#of course it does because otherwise she wouldn't have pushed him into the role of First Talon | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

redphlox · 4 years ago

Text

Dabi's fear of feelings and connections

Dabi is a walking contradiction; he says he doesn't care about anyone, but his flames, which are linked to his emotions, demonstrate otherwise when Twice is killed. Dabi brushes off the news that Natsuo could have died because of him but still refers to him affectionately as Natsu-kun. Touya went around calling Endeavor out for neglecting his children but still trained to regain his approval and attention anyway. He lashed out at baby Shouto, admitted Shouto had done nothing wrong, and then attacked him again years later. He cries blood while thinking about his family but doesn't go home to them or change his actions which hurt them even more. Dabi wants to destroy hero society for a better future but it's obvious he doesn't plan to live long enough to see that future.

The gaps between his actions and his words are a result of dissociation and repression. It's not that Dabi is emotionless. Actually, he feels too much and he's afraid of his feelings because they've done nothing but hurt him emotionally and physically. He literally almost burned to death the one time he had a burst of emotion on Sekoto Peak and in order to prevent a repeat of that, he operates under the flawed notion that safety lies in repressing his feelings and pushing people away. He lies to himself and others and therefore cannot reconcile with his true self and can’t trust others.

In this meta I'll discuss how Dabi deals with his unprocessed feelings of betrayal and neglect by denying himself connections with both his inner wounded child and those around him. I'll also address a few misconceptions surrounding Dabi because dismantling them is key to understanding him. Contrary to popular belief, he does not want to kill his father, he never wanted to be a hero for his own sake, and he doesn't hate Shouto or his family. At its core, Touya's hurt stems from discovering that his relationship with his father wasn't based on unconditional love. This realization destroyed his sense of self so much it caused him to start fearing his own feelings and being close to others because of the link between his emotions and his self-destructive quirk.

To understand Dabi we have to understand Touya. In 291 we see through Endeavor's flashback that Touya was eager to train under him and carry his legacy. It's implied by the fact they’re working on ultimate moves that not only is Touya a willing, eager participant but that the two have been training together for quite some time. In 301 we learn that after Touya's quirk started hurting him Endeavor not only abandoned the training regime but also abandoned Touya both emotionally and physically. Instead of using the time he spent training Touya to help Touya find a new hobby or purpose in life, or just hanging out with his kid, Endeavor chooses to remove himself from Touya’s life. When Touya confronts him about the change of routine, Endeavor is seen putting on his jacket and leaving the home, his body turned away from his son.

Maybe Endeavor had errands to run, but my point is that he was in Touya’s life one minute and then gone the next. Touya says so himself: why did Endeavor change his mind all of a sudden? The abrupt change in attitude was jarring for a 4-5 year old to handle. To Touya, training = love, so he felt compelled to keep training and demonstrate his worthiness despite the fact that his quirk was hurting him. To Touya, the pain was worth it if it meant hanging out with his dad again.

But why? Well, Touya was Endeavor's #1 fan, genuinely so. His admiration and fondness for his father was genuine, and he didn't question the triumphant look on Endeavor's face when Touya said he wanted to learn the ultimate move. Before his quirk started burning him, Touya had no idea he was born for his father's ulterior motives. He had no reason to question his father's attention. Touya lived under the impression his bond with his dad was genuine and special, and he probably felt lucky that his father was willing to share something so important to him (heroism). Even after the training stops and Endeavor stops paying attention to Touya, Touya still wears his merch and vies for his attention. Most kids see their parents as larger than life and Touya was no exception. Keigo Takami admired Endeavor the hero, and Touya Todoroki admired his father who just so happened to be the hero Endeavor. Since being a hero was such a big deal for Endeavor, it was a big deal for Touya.

But that's where Touya's story becomes tragic. His father is a flawed, flawed man with many insecurities and fallacies that he pushes onto his family. I’ll get to those in a moment, but as intelligent and observant Touya is to catch on that Endeavor never set out to marry to become a father, he is too young to separate himself from his father’s expectations. Touya realizes he was born for a purpose and Touya will be damned if he doesn't fulfill that purpose even if he knows it's wrong. His father's ‘love’ meant that much to him. For Touya, it's not about becoming a hero for the glory. It was about his relationship with his father because, as I mentioned earlier, Touya was his #1 fan in the sense that he loved Enji just for being his dad. There were no conditions tied to that. “You are my dad, and I love you.”

But that wasn’t a sentiment that Touya felt in return, and that hurt Touya. He internalized he wasn't good enough, that something about him was inherently wrong. But more than that, his world came tumbling down - he felt betrayed and lied to: his father didn't love him like Touya needed him to, and this truth destroyed him. Their relationship was a lie, a farce, and it hurt so much Touya became obsessed with not hurting anymore because he couldn’t get away from it.

Touya’s motivation to become a hero didn't rise from being inspired by All Might like Shouto. Touya’s thought process wasn’t "I want to be a hero to help others or be like All Might" like Deku. No, Touya only wanted to be a hero because he wanted his father to be proud of him for surpassing All Might. Notice that Touya's obsession with beating All Might slowly diminishes from “I can surpass All Might” to “I can surpass All Might like Shouto, too” to just “look at me, Endeavor.” It was never about being a hero per say, but about his relationship with his father. Touya realized that Endeavor isn't his father first, but a hero, and he understands that he has to be a hero too to fit into his father's world. Even upon realizing that his father was using him, Touya still wanted to be part of his life, still wanted that bond. Touya, in his desperation to be loved and accepted again, could look past his father's selfishness as long as he regained that approval. Touya could pretend the relationship was real as long as he stopped feeling so unlovable.

This is unhealthy thinking, of course. Even if Touya somehow managed to regain Endeavor's approval, the relationship would still be one-sided and dissatisfying because he wouldn't be able to ignore the truth. But, this is how he rationalized his insistence to keep training in his 4-5 year old mind and this line of thought stuck with him as he grew up just as those feelings of inadequacy never left him.

This is precisely why Natsuo's drowsy "can't you go talk to our sister?" hurt so much. Touya was already emotionally fragile, and hearing that felt like being rejected all over again when it was actually Natsuo just trying to sleep. Touya was hypersensitive to any words or actions that could be interpreted as dismissive. His trauma wouldn't listen to logic that Natsuo was 8 and too young to understand, that he was tired - no, Touya's brain said, you're being rejected again! This is also why he also stormed away crying from Fuyumi after she expressed her concern for him.

In Touya’s mind, why couldn't anyone just agree with him that he was good enough? He heard "your dad's right and you're not good enough so why try" not "I care about you, your father is wrong, and I don't want you to keep getting hurt" whenever Rei tried to get him to stop training because that's the message he got from his father, too. Nevermind that it infuriated Touya that his mother could stand there and preach to him when, from his perspective, she couldn’t take her own advice. All Endeavor ever did was teach him to turn up the heat, so why should it matter that doing just so hurts him? Touya didn't understand NOT training his quirk because he had been taught that raising his firepower was ideal in all situations. Those two statements didn't make sense to a 4-5 year old, a 13 year old, and it still doesn’t make sense as a 24 year old.

To take Endeavor's lack of self awareness a step further, because it's important to understand Endeavor to fully understand Dabi, Endeavor has yet to realize his own inherent worth. He doesn't have to prove anything to his family, especially his kids. They love him unconditionally, without special reason aside from the fact that he's theirs and he's himself. However, Endeavor is so obsessed with proving himself that he doesn't realize he never had to, and he projects this onto his children. They must prove themselves by winning the genetic lottery, by being useful to his plans, by surpassing All Might.

The irony that to be a great father he doesn't have to be a hero at all is ugly because Endeavor has no identity outside of being a hero. Endeavor has said before he wants to be a good hero and father to make Shouto proud, but he fails to realize he already had this in Touya all those years ago and it still left him unsatisfied. The issue isn’t his role as a hero, it’s his inner self. In 301 Endeavor literally reaches out to Touya to talk him out of training and hurting himself, and Touya allows his father to touch his shoulders because he wants a bond with his father - any bond. Shouto, on the other hand, wouldn't allow Endeavor to touch him in 167 and slaps his hand away because he doesn’t want Endeavor’s approval. Endeavor doesn't realize Natsuo carries deep abandonment and neglect issues because he wanted to be accepted by his father too (light novel #5) but was ignored. Endeavor doesn't realize he was always good enough by default and that by projecting onto his kids and trying to be the top hero he’s doing the opposite of what he wants. He just keeps pushing away his family.

It’s important to point out Endeavor’s illogical thinking because Touya learned some of these same ideas. Touya repeatedly tries to prove himself without realizing that he was always good enough by default. The problem wasn’t his quirk or his body, but his father’s flawed thinking and self-worth issues. Now as an adult, Dabi is selfish because he's Endeavor's son and emobidies his most negative characteristics. Dabi thinks of his flames as Endeavor's, and he thinks of himself as an extension of Endeavor because that's how Endeavor set him up for life. Touya has no identity to fall back on after his father casts him aside. He was supposed to be Endeavor 2.0, but now that title is Shouto’s. Dabi doesn’t hate Shouto as a person, but he has tricked himself into believing Shouto is their father’s puppet. Shouto is a doll being used by their father with no self agency, and Dabi is going to break all of Endeavor’s toys. It’s nothing personal against Shouto, it’s just Shouto’s bad luck that he happens to be Endeavor’s masterpiece. This is why Dabi doesn’t hurt Shouto when they first meet at the training camp, and why Dabi stops attacking Shouto after Endeavor passes out - it’s not about Shouto. It’s about Endeavor, and breaking Endeavor. Touya is still there trying to be part of his father’s world, only this time not as a hero but as a villain who will end his own suffering. He doesn't want Endeavor to die, he just wants him to suffer, to ruin his dreams. Dabi thinks of it as justice.

But because Touya is still there, there is still that goodness in him, too. His connection to Fuyumi and Natsuo is still there, repressed and compartmentalized. It’s why he calls them affectionately as Fuyumi-chan and Natsu-kun. Touya’s pain is so great he has decided he’d rather end it than to carry on and look elsewhere. He's stuck, rightfully so. He recognizes his mother is a flawed person and ultimately doesn’t blame her for being a victim - she could have done more for her son, but he still sees her and his other siblings, even Shouto, as people who fell victim to Endeavor’s abuse who don't challenge their situation. Dabi sees himself as someone who does stand up to the abuse but doesn’t realize he still wants his father’s attention. He's always wanted it. That's why he went around at 13 condemning his father's treatment of his children but still trained to prove himself. This is part of the reason he became a villain.

Not to mention that Dabi literally can't cry. He has no way to release those emotions, so instead of trying to let them out, he pushes them down. But that doesn't work and is detrimental in the long run. In 290-294 we saw Dabi's flames burn so hot during his confrontation with Endeavor and revealing himself as Touya that his burns have spread. Dabi is afraid of his feelings because of their connection to his flames, but he also uses his feelings to his advantage. He wants to go out in an inferno along with Shouto just to hurt Endeavor and put an end to his own suffering and Endeavor's career. This is why Dabi doesn't bother calming himself down or denying that he never forgot how he was treated when he lived at home. Dabi became emotional in that battlefield, smiling maniacally instead of crying because he physically can't cry. In his mind, if his feelings are going to destroy him, he might as well use them to prove a point. After all, he has experience being used. It's why he was born.

I'm not saying any of these actions or thoughts are healthy or correct or condoned, by the way. Trauma responses don't make logical sense and usually aren't healthy. Knowing how the mind responds to trauma, it's understandable that Touya still wanted his father's attention even if it was abusive. In fact, this is how children often respond to abuse. Their caretaker/parent is all they know and they cling to these figures. Often times when authorities try to remove a child from their abusive parents, the child doesn't want to go because this parent is all they know and they do feel like they love their parent/caretaker. I’m not saying the authorities got involved in this case, because obviously they didn’t, but this same mentality of abused children can be applied to Touya. Touya, in his four year old mind, probably convinced himself that if he was good enough everything would go back to how it used to be.

So, to sum up Dabi’s character, of course he doesn't make any sense. He’s still that hurt 4-5 year old who is trying to protect himself from ever getting hurt like that again while still wanting his father’s validation. Of course he doesn’t want to get close to anyone, not even the League. He doesn't want to be vulnerable or let people in or form connections because the last time that happened he was let down, forsaken, and it hurt so much it literally made him lose control of his quirk to the point he almost died. When Twice is killed, Dabi consoles himself by saying he didn't care anyway, all to prevent another emotional fire. Dabi is a master of compartmentalizing and boxing away his feelings - this is probably why, 310 chapters into BNHA, we have yet to have a few chapters in his POV or his backstory. He's disconnected from himself. He knows his plot to get justice will hurt his siblings and mother and to live with himself and move forward he represses those feelings.

Because of his father not showing up on Sekoto peak, Dabi has to live with physical disabilities due to his scars and memories of burning alive. He doesn't want to go through that again so he lies to himself that he doesn't care about anyone or anything. He denies that he's still in pain while simultaneously seeking validation of his pain. He acts like he doesn't care about his family but still calls them affectionate names. He acts like he hates Endeavor and calls him by his name but still wants his attention. He decided long ago that he would die destroying Endeavor's career because that was the thing Endeavor cares about most of all in this life. It's a "you hurt me so I'll hurt you" mentality. He has tricked himself into thinking this is justice, failing to realize this won't make him feel better if he doesn't die by his own hand along the way.

Dabi is full of resentment and spite, both of which take root from feelings of abandonment, betrayal, and the loss of a purpose and the realization that he wasn't born to be loved for who he was but as a tool for his father. The first betrayal he suffered was in the form of realizing his father didn't love him genuinely, and this was identity-breaking for him. He never recovered from it. The second betrayal, the reinforcer, was his father not showing up to Sekoto Peak. Since then, Dabi is reliving his trauma over and over again the more he uses his quirk and the more he faces Endeavor. To be saved, Dabi needs to accept that he is loved unconditionally and needs to be validated that he was right to feel thrown aside and used.

#dabi #touya todoroki #toya todoroki #shouto todoroki #shoto todoroki #bnha #bnha meta #my meta #endeavor

919 notes · View notes

imagines-by-a-typical-fangirl · 4 years ago

Text

White Lies (Pt. 15 of 21)

Pairing: Keanu Reeves X Reader

Word count: 1.8 K

Summary: Keanu found the girl almost dead, in the wrecks of what was once her car. While she was in surgery, stuck in a coma, he gathered the best doctors of New York to attend to her. They told him she is likely to have some kind of brain damage, what may lead to memory loss. And this possibility added up wit the fact that she's pregnant, made the council come up with an odd idea. They asked Keanu to pretend to be her husband, since the stress of finding out everything that happened could put the baby in danger. He reluctantly agreed, but only if she does has some kind of memory loss. He still goes she'll wake up soon, with her memories intact.

But when you finally wake up, there's nothing inside. You're quick to find your head is empty, void, like a blank canvas. The only thing that brings you some relief, that makes you feel less lonely is the mention of a husband. And you can't wait to meet him, because you know you can't deal with this by yourself.

<- Previous part (14)

Next part (16)->

{Keanu Reeves Masterlist}

{John Wick Masterlist}

The War Between The Mind And The Heart

At the hotel room, you cry on Laura's shoulder. She knew it, of course she did, but despite being furious at her too, you need someone. And you can't call Lucia, even though you know she's the grandmother of your child.

