#now i've made myself angry! gah! why do i do this

[soufre-de-paris]

sometimes it feels like i'm the only watsonian in a world of doylists 😒

[misc-obeyme]

😭 okay attempt number two writing this because i accidentally closed the Tumblr app while in the middle of writing and lost my progress- I'M SO SAD

Mammon is desperately trying to convince them to not visit the record shop, even contradicting himself. Says they shouldn't be the first customers right at opening, that's rude. Or saying it's probably really busy and they should just hang out here. Goes as far as offering free stuff but only if they stay. None of this works.

I bet Belphie has the biggest grin on his face as they leave, with Mammon halfway through following them out the door to hold them back himself. But he can't leave his cafe unattended. He's so worried they'll embarrass him somehow.

Cue them arriving to the shop and I look up to say hi/welcome but I'm currently very occupied trying to make bracelets. And of course I don't recognize them from the cafe because eye contact? Who's she? I don't know her. I'm mostly better about it with people I know, but if I get embarrassed about something I can't hold it 😭 (No doubt Mammon and Solomon would totally do something like a chin grab.)

Anyway Belphie is having the time of his life looking through everything. Finds two CD's he swears he couldn't find anywhere online for anything less than $80. And some records he hasn't had time to order. This has become his new favorite place. Beel is happily carrying everything, very glad he researched beforehand.

They come up to pay and I very awkwardly make space on the counter, apologizing for the mess. Up close, Belphie confirms that he recognizes the bracelets. Even recognizes some lyrics/songs.

"You're going to the concert too?"

That one question gets me very excited and feel instantly less awkward. I start rambling about how it's gonna be my first concert, I'm so excited, it's my favorite band. Until I remember myself and cut myself off because wow I should not be talking two strangers ears off.

"It's okay. Our older brother is the same way with anime. We're used to it."

Beel saying that makes me feel even more embarrassed, but it's the thought that counts. I squint at him for a second because he looks familiar but I shrug it off. I ask if they're brothers too and Beel nods and confirms they're twins.

After checking them out, I offer them one of the bracelets I've already made. Belphie was already eyeing an infinity on high themed bracelet. Beel chooses Death Valley because it's one of the few songs he recognizes because it makes for good workout music. I end up giving them a pair of "Half-doomed/Semi-Sweet" bracelets because they said they were twins. They can have matching bracelets. (Belphie immediately hands the semi-sweet one to Beel).

Before they leave, Belphie catches sight of my "cursed" records display. He rolls his eyes and asks who would buy something like that. I shrug and say "You'd be surprised. I have someone who buys one every time he comes in."

It's only after they leave that I realize I didn't get their names, a contact, or anything. I may or may not yell into my hands because "I COULD'VE HAD KINDA FRIENDS TO GO WITH IF I'D ASKED THEM !! WHY DIDN'T I ASK?!" Now I'm still stuck going alone </3 (or so I think.)

I feel like Belphie would definitely show off his purchase to the family group chat. Beel shows off a photo of their hands next to each other with the new bracelets and says they made a new friend. Mammon is sending angry emojis.

"OI! Y'ALL BETTER NOT HAVE BOTHERED HER !! 🤬 I'LL KICK YOUR ASSES IF I HEAR ANYTHING!!"

Belphie will NOT be letting him live down his interest in this girl he was so desperate to keep them away from. Sending that message in the group chat was the worst idea actually because now EVERYONE is asking who he's talking about. Rip Mammon they're all questioning him.

GAH OKAY MY BUS STOP IS NEXT, I WAS WRITING THIS ON THE WAY TO WORK, AJWJDJF UM UM UM NEXT PART PRE CONCERT SHENANIGANS? OUTFIT PICKING? IDK WE'LL SEE AAA HAVE A GOOD DAY OKAY BYEE THIS WAS SO RUSHED

OH YEAH NEXT INSTALLMENT.

Belphie is such a little punk I love him. And BEEL trying to make you feel better, but only making you feel worse what a guy~

They're talking about Levi, you're talking about Lucifer, Mammon's freaking out in the group chat lkasdjfk.

I love everything about it!

Ohhh I'm so excited about the reaction when you realize you'll be with Mammon and Solomon for the concert!!!

