#oh I should clarify the “I'm clinging to nothing” comment was really only about the specific scene I was describing because I realise

[ratstuckinamarble]

You really just went and took the gayest possible screenshots of them huh T-T

My heart can't take this

Still thinking about how Lagoona said "here I have many amazing friends" and proceeded to only talk about Draculaura. That's gotta mean something (I'm clinging to nothing).

[lacharcutiere]

give me one night [nsfw 18+, sawamura daichi]

1,2k words

masterlist | next ➪

part one of i'm gone i'm gone i'm gone miniseries. high school graduation is a very bad time to realize you're in love with one of your closest childhood friends.

lol just to clarify, JST means "japanese standard time". i'll also be using EST later on, meaning "eastern standard time" (aka the time zone new york is in). JST is 13 hours ahead of EST !

tings // briefly referenced alcohol consumption, v soft n loving sex :) , a lil angst // i swear this søng is abøut eating øut my best friend's pussy - cøzybøy // dm, ask or comment to be added to the taglist ! minors dni.

— AFTER-GRAD PARTY: 27TH MARCH, 2021. 22:37 JST.

daichi’s always hated obligatory picture-taking, but he doesn’t mind it so much now. maybe it’s because of the thoughts about how these are your last few months together, the questions about whether he’ll see you again after it’s over. it’s been only hours since he realized he loved you, watching you walk across the stage, dazzling smile on your face as you received your diploma. he’s got one arm around your shoulders (and the other around kōshi’s) as parents and friends stand around you guys, snapping picture after picture until he’s sure he’s about to go blind from the flash.

out of nowhere, you pull the brim of his graduation cap down over his face, and he laughs. he loves you. and it’s a terrible time to realize that, because you’ll be leaving for new york by august. he’s lucky, at least, that he won’t be headed off to college until then either; he doesn’t know what he’d do if he didn’t get to see you again before you leave.

your voice, glittery with laughter, startles him out of his thoughts: “dude, y’okay?”

“oh, ha, yeah. i’m fine.” he notices a group of your other friends waving you over, nudges you toward them with a little laugh. “hey, i think you're needed elsewhere.”

you’re like magic, making him smile as he watches you laugh with your friends, exchange hugs, take a thousand more photos.

☾𓆙𓂻

you are like magic. he doesn’t drink often, but hey, kōshi tells him, we graduated, have some fun, man, and a few beers—just enough to blur the line between want and need—in you’re drawing him to you; he literally cannot stay away. he’s going to tell you he loves you. he has to. he absolutely cannot keep it a secret. he cannot keep you a childhood friend and nothing more. he thinks he might implode if he does.

— AFTER AFTER-GRAD PARTY: 28TH MARCH, 01:12 JST.

somehow you’re in his bed, he doesn’t know how you got there, not because he’s intoxicated but because all he can focus on is you. you, as you giggle and press his shoulders back into the pillows, kneeling on his mattress and trapping him between your thighs; you, as you ghost your lips down his throat and allow him to undo the zip on the back of your dress; you, as you stand and let it fall to the floor, leaving him in heaven and the presence of a goddess.

he can’t even fathom how complete he feels when he’s inside you, your arms around his shoulders, tugging at his hair and scratching into his back. he doesn’t understand how there can possibly exist a sound as beautiful as you when you cum, whining and shivering and clinging even tighter to him. he loves the way you say his name, soft, breathless whispers of daichi, daichi, fuuuck, loves the way your lips part when you do, soft and pink as he brings them back to his own.

— 07:43 JST.

was it all a dream? it must have been; there’s no one else in his bed. but there are cumstains on the sheets which prove otherwise. he’s almost afraid to text you.

— 16:31 JST.

☾𓆙𓂻

he arrives to pick you up a couple minutes early, sending you a simple I’m here text and leaning against the hood of his car as he stands outside and waits for you. when you step out the door, his breath catches. the smile you meet him with is mesmerizing.

☾𓆙𓂻

“so… what now?” you ask him over half-finished bowls of udon. after nearly an hour of avoiding it, it’s probably best to address what the two of you came here for in the first place.

daichi sighs, trying to balance rationality with the fact that he’s definitely in love with you. he realizes he still hasn’t asked you what your feelings are, and although he’s almost scared to know, he counters with a question of his own. “what do you want to do?”

“i dunno, what do you think—“

“no,” he says. “forget about what we should do, for now. i wanna know what you want first.”

his eyes don’t leave you as you avert your own, staring down into your soba and thinking. your cheeks flush and he swears he can feel his pulse speed up. when you look back up at him, your expression is soft and almost sad.

“i kinda want this,” you say, and suddenly everything stops except you. “i do want this.”

“okay…” he nods, urging you on vaguely aware of where this is going.