Yesterday, you couldn't sleep. The night was a nightmare, a torture, as you stared into the darkness with memories filling your head. All of them have Keanu in it. And they were good. When the morning finally came, you called Laura and she ran here, made you eat something as you cried and yelled and sobbed. Your head hurts, your throat is sore, and you feel like shit.

“I can't believe he did that. I trusted him with all my heart.” It comes out barely a whisper and you dry your eyes for the hundredth time with a tissue.

“(Y/N), you need to listen to me now,” Laura says, holding both your hands on hers. “You already vented and I listened. But now I must explain what happened.”

You don't think you want to listen. During the night, you even considered going to Argentine with Lucia as soon as the baby is ready to travel. But the very thought of being so far from Keanu crushed your heart, and you felt stupid to hold such felling. So now, you don't know what to do. From your position, back resting on the headrest of the bed, surrounded by pillows, you weakly nod. “Why did he lie to me, Laura? Why did you lie to me?”

She takes a deep breath before speaking. “Keanu found your car, (Y/N). You were bleeding, almost dead. And during the two weeks you were in a coma, the doctors found me, and I was in some of the meetings they had to explain your condition. Keanu paid for the best care, so they were fully dedicated to you. And this story was their idea.” Reaching out her hand, she wipes a tear away. “Daniel died only a week before the accident, and that was the reason behind it. You were sad, crying, with the pregnancy test in your bag, so you got overwhelmed in the road and crashed.” Laura makes a small pause as if gathering her thoughts. “Dr. Wright told us back there was a high chance you'd have some kind of brain damage, memory loss. So they asked Keanu if he could... Play this role, putting it in their words. Any kind of stress would put the baby in even more danger, and they thought you'd feel better to know you had someone with you.”

Looking down at your hands, you think about this new information. So Keanu didn't pull this off by himself. You get it now, why some instructions were meant to him. But still, you don't know what to think.

“He didn't want to do it. I was there when he said it wouldn't be fair to you.” Laura squeezes your hand a little. “But both you and the baby could die depending on how you'd receive the news. So he accepted.”

“But Laura, I... I fell for him. Call me an idiot, but I did.” Your voice breaks, and you try really hard not to sob again. “And the worst part is that I still love him. What am I supposed to do now?”

“Keanu fell in love with you too.” She speaks slowly as if knowing it would make you break down a little more. And it does. With both hands covering your face, you cry all over again. “And yes, I spoke to him about it. He... He wanted to tell you everything after your trip to Miami, but he couldn't.”

“Why are you helping him?” You mutter, holding back a sob.

“I'm just telling you the truth. All of it.” Moving to sit beside you, she hugs one of the spare pillows. “After the... The first time you slept together was the first time Keanu called me. Before it was always me calling to get some updates on your condition.” Turning your head to look at her, you put a strand of hair behind your ear. “He was feeling so guilty, he couldn't believe what he did.”

“What did he say?”

“He cursed himself for not stopping. For keeping the lie for so long. He was about to tell you everything but I had to stop him because the doctors were still worried about your state.”

There's a war happening inside you. Your brain tells you to forget Keanu, to move away from New York, to hate him for all the lies. But the heart, wild creature, says otherwise. It aches for him, it calls, it longs for him. And you want to cave in.

“I hate that I love him.” You mumble, hands caressing your belly. This isn't how you thought the pregnancy would end.

“Can I... Can I ask you something? On Keanu's behalf?” Laura speaks low, and you furrow your eyebrows before looking at her. “I know he's not the father, but he does love your child as if he was... So, please... If you do love him, even if you hate the way you feel, don't take the child away from him. At least... At least let him visit, wherever you decide to go, if you decide to go somewhere else.”

Her words make more tears roll down. It may not be fair with Daniel, but you do wish Keanu was the father. Liam knows his voice, as well as he knows yours. Ever since the obstetrician said the baby could listen and was able to distinguish the voices, you both started talking even more to the bump. You wonder if he'd miss Keanu as much as you already do.

“I don't know what to do... Liam's bedroom is there.” Your home is there, with him. “Tell me what to do, Laura. And I'll do it.” Begging, you run a hand through your hair.

“I can't. You must figure that out by yourself.” Laura bumps her shoulder against yours playfully. “Have you spoken to Lucia?”

“I still don't like her.”

“You never did.” She adds, giggling. “Neither did Daniel. But I believe she'll head back to Argentina after the baby is born and maybe call once a month and visit on Christmas. But other than that she'll disappear.”

You probably shouldn't feel so relieved, but that's exactly the feeling that washes over you. “Laura... What... Did Keanu had any plans? For what he'd do after telling me the truth?” This is something you've been wondering all night, but still, you're not sure you want to know. But now that the words left your mouth, and there's no way you can take them back.

“(Y/N), Keanu wants to marry you.” Laura's voice gets lower, and as she stares at you, your eyes are glued to the blue wall across the room. “A real wedding. A ceremony, a party... Everything. But he was expecting this.”

“Expecting what?” You burst out.

“That you would never want to meet him again.”

Shaking your head lightly, you look at your hands. Could you even do that? Would you have the strength to stay away from him? It's only been a night and half the day, but you already miss him. “I don't know what to do... And I don't really have much time to think.”

“How close is the baby?”

“Very close. This is week 38, so the doctors said I should be prepared even though it may still take a week or two.” Both your hands lay on your belly, huge and swollen. It started to lower a little, and you know it's another sign that your time is coming. And that makes more tears fill your eyes. “I'm so scared, Laura...”

“I can imagine.” Putting an arm around your shoulders, she kindly smiles. “You know you have me, right? Call and I'll get here as fast as I can. And if you want, you can stay with me. The apartment isn't big and I don't have space for an extra bedroom for the baby but you'll be welcome and we'll make it work.”

“Thank you, Laura.” Crying again, you hug her the best you can with your belly getting in the way.

“You're welcome, honey.” She let go of you, and you take a deep breath. “I'll have to go now, I have a client on the other side of city and it's a hell of a long drive. Will you be ok?”

“Yes.” You won't, but you can't tell her that. “I'll call you if anything happens.”

“Alright, honey.” After some more goodbyes, Laura leaves and you're left alone again.

The silence is deafening. This damn hotel room makes you feel sick, so you lock yourself in the bathroom to take a long shower. It doesn't help. The tears and the water become one, and you can't tell the difference. There's this heavy feeling in your chest, like you're suffocating. Everything you knew ever since you woke up is a lie. Liam is the only real thing, and now, he won't have a father.

“Do you miss him too, baby?” You ask him, voice so weak you can barely hear yourself above the spray of water.

You wish he could answer, you wish some kind of miracle happened to push you in the right direction... And you know, deep inside, that your heart wants this path to lead back to Keanu.

An hour later, you're leaving the bathroom with the towel wrapped around your body, using another to finish drying your hair. Standing by the bed, you pick some clothes from your open baggage, choosing something comfortable to sleep in. Then suddenly, a sharp pain rips through your abdomen, moving down your thighs and back. Bending over, you bite down a groan. When the pain is starting to fade away, you feel something flowing down your thighs, soaking the floor under your feet.

You freeze, trying to process what happened. Moving away from the puddle, you sit on the bed using the towel, still damp because of your hair, to clean your legs the best you can, but another wave of pain comes, making yell this time. It's happening. It's happening right now and you're completely alone. Laura is too far away, and you don't want to call Lucia.

You could call 911. Or the reception, they'd find a way to help, but there's only one person in the world you need right now. And despite your brain telling you not to give in so easily, the pain is becoming greater, ripping through your body, and it feels like you broke a bone on your hip.

Sucking in a sharp breath, you reach for your phone on the nightstand, struggling a little since your sight is all blurry by the tears. When you find his number, you make the call, lying down and pulling your feet up.

“(Y/N)?” He sounds weird, voice weak and sad. But you don't have time to overthink, to try and find answers. You need him immediately. You're about to answer when the pain hits again, and you yell, voice breaking into a cry in the end. “(Y/N), what's going on?”

“My water broke.” You mutter, breathing heavily. “I need you.”

@multific @inumorph @aestheticallywinchester @bvbwestfall @liviiii98 @allie1804-fan @gian-giannina @playboygeniusphilanthropist @partypoison00 @mariafetamina @fortheloveoffanfic @trin303

#keanu reeves x reader #keanu reeves imagine #keanu reeves fanfiction #keanu reeves fanfic #keanu reeves #imagine keanu reeves

66 notes · View notes

anobscurename · 4 years ago

Text

ocean eyes – chris evans

previous part: PART XIX — masterlist

concept: you finally have had enough. the slowest of slow burns. part twenty of many.

pairing: chris evans x reader

word count: 2,4k

warnings: you might cry; i know i did. angst.

author's note: i needed my comedic relief comfort characters for this one in the beginning tbh cause... well... you'll see. this one is for @miss-jackson500 because i haven't dedicated one to her yet and she's? amazing?!

You had wondered – for the days that followed – that if maybe the rescheduled meet-up hadn't been cut short by Anthony, if things would be different.

You came to the conclusion that all that really would've been different was that you'd know a little less.

"You're finally going to do it, huh?" Anthony grinned from across the pool table. You had, according to the original plan, all come together at the old bar where you'd first met the two. "You're going to tell him how you feel?"

"Is it a bad idea?" You asked, missing your shot. Your mind was heavily distracted, and it was showing through. You were usually wiping the floor with the duo, but now you were losing four balls to one.

"No, no, it's a fantastic idea," Anthony bent down to line up his next shot. "Tell her it's a fantastic idea, Seb. Better yet, tell me who the Black Widow should be with."

Sebastian, who had been sat to the side, waiting for his turn, rolled his eyes and took a swig of his beer. "I admit nothing until I see a ring."

"Speaking of rings!" Anthony jumped up excitedly – either from the prospect of marriage or the thrill of pocketing his ball, leaving team Falcon and Winter Soldier with just the black on the table – "I'm thinking a round cut two carat, set in rose gold? Colour scheme would he lavender, of course, because as best man–"

"You can get fucked if you think you're going to be best man."

"Of course I'm best man! Look at me, I'm the bestest man around, I'm fine as–"

"You can both get fucked if you think there's going to be a wedding," you laughed.

Anthony hissed a curse under his breath as he missed the winning pocket, reluctantly handing the cue off to Sebastian, who hopped off the stool to land gracefully on his feet.

You chalked your cue, determined to not lose yet another game to these dipshits. "I haven't even told him yet, what if he doesn't feel the same way?"

Anthony and Sebastian both looked at you, incredulous. "I mean this with only love, and it comes from a place deep within my heart... Are you blind?"

Sebastian was even balking. "Even I could tell, and I have the social skills of a pineapple."

"Okay, fine! You both are clearly biased, you saw us kiss."

"No, we watched a softcore porno is what we did, y'all devouring each other like that in public–"

He cut himself short, having to laughingly dodge himself out of the reach of your playful slap.

"I'm asking Scott for the final opinion," you proclaimed.

Sebastian rolled his eyes, eager to play and win the game, bouncing the end of the cue on the wooden bar floor. The rubber stop muted the noise.

You opened up the text thread you had been maintaining with the younger Evans. Should I tell Chris?

You didn't need to elaborate, Scott would know what you meant. There was a pause on his end, and you had just been about to put your phone away before his response bubbled up.

Sorry, was just changing your name in my phone to sister-in-law ;)

That was all the answer you needed.

You finished the game – you lost, mind overrun with giddiness and the odds having been stacked against you long before – and you were hugging Anthony goodbye.

When you'd asked where he was headed, he'd just given you a sly wink and a "wouldn't you like to know."

That left just you and Sebastian, and you decided to walk him back to his hotel before heading home.

"How long you going to be in L.A. for?" You'd asked, just to make conversation.

"A week or so, maybe? And then I'm jetting back to New York. I haven't been home in so long, I think the dust has taken over my lease."

You chuckled, and continued on in a pleasant silence.

You gave him a departing hug in the lobby, and hailed a cab back to Chris'.

You were so high on the exhilaration of finally telling him and ending this will they/won't they charade once and for all. So excited, you'd nearly missed the unfamiliar Bentley in the driveway on your way in.

But it didn't go unnoticed.

You came in, greeted happily by a yapping Dodger, and the smell that hit you was one of Valentino perfume – overpowering the usual scent of Chris lingering in the house.

"Hey, Dodge," you whispered, giving him a vigorous petting session. "Where's Chris? Where's your dad?"

Dodger gave your hand a wet lick, slobbering over your keys, and you laughed lightly.

The door to the pool was open, and you could hear splashing and giggling – pitched more feminine than you'd ever heard Chris go.

Curiosity killed the cat. And satisfaction was never going to resurrect the plummet of your excitement. No, that was replaced by shock and anger. Even if you knew you had no right to feel that way.

"Chris?" You'd called out as you padded across the lounge. "Chris, whose car is in the driveway? I have something I–"

Blindsided, your slobber slick keys fell from your hand to jangle uselessly onto the ground. It was that that finally grabbed his attention.

He had been otherwise excruciatingly preoccupied with the topless girl in his lap, legs locked around his waist in a languid grind, his hands smoothing over her curves as they all but explored each other's tonsils in a moaning kiss.

Red flashed across your vision as well as your cheeks, and you ducked your head. Embarrassed and feeling stupid, you quickly grabbed your keys. "I'm sorry, I'll go..."

You quickly turned and dashed to your room, ignoring the tears in your eyes, and the call of your name.

"{Your name}, wait!" Chris cried, water sloshing as he clambered out of the pool. "{Your name}!"

You slammed the door shut behind you, making it clear you wanted isolation. Pulling out a duffel bag, you began throwing clothes into it, careless of what you might need, just needing to leave.

Sebastian had asked you once how much more you were going to put yourself through before you'd had enough.

And this was it. This was the breaking point. This was enough.

The strength in which Chris frantically ripped open your door had it banging against the adjacent wall, but you couldn't even look at him. Your eyes were blurry as you continued violently packing your clothes.

You didn't even know where you were going to go. You just knew you had to. Go.

"{Your name}, stop," he said, soft in direct comparison to the panic he felt in his chest. You were leaving him. "What are you doing?"

"What does it look like?" You spat out. And then, just to change the subject, because not even you could bare to dwell on it too much: "You're getting water on your floor."

"{Your name}–"

"Don't talk to me, Chris. Rest your tongue a bit, it sure was busy earlier."

"As was yours, too, I'm sure," he bit back.

Your movements stuttered at the reciprocated rage. To your knowledge, he had no right to feel as you did in that moment. None.

"What the fuck is that supposed to mean?"

There was provocation in his eyes, and his searing gaze only fuelled your fire.

"Have fun with Sebastian?"

Your scoff was followed by a bewildered laugh. "I went out tonight with Sebastian and Anthony, Chris. We're friends. Welcome to the world of platonic relationships, professor, we've been waiting for your arrival."

And like the cut strings on a puppet, tension left his body – anger being replaced by confusion.

"I... I thought..."

"You thought wrong, Evans," you seethed, pushing past him to the bathroom to grab your toiletries. You made an effort to bump him, your shirt sticking to your skin with the water droplets still dotting his toned body. "And to think I really thought..."

"Thought what?" His voice cracked out.

"Thought that you might actually care about me!" You finally snapped. You were yelling. You didn't want to yell, but you were, voice echoing in the acoustics of the bathroom.