Ahh this is so cute, I love it. I'm excited for whatever comes next!

[elsaclack]

hi em how are you? i've been dying to get your opinion on the lover album, if you have the time/interest :)

hi i’m good!!! i’m real good my mom’s doctor gave us really good news yesterday so i’m cruising on good vibes rn and yeah i’m great!!!

literally i have been DYING to unload my thoughts on lover since 3 seconds after it came out omg????? i had a deeply intense discussion with my roommate last night about each song on the album and what it specifically means to us so like this is Peak Talking Opportunity For Me which as a messy hoe i honestly love

i’m putting it under the cut though bc i do not want to be Obnoxious

okay first and foremost, i forgot that you existed? DEEPLY iconic. my roommate doesn’t like this one as much as some of the others on the album but it’s def top 3 for me. like, everything about it is so perfect - the message the song sends is one of hope for people who are kind of hopelessly tangled up in drama at the moment (i.e. don’t worry, soon enough you’re going to wake up one day and forget that all of those people even exist (which is HELLA true)) but like!!! even the music she wrote with the song kind of supports the message!! my roommate’s biggest complaint with that song is that she feels like the music needs to Build and Go Places more than it does, but like........god the whole point of the song is that it’s written to a person taylor’s indifferent toward, shouldn’t the music seem a little indifferent too?? like yes there’s joy and it does build and it does move but if it DID get super dramatic it would actually contradict the message of the song so like??? it’s??? perfect??? and i have scream-singed it in my car a million times already thank u for asking

i’ll be honest, cruel summer doesn’t do as much for me as some of the other songs on the album,,,,,i mean i like it and i can DEF sing along to it and the line “i love you ain’t that the worst thing you’ve ever heard” is such a mood. it’s the first song on the album that i was like oh she probably started writing that (or at least getting the idea to write it) the summer every angry mob in america was calling for her head bc like there’s definitely a sense of self-deprecation/preservation in some of the lyrics. idk it strikes me as a song about how terrifying vulnerability is especially in the face of such public and global hatred directed toward you

LOVER. lover. lllllllover oh my god i love lover which i was not prepared to do since that word seriously bums me out 100% of the time but it’s so sweet??? so sweet and honest and like. what i thought love was when i was a kid?? just finding that other person and being like “oh, you’re like....you’re IT” and like HA wouldn’t it be grand to be in love?? also the brIDGE??? THE BRIDGE!!!!! LADIES AND GENTLEMEN WILL YOU PLEASE STAND!!! WITH EVERY GUITAR STRING SCAR ON MY HAND!!! I TAKE THIS MAGNETIC FORCE OF A MAN TO BE MY LOVERRRRRR!!!! MY HEART’S BEEN BORROWED AND YOUR’S HAS BEEN BLUE!!! ALL’S WELL THAT ENDS WELL TO END UP WITH YOU!!! SWEAR TO BE OVER-DRAMATIC A N D T R U E TO MY LOVERRRRR!!!! and oh man i wanna be in love anyways moving on

the man honestly took me a few tries to like but i definitely have a healthy amount of respect for it now. like idk it felt a little out of place at first given that this whole album is supposed to be about love and that song is,,,,,,not (at first glance) but the more i listen to it the more i realize that it sort of is in a way? like she’s been painted as this serial dater since day one when in reality her dating history isn’t really that sordid?? just extremely public. and in listening to the lyrics it sort of dawned on me that her frustration with the way society treats women stems from that reputation (ha) that was forced on her and the way that reputation colored every other interaction she’s ever had with popular culture. like every microinteraction i’ve heard about involving her has been overwhelmingly positive but then you look at media as a whole and they make her out to be this entirely different person and part of u has to wonder if it would even be an issue if you took all the same behaviors, dating history, microinteractions etc. and applied them to an equally famous man. and the answer is no it would not be an issue

the archer made me cry the first time i heard it and it still kind of strikes me at my core a lot if i don’t distract myself with other things while it’s on? like sitting down and actually listening to the words is. tough bc i relate to it a lot and not in the fun scream-sing in the car way that i relate to i forgot that you existed. that song actually makes me really uncomfortable with who i am bc like god!!!!! i have been the archer!!!! i have been the prey!!!! i don’t understand why people have left me and i REALLY don’t understand why people stay!!!!! in all seriousness though it goes back to that struggling with vulnerability thing - by being vulnerable you’re opening up the scariest, rawest parts of yourself to other people and risking being rejected for those scary raw parts. it’s a song about struggling between building those walls up to protect yourself or risking getting hurt for the sake of love - and lucky for her she seems to have found someone who has seen the scary raw stuff in her life and has decided that he wants to stay