“but. new york. columbia. i already accepted their offer. and, i don’t know…”

“hm?” his tone is gentle.

“i don’t… i don’t think i could do long distance.” you pause to try and collect your thoughts; he waits for you to continue. “i don’t think that would be a good idea. because i don’t even know how often i’m gonna get to come back home. and, um, i don’t know—i mean, like, if we were actually together—i don’t think i’d be able to just not see you, you know?”

you’re right, he knows you’re right. he tells you this.

“but i do really want this,” you say quietly.

“me too.”

“so what do i do?”

“tell me your plans after college again.”

you shrug. “get my master’s, i guess? get a job in sendai or something?”

“okay,” he says. “okay. i’ll wait.”

“what?”

“i’ll wait,” he repeats simply. “i mean, if you’re okay with it, too.”

“what do you mean, you’ll wait?”

“we can, like, just keep things the way they've always been until we can make it work? until we’re both done undergrad, at least.” he stops, realizing he might be going too far too fast. “sorry.” and then quieter, almost shyly, he asks, “i— uh, sorry, i— how much do you want this?”

you shake your head at him, and there’s a tiny smile playing on your lips. “i’ll wait.”

— PRE-DEPARTURE: 20TH AUGUST, 2021. 18:32 JST.

somehow he’s managed to convince your parents to let him drive you to the airport separately tomorrow morning. they probably assume there’s something going on between the two of you already; you hadn’t hung out nearly this much since elementary school, when they’d still been the ones arranging your play dates. no one really minds, though; your families were always close and anyway, it really is just a matter of time.

he’s just finished dinner with your family when he nudges his knee against yours under the table. “spend the night at mine?” he says quietly, although he knows your parents will still hear. it’s fine; they love him. he watches you look to them in question, half surprised when your mother nods and allows you to go.

☾𓆙𓂻

on the walk back to his—just a few streets down, actually, he catches you thinking out loud. “is this a good idea?”

“is what?”

“you know... to, like, stay over. at yours.”

he laughs. “we won’t do anything, promise. friends for now, remember?”

“okay.”

— 23:32 JST.

you’ve fallen asleep next to him, in his bed, midway through the second movie of the night. he notices almost immediately, shuts his laptop and turns out the light. he pulls you into his chest, arms firmly around you. just this night. just for one night, he doesn’t have to let go.

taglist: @sakruisin-thru @softetsurou @oligbia

[cozywine]

Title: My Type pt. 1

Summary: A fluffy piece based on a dream I had. F!Reader feels self conscious about her body size and he makes her feel better.

Pairing: SpencerxF!Reader

CW/TW: mention of general challenges with dieting and body image. No description of eating disorder though.

................................................................................

The case the team was currently on had been twisty turny in the worst way. They had been brought to Chicago after human remains had been found within 3 churches that were recently demolished. The remains were posed the same way and had been hidden in the same manner- beneath the baptismal font. They had been there over a week and were still trying to figure out who was responsible for the crimes. They'd had a suspect but it had led to nothing... Starting over was always the worst.

"Ok, let's go back to the beginning... What do we know about the victims?" Rossi instructed paternally.

"All females between the ages of 21 and 35." Y/N stated quickly. "No ties to the churches they were found within."

"All of them were college educated and single," added Emily. "And they were attractive... physically fit, well dressed and likeable types. Popular on Tinder and their other social medias."

Y/N always felt uncomfortable when profiling someone based off their physical traits... Bluntly put, she wasn't slim. In a profile, that would make her considered less sexually appealing for the majority of UnSubs. Statistically, it was a fact. Yet it always felt like there could be some subjectivity when her colleagues brought up the stature of those they worked to avenge.

All of her female colleagues were slimmer than her. She often found herself donning bulky sweaters in dark colors, hoping they would disguise the softness of her belly and the rolls on her back, just below her bra line. In magazines she'd read that she should emphasize her face and cleavage, as if that would distract anyone from the parts of her body she disliked.

Of course she was physically fit and capable of passing her field tests... She just didn't have the same body type as her colleagues. Where they were lean, she was voluptuous. Over-full. Despite lifelong diets and general misery around food, her body size remained a pain point until finally after working with a therapist, she discovered intuitive eating. Y/N now felt more connected to her body, appreciated it's cues for the type of fuel it needed, and generally struggled less around her eating habits. But the body image challenges... Those continued. Some days worse than others... And today was one of those.

She knew it wasn't necessarily intentional, but Derek never made flirtatious comments toward her. She sometimes sensed that Rossi put all of the vegetables closer to her end of the table. Hotch usually signed her up for desk work if it was an option. And Spencer, pipe cleaner that he was... Never gave her a second glance. They were all great friends, especially Y/N and the younger Doctor... Both intellectual, sensitive and intuitive, they got along famously. But Y/N knew it would never be more than that... Someone as beautiful as Spencer Reid would never give her the time of day.

