#not posting this to oc blog because it's sorta vent art

[c00kietin]

[pumpkizz]

Intro Post Because Yes

So like,, hi-

I’m Cappu, I go by they/them and I’m sorta just a gremlin lol

I like a lot of fandoms so this is sorta of a multi fandom blog mixed in with self insert stuff 😌

I’m 18 too soo,, yeah- anyone is welcomed to my blog tbh as long as you ain’t a pro shipper, a pedo, and all the other things that could get you a punch in the face-

Idk what else to say but i moved accounts from @theydrewfirst to here sooo 👌 I also draw, write and like, RP too

Oh yeah and these are my tags ig:

#simping hours (just me simping for certain characters ig)

#cappusocs (pretty self explanatory but my oc drawings and such)

#stfucappu (me rambling/venting or anything)

#cappuart (,,just my art ig lol)

That’s mostly it ig,, see you later lmaoo

[caspalooza]

2022 Art Summary & Reflection!

A proper blog post, this one! ;D I'll be talking your ear off about my art under the "keep reading" break, if you feel so inclined. Otherwise, please appreciate my 2022 art overview (ooooh. aaaah.)

So! 2022. Oh, 2022. Yeah, this year SUCKED! BIG TIME! Or at least, it sucked in terms of my, ahem, artistic journey (sparkle emoji). Graduating high school and stuff was cool. Anyways, I feel I should be unhappy about my art progress (or lack thereof), and I suppose to a certain extent I am, but at the same time I have a hard time blaming myself for this one. I had so, SO little energy this year, and almost any time I did have energy, I was weighed down by mental blocks, art blocks, creative blocks, you name it. Getting anything finished was very mentally draining, even more so because I wasn't getting any practice, meaning my art abilities weren't quite up to snuff, which discouraged me even more! In the past, whenever I've become discontented with my art, I've liked to do what I call BRUTE FORCING improvement!!! but I just didn't have the energy to do that at ALL this year. My main and possibly only consistent motivator for drawing was my oc, Jesper (this really was the year of Jesper for me, holy jeez!).

But right now, I'm thinking AHEAD! To the FUTURE, BABY! Because I REALLY want to make some progress by the end of 2023. Even though my rendering got a lot better in 2022, I improved pretty much NOT-AT-ALL when it came to the fundamentals. That bothers the HELL out of me and I want that to change next year. I can't describe how it is to SUFFER when I want to render something because it's fun, only to spend hours rendering GARBAGE and looking back at it 5 minutes later and realizing, "Hey wait a minute! That's GARBAGE!"

Lucky me, I'm in a pretty good state of mind about my art right now, and I feel myself fixating on it again (which is pretty good timing since I'm on winter break now). So here are my main improvement goals for 2023:

DRAW MORE and FINISH MORE ART, even if it's SHIT! Which is finally a realistic goal for me since I hate so much of my art that I'm highkey just desensitized to it at this point.

Pay WAY more attention to composition and use of negative space! And not just in color, which for some reason was what I thought negative space exclusively referred to until an embarrassingly short amount of time ago!

Similarly, pay much more attention to pose readability! These poses should be CRYSTAL!

Keep pushing expressions, not just in sketches but FINISHED ART!

And finally, I want to stop worrying so much about making finished art. I want to draw whatever the fuck I want even if that amounts to drawing a guy standing in the void 20 times in a row. If that's what I have energy for, that's what I have energy for! At least it's SOMETHING!

And of course I'd like to improve somewhat with proportions and anatomy and shading and such, but I'm not feeling the urge to focus too strongly on that stuff right now.

My relationship with my art is and has always been that I just want to get it to a point where I don't hate looking at it, because really the only reason I draw is because I either want to vent my love for something and/or because I like looking at my ocs. That's sorta why after improving so much in my first few years of learning to draw humans, I slowed down a ton. It wasn't out of laziness, I was just content, and why would I want to spend all my time and energy practicing when It was already good enough and I could just draw my ocs NOW! I have no professional aspirations for my art. My art's for me first, and I hope it stays that way.

