#not to mention john saved claire's life and she told jamie she feels that way too

[babaroqa]

really watching claire and jamie have sex on john's dining table while john is literally trying to escape and avoid getting hanged as he suffers through injuries caused by jamie... like do you have to? right in front of his salad?

[renee-writer]

Faith's Journey Home Chapter 5

AO3

She looks up when they enter. He stands, his hands clasped in front of him. “Lass, I am sorry. My anger overtook me and I reacted as I normally wouldn’t.”

“He is dying. I guess I understand your anger but, he did what he thought best. “

“Aye he did. You are here, alive so I guess he did the right thing.”

She grins and looks so much like Bree that he almost fell. “I think life is worth it. I see, err saw it in my job.”

He takes a seat beside her and the sleeping man. Claire comes over to Master Raymond and checks his vitals. “What was your job Faith?”

“I was a NICU nurse. Ah, I took care of the babies born to soon like I was. So tiny. We even saved a few micropremmies .” At both their questioning looks, she explains. “Babies born at a pound or under.”

Claire is fascinated and Jamie startled. “How?” her mama asks.

“Well our incubators truly were artificial wombs. The babies got nutrition through tubes straight to their stomachs. We helped them breath and kept their temperatures stable, as well as all their other vitals, by use of medication.”

Jamie listens to his daughter. He doesn’t understand all of it but, just like her mama before her, he believes her. And he thought Claire’s time foreign. Faith’s time sounds like true witchcraft. He knows it isn’t but it sure sounds like it.

“How extraordinary!”

“He did right to take you. For you to be able to do those amazing things.” Jamie softly says, “not that I dinna wish you could have lived with us. But, you wouldn’t have survived.”

“No papa, I wouldn’t have.”

“Faith, tell us about yourself. Did you leave a brokenhearted lad behind?”

Oh boy. She means to tell them but.. no they asks and she would answer. “Not quite papa. There was a lass, Zoe,” it still hurts to say her name, “she left me heartbroken.”

“Oh.” She turns to her mama, who still stands by her uncle.

“I pray you aren’t disappointed in me. Uncle Ray and I discussed it, whether I should try to hide that part of me. I simply can’t . Not from my family.”

“No,” her papa starts. His voice is low and serious. “you canna. But lass, you must hide it from those outside your family. Your mama was accused of being a witch. She was almost burned at the stake. I won’t risk the same happening to you.”

“Papa, your not disappointed in me?”

His smile is sad. “You are mo mighean. My daughter. How can I expect you to be less then who you are. We will have to arrange a marriage for you, in name only.”

“Uncle Ray mentioned a John Grey.” Jamie jerks.

“Christ!” he blushes, “Sorry love. It is just that I didn’t know he knew of, John’s particular way. It isn’t a bad idea.”

“But it is papa. For he carries affection for you. I couldn’t , even in name only, be bound to someone who wants you.”

“You are definitely our child. With your Mama’s directness. You are also right. We will figure someone out.”

Raymond stirs and Claire turns her attention back to him. “How are you feeling?” He meets her eyes, his own cloudy with approaching death.

“Has she, “ a pulled breath, “forgiven him. He, I?” Jamie and Faith both come over to him.

“Uncle Ray, my darling.” He smiles, half his mouth turning up. Claire notices. That and the droop on the other side, told her he had a stroke. His respiration and heart rate are both slowing. It won’t be long now. A day or so, at the most.

“Forgive him?” She nods, tears dropping onto his hand, held in hers.

“Yes, he isn’t a brute. They even accept me, all of me.”

“We do. I forgive you. You gave us our daughter. She would be long dead and buried, had you not.. Rest easy friend. We have her.” He lets a long breath out.

“Thank you. Faith, the photos?” his sporran and outer clothes had been removed before he was laid down. She finds them. “Show them.”

Jamie looks towards her in confusion. Claire in anticipation. “You brought photos!”

He nods and Faith starts to show them. “Me in the NICU.” Jamie stares. He recalls pictures, from when Claire had shown him Bree. Now, he can see another daughter grow up by them.

“You were so wee.” He runs his thumb over it, as he could touch the lass she used to be.

“Yes, I was.” She explains how each bit of equipment kept her alive.

“Unbelievable!” Claire is fascinated.

“Me when I was discharged. When I was coming home.”

“Still wee but big enough to leave, eh?”

“She was five pounds. Still quite small yes but big enough to breath on her own. To take a bottle.” Raymond explains.

“Here I am a bit older, sitting up. Walking. With my kitten, Ginger.” They stare hungrily at their daughter as a baby, a toddler, a young child.

“A very sweet cheetie.” Jamie says about the kitten.

“Yes, she was my favorite furbaby.” Her parents look at her, with equal looks of confusion. “It is what we call pets, with fur. Dogs, cats, hamsters.”

“Hamsters?”

“Yes papa. They are tiny little rodent like creatures.”

“Like mice or rats?” he looks horrified.

“Sweeter then them. Well most of the time,” she recalls when Brownie bite her. She had startled the poor thing, “and cleaner too.”

“Hmmf, any pictures of such a creature?”

“No, but here is one in my school uniform. I must have been twelve or so. With my mates. We were a close lot. Where one was, the others would be.” She gasps at the next one and looks towards her uncle.

“I thought you would want the… memory.”

“What is it Faith?” Jamie looks at her with concern. With trembling fingers, she shows him the next one.

“Zoe and I, papa. We meet before university and went to the same one.” Her arm is around the waist of a lass with sparking green eyes and a huge smile. Both their hair is up in tight tails, Zoe’s black in contrast to Faith’s red. He hands the picture to Claire.

“What happened mo mighean?”

She leans her head on him and he places his arm around her. “We were both planning on joining Doctors Without Borders. They go to countries around the world and give medical treatment where none else is available. Then Uncle Ray got sick. It was right before we were to sign the papers. When I found out the diagnosis, I couldn’t leave him.”

“I urged her to.” The weak man adds.

“He did, but I just couldn’t. Zoe understood but she didn’t wish to stay. I couldn’t blame her. MSF, had been her dream for as long as I had known her. We discussed a long distance relationship but, it was just impossible. So we, ahh, made love one last time and she left.”

“I’m sorry.” He softly says.

“Thank you. With this, it was for the best anyway. I couldn’t ask her to travel three hundred years in the past.”

Her mama places her arm around her also. She is enveloped in the love of her parents.

“Maybe nae lass but we still hate to see our lass in pain.” She relaxes farther into him.

“You are no brute.”

“Weel, I can be, when there is need. But I dinna mean tae be in front of you. When it comes tae my lasses…” he chuckles, “weel I tend take react first. Your sister, Brianna, found that out, or should I say her husband.”

“Tell me.”

“Weel, she was lost to me for awhile also.” He explains about Culloden, about having to sent Claire back through time. About the prayers he constantly said for her and the bairn. “When she came back, bringing photos of her, I thought it was all I would see of her but, God had other plans. She arrived with her lad, Roger, trailing behind. But, there was a misunderstanding, “ he sighs and tightens his grip around Faith, as if to keep her safe from the same thing happening. “She and Roger were handfast and then she was raped.”

“Oh no!”

“I ken, weel,, when Roger showed up, after disappearing after their wedding night.”

“Because of the rape?”

“Nae, they got into an argument before. Both have hot blood.”

“I wonder where Brianna got it?”

He chuckles. “I take responsibility for it. As for Roger, well he is kin, through my mam’s family, a McKenzie cousin a few hundred years removed.”

“Wow!”

“Anyway when he showed up, after our lass found herself with child, I took him as the rapist. I hate to admit that my nephew Ian and I beat him pretty bad and sold him to the Indians.”

“For real!”

“Aye we did. My daughter was right furious. So, we went and retrieved him. Missed the birth of her son Jeremiah, Jemmy.”

“Did she forgive you?”

“Aye, in time they both did.”

“Well, that was one way for poor Roger to meet his father-in-law. Are they still here?”

“Aye. They live in the house that I first build for your mama and I. Are having another baby.”

“Did Roger accept Jemmy as his?”

“Aye, he proved to be a man of worth.”

“We recently discovered that Jemmy is his. They share a genetic birth mark.”

“That is wonderful.”

“It is. Roger has found his place here. He is a pastor, like the man who raised him.”

“Ah, I wonder if he will accept me then?”

“Why wouldn’t he?” Jamie thinks he best or the lad would get another beating, man of worth or not.

“Because papa, I like the lasses.”

“Oh right, weel I dinna ken.”

“I do,” her mama replies, “he will. Roger comes from a more modern time.”

“Thanks. So there is Bree and Roger. I also heard you mention others papa.”

“Aye Fergus and Marsali. Fergus is your brother. He is of hearts not bodies. Your mama and I found him in Paris. He became our son.”

“He was there when I lost, or thought I lost you. Your papa was in the Bastille. Without him I am not sure I would have made it.” She places her head on her Mama’s shoulder.

“I am glad he was there.”

“Marsali is his wife. She was my stepdaughter.”

“What?”

“I married her mam during the time your mama was gone. It is a bit complicated.”

“I would say.”

“We will tell you it all someday. Marsali is a sweet stubborn lass that decided she wanted your brother when she was 15 and he was 30 and no one was talking her out of it. There was nothing to do but see them wed. They now have four bairns. Germaine, Feleciti, Joanie and, Henry-Christian. Their youngest..”

“He is a drawf but quite healthy.”

“I can’t wait to meet them all. It was just Uncle Ray and I for so long. To have family.”

“You have plenty of that lass.”

Raymond let’s out a groan that has her up and to his side. “What do you need Uncle Ray?” Her hand takes his and she shudders at how cold it is. “Are you cold? Jamie stands and puts a few bricks into the fire to heat them. Claire come over and takes his other hand.

“Master Raymond, is it the pain? Do you need something else?”

“The pain is bearable. I don’t wish to miss any time with.. Faith. I am a bit cold.” Jamie wraps the bricks in cloth and places one at his feet the other he tucks against his side.

“Thank you. That helps.”

“Their version of a heating pad.” Faith keeps his hand and takes his pulse. She looks with concern at her mama. Claire nods. She had felt the same. It was slower.

“Shall I fetch you something to eat or drink?”

“No, but thank you Jamie. Just see to Faith. She must be hungry.” He looks to his daughter.

“I am. I didn’t realize until..”

“I will go see what Mrs. Crook has ready.” He hesitates to leave. Having the miracle of Faith here, to leave her..

“Thank you papa. Don’t worry. I will be right here when you return.” He smiles, kisses her forehead before slipping out.

“He will see you safe.”

“He will. Uncle Ray, I’m not ready. Please don’t leave me yet.” Her tears flow down her face. He reaches a shaky hand up to catch one.

“My daughter, I can never fully leave you. I will be in the sun brightening your hair, in the breeze that caresses your cheek, I will be watching as you hold your first child, you will see me in his laugh, hear me in the silence of the night when you are up feeding him. I promise that I will be with you.”

“Uncle Ray.” She rests her head down by his.

“It isn’t time, not quite yet. I will let you know.” She nods as her breath let’s out in a shudder.

Claire is wiping tears off her eyes at the scene. He took their child, saved her, raised her to be a wonderful woman and, is now returning her. She will never have another mate like him, if she lives to be a hundred. He is leaving her too.

Jamie returns carrying a tray full. Claire gently lifts her up so she can eat. The tray has fresh bannocks, cheese, butter, honey and, an jar of milk. She gives her papa a watery smile and starts to eat. Her eyes get large at the taste of the fresh honey and butter.

“Different then you are used to, eh?”

“Yes papa. Much different in a very good way.” She eats all and drinks the milk, still warm from the cow, with relish. “Thank you. It was delicious and I needed more then I realized.”

“You’re welcome mo mighean.”

“What does it mean?”

“My daughter. We must get you understanding the Gaelic.”

“We shall. I am a fast learner. “ She looks back at Raymond, sleeping now, “Mama, should we move him into the house?”

Claire thinks about it. He would be more comfortable and Faith, who wouldn’t be leaving his side, would be also. Moving him, without hurting him more, that would be the thing. Jamie looks at his wife. “Sassanch, I can gently move him inside to one of the guest rooms.”

“Thank you Jamie. Yes let’s do that. The one downstairs.” He nods and carefully slips his hands under the other man. Raymond moans, his eyes opening, dark with pain.

“I am taken you inside. I will be as gentle as possible.”

“Ouí, thank you.”

Faith and Claire follow them. Jamie walks slow careful not to jostle him. Claire runs ahead to open the door ahead of him. He carries him over the threshold, into the last house he will ever enter. He turns and carries him down the hall where Claire opens the door. He is gently laid on the last bed his head will touch and the blankets are tucked around him. Despite the chill in the air, he is sweating. Claire takes his vitals before re-dosing him with more opium.

“Mama, isn’t his pulse to low for that?” Jamie looks up from where he kneels, starting up the fireplace.

“Faith honey, palliative care is all we can do. He hasn’t long and we are trying to keep him pain free.”

“Right. Sorry, I am just..”

Claire draws her close. “I know, my love, I know.”

The fire is roaring and the room starts to heat up. Jamie wants to help but he feels a bit helpless in the face of his daughter ‘s grief. So, he does what he can. Walking over to Raymond, he takes a wet cloth and wipes his face and neck of the sweat. The morbid bound man smiles. “You are a good man Lord Fraser. I know you will see to her. “

“I will, I swear it. You have raised our daughter into a fine woman. Claire and I will see that her life is full of love.” Raymond weakly pats his hand and closes his eyes as the medicine draws him back into sleep.

Faith takes a seat beside him, laying her head down beside him, her own exhaustion catching up with her. Her papa sees and slips out and brings in another bed. He positions it beside the other and lifts her up. Before laying her down, he holds her against him, breathing in the scent of her hair, this child of his and Claire’s love so miraculously restored to them. He lays her down and covers her. A kiss on her check draws a smile and he loses his breath. “Just like Bree.”

“Who is like me?” Both Claire and Jamie gasp at their other daughter ‘s voice. “Mrs. Crook tells me there is a stranger here that looks like..” she catches a glimpse of the sleeping Faith. “Who in the hell is that?”

