#not saying it IS bad but i'm def better now ya know? if ur an artist u get it. anyway

[plasplasplas]

Sketchy re-draw of this. Roughly a year ago woow so long... plastic man fanniversary wahoo. Still love these stupid guys <3

[screampied]

deep, slow fucking with toji is probably the hottest thing I've ever seen

Like, I just know that man grins when we roll our eyes back

oh good now you've got me writing

ahem:

His hands caressing the curve of your back are most likely the only thing keeping you grounded. That, and how his dick is slowly, oh so deliciously massaging your insides. Mouth tipped open, your eyes flutter shut when he lands a gentle and soft kiss to where your pulse is going insane under his warmth. His gentle, yet lustful eyes, boring into where yours are too shy to meet his, and his other hand, which busies itself playing with your clit.

You can't even moan at this point: fucked too silly to let out anything other than slurred out babbles about how good it felt and some rare shaky breaths. He'd only hum along, chuckling quietly at your sudden gasp of his name. "Hmm.. yeah, mama, you're feeling so good, aren't you, sweetheart? Yeah? Sound so pretty for me, darling." His hand, that gave up on your back and went to your face, holding your chin and tipping your head so your eyes meet.

At some point, his thrusts ease into just grinds of his hips against yours. To make sure he's paying attention to your pretty little clit without having to occupy his hands. With both free, he interlaces his fingers with yours, his other hand caressing your face as you let out a really lewd, loud cry, before falling quiet again, returning to your whimpers. "Right there? Yeah? You look so beautiful, love. So good 'round my cock, too... Ya like this?" He whispers, kissing the corner of your lips...which are drooling.

Fucked silly? Yeah. "Toji... fuck, gonna cum again-" You say, voice slurred and low, almost unintelligible. He knows your body like the back of his hand, or maybe even better, so he maintains his pace. He opts to kiss at the corner of your eyes, and when they meet his? You might just die. Those dark, lustful pools staring right back at you, and then you're cumming.

You could've sworn he took you to the moon and back, with how you suddenly became real fucking vocal, almost screaming out his name. His lips find yours, and he can almost feel the vibrations of your voice against his tongue. "Cum. That's it. Fuck, I'm cumming too, darling. You're so good for me, it's- hah, fuck-"

That's it tiny writing moment gone

Ofc, it ends with a creampie

-🎀💀

oh you ate this i fear. let me find out ur a writerrrr 👴🏽☝🏽

deep slow fuckin w daddy toji :(((( so sensual yet deep, i bet his strokes gets sloppy overtime. lovesssss to do missionary for the eye contact, wrapping a hand around your pretty throat, telling you how dirty you are while showering a few praises here n there.

TOJI CALLING READER MAMA WILL ALWAYS GET ME. he’s so sexy i can’t breathe today actually. he’d def make u stare into his eyes right when ur ab to cum, makes fun of ur facial expressions n everything like he’s so MEAN.

ur right 💔 (always use protection sexies) but condoms don’t exist for that man 💔💔💔 our legs r gonna be pouring w cum when he finishes tbh. need him so bad my stomach is in KNOTS

[pumpkinsy0]

To that last anon that asked about toxic Purly stuff, I argue that The Shepards never take credit for their bad behavior or misdoings. Everything is always someone else's fault. Like it's the Soc's fault the cops tail Greasers, or it's the State's fault that their home life was so crappy, or its the teacher's fault for failing them when they needed that class to not be held behind (that last one was more so my reasoning as to why Curly and Pony are in the same grade).

Now, psychologists have pointed out that blaming others can be a defense mechanism abused kids do a lot so they don't get in trouble. It carries into adulthood.

I see Curly blaming anything and everything for why something went wrong and Ponyboy getting fed up with it. Like Curly blames the fact his car is not working is why they can't go on that date Curly has promised Pony for months (never mind Curly doesn't have the money for it and kept putting it off) and the next thing either of them know they're arguing. This could be classified as Papercut toxic-ness, I guess.

For Ponyboy it could be the fact he's so codependant. After loosing his parents and his friends so quickly and not being able to grieve properly, I could see him wanting to be with Curly a lot, they don't have to do anything, he could just want to sit down next to him and read a book or something; he just doesn't know how to verbalize that he's in pain and being close helps ease him. But this could make Curly fed up cause "Pony, why you followin' me? I'm going to take a piss, will ya' shove off?!" People do need personal space and Ponyboy not respecting that could be labled toxic as well.

that's all i had to say, lol sorry for the essay. :D

bro gave me a yappuccino /j /lh

BUT THATS KINDA WHAT I MEAN, they arent abusive either way u put it, they make bad choices bc they r quite literally broke kids w barely any outlet to express themselves w and trying to find their way in life, toxic doesnt have to mean just things like accidentally neglecting or whatever, it can just be “small” things

a character being characterized as aggressive doesnt automatically mean they r gonna b abusive in a relationship

plus i think the shepards have abusive parents and they TRY not to be like them, not saying they dont get some things from them, of course not, its canon they do, but i do think they TRY to be better than that, ofc they have parts to work on but they r def not hitting someone they r with, tim and curly CANONICALLY wouldnt allow it w angela, why would they allow themselves to do it, no matter how u twist it they arent doin that😭😭

also im cryin imagine trying to pee and u look over and ur bfs like this trynna follow u

[whoseafraidofliloleme]

I. AM. HERE!!!

OK SO first of all srry abt literally ghosting for like a month. now we're gonna pretend that didn't happen and i'll send here what i would have sent for each chapter so. get ready for a BIG wall of text.

29– tf??? free yn and soobin like???? don't get me wrong i'm glad beomgyu didn't appear again but not like this 😭😭 also hee's friends liking yn more than him. AS THEY SHOULD!!!

30. i'd kiss hee rn if he wasn't dating yn bc HE SAID WHAT NEEDED TO BE SAID!! i love how non-threatening mama kim sounds bc it's all through text but in my head i'm imagining the typical k-drama rich mom getting more and more pissed until her face is so red it looks like it'll explode (kinda wish it did 🤭)

31. love the hees sm. literally the chillest ppl alive. it's so funny how mama kim's plan just. didn't work and she's acting all high and mighty already like??? that's now how it works honey 😊 you're going down AS YOU SHOULD

32. MAMA KIM PRISON ARC??? IDK WHAT I EXPECTED BUT DEF NOT HER GETTING A LIFE SENTENCE 😨😨😨 deserved but like stillll!! also heeyn marriage pls <33333 i love them

NOW ONTO THE FINAL NOTES.

first i have to ask. is soobin ok? and like his family?? bc idk if mama kim was being dramatic when she said his family NEEDED the marriage and i'm kinda worried :(

second. i just love sm how dramatic you made this smau 😭 the way i could picture so many of the scenes cristal clear even though i was just reading texts??? even the dramatic bg music that escalates when things get more serious and ppl start shouting

finally tysm for another great smau <33 i WILL SAY unexpected partners is still my fave bc it was how i started to know you but it's amazing how you can just. make such different stories but have both of them be so great??

PD: i will be checking out other smaus some time in the near future. might be tomorrow might be in 2 weeks bc i clearly have NO concept of time 😨

PD2: i wrote all of this at once and didn't reread it so sorry if it's a bit jumbled together but that's how my brain works </3

Hey, sorry I took some time to reply. I'm on holiday 😂.

I love a long ask let's get into this 😊.

29 - Free Soobin and YN 😂😂😂. So true, they needed to be freed from Mama Kim. Ngl, Beomgyu was gonna make a comeback but then I thought that Soobin would be a better option, low level drama ya know 😂. Obviously Hee's friends like YN more they see the difference in their friend. They see how happy they make each other and they just love to roast Heeseung 😂.

