#of course these talks might include attempts at conversion which just shouldn't happen

[donnerpartyofone]

I probably shouldn't broadcast how very easily intruded-upon I am, which I am doing quite a lot of this morning, but I really AM very easily intruded-upon. Sometimes I think about how lame paranoia is, how it can be boiled down to a form of egotistical fantasy--like oh REALLY, you REALLY think everyone's behavior is motivated by something about YOU personally? It's like when you walk into a room with a cat in it, and you're just doing some mindless chore and not looking at the cat or approaching the cat but the cat reacts as if you are actively chasing after it with lust in your eyes and everything you are doing must be secretly aimed at the acquisition of the cat. Like fuck you cat, I'm just filling my water glass, I wasn't thinking about you AT ALL! I used to know this person who was unfortunately both a coworker and a really destructive personal friend, and he was constantly fantasizing out loud about how he was somehow BOTH the most ignored and passed-over person at the company AND the center of a vast conspiracy against him involving the obsessive attention of everyone including the executives. We're neither coworkers nor friends anymore due to the personality traits indicated by that summary of affairs.

But uh anyway I realize it doesn't speak well of my social history but I am often worried about hearing from someone who I definitely do not wish to speak with or even think about. Recently the like #2 person on this list suddenly died and while that was a disturbing experience that brought up a lot of ambivalent feelings, I have to say that a big part of me was pretty relieved. That guy was vaguely in the category of exes you don't want to hear from, of which I have a few. Then there's family-related people I don't want to hear from; we are an extremely small family including a crazy uncle people avoid, and my dead mom who people worshiped and who kind of hated me and so you can imagine that I REALLY don't appreciate it when I occasionally hear from someone who obviously thinks that if they can befriend me then they'll have my mom back. So like if your primary point of reference for me is my family, and I don't have your number already, then you probably shouldn't have my number either. And then there's home town people I don't want to hear from; for once in my life this has less to do with my neurotic boundary issues than with this kind of atmosphere where I'm from that's like, if you leave home especially for "the big city" it's because you're too big for your britches and you definitely mean it as a personal insult against everyone who still lives there. I had a couple unpleasant and confusing interactions with people who hadn't even attempted to have a real conversation with me in years, and who were not at all curious about what might have happened to me in all that time (which did not in any way involve "living the dream" as I was accused of doing), but who definitely felt like I owed them something, and admittedly I have an antisocial sort of disposition but that was really weird to me.

Sometimes my fears about being contacted are a little more obscure and even stupid, like...one of my only remaining friends from high school is someone I really like a lot, but who has a ton of brothers and a bunch of sons, and they all have somewhat androgynous not-common-to-America names, and the last time I saw him I dragged us into this extremely confusing conversation because I had lost the ability to tell the difference between some of the brothers and sons and I was very, very embarrassed. It was kind of funny, but also during the course of our last conversation I learned that one of the brothers married a little sister of this person I used to be friends with, who fucked up my life so badly that I can never talk about it and while I don't think they would dare to bother me in any way I still have these delusional waking nightmares that I'm going to suddenly run into them somewhere and I'll just spontaneously vomit or faint, or both, or they'll try to do something to me again. A different sister from the latter, scary family tried to make my dad put us in touch over Facebook a while ago and I immediately deactivated my account, that was such a creepy and unwelcome way to try to be in touch especially in the internet age when it's not that hard to find someone directly (as I have sadly discovered), like I cannot imagine what those people would want from me. And now I know I have to be careful with my dear old friend's family because he's in-laws with people who are potentially dangerous to me, and maybe I should just work on getting even more comfortable with forgetting people's names and how I even know them to begin with. The end.

EPILOGUE: I asked the person who texted me who they were and they said "Marbyn". Which is cracking me up. I had to look this up to see how real it could be. I know where you live, Marbyn, and I'm going to fucking get you!

Someone whose number I don't have in my phone is texting me at 8:30am and asking personal questions in a familiar tone, great, that's just how I want to start my day.

[dukereviewsmovies]

Duke Reviews: The Haunted Mansion

Welcome, Foolish Mortals To Our Final Monsterween Review Of The Year (Evil Laughter)

I Am Your Host, Your Ghost Host...Okay, I Am Not Going To Do Haunted Mansion Dialogue Throughout This Entire Review But I Think It's Obvious What We're Doing Today...

