#now its like 10 and my teenage body wants to sleep

[evie-sturns]

open up - Matt Sturniolo

summary: after a long day of matt basically ignoring you, and being too grumpy to even get out of bed, you finally get him to open up to you.

contains: crying, anggstt?.., boyfriend!matt, comforting, fluff.

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10:28am

"matt we have to go baby, chris nick and i are all going to the cafe." i say softly, ruffling matts messy hair.

hes refused to get out of bed this whole morning, hes woken up in a horrible, grumbly mood.

i stand beside matt's bed, his body intertwined in the tangled duvet.

he shakes his head with a groan, i let out a soft sigh. "matt, they're waiting for us."

"bro- just tell 'm that i dont wanna come." matt croaks out, i furrow my eyebrows at the new nickname he has for me.

i fold my arms, letting out a small huff. "alright, ill be back in a couple hours." i mumble.

matt nods, tugging the blanket back up over his body.

i walk out of the room, closing the door behind me.

what is going on with him?

-----

(3 hours later)

its now 1pm, i decide to go check on matt again.

i sit up off the couch and walk down the hallway towards matt and i's room.

i approach the closed white door, knocking twice before slowly pushing it open.

all i see is a large lump under the covers, which must be matt.

i walk over to the side of the bed before peeling back the sheets. matt’s on his phone, lazily scrolling.

“hey, you okay?” i ask, running my hands through his hair.

he nods his head with a small hum,

“matt i’m a bit worried about you sweetie, you’re never like this.” i sigh,

“don’t be worried.” he mutters, still endlessly scrolling through his phone.

“you’ve not left our house in a solid week, that’s not like you.” i state,

matt tenses, putting his phone down next to him.

“i’m just tired okay!?” matt attempts to raise his voice, but it comes out as croaked and weak.

“shh- sh.” i attempt to shush him, which he doesn’t react well to.

“don’t shush me! can you just leave i’m so done with this-“

matt sounds like a whiny teenager, i feel like his mom, trying to get him to open the curtains for the first time in years.

“get up.” i mutter, tugging the sheets off him.

he pushes my hand away, “i don’t want to.”

i scoff, “matt stop, stop acting like an actual child!” i raise my voice slightly, trying to get my point across.

“can you please just leave me alone?!” matt groans,

i sigh, no longer trying to wrestle him to get the sheets off him.

i sit down on the bed beside him, i’m sat up against the headboard.

we sit in silence for a few minutes.

matt’s breathing is laboured, he’s getting so irritated by everything i do.

“what’s going on matt.” i whisper, reaching out and running my fingers up his temple.

“it’s just- i’m trying to sleep and you keep coming in here and fucking annoying me-“

matt’s sentence is cut off by his voice cracking,

“i’m- i’m sorry- i don’t mean that.”

tears start to roll down his flushed cheeks,

i’ve never seen matt cry.

i sit him up against the headboard next to me, i grab his shoulder and tug him to my chest.

“it’s okay, i’m not mad at you.” i coo, pressing kisses to the top of his head

he nods, his small sniffles turn into full sobs.

“do you wanna open up and talk to me about it?” i ask softly, running my nails up his back.

matt nods through his strangled sobs,

“i’m so- confused.” matt manages to squeeze out.

i nod, lifting the back of his shirt up and dragging my nails up his bare back.

“i don’t understand why- why you put up with me“ he sobs,

“and i know i sound like an absolute pick me saying that, but you’re just an- an infinitely better person than me.” matt speaks, rubbing his eyes with his fists,

“i feel like i’m not a fun person to be around- and you’re the total opposite like, everybody likes you-?”

i nod, letting him spill his words out.

“literally just being around you and knowing how you are in comparison to me makes me feel so shit.” he mumbles,

“the feeling i get in my stomach, it’s so bad.” he sniffs,

“i’m sorry- i genuinely sound like such a attention seeker.” matt half laughs.

i continue to stroke his back, he frantically tries to wipe his eyes everytime a new tear falls.

“you’re allowed to cry, i’m right here.” i whisper,

he nods, soft crys falling from his lips as he buries his face further into the soft fabric of my shirt.

“you know i love you so much, honestly i think i’m the one who doesn’t deserve you.” i sigh,

he shakes his head, “that’s not true.”

“it is, you make me feel so safe, you’re honestly my bestfriend ever.” i tell him, my voice full of sincerity.

matt’s crying gets worse as he hears me talk, his hands clutching my shirt, his brown floppy locks spread across my shirt.

i let him express everything he’s been feeling, letting him cry.

i think matt bottles a lot of shit up, and every couple months it all comes out in sudden bursts like these.

“i love you, i don’t want you to ever feel like this.” i sigh,

“you can tell me anything, anytime.”

matt nods again, slowly peeling himself away from my chest.

his eyes are red and puffy, his lips are swollen and his hair is sticking up in 8 different directions.

i laugh slightly, “sorry-“

a grin grows on matt’s face as he attempts to fix his hair.

“oh- oh, your making it worse.” i giggle,

i reach a hand up and try to flatten his hair,

“you’re gonna flatten it!! i’m gonna look like a pancake.” matt laughs hysterically,

“i’m a trained hairstylist, if anything i’ll make it 10x better!!” i protest.

—-

@starsturns234 @chrissturnsss s @joemamaaa42069 9 9 @sturnthepot t t @zayyluvz z z @realuvrrr r r r @livialifesblog @sturnioloblogs s @riowritesitall l l l @raysmayhem-72 @sturnsdoll l @obvisturns @stupid4sturniolo @meerkatzthings @witchofthehour r @rosalierenee43 @gabrielle-brun1 @ilovemymannnnnnn n @sturnioloxlver r @buckys-goodgirl @sturniol0s @ilovemymannnnnnnn @chr1sgirl4life @luanetaluenta @sturnsssbow @mattfangirl @luvr4miya a @luvtay111 @lolasturniolo @freshloveforthefit @ruedowney y y @lovingchrissposts @333michelle e @h3arts4harry y @jamiesturniolo o @chrisstopherfilmed @itzdarling @ @daddyslilchickenfingers2 @ev3rgreenxtrees enxtrees @certifiednatelover r r @solarsturniolo @mattsenthusiast t t t t @yomamaslays4lyfe e @peachmelbaesunpostre @alinaa131 @pepsiluvr0209 9 @creamoncreamoncream2 @szobofc c c c @mattscoquette @blahbell668 @sturniolo04 @bitchydragonparadise se e @sturni0l0tripletzz z 0 @ratatioulle @sturnsforlife v @mattsonly @justalittle47 7 @sunsetsturniolos s @downbad4reid @strniololoverr @obvisturns

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[whimsyfinny]

Pairing: Dean Winchester x Reader

Summary: Charlie discovers the Winchester boys to be struggling with keeping the bunker tidy, looking after themselves and being able to do their job simultaneously. Luckily she has a friend who’s from a Hunter family that is in need of work and can help them with research. Or so she thought that’s what her job would be. When Dean sees your more domesticated side, his head won’t stop swimming with all the wrong ideas.

Slow burn, enemies to lovers, smut

Warnings: language

Chapter Word Count: 2288

—-MDNI—-

A/N: AHHHHHHHHH IM SOOOOOOOO SORRY THIS TOOK SO LONG ITS NOT EVEN A SPICEY CHAPTER… I hope it’s ok! Let me know of any errors as I’m the only proof reader .

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Please read the below:

Prologue Chapter 1

Chapter 2 Chapter 3

Chapter 4 Chapter 5

Chapter 6 Chapter 7

Chapter 8pt1

Chapter 8pt2

Chapter 9

I’m Not Your F*cking Maid

Chapter 10

I stood in the kitchen over the stove, the smell of bacon tickling my nose as it sizzled in the pan. Watching the fat and grease splutter, my mind replayed the rapturous events of last night with every tantalising memory bringing heat to my skin and fluttering to my pulse. The simple thought of Deans hands on me set my whole body aflame. Not to mention that I woke up in his room, in his arms, listening to his soft breathing as he slept peacefully - not a single crease between his brows as he slumbered unburdened. I had crept out, not wanting to torment myself by staying by his side until he awoke.

I had eaten breakfast alone; neither of the boys rising early enough for us to eat together, so I tucked in whilst the food was still hot. I was a mixture of grateful and ungrateful in this instance. Grateful, because I could be left alone with my sinful thoughts - and ungrateful, because I didn’t want to be left alone with my sinful thoughts. They were driving me insane, spinning around and around inside my head. I desperately needed to remind myself that Dean Winchester was an insufferable jackass who seemed to be making it his life’s mission to get under my skin. And I couldn’t let him.

Oh Bobby, if you could see me now, you’d be so disappointed in my life choices…

I had just tidied the kitchen and placed the food in the fridge when I heard the front door open and close and I made my way to the main room - Charlie appearing at the top of the stairs wielding half a dozen shopping bags.

“Good morning bitches!” She beamed as she began making her way down, right as Sam and Dean strode in, sleep weighing on their features. I opened my mouth to respond but my gaze snagged on Dean, who was already looking at me and my words evaporated in my mouth. We stared at each other, both of us with a sort of dumbfounded look about our faces. Charlie stepped next to me, looking between us.

“I said… good morning bitches! No? Anyone?”

Without saying a word I grabbed her hand through the countless loops of shopping bag handles and dragged her through the bunker until we reached my room. I pushed her through the door and slammed it behind us, leaving the frenzy in the hallway as we looked at each other in silence. I huffed out a sigh, running my hands through my hair before cupping my cheeks. She dropped the bags and sat on the edge of my bed.

“What’s going on with you? Are you ok? You see-”

“I fucked Dean.”

“No!”

“Twice.”

“NO!”

I nodded and sat next to her as she jumped up, a wild look on her face.

“You fucked the guy you beat the shit out of?”

I nodded again, biting my lip and cringing.

“I thought you hated him?”

“I do. I mean, I don’t hate him. He just infuriates me so much.”

She pauses for a second, smirking and raising her brows as she sits down beside me.

“Was it good?”

I closed my eyes and breathed out, memories flooding my brain.

“Oh my God Charlie you have no idea…” I crisscross my legs and face her, and she does the same. We look like a couple of teenage girls talking about our high school crushes at a sleepover.

“That good?”

“It was the best sex I’ve ever had in my life. He’s ruined me,” I sighed as I saw her wicked expression, her gaze flitting between myself and the shopping bags abandoned on the floor.

“What?”

She picked up one of the bags and plunged her hand in, fishing around for a second before pulling out an outfit. There were… bunny ears?

OH

A slutty bunny outfit was thrown onto the bed, the bodysuit crafted with expertise and soft black velvet, with shaping-bones ascending the bodice and plush padding in the bra cups. The white cuffs were made of soft, pressed cotton, and amongst it all I spotted a little fluffy tail.

“Why have you bought me a Playboy outfit?” I raised an eyebrow, unable to stop myself from finding out if the tail was as soft as it looked. It was. Charlie beamed.

“Because the girls at this club are known for their irresistible aesthetic. You’ll need to blend in. But don’t worry,” she gestured to the other bags, “if you don’t want to be a bunny I bought you more.”

“Of course they wear outfits…” I groaned, knowing that the boys will never let me live this down.

“Plus…” Charlie wiggled her eyebrows suggestively, “now that I know you’re FINALLY getting laid, you can actually put these towards their intended use.”

I smirked and threw a pillow at her.

“Oh yeah? And when was the last time you got laid?”

She rolled off the bed dramatically before throwing the pillow back at me.

“A lady never tells!”

“Bullshit!” I laughed, before grabbing the outfit off the covers and headed to the bathroom to try it on.

*

The afternoon passed by quickly, most of it spent trying on those ridiculous outfits that Charlie had bought for me. I must have tried on a dozen, ranging from ‘let’s only cover flaps and nips,’ to ‘you’re gonna need x-ray vision’. I went for something in between, not too scandalous but enough skin on show to get the wolves howling. Charlie lounged around on my bed reading comics and muttering to herself whilst I busied away getting ready, doing my hair and makeup and quadruple checking that this ridiculous outfit wasn’t going to spontaneously explode off my body. Overall the whole ordeal took around five hours from start to finish - six if you include lunch and coffee breaks, and six and a half hours if you took into account all the occasions that Deans ego led him to believe that we ‘might need a mans opinion’ on the matter. Said ego had many a door slammed in his face.

Evening had rolled around and I pulled a long coat over myself - another gift from Charlie - making sure that it covered everything not meant for outside a club environment. Or Comic Con, actually, because I eventually learnt that Charlie had purchased this particular outfit from a cosplay website. It explained a lot to be honest. From the quality fabric to the delicate lace trims and tiny petticoats, it was made to a much higher standard than anything else she’d brought with her. Adorning the final touch upon my head, I exited my room before joining the others in the research room, my heels clicking softly on the hard floor.

Upon arrival, all eyes were on me. On my face, my cloaked body, my exposed calves and heeled feet. It was like every other gaze in this room was trying to see through the wool of the overcoat concealing the surprise beneath; a present to be unwrapped… a meal to be devoured. I wasn't sure who to look at, every set of eyes hot with expectation so I chose to study the ribbons on the top of my stilettos, observing in great detail how the fabric shined in the dim lighting. A moment passed before Sam cleared his throat.

“Come on guys, let's get going.”

It should have been Sam that I looked at when I replied, but my eyes were drawn to Dean like a compass to North. His jaw was tight and his eyes dark, as though it pained him to not know what I was wearing. Although he could have been thinking anything really, as we hadn't exactly spoken much since the tantalising events of the previous night and we definitely hadn't spoken about what had happened. I think we were both well aware of the dangerous situation we were putting ourselves in, despite trying to act oblivious to any consequences. We both knew at some point the conversation needed to be had.