[betweensceneswriter]

Island Hopper-Chapter 27: So Long, Farewell

Claire & Jamie head home, but unexpected surprises await them.

Previously on Island Hopper:

Chapter 26: Forgive me, Father… Jamie’s got a lot of built up bitterness toward his father.

ISLAND HOPPER (Jimjeran Book 2) Table of Contents

ISLAND FEVER (Jimjeran Book 1) Table of Contents

     Jamie reached down to give my mom a hug.  With her arms around his neck she kissed him on the cheek.

“I really do love you, Mister Jamie,” she said.  “Your mama would be so proud of you.”

The look on his face was precious—an affectionate smile and a flush of pride.

“Thanks for opening up your home to us,” he beamed, with an extra squeeze and a slight lift that made Mom laugh outright when he put her down, her face flushing as well.

“You’re welcome to visit anytime, son,” my dad said, reaching his hand out to shake Jamie’s.  He was more reserved than my mom but I could see his eyes twinkle as he put his arm around Jamie’s shoulders before we continued to make our farewells.

“I’m not sure I’m ready to let you go, man,” Seth said, putting out his hand to shake Jamie’s and then pulling him into a hug.  “Who is going to pace me on my morning jogs?”

“Ye just need to find a reason to do your final film project out on Arno,” Jamie told him after pounding him on the back affectionately. “Then it willna be as long before we get to jog together again.”

“You look out for my sister,” Shelly ordered Jamie as she hugged me.  “After what we’ve been studying in my global climate class, I’m worried about this upcoming storm season.”

We were waiting in the TSA line when John and Joe came rushing down the hall.  I did a double take when I realized John didn’t have a bit of luggage with him.

At Jamie’s curious shrug and the question in his eyes, John blushed.

“I changed my flight,” he explained.  “I was going to be flying back today, but I… we…” He glanced over at Joe.

“What the…?” I blurted out, looking from John to Joe and then back again. I’m sure my confusion was written all over my face, but so were my matchmaking suspicions.

Joe put his hand affectionately on John’s shoulder and raised an eyebrow at me. “You can stop grinning, Claire,” he ordered me.  “I know you’re jumping around on the inside.”

“Are you kidding me?” I exclaimed, grabbing Joe by the waist and squeezing him, looking up into his face to see his dark eyes twinkling down at me.  He hugged me back, and as I looked over at John's shy smile I whispered to Joe, “This is one of the good ones, Joegie.”

“Do the two of you want to stay with us?” my mom piped up.  “It would save you the cost of a hotel, and with Jamie and Claire leaving, there’s a room free in our house.”

“Thanks, Robin,” Joe responded.  “But this—” he said, meeting John’s eyes, “is so new, that might be awkward.”

“Well, at least come for dinner tonight,” she insisted.  “I’m going to be going through kid withdrawals by then.”

My eyes were pricking with tears and I found myself hugging my mom gratefully.  I knew that many of their Christian friends and colleagues were not as open minded, but my dad’s background in counseling had convicted them several years back that bigotry and judgment had no place in a loving life.

When I let go of my mom, I met Jamie’s eyes.  We were almost at the front of the line, our family members having traveled with us through the weaving queue leading up to the security check-in.

“I've made a decision,” Jamie declared, as we pulled the cart carrying our backpacks forward a few more steps.  I looked up at him curiously.  “I think I’ll just stay here,” he said brightly.  “I’ve bonded with your family, Claire, and I dinna want to travel on the Island Hopper again.  It makes me queasy just to think of it.”

“Jamie, honey,” my mom said reassuringly, patting his arm.  “You’ve got those copper pressure point bracelets I got for you, and you’ve taken your motion sickness medicine.  When you get on the plane, take the antihistamine Claire has for you and you’ll fall asleep.  You’ll be boring company for Claire, but you won’t feel nearly as sick.”

Jamie grinned down at my mom and put his arm around her.  “Thanks, Robin,” he said.  “I canna thank ye enough for looking out for me.”

“I’m a momma,” she said.  “And you’re one of my kids now, too.”

There was a lump in my throat as Jamie and I put our backpacks on the conveyor belt and stopped at the bench to take off our shoes.  I turned back one last time as we left the security area to go to our gate, and saw six familiar faces gazing at us, six arms waving furiously until we couldn’t see them anymore.

Jamie stopped me as we rounded the corner.  I had let out a little sob, and he dropped his backpack and took me in his arms.

“It hurts to say goodbye,” he whispered, his head bending close to mine.  “But how blessed we are to have your family so close.”

I nodded and took his hand as we headed toward home.

The text on my phone was as abrupt as the man himself. When does your plane arrive?

I shook my head in confusion, typing “7:17 pm” and hitting send.

Next to me, Jamie gave a soft snort, shifted in his seat, and then returned to the even breathing of sleep.

I will meet you then, came the reply.

Thanks, I responded.

You should stay with us tonight.

That would be nice.  Thanks.

The Iroij and I have a request. Let’s talk when you get here.

Dougal’s final response left me disquieted.

Dougal and the Iroij? What could they want, and why the need to prepare us for it?

I had been fretting about Dougal's announcement for nearly an hour when a deep breath and expansive stretch from Jamie next to me announced that the antihistamine effects might be wearing off.  He nuzzled my neck and then took my hand in his, drawing it into his lap.

“Jamie!” I whispered, “We are in an airplane, you goober.  There are people around!”

“Ifrinn, that is a shame,” came his slow good-humored reply.  With one final motion that brought me in lingering contact with his wake up show-and-tell, he released my hand and kissed me on the shoulder.

“Perhaps later,” he murmured.

“At Dougal's house?” I asked dubiously, handing him my phone.

He read over the messages, his forehead furrowing as he blinked the sleep from his eyes.

“What could they possibly want from us?” Jamie mused, yawning as he handed the phone back to me.

What indeed? I wondered, looking out the window at the never-ending landscape of blue ocean and the occasional cloud. I had to satisfy myself with the reassurance that we would find out soon enough.

“How were your travels?” Dougal asked once he had helped us load our things into the trunk of his car and he had turned down Lagoon Drive leaving the airport. The sun had set and all we could see was faint pink in the west over the lights of Delap.

“Remarkably good,” Jamie responded with a deep sigh, stretching his legs out and sinking into the front seat.  “Even spending today on the Island Hopper, I dinna feel horrible, though I do feel stiff and sore.  Dinna think I got off the plane once.”  He glanced over his shoulder at me in the back seat.  “As for Guam, the whole trip was brilliant.  Claire’s family was so welcoming I already love them.” Before turning back to face Dougal, he winked at me.

“Any other news?” Dougal asked, unaware of the shade thrown his way.

“Well, my da called me,” Jamie mentioned off-handedly.

“He did, then,” Dougal responded gravely. “He had called to get your information and I gave him Claire’s phone number.  How are ye, lad?”

“Not sure… Still in a state of shock, I guess, though I should probably call him before we leave Majuro,” Jamie replied.

Dougal didn’t ask any more questions, and Jamie didn’t offer any more information the few remaining minutes until we reached the MacKenzie home.

“The Iroij and I would like the two of you to take Perkaj home,” was Dougal’s request.  He had restrained himself until supper, once we were sitting in chairs around the dining table with him and Revka and Moneo.

I shared a confused glance with Jamie. How was that a request that needed much consideration?  “Well, of course we can take him back to Arno,” I responded.

“I dinna believe you grasp my meaning,” Dougal said, leaning forward. “We need you to take him back to Arno and keep him in your home for a time.”

“What about Maria?” I asked, confused.

“Aye, what about his auntie?” Jamie chimed in.

“She stayed for a week but then left,” Dougal explained, “convinced that the task was beyond her.  She isn’t prepared to monitor his blood sugars and take charge of his diabetic care.”

“And his parents?” I asked.  I glanced over at Jamie, whose brow was furrowed in thought.

“With several younger children in the home, I don't think his parents can be expected to take it on either,” Dougal reasoned. “But the Iroij and I feel like it would be cruel to put him in medical foster care here on Majuro, so far from his home.”

“No, that wouldna be right,” said Jamie, shaking his head. He reached over and put his hand on my knee.

“I agree,” said Dougal.  “So we would like the two of you to consider accepting this responsibility.  To have him come live with you for a time.”  He paused to let the concept sink in.  “We honestly can't imagine a better environment.  You with your medical background, Claire.  And you, Jamie, a teacher—close to him all day so you can monitor his blood sugars during school and coach him on eating and giving himself insulin.  The both of you will be there to help him through the night and in the morning.”

“But willna he miss his family?” Jamie asked.  “It may confuse him for them to just be down the lane.”

Dougal nodded briefly. “Mr. Timisen and I were thinking his life should be as normal as possible.  We would like him to eat a meal with his family each day and play with friends in the afternoon.  But until they are confident he is in a situation with the support to keep his blood sugar level, the hospital won’t even release him to let him return home.”

“Aye.” Jamie answered with conviction when Dougal finally paused in his reasons. “Of course we will help the wee laddie.”

I was still taking it in, thinking about the challenges of bringing a seven-year-old into our home.

I glanced over at Jamie to see if I could catch his eye—to see if I could signal to him that perhaps we should talk first.

Instead I saw him lean back in his chair, arms crossed over his chest, on his face a wry smile.

“Am I to understand, Uncle,” he mused, “that as a married couple, Claire and I are actually better suited to be of benefit to the islanders on Arno than we were unmarried?”

Dougal’s generally gruff countenance softened at his nephew’s teasing comment.

“Aye, son, you’ve proven your point,” he said, shaking his head with a grin.  “And I said as much to Claire on our field ship voyage—that I was wrong to judge her effectiveness based on the actions of one night, and that I truly see now what an impact she is having.”

“As I said, of course we will be happy to take Perkaj home wi’ us,” Jamie repeated, smiling over at me proudly.

By that point both men were looking at me in expectation. What other choice was there? We were there for the sake of the islanders, not our own selfish impulses.

“So,” I said brightly.  “What do we need to do to get ready for a temporary son?”

Perkaj looked so small in the hospital bed. He'd always been a cheerful student and joker, his chubby face often in a smile.  Now he looked shrunken and serious as the endocrinologist showed us the tester, the insulin pen, and the syringe for long-acting insulin.

I had done an endocrinology rotation in nursing school.  Despite this, the prospect of learning to be a human pancreas was daunting. I held back, but Jamie instantly sat down by the boy, taking his hand in his and talking to him in Marshallese.  Perkaj answered his questions in a small voice, and Jamie kept up a constant stream of conversation until the doctor was ready to continue.

“Go ahead and speak to him in Majel,” Jamie directed the doctor.  “I’ll translate for Claire.”

I appreciated how Dr Langenbelik also sat down at Perkaj’s level to show him the insulin pen as he told us they’d already administered his long-acting insulin for the day, the dose given each morning to provide a baseline level of insulin in the bloodstream for the day.  As we were talking, a breakfast tray arrived from the cafeteria.  On it was a range of island menu staples—a small bowl of rice, a piece of grilled fish, some baked breadfruit, sliced papaya, and two white flour pancakes.

“Knowing how much insulin to take with each meal is very important,” the doctor was telling Perkaj.  “You need to get good at counting your carbs.”

The doctor cupped his hand and held it up in front of Perkaj.

“That’s about a half cup,” Jamie translated in a whispered aside, “That is the size of a serving of food.”  He stopped and listened as the doctor explained while pointing to the items on the tray, then turned back to interpret for me.  “A half cup of anything sweet or starchy—rice or pancakes, fruit or breadfruit—takes one unit of insulin to enter the cells of the body.  With each meal Perkaj eats, he needs to figure out how many servings he is eating, and then he will give himself the short-acting insulin.”

“Or we can help him until he is ready to do it,” I suggested.

“Before eating anything, ledrik,” the doctor said to Perkaj, who was eyeing the food hungrily, “You need to test your blood sugar.  If you are high, you need to add an extra ____ units for each ____ points too high.  If you are too low, you need to adjust the insulin down slightly.”

Perkaj leaned back, deflated.

“Dinna worry, Perkaj,” Jamie encouraged.  “It shouldn’t take long.”

“It’s time,” the doctor said to us.  “I’m going to step back and observe as you help Perkaj with this meal.”

Jamie and I exchanged wide-eyed glances, then nodded at each other to fortify our confidence.

“Ready?” Jamie asked the young boy.  Perkaj nodded his head, sitting back up and looking eagerly at the food.  “First we should have you test your blood sugar.  Can you do that?”

With one false start and wincing as he did it, Perkaj was able to poke his fingertip with the lancet to get his blood sugar reading.  It was right on target, so as the boy looked over his plate, Jamie coached him to count the carbohydrate servings, which Perkaj adorably did by counting on his fingers.

“Enana keine” he said, making a face after a tiny taste of pancake.  “I eat the kappokpok, the keinabbu, the feesh, and the rice.  That is tree carbs.  No carb for feesh.” He looked around the tray curiously, questioning, “Is there salt? Or soy sauce?”

Once Perkaj had decided what he was hungry for, it was time to administer the short-acting insulin.  Jamie tried to hand the pen off to me, but I forced it back into his palm.  “You need to do it,” I insisted at his surprise.  “I know how to give injections. You’re the one who needs practice!”  He conceded with wide eyes and a reluctant sigh.

I coached Jamie with the insulin pen, watching as he turned the end of the cylinder until it clicked three times, one for each carb serving—the rice, the breadfruit, and the papaya.

“But I don’t want to hurt him,” Jamie objected when I pulled up Perkaj’s sleeve and exposed the back of his arm where Jamie was to give him the injection.

“Is okay, Meester Shamie,” Perkaj said reassuringly, bravely squaring his jaw as Jamie did the same, looking away as Jamie firmly jabbed the needle into the boy’s arm and pressed the plunger to dispense the insulin units into his bloodstream.

Jamie shuddered when it was done, murmuring “Jolok bod,” to Perkaj.

“Echelok bod, Meester Shamie,” Perkaj said cheerily.  “You did bery good. Emetak only jiddik.”

Dr. Langenbelik approached, a smile on his face.  “Excellent,” he said.  “Now eat your breakfast, Perkaj—we want to make sure there are carbohydrates in your body when the insulin is in your bloodstream.”

