#now i wanna read it wdym david mentioned

[reidology]

He Was A Skater Boy… (Chapter 6) (Hotch/Reid)

Pairing: Aaron Hotchner / Spencer Reid

Summary: "Spencer, everything I’ve done for you is not about emotion, it's about justice. I advise you to get over yourself, the BAU is bigger than you and your little friend. Once he stops wasting your time you can go back to thinking rationally.”

Word Count: 3.4k 

(I know it’s been a long wait, so I hope this longer chapter is worth it! <3)

Chapter 1, Chapter 2, Chapter 3, Chapter 4, Chapter 5

Chapter 6: I don't wanna make it, I just wanna- (AO3)

It was dark and raining out, but inside the warm comfort of Gideon’s cabin the sound of the rain pittering against the windows was relaxing. Finally, this Wednesday Gideon wasn’t away on a case, so Spencer has made his way to his cabin for their weekly chess dinners. At the door he was greeted by his mentor with a question rather than, well, a greeting,  “How would you identify an injury as hesitant or otherwise?”

It’s not that Spencer didn’t appreciate everything Gideon was doing for him, he just sometimes wondered why they couldn’t ever have normal conversations. Talk about normal things, confide in each other. He already thought of the older man as a father figure, he wished Gideon would take in interest in his personal life. Granted, Spencer didn’t have a personal life until like last week. The lack of personal connection between them made him tick, why does it always have to be business? How about a ‘Hello Spencer, sorry about last week, let’s catch up!’, was that really so unthinkable?

Yes, Spencer was still pissed about Gideon leaving for a case with the BAU without even letting him know that he had rejoined the BAU . The place he’d been groomed to work for since he was thirteen by Gideon himself.

“A hesitation mark would be a shallow, perhaps uneven cut as opposed to a clean, deep wound that would reach past the epidermis of the victim’s skin.” Spencer answered dully. Too easy. The old man let him in and Spencer settled at his usual spot at the dinner table.

They ate in relative silence, meaning Gideon talked and Spencer listened, as per usual. The reason Gideon went on the case was to butter Spencer up to the team and introduce the idea of letting Spencer on. Spencer pointed out that he hasn’t even joined the academy yet and he’s already considering the BAU?

“Trust me, Reid, I know what’s good for you,” was the only response he got.

How come Gideon couldn’t tell him about this beforehand? After all, this is about him . This is his future! A simple head’s up is all Spencer wanted, a sign that he was in control of his own life. But of course, that would’ve gone right over Gideon’s head.

After Spencer helped clean up the dinner, they settled into a chess game. It was a welcomed distraction from the frustrations of the earlier conversation. But Spencer should’ve known his luck always runs out.

“I almost forgot,” Gideon began in his usual monotone, “Rossi has agreed to meet with you for a little chat over at the office.”

This had Spencer seething. He pretended not to hear him, focusing instead on his next move. If you have nothing nice to say , he thought, say nothing at all .

“It’s tomorrow evening, you should bring your resume. And your dissertation”

Spencer moved his knight to E5.

He didn’t look up, “I’m busy tomorrow evening.”

Aaron was taking him to the skatepark to teach him how to kick-flip and maybe do… other things. Gideon appeared to be surprised by this reaction, as if Spencer should be jumping with joy at the prospect of meeting with another old man to discuss how else he can be used.

“Spencer, this isn’t really something you can blow off. This is important.”

“So is this! I have plans with Aaron and I am going to see them through. Rossi can reschedule.”

“Who is Aaron? And how could he be more important than this?”

“You would know if you ever asked about how I’m doing.”

Gideon kept looking right through him, unimpressed. He set his Queen to E5, taking Spencer’s knight. Spencer tried not to choke up.  

He tells him about how Penelope urged him to socialize more, and get out of his comfort zone. About how he goes to study and read at the skatepark, how he met Aaron there, and offered to tutor him. His voice got small when he let slip that Aaron kissed him.

“A-and that’s why I need to tutor him tomorrow, his midterms are soon.”

It was a bit of a lie hidden in truth, but he couldn’t tell Gideon his plan was to suck face with the skater he met two weeks ago.

Gideon’s silence was deafening. Spencer shakily moved his pond to C4, after all it’s not every day you accidentally come out to your prehistoric mentor.