“Yes,” I replied to Sam, my voice cracking from the anxiety starting to crawl up my spine, “let's get going before I freeze to death.”

*

The car ride was quiet. Too quiet. Dean was in a weird headspace and didn't crack any of his usual jokes or poke fun at anyone in the car. Sam hadn't made eye contact with me since I gave him the dance, and whenever our eyes met his face erupted into a red-hot blush. Tapping away on her tablet, Charlie paid no mind to any of the silence at first, both of us in the back seat minding our own business. However after a long wait at a red light, she glanced over at me before pulling out her phone and tapped away. It didn't take long for my own phone to vibrate. Retrieving it from my pocket, I opened the message from her.

Chazzie: wtf is going on with you and these guys?

I sighed and wrote my reply.

Me: it's a long story… and tbh I didn't give you all the details about me and Dean…

Chazzie: bitch this is a long drive, tell me! I know Sam won't look at you and Dean won't STOP looking at you. And I know Dean, he's normally a ‘no strings’ kinda guy. But bitch you've got that man on a leash.

I sighed again, throwing her a look before giving in and typing away.

Me: so Dean made me annoyed and told me I would be no good for this mission because he doubted I could even do a basic lap dance. Well, it ground my gears so yesterday evening I put on some music and gave a lap dance to prove my point.

Chazzie: ooh I bet he was in heaven, I remember when you took those classes! You were soooo good <3

Me: awww thanks babes <3 but I didn't give the dance to Dean… I danced for Sam…

I heard her choke on her own spit as she read the message and she threw me a disbelieving look.

Chazzie: WHAT?! Why Sam?! I mean it explains why he won't look at you. But whhhyyy? When you've already fucked D-boi?

Me: tbh I was mad at Dean and I wanted him to suffer. Plus I had a point to prove, he needed to be able to see the show to know I was good.

Chazzie: I mean that's true! How did he take it when you danced for Sam?

Me: tbh I don't think he was best impressed at first, but then I think he just enjoyed the show. … I do feel a bit bad for Sam tho for dragging him into his. I feel bad for using him.

Chazzie: don't! I can tell he loved every minute of it from the permanent blush on his face hehehe. You're a wicked woman tho. Really torturing those boys. How long did it take for Dean to come to your room?

Me: ughhh don’t even joke… you make me sound like I'm in some shitty YA novel… and technically he didn't come to my room. I bumped into him in the corridor. Then he told me he ‘couldn't stop thinking about me’. The we made out and then we eventually fucked in my room.

Chazzie: Welp somehow you've made Dean Winchester your bitch. Gold medal for you, because I've seen soooo many girls try and fail. So did he wake up in your room or did he go back to his? Because this is fucking important.

I looked at her and felt my face heat up, a grin appearing on her face as she playfully smacked my arm.

Chazzie: bitch seriously?! He stayed the night?!

Me: technically no… my sheets were ruined so we slept in his bed instead …

Before anymore texts could be exchanged, I felt the car slow to a stop and the handbrake engaged, engine flicking off. Dean turned to face us, doing a double take over my blushing expression and Charlie's wild grin. He mumbled something under his breath about this making him nervous before he faced forward again and Sam turned around instead, his soft gaze scanning my made-up eyes and lips.

“Are you sure you're ok with this (Y/n)? Because it's still ok for you to back out now if you want.”

The older Winchester tore his gaze away from the lone two-storey building before us; its neon lights reflecting in the puddles on the pavement. Two guys in leather jackets stood outside, and I'm assuming they were security. Dean's expression turned to one of unease as he surveyed the club from a distance.

“Exactly what Sammy said. (Y/n) this is dangerous and I don't want you going in there. Back out now.”

I couldn't help but scoff and roll my eyes.

“I've not gotten this far and this fucking dressed up to give up now. Besides, my safety isn't as important as the safety of the civilians who are at risk of leaving these vamps even a day longer. You know that. That's why we do this job-”

“Look, your safety is all I give a shit about.”

Dean's assertiveness came as a slight shock, not just to myself but to him as well. We blinked at each other before I turned to Charlie.

“Do you have the paperwork and ID I need to get in?” I heard Dean sigh and turn back to face the steering wheel, cursing under his breath. Without saying another word, I took the envelope from Charlie's grasp and flung the door to the impala open, clambered out and slammed the door behind me.

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@suckitands33 @jackles010378 @aliceeinwonderland420 @tina-theslytherin @deans-queen @hobby27 @sobearcowboy @girls-alias @selfdestructionandrhum @ericasabe @lacilou @littlemadamred @anneanirac @deans-baby-momma @swimregulas @ashdoctor @littlemarvelstan8 @atcamillanorrman @deangirl96 @zannemes @kr804573 @foxyjwls007 @divadinag @cookiemonstermusic258 @mysterialee @ababy-girl @joonseuph0ria @mxltifxnd0m @deans-spinster-witch @st4bl3-ch40s @feyresqueen @roseblue373 @clusterfuck-meup @urinternetmom @rachiem4-blog @ceeshellecee @mojos-hidden-castle @snowayumi @evzyi @mymuseisbipolar @magssteenkamp @koharuheartfilia @spookyysinsanity @safiyas-world @uncle-eggy @happyt0exist @supernaturalstilinski @h0n3y-l3m0n05 @mrsjenniferwinchester

Up Next: Chapter 11

[handweavers]

i have come such a long way with my social anxiety/phobia like i cannot stress enough how bad it used to be, when I was 10-15 i couldn't leave my bed let alone my house because the thought of being seen by people and interacting with them would cause severe panic attacks . couldn't talk in public could barely talk in private couldn't be witnessed would literally sleep during the day and stay up all night just because i couldn't bear being awake when other people were because interacting with others gave me such bad panic attacks (and it wasn't because my family was abusive, but it was worse when i was around my abusive father to the point where i physically could not move or speak because i was so scared) and i haven't been that bad in a very long time. but i never recovered from spending so many years essentially in isolation and that deep anxiety and fear will never truly leave me, and it sneaks up on me still in ways that literally ruin my life

and it's not even due to like harmful thought processes anymore or whatever CBT stuff, i dealt with all of that back then, it's solely a physical reaction now and it still gets me sometimes so badly like full blown panic attacks can't move can't speak drenched in sweat and dizzy and internally im just desperately trying to get myself to calm down and speak because it's not that serious but my body doesn't cooperate. and it's really frustrating because no matter how many years of work i do to grow past this i've been in therapy since i was 12 yrs old for it and i'm in my late 20s now and its still a constant battle. and i really resent the reputation that social anxiety has where it's viewed as juvenile or pathetic or something easily overcome, maybe some people develop it later in life and are able to overcome it but i've had it my entire life and it ruined my childhood and teenage years and still ruins my ability to function in the world. it's fucking humiliating and talking about it is humiliating because i don't want to be this way and i've been trying for so many years and no matter what i do its always here

[vee-beeee]

Snow Day

HELLO

Im back with more, also im working on getting an AO3 account so ill be posting a lot here

This is another fluffy one, then its back to goofy crime scenarios

Premise: It's a snow day, you go sleding, and you win a very intense snowball fight. (feat. hank and sumo)

Conner and Nines x reader

Warnings: fluff, like so much fluff, snowball fights and maybe one or two swear words. You never know with hank

2k words baby

edit: i wanted to get this out sooner but my POWER WENT OUT. Also I honestly don't know how to feel about this but I worked hard so here it issss hope it's not to cringeee

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You woke up to your alarm blaring through a sleepy room. You noticed it, started to stir, and then instantly fell asleep again. Totally on accident! And usually someone would wake you up before you fell asleep. Strange.

Later, you opened your eyes again slowly, feeling yourself sprawled out on your bed. You felt the hard pillow you were on moving, like it was talking or something. Blinking and looking up, you see a pair of honey brown eyes and a smile that could rival the sun looking back.

Oh. Your pillow was Conner.

You smiled back, and then in point 2 seconds realized how horrible you probably looked. You instantly started wiping your face, realizing you had totally drooled on him a little.

You heard a gentle voice, filled with delight, calling your name. You looked back at Conner and he asked you why you were rubbing your face so hard.

"I probably look horrible Conner that's why" you laughed a little while you said it, averting your gaze to anywhere but him. But a loving hand came to redirect your face to look at him again.

"I think you look adorable when you sleep, especially when you use me as a pillow. Problem solved." He did his little lopsided smile, LED a calm blue, and you instantly melted. What did you do to deserve him and Nines.

Wait where was Nines?

You guessed you accidently asked that out loud because you got a response. You were still super sleepy.

"He's making breakfast. We may have had a slight kerfuffle on who gets to snuggle with you for the morning. But he's better at cooking anyway." You guys shared another smile and you scooted up on his body to press a kiss to his cheek. His LED flashed amber and he grinned blissfully at you. You really got to admire his sleepy form now, his brown hair was messed up and he was only wearing a white shirt and black sweatpants. You approve this fit. You guys were so busy staring at each other like love sick teenagers you didn't here someone walk in the room and grab your feet. You yelped as you were dragged off of Conner while he fake reached for you. You fell off the bed on a pile of blankets and looked up to see a similar handsome face smirking at you.

"When your done gawking at each other, I made you special pancakes."

You instantly shot up and fell a little at your speed. A hand reached out to stabilize you by grabbing your wait and you blushed, quietly asking if it was okay to hug him and he nodded softening up a little. You hugged him and kissed his chest, quickly grabbing a blanket off the floor and wrapping it around yourself, before hurrying excitedly out of your guys' shared room. You made it halfway down the hallway before remembering a VERY important aspect of your life.

"WORK" was all you managed to yell out before running to the kitchen to look at the clock hung on the wall. It read 10:34 and you almost fainted. You were supposed to be in the station at 7:00 sharp.

You were still staring at the clock when your boys walked in, looking at you in amusement.

"We decided to surprise you and we all have the day off." Nines simply stated, arms crossing over his chest to gaze at you.

"Its a perfect day for it too, look outside" was what Conner said before walking to wrap his arms around your blanketed body. You turned to look over your kitchen island, to your ceiling to floor windows in your apartment.

It was snowing. Hard.

You laughed with amazement, it looked beautiful. Like how winters looked in your childhood memories. You felt Conner's arms release you, and you gravitated towards the window when you heard a throat clearing. You whipped around to Nines who was looking at you with amusement and handing you a plate of the most delicious looking pancakes known to man. You quickly took it and gawked at the pancakes, they looked and smelled amazing. Thanking him like 30 times while he chuckled, you sat down at the kitchen island facing the windows so you could watch the snow come down. You had your blanket draped over you while you ate, and that made everything extra cozy. You moaned on the first bite, Nines was genuinely a really good cook. Besides being programmed to know a few basic meals, he also explored this hobby after full deviancy. He really enjoyed it as an activity for himself.

While you were eating, Conner came to sit next to you and slid a mug of Hot Coco over to you. It even had SPRINKLES on it. Were you dreaming still?

He gave you another signature sun boy smile when you looked at him with the biggest, heartfelt gaze you could muster. He and Nines just talked to each other while you ate. You always felt a little awkward eating around them because they couldn't. But they said they just enjoyed watching you, Nines specifically appreciated being able to have you taste test what he made.

You overheard them discussing what to do that day, and you quickly swallowed another bite and piped up

"It's snowing, we could go sledding in the park! Or make snowman, or snowball fight" you started rattling off ideas and the androids turn to watch how excited you looked when talking about the activities. That basically settled what you all were doing that day.

You spent an hour getting ready with the boys, both of them making sure you were wrapped up tight. They also had turned their internal body temperature up, so when you held hands theirs would be warm. It would also help so their internal systems would not freeze, but it would have to be super cold for that to happen. They still dressed in jackets a beanies, to match you.

After Nines had teased you for walking like a penguin with how many jackets and snow pants Conner had fastened you up with, you guys were ready to go. As you were waddling through the door, you realized embarrassingly late that you didn't have a sled. You expressed this concern to the boys and Conner quickly answered

"We can always go to the store to get one, and when I had done an internet search on snowman making I learned that a carrot is needed to complete the look. We can get more decorations for them also."

You gave him a big dopey grin, loving the thought that Conner had literally done research on how to make snowmen. Soon you were out the door and into Conner's car.

He had an awesome sleek black one, that you named the Bat Mobile. It was full of cool gadgets and was super safe (he picked it out because of its specifically because of that). You were just happy that you got to play your music.

You got in the passenger seat, having yelled out "shot gun" upon seeing the car parked in the apartments lower level garage. Nines grumbled but followed the rules and sat in the back like a good sport. You sent him an apologetic glance after sitting in your seat, but he returned it with a glare so you stuck your tongue out at him in retaliation. He then proceeded to roll his eyes half heartedly and chuckle.

You turned back around and put on your favorite song. Conner set the car to auto drive to the nearest winter store. He gently leaned back in his seat and moved his head slightly to watch you hum along to the song and move your shoulders in tune with the music. You didn't see it, to focused on the window and snowy world outside, but Nines saw. He smirked and started a secret conversation with him, LED blinking

"You're grinning like and idiot right now." Conner turned around to frown at him.

"You would be to, she looks so adorable dancing to her music. I do have to say, her music taste is more delightful than Hanks". Nines rolled his eyes and looked over to see you putting your hands in the air for a mock imitation of singing. He chuckled and stared at you a bit before basically hearing Conner smiling smugly at him.

