#of course it's hilarious later when flint turns it around and does the same thing to him

[frau-kali]

"Sorry, are you asking my opinion?"

[sage-nebula]

Ash and Alan for the headcanons meme please!

Ash’s got really long, so could you send me Alan’s in a second one? I want to make sure I give both boys the attention they deserve. Thanks!

A.) What I think realistically:

Though it may not seem like it due to all the time he spends traveling and how little time he spends at home, Ash is actually very attached to and protective of his mother, and (though he tends to keep this buried down and doesn’t let it show) resentful of his father for walking out on them. Ash and his mother have never had very much money; they have a nice, small house in Pallet Town, but luxuries were definitely scarce and despite Delia doing her best with her restaurant*, she’s still a single parent with a single income who became a single parent when she was eighteen years old. It’s been hard on her, despite how upbeat she stays in order to make sure her son doesn’t worry, and as dense as he might seem at times, Ash did pick up on this over the years. He could tell when his mom was stressed, could tell when she was tired because she had to work a full shift plus take care of him, and while Delia always assured him that his dad was a wonderful trainer who would be so proud of him and who loved him so much, Ash couldn’t help but feel like if his dad really loved him---or either of them, really---then he would have been there, rather than off . . . wherever he is, in the world. (Of course, then Ash feels rather defiantly that they don’t need his dad anyway, that they’re doing just fine without him and he can shove off and stay wherever he is, but all the same.)

This has, in a way, informed the way he reacts to other deadbeat parents in the series. When he meets Brock’s father---or rather, when he realizes that Flint is Brock’s father---he says rather bluntly, “You mean you’re the good-for-nothing father who left home and never came back?!” (He was also clearly affected by Flint’s story of Brock’s parental abandonment, saying, “I better not listen to anymore sad stuff, or the next time I face Brock I might not have the heart to beat him” and openly questioned why Flint helped him instead of his own son.) Likewise, it takes him three whole episodes (and being directly told) that Sabrina’s father is, well, her father, as if the idea of an absent father coming back isn’t one that easily occurs to him (though he does accept Sabrina’s father coming back with happiness, perhaps because he knows that Sabrina’s father didn’t exit her life willingly). Ash isn’t against the idea of absent parents coming back, and seems to step back and let the kid in question handle the situation, but I think that if he was confronted by his own father, his feelings would be a lot more conflicting, oscillating between a desire to get to know his father, as well as a lot of anger at the man for walking out on him and his mother and leaving them to fend for themselves.

Nonetheless, back to the original point---because Delia is the one who always raised him, always took care of him, always loved him and did her best by him no matter what, Ash is quite attached to her, and rather protective of her as well. He’s a total and complete momma’s boy, and I feel that few things illustrate this as clearly as how much he went goddamn berserk when Entei kidnapped her in Spell of the Unown. As far as Ash is concerned, the Ketchum family is just the two of them (and their pokémon) and that’s fine. They’re great the way they are. And no one better mess with his mom under threat of serious harm. Of that, he swears.

(*It was mentioned in Shuudo’s novelizations, I believe, that Delia owns and operates a restaurant in Pallet Town. We never once see this in the anime itself, but I like to imagine that it’s there nonetheless, since otherwise I’m not sure where she gets any money from, given that I highly doubt Ash’s father sends child support checks.)

B.) What I think is fucking hilarious:

He sleep talks! This is actually canon, to a degree; we see him sleep talking in the very first episode, as he’s dreaming over which starter pokémon he’s going to pick. However, it delves into headcanon territory when you consider that Ash can have entire nonsensical conversations while completely asleep. That is, if you overhear him sleep talking, you can ask him a question to prod him along that sleepy train of thought and he will answer. Sometimes this means that he gives a spiel on how all the pokémon that are thought to come from space, such as clefairy, actually came up from the ocean, because the ocean has a portal to space at the very bottom that no one has ever seen because people can’t swim down that far. Or maybe he questions on the nature of pokémon like cherrim, who are clearly pokémon, but who are also fruit. Where does the fruit end and the pokémon begin? asks actually asleep Ash Ketchum. These are Very Serious™ conversations that he, while asleep, takes Very Very Seriously™, but when he wakes up in the morning he’ll have absolutely no recollection that they ever happened.

(One time Iris and Cilan recorded one such conversation just to have proof it happened. That time it was about how ditto could be anywhere at any time and you’d never know because they use Transform, and how they were all probably surrounded by ditto at all times, and probably they were even ditto and didn’t know because somehow the ditto had impersonated them so well that even they, themselves, were fooled. Listening to this at breakfast the next morning, Ash didn’t even know how to begin explaining what he was rambling on about in his sleep.)

C.) What is heart-crushing and awful but fun to inflict on friends

It’s not really a conscious thought, but in the back of his mind Ash rather assumes that, at some point or another, pretty much everyone will end up leaving him.

His dad was never present in his life, so that’s one thing---but although they were friends in childhood, Gary inexplicably turned on him one day and became his bully instead. Butterfree left to go start a family. He thought Pikachu wanted to leave, but thankfully that wasn’t the case (and never will be). Brock left to go stay with Professor Ivy for a while, and only came back when something happened that he refused to tell Ash about, but as soon as he came back, Tracey decided to leave, staying with Professor Oak instead. Lapras returned to her family, Pidgeot stayed in the woods outside Pallet Town, Charizard decided to stay in the Charicific Valley, only visiting occasionally . . . and the real kicker came when it was time for Misty to leave, going back home to Cerulean and leaving him to continue on by himself.

