#of trans or nb or genderfluid or some such. and like im too polite? cause its all men that have been raised cis and straight

[worm-priest]

originally i wanted to say this in the tags but it got me thinking too much

Personally how I experience this is through the idea that I don’t live in a genderless vacuum. I live in a society 🤪 which means I also interpret my experiences through the social norms ingraned in myself and around me. Because of that I feel conected to the both traditional genders present in my culture. At the same time I feel alienated from both of them. 

I live in a gendered body which means people treat me as a certain gender and  personally I’m not able to ignore or distance myself from those experiences completely. That’s also why I dont see myself as completely genderless or as a third separate gender. But that’s probably why I would describe myself as genderfluid.

That’s also why I have trouble labelling my romantic orientation. When you’re nonbinary and monosexual people are going to shit on you no matter what label you go with. From the outside I’m straight cause I’m only attracted to the oposite sex. But I also experience that attraction differently than cis het people (not only cause im asexual and arospec but also because of my gender identity). In this case even thought I’m not cis and I feel like the oposite sex quite a lot I don’t feel comfortable calling myself gay cause I don’t share many common experiences with cis gay people/visibly trans gay people. (And honestly calling myself gay TO ME would sound tone deaf, especially in the social and political environment I’m in). Honestly that’s why I resonate with the queer label a lot.

TLDR; even though I’m nonbinary I still experience connection to gender which manifests in how I interpret and label my attraction to others, which is a way of experiencing gender a lot of people like to ignore cause it’s easy to just see being non binary as a third, separate gender. (which can be true to some nb beople but not all). 

hate it when I call myself a girl and then someone goes "you're not a girl you're nonbinary/agender" and it's like. I am whatever I say I am. freak. I am a girl I am a little guy I am the man of the owl. I am nothing. I am everything. do not presume to know me in anyway I do not know myself