"See?" He raised his eyebrows in a questioning glance.

"I understand now" Nines admitted, leaning back in his seat. He realized he had moved forward a bit to look at you. A slight smile on his face, he crossed his arms. Conner looked back to the road ahead of him and realized they were close.

You guys pulled in just as your song finished. You had really gotten into the song for a second, you probably looked silly. You noticed the seat next to you was empty and then remembered, Conner always rushed out the door so he could hold yours open.

Like a GENTLEMAN.

You giggled when he opened the door and you got out with a little bow and thanked him. He blushed blue as his LED stuttered amber and you kissed his cheek, making everything worse for his poor systems. He rushed to say something, but you were already on your way to the store with Nines at your side. He locked up the car, smile on his face and hurried after you guys.

After securing the sled and some snowman decorations, you all got back in the car. You volunteered to be in the back since Nines had been so nice to let you in the front last time. He said that it wasn't necessary, but you were insistent. So he relented.

The store wasn't far from the park, and you all got out of the car once again. As you got out, you basically took 3 steps before falling backwards into the snow. You started making a snow angel when Conner and Nines, holding your supplies, looked down on you from above with amusement on their features.

You chuckled and Conner held out a hand to help got you up, and you graciously took it. You looked out at the park, filled with suprisingly few people and whispered under your breath

"Let the games beign"

(a little later)

"Conner I cant do it! He's too fast!"

"Yes you can! Just hide behind that tree on your way to the flag and he should miss you."

A faint voice across the field yelled out

"I can hear you guys. I was made with advanced hearing."

Conner and you shared an eye roll, and then he kissed your temple good luck.

Currently, you were in a fierce capture the flag meets snowball fight battle against Nines. You and Conner teamed up because Nines was basically a 5 man team. He told you he would try his best to go easy on you, but you had told him not to. You remembered that time fondly. You had been so confident.

"Y/N he's coming out of his fort! Go Go!"

You let out a battle cry and ran across the wooded part of the park and heard Nines foot steps thundering behind you. You felt something whizz past your face, not hitting you but sending a threatening point. You wheezed a laugh out and ducked behind a tree. You could hear Nines slow and walk towards the tree you were hiding behind. He was just teasing you now. This was the feared deviant hunter, one of the most advanced androids, a more advanced model than Conner himself. But....

He had fallen into your trap. Because waiting around another tree was none other than Hank himself.

He came over to the park on his lunch break and brought Sumo, and he was happy that it had snowed so much so he wanted to enjoy it. It had been a tough day of teaching a new recruit, so when Conner said you guys were at the park having a snowball fight he was so there. Hank didn't want to miss the opportunity to pummel Nines in the face with a snowball.

Just when Nines started creeping around and grabbed your arm, you screamed

"HANK NOW" Nines jumped around, trying to evade this new attack, but it was to late. He got smacked in the face by 3 snowballs. 1 from Hank, who was currently laughing his head off, and 2 from Conner who had also snuck up behind Nines while you were hiding.

Nines groaned in frustration and you bounced out of his grip to run over and capture the flag from his fort. You bolted over to Hank and Conner, shooting your arms up into the air in triumph, holding the prized flag. Conner stood and watched you while grinning and Hank shot middle fingers to the sky, completing his task of hitting Nines in the face. A totally Hank thing.

Nines came and patted you on the back, and you gave him a quick peck on the cheek for being a good sport. He blushed a teeny, tiny amount and looked away with his LED blinking amber and brows furrowed.

Hank had to go back to work, but he left Sumo with you guys. Your boys decided they wanted to go sledding, so you found a great hill in the park.

"Okay so tuck your legs in, and keep them in the vehicle at all times." you were currently instructing Nines how to sit in the sled, you were in the front and he was behind you. Conner stood with Sumo, waiting his turn. Nines wrapped his arms and legs around you, with a surprising amount of protectiveness and strength, and you shivered when he breathed down your neck. He chuckled and saw the opportunity to catch you by surprise. He unwrapped his arms from around you and used them to suddenly push the sled down the hill.

You screamed in shock and clawed at the arms that had re-wrapped around you. He "offed" out in surprise as you guys hit some rocks hidden in the snow. You shrieked out in excitement as you spun the rest of the way down the hill and sled to a stop. You heard laughing and barking from far away while Nines wrapped his arms around you again and kissed you hair. You sunk into his strong front and sighed.

Next was Conner's turn. And he was ready.

You got in the same position you were in with Nines and snuggled in. Conner waited until you were ready to push you guys off, a curtesy a CERTAIN SOMEONE had not shown. As you were speeding down the hill, some barking could be heard behind you. You shifted to turn in Conner's grip, which caused him to turn also, and saw Sumo was chasing the sled. You and Conner laughed in delight, watching the dog bark furiously and get closer to the sled. You both were so busy looking at Sumo that you didn't see where you were going. You realized way to late, that you guys were heading

RIGHT for a tree.

"TREEE" you yelled and Conner quickly jumped into action to untuck his legs and hit the breaks. You skid to a stop just as the nose of your sled kissed the oak. You heard cackling from up the hill and felt something wet on your cheek. Sumo was licking your face. Conner chuckled and pet the dog, asking if you were okay. You leaned into him and delivered a thumbs up into his face. Which made him laugh harder.

The last thing to do was make snowmen. But what Nines and Conner didn't know, was you were making snow androids.

You were making them.

You guys went you separate ways so you all could surprise each other with your creations. You found a secluded spot in the woods and quickly got to work.

After a couple minutes, you were getting tired from rolling the snow. But you needed to push on. The Snowdroids needed to be perfect.

Finally, after 20 minutes, they were complete. Conner's was slightly shorter, having buttons and a carrot nose with a blue jellybeans LED. ( You wanted a snack earlier and decided to use every material on hand for making snowmen)

Nines was taller, he had 2 sets of buttons and a regular carrot nose. But you had added furrowed branch brows on him. Then you added the blue jellybeans final touch.

You were extremely proud of yourself. Your snowdroids looked awesome. You were patting yourself on the back for your work when 2 sets footprints crunching the snow graced your ears.

You turned and saw Nines and Conner approaching with sumo, and staring at your snowdroids.

"Y/n.." Conner started, walking to his and admiring it.

"I do not look this angry all the time" Was Nines response, but he was smirking looking at his. You and Conner turned at the same time to say a quick "yes you do" and he huffed.

"Dear this is a perfect, accurate representation of my likeness" Conner took your gloved hand in his and kissed your head. You felt yourself go flush and Nines came to do the same. They then took mental pictures, while you took an actual pictures, and you 3 (and sumo) started off to see Conner and Nines creation.

On the way they revealed that they had teamed up to create you. You expressed how cute that was and finally caught a glimpse of it.

It looked exactly like you, it was adorable. Stick hair, buttons, extra details, with a carrot noise.

You laughed in amazement "You guys this looks so good!" You immediately started taking pictures and doing poses with it while Nines and Conner shared a chuckle.

Eventually you started to get really cold, and it was late, so Conner and Nines took you to your guys' shared home. Not before making a pitstop to drop Sumo of to Hank.

Your home looked so cozy, so much in fact, that you didn't even bother taking off your gear and threw yourself, face first, on the ground next to a heater. You heard 2 muffled voices talking and felt your boots being taken of by gentle hands. You rolled over to look at Conner and smiled at him. He lazily returned it and unzipped your jacket while Nines came into your vision holding one of the comfiest looking blankets ever, You got out of your wet clothes and were left in your underwear, so Conner gave you some clothes. A mix of his and Nines clothes actually. You quickly put on Conner's sweatpants, and Nines sweater. You three all got on the couch and the boys turned their body heat up. The surrounded you and wrapped you up snuggly in their arms.

You fell asleep hearing them talking, the sound of the dishwasher going, a heaters fan whirring, and watching snow come down outside.

It was an awesome snow day.

And down in the darkness of night were three snowman. One looked like it had been completely picked up and moved so it could be with the other three, and they were all holding hands.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Okay so I failed at making it short.

SORRY for plot holes or spelling errors.

THANKS FOR READING

edit edit: DUDE I COMPLETLY FORGOT ABOUT THE FLAG IN THE CAPTURE THE FLAG PART i cannot

[buckybarnesss]

on fire: a teen wolf novel chapters 10-13 chapters 7-9 here chapters 4-6 here chapters 1-3 here

after a little break i am back with a new installment i'm doing 4 chapters today because this book only has 19 chapters.

once again: kate argent is her own warning.. there's an entire flashback chapter of her and derek when he was a teenager. she explicitly grooms him.

Our intrepid heroes are still in the goddamn woods. We shall never leave. Allison is cold and so Scott snuggles with her to share body heat. Classic trope but I have read many missing persons cases. Hypothermia can happen even when you don’t think it can. 

And we have yet another example of Derek being characterized as kind of a dick. He and Stiles find a campfire as Derek tries to track the scent of the Alpha and/or locate Scott. Stiles is just having a bad time as he’s winded from trying to keep up with Derek. Derek leaves him there. I reject this. No. Derek never left Stiles anywhere like this. Especially not with danger afoot. It very much stands in contrast to Wolf’s Bane when Derek crawls over broken glass and fights Peter, distracting him from Stiles.

The Queen has finally arrived. We finally get some Lydia narration. She also comes with Danny and some random dude Damon. 

It had been kind of annoying Danny hasn’t been involved that much considering he is Jackson’s best friend.

Have I mentioned that I don’t particularly care for how Danny is handled in this book? First you have Stiles assuming they should send Danny to the pay-by-the-hour motel because he’s gay and now Lydia’s narration is stereotyping the poor guy. “Dark-haired, with that cool Hawaiian vibe he had.” Danny was right to leave y'all.

Danny says he doesn’t have Lydia’s phone number which I sincerely doubt. 

I want to throw hands with this line “He gave her a completely non-sexual once over.” It’s giving gay-best friend trope vibes which to be fair was at its height in the 2010s and let’s face it this is how Lydia was often written pre-character development (and even after). Especially in the Sterek fandom. Don’t y’all try to tell me otherwise. I was there, Gandalf. 

There is this little section of Lydia’s I think deserves some commentary. The way this book has a subplot for Allison and Scott revolving around how they want to sleep together and the way Jackson and Lydia think of their relationship, especially their sexual relationship is interesting. Now, I’m no pearl clutching Puritan on this subject but the way that sex is handled in this narrative strikes me as too adult for their age. But this passage makes me change my perspective a little. These are kids acting too adult because they feel pressured in other areas of their lives to be adults without the experience and emotional capacity to do so. That fits in with Teen Wolf’s narrative. 

“Are you going through his stuff?” Danny queried, and she have him her best patronizing look, “Please,” She said, “You must know that I have a drawer here.” Damon looked even more impressed. Very few teenagers could claim the very adult perk of having a drawer containing their belongings at their boy -- or girlfriend’s house. Not that many teenagers had the need. It spoke of changing clothes, spending the night. Adult stuff.  Sex.”

Jackson’s computer wallpaper is Lydia which is sweet but then she says she picked it out herself which is less sweet. 

Jackson’s computer password is fucking Captain. You deserve to be hacked, Jackson.

Now Lydia brought Danny and his hanger on Damon from her house to Jackson’s because they’re looking for a CD Jackson apparently burned for Damon to use to DJ for a party. The 2010s of it all came out and kneed me in the solar plexus. Even Lydia was wondering why Jackson didn’t just make a shared playlist. But she searches through Jackson’s stuff stalling a little so she can snoop. This is all important because we finally get to the actual plot of why Jackson was lured away and missing in the first place. People want to rob the Whittermore’s while they’re out of town. Jackson at this point is still being held at gunpoint over in the preserve. 

The would be robbers -- henceforth referred to as Thing One and Thing Two -- assault Lydia and threaten her demanding to know if there are other people in the house. Lydia truly gets a raw deal no matter what.

Meanwhile, Derek’s left Stiles and is trying to follow the scene of the Alpha. He uses the word “shedding” to refer to how he left Stiles. I cannot impress enough how he would not fucking say that.

Derek’s out of luck though because the scent he comes across is old. He is at the place he found Laura’s body where he has a Moment of Anger before he moves on he picks up on Jackson’s scent. He recalls how he dug his claws into Jackson back in Magic Bullet and feels a tiny bit bad. He finds a half burned article about Jackson and does what I deem a Derek thing to do and that’s pocket it because he’s “keeping tabs on Jackson”. It’s stalking, Derek.

Narration switches back to Stiles and of course he gets weird quickly and Stiles what the fuck? Stiles doing something like this during the later seasons wouldn’t be out of the norm. He’s paranoid, hyper vigilant and suspicious at that point but here? Season 1? Stalker.

“He had tried calling Scott a couple more times, then Allison, then Lydia. He’d had her phone in his possession when he deleted the picture she’d accidentally taken of the Alpha. Of course he’d also inputted her number into his own phone; how stalkerish was that?”

Derek reappears and scares Stiles. Stiles observes “He was kind of sweaty, and he looked glummer than usual.” Stiles refuses to be normal about Derek. 

They have a little tiff except it’s them being worried about the same thing but in opposite directions. 

“Stiles crossed his arms and hunched over, shivering and trying to make himself inconspicuous, in cast the Alpha spotted Derek and decided to attack him. But Derek was a Beta werewolf too, like Scott. Why wasn’t he part of the Alpha’s pack? Maybe he is. Maybe he just hasn’t told us, he thought. “Or maybe it’s some kind of trap,” Derek said, “Something the Argents cooked up.” “You mean that Allison’s in on it?” Stiles asked, sounding incredulous.  Derek slid a glance at him. “Why do you sound so surprised? You know what the Argents are. What they do.``

And so we have arrived. The part of this book I remember the most. The Derek Hale Flashbacks. We go six years into the past. 