i think he knows is the song both me and my roommate bump in our cars whenever we go places together because it’s SO FUN i don’t even know what else to say other than i cry laughing every time my roommate tries to sing “lyrical smile indigo eyes hand on my thigh we can follow the sparks i’ll drive” bc it’s SUCH a tongue-twister for her it’s fhaldskfhadslfkj FUNNY

miss americana & the heartbreak prince is another one that i was kind of so-so about at first but the more i listen to it the more i love it?? it’s so Dramatique in the best way like it makes me feel like i’m watching a movie preview about a dystopian high school in slow motion and honestly i LOVE it

my roommate’s favorite song on the whole album is paper rings and i love it too honestly it’s another one we bump in the car bc it’s SUPER fun to sing with other people lmfao she described it as “the song you hear in a preview for a romcom set in new york city” and i was like YEAH THAT’S ACCURATE but what’s really funny is that?? that’s probably?? exactly?? what it is?? anyways

i’m kind of...meh...about cornelia street yikes i’ve read people talking about how good it is and i’m trying to like it but it’s just,,,,i mean it’s not bad not by any stretch of the imagination but personally i like other songs on the album more hfaldskfjs

death by a thousand cuts!!!!!! that’s my roommate’s other favorite song lmao!!! again the more i listen to it the more i like it but i def like others on the album more at this point

i had london boy stuck in my head all day yesterday it’s so funny god i know a lot of people who live in and around london have some issues with it which is FINE i won’t pretend like i know anything about it but i think it’s cute LMAO

i can’t listen to soon you’ll get better without legit ugly crying (like we’re talking full on sobbing) just because of everything going on with my own mom right now so maybe in a year or two when things have cleared a little for her i might be able to listen to it again but rn i’ve only listened to it all the way through once

honestly i don’t really like false god that much and i can’t really identify why it’s just,,,,fhasdlfk

you need to calm down is just a straight up bop that i sing in the shower a lot and i know it was controversial esp after the music video came out but like. on a base level the song is just fun

afterglow is one of my other top three on the album,,,,,,,,bc again,,,,,,,,,,relatable,,,,,,,like realizing that she’s safe with this person after kind of instinctively flying off the handle,,,,,,,god. idk i’ve heard a lot of apology songs in the past but this one kind of strikes me bc like,,,,idk she takes full responsibility for it rather than trying to justify it with the conditions that beat that kind of behavior into her over the last few years. she’s taking responsibility for her actions, she’s apologizing, she’s asking him to stay, and at the same time she’s pointing out that she’s human and will probably make similar mistakes in the future and idk that’s just reassuring? bc i’m also human and i also make really big dumb mistakes that hurt other people in the name of self-preservation and i can only hope that someday i’ll meet someone who will stick around anyways

me! is a bop as well it’s massively overplayed at this point and i kind of skip it when i’m listening by myself but my roommate and i scream-sing that one too LMFAO

it’s nice to have a friend!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! this really is what i thought love would be when i was in like 3rd grade and just becoming aware of it as a concept!!!!!!!! there was a little boy who lived next door and we were best friends growing up and there was never any romantic aspect to our friendship (that i am aware of) but we used to play outside together all the time and it was sweet and simple and secure and that’s the way that song makes me feel!!! also i read that every single instrument/vocal performance on that song (outside of taylor herself) was done by a children’s music group which just adds to the childlike sweetness of the song and gah it makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside

daylight,,,,,,,,,,,,,that’s my number 1 y’all i freaking LOVE daylight holy HELL i can’t wait to make my other roommate play/sing it with me at our house show next month??? god it’s just. it’s so indicative of where she’s been, the hell she’s been through both internally- and externally-imposed, and how it makes this moment she now gets to have with the person she loves that much sweeter?? i don’t know i feel like my heart is going to explode every time i hear it and i’m not even remotely close to being in love so i can’t imagine how much deeper it’ll hit if/when i ever do fall in love again and

god i just

i really like lover as an album a WHOLE lot 

[hjazysol]

The Ultimate Battle Pt.7

Galeem: Status.