“This boy is a distraction. So is Penelope. She has been trying to control you for months, I knew it was a bad idea for you to see her. She’s feeding you lies, filling you with emotional dandruff, and putting you on the wrong path. Spencer, everything I’ve done for you is not about emotion, it is about justice. I advise you to get over yourself, the BAU is bigger than you and your little friend. Once he stops wasting your time you can go back to thinking rationally.”

Spencer has no means to hide the tears streaking his cheeks. Or the ones falling onto the board. He wants to tell Gideon that the BAU is his dream, not Spencer’s, that the only one controlling his life is him. Penelope has shown him that there’s more to life than just being a convenient supercomputer. He feels alive for the first time ever, he hopes Gideon will understand.

“I made a promise to a friend,” his lips trembled, “I can’t betray that.”

“No, you made a commitment to the FBI, to helping people, to catching monsters. Now you’re going to meet with David Rossi tomorrow or the past five years of your life will have been meaningless. It’s your choice, Spencer.”

He made a final move on the board. “Check mate.”

The message was clear. Gideon or Aaron.

Later that night, lying in bed, he texted Aaron:

Spencer: I can’t meet you tomorrow. It’s best if we don’t meet at all anymore.

The reply came in immediately,

Aaron: wdym? are you ok?

Spencer was too emotional to respond. He tried to go to sleep but his phone kept vibrating.

Aaron: is this a gay freak out?

or is it a me thing?

...

Spencer please just let me know you’re alright.

Spencer: I’ll be alright if you leave me alone.

Sending that to Aaron felt like a cut deep in his chest, he’d never been so cruel before. No reply came and he began to doze off into oblivion, he was about to drift when his phone vibrated again.

Aaron: fine, but I need my sweater back.

—————————————

Ever since Aaron had met this kid, he hasn’t been able to form a single coherent thought. The genius with hidden wit and geeky sarcasm already held so much power over him. Spencer had the compassion of a nurse, the most dazzling smile he’d ever seen, and eyes to draw him in and drown him in the deep end. Spencer could ask him to jump off the moon and he’d happily oblige. But this, this wasn’t like jumping off the moon. This was heartbreak.

I’ll be alright if you leave me alone.

The words flashed onto the screen and knocked the breath out of him. That message hurt worse than an ankle sprained a hundred times over. Nothing Spencer could say could make him believe that what they had, whatever they were building up to, didn’t mean anything. Something wasn’t right and Aaron was determined to find out exactly what. He couldn’t let this boy slip through the cracks, he couldn’t let him go before telling him exactly how he felt. But Spencer was stubborn, and he wouldn’t listen, he’ll shut himself out into isolation if Aaron doesn’t do something.

So he staged a coup. A devious plan to get Spencer running back into his arms. Ignoring the last text from Spencer, he replied ‘fine, but I need my sweater back.’

—————————————

Spencer has a plan. A plan to return Aaron’s sweater without actually seeing him. He plans to leave the clothing on the halfpipe and be gone before the man in question even gets there. He gets to the skatepark early and sets the sweater down at his usual spot, but when he turns around he comes face-to-face with his kryptonite. Aaron knows him too well.

Shoes dangling around his neck, baggy band T-shirt, oversized corduroy pants, striped green socks, messy hair, and the ever-present skateboard tucked under his arm.. How can this man have such an effect on him?  

“Spencer,” he flashed a crooked smile. Spencer didn’t smile back. This will be easier if he doesn’t show his true emotions.

The smile faded quickly when Spencer wordlessly handed him the folded sweater. He’d spent a few minutes smelling it before he left, just to commit the scent to memory.

Aaron swallowed nervously, “Just talk to me, please. I just want to know what I did.”

He reached for Spencer’s cheek but Spencer ducked away before he could. Why is he making this harder than it has to be.

“You didn’t do anything. It’s me. I can’t do this, I have to go. I have a meeting.”

Spencer stepped around the taller man, but Aaron grabbed his arm, “No, stay, please let’s talk about this.”

“I can’t.” He shrugged him off and walked away. Leaving Aaron even more confused and heartbroken than before. Little did he know Spencer’s heart was broken too.

———————————————-

David Rossi is an old Italian man with an affinity for classic cars and Cuban cigars. Spencer knows this because within ten minutes of meeting the man, the words ‘carbonara’ and ‘vintage’ had been uttered at least seven times. He seemed all right, Spencer liked that he hadn’t mentioned his age or his intelligence yet. Rossi introduced him to another younger agent before disappearing to his office with Gideon.