This is definitely where the idea of Kate Argent working at Beacon Hills High comes from and it makes a lot of sense. It even works even better given the context of season 2 where the Argents actually infiltrate the school as a tactic. 

Holder puts Derek on the swim team which is funny in retrospect because of how the swim team is important to the story of season 2 but Derek is established in season 3 as having been on the basketball team like Peter.

Holder also does a little world building on werewolf customs and pack dynamics here which the show lacks in detail. The way Holder does it is far more patriarchal than what the Hales actually are in the show. There’s a focus on Derek’s father (unnamed even here), the contest/rivalry between him and his cousin Josh, entrance into manhood and Uncle Peter. 

I am still deeply amused by Holder making the Beast of Gevaudan an ancestor of the Hales when the show took the route of making it far more deeply connected to the Argents.

The deepest of sighs at this : “Unlike Laura, who was popular, he didn’t have any human friends, and he didn’t want any.” I just have the hardest time with isolationist, anti-human Derek. Season 3 Derek called and told Book Derek to fuck himself. Derek had a posse of generic human friends.

Kate preys on Derek while she fills in for the main coach as he’s on paternity leave. Also Kate’s up here just brassily using her actual name.

Like Derek’s about 16 here so I can easily buy him noticing a pretty young woman in close proximity to him but Holder does a good job in making it clear that while Derek’s attracted to Kate superficially her interest in him makes him uncomfortable. Derek’s narration says things like “Flustered, even a little frightened.” and “He practically ran out of the school, looking over his shoulder.”

Holder then parallels Scott and Allison once more which is a, um, choice by describing Kate’s hair in the moonlight and Derek almost wolfing out. 

Apparently Laura and Derek shared a Subaru Forester. Which Hale lesbian bought this?

Now up until this point I’ve mostly avoided talking about Laura and her presence in this book because I was saving it for this scene. Laura Hale is a ghost in the narrative in the show. She’s seen maybe three different times outside of being a corpse. She’s never actually named in any of those short appearances and no one talks about her. Here she’s mentioned several times by Scott, Stiles and Derek. Plus now she’s shown in Derek’s flashbacks. I don’t like her all that much here and I think this might be where some of Laura’s fanon characterization comes from. 

Anyway, Derek and Laura are at a diner together eating hamburgers. Derek drinks Diet Coke. Look, I don’t see him as a Diet Coke drinker but that’s not the point here. Derek mentions Kate and how he thinks she’s so beautiful. Laura has this moment where she seems concerned:

“Is this...woman a student?” Laura asked. “No. She’s the new lifeguard. Ms. Argent.” Mr. Braswell’s replacement.” “School lifeguard?” she said, looking mildly shocked. “A teacher?”

After this though Laura’s characterization takes a nosedive. She refers to Kate as a slut when at this point in time Kate hasn’t really done anything necessarily wrong. Derek only really tells Laura of thinking she’s pretty. Laura’s never even met her.

She goes on to tease Derek about his crush -- the word mateable is used 🤮 -- and Derek shuts down. “Suddenly, he didn’t feel like talking to her about it anymore.”

I hate it here.

The next scene is another flashback I recall vividly. Melissa and baby Scott being abused by Mr. McCall. This fuckface trying to convince Scott that his asthma attack isn’t real and it’s all in his head. I want this man to die. Interesting that later when Rafael McCall is introduced he’s still The Worst.

Catch these hands. “Scott didn’t want him to yell at his mom because Scott had asthma. It wasn’t her fault. It was his, Scott’s.” 

If Melissa McCall had killed him no would have charged her. 

Back in the present we return to Scott and Allison. They’re still cuddling but realize they’re supposed to be looking for Allison’s keys. Her phone rings and they have a mishap which sends Allison down the incline. She takes him with her.

They recover but Allison has now lost her keys and phone. Bad day all around for Ally A.

Scott finds Allison’s phone using his wolf powers but he can’t let her know that so they use his phone to call hers. 

Her ringtone for him is apparently a band called Kids of 88. I had never heard of them so after a quick search their biggest hit was in 2009 My House. Which again -- sex.

Scott went to get her phone but he’s prevented by an invisible barrier. Wolfsbane. He makes up a lie about his leg being hurt because like how else do you explain not being able to touch a bush?

They sit down and Scott’s having thoughts like “Oh I wish Derek were here” so you know it’s not great. Allison talks a little about how she’s close to her parents.

They are fucking kissing again. Stop it. It’s not the time. 

Scott decides to text Stiles and says Stiles knows his username and password. We all know. It’s the ever iconic Allison. Jackson and Scott truly deserve each other.

I forgot Jackson was still being held at gunpoint while all this has been going on.

Jackson makes an attempt to escape but yet another guy is waiting at the Porsche. How many people are there? Two here, Cassie probably and then the two at the house. So 5 people in total it appears. Geez. 

His escape fails and he’s taken hostage. Jackson never has a good time. 

All of Chapter 13 is Kate and Derek. Shall we brace ourselves?

“One by one the other swimmers left, and he’d remained behind, torn between disappointment that she hadn’t done it again, and complete and utter relief that she was staying away from him.” Holder writes young Derek having the instinct to know Kate’s attention isn’t good.

Now Holder does do some interesting bits of worldbuilding but like I said earlier it seems so patriarchal. Surrounding challenges and fighting. His view of humans in the book is one of paternalism. 

Kate is going in for the kill now and I’m crawling up my own spine. She makes herself come across as demure. She’s playing meek and turning the whole thing back on Derek giving him the illusion of choice as she grooms him. She purposefully is coming across as more of a peer than an adult figure with authority. 

“She swirled her fingers in the water. “And this isn’t really my style, you know?” I don’t come onto men like this.” Men. She thought of him as a man. He licked his lips, completely tongue-tied. “I wish you’d say something,” she murmured. “I’m kind of dying about it now. I’m sorry if I misread your intentions. I won’t bother you again.” “I know we’d have to be careful. Outsiders might not understand.”

Excuse me. Earlier Derek mentioned his rival -- his cousin Josh -- apparently Peter’s sister-in-law’s kid. Here he mentions Laura had made out with Josh the previous Wolf Moon. Did Laura make out with their cousin?!?!?!?!?!? There’s no other Josh in this book. Like I get they’re not blood related if Josh is Peter’s sister-in-law’s kid (which lol okay bro) but what is happening here on this day?

Kate wants Derek to come home with her for privacy -- ew. So Derek calls Laura to negotiate. Hence the whole conversation about Laura making out with cousin Josh. Laura says “This is so you can do something slutty.” I deeply dislike this characterization of Laura.

And now we’re in Kate’s narration for the flashbacks. I need a shower after reading her thoughts. God, I hate Kate.

Holder goes into detail about her ideas on werewolves. It’s interesting. There’s competition for rank within the pack, challenges and rituals. I want to do a post specifically about it maybe, but I am offended on Talia Hale’s behalf here. It’s very focused on males. The automatic assumption that the Alpha is Derek’s father.

 I cannot say fuck Kate enough. “Some kids in high school are babies and others are all grown up, ready for the real world. Like you.” The classic manipulation tactic of oh but you’re so mature for your age or oh they’re such an old soul. 

Wishing Kate Argent a go ahead and die.

[heyybaejjk]

SAU, LA'U TAMA AULELEI - CHAPTER 10 !

pairings; teen!miguel o'hara x fem samoan oc

summary; Siana learns things the hard way. So does Miguel.

warnings/notes; phone sex 🥲 underage sex, gabriel getting walked in on F-F-FUCKING, a lil sprinkle of manaias mum and her lore 😞😉 jealous miguel, busted my ass trying to spell everything in samoan, and its still shit mb gang. trifling ass gabriel 😭 not proofread

series masterlist prev chap next chap

One can only imagine the humiliation someone can experience when they're weeping on the small, sharp rocks laid out in front of the house they once called home. Their fragile body can do nothing but shake and tremble as tears fall continuously down their hot face.

Those in Samoa who didn't have properly built walls around the comfort of their home, just a few pillars to hold a roof, were expected to hear the commotion from the larger house that they enclosed.

"Ga'o lou kē kē mai i lou kaemaile," A voice spat. A voice that held such authority over the poor teenagee that trembled on the ground. "Alu ese ma i!" [1 - just looking over here, you dogshit] [2 - get away from here!]

"Fa'amole, tinā. Fa'amagalo mai iā ke a'u," A held-back cry had been broken into a fit of multiple coughs. Sweaty palms had clasped together as if in prayer, trembling in the cold night, their hot cheeks that stung from numerous blows to the face had only added to the displeasure. The disgust. The shame. [Please mum, forgive me]

Siana was only 17 when she was kicked out of her family home. She was a disgrace, a disappointment, anything but a daughter in her parent's eyes. Her title as a Chief's and Pastor's only daughter was stripped away from her, leading to nothing. 17, pregnant, and with the little money she had in her pocket, she endured a walk of shame as eyes watched her leave her village. She was left living in the streets of Apia.

There isn't much a girl at her age can do when alone with little money and dressed in clothes that'll start to stink within the next day or two, as well as jobless. She most definitely wasn't going to be comfortable sleeping on the hard, freezing floor in front of the small shops she used to hang around with her friends. And she most definitely wasn't going to find it easy sleeping at all near those who were homeless, those who she made fun of with her friends for not having a proper roof over their heads. Now look at her. Alone, cold, and homeless.

Her knowledge of the work field was limited to nothing. How could she know anything? She was a spoilt child with no sense of knowledge on anything but her wants and needs. She didn't think that other teenagers her age needed to work because she didn't. She had money, food, a warm place to sleep; and necessities that people her age had to work for when their parents had it hard.

Nonetheless, Siana found herself sitting down, head and back against a wall while she had her arms wrapped around her legs that were clutched tight to her chest. There, she slept for the night.

Miguel had woken up in annoyance, scratching the back of his head roughly as he sat up. Heavy hands run through his soft brown hair, "Fuck," he mutters. He looks over to his alarm clock and it reads 3:16 am. Miguel wasn't the type to wake up in the middle of the night for nothing. Something had reached his ears, he's not crazy, he knows he isn't.

He sighs and tries not to think too deeply about his sudden awakening, now resting his back against the headboard. Sucking in a deep breath, arms now crossed against his chest. He closes his eyes to relax, taking in the silence and slow breathing as a source of meditation. He doesn't remember much of his dream before it was ruined. What he does however remember, is holding the face of the most beautiful girl he's ever laid his eyes on.

Her face was like a puzzle piece that fit perfectly between his larger hands. Her doe eyes caught him in a trance, long eyelashes fluttering up at him. Miguel's hands were gentle with her, a thumb strumming against her smooth cheek, admiring her eternal beauty. Ever so plump lips curve into a gorgeous smile, then form into a shy grin as her eyes avert their gaze from his own. Honey brown eyes are forced to look into his own as he chuckles deeply, his head tilting as he follows her moving gaze.

"Look at me, Manaia," he finally whispers to calm her flustered state. She complies, now looking at up him with those same beautiful eyes. His eyes drop down to her lips as they open, "Miggy-"

"M-Mh! Gabriel" a distorted whimper calls out from the room next to Miguel's.

Then he finally hears what woke him up. He knew it, he knew he wasn't crazy.

Annoyed and furious. Miguel rushes and rips away his sheets from himself, getting up and putting on his night glasses. Too enraged, he walked out of his room without a shirt, the cold air of the early hours in the morning was most definitely not his main concern.

Without knocking, Miguel opens the door to Gabriel's room.

Gabriel whose face turns into disbelief, grabs his blanket to cover the lower half of his body at the sound of his door being opened.

"What the fuck is wro-"

"Who is it?" Miguel stomps closer, not caring about whatever the fuck he caught his brother doing.

"What-" Gabriel reaches along his bed and puts on his shirt that was disregarded an hour prior to cover himself more at each step Miguel took.

"Hang the fucking phone up," his nose flares, eyebrows creased. Not caring for answer, a loud bang is heard when Miguel hoists Gabriel by the collar of his shirt and slams him against his headboard, to which Gabriel groans, his own hands trying to push Miguel away, "Who the hell were you calling!?" Miguel yells.

If Gabriel weren't much of a fool, he would've noticed the slightly hurt tone in his older brother's voice. He could've also seen the tears that threatened to fall.

"Fuck! Get off me!" his hands flare everywhere, "I already hung up when you barged in like a fucking psycho!"

Still not getting the answer he needed, Miguel pulls his brother forward and harshly back against the headboard. Gabriel coughs harshly. Miguel sucks a breath in. He had to ask. He had to know.

And with what he asks, and what answer he gets is going to be all on him for being too overdrawn by emotion.

With a shaky breath, he glares into Gabriel's soul, "Was it Manaia you were on call with?

Gabriel, now stunned, his flaring hands had rested against his bed to keep himself up. A smirk arose on his face, all shock and anger had been thrown away. With a prideful grin, he chuckles deeply, "Yeah, it was her, Miggy. Got a problem?"

There was no way. There was no way in Hell it was her.

"Show me. Show me your fucking call history," he watches Gabriel grab his phone, "Don't move your phone away and delete shit. Unlock your phone and show me, Gabriel."

As Gabriel unlocks his phone, he taps onto the call app and shows his history.

