#octavia saying bellamy wouldn't be alive if he wasn't her brother and how on some level she knows he's never been allowed anything else

[lingeringscars]

#i'm not sure if this will. come across. as intended#but hear me out..#the complexity. the violent nature of this relationship - bellamy stripped of personhood of autonomy as he is made octavia's parent#brother nurturer protector prison guard. bellamy forced to contribute to the circumstances robbing octavia of power of autonomy of life in#the name of protecting her as he himself is allowed no life. bellamy made to repeat over and over what will happen octavia if she is expose#silence her cries hold space for her devastation#the capacity bellamy and octavia have to hurt each other more than anyone else and how to some degree it's neither of their faults because#the imbalance in their relationship was structured since before octavia was born - bellamy's life being for octavia and him being charged#with protecting octavia even against her will even by obstructing her autonomy#the resentment and the damage#how they are the only person who understands how the other grew up and how a part of them will always be in that room on the ark and#they will be forever trying to transcend the roles they were given#how they lash out at each other#they are the same and they are not the same. they are the same and they hate each other for it#how they each have moments of blind ferocity and violence lashing out and intentional strikes#octavia saying bellamy wouldn't be alive if he wasn't her brother and how on some level she knows he's never been allowed anything else#and how deeply it will cut because if he is not that is he worth anything#bellamy had no choice but to exile octavia but how ferocious this seems to her - how much of a betrayal his actions in s5 read to her#when octavia asks if bellamy wants her dead and he says yes#and it's both the most painful and cathartic moment in the world#and how octavia thinks a part of him has always felt this way#and how she can't blame him because she stole his life