#of course obviously I'm gonna draw her with whatever wins (I really do need the practice lmao)

[oneshotgremlin]

[notfckincool]

DIRTY GIRL

Don't Call Me Princess

Negan x Ana (OC)

A collection of short smutty stories. Strong sexual content.

Ana embarks on a casual, and obviously filthy affair with Negan, accidentally falling for him, knowing he will never love her. Angst and Kinky fuckery.

WARNINGS : It's Negan so expect swearing, violence and sexual content throughout.

DON'T CALL ME PRINCESS

Negan x Ana (OC)

Ana adjusts to life as a Savior after refusing to be one of Negan's wives

WARNINGS: sexual content, swearing, dirty talk, oral sex

I sit cross legged on the bed, thumbing through an old magazine, a pile of books on the bedside table. Life is actually pretty good at The Sanctuary. My room is comfortable, I have clean water and decent food, and sandwiches, God, I didn't realize how much I'd missed sandwhiches. There's also a book and a music library, I really feel like I'm living a life of luxury, just like he promised. No, I don't regret my decision to stay and fight for the Saviors.

I love going on runs and missions. I don't have a problem helping keep the communities in line. Mostly things run pretty smoothly.  Occasionally, Negan and Lucille have to make an example, but for the most part he has everything under control.

Negan.

The man is an enigma. Behind the immature humour and permanent smirk, there's a quick calculative mind. Never lets anyone get too close. Never gives anything away. Never spoke to me again after I turned down the offer of being his wife.

It's a purely sexual attraction of course. The guy's a deluded sociopath, incapable of love and empathy, but still. I sigh heavily. Life as a wife in here would have felt like a prison sentence, I'd made that clear to him from the start, but I'd had a taste and I wanted more.

I'm jolted from my thoughts when there's a knock at the door.

"Yeah"

Lily opens the door and peeps in.

"Time to go hun."

"Yeah, I'm coming"

Tossing the magazine aside, I jump off the bed and follow Lily and the others down the corridors. Out in the yard people are noisily loading up trucks and checking weapons as a convoy gets ready to head out. I love the buzz of activity as the Saviors prepare for a mission. I look up at the walkway, where I know Negan will be stood, Lucille perched on his shoulder, proudly surveying his loyal army. I watch him as I get into my truck, but he never even notices me.

I sit quietly on the journey, looking out the passenger window, lost in my thoughts. I'm just too stubborn, won't give up the little bit of freedom I fought so hard for, but I hate that he ignores me. I want him so bad and he knows very well what he does to me, but I guess this is my punishment. We arrive and I get out of the truck. I watch Negan and Simon deep in conversation. Suddenly he raises his eyes to look directly at me, I turn away but can't resist glancing back. He's still looking. He pats Simon on the back and saunters over to me.

"A word" he puts his hand on my shoulder pulling me aside

"Simon tells me you're doing a great fucking job with the Saviors."

His hand slides up a little, his fingers grazing my neck. He smirks down at me, his tongue escaping over his bottom lip, drawing his thumb lightly over my skin. I visibly shudder. I don't get a chance to reply

"I knew I was fucking right about you." he squeezes gently and starts to move away "Keep up the good work" he bends down to my ear "I'll be keeping my eye on you". He chuckles to himself as he swaggers away

Well that was unexpected. Throughout the day I feel him watching me, observing as I go about my business, loading up, making the odd threat, the usual stuff. A few times our eyes meet, he smirks, bites his lip, or let's his eyes wander over me. I decide to give him something to look at with lots of unnecessary bending over. As I stand guard while the trucks are loaded, I hear his voice behind me.

"Come with me, Ana"

I turn to see him beckoning me with his finger as he walks behind a truck. I follow eagerly. He pulls me towards him, out of view of the Saviors, and leans me against the truck. Moving in close, his hand under my chin, he lifts my face until my eyes meet his.

"You thought any more about my offer?"

"I thought about it a lot" I confess.

His eyes travel over my features as he presses himself towards me. My lips curve into a smirk and I can't resist placing a hand to his thigh, moving slowly, deliberately. His eyes settle on my lips.

"but, I like being out here with the Saviors, with you," my hand slides further up his thigh "I enjoy my work" I give his thigh a squeeze "What if we could make a different arrangement?"

"That's not how this works, princess"

"I'm sure we could work something out" I smile and tilt my head, trailing my lips softly across the skin of his neck, up towards his ear, my hand still wandering firmly upwards.

"You're the boss after all" I cup him, massaging gently "You make the rules"

He doesn't move, allowing me to tease him through the fabric of his jeans, groaning as my fingers move upwards, stroking over his length. I feel him twitch under my hand and grind towards him.

"Don't play fucking games with me princess"

One hand strokes as he grows and swells beneath me, the other moves to his stomach. I smile onto his skin kissing at his neck as my fingers caress above his waistband.

"It's up to you of course though boss, just tell me what you want" my hand lingers at his belt.

He pulls away. Opening the back of the truck he gets inside pulling me with him. Gripping me lightly around the throat with his gloved hand, I quiver as he looks down at me, his eyes darkening.

"What I want is you on your knees with your eyes looking up at mine while I fuck your pretty mouth"

I bite hard on my lip and smirk up at him "I can do that." I pull at his belt, slowly unfastening.

"... and what I want, is for you to stop asking me to be your wife.." I add, sliding my hand inside his boxers, wrapping around his rock hard shaft.

".. and don't call me princess, or doll, or babygirl. My name is Ana, and that's what I want to hear you call when you cum down the back of my throat"

He groans loudly letting go of my neck, and hastily finishes unfastening his belt

"Get on your fucking knees"

I obediently drop to the floor as he takes his massive length in his hand, slowly pumping.

"Now open that fucking dirty mouth nice and wide"

I smirk up at him and do as he commands, sticking out my tongue as he teases me with the tip. My tongue laps around him, curling up under the ridge, along the slit, sliding down the thick throbbing vein as he pumps his hand at the base, and back up to envelope him in my eager mouth. He guides himself in, watching his cock slowly disappear, before letting go to entangle his fingers in my hair.

"look at me, Ana"

He grips my hair tightly and I look up to meet his eyes as I let him set the pace, guiding my head, slowly fucking my mouth. Gradually he builds speed, pushing deeper, my hands go to his hips to steady myself. I listen to his groans as he watches himself moving in and out of my mouth, gagging a little as he hits my throat

"That's it, I want to see you choke on my big cock"

.. And I do. He thrusts a few more times before withdrawing, releasing my hair. He watches me. Licking at the base, cupping him, traveling down, licking and sucking and squeezing gently until he grabs back at my hair bringing my head back up. My tongue lapping hungrily at the glistening head

"Give me it all"

I look up with lust filled eyes as he pushes deep inside, groaning loudly. I moan onto him and he thrusts into me again and again until his head tips back.

"fuck, Ana,.. I'm coming"

He twitches and spasms

"Ana.. Fuck"

His release pours into my throat, I suck and swallow greedily until it subsides and his body stills. Slowly I withdraw, cleaning him, before wiping my mouth.

He looks down, watching me a while, tucking himself away before holding his hand out to help me up

"Goddamn Ana" he closes his eyes and tips head back a little, inhaling deeply before looking back at me.

"Fucks sake. There are only 3 fucking doors to choose from. Rules are fucking rules. What the fuck am I gonna do with you?"

"Whatever you want" I smirk and step out of the truck

He follows close behind. Shaking his head at me he makes his way back over to the Saviors, fastening up his belt.

"Attention fuckers." he announces, as he fastens up his belt. "I am in a great fucking mood. Today, has been a productive damn day. So let's get this shit loaded up and hit the fuckin road, cos I am in need of a sandwich... Where the fuck did Simon get to? "

As he wanders away I chuckle to myself. I wonder if anyone has noticed my swollen bruised lips, and a decidedly less stressed Negan tucking himself away as he walks passed. Not that I care anyway.

Win / win for everyone I'd say.

DIRTY GIRL MASTERLIST

[punkscowardschampions]