"I do," he whispered. His conviction was quickly draining from him, being replaced with an inevitable sadness and feeling of loss. You hadn't even left yet, but he knew that nothing he was going to say would make you stay. He knew he'd gone too far. It didn't stop him from trying. "I loved you, {your name}. I still do."

You had hoped that if he ever was to say those words, it would be under different circumstances. In fact, you'd found yourself imagining whole sunset beach scenarios, late into the night.

"I thought you were better than that, Chris. Manipulation? That's low."

"It's true. I've loved you–"

You didn't want to hear it. You weren't going to give him the opportunity of persuading you into staying. You knew you should've left long ago. "I can't say the feeling is mutual."

It was a lie. It was a lie, because if you really had felt nothing, then you wouldn't be acting like this. But you needed the upper hand, because Chris had basically knocked you over with the force of his admittance. You couldn't let yourself be dragged back in. Not this time. You had too much self respect for that. Not when he still had lipstick smudged on his lips, disappearing into the scruff that shadowed his jaw.

You had to avoid looking at his pained expression at your words. No matter how much you were hurting now at his profession of love, you knew he might possibly be hurting a little more at your rejection.

"And if you really did..." You trailed off, struggling to say the words love me. "Well, you have a really funny way of showing it."

"Pretending not to love you is the hardest role I've taken on, and I did it for you."

Red was dancing back into your vision, your shock growing alongside the fury.

"How is that for me?"

"Because that's what you wanted!" He was finding his voice again, raising it in his desperation. "Believe me, I wanted to fight for you. I would, would wage wars for you," he stuttered out. "But you never wanted that from me. You wanted to pull away, from this, from us. And I let you because I would do anything you asked of me."

"So you stayed away because you wanted to keep me?" You worded it slowly, just to make him understand how ridiculous it sounded.

"...Yes."

"Are you stupid? Actually mentally deficient?" You zipped your bag, brushing past him again, this time making sure to have as little contact as possible. He all but occupied the whole doorway.

"If I had told you then you would have left!" He was following you now, following you to the front door. "I told you I wanted you in my life, even if it meant the pain of never having you."

You had hoped to slam the door in his face to make your point known, but where Chris had slacked in fighting for you before, he was making up for now. He caught the door before it could close, trailing after you into the driveway.

"There's something wrong with me. I ruin things. So I let you have your space because you are the greatest thing that has happened to me in a long time, and I'd be fucked if I ruined you too!"

"It's a bit too late for that," you said, finally looking him in those ocean eyes. They were bloodshot with barely restrained tears. But your resolve was iron. "Congratulations, Evans. You've ruined me."

You heard Dodger pawing at the door, whining low and long for you. If you thought leaving Chris was hard, this was what made you break.

But you turned away from them, from that house, tears falling freely. A sob escaped your lips, barely stifled.

"Put on a shirt, Evans," you managed to get out. You wanted the last word, even if it brought very little satisfaction. "You have company."

———————

Your first call was to Anthony. He hadn't picked up, and you remembered his other plans.

The second also went unanswered – the friend who had become a self proclaimed L.A. local upon graduating high school, and who had let you crash at their house when you'd first arrived. She was probably at work, and so you left her a quick voicemail asking her to call you back.

The third did, on only the second ring. You had almost lost hope in anyone else being awake at that point, so you hadn't composed yourself before he picked up.

The first thing he heard was your sob, which you quickly cut off with a greeting.

"What's wrong?"

"Can I crash with you tonight? I need somewhere to go."

"What happened? Did–?"

"I don't want to talk about it," you said quickly. He shut up almost immediately. "I just... Please?"

There was a pensive silence on the other end, and you felt the need to fill it.

"I tried Anthony, but he wasn't picking up."

"Yeah," came the small chuckle crackling on the other end. "He's got a hot date tonight. Must be going well."

"I wouldn't do this if I had anywhere else to go, but I don't, and it'll only be for one night–"

"Of course you can stay," he assured, sushing you softly. "Can't believe I made you ask twice."

————————

Sebastian met you in the lobby, taking you up to his room almost immediately to avoid strange looks and any unwanted public attention.

He explained to you in the elevator that although he had tried to get you your own room, the hotel was fully booked. He sounded quite apologetic for that.

You didn't say much, because if you spoke, you were scared you were going to start crying all over again. And you'd just managed to stop, averting your eyes from your teadstained appearance in the mirrors.

Sebastian's room was a big one, on the pricier end of all the hotel had to offer. A large king sized bed stood to one side, bedsheets twisted as if he'd clambered into it right when he'd gotten back.

There was a lounge suite to the side, looking like a set-up you'd see on the glossy pages of Architectural Digest, and although the curtains were drawn, you could see the city lights sprawling out before you through the crack.

He was still in his outfit from the bar, shirt and jeans slightly rumpled.

The television was on, playing the original Nosferatu quietly in the background.

"I'll take the couch," Sebastian offered, dropping off the bags he'd taken from you.

You declined him with a shake of your head.

"{Your name}," he said, tender, placing both his hands on your shoulders to make you look at him. "You've been through a lot tonight. Take the bed, I've got the couch."

You didn't have the strength to fight his insistence. You didn't have the strength for much any more.

When you'd gotten out the shower, dressed in your pyjamas, Sebastian finally asked you again what had happened.

You just shrugged tiredly, climbing between the cool cotton sheets.

"I just had enough."

#chris evans #chris evans fanfic #chris evans x reader #chris evans x you #chris evans/you #dina writes #chris evans angst #ocean eyes

141 notes · View notes

weather-cluddy · 2 years ago

Text

Don't get me wrong, I'm sure that Shidou and Kazui would be thrilled if they could just hug it out. But diplomacy was the first thing they tried, and it got them a flat rejection, so I'm saying that if, hypothetically, Mikoto insisted that they needed to keep pushing on it instead of planning for an attack (because he's uncomfortable with violence and with his own role in the situation), that'd probably wouldn't get very far with them.

If you look at the convo from Kazui's birthday, it's clear that Kazui's current plan is to physically stop Kotoko. Otherwise statements like "As long as I’m free myself, I’ll stop you" and "If you mean to keep to your words, then you’d best do what you can to keep being forgiven. If you’re not, then next time you’ll be one of my targets." don't make sense. Why would Kazui being physically restrained make his arguments less persuasive?

You say that diplomacy is only feasible now that Kotoko can't just attack anybody who approaches, but it's not like being physically incapable of it is going to make her automatically more receptive to the idea of not attacking the guilty. And if Kotoko isn't willing to come to the negotiatig table at all, then the only difference between now and later is the higher risk of injury.

Plus the thing is that neither Shidou or Kazui have anything to offer her in exchange. At most Kazui could escalate and say "Well, if you start attacking people I'll break your arms and legs. If you don't, I'll kindly refrain from doing so. Is that persuasive enough for you?". But even if we assume he's that much stronger than Kotoko, he really doesn't seem like the kind of guy to do that.

And the only thing that leaves is trying to make Kotoko feel bad, and that's not gonna happen because her ethics tell her she's 100% in the right and those trying to persuade her otherwise are evil liars. So, at the very least, plan Bs are necessary.

The thing about Mikoto going to negotiate was just a fun idea, to be clear. I don't really think it's canon, though I'm also not sure why "Mikoto knows that Kotoko can't attack him right now" contradicts "Mikoto wants to build up goodwill with Kotoko in hopes of eventually negotiating a truce". As you said, this would be the best time to talk with her, or at least the safest.

I'm also not sure that it's canon that the prisoners know about the new rule, actually. According to Haruka, "Kotoko said she currently had no intention of attacking anyone". That doesn't sound like he thinks she's being forced to stay her hand.

Even Kotoko only talks about Kazui stopping her, not her being delayed until past the time limit or something like that. She does say she's waiting until "next time", but that's not necessarily the same as saying she knows about the rule. Perhaps she only feels entitled to act in Es' stead when they're not awake to make their own decisions, or perhaps she's decided that she needs to make preparations first if she's to decisively defeat Kazui and Mikoto.

I'm not necessarily saying those reasons are canon, but I do believe there's enough ambiguity to argue whether all, some or none of the prisoners actually know about the new rule. They didn't get told about the rule against attacking the guard, after all, so there's a fair chance they weren't told about this one either.

As for Haruka and Muu, have they even interacted at all with Mikoto since the first trial? Even back then, the newest convos I can find are from before Weakness' release. Haruka does mention talking to Mikoto in his T1 VD, but even then that only moves the date of their latest confirmed interaction by two weeks.

Of course, that only accounts for T1 interactions. In T2, we get... confirmation that Haruka has been intentionally avoiding Mikoto. Even if we assume that it stopped after that conversation, that means they're just returning to the pre-T2 status quo, not that they're getting closer. And there are zero interactions with Muu at all, unless you count her saying that all the guilty prisoners are horrible thugs who deserve whatever they get (which, again, doesn't make them sound very close).

Also, while I understand that Haruka may be a slightly unreliable narrator when he says that "everyone but Kotoko" is staying close to Shidou (presumably Amane is not included there), it seems weird to assume that he's wrong about his own actions. Surely he knows at least that much?

I disagree with the idea that him and Muu are totally certain that they're gonna get voted innocent. I mean, Haruka literally has a breakdown where he endlessly repeats "Please forgive Muu". That doesn't sound very confident to me. And Muu has those lines near the end of It's Not My Fault that show a sudden fear of being voted guilty.

But even if that weren't true, I really don't think they'd appreciate having Mikoto show up to describe how horrible being voted guilty really is so they can prepare themselves. I mean, it's pretty much saying that he thinks they're gonna get guilty votes. Muu would absolutely cry and start yelling at Mikoto; it's not gonna make him feel helpful or wanted.

I also don't think he'd really want to describe just how bad of a time he's having. I'm not super clear on what your position is on this: at first it seemed like you were disagreeing about Mikoto not liking to talk about his troubles, but then it looked like you were agreeing? Just to be clear, I'm not saying he'd totally clam up when asked directly, just that he wouldn't really open himself up emotionally or go into detail.

I also believe we had a misunderstanding with the last section. I'm not accusing Mikoto of being useless, I'm describing how and why he might feel useless. I'm also not refering to him intervening during the T1-T2 transition, but (hypothetically) during the T2-T3 transition.

Why was Shidou's response to Mikoto's response to"his" own guilty verdict to just stop smoking- Like what the fuck did Mikoto's mood have to do with that?

Q.07 Are there any fellow prisoners you are on good terms with?

Shidou: Since Mikoto has ended up like 'that', I became unable to smoke as well. I feel lonely that the smoking group as disbanded.

Like sir you can still fucking smoke- The smoking area is still there. How is this solely on Mikoto, my guy? Like Mikoto became standoffish during the intermission then Shidou really went "It's not the same without Mikoto here better to stop smoking."

My guy, you did this to be unhealthy. What does Mikoto being there or not have to do with anything?! Like, did they- they really just stopped smoking until Mikoto was in a better mood- Because we see him smoking with Mikoto in the art from the Milgram app. So, Shidou really went, "If Mikoto doesn't come over and start casually having small talk with us, is smoking even worth the damage to my body anymore?"

Which is a wild implication. Just completely out there- Especially since it's implied Kazui just fucking stopped too!

The smoking club really was just Mikoto carrying all conversation and these two awkward old men playing along. The whole club was dissolved because Mikoto got hit with the heaviest guilty verdict of round one. That's wild.

#I'm logging off for today btw. Good night or whatever is most appropiate for your time zone.

120 notes · View notes

thejustmaiden · 5 years ago

Text

Jaken = Rin's Dad?

Okay, is this how a daughter treats their so-called father?

Most definitely not.

Rin and Jaken's relationship clearly screams of your typical sibling rivalry punctuated with cute and silly moments of playful bickering.

Yes, Jaken may technically be her main provider, but that doesn't necessarily equate to him being more of a father than Sesshomaru. If anything, he demonstrates more of a brotherly love towards her. As we all know, parents (which Sesshomaru embodies more based on real life patterns and parallels) will leave their older more capable children in charge of looking after their younger brothers and sisters. In this case, that would mean making Jaken responsible for watching over Rin and protecting her if need be. Ah-Un offers protection, too. Think of it as Jaken as the big brother and Ah-Un as the family dog who are babysitting while Sesshomaru as the parent of the household is away at work or taking care of business. I mean, they literally fit that description to a tee and I'm dying at the accuracy of it all! 🤣👌

[Quick! Someone write up a modern au where Sesshomaru finally gets out to have a nice date night but everything goes wrong in the most spectacular way. Like maybe Rin and Jaken catch a ride on Ah-Un to go spy!]

I recently revisited some episodes from The Final Act, and I couldn't believe how many moments like this there were where Rin got after Jaken or when she would "put him in his place" so to speak. Obviously, all of it is mostly harmless. I was only surprised by how often it occurred, not to mention how Jaken would just stand there and take it. Towards a supposed father figure, Rin's behavior is downright unacceptable. There's a certain level of respect a child is expected to show their parents/guardians, and that's just not what I'm witnessing here between them. Like at all.

Rather their dynamic has the nature of some sibling relationships like I mentioned above. So I really wish fans would stop pretending otherwise, because based on what we know of father-daughter relationships- healthy ones at least- they don't appear anything like what Jaken and Rin have. If you could please provide me other examples of where we've seen similar portrayals in fiction or in real life, then perhaps I can get on board.

Look, that doesn't have to mean that because Jaken isn't her father then Sesshomaru must be. They can both be her caretakers without necessarily filling that traditional father role. I'm just saying that if we're going to start assigning titles to characters, let's make sure we are accurate and truthful in our assessments. If you're going to label anyone Rin's dad, then it needs to be Sesshomaru. Jaken doesn't have precedence over him in terms of fatherly attributes, that just wouldn't make sense.

After all, this isn't about what you want to see, this is about what Rin very likely sees. It's safe to assume that she views Sesshomaru more like a father than she does Jaken. She knows she's safe with him (broadly speaking lol) and that he'll come for her no matter what. That sense of security and comfort is what a child seeks and what they should always feel in a parent's presence. She trusts and even idolizes him, just as a young and innocent child tends to do with their parents. At that age, parents are perfect and could do no wrong in their child's eyes. Idk about you, but this describes perfectly how Rin is around Sesshomaru.

Rin adores him and will follow him anywhere- yes, even into danger! That's what the innocence and unconditional love of a child will bring them to do if necessary. Fortunately, at the end of The Final Act we learn Sesshomaru takes Kaede's advice when he realizes that leaving Rin with her in the village is in her best interests. That way she'd be able to lead a more normal and safer life alongside other humans. Remember, Sessrin shippers, that doesn't mean he wasn't still a part of her life and didn't witness her become a young woman over the years right before his very eyes. Therefore, if they eventually do become romantically involved, then most if not all of those gifts had intimate and seductive intentions and it essentially constitutes as child grooming.

I understand from a Sessrin shipper's point of view why it'd be so much easier to claim Jaken as the father. In doing so, they diminish Sesshomaru's role in her upbringing. By refusing to acknowledge the real role he had in helping raise Rin (short periods can be crucial and impressionable too esp. in a child's early years so yes they did assist in raising her not only Kaede), these shippers are better able to justify how their filial-like relationship evolved into a romantic one. So yeah, I get it, if I were a Sessrin shipper I'd probably do the same. It's one of the more plausible arguments available to them, after all. "Let's pin Jaken as the father to fend off antis!" is the best chance they've got, but even so, it's still not good enough. But if you insist Jaken is indeed like a father to Rin, then Sesshomaru is most certainly one too. Who says she can't have two fathers anyway?

