#now excuse me but I'm gonna lay on some grass for a few hours

[myafterlifeisbetterthenyours]

Glad you're enjoying the story and picking up where we left off, I have some ideas for the direction of the story taking into account my personal vision and my own OC "Kiell" which I decided not to post anywhere. I'm sure Stella the moment she saw Blitzo she would attack you, but after many hours with you trying to keep Stella under control so as not to destroy half of the palace in search of Blitzo. Later, after a brief fight with Stolas, Stella decides to go shopping with s / n and during the

Stella with her Owl demon S/O

You stared at the Imp. The Imp staring right back.

You went to move, try and fix the situation. But before you could make a move, Stella barged past you, nearly toppling you to the ground.

'How fucking dare you!' Stella screached, chasing after the Imp.

Dusting yourself off, you watched as Stella chased the Imp around the clearing, screaming a variety of curses at the Imp.

The Imp, out of space to go, ran into the hedge maze Stella close behind.

You just watched, slowly following after, Already having a good idea what was about to happen.

Stella ran into the hedges, screaming at the Imp.

Running deeper into the maze, Stella's voice gradually got further away.

You stood at the entrance. And as you suspected, the Imp's little head popped out of the hedge, looking the way Stella ran before climbing out of the hedge.

He chuckled to himself, dusting off a few leafs before walking off.

Directly into you.

He looked up at you, an awkward little smile crossing his face. 'Please don't kill me.' He begged before you grabbed him by the horn.

Dragging him off, the Imp pleading for his life, his pleas getting progressively more desperate the further you dragged him.

You dragged him through the maze until you reached the large concrete wall that surrounded the palace grounds.

Tossing him against the wall, the Imp had balled himself up, covering his face.

But after a few moments of nothing happening he looked up, slowly lowering his arms.

'So your... not gonna kill me?' He asked. Clearly confused as to what was happening.

You couldn't help but laugh at his simple nature. 'Kill you?' You asked in mock disbelief 'My good man. After everything you've done for me, I should be shaking your hand!' You proclaimed.

I pulled him to his feet, you dusted off the Imps coat, 'Everything I have, is thanks to you. Something I am very grateful for.' You told him fondly.

Your right hand slid up his shoulder, gripping the side of his neck, 'Unfortunately you've seen me and my love in quite the compromising position. So, I'm gonna need some assurance you won't tell anyone.' I told him, an edge to my voice.

The Imps face morphed into a smirk 'Ah, yes, I got a good eyeful of you and her highness.' The Imp inspected his hands, 'I'd love to help you, really I would, but, uh, why should I?' He asked a coyly.

You let out a long chuckle before wrapping your hand around his throat. 'Don't think just because Im grateful to you, I won't kill you. The only reason I haven't just killed you, is because your still of use to me.'

Releasing his throat, I pulled back, dusting my coat. Before extending my hand. 'Now, I need your word you won't share this information with anyone.' You growled, extending your hand.

Your hand begining to give of the familiar glow of magic.

Blitz hesitated. 'Why should I?' He asked, clearly wanting something out of it.

As if on cue, the silence was broken by Stella's distant screams, a large fire ball firing into the air, showing just how close she was.

Looking back at the Imp I told him 'I could always give you to her, I'm sure she would-' before I could finish he pushed his hand into mine.

The deal was made instantly.

The Imp wavered for a second, before asking 'Wha-what happens now?'

Gripping his shoulder, you told him, 'Now? Now, you leave.'

With that said, you grabbed him by his coat and threw him into the air, clear over the wall.

'Hurry on back now!' You called out, a wrath twang to my voice.

'Wouldn't want Stolas missing his little boy-toy.' You growled as you walked away.

It wasn't hard to find Stella, the yelling had only gotten louder, now accompanied by fire... lots of fire.

When you found her, she was screaming at stolas, the field around her ablaze in purplish flames.

Now, you were quiet content to watch Stella give her "Husband" a verbal thrashing.

But when you saw there daughter, staring down from the second floor window. The poor girl looked in utter distress at her parents fighting.

You moved forward quickly, ignoring the pain as the flames licked your body.

Reaching her, you spun her around, looking her dead in the eyes. You stroked her cheek, telling her you were there for her.

Tears welled in her eyes, the flames around you slowly died down until you were just holding the sobbing woman in a field of Burt grass.

You held her close as she cried into your chest. Holding her close, you looked up, meeting Stolas' gaze as he looked at the two of you.

You couldn't help but Shooting dangers at the prince, he was the cause of this, and you wanted him to know it.

You carefully picked the woman up, carrying her away.

You entered the palace, you locked eyes with Stolas one last time before letting the ghost of a smile spreading across your mouth.

You carried her into the palace, backtracking all the way to her study.

It took some work, but you opened the door, carrying her in, placing her on the large lounge set against the far wall.

Laying her down, you pulled out your handkerchief. Wiping away her tears you asked her gently 'Are you alright?'

Stella just shook her head, rubbing her arm across her eyes. 'No. No Im not' she said, her voice thick with emotion. 'There's no where. Theres nothing I can do, nothing without that Fucking Imp ruining it.'

She broke down into a new fit of tears, pulling you close she clung to you like the world would fall out beneath her.

She sobbed into your chest, crying for what seemed like hours. Releasing all the frustration she had seemed to pent up. You just held her close as she did.

It was as she finally calmed down, that there was a knock on the door. Getting up, you walked over before cautiously opening it.

It was her daughter. And she looked quite concerned.

'You must be Octavia' you told her gently, taking her hand with a small bow. Octavia spoke gently, asking you 'Is my mum alright?'

Not sure how to answer, you moved out of the way, allowing her to enter the room.

Seeing her daughter, Stella quickly wiped her face, cleaning herself up a little before saying to her 'Hello darling.'

Octavia said it back before taking a seat on the couch.

The two shared some gentle words with each other, Octavia seeming very concerned for her, but you could tell your presence was holding her back.

So you gently spoke up. 'I'll go have some tea brought up. Give you two a moment.' Stella gave you a thankful look, Octavia giving you a thoughtful glance before focusing on her mother.

You left the room silently, carefully closing the door behind you. Now in the hallway you went about looking for the help, making your way down the long hallway.

You may have despised Stolas as a man, but you had to admit, his home was quiet amazing.

You eventually found a Butler, from whom you politely asked if he could have some tea sent to Stella's study.

With your task complete you started the arduous task of retracing your steps back to the study.

Making it back, you were surprised to find Stolas outside her door. Walking closer, the demonic Prince turned to you.

'What are you doing with my wife?' He demanded.

Stepping closer you stopped before bringing a finger to your chin 'what ever could you mean, your highness?' You asked smugly.

'I'm not an idiot, so don't act like I am one.' he said a scowl in his voice. 'I know your after my wife and don't even try to play innocent.'

He said it all with such dignity, such honour. It took everything you had not to laugh.

Clearing your throat you took another step closer to him.

'I didn't have to lift a finger, Stolas.' You told him, arrogance creeping into your voice.

'You had everything one could want. Power. Influence. A family.' You took a moment to shake your head. 'You had the most beautiful, most intelligent, most amazing woman in hell.' You gave a long dramatic sigh. 'And you gave it all up, For what? An Imp?'

Walking forward, you placed a hand on his shoulder. 'I don't have to Act like your an idiot Stolas, you've more then proven it. And now, You've given up your claim to your marraige.' Looking him dead in the eyes and told him, 'Its my turn now.'

Before Stolas could respond the tell-tale sound of silverware clinking of a cart being pushed, drew your attention to its source.

Taking a step back, you addressed the maid pushing the cart 'Thank you so much, if only all imps were so brisk' You told her politely, opening the door.

The Imp pushed the cart between the two of you, into the room. I smirked at the Prince, the Imp walked out of the room, right between us.

'Thank you very much', you told the Imp, giving her a bow. The Imp giggled, giving her own little curtsy before scampering off.

You walked past him, entering the room. 'Now if you'll excuse me, I have to care for a dear friend after all the stress her "Husband" has put her through.' You told him, each word lathered in arrogance.