Ash knows that, in many of these cases, the circumstances are beyond his friends’ control. And it’s not like he never sees them again; they call, they write letters, they visit sometimes, they keep in touch. But that doesn’t make the goodbyes any harder, nor does it stop it from wedging a little note in the back of his mind whenever he meets a new traveling companion that this is only temporary, sooner or later they’re going to leave, better start preparing now for when that happens later. When Misty and Brock left him at the end of the OS, he broke down crying before bolting back to Pallet. After that, the successive goodbyes became easier, because although he bonds and is close with all of his new friends, there’s always a sort of subconscious bit of distance there where he knows that this is not forever, so he better not get attached like it is. (It’s also why, especially with his pokémon, he often makes the choice to leave them before they can say they’re leaving him. We see this with Pikachu, and Charizard, too. At least this way he can tell himself that it’s not really that they’re leaving him; he’s leaving them, for their own good. They’ll be happier this way. And it��s in his control, it’s in his power, he’s not being abandoned, he’s not, he’s making this choice, all on his own.) It gets to the point where, at the end of his Kalos journey, he announces he’s going back to Pallet Town before anyone else has shared their plans with him (at least, I’m pretty sure this was before Serena had decided what it was she was going to do and announced her intentions on going to Hoenn). Aside from just being rather Done™ with Kalos after everything that entire journey consisted of (not just the Flare arc danger, but all the pressure that came with being idolized all the time, et cetera), he decided to say goodbye on his own and go home since he could tell that was coming anyway. He made the decision before the others could, because again: he’s choosing to leave this way, not the other way around.

And again: Ash still loves all of his friends and pokémon, still cares for them all deeply, there’s no doubt about that. And he doesn’t consciously think about the fact that they’ll leave, but . . . that’s still there, in the back of his mind, and as such it’s something he starts preparing himself for as his journey goes on and he magnetically attracts new companions after stepping foot in a new region. Yeah, he attracts friends like static cling, but static wears off after awhile, and so does their time together. By this point, Ash has just rather resigned himself to it, even if only subconsciously.

D.) What would never work in canon but the canon is shit so I believe it anyway

So I have two of these. One is one that I’m sure most people would agree with, and the other is one that I’m sure most people would feel really “?!?!” about.

The one that I feel most people would agree with is that I like to imagine a timeline of Ash aging, simply because although I know the reason why he stays ten, and though I know that the anime exists in a sort of time bubble where time passes but no one ages, it’s still hard for me to reconcile the fact that, from Ash’s perspective, he actually hasn’t been on this journey for years, despite everything that he has done over the course of all the sagas. The reboot of his personality in SM aside, I really feel as if he was characterized like he was 13/14 in XY(&Z), with 13 erring on the young side. He certainly acted more mature than Manon, who we know is ten because she had just started on her journey. (And note: I do not mean this as a dig at Manon, I merely mean that she acted her age whereas Ash did not act his supposed age.) And while Serena had also just started out, we know that she had no interest in journeying until she saw Ash on TV, so it would be believable that perhaps she just started late and was also about 13/14 (hence also why she’s a lot more open about her crush than previous girls---she has a few added years of extra maturity). So the fact that Serena is also more mature than Manon doesn’t discount the idea that Ash didn’t act like he was ten, but instead acted like he was older.

So the way that I look at it is like this: According to the information given in Shuudo’s novelizations, Ash would have turned eleven about a month after setting off from Pallet Town. (His birthday is May 22nd, and Shuudo’s novelizations said that kids leave on their journeys the first April after they turn ten, no doubt based on the Japanese school system.) The line about it being a year since they were last in Viridian City in “Battle of the Badge” is dub-only, but if we take it for the sake of having some sort of measurable timeline, then we can say that by the time the Kanto League takes place, Ash is newly twelve. After that, given how short the Orange Islands season is, maybe it only takes about two or three months (there was a lot of Surfing, okay), so Ash is still twelve by the time he goes to Johto.

Now, this is where things get a bit more difficult, because each of the following sagas was really, really long (far longer than either Kanto or Orange), and even if we do “one year per journey,” Ash would end up being seventeen by the time Kalos rolls around, and no matter how mature he is in XY(&Z), there’s no way that I can buy that he is seventeen. None. (And not even because of maturity, but because . . . look at him. He should be far closer to Alan’s height if he was an older teenager. Hell, he’d be older than Alan if he was seventeen, so like . . . thirteen/fourteen is believable. Seventeen is not.) So I’m really not sure how to make that work, for him to still only be, say, fourteen by the time he reaches Kalos despite how long the Johto, Hoenn, Sinnoh, and Unova sagas are, but at least making him fourteen by Kalos is more believable than ten, so I think that finagling can be forgiven.

As for the other, “?!?!” one . . . okay, hear me out. What if---and stay with me, guys, bear with me on this---what if . . . Ritchie was his half-brother somehow.

I mean, think about it! They look startlingly alike! They act similar, though Ritchie is more polite and far more of a gentleman. (Would be Serena’s actual dream guy tbh. Plot twist, Ash didn’t remember the summer camp because it was Ritchie she met there and not him.) Ash’s dad is not in the picture, so it’s not out of the question that he could have had another son with a different woman. The only issue is that they’re close in age, but you never know: maybe he walked out on Delia because he had an affair with someone else. It’s possible!!

Anyway, that’s just a crack theory and not a real headcanon, but it’s one I sometimes like to imagine nonetheless. :P

[beeezie]

Countdown: 50 days, part two (Devil in the Details, C2)

When they left the Great Hall a few minutes later, Albus and Rose decided to go down to the lake to meet a few of their friends, so James returned to the common room alone. He knew that after spending hours on his broom tomorrow, the very last thing he would want to do was schoolwork, and he had a Herbology essay for Longbottom that he suspected would take hours to write.

He was right. Writing about the proper ways to care for, pick, and store fluxweed – and everything that could go wrong – was a lengthy and thoroughly tedious task.