Perkaj seemed hungry and grateful to get food in his system again.  As he ate, the doctor turned and talked to the two of us quietly.

“Our goal is to get Perkaj trained to take on his diabetic care himself.  Until he does, though, I am grateful that the two of you are willing to take on the responsibility.  Not every young person diagnosed with type 1 has family members who feel ready to help them get through the learning process.”

“I don’t feel ready,” Jamie said to the doctor.  “But I dinna think we have much choice.”

We took shifts staying with Perkaj during the twenty-four hours before the Jolok boat was to take us home.  I stayed with him while Jamie went to the hardware store to buy the last of the things he needed for the solar still and storm-proofing our house.  I had taken one of Revka’s books with me and spent several hours reading Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone to Perkaj.

Jamie arrived, giving me a quick hug before going right to Perkaj’s bedside.  He picked up where I left off with the book while I went to do our grocery shopping for fresh produce and dry goods for the next few weeks.

“Our blood sugar is right on target!” Jamie announced when I returned to the hospital in the late afternoon after dropping off the food boxes at Dougal’s house.  He showed me the little notebook where they had marked down Perkaj’s pre-meal blood sugar level, the amount of insulin, the number of servings he had eaten, and then the mid-afternoon blood sugar level.

Perkaj seemed to be tired by then, but Jamie continued to sit by his bed holding his hand as the boy’s eyes repeatedly blinked and then closed.

I stood behind Jamie, massaging his shoulders as I watched the little boy sleeping.

“Not exactly what you pictured as your first child, is he?” Jamie whispered, rolling his head back and forth and groaning as I hit tight muscles.

“A little bigger than I expected,” I joked, smiling as Jamie grabbed my hand and kissed it.

“Are you okay with this?” Jamie asked, turning to look up at me. “I'm the one who deals with kids most of the time. You want a baby, but our baby.  This is different, to be sure.”

“I’m terrified, honestly,” I responded, leaning forward and putting my arms around Jamie’s shoulders, my cheek against his as we both stared at Perkaj.  “I know we’re capable, but this is such a responsibility.”

I could feel a lump growing in my throat and I took a deep breath, trying to calm myself.  “And I was so looking forward to being alone again.”

Jamie chuckled and brought his hands up to rest on my arms. “That day will come.”  He pressed his cheek against mine as he looked at the little dark-haired form in front of us.  “This will just be a season, like your da said.”  He took a breath and then began hesitantly.  “Now, I was thinking Perkaj will do better if he doesna wake up all alone.  Can I stay here wi’ him tonight?”

“Of course,” I responded.

“So do you want to stay here wi’ us, or go to Dougal’s house?”

“Dougal will need their car in the morning,” I said with a sigh, looking at the narrow guest couch edging the window. “And all our groceries are there at their house.  I’ll need to pack them up before we come to pick Perkaj up for the ride on the Jolok boat.”

“I’ll see you in the morning, then?” he asked.  As he stood and took me in his arms I closed my eyes, breathing in his familiar scent, listening to the reassuring thump of his heart.

“Yes,” I sighed.  Then I reached up, pulled his face down to mine and kissed him thoroughly.

He chuckled.  “Trying to make me regret my choice?”

“No,” I answered.  “I just love you.”

When I left the room I looked back—pausing just to watch Jamie sitting in the chair next to the bed, leaning his arms on the railing and looking down at the dark-haired form covered by a thin blue blanket.

On to Chapter 28: Just Add Water

Certain things are instant.  Not usually sons.

[nellie-elizabeth]

Outlander: Between Two Fires (5x02)

Interesting! This episode is setting up a lot of the major plot arcs for the season, and it's doing so in a way that deviates from the books in several key respects.

Cons:

This is probably a nitpick, but I have to say it. In the books, whenever anyone wants to come to the Ridge, or leave the Ridge to go elsewhere, it's somewhat of a whole production. Travel is slow, being away from home is tricky. But in the show, people seem to be visiting Fraser's Ridge like it's the suburbs or something. This is especially the case with Fergus and Marsali. I thought they were living in Wilmington? Are they staying with Jamie and Claire right now? Or are they just frequent visitors? It feels like something the show really needs to nail down in a concrete sense, or else we run into problems with the whole Fergus and Marsali story-line.

It's odd to have Jamie away from the Ridge to "hunt Murtagh" along with Lieutenant Knox. It's one thing to have Murtagh alive in the TV show. It's another to have him such an important figure in the Regulator militia that he's worth a specific manhunt. The consequence of this is that Jamie wanders around with Knox, has an experience that tells him the Regulators mean business, and then leaves to go muster up a militia of his own. The whole excursion served only to motivate Jamie to action, but it seemed like in the first episode, he'd been pretty motivated to follow through on his promise to Tryon, no matter how much he didn't like it. So why go through all of this again?

Pros:

One thing I will say for Jamie's story-line is that it outlines the stakes for the audience very clearly. I might not be thrilled with how it slots in to the story in terms of pacing, but when it comes to theme, I see why they included it here. Jamie is nominally loyal to the crown at the moment, because he took an oath and because he has foreknowledge of when the best time is to jump ship. But Murtagh and the Regulators are not wrong about the way people are being treated, and we as the audience, along with key characters in the story, know the larger trajectory of history here. In the moment, if this weren't historical fiction, who should we root for? The scrappy underdog, of course. And then we see exactly what that scrappy underdog is willing to do. It's a little bit horrifying. But on the flip side, Knox executes a man without a trial. But on the flip of the flip side, was Jamie right to let the other men go, to stop them from being hanged?

Jamie's stated goal is to prevent as many deaths as he can. How is that a sustainable position? It's an interesting dilemma for his character. Unlike with Culloden, he has years to plan his own strategy, and to know when to declare for the winning side. Could he possibly end up regretting his leniency now, despite his personal feeling? I like the complexity here.

Roger's subplot is another place where there is some small deviation from the books, but I really like where it's going so far. Brianna takes him out shooting, and it turns out he sucks at it. This ends up increasing his anxieties about his role here in the 18th century. It's clear from talking to Bree that she wants to stay there with her family, but Roger isn't sure yet. He hasn't found the thing that will make him worthy in Jamie's eyes, or that will allow him to provide for his family. At the same time, we see Roger as a natural performer, singing songs to baby Jemmy and also singing at a funeral, gifting his voice to a community in grief. As I mentioned before, Roger's arc with Jamie, their relationship finding its footing, is one of the most compelling parts of his entire character for me. So I'm excited to see that play out.

And then there's Claire, stuck trying to give medical advice in a world where people aren't going to respect her opinions as a woman. I like this as a central conflict for her character, and it also poses interesting questions about her role as a time traveler, too. She decides to use a man's name (Dr. Rawlings) to create pamphlets with some common-sense medical advice, but she also decides to start creating penicillin with moldy bread. Brianna questions this, worried that the invention of antibiotics over a century early might cause history to change radically.

There is certainly a tension here, and it's interesting that Brianna is the one to raise this concern. She came back into the past to change it, to warn her parents about a fire that would kill them. And Claire knows from experience that there's very little she can do to change history. But also, that history is changed constantly by their presence, and that attempting to avoid stepping on the butterfly is a futile task. Claire is a doctor. She will do what she can to save people, even though everyone she saves is someone that wouldn't have been saved if she hadn't been there to do it at the right time. It's twisty, and I can see why Brianna would be concerned. At the same time, I sympathize with Claire's philosophy, which seems to be that she can't actually live her life worrying about the butterfly effect. Where does it stop? She has changed so many lives already, and if she maybe kept someone alive who was supposed to die, how could she have behaved differently?

I love, love, love the idea of Marsali being Claire's student of medicine. It's such a fun twist for her character, and actually feels like a very natural progression from what we know about her. Her scene with Claire, where she's horrified by the "defiled corpse," was my favorite moment of the whole episode. She and Claire have such a hard-won friendship, and their kinship as mother-and-daughter-in-law is something I find a lot more touching than Claire's relationship with Brianna, truth be told. As I keep saying, I'll be curious to see where this goes, because Marsali is sort of filling in a role that went to a different character in the books, and not until book six. So what does this mean for that story-line? I'll be curious to see!

That's all I've got for the time being. This season is off to a pretty strong start, setting up lots of plot threads and asking some interesting questions with far-reaching implications. Could have used another Lord John sighting, though. I'll never get enough of that guy.

8/10

[drunklander]

Drunj!Der Yells About Outlander

Thoughts on Ep. 412

Only one more week until Droughtlander, y’all! To start with the positive, I fucking love the Murgsali parts of this episode. Seriously, I know I sound like a broken record but saving Murtagh was literally the best choice this show has made. I would watch the shit out of a spin-off of just that trio’s adventures. Germain can come too.

I still can’t muster a single fuck, flying- or otherwise, to give about Roger. So basically this episode was pretty much like every other episode. I loved some shit, hated some shit, and overall came away with the lingering question of why I still spend so much time on a show that’s barely recognizable as the one I used to fucking love.

At least Dry January is still going strong. Quite proud of myself about that, tbh...

Roger: *runs the gauntlet* Marie Kondo: Does this spark joy? Me: Absofuckinglutely.

Guys I fucking love the Murtagh and Fergus relationship. I love it so fucking much. I cannot wait to see where that goes next season, especially since they’re all headed to live on the Ridge now.

And since this episode isn’t focused on LJG being in love with Jamie, I’m so here for him in this episode. I swear this show gives me whiplash with its characters. Like it’s not a “people are complicated” sort of thing. It’s a “crappy trope that needs to go away” or a “they just did something out of character, wtf” sort of thing.

I get Jamie not wanting Bree to murder Bonnet. I totally understand him not wanting her to have to live with taking a life. But I’m not fully on board with the whole “you need to forgive” stuff. Both here and in the book. Holding hate in your heart will eat away at you and prevent you from moving forward, sure. But you can put things behind you without forgiving the people who wronged you. What Bonnet did to Bree was fucking awful. He’s completely unrepentant. If Bree wants to forgive him, fine. It happened to her, so it’s her call and no one else’s how she should proceed. For me personally, I don’t think he’s worthy of forgiveness. I wouldn’t forgive him if it were me. I’ve thankfully never been in that exact situation, but I’ve been through my own shit and honestly, I’ve chosen not to forgive some people, because that’s asking me to not only endure what they did but also do the emotional work of forgiving them when they’re not sorry. That’s asking a bit too much, imo. Just put them aside and move on, it comes with its own sort of acceptance and peace. Each to their own, I guess.

“This man cannot be good. He was sold by his own people.” I mean, where’s the lie, haha. Yeah he was sold for the wrong reasons, and it’s never ok to SELL SOMEONE INTO SLAVERY (FFS!), but yes, Roger’s a twatwaffle.

“You have learned nothing.” The Mohawk elder speaks the truth, tbh.

Kaheroton telling Roger that he should not smile upon Johiehon had me like yaaas. Sure, Roger’s starved for human kindness or whatever, but like he’s also a chronic inappropriate interact-er with women/crush haver. Like he literally becomes a minster because people think he’s having an affair with one of the Ridge widows. He gets himself hanged because he kisses his great-great-etc.-grandmother. He’s creepily into Claire. I am so here for him being called out for being a fuckboi, haha.

This show is two for two in failing to make me care about rando fallen priests.

Marsali seeing right through Fergus’ attempt at blaming Germain and seeing exactly what he’s up and being like fuck yes, let’s do this thing is my fucking favorite.

I LOVE MARSALI A LOT OK. I AM FUCKING RIDE OR DIE FOR THAT WOMAN.

Y’all have I mentioned how much I fucking love Fersali? Because I fucking love Fersali. They remind me of what Claire and Jamie used to be. *pours one out for the couple that was*

Question though, are we assuming that Fergus knows all about Wentworth because they told him about it after he was raped for Jamie’s story in season two? Getting rull tired of being expected to fill in a bunch of shit that should be shown...

But man, I am so fucking pumped for them to move to the Ridge. I hope it means we get much more of them next season.

I know I’m biased because I have a lot of Opinions about organized religion but basically all this stuff with the priest has me just rolling my eyes. Like cool for him that he like believes in stuff, but also like, do what makes you happy, bruh? You only have one life? *exercises what little self-restraint I have to not go off on a ramble that ties this whole plot line into how being raised Catholic really fucked me up*.

I literalol’ed every time they show Roger trying to fucking Shawshank his way out of the fucking Idiot Hut. Like bro. This thing is made of leaves and branches. Just fucking snap the string or whatever is holding the branches in place and shift them enough to make a hole to squeeze out of.

The Idiot Hut is aptly named.

So in this episode, handfasting means they’re married again. I cannot even with how frustrating it is that this show can’t make up its mind about what it means.

This whole speech of Roger’s about how he’s an idiot is like yeah, no shit, Sherlock. You’re a fucking douchecanoe.

By the end of it, it comes off like he’s the guy from You. Like yeah, you didn’t deserve to be sold into slavery, but buddy. You’re not the victim in your relationship with Bree here. You might not be a serial killer, but your inner Joe Goldberg is showing...

“Like an idiot, I pursued her through time and space, determined to prove to myself and the universe that I did love this woman, just like all those great love stories written by all those great idiots.” Red flag number one, you wanted to prove to yourself and the universe that you loved Bree, but not prove it to Bree? The one person you’d think you’d want to make things right with?

"I pursued her and chased her and finally tracked her down and convinced her to marry me.” Holy fucking stalker, Batman. This comes off as the opposite of romantic. Get yourself a restraining order, Bree!

“We said angry words to each other.” That’s a funny way to say “I was a complete fuckwad to her,” Rog.

“I intended to go home, but then I changed my mind and went back, like an idiot.” Sorry not sorry, but if I were ever with a guy who thought choosing to be with me made him an idiot, I’d fucking run for the hills.

The writers clearly think this is supposed to be like endearing us to Roger and his love of Brianna but really it’s just making him seem like a fucking toxic stalker who’s convinced he’s a Nice Guy™. Roger just keeps channeling his inner Frank. He wants his personal ideal of a relationship with Brianna, with no thought to what she herself wants. He’s fucking repulsive, just like Frank was (even pre-stones). So naturally the show wants us to root for him. *wishes it were February so I could have a drink*

Uh, buddy? Do you know Johiehon wants to leave with the priest? Or are you just being you and assuming/not caring what the woman feels/wants for herself?