30 - I loved Heeseung taking Mama Kim down thru texts 😂. He did not hold back and I love him for it. Originally I planned for the confrontation to be a written chapter but then changed my mind and I love how the texts turned out. No I love that 😂😂. Mama Kim very much was inspired by kdrama villain mothers. She's a mix of kdrama rich moms and Indian soap opera evil mothers.

31 - The Hee's were my favourite too. I just loved writing the family dynamics this fic. The sibling bond between the Kim's and the Lee's being the chillest ppl in the world. They don't care abt anything as long as their son is happy.

32 - Mama Kim is going to prison for life and she's never coming back 😂😂. The villain gotta be taken down somehow neh. I always planned for marriage to be the endgame for Heeyn and I'm happy with how it turned out.

Final Notes:

Soobin and his family are completely fine. Mama Kim was exaggerating. Soobin's family was going thru it but not to the point that they needed marriage to save the family 😂. Ur like the only person who cared about Soobin, I really have been doing my bias dirty in my fics and I feel so bad abt it 😭😭😭.

That was always the goal. I wanted this smau to be dramatic and over the top. It honestly makes me so happy that you could picture the texts. With the BG music and everything, really makes me very very happy 🤗🤗🤗🤗.

Ah thank you so much for reading my fics 😭😭😭. I love your asks, they make my day whenever I get an ask from you so really I love them more than you do. Unexpected Partners does have a special place in my heart too ❤️❤️.

PD: Check them out whenever you have the time. No rush honestly, if you don't like the story don't read it. Please don't force yourself to read something you don't want to 🥺🥺🥺. All I ask is if you do read any one shot or smau that you send asks, I love them so send those my way please but again no pressure to read everything all at once. Whenever you want, my smaus and one shots aren't going anywhere.

PD 2: It's fine, my brain works that weirdly too. Everything made sense and as I said at the beginning. I love a long ask 😂.

Again sorry it took me some time to reply, I'm on holiday and finding free time and WiFi is a struggle 😂.

[revasserium]

hi rain!! hope you're doing well 💗💗

thank u darling! 

you write beautifully, o my goodness

aww thank youuuu <3 

Hi! Just wanted to ask if it was okay to send in a request?

hi love! requests are currently closed! but once they open up again, do feel free! 

Whenever I have a bad day or just want to spend some time in a specific kind of world, I find myself coming back to here. I always end up feeling better. Thank you 😊

you are so, so sweet and lovely <3 thank you so much! and i’m glad you enjoy my writing ! 

thank you so much for your sunset masterpiece with Kageyama !!!!

ahhh that one was fun to write ! im glad u liked it !!! 

so this is how summer ends breaks my heart😭😭💔💔 I enjoyed reading it nonetheless 🥺 - 🎏

hehehehhe idk i always rly like the angst ones?? they just hit dif ukno? but im glad that it made u feel some kinda way :D 

just want to tell you i adore your writing so much; probably my favorite in the hq fandom. i’m just a casual reader and lurker of fics, and i usually just leave a like since i’m quite shy. (idk where this came from since i write too and there’s nothing more i can enjoy than hearing from my readers) but i would like to tell you you’re amazing at what you do, and i can’t wait to see more of your works. sending you love! stay safe always.

thank you T^T it rly means a lot -- i know i’ve been gone, but coming back to these messages have been the light of my life <3 

just want to say i love every writing you have every posted and i hold a lot of them dear to my heart but your sugawara smut are the best ones in this entire site OH GODS i wish i could ask for more but i know you're already working hard to write all of these beautiful, breathtaking pieces so thank you for your hard work and please don't forget to take care of yourself! ♡

you all are TOO kind to me T^T take care of yourselves as well -- all my love darlings 

dropping by your inbox to give you a big hug and best wishes because you are awesome!

muah!!!! x 

hi rain, love you and hope you’ve been okay. miss you but take your time, will still be here when you feel ready to come back ❤️

all my kisses! im back now and better than ever hehee 

hi i love u and u inspire me sm, can i be 🎨 anon 👉👈

oh my lov ur too cute! <3 

hi rain, thinking of you today ❤️ miss you heaps but I hope you’re taking some well deserved time off for yourself :) remember that you are loved and you have deeply affected so many lives by your writing 🥺 xx

muah x 

hi rain, hope you’re doing well wherever you are in the world ❤️❤️ miss you loads, I read at least one story of yours every night haha helps me to relax :)

oh im so glad!!! :D 

you may not care, but i often check your blog if you have a new post or just answering any asks. your writing and also the way you answer questions is so eloquent . just wow.

i do care! i care a great deal <3 and ur message means the world and then some to me uwu thank u so much for taking the time my love 

Hey Rain! Make sure to take care, don't forget to drink water and eat something! I'm here to vent if you need it. -Emmy

<3 muah 

Your fics make me feel all warm and fuzzy. Every time I read them I feel like I'm cuddling a huge fluffy teddy bear or something. Your writing is so genuine and so deep, it's really inspirational!

thank youuuu im glad that u liked them T^T i promise i will strive to write more, even better fics in the future <3 

ya know I think about that ushijima fic you did about ice cream at the most inconvenient times of the day I tell you. god i just black out

yo HIGHKEY. ushijima. can like..... get it. 

hi! i just read 'even so' and i'm so in love with your writing so it's time to read all your works uwu if you can, try using google docs to write! it saves your history so you can go back if you lose something or want to go back to something you wrote. take care bub

im def gonna experiment with a ton of dif things to make sure that none of my writing gets lost in the future! :D 

i have no way to conjure my thoughts about universal truths. like it was truly a masterpiece. im sorry for my lack of feedback but my emotions can't be put into words on how im feeling.(although i think that's probably one of the best responses you can get from an audience) just know that you're doing fucking amazing and always inspiring me to write

ahhh thank you!!! 

I just want you to know I was reading everything u have ever put out for naruto & I am head over heels in love thanks bye ily

im legit head over heals in lov for naruto tho okay like hes MY FAV 

[punkscowardschampions]