The thing is however much you want to deny or downplay what Sesshomaru truly means to Rin and vice versa, nothing will ever change or hide the truth of the matter. Please, stop acting like they're only traveling companions and nothing more. Some of y'all even go so far as to say that they're like strangers. Knowing potentially little about a person is not equal to a lack of love and affection. Making big assumptions such as this to defend your ship is actually doing you more harm than good. Let me elaborate.

According to your reasoning, if that's all Rin ever was to him was a companion and Sesshomaru had no real attachment to her, then what precisely is the basis of your ship? Recall that Adult!Rin doesn't exist yet, thus we have no real idea what she will be like or if she's even alive. So how can you make comments like that but then go on later to say "they have such a unique and unbreakable bond" or "only Rin can be the mother because she's the only human he ever cared for" if all that time spent traveling together didn't amount to much in the first place like you claimed to believe beforehand? Do you see how your rationalizing is confusing?

Contrary to what some of you may think, I'm not just saying all this because I'm an anti and I'm obligated to disagree with you, or whatever other excuse you want to tell yourself. Believe it or not, I'm attempting to give as unbiased and objective of an analysis I can based on widely accepted interpretations of family dynamics, development, and any history we know of.

Of course I respect that at times fans will perceive things differently since that's bound to happen. What's hard for me to wrap my head around however is the unwillingness of some fans- not exclusively Sessrin shippers- to apply basic common sense and sound judgment to their observations and deductions.

Looking at all our facts, then taking the small handful of scenes Sesshomaru and Rin do share together into account, one can logically conclude that their dynamic is akin to one found in a typical parent-child relationship. If you still fail to recognize Sesshomaru as a parent to Rin, then that's fine too. In the end, that won't really change the fact that he'd still take on a role resembling an adult figure overseeing a young child's care and protection. Be it as a vassal, guardian, what have you. Plus, nobody is saying here that Sesshomaru doesn't make mistakes regarding Rin's general well-being, but so do all parents. Overall, I think the majority of us agree that Rin is in good hands. Whether it's in his direct company or in his occasional supervision from his frequent visits to the village.

In other words, it doesn't really matter what exact title you assign him in relation to Rin, as the distribution of power is all inherently the same with any and all adult-child relationships. That bond never changes once you've established it either, seeing as it's a special kind of connection one can only form with a child and a child alone.

I was a teacher for a few years, and speaking from personal experience, you don't need to be a parent, per se, to take on a role of authority in a child's life. I know without a doubt that I could never and will never view any of those kids I taught in a sexual/romantic light later down the road; yes, not even once they become grown-ups who are independent and more than capable of making their own decisions. Those of you who disagree are usually missing the whole point though, because we're not trying to dictate what Adult!Rin can and cannot do like many tend to accuse of us doing. This isn't a question of taking away from her autonomy nor does it fall under "purity culture," which is why people shouldn't continue jumping to these outrageous conclusions and really listen for a change. You're deflecting from the real issue here when you choose to misinterpret what we're saying by ignoring the problem we're actually referring to. You cannot present a valid counter-argument if you persist in twisting our words.

Bottom line: once these kids become old enough to pursue a sexual/romantic relationship, of course they have that right if they're ready. All we're trying to say is you guys ought to stop pushing forward this it's-completely-normal-to-want-to-bang-your-adoptive-dad-since-you're-an-adult-and-can-do-as-you-please agenda and not expect backlash. Ship it if you want, but please stop acting like their romance would be the epitome of a pure and healthy relationship.

Sesshomaru may not wear his heart on his sleeve, but it's foolish to presume he didn't actually care about Rin during their whole time together just because he didn't openly express his feelings until the very end. Surely everybody can comprehend that people handle and process their emotions differently. The way Sesshomaru chooses to is completely valid for the most part, so let's cut him some slack regarding this already.

What I'm trying to get at is that any child whose life you played an influential role in will always be a kid in a lot ways to you even when they're old and wrinkly. Just as they will always picture you as the loved one who guided and protected them when they were most vulnerable and couldn't always fend for themselves. Can't we relate this to children we know personally and apply it accordingly?

Finally, I want to end on this note. Could you kindly take a look at these two images below for a second?

The reason I ask is because of something I recently read that's relevant to the topic. There was this pro-sessrin tweet I saw that stated Rin trying to take care of Sesshomaru when they first met is what a mom would do for a child, which in their opinion, translates to Rin being more like a mother than a daughter if anything.

First off: are you freaking kidding me????

Seriously, so now children aren't allowed to tend to their sick or injured parents?! Parents are apparently superhuman and shouldn't be offered a helping hand from a child, even if they mean well and want to help their parent who's in pain?? Now this Twitter user was mostly being a smartass, but at the same time, it was evident they genuinely thought they offered a valid enough point that warranted no further explanation or clarification.

Secondly, by saying this Sessrin fans don't seem to realize that in actuality they're contradicting themselves and proving the point we've been trying to make all along. Glancing at the first picture and moving down to the second, the role of the one being cared for and the caretaker is reversed. So then by their own logic, Sesshomaru IS in fact like a father to Rin.

What it comes down to is the names you give to the roles these characters play aren't as crucial as the dynamic they share. The specific characteristics of that dynamic are what define the importance of said role, not so much the name in the role itself. So real father or not, Sesshomaru and Rin clearly mean a lot to each other. Close relationships are defined and solidified by the devotion and belonging they have to one another, not solely by the duration of time spent together and their proximity.

Well, that's a wrap! I hope you guys got something outta this blog, and that you enjoyed or found some portions of it interesting. I would love to hear your thoughts on the subject from this fandom, but only engage in conversation if you plan to be respectful. Thank you!

#inuyasha #hanyo no yashahime #sesshomaru #rin #jaken #anti sessrin #child grooming #family dynamics #parent child relationship

235 notes · View notes

theangrypokemaniac · 5 years ago

Text

Ma and Pa James's Second Biggest Fan (we plough a lonely furrow) continues to find Ma Jess's appeal mystifying, since everything about her is negative:

1. Signing up for Team Rocket suggests someone of a morally dubious character to start with, but the truth lies in the clothing, and she's in black!

Black!

It's code for her personality:

• Jessie wears white:

Pure, beautiful, innocent, sweet-natured, not really bad, dealt a severe hand in life but a fighter.

• Cassidy wears black:

EVIL!!! EVIL, EVIL, EEEEEEVUL!!! FOUL SIRENIC TEMPTRESS!!! EVIL HEARTLESS BITCH STEALING JAMES'S NEVER-BEFORE-SEEN WEEPINBELL!!!

Speaking of which:

2. She was Madame Boss's best agent.

You don't get there being kind.

To reach that standing requires hundreds of successful heists, and we aren't talking nicking gold bars. It's living things.

How many Pokémon do you imagine she stole with merciless efficiency?

How many children did she set upon, pinching every animal they had?

How many innocent lives did she ruin by depriving kids of the pets they loved, never to see them again, eaten away with the not-knowing and the false hope?

The glory of her reign ran on the fuel of blood and tears.

What fate do you envision awaited those Pokémon? It's not exchanging one master for another, it's entering slavery.

Jessie and James aren't the epitome of Team Rocket. They are minnows on the outskirts, despised and mocked by most of their fellow members. The actual group isn't particularly famous for prioritizing Pokémon welfare.

The preferable outcome is being handed out to agents to help catch other victims. Otherwise it's transformation into a war machine, forced to fight on and on to the point of exhaustion and death, no doubt tortured and tested on to boot.

What happens if they don't come up to scratch or are pushed for years until too aged and broken to be of any use? Are Team Rocket ready to pension them off to animal sanctuary?

As if. It's euthanasia or on to the streets to waste away, if not fed to the strongest first.

Ma Jess knew this and worse occurred thanks to her, yet paid it no mind, and felt not a single twinge of guilt in that time of service, then met her end trying to draw another Pokémon into imprisonment.

Some might say it was a case of what goes around, comes around. As her behaviour led to God knows how many Pokémon dying alone, leaving their loved ones to wonder and grieve, so in turn did she die alone in the snow, and Jessie had to carry on without her.

I'm not against Ma Jess, I neither feel like or dislike, but I don't understand how so many fans can happily overlook her murky past of inflicting pain, instead elevating her to a semi-divine tragic heroine, yet apparently Ma and Pa's heinous offences of not stealing and treating Pokémon well are beyond forgiveness.

3. It's the Red Ribbon Army! Save yourselves!

Jessie joined Team Rocket to follow in Ma's footsteps. James went with her. Both moved (upwardly in scale, downwardly in morals) from Sunny Town's gang of petty thief kids to a complex Mafia organisation stretching its wriggling tentacles around the world to crush the air from its lungs.

Why? Ma Jess's baleful influence led the two down that path.

Of course Jessie wants to copy Ma, how and where else can she feel close to her?

There's not even a grave to visit!

Rising in the ranks and Giovanni's favour is both to strike it rich and take her place, becoming Ma in essence. That would make her proud, which is all Jessie ever wanted.

What alternative is there? Stay with Chopper and Tyra forever, ekeing an existence pickpocketing and shoplifting, until mortality comes calling sooner than is welcome, or get loaded quickly and retire early?

James theoretically could've gone home at this point, but when it came to which angry redhead he preferred to beat him up, he chose Jessie.

He was henceforth obliged to go whenever she led, even if it meant following the ghost of her mother into the jaws of evil.

They have an excuse, but what was Ma's for getting involved?

However much they boast and revel in their wickedness, the motto proves the couple still believe themselves on a noble quest, despite everything to the contrary, and why?

Jessie isn't about to accept that Ma Jess, whom she's probably idolized as one of few people to love her and a role model of how a woman should be, was nasty or unpleasant. If she was in Team Rocket, it must be good, whatever the outer appearance.

Except Jessie and James are bad at being bad. They are not master criminals. All their plans fail, rendering them poor and starving in consequence. The inner circle of Team Rocket will always be barred to them because they lack the inner darkness it requires.

The joke is they flourish in any other occupation, whether that be Salon Rocquet, reporters, or flogging merchandise and food at the League. If employed elsewhere they'd be better off, but they have to stay because Jessie can't let go, or bear the thought she might be a disappointment to her mother's name. A different career looks unworthy by comparison.

What, so Ma and Pa have got no son because of Ma Jess? They just wanted him to be a gentleman!

If she hadn't set such a terrible example to her daughter she might have an increased quality of life, but then had she done so Ma wouldn't be dead in the first place.

4. Can't pick 'em can she?

What was it that first attracted Ma to Windy Miller? Does she go for the rustic charm, or the promise of a lifetime's supply of bread to feed the abundance of babies planned?

Don't do it, Ma! He's an alky!

Some birds are like that you see. It's the maternal instinct gone haywire. They find a local reprobate and somehow decide he's really a damaged soul crying out for love, the scapegoat of a cruel society.

He's not evil, he's just misunderstood!

This is why you get nutters wanting to marry the Yorkshire Ripper: they put his 'mischief' down to bad women mistreating his gentle heart, but they of course are devoted to his happiness. They can change him.

You don't know him like I do!

In their fantasy, under the influence of a 'proper' woman he'll transform in to a flower-picking hippie, but not too much, they still like him to be dangerously 'manly' (keeps 'em on their toes), then they can feel smugly superior and more truly female than the 'lesser' breed who failed to tame his sexy pashuns.

And if there's one thing Windy has in abundance, it's raw animal magnetism.

Stop it, Ma! You can't help those who don't want helping!

She put up with the boozing, the flour dust and his somewhat limited communication skills, but what really let him down was the company he kept.

Ever after she would insist Pugh, Pugh, Barney McGrew, Cuthbert, Dibble and Grub led him astray. That's firemen for yer.

Cuthbert? That name's died out.

Sure enough, some point after Ma Jess was stuffed up the spout, old Windy legged it back to Camberwick Green, like the rascal he is, and not a sweet penny piece did she receive in maintenance, the bastard.

At least Ma James got pregnant by a man who stood by her.

She wasn't married to Windy Miller!

Oh, you mean they were living over the brush? I see.

It's all in your head!

Do it my way, and we have Pa Jess. Do it yours, and we're back to a cavernous emptiness. Unless you can supply a picture of the 'real' (pffft) Pa Jess, this is the best available.

Anyway, 'Jessie Miller' just sounds right.

Coincidence? I think not.

5. She went to look for Mew dressed like this.

I could forgive it had she gone in her normal uniform, that's just whimsy, but to have made some effort emphasises that it's not enough!

Some part of her understood a mountain might be a bit parky out, but this was deemed sufficient coverage!

What happened?

She bloody died didn't she?!

6. Ma Boss points the way to doom.

Ma Jess was at least loyal to the mistress she served, but it was a wasted dedication. She squandered her life obeying a heartless virago who could cast aside apparently valued staff without a qualm, whatever thanks she owed them.

The millions Ma Jess accumulated for Madame are probably uncountable, yet she was so worthless that, when dispatched to the mountain, on her own, expected to catch a Legendary Pokémon, by herself, which many doubted even existed, and wasn't likely to come quietly, or put up with orders, but then didn't come back, Madame Boss allowed her only child to sink into poverty and the infamous 'care' of the State.

Everyone knows what goes on there. Entering a home has replaced the workhouse as the place of dread.

Jessie might have been killed or attacked and it didn't remotely concern Madame Boss, unwilling to spare a meagre fraction of her massive fortune to give the girl she made an orphan any comfort or security.

What did she matter? Her mother failed. Why reward that?

In her turn, Jessie became just as obsequious to an undeserving master, who went further than his mama and actively tried to murder her, and still she suffers to please him.

Team Rocket devoured her mother, and now it's swallowed her.

Oh, and Madame Boss got her way upon discovering Mew's fossil, so Ma Jess died for nothing.

7. This.

I'm not surprised Mew wouldn't go with Ma. She probably sensed the vivisection awaiting, and didn't give a toss about the avalanche in revenge.

Mew hasn't got where she is today falling for any old shallow promises from a stranger, thank you.

Suppose the mission had worked, with Mew caught and gift wrapped for Madame's delectation: what then?

Perhaps Mew's power, proving so impressive, would've pushed any cloning scheme aside, leaving Mewtwo unborn and Mew as the mightiest weapon. Or in greed Madame Boss demands more, and in arrogance the scientists promise the earth, the seas and the heavens.

Mew I could see subjected to some non-lethal form of dissection, just to understand how she ticked, that is if they could build the cage to hold her.

As they couldn't, and catching Mew was never a possibility, then Ma Jess's sacrificed herself on a fool's errand, which was obviously one from the outset. If Mew was easy to handle she'd have been captured long before now.

Either Ma dies, Mew's safe, but Madame Boss starts the cloning scheme anyway, or Ma's victorious, Mew is a tool of Team Rocket and the scientists have more sample to experiment upon. Mewtwo is still made, alongside short-lived creations and dozens of unseen freakish abominations preceding.

Now Mewtwo isn't what you call at peace with himself, nor has he received a particularly wholesome experience. One could think Ma indirectly caused that. Her branch of the project may have fizzled to cinders but she still played her role.