Before he could respond, you shut the door, perhaps a little to loud. But the satisfaction from slamming the door in that pompous gits face was well worth it.

[astro-rain]

delicate; b.barnes

chapter seventeen - “wouldn’t dream of it”

delicate masterlist

word count: 4.7k

synopsis: reader has a strange dream that ends up bringing on a cascade of various events and feelings.

pairings: bucky barnes x fem!reader

A/N: feel free to drop any opinions/thoughts/predictions below (or in my asks if u wanna be anonymous!!)

She would have woken up from a night's sleep saturated with regret... if she had slept a wink. She spent the night tossing and turning, and at about five in the morning, the pursuit of rest was abandoned.

Forcefully and exasperatedly, she sat straight up, glaring at the clock and letting the blanket pool around her waist. Y/N had her weekly meeting with Shuri at nine o'clock... that meant four hours to kill. More like four more hours of trudging through thoughts, memories, questions, and fears surrounding the previous day. Four more hours of ruminating over Bucky Barnes. This seemed to become a reoccurring activity her life.

She stared at the wall, thinking about how before, there was at least the excuse of being drunk: maybe not completely knowing what she was doing, maybe not remembering something correctly. But they were sober this time... she was sober. And what struck her was that, when it happened, when he kissed her, there was no moment of initial startle. There was no surprise jerk back or woah-what-are-you-doing response. Their bodies just fell into form. She just fell into form. Like it was an instinct. Like they were both used to it, and had done it a number of times before.

She wasn't sure what shocked her more: the fact that he kissed her or the fact that she kissed him back. Was he being bold? Or did she lead him on? Had she been leading him on? He wouldn't have done it on his own account, right? She had a degree of difficulty in believing she was wanted. Truly.

She could've sworn that she wasn't this emotionally invested. She could've sworn that if she couldn't control what she was feeling, she could at least control what she was doing. She rubbed her eyes, wondering where she went so wrong. It probably happened at some point during the isolated time she had been spending with Bucky in a secret corner of the world, not minding the least bit that she had been away from home and work for months whilst working on a project hardly anyone else was even aware of.

Even with all this in mind, she didn't seem to care. She didn't really mind that she hadn't been home in ages, it didn't really bother her that she might be in trouble when she gets back for helping enemy of the state Sharon Carter, runaway fugitive Steve Rogers, or war criminal James Buchanan Barnes. Because every time she thought about the consequences, it just didn't seem to matter more than what was keeping her in Wakanda... Besides, she guessed Bucky would probably be pardoned and after everything settled down, who would pay any attention to her? It's not like she mattered in the grand scheme.

As soon as that very thought arose, she could hear Bucky's voice scolding her in the back of her head. Why was he always there?

Frustrated, she groaned into the air in front of her. Her feelings were so confusing, she wasn't even sure what exactly it was she felt towards Bucky. On one hand, she felt fiercely protective over him: she'd go down fighting before she'd let anyone lay a hand on him, prepared to stay in his corner forever, ready on defense.

But at the same time, she felt this ineffable sense of warmth for him. Like one look at the way his eyes crinkle when he smiled, and she'd turn soft as water. Like being in his vicinity smoothed out the rough around her edges.

And if all this wasn't enough, now she had been touched by him, she had felt his lips and the gentleness in his skin. This brought a cascade of new feelings, ones she knew she had to hide. It... was definitely a problem. She knew, don't get her wrong, she knew it was a problem. As much as she understood this irrefutable fact, the numbness in her lips just wouldn't go away. He had remained with her even hours later. She couldn't get rid of his heartbeat; it was still in her hand. She could still feel him.

Basically, she knew this most recent development was an issue. She knew it was bad, wrong, worrisome, and whatever else. And knowing this, recognizing the very hot water she was in, the only thing she could focus on was trying to ignore the recurrent desire to be near him, to find him and be close to him.

"Fuck."

She plopped back down on her back and elected to cast a burning glare at the ceiling until she had to get ready for her meeting.

—

"I think it might be too hot for this," she complained with a smile on her face.

"It was your idea," he said, a few steps ahead of her, "and we're almost there, so buck up."

She laughed. He smiled at the sound.

"What?" he asked.

"You said buck up. Like Buck... Bucky. Like you."

He just looked at her, amused. Sun kissed and happy.

"It's fitting," she shrugged, grinning.

"Guess so. Hurry up, slow poke. You're gonna fall behind."

"I'm already behind," she huffed . "Your super soldier legs are too fast for me."

"Well," he stopped short and she finally caught up, standing right beside him, "we're here. So worry not."

He looked over at her to find her already looking at him. Funny how their eyes always found each other like that.

"What?" he asked again, not able to help how the corners of his mouth turned up just slightly.

"Nothin.’ Everything," she shrugged. "You."

Perhaps she just liked looking at him. Him and his long hair and light eyes. Was that such a crime? His skin looked caramelized under the sun. She wanted to reach out and touch him.

"You're a real peach, y'know that?" he smirked.

She looked away, pretending to find the grass around them spectacularly interesting while hiding a dopey smile at his compliment.

"Hey, doll face. I'm a lot more fun than the grass, I swear," he teased. "Lemme see my favorite face."

"Hold on." She got an idea.

She reached down beside her and plucked a flower from the soil.

"A little hibiscus," she smiled, tucking the small flower behind his ear. God, he was just so pretty.

She stood back, satisfied with her decor. She sighed, content. How couldn't she be? She was looking at two of the most beautiful things. Flowers and Bucky.

As soon as it was securely in place, Bucky bent down to pick the hibiscus that sat right next to the one Y/N chose. Mirroring her actions, he placed it behind her ear.

"A little hibiscus," he repeated fondly, "for a real peach!"

She didn't dare try to hide the next dopey grin while taking in the sight before her, of Bucky beaming in the sunlight with a flower in his hair. Looking at this, she understood why mankind began to paint. Why there needed to be someway to capture something as precious as this, some method of preserving something so idyllic and beautiful and pure and perfect.

Perfect like the cool, fresh water of the lake. Their lake. Their place. The flowing, breathing water she felt around her waist. They floated around, her and Bucky, as light as air in that lake.

The two were weightless, adoration suspended in animation. The water preserved the feeling of feather light kisses and chests pressed together and hands beginning to roam. If only she could be closer to him. Her fingers in his hair and his palms on either side of her face wasn't enough. She needed more. More, more, more of him.

Skin is so soft and the sun is so warm and soon enough, the water was up to her shoulders as his arms ran up her back. Arms plural, she noticed. He held her with both, protectively enclosing the longing feeling between them.

"Oh, fucking hell!" Y/N sprang up, throwing the blanket off of her.

She must've fallen asleep... and began to dream... She could imagine if her brain was a person, it'd be laughing at her for that.

Why? Why? What was the reason for this? There was no point! How frustrating! How embarrassing that her mind betrayed her with dreams of him.

"God damn it," she swore under her breath.

She wanted to angrily shake her fist in the air like vengeful cartoon character, as she got out of bed and headed towards her wardrobe.

It was 8 a.m. One hour until her meeting with Shuri. She would spend the time changing her outfit until it was distracting enough to draw her attention away from thoughts of that damn lake... and his damn hands...

—

"My friend!" Shuri greeted in her usual upbeat manner. "How are you? How are things?"

There was absolutely no way to answer this honestly.

"I'm doin' well. Same old, same old. How 'bout you?"

"Good as always," she smiled. "Thank you."

Y/N took a seat at one of the tables in Shuri's lab. "So how is T'Challa doing with Nakia?"

"Oh, who knows these days! He is so awkward, I have no idea!"

They both laughed. Y/N was glad she and Shuri were able to talk like this. They weren't just robotic colleagues who only communicated when they needed to. They were partners, and they worked well together.

The meeting commenced like it did every other week. Updates on Bucky's progress, new ideas or adjustments to treatment or planning, going over scans or data, you name it. But this time, she had something else in mind. Something that a dream reminded her of. She had mentioned maybe getting her hands on a prosthetic for Bucky. She wasn’t familiar with the prosthetics industry in Wakanda, but they could probably make something work.