Janis & Jimmy

Janis: [So, AM before community service vibe, hit me with it] Jimmy: [I think he made her breakfast but he didn't make her breakfast in a cute way he just like threw it at her lowkey and all his focus is on the kids and Twix so even if he brought it to her in his room which he probably would, he was just like straight in and straight out with nothing to say] Janis: [which she'd probably brush off as just that tbh 'cos not a dick and already knows he lowkey does everything for them, so she's not gonna be fully freaked out as of yet even if it's a bit awkward, they sometimes can be still at this point so it'd be like oh but not OH yet] Jimmy: [we all know he's not a chatty kathy and neither of you are looking forward to community service so yeah it's just like okay but then he's also not saying a word on this bus/train whatever they are using to get their ride] Janis: [and there's no not noticing that] Jimmy: [like he's probably got headphones on and he hasn't shared/ is drawing the whole time etc be more of an antisocial teen I dare you] Janis: [like she'd be trying to get him to chat for a bit but she's not gonna not take a hint so then it's awkward] Jimmy: [well done boy so mature of you] Janis: [save the row for after community service though 'cos cutting you the slack of maybe you're dreading it that hard/are that pissed off about it, as if she isn't too/this was fully your idea to get into trouble as well] Jimmy: [I love that you wanna give him the benefit of the doubt babe and obvs there is a bit of FML because he's got a full plate/doesn't wanna do this/is still in dublin when he was doing it so they could leave etc but we know what's really up] Janis: [to be fair, it's more like not dying to have this convo, like don't wanna seem like you're #tookeen even though expecting him to be normal ain't that but still] Jimmy: [can't be Grace about it in any way, don't blame you girl] Janis: [so obviously once this awkward however many hours is over, going your separate ways which brings us up to speed] Jimmy: [how hardcore he would've ignored her makes me die like how are you keeping that up for that long, you aren't that busy] Janis: [it'd be hilariously obvious if it weren't making her fuming instead, like] Jimmy: [thank god he's at least got his dad and siblings in his grill to distract him because we all know how badly you wanna break that resolve and just say something to her] Janis: [meanwhile nothing but time 'cos you ain't even trying to go home rn] Janis: If it's gonna be a problem for you, I'm sure I can get moved onto different hours or a different project altogether Jimmy: Do what you want Janis: It's community service, hardly comes into the equation Jimmy: you get what I mean Janis: Sure Janis: if it makes no odds to you then you don't need to make such a job out of ignoring me, like Jimmy: you don't need to flatter yourself that hard, mate Jimmy: bit busy weren't we Janis: Again, hardly Janis: it wasn't that taxing but yeah, you seemed well stuck in Jimmy: ain't such an athlete like you or nowt but gotta give it 🥇 Janis: If you like Janis: long as you show up, they record your hours either way Jimmy: sound like you've done this before Janis: I don't want to make my rap sheet any longer than it is, if that's what you're so concerned about Jimmy: yeah first priority that, keeping you on the straight and narrow 👮 Janis: Now you've got jokes Jimmy: Who's joking? Janis: That's my question Jimmy: I've CLEARLY got nowt else on, what with community service being such a piece of piss and you being a dream come true Jimmy: 'course you're gonna be top priority Janis: Don't be a dick to try and win an argument we ain't having Janis: obviously you don't wanna do it, neither do I Janis: but you signed up for it, I didn't force you so no point being moody with me over it Jimmy: 1. I am dick and I've never been nowt else Jimmy: 2. I could give less of a shit about community service, I told you that before Jimmy: 3. I signed up for getting in trouble, like you said, this is barely it Janis: I'm not disagreeing but you've always asserted you ain't thick so you've changed your stance on that one or you're being a stupid dick right now Janis: so your plan didn't work and your next one is to work really hard at said not trouble Janis: that makes sense, sure, tah for clearing it up Jimmy: You an' all so you should know what this about and what it ain't about Janis: That's code for let me ignore you in peace, thinly-veiled at best Janis: like I said, I'll move and then you can, if that's all you've got to worry about, you're welcome Jimmy: it's not code for owt it's a loud and clear, leave it out Jimmy: I didn't sign up for this Janis: For what? Jimmy: You're gonna try and fake this now, are you? Jimmy: like you don't get it Janis: I literally don't know what your problem is Janis: stop being a pussy and say it then I will Jimmy: Then just get out of my face Janis: I'm not in your face, fucking hell Jimmy: You're in my head and I don't want you there, alright? Janis: I didn't put myself there Jimmy: it's my fault then, whatever, nowt should've happened Janis: Alright Janis: then forget it did Janis: what, I'm gonna force you to do that now too, fuck off Jimmy: how the fuck is everything so easy for you? it's getting beyond a joke now, rich girl Janis: It ain't Janis: but what the fuck am I gonna do in response to that, ignore you back? Jimmy: Why not? It's obvs working so well for me over here Jimmy: that'll be why I need you to spell out what I should be doing as a next move Janis: I'm not going to tell you what to do on that one, that'd be fucked up Janis: you make up your own mind but you didn't ask me mine or give me a fucking chance to explain it either so yeah Janis: don't be assuming fuck all about my side of it Jimmy: I don't wanna hear your side Janis: Then yeah, you shouldn't have done it Jimmy: Tah for keeping up with what I said ages ago Janis: Whatever Jimmy: just fuck off out of it Janis: Fuck off telling me what to do Jimmy: or what? Jimmy: shit'll get worse than this? Janis: Your life is shit, yeah Janis: and I'm making it worse? Janis: Alright, if it were my fault then you'd be able to do something about it but it ain't so you're still fucked Jimmy: so comforting you Janis: you don't want comforting Jimmy: What do I want? Go on Janis: I don't know and I'm not offering an answer Jimmy: shut up then Janis: Why should I Janis: and why have you Jimmy: what kind of question is that for fuck's sake? Jimmy: I'm trying to sort my head out here and you're Jimmy: you're just Janis: Your head is fucked Janis: who's ain't Janis: I was just being your mate Jimmy: I can't forget about it Jimmy: or you Janis: You didn't look like you were having no trouble icing me out all day Jimmy: well I were Janis: Do you actually have to Jimmy: What else am I gonna do? Janis: Just be my mate, like before Janis: doesn't need to be complicated, like Jimmy: When were it simple? Janis: alright, so simple is an oversimplification Janis: I'm not fucking asking to be your top priority or dream or anything like that though, thanks Jimmy: And I'm not really saying that Jimmy: but being around you is like a ⏲ on a 💣 Janis: Well, why can't you Janis: why can't we Jimmy: How can we? Janis: seemed like you had the hang of it last night Jimmy: funny Janis: I don't think it needs to be serious Janis: mope about the state of the rest of your affairs all you want Jimmy: Piss off Jimmy: we had a plan, this weren't part of it Jimmy: that's all I'm saying Janis: It don't need to be related to that either Janis: it ain't Jimmy: Alright Janis: we hooked up 'cos we wanted to, yeah Janis: so what Jimmy: I'm sorry for being a dickhead Janis: always have been Jimmy: bit rude Jimmy: take my sorry Janis: I don't want it Janis: just Jimmy: so what do you want? Janis: Tell me what you want Janis: then if its the same and we need to change some rules then we can Janis: and if it ain't then at least I know and we can go back or not do it at all Jimmy: I asked you first Jimmy: and I showed you before that Janis: alright Janis: well I wanna do it again, obviously Janis: but not if you're gonna be a total twat, like Jimmy: I'm probably gonna be a massive twat Janis: You know what I mean Jimmy: Yeah Jimmy: I'll try and be a massive twat in a way you'll like, alright? Janis: My type, yeah, I remember the bit Janis: Be whoever you want, we don't have to know each other for this either Janis: no more than we do now Jimmy: mates, I remember an' all Janis: Right, so you don't have to blank me and be awkward, there's no point making this community service shit worse Janis: obviously the fake shit could confuse it but we know it's fake and anything that'd be weird to bullshit now we can cut out, change the rules, that's what I mean Jimmy: I won't make it weird again Janis: I get it Janis: 'cos I was still there in the AM, yeah Janis: we won't do that again Jimmy: I just Jimmy: it's been ages and I weren't expecting owt to happen, least of all with you Janis: Likewise Janis: weren't the worst thing to ever happen though, was it Jimmy: I wouldn't want it to happen again if it were, that kinda thing ain't a #kinkunlocked soz if you're 💔 Jimmy: I know Mr Lucas is well into that shit but he's one of a kind, like Janis: Lucky for you we're not here to compare and contrast Jimmy: gutted for you 'cause you'd actually be 🥇 stood next to my ex Janis: can't all be RE teachers with halitosis 😍 Janis: I'll hold back on the sympathy card for her for now Jimmy: she'd never read it, can't Janis: 😏 shut up Jimmy: you don't want me to Jimmy: had a right mard on about my silence Janis: if you hadn't had enough of me telling you what a dickhead you are, I could carry on Jimmy: can never get enough foreplay me Janis: clearly Jimmy: you coming round or where are we going? Janis: There's probably a rule about this I should know, yeah Jimmy: you said we're writing our own rules Jimmy: has Bill's 👻 got his hopes up for nowt? Janis: nah, sounds like more fun than making you wait 3-5 working days 'cos you've pissed me off Janis: which I'm pretty sure is the advice so Janis: where else can we go right now Jimmy: my dad's car can take us anywhere you wanna go Jimmy: or just be the place we're alone in Janis: Alright Janis: gonna say, you don't need to take me anywhere Jimmy: bit 💔 that we didn't have this chat earlier, I'd have taken you all over our new bestie's house Janis: Likewise Janis: there'll sadly be other bullshit parties where less sadly you can actually mess my hair up Jimmy: you reckon we can use our new status with 'em to demand 💀👑 has a party at hers right now? Janis: Worth a shot Janis: bet she LOVES being a wingwoman Janis: ask if we can borrow one of her guest beds Jimmy: only if we actually use hers Jimmy: she LOVES a lie Janis: worth the risk of her NEVER cleaning her sheets again tbh Jimmy: she'd never have the strength tbf Jimmy: and all her maids are probably running round decapitated so Janis: 🐍 can definitely eat 🐔s whole Jimmy: yeah but then the 🐔 ain't crossing any roads to get her a new lad to torture or owt else she might NEED Janis: Ohh so that's what that's about Janis: makes so much sense Jimmy: 😱😱 SHE SAID NO 😱😱😱 Janis: 😩😩😩 Janis: like, jealousy is a disease, babes Jimmy: Asia said yeah but I dunno if I wanna go to her house Jimmy: might never make my way out again Janis: NEVER having a threesome with you and Asia Janis: idc how accomodating she is Jimmy: spoilsport Jimmy: accept the invite to the group 🗨 I started at least Jimmy: we're having a bloody top time Janis: I guarantee I can think of plenty more fun games to play Janis: all part of the foreplay, yeah, gotcha Jimmy: you tell me where to pick you up from or is hide and seek the first game? Janis: [somewhere in town that's not near his enough that she would just walk] Jimmy: Alright, hang on Janis: Feeling well patient Jimmy: [a 🔥 sext] Jimmy: that'll help Janis: I hate you Janis: not like I've been thinking about it since you left Janis: or like I'm in public rn Jimmy: 🤔 that don't sound like you hate me enough Jimmy: [an even more 🔥 sext] Janis: Jimmy Janis: I hate you so much Jimmy: I'm alright with that Janis: Good Janis: 'cos I intend on showing you just how much when you get here Jimmy: 🤞 I only get done for speeding on the way back Janis: 👮 cockblocking is not a thing I wanna get used to in my daily Jimmy: be alright, they look after their own, weren't that what you said? Janis: Sure, your fake ID also your badge, like? Jimmy: you gonna let me have any secrets? Janis: Depends, of course Jimmy: go on Janis: How interesting it is Janis: keep your boring ones by all means Jimmy: they're all boring 💔 I know Janis: I'll survive Janis: no fear Jimmy: unless I 💀💀💀 you Janis: yeah right Janis: catch me holding my breath on that one 😏 Jimmy: might be hard to breathe normally in a bit, yeah Jimmy: I get that Janis: Shh Jimmy: no need, there's nobody to risk waking up this time Janis: 1. I wasn't even that loud Janis: 2. I don't think anyone even woke up anyway Janis: 3. was your fault so Jimmy: 1. too right you weren't, that's what I'm saying, can be as loud as you want now Jimmy: 2. I'll take the blame for last night and the credit for the 🔊 in a bit Janis: Don't reckon your dad's car is soundproof Janis: but yeah, we can find out Jimmy: weren't planning to leave it somewhere any dickhead can enjoy the show Janis: Good to know Janis: can't just ambush a person with dogging, v rude Jimmy: heads up for next time then Jimmy: can't enjoy myself without 👴 about Janis: Fair play Janis: Lucas was in your wardrobe so 🤷 Jimmy: 🤤🤤🤤 Jimmy: tah, the reminder'll get me through this Janis: So charming Janis: go back to telling me to fuck off, that was better tbh Jimmy: I've got hotter chat but if that's what you wanna hear Janis: Really Janis: where have all these words sprung from then Jimmy: feeling inspired Janis: 👻🖋💘 Jimmy: you're trying to give Bill my 🥇? bit rude Janis: I'm saying he'll be buzzing Janis: s'one old pervert who'll always be about Jimmy: well now I am an' all Jimmy: won't have to fake nowt for you, what a relief Janis: Funny 🙄 Jimmy: what's funnier is I might be lost Janis: You better be joking Jimmy: I'm just warning you, girl, I'm surrounded by houses, which don't look right for where you said you were Janis: What are you like Janis: no, I'm not getting you to pick me up from my previous, like Jimmy: 😎🚬 obvs Jimmy: hang on, I can do this Janis: Your navigational skillz ain't required for foreplay Jimmy: wouldn't be decent if I had none though Janis: 😂 Jimmy: Alright, I'm back where I fucked this up ⏲🤞 Janis: My faith is so real Janis: 🙏🙌😇 Jimmy: 😈 me Jimmy: got you something for the sorry you don't want Janis: I'm suspicious Jimmy: as long as my dad ain't Janis: You just stolen his car or? 🤔 hmm Jimmy: his car and the most #goals bottle from his stash Janis: 😍 Janis: that's for the bottle, obvs Jimmy: charming Janis: not faking shit, remember Jimmy: I'll have my 😭 when we've gone our separate ways and you're cracking on with the drink Janis: your loss if you ain't staying around to finish it with me Jimmy: would be a 💔 loss Janis: Be smart then Jimmy: don't sound like me that Jimmy: but alright, I'll have a go Janis: you have to stick around for a bit anyway Janis: give me chance to actually earn that 🥇 Jimmy: I've got nowt else on, been smart there, 'cause knowing you it'll take ages Janis: Piss off Janis: you don't know, that's the point Jimmy: calm down, mysterious lass not gonna unlock your secrets and your kinks Jimmy: have still got a job to go to, like Jimmy: can't be on a constant clock with you Janis: You coming to fuck or what Janis: don't put yourself down so much 💕 Jimmy: the point I were making were, if it's one of the other, we're both agreed on which one's getting 🔓 Jimmy: ain't trying to read your diary even if I were capable Janis: Duh Janis: Point I was making is you don't know how long it'll take me 'cos you didn't give me no chance Janis: no deeper than that, gotta relax, mate Jimmy: giving you the chance now, dickhead Janis: so grateful 🤤🤤😍 Jimmy: dunno how grateful this car will let you be but if anyone's a pro at 🙏🙌😇 against them 😈 odds it'll be you, Jules Jimmy: truly inspiring shit Janis: Bigger than confessional Janis: I got this Jimmy: time's come to prove it Jimmy: get in the car please Janis: As you asked nicely Janis: and I have wanted to do this all day Janis: [sup] Jimmy: [hands her the #goals because it's unopened bottle like good evening] Janis: [does the 'not bad' face like okay boy, I see you 'maybe finishing the whole thing and getting this car back in one piece is a bit ambitious then'] Jimmy: [gives her a look like challenge accepted and starts driving them to wherever they can get enough privacy so enjoy the VIBE in this car for a bit lads] Janis: [trying to think of a way to say 'I missed you' that isn't purely that 'cos not trying to freak him out again so sat there drinking and 🤔] Jimmy: [sneaking all the looks at her that he can while still safely driving because ofc] Janis: [same obvs 'cos not driving so can be more shameless so enjoy all that accidental eye contact 'today was so...boring'] Jimmy: ['tomorrow'll be owt but' another look like challenge accepted and 😏 though god knows what you think you're gonna get away with sir] Janis: [IRL 🤞 and a shrug 'it can be'] Jimmy: [reaches over and uncrosses her fingers and then writes 'will' as in it will be on her hand with his fingertip like I got this] Janis: [just casually way too affected by that simple touch 'cos it's been a whole day and you're high-key, holding his hand for a bit but like HARD not cutesy 'cos intense af rn and then letting it fall to rest in your lap like hey] Jimmy: [driving a bit faster so you can get there faster without even really being aware of it and obvs leaving that hand there] Janis: ['you're not gonna get lost this time, yeah' half question half observation] Jimmy: ['be your fault if I do, won't it?' because she's his human sat nav but also v distracting] Janis: ['can't be that bothered, lost is where we need to be right now'] Jimmy: [nods because where's the lie] Janis: [just giving him swigs from the bottle like your parents' spidey senses are going off so hard rn] Jimmy: [I'm internally screaming you bad eggs] Janis: [my boo say safety first] Jimmy: [he 100% doesn't have his seatbelt on either because of that rib injury #tut tut] Janis: [I'm loling you grandma ily] Jimmy: [I do hate seatbelts tbf they are so uncomfy] Janis: [tru tea, we out here risking it all in all the ways Jimmy: [to be a 15 year old rebhog] Janis: [not gonna kill you for it don't worry] Jimmy: [get there before the sexual frustration kills you though] Janis: [we're definitely stopping at the first place that is deemed suitable, regardless of the plan] Jimmy: [mhmm that is the whole plan, stop as soon as you can lol] Janis: [we all know there is zero chill with how fast you're gonna be on him] Jimmy: [she's on a #mission just like he was the night before] Janis: [out to prove this is the best idea ever like debatable but we know where it ends up so go off] Jimmy: [he's got no room to say shit cos fake dating was his idea and like what the fuck was that boy] Janis: [love a bad idea moment, y'all are blatant god bless] Jimmy: [case in point taking this car wasn't a good one] Janis: [100% could lose your license before you get one] Jimmy: [at least your dad won't dob you in cos doesn't want police at his door again so soon] Janis: [like you stay away from those ribs 'til they're healed sir] Jimmy: [and his face because she'd know and we ain't ready to have that convo] Janis: [they've not been arrested/ran from a crowd recently enough and he doesn't seem like the type to be out brawling even if she don't know his life so yeah] Jimmy: [behave yourself Ian thank you very much, verbal arseholery only rn] Janis: [but this moment is not at all about you so good day] Jimmy: [nothing is ever about you sir but especially this] Janis: [when this is purely about them and that's why it threw y'all, no one to hide behind here] Jimmy: [the headfuck of feeling something really intensely for someone you don't even know/are pretending you don't even like] Janis: [least we can fake that this is purely sexual even though it's already not, see how long you can last lads] Jimmy: [It's gonna be fun tbh] Janis: [if you were confused before lollol] Jimmy: [so many mixed messages all the time good lord] Janis: [we should have the flat whites invite them to something to be fake at] Jimmy: [yeah just for that really awkward shift they'll have to do from the REALEST to the fakest cos we're evil] Janis: [like it should be something they can't just sneak off from to fuck, not easily anyway lmao, use your basic brain to think of a thing it could be] Jimmy: [is there anything else we wanna do here before we send them off to the hellishness that'll be chilling at Mia's?] Janis: [we know the vibe here I think, and they can get the invite before going their separate ways even so makes it easier] Jimmy: [literally as soon as they're done like oh hi] Janis: [fun never stops, will need to take this car back and walk tho lads] Jimmy: [at least you'll have plenty of time to 🚬 cos dreading this] Janis: [to the point you were definitely like shall we even but you must, dedicated to this plan] Jimmy: [this can be point scoring with 💀#2 cos in Mia's own home as well, she'll be livid] Janis: [if Asia is being all extra with her man, can easily spend that quality time with her and the tall one] Jimmy: [oh Asia, you know her man is gonna be so OTT too and not in a goals way] Janis: [lowkey like get a room, not that you two can talk but that's in a party setting usually, not your weekly sleepover moment lol] Jimmy: [we all know they are gonna be adorable tonight cos gotta keep it #goals even if they'd rather get a room too lol] Janis: [at least you have some form of being a bit much but only so much you can get away with without being rude and you're tryna be friends now so unlucky, just 🚬 and talking over gameplans 'til you arrive] Jimmy: [when you're 😒 the whole walk but you gotta snap right into 😍💕] Janis: [when it's so confusing 'cos you do like each other but you're pretending you don't and then you have to be really OTT which is like a lil' too much, obvs, but some bits would be kinda nice like ???] Jimmy: [such a headfuck of a time, I love it] Janis: [we evil, so is Mia, hello] Jimmy: [it's just hit me that she'll have to wear his clothes for this sleepover moment because that's where they went he wasn't taking her all the way back to cali's to get shit and like I'm not fine] Janis: [right, she was wearing #2 dress, then they went back to his, so whatever she had on before the dress she would've had to put back on for community service so that'd be way too dirty by this point to wear tonight, make that a moment, bye] Jimmy: [RIP to me and Jimothy because you know she looks so good rn] Janis: [I'll see if I can find anything but it might all be a lil TOO basic but defs a thing like oversized top and boxers moment, when you out cute Asia and her mans when you walk through the door] Jimmy: [just effortlessly 🥇 you two] Janis: [we all been knew honey] Jimmy: [he should make them all personalised smoothies and get her to help him because way to score points because he's actually good at it but also they get to be alone for a hot sec because those rich bitches aren't gonna get involved like Grace and Tall Tammy would but Mia would 100% stop them by being all I need you to do such and such] Janis: [that's such a good idea, they'll be buzzing, even #2 if they made something uber clean and healthy] Jimmy: [yeah Janis' would probably the only one that'll actually taste nice because the flat whites will have gross healthy green ones or whatever but they'll be pleased put some fuckboy protein rich shit in Asia's bf's one] Janis: ['feel more normal?' 'cos so weird to be hanging with them for you both for different reasons] Jimmy: [looks down like he's in desperate need of that barista apron and does an OTT pout but we know he's surviving really] Janis: ['yeah, I'm gutted too' looking him up and down like not hot without it 😏] Jimmy: [throws something at her like a tea towel or banana peel not a plastic toy being wanged at her jaw full pelt sir] Janis: [lmao, batting whatever it is away like 'OMG, DON'T MESS AROUND HERE' 'cos her mum must do something with her days so I bet it's show-home levels] Jimmy: [Grace don't be spilling that smoothie you'll get murdered babe but you two have a little kitchen playfight when he throws something else at you cos that bitch and still in that flirty mood from earlier] Janis: [leave a mess on purpose 'cos not here to befriend you hun like whoops soz, we all know we're gonna need someone to come in and stop this going into a full thing so should be #2 for the throwback] Jimmy: [Mia sending her in cos she's a control freak and can't bear that they're in there living their best lives] Janis: [already mad at Asia on the low 'cos of her mans, the minions are not behaving rn lol] Jimmy: [she would not want him there AT ALL and you know Mia would be gutted she's not with Harry to bring him and make it awks] Janis: [like she does not want a boy seeing her in her PJs or doing a face mask or something 'cos she only hooks up so she'll be sitting there not joining in at all like 😒 probably with Grace if we're being real] Jimmy: [yeah cos Grace don't want anyone to see her doing anything ever unless she has perfect make up so] Janis: [got her on side at least] Jimmy: [meanwhile jj are just snuggled drinking their smoothies] Janis: [just imagined the kermit tea meme there for some reason] Jimmy: [Asia's bf probably downed his cos such a #lad] Janis: [#ladsladslads you know they don't drink at these things usually like why would they waste the cals but gotta 'cos he's here to seem so cool oh ladies] Jimmy: [Mia getting angrier by the second] Janis: [like how do I throw these boys out of my house without getting a rep as a total uncool bitch lmao] Jimmy: [*cough* lesbian] Janis: [we all know the invite was 1000% just for Janis and they've just ignored that lmao] Jimmy: [#tea I dread to think what cringe film they are probably watching rn] Janis: 😴💀🤢 Janis: please kill me Jimmy: [does something saucy like suck on her earlobe because okay I'll kill you but 'subtle' enough that the flatwhites can't be too mad but will still notice] Janis: [purposely takes some more blanket for them for the cliche of the flat whites thinking they're gonna be being saucy underneath but doesn't actually initiate anything 'cos was appreciative enough and it shows 😳] Jimmy: [gets even closer to her even though they were already close af for the cliche but also because he just wants to] Janis: [everyone pretend to focus on this cringe romcom quick] Jimmy: [giving her all the 😍 that are SO FAKE YEP and touching her so much not in a saucy way just in really soft ways like imma just lightly brush my fingertips over any skin that's exposed nbd] Janis: [we all know that kills you lowkey so much harder and you know he knows that so you're like 😒 but also in no way tryna stop him/leaning into him] Jimmy: [no boy that none of y'all flatwhites have been with would ever, like take a sec to just compare any of that to what Asia's bf would be doing #gross] Janis: [none of us wanna think about that, least of all Asia probs] Jimmy: [you missed your chance gal] Janis: [imagine, what a duo] Jimmy: [still would ship it harder than Ro and Drew though] Janis: [we can all be thankful we're not witnessing that rn, though he would be getting out of prison now-ish and she ain't dead yet either] Jimmy: [ew, I'm gonna just bring it back to JJ by saying he kisses her but in a really soft teasing way cos gotta kill her but again it looks chill and romantic compared to how extra Asia and her man are so points won with the rest of the squad] Janis: [when you are so mad but the 😍 are not fake either] Jimmy: [you both love this who are you kidding] Janis: [y'all do too much so now you're salty you've got to sit here and be vaguely sociable with these hoes lol] Jimmy: [casually counting down to when you can go have a smoke break without coming across as being rude] Janis: [way longer than you would like that's the tea, resting your head on his shoulder and absentmindedly pressing his sternum area, gently, checking how his healing is coming along without even thinking about it] Jimmy: [gotta play with her hair soz Grace look away] Janis: [just having emotions over there don't mind her, meanwhile, you have to show how BORED you are by laying in his lap instead, 'cos there's only so fake you can be without it being unbelievable] Jimmy: [they're all aware she's a bad bitch global] Janis: [like to think Tammy is just genuinely loving it lmao] Jimmy: [being such an attentive boyfriend by asking her if she needs anything to drink or eat or whatever quietly cos faking that you just genuinely wanna know and don't wanna disturb anyone else but we know they all 👂 and Asia is fuming on the low that her mans don't care at all] Janis: [breaking that bro-code and making him look bad, he will be so mad, oh no 😂 'causing drama with how #goals you are as standard, just snuggling into him harder in response like no, don't wanna move or have you leave thank you] Jimmy: [such a good snuggle moment ensuing, god bless] Janis: [fully imagine Mia switching this off like let's do something else 'cos she's so mad] Jimmy: [yaaaaas we must] Janis: [hmm, maybe some kind of sport moment like tennis is the cliche of course] Jimmy: [her dad would 100% have a tennis court or some bullshit lol] Janis: [such a posh girl flex, unless we're gonna commit and make her a horse girl but they will lose it lmao] Jimmy: [one of them definitely should be but maybe Asia or Tall girl because Mia would never give that much of a shit about anything lowkey like she has her eating disorder and her JJ obsession that's all folks] Janis: [that's true] Jimmy: [Mia has 10000% lost Grace if they gonna do tennis because she would not be about it, unlucky hun you can't win tonight] Janis: [I feel like it was her idea to show off to the lads 'cos she'd probably be good at it 'cos daddy's girl but like Jimothy is not interested and I doubt Asia's man is unless you're putting the whole outfit on babe] Jimmy: [I love how hard this has backfired] Janis: [she should nab Jimmy to play doubles but you don't know that JJ love competition so ha, make Janis play with Asia's boyf and hope he doesn't totally suck] Jimmy: [tbf Jimmy wouldn't have ever played before unless they do in PE some time or something cos not a posh boy so Mia would be thrilled to have him on her team while he gets the hang of that] Janis: [awkward moment when this is her gay fantasy and the lads are just there lmao] Jimmy: [at least he can make a thing of getting Janis to 'teach' him and shamelessly flirting because she'd be even more annoyed than she was before then] Janis: [when they won't do exactly what you want, oh Mia] Jimmy: [gotta order all the takeout at the insistence of Asia's bf so she actually has a breakdown] Janis: [so much food, Chinese fosho] Jimmy: [this is why Asia likes you boy] Janis: [bahahaha the 😍] Jimmy: [highkey the only reason she brought you along] Janis: [and to get fingered in front of her pals, obvs, cheers boy] Jimmy: [what a horrific visual so i'll imagine instead how much blatant shade JJ are whispering to each other to the point that Mia would defs know but she can't prove anything cos they could just be being saucy] Janis: [hohaha when you're literally gonna give her a breakdown tonight] Jimmy: [ultimate goals] Janis: [whispers 'tell me this ain't good foreplay' for the bants] Jimmy: [😏 because can't piss himself loling and then kisses her 1. so he doesn't 😂 and 2. in answer to what good foreplay it is #bants] Janis: ['think he's ready now' loudly @ Mia like teaching is over and so 😏 @ him] Jimmy: [I think it should be a draw because that'd annoy her thinking she'd win easily] Janis: [a mood, deffo, like you know Janis is sporty even if she ain't a tennis bitch, sort it out] Jimmy: [when you'd wanna play again to try and beat her but nobody is arsed like Jimothy is 100% gonna use the excuse of them being outside to pull Janis away to 🚬 and get a break from Mia] Janis: [can say they'll wait out front for their food also like further distance so they can actually chat without any chance of them being extra and nosy with it] Jimmy: [well played lads] Janis: [I also think they shoulda done really OTT grunts when they were playing 'cos amusing me so it would them, even if we inadvertently turn Mia on lmao] Jimmy: [bahaha] Janis: [#worthit] Jimmy: [gotta have whatever fun you can cos this would so crap] Janis: ['you reckon this is just her way of saying she's reconsidered on the spare room, like?'] Jimmy: [doing that lol you couldn't before] Janis: [we know when he lols it makes her 😍] Jimmy: [gotta have some back because she's so beautiful bye] Janis: [when you gotta make out hard to cover any feeling that ain't strictly sexual 'it's so good to actually do this properly without any of the bullshit for them'] Jimmy: [going as hard for the same reason but then after she's said that also going harder because you want her to feel even better than good cos 🥇 and you genuinely think she means it] Janis: [just being all kinds of hot with your 🚬s sharing smoke between making out 'promise you're gonna make this feel worth it by the end of the night?'] Jimmy: [going in even harder than you already were like I'll make it feel worth it NOW honey] Janis: ['fuck, Jimmy!' when you're already so frustrated and you've not been here that long 'we don't have to go back in, yeah' when you definitely do and you're not saying let's do one but you wanna pretend that much right now] Jimmy: [just dying because 1. you're as frustrated as her 2. you know she is and 3. she said your name so when