People trickled downstairs throughout the morning. Most went outside to enjoy the nice weather, but many of his fellow seventh-years were also settled at tables or chairs around the room either completing their schoolwork or studying for N.E.W.T.s. When a group of fourth-years tried to start a game of exploding snap, they were shushed so vehemently that they left the common room altogether.

James found this atmosphere to be deeply depressing. He was tempted to set off a few firecrackers just to liven up the mood a little—his yearmates were taking N.E.W.T.s far too seriously, in his opinion.

Just as he was seriously contemplating going upstairs to get them, however, Roxanne slid into the seat across from him. “I wouldn’t, if I were you.”

He widened his eyes innocently. “What are you talking about?”

“I’m tempted, too,” she admitted quietly, tapping her fingers on the table. “It’s too quiet in here. But they won’t be any fun about it.”

“You’re probably right.” James threw down his quill in frustration.

“What were you thinking of doing, firecrackers?” she asked. He nodded, and she grinned. “I was, too. I made a joke about it to Caroline and Bethany, and they looked at me as though I’d suggested killing their very favorite pets.”

“Well, they need to loosen up.” He looked back at his essay in disgust. “I’m not even half-done. I can’t work in these conditions.”

Roxanne peered at his paper. “Have you been working on Longbottom’s essay since breakfast?” He nodded, and she sighed. “I thought it might take hours to write. I’d better start it.”

“Probably.”

She leaned down and pulled parchment, a quill, and ink out of her bag. “Cheer up. Hey, maybe we should turn Malfoy’s hair red again, that should be amusing. We haven’t done that in weeks.”

James considered that. Jinxing Scorpius Malfoy always did make his day a little more entertaining. “I think he’s getting tired of it,” he said after a moment. “Next time, he might turn my hair green or something.”

“Not likely.” Roxanne reached out and tapped the coin James had worn on a thick cord around his wrist since the autumn of their sixth year. Ironically, he’d originally gotten it because of Scorpius Malfoy, though at the time it had been Rose who really needed an unobtrusive shield charm - Scorpius had been looking for payback after the first jinx on his hair. These days, though, Rose didn’t really have to worry about Scorpius jinxing her.

He grinned. “I don’t see why he doesn’t get one, too. He’d never have to walk around looking ridiculous again.”

“He probably thinks that Fred would sell him a dud that wouldn’t shield him at all,” Roxanne said wisely. “Or worse.”

“Would he?” James asked curiously.

“Nah, Dad would kill him for selling faulty merchandise to a customer. Come on, we can turn it blue.”

He felt slightly cheered. “All right. Let’s finish Longbottom’s essay first, though. We still have Goldstein’s to do, too, and you know that we’re not going to want to do it tomorrow after we’ve been practicing all day.”

“You make too much sense,” she told him as she put her quill to the parchment.

“You’d be saying it if I wasn’t,” he pointed out.

“I make too much sense, too.”

An hour later, James was nearly finished, and Roxanne had made what she called “significant progress” despite looking out the window longingly every few minutes. He didn’t doubt her - Roxanne hid it well, but she was definitely one of the smartest and most productive people in his family. “Let’s take a break and get some lunch,” she suggested.

“Yeah, okay,” he said, putting his quill down and stretching his arms toward the ceiling. “Have I mentioned that I hate N.E.W.T.s?”

“No you don’t,” she said. “I do, though, I haven’t had time to go after anyone lately, and so many people have deserved it.”

“So Abigail Madley’s books kept disappearing last week for no reason?” he asked.

“Yes. Just like Sullivan Pickering just happened to wind up locked in a broom closet when he was patrolling the other night.”

“Oh, he deserved it, you know how he’s always going on and acting like a prefect badge makes him so much better than the rest of us,” James said dismissively. “He’s had it for almost a year, it was enough already.”

“Right. Just like Abigail Madley takes being Head Girl way too seriously. I miss Evy Greengrass, she had a sense of humour.”

James grinned as they exited the portrait hole. The last Head Girl had been a bit tense sometimes, but she’d also pointedly ignored some of their more flagrant rulebreaking. Albus had even let it slip at one point that she was quietly amused by her cousin’s ever-changing hair color. Either way, it had been preferable to Abigail’s lectures. “I’m starving,” he said as his stomach gave a loud rumble.

“So am I,” she said. “Hey, did you see that the Falcons hammered the Arrows?”

He groaned. “I really hate you.”

“Nah, you don’t. So, what color should we turn Malfoy’s hair?”

“I’m thinking red. It looks awful, he’s too pale to pull it off.”

“We could take pity on him and turn it green,” she said, considering.

James spotted his sister on the next flight of stairs. “Hey, Lily!” She looked up, and he asked, “Red or green?”

She grinned. “Sooner or later Al’s going to write home complaining and you’ll get another howler.”

He hadn’t considered that. “Excellent, I haven’t had one in over a month. People must think that I’m losing my touch. Red or green?”

“Red.” She continued on down the stairs. James probably <i>would</i> get a howler over this, but he didn’t especially care.

It wasn’t like he even disliked Scorpius Malfoy at this point. He had, of course; Scorpius had rubbed him the wrong way for years. Albus had been friends with him since starting at Hogwarts, but Al was friends with a lot of strange people James would never in a million years consider actually talking to. Or even acknowledging, really.

But things change.

Scorpius was far from James’s favorite person in the world, but he was all right, now that he wasn’t walking around accusing Gryffindors who weren’t Albus and a few of their yearmates of being arrogant and self-satisfied. Dating a Gryffindor seemed to have cured him of it.

That didn’t stop James from turning his hair amusing colors, of course.