Was that too much? Did she care too much? Was she showing too much regard for him? Was this too much to ask of her?

"Hey, remember a couple weeks ago when I talked about prosthetics?"

"Of course," Shuri smiled. She genuinely enjoyed her partner - her partner who was intelligent, confident, and articulate but still sometimes sounded shy. "You wanna see what I've been working on?"

"You... you ordered one? I didn't-"

"Oh, no. Not ordered. Just you wait," she said, pulling out a drawer to dig amongst papers. "I've been workin' my magic."

Shuri pulled out a manilla folder that had W.W. - Proj. 1 printed on it.

She dropped the folder in front of the psychologist who sat across from her, gesturing for her to look through it. Y/N opened it to see several pages of prosthetics research, information on cybernetics and various designs for a bionic arm.

"Oh... wow." Y/N marveled.

"What do you think?"

"It's incredible," Y/N shook her head. "I didn't- ... I thought you meant you bought one or something. I didn't know you designed one"

"I didn't just design it. I made it."

"You- what?"

"Yep. First model ready for use. Do you want to see it?"

"I'd love to."

Shuri walked her over to a large, rectangular case in the side of the lab.

"Holy shit," she let slip.

The arm was astounding: a glossy black with ridges etched in a shiny gold. It glimmered, sitting in its casing.

Shuri laughed. Thank you."

"Sorry. Excuse my French. This is... remarkable. Can I give it to him?"

"I suppose so. It hasn't got much use just sitting in my lab."

Excitement grew in her chest. Bucky would be able to have an arm he was in control of, one that wasn't forcefully attached to him and used as a weapon. In a way, he would be gaining a sense of autonomy. God, she wanted to see him right away and tell him the news. She was happy to make Bucky happy.

"Oh," Shuri perked her head up. "And there was something else I wanted to talk to you about."

"Yeah, what's up?"

"You're aware of the trigger words, correct?"

"Of course."

"I'm close to fully deconstructing the mind control, but there's no way to know for sure unless we test it out..."

Oh. The excitement dissipated and her stomach dropped. She didn't mean...

"You don't mean..."

"The effect and response of the words needs to be tested on him."

Oh God. There was no way this would be easy.

"And you need to be the one to do it."

Fuck.

"Me?" she tried to hide her shock, her worry, her now overwhelming urge to protect him. "How come?"

"It seems like he trusts you most out of everyone here. I consulted with the Doras about safety and we think that if something were to go wrong, it'd be safest to happen with you. Of course they'll be nearby, but you'd be the one mostly likely to be able to control him in that state."

Her mouth went dry. Control him? She could never. She would never. She knew, in depth, the anguish he carried in his bones as a result of being trapped as a weapon wielded by other people. The thought of her controlling him made her skin crawl.

She knew how much he feared the Winter Soldier and how he would hate losing touch with himself again. He's been free from this kind of violation for a while now; she had very much rather not take that freedom away.

At the same time, she understood how this test was necessary for a full recovery and rehabilitation. And who knows if the words will even work? Maybe she'll say them and nothing will even happen.

He would have to get over this obstacle in order to make it to the other side clean. She could only imagine how scary this would be for him. But she'd be damned if she wasn't going to be right there with him.

"Okay," she said dryly. "When... when are we gonna do this?"

"Not yet but soon. I'll keep you updated."

The rest of the meeting carried on as usual, but Y/N might as well have not even been there. Her mind was off. Off somewhere trying to think of how to tell Bucky the news. The very last thing in the world she wanted to do was hurt him. She'd take his place if she could.

—

As soon as she was free from the calm, professional facade she had going with Shuri, she found herself speed walking back to where Bucky was. She needed to get to him. Now.

When his hut was in sight, she was nervous. She was nervous before, she supposed. She just wanted everything to be okay.

"Buck," she called, a few steps away from the entryway. "I need to talk to you!"

When she stepped inside she froze in place, staring blankly at the two super soldiers in front of her instead of the one she expected. Two as in Bucky and Steve.

"Y/N," Bucky stood up. He sounded surprised.

"Oh-uh," she stuttered. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to interrupt. I can come back later."

"That's okay," Steve's voice was gentle. "I'll leave you... to it."

Steve threw Bucky a look she couldn't quite decipher before he left. Bucky just looked panicked.

And soon enough they were alone. They stood directly in front of each other, but with a noticeably awkward amount of space between them. The tiny part of her brain that was still mulling over the dream wanted him closer.

"Hey," he said softly.

"Hey..."

"You wanted to talk?"

"Yeah," she breathed. "It's uh... there's kind of a lot."

"Look, about yesterday, I-"

Oh. She completely forgot about that. Well, not completely. There was no way she could forget that. But, at the moment there were more pressing matters on her mind.

"It's not about yesterday."

"It's...not?"

"No. I have good news and bad news. Which do you want first?"

"Uh... bad news?"

She took a steady breath in. She wasn't sure exactly how to tell him, she just knew he needed to know. He deserved nothing but the truth.

"So, I was just with Shuri and we discussed the next step in your treatment..."

He said nothing, waiting for the aforementioned "bad news." She continued.

"Apparently, we have to test the trigger words on you..."

His expression dropped and she watched all the color drain from his face.

"I know. I'm sorry. I don't wanna do it, but we have to do it to see if it's really outta your head."

"Yeah, that's the problem," he finally spoke. "What if it's not? Then I hurt someone - or multiple people. There's gotta be some other way to test it."

"You're not going to hurt anyone. Or multiple people."

"How can you say that?"

"It's just gonna be the two of us."

"What?!"

"Shuri thought the safest way of doing this was for me to conduct the test. That way, if things ever got out of hand, which is very unlikely to happen, I'd be the best bet at... handling... that situation. Since you know me the best."

"No way. There's no way. I thought you meant they were gonna strap me down and have some lab tech read them. This is way too unsafe-"

"Strap you down? Bucky, no-"

He still saw himself as an animal that needed to be contained. Muzzled.

"What if I hurt you?" his voice shook just a little.

The fear in his eyes was potent. It made her angry. Angry at Hydra and whoever the fuck else had a hand in this sin against the kind and gentle man who stood before her. The man who was genuinely scared of himself. How dare they make him feel so unsafe within his own mind, within his own body. All she wanted to do was make it better, and suddenly, she could no longer stand for the distance between them. She stepped forward and grasped his hand between both of hers.

"I trust you, Buck," she smiled a small but earnest smile, letting him know that she truly was here for him. "Entirely. I promise. Okay?"

He nodded, still reluctant and entirely scared.

"Do you trust me?" she asked.

"I do. I trust you, I do," he cast his glance downwards, almost in shame. "It's myself I don't trust."

Her chest twisted with an emotion difficult to place. Mostly, it was the desire to take every ounce of pain away. She wished she could just snap her fingers and make it fade into nothing.

"That's okay," she said.

He looked back up at her, confused.

"You don't have to trust yourself. That's hard enough as it is and Hydra didn't make it any easier. You just trust me, alright? I'm the one reading the words, so, even though I'd hate it, if you were to be... activated... you'd be listening to me not trying to fight me," she squeezed his hand. "And I will not let anything happen to you."

"I'm not worried about me..."

She knew. She was not stupid; she knew that Bucky was separate from the Winter Soldier and that theoretically, the Winter Soldier - and only the Winter Soldier - had the potential to hurt her. She wasn't blind to the dangers, but she also wasn't blind to the fact that there was no exact science to brainwashing. Whos to say nothing could ever seep through the programming? She knew what happened with Bucky when he was forced to fight Steve for the first time. How it changed him.

Even though the Winter Soldier was in there, there was more of Bucky. She knew that for sure. And she needed to make sure he knew one thing: even if the Winter Soldier was trying to claw his way back and entire world was against him, she saw Bucky and trusted Bucky and believed in Bucky. She was a constant. And she wouldn’t give up on him.

"What, you're worried about me?" she joked, lightheartedly. She took the hand she was holding and pressed it against her cheek. "This wouldn't hurt me, James Buchanan."