you try and give her an answer it's just SUCH a noise but that's the best indication that you're on the same page rn that you could've given anyway so] Janis: [the biggest and realest 😍 'cos 'that was so fucking hot' and you can't not let him know in all the other ways beyond telling him] Jimmy: ['you' because she is the hottest and we all know it] Janis: ['for you' and the MOST eye contact honey] Jimmy: [just being as extra as Asia and her bf now soz not soz 🤞 that food doesn't show up for a bit lol] Janis: [soz delivery dude you're getting a show] Jimmy: [not that soz though because wouldn't even notice you atm] Janis: [literally gonna have to make a right song and dance of your approach like 'scuse me lads] Jimmy: [I just imagined the delivery man literally doing a musical number cos I'm a nerd] Janis: [lmao, also you're gonna have to go back whilst this is hot or Asia and her man will be raging] Jimmy: [can't let all your hard work being fake nice go to waste] Janis: [the saddest of times] Jimmy: [if they weren't having much fun before they'll have even less now we're forcing them to go back in] Janis: [Mia you better not start rn she'll be spitting blood from biting her tongue, like] Jimmy: [we should have her dad come back when they're all eating so Mia really wants to die] Janis: [Oh lordy, deffo, helping himself to the food too 'cos a rude dickhead] Jimmy: [oh god of course he would] Janis: [I bet he's lowkey creepy with her friends, not like he'd do anything but it's just awks] Jimmy: [just an uncomfortable vibe at all times] Janis: [everyone enjoy this, Mia try not to have a stroke] Jimmy: [at least JJ can be cheered by how much Mia is clearly hating life rn] Janis: [just being like 'your dad seems cool' 😏] Jimmy: [Asia chatting away to her dad oblivious god bless that dumb bitch] Janis: 💔 for you boys Janis: so blatantly wants a Daddy™ Jimmy: ain't even hungry now 💔😭🎻 Janis: [taking some of his food like if you're sure] Janis: now you're really devastated Jimmy: You're a dickhead Janis: Calm down, chubbs Janis: [offering her plate like swapsies] Jimmy: [fake 😍 as he takes it but obvs gotta be cute and feed her even when you're 😒] Janis: adorable Janis: ➕✔ Jimmy: try not to 🤢 like Jimmy: [Mia's dad 👀 taking her off to have a weird™ convo about boys] Janis: won't waste the food Janis: hit #2 with the fatherly advice whilst Mr Daddy is busy Jimmy: [does chat to her cos that bitch] Jimmy: ✔ Janis: Rude Jimmy: ? Janis: I want some 😏 Janis: feeling left out Janis: clearly the most in need, no other bitch here is in community service Jimmy: come here then Jimmy: [cos obvs gotta sit on his knee you're not 🎅 boyy] Janis: [does though, looking at him with big eyes like he's about to drop some real wisdom on her] Jimmy: [does whisper some stuff to her that he knows she wants to hear though] Janis: [a lil noise like 'scuse her] Jimmy: ['now that was rude' so only she can hear it and know that you're dying thanks very much] Janis: ['kinda your fault' whispered back 'cos well] Jimmy: [😏 unrepentant actually] Janis: [likewise that you ain't moving now you're here not soz everyone] Jimmy: [he loves it so you can deal ladies] Janis: [definitely not helping with the frustration but we know that's why you're doing it lads #shameless] Jimmy: [we 👀 you and so does Mia as she comes back from that fun chat] Janis: [if looks could kill] Jimmy: 👀🔪🔪 Janis: Well greedy, her Janis: had your turn already Jimmy: you better 💀💀💀 me quick, mate Jimmy: she reckons she can beat you to it Janis: 🎾 you to death Jimmy: hot Janis: that's definitely a shit horror movie Janis: give you all yankee accents and football and cheer uniforms and we're good to go Jimmy: rich girl rampage Jimmy: 🍅🍅 out of 🍅🍅🍅🍅🍅 Janis: not alright with that score Jimmy: 🍅 or 🍅🍅🍅? Janis: Soz, just not used to not being 🥇 Janis: so strange Jimmy: I'll 🖋 you a decent film baby Janis: 🤤😍 Janis: Babe! Jimmy: 💕 Janis: can't wait to tell everyone you're gonna make me famous, OMG Jimmy: basically have done with my 📷 Janis: been a while, bighead Jimmy: can you wait a bit longer or what? Jimmy: [such a LOOK because we all know what he means] Janis: What if I can't? Janis: [a LOOK back] Jimmy: [literally can see how hard he's trying to think of a way to sneak off even for a second like] Janis: ['you're so cute' 'cos can just say that and no one's batting an eyelid] Jimmy: [when you're like oh that's so weird because I don't feel good at all rn big song and dance to try and leave this table with her immediately] Jimmy: [💀#2 backing up your fake story inadvertently like #same cos wanna be 🤢 thanks gal] Janis: [real mvp right there, so OTT like feeling his forehead and getting a glass of water for him before making Mia direct you to a bathroom] Jimmy: [I'm loling, what a shit evening you're hosting babe] Janis: [also lol how bad y'all are at this like we didn't know] Jimmy: [JJ doing the most to salvage their night] Janis: [and just doing the most] Jimmy: [#tea] Jimmy: [make sure you lock the bathroom door this time kids, don't need Mia coming to 'check he's alright'] Janis: [learn from your mistakes, when you know you don't wanna be interrupted this time 'cos not for show] Jimmy: [I do vote you get back in the bath though for the mems and because there'd actually be room for both of you to lie down unlike the state of Ian's car earlier just put some fancy towels in there so it's not freezing on any bare skin] Janis: [so considerate] Jimmy: [I is and he is] Janis: [just don't accidentally turn it on when you're getting carried away here] Jimmy: [cos god forbid rich people turn a tap you'd probably only have to push a button or something boujee] Janis: [exactly, and as amusing as it'd be, you're already down to wearing his clothes rn and you don't wanna borrow Mia's instead tah] Jimmy: [they would not see the funny side rn, levels of frustration are too sky high] Janis: [#tea] Jimmy: [not gonna be that mean lads you've already struggled enough by having to be here doing all this flat white bollocks] Janis: [Asia's boyf is deffo gonna say something gross to Jimmy and Asia should overhear at least and they go off to have an argument for the lols and awkwardness factor for all] Jimmy: [100% here for that because how real] Janis: Shit stirrer Janis: 😏 Jimmy: he must've heard I've only got the one good 👂 Janis: 🤞 that's all he heard and his own 👂s ain't as big as his gob, like Jimmy: 😏 Janis: How many boyfriends can we make her get through Janis: the real question Jimmy: Depends Janis: on Jimmy: first off if 💀👑 properly snaps tonight 🔪🔪 Janis: I would give that a strong 90% likelihood but tennis probably took it right out of here, no way she's gonna be up for a spree now 30% at best Jimmy: don't have to hold the 🔪 herself that's what her minions are for Janis: yeah, and look at the state of 'em Janis: #2 got no strength ever, my sister is squeamish as hell and wouldn't risk her manicure for it Janis: lurch might be up to it, if she's not too busy recording herself 'dancing' Jimmy: Alright, won't put my hard earned 💰 on owt Janis: so, what's your 2nd point Jimmy: Depends how long we're stuck in the BFF zone an' all Janis: 'course Janis: could continue to fuck up her 💕life after but that's only something a real good friend would do so Jimmy: duh Janis: have to be quick Janis: don't know how much of this I can hack Jimmy: we could just go on account of me 💀💀🤢🍜 Janis: sexy Janis: we could Janis: but it'd mean more hangouts more times, if we get this done, we've made loads of progress Jimmy: 🥇💡 mate Janis: 🔥 thank you Jimmy: 💣 Janis: 😏 Jimmy: speaking of, if I smack that lad after they've spent ages rowing I'll get a 🏆 instead of losing points, yeah? Janis: who from? Jimmy: who else but my true love? Janis: that's 50/50 Jimmy: ugh, but I wanna smack that dickhead Jimmy: 🎻🎻 Janis: Poor you Janis: 💔 Janis: could be making up as we speak Jimmy: Oi, I don't wanna start actually feeling 🤢 tah Janis: he could be the love of her life Janis: gutted Jimmy: shut up Janis: 🖋 a play about it Jimmy: will do Janis: sure it'll be a masterpiece, mate Jimmy: obvs Jimmy: all the 🦎 and 🐸 lads, like a more grim wind in the willows Janis: 'course you'd write a play with no girls in Janis: proper 👻🖋 move Jimmy: unless you wanna be in it Jimmy: only got the one muse, don't I? Janis: yeah Janis: not my fault your true love ain't very inspiring, like Jimmy: is a bit your fault Janis: you want me to give her lessons on top of being her bezzie mate Janis: that's a bit much Jimmy: if you ain't up for the challenge Janis: I am Janis: she ain't Jimmy: bad worker blames their tools, girl Janis: 🙄 Janis: can only be one or the other Janis: your type or your muse Jimmy: could be the artist himself Jimmy: might just be a bit shit Janis: depends what we're rating you on Jimmy: the finished 🎨 what else? Janis: the ❤s don't lie Jimmy: but they ain't worth as much if you're getting 'em for stuff like holding the brush the right way up Janis: can't get you an audience with taste Janis: if I knew where they were, wouldn't be here, would I Jimmy: I'll live Jimmy: as muses go, you're alright Janis: Oh, tah Jimmy: 👍 Janis: was gonna compliment you but if that's the level, I'll save it Jimmy: if I want one, I know how to get 'em Janis: I'm sure Janis: not from me though Janis: 😶 Jimmy: [does his best to try and get one from her, excuse him everyone] Janis: [shamlessly enjoying that] Jimmy: [you better give him one gal cos he's not gonna stop until you do #shameless] Janis: you are such a dickhead Jimmy: top at giving out compliments, you Jimmy: 💕 Janis: afraid you'll never know Jimmy: [gives her a look like challenge accepted and shamelessly back at it again at krispy kreme because we're all bored of the flat whites and no other reason oh no] Janis: [the levels of the lady doth protest too much, excuse them everyone, assumedly you're all entertaining yourselves right now/pretending not to watch] Jimmy: [tik toking like your life depends on it or something lol] Janis: ['alright, alright' out loud but not actually gonna compliment you 'cos then it wouldn't be real and we all know it] Janis: I was going to say you're better than you fake Jimmy: you can have that back an' all Jimmy: without having to force me Janis: you're only being generous 'cos I said it first Janis: don't lie Jimmy: nah Jimmy: I'm saying it 'cause it's true Janis: 'course it's true Janis: having to fake I'm even slightly like them puts it down 1000s of points Jimmy: there you go then Jimmy: take your 🏆 Janis: like you said, holding the brush the right way Jimmy: that ain't what I'm giving it to you for Janis: Yeah, my art ain't all that Jimmy: I dunno, you have your moments Janis: 😏 Jimmy: [IRL 😏 back] Janis: why do you reckon they do this Jimmy: got my 💰 and ⏲ on for human sacrifice Janis: roll on the witching hour Janis: 'cos this is dry Jimmy: What do you wanna do? Jimmy: I'll find a way to make it #goals Janis: [IRL 🤔] Jimmy: [at least we can pretend the 😍 at how cute she is are fake] Janis: being boring is catching or I've just got a one-track mind Janis: you can't be the only thing in this McMansion worth doing Jimmy: should've used that backhand to beat her at 🎾 Janis: I am livid I didn't Janis: but you know what I meant Jimmy: you're not in the 🗨 with Asia Jimmy: bored but not yet 🧠💀💀💀 Janis: you are? Jimmy: always Jimmy: but I meant even northern ain't that thick Janis: I can only imagine what she can find to talk about Jimmy: herself obvs, that's all I wanna hear about 💕 Janis: 🙄 Janis: my point exactly Janis: that's one 🗨 and out Jimmy: [lies all over her dramatically cos SO BORED] Janis: [huffs as dramatically like take the hint ladies] Janis: she still trying to get on you then or what Jimmy: ? Janis: Asia Janis: in your DMs Jimmy: she's still got a boyfriend, last I heard Janis: Obvs Janis: but if she's willing to break girlcode Jimmy: she wants to date someone #goals Jimmy: nowt to do with me Janis: Yeah Janis: still, gutted there's not more solid proof she's a shite friend and feminist Jimmy: could get it if you want me to though Janis: nah Janis: reckon they know it Janis: I wouldn't trust any of 'em anyway Jimmy: not 🧠💀💀💀 either, you Jimmy: Is Mia's daddy still here or what? Janis: not in my DMs Janis: you had an idea? Jimmy: 💔 Jimmy: just bored enough to try and cause that breakdown Jimmy: [IRL thinking winnie] Janis: he'd clearly go for it Janis: fucking perv Jimmy: don't reckon lads are his type any more Jimmy: boarding school were a time and a place Janis: 💔 babe Janis: his distrust of teenage boys is well telling Jimmy: I know Jimmy: you got any ideas in that big head or what? Janis: plenty Jimmy: I get it, you want me to make you tell me them an' all Jimmy: Alright Janis: can't say it weren't fun Jimmy: [we out here doing the most again to not be bored, bonus that Mia is livid] Janis: [she gonna snap Janis: [maybe she should and they can be like well give us a tour then so can be nosy] Jimmy: [as a nosy bitch I love that] Janis: [she can show-off and be a general posh bitch] Jimmy: [Jimothy lowkey shooketh by her big posh house but not gonna give her the satisfaction of knowing] Janis: fuck the spare room Janis: taking the west wing, like Jimmy: not sure you'll have enough leg room Janis: Beats my current digs Jimmy: not in the middle of nowt for a start Janis: anywhere beats there, obvs Jimmy: might move myself in, see how long it takes her to notice I ain't paid staff Janis: literally stealing my ideas but fine Janis: big enough for us all Jimmy: you'd have to just hide Jimmy: can't get the rich girl off you Janis: shut up Jimmy: but then how will I make a massive echo calling you a dickhead? Janis: You'll manage Jimmy: [playful nudge to annoy both her and tour guide Mia] Janis: [gives him a dirty look and an apologetic one to Mia like ugh, sorry about him, really trying to focus here] Jimmy: 😱😱😱 Janis: don't act shocked Janis: how you think the rich stay rich Jimmy: I were gonna offer to give you a piggy back so you don't exhaust yourself going round this massive palace but you'd never make it over the rich v poor divide to get on Janis: divide you put up and maintain Janis: just financed it, like Jimmy: gotta keep it looking nice, girl Jimmy: bit of working class pride or some such bollocks Janis: beats this middle-class minimalism Janis: besides, your injuries aren't healed enough Jimmy: 🏆💪 me Jimmy: nowt to worry about Janis: [a look like yeah right] Jimmy: [a look back like you weren't worried earlier when we were doing all that saucy behaviour] Janis: [😳 and looking away] Jimmy: [walking ahead on this tour cos only so fake he can be before it's unbelievable and peeps know he's antisocial] Janis: you'll have to be back early for your sibs, yeah Jimmy: If you need an excuse not to have a cosy little breakfast with her and daddy, we can use that Janis: well yeah Janis: can't say I need to go to the gym if she has one Jimmy: watch her try and make us wait on her for our community service hours though Janis: she's so Janis: you know you go to the same shit school we all do, right Jimmy: bet her dad's 💔💔💔 Jimmy: could also fake that mine gives a shit where I am, there's another excuse banked Janis: not totally untrue the way your phone blows up sometimes Janis: no wonder her ma is depressed Jimmy: none of 'em need to know that's all my other girlfriends Jimmy: least if her mum shows up I can get back on track with causing that 😱😱😱 Janis: 'course Janis: her ma is her double so have fun with that Jimmy: 🤤🤤 Janis: don't make me 🤢 Jimmy: you'll have to swallow, food poisoning ain't gonna work a second time Janis: good thing I don't want you looking after me Janis: won't have to make such a scene, bound to be another bathroom soon Jimmy: won't thank you in my oscar speech then Jimmy: save it for my true fans Janis: you do that arsehole Jimmy: [comes back purely to talk to Asia like okay I shall] Janis: [is fuming] Jimmy: [I dread to think what she's saying to him but we know he can fake like he doesn't regret this instantly so] Janis: [just on your phone like there's something so interesting rn 'cos if you storm off they'll all notice] Jimmy: [is her boyfriend still there or nah cos I'm loling if he is] Janis: [assumedly, yeah, so you could talk to him for the pettiness of it all but we all know that wouldn't be fun so better to be going through your DMs like you're gonna respond Jimmy: [talk to some of the others as well boy, including Grace cos you know that'll annoy the bae] Janis: [😒 just coming up like 🚬 please and charging ahead to the garden/end of this tour] Jimmy: [you know he's gonna follow you gal even if it wasn't expected of him] Janis: [🚬 in silence like go away] Jimmy: [his turn to be on his phone while 🚬] Janis: [oh lads] Jimmy: [takes a pic of her 😒 face because he's a dickhead] Janis: ['delete that' when you're so moody lol] Jimmy: [does not] Janis: ['Oi' louder like he didn't hear] Jimmy: ['what?' boy you know] Janis: ['delete that picture now'] Jimmy: ['calm down, not gonna post it' still hasn't deleted it] Janis: ['that's not the point'] Jimmy: ['what is your point, Judith?' when you're just asking her why she's so mad like you don't know] Janis: ['I don't want you having photos of me on your phone' and coming over with your hand out like gimme] Jimmy: [does give it to her because 💔 by that] Janis: [deletes it like there, not so hard 'thank you' and handing it back] Jimmy: [just taking his phone back like this is super casual] Janis: [we're all fine and casual 'cept you so aren't and you're just here seething like hope the rest of you convinced Mia she weren't allowed to come out and 👀] Jimmy: [lighting another 🚬 as soon as you're done with the first one, nhs direct will be fuming at you as well sir] Janis: [never gonna heal at this rate lol] Jimmy: [honestly] Janis: [not the time to have that argument sadly] Jimmy: [fight fight fight] Janis: [More likely than admitting why you're actually pissed off but instead just laying down on some sun lounger bullshit and closing your eyes like lalalala] Jimmy: [that would be an artsy photo but we not gonna] Janis: [💔] Jimmy: [so awkward cos you know he's not leaving] Janis: [when you just laying there waiting but you can hear he ain't like what to do] Jimmy: [I like to imagine he's using this time wisely to deal with all the texts and shit he's been ignoring from Ian throughout the day and if there are any new ones from Cass cos not ignoring her ever] Janis: [be productive boy, we know you're ignoring all your fam all the time on the other hand so, finally sitting up like 'if you ain't gonna do this properly, we may as well just go now'] Jimmy: [comes to sit on the sun lounger the furthest away from the one she's on as a nice parallel to when he sat on the other end of the bench as far but as close as he could on school trip, but not yet looking up from his phone 'what are you on about?'] Janis: ['I mean, if you're going to jeopardize the plan by doing some ungoals shit I'm meant to then have an argument with you about, I can't be bothered, this is too much ballache as is, right'] Jimmy: [repeats what he just said but looking at her this time as if that will make her answer differently] Janis: [blinks at him like, really? 'what part of that did you not get?'] Jimmy: ['might be the part where you're not pulling your weight, fuck knows why I can't get my head round that though' sighs 'It were you stropping off and it were me who had to follow you to keep shit goals'] Janis: [a noise like um, what 'aside from the fact you walked off first, so you can't even have a go at me for it, I had to 'cos you were being a dick and what else could I do in response to that, nothing'] Jimmy: ['I walked off from the tour 'cause it's bollocks but I came back and now none of 'em could say I were being a dick' shrugs like the whole point is we play fake nice with them] Janis: ['yeah none of 'em can say that alright' 🙄 like don't be dense about it] Jimmy: [comes and sits on the end of the lounger she's on just looking at her 'what did you wanna do?' in reference to not being able to do anything else about him being a dick 'go on'] Janis: [looking back 'all I want is to not look like a twat in front of them, literally that's all' shrugs] Jimmy: ['Alright, you won't' draws a ✔ on her with his fingertip really softly and then looks back up at her 'promise'] Janis: [goes to say something multiple times but just nods 'cos safer] Jimmy: [just holding her hand and playing with it in a really soft way without thinking about it] Janis: [breathing out but in a calming down way not frustration] Jimmy: [a hug because that's something they do as mates nbd] Janis: ['this is such a headfuck' what part] Jimmy: ['I don't wanna do nowt that fucks you over' because way to say you care without actually doing it] Janis: ['we're on the same page then...' shakes head and then puts it in her hands like eurgh 'forget about it then?'] Jimmy: [does the thing where he goes to pat her on the head for bants but instead just strokes her hair cos he's the softest boy] Janis: [lying your head in his lap again 'just don't fuck Asia, yeah'] Jimmy: ['wouldn't if she paid us' has never meant anything he's said more than that lol] Janis: ['I'm glad to know the secret menu ain't just yous being pimped out, like'] Jimmy: ['me an' all'] Janis: [just snuggling on the low] Jimmy: [letting it happen] Janis: ['we could sleep out here' like probably not in your current attire but you're well used to sleeping outside otherwise] Jimmy: ['if you want' because he's done it too lbr and also we know he'll do anything she wants to] Janis: ['probably have to wait 'til they're asleep' sighs] Jimmy: ['no challenge that' these boring bitches are gonna go to sleep early obvs] Janis: ['even lizard boy will wear himself out after a go, like'] Jimmy: [a lol but a grossed out sound with it] Janis: [lols back 'as far as fake boyfriends go-' running her fingers up and down his arm '-thanks for not being scaly'] Jimmy: ['least I could do when you're so...' not gonna finish that sentence thank you] Janis: [looking up from his lap like ?] Jimmy: [just looking back at her like] Janis: [wrapping her arms around his neck to pull her face up and his down to meet it so she can kiss him] Jimmy: [letting this be a full make out moment even though you've been out here ages and the flat whites are gonna be gossiping cos idc] Janis: [none of us care, Asia you got no room to talk today lol] Jimmy: [likewise Mia you've been the WORST host so you can't say shit either] Janis: [obviously you will be but still, we do not care at all] Jimmy: [and we know most of them are team JJ at this point so deal with that babe] Janis: [lmao she will never] Jimmy: [Oh Mia] Janis: [truly what is this obsession, we will never know] Jimmy: [when even Grace is like dial it back and she's the OG of having an obsession with Janis so] Janis: [is she your twin sister who you miss and don't think loves you? no, I don't think so and we know you don't like any boy so even if you wanted to bang Jimmy you wouldn't need to be this weird about it] Jimmy: [mhmm wants to bang her own dad more like] Janis: [awkwardddd] Jimmy: [not the issue of why she can't but imagine what he'd look like please] Janis: [my boo like he ain't even hot haha] Jimmy: [tea though] Janis: [we all know it] Jimmy: [we should have her mum be there being cringe when they go back in so lowkey they haven't noticed how long JJ been gone even cos ugh] Janis: [dranking, flirting with Asia's man 'cos inappropriate parents yay] Jimmy: [a richer less trashy version of Carly's mum basically but her husband's doing the cheating instead of her] Janis: [that's the vibe, watch out Jimothy] Jimmy: [he walks in and wants to walk straight back out immediately so HAS TO pull the bae closer to him soz not soz] Janis: [protect ya mans from this sad middle-aged lady, like] Jimmy: [for real, sitting as far away from them all as you can without making it obvious meanwhile just pulling her into your lap like DON'T MOVE EVER THANK YOU] Janis: [getting to be real cutesy with it, said like you weren't snuggling outside lmao] Jimmy: [any excuse to be softer than you're pretending you like rn] Janis: [thanks for the excuse lads] Jimmy: [whispering shade about her weird mum so you don't have to think about not knowing where yours even is or if she's alive or nah] Janis: [just loling on the low like babe, you're so funny, 'cos obvs you've never met the bitch either and wow, what parents she has, she's gonna wanna die, oh Mia] Jimmy: [I'd feel bad for you but you're an evil bitch so I don't and what's more important is that Jimothy is clearly lowkey sad] Jimmy: [they wouldn't notice but we know Janis always notices things so] Janis: [squeezing his hand like you good?'] Jimmy: [just snuggling into her more because nobody's batting an eyelid at that] Janis: [kissing his forehead and murmuring something comforting about him still not feeling well 'cos fake sick earlier] Jimmy: [we're leaning into this narrative because nobody wants to be here] Janis: [nobody bitch, making a point of getting really cosy like we're gonna go to sleep now like Mrs Mia can you fuck off lol, putting a blanket over them and a pillow behind her head so he can stay sleeping on her] Jimmy: [the only time Mia and Janis have agreed on anything cos she really wants her mum to fuck off also] Janis: [just stroking his hair like he always do] Jimmy: [don't cry rn boy there's no styling it out] Janis: [just wait out these awkward last moments 'fore everyone goes to sleep lads] Jimmy: [everyone just faking they are asleep like let this end] Janis: [gonna take this opportunity tho] Janis: hey Jimmy: Alright? Janis: yeah Janis: you? Jimmy: Why wouldn't I be? Jimmy: best night EVER Janis: 😏 Janis: least we worked out why they're all such bitches Janis: this is their idea of fun Jimmy: least it weren't all shit Janis: the food was pretty good, yeah Jimmy: meant to be me who's the fat fuck Jimmy: don't be coming for my 👑 tah Janis: I'll let you keep it Janis: no 🐸 Jimmy: can't fight you for it, too unfit, me Janis: shut up Janis: you're well fit, babes Jimmy: 💕 Janis: 😍 Jimmy: 😘 Janis: 💖 Jimmy: [draws a heart with their initials in on whatever bit of her skin he can reach rn] Janis: [stops breathing for a hot sec] Jimmy: [keeping that hand wherever it landed so casually] Janis: Jimmy Jimmy: ? Janis: what do you wanna do when we get out of here ⛓ Jimmy: What do you wanna do? Janis: Something actually fun Janis: I dunno what yet, I'll be thinking Jimmy: Alright Janis: is Tammy asleep already or does she need an Oscar? Jimmy: [throws something at her that can't be traced back to him because he's so asleep and so ill bye] Janis: [he'd feel the lols she's holding in so hard rn] Jimmy: [tickles her a little bit but like too lightly to actually make her lol] Janis: [just squirming away so hardcore I hope no one else is that close to yous two] Jimmy: [pulling her back to you even closer than she was before if that's possible] Janis: [when you wanna makeout so bad but you also feel so soft so you're like no we can't but also why not ahh] Jimmy: [we know it's gonna happen lads] Janis: [try to be quiet there are so many peeps in this room with you not asleep yet] Jimmy: [there's your excuse to be softer with it cos a bit quieter well it would be if you weren't so into it] Janis: [just clenching your fists 'til your fingernails cut into your palms tryna be quiet over here when you're fully dying] Jimmy: [at least he'd obviously be dying as much imagine if one of you was really into it and the other person was like meh] Janis: [you both love it that's why there's no denying that, if there ever was tbh] Jimmy: [mhmm] Janis: [consider not going all the way here though tah lizard boy is 1000% listening and he doesn't deserve the show] Jimmy: [I know you really wanna lads but I really don't wanna give him those mental images or sound effects] Janis: [though he should totally spread it around that you did 'cos just real] Jimmy: [he's so that dickhead] Janis: [playing into Mia's hands, someone has to this sleepover has been a total fail for you babe] Jimmy: [suddenly don't hate him as much do you hun] Janis: [new bff lol] Jimmy: [you two should totally sneak off though cos nobody can stop you if they fake sleeping] Janis: [you simply must] Jimmy: [Mia's room blatantly] Janis: [fuck on her bed and go through her things, literally the least she deserves] Jimmy: [making what would already be a 🔥 hook up even better] Janis: [least you can make some noise, her rents room is probably a million miles away 'cos posh people] Jimmy: [love that for you two] Janis: [mood and a moment, shame you can't sleep in there] Jimmy: [well they could as long as they get up before Mia does which realistic cos a bitch is on death's door] Janis: [lmao, it's just a weird fuck you flex that I'm about] Jimmy: [same though] Janis: [taking a selfie so smug] Jimmy: [yaaas] Janis: [we'll pretend it's just for blackmail purposes later and not 'cos he looks that good but there's no denying your 😍] Jimmy: [we know they love an excuse for a photoshoot and the 😍 are mutual af] Janis: [honestly just staring at him appreciating for a hot sec] Jimmy: [looking at her like ? boy you know] Janis: ['it's rude'] Jimmy: ['what?'] Janis: [points at him like 'you'] Jimmy: [shakes his head and points at her instead trying not to blush] Janis: ['you're so' not purposely copying him from earlier but here we are] Jimmy: [gotta kiss her so you don't say something that we can't take back] Janis: [relatable] Jimmy: [I'm like how else can you fuck with Mia while you've basically got free run of her gaff rn lol] Janis: [there's got to be shit, like as long as you keep it quiet, you could do anything, within reason] Jimmy: [ninja-ing through the place] Janis: [also what can you do that she won't be able to say shit about/immediately know/assume it's you two hmm] Jimmy: [gotta be sneaky but yeah idk] Janis: [I wonder, maybe there's some cringe photos of her from childhood they could find? Jimmy: [love that and OMG maybe this is too far/ not feasible if her dad is like sleeping in his study wherever but I just thought what if they found something cringe about him/ his latest affair etc] Janis: [my mind was also there like no doubt his phone has a passcode but what if his laptop or something is open with an account logged in, I wasn't sure] Jimmy: [I say fuck it why not he's probably not that smart/ not expecting the sneak attack/ drunk] Janis: [let's do it honey, yo to the lo] Jimmy: [they're only gonna use it if she deserves it like when she gets him fired or something so it's her own fault] Janis: [mhmm, we know she has it coming so save it up honey] Jimmy: [that's her sorted then is there anything else we wanna have happen/ be said between them?] Janis: [1000% signing up for the dating apps and shit to find him...CATFISH HER DAD lmao we probably just need to decide how we're having them leave in the AM and then that should be good though] Jimmy: [obvs they gotta leave early so probably assume they can sneak off but I think they should all be up working out because Mia's that control freak who makes the squad except like Asia and her bf who refuse to get up lol] Janis: [what a disturbing scene like soz we gotta go rn immediately still] Jimmy: [Jimmy like I'm not dressed for your zumba fitness and also I'm not a wine mum so bye] Janis: [just get to be vaguely passive-aggressive about doing a real workout like buhbye] Jimmy: [love that for you both, Jimmy like I've got a puppy to walk because I don't kill and eat small living creatures 🐍] Janis: [so glad to be out of there alive tbh] Jimmy: [I dread to think what kind of weird intense workout Mia would actually do, oh girl] Janis: [the others just dying like how is she not] Jimmy: [fuelled purely by the mems of what a shit night she had] Janis: [and what 🔥 hookups they had all over your gaff] Jimmy: [meanwhile Jimothy'll be getting through community service because of how good she looks in yet more of his borrowed clothes] Janis: [you need to sneak home for provisions soon babe but not this morning] Jimmy: [#never soz cali] Janis: [you can be home if you want the row or nah, we know the vibe for always] Jimmy: [Twix will never let you leave gal she'll be buzzing to see you] Janis: [like where have you been bestie lmao] Jimmy: [real loves of each other's lives] Janis: [at least community service today won't be as shit now] Jimmy: [thank god, it's hilarious that this convo started how it did] Janis: [shamelessly making up for the lost time like it's going out of style] Jimmy: [living for how highkey you two are always] Janis: [aren't we all, especially you two, random thought but do we wanna have anyone else stand out/be of note in community service?] Jimmy: [oooh that's a good idea boo] Janis: [it has potential if we wanna use it] Jimmy: [agreed, we'll have to ponder, have you got anyone she always takes pics with or anything that you're like when the fuck am I gonna use you?] Janis: [aside from the boys from the Netflix show, not really] Jimmy: [they probably don't look like they're community service lads sadly] Janis: [lmao probably not though this is prime jealousy time for you all] Jimmy: [we should totally exploit that if nothing else because Asia is no actual threat but a community service girl that she thinks is his type, like hello and we know he gets jealous if she literally interacts with anyone rn so] Janis: [why not I say] Jimmy: [all the content we can get from the headfuck this time period is, we gotta] Janis: [right, they're just jealous is the point, there literally doesn't have to be anything in it] Jimmy: [we 👀 you] Janis: [do you wanna skip to a bit of that, or something else, end this here???] Jimmy: [we should probably end this here even if we wanna do some of that because a bit rude to ruin day 2 of community service as well as day 1 lol like give them a good one first at least] Janis: [yeah it doesn't have to be immediate okay leggo]