With The Mansion's 50th Anniversary Happening Earlier This Year, I Thought Now Might A Good Time To Look Back At The 2003 Film, Which Sees A Real Estate Agent (Played By Eddie Murphy) And His Family Being Summoned To A Manor In Louisiana To Try To Sell The Mansion At The Owner's Behest, But Discovering That The Mansion Is Haunted And That The Owner And His Staff Are Dead, It Leads To Wacky Shenanigans Where The Real Estate Agent Learns A Valuable Lesson About Neglecting His Family...

Will The Real Estate Agent And His Family Escape?

Let's Find Out As We Watch, The Haunted Mansion...

The Film Starts With The Same Introduction As The Ride And As The Credits Roll We Get Some Fantastic Scenes Of The Backstory Of The Movie And The Costumes In This Scene Are Just Well-Done...

I Would Tell You About The Backstory In This Scene But They Go Over It Later In The Movie So, I'll Just Go Over It Then..?

But Fast Forwarding A Few Years Later We See A Paper Boy Arriving At The Gate Only To Be Scared By What Appears To Be Terrence Stamp's Character...

Fun Fact About The Film: The Director Who Directed The Film, Rob Minkoff Chose His Son To Play The Paper Boy In This Scene...

With The Camera Panning Down We Get Our First Image Of Eddie Murphy And His Wife (Played By Marsha Thompson) But Mainly Our First Image Of Eddie Murphy As He's In The Next Scene...

Murphy Plays Jim Evers Of Evers And Evers Real Estate Who's Trying To Sell A House To Rachael Harris And...

Only For Doyle! To Say That The Place Doesn't Have Enough Plugs...

But With Jim Pulling A Trick On The Phone While Talking With His Wife About Their Anniversary Dinner, Harris And Doyle! Decide To Buy The House...

Later At The Bombay Bicycle Club, Jim Closes A Deal With A Couple That Is Very Annoying And That Is Probably The Only Complaint That I Will Have About This Movie...

After Leaving The Annoying Couple To Have Their Drinks, Another Couple At The Bar Asks Jim If He Sold Their House Because If He Did They'd Be Interested In Buying...

So, In Talking With The Couple, Jim Misses His Anniversary Dinner...

Attempting To Make It Up To His Wife, Sarah By Giving Her A Teddy Bear...

Least It's Better Than A Gigantic Bunny Rabbit...Tony?

And A New Watch But She's Still Mad At Him Not For Missing Their Anniversary But For Missing 3 Soccer Games, 2 Birthdays And 2 Barbeques...

I Admit Sarah That The Birthday Parties And Soccer Games Are Important But The 2 Barbeques Are Nothing And Can Be Done Another Time...

Realizing That He's Missed A lot, Jim Decides To Take His Family On A Weekend Adventure To The Lake...

Going To Tell Their Kids, Michael (Who Is At The Moment Afraid Of A Spider On His Window) And Megan (Who Ends Up Killing The Spider) About The Vacation They Seem Excited But When Sarah Gets A Phone Call From Someone Who Wants To Sell Their House, Jim Looks At The Address And Realizes That The Place Is A Big Mansion...

So, They Decide To Put Their Vacation On Hold To Check Out This One House. Arriving At The Mansion, They Park At The Gate Only To Discover It's Locked...

But What's More Interesting Is That The Lock Is Shaped Like Either Mickey Mouse Or Winnie The Pooh, Me? I Say It's Mickey But It Looks Like Either One...

With The Gate Unlocking, The Evers Drive Up To The House And Look Around Only To See A Gigantic Graveyard And I Mean Gigantic, It Looks Like It Could Go On For Miles...

But When It Starts Raining The Evers Seek Shelter Inside Of The Mansion To Which They Succeed As The Door Opens To Reveal A Well-Designed Foyer, Everything About The Mansion In This Movie Is Just Well Designed And Frankly I Wouldn't Mind Living There...

Hearing A Door Creek, Lightning Strikes Which Leads To The Introduction Of Ramsley The Butler (Played By General Zod Himself, Terrence Stamp) And Yes, A lot Of People Including The Nostalgia Critic Have Made Fun Of Stamp's Voice In The Film But I Think It's Just Spooky And The Way His Face Looks In The Film, I Don't Know What They Used Makeup Or CG But I Absolutely Love It...