He sighed, feeling the warmth from her face. He did not deserve this kindness and he definitely did not trust himself despite her trust in him. Of course Bucky would never hurt her. But Bucky wasn't the Winter Soldier. And he didn't have the heart to tell her what the Winter Soldier could or would do. He didn't have the stomach to even think about what would happen if the Winter Soldier actually did something.

But there was something about the way she believed in him, the way her conviction was so strong. It made him almost start to doubt these feelings. He could never be sure of everything being okay, but at least he could be sure of her.

"Okay," he whispered.

"Okay?"

"I'll do it."

"Alright," she smiled.

She removed his hand from her face, but still held onto it.

"And even if you did try to fight me, I think I could go a couple rounds in the ring with the Winter Soldier. I'm big and tough."

They both laughed knowing she had very minimal fight training.

"You'd definitely kick my ass," Bucky chuckled.

She just smiled. And then her eyes grew wide.

"Oh! You wanna know the good news?"

"F'course."

Bucky watched her briefly disappear through the entryway before returning with a big, rectangular case. He raised an eyebrow.

"That's good news? What is it, a bomb?"

"I don't do bombs... arson only."

The look on his face made her wonder if he actually questioned whether or not she was serious. She fought laughter as she opened the case. It was silent for a moment. Y/N looked at him, waiting for a reaction.

"Is that... for me?"

"All yours, Buck. A favor I asked of Shuri."

She told him about the arm. Told him about Shuri's design, and the features and functionality. She didn't mention what made her think to ask Shuri, but that surely wasn't important.

"It's really cool, and like super sleek and badass. But more importantly, it will make you feel more... I don't wanna say regular 'cause nothing about you is regular," a shy smile slipped. "But more... how you're used to having your body feel and function."

"That's..." he shook his head before looking up and making dauntingly deliberate eye contact. "Thank you. For thinkin' of me. I mean it. I hope it wasn't too much trouble for her to make it."

"Nothin's too much trouble, Bucky. You're worth it."

"You're a real peach, y’know that?"

Suddenly she looked abashed. Did he say something wrong?

"Sorry- I didn't-"

"No, it's okay. I just got a weird sense of déjà vu. Don't worry about it."

He looked at her like he didn't quite believe her, but she tried not to think too hard about it.

"So..." Bucky gestured towards the arm. "...what do we do with this?"

"You wanna try it on?"

His brows shot up. "Oh! I mean- sure- I guess so, yeah."

She tried to pick it up and nearly threw her back out. "Jesus!"

"Woah there, tiger," he withheld a laugh, putting a hand under the vibranium arm to hold most of its weight.

"Okay, sit down," she ordered, both of them fumbling to hold onto the arm. "Shuri told me how to get the arm on. There's some... magnetic thing. I don't even know - it was some complex engineering lingo. Not my field."

After a couple minutes, clumsy hands attempting awkward assembly, and several curse words later... the arm was attached. They both stood as Bucky stuck out the bionic arm, admiring it and Y/N leaned back, admiring him. Wow.

Bucky smiled, holding both his forearms out - palms facing up - to see how they moved. "This is incredible."

He turned to her. "You're incredible. Thank you."

"No problem at all," she stepped forward. "How does it feel?"

Her hands found their way below his, cupping the underneath of them with a feather light touch. "How do you feel?"

"More... balanced," he laughed. "Coordinated?"

"Steady?"

"Absolutely."

"Stronger?"

"Definitely."

She looked up at him. "Confident? More comfortable in your own skin? That's what's most important."

He gripped her hands. "For sure. Thanks to you."

"Glad I could help. Just wanna make you feel more like yourself, you know?"

"I feel the most like myself when I'm with you," he nearly whispered.

He smiled, and then did something... unexpected. He let go of one of her hands and with the other, he twirled her around as if they were dancing. She went along with the movement, body falling in sync it even though she was confused.

"You make me wanna dance again."

With his voice so endearing, and his heart so spirited, the world around them fell quiet. She stepped forward and rested her hand on his shoulder. Then she placed one of his hands on her waist, and held the other out to the side, fingers intertwined with hers. And oh, the feeling of his hands on her; it was nearly overwhelming.

"Then dance."

And they swayed. They swayed to nothing, to the sweet sound of finding comfort in another person. She let her eyes flutter shut, allowed her guard to come down for just a moment. Just this moment. With him.

Bucky broke the silence with a shy question. "So yesterday... what does that mean for-"

"Let's just keep it between us."

"What do you mean?"

"It was a moment - like this one. I think I think too much, and I may have overreacted before. It doesn't have to be some cumbersome ordeal. It's just us."

"We're good then?"

"We're good."

"Good. 'Cause I like this."

She inhaled and smiled at the feeling of him inside her lungs. They continued swaying as they continued talking.

"You were in my dream you know?"

"Was I?"

"You were."

"Could I fly?"

"No," she laughed. "You were - well we, actually, were walking to that lake."

"To swim?"

Not exactly...

"I don't know. It's kinda foggy and didn't make much sense since it was a dream but we were definitely there."

"Did I say anything existentially insightful?" he joked.

"I don't remember much of what we said, but I remember how it felt."

"How... how did it feel?"

There she went again. She could feel herself slipping, but found it hard to care. She closed her eyes, thinking back to hibiscuses and Bucky's arms.

"The water and sun on my skin felt kind of like this," her hands ran up his sides dangerously slow and settled behind his neck, finger tips tangling into the ends of his hair.

His breath faltered. "Is that so?"

Unconsciously, his other hand found her waist and somehow the little space between them grew even smaller.

"Mhm," she hummed. "and the sight of a flower in your hair felt kind of like this."

Her hands moved to cup his face, the soft skin of her palm settling on his jawline.

"It was so pretty," she sighed.

"Yeah... pretty," he agreed. But he wasn't talking about the dream or the flower.

"And... your arms and your hands... felt kind of like this."

Gently, she pulled his face down to hers, though he needed no guidance or encouragement. When their lips met, that feelings of incompletion and longing, which had been prickling the back of her mind since the previous day, finally went away. They dissolved into fingers pressing into her hips, soft stubble tickling her cheek, and the delightfully encompassing presence of him.

She wasn't sure how long it was until they separated and words were spoken again. All she really recognized what that she was out of breath.

"And to think I was going to apologize for yesterday," Bucky smirked.

"I had to return the favor."

"And I gotta make up for lost time"

"Well, please don't let me stop you."

And he didn't. They continued right where they left off, except this time, it felt much too similar to something she had felt before. Hands began to roam just like they did in her dream.

The only thing was, her dream was cut short. She had no idea how it ended. But his hands were everywhere and it was all her senses could register. He was everywhere: her lips, her neck, her collar bones. She was burning.

The air ran out of her chest, and her voice was barely a breathy sigh. "Don't stop."

She could feel his smile on her skin. "Wouldn't dream of it."

-

The next morning, she awoke entwined in his arms - both of them.

delicate taglist: @bakugouswh0r3 @thefridgeismybestie @strivingforelegance @ilovespideyyy @xpurpleglitter @bluelakeee @darkacademic2 @nickkie1129 @eclipsedplanet @paradisedixon @crazy-beautiful @coffee--writes @lilithknight1111 @buckybarnesishot310 @softladyhours @alwayssandy @those-sea-green-eyes @hero-ically @devilswaldorf @cc13723things @small-death-and-codeine @avengersgirllorianna @cataves @thatbitchsposts @talktomeaboutthestars @surrealpsycho @headheartbellarke @bubbly-moonwarrior @bluemoon-icecream @buckeyecreates @augustbucky @itsthemaree

[jjmaybanksblog]

Death Bed (Coffee for Your Head)- Rafe Cameron

(Not my gif, credit to the owner!)

Summary: Based on Death Bed (Coffee for Your Head) by Powfu and Beabadoobe

Word count: 3,181

Warnings: (Lung) Cancer, hospitalization, cursing, sadness, mentions of death, death.

I sobbed writing this I'm not gonna lie

Don't stay awake for too long, don't go to bed. I'll make a cup of coffee for your head, I'll get you up and going out of bed.