Miguel's heart drops and shatters into pieces. Lo and behold the top name on his call list.

Manaia 💜 last ongoing call was at 3:19 pm

Sione <3: na na na come onnn

Sione <3: na na na come onnn

Sione <3: 'cause i may be bad but im perfectly good at itttttt

Sione <3: sex in the airrrr idc i love the smell of ittttttt

naia fiyah: what do you want dood 😞

naia fiyah: u started the song off wrong btw 😕🤞

Sione <3: mf why did you deactivate your insta account again 😒 yo ass is always trynna be mysterious

naia fiyah: BECAUSE WE HAVE EXAMS IN TWO WEEKS MAYBEEEE? yk my routine stupid tongan

Sione <3: youve been hanging around david and kiuga too much to get that language

Sione <3: and come school you ass, im in the library by myself and you've been coming late for the past week 🥲 imy

naia fiyah: my mum had one of those nights again, i have to wait until she wakes up and make sure she eats :(( and yk pele never does things around the house

naia fiyah: and not a lot of buses come around my house around 8, ill be there during first breakkk

naia fiyah: oh and i have a favor to ask sione

Sione <3: nope

naia fiyah: please i'll buy u food :(

Sione <3: aww u love me that much you'd spend money on me 🥹 u broke asssss

Sione <3: what is it dawg

naia fiyah: i really need to talk to miguel, i dont have his number and i wanted to apologise to him for something and i feel bad

Sione whines into his arm, "Stupid Samoan," he cries. Hiding his face in the arch of his bent arm, the other arm stretched out to watch his screen turn black. He sends a quick text confirming his part in the favour.

"Good morning, Sione," Miguel greets from behind, "Are you okay?"

Sione turns around and is met with Gabriel instead.

Oh.

Sione had forgotten how eerily similar, yet oddly different the O'Hara brothers were. The voice, hair, and face in some way were nearly the same.

Gabriel hadn't been in his new high school for more than two months, and people already mixed him up with the older O'Hara. None can blame him. One can, however, distinguish who was who if they tried.

Miguel was taller. On the buff side. Speaks only when spoken to. Most of all, he never talks to girls in the way they want to be spoken to, let alone touched. Miguel doesn't talk to girls in general, unless it's Manaia. For good reason, of course.

But now that reason was gone.

Gabriel on the other hand? He was lean and tall, but overthrown by his brother. For sure, friend requests were blowing up his phone by the time he had gotten home on his first day.

Sione nods his head in acknowledgement, "Uh yeah, yeah, m'fine. Thanks, Gabriel."

As much as Sione was desperate to befriend the younger sibling of his close friend, he wanted to back out of that idea. The eagerness compared to weeks ago was gone. He had no relation to Gabriel outside of school like he did with Miguel, and he had a feeling as to why. So he distanced himself from Gabriel as much as he could.

"Ah, good morning, Miggy," Gabriel sends a smirk to Miguel, the said boy who makes his way over to both of the teenagers.

Sione feels relief at the sight of his friend.

Miguel grumbles, his piercing eyes never leaving Sione, not wanting to ever look his brother in the eye. He takes a seat beside Sione, facing away from Gabriel, who stays standing up.

"Morning, Miguel. Manaia said she'd be here late, BUT- she does want to talk to you," he wraps a friendly arm around Miguel's shoulder. He feels disheartened when he gets shrugged off.

He chuckles dryly, looking over to Gabriel, "Like she'd want to talk to me. She was talking an awful lot last night with Gabriel."

"Huh? What do you mean?" Sione asks.

He looks back and forth between Miguel and Gabriel. To this, Gabriel just shrugs and lets out a small laugh before walking off.

"Oh, you're so funny, Gabriel!" a chuckle had left Manaia, she covers her mouth as she continues walking.

She has just arrived when the first break of the day started. She was greeted by Gabriel first, she didn't have a chance to find the rest of her friends as his arm was already draped along her shoulder.

Losing track of time, the bell had already gone as they spent their time together laughing and mucking around together.

Manaia while slightly disheartened at not seeing Sione, she turns to look at Gabriel.

"I have to go now, Gabri. I have English with Sione and Miguel now," she doesn't fight back a smile at the mention of the said O'Hara. Gabriel notices and bites back a smile himself.

"Oh right, yeah, Miguel," he looks down at the beautiful girl and gives her a feigned sad look. "You're interested in my brother, I'm guessing?"

Manaia hides her face in her hands, "No, not at all!"

"Hm, sure, sure."

All she had to do was say yes, and his plan was intact.

"Now, I thought you were a good girl. Don't good girls tell the truth?" Gabriel raises a brow, his free hand tickling her side.

She giggles, "Okay! Okay!"

She stops her steps, and Gabriel follows.

Now completely facing him, she takes his hands into hers and sways side to side to keep herself content, trying to ignore the shy feeling deep inside of her at the thought of Miguel.

"Miguel and I had a bit of an argument not too long ago," she shows a small pout, "But I want to be close to him again."

Perfect.

"Oh? That's perfect. I can help you out, Manaia," his charming smile hid his devious smirk.

Everything was in his favour.

prev chap

[hellbubu]

Hello!! Ik im super late, I spent the whole saturday travelling back to my hometown (a 7 hour travel turned into 10 so i just wanted to sleep after) and today was fathers day here and i had a family asado, so i got home at 5pm and also wanted to sleep after so many hours of ~socializing~ lmao Also, here I have next to zero privacy and it's very difficult to have 'unproductive' time online ¬¬ My mother demands at least 6 hours of conversation a day and its...exhausting

Anyways, finally watched the ep! And it left me with more doubts than answers tbh

First, I think Blue house really doesn't give a shit about the tournament. Its a given they're gonna lose, so why bother with much training? I think they participate out of obligation, but I bet being in the team is more like a chore than an honor at this point lol (idk how Derrick would fake it, except by saying he's the leader when he just played for fun and left the rest of the responsabilities and strategizing to others?)

Somehow Derrick IS less creepy as a zombie, ngl. His dead eyes at least make sense when he's, you know, dead.

And I must say that I already didnt think much of the P4, but after this??? Bitch, be fr right now. Did they seriously just slaughtered 6 people??? And did it for the 'school traditions' not even the student body who are the actual victims!? Cause I'd totally support them if they had thought of the students, since the fucking 'Lower Master' (which i guess would be the vicedirector/vicerector???) was in on it (which eeeeeeeeeeewwwwwwwww????????' like, are you some kind of pedo sadist? or just so hard up for that whiskey? what is your deal, man???) and they had no recourse for justice. But eh, maybe plan a little?? The tiniest bit???

Also, we don't see what became of the others!!! Did they kill them all? Did they knock them out and left them tied up somewhere and waited for Druitt's people to murder them?? (Imagine you expect your nephew to have killed 1 (one) boy and then he just throws SIX corpses at you lmao) And WHY were they more worried about Derrick than about the Lower Master? WHERE ARE THE TEACHERS IN THIS SCHOOL? You *cannot* pay me enough to believe that 4 teenage boys have more autority than the full roaster of teachers? *They* never wondered where the man was? Why were they following orders from children??? How little did they interact with their superior than a zombie didn't arouse any questions?

(Also, HOW did they took them all out? Wheter they killed them or knocked them out, there were 4 other robust boys and a full grown adult and they had one single weapon! I was kinda expecting Violet to start throwing butter knifes a lá Sebastian when he crouched before the door lololol)

And that post-mortem hit really was overkill. I guess they felt Derrick was completely to blame and wanted to let out some anger. How do you even coordinate a hit like that tho? Awkward xD

I did not expect Ciel to keep up the innocent act lol. Yeah, suuuure you don't understand a little murder as a necessity (or as a treat xD) And admitting murder so readily is the epitome of stupid!! They didnt even ask you directly if you killed him! You could have said he died accidentally and you just...stumbled into UT's cult. Bluff or something, man! Amateurs

Yeahh I totally believe people with more wealth and prospects have more 'episodes' planned out. Poor people tend to just think about the end of the month and then the next one and so on. Rich people don't have many limits to their imaginations (I mean, the men dont.). I believe the LM, being an 'educator' had probably plans for multiple of the boys and their futures and how that'd affect his, bla bla bla and that's why he became so...lifelike.

Oh, so you're in the UT is Ciel's grandad train! Or is it canon now? Idk, I feel lost xD (But ALSO. Why is UT not chasing the people that killed his son/other Phantomhives and instead antagonising the only actual Phantomhive left???????? It makes no senseeeeee)

I don't give a s h i t if bullets didn't do UT harm. The SECOND I heard that 'heh-heh-heh' I'd be shooting. Three bullets at least (Ciel's gun is a modern one, why the f idk, so he prob has 20-25 bullets instead of the 5-6 of revolvers). I'd just want some *blood*. (Kudos to Ciel for keeping his head straight tho, UT would have probably bounced the bullets and injured the others)

Hartcourt is going THROUGH it today. He was probably very relieved when Blue House humiliated themselves in front of the Queen cause people would probably forget what happened to him in the pitch. But now this??? Poor baby. He's gonna have nightmares for YEARS.

I love the idea that O!Ciel still has an inner goodness that neither of his blood family had, even without being hella traumatized as a child.

Sebastian being pre-cog is bullshit. Just say you're insecure, Seb. It's okay. UT kicked your ass before, it's fair to be scared lolol

And poor Joanne passing out. I kept expecting Ciel to shoot the zombie Sebastian was protecting him from in the head, making his head explode, to remark the fact that he can (kinda) protect himself (sometimes). Alas, he didn't. Wasted oportunity!

Sebastian totally wants the Queen dead. He hates his master being someone else's dog xD

I LOVE that Ed went away but only to look for a weapon and come back!! Love that kid lol

The P4 were expelled and left probably in disgrace, but really, how much?? Like, they obviously end up working for Druitt (WHY?) but....adopt a new identity? Leave the country? I love that they sticked together tho. And even this the crown had all of THIS covered up; so really, they could have just done better.

Love the servants and the little glimpse we got of them! Ciel missed them too, it's obvious ha.

Oh, the Queen is 10000% evil (like pretty much any monarch of this time period) and very much had something to do with Ciel's family dying. Why tho, is the question.

Traveling for so long is tiring, adding to that socializing, amor you should probably rest a bit more. Just imagining me traveling 10 hours plus having to socialize that much makes me feel like one of UT's bizarre dolls.

Maybe Derrick just made the others play badly so that he'd look better? But that just makes it funnier when the time for the tournament comes and he's shit. "I'm just here to have a good time." "Well, stop having a good time and start properly playing!"

Honestly, I kinda like how much they value tradition because it makes the school seem a bit evil. Others have already pointed out that this arc is a mundane horror arc. The pace and the goals make it seem like one of those teen movies but not quite right. Ciel needs to get rid of a bully, he needs to get close to the popular kids (the P4) so he can get invited to the party (the midnight tea party) like in the movies. Ciel is almost like that unpopular kid who wants to become popular. But at the same time, the arc reflects how society as a whole works. You need to network, gain trust, etc. to get invited to certain things. There are traditions or processes that could be changed but aren't because "they work just fine rn. if it ain't broke don't fix it."

I don't like that the P4 are idiots that share 1 brain cell, because in what universe do you decide to try and bring your victims back to life???? They'll tattle on you.

The Lower Master is 1000% a pedo sadist. Why else would he be hiding in the shadows watching kids get beat? IMO he's as bad a Druitt because those kids are under his care, the parents put their trust in that institution, in that fucker and he does that? he's a bitch.

There is only one teacher in that school and it's Sebastian. Otherwise, the other houses would have a coach too. But it only seems like the Blue House has a coach, that does spend a lot of time with one particular young boy and carries him when he's hurt and kinda flirted with another and made him confess to being bullied... yeah, that school has too many faculty that's into kids... poor kids.

Violet kinda just blocked the exit while Redmond + Bluewer held one person and Greenhill beat up Derrick. I love Violet, I really do, but there's no way he took down the rest of the boys. Those boys should've been able to run and the P4 should've been forced to hunt them down for sport.

The P4 are lucky to live in an era where they can't be easily voice-recorded. Because if Ciel wasn't the Queen's Guard dog, it'd be a he said, she said kinda thing. The moment Ciel started asking, they should've just said," I have the right to an attorney and won't speak without one present."

Gender and socio-economic status must play a big role. There would obviously be exceptions, there's always people eager to climb the social ladder (marrying kids into a better-off family, a middle-class family pushing for one of the kids to go into a good, respectable, career, etc.) The LW was probably just eager imagining what kinda of kid he'd see beaten up next year and what success story would decide to mention his name as an inspirations or whatever, maybe he even wanted to become the headmaster.

Amor, I don't think he's Ciel's grandpa. I just think he was Claudia's sidepiece. She probably rode that D while away from home when he was busy being the Guard Dog. She probably left after fucking, meaning UT wrote their names and drew hearts around them in a notebook. Maybe they're canon in the manga, but I just find this funnier.

I feel like UT would've either been offended had Ciel fired at him or found it hilarious. Because that kid knows not even 2 reapers and a demon can take him on but he still shot at him? He'd burst out laughing.

Harcourt is the real victim. He shat himself in front of everyone, he discovers one of his crushes is a butler, then his body goes into shock because there are hungry, hungry zombies and he pisses himself, lastly, his two crushes are being gay in front of him and he passes out. And by, like, the next day, his boss is expelled, his crushes leave, and he isn't allowed to talk to anyone about what happened. My boy needs therapy.