What would her legacy have been but to help bring forth the being that wiped out mankind? Where's the future for Jessie when there isn't one?

It's not her fault, but she died in the name of cloning a biological disaster, the creation of synthetic life leading to the destruction of it all.

8. Let's have a gander at Ma in the anime:

• Can afford rent.

• Can afford a tray.

• Can afford crockery.

• Can afford condiments to add flavour to food.

• Can't afford any actual food.

Something's wrong there.

I intended to include affording clothes too, but now I'm not so sure.

I never took Ma to be a brown-all-over kind of woman. At least she gave the fancy stuff to Jessie.

For years I've assumed she wore a brightly coloured jacket, but now I suspect it's a red one heavily patched up, because buying a replacement isn't an option.

Really old clothes are being mended with whatever can be salvaged from even more worn-out clobber.

Best agent Madame Boss has and she's practically living in her own filth.

Team Rocket takes care of its own, eh?

Oh no, let's not get a proper job, one that allows me to provide for my daughter and doesn't ask for my life. Let's stay in this one!

9. Look at Jessie's face!

By her own admission, being tricked into eating snow is the best thing that ever happened to her during an 'otherwise wretched childhood', to the extent she doesn't know it was wrong!

I don't hear Ma and Pa doing that. The only ice James got was an ice-cream sandwich.

What kind of infancy did Ma Jess give the girl for her to be nostalgic about almost dying of malnutrition?

If we say that's a foster mother as in the sub, it means Jessie's fondest memory is after Ma died, which is too brutal for me.

Yeah, thank goodness she's snuffed it.

You think Ma might have taught her not to eat snow! She left her so ill-prepared!

Consequently the sub version makes Ma Jess an awful creature, although I don't see why that Jessie would so desire to mimic a mom she apparently doesn't care about.

10. She's not even bloody here!

I have no picture to signify absence, therefore I must show whom she left behind.

Ma Jess is Pokémon's answer to Bobba Fett: background figure, barely involved, no information, dies early, yet became a fan favourite nevertheless.

If nothing really exists, what is there to like? Why are you contented weaving smoke?

When Rocketshippers put forward the manga as proof, the Anti-Ships used to insist that it 'didn't count' for being set in a 'separate universe'.

If that still goes, and only the contents of the anime apply to the anime, well then it's bye-bye to Ma Jess and Madame Boss, because they aren't real either.

I sometimes think that's true. However traumatic, would Jessie not have acknowledged her mother by now otherwise?

We grasp the characters all had two parents in a nebulous fashion, although not being real people means they don't 'technically' need them, but Ma Jess is the only one who vanished to be granted a face. Why is she then ignored?

She's briefly glimpsed in a passing scene of a single episode of the first series and is never seen or referenced again. The sub doesn't even have that. Where was the use in creating her if only to leave that thread of the tale billowing in the breeze?

We may decide her actions affect Jessie's but we're only imprinting assumptions. She might as well have remained unwritten for all that's made of her.

What we can glean doesn't bode well, irrespective of things left unmentioned.

Her one redeeming deed was dying, thus at least she didn't choose to abandon Jessie. We may presume she'd have stayed with her girl given the chance.

By my reckoning that puts her as Fifth-Best Mother Of Pokémon, behind Ma Brock, Ma James, Dame Ketchum and Ma Boss, in that order.

Then they're those who claim she never died, so she just pissed off like everyone else, rendering her devoid of a single positive quality.

This is the woman you sigh and agonise over for decades.

Ma and Pa are right there, man! Show 'em some love!

#team rocket #ma jessie #jessie's mom #jessie #jessie's dad #madame boss #mewtwo #kanto #snow way out!#the birth of mewtwo

33 notes · View notes

distapata · 5 years ago

Text

I am well, had a really nice day, thanks to you :)

I love babbling and long discussions on fiction, so we are well matched and I am very happy :D

Pishimoni definitely had her doubts, she even asked Tara about it, and after Tara had been thrown out of the house, Pishimoni said something like we would have to pay for this mistreatment of Tara's, so there is hope. She had a lot of doubt, but she was also in shock, and the past day had been a lot to take in. Having their house snatched away, Shekhar being hospitalised, Agni blaming Tara, Tara leaving, Agni's Tara more geche, their hasty retreat to Choudhuri Bari, it was a lot to process, so of course she was overwhelmed and couldn't connect the dots at the drop of a hat. She tried, she did, but her primary focus was on Tara's wellbeing, she was concerned about the insults Tara had to face.

And with Agni pushing Tara down the stairs, I think Pishimoni felt that it would be better if Tara left the house and she began the preparations for Tara's bidaii, and that took away her time from thinking about Tara's reasoning behind the marriage and Ashish's stupid claim.

Hopefully, she connects the dots, and even confronts Tara about it. We have already seen Tara making purohit jethu promise, so there is a big chance that she will do the same with Pishimoni, although, whether Pishimoni promises Tara and fulfills the promise, that is for us to see.

Pishimoni has always stood up for Tara, and there is no reason for her to be intimidated by Dhruba, so she can give a scolding to Dhruba, although I headcanon them to be of the same age [with Pishimoni being the middle child between Shekhar and Saikat], so I don't know if it will be a proper 'scolding' but yes, definitely, she will call him out on his wrongdoings. Although, from what I have seen, Pishimoni tries to guilt-trip the Choudhuris when correcting their behavior. How can you do this to Tara, the same Tara who does so much for us? With Agni, she takes on the role of a guardian and properly scolds him, but he is her nephew, and he is much younger.

With Dhruba, she wouldn't have either of those advantages, and I don't see Dhruba being rude to Tara in front of a crowd, and, as it is, he is more sarcastic than rude with her. Unless she hits a nerve as she is prone to do. Remember valentines day? She had touched a nerve that day, and he had retaliated by shouting at her and ordering her to leave. If something like that doesn't happen, then there isn't much of a chance of him misbehaving with Tara, and I can't imagine Tara going to Pishimoni with her complaints regarding how he treats her when it is just the two of them.

And we know that Dhruba is no Roshan.

Me too. I also got that feeling. I think, because he had given them to Tara, he had thought that the papers would be safe, forever, and when that didn't happen, he was lost and devastated and it resulted in them losing everything, so he had his doubts, even if it lasted a minute or two.

Now, he obviously didn't get to process everything, he fell sick and had to be hospitalised. And even in a comatose state, he was calling out to her. There might be two reasons for that -

He had his doubts and he wanted answers

He loved her and wanted her to be close

Because I am an optimistic fool, I will go with the latter, but it can be interpreted otherwise.

Now, let's try to imagine the scenario when he wakes up. He is still weak, recovering from the operation, and he hears of Tara's marriage [or, and I would highly prefer this, sees the photos/videos and news articles announcing the marriage]. His brain is foggy and it is hard to process things, but a light push in the right direction and he would reach the same conclusion as Manju and Agni.

Manipulative things one can say to him -

Tara wasn't there when they were kicked out of Choudhuri Bari [at least I think she wasn't]

And she got married, with all the pomp and grandeur expected out of Dhrubajyoti Lahiri, and that rarely happens at the drop of a hat.

Shekhar can doubt Tara's intentions, and Tara will never reveal the truth, even if it breaks her to experience his doubts and face his questions.

But yes, all this is necessary for her to move out of the Choudhuris are the gift from the Gods mindset, and she might reevaluate her priorities.

Ooh, what do you think of Tara's father? Shambhu? How will he react to all this?

#;;spl | dhrubatara #;;new friend | j

1 note · View note

lordeasriel · 5 years ago

Note

Hi! I saw that you read Alice Network and I was hoping you wouldn't mind if I asked you a question about it, cause I don't know many others who've read it. I was wondering what you thought of René's depiction. Quinn writes him so slimy and despicable, but then she really emphasizes his suaveness and idk sexiness - the way Eve remembers her nights with him, it's much more than Quinn gives to the actual VIABLE romantic interests in the book. Why is that? Or does this just say a lot about me haha

To get this first out of the way, I did some research on Kate Quinn before I read and a little after, to see if I could find her process while writing TAN, or anything like it, and I didn't find much, other than plenty of history fiction books. So, she's an author that does A LOT of research and she thinks her stories through - so mind you, I could be very wrong - but the vibes I get from Rene is that of a character who wasn't entirely planned the way he came out, from the start.

When we meet him, he's put right off the bat as the enemy, the antagonist, someone who sees past Eve's doe eyes and stutter, he doesn't underestimate her based on these things. Not that we can forget he's a devious, wicked man, but the narrator, going through Eve's perspective, shows us Rene as someone to loathe and fear, Eve is constantly terrified that he might see through her façade. However, Rene is also reasonable, logical, understanding even, he portions scraps of good food between his employees (mind, this is horrible yes, but considering he DIDN'T HAVE TO do that, it's quite something that he does so), he is even I daresay thoughtful in some ways He's very complex, as one expect from normal human characters, but we are introduced to him as someone terrible, slimy, loathsome. This is because it's how Eve shows us her first impressions of him, again he is The Enemy, so the text focus on showing us a stern man, sitting in a room full of luxury, purely ostentatious, after we see (through Eve) a city starving, sieged by the Germans who kill, steal and violate them at will. We're supposed to see the contrast of starvation and gluttony, luxury and poverty, and we're supposed to understand that man is someone who enables that.

As the story moves on, Eve began to add new layers to Rene: at first we have a scene where he is shown to appreciate art and poetry, he shows off by quoting Baudelaire (then he never stops LMAO); then we have him confronting her lie because he can tell different French accents apart, which is both a nod to him being a snob and petty, as well as a very well-travelled and educated man. This adds to him elegance, makes him appealing to the target audience as well as Eve, because the closer the story gets to the point where they engage in a sexual relationship, the more Eve perceives him as someone who would be desirable to the right people. She doesn't feel attracted to him because she sees him as a traitor, she's a spy in enemy territory, she's under stress a lot and he is living the easiest life on Earth by throwing everyone else under the bus. All of this conflicts with her personality, she's headstrong and righteous, so he's unappealing, but cut her disfavored perspective and you can see he's appealing from the start, she just doesn't let us see it because of course she hates him. But even Eve slowly began to notice these details, for example, when Violette suggests he might be interested in her, Eve says she's "not sophisticated enough" which shows us she considered that possibility, even if it was just for a moment. And after Violette suggests that, Eve began to avoid Rene at all costs, and when she talks to her she tries her best to keep the conversation as respectable as she can because she notices now his flirting/courting and it makes her uncomfortable, because suddenly he's very shave and cult (she even starts to remark on his scent). She of course, always end up in an obscene Baudelaire quote because that's Rene's game, so she's always trying to avoid that at all costs.

As he makes a move, Eve begins to notice him as someone appealing, and she's a wee prude so she's embarrassed, mortified with his presence. It's not that I don't think Quinn couldn't have planned this transition from the start, if she did, good for her, great storytelling, but this feels more like she realised the potential a sexual relationship between Eve and Rene, but she realised how he wasn't initially an attractive or suitable "partner", so she slowly begins to make him more palatable. As a first time reader, I didn't think him appealing at all, because like Eve, all I saw was the layer of luxury and lack of morals, that hindered the rest. He's a cultured man, educated, an art lover, there's a lot of appeal in him, that we take a long time to see because Eve resents him at first (righteously of course). Suave is the tip of the iceberg concerning Rene.

And it's easier to sexualise a relationship between a woman and a man if the man is appealing and handsome. Most female authors do that, because women already experience complicated sexual lives; we like the idea that a female character engages in a relationship with someone attractive, appealing. Eve having sex with an ugly, slimy, hideous man who is selfish and who collaborates with the enemy, just so she can have information to report? Distasteful, and this is why Rene checks all the boxes for an appropriate suitor. He's even described as "not un-handsome" which is English for "he's handsome but let us pretend he isn't too handsome cause otherwise I'm pushing my luck", and there's a whole section of the story that deals with Eve feeling horrible for taking pleasure in her time with Rene. Not only because she's a lil biased due to her upbringing, but also because he is a horrible man supporting the Germans while people die and starve. She doesn't understand how can she have any pleasure with someone like that, because she's very tormented by conservatives views as well as the conflict caused by the knowledge Rene is her Enemy.

So all of this contributes to Rene being, not likable, but perceived as attractive and sexy. Their relationship makes it hard not to perceive him like that; it's consented, and he's very thoughtful towards Eve and while she hates his guts, she enjoys the situation even though she feels guilty about it. We're just so used to associating villainy and evil with ugliness and disgust, that when we're presented evil characters we have to be explicitly told they're attractive cause otherwise we just imagine them as ugly and disgusting as possible. Such examples are Mrs. Coulter, who is beautiful and we know that from the start, while she does horrible things; or even Cersei Lannister; (there is also Count Olaf in ASOUE, who we are constantly reminded that he is unattractive, dirty, with poor hygiene habits and in contrast to him, we have Esme Squalor, who is described as attractive and fashionable, while she's just as cruel as Olaf).

Rene goes very easily from slimy to smooth as the story progresses. To us, compared to Eve, it's easier to feel lust for him (even if we question the morality of it) because we are not living that situation closely. We don't experience the same things as Eve does, we're merely observers, while Eve has to deal with starvation, poverty, fear and lack of freedom, and those are things she sees when she looks at Rene, which is why she feels such a shame. But personally I think there's nothing wrong in thinking he is a sexy character; I've seen much worse situations, and as long as you don't brush off the bad things he does to make him more likable, I suppose there's nothing wrong to feel attracted to him. (as I am, guilty as charged, Anon lmao)

I usually tend to stay away from sexualised female protagonists, but in this case I enjoy the whole dynamic because it's a powerful and very rare dynamic. They don't fall in love, or at least Eve doesn't, he fulfill his role as a "villain" by torturing her, but their dynamic is good because it puts under perspective lots of things. Especially considering it's a history fiction, so at that time women had very different views on sex, especially pre-marital sex, and we see Eve struggle with the idea of "how can I have pleasure with someone I don't love?", And it's interesting because, at least from my experience, sex and love are two very different points of relationship. And Eve spends a lot more time with Rene, especially because I think with her viable romantic options, there are no conflicts and that's fuel to the story. Her time with Rene doesn't change her experience someone else, but it changes a lot of her concepts and connects them through something frivolous, which is refreshing. Most situations like this end up with the woman falling in love, so this twist on the trope is very yummy.

#the alice network #literature #books #my*stuff #would bang rene I'm sorry friends i have no morals #but yall know that cause i love marcel delamare

1 note · View note

unqueenlybiscuits · 8 years ago

Note

Ain't no pie like mah mather's chicken parm.