Master Hand: We have 8 fighters left

Galeem: But do we have the assists?!

Master Hand: 30.

Galeem: Good. That better not change.

-----

DK and Pichu were sent up the mountain to see what awaited them there. Pichu held DK so he'd see

Pichu: See anything?

DK: No-Wait. There's someone here. I think-Crap they saw me.

Pichu: Get down.

*silence*

DK: Maybe they didn't see me.

An arrow flew between them DK peered over the rocks they hid behind. To be met with a bow and arrow. It was Link.

Link: You actually thought you'd be able to live?

Pichu had snuck up behind Link. God was angry and he needed to let off some steam.

Pichu: When in doubt. USE THUNDER!

Pichu electrocuted Link causing him to faint. It was super-effective.

DK: Thanks Top-Tier.

DK carried Link back down the mountain.

DK: Link is not gonna wake up yet. He was zapped. Where to now.

Mario: The island. It must be important.

-----

The island seemed uninhabitable. Nothing was there just a field and some ruins.

Falco: This place is a ghost town. We should head back.

???: Charge!

A crowd of people began attacking.

Doomguy: It's an ambush!

They were all tied up and muffled. They all looked up to see a conscious Toon Link and Mii Gunner.

Toon Link: Great we found our friends now give them back you damn spirits my friend here will shoot you.

Mii Gunner: Yeh I don't mess around.

Toon Link: Hang on a second Kirby didn't get captured why's he here?

Mii Gunner: Probably kidnapped him. How should they be punished guys.

It turns out the other ambushers were the assists 30 precisely.

Alucard picking up Kirby: We should stake their hearts.

Skull Kid: Corrode their minds.

Kawasaki very angry: COOK EM ALIVE!

Lyn: Woah. Calm down Kawasaki.

Toon Link: We must free our friends not kill them.

Geno: Can we explain first.

Toon Link: How'd you get out!

Geno: I pulled myself apart and then back together. Anyway we aren't posessed.

Toon Link pointed his sword at Geno backing him up to the cliff.

Toon Link: Where's your proof.

Bandana Dee: Hey Toony how's your anime going.

Toon Link: Oh it's going great. I hate that Mineta guy though.

Toon Link in his head: Wait I mentioned anime oh no.

Everyone laughs.

Toon Link: Guess what you get to lose your control before Pinocchio here.

Geno: Why does everyone keep referring me in that way?

Mii Gunner chuckling: Hang on. Spirits aren't capable of accessing memories only a fighters skills.

Toon Link whispering: Your point is?

Mii Gunner whispering: They aren't spirits.

Toon Link: Wait what? *gibberish* Wehehell it seems there has been a miniscule mistake I believe I was wrong. Untie them.

Waluigi: Wah! Aren't they were evil?

Skull Kid: Nah. The weeb says he's wrong.

Toon Link: Shut it.

Everyone is untied.

Toon Link: Now guys I'm sorry for the mistake and I know we almost killed you but we all make mistakes right. Please don't punch my face.

Mii Gunner: No ones gonna punch your face.

DK lowered his fist slowly.

Doomguy: It's allright kid I made a similar mistake. Just as long as you pay em back it is fine.

Toon Link: Right how about as payment Rathalos can carry us over to the castle where Bowser and Peach are.

Mario: Peach!

Suddenly Pirahna Plant appears from the ground.

Pirahna Plant: Bowser!

Everyone: Gah!

Toon Link: Pirahna Plant's here to.

Mario: How'd you 3 even break free?

Mii Gunner: Well the dumb spirits were messing around with our bodies and then dropped three of Pirahna Plants spike balls on themselves setting us free and then we proceeded to find the assist trophies.

-----

Galeem: I thought you said we had 30 assists I see 0.

Master Hand: We didn't want to disatisfy you.

Galeem: I've enough energy to snare one. I'll take that damn dragon.

-----

Toon Link whistled to call Rathalos down. Then he was struck by the light sending him crashing down.

Lyn: Rathalos!

They all run to his aid.