That said, I'm hoping for a lot of changes in general in 2023, some of which aren't strictly related to the visual arts, necessarily! All my ocs and their lore are to be revamped (and some are in the process of it already) to recapture their original vibe which I have missed oh-so-much. I don't want to rush myself with that process, but once the ocs are all set and the basic lore is all set I would love to try making some short comics about them. I don't know if that'll happen this coming year, but it's something i'd like to work towards. I had actually already started working on a comic and had the first few pages thumbnailed before I realized I really, really didn't like the way some of my ocs were characterized. Like, I'm not suggesting they were PROBLEMATIC or something, they just didn't feel right. Like they weren't quite themselves anymore, and I had lost their essence. Also, it was probably a bit too ambitious for a first comic project, anyways. All's that to say, I've an interesting path in front of me! I hope to make some cool stuff this coming year, a healthy mix of epithet erased fan art and original content! And who KNOWS what other fandoms will destroy my life along the way!

[kaosketches]

This post is going to be lost in the sea of the reblogs from my main blog anyway, but it’s a bit of a vent post more than anything.

I am feeling conflicted at the time I’m writing this.

“Why am just using this sideblog right now and not when I supposed to, back when I created it 5 years ago”

Well... 5 years ago, I was in another place of my life. and the last two years of college were... quite a piece of work for me :/. I thought I would have time to develop some ideas around, some concepts I had... and while I did stuff, college was draining my creativity around (OH, and I did stuff... but writing was, I guess, more therapeutic than drawing). I don’t know. I barely remember lots of things I was doing in 2013.

And I always said to myself “I will come back to this eventually”. If anything is to go by, when I was checking my art tag, I realized that there was a HUGE time space between 2013 and 2015 when I started to do things again (and I dumped lots of things in March 2015). Sure, this was also because I was out of college, I mean, sure.

And it’s been 3 years since.

What was the point of updating this blog if I didn’t have stuff I considered to be good back then... and why I waited too LONG to do this. WELL...

I’m very bad at procrastinating. And lots of stuff have been on my head since 2015 (tons of personal stuff that I have detailed before in many of my rant/vent posts in my main blog... I don’t want to drag them here). the “One day I will eventually do this” was a bit of an afterthought.

And then... a few months ago I thought of something that was “this is it!”.

I don’t know if my OCs saved me... but it seems like it is. 

The whole thing about Ellie and Riley... and my sudden thoughts of “this might work as a big project for me” kinda... remotivated me? to look back to my art content from the past 3 years and say “wait, why I’m holding these just in my main Tumblr blog?” I have been posting things also in Twitter (not as frequent as I want to, but I will go later on this), and then it came back to me “why I haven’t crossposting stuff in DA, too? why I haven’t been doing that in this side blog as well?”

Like, I know DeviantArt is a hellhole of its own that has its fair (very fair) side of infamy... but at the same time, I could have a different audience that I barely have here in Tumblr (okay, I admit it’s also hard... -and I do fanart of fandoms that are incredibly niche and mostly dead by now- and things there are also not quite as easy... their tagging system also sucks, tbh... as long as I mention a searchable term in the submission’s description as LEAST I can bypass that). I just... have (doing atm) to revamp my account a bit. Because my art gets drowned in a tons of others’ art posts in Tumblr (or after a time, I cannot bump them again w/o audience’s interest... again, did I mention that most of my fandoms are pretty much dead by now?)

And so, I also thought of this sideblog. I went to change its URL just in case (because brand recognition, I guess?) and use the previous one for another (still sorta related to this blog and my main, but I need to put order in stuff first). But, yes.

The plan is, after being up to date in both here and my DA account, is start crossposting stuff EVERYWHERE at the same time. Higher chances are that I will start posting my art here first (unless fandom appreciation weeks happen? that’s where I’d use my main one), then in Twitter, and finally in DA.

My It All Started with an Ice Cream Float project will have a blog of its own (not sure if sideblog... or revamping a different account that I barely use since 2012) when I finally march on that later this year. Maybe. I’m not sure, yet.

...I’m basically kicking myself because “why I never did this before” :)

The prospect of doing this in fb would be a chaos of its own, so I decided that on that part (because local recognition also needs to be built), the only thing possible I should DO that (if fb doesn’t go down either, lmao) is just a fan page for my project, and MAYBE posting my newer art pieces - both fanart and original. I am not going to crosspost my 2014-2018 stuff there again. I thought it may be easier reblogging these pieces, but  what a huge mistake was that on my part, lmao.