Fun fact, we’re still with these idiots in their Idiot Hut and I still can’t muster a single fuck to give about either of them.

Don’t @ me that I’m a dummy because I’m missing the deep and meaningful and yada yada whatever bullshit that they’re doing with these scenes. I know what they’re trying to do. It’s not working for me. At all. Sorry not fucking sorry.

#TeamBadFan5Eva

If we forget about the blackmail and rape threat and creepy being in love with her dad, I’m 10000% more invested in Bree and LJG’s fake engagement than I am in Bree and Roger. But jfc, that’s a lot to be asked to forget.

I’m still not really here for the Bree side of the prison stuff, but the Fergus and squad rescuing Murtagh part is excellent.

I really wish they would have put a definitive end to Bonnet in this episode. Ed Speelers does a great job with him, but he’s honestly not an interesting enough character to merit sticking around as long as he does in the books. Like if we have even more condensed seasons five and six, why the fuck can’t we just be done with him now?

FUCK YEAH FERGUS AND HIS REGULATOR SQUAD!

I hated Bree visiting Bonnet in the book and I really hate it here too. Like yes, if this is what Bree wants and she thinks it will help her, then great. She gets to decide what she wants to do. But this whole comforting your rapist thing just reeks of a fucking woman doing fucktons of emotional labor for the sake of the person who caused her so much fucking trauma. Literally the only part of this scene that remotely works for me is when she gets angry and tells him that he will be forgotten. Like, he’s a sociopath and he gives no shits about you or what he did to you. Why are you trying to make him feel better? I know it’s supposed to be for her, but that’s not how it plays to me...

Le sigh.

I fucking love the scene with Lord John and Fergus. Fucking love it.

(I’m guessing we’re supposed to assume that Fergus and Lord John met in Jamaica at the party in a bit we didn’t see? I think it might have been mentioned at some point, but I can’t remember specifics...)

Murtagh and Lord John fighting over who’s going to take Bree and then agreeing on what’s best for her? Here. For. It.

Y’all, I just want a whole show about this exact squad. Jamie and Claire are so meh now that it’s tough to be invested in them anymore. Roger’s still the fucking worst. But this squad. This squad is my fucking JAM.

But for real, why did we not get a scene where Bree meets Fergus and Marsali. Because this prison break is literally the first time we’ve seen them together and we don’t even know if they’ve met before. You’re killing me show.

Since Murgsali is moving to the Ridge, we’d better get a bunch of Bree and Jem with Marsali and Germain and Fergus next year.

This whole monologue of Roger’s as he’s deciding what to do is supposed to be like showing that he cares for people more than himself (despite his whole creepy spiel in the Idiot Hut) or some shit but like he’s just again ignoring what someone told him to do because that’s his MO. He’s like constantly playing the martyr card when no one even wants him around. Fuck off, Roger.

This priest and his girlfriend honestly don’t merit the amount of screen time they got. Like cool that Roger puts him out of his misery or whatever, but also this is the second to last episode so why the fuck are we spending it on two randos we don’t care about? Because it’s Outlander. So of course this is how we’re spending it.

Johiehon throwing herself into the fire is supposed to be like romantic and shit or reminiscent of Claire offering to die with Jamie at Culloden or whatever, but it really doesn’t work for me. Because honestly, she deserves better. The priest could have chosen to be with her but he picked his faith instead. So why should she die for a man who made her his second choice.

Also like, Kaheroton crying also comes off as creepy because like, dude she just wasn’t into you. Him being upset that Johiehon died doesn’t play like him being sad that a woman from his village killed herself, it comes across like the guy who was “friendzoned” (don’t get me started on that concept...) being sad the woman he was fixated on is gone so he doesn’t have a chance (he never had a chance) with her anymore.

But hey, remember how awesome Murgsali is? Murgsali is the fucking best.

MURGSALI 5EVA!!!

[wendella]

OUTLANDER Outlander Season Finale: Who Are the “Men of Worth” in Season 4? by Natalie Zutter www.tor.com

After last year’s Outlander finale, which literally shipwrecked Claire and Jamie onto the shores of America, I was expecting a bigger cliffhanger ending to this season—that the letter the redcoats delivered to Jamie at River Run would be conscripting the poor Scot to fight on their side in the American Revolution. Then I remembered that it was only 1770, and that the next big war was a few years (or, I’m going to assume, one season) away. Instead, the season 4 finale, filled with resolutions both neat and messy, ends on Jamie getting a much more pressing, one-on-one assignment that reemphasizes this season’s enduring question: Can a good man do a bad thing and remain a “Man of Worth”?

Spoilers for Outlander season 4.

The thing is, it’s difficult to care too much about Jamie being ordered to hunt down Murtagh on behalf of Governor Tryon, because it seems too obvious that, between the two of them, they’ll be able to come up with a solution. That could mean faking Murtagh’s death or smuggling him back to Scotland, and thus away from Fraser’s Ridge, which would carry its own bittersweet heartache, but it’s not as if there’s an ideological chasm between them—hence the low stakes. It also seems a far-off problem when this season was more than a little uneven, and I’m still working through my frustrations with how the Brianna and Roger plots shaped the latter half of the season.

So, what feels like the most appropriate way to send off Outlander season 4 is to return to the theme linking the past thirteen episodes—good men doing bad things, bad men doing things that might have positive ramifications despite their intent—and reexamine the worthiness of Outlander’s men.

Jamie: If I were Jamie, I would be feeling like a right arse by the end of this season. First he helps outlaw Stephen Bonnet escape, out of a misguided sense of goodwill toward a fellow immigrant in this new country, only for that to blow up spectacularly in his face. Of course, he has no way of knowing how the consequences of his act of charity will lead to his daughter getting raped by Bonnet, but it’s a sobering lesson in the dangers of believing the best of your fellow man. Then Jamie swings to the opposite end of the spectrum by assuming that Roger is the one who violated Brianna, beating him senseless without taking a breath to consider, to question the circumstances, propelled by pure rage. Brianna is rightfully furious at him—and they have one of the best moments of the season, when Jamie screams and kicks a chair in frustration and Brianna snaps, “No! You are not allowed to be angrier about this than I am.” He’s clearly wrestling with so much self-loathing that, after twenty years of maturing and growing beyond the hot-headed lad he was when he met Claire, he has regressed back into an impulsive thug.

But Jamie has also learned self-awareness in the intervening decades, as he demonstrates in his incredible scene of vulnerability, asking Claire if she and Bree think that Frank was the better man. He got the girl—she went back in time for him—and he still doubts that he’s good enough. Sam Heughan has brought so much depth and nuance to a character who could have stayed a one-dimensional fantasy; watching James Fraser grow up has been one of the series’ greatest delights.

Roger: On the one hand, Roger endures indescribable pain and suffering as a slave of the Mohawk—the worst possible time travel experience, all because of a misunderstanding he was only partly to blame for. On the other hand, every time he’s offered the chance to be the good guy, he finds a way to be unlikable. Slut-shaming Brianna for being unsure about marrying him as a virgin was difficult to watch, especially considering that the next time they see each other, she was the one to compromise her comfort and pledge her life to him because of his unwillingness to budge. He reiterates multiple times that he had the chance to leave and kept coming back for her, but we only hear that through his telling, which casts him as some romantic hero. At the last minute of the episode he comes riding in on a horse, for crissakes, but that’s more than a day after Jamie and Claire return to River Run, believing that Roger was unwilling to join them.

Again, these are the kinds of choices one would not wish on anyone—such as being told that there is a good chance that Brianna’s baby is not his, and that to honor the terms of their handfast would mean committing to raising that child and spending the rest of his life in the past. If anything, as much as their plotline aggravated me, at least it forced constraints on Roger’s decision, instead of him getting to set the stakes. Roger is not a bad man, but he has demanded a lot of Brianna; I’m curious to see them build a more equal partnership going forward.

Stephen Bonnet: I’m still so impressed with how Bonnet went from charismatic stranger to fatal threat in the space of one episode, and how just a few acts of specific cruelty did so much to change the course of the Fraser family’s lives. Considering how we witnessed his turn in the premiere, it was difficult to muster up any real sympathy for him when Brianna confronted him with her emotional speech about how her child would be nothing like him. Offering up the ruby seemed like a rare moment of vulnerability for the criminal, but I suspect that was more of a formal obligation to contribute one positive thing to this bairn’s life than any regret for raping Brianna in the first place. Also, I’m not convinced that he perished in that prison, and am half-expecting that he will reappear, cockroach-like, next season to kidnap the baby that might be his.

Brianna’s son: Just born, and as far as I remember they did not mention his name. So, for fear of revealing the few book spoilers I stumbled upon in my research (ironic, I know), I’ll just reiterate that he’s a wee fighter and not tack on “like his da” since we are just ignoring his paternity. It was clear, though, that Bree was anxious to meet the little guy, in case she somehow saw Bonnet reflected in his face, but that upon taking him in her arms she was relieved to feel nothing but overwhelming love.

That said, from the moment that Brianna decided to keep the baby, there was no saving her plotline for me. But that’s a discussion for another piece.

Young Ian: I can’t feel anything but oddly maternal pride upon witnessing Ian’s character growth, particularly in this season but even stretching back to when he dragged his poor uncle and aunt across an ocean to save his overeager ass. The season premiere saw him grappling with the trauma of being raped by Geillis, of shaping his identity around what happened to him while not letting it define him; concurrently, he’s learned how to make himself a useful member of Fraser’s Ridge. Sure, offering to marry Brianna was classic dumb Young Ian; selling Roger to the Mohawk was nigh unforgivable. But he more than made up for it by offering up himself in Roger’s place, to live among the Mohawk and replace their dead member. Honestly, it was about time that Ian learned who he was without his blood relations there to protect him. And look how he made it through the gauntlet! That’s our boy.

Murtagh: It’s fascinating to see how the writers fit Murtagh into the narrative, considering that the character is kinda living on borrowed time—that is, he’s long-dead in the books, but they spared him in the adaptation. His and Jamie’s reunion in Wilmington scratched one of my narrative itches—that prolonged moment in which two souls, separated by time and distance, slowly recognize one another while the viewer is screaming omg, hug already!! But now not only are they caught up on the last decade-plus of each other’s lives, but they also recognize that they have landed on different sides of a growing conflict, due to their respective definitions of self-preservation. I’d like to see the series delve more into this next season, to really make it an impossible choice for Jamie.

Side note: Murtagh and Jocasta’s argument-turned-hookup, complete with her throwing whiskey in his face, was amazing.

Fergus: Under-utilized this season, stuck in Wilmington and mostly just reacting to the plot action when it comes to him. What would make Jamie’s dilemma more affecting would be if Fergus (who, it’s been established, can’t find work anywhere else) joins the regulators in earnest—making it twoloved ones that Jamie is contractually bound to hunt down.

Otter Tooth: The initial discovery of Otter Tooth’s skull made it seem as if he and his silver fillings would play a larger role in the season. While at first it was a surprise that it took only half of an episode to lay out his story, it also speaks to the utter tragedy of the failed time traveler. Unlike Claire, who finds a willing believer in Jamie when it comes to Culloden and other predictions of the future, poor Otter Tooth could not convince enough of the Mohawk to heed his warnings about the Iroquois being forgotten. Instead, he was branded a madman, hunted down, and forced to haunt this time and place, unable to bring about the change he so desperately wanted. Moreso than almost any other plot this season, it’s a thought-provoking story that Diana Gabaldon included, and the writers adapted. Plus, the post-credits visual of him in his present watching the two white boys play Cowboys and Indians was wrenching, and one of the series’ best of these little moments.

Lord John Grey: Poor Lord John puts up with a lot this season, mostly in the form of the daughter of the man he loves blackmailing him into marrying her, lest she out him to everyone. But this is the man who maintained affection for Jamie even after being friendzoned, who has proven over and over that he will put his own desires behind those of a child in need of a father, or a pregnant woman who will be dishonored without a husband. LJG is good people.

William: What a fierce, pouty li’l jerk. It’s too bad that we weren’t treated to the narrative weirdness of William’s half-sister Brianna becoming his stepmother, but perhaps he’ll reappear in future seasons.

Lesley: To be honest, I had barely registered him before he got his throat slit by Bonnet, but nobody deserves a death like that. RIP.

Frank: FRANK. His one cameo this season, in a number of revelatory and gutting flashbacks, was the perfect way to bring him back—especially since we see him through Brianna’s eyes, after years of him refracted through Claire’s perspective. But even Brianna doesn’t realize how many complicated feelings it layers on top of Frank’s motivations to know that he had the obituary the whole time and never let on to Claire that he knew about her supposed death. Not that I blame him, considering how she treated returning to their marriage as a consolation prize, but still.

George Washington: Presumably, but we only got a few scenes with him. I’m looking forward to (hopefully) more of the would-be President next season.

Rollo: Very Good Boy. Very glad he made it through the season and will accompany Young Ian on this new adventure.

[mymelodyheart]

Starting Over Chapter 14 ~The Price We Pay~

Claire padded into the kitchen, turning on the coffee machine as she went and then loading the washer with stray dishes. She grimaced now and again at certain use and movement of her muscles, a reminder of the night and morning she had with Jamie. 

Earlier in the shower, she'd noticed with shock, the discoloured blemishes and bruises on her skin in different parts of her body. Undoubtedly, Jamie had made his mark and bestowed her a gift she will never forget. He'd shown her what it felt like to be desired and wanted as a woman and knew from thereon, after being truly well-loved and served, she would never accept anything less. 

The floor creaked behind her, just as she was retrieving the mugs from the cupboard. Spinning around, she found Jamie leaning against the doorframe, a towel draped low on his hips and an amused smile plastered on his face. "Ye wearing my jersey," he observed, examining the oversized rugby shirt on her.

She shook herself mentally as her eyes drifted from his happy trail to his face. "I only bought it because they didn't have one of Alistair Price." 

He walked over and stopped in front of her, lifting her chin with an index finger. "Wee liar." His head dipped to kiss a bite mark on her exposed shoulder. "Do ye wear it often?" he murmured.