Fox: He's still breathing.

Suddenly he wakes up with nothing more but rage in his eyes and an evil aura surrounding him. He attacked.

Mii Gunner: Rathalos stop please!

[323398149]

Ayesha called me stupid again. She said stop being stupid, why are you so stupid

Then my brother came upstairs and they called each other stupid

Then ayesha said she's never going to speak to me again and has lost all respect for me

Then my parents came upstairs and said that I was ungrateful

So yeah and Joe's gone so I just have to sit here and somehow survive tmr on my own. And then survive the next few years or however long until I can leave. I need to leave as soon as possible.

But I'm apparently crazy so where do I go? I need to be kept away from people because people don't like me. But then I get sad but I guess idk like what other option is there? I obvs can't kms so idk what the plan is. Where do I go? What do i do? How do i stop everybody from being upset with me? Do I speak or not speak? When do I speak if I do? What do I say? I have no idea. I always do it wrong. I'm so stupid. Lol I guess she's right, I am stupid. Last time she called me a dumb retarded bitch because I forgot about a task I was supposed to do. Today she called me stupid because I couldn't read and listen at the same time. Those are things I've struggled with my whole life. And I used to hate myself for them. Then I learned to stop being so angry with myself and just accept them as my shortcomings, and embrace them as part of life. But when capstone failed it just made me so upset. Because they're major deficiencies. Im not competent. Maybe my dad was right. I never should have bothered with university. Maybe college was where I belonged. I should kms lollllll like gah nobody likes me in the entire world. I'm an arrogant shit. I'm literally a nuisance once people take a closer look. They like me at first but starting with uber, they've all ended up hating my guts. Like so deeply disliking me. I try to keep my mouth shut and say and do and be the right thing but it's not good enough. I feel like they perceive me as rude and inconsiderate and generally awful. I just don't understand if I'm dumb or not. Sometimes I feel everybody stuck and it drives me to push through and figure the thing out but at other times everybody is doing something supposedly simple and easy but I just can't grasp it. I'm idkm idk what's wrong with me. So yeah I guess my point would be that I had convinced myself that it was okay to have these deficiencies and still love myself but now I'm going back on that and having to relearn hating myself for this stuff because idk because the embracing it stuff is not fixing anything externally. Like I felt better on the inside a little while but now the outside environment is coming in and I'm getting hit with it anyways. So it was a temporary solution that gave relief for 2-3 years but I've gotta figure out a proper solution now. Uber said he had never met someone so confused and scattered or something like that. The meds help with the scattered part but I guess not enough. Like it helps enough to make me feel better but i guess that's not good enough for the people around me. They still don't like it. So idk what the plan is. I just wish i could disappear and not exist but that's not an option so I'm going to read that dale Carnegie book again. I wish i could just be better. I wish my brain could be fixed. I'm sorry for existing and taking up so much space and energy. I wish I could go away and take my shitty away from people but idek how to do that or where to go. I don't know anything i guess. I am stupid and incompetent and useless and miserable and ugly too apparently lol and obviously extremely awkward and weird and apparently I make people feel uncomfortable. Gah why can't someone just get rid of me.

I think I figured if out okay so what if the solution to becoming smarter is to read? And that also gives me a place to go that isn't here. I mean that used to work when I was little, right? Idk what else. I would need a job to move out. Even then where would I go? I'm stupid and incompetent and useless.

See also a big reflection is that I'm no longer looking and waiting for the person who is not gonna be upset with the scattered. I used to think eventually I'd meet someone that loved me and didn't feel upset with my brain. But after this semester I don't really think they exist. It was make believe. That was like a unicorn. Someone like that isn't actually out there. They're not real. It was my imagination. So if I am gonna try and blend in and do life like everybody else and get a job and get married and have kids and all the stuff I need to learn to act and disguise the confusion. I need to sort through it as quickly as possible. I need to have game plans and tactics and systems to figure out what to say and how to behave more efficiently. I gotta figure it out cause otherwise idek idek what happens if I don't figure it out. Maybe someone will just get so annoyed with me that they'd just hurt me, i wouldn't be surprised if i just accidentally pissed someone off that bad. Because i accidentally do it for little things all the time. How do i just listen? And respond? Gaaaaaaaah so annoying I h8 myself