Ten minutes later, Scorpius Malfoy was examining his distorted reflection in a suit of armor that stood outside the Great Hall. After a moment, he turned back to James. “You’re hilarious,” he said dryly. “Don’t you get tired of this?”

“Not particularly. It’s been weeks, you know, you should really be thanking me.”

Scorpius leaned against the wall next to the suit of armour and crossed his arms. “Why don’t you try it when I visit your brother this summer? Now, that would be funny.”

“Nah. Dad would kill me. That’s not funny at all.”

Roxanne appeared at his shoulder. “Oh, good, you found him.”

“Yes, he did.” Scorpius looked back at the suit of armor. “Why did you have to do <i>red?</i> It looks terrible, I hate it when you make it red.”

“Why haven’t you gotten a shield charm in Hogsmeade, then?” Roxanne asked.

“Your brother would probably just sell me a dud,” Scorpius said. “I don’t feel inclined to waste the money.”

Roxanne elbowed James. “Told you so.”

“Don’t you have anything better to do, with your N.E.W.T.s coming up?” he asked. “I heard Pickering and Madley both had some trouble last week, and I <i>know</i> Flint did, he stumbled into the common room the other night with boils all over his face.”

James and Roxanne looked at each other. “Did you do Flint?” he asked.

She shook her head, looking perplexed.

James considered it for a moment longer before shrugging it off. “Bet it was your girlfriend.” The corners of Scorpius’s mouth twitched, and James added, “They all deserved it, anyway.”

Scorpius shrugged an acknowledgment. “Well, yeah,” he said. “Remember the time last year he tried to curse my nose off?”

“We helped you there,” James pointed out.

“Out of the goodness of our hearts,” Roxanne agreed, touching her hand to her chest.

“This really does look terrible,” Scorpius said, examining his hair again with a look of distaste. “Your heart’s on the other side,” he added distractedly to Roxanne.

“Not on me, it isn’t,” she told him, and he gave her a bemused look. After a moment, however, he seemed to decide not to comment; he and Roxanne had never quite gotten over their enmity in the same way that he and James had.

“At any rate, isn’t a nose worth the occasional week of strangely-colored hair?” James asked.

Scorpius shrugged. “Sure, if I thought I had to choose one or the other. As it happens, I don’t. How <i>do</i> you find the time? We’ve all been drowning under N.E.W.T. work.”

James shrugged, too. “I’m not worried about N.E.W.T.s,” he said casually. “I’ll do fine. Why should I waste time on studying? It would ruin all the fun in life.”

“Right.” Scorpius smoothed back his hair and glanced in the armour again. “This has been a great little chat. Thanks for the hair. I’m sure my girlfriend will really appreciate it.”

“She’ll just be amused,” James called after him. “She always is.”

Scorpius turned around and called back, “Sure, right, she loves it, because she’d prefer me to look more amusing than attractive. Just don’t be shocked if your brother isn’t the only one irritated at you - didn’t she yell at you last time you turned it red?”

James had somehow managed to forgot that. He glanced at Roxanne, who was staring after Scorpius with a sour expression on face. “Git.”

“Yeah, well. Do you really think Rose will be annoyed at us?”

“Nah. Come on, let’s go eat, I’m starving.”

[shell-senji]

Gajevy Week 2017: A Surreptitious Suitor, Chapter 3

Third chapter of my Gajevy Week story (find Chapter 2 here).

Thank you to all of you who’ve read, reblogged, liked, commented, etc. It is very much appreciated!

Read HERE on fanfiction.net.

                     Days 3 & 4 Prompts: Pillow Talk and Trouble Twins

Fortunately for Levy, the Fairy Tail gossip/rumor mill had barely enough time to process the story of Gajeel carrying her home before other, bigger news took its place.

Crime Sorcière had been in town, and in the wee hours of the morning, someone—Mira—had caught an extremely inebriated Jellal and Erza in the throes of passion.

In the guildhall.

On Laxus’s desk.

Meredy and Mira were nearly foaming at the mouth happy, already planning a wedding, honeymoon, baby showers, the whole nine yards.

Laxus was threatening to burn his desk, if not the whole damn place, in order to “sterilize” it. Freed had cornered an uncomfortable-looking Jellal and was ranting about them disrespecting Laxus. Evergreen and Bickslow had tried to maintain fierce, disapproving glares, but only lasted about two minutes before dissolving into a fit of giggles over the entire situation.

Erza was the same color as her hair, and she kept apologizing and telling Laxus he could hit her. And of course, Natsu happened to walk into the guildhall at the tail end of that conversation and, being Natsu, had assumed it was an opportunity to fight Erza, Laxus, or both.

Levy felt a smidgen of guilt about being happy that better gossip had overshadowed her embarrassing story, but more than that she was relieved.

With a day off from volunteering and no job with her team at the moment, she opted to let the drama run its course before venturing out and planned to have a nice relaxing day in bed. Just her and a good book or two.

Perusing her own personal library, she spied a title that she didn’t recall buying. Wait, this is an out-of-print first edition! But…how…

Her first thought was Bickslow, as he’d become some bizarre sort of reverse book thief, sneaking books into her stacks at the library. But surely he wouldn’t stoop to sneaking into her apartment.

Besides, this wasn’t some kinky fetish book or a grotesque culinary anthology. This was a book she genuinely wanted, one she would appreciate, by one of her favorite authors. There was no way Bickslow would’ve even known she’d like the book, much less gone out of his way to find a first edition.

Maybe I bought it and I don’t remember? Wouldn’t be the first time. Hmm… Maybe Lu-chan got it for me and forgot to mention it?

Whatever the circumstances, Levy figured it didn’t really matter, though if it was a gift she’d like to thank the person.

Shrugging, she curled up in bed and cracked open the newly acquired addition to her collection, sighing happily as she began reading.

