer.”

Just be yourself, all of yourself, be gentle but firm, maintain boundaries when necessary, and love them the best you can. That’s all anyone can do. I also encourage you to be aware of your own sense of loss, if you ever do perceive it as such, and to seek help from secular counselors if you need to process it. That doesn’t have to mean “I miss believing in God”; it can mean “I am sad that my natural progression as a human who lives in the world has affected my most foundational relationships and need to mourn that.” I’m glad you have found meaning and happiness in your life, and I wish you all the joy in the world.

Dear Care and Feeding,

I have a 4-year-old son who hums loudly while eating food he really enjoys. My husband thinks this is inappropriate behavior at the table and is a problem to be corrected. I see absolutely nothing wrong with it and assume he will grow out of it. He’s a completely normal delightful/crazy-making 4-year-old.

I don’t want my husband wasting quality time with his son harping about something that doesn’t really matter. Am I wrong on this?

—Loves a Pleasant Tune

Dear LaPT,

Oh, what a deliciously small problem, thank you so much for this. Honestly, at 4, I think your husband is right that it’s time to phase out loud vocalizations during dinner. (If your son has any markers for any developmental issues other than joyous food humming, and it turns out to be a verbal stim, I would probe that first, and I would be more inclined to let him enjoy his humming.) In the absence of such a reason, it’s not going to go over great at school, it’s clearly annoying the heck out of your husband, and I enjoy tremendous numbers of things I cannot do in front of other people at a sit-down dinner. It does not have an impact on my human flourishing, I assure you.

I don’t think “please do not hum at the table” is “wasting quality time.” It’s just parenting. He’s not going to look back on his life and say, “If only the two weeks it spent me to get my kid not to sound like a bumblebee when we had stroganoff for dinner could have been spent tossin’ the old pigskin around.” This will be over quickly, and you will barely remember it. If your husband is the only aggravated party, obviously you can expect him to be the “no humming” point person on this. You do not have to chime in, but I would encourage you not to actively undermine him in his quest, which is always a mistake for nonabusive familial situations.

See, too, if there’s a way he can take this musical impulse and do something a little less disruptive with it. I don’t mean “get him a harmonica,” but he might enjoy learning to sing. Exchange the behavior for a more productive one, if possible.

Congratulations on being an excellent cook! If your husband is the excellent cook, please pass on my compliments.

• If you missed Thursday’s Care and Feeding column, read it here.

• Discuss this column in the Slate Parenting Facebook group!

Dear Care and Feeding,

Just like everyone these days, I fear COVID-19. I’m staying at home, going to the store only when necessary, etc. My boyfriend is a police officer, and although I know he is very cautious, I’m worried about him unintentionally infecting me due to him having to work and human interaction. I have an autoimmune disorder and have repeatedly told him these concerns, yet he still comes over daily. He knows it’s serious but at the same time thinks it’s completely overblown. I’ve been clear that I do not agree. He’s taking it personally which floors me. I’m at a complete loss on how to handle this at this point.

—Losing It in Longview

Dear LIiL,

I need clarity on one point: Have you told him directly that he needs to stop coming to your house? Because if you have, as opposed to just telling him you’re worried and concerned about your autoimmune condition and the possibility of exposure, then he is in direct violation of your personal autonomy and you need to a) break up with him and b) carefully, as he clearly does not respect a “no.”

If you haven’t said, “I need you to stop coming over until things are under control,” then you need to say it now, today, and if his response is that you might as well just break up, that’s his choice. If he continues to violate your wishes, see the above paragraph. Our essential workers are essential, but so is your health.

I am not a dating columnist, but you came to me and here I am. I do not like this situation for you.

Is It OK to Go to the Zoo During the Coronavirus Pandemic?

Dan Kois, Jamilah Lemieux, and Elizabeth Newcamp host this week’s episode of Slate’s parenting podcast, Mom and Dad Are Fighting.

Dear Care and Feeding,

I’m not doing well. Are other parents doing well? I feel like the only person drowning when I see Instagram posts of learning-and-chore charts. I have to “work from home” with two small kids, and there just aren’t enough hours in the day. We do our best to do the remote learning we’re given, but some days it’s “let’s read a few books and then watch educational shows on Netflix.”

—I Feel Like a Schlub

Dear IFLaS,

We live in strange times, as did all previous generations at one point or another (Joni Mitchell spent weeks in a polio ward with essentially zero contact with her parents when she was 9 and still wrote “The Last Time I Saw Richard” eventually). You’re doing fine. Instagram is a lie. Be kind to yourself, do your best, and remember that every other kid is going to eventually return to school in a slightly more feral state and will need to catch up on things. The teachers know this. It’s just reality. You do not have to be a superstar; you just need to get through this. I also feel like I’m dropping the ball constantly, and I’m supposed to be a professional.

We’re in this together. Most kids have two months of essentially no education every summer, and yet they manage to grow and flourish and learn. One year where every kid gets double summer is not going to amount to a hill of beans in this crazy world. Younger kids, like yours, are going to barely remember this.

I let my kids watch part of Thor: Ragnarok yesterday. We’re all just making it through the day. My friends who are teachers are struggling just like everyone else. I think you’re great.

— Nicole

More Advice From Slate

My loving, kind boyfriend of five years has spent the last 10 months in prison. He was off to a great start in his profession when a friend snitched and he got in trouble for possession with intent to distribute an illegal drug (that is legal one state over). He is now getting out of jail in his early 30s with more than $180,000 in student loan debt, a felony conviction, and is losing his professional license. We have stayed together during this ordeal, and luckily my family and friends are very supportive. I love him dearly and can’t wait for him to be home, but as his release date gets closer, I am starting to have a return of some of the anxiety symptoms I began having after his arrest. I work full time in a field I am very passionate about and could eventually be employed by the government. I am worried about how his record will affect me in the long term. I also sometimes feel that I am being a real idiot for staying with him due to his poor decisions. However, I am crazy about him, and we have so much fun together all the time. Any advice?

Get more Care and Feeding

Slate Plus members get more parenting advice every week. They also help support Slate’s journalism.

This content was originally published here.