Rafe Cameron sat there in the doctor's office, his eyes glazed over and his jaw slacked as the doctor stared at him with a pitied look. Six words repeated in his mind, 'you have stage four lung cancer'. He was only 22, how did this happen so soon? 

He rubbed his hands over his face vigorously, cracking his knuckles after he stopped. "How long do I have?" "Some people don't survive more than 12 months, and if you're lucky, the latest I've seen is 5 years but that's with every single treatment."  He flared his nostrils as he held back his tears, he wanted to be around one person and one person only; you. 

Rafe showed up at your door after his appointment, a bouquet of rose's in his hand and a card in the other. You grinned at his kind gesture, your heart swelling with joy. He thought he would have to plaster a smile on his face, but the moment he saw you, a genuine smile appeared on his face. For the slightest moment, he forgot that he was dying.

You two spent the night together, cuddling and watching movies. Rafe held you close to him, his fingers skimming every part of your body, wanting to relish the feeling of you under his fingers. He checked the time and realized it was 3 in the morning and he was still awake. 

You shifted in your spot before turning your body to face his, your hand reaching up and combing his blonde locks out of his face. "Don't stay awake for too long baby, you need rest." You mumbled, half asleep. "I know, I know. I just have a bad headache." He lied. Truth is, he wanted to stay awake and just admire how you looked next to him, curled up in his chest, allowing him to see your natural beauty.

"I'll make you a cup of coffee in the morning and I have plenty of ibuprofen to share." You grinned, pressing a delicate kiss to his neck. "Goodnight, my love." He whispered as he kissed your forehead in return, watching you fall back into your sleep.

I don't wanna fall asleep, I don't wanna pass away. I've been thinking of our future 'cause I'll never see those days.

Rafe rubbed his eyes with his hands as he yawned, today was his third day without sleeping. He told you that he just kept waking up in the middle of the night but eventually he did go back to sleep. You believed him, offering any help to find resolutions but he politely denied them.

Truth was, everytime he fell asleep he had dreams about your future with him. The most recent one he had was of you two, married with two children. You two had moved out of the Outer Banks, wanting a new start. In this dream, he survived the cancer so he wanted a fresh start. Away from the toxic memories he had from that town.

It pained him every time he had a thought about your future, at least what he wanted your future with him to be. He wanted to make you so happy, he wanted to be the reason you woke up every morning and vice versa. You were his everything, and it killed him to know that soon it would come to an end.

I don't know why this has happened but I probably deserve it. I tried to do my best but you know that I'm not perfect.

You sat down on the couch, legs criss crossed as Rafe paced back and forth in front of you. He was mumbling to himself as you sat there confused, trying to calm down the nerves you knew he had. You didn't know what was going on which only worried you.

"Rafe, baby just sit next to me and talk to me." He sat down next to you, his elbows resting on his knees, terrified to look you in the eyes. You scooted closer to him and grabbed one of his hands, "breathe." Was all you said before he closed his eyes, deeply inhaling and exhaling for a few seconds before turning and looking at you.

You could finally see how scared he was, he looked like he hadn't slept, his eyes were pink and watery, the bags under his eyes were a light purple. You turned your body to face him, "Rafe, what's wrong?" He turned to you, mirroring the way you were sitting. "I have stage four lung cancer." 

His words felt like you fell face first in cement from a fifty foot drop. "W-what?" You stuttered, your voice just above a whisper. He nodded his head as he watched your eyes release tears. Your mouth fell open but you quickly covered it with your hand. You tried to speak but the only sound you could make was a gasping sound, like a fish out of water.

"I have maybe 12 months to live." Your mouth was dry, your heart felt like it was somehow racing and stopping at the same time. Your world felt like it fell out of space and shattered. You wanted to know how long he knew, but it didn't matter. Moral of the story was that you wanted him to live a good life for as long as he lived, and that's what you were gonna do. 

You didn't say anything, you simply crawled to him and straddled his lap. Your arms wrapped around his neck and he held your waist, allowing you two to cry into each other’s necks. He held you like if he were to let go, you would disappear forever.

“I got you Rafe, I got you." Your hand reached up and entangled itself in his hair, gently massaging it. "Why did this have to happen? Right when I was finally feeling happy." He screamed into your neck. 

"I don't hunny. I don't know." You whispered.

I've been praying for forgiveness, you've been praying for my health. When I leave this Earth, hoping you'll find someone else.

Rafe turned his head to look at you, making sure you were fast asleep before he slowly got out of bed. Replacing his body with a pillow, he snuck out of the room and outside of your house.

He made his way to the backyard and sat down on the grass, laying back as he looked up at the stars. He took a deep breath before speaking out loud. "Hi, uh- God. I don't know how this works, I don't know how to pray or even if you're up there, but if you are I need you to hear what I have to say."

A star above him shined brighter for a split second before disappearing behind a cloud. "I'm so sorry. I'm sorry for the disrespectful and disgusting teenager I was. I'm sorry for all the horrible things I did to my body. I'm sorry for the crimes I committed and never got caught. I admit to everything I have done wrong, I understand why you're taking it out on me. But please, leave Y/N out of this. She is the light of my life, the reason I was able to find happiness. Please don't take my actions out on her, make her fall out of love with me or something. Just...just something to ease her pain. Please."

•

Rafe was out at the grocery store, leaving you plenty of time to head over to the neighborhood church. You walked out of your car with sunglasses on so people couldn't see your red and watery eyes. You excused yourself as you shimmied through a small group of people.

You walked into the chapel and sat down in one of the pews. You removed your sunglasses before looking up at the front of the room. You let out a puff of air before speaking out loud. "Hi, God. I really don't know what I'm doing or why I'm even trying to talk to you. But I just, I'm so desperate and I just need your help. Please, please help Rafe. Help him at least live longer than a year, he wasn't the best person when he was a teenager, you know that. But he's changed into a whole new person, he knows how he was before and he hates it now. Please help him recover through this, help him pull through because I need him here. He was the one I was supposed to marry, the one who would be the father of my children, the one to help give me my happy ending. Please."

When I leave this Earth hoping you'll find someone else, 'cause yeah, we're still young there's so much we haven't done.

You shook your head at Rafe's words as you wiped your tears away with your hands. "No, there's no way." You cried out. He grabbed both your wrists and made you look at him. "Y/N, you have to listen to me. I don't want you to grieve or mourn, I want you to keep going. Find a new love, I don't want you to be alone. You need to find a new love, start a new story with them. Please baby, I beg you." 

You squeezed your eyes closed, your throat felt like it was slowly shutting. Your heart felt like it had been stabbed after hearing his words. You knew he had a point, you knew you couldn't mourn over him the rest of your life, but just hearing it so soon pained you more than you could ever imagine. 

Getting married, start a family, watch your husband with his son. I wish it could be me but I won't make it off this bed.

Another night where Rafe couldn't sleep, this being his 6th one in a row. He looked at you while you slept and admired the way the moonlight entered the window. The way the light cascaded down your face, highlighting some of your facial features. 

He slept maybe an hour, however he had a dream that woke him up. He dreamed that you got married to another man, watching as he took care of your son. He felt his heart pang with pain knowing that would be the harsh reality they would soon have to face. 

It felt like his body was there, he knew he was there, but it felt like his soul was floating out of him as he watched you be happy with a random stranger. He watched as you scooped your son up in your arms, spinning around as he let out cheerful giggles.

Rafe watched your husband who looked just as happy as you did. He hated that you were happy with someone else, but he knew you would be in good hands with your husband. He just had to pray that you'll meet someone who loves you just as much as he did.

I hope I go to heaven so I see you once again. My life was kinda short but I got so many blessings. Happy you were mine, it sucks that it's all ending.

Rafe had spent the next few months trying to make up for some of the shitty things he did in his teen years. He's been donating to the pour, volunteering at local shelters and soup kitchens, randomly picking garbage up from the highway. He was trying to do anything and everything to make sure he could go to heaven.

He had no clue if heaven or hell were real, but if they do exist he would do anything he could to make sure he got into heaven. After he dies, he knew that was his one chance to see you again. He knew one day he would wake up on the other side and you would be there, running to him to give him the hug both of you had been desperately craving.