[punkscowardschampions]

Janis & Jimmy

Janis: the lure of coffee machine burns and demanding customers proved too strong? Jimmy: Your gratitude at getting another smoothie an' all Janis: you found out I was a big tipper? Janis: grapevine getting oddly specific and vaguely complimentary Jimmy: Your boyfriend never said nowt, awkward and 💔 Janis: which one Janis: have to put him on the 'really, never again' list Jimmy: the one who works here but ain't me Jimmy: Pete Janis: so that's his name Janis: cute Janis: well he can't go on that list so I take it back Jimmy: Or I'm lying Jimmy: but I reckon I'd give him a better name if I were Janis: exactly Janis: one every lad has like Jimmy: what every lad don't have is a 🎸 and a band attached Jimmy: he's WELL unique 💕 Janis: OMG Janis: makes so much sense why you're 💘 Jimmy: I ain't 😳 it's the steam, alright Janis: 😂 Janis: If I was a nicer friend I'd be made up for yous Janis: obviously I've learnt from the best and I'll covertly hit that behind your back, sabotaging you every step of the way Jimmy: We mates now? 🎉🎊🕺 Janis: the best 💕 Janis: thought 💔 you ain't 💔 about the friendzoning, obvs Jimmy: I'm made up for us Janis: 😏 good Jimmy: you'll be well about having a gay BFF Janis: ikr Janis: as if they didn't have enough reasons to be jealous of me Janis: ultimate accessory Jimmy: I am gonna ask him to move in though so if you could piss off before the end of our shift Jimmy: Tah, babes Janis: how could you Janis: genuinely did not see this coming Jimmy: when you know you know, girl 💕 Jimmy: soz you didn't Janis: I know lots of things Janis: like his name and passion so tah, dickhead 🏆💘 Jimmy: @petechambers is what you need to know Janis: why you being so helpful Jimmy: he reckons you're my girlfriend, how far do you reckon you're gonna get Janis: reckons you're my boyfriend, by that logic Janis: looks like we're both fucked Jimmy: I don't fuck in the workplace, I told you Jimmy: only customers 👴👵💕 Janis: fucking hell don't say that Janis: not just their spidey senses tingling, eurgh Jimmy: 💀👑 and her #squad ain't here yet Jimmy: can say what I like Janis: 'course not, it's before noon Janis: and as long as your manager don't hear you, yeah Jimmy: 🤞 he won't hear me 😴 in the back either Janis: you must be dead Janis: all the freebie espresso shots today Jimmy: 👻 Jimmy: should've let you call in for me Janis: dangerously close to admitting I had a good idea Jimmy: only the one Janis: one more than you had you poor 😴 fool Jimmy: You sleep alright? The 🐕 was being a right little twat when I had to go Janis: like I'd been drugged Janis: not accusing you Janis: just don't usually sleep that deep Jimmy: 😂 Jimmy: the barman was a bit Jimmy: could accuse him Janis: who am I to turn my nose up at free drugs Jimmy: 👮🚔 undercover me, remember Jimmy: might wanna hit delete on that Janis: listen, you've definitely crossed some boundaries yourself, idc how deep your cover is Janis: you keep it 🤐 and so will I Jimmy: Oh it's really deep like my 💕 baby Janis: 😂 Janis: yep, you're definitely 45 Jimmy: were warned Janis: didn't say I didn't like it 😍 Jimmy: 🤤🤤🤤 Jimmy: #whenshelikestherealyou Janis: just can't help but be goals, me and you Jimmy: tough job but I've already got a piss easy one Jimmy: I'd be bored to 😭😭😭 or 💀💀💀 Janis: so welcome, babe 💕 Janis: shame you can't be bored to 💤💤💤 rn though Jimmy: earnt myself a burn for cheeking everyone's manager 🙏 @god soz, like Janis: 🌩 Janis: he'll get ya Jimmy: bit late for the warning, Jenna but tah Janis: got off pretty light Janis: it could've been genocide, he's a big fan Jimmy: tell it to all the fans who want pics of me touching you up Jimmy: ain't gonna be goals for a bit, that Janis: bad enough you can 🏥 Jimmy: still got skin ✔ Jimmy: makes it a no go Janis: 😔 baby Jimmy: will to live ✖ Jimmy: least I've got you 💕 Janis: you poor, poor boy Janis: and your fave customers ain't there either, what's the rest of the crowd looking like? Jimmy: 👪 and 👫 Jimmy: be why I'm in such a romantic mood Janis: so inspiring, yeah Jimmy: nowt as inspiring as you obvs Janis: how many paracetamol did you pop Janis: very peace and love rn, you Jimmy: might be talking in my 💤 Janis: in that case Janis: let me hold you to everything you say Janis: go on Jimmy: 👍 Janis: did you/any of yous get a chance to walk this dog Janis: it's being batshit Jimmy: I let it out but unless Cass is up and about now Janis: If she is she's being as quiet as I am Janis: no worries, I'll take it for a run Jimmy: hang on, I'll text her Janis: 👍 Jimmy: Alright, boot the door in for us Janis: you what Jimmy: you heard Jimmy: 👮🚔 tactics, mate Janis: not gonna marry your da, remember Janis: no stepmum here Jimmy: well he chucks her 💰 for walking that 🐕 you're gonna at least wanna take that off her Janis: I guess I could let the dog in her room Janis: just blame you or the kid Jimmy: I did it earlier, dunno how it got back out Janis: clever girl Jimmy: 👻🐕 Janis: awh Janis: if I could draw for shit I would Jimmy: Have a go Jimmy: there's loads of shit in my room Janis: feeling #inspirational as well as #inspired, mate? Jimmy: you feeling 🥇 or 🙀? Janis: how do you know I ain't got plans Jimmy: Come on, I'll do it too, let 👻🐕 decide which is better Janis: ugh Janis: fine Jimmy: Crack on then, loser Janis: fuck off Janis: I never claimed I was good at art, 🎨 hoe Jimmy: Getting the excuses in already Jimmy: should've just backed out from the challenge, babe Janis: you should get to work Janis: doodling or your actual, like Jimmy: I'm doing both Janis: get you Jimmy: 🏆🥇👑 Janis: ⭐⭐⭐ for your name badge Jimmy: It says Jamie right now so you're alright Janis: 😂 Janis: doesn't suit you Jimmy: only been working here ages Jimmy: don't put yourselves out Janis: your names not actually James then? Janis: least they're in the ballpark Jimmy: Bollocks would it be, Ian'd reckon that too la-de-da Janis: fair, can't imagine that either Jimmy: and anyway we're all y or ie except him 'cause ❄ can't get ideas above ourselves Janis: don't stop every cunt I know giving their kids genuinely mental names though so Jimmy: I've wrote some mad ones on ☕ Janis: ooh #whenhescreativetho Jimmy: his new missus better fall in like my mum did Jimmy: fucked yourself you Janis: I mean, I'd change it but what to Ian, you've got the vision, like Jimmy: @ him Janis: from his house, that'd be hilariously psycho stalker Jimmy: he'd be 😍😍 so don't actually Janis: alright, in your bed not his Jimmy: Are you? Jimmy: Get up dickhead there's 🎨 to make Janis: 🙄 alright, on it Janis: ruin the fantasy with your details, why don't you Jimmy: ruin your lie in with my jealousy of it, tah Janis: 💔 Jimmy: 🎻🎻 Jimmy: In a bit then Janis: are you concentrating that hard? Jimmy: you need to if you wanna beat me Jimmy: doing you that favour Janis: so kind 🖕 Janis: so considerate 😒 Jimmy: I know 💕 Janis: [hit him with a cartoon of ghost Twix doing a phantom shit in Ian's shoes] Jimmy: [one of those recorded texts things of him loling] Janis: is that a lol of approval? Jimmy: 'course Janis: good, 'cos I tried Jimmy: yours is better than mine Jimmy: glad I ain't the judge Janis: rub it in pedigree, like Janis: she likes you better, maybe a walk would swing it Jimmy: she don't like that I only let her out in the garden for a bit Jimmy: so if you're gonna cheat Jimmy: would be 🥇 cheating Janis: from the professional himself 💕 Janis: leave a note, so your sister don't reckon it's been dognapped Jimmy: 🖕 and 👌 Janis: love you too Jimmy: [sends her his picture of ghost him walking ghost twix and Janis in a ghostbusters outfit getting him with the vacuum thing cos Twix is her true love but someone's spilt coffee on it rudely] Janis: fuck off Janis: that's actually sick Janis: can't even be that mad Jimmy: you ain't judging it either and ☕ ain't a treat she's 😍 for Janis: take the compliment, boy Jimmy: I'm too tired Janis: doesn't anyone at your work have a decent coke habit Janis: inconsiderate, that Jimmy: what kind of rock and roll god are you, Pete? fuck's sake Jimmy: 😱💔 Janis: if he's straight-edge Janis: have him Janis: won't be lectured by some 🤓 however cute Jimmy: from his feed I'd say 60/40 that he is Jimmy: gutted pisshead Janis: actually devastated Janis: please give me time to grieve Jimmy: me an' all, gonna have to rely on you and only you to get me through this shift Janis: I haven't got any on me either, you know Jimmy: like I said Jimmy: he does 🚬 though actually, I've seen him Janis: 😻😻😻 Janis: oh thank god Janis: not ready to let that dream die tbh Jimmy: Alright, calm down Janis: you don't understand Jimmy: Have you even looked at his profile? 60/40 that bird's his girlfriend an' all Janis: idk what that's gotta do with me Jimmy: she's got better tits than you Jimmy: I don't reckon you'd win if you challenged her Janis: well I know I would but tah Jimmy: You ain't his type Janis: omg you don't know that Jimmy: try some heavy eye make up and a band t-shirt Jimmy: might 👀 at you then Janis: can't argue with good looking Janis: whatever you think you're into Jimmy: 🙄 Janis: what's with the negging Jimmy: What you want me to big you up? Got that covered ain't you Janis: nah Janis: but shouldn't affect you that I know my worth, should it Jimmy: it don't Jimmy: nowt you do affects me Janis: then stop chatting shit like that to me Jimmy: Or what? Janis: no or what about it I won't fucking talk to you Jimmy: 👍 Jimmy: I ain't got time for you, my best customers are here Janis: lol really Jimmy: [a pic of them gals, chin chin] Janis: 🤢 Janis: if I never saw that face again, it'd be too soon Jimmy: [resends it with faces scribbled out] Janis: 😏 Janis: idiot Janis: time for a stock check, probs Jimmy: time to post something about you more like Jimmy: [does about how much he misses her and how hard it was to leave her there asleep this AM etc] Janis: you trying to kill 'em? Janis: 'cos good job, honestly Janis: they'll at least have heart palpatations at that Jimmy: #duh Jimmy: could do better but this ain't a topless kinda place Janis: we're all 💔 about that Janis: should've taken some creeper shots whilst you were sleeping, my bad Jimmy: such an amateur you Janis: had other things on my mind, happens Janis: my reply will be extra slushy, how's that Jimmy: 🤢 Janis: obvs but yay or nay dickhead Jimmy: where are you? Janis: park opposite yours Janis: why Jimmy: do you look like you belong in a park opposite mine? Janis: fuck you, I'm clean Jimmy: I'm saying make yourself look like you just got out of my bed and get over here Janis: alright then Janis: but that counts as one of my debts paid, definitely Jimmy: Bollocks Janis: er yeah it does Jimmy: How is this a favour to me? Jimmy: They're chatting shit about you Janis: when ain't they Janis: I don't ever need to be in the same room as my sister, tah Jimmy: Stay at the park then Janis: make up your mind Janis: I said I'll do it Jimmy: Not doing this for my health Jimmy: they ain't wrong in thinking I look like shit and if you were any kind of nurse you wouldn't have let me go nowhere Janis: marry 'em then Jimmy: I don't wanna marry you why would I wanna marry them? Jimmy: Also how? In what sequence 'cause can only be one at a time Janis: 'cos clearly you trust in their ability to look after you based on this snippet of overheard convo, idiot Janis: none of them have had a boyfriend longer than 3 weeks, no time to get a fucking cold, nevermind get over it Janis: don't count, they're a hivemind Janis: cut off Mia's head, they all die Jimmy: 👌 Janis: how can they possibly have anything to talk about Janis: not seen any of them in days Jimmy: You've been online, nowt else they need Janis: fuck sake Jimmy: I'll throw a drink over Mia she'll melt, game over Jimmy: if she ever orders owt Janis: some sweet as Janis: that hot sweet vom will coat her mouth on the way out, enjoy that for hours Jimmy: Don't Jimmy: you'll make me vom Janis: such a baby Jimmy: Piss off Janis: you ain't cleaned up worse in the CG bathroom, no Jimmy: don't mean I loved every minute of it Jimmy: or that I wanna relive it right now with you Janis: k, just tryna kill the mood, baby Janis: calm you down Jimmy: Leave it out Janis: lighten up, me they're chatting shit about Jimmy: and it weren't me who invited her here Jimmy: stop being a knobhead Janis: I'm not Jimmy: 👍 Jimmy: in a bit then Janis: shut up Janis: what's actually wrong with you Jimmy: I don't wanna talk to you if you're gonna take the piss Jimmy: nowt wrong with that Janis: when did I Jimmy: This job is crap and I don't wanna do it but I ain't got rich parents Jimmy: so yeah, I have to clean up after dickheads all day Jimmy: and they get to say whatever they want to me while I'm doing it Janis: it's you who's assumed my parents are minted, you ain't once asked me about 'em and I ain't told you Janis: how far do you reckon 2 paychecks goes for 12 people, but nah, whatever, they got more than some Janis: but not so much that I'll never have to work a day in my life so don't come for me like I think I'm too good to clean a toilet or some shit Jimmy: Don't get at me when it's them you wanna Jimmy: we're supposed to be in this together Janis: I weren't getting at you Janis: for fuck sake Jimmy: Alright Janis: it clearly ain't but I weren't so I'm not apologizing for some shit you only think I said Jimmy: and I'm not starting something with you 'cause they're annoying Jimmy: So alright Janis: Fine Janis: that we can agree on so we'll just leave it yeah Jimmy: 👌 Janis: 👍 Jimmy: the 🐕 with you? Janis: yeah Janis: taking her back Jimmy: do me a favour and leave her there Janis: weren't planning on bringing her if I do come through Jimmy: I mean at the park to get actually dognapped Janis: well don't take it on on the dog either Jimmy: I didn't like her long before 💀👑 were on my radar Janis: ain't her fault Jimmy: is Janis: she's only a puppy Jimmy: cute enough to get snatched then Janis: i'm not getting rid of your dog for you Janis: do it properly if you're going to Jimmy: just trying to get rid of that IOU for you Janis: sure Jimmy: You're really scared to owe me one, you Janis: scared and not wanting to are not the same thing Jimmy: that'll be why I said what I said Janis: 😒 Janis: fuck off, what's there to be scared of Jimmy: You tell me Jimmy: What do you reckon I'm gonna do? Janis: shut up Jimmy: Easy, I'm faking I lost my voice either 'cause I'm 🤢 dying or 💀💀💀 from how well you nursed me Jimmy: theirs to keep guessing about Janis: ours to prove easy enough Janis: if we wanna Jimmy: Do you? Janis: I mean Janis: obviously I don't care but also Janis: why should they just get to go around being cunts all the time Jimmy: I get it Jimmy: I also get that you badly miss Mr Lucas, babe but I ain't drank enough coffee for you to pretend I'm him 💔 Janis: 🤢 okay but don't Jimmy: I could take a few more shots before you get here but I might Jimmy: don't actually like it Janis: it's rank Janis: fuck the rest, being around the smell all day would be shit enough Jimmy: hang on, I'm gonna wipe off the chalk board outside and write that Janis: 😂 Jimmy: so inspiring baby 💕 Janis: if we could thin the crowd at all be ideal Janis: don't need the 👪👫s seeing this Jimmy: some of them did leg it pretty quick when Mia walked in Jimmy: not gonna want your kids or your fella seeing that Janis: honestly, meant to learn about death through a hamster, not your local 💀👑 Jimmy: well early in the day to try and teach them to spell anorexia Janis: thank god for spellcheck, eh babe? Jimmy: didn't have it when I communicated with her via napkin note but I think I managed Jimmy: will do if I don't think about what she'll do with it after Janis: basically sold your soul to the devil Janis: couldn't wait 5 minutes for me to get there Jimmy: already 👻 nowt she can do to me Jimmy: only come to life for you Janis: can't decide if 💕 or 🤤 that Jimmy: why not both? Janis: 😍 #whenhesthefullpackage Jimmy: give me everything you've got then Janis: you've changed your tune Jimmy: I've not Jimmy: been saying 🥇 or nowt since the start Janis: last night Jimmy: What? Janis: never mind Janis: both had a few by then, not to mention knackered Jimmy: Go on Janis: well you said don't give you anything Jimmy: it ain't for me, it's for them Janis: yeah, I know Jimmy: So no need to hold back Janis: wouldn't be much point coming otherwise Jimmy: I've gotta be fake mute, you've gotta be fake loud Janis: really Jimmy: We can't both be 🔇 Janis: Jesus Janis: why are you being mute again anyway Jimmy: I lost my voice 'cause you're the best at bringing someone back from the brink of 💀💀💀 Janis: 'course I am Janis: well don't put me off, I have a plan Jimmy: I just had to let you know loudly and repeatedly even if it cost me this #goals accent Janis: sounds about right 😏 Jimmy: Obviously, I thought of it Janis: I mean, it's believeable for you but alright Jimmy: A boy can dream 💕 Janis: dream no longer Janis: [post up hoe] Jimmy: [get ready lads and I don't just mean you gals] Janis: [least she'd always have her gym shit on her so can still have that moment] Jimmy: [yeah that's forever legit, and thank god he looks good in his uniform too or that'd be awkward like she's bringing it and he's blah] Janis: [when you're gonna have to just go for this lads] Jimmy: [he's gonna get a bollocking from his manager regardless we all know it, him most of all so nothing to lose] Janis: [when you come at him like 'I just missed you so much' loud/close enough that it's heard but you're already wrapping yourself around him] Jimmy: [when you have to be fake mute so it's all 😍 but it does mean you can just pull her even closer to you how he likes to do and go IN on kissing any part of her that'll get the best reaction, from her and the audience] Janis: [letting that happen for way longer than you need to before redirecting his mouth to yours so you can be loud without it being really indecent] Jimmy: [I feel like as much as they think they can read each other from all the make out seshs they've had he should've done something in that bit then that surprised him with how much she liked it even if they are pretending it's fake and he told her to be extra] Janis: [agreed like as much as it's all real it would be like the shock when they first kissed and she weren't bored so 100%] Jimmy: [just gonna put her on the counter for that mood and moment soz customers but like we're putting on a show here, not getting in trouble without making it worth it] Janis: [when you say his name and it's half 'cos you wanna half like are you sure] Jimmy: [when as much as you're pretending you've forgotten where you are you also have because so much pent up everything] Janis: ['come home with me' do you mean it or no we'll never know] Jimmy: [I like to imagine Mia's head exploding so get her down but onto the staff side with you so you can keep this going as you make your way towards the back like you're gonna continue this there/leave that way] Janis: [heheheheh] Jimmy: [obvs gonna keep kissing out there for a sec 'for realism' and in case anyone follows you like um what the fuck Jimmy are you leaving or wut not cos you wanna and you couldn't be closer and you haven't stopped since you started even when you were also moving, oh no never for that reason] Janis: [literal like in no world did they need this entire display also how you gonna stop, least his manager can come through to make that happen] Jimmy: [just like ahem #awkward because you know they wouldn't have stopped when he first appeared cos too into it so it's like EXCUSE YOU] Janis: [how shaming if either of you could care] Jimmy: [HOORAY for not feeling shame because yeah Jimothy you're gonna have to sit with him now and get told off looking that poor manager in the eye] Janis: [honestly you'd wanna die if you weren't so highkey distracted] Jimmy: [wait until Ian hears about this, he'll want you to die too] Janis: [nooooooooo] Jimmy: [no wonder he don't like Janis, no offense babe we know his actual reasons ain't that but] Janis: [she does get him fired we all know] Jimmy: [thank god he gets another job cos can you imagine if he couldn't they were all like no thanks you saucy bastard] Janis: [whoops, have to leave forreal] Jimmy: [how the hell are we gonna kick off a 'normal' convo between them after that MY GOD] Janis: how much trouble you in Jimmy: Not enough that I care Janis: good, not looking to + my IOUs that hard Janis: worked though, yeah Jimmy: How many stories has Mia posted? Janis: [screenshot of the longest line of stories ever but she's only on the first one 'cos not watching] Janis: more detailed than 24 hour news Jimmy: I get that I ain't the focus on her obsession, but get my angles, fuck's sake Janis: 💔 Janis: be more blatant, girl Jimmy: This plays like the Love Actually wedding video Janis: 😂 Janis: Keira should've told her husband to sort his friend, honestly Jimmy: I'm waiting for my full crop and her floating bobble head where mine were Janis: literally gonna haunt my nightmares, thanks Jimmy: Soz, I ain't seen her commit that edit yet if that helps Jimmy: we all know you can afford the software girl, sort it out Janis: no time if she wants to break the story Janis: 🙄 Jimmy: it wouldn't take long if she knew what she was doing Jimmy: could've asked me Janis: we all know now she's not arsed about you Janis: sorry, dear Jimmy: 💔💔💔 Jimmy: brb jumping off the roof Janis: could you wait a bit Janis: so it doesn't look like an immediate reaction to me Jimmy: gimme something better to do then Janis: well, I was sure you'd be sent home Janis: dunno how you managed that, jammy git Jimmy: #effortless Janis: must be Jimmy: 😎 Janis: sure you've got loads of invites in your DMs then, boy Jimmy: Yeah but Janis: but what Jimmy: I don't fancy it, do I Janis: still up to me and me alone then, is it Jimmy: for a bit Janis: okay Janis: see what I can do Jimmy: a full day's work won't 💀💀💀 you, rich girl Jimmy: promise Janis: my sister might beat you to it anyway Jimmy: she can try 🏆💪 we've got a pact and I called it ages ago Janis: can argue that one with her, if you like Jimmy: Alright Jimmy: have lost my voice going for it with Ian, not fazed by hers Janis: it's pretty grating tbh but you know Janis: nothing worse than the way she types Jimmy: Oi, there's nowt as annoying or loud as me Janis: don't need to lie to make you feel good about yourself Jimmy: Good Jimmy: a lie wouldn't Janis: and you're a cocky little shit without my help so Jimmy: with your help an' all though Janis: works for me Jimmy: I know Janis: what does that even mean 😏 Jimmy: What do you reckon it means? Jimmy: It means I know Janis: that definitely means you're chatting shit then Jimmy: If saying that I am works for you, babe Janis: 😑 taking the piss now Jimmy: Nah Jimmy: do what you've gotta do Janis: so fucking cryptic Jimmy: 🧩 me Janis: 😎 Jimmy: *😎🚬 Janis: OMG, smoking is NOT a personality trait Jimmy: I'm keeping you updated Jimmy: like a good boyfriend Jimmy: my whereabouts, what I'm up to etc Janis: subtle hint Janis: Mia teach you before she went? Jimmy: I weren't in the room as she 👀 it, remember Janis: on another 🪐 Jimmy: where you and her 😍💕💋💋 Janis: not funny, you Jimmy: a bit Jimmy: You gonna give me your update like a good girlfriend then or what? Janis: actually going gym Janis: as I've got the gear on, makes sense Jimmy: 💪🏆 gotta keep it goals babe Jimmy: one day I'll have to show you how it's really done, like Janis: 😂 Janis: ok, that was funny Janis: you've redeemed yourself, welldone Jimmy: 👍 Jimmy: I get it, you're scared I'll make you look a right tit Janis: mhmm Janis: scared I'll be overcome by how manly you are and all Jimmy: no need to be at the gym for that, mate Janis: just how you live your life Janis: 👌 Jimmy: 😏 Janis: you dope Jimmy: taking that as a compliment 😎 Jimmy: as only a 45 year old bloke can Janis: oh yeah, how's your 💘 after that Jimmy: I ain't about to have a heart attack, you're alright Jimmy: one lung but there ain't nowt wrong with the rest of my organs Janis: good to know Janis: though my case to sue you is definitely more viable anyway Jimmy: 💰💰 talks and you've got more of it to chat bollocks about me with Janis: you've been warned Jimmy: You loved it, I've got enough witnesses Janis: very unreliable Janis: they all hate me Jimmy: I will an' all if you drag me to court Jimmy: ain't got a suit or owt and I ain't buying one for you unless we 💍 Janis: fake marriage is too far, we agreed Janis: though would LOVE to ask them all to be my bridesmaids so I could dress them in the ugliest shit and watch the meltdowns ensue Jimmy: Go on, all marriages are fake any road Janis: just string out the engagment and planning then blow that shit up on the day Janis: s'a proper finale Jimmy: knew you'd get it 💕 Janis: suck on that pregnant amie Janis: steal your ✨ Jimmy: if she'd left it at that she might not be 🤰 Janis: don't make me laugh Jimmy: why? not enough cardio for you or? Janis: 'cos I'll look mental and not the new image I'm going for, tah Jimmy: Fine, I'll make you 😳 Janis: you can try Jimmy: [sends her a pic of all those epic love bites she did cos they'd look WILD the next day like] Janis: they look pretty Janis: very artsy Jimmy: proper Georgia O’Keeffe you Janis: 😒 I know she was the vag obsessed one, twat Jimmy: 'Course you do Janis: shut up Janis: not a moron Janis: or a lesbian Jimmy: Don't need to tell me Janis: 🖕 Jimmy: Baby Janis: such a windup, you Janis: gotta have finished your 🚬 by now Jimmy: ain't that 👴 Jimmy: giving it my best go with my oxygen on Janis: cute Jimmy: So you want 75 not 45? Alright Janis: your type, not mine Janis: a fucked 45 is fine Jimmy: OUR type, babe, and I'm gonna find him Jimmy: challenge accepted Jimmy: 💕 Janis: 💕 Janis: stop being a goals fella and go do your job whilst you still got it Jimmy: that is my job Jimmy: Stop flirting with me Jimmy: making me miss you and that Janis: if you don't you'll make me look bad Jimmy: couldn't obvs Janis: yeah her 😍 know no bounds, fair Jimmy: Oi, mine an' all Janis: awh, you jealous Jimmy: Of her? Jimmy: Yeah she's well close to 💀💀💀 and all I can do is wait Jimmy: 🚬💔🎻☕ Jimmy: #friendzonedbythegrimreaper Janis: always the bridesmaid, her Janis: you know you're 🥈 to my 🥇, baby Jimmy: you on the 🥊? Jimmy: that backhander really hit 😵😵😵 Janis: [selfie like pow pow] Jimmy: 😍😍😍 Janis: 😏 Jimmy: [flirty posts and shit to keep it 'safe' haha] Janis: [as if anyone is doubting you rn, they seen enough lmao] Janis: you go this hard with your actual missus, like Jimmy: You've got her attention, be easy enough to go on and ask Janis: seriously Jimmy: What you reckon all that carry on at the CG dont matter to anyone but 👑💀? Janis: well idk do I Janis: why would I Jimmy: Talk of this town and the north Janis: at least any beatdowns will only be 📱 Janis: unless she likes you that much still she'll get on a plane or ferry, like Jimmy: 🤞 Janis: what outcome are you crossing your fingers for there Janis: 'scuse me Jimmy: What kind of question is that? Janis: jussayin Janis: not fake fighting for you Jimmy: 💔 Janis: not agreed to that level of soap drama Jimmy: where you draw the line that? Jimmy: 👌 Janis: I mean Janis: not pregnant rn is she? Janis: fair game Jimmy: I should've opened with asking Jimmy: bit late now Janis: yeah, gonna look weird now Janis: subtlety is not your strong suit Jimmy: It's alright, it ain't hers either Janis: 👍 Jimmy: But I reckon if her hubby had it in him to put it in her since the last 🤰 she wouldn't be in my DMs Jimmy: 👴💔 Janis: never know Janis: pregnancy makes you mental Jimmy: Yeah Janis: later then Jimmy: 👍 Janis: [later] Janis: did kayleigh f invite you to her party too Jimmy: I dunno, did she? Janis: not your secretary Janis: check your dms Jimmy: hang on Jimmy: I ain't seeing her, have to crash 👮🚔 Janis: why am I so popular, damn Jimmy: gay icon Janis: ha 🖕 Janis: you actually want to go or Jimmy: Do you? Janis: idk Janis: ain't got nothing else on Jimmy: Who is she? Janis: hmm Janis: not sure what her identifier is, but she's alright, does sports science and shit too Jimmy: The party'll be alright an' all then Janis: doubt the squad'll be there so improvement on the last Jimmy: works for me Janis: if you're allowed, like Janis: ⛔ Jimmy: She gonna stop me at the door? Jimmy: bit rude Janis: 😏 Janis: nah Janis: guestlist can't be that exclusive if an invite found me Janis: not like we're bffs is it Jimmy: I'll go over the fence to be safe, leave a window open for me or whatever Janis: such a show-off Jimmy: You love a show, Juliet Janis: hm Janis: keep your feet on the ground, yeah Jimmy: Bit late for that 👻 Janis: 👏 alright, got me there Jimmy: right where I want you, babe 🎯💘 Janis: yeah, and where's that? Jimmy: 😏 Janis: gotta get those hourly updates Janis: could be ANYWHERE Jimmy: could be lost Jimmy: Where's this lass live? Janis: good question Janis: oh, like 10 minute walk from yours Janis: [the deets] Janis: easy Jimmy: might get there before my 👮🚔 co-workers then Janis: well i'll be ages Janis: and not 'cos i wanna be fashionably late Janis: so see you there Jimmy: I get it, looking proper #goals takes you longer than it does me 😎 Janis: 🙄 Janis: more like my gaff is in the middle of fucking nowhere and I ain't there rn but I can't go like this Jimmy: Where are you? Gotta be near 🛍 Jimmy: do your thing, rich girl Janis: who am I Jimmy: No idea, who are you? Janis: not a bitch who's gonna get new clothes for a party Jimmy: Alright, you can wear mine, stop begging Janis: however could I pull off such a 😎 look Janis: I daren't Jimmy: 🙀 you Jimmy: never up for a challenge or owt Janis: what's challenging about your style Janis: been same since 1956 Jimmy: You pulling it off, so you said Jimmy: 🤷 if you can't, you can't Jimmy: see you when I see you Janis: and you lost your ability to detect sarcasm, alright Jimmy: might never have had it, how would you know? Janis: giving you benefit of the doubt that you ain't a total idiot but alright Janis: maybe not Jimmy: giving me what's dangerously close to a real compliment an' all there Jimmy: thank fuck you took it back before things got weird Janis: don't sound like me Jimmy: might not be Jimmy: can't 👀 or 👂 you Janis: yeah it's your biggest fan surprise Jimmy: that dickhead Jill is my biggest fan Jimmy: why I'm fake dating her Janis: get lost Janis: you're so annoying Jimmy: Probably will in a bit Jimmy: dry your eyes til then Janis: have you got a problem, like Janis: your sense of direction is for shit Jimmy: It's how they keep northerners in the north, mate Jimmy: ain't even allowed to leave in a ⚰ Jimmy: but 🤞 they bury you right way up Janis: you mean you don't want god to kiss your ass? Janis: seems like something you'd be about Jimmy: He ain't really my type Jimmy: 👴 maybe but a bit of a knobhead Jimmy: and there's the not being real Jimmy: got a fake girlfriend already tah Janis: one to talk 👻 boy Janis: that's just a third of his personality and it's your whole schtick Janis: jealous, clearly Jimmy: You reckon I'm jealous of everyone I ain't Jimmy: getting a bit awkward now Janis: is it Janis: sensitive and all Janis: n'awh Jimmy: I get it, you're that in the dark Jimmy: hang on, I'll put my 📸 on Jimmy: sort you out Janis: about what Jimmy: It's no bother, dark corners can be very #goals Jimmy: just don't 🙀🙀🙀 Jimmy: know what you're like, Jasmine Janis: cats ain't afraid of the dark, boy Jimmy: You don't play by the rules, girl Jimmy: or do you now? Janis: how much do you think has changed in one afternoon? Jimmy: Been a bit since I last had an #update from you Jimmy: could be owt or nowt Janis: ain't the only one capable of mystery, like Jimmy: Good Jimmy: this party'll be shit if I am Janis: what do you reckon you can get away with when you're my plus 1 Jimmy: my name ain't down but I'm still coming in Jimmy: do owt else I want once I manage that Janis: don't be stupid Janis: you know what I'm saying Jimmy: Make up your mind, am I stupid or what? Janis: you're being it if you reckon you can get with someone when I'm at the same party Jimmy: I never said that's what I reckoned Jimmy: I get that you're new to it, but there's more than one way to be mysterious Janis: everything is always about sex, end of Jimmy: For you paddys maybe Janis: pretty sure it's universal but alright Janis: whatever Jimmy: Are you? Janis: am I..? Jimmy: Are you so sure I wanna fuck some girl at this party even though I've been doing all this bollocks to stay single Jimmy: well done Jimmy: You've cracked it, like Janis: 1. single doesn't mean abstinent Janis: 2. why do you say stupid shit that sounds a certain way then get pissed when I take you at said dumb fucking thing you said Janis: 3. i don't care who you do or don't fuck but if that's what you wanna do, probably don't have me there for it Jimmy: I'd ask why you take everything the wrong way but that's obviously what you wanna do Janis: just say you're talking bollocks if that's what you're doing Janis: but also take it somewhere else 'cos I don't need it Jimmy: It ain't but go on and piss off yourself if you like Janis: First good idea you've had Jimmy: Take it then Janis: do what I like, thanks Jimmy: 👍 Janis: and I got invited so how about you don't come Jimmy: You said it yourself, no way you're getting there 1st Janis: fuck you Janis: you don't even know her Jimmy: I don't know anyone Jimmy: race you 😘 Janis: poor you Jimmy: Lucky me Jimmy: Poor you Janis: don't need your sympathy fake or otherwise Jimmy: Fake or not, you ain't having it Janis: 💔 Janis: oh no Jimmy: Ill play the 🎻s when I'm on the clock if it's alright with you Janis: I don't care what you do as long as it's not at this party Jimmy: 💔💔😭 Janis: yeah yeah Jimmy: You finished? Janis: with this convo Janis: why not Janis: with you in general Janis: sadly no Jimmy: Tah for the detailed update Janis: what you asked for Jimmy: 💕 Janis: hope you find your way back home at some point Jimmy: can't stay pissed off at me you Janis: if you leave, sure Janis: your standards are that low Jimmy: Don't worry, staying aint part of my plan Janis: good for you Jimmy: 🤞 Janis: 👍 Jimmy: [we should skip to this party which he obviously gets to first, damn you Cali and your postcode] Janis: [this is such a bad idea like always] Jimmy: [living for it] Janis: [just showing up and avoiding your boyf like hmm okay lmao] Jimmy: [at least he's avoiding everyone anyway cos antisocial bastard so makes it less obvious that he's even there] Janis: [at some point y'all are both gonna end up at the drinks so] Jimmy: [we know that is where he's forever at getting drunk (great idea boy) unless he's outside 🚬 so easy done] Janis: [i die just like sup] Jimmy: [so will he when he sees her serving a look] Janis: [at least you can 'pretend' you've had a domestic, be that couple for the night but still, probably acknowledge each other's existence 'found your way then'] Jimmy: [believable that you could have cos nobody else needs to know he don't give a fuck about his manager or getting in trouble and everyone would be talking about earlier still. He shrugs because always. 