Three or four days later, after things had wound down from the “Great Desk Defilement”—as Laxus had taken to calling it—Lucy bounced into Fairy Tail, a wiggly Plue at her heels.

“Good morning, everyone!”

The cheerful blonde received a few waves and greetings in response, but her cheer was dampened when she spotted her friend Levy.

The bluenette was seated at a table in between Jet and Droy, which was perfectly normal. What wasn’t normal was the fact that Levy had her shoulders slumped, head down with her forehead grazing the table, her hands tangled in her hair and her signature headband in a crumpled ball on the floor next to her. Lucy could swear there was a dark cloud hovering over her.

Lucy made a beeline for her friend. “Levy-chan? What’s wrong?”

Levy lifted her head and stared blankly at Lucy, her eyes glassy and lips pressed in a flat line.

“Vendor error. Back-ordered. Don’t know availability date,” she said brokenly.

The celestial mage struggled to make sense of what Levy was saying, and then suddenly the proverbial lightbulb went on.

“Oh, Levy, no! They messed up your book order?”

Levy nodded briefly before dropping her head into her arms on the table.

“I know I’m overreacting, but I’m just so bummed. Let me wallow in my misery for a little bit longer, ’kay?” The edges of her lips quirked up slightly.

Relieved that it seemed her friend would recover, Lucy nodded and patted her on the back before walking over to her team.

Just as she sat down, she felt a tap on her shoulder.

“Hey, Bunny Girl, what’s wrong with the shrimp today?”

“Oh, evidently Book Land messed up her preorder of two new books coming out this week that she was really looking forward to. Said they’ll have to back-order them from the vendor, so she’s not even sure when she’ll get them now.” Lucy gazed at her friend, feeling both sympathy and disappointment. Truth be told, she’d been looking forward to borrowing them after Levy was done.

“What books?”

She stared at Gajeel, eyes wide. “Ehhh? Umm, one was Lazuli Le Fer’s new novel, Pillow Talk, and the other…” Lucy pursed her lips, thinking. “Oh! Dr. Flint Azure’s Trouble Twins, a study of twin archetypes in mythologies around the world. Why?”

The iron dragon slayer shrugged. “Just wonderin’ what was so special about them that she’s so bent outta shape.”

Lucy twisted in her chair to glare at Gajeel. “Listen here, mister. She’s entitled to be upset, even if— Hey! Where do you think you’re going?”

Gajeel smirked. “C’mon, Lily. Let’s go take care of that, uh,  job we snagged earlier.” Then he scooped up his Exceed and strode toward the door.

“Whaaa— Ch-chotto matte!”

Gajeel didn’t pause to explain, just kept walking.

A week or so later, around 10:30 am, Lucy pushed open the doors to Fairy Tail. She’d barely stepped a foot inside the guild when she was attacked by a pint-sized, blue-haired, overcaffeinated whirlwind.

“Lu-chan! Finally! I thought you’d neverrrrr get here, and I would’ve called, but I didn’t know what time you got in last night, and it would’ve been totally rude to wake you up just because I never went to sleep last night, so—”

“Wait, what? Why didn’t you go to bed last night?” Lucy interrupted.

The wired solid script mage thrust two books into Lucy’s face so excitedly, she almost smacked her friend square in the nose.

“Wow… Okay… I can’t read the titles if they’re that close.” Lucy backed up a step, refocused, and then her eyes grew huge.

Pillow Talk and Trouble Twins

“Are you serious?”

Levy nodded vigorously, somewhat resembling a bobblehead doll, before speaking rapid-fire. “Lu, they were in my room when I got home from volunteering yesterday, must be from that mysterious admirer of mine, and gods, you have no idea how good they are! Pillow Talk is precious and hilarious—precarious! No, that’s already a word, heehee… But you’re going to love it. And this!” She grabbed Lucy’s arm and dragged her over to a table.

There, Levy flipped open Trouble Twins, turned to a marked page, and stabbed her finger at it enthusiastically.

“Look—it’s about Gemini! I mean, it’s a tiny section, and they acknowledge that not much is known, but can you believe it? It’s about your spirits! Though they don’t cite you as the current contract holder, which is probably good…”

Lucy squealed excitedly in the middle of Levy’s outburst and hugged her friend’s arm. Then a thought occurred to her.

“Matte, Levy… Don’t you have to work at the library today?”

Levy twirled a piece of her hair around her fingertip distractedly. “No…”

Lucy gasped. “Levy! Don’t tell me you lied and called in sick!”

Levy blushed scarlet to the tips of her ears and planted her hands on her hips defiantly. “I didn’t lie, okay? I just told them I had trouble sleeping—which is technically true, except I never actually went to bed—and asked if they absolutely needed me today. They said no, not to worry about it.”

Behind them, Gajeel burst out laughing. He’d been eavesdropping and observing their antics—the whole guild had—and Shorty’s forced confession of how she’d weaseled her way out of work without technically lying had been too much for him to keep the “gi hi hi” from escaping.

“Oi, Shrimp, how much coffee’ve you had, anyway?” he choked out between chuckles.

“I don’t see what that has to do with anything.” Levy huffed. “Mind your own business.”

When his amusement had faded and the ache in his sides from laughing so hard had subsided, Gajeel called out to her.

“Hey, Shorty.”

She and Lucy had their heads pressed together, leafing through the book, but only Levy glanced up at him.

He gave her a genuine smile, one so rarely seen. “Glad you got your books. Nice to see ya smile.”

Then he left to browse the job postings without awaiting her response.

Levy felt her cheeks grow warm and butterflies take flight in her stomach.

I really hope it was you, Gajeel.