I'm happy that you're here with me, I'm sorry if I tear up. When me and you were younger, you would always make me cheer up.

You softly knocked on the hospital room door, walking through the doorway with a tray of cafeteria food. "Hey baby, I brought you a sandwich and blue jello." He smiled at you, "my favorite." He subtly laughed before coughing harshly. You rushed over to his side and placed the tray down, grabbing one of the napkins to wipe away the small drops of blood that escaped his mouth.

"I got you baby, it's okay." You mumbled, passing him a glass of water as his coughing died down. You sat down in the seat next to him, watching him poke his sandwich before taking a small bite out of it. He sighed before dropping the sandwich back onto the plate, his eyes already crying. He sniffled as he covered his face with his hands, ashamed to be in the spot he was in right now.

You reached forward and grabbed onto his hand, rubbing his knuckles with your thumb as he tightened his grip. "I'm so sorry." He whispered. You shook your head trying to fight back your tears. "Don't apologize baby, I'm right here." "And I'm so fucking happy you are." 

You held his hand, looking down at his fingers as you played with them. "Remember back in 8th grade when I got into a really bad argument with my dad after he married Rose? I was so angry and upset, and I ran right to your house. But you were right there to help me, you cheered me up in a matter of seconds of me being with you. That was one of the first times I truly knew how happy you made me." He recalled the memory, thinking about it like it was yesterday.

Taking goofy videos while walking through the park. You would jump into my arms every time you heard a bark.

You pulled up your snapchat and pressed record. You and Rafe decided to go to the local park to just go on the playground equipment. There was nobody around, even if there was when you were with him you felt like you two were the only ones there.

You recorded the video as Rafe pushed you on the swing set, you turned the camera to face you, zooming in on the large smile on his face. You pumped your legs up, accidentally kicking him in the stomach. The video got the whole thing and his reaction. You jumped off the swing and turned around to see him hunched over and groaning. 

"Oh my god, I am so sorry!" You quickly apologized, trying to help him stand up straight. He laughed loudly, his bright smile never left his face. "That was so fucking funny!" You joined him in laughing, enjoying the moment. He held you closely by the waist as you held his elbows. "God, I am so in love with you." He muttered before pressing a soft kiss to your lips. 

•

"Okay shut up that was one time and it was a dare!" You defended yourself, jokingly pushing his shoulder. He brought up the story about how you ran down the block fully naked one night in senior year. Your laugh stopped the moment you heard a loud bark echoing in the distance. 

Your hand quickly reached down to grab his as your head turned in different directions to see where the sound came from. Rafe stopped walking and stood in front of you. "Hey, hey it's okay. It was just a dog." You nodded your head before letting out a shaky breath.

His free hand reached up and held the side of your face, "I got you Y/N. I won't let anything hurt you."

Cuddle in your sheets, sing me sound asleep. And sneak out through your kitchen at exactly 1:03. 

You hushed Rafe as he whispered to you. Rafe had been your boyfriend for the last 2 months, however you hadn't told your parents about him yet which meant sneaking around if you wanted to be with him. You figured out a way to sneak him into your house without your parents knowing.

He tiptoed into your room before flinging himself onto your bed. He wasted no time in wrapping himself in your sheets, his arms wide open waiting for you to join him. You laid down next to him, watching as he looked at you with puppy eyes and his bottom lip pouting. "Which song tonight?" He thought for a minute, "Fix You by Coldplay." 

You shifted in your spot so Rafe could rest his head on your chest, your hand reached yo to play with his hair. "When you try your best but you don't succeed…" you quietly sang to him. You continued until you heard his soft snores escape his lips. You shut your eyes and allowed yourself to fall asleep with him.

•

You were woken up by the feeling of his lips against yours, mumbling 'wake up' against them. "I'm awake." You muttered, rubbing your eyes. "I gotta head home."  You nodded before flinging the sheets off of your body. You held his hand in yours before quietly opening your bedroom door. You led him down the halls and to your garage door. 

He spun you around so you could face him, his hands finding your waist as you roped your arms around his neck. "See you tomorrow?" He questioned, "absolutely." You leaned forwards and kissed him softly, your lips hovering over his for a second. 

"Goodnight handsome."

Soon you'll be alone, sorry that you have to lose me.

It's been 12 months, Rafe was admitted into the hospital at the beginning of month 11. It happened when Rafe broke into a coughing spit that ended up with him spitting up splatters of blood. You weren't ready when that happened, you knew that that was the beginning of his end and that terrified you.

"Y/N?" He whispered, you sat up from your seat and stood next to him. "Yeah baby?" "Can you kiss me?" Your heart clenched at how soft his voice was. "It would be my honor." You grinned as he let out a weak laugh. Leaning down you cupped the side of his face and passionately kissed him. 

You pulled away from him, not even knowing about the tears that rolled down your face. "My eyelids feel heavy." He admitted, knowing this might be his last day. You held the side of his face, watching as his eyes slowly fell shut and his heart monitor slowed down. "No no, Rafe look at me. Keep your eyes open." You begged.

"I love you Y/F/N Y/L/N, forever and always." He whispered before his eyes fell shut. The room went silent except for the sound of the monitor flat lining, fear running through your veins. "Doctor!"

[inorganicone2230]

um... i'm sorry to bother you but i was hoping you could do a yandere!erasermic x depressed reader. you know where they tell them that they want the reader to be theirs but she feels as if she doesn't deserve it. please and thank you, by the way i love your previous works

Soft Yander!Erasermic x Shy/Depressed Fem!Reader

I'm not entirely sure if this is what you meant but I hope you enjoy it none the less! 😊

You honestly couldn't remember how long it had been since they had taken you. You knew that it had to have been about a year based on the changing of the seasons outside. At least, that's what you assumed since you were so rarely let out of your comfortable basement room. It had been late summer when you were kidnapped. Looking out the window now, you could see that the month's had rolled back around to early spring, with patches of green grass poking out of unmelted snow piles that littered the ground and fresh buds covering the trees of the forest that surrounded the out-of-the-way house. It was quite tranquil, even for someone in your situation.

When the pro hero's Present Mic -who you knew by reputation only- and Eraserhead -who you only knew because of the press coverage surrounding UA High- had first approached you on one of your late night treks home from work, talking to you as if you were an old friend, you had been a bit flabbergasted to say the least. You didn't know either of these men and you told them so.

“I-I’m sorry, the two of you must have me confused with someone else. Sorry for the mix up.” You had mumbled quietly, gaze downcast to avoid eye contact as you tried to bypass them and continue on your way. You were stopped however when the two heroes stepped back into your path.

“We don't have you confused with anyone else (Y/N).” Eraserhead said matter-of-factly.

You froze as fear gripped at your senses. “H-how do-”

“We've been watching ya for a while now, since that night at the bridge.” Present Mic cut you off to clarify.

At the time, it had felt like ice was pumping through your veins instead of blood. You knew exactly what night he was speaking of. It was the night that you had contemplated jumping, to plummet yourself into the raging waters of the semi-flooded river.

You'd had depression for a few years now and that night you had made the mistake of picking up some liquor and indulging just a little too much. In your drunken and self-loathing state, you had gone to the bridge. No one had been there, or so you thought, and you had cried and screamed out your frustrations before climbing on the edge to sit. You had sat there for a while, going back and forth in your mind about whether to go through with it or not.

In the end though… you went home.

It takes a moment for you to notice, but while you had been distracted they had moved closer and you instinctively took a step back only to have them follow you step for step.

“We were in the area that night,” the voice hero explains, “and we heard ya crying. It was so sad and broken.” He had looked like he was about to cry at just the thought. “When we saw ya sitting there about to let yourself fall, Shouta got ready to catch ya with his scarf, just in case.”

Shouta picked up the story from there when his companion started to become a tad bit too emotional and for the life of you, you wonder why you hadn't just screamed or tried to run immediately, not that it would have done you a lick of good. Instead you had made the mistake of standing there and listening to them. “But in the end you made the right choice and didn't do it. You went home and we followed you to make sure that you got home safe and sound.” He flashed you a small smile. “After that, me and Hizashi, we've been following you ever since, watching to make sure you stayed safe.”