Rio & Indie

Rio: Are you sitting comfortably? Rio: Because I have POTENTIAL GOOD NEWS FOR ONCE Indie: im cotched baby ✌✌ come thru Indie: whats good? Rio: I found a place Rio: well, Buster did but 'low letting him get all the credit Rio: The lady just rang and said I can go see it at 4 Indie: IS IT??? omf dats so sick Indie: who did mckenna have to mesh like? Indie: bring me w i can leave school rn Rio: Yeah, I know right Rio: Jammy sod but we're well in with a chance as long as it's not like, nothing like the pics Rio: it's a bit outta the 24 but still only a bus ride in so Rio: [Sends said pics] What you think girl?! Indie: hes gon be flexin for days b ready for that 😂😏😂 Indie: bitch we movin up Indie: that place is bare hectic Indie: like a real madness Indie: 😍😍😍😍💖💖👑👑 Rio: 😏 Nothing out the ordinary then Rio: Yeah? I really like it too Rio: I'll swing by, say you've got dentist, whatever Rio: One of the rooms got an en-suite and everything like, no queues for the bathroom what Indie: this got me some type of way Indie: im hyped Indie: they gon let me keep 🐶 w us tho?? Rio: It didn't say nah so we're keeping it quiet but not not bringing him obvs Rio: keep up his training it ain't gonna be an issue, like Indie: BITCH WHAT IS THIS FEELIN Indie: tryna recognise it Indie: buzzin Rio: 🙌🙌🙌 Rio: I got a good feeling about it, it's near St Stephen's green like so Bomber can have walks and not have to worry about glass and shit everywhere Indie: bout to happy cry all up in this lesso Indie: n Indie: i can take my younger w too Rio: I love you babe Rio: it's gon' be so much better and Drew ain't got no claims or no key this time Rio: exactly, Ro be way more hyped letting her in these ends Indie: how this real?? it feels jokes Indie: heads are 👀ing me & i aint care Indie: ya girl havin some emotions step off it Rio: That's what I kept saying man Rio: like such an idiot like what, is this real life, nah, not me 😂 Rio: serious, they ain't know we living the good life, gotta go Indie: ITS HOW YOUR MANS BE LIVIN 💸💸💸 Indie: imma lips him Indie: soz bout it Rio: 😂 I'll let you live, you highkey in your emotions Rio: 'bout him though Rio: you're okay if he wanna live there too, when he comes for Uni? Rio: He doesn't have to, not like they don't have a house, not that far away, like Indie: babe you kno i aint tryna borrow your garms big love but like daddy delivers in all them ways and aint none of us vexiin Indie: he gotta respect my 🐶 mans but if they bros then yeah Rio: Yeah? Rio: Good Rio: we can do it on our own regardless but it'll be easier if he twos it Rio: and obvs, I want him there, ew 😜 Indie: imagine if you be like nah mckenna pay dem bills & dont be comin round 😂😂😂 Indie: its chill fr he aint no wasteman i be tryna avoid Indie: he havin his daddy moment Rio: Ain't tryna be that kinda daddy like soz taking away all dem perks Rio: Rude 😂 Rio: He loves you too, babe Indie: ri we all been knew what kinda wifey you gon b 😂😏😏😂 Indie: he comes for my gaming shit he getting merked tho keep that discipline fo yoself in your bed Rio: Hush child 🤐😏 Rio: Double hush, I don't even know if he 'bout that life so you safe Rio: though challenge him at ur own risk I ain't being part of that 🙄 Indie: thats how it gon b i 👀 Indie: i got a serious q but i aint tryna bring the mood ⬇ Rio: Seen not heard, with you? Doubt that 😉 Rio: go for it Indie: drew cant stop me innit Indie: like for real Rio: I don't see how, like Rio: who's he going to to 'fight' for you Rio: where's his case for us not looking after you/him ever doing it Indie: ✌✌✌✌✌ Indie: he probs not even gon show but Indie: he always coming to take me from home wen i was lil u kno Rio: I know baby Rio: but he never could keep you Rio: and lbr you gonna be actual grown soon, he really ain't got a leg to stand on, I promise, even if he comes through chattin' Indie: i love you Indie: more than Rio: I love you too, it's gonna be so legit, promise Rio: all the shit we liked from our old, but better too Indie: true man we did the most but that yard was clapped Indie: it was a time & imma miss it but this b a better one Indie: a fucking extra hype era or some shit Rio: 👑 Rio: that's the vibe Rio: can bring the 24 realness with without the bullshit, yeah Indie: innit tho Indie: lowkey repin for all my years but Indie: bitch im 🔥🔥⬆⬆ Rio: We should celebrate 'fore we go Rio: also you need diff garms 'cos not showing up with you in uniform like I'm your single muvva Rio: giving the game away shh Indie: lets break into our former & give it the send off it shoulda had Indie: ruuuude Indie: you is my ma deal w that Indie: still sexy w it so Rio: nah shadier to let him keep it Rio: welcome for the glo up boy Rio: 💋 i'll take it Indie: 😂😂😂😂 Indie: im only vexed cos he aint had my baby sis there but you kno he bringin them other young girls back how he do Indie: waste Rio: 😬 Rio: too real Rio: too gross Rio: does anyone know if he's tried to talk to ro or they have orrrr Rio: like what's going on fr Indie: she blockin hardcore Indie: she dont want him near but from what i 👀 & 👂 he aint tryna reach anyway Rio: 😒 Rio: even if he did just to say i know u don't want me here but if u do Rio: bare minimum Rio: whatever Rio: their drama, not ours Rio: we gettin' good Indie: fr if he aint tryna see her i is Indie: she got real fam Indie: & me too Indie: we all good Rio: mhmm Rio: him doing his part on him Rio: we all doing ours Rio: she's cute then, yeah? Indie: o you aint seen Indie: my bad Indie: u wanna? Rio: nah not yet, like it weren't explicitly stated but Rio: we know she don't want me near either Indie: i got you Indie: ill bring her to you mama Indie: my girls can meet Rio: Are you sure? Rio: idk if she letting her out of her sight like that yet Indie: its chill man Indie: if step ma be startin i got the other to back me Rio: We'll sort that Saturday yeah Rio: can't be giving her the cribs exclusive or the estate agent will be coming at me with catchment areas fr Indie: 😂😂😂 Indie: boo how we celebratin Indie: mckenna aint here thats dry Indie: boy earned his place Rio: I know 😕 Rio: we go out and do it again when he is Rio: we keep it lowkey for now, get some food 'forehand 'cos know you ravenous Rio: then if we fucking with it we can get something extra that we gon' need Indie: truuuuuuu Indie: yeah girl this is beast Indie: im so about it Rio: It's a new block so if we get it we can be in there like, straight away Rio: no one has to move out, it ain't trashed Rio: 😍 Indie: safe Indie: can i roll out the school gates now cos ☁ 9 mood Indie: floating like Rio: I'm omw to pick you but lemme call 'em and you can roll out and meet me somewhere else 'cos I'm still like 15mins away Indie: 😍😍😍😍 Indie: I'll be boardin & 🚬 catch me wen Rio: 👍 Indie: here i be thinkin my day was bare decent cos a lad chirpsin me in the science lab Indie: naaaaaah bitch Rio: Ooh Rio: 'bout it tho Rio: made School worth attending Indie: innit he just rolled up Indie: new boy vibes Rio: 😍 Rio: literally never happened when i was here so rude Rio: known everyone from day 1, blessin' n curse Rio: gimme deets as they come in tho Indie: ikr but its bare long in the year to be criss and showin face 1st time Indie: suspect Rio: wys Rio: he a 30 spy pretending to be a kid orr Indie: idk Indie: but if he a fed he looking fresh on it Rio: 😂 Rio: Mystery, love that Rio: only one way to find out Indie: but like Indie: can i? Rio: Why not? Indie: u kno Rio: Yeah Rio: Take everything at your pace, however that be Rio: this is just chatting we talking about, you good Indie: yeah i can trust innit Indie: bills is right not all lads be like Rio: yeah, if he get it twisted off a convo then he the thirsty cringe one Rio: give it a shot Indie: he so lush lookin tho 😍😍😍 i been knew i said this afore but actual Indie: 👼🏿 Rio: so 'bout that Rio: defs why you wanted to bounce tho Rio: not want me 👀 like the nosy ma I is 😉 Indie: nah dont want him spying you cos you 🔥😍👑 Rio: 😏 gas up your old woman Rio: never gon' say no Indie: you kno its the mood of the century Indie: mckenna beggin for you still Rio: Hope so Rio: need that rent boy Indie: can always shot the 💍 baby Indie: 💎💎💸💸💸💸 Rio: 😭 Rio: Baby no Indie: jam babe i got jokes Indie: we playin Rio: I can't Rio: if he bounce I gonna just wear it forever Rio: awkward for him, soz Indie: 😂😂😂 Indie: he too cuffed to run now Rio: Thanks Ann Summer Indie: i aint never been there Indie: soz bout it Indie: sure she a real one Rio: it's a bit retro these days but you know Rio: not missing much babe Indie: 👌👌 Indie: all lube & lace yeah? Rio: 😂 in a word Indie: no catch me rollin up then i aint need none Rio: okay babe Rio: lemme know if you need anything though, I got you Indie: you wild Indie: what you think i need ma? Rio: well idk Rio: not gonna give you ideas you ain't have but s'a whole world beyond ann and her rabbit Indie: 😂😂😂 Indie: you always tryna get me riding batteries Rio: i am not 😂 make me sound like such a wrongen Rio: tryna make sure u know what u want Indie: we been knew i dont Indie: going for those wronguns myself Rio: gotta explore babygirl Indie: 😒🤔 Rio: Not now, like Rio: we busy bitches Indie: catch me on the street bein indecent hold up Rio: 😏 behave Rio: got mark on your name as is Indie: what you sayin bout Rio: that police always after you without that madness Indie: keepin things fresh for the jakes and the rollers least Indie: they welcome Rio: miss me with that underage bait gurl 😏 Indie: 👌👌👌👌 Indie: 👵 Rio: 😡 cheeky bitch Indie: 💋 Indie: big love baby Rio: I see u Rio: get in 'fore I give you a love tap, like Indie: keep it peaceful Indie: ✌✌ Rio: 💋