Author’s Note: As I’m guessing you figured out, these books don’t actually exist (to my knowledge). And I hope you’ll allow me the bit of leeway taken with Jellal and Erza, since alcohol does loosen inhibitions and getting them both laid, finally, pleases me to no end…

[abitterlifethroughcinema]

          Three (+1) Movies You Should Catch Before the New Year!

                         WOKE! Film Reviews for the Holidaze

                                                     by

                                      Lucas Avram Cavazos

Mary Poppins Returns ###-1/2   Let it first be said that there is no way that anyone can EVER take the place of Julie Andrews (and she was none-too-keen on having a cameo in this remake, though it seemingly had her “blessing.”) That said, there could be worse people chosen to play the part of a modern-day Mary Poppins than Emily Blunt, who takes the proverbial reins…perhaps to a fault? From a critic’s point of view, she plays the part a tad too hard. Whereas Andrews’ iconic character was curt, she was also practically perfect in her genteel ways as an actress playing a role. Blunt does an exceptional recreation of a prolific Hollywood character, but she’s almost too humanlike in her manner, at times sucking the sweetness of the original character from its true nature. That said, she does her best to help nail the plot line sequences that certainly do their part in touching the soul. We can sum up the story easily, as we now find a grown-up widower Michael Banks (Ben Whishaw) and his two precocious kids teaming up with Auntie Jane (Emily Mortimer), a suffragette fighter like her mum before her, along with nanny-in-tow and the cantankerous time-tellers and their annoying-ass roof canyon, which incidentally commences the film. Well, not before a real intro with the “new Dick Van Dyke” as Lin-Manuel Miranda plays city lamplighter Jack, sprucing up that horrid faux-Cockney accent left over from Sir Van Dyke, in the meantime. The arrival of Mary occurs when, under duress by the bank where Michael works, he is forced to accept the fact that after his wife’s death and intent to keep her alive, he has fallen egregiously behind in his house note payment, and must now fork over the entire amount or forfeit the house on Cherry Tree Lane.  Thankfully, the music of the Sherman Brothers, who composed the original score lives on despite their passing through Marc Shaiman. Now then, though there are some great song numbers and the energy is always lit, without them I wonder how strong the film could have been…maybe better, maybe not? Everyone has their role to play in this film and they do it well, you will most definitely tear up, and at least one of the songs will get to your core most likely, but after the screening and the feel-good loveliness wears off, it’s hard not to see that the film is merely a modern-day, paint-by-numbers interpretation of a Disney classic. (Now playing across Catalonia and Spain)

Ralph Breaks the Internet ##-1/2   For years, the sheer nature of the animated film sequel was one usually relegated to direct-to-video/on demand sources. Soon, at the seeming behest of millions of adoring children, we shall receive Frozen II: Ever SO Cold (surely I jest with the name), but in the mean time, Disney has thrust a premiere animated sequel upon us, a sequel to the blockbuster film Wreck It Ralph from a few years ago. Firstly, the egregious and rather obvious usage of so much marketed and paid-for advertisement through product placement is outrageous. I suppose one could say that it’s necessary, as it is clearly the only way to lock in zombified youth and keep their uninterested/ing parents mitigated with visuals of brands they know and will likely go out and buy as soon as the film’s funny but superfluous 90-something minutes are over. Whereas the original cartoon tested the fires using retro love showcased by work vs. self plot lines, this new, thin-as-thread argument revolves around Ralph (John C. Reilly) and dear mate Vanellope (Sarah Silverman) as they are faced with a work dilemma when Vanellope’s game Sugar Rush is shut down, leaving her and all its characters gameless/homeless! Ralph suggests that she just hang with him all the time, but that would never do for our female protagonist. No, she sets off to replace a missing steering wheel that finds them $27K in debt to eBay, so they decide to cash in on Ralph’s vintage appeal to meme or GiF him into some quick cash draw. It becomes all way too much, and even the good-natured voices and wannabe themes of Ralph and Vanellope, pale in comparison to the megalomaniacal barrage of big-name companies and internet giants who so obviously paid for this trite shite. (Now playing across Catalonia and Spain)

Aquaman ###-1/2   This film actually made me tear up, and I abhor admitting that, as this is a bloody comic book-based popcorn film, but I despise hiding truth even more, so I must let you know…this DC Film is cornball as all hell… and fantastic, as well! Starring a host of insanely fine-form actors, be it due to Oscar cred or fine-ass bodies, Aquaman begs for the customary suspension of disbelief (after all, it IS a comic book movie), and with that in tow, we view the film as an underwater wonderland…with a tonne of overacting. But I do dare say that even the how’d-he-get-here Jason Momoa is convincing enough as the titular character and son of Thomas, a lighthouse keeper and Atlanna, Queen of Atlantis (Nicole Kidman), who washes ashore and falls in love with Thomas. Are we all still on the same page here? So then, as he’s a bit of a mud-blood, and after his mother is kidnapped, Arthur (Aquaman’s real name) has to learn to harness his power while trouble is abrew down below. Enter in stage left his half-brother Orn (played to oddly Aryan perfection by Patrick Wilson) hell-bent on culling together the seven seas, so as to crown himself the Ocean Master. This sets off the need to keep the younger audiences in form with the rest of the adults and comic dorks, so it is here where director James Wan gives us his atypical flim-flam of zingy one-liners, more dazzling actor-star turns like Willem Dafoe and Dolph Lundgren, and the sex symbol is introduced for the horny ones’ fancies, but may I say that the acting Amber Heard employs as Mera, Orm’s fiancee, is both terrible and seducing in that college/high school one-act play kind of way. All in all, everything is set up so as to be easily palatable and do its best to war with the mighty fray that is the Marvel Universe. And then there is the finale battle scene, a war waged underwater that becomes any person’s imaginary spectacle, and I enjoyed every single moment of it. Well-played and well-done for the young and young at heart alike! (Now playing across Catalonia and Spain)

