#now to wait until you tell me you've reached your goal >:3c

[lavenoon]

Ok, so now the last chapter made me think. Robin in canon AU wasn't always a star agent, and we know they never lost that spark that made them love their job. But I do wonder how hard it must have been for them at the start.

I imagine those same comments being dismissive of their enthusiasm, of how they don't take things seriously, of how other agents would rather not work with them because of it. How much that must have exacerbated the loneliness until they got used to it and convinced themself that it is how they like it. How it should be. How they work best. (Because not having constant attacks to their confidence doesn't interfere with how they do perhaps?)

And the fact that it's been years! I wonder if there was a very early doubt that kept growing until they had to decide ok, am I crumbling down and leaving this job, or am I pushing through, and they decided to push through, but it came at the cost of lifting walls to protect themself and sacrificing some of the openness they had been willing to show and can only now crave (unitl the arrival of a certain pair of rookie agents of course <3)

Ahh, just some thoughts I wanted to share, because I love Robin very much haha

And you're entirely right!

Working at the agency is not the best job for anyone's mental health, which is why we have the theme of senior agents providing the comfort they never got, trying to keep the newbies spark alive. They know how much it hurts, and while they might not be self-aware enough to realize the parallels, they instinctively step in.

For senior agent Robin in particular, the road wasn't easy. While they did evade the gut punches of a senior agent they actually admire making them feel bad about having fun, the scathing remarks they were met with still stung.

It balanced out a bit more because they worked alone most of the time as soon as it became somewhat obvious that they just don't click with any of those agents. So while solo missions might be lonely, and they can't share that joy, it's... Better? They don't second-guess every idea, they trust themself more, and don't feel like they have to adapt to someone - so yeah, they work better alone.

It's not quite what baby Robin imagined when they joined the agency - but they do get their fun! They get that secret agent/ spy movie vibe, they get to parkour, and they have impeccable insurance because the agency sees their employees as investments. They have their house, even though half of it is empty, and their life is good!

It's...

good.

Right?

It's fine. They have everything they need, they don't need to worry about paying the bills, they get to do what they love for work.

But then they gain a rival, and boy does that change the game. There's someone who doesn't have an issue with their little quirks, or only teases them about it without actually dismissing their ideas. There's someone who sticks around, even if they feel threatened by the quick rise of ranks.

Because that's the thing. Robin is so deep in their isolation, they cannot fathom that anyone would want to simply be with them, or enjoy their company. They have to aim for their spot, or something similar. That's the only explanation Robin can come up with.

But then it becomes a pattern, and despite their wariness, Robin gets used to the contact. Just... Someone to actually talk to. They missed it, they realize. Frequent and regular contact that is not a supervisor, and it's more than the small talk they get when they run errands.

So that’s why they - so coincidentally - decide to finally do something with that other half of their home. Roommates are a built in social circle - surely tenants can’t be too different, if they get good ones? 

It’s an important step for Robin, actually. Because before that they were very, very defensive about any vulnerability, any friendship in their life. With that, they go down to “just” defensive, and, thanks to their years of social isolation in their “this is fine” cage, awkwardness when they do want to talk to someone they like

It’s also why they step in to defend their rival, so early in the rivalry, because that is the one person who tolerates them and their antics, and the one person they at least somewhat get along with. I joke about the boys being simps and getting attached so quickly, but really, Robin looked at the guy who offered a crumb of friendly socialization, and went “actually, that’s mine now. My rival. No one gets to talk shit about him or they’ll have to deal with me.” The fact that some of those derogatory comments are about how the things unique to Dusk/ Dawn and how they enjoy their work only makes that sentiment stronger.

The respective rival entering Robin’s life is what convinces them that maybe, they are lonely, and that’s why they are the one to start and take off a couple bricks from their metaphorical walls, and make all of AU possible in the first place

And, bonus, because I’m unhinged and it’s past dinnertime so I won’t start writing on the next drabble but I CAN write this, the situation breakdown in Hatchling AU! 