[hoenursey]

Hi, can I ask the I guess story of Othello real quick even just a summary if you don't want to go in depth because I was excited about hearing about it, but then I was also really thrown off seeing Othello being a slave and all and now I'm just kinda confused?? Because Nursey in silk with a choking kink DOES sound amazing but I guess I'm just confused af now

lmao, okay, so. originally i was writing just an au of nursey and dex playing desdemona and othello, respectively. however, othello’ character background is that he was a former slave and a moorsman, or a person from the moor, and moorsmen are black people.

the beginning of othello starts with roderigo and iago outside of the house of brabantion, desdemona’s father. roderigo is jealous of othello because he’s in love with desdemona and she pretty much turned everyone down and she’s like dainty and pretty and hot as fuck, like the most beautiful fair girl ever and shit, but she’s falling in love with othello. also i’m pretty sure roderigo saw her and othello chilling or w/e. so basically, in the middle of the fuckening night, roderigo and iago start yelling to brabantion to come outside and talk to them. brabantion is generally a pretty cool dad and he’s like “bitch she doesn’t like u stop getting drunk and coming to my house my daughter turned ur ass down already”, rod and iago proceed to say a bunch of racist shit and say “check her bed she’s out being a slut with a black dude lol” to which dadbra says “she would never she’s so sweet and she’s also turned down literally everyone who’s ever wanted to date her” but desi, my girl, is actually gone from her bed, so dadbra is like “you’re right!!! i can’t believe my daughter is fucking around before marriage in the middle of the night!!! i trusted her!!! time to go chase after othello, who i welcomed into my house, with a bunch of pitchforks” which they do. they show up to othello’s crib like “what’s up here’s our accusations time to throw you in jail for fucking my daughter because if she turned down all the hot dudes in the entire city she’s definitely not gonna fuck a black dude out of wedlock unless there was some type of witchcraft involved” to and othello is like “uhh okay cool i’m dealing with the house of senators rn so like. can this wait a second my dudes” and they’re like “perfect! we’re gonna show them what a terrible black dude you are!”

they go in front of the senators and they’re like “what’s the sitch why is this angry mob here my dude” dadbra is like “uh he fucked my daughter, i’m sending him to jail for witchcraft or kidnapping bc there’s literally no other way she’d fuck a black dude when she doesn’t even like these hot white dudes”

othello’s like “uh actually i married her”

everyone: “what”

and he kind of explains like “buddy yeah i’m not super good with words so i’m not gonna bs you. i married your daughter. no kidnapping, drugging, or witchcraft. she fell in love with me and so now we’re married. she’s at the inn down the street also so like i’m def not fucking her since we’re at my house and she’s at a hotel”

everyone except dadbra is like “oh okay that sounds reasonable” but dadbra is like “you’re telling me that my good white upper class daughter fell in love with a black dude who she’d be afraid to look at? i’m calling bullshit it’s clearly witchcraft”

the duke p much is like “uh… but where’s the receipts tho i don’t see any witchcraft” and the senators are like “go get desdemona so we can confirm this also othello bro keep talking”

othello’s like “yeah i was a warrior and i travelled a lot and dadbra used to like me a lot so he invited me over to hear my stories about the wars and how i fought and battles and being on ships. i told him my entire life story from when i was a kid all the way until now, how i was captured and sold as a slave, how i bought my own freedom and just all types of cool shit and then when she did her chores around the house for dadbra she would come around as soon as she finished and ask me more and ask me to tell her more stories” essentially desi thinks he’s hot and a tragic hero and she’s like “everything that happened to you sucks but you’ve also got some sick ass stories so maybe that makes it a little better? idk sorry all this bad shit happened to you but you’re rly interesting to talk to. if any friends had any stories like yours i’d probably fall in love with them”

othello’s like “yeah uh i’m not that smart and i’m more of a military dude than an intellectual but i know a fucking hint when i see one”

he says the sweetest thing too like “she loved me for the horrors i had been through and that i had the strength to come out on top, and i loved her for feeling so strongly about me and having passion. here comes my wife now and she’ll tell you the exact same story”

desi comes in and is like “yeah dad sorry i shouldn’t have like run out in the middle of the night to get married but i really do love him promise no messing around”

and this is part of the reason i think brabantion is kinda cool bc he’s not actually a racist he just said some shit without rly thinking and let the things that he’s used to hearing influence him and he’s like “oh, well, you’re in love. that’s fine then sorry i didn’t realize. i’m super glad you’re my only daughter because after this whole disaster, if you’d had any younger sisters i know i would have overreacted and acted like a prison warden to them and women don’t deserve that. i’m still a little upset abt u sneaking out in the middle of the night but like blessings on your marriage i guess.

so that’s like…. act one

later on some fuckery happens, iago decides to be a dick, because they’re all together for some reason that i don’t feel like saying idk something abt the turks and also because he’s a miserable worm

cassio is one of their friends who’s also there and he’s, like, some type of foreign i think (probably spanish or italian) and has respect for women and his wife (who’s not there) but bc he’s spanish or italian (probably italian as verona is mentioned and shakespeare REALLY has a thing abt italy??? idk he’s a pasta fucker) or whatever he does the thing where he kisses people on the cheek and because it’s the elizabethan era, he kisses women’s hands, and earlier he had like politely greeted desdemona and iago’s wife and called them beautiful and smart and shit and called iago out on being a misogynistic piece of shit. iago like actively hates his wife and also literally anyone else’s happiness so he’s like i’m gonna fuck up cassio’s life and i’m gonna fuck up othello and desi’s and also he’s a jealous racist misogynistic asshole wants to fuck up othello and desdemona’s (healthy, loving, trusting, equal) relationship so he’s like

"hey othello. ur wife’s a slut. she’s fucking cassio behind ur back lol”

and othello, who thinks his wife is the shit, is like *daveed diggs voice* “whaaaaat”

iago: “yeah totes she’s a massive hoe”

and othello is like “nah not my wife. maybe someone else’s wife, but not mine”

and iago is like “no bro im serious. we’re sleeping in the same bed (i don’t know why i mean his fucking wife is there isn’t she) he’s been having like wet dreams about her and saying ‘damn i wish u weren’t with that black dude’ and he’s been rolling over in his sleep and dry humping me whilst moaning ur wife’s name” (honestly iago the reason you don’t like women is because you’re gay and jealous calm down)

(literally that was so extra i can’t believe how overwhelmingly bisexual shakespeare was that he needed to slide that gay ass shit in there)

anyways othello’s like “okay so that’s a little weird but that doesn’t mean she did anything. maybe cassio just wants to bang my wife. that’s understandable, as id also like to bang my wife” (they’re super into PDA they’re so in love)

iago: fair. also iago: i mean there’s no way to prove it but like… maybe your wife gave him something. like, idk, does she have a hand embroidered handkerchief maybe? just a thought just a thought lolothello: ya i gave that to her as like a courtship gift she never goes anywhere without it bc she loves me so muchiago: yeah well uh i cassio wiping his beard with it so they’re definitely fuckingothello, my dumb son: NO!!! THAT DEFINITELY MEANS THEYRE FUCKING IF MY WIFE GAVE AN ITEM OF GREAT SENTIMENTAL AND PERSONAL SIGNIFICANCE TO HIM!!! MY ABSOLUTELY TOTALLY FAITHFUL AND COMPLETELY INNOCENT UP UNTIL THIS POINT WIFE!!!!