Fahrenheit 11/9 ####   Premiering a few weeks ago here in Spain, and only at very select cinema screens across the country, this is the first documentary in some time by Michael Moore that could play across an international landscape and should be required viewing on any critic’s or person’s list, frankly. Yes, it is that good. The titular oddity refers to the day after we all woke up across the world in shock and awe that there had been an extreme, perhaps unprecedented, blockade thrown into the realm of the New World Order, which of course, can wage its own war across the socio-political landscape. The way in which Moore has created this think piece is brutal yet funny and all too real if maddeningly convincing. It should come as no surprise to anyone that Moore is a socialist-liberal, and that now runs through my mind as I watch his docs and even now as I scribe. That said, even if this is not his best film, it is undoubtedly the one film in his oeuvre that holds the viewers’ feet to the fire and calls for us to fight the nasty funk Trump’s administration brings in this 2018/19 world. From his hilarious if frightening deduction that Trump only decided to run for the office in order to chastise NBC after realising they had paid Gwen Stefani more for her spot on The Voice than his salary for The Apprentice to the bare way Moore strips the last two years down to a finite joke, this movie hits a lot of targets succinctly. But, it’s when he takes it back to his roots, to Flint, Michigan, and ends up involving all local and state politics, that we start to see the more sinister undertakings happening amongst conservative parties, ideals and societies. It becomes a tad creepy, for lack of a better word. When you add in the fact of the Parkland High School shooting and the way Moore later fuses footage of Hitler and his minions and followers with a rally speech made by the current occupant of the White House, it becomes all too obvious that things are exactly as we think they are (A HOT MESS!) and we have very little recourse rather than claiming truth and shooting down this current and insane barrage of falsehoods. (Now available VOD/DVD/Blu-ray)  

[whydoyouthinkileft]

aos spoilers

having my breakfast - at 12:30 and so excited about this ep because of reasons so let's go

-btw watching the previously I just remembered Kasius and the other alien lady having their talks (Because he wants to leave that planet) and trying to top each other while also trying to sound like they don't hate each other's guts?  It was hilarious to me, it was like watching ANY conversation between people in my town ever (incidentally, my town if you live in it long enough does give you the feeling you are trapped underground waiting for giant roaches to suck the life out of you)

-oh hello lil cute boy -how old is he? is it me being weirdly old if I say that?

-oh even the white slave-owner guy has a soft spot for him?

-NO HE DROPPED THE FRUIT

-I feel like I'm too invested in him eating already

-senator Gaius whatever is also someone I could see living in my town

-thaaaaat's the scene from the promo. also can you imagine if ALL the people there are lying their asses off to look more evil?