With "The Master" Wanting To Discuss Things Over Dinner, Sarah And The Kids Are Hesitant At First But Jim Tells Them That They Shouldn't Be Rude And Just Go With The Flow...

And Entering The Dining Room, It's Just...

Damn, Murphy Beat Me To It...

Taking A Look Around The Room, They Eventually Meet "The Master", Master Edward Gracey To Be Exact (Played By Nathaniel Parker, Who Is Probably Known For The Inspector Lynley Mysteries) Who Joins Them For Dinner However As They Talk Ramsley Tells Them That The Storm Outside Has Flooded The Road And There'll Be No Leaving The Mansion Tonight...

With Sarah And The Kids Mad Over This Happening, Ramsley Shows Them To Their Rooms, Which Leads To Sarah Taking It Out On Jim Because He Had To Come To The Mansion Instead Of Going On Vacation With Them...

But As Sarah Locks Herself In The Bathroom, Ramsley Visits Jim To Tell Him That Gracey Wants To See Him In The Library. Taking Jim Downstairs We See This Massive Library, Not Beauty And The Beast Massive Library Of Congress Massive But Still It's Pretty Big...

Offering Jim A Drink, Jim Asks Ramsley A Number A Questions Before Ramsley Tells Jim That His Master Is Not Well And Must Move On Or He Fears The Very Worst Which Sounds Like Gracey Must Move On Or His Spirit Will End Up In Limbo Forever...

With Ramsley Eventually Leaving, It Leads To One Of My Favorite Lines From Eddie Murphy In This Movie, Before He Finds A Statue That Opens Up The Secret Entrance To The Batcave!...

To The Batpoles, Robin!...

No, I'm Just Kidding But It Is A Secret Room...

Meanwhile, Michael Opens Up A Music Box Which Has Gracey And Elizabeth Dancing Which Causes A Ghost Ball To Appear...

With Megan Seeing It, Both Her And Michael Decide To Follow It...

Looking For Jim, Sarah Runs Into Ramsley Who Tells Her That He Left Him In The Library, Finding Gracey There Instead Of Jim, Where She Asks Him Why He Would Want To Sell The Mansion Which Leads Him To Explain That It's Because That The Mansion's Walls Are Filled With Painful Memories...

Which Then Leads Gracey To Explain To Sarah Why Telling Her That Despite This House Once Being Filled With Dancing, Laughter And Hope It All Changed When He Met A Girl Named Elizabeth...

Still Following The Ghost Ball, Michael And Megan Discover A Hidden Elevator And Decide To Follow The Ghost Ball Up To The Attic...

While Jim Ends Up In A Hallway That's A Mixture Of The Hallway With The Shapeshifting Portraits And The Busts That Follow You Wherever You Go And The Hallway With The Doors That Knock And Try To Open At You From The Ride Only What Jim Is Dealing With Is Like A Door That's Breathing...

Cutting Back To The Kids And The Ghost Ball, They Go To The Attic Only To Find A Wedding Dress And A Picture Of A Person Who Looks Like Their Mom, But Running Into 2 Servants Named Emma And Ezra (Played By Dina Waters And Wallace Shawn)...

Who Besides Being The Comic Relief In This Film, Explain To The 2 Kids That The Person In The Portrait Is Elizabeth, Before Hiding Them From Ramsley, Who Talks With Them About How The Children Are Missing And About How Mad He Is That Sarah Brought Her Kids And Her Husband With Her...

Saying To Them That If They See The Children To Bring Them To Him, He Leaves Saying That Nothing Will Interphere With The Master's Plan...

Cutting Back To Jim, He Meets Madame Leota (Played By Jennifer Tilly) Who Tells Him That There Is A Curse On The Mansion And It Seeks To Destroy Him And His Family And How Only The Light Will Lead The Lead The Way Home...

Being Chased By Leota's Musical Instruments, Jim Eventually Loses Them And Reunites With His Kids With Ezra And Emma Who Explain That Sarah Is In Danger As They Show Him The Picture Of Elizabeth...