so he’s like “uh i have to kill her i guess now :(((((((”

problem is he’s still fucking in love with her like he literally loves her so much and can’t even bear to stab her like a normal person would do if they’re trying to kill their wife, so what does he do? he fucking kisses her awake to explain what he’s doing and why he’s doing it and then gently smothers her to death

so gently, in fact, that she doesn’t actually die, just passes out

a servant walks in and is like “boi what the FUCK”

othello: uh

it’s desi’s handmaiden lmao and he’s like “i had to she’s fucking other men” to which she says “no she’s not you idiot” and then desdemona wakes up to say something dramatic and then properly dies

except no she doesn’t bc othello literally is just really really fucking in love with his wife so he’s an incredibly ineffective murderer despite literally having been in the military for almost all of his life but that’s all i’m explaining bc my hands are tired and i answered this all on mobile plus that’s all you need to know for my story

[floodnetworks]

i hope you don't mind me asking but like, did you have what i can only describe as like "gender stress" before deciding to transition? is it something i'm just going to have to deal with until it passes on its own? i've been on the fence about like microdosing T for a while now, and at this point it's just stressing me out a lot when i try to come to a decision. i want to be perceived as more masculine but i still love dresses and makeup and being pretty. i just don't know if i want to take such a big step y'know?

definitely. both hrt and top surgery caused me enormous stress beforehand. permanently altering your body is huge and its completely normal to need to analyze the decision extensively and feel stressed about it. i know there are people out there who are 100% certain about the ways in which they want to medically transition, but for most people it's really tough to figure out what you want, whats feasible for you, and what would benefit you most.

i'm definitely an insane and bad example for this, but i was on the fence about taking T the entire time i was deciding if i wanted it or not And as i started it. it quickly became clear that it was the right choice for me, but i was extremely anxious about starting T and was deeply conflicted abt trying to decide, but ultimately decided that i needed to take the leap, and i'm very glad i did. for me it was mostly a matter of overcoming fear (i was very scared of regretting it and having done irreversible "damage" to my body w the permanent changes, but ended up basically saying fuck it, if thats what happens then i'll deal with it, i can't keep being miserable like this) but i was also just not sure if i wanted it or not, being genderfluid/genderqueer it wasn't so clear-cut for me.

for what it's worth, i actually became a LOT more comfortable presenting femininely after taking hrt. it allows me to be fem in a gnc way, instead of having people see me as a feminine girl, i am perceived as a feminine guy, which is way better for me. pre-T i had to dress as masculinely as possible to achieve the androgyny i wanted, bc i had to counteract the way my body naturally existed, but now i can pretty much dress however and still be androgynous. i became a lot prettier and more fem after hrt and top surgery, which might seem counterintuitive to some people but ya.

i would say the things that have helped me most w that stress is journaling about it (trust me, writing it out helps SO much to clear and sort thru your thoughts instead of having it all swirl around in ur head) and talking to my trans friends about it. one of my best friends is a trans girl who started E before i started T, and she was def my biggest inspiration and support for me starting to medically transition, talking to her about it helped immensely.

but yeah ultimately its a process that will take time, just sit with it and process it at your own pace :) thinking about it can be v stressful i think thats normal & i hope u figure out what you want to do!! take ur time tho :)

[sunflowercub]

hey i think i might have dermatillomania too? I constantly pick the skin off my fingers, to the point where it will bleed and hurt, and its been going on for literally as long as I can remember and I'm 19 now. The thing is, I've never been diagnosed with any other conditions, do you think I have it?

I can’t say for sure but it sounds likely? Not being diagnosed w anything doesn’t really matter bc a) u can have symptoms w.o a formal diagnosis, but also b) this kinda thing is often used to deal w stress and anxiety which isn’t necessarily linked to anything. do u suffer from anxiety? if not, do u think it might have started during a time u were stressed and just kinda lead to a sorta addictive repetitive behaviour?

but ya, diagnoses & causation aside, it def sounds like typical derm behaviour. there’s a lot of help & support on tumblr but i don’t rly know how to begin recovering bc i struggle myself. since ur bleeding all i can suggest is that u keep ur wounds clean to avoid infection. when my fingers are bad i use plasters on that area so i can’t pick (usually end up picking at the plasters instead, but that’s a much better alternative!).

maybe see a doc for advice if ur comfortable doing that. it rly sucks dealing with dermatillomania but take baby steps. if u ever want to talk abt it feel free to msg me. good luck!

[punkscowardschampions]