[somniumcomics]

So heyaaa I’m gonna be Redesigning Goldy into an OC and maybe rebooting his blog to be original- And maybe redesign some other AU characters I haveeee

And maybe put my askblogs on hiatus because I start college for graphics design soon-

I guess I’ve been feeling really pressured to update my blogs- Kinda had an epiphany at work tonight that pretty much shook me good-   I’ve always wanted to be more original than just sticking my fingers in other shows and picking characters to twist around with- I’ve never taken the chance to be original, been stuck with AU’s for too long- Most of my life, really- It’s left an empty, incomplete feeling for too long- Like, my originality’s there in my askblogs stories, but it’s covered with the faces of characters that aren’t mine. And I can do so much more than AU’s-

Feibel and Zain, and Solace Resonance, pretty much my only original OC’s, have shown me that originality’s the path I should be taking more on. And I should be concentrating on college more so now-

So yeahhhhhhh

There’s a summary of my vent from Discord, and what’s gonna be happening with me, hhhah.. TvT

I mean I guess I can post my rant from my Discord server here too- It goes sorta more indepth than this?

Here it is if you guys want to read it:

---------------------------------------------------------------

Okay, so for the longest time, I've felt that there was something missing with my art. Every single update. Every single thing about my blogs and the characters. Everything.

And lately I've been drawn to Feibel and Zain, being pulled away from my blogs altogether. And tonight I figured out what the missing feeling was, the missing piece. The reason why I felt so drawn to Feibel and Zain, was because they were original.

I designed these two from scratch, and they're not just some knock-off of another person's creation. Granted, Feibel was inspired from Abel, but he looks different than him. He's completely original. One of my very few OC's. I've never really created OC's- I've always relied on other people's concepts of characters and making tweaks, making AU's of them.. Maybe making a fan OC from said show, but even that doesn't feel the same either..

So what I'm getting at, is that I've decided to become more original in my art. AU's are fun, and my originality is there. But it's hidden behind the faces of characters that someone else has created.

I can do so much more with my ideas, create characters and ideas straight from scratch- I've never really done it before starting with a blank slate, but gosh I have to start somewhere.. Reading that Fan-Policy from TheMeatly completely bugged me the entire night while at work. I was so worried about what I was going to do with Goldy. And it caused me to have the worst wave of migranes I've ever had, all of the many thoughts were popping up and everything.. I was literally arguing with myself mentally the entire night until my epiphany happened.

So- Goldy may become an OC, many of my other blog's characters may be turned into OC's- Or just left alone? I haven't decided. But this is the reason why I've felt like updating my blogs was a chore, it isn't healthy at all to have this pressure always on me to update- Especially if it's something that isn't entirely mine to begin with. (The characters.) I do still love Goldy- He'll still be an Ink God- He'll likely still be kept in personality and story-wise.  I'll just make him a non-Bendy toon. He needs a new name- Gold sounds nice- I've gotta think on it though..

I have a lot of thinking to do... But I just felt like venting this to you all because it involves you too... Since you're all fans of Goldy, and of my art in general... TvT

[zacfaq]

PLEASE DON’T SEND ME “PASS IT ON” MESSAGES !! as sweet as some of they are they can be really annoying. i don’t check my PMs here! if you need to get ahold of me either send me an ask, or email me.

apparently necessary reminder: google exists! i’m not a know-it-all source, honestly i shouldn’t even be your second plan after google unless it’s a question specifically based on me or something relating to me

i try to avoid fandom drama as much as possible and keep a generally positive space, so please don’t come and ask me about stuff like that. thanks. 

if you want to commission me please send an email to zacharyjackbaron@gmail.com. do not email me through this address if your intentions are purely social and not work related

-what do you use to record and edit your speedpaints?

i use OBS to record, and edit in sony vegas

-what do you use to draw?

huion gt-191 and clip studio paint

-what are your pen settings?

just the default settings. all my custom stuff/things i’ve downloaded from CSP assets are just things i think look neat but probably never end up using. 

