#now we're done w the craziness btw mutuals!!

[susansontag]

it's true that a lot of people online give themselves permission to say "dramatic" things about strangers because it's sadly very normalized here. but i don't think we necessarily need to swoop on the lowest level attainable and choose between different forms of violent speech every time we are really angry about something, emotionally mature people are capable of expressing strong opinions without wishing violence on the person they disagree with. instead of diverting with the whataboutism, you could just answer the question if you really care so much. what did you mean by what you wrote and if you didn't mean it at all then why not admit that you misspoke? what could the consequences possibly be?

I can see you're really clinging to this and I understand because I've done this before with bloggers on here too especially women. but I was not saying dramatic things about any targeted stranger, I was introducing a hypothetical and then giving an example of the kind of - imo - unhinged behaviour I meant. it must be kept in mind this was a throwaway joke post, made in about a few minutes or so

this is a very personal admission and shouldn't be taken as anything more than musing, but I actually have a type of obsessive compulsive disorder that used to make me feel very, strongly guilty about even saying 'I want this person to die' (and I could be talking about a world leader whose policies are responsible for killing millions of people!). I avoided any sense of moral ambiguity in anything I said because I was truly terrified this meant I was a 'bad person' who 'condoned violence' etc. but the truth is, I've given myself the permission that other ordinary people allow themselves all the time, to just say whatever it is I think, no matter if it's a bit silly, or hyperbolic, or whatever; because I should be allowed the grace in interpretation that other people are afforded when they say throwaway comments like this, too. from others (though you don't always get it, which is fine), but also from myself. the reason being is that it's not actually a huge deal or something to get so hung up on

so yes, like you, I have certain standards of conduct; I rarely (or perhaps nowadays never?) say people should 'kill themselves', for example, because this feels personal to me as someone with mental health issues who cares deeply about these topics. I can assure you, if I had even remotely been alluding to domestic violence against women when I quipped 'should be slapped', it would not have been written. I would have deleted it and written something else. this, of course, doesn't insulate me from the interpretations of others who take it a different way, either maliciously assigning significance to it that wasn't there to try and get the upper hand in an argument, or because they truly misread me and are perhaps upset I used language like that. I hope, at least, I've been able to clear up my intentions here

that said, I won't be apologising for the throwaway comment. I have considered it in writing this post and have written nothing that troubles me or my values. I'm sorry we disagree, but I still don't believe it's a big deal. you ofc don't have to accept that and can hold yourself to whatever standards of, well, discussion, posting, articulating yourself, idk, that you like. but you can't get someone else to repent for misbehaviour just because you wouldn't allow yourself it or dislike it. there was no literal person or even a concrete group against which I was threatening an actual act of violence; it was purely hypothetical to get a point across about how silly and ridiculous I find something. I believe to most people this came across loud and clear