'without your help or owt, almost like I dont need you'] Janis: ['well let me know when it stops being almost and I can get on with my shit, yeah? taking a can/bottle/whatever and walking away like good talk] Jimmy: [5ever watching her walk away] Janis: [why are you two here, being such delights lollollol] Jimmy: [Im gonna say he is playing drinking games because peeps have been trying to get him too since he got there cos of that new boy shine honey and theyve worn him down cos hard to resist a challenge or a drink] Janis: 🏆💪 Jimmy: 🍻 Janis: even when you lose, it's a win Jimmy: 🥇 or 🤢 Janis: not if you can handle your drink Jimmy: they can't, soz to piss on your expectations Janis: 💔 Jimmy: 🎻🍀💔 Janis: tunes can't get much more morbid Jimmy: change them then Janis: won't change the crowd but yeah maybe Jimmy: You've handled worse Janis: don't be so hard on yourself Jimmy: Why would I, got you for that Janis: come on Jimmy: Deny it Jimmy: never off the clock on that one, you Janis: ain't personal Janis: don't get to feeling special for it, like Jimmy: 👌 Janis: anyway, you give it back so don't act like you're 😢 Jimmy: I ain't acting tonight, tah though Janis: 🙄 Jimmy: 🙄 Janis: try not to need a 🚬 for the next 5 k Janis: [goes out, obvs] Jimmy: I'll live Janis: good, don't need your death on my conscience Jimmy: I know 😇 you Jimmy: be alright Janis: not likely Jimmy: What do you want me to say to that? Janis: say what you want, you ain't acting Jimmy: fucked if I wanna say nowt Jimmy: already done mute to 💀💀💀 today Jimmy: and I gotta stay alive for a bit Janis: so that's my fault, yeah Jimmy: Nah Janis: it's not my fault people won't get off your dick because you're the new boy Jimmy: never said it were Janis: you treat me like it is Jimmy: and you treat me like what? Janis: how am I meant to treat you Jimmy: how am I meant to treat you Janis: I don't fucking know Janis: you're this weird kid who just asked me to do this crazy scheme with him and I'm the idiot who said yes, I guess Janis: but I don't think you knew what you were asking any more than I knew what I was going along with Jimmy: Stop it then Janis: why should it be me Janis: and why is that all you have to say Jimmy: Why shouldn't it be you, that were the plan Jimmy: and why would I say owt else when that's where this is going Janis: a plan you changed Janis: and acting like you have no stakes in whether it ends now or not makes it make even less sense Jimmy: Change it back Jimmy: not acting, remember Janis: then tell the fucking truth Jimmy: I fucking did Janis: what's the point Janis: alright Jimmy: There ain't any, that's what we're both saying Janis: least not one we're happy to admit to Jimmy: You're so Janis: we're gonna go for this again Janis: didn't work last time but go on Jimmy: Piss off Janis: why can't you say it Jimmy: this is fucking stupid Janis: yeah no shit Jimmy: I'm going home Janis: why did you come Jimmy: Why did you? Janis: to see if you would Janis: probably get drunk Jimmy: There you go then Janis: no you can't steal my answer Janis: then you'll just say you never actually said it and it's just bullshit to hide behind Jimmy: I'm here, that's my answer Jimmy: it weren't cause I desperately wanted shots to do to a shit soundtrack Janis: okay Janis: then go Jimmy: is it? Janis: if that's the only reason you're here Jimmy: I came here for you, you twat Jimmy: but alright, I'll go for you then Janis: don't just Janis: why is it like pulling teeth Jimmy: fuck you Janis: why Jimmy: I didn't sign on for this Jimmy: I can't just Janis: you think I did Jimmy: no Janis: you are literally the only other person who can get it and also the one fucking person who won't talk about it Jimmy: what do you want me to say? Jimmy: that this is Jimmy: or that I Janis: that it's not just Janis: fuck Jimmy: You know it's not Jimmy: every dickhead knows it's not Janis: I can't be Janis: I don't wanna be what we've pretended Janis: I ain't but Jimmy: It's alright Jimmy: what do you want? Janis: you know Jimmy: I wanna know Jimmy: come here Janis: where are you Jimmy: on the stairs Janis: [comes in Jimmy: [the eye contact bitch] Janis: [when that's all you're doing 'cos you suddenly can't move like] Jimmy: [deer in the headlights moment but dont worry babe hes gonna move and pull you SO close to him that you will die] Janis: [least that would kickstart you into being very clear with what you want] Jimmy: [likewise cos once you do start it's just like a not at all casual free for all of everything you both want] Janis: [heaven help anyone tryna use them stairs like excuse me] Jimmy: [you better find another way peeps because they cannot be tamed rn] Janis: [breaking away to be like 'we can just try it, right?'] Jimmy: [just nodding because if he speaks hes gonna say too much and none of us are ready] Janis: ['no phones, no fans'] Jimmy: [throws his phone to one side dramatically because that bitch] Janis: [when you lol but are also genuinely like 😍 so we back at it] Jimmy: [Its a good thing the squad arent here cos they would know he aint mute LOL so much so you have to stop for a sec and once you do 'when I said I wanted to leave some shit to mystery, this is what I meant. All I meant. For a night, none of the usual bollocks. Just me and you'] Janis: [nods 'I believe you. All the rest just had me in a bad mood. I mean I always am but when-' shakes head 'doesn't matter now'] Jimmy: [moves her hair out of her face after she's shaken her head because #shameless need to always touch it okay and just looking at her like you can tell me cos she can 'go on'] Janis: [bites lip but in an actual nervous way not a saucy one though you know same effect 'I was just fed up with all the things getting in the way of...this, as was, so then when you mentioned your ex- like I don't care if you get back with her but it's why I was so' shrugs like you know] Jimmy: ['I want you to care about me getting back with her more than I'd ever wanna really get back with her' when you just blurt that out nbd quietly but still boy are you drunk enough to be chatting like that, excuse you] Janis: [when you're just looking at him like did I hear that right or am I also that gone and going so red, mumbling 'you know I do'] Jimmy: [nodding in the direction of up the stairs 'let's go up, there's too many dickheads can see us' because its awks and also no fans is meant to be the point] Janis: [yeah probably do find some privacy] Jimmy: [probably the room of this poor girl that didnt even invite him] Janis: like excuse me madam you did not ask for this at least they didn't have a blazing row and ruin your whole ass party] Jimmy: [him shutting the door but then just standing against the back of it like UM cos his turn to freeze, boy this is why you dont speak, going too hard when you do] Janis: [least she's not like we MUST talk now 'cos also the pressing matter of actually being able to make out and not film it or cater to a crowd] Jimmy: [omg just being able to do what you legit wanna] Janis: [a mood, let's hope this girl's room ain't too distracting, have to be going some like] Jimmy: [I vote for a double bed because they deserve that] Janis: [the luxury, get on that boys] Jimmy: [actually having some space in all the ways, imagine] Janis: [not that he's about it or her tbh we know] Jimmy: [but at least you wont fall out if you move guys] Janis: [are we gonna cockblock this before it can go all the way] Jimmy: [probably should cos the way we did their first time before was pretty swag from what I remember, not saying this wouldnt still be but] Janis: [agree though, and easily done like get out me room] Jimmy: [yeah and you can still get pretty far before then we dont need to be that mean] Janis: [things can happen honey] Jimmy: [theyd have to because you cant tell me they wouldnt take the opportunity to touch each other in all the ways you cant upload anywhere or let happen with an audience, shameless as you are, and therefore have had no excuse to do]] Janis: [truly 'cos how bad you would've rather been doing this and she'd be telling him as much] Jimmy: [he would blatantly tell her that too but dying too much so you will have to decode it from the eye contact and other sounds he is giving you instead babe] Janis: [when that's such a mood and I highly doubt how Harry was lol] Jimmy: [ugh god no, he's such a twat] Janis: [defs not thinking about that rn like whomst] Jimmy: [they are gonna be FUMING when they get kicked out of this room cos never enough when youve been waiting and holding back for any length of time] Janis: [literally like opened the floodgates honey this hasn't solved anything but we getting there bless] Jimmy: [you thought you two were frustrated af before hahaha] Janis: [gotta give a reason why they can't just go home together tho, actually] Jimmy: [ooh maybe they do but Ians heard about the CG antics so he kicks off when he hears them come back, lowkey waiting for that fight like] Janis: [that's a good idea also brb wanna die] Jimmy: [at least she can go to Mcvickers when he has to kick her out cos not far Janis: [not that Ian cares, dangerous frankly sir] Jimmy: [honestly she could get murdered you slag] Janis: [giving some time for them to argue but not that much 'cos highkey] Janis: you alright Jimmy: You? Janis: yeah 'course Janis: sorry I got you in shit Jimmy: You've done nowt wrong Janis: probably debatable that Jimmy: alright gimme chance to stop with this bellend and I'll debate it with you Janis: let you focus on that one 🥇 Jimmy: harder work than a latte him Janis: savage Janis: hope you hit him with that burn Janis: oh, forgot about yours Jimmy: I can do better than that me 🥇 Jimmy: oh shit, me an' all Jimmy: ✋ didn't fall off though, must be alright Janis: 🤞 or I've really fucked it with Ian Janis: no one wants a one-handed babysitter, even if he's live-in Jimmy: wouldn't be very goals for a boyfriend either Jimmy: I'd make it work but like a fake hand is going a bit far Janis: pretty macho Janis: pretend you lost it in a 🦈 attack Jimmy: can only be a duel, Juliet, come on Janis: damn, you right Janis: don't have a cousin who's in love with me though Janis: hope I don't, anyway, awkward to find out like this Jimmy: be fun round the Easter table Jimmy: 💔 I don't have any cousins Janis: Poor boy Janis: idk if he was related to that first bitch anyway so there's still hope Jimmy: I'd only be stuck looking after them too, ain't that 💔 or 💰 broke Janis: fair Janis: more trouble than they're worth in all areas Jimmy: got enough on with this dickhead dad Janis: yeah Janis: liked it better when he weren't there, tbh Jimmy: #same Jimmy: 🙏 for us when you're done making sure my hand stays on Janis: add it to the list Janis: hard work but a 😇 gotta do it Jimmy: good 'cause I wanna touch you again Janis: yeah? Jimmy: and 🤖 💕 not what I were necessarily thinking Janis: 😏 Janis: leave the vibrator at home okay Jimmy: hang on, can't turn down extra limbs if I've already lost one Janis: make up your 🧠 Jimmy: Oi, I'm thinking of you here Janis: so the considerate thing weren't an act, interesting Jimmy: shut up Janis: so cute 💕 Jimmy: I just Janis: it's alright, only pissing about Jimmy: don't sound like you Janis: promise it is Janis: not an opportunist mugger Jimmy: 👴💕 Jimmy: want me so bad they're willing to do owt now Janis: bit rude to use me as collateral Jimmy: they might not have that long to live, be fair Janis: so that means I've gotta wait Janis: 😒 Jimmy: we've got a pact you ain't dying without me Jimmy: and not til you couldn't 💕 me more Janis: alright Janis: what's one more day Jimmy: only gonna feel like a slow 💀💀💀 Janis: you're telling me Jimmy: I am, yeah Janis: mean Jimmy: Baby Janis: don't Janis: I miss you but I actually mean it Jimmy: I Jimmy: where are you? I'll get myself there then Janis: don't get into more trouble or never actually see you again Janis: real starcrossed shit Jimmy: 👻💕 Jimmy: You reckon I've got into enough for you? I don't Janis: Jimmy Jimmy: I can handle so much more, girl Janis: you can't come here Janis: let me think of something Jimmy: Alright Janis: okay, if I can get us a car, don't ask where it's from, yeah Jimmy: not actually a 👮🚔 babe Janis: good, 'cos my rep really can't handle that Jimmy: the rep I gave you can handle anything I also wanna give you Jimmy: including my dad's 🚗🔑 Janis: yeah? Janis: 'cos I got one for tonight, less likely to miss it than mr 😡 rn Jimmy: Less of a fuck you an' all but you're right Janis: don't need any more interruptions Janis: actual 🚨s included Jimmy: actual crashes too 'cause I'm a shit driver anyway Jimmy: not how I wanna kill you Janis: not how I'm planning on going out either Janis: I'm alright, and we need to be in the middle of nowhere so Janis: come to this address Janis: [mcvickers house soz i'm stealing your car lads] Jimmy: [should we let him go or not though?] Janis: [that's the real questions and I'm fine with it going either way at this point tbh, Ian would probably be being highkey but that could mean forcing him to stay in or kicking him out so you decide] Jimmy: [yeah exactly either is plausible as is her getting caught by Mcvickers so 🤔🤔🤔] Janis: [oh, might be good to burn that bridge for a bit so then she simply has to stay at his 'cos can never be home] Jimmy: [omg true lets do that then] Janis: [triggering everyone with your illegal driving like your sister ain't die] Jimmy: [its the only way Tess would be angry enough to be like get out tbh so real] Janis: [a new boy for you to hate in your old age god bless] Jimmy: [why not its been a while lol] Jimmy: ? Janis: fucking Janis: i'm Janis: you should go Jimmy: tell me you're alright or I'm going nowhere Janis: i am Janis: i mean i'm beyond fucked off but par for the course Jimmy: 👌 Janis: this is so stupid Jimmy: par for the course that Jimmy: 🎻🎻🎻 Janis: you have no idea 🙄 Janis: the ample opportunity we've had up until we actually need it takes the piss Jimmy: Sorry Jimmy: genuinely Janis: same but Janis: don't mention it Jimmy: 🤐 Janis: exactly Janis: sincerity is scary, boy Jimmy: 🙀 you Jimmy: be fucked if you weren't fit, Janet Janis: shut up Jimmy: you wanted insincere, mate Janis: no middleground, no Jimmy: very 🥉 thinking that Janis: go away Janis: don't have time for 2 arguments Jimmy: me either Janis: 🤐 or 😴 Jimmy: Alright Janis: any chance of your dad forgetting what I look like any time soon Jimmy: We were barely in the door Janis: not like he knows my name if you don't so 🤞 Jimmy: Gonna have to change it for him anyway, remember Jimmy: no ie ending no 💍 Janis: just a place to crash again is fine Jimmy: Julie's basically it any road Jimmy: won't miss the odd letter, will you Janis: my actual has 2 letters in common but yeah Janis: whatever works Jimmy: 🌹 whatever you're called, like #obvs Janis: 👌 Jimmy: 👍 Janis: not necessary tonight so give him time to get over it Janis: just you keep 😍 #obvs Jimmy: soon as I can get back in, I'll let you Janis: where are you gonna go Jimmy: It'll be morning in a bit and then I'll go work Janis: I am sorry Janis: make it up to you Janis: but there's no chance she's turning this car around to pick you up Jimmy: he don't need an excuse to be a prick Jimmy: and Ill survive a shift without my name badge Janis: still, he got one Janis: I left a blanket and shit at the park near yours last time, strapped under the ramp but it's usually gone if I leave it too long so Janis: but Jamie's the best 💔 Jimmy: that's like saying I deserve this, fuck that Jimmy: Jamie might Janis: nah Janis: you know what I meant Janis: and Jamie was into it okay, I'll have a word Jimmy: don't go near him, I don't trust that dickhead 😏 Janis: I'll try but Janis: hard to stay away Jimmy: I'll have a word then Jimmy: he's too 😍😍😍 for you if you ask me Janis: what's it to ya Jimmy: nowt Jimmy: just looking out for you, mate Janis: cheers 😏 Jimmy: You coming to the CG before your wanted posters go up then? Janis: once I've been delivered home for my 2nd bollocking Janis: not planning on sticking around Jimmy: I'm opening up for the rest of the hols as my manager's idea of mine Jimmy: tell them to get it over with and you can stick around here Janis: alright Janis: see you after my great escape then 🤞 Janis: you opening alone or you got your bff with Jimmy: 💕 Jimmy: the lass with the extensions? Yeah Tony ain't thought that through Janis: as if I've had 👀 for anyone but Pete, you fool Jimmy: What kind of rumoured lesbian are you? Jimmy: sort yourself out Janis: don't sound like my type Janis: fake? no thanks Jimmy: I mean, she ain't 💀👑 so I get you don't want the competition over tits Janis: fuck off Jimmy: her hair'll still fall out if you pull it, you can make that similarity with Mia work Janis: 😑 Janis: so unfunny Janis: good thing you're fit Jimmy: and I've got 😎 + 🚬 for my personality traits Janis: don't do it for me but sure Jimmy: that sounds dead fake but alright Janis: how does that sound like anything I've ever faked Janis: check your socials, there's way more 😍💕😘 Jimmy: I'd love to obvs but it ain't tomorrow yet Jimmy: and tonight we said none of that bollocks Janis: right Janis: how are we gonna do the fake shit though Janis: going forward Janis: still business as usual or 💀 Jimmy: Is that your way of saying you wanna fake break up to secretly date me or what? Janis: no Janis: idk Janis: is it gonna be weird Janis: weirder Jimmy: always were weird Janis: well yeah Janis: note that -er Jimmy: I don't see how it'll be owt different to faking shit when I didn't like you Janis: alright Janis: why not Janis: not not working Jimmy: we can just see how it goes Jimmy: play it by 👂 if you can leave me one 🧛 girl Janis: no promises 👻 boy Jimmy: 😏 Janis: you sure you want me coming in Jimmy: You don't wanna? Janis: I wanna see you Janis: you see my point Jimmy: I'll see if I can ban them all Jimmy: challenge accepted Janis: I mean Janis: gotta win your manager back 'round somehow Janis: order all the lattes you can, gals Jimmy: come and splash your own cash, rich girl Jimmy: won't need them then Janis: you want me to 💩 myself Jimmy: you got me Jimmy: 😍😍🤤🤤 Jimmy: proper kink for me that Janis: save it for the 3rd date Jimmy: you asking me out? Janis: depends Janis: you asking me to shit on you Jimmy: Depends Jimmy: You gonna be 💔 if I don't? Janis: obvs Janis: lifelong ambition Jimmy: There you go then Jimmy: owt to please you I said Janis: is it the next day already 💕 Jimmy: If you want Janis: sounds like some good ole fashioned fake shit, is all Janis: but fair, can't hear over the 📢 coming at me rn Jimmy: You know me and habits Janis: honestly Janis: can't let it go eh Jimmy: wouldn't wanna scare you, easy done that Janis: 🖕 Janis: not that dependent on it, funnily enough Jimmy: 👌 Janis: the fans, that's another story of 💔 Jimmy: 🎻🎻🎻 Janis: let 'em down gently, babe Jimmy: what kind of bad boy Janis: the fake kind Jimmy: 🤞 the cancer risk is an' all Janis: should be vaping soft lad Jimmy: Piss off Janis: 😏 Jimmy: I know that's what you really want from me, babe Jimmy: but you'll have to find a lad who likes you enough to look that much of a twat Janis: then you don't know what I really want from you Jimmy: You gonna change your mind in a bit? Janis: if you're asking if I'll want a 🚬 after, don't be tight Janis: can spare me one Jimmy: Don't be a dickhead, whenever you've asked you've had Janis: and they say romance is dead Janis: not met you Jimmy: Tweet it tomorrow, like Janis: thought we'd started Janis: overachiever Jimmy: Why? Janis: 'owt to please you I said' you kicking us off Jimmy: Nah, it'd be fake if I said I didn't wanna when you know I do Janis: how long is your lunch and when Jimmy: I dunno when but I know it ain't long enough Janis: is that a humblebrag or actual though Jimmy: I said what I said Janis: 😒 Jimmy: What? Janis: not at you Janis: just the rest Janis: gonna go on a long fucking run Janis: nice knowing you if I end up in a different town, start again Jimmy: Alright Janis: got to wait for everyone else to fuck off Janis: ridiculous Jimmy: Swap places with me then Janis: alright Janis: get me a nametag, like Jimmy: Which one do you want on it? Janis: surprise me Janis: I'm method Jimmy: Yeah, love a surprise you Jimmy: I worked that out Janis: what you talking about Jimmy: 😏 Janis: don't 😏 at me Jimmy: Or what? Janis: I don't know but don't be mean Janis: won't come and see you Janis: 💔 that Jimmy: you Jimmy: that's meaner than owt I've said Janis: I know Janis: don't play around, me Jimmy: 😭😭 me Janis: baby Jimmy: How drunk am I? Janis: if anyone asks, we ain't Janis: but probably a fair bit Janis: beer pong champ Jimmy: easy to get 🥇 when you ain't playing, pisshead Janis: dangerously close to a compliment Jimmy: Take it Jimmy: I don't mind Janis: should've just stayed on the stairs Janis: that's what we shoulda done Jimmy: We'd have been interrupted quicker doing what we were if we had Janis: probably Janis: don't reckon any of the party-goers would be as committed to the cockblock though Jimmy: Bit late to test your theory now Jimmy: have to be next time Janis: promise Jimmy: Do you or do I? Jimmy: what are you saying? Janis: you Janis: that there's gonna be a next time Janis: proper one, real Jimmy: Come on Janis: say it Janis: wanna hear it Janis: and have it in writing Jimmy: You're such a dickhead Jimmy: have that in writing Janis: what you pussying out for Jimmy: I already said I don't want you in and out on my lunch break Janis: fine Jimmy: Bollocks Janis: ain't forcing you to say nothing Janis: i don't care if you know i want you though, so have it Jimmy: Tonight you don't Janis: what Jimmy: You heard Janis: yeah and that's bollocks Janis: i'm not saying i'm in love with you or any of that fake shit, i'm saying i wanna fuck you Janis: have for ages so Jimmy: and I'm saying don't take the piss out of me 'cause I don't immediately say owt that I ain't been allowed to before now Janis: um i weren't Jimmy: Whatever Janis: i fucking weren't Janis: god forget it Jimmy: like that's easy an' all Jimmy: You're just Jimmy: so Janis: whatever it is, I'm sure I know Jimmy: 'Course you do Jimmy: know everything you Janis: yep Janis: that too Jimmy: Biggest fucking head in all of Dublin Janis: tell me it's unwarranted Jimmy: You make me feel like a massive idiot, that's what I'm telling you Janis: not what i set out to do Janis: and don't think you are, for the record but what do you want Jimmy: What do you want? Jimmy: nowt I say or don't is working for you Janis: I don't know, alright Jimmy: Dangerously close to the truth so probably not alright, is it? Janis: like you do Janis: now who's taking the piss Jimmy: Like I don't know what? What I want? Jimmy: that is a pisstake yeah Janis: well how would I know Janis: don't say shit Jimmy: 1. you do know Jimmy: 2. yeah I do Janis: whatever Jimmy: I'm not good with words that don't mean I'm not saying owt to you Jimmy: fuck's sake Janis: alright let's just Janis: it's been a long weird night Janis: we can leave it Jimmy: So now you want me to shut up? Jimmy: 👍 Janis: I didn't say that, dickhead Janis: like I said, not trying to force you to say anything, that's not what I'm about Jimmy: I'm not thick, I know what leave it out means Janis: Jesus Janis: I'm trying to be nice for once Jimmy: Clearly not gonna work, that Janis: 👍 Janis: thanks Jimmy: Save it, better at faking that bit you Janis: fuck you then Jimmy: not unless your 2nd attempt at kicking a car is better than the 1st Janis: ha Janis: don't count on it Jimmy: I obviously can't Jimmy: but I were well aware you can't do owt right the first time so don't worry Janis: at least I get there in the end Janis: you did fuck all, as per Jimmy: Get where? Jimmy: you're nowhere same as I am Janis: not for long Jimmy: Impressive Janis: don't care what you reckon Jimmy: Make up your mind Janis: never have Jimmy: I know, you don't have any idea what you want, you said Janis: don't flatter yourself Janis: that's only about you and you don't feature in the big picture do you Jimmy: Why would I bother? Plenty of other dickheads to flatter me, including you earlier Janis: so? Janis: why do you reckon I'm gonna be embarrassed Jimmy: Why do you care what I reckon even as you're saying you don't? Janis: because it's worth a laugh Janis: it's just sex, plenty of people want you, plenty want me, who cares Jimmy: My entire reason for doing this is that I care about how wants me and doesn't Jimmy: who* Jimmy: and you'd throw me to them if you didn't Jimmy: So stop talking bollocks Janis: it ain't Janis: it's not that simple Jimmy: Why? Jimmy: You either give a shit or you don't Jimmy: and you either want me or you don't Jimmy: sort it out Jimmy: and when you have just say it Janis: I said I do want you Janis: I literally said it and you rejected it outta hand Janis: just because I was trying to say how much of a headfuck it is because what's real and what's fake and what parts are both Jimmy: You also said that after you've had a go I can basically fucking vanish 'cause who cares Jimmy: loads of others Janis: I didn't say it like that Janis: or mean it like Janis: it's just weird alright Jimmy: You're weird Jimmy: I don't get you Janis: no kidding Janis: what would you rather, I was like them Jimmy: #obvs Jimmy: 🙄 Janis: what's the point in pretending Jimmy: Depends Janis: to get dickheads to leave you alone aside #obvs Jimmy: How shit is it gonna be to break the habit? Janis: shit Janis: nothing to say we can't stick at it 'til you're old news Jimmy: isn't there? Jimmy: I reckon owt's been said and done Janis: then it won't be hard to break the habit if that's what you think Jimmy: Alright Janis: 👍 Jimmy: Fuck pretending then Janis: fuck pretending Jimmy: Don't be scared of me Jimmy: you can say or do owt you want Janis: why do you think I'm scared Janis: of you or anything Jimmy: because Janis: what, because I'm angry all the time Jimmy: because recognition Jimmy: I am, I know you are Janis: why are you scared Jimmy: Why is the why important? Janis: Deflection's easier, yeah Jimmy: 💔 then Janis: well you don't need to worry about that Jimmy: Yeah I do Janis: in general, yeah Janis: but not with me Jimmy: You think you're never gonna hurt me? Jimmy: wearing enough bruises for you already, aren't I? Janis: that weren't me, don't count Jimmy: cheat Janis: nah Janis: just saying, not my sport Janis: 💔 Janis: got no interested in breaking yours Jimmy: flattered, like Jimmy: but that's what every lass says Janis: so Janis: not every girl is me, been discussed Jimmy: Alright, calm down Jimmy: not like I know you, been discussed an all Janis: up to you if you wanna find out then Janis: but the idea you think I've got the time or energy to dedicate to that is insulting Jimmy: I get it, I ain't special, no need to go on about it Jimmy: heard you at bigger picture Janis: nothing personal Janis: no one is Jimmy: nowt is with you Jimmy: but you don't reckon I should be on my guard Jimmy: very suspect that Janis: you worried about being collateral, duck Janis: just saying, not gonna make it my life's mission to fuck you up Jimmy: and I'm saying you want me to tell you things, put myself out there when it don't mean owt to you Jimmy: how's that fair Janis: I never asked you to bare your soul to me Janis: I asked you to say you wanted to fuck me as well Jimmy: Bollocks Jimmy: I did say that Jimmy: if that were all you wanted to hear you wouldn't call owt a headfuck Janis: I know you're vague on purpose Janis: that's why I asked you to say it, so it couldn't be taken back and said it was never said Janis: that's the headfuck Janis: all the previous shit can be wrote off as fake and neither of us can argue otherwise even if we wanna Jimmy: But if it's just sex which means fuck all to you or to me then why do you care what I say or don't after? Jimmy: that's why I don't get you Janis: same reason we started this Janis: everyone gets to talk shit on me Janis: not having it taken as gospel 'cos you put your dick inside me thanks Jimmy: I weren't about to screenshot and tweet out this convo once I did Janis: you're the only one that can be on his guard Janis: nah Jimmy: I'm the only fucker admitting that I am Jimmy: If you reckon I'm like that, like them, why would you even wanna do any of it? Janis: never said I reckoned that Jimmy: You think I'm gonna talk shit about you Janis: you could Janis: do it to my face plenty so why wouldn't you Jimmy: because I do it to your face Jimmy: go no reason to go anywhere else with it Janis: flattered, like Jimmy: just Janis: there's no way to guarantee any of this shit so we may as well agree to trust Janis: or not trust Janis: either or Jimmy: been worked out that we don't Janis: then it's settled Jimmy: is it? Janis: like I said, what we gonna do Janis: make a blood oath Jimmy: left my dagger up north, soz Jules Janis: then it definitely is Janis: letdown Jimmy: I'll delete my profiles then Jimmy: avoid you til school starts Janis: don't be stupid Jimmy: Oh alright, what kind of fake break up do you want? Janis: have you been listening Janis: for fuck sake Jimmy: Have you? Janis: shut up, that's literally so far from the point of anything we were just talking about Jimmy: 🙄 Janis: go to hell Janis: seriously Jimmy: Tah for the holiday recommendation but the CG's only place I'm off to for a bit Jimmy: close but no 🚬 Janis: good, I hope you suffer Jimmy: 🤞 and 🙏 Janis: no need, you miserable prick Jimmy: not totally clueless then Janis: you wish Jimmy: I do wish you would catch onto a few, yeah Janis: heard you at avoid you til school starts, don't worry Jimmy: 👍 Janis: you're an absolute cunt Janis: why would you get me to say it again just to Jimmy: Go on Janis: and all that bullshit about being scared about getting hurt too Janis: what the fuck Jimmy: Yeah, all of this is utter bollocks Jimmy: what the fuck is right though Jimmy: what the fuck else do you expect me to do? Janis: how the fuck do you take me REPEATEDLY telling you that I want you as 'I'm going to ignore you from now on, bye' Janis: literally are we having the same conversation Jimmy: How can you think telling me repeatedly what a low fucking opinion of me you've got of me is gonna put me in a 😍 mood? Jimmy: Or that this is a good idea when we don't trust each other Janis: where Jimmy: You want this to mean nowt and now there's nowt to worry about Janis: I never said I have a low opinion of you Janis: and you don't give a shit about what I want so don't even pretend for the bit Jimmy: how do you take me REPEATEDLY asking you what you want as not caring about the answer? Janis: when you do the opposite Janis: how else can I take that Jimmy: like I said, what else can I do? Janis: not what I want, apparently Janis: alright Jimmy: I really fucking like you, alright Janis: we don't even know each other, how many times have you said that Jimmy: not enough obviously Jimmy: if it didn't make any difference Janis: but Janis: why Jimmy: Why are you asking me like its my fault? Janis: not fault but I do everything Janis: did everything so this doesn't happen Jimmy: It might be fake Jimmy: a headfuck like you said Jimmy: everything just Janis: you think so Janis: yeah you liked fake me Janis: you don't like me, you say it all the time Jimmy: that'd make more sense Jimmy: but tonight was real and I liked that too Janis: this is a mess Janis: i am Janis: you shouldn't get involved just 'cos I wanna Jimmy: but it weren't one sided Jimmy: everything we did earlier I wanted to do it Jimmy: and everything we still haven't Janis: it'd be easier if we hated each other Janis: its okay if I like you but you shouldn't like me Jimmy: just do me a favour alright Janis: what Jimmy: keep being real with me so I can work it out Janis: i don't want to hurt you Janis: i don't know or care how i put it before but i don't Jimmy: I'll live Janis: Jimmy Jimmy: might be that tonight's a fluke, I'm drunk and you're fit, not gonna not be into it Jimmy: you Janis: alright Janis: then it's a deal Jimmy: What? Janis: I'll keep being real Janis: like you asked Jimmy: Promise Janis: promise Jimmy: Alright, I swear I'm sorry Janis: what for Janis: not saying there's so much you gotta be specific but Jimmy: Making this weird Jimmy: weirder Janis: weren't one-sided either Janis: it's what it is Jimmy: Will you still Janis: come see you? Jimmy: Do you still wanna? Janis: yeah Jimmy: Okay Janis: besides, someone needs to make sure you don't die on the job Janis: bring you some caffeine that doesn't taste like shit Jimmy: and deny Ian the pleasure of doing me in? What kind of son would I be Janis: so your dads a real dick yeah Jimmy: you were warned Janis: we need to pimp out your shed so you got a place to sleep Janis: I was thinking Jimmy: the trampoline's alright, like you said Jimmy: can't remember how you did but you liked it Janis: when it's warm-ish out, yeah Janis: was comfy Janis: you or that dog woke me up though Jimmy: It's always warm out compared to Manchester Jimmy: why I need my 😎 Jimmy: and everything is always the 🐕 never me Janis: take your word for it on both of those Janis: 😏 Jimmy: Good Jimmy: I get why you reckon it'd be easier for us to hate each other but I hate Ian and nowt is for it Janis: yeah Janis: you're right Janis: there's nothing easy about hate it's just Janis: more familiar, idk Jimmy: the 💔 is different Janis: right Janis: if you already hate them, then it's not as shit, yeah Jimmy: At least you don't love me, it's even shitter when it's both together Janis: yeah Janis: headfuck doesn't begin to cover it Jimmy: @ my mum if she still used her profiles Janis: you don't know? Jimmy: She ain't logged in for years, why do you reckon I'm so tempted Janis: can't blame her Jimmy: who could compete with Iantaylor8 for online presence Jimmy: other than us Janis: well exactly Janis: also be a bit rude to deny the world your face Jimmy: yours Jimmy: so I'll keep my 📷 one Jimmy: maybe Janis: as long as you don't avoid me too Jimmy: I don't want to Janis: then don't Janis: I don't want you to either Jimmy: tell me again tomorrow Jimmy: when I'm less Janis: gotcha Jimmy: it just hurts more now Janis: i'm sorry Janis: do you want me to come? i don't have to Jimmy: you didn't do this Janis: what do you need, let's start there Jimmy: Now? Janis: yeah, now Jimmy: Tomorrow Jimmy: it needs to be tomorrow so I can see you Janis: baby Janis: you can see me today, it's alright Janis: I'll help you at work, it'll all be good Jimmy: I'm not letting you serve lattes to any of those dickheads Jimmy: you're too good Janis: shh Janis: i wanna help you somehow, i've gotta Jimmy: Do you wanna just 💀💀💀 them? Jimmy: me and you Janis: killing spree then a death pact is a solid chain of events but probably want to start in a better state, don't we Janis: 💪🥇 Jimmy: can be an utterly new pact if there's enough poison to go round Jimmy: you don't have to die at the end Janis: what about you? Jimmy: Did you forget? 