Cutting Back To Sarah We Get The Backstory On Gracey And Elizabeth, As Gracey Tells Elizabeth That He Loved Her More Than Life Himself But They Were From Different Worlds And Couldn't Be Together. Realizing This, She Poisoned Herself Which Led To Him Hanging Himself (With That Scene Based On The Hanging Skeleton In The Stretching Portrait Gallery)

Hearing The Entire Conversation Between Gracey And Sarah, Jim Is Mad That He Was Only Brought Here So Gracey Could Get "Jiggy" With His Wife And Not To Sell The Mansion. Asking If Sarah Is Elizabeth, Leota Tells Emma That While Elizabeth Walks The Mansion's Halls, She Warns Her Not To Be Deceived As Things Are Not As They Appear To Be...

Telling Them That For The Curse To Be Lifted The Truth Must Be Known, Leota Tells Them To Find Find The Key In The Black Crypt With No Name, But With No Way Out, Emma And Ezra Offer To Take Them To The Graveyard Which Is Just Awesome I Mean This Is Just Fan Service Central...

I Mean We See The Dueling Portrait Ghosts, I Believe The English Ghosts Are There, We Have The Ghosts On The Seesaw, The Cryptkeeper And His Dog Are There But They're Ghosts (Though Originallly They Were Supposed To Be In The Picture With The Cryptkeeper, Played By Of All People Don Knotts), We Have The Executioner And The Headless Knight There And Finally One Of My Personal Favorites...

The Hitchhiking Ghosts...

All While We Get A Shaymalan Reference...

Taking Elizabeth To The Attic, Gracey Shows Sarah Elizabeth's Wedding Dress While Jim Meets My Other Personal Favorites The Singing Busts...

I Know A lot Of People Find This Scene Annoying But I'm Sorry I Love This Scene I Can't Help But Laugh At It...

Eventually Finding The Mausoleum, Jim Goes Down Only For Megan To Follow Despite Leaving Michael Upstairs Because Of Course He's Too Scared...

Finding The Black Crypt I Half Expect Someone To Go "Let Me Out! Let Me Out!" But Instead They Open Up The Tomb And Grab The Key. But Instead Of Closing The Tomb Like A Smart Person Would They Leave It Open So A Zombie Can Come To Life To Get Them...

Losing The Key, Megan Goes Down In The Water To Find It While Jim Finishes Off The Zombie Only To Wake Up Another Million...

Though I Will Say That These Zombies And Most Of The Ghosts Were Very Well Made Up By Rick Baker To The Point That If Anyone Deserves To Be Called The Master It's Him...

Eventually Finding The Key, Jim Gets Megan Up On The Bridge Before The Zombies Can Eat Her So They Can Go Upstairs, But Before They Get Out The Door Shuts On Them And Locks Them In, Leaving It Up To Michael To Save Them Only Problem Is That There Are Millions Of Spiders On The Door...

Realizing That He Has To Face His Fears To Save His Father And His Sister, Michael Does Just In The Nick Of Time. Taking The Key To Leota, She Tells Jim To Find The Trunk Which Pisses Him Off To The Point That He Carries Leota Off With Him To Find It As He's Tired Of Playing Games...

Taking Him Up To The Attic, They Find The Trunk And Discover A Letter From Elizabeth That Reveals That Elizabeth Had No Intention Of Killing Herself But Instead Wanted To Be With Gracey To Which Ramsley Reveals Himself As The Culprit...

Asking Ramsley Why He Killed Her, Ramsley Tells Him That It Was Because Gracey Wouldn't Listen To Reason And That Despite Having Despite Having Everything In The World He Was Going To Just Throw It Away For Love...

Stating That Running Away With Elizabeth Would Have Destroyed The Mansion And Everyone Around It, Jim Decides To Tell Gracey Everything, But Ramsley Has No Intention On Letting That Happen And Instead Places Michael And Megan In A Box While He Throws Jim Out Of The Mansion In A Fall That Should Have Killed Him...

Taking Sarah To The Ballroom, Gracey Reveals In His Own Way To Sarah That He Is His Grandfather That He Was Talking About And That He Believes Her To Be Elizabeth (And While They're Talking During This Scene We See The Dancing Ghosts In The Ballroom In The Ride Appear Here) But Believing Him To Be Crazy, Sarah Runs Off, Returning To Her Room...

Starting To Believe That She's Not Elizabeth, Ramsley Appears To Tell Gracey That To Not Despair For She Will In Time (Despite Her Not Being Elizabeth Being True)

Appearing In Sarah's Room, Ramsley Tells Her That Gracey Is Expecting Her And To Put On Her Wedding Dress, Saying Again That She's Not Elizabeth, Ramsley Tells Her In His Own Way That She Better Act Like Elizabeth Or Else He'll Kill Michael And Megan...