[guessmonsta]

I'VE BEEN WAITING TO ASK THIS FOR SO LONG But Scenario where Tendou is kinda teasing his s/o about her anxiety disorder and she usually just laughs it off but he accidentally hits really close to home and she just snaps and ends up calling him " a monster"? You can take this wherever you want but can it have a fluffy ending? I dunno I love your blog I've heard from many mutuals that you're the woman to go to for quality Tendou's gah thank you

I’ve actually never written a fight on this blog??? This should be interesting? Also, mdr, “the woman to go to for quality Tendou,” as if Tendou is a drug and I’m a dealer. Well… I mean… metaphorically… I suppose… witty…

Also Tendou has a roommate?? Can he be classified as an OC? He doesn’t have a name? 

Also it takes place in the same universe as this thing everyone loves just to let you know ack I”M RAMBLING SORRY

__ was always patient. Perhaps, Tendou pondered, that was what made them so compatible. She had always been so unwaveringly tolerant of the way he ran his mouth, whether he was over-enthused or over-thinking, Tendou couldn’t think of one time where she hadn’t been calm. Although Tendou knew tempests arise out of the calmest tropical waters, and he swam out too far and got caught in one.

“__, how’s it feel?”

__ barely spared him a glance as her eyes darted between him and the textbook she was studying. Friday nights had become a ritual between them; him wanting to do anything that didn’t involve himself being alone, and her much rather utilizing her time with her nose in a book. She’d come over, study, or at least, try to with him occupying the space next to her on the bed. There had been an odd feeling in Tendou’s gut all day now, and watching her comb through pages made him even more uneasy.

“How does what feel?” She said, albeit absent. Tendou figured he could’ve said anything then and she wouldn’t really pick up on it.

“To be so anxious all the time?”

She had definitely heard him, though. She was used to questions like this, she had to have been, by now, at least. She furrowed her eyebrows and looked up at him, the softness of her face turning downwards.

“What’s that supposed to mean?” She pondered, rolling her eyes and directing her attention back on her book. Tendou didn’t fail to notice the way her grip tightened around the edges of the cover, though. Her knuckles were practically white.

“It means exactly what you think it means. Does it suck to be afraid of everything?” He waited for her standoffish, sarcastic remark to come, they usually came flying in seconds after he had insulted her, but there was nothing, silence. The only noise was the sudden dull ‘thump’ of heavy pages closing in on each other.

“I… I’m not really afraid of everything. It’s… it’s complex in the way that-”

“Oh? Are you stuttering?” Tendou laughed, which he shouldn’t have, because the already crooked expression on her face tensed up even more. “Am I making you anxious?”

“Why are you acting like this?” The tone of her voice was broken just above a whisper. She was looking straight at him a minute ago but now she didn’t even dare look up in his general direction. Her fingers slipped off the side of the bed and started feeling around for the straps of her bag. Her eyes never left their place on the floor.

“Acting like what?” Tendou scooted closer to her, only for her to stand up, immediately, and almost topple over. “Oh, __, don’t tell me your social anxiety is getting so bad that you can’t even talk to your own boyfriend, hm?”

The room was silent for a moment, her back turned to his and the only noise to be heard was the soft tick-ticks of his roommates clock. The noise to break the monotony was a sniffle, just loud enough to be heard, and Tendou wasn’t sure it was coming from her or him.

“__..?” Tendou muttered, pondering whether or not he should stand up and reach to her. “Listen, are you really that upset, ‘cause-”

That’s when she turned around to face him, her cheeks ruby red and not in the way he liked. There were tears rolling down her cheeks, not enough to be considered a cry, but enough to express the way her broken eyes glistened in the dim light of his desk lamp. There were very few instances he had ever seen __ cry, once over a hurt pigeon they saw hobbling around campus, and another over the likelihood of him. Although, the other time didn’t break her heart like this did.

“Y’know…” Her voice wasn’t broken like he’d expect it to be. It ran flat, stoic, like a recording of something that wasn’t human. “I think it’s really funny that I’ve put up with every single piece of your shit, but you can’t even accept a little bit of mine.”