(DANCE MUSIC PLAYING) (IN GERMAN ACCENT) What's up? I'm Brüno. (LAUGHING) I live in Austria's coolest city, Vienna.No big deal. Whatever. I am the host of Funkyzeit, the most important TV fashion showin any German-speaking country, apart from Germany. Funkyzeit is über influential. In fact, Austrian fashionistas live their livesaccording to my "In or Out" list. In! Autism. Aus. Chlamydia. Why is autism so cool at the moment? - Because it's funny.- Great. BRÜNO: Through Funkyzeit,ich have done interviews mit everyone in the Euro-fashion world. Can you look into this camera and just say, "You're watching Funkyzeit mit Brüno"? You are watching Funkyzeit programmewith Brüno, and it's really a great show. Yeah, that's cool. Can you do it, like,even more like a kind of black guy? You know, like an afrikanischer... - Like this?- Yeah, yeah, yeah. You are watchingFunkyzeit programme with Brüno. Yo, man. Fuck, man. Welcome to the jungle. Something maybe a bit more crazy. Maybe show a bit of skinor something like that. - No, I don't think so.- Or what about just like one Kugelsack? One of the balls? No. And the most excitingand amazing thing in the town, from the fashion streets of Milan,only for the German girls, my great hairs. Yo, man. Modelling, a lot of people think it's easy. But it's the hardest job in the world, isn't it? It's very hard. Standing in heels all day,and everyone's watching you, so you have to make sure your walk is good.And, yeah. Yeah, it's really hard,'cause you've gotta remember, like, to put your right leg forwardand then put your left leg forward and then, like, which one now? Right leg again, and then, like, the left one.And then sometimes you even have to turn. Yeah. And especially the turn. It's so scary. BRÜNO: Being the host from Funkyzeit means Brüno's alwaysseated on the front row. Hi. How are you? You have to lose some weight. - The kettle is calling the pot black.- Oh, yeah? Put your shoulders back.This is a fashion show, not a slave auction. BRÜNO: Mein personal assistant,Kookus, is my rock. He's also mein stylist. - Do you think the glasses are too much?- Yeah, I'd lose them. They're too much like, "Look at me. "Hey, everybody, look at me.Look at my glasses." - Yeah.- "Everybody, like, stare at my glasses." BRÜNO: He's also my nutritionist. (RETCHING) Yeah, that is good. BRÜNO: I have a second assistant,but ich can't remember its name. Brüno has known true love twice in his life. Once, for seven minutes with Millifrom Milli und Vanilli. No big deal. Whatever. But for the last nine years,ich have been head über heels in love mit a pygmy flight attendant called Diesel. We're just like an ordinary couple,you know, boring, stay-at-home types. (GROANS) (DANCE MUSIC PLAYING) - Oh, my God. I feel it. You're getting so big.- (MOANING) Ja. (LAUGHING) DIESEL: Ooh! - How much do you want?- Just half a glass. Otherwise I get too giggly. BRÜNO: In September 2008,I left for Milan Fashion Week to shoot a new season of Funkyzeit. Brüno had backstage access forthe hottest show of the week, de la Prada. So I wore the jewel of mein wardrobe,a suit made entirely out of Velcro. (PEOPLE CHATTERING) I'm wearing this. This is a prototype.It's a Velcro suit made by Frederic Worms. - Wow.- Pretty cool, right? It is. I was looking at it, and can I have one? - Well, it's a prototype. It's a one-off.- Okay. - Thank you.- Yeah. Okay... - Also... Yeah.- Can you go out, please? We'll get out, but don't push me. Yeah. Okay, no listen.We haven't finished the thing. - You go out now.- Yeah. Yeah, wait a second. Take... Get this off... Stop! (PEOPLE CLAMOURING) - Thank you.- Can someone help this guy? Can you take... (CROWD MURMURING) BRÜNO: Wait. Get me out of this.Get me out of this. (CROWD BOOING) BRÜNO: Brüno was aus. For the second time in a century, the world had turnedon Austria's greatest man just because he was brave enoughto try something new. - No.- Okay. BRÜNO: Brüno was schwarz-listed. - I'm on the front row.- I don't think so. (MALE GUARD SPEAKING) I'm sorry. BRÜNO: Und worst of all... Hello? (MAN CHATTERS ON PHONE) ...ich was fired from Funkyzeit. Ich realised that night that the fashion worldwas superficial und vacuous. So, I decided instead to go to Los Angelesto become a celebrity. Ich was going to bethe biggest Austrian superstar since Hitler. What? I'm not coming. - Why not?- Because you out. You humiliate me. - I'm so sorry I humiliate you.- Okay. Gotta go. Bye, baby, I love you. Diesel, I love you. Diesel. (BLOWING NOSE) (LUTZ SPEAKING GERMAN) (SPEAKING GERMAN) (DANCE MUSIC PLAYING) BRÜNO: Ich arrived in LA und cunningly avoidedbeing snapped by the waiting paparazzi. BRÜNO: No photos, please.Do you want another Diana on your hands? BRÜNO: Mein Plan was to become the biggest gay movie starsince Schwarzenegger. Maximum Santzgaut! Also, ich headed to my first meetingmit a Hollywood über agent. So my name's Brüno.I was born in Klagenfurt. I'm 19 years old. And, of course,you'll know me as the host of Funkyzeit. Okay. Well, I understandthat you took a look at a side that I wanted you to think aboutfrom the Jerry Maguire show. And I wouldn't mindhearing you try that out. Okay, great. - "Jerry enters."- No. - "Dorothy seated."- Just start with the word "hello." "Hello. Hello. "I'm looking for my wife! - "Shut up, women." That was improvisation.- Fine. "I couldn't hear your voiceor laugh about it with you." (LAUGHING) - All right, let me stop... Wait.- No, wait, wait. I... Let me stop for two minutes.Let me stop you right there. Nowhere in the script does it say he pauses for an inordinate period of time. You're here becauseyou are looking to do feature films. I wanna be a star. - In?- In a huge Hollywood movie. - Can you make that happen?- No. - What?- I definitely cannot. BRÜNO: But he did get me a starring rolein a top TVshow as an extra. DIRECTOR 1: All right, picture's next.Last looks, please. (SIGHS) CREW MEMBER: Set. DIRECTOR 1: Background.DIRECTOR 2: Action. Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, it gives me no pleasure at allto speak to you this afternoon. (BRÜNO CLICKING TONGUE) The defendant, as you know, has served our municipalityfor more than 12 years as city controller. So I was pained to learn that his debts compelled him to accepthundreds of thousands of dollars in bribes. - DIRECTOR 1: Cut!- (WHISPERING) Just do a little bit less. - More or less?- Less. - Less. Okay.- Yeah. (WHISPERING) Sure. Thank you. (CLEARS THROAT) CREW MEMBER: Set.DIRECTOR 2: Action. Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, I'm afraid it gives me no pleasure at allto speak to you this afternoon. As you know, the defendant hasserved our municipality as city controller for more than 12 years, and I have known him personallyfor most of that time. So I was very pained to learn that his personal debtscompelled him to accept bribes. - DIRECTOR 1: Cut!- Here, I'll take that. - Okay.- Thank you. (SPEAKING GERMAN) BRÜNO: Sorry. DIRECTOR 1: Should we just go again?DIRECTOR 2: Okay. (SIGHS) As you know, the defendant has served this municipalityas city controller for more than 12 years, and I have personally known himfor most of that time. That is why I was very pained to learn... Cut. Sorry, I'm not feeling this one.Could we go again? This way. (LUTZ SPEAKING GERMAN) (SPEAKING GERMAN) You were actually my second choice. I was going to go to the salon that maintainsSalma Hayek's inner thighs, but the team that do it were booked upfor the next four days because she's got the Elle Style Awards. And they said they're, like, really,really exhausted after they do her. They're exhaustedafter they wax Salma Hayek? She must have a lot of hair. They say that after a waxing,there's enough to stuff a mattress. Well. Speaking of rectums,let's get you clean. - Okay. There we go.- There's not much. Yeah, sure. (RIPS) There you go. Now there's wax in there. (CELL PHONE RINGING) Telephone. - Hello?- Hey, how you doing, man? Lloyd, hi. How are you? I just got off the phone with the network.They've agreed to do a screening. Great! Das is all maximum Santzgaut! In two days. I got them to payfor a focus group for the show. I think you just scraped my anus. WAXER: I did. I got you clean. BRÜNO: My stinker is slightly burning.Is that normal? What? No, that was to the lady who is...I'm in the salon, yes. She's just washing my Arschwitz. LLO YD: Is there any way we can getsomething together enough to put it on? - Okay, sure.- All right. I'm gonna call them right now. Are you using Vaseline? WAXER: No, lotion. BRÜNO: Could you take your fingerout of my Arschenholer? All right. I think, guys, we're finished. Once again, "Can you take my finger,your finger out of my ass," is what the guy just said on the phone. No, Lloyd, I was not speaking to you.I was just talking to the woman here. Who's got the audio? I want to hear the audio back.I want you to hear... I want you to hear what this fool is saying. Play it back. Talking about what?His asshole. (LUTZ SPEAKING GERMAN) (BRÜNO SPEAKING) (SPEAKING GERMAN) (HUSHING IN GERMAN) Can you be quiet? (SPEAKING GERMAN) Hello, hello. Hey, can you come in? Do any of you guyswant to make some more money? (WHISTLES) (SPEAKING GERMAN) - Hi. How are you?- Hi. - I'm Brüno. Great to have you here.- It's nice to meet you. Come and sit on our great furniture. These are our Mexican chair people. Demi Moore has two of them in her house. Yeah, if you sit here. If you sit on that one. Also, so tell me aboutyour humanitarian work. How important is it for youto help other people? It's like the air that I breatheand the water that I drink. - Please, have some water.- It is extremely, extremely important for me. You give love to other peopleand you get love back in spades. And I just feel like that's been my life. Great. You must be hungry.Let's bring in some food. Oh, my God. BRÜNO: Have some.ABDUL: Yeah, this is really bad for me. I'm sorry. This is really not good. We're leaving. BRÜNO: Come back, please.Can you please come back? LUTZ: Yes, yes, I understand.But I was thinking... Okay, but... Okay. Okay. Okay. Yes. Thank you. (SPEAKING GERMAN) (SIGHS) Minimum Santzgaut. (SPEAKING GERMAN) Puffy Vater? (SPEAKING GERMAN) Reese Witterspinzel? Stevie Wunderbar? Wilhelm Schmidt? (SPEAKING GERMAN) Bradolf Pittler? (SPEAKING GERMAN) (SPEAKING GERMAN) (SPEAKING GERMAN) (SPEAKING GERMAN) I think this focus group is really gonna be a very interesting exampleof how it's gonna play out. I actually got an interview mit Harrison Ford. - Very good. Very good.- Yes. So, you probably already know, todaywe're going to be looking at a new TV show, A-List Celebrity Max Out mit Brüno. - Howdy, I'm Lloyd Robinson.- Lloyd, Denny Bond. Hi. Hi. Great. Me und Lloyd, we haven't actually spokesince the other day when I was getting my anus bleached. (ALL LAUGHING) We won't go there, please. - We won't go there. Yeah.- That was a very difficult issue on the phone. And it's very importantwhat scores you give it, because if the show scores over an 85º%, the network's obviouslygonna be very interested. So take a look. - Absolutely.- Congratulations. BRÜNO ON TV: Who's ready to max outwith loads of celebrities? I am. Because das ist A-List Celebrity Max Out. (TECHNO MUSIC PLAYING ON TV) - BRÜNO ON TV: How are you?- Great. Thank you for having me. Okay, so this is the part of the show, it's called Future Kinder.People who are pregnant, we've managed to get the ultrasound photos. - It's totally great.- Okay. - What's her name?- Jamie Lynn. Jamie Lynn Spears.I mean, is she a celebrity? No. (LAUGHING) Okay, let's seewhat she's got in her stomach. All right. What do you think there?Is that a white-trash foetus? Yeah. Totally. She's got her arms up like she's a A-lister. Newsflash, you're in a C-lister's womb.Am I right? Worse. I think, like, D. Do you think this kid is retarded? Definitely the hands look way too big, and the ears, like,have not been developed yet. - Yeah, so keep it or abort it?- Abort it. (SIGHS) Und now, my exclusive interviewmit Harrison Ford is only moments away.But first, some more dancing mit Brüno. (TECHNO MUSIC PLAYING) That's right.It's the time you've all been waiting for. It's my one-on-one,exclusive interview mit Harrison Ford. - Also, here I am mit Harrison Ford.- Fuck off! (LAUGHING) What's that? (TECHNO MUSIC PLAYING) That's actually mine. - More champagne?- No, I'm fine, thanks. Brüno! The end bit was Lloyd's idea. The last bit was? Lloyd's? So if you coulddescribe this show in one sentence... Can anybody give me one sentence? - Go ahead.- The worst piece of crap I have ever seen. There's always one who's against it. Those... In any group, there's always one. What sick human being came upwith something like this? Well, there's always two.There's always two. I wanted to poke my eyes outwith hot needles. You'd have to borrow the needles from me. Lloyd, we need to distract him - from listening to this.- You can't. You can't. - We need to distract him.- You can't. - Kiss me.- No. No logical personwould consider a show like this unless they hadsome sort of a mental or moral defect. WOMAN: Everything. Oh, my God. BRÜNO: Let me have a look at those. "The host is a talentless idiot." Is this the dancing of a talentless idiot? - I would say that it is.- MAN: Yeah, yeah. Please, where you going? Please, this is my career.I put all my money into this. (SPEAKING GERMAN) (SPEAKING GERMAN) (BRÜNO SPEAKING GERMAN) I'm here with Congressman Ron Paul, who was the 2008 presidential candidate. So tell me, who are you wearing? Well, I don't even knowbecause it's pretty conventional. And I'm pretty, in that sense, pretty ordinary. But the message is not ordinary. (LUTZ SPEAKING GERMAN) Sure. - Do you want some champagne?- I don't care for any. No. There's no ice bucket,but I know a good place to put it. (LAUGHS) Yeah, you were great in there.Have you done a lot of television before? Well, off and on throughout the years.This last year, a tremendous amount. - Sure.- I do a lot of them. Do you want some strawberries - or maybe some oysters?- No, I'm okay. I'm gonna light some candles if it's okay. Really loosens you up. Has anyone ever told youyou look like Enrique Iglesias? Of course not. You're much cuter. (LAUGHS) I love music. (DANCE MUSIC PLAYINGON STEREO) And dancing. I used to be a dancer. (CLEARS THROAT) Whoops. (SPEAKING GERMAN) - All right! Get out of here!- What? - All right, this has ended.- BRÜNO: What's going on? PAUL: That guy is queerer than the blazes.He took his clothes off. Let's get going. - WOMAN: What happened?- He's queer. He's crazy. He put a hit on me. He took his clothes off. BRÜNO: I couldn't even schtupp RuPaul. How would I become weltfamous? Ich decided to seek advicefrom the wisest guy I'd ever known. I wanna speak to Milli from the pop dance group Milli und Vanilli. Is he in heaven?And if so, is he in the VIP section there? He says he's in a placewith green trees and flowers. Can I ask him if he has any advice for me? (EXHALES) He says there's some sort of thing that youwill set up, like a foundation or something, where there will be other people involvedthat will benefit. Okay, that's a great idea, 'cause if I do that,then I'll definitely become world famous. Absolutely. There's something that he could dothat could make me incredibly happy. - Can I kiss him now?- Of course. (SPITS) (MUMBLING) (SNORTS) (GAGGING) (GROANING) (SPEAKING GERMAN) (PANTS) Well, good luck with your life. BRÜNO: Thanks to Milli,ich could now see clearly despite having an eyeful of Schpunken. Charity was a great way to become famous. Also, Brüno just needed to findthe hottest world tragedy to fix. I want a charity that doesn't involvetoo much effort, but is gonna really make a difference,you know, really put me into the A-list. Is there something that you, like,that you believe in? Well, I'm really into issues. Yeah. Global warming's only getting worse. - So...