Ali & Carly

Ali: How's the damage looking in the cold light of day, babe? Ali: Want me to put a hex on her? Carly: yea Carly: didnt remember her going hard but feel it now Ali: 😤 Why'd she have to turn up just to pull up Ali: Got actual issues that one, like Ali: I'll work on something particularly wicked whilst we waiting for karma to smack her one Ali: is you okay boo? Carly: dont need to eye her bf i kno hes not special Carly: fucked some of his mates but not him Carly: you kno made the hanging feel more drastic Ali: Right? Even she don't reckon him that Ali: Just herself, like 🙄 Ali: I'll make you a remedy whilst I'm at it, like Carly: youre too cute to handle this early Ali: Well, lost major points not defending your honour from the ginja ninja last night so Ali: gotta claw it back, ain't I Carly: cant fuck you if youre in prison Ali: Truuuu, ain't my prison wife, this the real deal Ali: did you spot any talent tho? before she tried to claw ur eyes out Carly: nah Carly: you? Ali: caleb cavante was there Ali: he's so fine Ali: but so was his gf so meh, appreciated the view but no more than that Ali: too busy dancing w my main lady of course 😍 Carly: who was he w other than his bf Carly: in love as hard as we Ali: Ain't that the truth 😂 Ali: only got eyes for each other boys, don't front Ali: cute Carly: hes got eyes for me too Carly: 4some? Ali: Yeah? Nice Ali: Not even jealous, get you some wifey Ali: bit of a knob but not as bad as some Ali: I think they're like brothers tho babe??? awks 😂 Ali: otherwise, hell yeah Carly: my bad Carly: spoke to your gf today? Ali: Not yet Ali: She's sulking still Carly: if she wants to take a swing she knows where i am Ali: 😬 your beautiful face, noooooo Ali: she only mad at me anyway, catch us in prison, can't escape each other then, like 😏 Carly joined the chat 2 hours ago Carly: only working to get you to kiss it better tho Carly: could be her way of dumping you w out doing it Carly: sorry Ali: ha, good luck, honey Ali: don't she know I stick like glue? Ali: I'll roll up with all the arrogance of a bitch who's man ain't shit, like Carly: ill let her kno how loyal you are Carly: too bad its only to me like Ali: 🙊 Ali: don't, confirming her argument lowkey Carly: sorry Carly: anything i can do for real Ali: nah 💋 Ali: its sweet, i just gotta stop hiding and tell her how it is Ali: but i'm hiding 'til my head feels better, facts babe Carly: ill whisper Carly: fun tho Carly: w the assault & everything Ali: yeah, what's a decent party without a scrap Ali: tho if my boo gotta be involved imma haffta teach you a few moves, yeah? Carly: im not trying to kiss her while she kills me bitch Carly: whats a sweet girl like you gonna tell me Ali: i know, i'm a lover not a fighter by nature but i'm tough as fuck Ali: trust 🥊 Ali: show you when ur feeling better tho Carly: yea? Carly: aw you gonna protect me Carly: my da will be thrilled Ali: 'Course Ali: let him know just 'cos there's no bloke, can still fuck up the competition and co Carly: we could be renewing our vows at the kitchen table and he wouldnt know it was going on Carly: hes that bloke behind a fucking big newspaper who nods Carly: my ma's the mouth Ali: You're dead good with words Ali: fully got the picture there, like a film or some shit Carly: my life inspoing hollywood, bitch Carly: facts Ali: fr tho Ali: leading lady material defs Carly: you just want that roll credits kiss Carly: come get it any time Ali: only if there's an audience, yeah Carly: aw Carly: you want me all to yourself babe Ali: 🖕 Ali: lose any queer cred I've got if I fuck a straight girl purely for male gaze Ali: hmu when ur feeling it babe 😉 Carly: im always feeling you Carly: honeymoon period not over Ali: 😳😌 Ali: when ur living the bit so hard you can't tell where it ends no more Carly: you want me you got me Carly: thats how it go when you put a ring on it Ali: okay Ali: imma rock ur world then Carly: yea? Carly: good confidence babe Ali: deserved 💪 Carly: ill let you kno if i agree after you hit it Ali: go for it Ali: love ur brutal honesty and I've not got a fuckboy fragile ego like u used to Carly: yea true Carly: whats that like Carly: weird Ali: highly recommend Ali: love knowing what i'm worth 💎 Carly: gotta recommend being treated as a skank Ali: like all the time or in the bedroom 🤔 Carly: interchangeable when you're dtf constant Ali: Oh, babe Ali: you're a princess too tho, you can be both Carly: never been this complimented Ali: You gotta be knowing Ali: all about the balance Carly: aw Carly: what you doing today Ali: Gotta take my lil bro to the park or some shit Ali: he's already driving the 'rents mental Ali: come with? might get u both a 🍦 if you behave Carly: you want me round your littlest bro serious ? Ali: you won't sound so shocked when you meet him Ali: little 💩 Ali: but a laugh, you'll like him Carly: i been in a bitch fight & look it Carly: thinking of him Ali: Fair, if you wanna hide behind your biggest sunnies today and chill, I don't blame ya Ali: he'll think its cool tho, swap war stories with him Carly: im down to come Carly: just making sure you want it Ali: You wanna hear me say your my fave again? Ali: cute 💋 Carly: you kno Ali: swing by when i can convince him to put some clothes on Ali: feeling like a hypocrite lowkey Carly: k Carly: catch me outside trying to clear my head Carly: low key your fault for that image Ali: 😏 i'll take it even though i know its all about last night Ali: get ready to swoon tho 'cos its way too hot for normal clothes, but I do insist on at least partially covering our junk, lil rock Carly: 😍 Ali: you'll be proud, whored it up on my story and everything Carly: I saw and I was Ali: Mission accomplished then yo Carly: your hair is cute Carly: cute isnt the word for that yoga outfit tho Ali: 😘 aww, thanks babe! i was feeling it Ali: you gon' take me up on my yoga offer now? 😉 Ali: show u how flexible i am Carly: might do Carly: not just chat Carly: impressive wouldnt it be Ali: 👏 Ali: never doubted you, babe Carly: catch me in a baby class until i catch up Ali: nah, ask anyone, I'm a great teacher gurl! Ali: and you can be my pet 😻 Carly: aw Carly: you're getting so creative w these dates too Ali: gotta keep it fresh Carly: 💋

[punkscowardschampions]