“__…”

“Don’t” She stated, loud, clear. It echoed off the walls and Tendou was sure it was loud enough for the neighbors to hear. “I think it’s really funny how I’ve actually cried with you over your own mental problems but you can’t even accept the fact that I overthink. Don’t you? That I sometimes actually stress myself out over problems that aren’t even mine but I get made fun of because I can get exceptionally nervous?” Her voice wasn’t flat anymore, it was cracking. It was louder and tainted with the slightest hint of anger, but she wasn’t angry. Not yet.

“That’s petty, __. Don’t use the “I think it’s really funny how” line on me.” Tendou stood up from the bed, and she moved back. Her bag was still dangling from her hand.

“I have every right to be petty. What the fuck is wrong with you?”

“Well excu-use me for not realizing you wouldn’t take a joke!”

“My mental health isn’t a joke, Satori!”

“Well you treat it like one!”

The room fell silent once again, __’s bloodshot eyes widening. Another tear slipped down her cheeks. She was silent, the lips she had been gnawing on, agape.

“You…” She muttered, slinging her bag over her shoulder without breaking eye contact with him.

“__, I didn’t mean it like that.”

“Really? What did you mean then?” She cocked her head, taking a few steps away from him again. Tendou didn’t reply, he couldn’t. “You’re so selfish! I actually cannot believe this! Do you ever hear me making depression jokes? Have I ever once put you down for anything wrong with you?”

“No, but it’s not like it would be the end of the world if you did!”

“Really? Really? I was fine before Satori. I really would’ve been fine with a little “sorry” and I would’ve cut it. But I’m a joke? Am I just a joke to you?”

“You’re damn acting like one! What’s wrong with you today?”

“What’s wrong with me today?” She was all but screaming now, hands balled into fists and shoved in her pockets. “God, you know what, you really are a monster. Goodnight, Satori.”

She turned around on her heel and stormed towards the door. He wasn’t sure what the plunging feeling in his chest was, but he was honest it was the closest thing to heartbreak. When he saw her tugging at the doorknob with shaking hands, that’s when he knew he had seriously, horrendously, ultimately, fucked up. There was something else in him though, something other than sadness, that made him storm up to her and yank her away from the door.

“I’m a monster, huh?” He spat, his hand tight around her knuckles as he loomed over her, pushing her back into the living area.

“Yes.” She scrunched up her nose and licked her lips, watching him tentatively to make the next move. “You’re a monster.”

“I really don’t get why you have to be so over-fucking-dramatic about this! Why couldn’t you’ve just told me to shut the fuck up! I would’ve!”

“Really? Would you? You don’t work like that, Satori, I know you.” She hissed through her teeth and yanked her hand away from his, her nail accidentally cutting the side of his thumb. She didn’t notice, and neither did he.

“You don’t know shit about me.”

“I don’t? I really don’t? Satori, you’ve told your entire sob story a million times! “Oh I got bullied,” “oh everyone hates me.” I can see why!”

Tendou was at a loss for words at this point, the plunging, surging in his veins making him feel cold. He should’ve known it was a bad idea to pick at her, someone who really did know him better than he did himself. She could disassemble him and put him back together if she wanted, and most importantly, break him down. He didn’t even feel like shouting anymore, if he was being honest. He pushed himself to, anyways.

“You’re being a real bitch, __. Do you even know what you’re saying?”

“I’m well fucking aware of what I’m saying!”

“Then why are you saying it?”

__ paused for a moment, gnawing at her lips again. Tears were still running down her face yet she didn’t let her aggressive facade down.

“God, its because I love you!” She shouted, turning around and heading for the door. “I love you and it really fucking hurts when it seems like you don’t love me, okay?”

“It doesn’t seem like you love me.”

“Well I do. I care about your opinion more than your shitty little brain could ever articulate. That’s why I’m overreacting. That’s why I can’t just tell you to shut up.” She paused for a moment, looking at him from the doorstep, wanting to say more, Tendou knew because her lips were pursed together so tight he was afraid she’d split one.

“Goodnight, Satori.” She spared him one last glance before slamming the door behind her, and her hurried footsteps clambered down the hall.

Tendou felt empty in the void of his dorm. He sat down on the edge of his bed and rested his face in his hands, and much to his surprise, when he sat back up, his fingertips were wet. He had definitely messed up.

