#obviously my fucking chem exam isn't the only thing happening rn to make me like this
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panic
#this is so dumb but despite every awful thing happening in my life at the moment#possibly one of my most significant stressors for over a week has been a chem exam that i have tomorrow#like. i don't know fucking anything. and i didn't finish even a fraction of what i was supposed to do for it today#so i'm hauling ass in the morning and getting to the bus stop like an hour earlier than usual#i already have to get up at 05:00 3 days / week just to catch the bus#it is almost impossible to make myself function academically anymore and i am just terrified#i am a straight a student and my entire life i have based my worth off of my grades#i know it's bullshit but i can't force myself to think any other way#i am so fucking scared and stressed and suicidal#obviously my fucking chem exam isn't the only thing happening rn to make me like this#it's just the thing that i've been most preoccupied with#i used to be able to brute force myself to function and i still can to some degree but it's getting so much harder so quickly#i'm terrified and so exhausted all the time and have some sort of panic attack almost daily it's just#unbearable. i can't keep doing this#praying that it won't be as bad as i think it will but my god i am. so scared#apologies for rambling i don't want to be alive and haven't for a very long time#i am so miserable all the time
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