They had smiled at you so sweetly, shining eyes and faint blushes dusting their cheek, it would have been cute were it not for the unsettling situation it was coming out of.

Hizashi seemed to have gathered his wits by that point and had picked up the tale again. “At first we just wanted to make sure that you were going to be ok over the next few days. But…” He trailed off, scratching the back of his head as if he had been nervous to keep going. “But, we eventually started to see what a sweet girl ya are. I’m not sure when it happened, or even all the reasons for why, but we found ourselves falling for ya. Falling hard (Y/N)! That's why we're here tonight, we finally have everything ready for ya to come home with us.” He finished with a great big smile, spreading his arms out wide like he'd expected you to run into them.

“Excuse me?!” Your voice was squeaky but you had commended yourself on your lack of stuttering. Your mind was racing and you thought you had to be hearing that wrong. They did not just admit to stalking you and there was no way they were implying what you thought they were. You were simply misunderstanding them was all, right?

The looks on their faces told you otherwise.

You had just made the decision to turn around and make a break for it, realization finally dawning on you just how disturbing this whole encounter was, but Shouta must have sensed this shift in you and reached out to snag your hands in his. Gently, so as not to frighten you further, he'd tried to reason with you. “We know this is all very sudden for you Kitten, but we just want what's best for you.”

Arms came to wrap around your waist, trapping your own arms to your sides. “This is for your own good Sweetheart. Ya might not understand it right now, but you're just gonna have to trust us. We want you to be safe -even from yourself- and the only way to do that is for you to come with us.” Hizashi finished, laying a little kiss on your cheek.

You had wanted to run, to scream and kick and bite. But being a passive person by nature on top of being terrified, you'd attempted to reason with them instead. “T-that's very flattering and a-all, really it is. But… I'm going to have to s-say no. I-I’m not in the best place right now and I'm n-not ready for anything like this.” You had foolishly thought that that would work.

Your eyes snapped wide open when, without missing a beat, a firm hand clamped over your mouth and you felt a small pinch in your upper left arm. Looking down as best you could you saw that the erasure hero had produced a small syringe from somewhere and suck you with it, the last drops of the clear substance plunging into your body before you could even process what had just taken place. You had a sick feeling you knew what was in that needle, or at the very least, what it was going to do to you. Tears welled up in your eyes and you shook your head in disbelief at what was happening.

“We know your not ready for a relationship right now Kitten,” Shouta said, pulling the needle from your arm and capping it before putting it away for future disposal. “but your coming home with us regardless, we still need to keep you safe after all.”

Hizashi used the hand on your face to turn your head to the side as he nuzzled his face into your neck, “We know it's going to take awhile for ya to understand and we're willing to wait as long as ya need. You'll see honey, we'll be best boyfriends you could ask for!”

That was one of the last things you heard because not long after, the drug had finally kicked in and you passed out only to awaken hours later, locked in the basement room -prison- they had set up for you.

The first few months had been hard as they kept you down there 24/7. The spacious basement was more like an apartment, being equipped with off life's necessities. A nice bathroom, a big comfy bed covered in warm blankets and pillows, books, TV and movies, and a fridge loaded with pre-prepared food and snacks, no cooking by yourself though since that involved knives and other things you could potentially hurt yourself with. Despite all that though, it was maddening to see nothing but the same things day after day. And in an effort to be granted little freedoms like being allowed upstairs, which is where you currently find yourself, you began to behave for them. You stopped trying to get away.

You know that this is probably the isolation and Stockholm Syndrome talking, but in all honesty, neither of the two heroes were all that bad. Sure they had kidnapped you, but they did genuinely seem to care about you and want your happiness. They never pushed you to do anything that you weren't comfortable with, always limiting their touches to small hugs and handholding, sometimes even a light kiss or two if you were having a particularly good day. They were unfailingly kind and understanding of your feelings, that's probably why you began to crave their affections more and more as time wore on. It was nice to feel wanted, even under the circumstances you found yourself in.

But there was one thing weighing heavily on your mind. It was the one thing keeping you from accepting them completely, and so you asked them.

“I'm not good enough to deserve this level of devotion from anyone, I'm just some nobody loser who never did anything with my life. So why do you want me in the first place?”

They stare at you like have grown a second head before their expressions morph into ones of concern and they move closer to you, taking a seat on either side of you on the couch.

Hizashi puts a warm hand on your knee, “What are ya talking about hon? Your perfect! Sweet, kind, caring, beautiful. What more could we want? Who else could we want?”

His words stir up your emotions and you try to keep yourself from crying, “I don't know, maybe someone more confident, someone who would be able to stand with you, not behind you. Someone the exact opposite of me.”

“Kitten, will you please look at me?” Shouta asks softly. You do, meeting his tired eyes with your own watery ones as he cups your face in his hands. “We love you (Y/N). We don't have all the answers as to why, but please believe that we do. You are a wonderfully sweet girl and we will do whatever we can to help you see that. To help you see that we want you to be ours.”

The tears are freely flowing now and you feel him pulling you into his lap with Hizashi cuddling up to your back as quiet sobs shake your small form.

“Just trust us. Let us handle everything.”

“We'll make you happy if you just give us the chance. Can you let us do that?”

You know that this is fundamentally wrong, you shouldn't be fine with this, you shouldn't want this. But it's just easier to give in and accept the hand that you've been dealt. You want to be loved and cared for so badly, and if they want to spend their lives proving that that's what they want as well, then who are you to deny them and yourself. Especially when it's what all three of you want.

It's small and quiet but you nod your head, “I-I can do that. J-Just please don't let me down. Please.”

Hands are petting your back and hair as you all stay like that, curled up together and just enjoying the presence of one another.

“Never Darling. Never.”

[fatherlyssa]

The Past.

summary: old feelings and relationships are reunited between y/n and ethan.

"Y/n, you have to come! It'll be so much fun." Cam whined over the phone as you pulled it away from your ear. You placed the phone on speaker and sat it on your bed, continuing to do your laundry.

"Cameron," Your voice trailed off as you held the shirt up in front of you. It was one of his t-shirts. One that you didn't have the heart to throw away or give back to him. You owned it for so long and wore it so often there was holes forming around the neck. The him happened to be Cameron's brother. "I don't think it would be a good idea."

You thought back to the last time you saw him. The cardboard box in your hand was full of everything of his that was at your house. Items ranging from his hairbrush, mouthwash, toothbrush, clothes, pictures, and a couple of movies. You didn't want anything that was going to remind you of him in the slightest.

His reasoning behind the breakup was simply, "I don't love you anymore. Not like I did."

The words replayed in your mind everyday. Everytime you looked in the mirror. Everytime you passed a Sonic because that's where you two ended up every Friday night. A cookie-dough master blast in your hands and a brownie blizzard in his.

How can you just love someone one day and not the next? It never added up in your mind. But you were never raised to beg for anyone to stay in your life that didn't want to be there. So, you let him go. You left his house that day and never saw him again.

The downside of the entire thing was his siblings were your best-friends. Cameron remained one of your closest friends, but Grayson drifted away. It was understandable. Where Grayson was, Ethan followed.

"Look, as far as I know. He's not even going to come. You know how him and Grayson are with alcohol."

Cameron was having a get together at her new house. She had a pool with a jacuzzi made into it and it had a slide going down into it also. It was very nice to say the least. The party wasn't for anything in particular. It was for her to say, "Hey, I have a pool!", and that's okay.

You and Cameron were of legal drinking age so you didn't turn down a beer or seltzer, but Grayson and Ethan's morals stood strong. Usually.

The thought of being able to lay out by the pool while just hanging with some people your own age didn't sound bad at all. It sounded relaxing and that was exactly what you needed after the stressful work week you had before.

"Okay, fine. I'll come, but-"

Before you could finish your statement, Cameron was shouting excitedly about how much you were both going to have. She told you what time to come and then hung up abruptly.