"Only when I'm lounging about the house."

"I like seeing ye wear it." Then their mouths met, and his hands pulled up the hem of her shirt, cupping her backside. 

Insatiable!  Warmth and contentment fanned out in her belly as he deepened the kiss. She was just about to wrap her arms around him when the phone rang. 

Half-heartedly, she pulled away and gave him an apologetic look. "Sorry, but I have to take that."

He gave her one last kiss before letting go, his eyes telling her that they weren't done yet. Composing herself, she answered the phone. "Hey, Joe, what's up?"

"LJ, hey, I have a temporary job for you if you're interested. It's at St. Leonards Medical Centre," he rattled excitedly.

"Oh!" With so many things happening all at once, she hadn't anticipated working so soon. "Well, I was kind of ..."

Joe interrupted. "You remember my ol' buddy Grey?"

"Grey ... Grey," she whispered, searching her memory bank. "Oh, you mean John Grey. Of course, I remember him." She stole a glance at Jamie and met his gaze. "He was part of your medical team during the rugby tournaments."

"That's right. Well, John is at the St. Leonards Medical Centre now. They're kind of short-staffed at the clinic as one of his colleagues broke his leg in a horseback riding accident. They're inundated with work at the moment, and I thought perhaps you could help while you get your life back in order. It's only temporarily."

She chewed her lip and played with the thought. The upside of working at a medical practice, the hours were more regular and less stressful. And moreover, she liked Joe's handsome friend. Besides having worked with him before, she found him funny, witty and kind. "How temporary?"

"Two weeks tops. There's a replacement coming from Glasgow in a fortnight, and then you can go back to residency program hunting. So what do you say, LJ? Will you do it?"

She reflected on it for a bit and sighed. She knew fully well how understaffed hospitals and medical centres were in their area, and it was only for two weeks. "Fine. When do I start?"

Joe let out a whoop in the other end. "Monday at seventy-thirty. The practice opens at eight. I'll text you John's number now in case you have further questions. And thanks a million, LJ. You're a star!" 

She smiled as she switched off her phone and faced Jamie, who was now leaning against the counter, watching her with his arms crossed. "It was Joe. He asked me if I could help his mate at the medical centre," she explained.

A shadow passed his features. "When?"

"Monday."

He tucked his tongue into his cheek. "I was hoping we'd have more time in case I got the job at the network or asked to go to London for an interview."

Her stomach bottomed out, and the feeling of contentment suddenly took a nosedive at the mention of his possible new job. Maybe because she would see less of him or perhaps because it would mean he would be once more in a public's eye where most women would want a piece of him. To her surprise, the thought of him going back to his meaningless relationships sent jealousy coursing through her veins. She immediately banished the dark thoughts with little result. "It's only for two weeks, and there'll be no night shifts," she reasoned, attempting to force down the melancholy in her voice.

As if sensing something was wrong, he sauntered towards her and pulled her into his arms, his eyes searching hers. "Are ye coming to Lallybroch this Sunday for lunch? With me?"

She was surprised. "Willie did ask me, but you really want me to come?"

"I want ye to meet my family. I'll ask Geillis, Joe and yer uncle too, so ye dinnae feel out of place. My family can be quite overwhelming. And let's say ...curious."

"But I thought ..."

A line manifested between his brows. "Ye thought what?

She sensed despondency in the air and had a strong feeling she'd hurt his feelings or made him worry. "Never mind."

With a sigh, he pulled her in for a long intoxicating kiss, his tongue delving in for thorough exploration, seemingly never tiring of her taste. When they finally drew away, he dragged a thumb across her bottom lip, his serious expression becoming more pronounced. "Sassenach, I'm not used to waking up with someone beside me and perhaps, what happened between us was too soon for ye. So, if I've pushed too far too much, I'll back off a bit."

In that instant, all she could think of was expelling the uncertainties she'd cause and getting them back to that comfortable place they've been. Shyly, she slid her palms over Jamie's chest and across his shoulders, her nails scoring his skin. "Last night was amazing, Jamie," she whispered. "And it was the first time in a long time I didn't check the windows and doors before going to sleep." She tilted her head to look at him. "With you snoring in my face, I felt safe and slept very sound."

He burst out laughing. "Snoring in yer face. Is that right?" He studied her for a moment before he spoke again. "Ye really feel safer with me here?"

She nodded. 

Satisfaction took over his expression as he tucked a curl behind her ear. "I like knowing that, Sassenach."

"And, a little reminder ..." she began, tracing a circle on his chest with a fingertip. "I want you to know that you're way more than just rugby. It will always be something you are passionate about and something that brings you joy. And then you can return to you, and that's okay. You're enough and complete without it."

His breath fanned her cheeks. "Am I?"

"You saved my life, you helped me escape my wedding and yesterday you spoiled me with a basket of chocolates." She twined her fingers with the hair, curling at the base of his neck. "You're scoring tries by the thousand in the gestures department, Fraser."

His eyes twinkled. "Was that an intentional rugby reference I hear?"

"I thought you'd appreciate it if we stayed on the theme." Claire felt how much she showed him at that moment. Ten years of putting down a crush as an adolescent's fancy and assuming what she felt for Frank was love, when really all that while she'd had no idea that this was what love felt like. This was it, so laden at times it couldn't be lifted and so light at others it made you capable of floating.  Guard your heart , a voice whispered in the back of her head.  He doesn't love you back ... then nor now.  With a forced smile, Claire gently pulled away. She immersed herself, making them coffee, her voice unnatural when she spoke. "Get dressed. I want to take you somewhere."

She didn't bother to find out his reaction as she occupied herself, knowing if she looked at him, he would extract her true intentions. A few heartbeats passed before Jamie left the kitchen and with a sigh of relief, she smiled, hoping what she had in store for him wouldn't backfire.

..........

The direction she took on their drive brought them to the Rugby and Community Sports Club. It was an idea she'd thought of this morning, inspired by her love for watching the game and Jamie's passion for it. Since the season wouldn't start for another two months, the open field sat deserted beneath a cloudy grey sky, automatic sprinklers spraying from a distance. 

Without looking at Jamie, she could feel the strain sneaking into his frame.

Lately, he'd started speaking to her more and more about rugby, especially ever since he'd shifted his focus on the presenter's job with the sports network. But the thought of actively playing the game again as a non-professional seemed to make him uncomfortable as if he wouldn't permit himself full enjoyment of rugby unless he could excel at it at a top-level. Sadness descended upon her. She could close her eyes and see him in his crisp navy blue uniform. She envisioned strong, powerful legs carrying him across the field, shimmying gracefully past a wall of defending opponents, and body-slamming anyone who got in his way while soaking the adoration and enthusiasm from the cheering crowd. He'd so obviously been the best in his craft, and no one ever challenged his superiority. In fact, like her, the whole nation celebrated it. 

Easing the car into the parking slot and remembering the earsplitting roars from the crowd in the past yesteryears, Claire's gut told her not to stop pushing him. She wanted him to embrace the sport again without associating it with his accident. More importantly, like she'd told him earlier, he didn't have to be the best rugby player to be the best Jamie.

"Sassenach ...what are ye doing?"

She didn't allow his warning tone to dissuade her. "I'm your number one fan, Jamie. And I'd like to play pass and catch with the nation's greatest. It'll be something to cross off my bucket list."

"We're probably not allowed to be here," Jamie mumbled, looking stressed out, his eyes warily darting to the view before them. He started to tap a finger on his thigh, a quirk she'd noticed when he was out of his comfort zone. "We should leave it for another time. Besides, I'm not dressed for sports."

She eyed his clothes. He was still wearing his jeans and shirt from the night before, and his shoes weren't ideal for running. Whereas her, she'd come prepared with a pair of yoga pants and trainers. But still, that didn't stop her from pushing her agenda. "C'mon, twenty minutes is all I ask."

"We don't have a ball."

"I have one," she winked at him and got out of the car before he could come up with another excuse. After quickly grabbing her backpack from the back seat, she headed towards the field and took out the ball, aware of Jamie not far behind. She began to position herself as if she was in a scrum, handling the ball as she'd seen a million times on the television.

"Christ, Almighty, Sassenach, ye have nae hopes in hell of doing a dive pass like that. Ye're supposed to have the ball below yer body."

"I used to play with Joe and his mates, and this is how Joe taught me."

Jamie had no choice but to move towards her. "Joe is more of a tennis man," he grumbled, grabbing her waist and pushing her back lower. "Ye need to angle yersel' this way."

She did as she was told and bent lower to her waist. "Like this?"

Jamie groaned and rolled his head on his shoulders. "Bloody hell, Sassenach, ye're killing me."

"Wot?"

"I ken what ye're doing," he growled, pressing himself against her rear and squeezing her waist. "Fine, ye win. We'll do a few passes and run towards the other end of the field."

She grinned as she watched him settle into his post opposite her, looking smooth and dangerous as a panther. "You do the dive and pass the ball to me," she instructed.

Jamie nodded, his shoulder muscles taut and stretched under his shirt. His warm breath puffed out onto her face as they imitated the scrum position, bent down and locking arms together. Over them, the sky darkened even more, obscuring their shadows on the ground. There was a heavy pressure in the atmosphere, a warning that soon the heavens would open.

As he counted, Claire had a moment of panic as she thought of his past injury. What if pushing him caused more harm? But there was no time to ponder as he grabbed the ball and straightened up.

Trying to keep up with his long legs, she was on her feet too and off running. She knew he wasn't even exerting much effort for her benefit so she could keep up. And then the ball came hurtling towards her, and with as much force she could muster, she leapt and caught it with a loud oomph and ran as fast as she could, the wind whipping her hair loose and cooling her heated skin. Halfway towards the end of the field, she twisted her body, to release the ball. With a snap of her arm and turn of her wrist, she gave him her best spin-pass.

Holding her breath, she watched as Jamie caught the ball with ease. It had been over a year since he'd held one in his hand, yet his body slipped right into the familiar movement. His legs were long, one hand carrying the ball as if it was glued there, not bothering to hook it under his arm, and his coppery locks were swept back by the wind. He was like an eagle soaring the skies of the highlands or a stag racing through grassy pastures, zig-zagging with grace and dexterity as he covered the rest of the course. Muscled legs twisting and body flexing, he was a magnificent sportsman and a work of art to behold. He reached the other end of the field and flew in the air to dive in for a heart-stopping touchdown.

Claire could no more check her loud shout of cheer than she could stop the drizzle that started to fall around them. Jamie spun towards her as he got up, an unmistakable grin spread on his face, his joy so palpable from where she stood. He didn't hesitate to pass her the ball for another round. And then another. Each round they did, caused Claire's heart to expand with pride. The rain grew heavier, drenching them to their skin, but they didn't stop until there was nothing left in her. If she had more energy and stamina, she would have continued until the sun was gone, watching him grow more confident with every catch and race across the field, but she couldn't have been any more triumphant when he dropped the ball to the ground.

Tears clouded in her eyes as he strode towards her, lifting her into a bone-crunching hug. She laughed without inhibition as he spun her in a circle, her arms fastening around his neck. "Show-off," she whispered into his ear. "How did that feel?"

"Bloody awesome!" he breathed.

Remembering their morning discussion about wanting her touch, a wall inside Claire cracked in the middle and crumbled down. She clung to him as he walked them away from the field, raining kisses on his neck.

"Christ, Sassenach!"

"Wot?"

"Thank you." His eyes probed hers, his hands firmly clutching her thighs. "For accepting me as I am and showing me, I can change for the better. How do ye do that?"

I love you, that's how.  Claire couldn't say it out loud, so she took his face in her hands instead and kissed him, hoping that when the day came to let him go, she would have the strength and courage to do so.

..........

There was an impatient, loud knock, making Claire jump. "Jesus H. Roosevelt Christ!" she muttered under her breath. "What now?" She'd been so deeply engrossed in her reflections of the recent events and packing for her overnight at Jamie's, she'd lost track of time.

After their afternoon at the field yesterday, they'd returned to her cottage, showered and stayed in to watch movies. They'd ended their evening making love on the living room floor, and that morning he'd left her to do some errands. But not before asking her to stay over at his apartment for the weekend. She'd hesitated at first, but she'd shut the nagging voices in her head and agreed. Next week there would be plenty of opportunities to occupy herself with her temporary job and think over her situation with Jamie. This weekend she was determined to enjoy their time together.

Another knock. This time louder.

Quickly glancing at her watch, she made her way through her living room, tying her bathrobe tight.  It was too early for Frank. And even more so for Jamie. Who could that possibly be?  Peering out the window before opening the door, she saw it was indeed Frank. He looked casual in jeans and a black button-down designer shirt. The only thing that was out of place was his unshaven face and restless demeanour which was very unlike the smooth and collected man she knew.

She opened the door. "You're early."

He marched inside without waiting for an invitation, making her automatically step back. "I see you still have that tattered bathrobe you like to wear so much. Didn't you tell me you got rid of it?"

Claire stiffened but refused to be unnerved. He'd always had an opinion about the clothes she wore and her taste. When he'd told her to get rid of the bathrobe, she'd defiantly hid it at the back of her closet. "It's my mother's," she reminded him. "Where are my things?"

"In the car."

"Can you please get it then."

"What's the rush?" he asked, critically eyeing the inside of her cottage with a disapproval shake of his head. Shoving his hands into his pocket, he spun around to face her. "You have somewhere to go?"

Feeling apprehensive, she tugged the tie of her bathrobe nervously. "In fact, I do, yes. Let's get this over and done with, shall we? I'll help you get my things from your car."

"Plans with Jamie?"

"None of your business," she snapped, already at the end of her tethers with the on-going drama called Frank.  Why can't he just let me be?

His lips turned into an ugly sneer. "Why so defensive, darling? Everyone knows you're fucking him."

A sting went straight through her heart. She didn't know the man before her anymore. What happened to the man she fell in love and once vowed to share her life with? "Think whatever you like, I'm beyond caring. I only want to get my things back." She made a move to go outside, but he yanked her back with force, causing her to lose her balance and bang her head on the floor with a loud thud.