- Great. Now, I think that would be...That's something to get involved now, so, we can just help ease the... Like, after us, in order to help for our future. In order for everyone... It's justa beneficial thing to be involved with now. I'm really into doing somethingmaybe for Africa. - Okay.- Is that still cool or... Saving some kind of extinct animal.What's going extinct right now? - I don't know, like elephants or something.- And then make bracelets? That's so bad. Never mind.I was gonna say make bracelets out of a... Make bracelets out of the extinct animal? That's not gonna really work though,because you need the... You can't take from the extinct animal. What's the coolest type of charityto get into at the moment? Save Dafar? - Save what?- Save Dafar. - Save Dafar, yeah.- Angelina Jolie. Is that in, like, Iraqi or something like that? Yeah, that's in the... It's in... Yeah. Yeah. Is there anywhere in the worldthat no celebrity has tried to fix? Darfur is the big one now. - Yeah, no, it is.- What's the new one? What's Dar-five? - Yeah.- Yeah. BRÜNO: Ich was going to become famousby solving a world problem. But which one? Clooney's got Darfur. Sting's got the Amazon,and Bono's got AIDS. Luckily, there was still one shitholeleft to fix, the Middle-earth. Mein Plan was to get both sides to signa peace deal in front of the world's press, making Brüno über famous. Hi, I love your hat. It's great. (BRÜNO SPEAKING SPANISH) Hey, great. Is that Marc Jacobs? (MAN YELLING) BRÜNO: Lutz! Lutz! Start the car! Lutz! Why are you so anti-hummus? I mean, isn't pita bread the real enemy? You're confusing Hamaswith hummus, I believe. - Hummus has nothing to do with Hamas.- Do you think there is a relationbetween Hamas and hummus? So was the founder of Hamas a chef? He had created the foodand then got lots of followers. Hummus has nothing to do with Hamas.It's a food. Okay? We eat it. They eat it. It's vegetarian. It's healthy. It's beans. Well, do you both agree on that? We both agree that hummus is very healthy. So we're making progress. Let's try and get a solution, right? 'Cause I'm not gonna be here forever.Will you, the Palestinians, agree to give the pyramids backto the Israelis? This is in Egypt. Not in Palestine. I don't care where you put them.Give them back. This is about gaining somethingfor your own people whether you believe it,whether you were convinced to do that. - But in any case...- All right, okay. Take it easy, girlfriend. - All right.- SELA: Civil rights... BRÜNO: If I did not get these queens to signa peace deal soon, I would not become famous. So I decided to think outsidethe Geschwindigkeitsbegrenzung. I've written a song that I thinkis gonna help us make peace. In fact, I know it will. (SLOW MUSIC PLAYING) (SINGING) I've written a song that I hope is gonna bring you two together It's time for this war to end Jews and Hindus, you be friends This is the Middle East Creating love is my mission Don't kill each other Shoot a Christian Ich bin Brüno, dove of peace Ich bin Brüno, dove of peace Ich bin Brüno, dove of peace Yeah, a bit more than that. BRÜNO: Ich was out of options. My song hadn't worked, und I didn't haveenough ecstasy for everyone. Ich was ready to give upwhen I suddenly remembered something that the Jude had said. SELA: In the last few years,people were kidnapped, and then they wouldbroadcast it to the whole world. - To the whole world?- Yeah. So what, the whole world gets to see - these hostage videos?- Of course. Of course. BRÜNO: Ich would become famousby getting kidnapped. I am going to say somethingthat is gonna get you so angry that if you've got a gun on you,you're gonna pull it out - and shoot me in the head. Are you ready?- Yeah. Your hair is sun damaged. (MALE TRANSLATORSPEAKING ARABIC) I'll be honest with you. I want to be famous. And I want the best guys in the businessto kidnap me. Al-Qaeda is so 2001. I don't like. Can I give you guys a word of advice? Lose the beards, because your King Osama looks like a kind of dirty wizardor a homeless Santa. (SPEAKING ARABIC) (TRANSLATOR SPEAKING ARABIC) (SPEAKING ARABIC) TRANSLATOR: Get out. Get out now. BRÜNO: Ich was encouragedto leave the Middle East. But Brüno had a new plan. It involved stopping off in Africa on the way home for a little bit of shopping. (BRÜNO SPEAKING GERMAN) (LUTZ SPEAKING GERMAN) BRÜNO: Mein little afrikanischerFreund was going to get me on the cover of every magazine. Also, ich hired a top photographer und held a casting forthe hottest baby photo shoot ever. (CAMERA CLICKING) We're gonna do like this religious theme where my baby is gonna beon a crucifix playing Jesus even though my baby's black.So it's pretty cool, no? That's cool.It's kind of like that Madonna video. Yeah, it's really edgy.You know, we're turning it on its head. Why not? Come on. Whatever. So. We're looking for two thievesto be on the crucifixes next to my baby. Would you be ready for your babyto be strung up on a crucifix next to mine? Fine. Yeah, I don't mind herbeing up on a crucifix. Sure. Is your baby comfortable with bees,wasps and hornets? George is comfortable with everything.He's fine. Is he comfortable with deador dying animals? Yes. Great. Amateur science? What do you mean by that? You know, some untrained peopleconducting scientific experiments. - Should be fine.- You know, her mixing the pots of acid and that type... - Okay.- And so it's a yes. - Yes.- Great. Is she okay withextremely rapid acceleration? (LAUGHING) Yes. - Okay.- Yes. Does she always have to be in a car seat,or can she just, like, freestyle it? Yeah. You can freestyle it,put her in a car seat. Whatever. If it looks better without the car seat... Of course. Of course. So what? You're travelling fast.You're not gonna kill it. Of course. Of course. Is your baby finewith antiquated heavy machinery? Yeah, she's fine. She's been around that. Would she be fine to operate them? - Yes.- Great. Is your baby fine with lit phosphorus? Yes. Excellent. Does he like it? - Loves it.- Good. A little sensitive subject here.How much does she weigh? She's about 30 pounds. - Thirty pounds.- Yes. Approximately. Can Olivia lose 10 pounds in the next week? In the next week, seven days. Yeah. I'd have to do whatever I could. If there's a problem losing the weight, would you be ready to have Oliviaundergo liposuction? If that was a last resortand she didn't lose the few pounds, then, yeah, we'd have to do that. Great. Fantastisch news. We have chosen your babyto be dressed as a Nazi officer pushing a wheelbarrow with another babyas a Jew in it into an oven. Into an oven? Congratulations. How do you feel? - Great, if she got the job. That's great.- Yeah. (SINGING LULLABY IN GERMAN) (BOTH SINGING IN GERMAN) (LUTZ SPEAKING GERMAN) (SPEAKING GERMAN) O.J., you're going to be on television. (RAP MUSIC PLAYINGON HEADPHONES) (SPEAKING GERMAN) (EXCLAIMS) (SPEAKING GERMAN) (HONKS) Welcome back to Today with Richard Bey. Now, our next guest is a single parent.Please welcome Brüno. (AUDIENCE CHEERING) Where are you from? I'm from Austria. Austria. And what are your impressionsof the American people? You see a lot of them out here. I gotta say, I love American people,and I love African-American people. You're the best. You guys are the best. All right, all right.Now, you are a single parent. - Yeah.- Most people think that a child should have two parents. It is, like, really difficult, you know, bringing up a child without another parent.Am I right? - Right.- Right. I'm hoping that I don't grow old alone.Am I right? WOMAN 1: True that. True that. I'm hoping that I find Mr Right. Am I right? - No!- No! WOMAN 2: No, no, no, no, no. Well, honey, you need to get it together.Sugar, you're lost and confused. - BEY: All right, now...- Listen, you're just jealous 'cause you know I can get any guy here. WOMAN 3: Go get them! (AUDIENCE CLAMOURING) BEY: You brought your son here today? - BRÜNO: That's right.- Can we see your son? Yeah, sure. MAN: No. No. BEY: All right, this is... (AUDIENCE CLAMOURING) - What?- Where did they allow you to get your baby from?Is your baby from Australia? I was in the Middle East, like,solving the crisis there. No big deal. Whatever. And I flew back here to America, und I stopped over in this countrycalled Africa, right? Africa is a continent, not a country, baby.Get it right. Well, it is full of African-Americans. It's full of Africans.It's full of people of African descent. No. That's a racist thing to call them.African-Americans is the right word. No. African-Americans are here. (AUDIENCE DISAGREEING) No, they're calledAfrican-Americans, girlfriend. No, fool. BEY: All right. So how did you find your son? I swapped him. WOMAN 1: You swapped him?WOMAN 2: What? (AUDIENCE CHATTERING) Swapped the baby for what? - For an iPod.- What? (AUDIENCE EXCLAIMING) Not just any iPod. One that was, like, limited edition, red.A U2 iPod. Heard of it? BEY: All right, but wait a second.You are the baby's father now. And you chose to dress that baby upin a T-shirt that says what? Gayby. That's not the baby's name, is it? No. I gave him, like,a traditional African name. So what's the baby's name? O.J. (AUDIENCE CLAMOURING) BEY: Stand up, please. I think you're using him as an accessory. I think maybe because he's a black babythat might be your cue, like how some people walk in the parkwith dogs to pick up girls, that might be your cueto get maybe a down-low brother. I don't know. What do you think? I gotta be honest. He's a real dick magnet. (AUDIENCE CLAMOURING) You brought some photographsthat you took with the child because... I guess to demonstratehow much you love the child. We're going to put them up on this screen. That's the first shot. (AUDIENCE EXCLAIMING) Let's see the next picture. You're gonna burn in hell for that one. That's some mess. All right. Do we have another photo,or is that the last one? There we go. What is going on here? If I'm having fun,I want little O.J. to come with me. I want him to have fun with me. BEY: Hold on. Hold on. What's that? - What is that?- BRÜNO: Someone's scared. - BEY: You're making the audience leave.- They are scared of the truth. Yes, ma'am? Stand up, please. Go ahead. Listen, I don't see how you can even walkout of here with that baby in your hands without someone stopping youand taking that baby out of your possession. All right, well, you know,there is a finale to this talk show. Please welcome Shatonya Migginsfrom the State Child Services Department. Take the baby. What would be the opinion,the legal opinion of the state, which is empowered to look after childrenand their welfare? This child is here illegally. No, it's not. I made a deal with the mother. And at this time, we're taking the childinto protective custody. - You are not doing that. You're not taking...- MIGGINS: The child is going... Get off me. That is my baby. Give him back! Give me my baby back! Give me my baby! Give him back! Come on! Back! Give me my baby back! O. J! Give me my baby! Give me my... Give me my baby! O. J! O. J! O. J! Give me my baby back! You want some pie today? Yeah. I haven't had any carbs for 15 years, since I was, you know, four years old. - Since you was four?- Yeah. Is that your boy? He's pretty. BRÜNO: That was my boy.He got taken away today. I'm so sorry. Gosh. What is he, about two? I think he was about, I don't know, six or... - Was he? Was he about that age?- I don't know. He could've been a midget.So he could have been 10. (SPEAKING GERMAN) (SPEAKING GERMAN) (LUTZ LAUGHS) (BRÜNO SPEAKING GERMAN) (LUTZ SPEAKING GERMAN) (BRÜNO SPEAKING GERMAN) (ALARM CLOCK RINGING) Good morning, cowboy. What's your name? (MUFFLED) Lutz. (SCREAMING) (SHOUTING IN GERMAN) (SPEAKING GERMAN) (MUMBLES) (BRÜNO YELLING) BRÜNO: Get that out of my face. Move that out of my... No, Lutz. Hello? Engineering. Hello, I apologise for the state of the room. But can I assure you,the toilet is absolutely spotless. Can you look?The key, I think, is over there, just... No, I can't do this. Yeah, Brian, I need you up hereon 20 immediately. Well, no, it's two guyshandcuffed together on a bed. And there's some contraptionwith a dildo on the end of it. And they're asking...They've been staying at the hotel for a while and wanted to know if I can get the keyfor them because they can't get out of bed. I'm pretty freaking flipping right now. (KNOCKING ON DOOR) BRÜNO: Come in.MANAGER: Can you tell me what's going on? You were not meant to see this.You find the key, I can get out of this. Now, can you just look under that shelf... No. This is not what wassupposed to be going on in here. You're telling me, honey. I should be chained to a 6'4" Norwegianwith a PhD in sucking dick. That's not my concern. Okay, well, listen, one other thing. Can you switch off the television?Because I made a fart, and I am on the verge of buyingMr Magorium's Wunderbar Emporium. That's unfortunate. No, but I refuse to payfor Mr Magorium's Wunderbar Emporium. I did not press it. No, I'm afraid we are notgonna be doing that. Hey, listen, you. What's your name?Hi. What's your name? - No, don't even talk to me.- You're cute. You're like a Latino Paul Giamatti. - Hey, don't talk to me. I'm not talking to you.- Hey, girlfriend. (POP MUSIC PLAYING) Also, great. Maybe they can let us out. Excuse me, can you unlock us? Please.Hello? Can you unlock us? Please, can you unlock us? Please. My assistant's about to shiton my balls. (SIREN WAILING) What's going on here? BRÜNO: What does it look like, Paul Blart? Brüno. (EXCLAIMS) (SPEAKING GERMAN) (SPEAKING GERMAN) (EXHALES) Brüno. (SPEAKING GERMAN) (SPEAKING GERMAN) (THUNDER RUMBLING) BRÜNO: Ich was at a low point.Brüno had hit rock Arsch. Lutz had gone, und ich had onlynine Freunds left on MeinSpace. Lutz! Lutz! (WHIMPERING) (YELLS) BRÜNO: I was about to give upon my dream of celebrity, when suddenly it hit me. All the most famous stars in the world, Tom Cruise, John Travolta, Kevin Spacey,they all had one thing in common. They were all straight. To become famous,I would have to quit guys. Ich just needed to finda cock-aholics anonymous. Things have got to change.I want to become straight. - Awesome.- Once I'm straight, can I still play the clarinet? If it doesn't remind youabout some of the behaviour that you engaged inwhen you put your lips around it. If it doesn't remind you of that,then I say go for it and play the clarinetwith everything inside of you. If it does remind you of that,then I say put it down, give it away, let a friend hold ituntil you know in your mind you're ready to pick it up againand it wouldn't remind you of that. Und what about ifI put a flute up my stinker? That... I wouldn't do that either because itwould remind you of the former lifestyle. So you don't put any woodwindinstruments up your Arschwitz. - Absolutely not. You know why?- Why? Because that would harm my body.That would hurt... - Only if you lose the reed.- Okay. Well, that would... That would be bad. Is there any music that I shouldn't listen to?Any bands? Sinead O'Connor. The Indigo Girls. Of course, the Village People. When I become straight,you know, a Kuntmeister, are there any new hobbiesthat I should take up? - Do you enjoy hiking? Lifting weights?- Sure. Man, there's nothing like just working out and lifting weightsand building your muscles around some other men who are not gay. I'm totally irresistible to gay guys.They see me und they want to schtupp me. - Right.- So how do I protect against those guys? If they get close to you,hit them and leave the situation. How do you spot the homosexual? Very hard to do. Because some of them don't even dressno different than myself or you. - Amazing.