I think Yana has spoken at times about how Vincent is kinda very evil and just the fact that he's evil (even if he's so soft and attentive to his sons) was kinda passed down to them. I think R!Ciel might've inherited more of the Phantomhive evilness because he was the oldest and Vincent might've spent a bit more time since he'd inherited everything. I also think that Ciel has always been the one with more inner goodness, I think. I've seen screenshots here where O!Ciel says he wants to start his toy company because he's almost always inside (cause he's sickly) and wants kids like him to be able to enjoy themselves because most toys are outside toys. Meanwhile, R!Ciel tells him that it's dumb and stuff. There's also a difference when it comes to how they speak about the Earl's duties to the people who live in the Phantomhive land and how they talk to servants from the little I've seen.

Ed is such a sweet boy. I like the dynamic between him and Ciel.

I am 10000000000% Druitt approached them and gave them the job because he "loves" his nephew. The only way Druitt becomes tolerable to me is if I HC him hating his family and going out of his way to fuck them over. That's why he's doing this to poor Redmond. Because I doubt even he (Druitt) is stupid enough to think that any of this is a good idea.

and very much had something to do with Ciel's family dying. Why tho, is the question.

I can answer this question. She had Claudia killed because she UT's D but he was too in love with Claudia. She obviously had to wait until there was a Phantomhive heir old enough to be a Guard Dog before killing her, hence she waited until Vincent was around 15 years old. Then she got impatient because UT had still not gotten over his ex and killed Vincent. She probably wouldn't give a shit if the twins dies because if UT didn't want her, then she'd at least have killed all he loved and would just give the title to the Midfords or some other family. (joking)

My best bet is that they were turning against her or knew something that they shouldn't and she didn't trust them to keep their mouths shut.

[spacecadet-ticklesinspace]

This is a fun little prompt idea i had!

One of my favorite ideas are wake up tickles! When i think of the spidey boys, i can see Peter 2 and Peter 3 both being up and Peter 1 still being asleep and they want to wake him up and obviously they agree there is only one way to do it, with tickles!

"Alright One, its noon, you gotta wake up!"

Ler!peter2 and ler!peter3 lee!peter1

(Awww, this is adorable ❤️ wake up tickles are just top tier because they're so much fun to play around with :) you can be fun, aggressive tickler or you can be soft, gentle tickler depending on the situation ❤️ It's a win-win either way! Hope you enjoy Anon, and thank you :))

"Alright One, it's noon, you gotta wake up!"

"Mm!" One whined.

"Looks like someone stayed up past their bed time again," Two teased as he sat on one side of the youngest.

Peter 3 sat on the other side. "Ignored bedtimes make for cranky teenagers."

"Mmmnot," One mumbled and curled into a ball.

Peter 2 and 3 shared a look. Their baby brother always argued he wasn't adorable but then he would do the cutest little things.

Peter 3 ruffled One's curls. "You can't sleep all day Bug, you gotta get up."

Peter 1 pulled the blanket over his head. "Nooooo!"

"Peter, you have 10 seconds to get out of bed or else," Two warned.

There was a huff from under the covers before everything fell quiet again.

Three shrugged his shoulders. "Well, you warned him."

Peter 2 sighed as he grabbed an ice cube out of the water cup left on the youngest's nightstand. "They just don't listen do they."

Three watched as the oldest rubbed the ice cube together in his hands. "What are we going to do about it Two?"

Two dropped the rest of the ice cube back into the cup. "Simple."

Peter 1's upper body popped into view as the blanket was yanked away. Without thinking, One covered his eyes with his arm. This movement allowed Two to quickly shove his now cold hands under the youngest's shirt.

One squealed. "AHH! WAHAIT!"

Two's frozen fingers skittered across his belly. "Wakey wakey."

"NAAAAH YOU JEHERK!"

Peter 2 pulled his hands out from One's shirt. "Are you going to get up?"

Peter 1 groaned and covered his eyes with hishands. "Don't wahant to."

Both older brothers noted the small smile tugging at the corners of One's mouth.

Peter 2 wiggled his cold fingers into the youngest's neck. "Come on, where's that little face?"

One turtled into his shoulders. "NOO!"

"Yohou're doing ihit wrong Two." Three gently pushed his older brother aside. "Let me show you how it's done."

Peter 3 then placed two fingers on each One's sides then began walking his fingers up. "Come out, come out wherever yohou are."

Peter 1 broke into bubbly giggles that made both his older brothers grin. Then Peter 3 slipped a pinch to One's ribs.

The youngest's hands shot down to grab the middle brother's wrists. "AHH! Hehey!"

"Thehere he is!"

"And you claim you aren't cute," Peter 2 cooed.

While Peter 3 resumed his attack on his ribs, Peter 2 added in some light pinches to his cheeks. The double attack kept him squirming in multiple different directions and a dark blush burned across his cheeks.

After a couple more moments of friendly torture, the older two released the youngest. Peter 1 curled into a ball of airy giggles.

"Ahare you ready to get uhup now?" Two teased.

One whined. "Fihihine."

"Come on Bug! We want to go have some fun!" Three exclaimed.

Peter 1 pushed himself up. "What did yohou want to do?"

"Well, the park's not too far," Peter 2 replied.

"The weather's perfect too!" Three sprang to his feet. "Come on!"

The youngest jumped out of bed. He had been begging for a park trip all week but they just hadn't had the time.

A moment later, both younger brothers bounded out of the room with Peter 2 strolling behind.

[misocucumber]

for the ask game: ❤️💥🎁🏷️🦈🧪📚🎯💌 (i know that's a lot so feel free to leave some of them out if you don't feel like answering them)

I'm gonna answer them all and you can't stop me!

❤️ What is your favorite line that you’ve written in a fic?

He had gotten dressed tonight with the modest hopes of holding hands with a girl, and instead he had ended up making out with the most ineligible bachelor on the island.

Honestly it sums up what I love about Hirosei -- Hiroshi being sweet and clueless, and Handa being attractive but hopeless to woo. Also Through the Trees is my favourite fic so I just had to choose one from there, but I have lots of other favourite lines.

💥 What is one canon thing that you wish you could change?

I know Barakamon is slice of life, but I do wish there were more major changes to the status quo. I was so sad when Ojou got sidelined in the manga because her chemistry with Handa was great and I really wanted to see more of their friendship, perhaps a little ‘will they, won’t they?’. As much as I ship Hirosei, I can’t really see it working out in canon, with Hiroshi leaving the island and Handa staying.

A time-skip could have also been revolutionary, perhaps 5-10 years in the future with an older Naru. Handa butting heads with a teenage Naru could have introduced some fresh conflict into the story.

🎁 Have a piece of a WIP you want to share?

Hiroshi couldn’t pinpoint the moment he had become friends with Handa, but he remembered the moment he had fallen in love with him.

                It was earlier this year in the middle of spring. Hiroshi had brought Handa lunch and they had eaten together in the back room, the sliding doors open to let in the breeze. Over Handa’s shoulder, Hiroshi could see the cherry tree in the backyard, its stark branches covered in pink, fluffy blossoms. It was a beautiful day, dry but warm, the sunlight pale in the vivid blue sky. They ate a heavy lunch and afterwards Handa stretched out on the tatami like a cat in the sun.

                “Don’t fall asleep, you’re cleaning up,” Hiroshi warned.

                “Mm.” But Handa’s eyes had slipped closed and Hiroshi could see his chest rising and falling, steadily growing slower as his body relaxed into the floor.

                Hiroshi rolled his eyes. Typical. He gathered the dishes and took them to the kitchen, running hot water and scrubbing them clean. Handa might as well get his sleep now before Naru finished her own lunchtime nap and came to bother him.

                The window above the sink rattled and Hiroshi felt a strong gust of wind lift his shirt from behind, blowing his hair into his eyes. With one soapy hand, he brushed it away and turned to shut the doors. He stopped in his tracks.

                Pink petals whirled in flurries on the wind, dancing, drifting, alighting on the floor. Handa lay on his side, head resting on his outstretched arm, eyes closed, covered in cherry blossoms. In his hair, on his skin, caught in the folds of his sweater. He looked so serene, so angelic, so stupidly handsome, a bolt of yearning struck Hiroshi in the chest and it ached.

                Petals stuck to the balls of his feet as he tip-toed across the room and stood over Handa. He knelt. He was close enough to see the cables in his sweater, his long eyelashes, his parted lips. Close enough to kiss him. His heart ached and ached and ached.

This is part of a one-shot in which Handa loses his voice and Hiroshi looks after him. Both of them struggle to communicate. It's very fluffy.

🏷️ Is there a tag you like to search for when looking for fanfics to read?

I'm extremely guilty of writing fanfiction, but not really reading it myself. But when I do, I usually search for a pairing and then HEAVY use the filters. I'm not super great with using tags!

🦈 Which character is the toughest to write?

Definitely Naru, I have zero experience with seven year olds. Handa can also be tricky because he is so neurotic and it's hard to make him do literally anything outside his comfort zone without it sounding out of character.

🧪 Do you research for your fics?

 A little bit, but not much. Sometimes I read about calligraphy, its cultural significance and why and how it is practiced, and occassionally I will look up specific kanji. Recently I went down a rabbit hole reading famous Japanese haikus because I wanted to have Handa write some, and discovered I really love haikus. (This was for a sequel to Like a Vigin in which Handa writes a haiku for a calligraphy competition, perhaps involving Hiroshi 👀)

📚 Is there a fanfic or fanfic writer you recommend?

I truly haven't read fanfiction in a while, but let me dig through my bookmarks to find some gems! (limited to Barakamon).

@nanamicide writes some truly adorable Hirosei fluff, the one I keep coming back to is Patch Me Up for some great secret relationship + doting that is absolutely my jam.

Wintering in Paradise by Itylien is a hidden gem, I love the premise of Handa catching lice and all the banter with the gang is great.

Ordinary Miracles by sencha is another great, more subtle Hirosei that feels like it could be canon, honestly.

Tenser's Night Terrors series is seriously spicy and one of my favourites hehe.

Another spicy one is Home by tastewithouttalent, in-character reunion sex, enough said.

Everything by cortae is just sensational, honestly the foundation of the fandom. My favourite is Both because sneaking around + secret relationship, but also because I love Kawafuji.

🎯 Do you have a writing milestone you’re working towards?

I would like to make a habit to write a little each day, even just for five minutes. Hopefully then I can clean out my WIP folder!

💌 Is there a favorite trope you like to write?

If you haven't noticed yet, I’m a sucker for secret relationships and sneaking around, the drama is just too good. I also like to write characters navigating a fledgling relationship, it's so ripe for tension and mishaps, as well as some really funny and sweet moments.

Thank you anon for sending me so many prompts! I'm currently sick in bed so this was a welcome distraction.

[tomandgeriatric]

go ahead and ignore me i'm complaining.

been going through some real real real rough body image issue stuff past 2 weeks or so. I'm normally a pretty body neutral kind of person but something's been getting to me past few weeks and i'm uncomfy and i hate it. So in order to somewhat help because i know these things are contributing to what i'm not liking, I've been trying not to drink Soda or Alcohol, and drink water only but water is SO BORING (i'm sorry don't come for me but yes i'm one of them pathetics that doesn't drink enough water because it SUCKS SORRY!) and i get SO bored without alcohol (bad relationship with alcohol i know i know i know) i've just been feeling ready to jump out of my skin. I'm also trying to save money because i have a trip next month, and that's super hard too so i'm stressing about money for that and i just. am tired. I've been sleeping a lot more the past week or so too, mostly because i can't spend money or drink when i'm asleep lmao. ugh. ugh ugh ugh. Tax money did come in today though so that's helping ease my nerves a little bit. I really want to drink though :/ I'll get to on my trip next month its fine. oh i also need to quit smoking weed once i run out of what i have, because weed's not legal where i'm going and i'm not tryina get in trouble anywhere BUT i also have been a daily weed smoker for like, 10 years now? lmao and i've actually never really taken a tolerance break. not since i was a teenager anyway.

[eternal-nyx]

1 MONTH ON T

 10/25/2023-11/21/2023

Days 29 - 56

Today is day 29 of my HRT diary! Holy shit! As of writing this, I have just taken my 5th injection.  Let's throw together a quick little list of the changes we've seen during month 1. 

Day 29

October 25th 2023

Hygiene: 

Looking into buying a new deodorant. Mine is slowly stopping working and I need to use so much more of it. My feet stink! I don't even wear socks or shoes. I never leave my house!!!!! This is wild. My body odor in my underarms is very much locker room stank, and my under-breasts smell like old taco bell. The amount of showers....JFC, 

NSFW: 

One inch of growth in the first month. Not mad about that at all. This thing is a plump little monster let me tell you. I get random erections, like a teenage boy. Sitting in the car? Erection that tingles and itches. Eating pizza with my family? Erection that makes me have to shift my weight, but I can't escape it! Crying over my broken bong? Yup. Erection there too. Fuck you, tick tack dick. 

I own an entire box of toys. I have a very healthy sex life and a partner who is more than willing to assist. But no matter what I try, it doesn’t STOP. And it’s not emotional its physical. I can FEEL this…..tingling? Fullness? I expected sensitive, and I expected wanting to have sex more. But being PHYSICALLY aroused more when I just wanna take a nap? Or watch tv?

Peeing is weird. I was just sitting on the toilet, peeing like one does, and I COUGHED. And my pee YEETED onto the wall instead of going in the toilet. Like....henh? The urethra in the AFAB anatomy isn't anywhere near the clit. The fuck is happening? Well. Whatever, guess this is life now. 