-he looks soooo fantastic to me, I love cowboy in space clothes

-OOHHHHHHHH -the look on his face and lack of breath -I died fifty days over it -Kasius should have just been in something like Desperate Housewives -also I'm starting to find funny how he reads what Sinara says just from her expression and she never has to talk -Jemma looking at space and being deaf OH MY GOD FITZ. IS HE GONNA TALK. IS HE GONNA GO ALL I LOVE YOU I WANNA MARRY YOU HAVE MY BIOCHEMENGINEER BABIES and she's gonna walk away? -oh my god. He realized the universe can't stop them, they are stronger than curses. Now that she's deaf. He needs to repeat it. And then let her make fun of him for the curse thing for other 74 years -I FUCKING KNEW IT. I KNEW HE'D PROPOSE -nooooooooooooo the deaf thing -'oh are they' Fitz would love to kill him, wouldn't he -OH MY GOD HE'S TOUCHING HER FACE IN FRONT OF FITZ -Of course Kasius would appreciate that sentiment from Fitz. If all he's going to use from the Doctor is talking about bullshit and pain like a villain would, give those speeches, while he doesn't believe in a word he says and the actual bad guy there is like 'uuhhh this is my new friend' I'm here for it. This is basically high school and becoming popular. -Also still here if Jemma wants to break a pitcher on Kasius's face though -I am worried though because Jemma wasn't 100% chill when she saw Fitz's face -oh my god the look on Fitz's face after Kasius walked away -Tess just quoted me with 'soft spot' for the kid. I'm Tess now. -Flint 'if I turn I won't have to beg around' yeah well he's NOT WRONG, mind you -is Jemma going to mother this one too and then Daisy will train him? -AAAHHHH FITZ AND JEMMA -the hatred on Kasius' face whenever he speaks to all people who are supposed to be on his same level or higher makes me laugh, I'm so sorry -they are just so... mundane about 'uhhh your daddy gave your big brother the big job and you are stuck in here lmao' -evil eyes of hatred- -I'm glad Daisy is befriending the mind-reader, he's adorable -also he didn't expect her to go all 'I'm sorry' and he's even more adorable -no seriously they seriously could be living in my town -Fitz. Fitz don't fuck this up, my boy. -the almost smile when he describes it tho, that kinda sells it as him being a bitch so... good -what is that snail thing, also I TOO FIND MOIST CREATURES (and stuff that changes from hard to soft depending on the bite, and really most meat) DISTASTEFUL BUT NOBODY LAUGHS WITH ME WHEN I SAY IT AND REFUSE TOT IT, THEY CALL ME SPOILED. ALSO I RAN OUT OF THE ROOM IF THERE ARE SNAILS BECAUSE NO. Next fucking time we have a dinner with other people I'm going to talk with that attitude and slam the food on the plate and wait for someone to laugh. I'll instruct my little brother to laugh and make other people feel like they have to laugh -sidenote: the jackass who brought it up attempting to laugh along not sure of what's happening is amazing. I don't know which one of those guys is really the loser in the real tvshow that is going on in there. Kasius, cast away and trying to climb up the ladder and become a Big Shot, the snails guy who is soooo loud and soooo friendly and everybody knows he's just desperate to keep being in the inner circle, or what -HAHAHA the Kree discussing why the kid disappeared like. Even before they looked around like 'did we crush the kid' 'how did he disappear, what did we do wrong? look under your shoes' and now 'maybe his power is to disappear' 'nah' I can see these Kree driving a car and talking why they stopped -lmao 'you mean this guy?' 'no he's just cool' -Mack looks proud of himself- you are cool, Mack. You are big enough you don't need superpowers -at this point Kasius and others are just courting Fitz -MAY, IT'S MAY. MAY WILL FIGHT HIM. GET THE HELL OUT. also he KNOWS Jemma and Daisy were laying and how the ell idd he find out her name is Melinda May -Melinda and Fitz looking at each other like that, oh my god. And she hasn't seen what happened of Jemma yet after she let her go -is... Fitz... bromancing Kasius to trick him? what is this episode?? this is also perfect because Fitz's superpower since s2 has been to befriend EVERY person he met and get a circle around him super fast, first Hunter and Mack and then Hunter and Coulson, then he grabbed Bobbi too, befriended Radcliffe super fast, like, of course he can use his 'father's memories (with Jemma watching like a hawk - with impared sight) to get to Kasius. Fitz in this episode is me in high school, I'm not even kidding anymore. You gotta fit in to survive, so fit in in a way that will make people fight to sit next to you without even lying -is telepath boy going to tell May how to behave because he SHOULD -lmao May hitting him without thinking and succeeeding, bet he didn't see that coming -if it wasn't for her leg he'd in a world of trouble -LMAO KASIUS' FACE when Fitz went 'this fight bores me' -he just insulted May's age and just... her face. -the horror at Flint not knowing what tacos are -we finally know Elena's terrigen story lol -oohhhh my god white guy needs to die -he's about to kill him because he lied, oh my god, OH MY GOD, BEN. NO. NOOOO. DON'T DO THIS. -FITZ, don't try to control Kasius too hard, he'll know -one more death in Daisy and Jemma's conscience oh my god are you kidding me poor sweet Ben -oh the white guy had a second when asking about the prophecy and he might buy it later -aw Jemma and Daisy, with Jemma being able to hear -'there was nothing you could do' 'I have to kill him' 'you'll have to get in line'  just... Jemma, of all the people, always reassuring others that it's not their fault, but also REALLY, let Jemma kill at least one person who humiliated and hurt her instead of having her fail and get someone else to do it? -I KNEW IT. I KNEW JEMMA LIKED THE CARDIGANS, PREFERRED THEM. I'M THINKING OF S2. THEY WERE SO SOFT LOOKING -I love that their having girls talk in the middle of this too because oh god they are 29-30, and yes, they have been through hell, and in situations like this people don't necessarily act like super efficient zombies, they find humor, they find reasons to chat with friends, they still smile, and I always found unrealistic when in tvshows, including aos, they were only shown super serious ALL the time. -Daisy the shippers is back. Which I don't know why people don't like or find weird because honestly, I ship my friends with their loved ones when they are so in love -Jemma has a knife. Jemma KEEPS STEALING KNIVES AND WILL STAB PEOPLE, YES -Elena being tortured twice now -uh oh controlling rocks. BREAK HIS HEAD. CRACK HIS HEAD OPEN. YES FLINT -also the loooook between Jemma and Fitz was so lovely, they almost got to talk -Kasius is peacocking so much over his brother -oh they have a plan B, alright -oh wow Kasius' brother is such a sweetie, 'there is no honor to be found in this human cesspool'. that's kinda my attitude when they force me to go out for holidays. -oh yeah, Kasius 'pleeease Sinara fight for me' and then trying to talk her into not being mad at him lol. Also yes for Sinara dying. Fuck you.  You kept killing people with your stupid-ass balls. Your turn now. -jesus for a second I thought they had hung Tess for her neck -IS SHE? DEAD?? NO??????!!! -Daisy's look is so cool tho -KILL SINARA. KILL HER, KILL -aw shit they have a barrier -break her neck, break HER NECK -NO KILL HER. KILL HER FOR REAL. -JEMMA FUCKING SLIT KASIUS' THROAT I'M SO ALIVE FOR THIS, ALSO FOR DAISY FLYING UP LIKE THAT OH MY GOD -OH MY GOD WHAT THE FUCK -THEY HAD A REUNION KISS FOR FUCKING ONCE -JEMMA PROPOSED TOO AND HE ZFHAADSKJHFKDF -THEN THEY PICKED UP DAISY I'M SO -AND FITZ TALKING ABOUT HOW HE PROPOSED EARLIER THO I'M GOING TO HAVE A HEART ATTACK -honestly I said that I didn't want them to propose and get married until they were a little healthier but that can be solved writing fanon, when it comes to canon, if... Fitz managed to somehow work through his doctor issues and just needed one last push from Hunter (maybe that's also what happened in those six months) and to not be holding back on his love for Jemma anymore because he's completely there and not worrying about the cosmo... then I guess it's fine? honestly, I'm a sucker for this sort of thing so I'll just accept it in the show and then write 59494864 things in which they process things slower after the proposal, they'd have been together anyway -I CAN'T HELP IT OKAY I'M JUST EXCITED -ENOCH LIES THE WAY JEMMA LIED IN S1 OKAY, I LOVE HIM 'hello friend' 'who are you' 'I am a Kree as I've always been, brother' -I love everything about them dividing tasks and Jemma finally getting revenge on Kasius and Fitz finishing Sinara after Daisy did her fighting and also Daisy is there to listen to the proposal, I'm laughing oh my god