Elle Greenaway is… as intimidating as she looks. She may be shorter than Spencer but her height does not deter her from being absolutely vicious. The words ‘scrawny’ and ‘privilege’ may have been thrown around (to his face) many, many times. Nevertheless, she seemed genuinely interested in Spencer.

You see, he’d been dragged to the BAU by Gideon, to have this meeting with THE David Rossi, and he’d been sulking the whole way there. He remained polite and tried, really he tried, to act like he wanted to be there. But his mind was stuck on the day’s previous events. How could Aaron have changed his life so quickly? His universal perspective was completely skewed. He imagined the look on Aaron’s face when he finds out that David Rossi offered to cook him dinner at his mansion. The way his lip would quirk up as if to say ‘you’re joking, right?’ and the bright smile and wide eyes of excitement when he realizes that it’s the truth and the way his big hands would pull him in for a slow passionate kiss…

“Hey! Kid!”

Spencer broke out of his daydream at Agent Greenaway’s shrill voice and the snap of her fingers in front of his face. She looked amused, if not a little pissed-off at being ignored. “I asked you a question, what’s got you looking so miserable?”

By now he should know that this woman is direct and abrasive but unapologetic, he could respect that, but he was still caught off guard by the bluntness of the question. A panicked little squeak left his throat which totally betrayed the cool exterior he’d been faking this whole time. “Don’t even try to lie to me either, I’ll know.” Was that a threat?

“I- I’m not miserable.” He replied, miserably.

She did not believe that for a second. Greenaway took a glance around her bullpen then gestured to an empty office with a round table, “Sit down, Einstein. I’ll be right back.”

Spencer sat on one of the chairs, looking around he noticed a case board full of newspaper clippings, crime scene photos, maps, and more. Could he see himself sitting here, day after day, chasing monsters? He didn’t have time to entertain that thought before Elle came back and closed the door behind her. She placed a steaming cup of coffee in front of him. “ Oh thank god, ” He let out without thinking, she just chuckled at his embarrassment and took a seat across from him.

“I know a caffeine deficiency when I see one. But that’s not all it is, is it? Spill, Pretty Boy or I’ll make sure Rossi never lets you step foot in this building again.”

They both knew she wasn’t serious, no matter how convincing she sounded, but Spencer let up anyway. After taking a long sip of the scorching coffee, he shrugged, “Maybe that wouldn’t be so bad,” his gaze remained trained on the coffee sloshing around his cup, “Maybe that’s what I want.”

“You don’t want to be here?” Elle asked quizzically. “I thought you were ‘the genius to put us all to shame!’ ‘the BAU’s missing link!’ ‘the kid who’s gonna change the game !’ That’s all Gideon’s been talking about for years.”

Spencer shook his head and reddened at the way Gideon’s been talking about him to these special agents, “Gideon he… he doesn’t know what I want. He doesn’t understand.” He wants Aaron. He wants to feel wanted, not just… useful .

“And what is it you want?”

At that he took another sip of coffee, it really could use some sugar, how long of a sip does he need to take before Greenaway changes the subject? He couldn’t answer that.

A knowing smirk grew on the older agent’s face, “Ahh… or should I ask, who is it you want?”

Spencer only choked a little bit.

“Wh-what? No, no i-it’s not a- who it’s uh-”

“What’s her name?” Her head was propped up on her hand, leaning over as if that would get him to spill all his secrets.

After some hesitation, he relented, deep breath in, “His name.”

Elle didn’t look surprised, just corrected herself, “What’s his name, then?” Deep breath out. It’s safe.

He tried to suppress a grin when he answered, but it was nearly impossible not to smile when thinking of Aaron Hotchner.

“His name is Aaron. He’s a law student, I met him at the skatepark. But I... I can’t see him anymore. He’s a distraction.”

Elle’s eyebrows shot up at that, “Is that what Gideon told you?”

He nodded. She made her disapproval clear with a roll of her eyes and a tsk .

“Listen, kid. Gideon’s an old man stuck in his glory days. You’ve got the rest of your life to work for the FBI. You’re only nineteen for Christ’s sake! Do you even know how many wives Rossi’s had? Too many. But he’s one of the best profilers I’ve ever met. Love isn’t a distraction, Spencer, it’s an asset. Go chase your dream guy, the BAU isn’t going anywhere.”

At that, she got up and went to leave, not before saying, “I better not see you for at least another decade, kid.”