👻 Jimmy: already am Janis: how could I Janis: is your manager actually in today? what if we contact that Pete kid see if he'll cover for you Janis: you should get some proper sleep, in an actual bed Janis: I can persuade him Jimmy: OMG you wanna use me to slide into his DMs Janis: boy, focus Janis: not really the sexiest approach, please do some overtime for my boyfriend Jimmy: 👀 on your 😍 girl Janis: 🙄😏 Janis: you gonna answer any of that or Jimmy: I don't know if my manager is supposed to be in Jimmy: probably won't be either way though Jimmy: Oh the money, power and the glory Janis: you can but dream, yeah Janis: well it's up to you then Janis: but it'd probably be worse if you were in and in this state so what he don't know Janis: can't get you sacked Jimmy: I don't have any other place to go though, do I Janis: won't he be at work by now himself? Janis: can come back to mine if not, no funny business Jimmy: he's not the one I care about Janis: your brother and sister? Jimmy: I'm not gonna wake her up to let me in Jimmy: or let him see me like Janis: right, okay Janis: we'll sort you out first Jimmy: Didn't reckon all that fake nursing training you had would really come in handy, eh? Jimmy: can't help being goals Janis: bit of an extreme length to go to for some TLC but I'll allow it Janis: I'm on my way now so just hold on, yeah Jimmy: I mean, it's fairly standard for me but alright Janis: how you pull all the birds is it Jimmy: Babe, I'm just SUCH a lad, yeah? Jimmy: get drunk, have a scrap, nick my dad's scotch and get MORE drunk Jimmy: all in a day's work Janis: gotta be done Janis: I get it Jimmy: 💕 Janis: fit right in on this bus Jimmy: don't get 💀💀💀 after we've changed the story in favour of your survival Jimmy: bit rude Janis: try my best Janis: don't victim blame me Janis: please and thanks Jimmy: don't sound like me Jimmy: blaming you for nowt Jimmy: 😂 bit soon? Janis: hmm, don't get cheeky, like Janis: just 'cos you're a patient today Jimmy: 😏 Jimmy: just a bit then Janis: trying to be nice Jimmy: me an' all Jimmy: I promise Jimmy: I won't be cheeky enough that you kick me out of bed Janis: you're always nice, babe Janis: little ray of sunshine Jimmy: anyone can be nice Jimmy: you're Jimmy: 🌩🌪 Janis: I'll take it Jimmy: You know when you're a kid and you count Jimmy: that's what it's like waiting to see you Janis: you're gonna make me Janis: forget to be professional Jimmy: not on the clock til you get here, it's alright Janis: I'm mostly worried about when I do get there, like Janis: not that I'm about to give the bus a show Jimmy: don't worry I'll take care of you too Jimmy: we're a team Janis: yeah, we are Jimmy: 👍 Janis: you're alright, you know Janis: you know I think you're alright Jimmy: I will be when you show up Janis: such a smoothtalker, honestly Jimmy: I know you didn't think all that were fake Jimmy: come on Janis: there's only so far you can get with no inspiration, yeah Jimmy: good thing you're 🎨 or we'd have been exposed as frauds ages ago Janis: we're a pretty good team, all things considered Jimmy: 🥇 Janis: yep Janis: shame you can't put relationships on CVs Jimmy: I can't pay you owt either 💔 Janis: don't need it Janis: or want it, like Jimmy: but decent headshots could get you a modelling job 📷 not 🎯 Jimmy: I could do that Janis: then we could both go Janis: no 💀 Jimmy: might work Janis: start of a plan Janis: we have such a good track record, like Jimmy: 💀👑 would 💀🤯 Jimmy: ⚰🎊🍾 Janis: just when she thought she couldn't be any more jealous Jimmy: I can give motivational speeches as my 2nd job too cause I felt it with every emoji Janis: very empowering, babe 💕 Jimmy: onto something Janis: reckon so Janis: just don't bang EVERY model you shoot Janis: get well shaming Jimmy: They'd have to all be as fit as you Janis: practically in the job description Janis: unless they're the 'unique' kind Jimmy: there's loads in mine I don't do Janis: 😱 employee of the month Janis: shh Jimmy: you'd vote for Pete anyway Janis: don't think they follow democratic process Janis: and how dare you, Jamie is the backbone of that place Jimmy: still Jimmy: you would Janis: nah Janis: you deffo would though Jimmy: I'd vote for myself Jimmy: 🥇 or nowt Janis: #selflove Janis: can respect it, boy Jimmy: 💕 Janis: 1. how much scotch did you drink Janis: 2. did you text your ex anything you should delete before you sober up Jimmy: if you're asking if there's any left for you 💔 I fucked up Jimmy: as for Hayley, she's been told to fuck off by half the north, she'll live Janis: could be worse then Janis: not for me, obvs Janis: but same Jimmy: I don't wanna get back with her, you know that, right? Janis: not my business either way Jimmy: Alright but do you have to say it like that? Janis: how do you want me to say it Jimmy: if its how you feel then Janis: look Janis: I'm glad I don't have to share your attention right now Janis: 'course I am but I don't need to sound possessive about it Jimmy: 👌 Janis: is it Jimmy: Before, you said Jimmy: maybe I can't remember it right though Janis: no go on Janis: it's cool Jimmy: I dunno, I just Jimmy: reckoned you needed to hear that Janis: I did think maybe Janis: just some things you'd said too but it's Janis: you know Jimmy: you go on Janis: well like I said, not my business if you were Janis: but yeah, I thought you were Janis: I'd get it Jimmy: I wouldn't get it Jimmy: I trusted her and she Jimmy: It don't even matter anymore Jimmy: I made a mistake doing that and she made hers Janis: it's okay, you don't owe me an explanation Janis: I don't know her or your situation Janis: I just thought, from my limited perspective, you hate it here, it'd be a link to home, even if it was a bad one, like Jimmy: I hated it there an' all Jimmy: just 'cause I didn't ask and weren't asked to come here don't mean I wanna go back Janis: oh Janis: well that I get Jimmy: you had it right when you called me a miserable prick or whatever it were Janis: bit harsh though Janis: shit's shit Janis: you'd be an idiot if you didn't see it Jimmy: 🌧☔ me Jimmy: I'm alright with it by now Janis: yeah? Janis: that's something then Jimmy: everything's shit everywhere Jimmy: nowt gonna change next place he drags us Janis: wherever you go, there you are Jimmy: might get a new mum, might not Jimmy: might hear from my actual, might not Janis: she don't even call Jimmy: and say what? Janis: fucked Jimmy: they both were Jimmy: are Jimmy: and so are us kids Jimmy: ⚪ Janis: yep Janis: get out early as you can Janis: and don't have kids yourself Janis: only poem I've read that's any use Jimmy: 💔 that age 6 is probably pushing it a bit Janis: give it a few more years of shit and you can get away with it Jimmy: I'll start him on the poem anyway Janis: Larkin's dead easy Janis: debatable how appropriate but I'd go for very so Jimmy: 👍 Janis: so we're going back to mine first Janis: or what Jimmy: You made this plan Janis: you gonna comply Jimmy: Depends Janis: that's what I was 🙀 of Janis: go on Jimmy: my 🙀💕 Janis: 😏 Jimmy: What's your house like? Janis: old farmhouse in the middle of nowhere Janis: perfect place for the local nutters to reside Jimmy: well now I'M 🙀🙀🙀 Janis: you should be Janis: nah, you'll be able to get a decent kip, they're all doing their own shit and giving me disapproving looks if they know what's good for 'em Jimmy: Alright, protect me then Janis: always, babe Jimmy: I'm being dead serious Janis: 1. what makes you think I ain't Janis: 2. why Jimmy: just Janis: we can sneak in Janis: well, we can try but I don't know how well you'll do, pisshead Jimmy: Shut up 🏆💪 Janis: happy to be proved wrong Janis: it'll all be good though, promise Jimmy: stay close to me and you can every step Janis: I won't leave you on your own Jimmy: because you wanna stay or because you reckon I'll 🤢 and choke to 💀💀💀 Janis: you've made it this far without me, I'm not that bigheaded Janis: believe that or not Janis: I wanna stay Jimmy: even if I wanna die I wouldn't give Mia owt close to any satisfaction so that ain't the way for me to go Janis: hot Janis: keeping it petty, even in 💀💀💀 Jimmy: remind me to send it as a tweet tomorrow or something Janis: 'course Janis: that relatable suicidal/horny vibe, they get it Jimmy: #ultimategoals Janis: I think so Jimmy: I think no # would ever do you justice Jimmy: a voice memo is pushing it even with this top accent Janis: that laugh one you sent me was cute Jimmy: you do make me 😂 girl Janis: I know Janis: got the evidence for all time now 💕 Jimmy: keep it Jimmy: I'll be back as a 👻 fucking up all your electronics baby Janis: dunno what you got against 🍆s Jimmy: if they're not in you then nowt Janis: 😂 Janis: new levels of jealousy that Jimmy: is it? Janis: new to me Jimmy: Soz then Janis: don't Janis: don't need to be, like Jimmy: but if it's weird Jimmy: or too like Janis: it ain't Janis: its Janis: it ain't Janis: I wanna hear it all Janis: don't hold back okay Jimmy: You wanna hear what bits you do then you want me to shut up is what you mean Janis: would've said it if that's what I meant Janis: just 'cos I don't know what to say don't mean you can't say it if you wanna Jimmy: it's what everyone means, nowt personal Janis: you're just so chatty, like Jimmy: You just bring it out in me Janis: 'course Jimmy: so inspiring Jimmy: have to write you a poem now I know you're such a fan Janis: 😂 Janis: go on, he was always drunk Janis: will be a masterpiece Jimmy: Alright, shut up and let us crack on Janis: such a 🎨 temperament Janis: 🤐 alright Jimmy: [a selfie of his adorably drunk concentration face like 🤔 with a pen in his mouth and everything] Janis: you're cute Jimmy: shhh Jimmy: OMG Janis: your fault Jimmy: Girl if you don't 🤐🤐🤐 Janis: or what, boy Jimmy: You'll show up and I'll show you Janis: mhmm 😏 Janis: reckon you've got like 5-10 so write fast Jimmy: 👍 Jimmy: nearly done Janis: dread to think Jimmy: Oi🥇 muse and top content Jimmy: so rude Janis: just a sext that rhymes, yeah? Jimmy: You ain't having it now Jimmy: gonna 🔥 it dramatically in this bin Janis: let's not play with fire tah Janis: and don't be mean Jimmy: you Janis: I'm joking Janis: I'm sure it's 🔥 Jimmy: [a poem that I don't have the talent to actually write soz lads] Janis: it actually is Janis: how did you do that Jimmy: I told you got a 🏆🏆🏆🏆🏆 muse in you Jimmy: keep up with what I'm saying, Janet Janis: but really Jimmy: What? Janis: you're good, that's all Jimmy: Baby Janis: I mean it, like Janis: no bullshit Janis: english teacher must love you Jimmy: she don't Jimmy: too much 🎨 in my margins Janis: can't be tamed Janis: maverick Jimmy: rebel with just that one cause still Janis: 'course baby Jimmy: if you ain't wearing your pjs why would you even be here, like Janis: you can see 'em when we get back Janis: sure you've missed them Jimmy: gonna make me 😭😭 Janis: emotional drunk Janis: it's alright, won't tell Jimmy: emotional support PJs Janis: 😂 don't get to be a funny one and all Jimmy: can do it all me Janis: 😍 Janis: just need to sleep, alright Jimmy: you wanna 🥊 or 💋? Jimmy: working through the list Janis: you know we can't do either yeah Janis: not drunk as you now Janis: nothing if not fair, me Jimmy: can fix that for you Jimmy: unless your parents are teetotal or something Jimmy: even then can't live that in the middle of nowt, can you Janis: lol you have no idea Janis: wait and see Janis: and we're fixing you, not feeding my addiction Jimmy: 💔💔 Janis: I know, how d'ya think I feel Janis: things I do for you Jimmy: I'll owe you though, you love that Janis: that's you but good to even the score Janis: can't lie Jimmy: There you go then Janis: 💕 Jimmy: 🤢🤢🤢 Janis: is that a subtle way to say I need to hurry or Jimmy: working through a list, I said Jimmy: gotta use the bin for something since you said no fires Janis: so demanding Janis: almost like I don't want you getting more burns Jimmy: that Freddy Krueger #aesthetic though 😍 Jimmy: love a stripy jumper me Jimmy: very slimming 💀👑 will double tap my OOTD faster than you can say no cheese Janis: you are technically a nonce so Janis: the fedora fits Jimmy: 😂 Janis: where are you then Jimmy: where am I Jimmy: good question that Janis: full of 'em, me Janis: gimme a clue Jimmy: 🍀 Janis: oh good, you ain't fled the country Janis: wouldn't be very good for my rep, that Jimmy: Looking for a bus has gotta be easier than looking for the one lad Jimmy: hang on Janis: how blurry are your 👀 Jimmy: I'll take my 😎 off, babe Jimmy: for you Janis: scandalous Janis: behave you Jimmy: #nudes Jimmy: 👀 Janis: dunno if I'll recognize you even Jimmy: 😱😱😱💔🎻🎻 Jimmy: supposed to know me anywhere you Jimmy: the films have fucking lied Janis: shit fake gf me Janis: always said it Jimmy: If you want a tea you'll have to wait til we get back Jimmy: or fake it of course Janis: wanna have a tea party Jimmy: Depends Janis: guest list? Jimmy: So who else is invited? Janis: only the best 🧸s in town Jimmy: Forget that twat 🧸 your sister hangs out with then Janis: 😂 Janis: deffo Jimmy: I dont want owt to do with him Jimmy: no trust there, like Janis: unless he makes his own way Janis: ain't risking that bear cave to bring him Jimmy: if he is owt like her Jimmy: 🥇 at turning up where she ain't wanted Janis: telling me Janis: 🤞 he's like his father Jimmy: yeah, your birth being one Jimmy: well awkward Janis: so rude, honestly Janis: fuming in that womb I was Jimmy: Well done on taking the spotlight every day since, mate Janis: 🤷 Janis: someone's gotta Janis: she'd melt Jimmy: the kind of commitment I need Jimmy: and you need on your CV Janis: always banking them transferrable skills Jimmy: might be the hottest thing you've ever said Jimmy: dunno but it's up there Janis: you're a lucky boy Janis: everyone knows Jimmy: fake 💍 ASAP then Janis: have to find me first Jimmy: Stop distracting me Jimmy: or be distracting IRL Janis: [find this boy lmao] Jimmy: [just like oh hey cos how far away can he really be] Janis: [exactly, when you've gotta wait for a bus straight back, go to a different cafe and get some breakfast kids] Jimmy: [state of him he needs it lbr] Janis: [just steering him like] Jimmy: [nice parallel to when he had to when she hurt herself on that trip lol] Janis: [just silently fuming at Ian's handiwork blatantly, actually getting a pot of tea too 'cos why not] Jimmy: [tea improves any situation okay bye] Janis: [trufacts] Jimmy: [are they sitting next to each other or opposite? Real questions] Janis: [hmm, probably opposite on a lil 2 seater moment] Jimmy: [eye contact ftw] Janis: [plenty of time for snuggling later, oh the casual tension you're having to put aside rn girl, it fine lmao] Jimmy: [so soz Janis but actually no Im not haha] Janis: ['better?'] Jimmy: ['if things between us are' you know hes drunk when he answers a question] Janis: [nods but looks away like so casual 'course'] Jimmy: [when you're just trying to do something to make her look at you again but you end up just gently holding her face and looking into her eyes for 9 years] Janis: [bit deer in the headlights but allowing it still] Jimmy: [nods genuinely like okay I believe you as if she hasnt just come all this way to find you and take care of you bitch] Janis: [licks his hand like get off but also kisses it 'dope'] Jimmy: ['stop giving me such weird compliments'] Janis: ['stop taking insults as compliments, slag' 😏] Jimmy: [throws a sugar packet at her like how sweet] Janis: [puts it in his tea like energy] Jimmy: ['Oi, sweet enough me' but puts another one in anyway] Janis: 🍬🍨🍧🍭🍰 Janis: you Jimmy: Tah Janis: any time Jimmy: 🤞 won't be any time soon Janis: ['try your best' shrugs 'like you said, ain't your fault though'] Jimmy: My fault he ain't 💀💀💀 Janis: I'll come through with the ☢️⚠️☣️ Jimmy: only so many times I can say tah before it's weird, you know Janis: won't tell if you forget your manners Jimmy: 😏 you'd like it is why Janis: shh Janis: return the favour Jimmy: not gonna say owt to anyone Jimmy: mute, remember Janis: can be as loud as you wanna, remember Jimmy: that middle of nowhere, is it? Jimmy: 👌 Janis: told you Janis: no one can hear you 😱 Jimmy: 👍 Jimmy: very shy me Janis: yeah, noticed Janis: 😏 Jimmy: [playfully nudges her but nearly knocks the precious tea everywhere cos drunkard] Janis: ['careful!'] Janis: I ain't got an apron and you can't be out yours yet Jimmy: [throws a napkin at her like sorted] Janis: [😑] Jimmy: sure you don't wanna 🥊, babe? Janis: stop being tempting Jimmy: never 💕 Janis: what am I gonna do with you, like Jimmy: What do you wanna do with me? Janis: [a LOOK 😳] Jimmy: [obviously giving her one back but shamelessly] Janis: [putting your finger to his mouth like he speaking] Jimmy: [you know they gotta go in his mouth in a saucy manner now girl he got no chill and cant be stopped] Janis: we're in public Jimmy: You're my girlfriend in public Janis: you see anyone else doing Janis: that Jimmy: if they were going out with you, I would see it, yeah Janis: you're wasted Jimmy: and what? Janis: don't write cheques you can't cash Jimmy: it's won't not can't Jimmy: and that's only 'cause you said Janis: yeah okay Janis: but that's the right thing to do Janis: even if I don't wanna Jimmy: If it feels right to you then Janis: you know it is Janis: or you'll know later Jimmy: Later I'll be 😴💤 I won't know nowt Janis: that's the plan Janis: come find me after that, yeah? Jimmy: Where are you going? Janis: nowhere Jimmy: might actually be able to find you then Janis: 🤞 Janis: believe in ya Janis: ['finish up' 'cos bus has to come eventually] Jimmy: [when you just give her a look like do you though? before necking that tea honey] Janis: [gathering their shit and holding the door open for him like come on boy] Jimmy: ['so romantic you' as he goes through the door like] Janis: [does a bow] Jimmy: [lols] Janis: [😍] Jimmy: [takes her hand because if you cant handhold when you need to be kept upright when can you] Janis: ['least you'll definitely get a seat' 'cos can't be wobbling about the bus lmao] Jimmy: ['A northern 45 is a 95 anywhere else, only gotta spread the word a bit'] Janis: ['you're doing a great job with the psa, mate'] Jimmy: [IRL 👍] Janis: [sitting him down and she should have to stand busy bus vibe] Jimmy: [trying to move up as if she can share this seat with you like that unthinkingly but she not #smol] Janis: tah Jimmy: [shrugs] Janis: considerate forever Jimmy: [gesturing that she can sit on you because not like she hasnt before and its all so casual lol lol lol] Janis: [a look like are you sure? also excuse them the like old lady he's probably next to heheheh] Jimmy: [a look like do you wanna stand for 13 years I dont think so] Janis: [shrugs and hops on] Jimmy: [wrapping his arms around her like a seatbelt even though shes not gonna fall off and we know you just are doing a little hug moment boy] Janis: [so soft] Jimmy: [god bless] Janis: [a moment even if you're dying slightly] Jimmy: [just really leaning his head on her so casually here too nbd] Janis: [stroking his hair and sneaky checking the bruises and stuff] Jimmy: [he started it but its too soft and hes dying like] Janis: at least you look cool Janis: [is sad face tho] Jimmy: [makes her sad face a smiley face by smushing it] Janis: [lols 'excuse me'] Jimmy: helping you look if not 😎 then 😊 Janis: you're sweet Jimmy: you not gonna do the emojis this time? Jimmy: 💔 Janis: baby Jimmy: [😍 in this close a proximity, not a good idea boy, but here we are] Janis: you're just very Janis: distracting Janis: [so much eye contact] Jimmy: [when you say 'you' out loud so you don't have to break it by looking down at your phone to type] Janis: [annnnnd hold, just internally debating if you can kiss him or not morally] Jimmy: [we all know he would be leaning in to kiss her and then would so] Janis: [go with it girl, it's okay] Jimmy: [don't mind them bus peeps they just gotta have a moment] Janis: [lmao the tutting they don't even notice rn] Jimmy: [deal with it slags they are in love] Janis: [the level of restraint you need to keep it just at a makeout moment tbh, the old lady should need to get off like ahem lol] Jimmy: [honestly its been SUCH a night and they are gonna be on this bus for ages yet gdi, off you go 👵] Janis: [least they've got two seats now, spread out] Jimmy: [but never that much you clingy bitches #same] Janis: [lbr would've taken you longer than necessary to get off his lap] Jimmy: [a mood] Janis: [😍] Jimmy: [has to kiss her again obvs because they stop when they want not when a 👵 says so] Janis: [which is lowkey never but it's fine, long bus journey] Jimmy: [at least you can take advantage of having slightly more space to basically swap over so he's all but on top of her now instead, the tuts would be LOUD haha] Janis: [just being like 'don't get too comfy' 😏 between kisses] Jimmy: [giving a LOOK because unrepentant af about any of this soz passengers] Janis: [when you have to be the one with some control lmao good luck] Jimmy: [at least theres plenty of other people on this bus to tell you to get some LOL] Janis: 💀💀💀 Jimmy: 👀🔪🔪🔪 Janis: 👴👵🚨👮⛓ Jimmy: 👵💔👴 Jimmy: so jealous them Jimmy: 👮🚔 will be an all Janis: yeah you're pretty cute Jimmy: you Janis: you wanna 🥊 so bad Jimmy: not what I most want but alright Janis: really Janis: maybe you should be clearer Jimmy: [more kisses that are more extra, look away people] Janis: I get it Jimmy: You sure? Janis: ['You know you wanna' and a LOOK] Jimmy: [forever returning those looks bitch and you can have some lovebites too girl cos its been a minute for you] Janis: [into it] Jimmy: [likewise] Janis: [just taking photos of said bruises like it's a force of habit but you just wanna] Jimmy: [thats fine because gives him an excuse to take 📷 of her too which he always just wants to] Janis: you gonna be my personal photographer Janis: when I'm mega famous Jimmy: Do you still want me to follow you about then? Janis: Do you? Janis: [are you him like] Jimmy: Where are you going? Janis: Paris, Milan, Tokyo Janis: list is endless Jimmy: Alright Janis: alright Janis: sorted Jimmy: til I get lost Jimmy: at least you know how to take a decent selfie, babe Janis: have to put a tracker on you Janis: not a crazy gf, for his safety purely Jimmy: [lols] Janis: [😍] Jimmy: [just looking into those 😍 with your own] Janis: [😳] Jimmy: [kissing her on each cheek really soft like hes practising for europe but we know its for the 😳] Janis: ['stop' but soft] Jimmy: [does but doesnt move far enough away so still up in her grill like] Janis: [just pushing his head down, gently lol, like go to sleep] Jimmy: [pouty face] Janis: [squishing his face for revenge] Jimmy: [like oi because standard but snuggling into her] Janis: ['promise I'll wake you up'] Jimmy: ['no challenge too hard going for you, I get it' sleepy voiced] Janis: ['flexes the arm he ain't on] Jimmy: [a genuine smile] Janis: [have a snooze boy we'll skipperoo] Jimmy: [take some deep breaths Janis theres so much more to come babe] Janis: [roll up on the cali gaff lads] Jimmy: [that wont be awks at all now that its whatever o clock in the morning] Janis: [when one of them probably stayed home to watch her so she already snuck out to get him, on the shit list big time rn] Jimmy: [I hope whichever parent it is aint doing yoga on the lawn rn] Janis: [lmao now is not the time lads, not sneaking though 'cos fuck you fam is the mood evidently] Jimmy: [it really isnt because it should probably be Ali to show how seriously they are taking the driving escapade so him thinking her mum is fit is really not the mood] Jimmy: [also take a moment to really appreciate HOW MANY cats he would think he was half asleep still cos wtf] Janis: [i vibe] Janis: [when you're so embarrassed by your fam/house/everything tbh like get in my room quick thanks] Jimmy: [at least he wont really fully register it cos actually is sleepy so she can just hustle him through speedily] Janis: [just moving her shit out the way so he can get in] Jimmy: [I cant even think what her room would look like either dont start me] Jimmy: [so much like her nan bye] Janis: [like it was once nice 'cos can afford nice shit but is now wrecked/she's never in there now so any posters would be dated as hell] Jimmy: [I feel like hes gotta notice that even though hes not gonna say anything] Jimmy: [file that away in your head boy] Janis: [for another time, also have a nice tuck-in moment for the throwback] Jimmy: [yaaas! what size is her bed?] Janis: [defs a double 'cos she doesn't have loads of other shit she needs so she can] Jimmy: [good thinking you aint gonna have a homework desk are you babe] Janis: [and the attic is already more sizeable anyway soz lads, like they all could, but for example we said grace don't 'cos she wants her youtube background moment so then there is no room] Jimmy: [and Grace never brings lads home cos she would rather die so priorities] Janis: [surprised she brings her friends tbh, Mia like we coming bitch] Jimmy: [she wouldnt want them there but yeah Mia inviting herself from day 1] Janis: [getting all the tea the snek] Jimmy: [I hate her so much because we all know bitches like that] Janis: [mhmm] Jimmy: [anything I need to know about that Janis is gonna do while hes just sleeping and snuggling?] Janis: [she'd probably do some homework 'cos promised she wouldn't leave obvs, work out 'cos all the tension today but that's only next room and also snuggle] Jimmy: [I was gonna say, use that gym honey its been a DAY for you both] Janis: [mhmm honey] Jimmy: [we need another skip cos we gotta let this poor boy sleep for a while] Janis: [let her have a sleep too 'cos also hasn't so he can wake up first] Jimmy: [casually like where the fuck am I in that hot sec before he realises shes still right there bitch 😍 at her for a bit boy she wont know] Jimmy: [but actually like snuggling into her more cos you know you should check your phone to see if your siblings are alive but you dont wanna but thanks to Ian it would hurt trying to bury your head cos you arent drunk anymore so youre like ow and thatd probably wake her up so] Janis: [enjoy boy, waking up like 'hey'] Jimmy: [saying it back in the quietest voice ever] Janis: ['you need water?' and going to get up] Jimmy: [when youre like I need painkillers for all these injuries but you arent gonna say that because gotta be hard and northern so say nothing] Janis: [looking back like ?] Jimmy: [a very helpful shrug, oh boy have some water and dont be a knob] Janis: [goes for that water] Jimmy: [does check his phone to make sure Cass and Bobby are alright] Janis: [should've washed his uniform for him so he can look like he's been a presentable boy at work all day, so bringing that back in too] Jimmy: [thats so domestic I nearly screamed then] Janis: [when you so caring on the low and no one knows rn] Jimmy: [he would be DYING because he dont have a mum to care about him and clearly Ian isnt] Janis: [trufacts] Jimmy: [fully conceal dont feel boy so she doesnt know how much that got to you] Janis: [just sitting back down on the bed, looking at him like 🤔 'well, you look less pissed at least'] Jimmy: [he was drinking his water and keeping it casual so gotta do a little choke laugh into it like] Janis: ['if you die when I've gone to all this trouble, I swear' 😏] Jimmy: ['less witnesses here than on the bus, be alright' 😏 oh the double meaning excuse you slag] Janis: ['that's alright then' so flirty] Jimmy: [forever giving LOOKS, oh you two] Janis: [all the looks all the time, also the PJs are on as promised so] Jimmy: [give them a nod now youre properly awake boy] Janis: [little lol] Jimmy: [takes her hand and puts it on his pulse so she can see that hes still alive cos obvs trying to kill him with how cute she looks and is] Janis: [just moving your hands up and down 'cos you wanna but then getting to his face and pausing like 'what you gonna tell the kid, if he asks?'] Jimmy: [looks down at some old burn scar or other and back at her like theres your answer cos can easily say he did it at work by falling over something or whatever] Janis: [nods 'then you're good to go-' adding '-whenever' 'cos blatantly does not want it to be yet tah] Jimmy: ['Is the plan to starve me out or-' obviously stalling because he doesnt wanna go either ha 'Mia'll be well proud' but also when was the last time they ate either of them lbr] Janis: ['could just say you're hungry, dickhead' gentle push back down, like 'what you want?'] Jimmy: ['it'd end the live tweets too quick that' gets comfy and doesnt answer what he wants of course v helpful] Janis: [when you get on top of him like you're about to playfight or be saucy, which is it??? neither, getting up like 'get what you're given then, boy' 😏] Jimmy: 💔 Janis: sure you don't wanna live-tweet it? Jimmy: You want that to be your rep then? Janis: worse things than a heartbreaker, I guess Janis: jussayin, you had your chance to chat to me 🤐 Jimmy: Oi, not if it's my heart under the 🔨 Jimmy: so rude you Janis: so your 🖤 is delicate but your lungs and kidney can take it? Janis: noted Jimmy: swing a 🔨 delicately, do you? Noted Janis: forgot liver, but thought that might be a sensitive topic still Janis: very fucking considerate, I'll have you know Jimmy: might be for you, pisshead Jimmy: I'm alright Janis: now Janis: thanks to my excellent nursing Jimmy: Then an' all Jimmy: but I know how into giving it a go you were, not the only considerate one you Janis: even if we're back to faking it, you were never that good Janis: your 😵🥴 and bambi walk gave you away Jimmy: might be concussion that, you didn't ask, some nurse you Janis: didn't need to, you told me about the scotch of your own freewill Janis: so rude to question my competence Janis: risky, when I'm making you food as well Jimmy: scotch which came after, could've already had the serious head injury Janis: 🙄 considering you've survived your all-day nap Janis: gonna say I was right and you're taking the piss Jimmy: no 🏆 coming your way for a fluke, mate Janis: don't ask for much do ya Janis: don't fancy being your real gf, high maintenance motherfucker Jimmy: Nowt off you, I hate to be disappointed me Jimmy: enough 🎻 playing as is Janis: come up here and help yourself then, twat Jimmy: You're alright Jimmy: 💀👑 is probably hiding in your fridge Janis: sniffing calories Janis: yeah well you can go in the freezer if you don't start behaving Jimmy: beats a cold 🚿 if you're gonna keep being so 😍😍🤤🤤 Janis: not if you're concussed Janis: can't risk injuring you further 'til you're all better, can I Jimmy: I have been before, I ain't now Jimmy: You'll have to think of another way to lose your fake nursing qualification Janis: 'cos that's what I wanna do Jimmy: be out of your hands if you ain't 🥇 Janis: and lemme guess, you'll be 🥇 and in charge, yeah? Jimmy: Let me guess, you want Pete to have final say, yeah? Janis: I mean, don't even put the idea in my head if you want this food any time soon Janis: 😍😍🤤🤤 can't share that cold 🚿 Jimmy: fuck it, go on into his DMs its been a bit and I can wait one Janis: BUT WHAT DO I SAY?!?! 