- You know? It's kind of like terrorists. If a terrorist has infiltrateda police department and he dresses like the policemen,how would you know that's him? What are obvious thingsthat we can look for? Obvious is a person that's beingextremely nice to them to start with. So if someone approaches you in the streetund is being very, very nice to you, you know that they are a homosexual? Most likely. How should I protect myselffrom being attacked by homosexuals? They probably would attack from behind. So, again, if I am a homosexual, and I'm just trying to run in und kiss you... - Boom! You done moved in the wrong range.- Right. Let's say the homosexualhas got you on the ground. Okay. Und the homosexual, you know,has got you down here. - Right.- I go to pull this down. - I want to lock this, lock this leg here.- Touching. - Yeah.- Hit with the elbow. Boom. As I roll across. How do you protect yourself from a dildo? So let's say I'm trying... Here, you know. Like that. You know? Und disarm the dildo? Yes. Is it harder to defend against a black dildo? - No.- Great. One is just as easy as the otherto defend against. - So, I'm attacking.- Boom. - Like that.- Let's say I go down and I... Trap it, work the knees. Work the elbows. How do you defend yourselfagainst the man with two dildos? Coming in. Here. Boom. Depending on his range. Boom.Then to his face. Boom. Okay? Kick around, boom. (PANTING) He can't do nothing from there. And if he's just runningwith his pants down? Here. Boom. And then to the eyes. - Homosexual attacking your bum.- Leg here. And then come in and break his arm.Take it here, take him out. Break his arms. Boom, break his ribs.Break his arms. Okay. Thank you very much. Fantastisch. - Okay.- It's very useful. That's just totally different thanwhat I've ever tried to, you know, work with. So you were never gay? It's ironic that you should haveamazing blow job lips. Well, these lips were made to praise Jesus. No, they were made for something else,but you're just not using it for them. Well... Are there any activities you suggest where I'll be surroundedjust by straight guys? (DISCO MUSIC PLAYING) (DISCO MUSIC PLAYING) LEADER: Let's go! Let's go!ALL: Let's go! Let's go! (ALL EXCLAIMING) - Push ups! Sit ups!- Push ups! Sit ups! - Hurry up. Get in here.- Was? Make this bed. Hurry up. Make the bed. But do you have something,maybe a double... Make the bed! Could you hold the sheet over there? I'm not holding anything. - Get down. Get down.- Was? I said, get down! Do push ups. This line right here isa line that you don't cross. This is TAC Alley. TAC Officer's... You're in it again. This is my alley. I don't want to be in your alley. Yeah, well, get out of it.Your finger's in my alley. Not yet. By the way, where's your uniform?Go get your uniform on. Do it! Oh, my gosh. What's up with the scarf? That is, like, it's my own thing. Let me introduce you to somebody.Captain Miles. Candidate, what are you doing? Stand at the position of attention, candidate. - Do it! Do it!- Head and eyes straight forward, candidate. Head and eyes straight forward.Stand still, candidate. That is not part of the uniform, candidate.You need to take that off. This outfit is too matchy-matchy as it is, and so I was just trying to break it upwith some simple horizontal lines. Do you have an attitude, candidate?Do we detect an attitude? - Sir, she's got an attitude.- MILES: What? Sir Officer Candidate,did you just call me "she"? - Get down, candidate! Now!- Do it! What type belt is that, candidate? What is that? - D&G.- What is D&G? Dolce und Gabbana. Hello? - "Hello"?- "Hello"? - Front in the rest position.- Get down, you! Sir Officer Candidate,you deserve a medal for exceptional skin. What are you talking...What are you trying to say, candidate? Sir Officer Candidate, you could be a generalin the Bitch Army the way you're going. - Did you use profanity again?- Did you use profanity? But you're being really nasty. The OC guide states that I will notuse profanity while I'm at OCS. Yes, mein Führer. Yes, Officer Candidate. OFFICER: Hurry up!MAN 1: Hurry up! Let's go! MAN 2: Yeah, this is mine.MILES: You better help your buddy. (ALL SHOUTING) Get out of my TAC Alley. Get out of my TAC Alley. - Hurry up! Hurry up!- OFFICER: Move over there! (ALL YELLING) (HIGH-PITCHED YELLING) - Salute!- Salute with your right hand. OFFICER: Salute with your right hand. - That's not a salute.- That's not a salute. OFFICER: That's not a salute. Can I tell you about the personthat changed my life? Was it Karl Lagerfeld? No, actually, his name is Jesus.Jesus is in this room right now. He never leaves us. He never forsakes us.He's here. (WHISPERS) Amazing. That's exactly right. He's amazing. You want to be famous.You'll be one that's so famous, Brüno, you will prepare the wayfor other young men all over the world who want to come out of the homosexuallifestyle and make a change in their lives. And they'll say, "If Brüno can do it,then I can do it. "How did he change?How did you change, Brüno?" And they'll say, "It's Jesus. He changed me." But he wants to come intoyour heart right now. Are you ready to make that change? Are you hitting on me? No, I'm not. Okay, good, 'cause I just...That was, like, really hot, that whole speech. Are there any outdoor activities that I should doif I want to become straight? Absolutely. - Hi.- Hello. - Mike. Brüno.- Brüno. Hey. Great. - I'm Donny.- Brüno. Robert. - You ever been hunting?- BRÜNO: I've never killed an animal. Although, I did oncesuffocate a hamster in Mykonos. The women, eh? Do you prefer the vaginaor the mammary glands? - I prefer the vagina.- BRÜNO: Me, too. I love a woman with a vagina. Yeah. My favourite. Didn't see anything. We were just talking about vaginas. About what? Vaginas. The woman's vagina. Sharing storiesand saying how much we enjoy them. Yes. Really fantastisch. Really wonderful things. It's my favourite. (BRÜNO SCREAMS) This is wonderful. This is what rabbit look like. Look at the four of us.We are so like the Sex and the City girls. No, we aren't, either. Which one are you, Donny? I ain't any one of them. I'm Donny. That is such a Samantha thing to say. BRÜNO: I've never beenout of the city before. You haven't? How's it feel? I feel a bit vulnerable. You know, I'm 19 years old,I've got a perfect body. You know, I really don't want to wake uptomorrow morning und find that I'm torn in my Arschenholer. You probably ain't the only one. Me, either, definitely. Wow, there's so many stars in the sky. Full of them. Makes you think ofall the hot guys in the world. Do we all share one tentor what's more sensible? I hope not. (BRÜNO WHISPERING) (MIKE SPEAKING) (MIKE SPEAKING) (BRÜNO SPEAKING) (MIKE SPEAKING) (BRÜNO WHISPERING) (BRÜNO WHISPERING) (MIKE SPEAKING) (BRÜNO SPEAKING) All right, God damn it. BRÜNO: Reverend BJ found metoo much of a handful and put me in touch with one of his chums. You look decent in that. Look like a straight guy, how's that? (LAUGHS) Women are good for us. They're good even though they appear to usto be terribly conventional. And we find that somewhat irritating that they complain so much. - Right.- But we need that. We need many of the things that, at first glance,are annoying and irritating. And women often don't stick to the point. They're often talking about one thingand then another and then another, and they never get back to the first pointmaybe ever. I am repulsed by the ideaof making the sex with a woman. The important thing is to be around women, somewhat, that you find tolerableor interesting and give them a chance to seduce you. (DOORBELL RINGS) How did you get into it? We, actually, our first time was on our... (ALL LAUGHING) - Our honeymoon.- Yeah. Of all nights for us to swing,the first time was for our honeymoon. Und what is your favourite position? That would be missionary or reverse cowgirl. What's reverse cowgirl? Show me. I'll pretend to be the woman. Like, I'm sitting here, and... Yeah, and so, if I'm the woman...Don't worry. Yeah, so what? You'd be sitting like that, - and that's called reverse cowgirl.- Right. Right. And then when you're facing me,that's called cowgirl. This one here is cowgirl or reverse cowgirl? This is cowgirl. And then when you're turnedthe opposite way, it's reverse cowgirl. Und what other positions are there? - Power driver.- Right. Sixty-nine. But this is the girl's position. (INHALES DEEPLY) You don't want to be like thisif you're a guy. There's missionary, doggy style. So what's doggy style like? You'd be bent over, like a dog does it. Yeah. Like that? All right,and then what would you be doing? If you was a woman,I would be humping you. - No, show me.- (LAUGHING) I'm not gonna show you. - You're a man.- Don't be a faggot. (CHUCKLING) Come on. What's the big deal?It's just a couple of guys. I'd be humping you like that. Wow, I can't wait to do this to a woman. (LAUGHS) (WOMAN MOANING) Anybody want a sandwich or something? (MOANING) Yeah. Great. Very good. You've got great hair actually. - Thank you.- Yeah. (EXHALES) That was great. - Oh, yeah.- Good boy. (WOMAN MOANING) Fuck, yeah. You're doing a great job. Thank you. Come on, Jack, look me in the eyes. Look me in the eye. You can do this. (LAUGHS) Dude. (MAN LAUGHING) Why would he look you in the eyeswhen he's looking at a pussy? - Why would he look you in the eyes?- No, no. Just for concentration. - He does not look in a guy's...- I don't need you for concentration, okay? - Look her in the eye.- This is a fucking swingers party. Okay? If you don't want pussy,if you don't want fucking... - No, I want...- Then quit fucking touching me and quit telling meto look at you in the eye. Okay? I didn't come herefor no fucking queer shit. Okay? - Me, neither.- Okay. - Let's keep it at that then.- Cool. This is a fucking swingers party.Right, guys? JACK: I see what the fuck you're doing, dude. - Hi.- JACK: Did he not try to pull - that queer shit on you out there?- Hi. How you doing? JACK: I don't need this motherfuckertouching me on the back, telling me to look himin the fucking eye. Right? - I was just going to the kitchen.- I know, yeah. Come on. What's this shit? Let's take this off. Let's maybe we getto know each other a little. - I think you broke that, actually.- I don't give a fuck. Yeah, there is...Let's get to know each other a little bit first. (EXCLAIMS) Know each other? What? You must produce a lot of milk. I don't want you to do somethingthat you'll regret. You wake up tomorrow, you've lostyour virginity, and you feel ashamed. You know, let's take this a little slower. - We should reschedule.- Sit the fuck down. Sit the fuck down. Don't fuck around! No, let's do this the right way. (BOTH EXHALE) I go, and I sit down with your father,we talk about this. - lf he gives his permission...- What? Would you quit being a little bitch here and take your little briefs offbefore I fucking rip them? Wait. Yes. - Yeah.- Fine. - Thanks.- Okay. Great. I don't like this little shit. Yes, well, I want to really makethis heterosexual sex. It's going to be fantastisch! Do as I say. Take that fucking shit off now! (WHOOPS) - Don't... You fold them.- (EXCLAIMS) Fuck. You gotta fold that neatly.You don't treat suede like that. It stains. Sit the fuck down. Take it off! I've got an idea.Let's play a little bit of dress-up here. It will be erotisch. What is this?You gonna dress me like a man? No, it's just a beard. - Am I supposed to wear a beard?- It's just a... Come on, it will be fun. I don't need a beard. Take it off! Now! Once you put the... (EXCLAIMING) - Fuck! Take it off.- Okay. I'm... - Okay, I'm going to do this.- Right now! Get on your fucking kneesand suck my spike here, bitch. Okay. Help! Don't fuck around! BRÜNO: Don't call me gay! I'm gonna become straight.I'm gonna become über straight. I'm gonna be the straightest manwho's ever lived. Und then I'll be famous.You'll see. You'll see. (DISTANT CHEERING) (HEAVY METAL MUSIC PLAYING) (AUDIENCE CHEERING) What's up, Arkansas?How's everybody doing? You guys ready to seea little ass kicking tonight? (AUDIENCE CHEERING LOUDLY) Make some noise, everybody.Put your hands together. Make some noise for the host of the brand-new TVshow,Straight Dave's Man Slammin' Maxout. Give it up for Straight Dave! (ROCK MUSIC PLAYING) Straight Dave. Straight Dave. (CHEERING) (SHOUTING) Are you ready forsome man-slamming action? Who's ready foran old-fashioned heterofest? Are you 100% hetero like me? Who out there is proud to be straight? Let me hear you say straight pride. - Straight pride.- Straight pride. Straight pride. - Straight pride.- Straight pride. I am so straightthat when I bought my house, the first thing I didwas brick up the back door. (AUDIENCE LAUGHING) You know why?Because my asshole's just for shitting. Let me hear you say that. - My asshole's just for shitting.- My asshole's just for shitting. It's great to have an eveningwith straight people. It's great not to have any fags here. MAN: You're a faggot! Who called me a faggot? Whoever called me a faggot come up here,and I'll beat your Arsch. Who called Straight Dave a faggot?Come up here. Let him in. (AUDIENCE CHEERING LOUDLY) Who wants to see me beat this fag's ass? Who wants me to beat this... Fuck him up! Get him, motherfucker! (BOTH GRUNTING) Beat his fucking ass! Kick his ass! (SLOW ROMANTIC SONG PLAYING) (INAUDIBLE) (AUDIENCE EXCLAIMING) Fucking fag! - Homo! Queer fags!- Motherfuckers! (EXCLAIMING) Stop! Stop! Get out of my town. You all are sick. Tell him we don't have no faggots herein Arkansas. Take that shit somewhere else. You pussy-ass faggot motherfucker! (SHOUTING) - Fuck that shit! Fuck that shit!- Fuck that shit! Fuck that shit! - Fuck that shit! Fuck that shit!- Fuck that shit! Fuck that shit! (SPEAKING MANDARIN) BRÜNO: The footage went everywhere,und Brüno became über famous. (CHATTERING) As for Lutz,we decided to get married in California. But because of the law,we had to be a bit inventive. I feel this is the biggest stepyou'll ever make in your lifetime. - It's a very big moment.- That's right. Am I going to be able to meet herbefore we actually start? Sure. I... I don't marry two men or two women. If she's a man,then how did it give birth to our son? You gave birth to a little black child? (IN FALSETTO) Yes. When did you have the baby? I don't even know whyI'm asking that question. BRÜNO: But even thoughmarriage was a nicht-nicht, we weren't gonna let it get us down. We were happy. We had each other. And we had O.J. back, although he did cost us a MacBook Pro. Plus, ich was now so famous that I was able to recordmein very own charity video. (SLOW MUSIC PLAYING) I've written a song that I hope is gonnabring the world together Put down your guns and bombs and just make love forever Okay, then. He's come to heal the world and make all nations calmer I am the Austrian Jesus He is the white Obama He's the white Obama War's just based on hate and fear Stop fighting, North and South Korea You're both basically Chinese And he's Brüno, dove of peace Hey, yo, Brüno, where the bitches at? BO TH: You are Brüno, dove of peace SNOOP DOGG: You do it, fashion modelYou got the cute hos ALL: You are Brüno, dove of peace (SNIFFS) You know, I love black guys.I'm a chocoholic. ALL: Du bist Brüno, dove of peace Brüno wants peace. Either we gonna have peace,or we gonna have motherfucking war. I have a dream for the Third World Clean water, food and teaching In every village and every town a place for anal bleaching We need to rid the world of hunger I'm like Bono, except much younger He's only Ich bin Brüno, dove of peace Hey, hey, he gay, he gay Okay. (DANCE MUSIC PLAYING)

dont mess with the zohan

Special thanks to

SergeiK

1 note · View note