 It had been three days since the argument. Tendou really didn’t realize how much he depended on another person until he found himself locked up in his dorm the entire weekend, along with the entire following Monday. He had missed all his classes for the day, but ultimately, he didn’t care. It had been a while since he had felt this disgusting, the last time he could recall was losing his last match of senior year. He couldn’t even classify this feeling as sadness, there were too many other feelings mixed in for him to just be sad. He felt guilty, disgusted, livid, his mood was a cesspool of negativity. His roommate had teasingly pointed out that he looked like shit, to which Tendou had wholeheartedly accepted. The lack of sarcasm made his roommate threaten to call the RA, which he didn’t, just tugged the bed sheet off of him and forced him out of the room to go take a shower.

“Call your girlfriend before you die in here.” His roommate had joked, “Or maybe I’ll just let you die, I’d get a 4.0 sympathy GPA from the board.”

It wasn’t until Tuesday night when Tendou mustered up the courage to send her a text. Usually she responded in seconds, but this response was delayed by hours. She ignored his message of “can we talk?” and jumped to, “I’m coming over.” Tendou didn’t mind, he worked well with confrontation. Though, he was definitely worried another argument would strike, that would be the last thing he’d want. His roommate was spending the night at his boyfriend’s dorm, but if he were to still drop by somehow, he’d hate for him to be caught up in an argument.

At six-thirty on the dot, there came a knock on his door. He figured he must look like a wreck, his last shower was Sunday morning, and he hadn’t slept much since then, either. He dragged himself over to answer her, though. Before he had the chance to open the door, she knocked again, which, for some reason, made his stomach lurch. There was the possibility that he was a bit nervous.

He swallowed thickly, swallowing his pride along with it, and cracked the door open, fumbling with the locks on the sides before he swung it open all the way. __ said nothing, just looked up at him, her eyes just as tired as his. Neither said anything but both could tell it wasn’t a very smart idea for both of them to be away from each other for so long.

“I’m sorry.” Is what broke their silence, and Tendou’s heart was racing too fast to tell whether it came from her or him.

“No, I’m sorry.” __ peeped next, so it was safe for Tendou to assume he had spoken without thinking. “I said some shit I shouldn’t have and I’m really, really, sorry.”

“You wouldn’t ‘ve had to say that if I didn’t start it.” Tendou tentatively placed his hand on her shoulder, pulling her inside and shutting the door behind her. As soon as the lock clicked, __’s weight collapsed underneath him, dragging him down to the floor and up against the wall with her.

“I forgive you…” She muttered into the crook of his neck, her arms tight around his waist. “And I never meant anything I said that night. You’re not a monster, I promise you, you’re not. It was so shallow of me to even mention all of that and I wasn’t even thinking about how you’d feel and… I’m so sorry…” She fumbled over her words, lifting her head up to reveal tears in her eyes.

“You’re forgiven.” He smiled, uncoiling one arm from around her neck to thumb away a fallen tear. “I’ve never seen you cry this much, y’know.”

“The shit I said wasn’t true, but everything else was.”

“That whole caring about me thing?”

She nodded, her eyes breaking away from his to look down at her lap. “It’s pathetic, huh?”

“I don’t think it’s pathetic.” Tendou tilted her chin up with his fingertips, and pressed a soft, forgiving kiss on her lips. “I could say the same about you.”

“We’re fucked, aren’t we? Is this what it feels like to be in love?”

“Mhm…” Tendou hummed, a smile on his face as he kissed __ again.

“Disgusting.” She muttered. “I love it.”

Tendou found himself laughing, pulling __ closer to his chest and holding her against him. The time rolled by, the ticks on his roommates clock filling a comfortable silence instead of an empty one. Maybe him and __ weren’t compatible because of her patience and his unwillingness to ever shut up. They were undeniably compatible, though, and he couldn’t waste his time thinking of why. All he knew was that she was right for him, right in his arms, and everything was alright.

My mom always told me when I was little, that if anyone ever did me wrong, I was to always say “You are forgiven” instead of “It’s alright” or “It’s okay.” Because if you tell them that what they did wrong was okay, they’ll believe it, and keeping thinking that hurting you is okay, and they’ll do it again. Always say “you’re forgiven”, because that shows that you won’t tolerate their mistake again.