😱 Jimmy: pic gonna be worth loads more than words, girl Jimmy: he's an artist Janis: 👂 not 👀 but I get your point Janis: and a voice message would be well forward Jimmy: and you're 🙀🥇🙀 obvs Janis: piss off Janis: not sending nudes to every fit boy I see ain't 🙀 it's sane Jimmy: 👌 Janis: you do it then Jimmy: he don't want mine Janis: 💔 Jimmy: and you turning out to be my beard isn't very believable Janis: why not Jimmy: would've picked a different lass if that's what I was after Jimmy: more girly or something Janis: 🖕 Janis: ignoring you now Jimmy: Why 'cause I'm not gay? Bit rude Janis: no because you're rude Jimmy: for not sending unwanted nudes to my straight male coworker? Nah mate you've got that wrong Janis: 😑 Janis: to me Jimmy: What for? Janis: what do you mean what for Jimmy: What do you mean I'm being rude to you? Janis: where to begin Janis: it comes that natural, you don't even notice, eh Jimmy: You notice owt that ain't happening Janis: don't be a gaslighter, that ain't #goals Jimmy: don't be throwing words about that you could save for a # Janis: liked you better when you were asleep Jimmy: I liked you better when I were too Janis: your sense of directions for shit but you can work on where the door is if that's the case Jimmy: 👍 Jimmy: in a bit then Janis: are you taking this food or what Jimmy: is it done or what? Janis: you're in such a rush Janis: would you even be done with your shift yet Jimmy: You told me to be in one Janis: I never Jimmy: you said fuck off out so I'm going Janis: I said stop being a dick Jimmy: you said leave Janis: well if you don't like me why would I do things for you and why would you want me to Jimmy: I never said Janis: yeah well you did Jimmy: that were you Janis: you said it back Janis: I was joking Jimmy: because in dreams owt can happen, why wouldn't that be better? Janis: now you're gonna be slick, huh Jimmy: 🙄 Janis: whatever, keats Janis: just stay and eat Janis: in the oven now, don't need go waste Jimmy: only gonna take poison off your 💋 Jules so don't get any other ideas with the 🍽 Janis: promise Jimmy: I'll take your word, no need to 🔪 yourself to get it written out anywhere else Janis: yeah if they reckon last night was a suey attempt they probably will take the knives so I'll be 😇 Jimmy: til I take you somewhere else, any road Jimmy: soon have you back at 😈🥇 Janis: not sure I can take your word on that score yet Janis: but we'll see Jimmy: Why not? Janis: still impatiently waiting for you to take me, ain't I Jimmy: if you're so impatient let's go Janis: gotta eat Jimmy: not me 👻 Janis: take my duties very serious, even if you doubt my ability Jimmy: so serious you Jimmy: that'll be why you were all jokes a bit ago Janis: keep your on your toes Janis: check for any concussion Jimmy: I'll work out with you, stop begging Janis: never keep up, baby Jimmy: That hurts, babe Jimmy: Ian's got nowt on you Janis: give him pointers on the verbal smackdown if I see him Janis: 😒 Jimmy: 🤞 you won't but tah Jimmy: getting really boring having the same row every time, like Janis: yeah, figured I was fucked for an invite back Janis: give him some new material, whilst I'm at it Jimmy: I meant 'cause he makes himself scarce for a bit after Jimmy: not showing you the door Janis: Ah Janis: almost like remorse, but not quite, sir Jimmy: Don't wanna look at me til I'm healed Jimmy: he'll have that in common with my instagram feed I'm sure Jimmy: 💔 Janis: Prick Jimmy: You ready for your close up then? Jimmy: be your time to shine, this Janis: so kind of you to share your spotlight Janis: 😏 Jimmy: well you know, if the queen of the undead asks I got every bruise decking some dickhead for you or whatever so I won't need it Jimmy: hero worshipped as standard Janis: she ain't very good down on her knees, so the rumor mill says so might wanna reconsider getting 'em 🙏 Jimmy: Teeth falling out during would put anyone off tbf Jimmy: 🤞 she at least swallows them Jimmy: Tooth fairy won't come but the lad might still Jimmy: 💕 Janis: put out a poll in the groupchat Janis: important info Jimmy: Where's Grace's room, if I don't get lost I'll ask her Janis: piss off Jimmy: Come on, tell me Janis: shut up, no Jimmy: spoilsport Janis: you're disgusting Jimmy: What? Janis: you know what Jimmy: No Janis: 🙄 Jimmy: go on Janis: I don't need to, pretty obvious Janis: ask your sister the same shall I Jimmy: She don't have a #squad for you to get the goss on, soz babes Janis: well I'm not gonna, freak Janis: neither are you Jimmy: What's the fucking matter with you? Janis: what are you on about Jimmy: You heard Janis: and you heard, shut up chatting about my sister Janis: don't see how you don't see that that's weird Jimmy: I weren't chatting about her, just her besties Jimmy: So what's your problem with that? Janis: just quit whilst I've got hot food coming at you or it'll end up in your lap Jimmy: 🙄 Janis: [coming through with some kind of safe food she's just shoved in for them] Jimmy: [takes it so he can eat it and shhh] Janis: [omnom] Jimmy: [awkward moody silent eating lol] Janis: [fun times forever] Jimmy: [just finishing speedily and getting ready to go as if I'm gonna let that happen haha] Janis: [looking up as if she's shooketh 'alright?'] Jimmy: [a nod that's clearly incorrect] Janis: [a funny face like obvs not 'come on'] Jimmy: [a look thats like dont tell me to come on] Janis: [😱😬😋 in that order] Jimmy: [leaving but not really cos I still ain't gonna let him get that far obvs] Janis: excuse you Jimmy: can do, if you want Janis: the least you can do is say bye Jimmy: Alright then Jimmy: bye Janis: fuck you, come back here and say it to my face Jimmy: [does come storming back in but doesnt say it, because just looking at her intensely instead] Janis: [😡 face 'say.it.'] Jimmy: ['you' doesnt need to be as up in her grill as he is, but what's new 'why are you being such a massive dickhead?'] Janis: ['me?' outrage lmao 'you. what is your problem right now?'] Jimmy: ['What's yours? I fucking asked you ages ago'] Janis: ['Nothing, you've been an asshole ever since you woke up'] Jimmy: ['No, I've not, you've been having a go at me since your sister got mentioned'] Janis: ['and I told you, it weren't funny'] Jimmy: [annoyed shrug like whatever then] Janis: ['goodbye then' and flinging yourself dramatically on the bed] Jimmy: [does not move] Janis: [is on phone not looking his way so] Janis: what Jimmy: [taking her phone off her #problematic] Janis: [death stare 'WHAT'] Jimmy: [when you can't handle her shouting at you because soft boy 5ever so you're in a shut down like you didnt start this, oh boy so problematic] Janis: ['what' at a normal level like genuine confusion] Jimmy: ['everything's shit' but quietly like the grandma I am would be like ?? 'since I woke up, before then, just....'] Janis: [sighs, rubbing her temples and sitting back down from getting up to shout 'yeah' also quiet 'it is'] Jimmy: [sits next to her but not close to her, a throwback to that bench on the school trip because I'm that slut] Janis: ['I get it, alright' throwing a glance back but not maintaining any eye contact rn 'sorry'] Jimmy: [lying on your back to stare at her ceiling dramatically because you wanna cry and its another throwback while Im on a roll 'I'm a dickhead and I'm sorry'] Janis: ['yeah but so am I, for one; and two, don't make it alright that everything's SO shit, you know' shrugs, shuffles back but doesn't commit to laying down next to him, taking his hand] Jimmy: ['You're not though, you're-' I can't even begin to go there rn boy, sits up but without letting go of her hand and is just looking down at it like 'and you have made it alright, a bit' because she is so nice and he cant even deal Janis: ['a bit' 🤏 smiles a lil and nudges him like, you ain't either though, shrugs 'just what any fucker would do, and they probably wouldn't be a cunt minute you wake up so-'] Jimmy: [raises their linked hands like I can't do the lot stretched out hand thing without letting go, soz because of course he isnt gonna do that. Lowkey crying silently #same because you dont know how to express how nice she is or how much you arent used to/cant handle it] Janis: [when their hands are going back down, tapping his head 'you nerd' then taking his other hand and finally hugging so he can cry in private 'I swear, I wanna make it alright all the time, I wanna be your mate but you don't get it, I ain't a good one, all I'll bring is more hassle, like'] Jimmy: [just the longest hug ever because all the reasons 'you're the best I've had, I get that it sounds fake but it's not'] Janis: [just squeezing him tighter 'cos what to say like same bitch] Jimmy: [such a MOMENT 'you wanna get out of here with me now then?'] Janis: ['yeah' no hesitation 'but you're gonna have to leave and I'm gonna have to sneak out after'] Jimmy: need a 🚬 anyway Jimmy: find me after Janis: okay Jimmy: [leaves but looks back of course cos ILY bitch] Janis: [chasing him down and giving him the most intense kiss of all time, pablo where you at to interrupt] Jimmy: [OMG Mia where you at tho] Janis: [if she was actually over LMAO] Jimmy: [she so could be if we want because always inviting herself] Janis: [amuses me greatly why not] Jimmy: [Grace chasing Mia down but not to kiss her I hope and just like oh ffs because so over Mias obsession with JJ] Janis: [#thereallovestory] Jimmy: [they are everyones otp get over it now Mia] Janis: [least they can bants about how it's getting weird now, egg on your face sweaty Jimmy: [and she cant hang so she cant join them bants soz] Janis: [not soz, when you can start kissing again like it's purely to get them to fuck off but blatantly not] Jimmy: [going for it because you know Mia is too invested when Grace has to drag her away like dont be weird] Janis: [probably try to join in, just loling when they're gone] Jimmy: [you know they are having a bestie domestic, Grace having to be all what is your problem herself because seriously Mia get a grip my love] Janis: [oh the drama, weekly falling out is on, pick a side everyone] Jimmy: [at least JJ are living their best lives rn] Janis: ['why are you making me wanna stay, just a bit' 🤏] Jimmy: [kissing her again because challenge to make her wanna stay a lot is very much accepted] Janis: [just making your way back upstairs really slowly 'cos you're making out the whole way/being pushes backwards] Jimmy: [don't fall over and hurt yourselves either of you because that wouldnt be a mood and this is] Janis: [you got this, on your knees/sat anyway so it fine] Jimmy: [love that you keep having moments on stairs atm] Janis: [mewd] Jimmy: [god bless you both] Janis: [first time yay or nay?] Jimmy: [I say yes because it happened here OG anyway and feels are well high like how would we even stop them lol] Janis: [my thoughts exactly] Jimmy: [we have to steal them missing their stop on the bus from the OG and having to walk for another occasion though cos that was a mood] Janis: [yes easily done tho so we will] Jimmy: [blatantly re-read that hence me and my dementia remember so] Jimmy: [At least Cali cant kick off at her because she did technically stay in] Janis: [gonna say I do not tbh lol] Janis: [if they do just be like HE WAS LOCKED OUT fight me] Jimmy: [we all know Caleb is a soft touch anyway lads] Janis: [trutru also save the lecture she busylol] Jimmy: [he would have that boy over for dinner every night and lowkey adopt him haha] Janis: [he don't know that yet tho just thinking there's another bad egg on the scene] Jimmy: [mhmmm] Janis: [the joys of being a parent lmao] Jimmy: [arent you glad you went as hard as you did on the numbers guys] Janis: [regrets, you have 10] Jimmy: [awkward] Janis: [speaking of, how you wanna be lads] Jimmy: [staying forever is how he will wanna be clingy bitch] Janis: [probably need to go feed your siblings though so he could always have a headstart and she'll meet him there] Jimmy: [good point, gotta keep them alive] Janis: [especially if Ian is hiding] Jimmy: [at least he would be at work still so easy to avoid] Janis: [true tea, and if he shows Jimmy can pretend he been working all day anyway] Jimmy: [Twix will be going mental honey, poor bab] Janis: [🤞 cass been holding the fort and walked her] Jimmy: [Im gonna insist she has or Ill be 💔] Jimmy: [also gotta insist that Mia has been posting about them so they gotta be reminded of the fake shit after being the realest ever with each other like] Janis: [a good jump off point] Jimmy: [leave them alone and mind your business bitch literally why are you so bothered] Janis: [never known love, never known life] Janis: how many restraining orders you reckon her da has found loopholes in, like? Janis: [whatever extraness on Mia's socials] Jimmy: Fuck's sake Janis: yeah Janis: she must've left in a strop a while ago 'cos grace is stomping around here solo, like Jimmy: 💔 Janis: thoughts and prayers Jimmy: Hang on, let me start a gofundme to buy poor Gracie a new bestie Jimmy: 🧸 still in my bad books Janis: well, s'a hard sell so Janis: 🍀 to you Jimmy: Oh come on 🥇 optimist at work here Janis: call it clueless Janis: but love that for you Janis: luxury money can't buy Jimmy: Oi, be nice to me Janis: I am Janis: it's endearing Janis: only jealous, like Jimmy: Suspicious Jimmy: my undercover 👮🚔 senses are going Janis: Why? Janis: no case to crack here Janis: open book, me Jimmy: that's what a closed book would say Jimmy: got my 👀 on you, baby Janis: 😏 Janis: that's what a 45 year old perv would say Janis: nothing to hide, keep on 👀 Jimmy: Alright then Janis: you not on the bus? Janis: don't have to hide in the bushes w the binoculars Jimmy: I don't have time to spy on you 🚌👵💕 Jimmy: 👀 for another, tah Janis: 💔 Janis: move so fast Jimmy: told you I could keep up with you in the gym Janis: not gonna be your gym buddy now though 😭😭😭 Jimmy: have a new 🚿 buddy in a bit Jimmy: those non slip surfaces and grab rails 😍😍🤤🤤 Jimmy: it's a date and a party Janis: 😡 Janis: hope she breaks a hip xoxo Jimmy: 💪🏆 Jimmy: in good hands, her Janis: be nice to me too Jimmy: If I start Janis: ? Jimmy: I'll want you to get on this bus with me Janis: same Janis: they're being ridiculously OTT Jimmy: bit rude when that's my job Janis: I'll let 'em know Janis: dead curious, like 🙄 Jimmy: tell them I ain't done a shift of my other, raring to go, me Jimmy: such a strong worth ethic Jimmy: work* Janis: you want 'em to like you Janis: 😎 boy for life Jimmy: I want you to know I like you Jimmy: where OTT comes in Janis: I want that too Janis: no 🙄 needed Jimmy: Come back then Janis: I will Janis: when they shut up and give me a second alone Jimmy: How much trouble will you be in? Janis: not enough that I care Janis: unless they plan to actually lock me in my room, they know I won't stick around anyway, pretend to the contrary if they want Jimmy: Did you just quote me? Janis: didn't check if I got it verbatim but Jimmy: 💕 Janis: shut up 💘 Jimmy: you can't tell me to shut up when you're having my words come out of your mouth Janis: you know I say 'em nicer Jimmy: bollocks you love my accent Janis: just like it when you actually talk, babe Jimmy: Do you? Janis: 'course I do Jimmy: What do you wanna hear? Janis: How much you like me Janis: and how you're gonna show me Jimmy: [a voice memo thing going into far too much detail considering he is either on the bus or waiting for one] Janis: oh Janis: that's Janis: remind me why you aren't here again Jimmy: 'cause you're coming to me Jimmy: soon as Janis: yeah Janis: and I can stay Janis: 'til Ian shows again, yeah? Jimmy: even when he does Jimmy: I said, not kicking you out Janis: good Janis: 'cos don't wanna go unless we go together Janis: 💀🤞 Jimmy: 💌 Jimmy: got that in writing now Janis: love a contract, you Jimmy: #middle aged man kinks Janis: 😂 Janis: it's alright, you got stamina, for an old guy Jimmy: reword that tweet a bit before you hit send probably Janis: not gonna blow your cover Janis: bit late for the blow-by-blow account anyway Jimmy: 👍 Janis: in a stunning turn of events, gracie is helping me for some reason so should be able to get out of here sooner than anticipated Jimmy: very funny Janis: funny weird, yeah Janis: already ordered a lift so Jimmy: Hang on, you ain't joking? Janis: unless she is Janis: see in 5 Jimmy: unless she kills you Jimmy: still see you though 👻💕 Janis: counterproductive if that's what they're all claiming to be so upset about Janis: funny though Janis: she'd get shanked so fast in prison Jimmy: Might not, had loads of practice being Mia's bitch Janis: assume that's where she's running herself Jimmy: how romantic Jimmy: tell her not to, we don't need the competition Janis: absolutely not Jimmy: You won't have a convo with her or you won't tolerate them as an IT couple? Janis: 1. I'm not trying to help her ever Janis: 2. they're both in love with me Janis: 3. we're 🥇 and don't ever imply less Jimmy: So forceful you Jimmy: 😍😍🤤🤤 Janis: sort it out, honestly 😏 Jimmy: if you get to mine before me, you'll have to Jimmy: skipped the honeymoon and went straight to kids and a dog Janis: that's a point Janis: evidently YOUR honeymoon is over 'cos waited for you to get on that bus, like Janis: plan worked 💕🙌 Jimmy: never a bad plan, you Janis: n'awh Janis: don't worry, know how to do oven chips, I can sort it Jimmy: so does Cass, she's 12 not 2 Janis: excuse me, you want me to muck in or nah Jimmy: No, I don't want you to Jimmy: that's why I said you might have to Jimmy: under duress, same as me Janis: well I'm used to that Janis: no worries Jimmy: Ruining the fantasy a bit there, rich girl Janis: you can do better Jimmy: Obviously Janis: and you'll have plenty of time after the bedtime routine Jimmy: Not if our kid has owt to do with it but I'll make time for you Janis: can't stay awake long as I can Janis: 💪 Jimmy: I'll give you the 🏆 when I wake up then Janis: talking 'bout outlasting the kid but if you're 😪 already baby Jimmy: been tired since before I met you Jimmy: worst kept secret in my new boy mystery set Janis: poor boy Janis: I'll help you sleep, trust Jimmy: What's your singing voice like? Fed up of 🎻🎻🎻 me Janis: don't reckon I'm winning any 🏆 but Janis: do my best Jimmy: 👌 Janis: how do you do it then Jimmy: What? Janis: the whole having self-control thing Janis: 'cos when I see you I'll just wanna Jimmy: The clue's in the first bit Jimmy: it ain't about me Jimmy: what I wanna do Jimmy: I ain't got no self control, just Jimmy: shit in my way Janis: hmm Janis: makes sense Janis: all your habits, like 🚬 Jimmy: got plenty of self destruction, yeah Jimmy: nowt in the way of that Janis: I'll drink to that Jimmy: 🍻 Jimmy: There's no scotch but you can have owt else that he or I've not Janis: such a good host Jimmy: Do you have 🚬? Janis: nah but I'll go shop Janis: give you chance to get here Jimmy: Alright Janis: 👍 Jimmy: How do you do this? Janis: ? Jimmy: it's the longest 🚌 ride I've ever been on 😱😱 Jimmy: you really live in the middle of nowt, girl Janis: you were warned Janis: hoping it'll keep us in, hasn't really worked Jimmy: actually gonna have to move you in Jimmy: don't even like you it's just jealousy that you get to spend so much time with hot drivers like this bloke Jimmy: and the 👵👴 on board every time Janis: honestly, prime hunting ground for you Janis: it's probably trevor Janis: be more jealous, I know 'em all by name Jimmy: 💔 Jimmy: Why you trying to make me get banned for 🥊? Jimmy: even if I won't need to visit you here 💀👑 and  the rest of the #squad will want me to show up Janis: 1. you're jealous of me for seeing them, not the other way 'round, remember Janis: 2. just really want an excuse to steal another car Janis: 3. gonna make a habit of giving them what they want? Jimmy: 1. that's obvs all a blur 'cause I'm too fuming to think clearly now Jimmy: 2. I didn't steal the 1st one so I don't reckon you can say another Jimmy: 3. Depends Janis: 1. Me too now, see 3 Janis: 2. you don't know how far I got, pisshead Janis: 3. 😒 Jimmy: What's that face for? Jimmy: You dunno what it depends on yet, mardy Janis: I know I don't like it either way Janis: but fine, what? Jimmy: I was just Jimmy: but nah it's alright, you don't wanna know Jimmy: 🤐 Janis: 😒😒 Janis: [imagine she's done them huge like on facebook] Janis: well tell me Jimmy: If they still want me to break up with you, I might Jimmy: to cut out all the fake shit between us Jimmy: that's what I were thinking Janis: who told you you were allowed to be so Jimmy: ? Janis: idk the right word Janis: cute just sounds fake Jimmy: I know what you mean Janis: alright, bighead 😏 Jimmy: Piss off, I meant about sounding fake Jimmy: that's why I reckon breaking up and just seeing each other when we want, how we want, is the best plan Janis: makes sense Janis: anything we were gonna achieve with it, we have by now so Janis: can just ghost 'em, like Janis: not like we have to make an annoucement, they'll do the rest themselves Jimmy: school might be weird, being exes, that's the only thing Janis: yeah Janis: not really an alternative though, is there? Jimmy: Be easier to fake 💔 than 💕 probably Jimmy: not like we have every lesson together anyway Janis: and school is shit anyway so Jimmy: If you want a day off from pretending to hate me, we'll skip Janis: why do I need to hate you Jimmy: We were so in love and now we ain't #duh Jimmy: every dickhead knows you can't be friends with your ex Jimmy: unless you want them to think you're a lesbian again, like Janis: if it's the only option we've got then it is Jimmy: You don't reckon it's a good one? Janis: nah Janis: but there ain't a good one Janis: not your fault, like Jimmy: Fake 💔 or fake 💕 then? Janis: 💔 why not Janis: may as well, change of scenery Jimmy: I get it 😒 is easier than 😍 for me an' all Janis: 👌 Jimmy: sorted then Janis: yep Jimmy: [shows her a doodle he's done of them while he's stuck on this bus like okay boy your 😍 are showing here] Janis: you still got time to post that or what Jimmy: Do I? Janis: your plan Jimmy: I'm not gonna 💔 til you wanna though Janis: what are we waiting for Jimmy: Alright I'll delete now Janis: 👋 Jimmy: Owt you want off my phone you can sort in a bit Janis: don't need to Jimmy: bit rude Janis: why Jimmy: Oi, a 🥇 photographer, me Janis: don't actually need a portfolio Janis: tah Jimmy: Fine Janis: don't fancy it, posting the 🚬 through your letterbox ok Jimmy: No, there's nowt okay about that Jimmy: what are you on about? Janis: what are you Janis: something's come up Jimmy: What has? Janis: does it matter? Janis: just need to go Jimmy: Why wouldn't that matter? Janis: don't be awkward Jimmy: you Jimmy: What's wrong? Janis: Nothing Janis: but this plan won't just happen by itself either Janis: things I need to sort now Jimmy: Not what you said before Jimmy: you said we didn't have to do nowt Jimmy: that they'd work it out Janis: about figuring it out Janis: I'm talking about the fallout Jimmy: What do you mean? Janis: well do you really wanna mope around and pretend to be 💔 Janis: actual 💔 Janis: that's the rep you want? think about it Janis: just means more faking, only with other people Jimmy: I'm not gonna get another fake girlfriend if that's what you're saying Janis: not saying you repeat this scheme Janis: but gotta be seen to be moving on, yeah Jimmy: No Janis: alright for you, isn't it Janis: who do you think they'll reckon dumped who Jimmy: You can dump me, I don't care what they think Janis: still fake, ain't it Janis: whatever way we play it Jimmy: Yeah but Jimmy: we can be real with each other Janis: I fucking hate it Janis: that it matters Jimmy: That's why I'm trying to give us a chance to start over Jimmy: Alright, we might have to give them one last show but after that whenever I see you or say owt it's real Janis: Is it though Jimmy: Why wouldn't it be? Janis: if you're trying to not see me again for real, just do that Janis: don't headfuck me Jimmy: You're the one who has come all this way to decide you don't fancy it Janis: it's you that keeps talking about hating and avoiding and all that shit Janis: how am I meant to take that Jimmy: If you don't fancy me anymore because fucking me weren't like you thought it were gonna be then alright Jimmy: but don't talk bollocks Jimmy: You know I wanna see you Janis: No Janis: it isn't that Janis: but no, I don't know that either Janis: feel like I don't know fuck all these days Jimmy: Janis Jimmy: I didn't wanna go, you have to know that, you were there Jimmy: and I wouldn't bring you here where I don't wanna fucking be if I didn't REALLY want to see you Janis: I'm Janis: stupid Janis: sorry Janis: take your pick Jimmy: just Jimmy: come back Jimmy: it don't matter Janis: it does if I've made it weirder than I already felt Jimmy: what can be weirder than not being fake with your fake girlfriend? Jimmy: I don't care, alright Janis: you thought it was weird Jimmy: What? No Jimmy: I mean actually telling you how I feel is weird Janis: oh Janis: well, agreed Jimmy: Agreeing is weird an' all, isn't it? Janis: can't take the other side and pretend this is standard for me, soz Jimmy: be weirder if it were Jimmy: You reckon I've got some fucked habits but that'd be Janis: don't be mad 'cos you're my 5th fake boyfriend, alright Janis: judgey Jimmy: That ain't funny or cute Jimmy: Shut up Janis: obviously not Janis: you approached me Janis: not doing that kinda suggestability voodoo Jimmy: OMG 🤐 Janis: yeah, think on Janis: was a pretty out of character thing to do, no? Jimmy: Paddy girls are pretty full on Janis: 🙄 Jimmy: Deny it Jimmy: there's nowt you can say Janis: not lumping myself in with that lot Janis: and you Jimmy: neither were I Jimmy: never have done Janis: ❄ Janis: I remember Jimmy: 👍 Janis: such a dick, you were Jimmy: Nah, I am Jimmy: no need to past tense it Janis: just specifying the time Jimmy: Alright, so don't forget to add I will be such a dick too then Jimmy: for the future Janis: if I'm about, I'll be sure to let you know Jimmy: 💔 you won't be able to @ me Jimmy: but wherever Ian drags us next somebody'll say it to my face, no doubt Janis: of course, you are a dick, after-all Jimmy: and yet still properly sought after Jimmy: a brainer lad would've planned that Janis: enough room for a proper beefy 🧠 in that massive head Jimmy: 💔🎻💔 that it's empty then Jimmy: well nearly Janis: poor boy Jimmy: I'll live, babe Jimmy: 🧟💕 Janis: now it's my turn to be 💔 Jimmy: Go on and have a 🎻 too then Jimmy: might as well Janis: can't even be 😍 over how generous you are Jimmy: Why not? Janis: 'cos you said from now on we're only saying real things Jimmy: and you shot down the 💡 in 🔥 Janis: no I didn't Janis: you didn't explain properly Jimmy: You don't wanna say real things to me Janis: where'd you get that idea from Jimmy: call it 👮🚔 senses Jimmy: or that you're well quick to not understand what I've said 'cause like I said 😒 is easier Janis: or maybe it's a weird situation that's hard to understand Janis: which we agreed on Janis: if 😒 was easier I would've thought it was the best idea ever Jimmy: Alright Janis: it ain't though Janis: so what are you saying Jimmy: nowt Janis: fuck off Janis: you reckon I can't handle real then Jimmy: You did, I were there Janis: so why are you saying I don't want it then Jimmy: No 🧠 Janis: ugh Janis: alright Jimmy: It just feels like Jimmy: you don't want any of this now Janis: that's not true Janis: why do you Janis: nah Jimmy: Go on Janis: it's Janis: like why would I have freaked out back there if I didn't want it Janis: when I thought you didn't Janis: not keeping you around as a sure thing when I don't give a fuck, am I Jimmy: I can't say how long I'll be around here anyway, you either so Jimmy: don't worry about it Jimmy: I'm just being Janis: don't mean we can't now Janis: does it Janis: every fucker else does, not like they have any more guarantee Jimmy: Not a habit of mine to leave 💔 lasses behind me Janis: behave Jimmy: I don't want to, had to for ages when you were only giving me fake 💕 Jimmy: 💀💀💀 me that Janis: 😏 Janis: yeah but the 💔 has always been fake, what I'm saying Janis: don't need to think about that Jimmy: Good 'cause as far as 💭 I can do better Janis: go on then Jimmy: [the most 🔥 sext of all time obvs] Janis: can I come back Janis: please Jimmy: I said Jimmy: nowt's changed Janis: just checking Jimmy: where are you? Janis: not far Janis: well a bit but not out of town far Jimmy: 🏃? Janis: if that's you, then no, think of your lungs Jimmy: not the bit of me I'm thinking with and I'm only thinking of you, not me but alright Jimmy: if you can't handle another race Janis: now I'm with ya Janis: 'course I'M gonna run Janis: but the incentive is appreciated Jimmy: I'll appreciate you better than that Janis: you better Janis: i've missed you Jimmy: 🥇 baby, you'll see Jimmy: it feels like ages since I left Jimmy: it's been ages but you know what I mean Janis: yeah Janis: like actual time as passed and not a day Janis: it's always been a bit like that with you Janis: weird Jimmy: but you were still always gone before I was ready for you to be Jimmy: weirder Janis: felt it too Janis: weirdest Jimmy: I Janis: yeah? Jimmy: just Jimmy: it is a mess but Jimmy: I'm glad I did ask you Jimmy: nowt else could've happened if not Janis: you reckon? Jimmy: You reckon I'm wrong? Jimmy: somehow don't picture you hanging round the CG like your twin Jimmy: obviously I could have caught you in the gym 🏆💪 but unlikely you'd be chatty then, sore loser you are Janis: ha x2 Janis: 😏 Janis: we do go to the same school, you know Jimmy: Were you gonna offer to help me with my homework or what? Janis: not porn Janis: and I'm not some bitch with pigtails and a plaid mini skirt, like Jimmy: not with that attitude Janis: 😂 Jimmy: and I've seen you in your uniform, like Jimmy: not that far off Janis: you're such an idiot Janis: but you did know then, that's good Jimmy: Know what, that you're really fit? Obviously Janis: that we were at the same school before the fateful trip Jimmy: I get that I hide them well but I've got 👀 Jimmy: I saw you, like I said Janis: and obviously I couldn't miss the welcome party so Janis: 👀 likewise Jimmy: Am I ever gonna see you today or did you get lost? Janis: I'm on my way Janis: I'm fast, works in and out of your favour, I'm afraid Janis: depends which way I'm 🏃 Jimmy: Tah for not being well fast at everything then Jimmy: be over before I did my best tricks Jimmy: and you'd be asleep like half that bus were Janis: 💔 get used to not having an audience fast Janis: and benefits of not being a lad, just go again Jimmy: can't if you're 💀💀💀 Jimmy: get me arrested that Janis: promises promises Jimmy: which you know you can hold me to Jimmy: unless your memory loss is back Janis: no but Janis: stop distracting me if you want me to get there any time soon Jimmy: Baby, I've seen you multitask Jimmy: come on Jimmy: can do so many things at once you Janis: I wanna save it for you Janis: you turned me on so it's yours Jimmy: I'm going nowhere yet but the kids and dog are Jimmy: this whole house is yours, just need to get to it Janis: serious? Jimmy: Deadly, as usual Janis: Good thing I'm only a couple streets away then Janis: hold on Jimmy: Surviving somehow Janis: 'cos you can't 💀💀💀 without me Jimmy: keep my promises, yeah, that kind of dickhead Janis: I like that kind of dickhead Jimmy: Shakespeare's got nowt on you, girl Jimmy: you better only be a couple of streets away Jimmy: don't be saying shit like that to me if I can't respond immediately Janis: [rings doorbell] Jimmy: [thank god he sent everyone away because we know what kind of hello she's getting] Janis: [lol if someone else answered that would've been very awkward for us all] Jimmy: [likewise if Twix got there before him] Janis: [distracted with food probably] Jimmy: [it's alright she can be gone too on a walk or wherever] Janis: [my boo say everyone out] Jimmy: [give them their privacy please they've had enough audiences]