He pulled her up without an ounce of care and shoved her against the wall. "You think you can humiliate me in front of hundreds of people and escape the consequences?" he snarled, his spittle landing on her face. "Oh no, my dear. You're going to pay."

Her heart pounded with fear, but she strived to remain calm. "Let me go, Frank, please. You're hurting me," she pleaded. She twisted within his grasp and saw the door was still open. If only she had the strength to push him away and make it outside. "Can we talk about this calmly?"

"I thought you said we're done talking." His hand began to tug the ties of her bathrobe and panic flooded through her. "I've come to claim what's mine. Now spread your legs and give what's due me."

She tried to bring her knees up, but he'd anticipated her move. His thighs pinned her against the wall, and his fingers dug painfully into her wrists. Above her head, he gripped her hands with iron strength, and the more she twisted and turned, the more she felt Frank's erection pushed between her thighs. "Please, Frank, don't do this."

"Come on, sweetheart, give it to me as good as you give to Jamie," he mocked, ramming his hips against her, one knee forcing her leg to part.

"No, no, please ..." She squirmed, trying to pull her hands from his grasp, but he was too powerful and too heavy for her to push away.

"I'm quite sure Jamie wouldn't mind sharing. He did steal you from me, after all." He seized her face and forced her to look at him. "Did you scream like a bitch in heat when he fucked you or did you fake it like you did with me?"

"No, no ..." she trailed off in a whimper as she felt his hand slip underneath the waistband of her panties. And when his finger slithered in further, that's when she lost it. The thought of Frank taking her right then made her sick to the point of revulsion, causing her to forget her fear for her safety.

She screamed, twisted and fought like a possessed madwoman. She was about to bite into his arm when suddenly the weight of Frank was lifted off her. Blinking and disoriented, she only had a moment to see his body flying backwards into the air and find Jamie standing over Frank's sprawled body.

Without giving Frank a second look, Jamie quickly got to her and made a quick assessment of her state, his eyes and hands searching for any signs of injury. "Are ye alright, Sassenach?" he asked, his calm voice a complete contradiction to the rage pulsating in waves around his body.

Unable to speak, she simply nodded and wrapped her arms around her body.

And then with a calculated move, Jamie straightened to his full height and menacingly approached Frank. He grabbed the half-daze figure by his collar to his feet, and Jamie was just about to throw a punch to his guts when the door was flung wide open.

"Police! Stay where ye are!"

Everyone froze, and Jamie let go.

A few seconds went by before Frank suddenly found his voice. "Arrest him, officer. This man has violated his restraining order. My name is Frank Randall ...Dr Frank Randall from the Edinburgh Royal Infirmary, and if you check your records, you will find I filed for a restraining order because I felt my life was in danger. As you can see, Mr James Fraser here is a very violent man."

Claire let out a gasp and realised she'd underestimated Frank. "No, no ..." She forced herself to speak, but her vocal cords seemed tight and constricted. Her ears rang, and her vision blurred. Mind racing, she did a quick self-diagnosis and realised she was experiencing the symptoms of concussion. It must have been caused when she'd lost her balance earlier and hit her head. 

Taking a huge gulp of air, she tried once more and strained her voice, fighting the darkness that seemed to engulf her at a rapid pace. But the only word that came out before she blacked out was, "Concussion..."

[imagineclaireandjamie]

Mac Ruaidh - Part Eight (two of two)

This one got a little too long to be posted in one piece but it was all meant to be read as one chapter so it’ll be back-to-back posts instead.

– Mod Lenny

Part One, Part Two, Part Three, Part Four, Part Five, Part Six, Part Seven, Part Eight A

Jamie knew it was only a matter of time before Grey found him. He thought it would be after dark and knew it would need to be private so he tried ushering Willie to bed early. But the lad was too perceptive for his own good and, not wanting to miss whatever the adults were going to talk about, had employed every trick in his arsenal to put off going to bed.

“I want to hear the story again,” Willie insisted.

“I’ve just told it to ye twice.”

“Then tell me another,” Willie pressed. “The time ye saved her when they thought she was a witch… Or how ye met the king in France.”

Jamie frowned. “Ye ken I told ye we need to be careful what we talk of when there’s men of His Majesty’s army about––even if it’s only Major Grey.”

Willie nodded but wasn’t distracted from his point. “The witch one then. From when ye first saw Murtagh coming to fetch ye.”

Jamie sighed and began to set the scene as he always did––the hunting trip with an unsettled Dougal, an unusual Duke, and himself, longing to be warm in his bed at the castle with his wife to hold through the night.

“It sounds lovely,” Grey’s voice cut in from the doorway of the barn. “I can wait until you’ve finished…”

“No,” Jamie said firmly, rising and swinging Willie up into his arms, carrying him to the ladder leading up to the loft. “To bed wi’ ye, wean,” he ordered. “And dinna even think of anything but crawlin’ ‘tween the sheets, sayin’ yer prayers, and waiting for sleep to take ye,” Jamie added sternly under his breath.

Jamie watched as Willie’s shoulders heaved a sigh and turned to climb the ladder.

“He can be a stubborn one,” Jamie remarked by way of an apology.

“Like his mother,” Grey agreed.

Jamie frowned at his own memories of Geneva’s stubbornness but the mention of his mother caught Willie’s attention. The lad turned so fast he nearly tumbled from the ladder in his over-tired state.

“You remember my mam?”

Jamie carefully held his face in check as he looked to Grey. Remember, Willie had said, not knew. Had the other man caught the word or was he too focused on his own slip to notice?

“Your mother…” Grey fumbled, meeting Jamie’s eye sheepishly. “Yeeesss,” Grey continued slowly. “I do remember meeting her. She made quite the impression.”

“Can I feel your arm?” Willie asked eagerly.

“My… arm?” Confusion washed over Grey’s face.

Jamie tried to step in. “To bed, William.”

“I wanna see if I can feel where ye broke it. I can on each of the fingers Da’s broken and his nose, though that one’s no hard.”

“How do you know about my arm?” Grey looked at Jamie accusingly.

“Mam set it for ye in the war,” Willie reminded the officer before doubt and a little fear crept into his face. He looked to his father, expecting a chastising but hoping for confirmation.

“Aye, he’s the one broke his arm. But I’ve told ye to go to bed several times now…”

Willie gulped. “G’night to ye, sir. G’night, Da,” he rattled off before hastily making his way up the ladder to the loft.

“Can we talk outside?” Jamie requested. “Inquisitive ears…”

The yard was empty and the sky dark, the sun having sunk some time before leaching color from the world as it went. They leaned against the outside wall of the barn gazing across the yard toward the house.

“You told him about our meeting during the war,” Grey stated. Jamie could hear the surprise in Grey’s voice but wasn’t sure he wanted to try naming what was paired with it.

“Casts ye in a better light in Willie’s eyes than telling him ye were my jailor,” Jamie explained with a shrug. Willie knew he’d fought in the Rising, that he’d been to prison. But he didn’t completely comprehend why they lived at Helwater––it was all he’d ever known, after all. There were things about his past that Willie was still too young to hear. He told himself that was why he indulged Willie’s desire for stories about Claire, why he’d given up the idea of forcing that truth on the lad until he was older and better able to understand. “He likes stories and there arena so many he’s old enough to hear.”

“Am I correct in understanding he believes your late wife is his mother? What the bloody hell have you been telling him?” Grey demanded, his voice low but insistent.

“I told him what I could of the truth and he’s made something of it that comforts him,” Jamie snapped. “He’s convinced my wife was taken by the fairies and that he’s the bairn she carried when I lost her. I’m not about to take that idea from him when the truth…” He broke off sharply, his indignation and desire to justify himself nearly carrying him too far.

It didn’t matter.

“What did she do to convince you to take such a risk?” Grey asked. “What did she offer you to get you into her bed? Or was she inducement enough?”

Jamie clenched his jaw as though refusing to answer might successfully deter Grey.

“The boy looks more like you every time I see him and I know Geneva was worse than a dog with a bone when there was something she wanted. She would do anything––”

“Well in my case it was threats and blackmail and it’s all the more reason I’d have Willie think his mother was a kind and gentle woman I loved more than my own life,” Jamie said quickly to stop Grey talking. He felt his cheeks warm as the confession he’d made sunk in. The growing darkness was a relief in that moment. I dinna ken why exactly ye’ve come just now but there is something I would speak to ye about.”

“I’ve spoken with Lady Dunsany and I don’t expect she’ll let this idea of hers go anytime soon.”

Jamie ground at the dirt beneath the toe of his boot creating a growing depression. “I see…”

“I have… That is… I’ve tried to… prepare her…” Grey struggled to find the right words but gave up with a sigh. “I’ve decided to speak with my brother about quietly seeking a pardon for you… with the Crown. I know it’s what you want and I’m afraid of what keeping the boy here longer might do. Everyone expects him to look like you except Lord and Lady Dunsany. It will pain them to see him go but I’m convinced it’s what’s best for everyone in the end.”

Jamie blinked while he let the words sink in. He’d be able to go home. To Scotland. With Willie.

“I… thank ye, sir.”

“John,” Grey said with a pained laugh. “If I do this you’ll no longer be under my supervision and you must promise to call me John then––if you don’t, I might change my mind.” But the threat was a hollow one.

“As ye please then… Lord John.”

Grey scoffed but smiled as he glanced at Jamie.

“It will be a while yet before anything goes through. I will tell Lord Dunsany the broad outlines of what’s going to happen to help him prepare his wife… I already hinted at it to her before supper.”

“Took it well, did she?”

“I have another idea I think I’ve settled on that will help to distract her when the time comes… I’m going to speak with Lord Dunsany about courting––and later marrying––Isobel.”

Jamie choked back what he thought at first was a laugh but actually sounded more like a strangled gasp.

“Wh––why?” he managed to ask.

“She wants to be married to please her parents but is nervous about it and leaving them. I… have family of my own that would like to see me wed and with my position in His Majesty’s army, there’s little need for my wife and I to live together––little opportunity if I get sent to the continent,” Grey rambled.

“But ye… Can ye… That is… would it truly be fair to the lass?” It was Jamie’s turn to have difficulty finding the right words.

“She needn’t accept me,” Grey insisted as though he were half hoping that would be the case. “There is one more thing I need you to promise me if I am to appeal on your behalf… and it isn’t that you call me by my Christian name…”

Grey looked to Jamie seeking the promise before offering the terms.

Jamie crossed his arms over his chest and waited for Grey to continue.

“I need you to promise me that you will keep me appraised of how the boy fares; that you will permit me to visit and see him when circumstances allow. I think it will go a way towards reassuring the Dunsanys.”

Jamie thought on it for a moment but the prospect of what might happen if a British officer were to stop at Lallybroch for an extended, friendly visit was too difficult to manage. There would be time to decide the particulars later––if and when he had his pardon from the Crown.

“Ye’d best go back inside,” Jamie suggested. “Ye can give yer report to Lady Dunsany that Willie’s on to learning a bit of Latin if ye think she’d believe that a mere groom kens it to teach his son.”

Grey let the remark pass without comment but pushed himself off the side of the barn where he’d been leaning and turned to face Jamie.

“Good night… MacKenzie.”

“Good night to ye, Lord John.”

Grey walked away and Jamie went inside and climbed the ladder.

Willie had tried to stay awake to question his father at the end of his informal meeting but the lad had fallen asleep sitting up against the wall, his chin resting against his chest and his hair loose and falling in a curtain to shade his face.

Jamie moved Willie to his cot. He wouldn’t tell Willie anything about being able to go to Scotland until he had that pardon in his hand but Jamie couldn’t wait to see the look on his face when he did tell him… or when he first looked down into the valley to see Lallybroch safely nestled there… or when he met Jenny, Ian and the bairns…

Jamie fell asleep quickly, his day dreams pulling him under to a Lallybroch where he carried Willie on his shoulders and Claire was there to meet him at the gate.

[sueboohscorner]

OUTLANDER S3 EP 4 "Of Lost Things" and...a hot steamy scene!

I admit it.  I was loathing the thought of watching Jamie with Geneva.  I hated it in the books and there has been that whole stupid "rape" argument over the years.  However, they did a wonderful job with that scene and........well.....just watching Sam Heughan in a sex scene is just hot anyway!

We only get snippets of Claire and Brianna, now at the manse with Roger and of course Fiona. Basically, we are right back where we left off with them in 1968 at the end of Season 2.   Most of this episode is about Jamie's life at Helwater Estate to the time he is set free.

Our handsome historian, Roger has set up a convenient timeline on some boards and they see that time in the future and past,  basically, give or take a couple of years, runs parallel with each other. So, their dilemma at the moment is finding Jamie after Culloden.  They scour over registries for the prisons, even the big ones in England, to see if they can find him.

  Absentmindedly, Claire picks up a document and a looks down and a name pops out of the page.  There he is!  James Fraser of Broch Tuarach!  They see him in several years worth of registries for Ardsmuir prison.  That is the good news.  The bad news?  The prison closed in 1756.  Now what?  It is suggested that they search the national archives for ship manifests, as Jamie may have been sent somewhere else.

However, lucky for us, we know exactly where Jamie is.  He is now a groom at Helwater Estate, the home of the Dunsany family. The family comes home and is properly greeted by all the help.  Alex Mackenzie (get used to this for one more time at least....Jamie uses his names as aliases) gets called inside to meet with Lord Dunsany.  Hmmmmm.   Turns out that Lord John told Lord Dunsany that this person was one of his prisoners, but highly recommended him.  He also knows, that he was a Jacobite prisoner (just not the notorious Red Jamie).  He is pretty cordial towards Jamie, as he tells him he lost his only son in that war.  However, "You lost." he says and it is over and done with.  Jamie is to receive a stipend while he works his time off there.  However, he will tell Lady Dunsany that Jamie was employed by the Grey family and came highly recommended.

1968 again for a quick moment. Claire receives a phone call one evening from Joe Abernathy and they have a nice conversation and then Joe asks when is she coming home?  He mentions a particular patient that will have to have surgery and thought that since it was really Claire's patient, she would want to take charge.  She just tells him she doens't know the answer to when she is coming home just yet.