Jimmy & Janis

Jimmy: 💕 Janis: feeling the love 'cos corporate making ya, hey? Janis: how many holiday drinks you made today Jimmy: feels like billions Jimmy: not the kinda wrist action to be #buzzing about Janis: here's hoping you working commission lad Janis: is any? 🤔 #hotdatewithjane Jimmy: Tam's been in and out all day earning you those kicks you desire Jimmy: #notsosecretadmirer Jimmy: can't stay away on this special day Janis: Christ, you'd think she wouldn't wanna be seen DEAD outside her house, single, on this most sacred day Janis: gotta be stringing her along with lingering just a little too long when handing over the caffeine, good job babe 👏 Janis: think Grace is lowkey in hiding Janis: too late to even frantically swipe right on tinder now ladies Jimmy: Tell her Bobby'll be round Jimmy: He would if date night wasn't past his bedtime like Janis: 😂 bless Janis: all got our cross to bear, kid Janis: can't get my date out without a leash and promises of treats 🤷 Jimmy: Speaking of bitches, I seen Mia's timed her latest for the stockholm syndrome to kick in right on time Janis: look, i know you're bitter 'cos i've chucked you for better but don't bad mouth the bae, ok? Janis: forreal tho, they have schedules, like clockwork Janis: a new man for every occasion, this one won't last 'til her bday Jimmy: Keeping my hands where Tams can't see or cuff 'em Janis: 😏 tmi Janis: and unhygienic to boot, you serve lattes with those hands Jimmy: filthy 🧠 Jimmy: it's the company you keep Jimmy: Twix's gone from trying to shit in my dad's shoes to humping 'em Janis: whoa now, i didn't teach her that Janis: but think about it, from a scatological foot fetish to just a bit of vanilla pre-teen humping of inanimate objects Janis: it IS a step in the right direction Jimmy: But you are about treating 'em mean to keep 'em keen Janis: Your kicks are safe, dun' worry Janis: if she's taught me anything, not the way into the good books 😇 Jimmy: If you wanna aim for my work shoes I won't complain Jimmy: A day off is a day off Jimmy: Warn me first though, unless you're into those kind of surprises Janis: Best not to be seen with each other today Janis: don't wanna give everyone the wrong idea Janis: but nice try, you'll have to stick to burning yaself and the like if you wanna bunk Jimmy: Tammy's bound to help me with that Jimmy: #likeagiraffeonice Janis: She's beauty, she's graces Janis: wants you to cum all over her face Jimmy: fingers crossed she'll melt mine off first Jimmy: Better with that Janis: fair Janis: no way you've got the reach Jimmy: 💕 #whenbaebelievesinyou Janis: what, you want me to offer help with target practice? Janis: nice try dickhead 😜 Jimmy: Romance isn't dead there's the proof Jimmy: What are you doing today, aside from belly rubs for the bae Janis: gotta do something, don't I? feel bad like Janis: slayed the gift game and I really phoned it in so obvs gotta give out those sexual favours Janis: nowt though, trying to avoid seeing all the lovey-dovey couples making me wanna vom Janis: letting Tam work her magic in peace 😘 welcome like Jimmy: 💔🐶🎻 Jimmy: Making drinks with my eyes closed 'cause same Jimmy: Crack on Tam #tallgirlsneedlovetoo Janis: any barista will do 🎶 Janis: wanna hang when the madness is over Jimmy: The way this queue is going there isn't gonna be goodies left to bring you Jimmy: But I'm sweet enough😎 Jimmy: So yeah Janis: Bummer Janis: guess I can't kick you outta bed for that alone Janis: let you tot up negatives throughout the day, standard Jimmy: Got a pen behind my ear Jimmy: Come at me Janis: never could resist a challenge Janis: 🙄 walked into that one Janis: can we do something not shit Janis: don't need to see you slurping down spaghetti lady and the tramp stylee Jimmy: 💔 I'll shoo away all the strays I've gathered Jimmy: Only one dog for you like Jimmy: But of course that's how we stay goals Jimmy: any old shit won't do 💪🏆 Janis: 🎻 Janis: okay good Janis: play your cards right and get it right Janis: i'll spring for the motel 😉 Jimmy: Challenge accepted Janis: for once i'll be rooting for you Janis: my parents are unbearable at the best of times Janis: 🤢 Janis: actually cannot deal Jimmy: My dad and his girlfriend are still early days enough that they can bear to be in the same room Jimmy: I won't fail Janis: oh the honeymoon period Janis: disgusting Janis: thank god we got that out of the way with a fake relationship so you know my true feelings 😏 Jimmy: yeah thanks mate Jimmy: 👍 Janis: welcome, buddy o' pal o' mine Jimmy: Done Jimmy: I've worked it out Janis: taking a particularly difficult shit? Janis: again, don't need these intimate updates honey Janis: not #goals Jimmy: 😂 Jimmy: No, what's goals is what we're gonna do, babe 😏 Jimmy: Keeping you outta the house 'til there's no cringe factor left Janis: Ahh Janis: colour me intrigued Jimothy Janis: what's the dress code? Jimmy: 🤔 Jimmy: Nothing Tam would be seen dead in Janis: Alright, no body con that shows all my worst bits, gotcha Janis: do I get ANY clues? Curious 🙀 right here Jimmy: You might just make yourself a new bae Jimmy: But pace yourself mate Janis: 😳 Janis: i don't own any PVC clothing, you know that, yeah? Jimmy: I do now 🎻 Janis: 😂 can literally hear Gracie in my head asking me what i'm like rn Janis: letting ya man down on vday Janis: honestly Jimmy: when one twin's a giver and the other's a taker 😂 Janis: tbf, we BOTH told you you'd got the wrong one but Janis: cloth ears you Jimmy: Down for the challenge Jimmy: Too late to not be a stubborn dickhead, me Janis: looks like we're both stuck then, lad Jimmy: there's that #realtalk mate Janis: can't say we didn't both give it a fair go Janis: #longdistanceloveinskerries #teenagerunaway Jimmy: You'll always have Twix 💕 Janis: gotta have someone to rely on init Jimmy: #tea Janis: #scaldedagain #jobhazard Jimmy: [Sends a selfie of an actual burn/on the job hazard] Jimmy: Stuff of fantasies that Janis: Poor baby! Has Tam not offered to 💋 it better? Janis: #slacking Jimmy: She's got her 👀 a bit lower down Jimmy: I'm just a piece of 🍖 Jimmy: The real hazard Janis: start a # about it Janis: 'cos can't blame her Janis: part of the problem, truly Jimmy: Will do Janis: being all distracting there with your apron and that Janis: asking for it Jimmy: I thought it was the shoes Jimmy: Sexy from head to toe like Jimmy: 🐶💗 Janis: 😋 something certainly got tongues n tails wagging Jimmy: 😎 Jimmy: The company I keep, I think 😉 Janis: valid, the bitches love me 😍 Jimmy: Alright, save it for the 'gram Jimmy: #humblebrag Janis: Twix is a busy lady, only got you scheduled in so far Janis: guess the fans will have to make do with your mug 😜 Jimmy: unlucky lads and lasses Janis: they love it Janis: 'til some other cunt is unlucky enough to be enrolled in our school, you're gonna stay flavour of the month 🍦 Jimmy: 💪🥇 Janis: meanwhile, i gotta wait 'til the next fam scandal 'til I'm relevant again Janis: such is life Janis: not that its ever THAT long 🙄 Jimmy: Whip up some fake drama for you to hide in if you want Jimmy: Crack 'em out with the lattes Janis: I don't doubt you're capable Janis: just getting over sinkgate 😏 Mr. Lucas never will 😉 Jimmy: 😂 Jimmy: He's one of the only dickheads who hasn't been in today Jimmy: Still time 🤞 Janis: think a milky earl grey is his shout Janis: get it ready, really impress him Janis: more than you did, obvs Jimmy: The coffee breath and forehead vein says espresso though 🤔 Jimmy: Man o mystery Janis: 🤤 Janis: so hot Jimmy: More competition is it? Jimmy: 💔🎻 Janis: Using you as a ploy to get him hot under that starched collar all along Janis: soz babes 😘 Jimmy: I should've known your real goal was to get under that lumpy jumper Janis: 😂 Janis: know he's got the goods under it Jimmy: Can't fight the feeling Janis: s'a real shame the hottest female teacher we've got is that TA with the wonky fringe and clompy shoes Janis: who you got your sights set on next? Jimmy: always been about a wonky fringe meself Jimmy: Clompy shoes are a massive bonus when Twix is being a mad bitch underfoot too like Janis: draw the line there pal Janis: gotta get the dog in the divorce like Janis: not letting that hipster bitch anywhere near Jimmy: 🥊 Jimmy: going down swinging Janis: if she doesn't scream cat lady as is, she's defs into weird pets like fucking Janis: stick insects Janis: hope you're soooo happy together like 🖕 not even mad Jimmy: 😂 Jimmy: nice to have your blessing, mate Jimmy: be my best man on the day Janis: literally fuck off Janis: only just got rid of the lesbian rumours and you wanna put me in a suit WHILST friendzoning me Janis: nah 😤 Jimmy: spoilsport Jimmy: found a challenge she won't accept Janis: only way i'm showing up is if you invite all your exes and put us on a table so we can chat mad shit on you Janis: be a man about it, boy Jimmy: card table at the back, couple of chairs so you can place your bets 👍 Janis: more like it Janis: hook up with your actual best man Janis: pure spite and alcohol fuelling me Jimmy: It'd probs be Cass so best not Jimmy: no good for the rep Janis: 😡 Janis: same tho, if i ever got hitched (ignoring the unlikeliness of that) i'd have to hit up the sibs for those bridesmaids and ting Janis: least my fam is good for numbers if not company like Jimmy: Grace has used her twin senses and is moodboarding somewhere rn Jimmy: Unlucky