If my boobs don't stop feeling bruised soon I STG I might just cut them off myself. Holy fuck. Ow. 

Appetite: 

Early on I had some increased appetite that I actually benefitted from a lot. It helped me combat my ARFID ED, and was a welcome change. Though, now it's starting to taper out as nausea and PMS symptoms kick in. Hoping it comes back as my cycles hopefully cease.

Body Hair: 

Acne in places I never thought I would get it but here we are. Ass acne? Breast Acne? Thigh? Sure. I have Hidradenitis suppurativa (HS), also called acne inversus, I'm used to that shit. But my NECK?! MY SCALP? MY FUCKIN ELBOW?! The hell?! 

Vocal:

Yeaaaaaaaaaa we dropped ya'll. I'm a raspy, cracky, little bitch but OH I am loving it. I can't wait to see where it settles. 

Here are some things I wrote during earlier weeks about vocal changes:

October 18th 2023 

Night 21-Morning of Day 22

Overnight my voice really started to drop into a raspiness. It's like the beginnings of Laryngitis but instead of squeaking I'm rasping. That said, the rasping feels soothing on those sore areas of my throat. Using my voice in this comfortable range seems to help progress it without hurting it. 

October 13th 2023

Day 17 

Talking voice has begun to crack

October 16th 2023

Day 20

I think my voice just DROPPED

My throat hit an all time sore today. 

I was rubbing it and gargling numbing medicine and water. I'd taken the max dosage allowed for OTC ibuprofen and Tylenol every 6 hours on the DOT. I even took an extra of my fibromyalgia pain management medication. I had trouble eating, vaping (nicotine), smoking (medical weed), and also literally had chose my food based on what would help my throat or at least not hurt it further. I even spent parts of the day silent and nonverbal to try to sooth it and let it rest. 

However, I found that to be counter productive. I realized that using my voice in a comfortable chest voice range helped to sooth some of the tenderness. So I sung some poor man's poison and some seether. Then I went back to not talking again. It just HURT all morning. It's even affected my sleep. The throat pain bothers me more than the clit sensitivity. 

Just now, before typing this, the pain started to subside and all of a sudden my voice is like gravely and feels like I'm talking from my breastbone and not my throat. 

October 17th 2023

Day 21

The sore throat is less intense and no where near as constant. It comes and goes and so does my voice. Sometimes its normal, sometimes raspy.

Body General:

My mother noticed a change in my face shape during a video call. She said I look more like my father. 

I've noticed a change in my over all torso shape, however I'm not sure if it's due to weight loss, as I've lost 20 lbs, or the T redistributing things. Could be both I suppose. 

Menstruation:

I took pregnancy tests every single day I was late to be safe. All remained negative

After being intimate with my partner this morning, she informed me there was blood. I went to inspect, and sure enough, my flow started. My cramps are intermittent but normal for me in the moderate to severe range. So far the actual flow is light. Continuing to monitor changes. 

Misc:

Shaved off my face a few weeks back to monitor the new growth more accurately. Starting to feel itchy stubble on the chin. Here we go. 

Moody AF. Might talk about increasing my Cymbalta dosage actually. It's kind of intense.

[tangentsimmer]

A Friend, Indeed (xoxo, Ari Ito✨ || The Sims 4: Get Famous)

CONTENT WARNING: Sexual themes, drug and alcohol use mentioned in this post and are intended for mature audiences. Reader discretion advised.

Ari's head was spinning. It was after 1AM by the time Ari walked out of the studio. The air was humid as it had just finished raining a few minutes ago. The city lit up; San Myshuno never sleeps.

Ari and Krishna worked to fine tune Ari's songs for her EP, titled Talk To Me, which had four songs. Track #4 features a local San Myshuno rapper and good friend of Ari's, Wade Sharpe (stage name: WADE). Ari re-recorded some vocals with Krishna, and together they created magic, making Ari's EP sound better than ever. Ari felt a moment of pride as they listened to the final tracks together. Ari shared the final tracks with WADE via FaceTime, and he was pumped for its release as well. This is ready, she thought. I'm ready.

By 11:45 PM, the EP was completed and ready to be released by the label, just in time for the surprise drop and tour announcement at midnight.

By 11:50 PM, Akira made his way over from his apartment to the studios with a bottle of champagne to celebrate.

"To Ari's current and future success, and to Talk To Me!" Akira raised his glass of champagne as a toast, and everyone followed suit, cheering as the clock stuck midnight, and all scheduled posts were sent out into the world. Ari just shared 4 new songs to the world, one of which she had written years ago in her song diary as a teenager. A song that was her baby, now out for everyone to hear. And to perceive. The feeling of dread hit Ari briefly before dissipating because now? Well, now, she's going on tour. What a dream.

Ding. Ding. Ding ding. dingdingdingdingdingdin-

10 new followers. 80 new followers. 750 new followers.

hunterhuntsley, and 3.9k others followed you.

hunterhuntsley tagged you and 3 others in a post.

hunterhuntsley, WADE, and 30,348 people liked your post.

dreamerdirk followed you.

By 12:05 AM, Ari was trending all over mainstream media. She was gaining hundreds of likes, comments, and followers every minute. Other celebrities were reaching out, following, praising Ari's music. Hunter's fans were flooding Ari's social media with praise and speculations about the collab between her and their favorite artist.

"Oh, we're making waves now, baby!" A very drunk Krishna passed around high fives throughout the room.

By 12:15 AM, the internet managed to dissect, criticize, and worship Ari's life, music, personality, and body. According to tabloids, "Ari Ito and Hunter Huntsley: Power Pop Couple™" have been secretly dating for months and that's why Ari gets to open for him on tour. Who even is she? Other "news" sources shame Ari for touring with the "Playboy of San My." Doesn't she respect herself at all? It's sad.

By 12:20 AM, Ari's EP was trending alongside Hunter Huntsley's album and tour. Ari was up to 210k followers on simstagram. The comments on her posts ranged from entirely supportive to downright hateful.

"You should stop reading about yourself online, it never helps." Akira was shuffling out of his shoes as he and Ari entered his apartment, located conveniently across the street from Dinky Beats Studios. The rest of the crew went their separate ways for the night, giving Ari and Akira some time to hang before Ari's flight back home to Oasis Springs later this afternoon. "It's hardly good for your mental health."

"I'm not reading about myself." Ari crossed her arms in defense, much to Akira's amusement. He smirked, rolling his eyes as he emptied his pockets into the tray by the door. "Akira, this is a really big deal. I've been wanting to release an album for a long time. I mean, yeah, it's just an EP, but it's a start. And now I'm about to open for a celebrity, like an actual, real touring celebrity! And so many people are saying so many things, and it's crazy. Dirk Dreamer followed me, by the way!" Ari placed a hand on her forehead, trying to process. Her mind was moving as fast as the popups on her phone. "I feel like I should be a lot more pumped than I am right now. Right now I'm just...overwhelmed. I was happier earlier today in the studio, but now?"

Akira placed his hands on Ari's shoulders. "I know. That's your body telling you that you need to step away for a bit and come back to it later. Come on." Akira dropped his arms and pulled his phone of out of his jacket pocket. He turned it off and placed it on the end table by the door. He reached out his hand to Ari. "Hand it here. I have a some joints with our names on 'em, and some cool albums to show you. Check your socials later once you digest all the stuff that's already happened. For now, let's shed the phones and enjoy the moment. Because, you're right. This is a huge deal. And you deserve to be here in this moment."

Ari took another look at her phone, now on silent. The notifications have been raining in for the last half hour, and they weren't slowing down. Ari wasn't convinced she could even use her phone without it crashing right now anyway. She surrendered the phone to Akira. He placed it beside his.

"Okay," Ari sighed, "but I need to wash this day off of me. Also, can you make me a margarita? I need to get festive."

Akira laughed, heading towards the kitchen bar, turning on various lights along the way. Ari watched in amusement as he pulled two margarita glasses from the bar, gathering the ingredients for the drinks. Akira methodically poured and garnished both drinks, much to Ari's delight.

"Whoa, Chef A! You, sir, are going to make a lady very happy someday." Ari internally kicked herself when she realized what she said, overanalyzing how it sounded. She laughed weakly, hitting the joint, her gaze shifting to the ground. This amused Akira, smirking as he poured their drinks.

"So I've been told." Akira winks, placing Ari's drink in front of her as he strategically swiped the joint from her mouth.

"Hey!"

He was already laughing from the other room. "Have a nice shower!"

Ari rolled her eyes playfully before taking a sip of her margarita. Damn, this is delicious. Some shuffling around could be heard from the living room and then sounds of record scratching. Selena Quintanilla's voice soon filled the rooms. Ari smiled before throwing back the rest of her margarita, making a mental note to always have margaritas made by Akira, because god was that truly one of the best drinks she's ever had. Ari noticed earlier that Akira had an insane amount of vinyls and CDs scattered around his apartment in organized mountains (organized by genre and year, according to Akira), so it was no surprise that he would also have Selena on vinyl. Coincidence? Probably not. It was public knowledge that she grew up listening to Selena. Still, Ari thought the gesture was sweet.

Ari was able to make her way to the guest room where she slept the previous night after initially coming to visit. The bathroom was luxurious, with stone floors and a large soaking tub. Ari was able to briefly enjoy the shower yesterday morning before heading into the studio, and it was heaven. Ari decided to take a bath this time, and began to run the water. As she soaked, she was trying (and failing) to ignore the probable near-thousands of notifications that were on her phone right now. Also, Dirk Dreamer follows her!

A knock at the door snapped Ari out of her thoughts. "I made more drinks!" Akira's voice chimed in from the other side of the door. "They're in the fridge when you get out."

Ari smiled devilishly, feeling a lot more confident thanks to that last drink. "That sounds perfect. Think you could bring it to me now?"

Silence. Ari bit back a smile, imagining Akira's bewilderment.

"Er, uh...you want me to come in?" Ari was having more fun than she wanted to admit flirting with Akira.

"Yeah? I'm out of my drink, and I'd rather not get out the bath to get another one."

"So...you're in the bath." Akira said this as more of a statement and less of a question.

"Yes."

"And you want me to come in."

"Yeah." Ari listened with a satisfied grin as Akira walked to the kitchen to pour another drink and walk back to the bathroom door. She batted her lashes at Akira as he opened the door slowly. His eyes flashed with desire briefly before composing himself, handing her the drink. Ari chuckled, reaching out for the drink, exposing her breasts, relishing the attention. "You can join me if you'd like, Akira. I'd like that a lot, actually."

Turns out, Akira was more than happy to join her.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Ari and Akira sat on the couch with their own joints. It was after 5AM, according to Akira's wall clock. The sun began to make its appearance in the sky. Ari and Akira's phones were still by the front door. Ari spent the last few hours listening to albums with Akira and discovering just how incredibly skilled he was in bed. And on couches. And countertops.

Ari exhaled, breaking the silence they shared. Ari appreciated that she could sit in silence with Akira and be comfortable. "Did you already have Selena on vinyl," she asked over the music, "or did you go out and buy it after reading my article?" Akira laughed at Ari's jest mid-inhale, causing him to cough. Ari chuckled.

"Actually, no," Akira responded once his coughing fit subsided. He drank some water. "I already had the vinyl, thank you very much. My dad and I collect vinyls and CDs. Sometimes we trade back and forth, trying to get each other into new and old music, ya know? Kind of like what I'm doing with you right now," he laughs.

"Selena was in a stash of vinyls he mailed to me a while back. It's actually one of my favorites, so I kept it. She was incredible."

"Yeah, she was."

The two sat in silence again for a while, staring at the cloudy sky through the large glass windows. The morning breeze was blowing through the loft, making the air cold. Ari shivered.

"Are you scared at all?"

It was Akira who broke the silence this time.

"Scared of what? Going on tour?"

"Well, yeah, I guess. I mean...fame in general. I mean, look at what happened to Selena." For a moment after saying those words, the air felt still, despite the breeze. Ari frowned.

"I just want to share my art," she admitted after a moment. "I want a fun way to express what I do. There's a risk in everything, I guess. I don't worry about that so much as I worry about losing myself. I don't wanna do that. I don't want to have to change for anybody, but I don't want to let anybody down."

Akira shifted his gaze from the floor to Ari. She continued to stare at the floor.

"You won't," he murmured, studying her face.

Even with her face bunched from worry, Ari was still the most beautiful woman Akira had ever seen. He was mesmerized by the way her silky black hair framed her face. Her eyes seemed to always twinkle. Her lips were perfectly pouted. Akira felt connected to Ari. The attraction was driving him crazy. Physical aspects aside, Ari was a really cool person to know. She was funny, confident, sexy, and smart. Her personality was electrifying. Her knowledge of music, expansive. Akira realized that Ari was someone you pull an all-nighter with listening to records in your penthouse apartment. He hasn't had that with anybody in a long time. Not since her...

Akira shook his head quickly, dispelling the thoughts before they had a chance to run wild. He took Ari's hand. She gasped lightly, getting caught by surprise. Ari was lost in her own thoughts, too.

"Ari, I hope you know that no one is more deserving of this than you." Her eyes twinkled. "You deserve this recognition, and you deserve to be celebrated." Akira leaned into Ari, using the tip of his nose to trace circles on Ari's neck as he spoke. "And I personally really enjoy celebrating with you and wouldn't mind doing it again." Ari shivered, going mad.

"Don't you think we've celebrated enough for one night?" Ari laughed shakily. Her laughs turned into sighs turned into moans as Akira's hand began to roam.

