#not trying to erase mona she'd be there too but mostly just focused on his new besties

[h3rmitsunited]

thinking about dirk getting a couple months into his friendships with Todd and Farah and completely losing his shit and like running away for a week

like listen, this guy is not someone that has lasting connections to people... not to like good friendly people. The Rowdy Three are probably the closest thing he's had to a constant connection over the years and we see how shit that goes for him

so like he goes on cases, he meets some folks, shit gets wacky, maybe some people get hurt, maybe he does weird shit, maybe things end up okay, but nobody ever sticks around

He is always... alone.

That's what he tells Todd. Always alone.

Which means he doesn't have to think about long term, or the impact of his decisions or how relationships go or whatever. These people aren't going to be in his life for long anyways. He's always surrounded by disaster and danger and death, so maybe they'll die before he solves the case.

It's not necessarily callousness, it's survival.

And then suddenly, the Spring case and time travel Dirk tells him, hey this guy's your best friend, and Dirk goes okay cool man

But like what does that even mean to him?

I can see why Dirk wouldn't really think about how Todd would take him keeping the time travel/maybe clone Dirk talking to him in the hall a secret, because like how often do these friendships last? Sure it hurt to hear Todd tell him he deserves to be alone, and he's trying to fix it, but by the hospital, he's sadly resigned to that being it.

"Well, here I am again."

But Todd surprises him by showing up. By saying that he's gonna stick around and then Farah wants to fund his agency and suddenly there's a long term and its exciting but also scary and there's no way this can last

and maybe it's a bit of a whatever when he feels that pull dragging him out to the sidewalk and into Blackwing's clutches because yeah this makes more sense now... he's not supposed to have friends and an agency and people that like him and stability so being rekidnapped, that's more his speed

And sure in blackwing, he's still daydreaming and night dreaming about Todd and Farah and getting out, but how shocking must it have been to actually get out and then have those two people be there waiting for him when he fell out of the trunk

That it wasn't just another restart, another case that brings him to more people with different names and faces and that don't stick around after he finishes the case

It's Todd Brotzman and Farah Black and they're here and they know him and it's crazy, but he's supposed to be the same guy that they knew from the last time he saw them and he doesn't usually have to do that and todds expecting more and he wants to give them what they want but he's never been good under pressure and it's worse now because blackwing and there's too much and people know him and they're there and now people are dying and Mr. Priest is back and everything is bad and Todd is looking at him like he's broken and this is the time that it would be better to just let them take him away again-

He shuts down. He pushes away. It's better to be alone. It's better when people don't know him enough to expect certain thing from him.

But he pushes through because he may be having a breakdown, but hell, he still has enough gumption to finish the goddamn case because he's a fucking detective.

And he does and once again, Todd and Farah are still there

And they open the agency

And its going and they stick around

But that little niggling itch is still there that this isn't going to last, that he doesn't get long term, he doesn't get to keep people

But Todd and Farah are still there and they know more and more about him all the time and knowing him means it's harder to hide the bad parts, the parts he doesn't like and tries to cover with bright colors and eccentric personality and rambling words

And one morning Todd comes in and sets a cup on Dirks desk and it's not coffee because he hates coffee, it's tea from that shop that he likes on the corner that the morning worker knows his name and Todd knows his drink exactly and it's perfect and Farah's left a note on his desk telling him exactly what questions he needs to ask this client at the meeting later because she knows that he'll forget because he always does and Todd looks at him in this way that feels too much

And he excuses himself to the bathroom but instead runs out the backdoor and just bolts because he wasn't expecting to still have this and it's terrifying because it's been this long and he's let himself want this life and now it's going to kill him to lose it and it's going to happen because it always does, so he's just gotta beat it to the punch

And then disappearance and panic and calling in the reinforcement and tracking down dirk and the long exhausting emotional talk about trauma and healing and growing and finding ways to feel safe and todd and farah convince him to come back

And its not fixed but it gets better and it takes time and love and support and fucking therapy man and dirk finds himself gazing at the two most important people in his life and it doesn't make him want to run and he can be okay with the time that he gets with them