Janis: 🤢 don't Janis: vietnam flashbacks rn Janis: you know how many fake weddings of hers i've attended Jimmy: I can imagine Jimmy: And am Jimmy: Cute 😂 Janis: Fuck off Janis: shame your dad don't wanna be bffs Janis: can't hit him up for embarrassing pics and stories to use against you Jimmy: Another win to my name Janis: 🖕 Janis: sincerely hope you get a beverage thrown in ur face Jimmy: 💕 Janis: Wish you'da got me some earplugs Jimmy: Come on over mate, I've got loads Jimmy: #whenyourdadisdating Janis: literally Janis: at least you know its the same woman to avoid when she runs to the bog to clean herself up Janis: Pablo already on 2nd of the day Janis: Need a way to let 'em know Jimmy: Gotta have a sleepover with your real bae Jimmy: Twix'll sort 'em Jimmy: Sticking her nose in, literally like Janis: Oh that sweet curious girl Janis: some things she never need see 🙈 Jimmy: #nosybitchproblems Janis: getting dirt on enemy #1 anyway she can Janis: those bribe bones coming her way Jimmy: Happy v-day to her Janis: Maybe you and wonky fringe can have a fuck-off Janis: bet she's a right goer when you get the hair down and glasses off like Jimmy: Invite you and Mr Lucas for the post shag debrief Jimmy: Give you a /10 Janis: Naturally Janis: so curious to know how I rank 😒 Jimmy: Always a 10 with Twix Janis: 🙌 Janis: that'll help with the rep Jimmy: Me and Killer'll take the heat off with our new relationship shine Janis: yeah it loves you Janis: daft fucking dog Jimmy: Pity I can't turn the 💕 into 💰 Jimmy: Loads of lattes no will to keep slinging 'em Janis: Looking for a career change? Janis: fame getting too real? Jimmy: Got me looking like a deer in the headlights Jimmy: Tammy's livid Jimmy: There can only be one Janis: 'bout to be a bloodbath in CG Jimmy: Place your bets, mate Janis: hmm Janis: Tams got the reach like but reckon she's mostly talk n neck Janis: nan's not been in has she? 😉 Jimmy: She's serving me that 💔 while I crane my own neck looking out for her all day long Jimmy: no sign yet Janis: Gutted Janis: even she's feeling the lurve today Janis: literally no place to go Janis: so tragic Jimmy: About to eat my feelings like a proper flat white squad member Jimmy: Speaking of feeling that l.u.r.v.e did you hear how many cards Cass got sent? Jimmy: 7 Janis: WHAT Janis: get it gurl but also fuck off lads she's too lil Jimmy: walking about like its nowt Jimmy: 😎 Janis: thank god Janis: no one needs that ego boost Janis: fuming tbh Jimmy: Bobs made one at school Jimmy: guess who for Janis: Aww, bless him Janis: she does need that boost Janis: he gonna hand-deliver? Jimmy: He's insisting Jimmy: So be about Jimmy: You got one too Jimmy: moving in on my lass Janis: we in, have to kick the empty ice cream cartons out the way like but find us in front of bridget jones or similar Janis: i'm honoured like 😊 Jimmy: Yours is bigger but hers has more glitter Jimmy: Can't call a winner Janis: size matters Janis: #facts Janis: soz Gracie, gotta fight you or you'll get too comfy Jimmy: Just don't let her vlog it Jimmy: Don't need porno style #s going viral Janis: MY TWIN ATTACKED ME!?!?!?! (NOT CLICKBAIT) Jimmy: Haters, on this sacred day Jimmy: #savage Janis: Glad to keep her in #content Janis: who's the real ⭐ baby Jimmy: 🤩 Jimmy: Better than 💝 chocs Janis: the calories! 😱 Jimmy: who needs food when you can exist on ☕ and even hotter goss 💋 Janis: diet of champions that 🙄 Janis: mia be bullshitting them that she doesn't run on sheer cuntiness Jimmy: Mia? A bullshitter? 😲 Jimmy: Nope Janis: awks 😕 Janis: did you think you was forever? Jimmy: she was my fucking cinnamon apple Janis: 😂 Janis: at least i've got an excuse to fight her again Janis: try not to get in the way this time Jimmy: Will do Jimmy: 2nd rule of fight club, get out the way dickhead Janis: brad pitt in that film Janis: mwah 💋👌 Jimmy: Alright Jimmy: I got no retort because Helena, not the one like Janis: crazy bitch not your type, eh? Janis: think the masses would have to disagree 😏 Jimmy: Start a # or I'm not listening, sorry everyone Janis: he's a modern man Jimmy: 💪😎 Janis: wonder if anyone will get pregnant tonight Janis: wanna make a bet? Jimmy: yeah Jimmy: I'll put today's wage on it Jimmy: No tips Jimmy: Need them for our big 💕 plans Janis: alright, you're on Janis: here's hoping its only the tip for all the other lads like Jimmy: 😂 Jimmy: Walked into that one Janis: 💁 Janis: shame we're not a hardcore catholic school #upthebuttforjesus Jimmy: I'd have to pray meself if I'd made a bet under them conditions Janis: what can i say? just like me, showing faith in our peers Janis: ur so negative, babe Janis: like dem tests 🤞 Jimmy: don't need to be an optimist to wait for those positives Janis: we'll see Jimmy: what to I get when I win this one Jimmy: quite a streak now babe 😏 Janis: 😣 Janis: on the off chance you manage to scrape a win Janis: what do you want? Jimmy: 🤔 Jimmy: Escape route for longer than a night for starters Jimmy: Lovebirds doing my head in Jimmy: I'm thinking a weekend break that isn't #cursed like Janis: Always down for running Janis: up for it not being away from you this time 😉 Janis: bringing the kiddos or? Jimmy: Depends if they kick off Jimmy: Got time to work on bribes Jimmy: Dad's Valerie might wanna play happy families 😒 Janis: 😬 Janis: that'll be fun Janis: can't have you dealing with that Janis: at least their tales of woe whilst you were gone will be packed with that #scandal and #drama Jimmy: might be easier to take 'em amount of SOS's we'd get Jimmy: Cass blowing up both our phones before we're out the door Jimmy: fuck knows Janis: Eithers cool Janis: just leave the hardcore whips n chains at home like Jimmy: Damn Jimmy: Alright done Jimmy: If we stick 'em on their own does that make us the mccanns Janis: not if we don't drug 'em Janis: stick to sweets and other such bribes and we'll be alright Jimmy: Gonna be enough of a plan getting there without adding a murder cover up Janis: honestly Janis: not on the agenda Janis: not a nice pretty white doctor like, never getting away with it Jimmy: not the 💕 american films'd have you believe either I reckon Jimmy: Surrounded by a cloud of smoke already cheers don't need a hail of bullets Janis: yeah if #blacklivesmatter taught us anything Janis: not the ideal way to spend a weekend Janis: also, still creasing at her name Janis: such middle aged hot piece of ass vibes Jimmy: 😂 Jimmy: definitely can't promise you any of that Jimmy: but if you win, I'll 🚭 and hopefully run like less of a middle aged dickhead with a dad bod Jimmy: less of an evidence trail an' all Jimmy: win win Janis: whoa, that's awful big talk from the resident chimney Janis: you are sure you're gonna win 😉 Janis: but i accept the full Ts and Cs Janis: you should train with me Janis: not just an excuse to 👀 the dad bod Jimmy: Deal done then Jimmy: Trying to see me in my short shorts Jimmy: You'll have to catch me first like Janis: wouldn't even be fair to make it a competition like Jimmy: If you're too shit scared, mate Janis: just curious why you wanna lose so bad Janis: thinking you might love what punishment i have in mind? Jimmy: Wondering what it feels like 'cause it never happens Jimmy: You seem to be about it with all your repeats Janis: I'm going to enjoy making you suffer Jimmy: 😏 Jimmy: Gonna start a club with Mr Lucas? Janis: any time i get to spend with him like Janis: not like I wanna think up new cruel and unusual ways to get you but Janis: needs must Jimmy: 💕 cute Jimmy: I'd tell him to get his 🎻 out but we know what those hands are busy doing Janis: eurgh 😂 too far Janis: my 'rents reckon he's an actual predator, like, there are stories Janis: do not wanna commit so hard to this bit that I become his next victim forreal Jimmy: Not gonna happen babe 💪😎🐶 Jimmy: Squad got you covered Janis: My heroes 😍 Jimmy: If Twix isn't up to it my bae'll come through Jimmy: Named for it literally Janis: Reckon that was the idea Janis: or they were being ironic with it Janis: #sojokes Jimmy: either way I'll knock him out before its a drama Jimmy: as long as you don't get in my way naturally Janis: don't worry, got the sense I was born with 😜 Janis: dickhead Jimmy: Lucky you were born with it Jimmy: Some of us have neither Janis: 🎻 Janis: so what part of pretty woman you looking to recreate this time Janis: what's your artistic vision? 😏 Jimmy: I haven't seen it Jimmy: Bound to be an aesthetic montage though, isn't there? Janis: don't let my sister hear you Janis: roped into GIRLS NIGHT! before you know it Jimmy: Get the popcorn in Gracie, mine's salted Jimmy: Shout you a diet something if you keep the noise down, hun Janis: #romanticvdaynightplans Janis: i get why she got confused, you have #boundaryissues mate 😂 Jimmy: Living up to that dating a twin stereotype Jimmy: The people in my comment section DEMAND it, alright? Jimmy: #gottagiveemwhattheywant Janis: Nah, bitch, you can only play that if we're identical Janis: its not like whoops thought it was u Janis: on ANY level 😤 Jimmy: 😂 Jimmy: Oh shit the boss is the embodiment of that emoji Jimmy: Yours not mine Jimmy: Gonna have to get a room Jimmy: Ban him, that's not how I'm earning employee of the month perks, sorry lad Janis: Convenient 😒 Janis: lemme catch u in her inbox boi 🥊 Janis: jk, get to work slacker, catch you in a mo Jimmy: 🐊 Jimmy: In a bit 💕 Janis: 🖤