"I could celebrate with you over and over and over, but that's just me," Akira murmured, causing Ari to shiver again. Ari couldn't see his face, but she could feel him smile as he teased her.

"You've made a lady very happy today, by the way." Ari sighs, leaning in to Akira's gentle touches.

[tweakin-journal]

*this is not to encourage drug use, don't blame me if you bite off more than you can chew

I wanted to make a side blog to document my experiences on crystal, starting this two weeks after my second time smoking.

Background things for context: I had done a bump once as a teenager ( bad choices lol, snorting glass is like snorting glass. And it burns so bad and will give you the worst headache ever.) I have been a daily weed smoker for years, have plenty of shroom experience, used to im ketamine daily, haven't had any in about 2 years, plenty of danphetamine experience, mostly Vyvanse and Adderall that was proscribed to me for adhd that I would occasionally do recreational doses. I've had several experiences on molly and bean at parties, coke hanging out on occasion, crack once ( doesn't last long enough to be worth the money or the feining), smoked spice once did not like it, got stuck on benzos for a month when I couldn't get k, worst withdrawals I've ever experienced, I stay away from that shit. Spent a lot of time cycling with alcohol, when it was at its worst I would cut myself off when I would call out from work or if I couldn't go 24 hours without getting shakey, havent had to do that in over a year, mostly because ive been working a lot and had other goals. Played around with whippet some. I think that covers my past drug use. And I'm a 24 year old cis woman.

How it started, my then bf now husband had found his mom's bubble, fuckin charred on the bottom like someone ad just taken a torch and burned through that bitch, with a lot left in it. He cleaned it, got super super horny, I left work used some flex time so I wouldn't miss the sex crazed window. About a month after that I bought a light gram from a dude ik from the bar who sold mostly heroin. He got too hansy, i could have over powered his short ass but I wanted the crystal so I let him a little before cutting him off. Went home thinking it wasn't worth it, my bf had started to act kinda feiny about it that scared me too. But those regrets and anxiety didn't last long.

First time smoking middle of January:

We started at 10 o'clock I was a little underwhelmed at first, it took about a hour and several hits to get the rush, but I had been having trouble holding it in. Got really horny watched porn and fucked for 17 hours, stopped smoking around 12 hours, at 13 hours I got kinda bored of the porn but was still very horny I was kinda couch locked. Throughout this time I was in and out of the shower we had been using Vaseline we Doordarshed for lube and I was enjoying washing it off and feeling the water, elite showers for sure. I wasn't able to cum by body just kinda got used to the intensity it ended up dulling out but before it did I had the most intense sex of my life. Must have spent hours giving head, got experimental picked up a few new tricks. We talked about porn and different things we like and don't like about it, we got more intimate than we had been and we were already really close and comfortable with each other, been together for 3 years, with a close friendship before that. We were porn locked and at about 2pm on Monday we got a message from his mom his brother that they and his niece was coming over, enter paranoia and panic cleaning mode, there was olvie oil everywhere sex toys everywhere sheets had to be taken care of, but we got it presentable in time. They came through and we someone manged to not get noticed, even was able to force ourselves to eat McDonald's which sucked. They left and the porn came back on and we kept smoking. I stopped at around 5 trying to give myself enough time to be OK to workTuesday. Took a shower at 6 and got the rush again, right back up. By 9 I was coming down and felt too tired to jerk off but too horny to sleep. By 12 he was smoking on the leftovers in the bubble by 3 he was hitting nothing and being a fien. I was just about asleep when he started to have a panic attack because he was coming down and starting to feel his heart rate and blood pressure and some unrelated nerve damage on his arm that has history of triggering panic attacks. So I stayed up with him to do what I could. I had to leave at 9 to go to work, and it was brutal, I was exhausted and sore and headachey and standing up with the blood pressure wasn't fun at all. At around 11 I had done some physical labor which warmed my body up and I got high again but not so much that my pupils were fucky. Made it through that day job in tact and got to sleep that night. Didn't experience any cravings for about 2 weeks after I had recovered from the come down

The high itself surprised me I felt so relaxed, the euphoric rush lasted about 15 mintirs and the high itself went on forever. Once I got past the coming down I immediately started planning to smoke again in 6 months

[shadowgamerhalo]

Sometimes when I am up at ten pm, I think back to when my sleep schedule was horrid.

My family said I wasn't going to bed early enough, that I drank too much water, that I stayed up all night playing games, etc of a child not wanting to sleep or purposely staying up. As a teenager it moved onto playing games, reading books, or being on devices.

I remember the amount of advice given that I took and tried, I remember the sleepless nights I had, the times I slept in cause my body finally caved from the lack of sleep, and how many times I'd lay down in my bed praying for one night that I fell asleep when I was supposed to.

I remember all of the times I had been up at. 1 am were the good nights, 7 to 8 am were the worse ones, 3 to 4 am were the ones that were consistent. Sometimes my sleep was broken, and other times it wasn't. I remember waking up later at 10 am, 12 pm, or worse 2 pm, cause all of my family knew the moment I appeared in their presence.

And all they did was berate me for not trying hard enough.

No matter how many times I told them that it was hard to sleep and none of their advice was working to help, nobody believed me.

I spent all of my childhood with extremely fucked sleep patterns, and it wasn't until I became an adult did I actually get control over it, and no it wasn't from any of my family's advice, it's actually cause I started taking melatonin. And I shit you not, it's been working quite well, I still do have broken sleep patterns sometimes, but at least I can fall asleep easier and I'm more likely to stay like that.

Some people tell me you're not supposed to take it for long periods of time, cause it can fuck up your regular melatonin processes, and to them I go 'buddy, I don't think I've ever had regular melatonin processes this is the most normal sleep I'm going to get ever. It is good advice, don't get me wrong, I just won't be taking it due to my situation.'

Happy second year that my sleep schedule has been the smoothest its ever been for me, my family members used to be surprised seeing me in the mornings, now it's expected. And I'm very happily able to pass the fuck out for beddy bye, and be a sleepy lil guy <3

[mysticphilosopherbasement]

Counting down! T-minus 22 more days til my next journey begins. Even despite the controversial output, I am still proud to be making a change and following suit with a skill I wish to acquire more informagion in thw way I want to. Even growing the free spirit of my teenaged party and finding my personality I was told to go to college given my interests half the time.

So even though taking a leap into to checking out maybe a Bachelor's in Media Communication - I couldn't keep up with the full-time school schedule while juggling quitting alcohol after getting a DUI and feeling compelled to live with a guy I met at work. I kind of just had this impractical thought that maybe take a chance wouldn't be so bad. Felt like a rebound of my pride slowly dwindling; just a feeling for the most part.

So now that school is lined up. Finding a fucking career to walk down the path in.

Between everything I feel like I am good at nothing at all except the simple pleasures in life, body/sex positive lifestyle, and just kind of being at the moment. I have to be a bit more present given the circumstance of being anxious. I use to always felt like I needed to be on the go or there foe every moment, if I didn't take a picture with anyone and anything then it didn't matter, and other misconceptions that truly had me overthinking A LOT. So to slow down, discovering my niche a bit better now that I can do a bit more maybe, to be fair growing up - my past times included online mini games, chat rooms, reading fan fiction, and sometimes editing pictures/videos. Kind of lame but going outside was usually the other part of my life and mildly having adventures in my room (from toy scenarios: i.e. dolls, dollhouse, and other stuff) to gaming finally at 10 with a PS1 and my first two games being Grand Theft Auto: Vice City and Froggers; oh and the demo disc. Can't forget the lovely PC Demo disc method of letting you try new games and such for a certain amount of time.

Guess my point is that I don't necessarily have a dedicated practice outside of learning new things, guide/helping others, communication but also love artisan activities every few days to clear my mind. Time to work towards transportation. No car, no bike, plus a dirt road and no sidewalks leading into our out of town where my parents stay.

Next with my health, its high time I start attending AA meetings because there are some things I need to take a break from when it truly counts. Also I smoke cigarettes like a damn chimney and hate that I feel out of breathe, just very uncomfortable to tell the truth. Thinking that my psychological vendetta of why I smoke is pretty much faded. Just in case though and if any kind of support group I had to chose from at this point, plus it also helps with getting my license back, I'd have to choose AA. Maybe substance abuse but it's mainly with alcohol and cigarettes that I feel the most dependency.

Thanks to Chronic Guru, having the right connect has never felt so good. Mainly because the motivation to eat, sleep, and get my self-talk regulated during not only excercise but just focusing a bit better has helped me. I notice a big difference. Even conciously realizing my world a little but more so, not just blowing hot air on the matter of what I have learned about my mental health yet lacking in getting peofessionally taken care of.

It's in my little master plan but first thing's first, getting out of the hole I dug. This may just end up becoming my favorite raw journal yet.

xoxo buttercup

[oldfacesnewdawnoffical]

Additional Notes:

(But wait!! There’s more >:3c)

Newborn / 1 month old babey

Helpless newborn bab

Mortality rate is very high, and as such, dames probably won’t allow visitors aside from the healer(s) and potentially the sire or other parent.

Throughout the first week, all kittens do is eat, sleep, and have their dame help them go to the bathroom.

During this time, newborn kittens are just developing motor skills and coordination. They are also learning how to regulate body temperature. At this time in their life, they count on their dame for warmth, nutrition, and protection.

Kittens are born with their eyes closed, though they will open eventually between 7 to 14 days. They can open sooner, even at 6 or 7 days, but it's usually closer to 10–14 days. All kittens are born with blue eyes; this won't change for a few weeks. Their vision will be blurry at first, so they shouldn’t be exposed to bright lights.

During the third week, kitten's ear canals will be open and they may get startled by loud sounds. Their sense of smell should be fully developed by now. Also, kittens have their digestive system developing so they may now start to go to the bathroom on their own. Teeth may also start to come in.

2 months

During the start of their 2nd moon, the kits start to show the first signs of independence. They can start the weaning process, though they’ll still drink from their dame.

During the fourth week, kittens will be starting to stand and walk. They will also be more interactive with their littermates. They can begin to walk around for a short amount each day, and will start to play with each other and small, soft toys like balls and feathers.

During the fifth week, kittens should begin to socialize with other members of their community, and can be officially introduced. They start to show signs of their own personalities, and can be awarded nicknames, alongside beginning to start picking up on words.

They can play confidently and are at a much lower risk of death at this age.

3rd to 5th month

By 6 weeks, kittens should be eating and drinking mostly on their own, but still sometimes drink from their dame. They should be running around and playing confidently.

Once they reach 4 moons, they’re essentially preteens.

Their personalities should now be at full force!

6th month

At or around this age, cats move to begin their training as apprentices.

They might start pursuing romantic interests, as they’re the cat equivalent to teenagers.

Mortality rates increase from what they had been from three to five moons as they are suddenly pushed into battle. Apprentices are more reckless and will make mistakes in battle; it’s unfortunate but only natural.

7th to 12th months

Most cats become adults at this point and are generally strong enough to take harder hits in battle. Mortality rate will go down once more.

1 full year! (1 to 6)

Full adults and fully realized warriors!

Many will have started families at this point and start to have their own litters to start the whole process over again!

Mortality rate is at its absolute lowest point within their lives.

Most cats will live to be at least four years old - the equivalent of their 30’s.

7 to 10 years

Should a cat live to this point, they start significantly slowing down.

Illness, old injuries, and even the weather will start to wear down on them much more prominently than in their youth.

It’s at this age that many begin to die out, primarily from injury or sicknesses.

11 to 15 years

Elderly, geriatric, whatever you’d like to call it.

It’s incredibly rare for a cat in the wild to surpass the age of fifteen, but then again… these cats aren’t your average run of the mill alleyway mouser.

Their mortality rate sinks back down to that of a newborn; it’s incredibly easy for them to keel over or otherwise get knocked out.

If y’all enjoy my work and want to see more, please consider buying me a Kofi! It would help me out so much! ^^

Cat Age Guide

Not a direct match, as nothing really can be, but here’s my personal approximation for cat-human equivalent ages! ^^

The cats of the Fourtrees Fealty track age by months, or “moons”, as cats typically reach growth milestones at the height of each month.

0-1 months = newborn to 1 years old in human time

2 months = 2 human years

3 months = 4 human years

4 months = 6 human years

5 months = 8 human years

6 months = 10 human years; it’s around this time that a cat will begin to form a solid sense of identity for themself

7 months = 12 human years

12 months / 1 year = 16 to 17 human years; it’s around this time that a cat will earn their full names, and are viewed as an “adult” by their community’s standards

18 months / 1 year = 21 human years

24 months / 2 years = 24 human years; up until they turn 2 years old, a cat’s human-equivalent age is equal to that time. Once they turn 2, you add 4 years for every year afterwards!

36 moons / 3 years = 28 human years

48 moons / 4 years = 32 human years

60 moons / 5 years = 36 human years

72 moons / 6 years = 40 human years

84 moons / 7 years = 44 human years

96 moons / 8 years = 48 human years

108 moons / 9 years = 52 human years

120 moons / 10 years = 56 human years

132 moons / 11 years = 60 human years; it’s around this time that a cat is considered “old”, or at least somewhat geriatric. They typically debate retirement around this age

144 moons / 12 years = 64 human years

156 moons / 13 years = 68 human years

168 moons / 14 years = 72 human years

180 moons / 15 years = 76 human years

192 moons / 16 years = 80 human years

195 moons / 17 years = 84 human years

216 moons / 18 years = 88 human years

228 moons / 19 years = 92 human years

240 moons / 20 years = 96 human years

This is just an extended chart for ease of convenience ^^’