[punkscowardschampions]

Buster & Rio

Buster: I've just hit Pygmalion Buster: Get here Rio: Awh, I love it there Rio: but I ain't out or near ready, Inds just put on sound of music, literally 😂 Buster: Good jokes, babe Buster: Come on, there's a corner with your name on and lines I can use to spell out anything you want Rio: [Snaps] Rio: Don't be so tempting, like 😩 Buster: Says you Buster: You know you'd still get in with no wait Rio: I can't ditch on her when I just got back Rio: esp. when we're good again Buster: Bring her then Rio: You know I can't be around you and not be with you rn Rio: 💀 even harder Buster: We can get lost in these crowds Buster: It's why I chose here Rio: You make it sound too damn easy to be bad Buster: 'Cause you make me feel good like it's effortless Rio: ugh babe Rio: lemme see who we can hit up to come keep her company Buster: Make it happen, yeah? Buster: Come fuck me in this club Rio: You know I can't say no to you Buster: I know you want it as bad as I do Rio: Didn't say I WANTED to say no Buster: Tell me yes then Rio: Earn it Buster: [sends selfie of him serving a lewk i'll never be able to find. That body tho] Rio: Damn Rio: yeah okay, I need to get there before someone else does Buster: Already had some offers, like Rio: Shut up Buster: Shut me up Rio: 😡 Rio: Not coming to fight but I will 👊 Buster: That's hot Rio: You gonna find out Buster: Save some of that for me though you know I like it when we play rough, babe Rio: Oh believe, it's ALL for you, babe 😒 Buster: Yeah? Rio: Yeah Rio: Teach you to make me jealous Buster: If I was trying to make you jealous I'd be more creative, believe me Rio: If that's how you wanna play, fine Buster: Don't be mad at me, babe Buster: Gotta do something while I'm waiting on you Rio: Why get mad when I can get even Buster: What do you think you're gonna try and do? Rio: Something 'til I'm ready to come find you Buster: You're not gonna tell me, like? Rio: Don't worry 'bout it, babe Buster: I need to know who I'm fighting Rio: Save it 😉 Buster: No Rio: What I thought Rio: Oh boy, you so easy Buster: Fuck off Rio: You know you don't want that Buster: I don't want you with some other cunt in this club either Rio: As if Rio: anyway, don't be a quitter, don't let it happen Buster: It won't happen Rio: Not why I'm coming out is it Buster: 'Cause you ain't no quitter either, I know Rio: Nowhere near done with you yet Buster: Good Buster: I want you everywhere tonight Buster: Let everyone see us, I don't care Rio: It's so packed in there no one will notice Rio: you could have be on the floor legit Buster: There ain't a place you could walk in where everyone isn't gonna notice you Buster: But I'm still gonna fuck you right there Buster: I saw you first Rio: Okay coming through with that good chat, can tell you've been practising now 😜 Rio: Bit of an unfair advantage but not gonna act like I'm mad about it Buster: Shut up Buster: You know other girls aren't trying to talk to me Rio: Awh baby Rio: So much more than your body, how rude Buster: Nah Buster: Not got the personality 😂 Rio: Hush Rio: all for me, I'll get you feeling so good Buster: I know it Rio: House full of lairy teens Rio: you gon' have to distract me good for how well I've distracted Inds 😑 Buster: You've more than earned anything you want Rio: Anything? 😇 Buster: All of it, babe Rio: Can finish what we started in that London club Buster: Ready when you are Rio: Gimme a sec Rio: can't actually come in my sweats Buster: You know you could Rio: I wanna look hot for you Buster: As long as you get hot for me, come as you are Rio: Be worth it Rio: Promise Buster: Trusting you to prove that to me Rio: Haven't I always come through for you? Buster: Yeah Buster: I'm thinking about how often right now Rio: That's just the start Buster: It better be Buster: Not done with you yet either Rio: Good Rio: How long are you in Dubo for? Buster: Open ended Buster: So that depends on how good you are at convincing me to stay Rio: Yay 😋 Rio: we get to play for longer then, 'cos easy Buster: At least until Nance tells me to fuck off Rio: Maybe if you try being nice, like Buster: Fuck off I'm nice Buster: She likes her privacy more than me that ain't my fault Rio: Okay, orrrr she's waiting for you to make the first move, as it were Buster: Nah Rio: Whatevs, not my business Buster: What you mean is, tonight you ain't trying to make it your business cos you've got more important other business with me Rio: 😒 Don't push it, boy Rio: just trying to make it so you can stay, obviously Buster: Yeah well I'm not here to spend time with her so don't worry about it Buster: You reckoned you had your part easy a second ago, anyway, trying to make it more of a challenge now or what? Rio: Wouldn't kill either of you to commit a day though Rio: Trying to make life easier for everyone, fool Buster: Not mine obviously and like you said, not your business Buster: Stay out of it, like Rio: Whatever Rio: No need to be mad about it Buster: No need for you to tell me what to do but you're still trying it, yeah? Rio: I ain't Rio: Telling you what you should but no one's out here making you Buster: Well don't Rio: Okay, Christ Buster: Leave the attitude out as well Rio: Fuck off 😂 Rio: I'm allowed an opinion and I'll say it however I wanna Buster: It ain't Buster: it's a judgment Buster: And if I don't wanna hear it I don't have to Rio: That's how you're reading it Rio: I ain't judged either of you Buster: That's how you're backtracking now Buster: Calling me out for my lack of effort like you know anything about how it is Rio: How is it then? Rio: Good, yeah? Buster: Fuck you Rio: Yeah Rio: Calm down, get a drink Buster: Stop telling me what to do Buster: Fuck's sake Rio: Alright, then go be mad somewhere else, like, 'cos I don't wanna see it Rio: What do you want me to do? Buster: Yeah 'cause you're all about things being easy Buster: Whatever, Rio Rio: 'Scuse me for not wanting to be a martyr about shit Buster: Excuse yourself Rio: Not me who needs a moment, boy Buster: It's your fault though Rio: If you like Rio: Whatever works Buster: You're just dismissing me now then Rio: I'm not going to apologise for something I ain't done, Buster Rio: I'm sorry you're mad but I only had good intentions and you know it Buster: Just me, yeah? Buster: Can we just start over Rio: I'm not asking or telling you to say sorry for anything Rio: Sure Buster: But I'm sorry Buster: I didn't mean to talk to you like that Buster: I shouldn't Rio: Yeah Rio: Forget about it Buster: No Buster: It wrecks my head being here sometimes Buster: It isn't your fault though Rio: I know Rio: It's alright, honest Buster: It's really not but I'll make it alright again if you still come out Rio: Was going to anyway Rio: No telling this lot the party's off Rio: but good to know I've not gotta swerve you Buster: Please don't Buster: I need you with me Rio: I will be Rio: On my way Rio: Now we've established who can afford the uber and who's gotta get on the dart, like 🙄 Rio: fucking kids Buster: Rio Rio: Mm? Buster: Cheers, like Buster: For giving a shit about all that bullshit Rio: 'Course Rio: it's not just bullshit but it ain't for tonight, yeah Buster: I'll save it for when we stay in to watch old films about nuns and nazis, yeah? Buster: Gotcha Rio: 😂 Only if you know all the words too Rio: we're exclusive like that Buster: I'm here to provide distractions from that shite not join in 😂 Rio: It's a classic don't be a heathen Buster: Wouldn't know Buster: Nance isn't the kind of gay that loves musicals and who else is gonna force me? Rio: OH MY GOD Rio: it's on EVERY xmas what you doing Buster: opening expensive shit, eating expensive food and drinking expensive spirits Buster: Got a playlist for it, like Rio: Madness Rio: but whatever gets you feeling festive, lads Rio: is it all choral shit tho, 'cos I draw the line Buster: Nah Buster: I'd have drawn my own line years back if it were Rio: 🙌🙏 Rio: Thank God Rio: what's xmas without cheesy tunes and a fuck-off 🧀 platter Buster: You planning to be waiting under the tree to get unwrapped, like? Buster: Very invested in my plans, babe Rio: Ha, stupid Rio: as much as that'd make your xmas the best yet, just making convo so I don't have to with Indie's mates Rio: doubt they've seen sound of music either, where would I even start? Buster: 😂 Buster: Google stoner films and you'll be well away Rio: ask 'em how their killscore is on fucking, fornite Rio: down with the kids, 'tis true, lads Buster: Fucking hell Buster: Were we that bad? Rio: You know you were, boy Rio: I've always been 🔥 tho 💅😏 Buster: Shut up Buster: You loved me Rio: 😂 even if i did, no competiting with how much you loved yourself, babe Rio: not even talking about chronic 👌🍆 here Buster: You reckon? You were 😍 for me before and after our disaster 💋 like Buster: You had to have it bad Rio: Hush ya face 🙄 Rio: Who can keep up with their crushes at that age Rio: if it weren't you 💔 it was justin bieber, like Buster: 😂 Buster: Least there's no competition there, I've aged well better Rio: Take that victory, babe 😉 Buster: First of many for tonight, you'll see Rio: You planning on letting me win too or what? Buster: 'Course Buster: I have to make it up to you for how much of a cunt I was earlier Rio: Yeah Rio: Not going to disagree or turn that down Buster: Not gonna let you Rio: 🤤 Buster: Tell me what to do and I swear I won't get mad this time Rio: Yeah? Buster: Promise Rio: Quite the offer, babe Rio: Gonna have to think, make the most of it Buster: You're welcome for another distraction from being babysitter Rio: So giving Rio: See just how much you're willing to give me when I get there Buster: I want you to take it all, babe Rio: I will, but only when I have you begging me to Buster: I've missed you Rio: I've missed you too Buster: Does Indie know I'm here? Rio: I just said I'd heard a good night was going down Rio: can make yourself as visible or invisible as you wanna Buster: Alright Rio: though no doubt she'll sniff you out 😒😂 Buster: Not if I have anything to do with it Buster: It's all about you tonight Rio: Promise? Buster: I swear Buster: Nothing I won't do for you as long as you tell me Rio: Fuck Rio: Why are you so good? Buster: Gotta need up, don't I Rio: Got you tonguetied, baby? 😚 Rio: so fucking cute Buster: That and I'll go blind if you don't get here soon Buster: So turned on since Spain Rio: Me too Rio: how does it feel like a million years ago already Buster: 'Cause nobody can do what you can Rio: Damn right Rio: and I ain't going to let you forget that Buster: I can't Buster: You're all I think about Rio: I feel it too Buster: Stay with me tonight Buster: We'll make sure Indie is alright Rio: How? Rio: Nance will be there, right? Buster: I don't care Buster: It's a big enough house and she stays out of my way after a night out Buster: Not the first girl I've invited back, like Rio: What if she clocks it's me? Buster: You don't trust yourself to do better than that? Rio: It's such a risk but Rio: I want to Buster: I want you all night Rio: Can we? Buster: Yeah Rio: Okay Rio: think how you're gonna keep me quiet whilst still making me cum like you do Buster: Maybe I'll wear you out on the dance floor, babe, haven't fucked a girl on one yet Rio: 'Cos who else would? Rio: I can't help it, I want you so much Buster: I'd do anything for you Rio: I dunno how this actually happened but Rio: so glad it did Buster: me too Rio: I don't care if it's wrong Buster: It's not but it wouldn't stop me if it was Rio: Nah? Buster: No Buster: I can't help it either Buster: Not like I haven't tried to want other people more than you but Rio: Sorry Rio: You're just so gorgeous Buster: You're the hottest girl I've ever seen Buster: And that was before I'd even touched you, like Rio: Starting to think I wasn't your type, like Buster: What's my type then? Rio: Skinny white girls, usually, right? Buster: I know you don't go to my school but you've been to my postcode Buster: That's everyone's type here Rio: Right 😂 I get that its slim pickings but broaden your horizons baby boy Buster: Why? Wasn't gonna find you, was I Rio: Stop being so smooth, fuck Buster: You don't really want me to Buster: And like I said, it's all about what you want tonight Rio: Nah Rio: just throws me when you're sweet still Buster: Not sorry Buster: I like surprising you, don't you know that by now? Rio: Learning Buster: Good Rio: Can even be smug about teaching me Rio: 'cos you know I've got just as much to show you Buster: Fuck Rio: Glad you got kissing down since we last did it though 😉 Buster: How fucking embarrassing if you had to teach me that Rio: 😂 Rio: like we got all night baby but even with my talent Rio: pushing it Buster: And now you can save those talents for better things thank Christ Rio: Be thanking him and the rest when I put my lips where you really want 'em Buster: promises, promises, babe Buster: Where are you? Rio: 5 minutes away Rio: we HAD to pick someone else up, doubling this fucking fare, thanks a lot kids Rio: on my card y'all best be paying me back before I let you out my sight Buster: I'll get the drinks in then, sounds like you need more than one Rio: Please Rio: not what I need most but it's a good start Buster: I know what you're really thirsty for, don't worry Rio: thanks for not getting bored and leaving Buster: With all the promises you've made me? I'm not that stupid Rio: Have proved I'm not all talk but still Buster: I've waited longer for you Buster: Not saying I'm hanging on for years again, don't push it, but Rio: 😂 line ain't that long Rio: especially not with how i'm looking Buster: How do you look? Rio: No spoilers Rio: I want to see your reaction when I walk in Buster: I better make sure none of the lot you're with sees me then Rio: Don't worry, a load of straight skater bois are not gonna be eyeing you Buster: Better not, lover not a fighter right now, sorry lads Rio: Honestly Rio: hands off Rio: had enough of y'all for the evening and you're mine Buster: I fucking love it when you say that Rio: Good Rio: because you are Rio: not in a sharing mood Buster: Good 'cause I'm been turning down girls since I got here so a bit late to change your mind, like Rio: Not going to Rio: All for me all night, yeah? Buster: I gave you my word Rio: You know what you do to me when you're all noble and gentlemanly like that Buster: Only 'cause I know what it'll do to me when you walk in Buster: I need you to want me as bad Rio: Let's just say, there's no hiding how much I need you already in this 'fit Rio: Didn't think it through, don't care Buster: Fuck Buster: This is the longest 5 minutes of my life Rio: I know but then we've got all night Buster: If it's any consolation, right now I'm at the bar barely able to order us drinks Buster: It's not gonna help if I try and explain there's no blood going to my brain, like Rio: Defs seen it all before, like but don't be looking Rio: my daddy Rio: idc how early we have to make this a private party anyway, i'm not here to get drunk Buster: Exactly Buster: I'm stocked at home later if you want it Rio: Get our cheers' in now and we'll be all good Rio: gotta be so 🤫 like Buster: I can't wait to see you try Rio: I can't wait 'til you have to make me Buster: Jesus Buster: Never get tired of me, yeah? Rio: Keep being as good as you are and that ain't ever gonna happen Buster: Easy Rio: I'm inside Rio: fuck it's packed, I can't see a damn thing Buster: I can see you so you better find me

[punkscowardschampions]

Ali & Ro

NYD Catch-up

Ali: *Daintliy throws the tiniest of pebbles at our window 'cos I'm in trouble enough if this goes tits up without also breaking a window* Ropunzel, Ropunzel, let down your hair! Ro: allow me to busily make tea while I loudly quiz Tess and whoever else may be in earshot about their resolutions Ro: I can't believe you're only just getting home! I was going to ask how you're evening was but I think I can guess Ali: You're a 🌟 Ali: We need to fully mind-map and dream-board ours later, I've got so many ideas already but I at least need in on that tea action first, builder's brew please and thank you 😘 Ali: Shh 😉 I've been in bed since 1 💤 like an 😇 Ali: Hehe social media never lies, not mine at least Ali: I'll tell you all about it, whilst Ma tries to tell you she quit the fags years ago, like 🙄 Ali: 💃 Ro: Of course. Well, there has been a kitty there so the universe should stay on our side with that one, hopefully. Ro: Hm yes, if anyone asks you got back before I did, there's not much I can do if social media decides to answer instead though alas Ro: Oh Tess, no offense intended, but truly I'd much rather hear what you have to say Ali: Oh, Bluebs, hope she was alright with the fireworks, I paid Rocky with a selection box to keep her company but bet he was too busy being a hooligan come 12, nutter...but I'm sure she hid herself nicely warming the blankets for us anyway, like 😽 Ali: Did you and Meena have a good time? With all dem 💶💶💶 you can both more than make up for missing the hottest part night of the year, ay Ali: Bless her heart, though perhaps take her pack away from her still, you'll be helping her and, you might need one after I fill you in, like 😉 Ro: I can't tell a lie there was some bribery involved for us too with the older kids. They had me baking and the text advice I received from Tommy wasn't as helpful or coherent as usual Ro: We definitely earned our crusts it has to be said Ro: I think Meena would've liked to join you so you might want to play down the finer details when you fill her in but no complaints here, fussy children aside Ro: I draw the line at that level of trickery, we'd both be caught if I even tried I think Ali: I think its to be expected, babysitter rules are there are no rules, or very few, ESPECIALLY when it comes to sugar 😋 Lucky kiddos, I would kill for a sweet treat rn Ali: Maybe I can push it and see if the old man is any fit state to do a fry-up too, mmm Ali: We should deffo ring Tommo then and be annoyingly loud and cheerful 'cos he always gets hangovers un🍀 🦆y Ali: Payback Ali: Well her brother was there so she wouldn't have been able to have all that much fun, like, I'll be sure to downplay it though, tact is so my strong suit 😏😂 Ro: Oh? You'll be glad to hear then that I had the foresight to make enough cookies to bring a batch home. There's still a few that could be claimed by you if you're quick enough. Ro: I can make no such promises about a proper breakfast but time will tell I suppose, I'd consider it favorable if you work a little of your own magic Ro: You have plenty left don't you? Ro: We'll likely need an actual spell to wake Tommy after all Ali: Faster than a speeding bullet, me Ali: I can climb these drainpipes like nobody else 🐈💪 Ali: I'm sure we could concoct a pepperup potion, getting him to drink it is another kind of magic altogether Ali: even if we settle for calling it an energizer smoothie or something muggle Ro: Perhaps we could say it has lots of biotin that'd make him more inclined for sure Ali: When quiff is life Ali: He truly is sweet 16 Ali: And 15 is looking up for me too, fingers crossed and knock on wood rn, this is gonna be our year, Posy, and that ain't the after-affects still talkin' Ali: Wished on every 🎆 in the sky Ro: Wishing is very powerful so I'm not surprised, I am very intrigued though Ro: Go ahead Ali: I'm in 💚 Ali: 🙃 and now hiding under the covers eeeeeeeeeeeppppp bye Ro: Did Marlene get off work early last night and surprise you? That's so lovely Ali: No, no, no Ali: It's all but ended and it will be if my feeling is correct and reciprocated Ali: We'll be better off as friends, honestly, I can't give her what she wants but I can be there for as a mate so that's what's best, she'll see that given a bit of time, I'm sure of it Ali: That said...do you think I'm a total slag for who did surprise me last night now? 😳🙈 Ro: Oh okay. That makes sense Ro: No Ali, I'd never Ro: Is it someone I know? You've mentioned Meena's brother already... Ali: Oh lordy no 😂 Drew is an alright lad really but no, he's not the sort, definitely would not be reciprocated, he's got half the girls at School after him and he loves that Ali: More power to him but you're getting warmer Ali: you know the lad him and Meena live with, don't you? Caleb Cavante, in my year too Ali: 😍 Ro: I think so? He's always in the music block isn't he? Ro: He smiles a lot. Not in a weird sense though I don't mean that Ali: Oh Ro 😂 you make ME smile Ali: sounds like him, cool hair Ali: obviously, I knew of him before last night but it was just like...right time, right place, you know? Ali: Sounded triter than all the 'new year, new me' posts aren't I? Ro: Not at all Ro: It sounds like a fairy tale and we're treating it as such! Ro: Did you kiss him at the end of the countdown? Ali: Oh no, I forgot to lose a shoe...Typical, on the one night to make throwing dancing shoes aside count! But I suppose he won't have to search the kingdom high and low Ali: Back at School Tuesday Ali: At least this promises to make my weekdays more entertaining at any rate Ali: Mhmm 😊 *Gameshow host voice* BUT THAT'S NOT ALL Ro: What else is there? Did he lose a shoe instead? I dread to think what I'm missing here... Ali: [Improptu selfie with the tattooed finger over her lips like a moustache] Ali: Not saying that trumps 'Facebook Official' but 😎 Ro: !!!! Ro: did Caleb get a tattoo too? Ali: Oh silly me, yeah Ali: [Photo they took together post-tattoo] Ali: Big n Lil dipper, its cute, right? Ro: Oh my god! You better not post these, Tess will kill you, but Ro: I think that's adorable Ro: Did it hurt so much?? Ali: She'll love it Ali: we did it ourselves, on each other Ali: thank god he wasn't really crap, unfair, I'd have to go over it myself 😂 Ali: Not really, doing lil dots like that by hand is probably the most chill way to do it, it really wasn't anything to think about even Ali: I could do one for you, really get the mumbot shorting a circuit 😈 Ro: Really?! Weren't you scared?! I would be. Ro: Ali that's so brave. He must have trusted you and vice versa to such a degree Ro: Only you'd get all of this out of the way before a first date has even happened Ro: No wonder you're so giddy Ali: Nah it's not scary, you can watch next time I do one on me, if you like, see for yourself Ali: Promise it isn't dead gory or anything Ali: I'm thinking of doing a Clitocybe rivulosa, our 👑 achievement in witchery to date, you want in? Ali: Won't show Mum that one forreal, she'd lock us in separate dungeons again 👎💔 Ali: Yeah...it felt good to get that shit out of the way, this way, if he wants to look down at his hand ever again and not be reminded of a bad memory, we'll have to make it good Ali: Clever, non? Everyone will think its ridiculous, I know, but I trust his intentions now, which is more than I can say for any of my previous Ali: Bar Marlene, of course, although technically she didn't set her intentions but not in a malicious way so we're letting it slide Ro: Do you sincerely promise? I'd like to see the whole thing for myself before I make any of my own but Ro: It does sound lovely. I'd be jealous if I wasn't so pleased Ro: No offense to Marlene, oops, I'm getting carried away here Ro: It is happy news though Ro: I mean, a love letter on skin, that's just Ro: It makes me speechless Ali: 🤞 Ali: ❌💚🙏☠💉👁 Ali: Me too, it's catching Ali: It'll be better in the long run, she can find her a wifey Ali: I know, I just- ahh Ali: He just text, asking if I got Home alright Ro: Sorry but this boy is a keeper Ro: that's so gentlemanly it's like we've stepped into Austen Ro: Are you nervous about school? It just sounds so magical and classrooms are so...well, not, aren't they? Ali: Better! He wasn't stand-offish and rude to me at the party, only to be won 'round by my wit, humor and independent spirit Ali: Clearly, he's more clued in and go-with-the-flow than Darcy, a win in anyone's books, even Jane's Ali: Hmm, not particularly, nah Ali: I'm not overly concerned with what other people think, so that won't spoil it, fat chance Ali: and we've always had a certain talent for making the mundane magical, haven't we? Ro: Jane would be spinning! Lydia with all her apparent lack of concerns for 'social conventions' has nothing on you and I have little doubt you'd be overjoyed by whatever 'disgraces' Caleb had in mind Ro: A much better match that anything she'd have conceived no doubt Ro: School seems so far off still but now I really am envious that you've made certain you'll have reason to look forward to it. Very unfair! Ro: The only fly in the ointment, potentially is what Marlene might say, how much are you going to tell her? Ali: 🙊 Ali: I'd be happy to regale you with the night's disgraces but I have even less doubt that you'd rather not hear about those details Ali: You're not trying to tell me you've previously nearly eloped with Caleb yourself though, are you? 🤔 Georgiana Darcy is a pretty good fit for you Ali: Now that would be a scandal worth the gossip 😏 Ali: Perhaps you can join me and make the music block your new haunt for a bit, give the library chance to REALLY miss you, like Ali: Hmm, no doubt she'll say things she'll regret when her pride is less hurt Ali: but they aren't prejudices against my 'fake' sexuality I haven't heard before, from her as well, so 🤷 Ali: I understand why, not that I agree with her. For one, I can attest to the reality, and also, I've not got any issue with experimentation, whatever the outcome but I see her frustration Ali: Serious as she is, about, everything Ali: It'll be okay, if she doesn't want to be my friend then alright, her loss frankly, but I'll always be there for her if she chooses Ro: To be honest, no I would not. It's much too early in the year, and day, for all that Ro: Oh goodness! Flattered as I would be to considered an accomplished woman, I fall short in all necessary regards, least of all the elopement alas Ro: Hm, as much as I both enjoy, and clearly need the practice for that comparison to hold true in any sense, I think I'll leave you to the necessary haunting yourself Ro: True. She's always been very vocal, hasn't she? I can understand if you slightly relish the opportunity to leave her speechless just this once too Ro: And it really would be her loss if she chooses that path to go down anyway Ali: What can I say? I'm an overachiever Ali: Couldn't even help myself, like 😎😂 Ali: No you don't, and you're a year younger, you're well ahead of the curve set and it ain't even necessary for a lady to have pleasant hobbies and talents in our day and age so Ali: You're an overachiever too, that's why I loooooove you 💚 Ali: S'cool though, suppose we don't wanna turn up en masse, put him off his A game, bit rude Ali: It is one of the things I admire about her but less so her dogmatism Ali: No one is always right about everything, even me 😜 Ro: Thanks I suppose Ro: Though I probably shouldn't pass on that wisdom about not always being right to everyone else at the kitchen table Ro: Not if I would like to live to be a year older at any rate Ali: Honestly 🙄 Ali: No wonder they love Marlene so much Ali: Ma is gonna be gutted, no doubt it'll be all my fault Ali: like lowkey but damn, woman, show a little loyalty when your daughter can't 😂 Ro: She'll calm down as long as you keep your gentleman caller away from the door for a while I'm sure Ro: When is the first date set for actually? Oh so exciting! Ali: Yeah, we've both agreed as much Ali: For Lene's sake as much as mother's Ali: Gotta get my house in order Ali: I don't know, ooh, what should we do?! Ro: There's always the open mic if he'd adore being serenaded Ro: Sounds like you'd have time to work on a dedication if not a song Ali: THAT IS A FANTASTIC IDEA Ali: I'll bring out an old classic, best to stick with what I know and am best at for max best impressions Ali: Can always go new and exciting with the outfit 🤩 Ro: Exacty Ro: Your full of good ideas when it comes to that Ro: Oh! We should go donation diving. New year, new clothes to peruse through Ali: Yes! We must we must! Ali: Best time of year for it, ungrateful fuckers binning their unwanted presents Ali: Regift 'em our way 🙏 Ali: Marlene wants to meet up later Ali: Looks like we're doing this today then, ugh, we can hit the charity shops tomorrow maybe? The sales rush shoulda died down a bit at least Ro: That works for me, I'd rather not fight for my faux furs, somewhat defeats the desired purpose Ro: I'll be around if things with Marlene go according to plan, or otherwise and you need to talk it out Ali: Agreed, though I'm down for granny bashing our way to the bargains if needs must Ali: I'll be getting some practice in today, like 🙃 Ali: Thank you though, Posy Ali: Sure it'll be fine Ro: I know it will. You can do this Ro: I can condone that much at least, your shopping behavior less so Ali: 😽 Ali: With you on my side, how could I fail? Ali: She is getting narky though so watch me waltz down the stairs and out again like missed me missed me