As The Wedding Begins, Jim Tries To Break In But All The Windows Appear To Reform With Every Hit, So Believing That Hope Is Lost, Leota Rolls In To Tell Jim That Even Though He's Made Mistakes It's Never Too Late To Fix Them, So Getting In His Car With Leota, Jim Right Through The Window...

Entering The Foyer, Near The Hallway To The Ballroom Jim Has To Go Through Ghostly Knights To Save Not Just His Kids, But His Wife Too!...

Saving Michael And Megan From The Knights, Jim Enters The Ballroom To Put A Halt On The Ceremony. But Having No Intention Of Losing Elizabeth Again, Jim Tells Gracey The Truth And Gives Him Elizabeth's Real Letter...

Asking Ramsley About This, He Tells Gracey His Reasonings Stating That He Tried To Warn Him But He Wouldn't Listen...

Ramsley Summons Evil Spirits To Make Them...

But Said Spirits Turn On Him, And He Tries To Take Jim To Hell With Him But Luckily Gracey Saves Jim As Ramsley Goes To Hell...

But While Jim Was Saving Michael And Megan, Sarah Drank Some Of The Poison That She Was Supposed To Drink To Marry Gracey And Now It's Taking Effect...

Saying That He Loves Her, The Blue Ghost Ball Approaches Jim And Goes Inside Of Sarah, As A Portal To Heaven Appears Above Which Causes Sarah To Float Like Exorsist (But This Time It's A Good Thing Not A Bad Thing) As It's Revealed That The Ghost Ball Was Elizabeth...

Who Reveals That The The Truth Had To Be Known For Her To Be Released, With Gracey Reunited With Elizabeth, There's Only One Problem Left, What About Sarah? Well, She Doesn't Die And Jim And Her Make Up As Gracey Gives Them The Deed To The Mansion For Them To Do What They Must With It...

With Gracey, Elizabeth, Emma And Ezra Going To Heaven Most Of The Ghosts Seem To Follow Suit Except For Madame Leota And The Singing Busts Who Go Off To Live With The Evers Family Which Ends Our Movie...

But We Do Get A End Credits Scene As Leota Says The Famous "Hurry Back" Line From The Ride...

And That's The Haunted Mansion And...Well...

It Has It's Problems With Story And Characters I Will Admit That But I'm Sorry, I Like This Movie, The Sets Are Fantastic, The Costumes Are Well Done, The Make Up By Rick Baker Is Fantastic, I Know It's Not Enough But Those 3 Reasons Alone Make This Movie Worth Watching I Mean Eddie Murphy, Yes Some Of His Jokes Aren't Funny But That Alone Doesn't Make Him The Worst Thing In This Movie, Jennifer Tilly, Yes, She's No Elenore Audley But Honestly Try Picking An Actor As Good As Elenore Audley To Be Madame Leota, Yes, The Ending Isn't Great, It Looks Like A Damn Pureflix Or Kirk Cameron Movie But I Can Live With It....

The Haunted Mansion Is One Of My Favorite Rides At The Park And I'm Sorry If I'm Not Hating On It As Much As Everyone Else Is But For What It Is I Can Live With This Film...

You Want To See People Hate On This Movie Watch Some Jerk With A Camera's Review With The Horror Guru And Count Jackula On The Film Or The Nostalgia Critic's Review On The Film Both Of Those Are Funny...

But As For Me, I Say See It...

And That Finishes Off Our October Monsterween For This Year Tune In Next Week For The Beginning Of Our Yultide Reviews, Till Next Time, This Is Duke, Signing Off...

[knifethrowingknitter]

dauntlesstender replied to your post:❤ ✗ ☾ ❣ ✖ !!!

DON’T LET HER MEET WAR-FANATIC DOROTHY THEN. xD

Actually, if I recall correctly (and feel free to correct me because I'm about as far from a Dorothy expert as you can get) Dorothy is actually fairly ummm... Diplomatic in a way. She actually talks shit over with people (granted while trying to stab them) so I think if you sit her down with like, I don't know, chess or something she'd probably be fairly willing to talk about stuff.