 Roger's car broke down alongside the road with him under the hood trying to fix the problem and Brianna making fun of him because Fiona put cream on his scone because he is too skinny.  LOL. 

Bree asks Roger about a girlfriend.  He claims to have several girls that are merely friends, but no girlfriend.  Brianna tells Roger to let her have a look, reaches down and fixes the loose distributor cap.  Again...LOL!  Get used to it Roger, she is good at making and inventing things! Roger asks her jokingly what does he owe her, and she coyly replies "I will think of something." The romance is a brewing here, we just have to be patient and wait until next season until we see these two in bed. Sorry folks! 

Back to Helwater, and Jamie is called over to pick straws with the rest of the grooms.  He is confused, but finds out that the one with the short straw is the unlucky bastard to ride with Geneva Dunsany.  Self entitled, snobbish, used to getting her own way and demanding......yep, that is about right. She orders Jamie to get her horse and when he isn't fast enough calls him a "useless Scotchman".  When she rides away with one of the unhappy grooms, Jamie mutters, "A boot on the hindquarters is what that one needs," to another groom. 

They hear a voice ask "Are you speaking of the horse or my sister?" It is Isobel, Geneva's little sister and total polar opposite of the latter.  Jamie and the other groom are horrified of course and Isobel just laughs and says "I doubt it would do her any good."  She talks to Jamie about the magnificent horses and how she just like to come down to the stables to watch them.  She hates how her "father confines such splendid creatures".  Jamie says he has seen many stables and Helwaters is by far the finest, but Isobel looks at him and say "A cage is still a cage."  She is the nice one and it almost seems she feels sorry for Jamie and his situation.  She goes on to inquire about John Grey.  She has know him for some time and it is obvious to Jamie the girl has feelings for him.  He tries to discourage her advances in that direction by telling her, "Military and marriage are no easy bedfellows. The major's passion lies in soldiering."  Afterall, Jamie knows the man doesn't prefer women.  However, Isobel won't bow so easily and claims that "His dedication to king and country are one of the things I admire most about him."  Well, good try my man.....

It is time to draw straws once again and somehow Jamie manages to not pick the short straw.  However, when Geneva arrives and sees that it is not Jamie, she demands that he be the one to ride with her.  Oh yea. 

They ride through the woods and stop.  Jamie recommends they turn around and head back before dark. She laughs and says that he has to do HER bidding and rides off.  Jamie lags behind a little and then he hears her make a noise of distress and finds her lying on the ground seemingly unconscious.  Nope. 

Once he picks her up in his arms, and heads to his horse, she starts to laugh and said she knew he would do that.  He unceremoniously dumps her in a big mud puddle.   She laughs out loud and shouts to him as he rides away that she looks forward to their next ride.  

Good to his word, Lord John has returned and is playing a game of chess with Jamie on a stump.  They discuss a few things, but then are interrupted by none other Lord Melton, John's brother with Geneva and Isobel on his arm.  The girls introduce Alex Mackenzie and ask how the Grey family could get along without him as their groom as he is a good one.  Jamie is standing with his head down and stern look on his face.  Lord Melton sees Red Jamie, the man he saved and sent home back at Culloden.  He is good though and snidely remarks that they manage.  Geneva is paying close attention to body language here and can tell something is amiss.  They excuse themselves and go play a game of cribbage.

Geneva it turns out is being married off to a man (Ellesmere) who is old enough to be her grandfather.  Can we say ewww?  She is not pleased with him and Jamie is present working on one of the horses for the asshat's carriage.  Ellesmere remarks that "If a child of mine had that hair color I'd drown it before it drew a second breath" basically insulting Jamie.  

Geneva lags behind when the man leaves and everyone is headed back inside.  She watches as Jamie walks away.  I mean, with an ass like that, who can resist? *grin* You can see on her face she is hatching a plan. 

Later, while Jamie and another groom are pushing carts of horse dung, Geneva shows up.  The other groom bows out and leaves Jamie with Geneva who actually asks what he is doing "Shoveling shit my lady."  right to her face.  *me laughing again* She informs Jamie her wedding is in three days and asks if he has ever been married.  He says yes.

"Good, then you will know what to do." and she tells him to come to her bedroom that night.  Jamie is confused and asks what she means.  She informs him that she is to be wed to that old man Ellesmere and by damned if she is going to give her "maidenhead" to him.  She wants to do it with Jamie. 

Jamie is in disbelief and becoming furious and he refuses.  Then the wee bitch comes out with the blackmail.  She informs Jamie that Lord Melton had quite a bit of drink and was quite the chatterbox.  She learned quite a bit about him.  Jamie still refuses and Geneva tells Jamie that she will inform her mother who he really is and she will surely put Jamie's ass back in jail.  On top of that, she mentions Lallybroch to Jamie's horror and his sister Jenny.  She tells Jamie that troops will probably be taken there and bad things might happen to the family.  So, basically, Jamie has no choice but to give in to save his family......again.  

That night, Jamie sneaks into the house and up to Geneva's room.  She is standing there in a dressing gown and calls him by the name Jamie.   "Having brought me to your bed by means of threat against my family, I'll not have you call me by the name they gave me." He tells her to call him Alex, as that is his name also.  She orders him to undress.  As he starts, she is watching, but then turns away.  Sensing her hesitation and nervousness, he kindly tells her he can watch him if she likes. She watches as he takes off his pants then finally his shirt and she gasps seeing his back.  He says it doesn't hurt anymore and turns around. 

Geneva checks out Jamie's naked body and he gently asks if he can touch her to which she agrees. She gasps and tells him as he touches her and exposes her more that she doesn't know what to do.  Jamie's face starts to tell you that he remembers his own wedding night and the same feeling. 

So, he takes Geneva's hands and lays them on his chest.  Jamie I think sort of feels some sympathy for her.  He reminds her that they don't have to do this.  I'm doing this for myself. I want my first time to be with someone like you." she tells him.  She feels some of Jamie's chest and arm and asks if it will hurt much.  He tells her not if he takes his time.  Of course, I believe that that was just to try to calm her as he probably has no idea or ever bedded a virgin. 

They kiss and Jamie undresses her and picks her up and takes her to the bed.  There is licking and kissing and some moaning and she asks if she can touch him.....meaning...you know. 

He says yes and well, taking his time went out the window. "Move with me." he tells her.   It is actually kind of a tender love making moment and you can't help but feel a little sorry for Geneva who gets no say in who she marries and is a victim of her circumstances like Jamie is a victim with her blackmailing him.

Afterwards, Jamie asks if he hurt her and she replies that it hurt at first and then she liked it.  She professes love for Jamie and he stops her right there and tells her "It's not love, my lady, it’s just the feelings I've roused in your body. Strong, but it's not the same thing as love."   She asks what the difference is.  He sits up on the end of the bed and hands her the dressing gown.  "What you feel for me now, you could have with any other man. It's not particular. Love is when you give your heart and soul to another, and they give theirs in return." Geneva realizes she will never know that and Jamie remembers his wedding night and Claire.

Months later the Ellesmeres come to visit.  After saying her hellos to her family and they start to go inside, a very pregnant Geneva slightly turns, hand on stomach and gives Jamie a look.  He knows the child is his.  Damn woman!  Well....there is such a thing as pulling out Jamie.....

Back in 1968, Fiona hands Claire a bag and says that it belongs to Claire.  Inside, are the pearls, that belonged to Jamie's mother originally and Jamie gave to Claire on their wedding night.  "I thought I would never see these again." Claire exclaims as she holds them in her hand.  Claire had given them to Mrs. Graham as a way to try to forget the past (Yeah....that worked brilliantly).  Fiona explains that when her Gran had passed them on to her, but Fiona felt that her Gran (and herself) would want Claire to have them back.  Claire thanks Fiona and as Fiona leaves the room, Claire's look is distant. Obviously remembering the wedding night when Jamie gave them to her.  There is a bit of apprehension at the fact of not only finding his name, but to hold onto concrete evidence of her soulmate.  Brianna sees this in her mother's face.

A little later that night, Bree and Roger are sitting side by side in front of the fire.  Brianna is just starting to rebuild her relationship with her mother.  Is it fair to not fair to keep her in present time, or to let her go back to the man she has always loved?  What if she can never return? 

Roger calms her worries and Bree suddenly kisses him.  There is an awkward moment and then smiles.  I don't like this.  Roger and Bree have this banter back and forth in the book before EVER kissing.  It just feels forced.  Hopefully this will improve.

Back at Helwater, Isobel comes running down to the stables at night and knocks on the door for Jamie to come quickly.  Her sister is giving birth and there are complications.  They all rush to the Ellesmere estate.  The family runs upstairs to Geneva and Jamie is left behind to wait.  A little later, Jamie sees one of the female maids / servants and asks about the baby.  He is told that it is a fine and healthy boy.  A slight look of happiness and pride come over him.  He walks into a hallway and hears Isobel sobbing.  He inquires to what is wrong and Isobel tells him Geneva died.  She seemed fine at first, but then she started to bleed again and the docotors did all they could.  Jamie tries to comfort her, but she stands and smacks him across the face.  She informs Jamie that Geneva had told her everything, that the two had slept together, that the marriage with Ellesmere was never consummated and that Geneva said she was in love with Jamie.  Before the conversation can continue, they hear a commotion and screaming.  A servant comes and tells Jamie to come quickly that his master is asking for him and that there is trouble.

When Jamie gets to the hall that the commotion is, he sees Lord Ellesmere holding his newborn son (who amazingly is fast asleep) and a knife.  "You promised me a virgin!" he yells and calls the baby a bastard.  He threatens to kill it.  The Dunsany's are pleading with him to be reasonable and to let them take the baby.  Lord Dunsany has a gun pointed at Ellesmere and threatens to shoot.  Jamie says for them both to drop their weapons. 

He steps between them both and quietly convinces Lord Dunsany to give him the gun.  Ellesmere is still furious and threatening to kill the baby with the Dunsany's still trying to give them the child to raise instead.  Ellesmere has had enough and makes a wrong move to harm the baby which makes Jamie shoot the gun and kill him.  He rushes over to his son who is unharmed and picks him up and hands him to the Dunsanys.  

A few weeks later, Jamie meets Isobel on the road on the estate. She is pushing a carriage with the baby.  Jamie looks down at his sleeping son and Isobel says that they named him William after her father, but she calls him Willie.  No irony there, as Jamie's brother's name was Willie.  Jamie says it is a good name.  Isobel goes on to apologize for slapping him and her anger.  The moment was raw and fresh for her with her sister dying.  "My sister was a difficult woman, and you were kind to her."  She leaves the carriage and meets up with her mother. 

In that short moment, Jamie looks down upon his son and remarks at how wee he is.  He adds "Dinna fash yerself. I am here."

Lady Dunsany comes over to Jamie and the carriage.  She tells Jamie that the verdict was in and that basically Jamie won't be charged with Lord Ellesmere's death.  Unfortunate accident.  She goes on to say that she has always known he was a Jacobite prisoner, but she is very grateful for saving her grandson's life.  She offers to use her husband's influence to release Jamie from indenture servitude.  Jamie only pauses for a moment and then asks politely if he can remain just a little while longer, as it is very tough in the Highlands and he has been able to send some money to his sister and would like to do so a little more.  Obviously, it is because he wants to spend time with Willie.  She agrees and says that he only need to ask and he can go home.  

Back to 1968 and Claire, Brianna and Roger hit a dead end at the National Archives looking for Jamie in ship manifests.  He is nowhere to be found and there is no more manifests.  A dead end. 

Later the three are sitting at a bar in a pub.  Claire is drowning her disappointment with some whiskey.  Brianna wonders why the men around them are glaring.  Roger explains that women are not supposed to sit at the bar.  Claire remarks that it is 1968 and they should be allowed to sit where ever they please. They listen to a woman.....at the bar because she is entertainment....reciting a Robert Burns' poem with the line,  "Freedom and whisky gang thegither!" Claire smiles slightly and says she used to say that to Jamie often.  Brianna tries to comfort her mother by saying that they are not giving up and will find him.  Claire decides that it is time to go home and you can hear Roger's heart break at the thought of being without Brianna around.

Back at Helwater, Jamie has had several years to spend with his son and watching him grow up and hopefully be somewhat of an influence on the boy.  He is leading Willie on his favorite pony around in circles near the house, as Lady Dunsany and a friend look on.  Lady Dunsany says that they joke that Willie spends so much time with the groom that he is starting to look like him.  Her friend studies the two for a moment and agrees and laughs.  Jamie overhears this conversation. 

Later, he lifts Willie up into a carriage and gives him the job of cleaning the windows.  He closes the door and looks up at the boy and then sees his own reflection in the glass.  He realizes it is time to go home.  Jamie tells Willie of his decision, but the boy is extremely upset and yells and kicks at Jamie telling him that he has to stay. "You have to do what I tell you! I'm your master!" he cries.  He lashes out to which Jamie scolds him and accidentally calls him a wee bastard.  Willie demands he take it back (he has heard others call him that).  Jamie immediately apologizes and takes it back and they hug.

Lord John Grey returns for a visit.  He agrees that Jamie made the right decision to leave.  “We all have our secrets. Yours is walking around. Anyone with half an eye can see it... It won't be long before young Willie sees it himself.” he remarks.  They take a small walk and Jamie stops and asks if John could do him a favor.  To watch over and take care of Willie for him.  In return he will do anything John wants, like give him his body. 

The look on Lord John's face is priceless!  He is floored.  He outright refuses the proposal and Jamie asks why.  "I should probably want you 'til the day I die, but tempted as I am, did you really think I would accept? he tells Jamie and that without knowing the true feeling behind it, his honor would be insulted.  He goes on to tell Jamie his own news.  He and Isobel are to be married therefore, he can watch over and take care of Willie and fulfill Jamie's wish.  Jamie is touched says "I'm grateful to you. You shall always have my friendship."  They tenderly shake hands as friends.