She was right, and Spencer had a sweater to reclaim.

———————————————-

By the time Gideon drove him home, it was nearly 11pm, Spencer was exhausted from socializing with the team and talking about his genius intellect for hours. But he was determined to fix the rupture he’s created.

He’s been an avoidant ass to Aaron. He knows he doesn’t deserve to be forgiven. But he’ll be damned if he doesn’t try. He dug around the garage, making sure not to wake his mother, and found his old bike. And helmet, of course. He grabbed his satchel and made his way to Aaron’s dorm building in the dark. He wouldn’t risk texting Aaron in advance and being turned down or ignored. He left the bike in the grass and made his way up to Aaron’s door, attempting to catch his breath.

Before knocking he made sure he still had the gift in his bag. After his talk with Agent Greenaway earlier, he thought about how he could apologize. He wanted it to be meaningful, so he brought a gift. Spencer held his breath and knocked three times. He practiced his speech in his head, Aaron, I am so sorry I treated you like you were disposable. My mind was clouded with doubt about my future, but I never should have let that get in the way of you. You mean so much to me, Aaron, would you let me-

The door opened and it revealed a disheveled, bloodshot, miserable figure. Aaron had clearly been crying. It was almost midnight and Aaron had been up crying because of him. Spencer was such an asshole, how could he have done this to the only person to ever treat him like a normal guy? The guilt swallowed him whole and the practiced words left his mind. How could he fix this?

“Spence?” Aaron has never sounded so small .  

Spencer blubbered, feet stuck to the ground. His mouth opened but no words came out. Aaron shifted his feet and looked down at the ground.

“What are you doing here?”

Spencer swallowed his pride.

“I came to apologize. I know I really fucked up. You don’t have to forgive me but I- I hope you’ll give me another chance.”

Aaron looked up at him, analyzing his face, surprised at Spencer’s words. After today he thought Spencer was completely done with him. He sniffed and saw Spencer’s guilt build-up in his shoulders.

“Here… I got you this. I know it isn’t much but…”

Spencer opened his satchel and fussed around for the gift, he handed it to Aaron who took his hands out of his pockets with shaking arms. His eyes widened.

“David Rossi’s new book? It doesn’t get released for another month.”

“Open it.”

Aaron opens the cover and falls silent.

“Scars remind us where we've been. They don't have to dictate where we're going.”

“How did you get an autographed copy of my favorite author’s unreleased novel?”

“It’s a long story, but essentially there was a lot of begging.”

Aaron stood a while in uffish thought, staring down at the book, stroking the spine of it. Then he gave a little smirk at, “Begging, huh?” There was a glint in his eyes. The mischievous glint Spencer thought he had put out forever.

“Yeah, you should’ve seen it. I was on my knees and everything.”

Aaron smiled. “I want a real explanation, but right now I just want to kiss you. Can I kiss you?”

Spencer was in his arms before Aaron could finish the question. “You never have to ask.”

Aaron wasted no time grabbing Spencer’s face and crashing their lips together. Spencer immediately melted into it, clutching at the other’s hoodie, trying to get closer to that heavenly heat. Aaron broke away caressing the younger man’s face and pressed his forehead to his temple, “Stay,” he whispered.

Spencer nodded vigorously and was pulled across the threshold into the room. The door was kicked closed with Spencer pressed up against it. Aaron slotted their lips back together and draped an arm around Spencer’s small frame, the other landing in his hair. Spencer’s lips parted to let the taller man in, the sensation washed over him and made his toes curl. Using his hold on Spencer’s hair, Aaron directed his head up, exposing the pale expanse of his neck. He peppered kisses and nipped and sucked until Spencer made those irresistible sounds Aaron had been dreaming about. He licked behind his ear and Spencer let out a whine, God, Aaron could watch him come undone all day.

“A-Aaron.”

Aaron hummed as he slipped a hand under Spencer’s button-up shirt.

“Aaron, wait.”

Spencer tapped lightly at his arm and Aaron stopped what he was doing.

“What’s wrong?” Wow, he sounded wrecked.

“Nothing’s wrong, I promise. I just don’t want to do this like… this. Our first time shouldn’t be rushed,”

Aaron nods and hums his approval in Spencer’s neck.

“Let’s go to bed?” Spencer cards his fingers through Aaron’s thick hair. The man pulls him in for a sweet kiss, then pulls him toward the bed.

“Anything you want, sweetheart.”