The scorn Dusk/ Dawn face is different from the one Robin faces, just a bit. Yes, they’re both a little peculiar in their methods, Dusk with his bedtime gimmick and Dawn with his flair for the dramatic, but they’re also an animatronic. And as animatronic they simply face a lot of prejudice still, up until and including the rumors that they aren’t actually that good, and only get the attention and reputation because they’re not human. 

(No one seems to have any braincells dedicated to the idea that perhaps being a very memorable animatronic could have disadvantages too, but yknow)

But it’s enough of a parallel that even these two (individually, of course) look at a newbie agent who is so obviously having fun with it all, and while they are already deep in their denial of fun (I’ll get to it), they just… They don’t actually want Robin to lose that. They don’t want to be to Robin what other agents were to them. 

They didn’t want it for themselves, either. They just can’t admit that they were actually hurt yet. 

So, their denial! Both Dusk and Dawn are somewhat subtle - Robin has the personalized gadgets, and very boisterous when actually on the job and not defensive towards the newbie. But Dusk only applies his gimmick when he meets hostiles, and otherwise it’s just the hat, which people look past easily enough once they get used to the sight. Dawn is simply over the top, and follows his scripts religiously, but doesn’t do anything that’s really considered out of line, or unusual for secret agents. 

So they can easily convince themselves that they’re simply shunned for their animatronic status (pointedly ignoring the admittedly few other animatronic agents, probably) and that they’re super serious secret agents - but to them, it’s not as fun as it is for Robin. They joined because Eclipse paved the way, and they were very used to job hopping. The agency makes sure they do enjoy the benefits enough to stay - but their metaphorical hearts aren’t really in it, and so where Robin kept some of their spark, Dusk and Dawn don’t even allow themselves the idea of the job being “fun”. It’s a job, and it pays the bills, and they like the insurance and that there doesn’t have to be any secrecy between them and their brother, but that’s it. It could be any job - is what they tell themselves. 

But it couldn’t, really. They had fun with the idea, and started their own little “thing”, and they still stick to that! They just also feel lonely, and like something is missing - approval, and validation, and friendly interactions. 

As newbies, one half of them does get that from the get go (after training), and the other half is 1) kept uplifted by his counterparts enthusiasm, and 2) gains a friend himself in his neighbor, and 3) gains a rival himself before things get that bad. 

All of canon (up until the confessions on the cruise mission) plays out within like one and a half years, plus minus a couple months. For hatchling au that timeline stretches a bit - closer to two years, maybe - because their relationships were a little tenser, and because there it was Robin breaking down their walls, and not them out of their own volition. But when I speak of years that the senior agents were on their own for, I usually think along the lines of 3 to 4 years (of course, go wild - this is my guideline for myself, not a rule), so the isolation sits deep for the senior agents. 

So in Hatchling AU, they start getting those missing things in Robin! Though our little bird struggles to break down the walls the boys don’t even realize they’ve built, they do! With enough time Dusk and Dawn realize that socialization can be nice, actually, when the other person is also nice and not a complete and utter cactus (shocker), and slowly warm up to their rival/ neighbor. They’re still stuck in their old mindset though, which makes them very, very awkward (sound familiar? <3), even as they do try to be friendly. 

And that’s where we are right now with those drabbles - while the reveal is not canon, everything up until Robin’s name slip is. In canon, and the way I originally intended to write it out, they simply say “he’s not so bad”, and Dusk simply goes “hmmm, respectfully, I’m pressing X to doubt”, making them laugh even more, and then they leave for HQ. 

The next part, for which I’ve scrapped the title I originally wanted (I’m keeping that one for an unspecified future drabble, maybe - it has potential), will be titled in tone with “Closer” - “Home”. We’ve seen Dusk awkwardly tip toeing the line of friendship and rivalry and what’s more than just a little crush, and in the next part, Sun will get that same attention, so do look forward to that <3