Later that night, Willie comes to visit Jamie at the stable.  Jamie has set out a statue and a candle.  Willie asks why.  Jamie explains that the wee statue is of the Patron Saint of Lost Things and that he lights the candle to remember those he has lost, like his brother with the same name....Willie, Murtagh, his sister and his wife.  Willie remarks that Jamie has no wife.  Jamie smiles and says that someday he will want one and there is a perfect one out there for him and he will find her, or she actually may find you.  You have to think that Jamie remembers the day Claire first appeared at the cabin and fixed his shoulder.  Willie says his grandmother says that only "stinking papists" light candles and pray to things and asks Jamie if he is one.  Jamie smiles and tells him in fact he is.  Willie demands to be a "stinking papist" because he want to be like him.  Jamie tenderly, with some water on his thumb christens the boy William James.  "James is your special papist name." Jamie tells him and tells Willie to keep it a secret along with the fact that he is now a papist. 

He gets up and gets a small box and opens it, revealing a present he made for the boy.  A carved snake, just like his own brother made him many years ago. 

This one has the name "Willie" carved into the bottom."Keep it to remember me by." he tells Willie.  This is officially Jamie's goodbye to his only son.

The final montage is of Claire and Bree leaving the manse and on a plane back home, both deep in thought.  Roger sitting alone with a toy airplane thinking of what to do next and missing Bree's company.  

The most heartbreaking though, is of Isobel and Lord John standing with Willie in front of them.  Jamie is getting ready to leave.  Isobel hugs him and whispers that they will take good care of his son.  Jamie pats Willie on the head and John and him exchange a look of gratitude and goodbye.  Jamie mounts his horse and starts to head off when Willie starts to cry out "Mac!!"  and chases after Jamie.  Jamie, knowing he can't turn around and see this cries as he rides on and Lord John captures Willie and holds him as they watch Jamie ride off.  

What can I say about this episode?  There were quite of bit of changes and things left out.  Some, like the scene between Jamie and Geneva in bed was probably a good thing, because that "rape" argument is STILL going strong.  I would have liked to see more of Bree and Roger interaction before any kissing. Sure it is an adaptation (tired of hearing that personally), but why do they have to ONE:  do a book a season and TWO: rush through everything?

However, I give this episode a definite A, especially for Sam Heughan's acting performance which I swear is getting better every time.

What is your take on this episode?  Likes or dislikes? Questions?  Let me know in the comments below! And to keep up to date, don't forget to subscribe!

[sueboohscorner]

OUTLANDER S3 Ep3 "All Debts Paid" .....aka: Whoa Nelly!

So here we are on episode 3....10 more to go.  I knew it when I heard them say back when, that they were doing a book a season (WHY?  Be different!)....that this was going to be like this.  I mean I came out of this episode satisfied with the emotional highs and lows of the episode, but felt like I had to have a seatbelt on as time just flew by so freaking fast! Voyager is a huge book and there is actually quite a bit that happens in this book, especially when we get to Jamaica.  But to do this book in 13 episodes.....I trust that they will cover the basics and hope that all the episodes are as good as the first ones (My most hated ep ever was in Season 2 when Claire and Jamie go to visit Lord Lovat...God awful), but like what is happening in this episode I feel rushed and on a rollercoaster. Once again, as before because of jumping back and forth so freaking much and this time, time literally flies, I will concentrate on on era and then the other.

Claire first:

 SPECIAL ARRANGEMENTS:  We see Claire and Frank still together in 1956 with Claire still going to medical school and Frank is making a good English breakfast which he thinks that Brianna needs more of.  They seem like they are getting along good, friends really.  So Claire asks Frank if they can go see a movie and suggests 2 separate ones.  He smiles a little and is quiet, but then speaks up and says that he has already seen both.  That is when we see the beginning of the arrangement Claire and Frank had made at some time prior.  He is free to see who he wants and do what he wants and she won't question.  This seems to work more or less, as Claire has experienced true deep love with Jamie and he is still in her heart.  Frank, well, I guess you have to feel sorry for him in a way.  He truly loved Claire and nearly went mad trying to find her when she disappeared and then she comes back is pregnant and distant with him.  He wants what she cannot give him, so he looks outside the marriage.  This was something I am glad they hit upon, because I always thought that is what Frank probably was doing, but to have it out as an arrangement, an open marriage in a way, was refreshing.  

SHE ARRIVES: Claire (and Joe Abernathy) graduate from Medical school and a celebration is held first at the house and then they were to go to a restaurant.  Frank seems a little on edge that they haven't left yet and Claire explains that he has the time of the reservation wrong. 

She finds out why he wants everyone out of the house.  The doorbell rings and there is a young woman standing there.  She is surprised to see Claire and Claire puts 2 and 2 together and realizes it is Frank's mistress.  He invited her to their house!  Claire quickly gathers everyone and suggests going to the restaurant early. 

Frank comes home late drunk and to a very nasty Claire.  He really doesn't want to have this conversation, but is seems ready to give it right back to her.  She calls Sandy (yup, a blonde named Sandy) Frank's "blonde harlot" to which Frank claims that green is not really Claire's color.  Claire dares to ask if they had sex in their house, in their bedroom.  Really?  I mean, sex in a twin bed really is NOT a comfortable thing.....but I digress.  Frank just replies that their bedroom is already way too crowded.  Ouch.  Claire then suggests a divorce, but Frank tells Claire of a friend of his that got a divorce and lost his children, because the courts cater to the mothers, not thefathers and he really does not want to lose Brianna.  Claire tells him she would never do that to him, but he refuses the idea of divorce, at least for now.

SUDDENLY GOODBYE:  Time passes, Brianna is all grown up and is now in the shape of the actress that we originally saw her last season.  She has her 16th birthday and then we see her graduating in 1966. 

A little more ahead and Frank comes to Claire and states he wants to take Brianna with him to England.  Claire thinks that is a lovely idea, until Frank says, no they are not coming back.  He now wants a divorce because he wants to marry and be with Sandy and he wants to take Brianna.  Claire is furious and they argue.  Claire suggests divorce, but be careful on what grounds, because he can't really say adultery when there is really no proof, but she can on his end!  Frank tells Claire that he would like to live with a wife who loves him and then adds that all she could see every time she looked at Brianna was HIM.  Yes, it might have been easier if Bree didn't look like Jamie, but I don't think it would have been a cure all.  Frank leaves and Claire sheds a tear. 

 A little while later, Claire gets a call from the hospital to come in for a surgery.  Later we see her with the husband, giving him advice and consoling him as to his wife, who will survive.  When giving him a hug, she see Joe Abernathy coming down the hall with a look of remorse on his face.  He tells Claire that it is Frank, there was a car accident.  She runs down the hall and pauses outside a door.  Inside, we see a very dead (and clean for being in a car accident) Frank. 

It is an emotional goodbye, as Claire tells him, if he is still close enough to hear, that she did love him (and we think....not nearly as much as Jamie) and kisses him goodbye through her tears.  Now, to move on to yet another chapter.

Now Jamie:

THE BRIGHTER SIDE OF THINGS:  Jamie has been in Ardsmuir for years and it is now 1755.. It is not the HIlton by any means.  It is filthy, cold and damp and rats are plentiful (which we learn later is a GOOD THING for the prisoners!)  He is out in the yard with the other prisoners, in shackles, hand and feet, and sees the old governor (Harry Quarry)  of the prison showing the new one around (hello Lord John Grey!)  

With Jamie staring at them,  Gov. Quarry points to Jamie and informs Gray that he is the only prisoner they keep in chains and that the prisoners look up to Jamie, consider him like their chief, and call him Mac Dubh. He continues by saying that he treated Jamie as a liaison between him and the prisoners, to keep the peace so to speak and dined with him once a week.  At this point it looks like John Grey may recognize the man that terrorized him on that night when he thought a certain English woman needed rescue. Harry Quarry makes sure to mention the legend of the French gold treasure that supposedly was sent to Prince Charlie and that is supposed to be somewhere out on the moor, but after a few years, he gave up on the search.

Back in the cell, Jamie is listening to the men talk about the "new guy" and Jamie remarks that he seems familiar, but cannot place him.  Then we hear a voice we thought we would never hear again say "So, you've seen the new governor then?"  That my friends is when we book lovers cheer!  When we see beloved Murtagh, who most certainly died at Culloden in the book, is very much alive!  However, Murtagh is coughing and not looking so good.  He is getting sick and not getting any better from the God awful conditions of the prison.  Jamie is called to the Governor's office and you can feel the tension.  However, Jamie is quick to point out the lack of food for the prisoners and when a rat is seen in the room and the other prisoner who acts as the Governor's lackey, is told to bring a cat.  When asked if there are rats in the cells, Jamie tells him there are plenty.  Grey orders a cat for every cell, but Jamie comments that the men might have a problem with sharing the rats with the cats.  Here we find out that the lack of food allows for some serious gross eating.  Even Grey is repulsed.  Other than that it is a short visit and not much is covered.

THE WHITE WITCH RETURNS?  The next thing we know, it is another day, week....who the hell knows....and a raving mad man by the name of Duncan Kerr is found roaming the moors.  He is babbling in French, Gaelic and very little English.  But the hint of treasure is mentioned, so Grey tells Jamie that if he helps him he will strike off the chains.  Jamie says yes, but he has some conditions, medicine and blankets for all the prisoners.  When Grey refuses, Jamie says to put the shackles back on and take him back to his cell.  Grey informs Jamie that he does not have THAT much power and would help if he could.  Jamie says, fine, but blankets and medicine for one man then, his kinsman, Murtagh Fitzgibbons and Grey agrees.

The meeting with Duncan is short.  He rambles on and changes direction, but when he mentions a white witch, Jamie is stunned and wonders if it is possible.  The treasure is cursed , the white witch protects it and she is coming for him (Jamie).  He dies in a short time.  Somewhere in that conversation, Jamie must have received a hint of where this might be.  Grey demands to know what the man said.  Jamie gives him the basics, but leaves out the white witch story, the mention of Dougal, Colum and his mother Ellen and the brief mention of perhaps his father Brian.  Later, in the Governor's room again, Jamie says that some of the men wonder if they could hunt for their own food.  Grey is astonished at that idea, to give them weapons and let them run amok on the moor.  Jamie says, no, to be allowed to set snares when they go out to collect peat for the fires.  This is allowable, and when they go out to check on snares that have been set, A couple men help Jamie escape, by hiding him.

TO EARN RESPECT:  Grey is NOT happy that Fraser has left the building so to speak.  However, some men say that he was seen swimming to the island.  God, there is so much left out of here.  Hopefully, we see more in flashbacks or something! 

Grey excuses himself to take a piss in some ruins when he is suddenly grabbed and disarmed and held by his own sword by Jamie.  “That’s how it’s done, William Grey, second son of Viscount Melton,” Jamie snarls at Grey.  This is when Lord John William Grey realizes that this man actually does remember who he is.  Jamie makes him relive that thwarted attempt to save a lady's life so many years ago.   “They were the actions of a foolish boy, and I regret them to this very day.” Grey tells Jamie.  Jamie lets go and asks Grey if he remembers his promise.  The one that if he ever saw Fraser again, he would kill him.  Jamie lets go of him and hands him his sword back and gets on his knees.  "Well, sir, here I am." he tells him and is basically begging Grey to kill him.  Grey puts his sword at Jamie's throat, but stops and tells him that he is not in the business of killing unarmed men. The look of anguish on Jamie's face says it all.  It is just impossible to die in this story if you are Jamie Fraser! Though it hurt to not get that wish, it also earned Grey some respect with Fraser who confides a little later that he didn't find much, just a box with a single sapphire (yeah....we will see if that is true in a few episodes) and hands it to Grey.  He also admits that when Duncan Kerr mentioned the white witch he thought perhaps it was his wife returned.  Grey turns to Jamie and says "You said she was dead."  Jamie replies "No, I said she was GONE."

At another time, both men are being quite cordial with one another and have dinner and drinks and play some chess.  Jamie is amazed at John's skills at the game.  John talks about a "particular friend" he lost at Culloden and his brother took him away because how he reacted was not proper.  *** For the record people....that friend's name is HECTOR....NOT Black Jack Randall!  Jamie admits that the English lady that John tried to "save" was actually his wife and that John would not talk to save his own life but he did to save a lady's was worthy of respect in Fraser's book. 

Jamie finally smiles some and says her name. "Claire.  Her name was Claire."  John our of sympathy, but also the fact that he is gay, reaches out and touches Jamie's hand.  Jamie's smile totally disappears and the evil eye returns.  ”Get your hand off me, or I will kill you,” Jamie says slowly, deliberately and quite furious.  He gets up and leaves and John sheds a tear.  It will be some time before he knows the story behind why.

A NEW LIFE:  Time passes (yet again) and the prison is closing. 

The men of Ardsmuir, including Murtagh are to be shipped off to America.  Jamie is confused as Lord John has him tied with a rope and led behind him.  Days pass and they finally stop.  Grey explains to Jamie that because he is a high profile traitor of the crown, that it is at the King's discretion whether to allow him to go to America, etc.  and it is NOT in the King's discretion.  So, Grey apparently pulled some strings.  “I couldn’t give you freedom, Fraser. This is the next best I could manage,” Grey says and explains that Jamie is to be indentured as a servant for the Dunsany family at the Helwater estate.  Jamie is confused at first and states that it is because he didn't let John have his way with him.  Grey can't apologize fast enough and says how foolish he was and regrets that action very much. 

Before leaving (wait...what?  He personally delivered Jamie to the family in the books!)  it is suggested to Jamie that he not use his real name as this family lost loved ones in the uprising and he says to Jamie  “You gave me my life several years ago. Now I give you yours.  I hope you use it well.” and bids Jamie farewell.  Jamie looks down at the huge estate and must be wondering what it holds for his future.  Oh, my poor man....you have no idea.  

The only problem I have with this episode (and I am afraid that there are going to be more like this) is that they just speed through stuff.  I mean, you miss some things between characters that deepen the meaning of the ending.  The actors did phenomenal job though with the emotional aspects and I am very grateful and in awe of that.  All I have to say for this and probably the rest of the season...."please fasten your seatbelts" especially if you have read the books and if you have not read the books.....PLEASE DO!  The show is awesome, but it is only the tip of the iceberg.  You will see and gain so much more.

So, any thoughts, concerns, comments, etc on this episode?  And may I add that this was the MOST WATCHED EPISODE ever for Outlander!  Congrats to them...now wait for the print shop one!  *grin*