You were going to tell her that if he showed up, you were leaving. No if's, and's or but's about it.

DAY OF THE PARTY

You looked over your outfit in the full body mirror you had set up in the corner of your room. You had lost a little weight within the last five months. Your appetite just wasn't there like it used to be. Nor did you ever have time for with work and all the overtime hours.

The top of the bikini was strapless and was open in the middle, exposing the valley of your breast to the world. The bottoms were just a plain black cheeky style. The bikini was more revealing than what you would normally wear, but it gave you a new found confidence. The confidence that said you didn't cared if showed up at this point.

But, soon it washed away as you put your blue jean shorts and thin white t-shirt on. You were back to your old reserved self.

The drive to Cameron's house took you no longer than fifteen minutes. The closer you got the more your anxiety rose. Several cars were parked in the long driveway and a few on the grass along the curb. You decided to park on the curb, not wanting to get trapped in the driveway if something were to happen.

"Y/n!" Cameron spotted you as soon as you walked through the front door. She was already sporting a bright yellow one piece that made her look super tan and slim. "Here. Your favorite." She reached her hand into a red cooler that was in the kitchen and handed me a mango White Claw.

"Thanks, I'm gonna need about ten more." You laughed with her as you popped the top and took a couple of sips.

She began introducing you to couple of her college friends. A few of them you had already met from other get-togethers and a few were new. By the time she had walked around and talked to everyone with her arm around your shoulder, you had finished your drink.

You were never one to sit around and babysit a drink. You had tried in the past, but it never worked out.

After excusing yourself from the crowd of people in the backyard, you walked into the kitchen. It looked as if everyone had moved the party outside. The sun was shining brightly and a few people had already gathered in the pool also.

"Oh! Excuse me.." As you stood up from where you were bending down by the cooler, the back of your body collided with someone else's.

"No worries." your breath caught in your throat as you turned around to face him.

His hair was gone. He had buzzed it. You knew of this because you watched the video. Seeing it in person now, you realized it suited him well. His shoulders seemed more broad than they were before. He had definitely been working out.

You shook your head and pulled your eyes away from him. Without another word added to the conversation you walked away. Part of you wished you wouldn't have apologized to him, but your good nature and manners would have never let that happen.

"Come get in the pool, Y/n!" Your eyes landed on the blonde haired boy with dark brown eyes. Introduced to you as Bryce about ten minutes ago.

"I will in a minute!" You told him with a smile as you opened your new drink. It was a lemon flavored white claw. Why would I grab this?

Your mind was still racing from the prior happenings. Should you leave? If you leave right now he'll know it was because of him. He'll think he has some sort of upper hand on your emotions still. You have to let him know you don't care. Even though you still do.

You took a seat in one of the lounge chairs that were placed around the pool and continued sipping your drink, watching everyone around you have fun. While you were stuck in your shell of anxiety.

When you were younger, early teens probably, you used to get anxiety attacks quite frequently. They came at random times even when you thought you were okay. After a year of them happening you were taken to the doctor and put on a certain medication. The attacks went away.

About a year ago, when you were happy and full of life you stopped taking them. You didn't need them. The people in your life at the time had taught you how to not worry about things so much and to just go with the flow.

Now, as you sat on the lounge chair you felt like you were a mile away from everyone else. You could them all talking, but you couldn't understand what they were saying. It was happening again. And you hadn't had one in so long, you didn't think you could remember how to handle it.

You stood to your feet, cupping your hands around your face to try and focus on what was in front of you. You could feel your breathing begin to get uneven as you stepped into the house.

Your feet led you to the bathroom on the bottom floor, your back sliding down the wall with your knees pressing to your chest.

Focus, Y/n. You're fine.

  "Y/n? Are you okay?" It was him. He noticed your absence from the party. He was the first of your friends to witness one of these episodes. And he was the first person in your life who took their time and helped you through the episode.

Before you could respond the door opened and he knew what was happening. He closed and locked the door behind him, sitting down directly in front of you.

  "Shh," You didn't know you were making any noises. "You're okay. Everything's fine." His words sent a calming effect over your body.

Even if he was the one who caused the attack, he still somehow was managing to stop it.

  "Look at me." His voice wasn't harsh. It was easy and smooth. You had no choice but to follow his orders. His eyes were still the same. Still had the same shine to them. "Breathe with me."

Your chest rose and fell with his. Your hands still cupped your own face. It was a thing you did that you noticed seemed to help you. It blocked out everything that didn't matter.

  "Your hair looks pretty." He said, his finger reaching up to twirl a piece of it around his finger.

He had noticed the highlights you got. Most of them had faded and blended in with your natural hair color, but he still took notice.

  "Thanks. So does yours." You giggles at the fact that he really didn't have any at that moment. He took the sarcasm like a champ, flicking an imaginary ponytail over his shoulder in the process.

Silence overtook the bathroom. It was comfortable and not awkward. Who would have thought sitting in a bathroom with your ex-boyfriend would be anything but relaxing?

"Why haven't you been taking your medicine?"

Here came the parenting Ethan. When you were together, you didn't need to take them. He was your medicine. He made you forget your problems.

"I forgot." It wasn't a lie. You really did forgot about it. Most of the time you were too busy to sit and wonder or overthink things that would lead to these episodes.

The silence flooded back and all you could hear was each of your breathing. At this point neither of you knew what to say. Was there anything that needed to be said?

Ethan moves abruptly and stood to his feet in front of you. You stared up at him as he outstretched both of his hands down to you. You were hesitant at first, but slowly let your hands slip into his. They had the same warm feeling. The warm feeling that made you feel safe.

As you brushed your shorts off and pushed some of your hair behind your ears Ethan spoke up.

“Hey, Y/n?” You peered up at him, your eyebrows furrowing together a bit.

In an instant his lips were pressed against yours. The kiss shocked you, leaving you stunned and pushed against the bathroom wall. Almost as if you had just gained your consciousness, you let your lips move against his.

It was rough and needy. It was something both of you needed.

Your arms wrapped around his neck, letting one of your hands cradle the back of his neck while the other one fell further down his back holding his body tightly to yours. His rough fingertips pressed into the bottom of your thighs and he picked you up, turning the two of you around so you now sat on the sink counter.

His lips pulled away from yours only to reattach themselves to your neck. A small moan fell from your lips as soon as he sucked on the one spot he knew drove you crazy.

“Ethan,” His name fell from your lips smoothly, “Wait, stop.” You forced the words out of your mouth.

As much as you didn’t want the actions to stop, you knew they needed to. This was wrong. You two were supposed to be broken up. But here you sat on a bathroom counter with your legs wrapped around his waist and his lips pressed against your neck.

“Why?” He stopped the magic he was doing on your neck and moved to look you in your eyes once again. “Don’t you miss this? Us?” His eyes held hope and lust. Which are the two worst emotions to mix together. Because nothing good ever comes from either.

“Ethan. Of course I do. You did this. You ruined us. You walked away from this.” You scooted your way off the counter and began to leave the bathroom.

Only to be stopped by a hand grabbing yours.

“I know I did. I did that because I knew I wasn’t good enough for you. I’ll never be your knight in shining armor that comes to save the day. You deserve someone who doesn’t forget your anniversary and brings you flowers. I knew I could never be that person for you.” His voice cracked at the end. Your gaze began to get blurry as you focused on his t-shirt.

“You don’t get to decide whether you’re good enough for me, Ethan. I get to decide that. You were perfect. I don’t need flowers. I can’t take care of myself What makes you thing I can take care of a plant?” You chuckled as you wrapped your arms around yourself to almost try and hold yourself together.

He silently stared at you for a second until he spoke up again.

“Do you still love me?” It was a whisper. Almost like he was dreading an answer in return.

“Never stopped.”

You didn’t want to be stuck in the tiny room with him any longer. You could feel the bubble growing in your throat and that was you needed was for him to see you breakdown. Twice in one day.

You didn’t bother telling Cameron goodbye or any of your new friends. You headed straight to your car and left. Never looking back to see if he followed or if he chased you down like the do in movies. Because you knew if you did, your hopes would crushed looking at the empty road.