"With no ties to the churches, being buried beneath the baptismal font could indicate our UnSub as someone looking to cleanse them of their sins of life." Y/N added, snapping out of her negative thoughts to focus on the case. "What would make someone want to do that?"

"If I'm the UnSub, these churches mean a lot to me.. So I'm religious. I would be repulsed by their lack of virtue... Yet possibly attracted to them. What would that make me do?" Morgan added. "I might feel that this is the only way to feel holy again."

"So we need to go back to the church... We already figured that this UnSub would need access to the facility but there must be someone we missed." Rossi said.

Rossi and Morgan went back to the church while the rest of the team worked with Garcia to pinpoint any specifics of who might be the culprit. Limited social media use by the UnSub made it tricky, but you eventually tracked down Joseph Knight. He was a current seminary student placed at one of the many Catholic churches in Chicago. In his mission work, he organized events for young professionals to volunteer as tutors for lower income students. As it turned out, all three victims had been to at least one tutoring session, each in a different neighborhood.

"So there's our connection, my furry friends. And wouldn't you bet the next event is tomorrow night?" Garcia said.

"If we send someone in who fits his type, we could draw him out..." Emily added. "What do you guys think?"

Y/N took a deep breath. "Yeah, I think it could work. You or JJ rock paper scissors for it. I'm going for a coffee refill... Anyone need anything?"

Y/N pushed away from the table, pushing up the sleeves of her navy blazer and wrapping the strap of her wallet around her wrist. She adjusted her jeans quickly, making sure they still sat at the narrowest part of her waist and ensured that her striped tee wasn't clinging anywhere. She felt a little flustered, her outfit not doing as much as she'd hoped to make her feel confident. The local coffeeshop around the corner had friendly baristas and a little positive human interaction would definitely improve her mood.

"I'll join you," Spencer said quickly. "If that's all right. I could use some fresh air."

They walked in silence to the coffeeshop in the brisk September air, Spencer holding the door for Y/N with a small smile. He did this for everyone, so Y/N paid it no mind. The shop smelled delicious, roasty and warm. They hopped in the short line, and Y/N perused the drink list. In their week there, she'd tried a few specialties but mostly stuck to plain coffee.

"Okay genius... Which has more caffeine, black coffee or an Americano?" She asked, trying to lighten the mood.

His eyes shone, excited for the opportunity to talk about something other than work.

"Contrary to popular belief," he explained, his hands moving as he spoke, "One 2 oz double espresso shot has about 80 milligrams of caffeine. Whereas a 12 oz brewed coffee has about 120 milligrams. So actually there is more caffeine in an average cup of drip coffee than in espresso. If you really want to go crazy you could get a red-eye, but I wonder if the post-caffeine crash is really the best idea for you today."

"What do you mean? I'm fine." She said. "Frustrated that I had to board Millie for a second week, but I know we're getting closer to solving this." Thinking of her sweet lab mix made her smile.

"Fair. I just mean, you seemed a little touchy when Emily suggested sending in someone as bait."

"Yeah, I don't know. They'll figure out who's the most attractive. It will probably work. It's good, for sure."

"The most attractive to that UnSub, you mean?" He tried to clarify, not totally sure why she sounded so down talking about it.

"Oh yeah, yeah... Of course." She shrugged. The line had dwindled. She smiled at the barista, who was wearing a hand drawn name tag. "Hi Jenny, how are you?... Great thanks. Can I please have a medium plain latte with an extra shot? Thank you so much. Spence, what's your order?"

He flushed, clearly feeling a little awkward. "Oh, a large pour over... The Guatemalan single origin, if you have it."

The barista nodded, and Y/N chuckled lightly at his very specific order. She paid, tipping Jenny generously, and they went to stand near the pickup counter.

"Single origin, huh? Getting fancy, Dr. Reid." Y/N teased. Her brief conversation with Jenny had brightened her day.

"Yeah, they tend to be more interesting than a blend so I like to try them when I can... Thank you for buying by the way... next one on me, ok?" She nodded in response, and he continued.

"Did you know that Guatemala is one of the top ten coffee producers in the world, producing more than 204,000 metric tons of coffee beans a year?" He looked delighted, a far cry from his usual down turned look when they were on a case. He looked... Great.

Y/N tried not to focus too much on the happy crinkles around his eyes or the way his large yet delicate hands gestured as he spoke. She knew he would never consider her equally lovely.

Their coffees came up quickly and they returned to the station ready to plan for the next days effort.

A/N stay tuned for part 2... Just thought this was getting a little lengthy!