-a blog called papersans is claiming to be you! are they a thief?

that’s literally me, i use it to archive my art so i can find stuff easier without having to hunt through my tag. also available for people who just want to see my art n not my other posts

-when is your birthday?

february 6th!

-what is your sexuality?

gay. i like men.

-how long does it take you to draw?

idk like. awhile? sometimes 45 minutes sometimes four hours sometimes a week. 

-can i draw you/your ocs?

of course! pls show me after it would make me very happy !!!!! 

-favourite band/singer/musician?

i don’t know a damn thing about myself here’s a spotify playlist

https://open.spotify.com/playlist/0Zk5o5g7nMnGt0vrJVEcDq?si=7cd248a0b64046ee

-will you do art for cheap/free?

nah. art is currently the only job/income i have, if ur interested in commissioning me you can either find my prices on like, any of my pages, but if not ur more than welcome to email me @ zacharyjackbaron@gmail.com and i can give you prices there !! -(venting or something involving abuse, suicidal thoughts, self harm, bullying, eating disorders, or other similar things in real life situations. even in fiction i’m iffy.)

i hate to sound rude or not be of help, but please don’t send these messages to me. they send me into horrible anxiety  for several personal reasons. if you’re having such negative thoughts i implore you to speak to someone you trust without an anonymous mask, or do your best to seek help from a professional. i have my own things to worry about and as much as i’d like to help, i simply can’t.

-(asking for advice that isn’t related to art)

i would love to help but i’m not an ~all knowing source~. i can’t give you tips for school. i can’t give you tips for life. not only will i probably not know a solution for you but there’s likely a chance i’m in just as bad a situation as you/going through the same problem, as silent as i am about my personal life. also don’t use ‘asking for advice’ as an excuse to vent about things or to send me a paragraph describing in depth something listed above/that’s potentially triggering. thank you.

even if you’re looking fr art tips i’m not a great source i’m still learning, ur best bet is looking for already existing sources and reading through those bc i don’t preach the word of Art God. i’m also awful at explaining things

-why didn’t you answer my ask?

Main reason is i’m just really really bad at socializing, so it’s not anything on u. i’m almost always low on energy and when i do talk to people it wears me out really quick. i’m also just. not gr8 at talking in general so if i can’t think of a reply i tend to just leave things n then end up forgetting about them

-how do you draw [blank]?

honestly my art style is such a fucked up thing that’s so personalized to my own use i can’t do or make tutorials. the best i can do is direct you to my youtube.

-can we do an art trade?

sorry, i’ll have to say no. i’m not necessarily busy but i get stressed very easily, so i try to keep my art to either personal stuff or work ! if you would like art from me, please considering commissioning me! mutuals and friends may be the exceptions here if they catch me at a good time or we make plans well ahead to do smth when we’re both free to work on stuff

-can we be friends?

please don’t ask this. i’m awful enough at socialization as is and i just don’t fit well with most personality types. not to mention this is just overall a bad question. it backs the person being asked into a corner where they either have to say “yes” and end up in a friendship that actually isn’t working out and is maybe only good for one side bc they’re getting any and all of the benefits, and if they say “no” they look like a total dick bag and come across as an ass. don’t ask this question. it’s not how socializing works. it’s not how friendships work. thanks. -can you tag [blank]? unfortunately i’ve been a real bad place in terms of memory so i can’t tag tons and tons of things. i try and tag more general/basic things but i’m sorry i’ll have to pass on specifics. if i post or reblog things that trigger u or harm you it might be best to unfollow for ur own safety!! very sorry

if it’s specific words you’d like tagged please consider blacklisting the word itself. 

-how tall are you?

i’m 5'11".

-can you promo me?

i’d rather not, doesn’t sit well with me. if you have a commission post you want me to reblog i’m happy to! but i won’t just do text based handouts, y’know? not a fan of being used for visibility for no reason, and chances are if i do it for one person it’ll happen with hundreds of others and i don’t want my blog to turn into a free advertisement zone that just floods peoples’ feeds with promotions.

-you reblogged something from someone extremely problematic/unsafe

thank you for letting me know! tell me what it is they did, even better offer proof on it. i’ll likely delete the post and blacklist their url to hopefully prevent their name popping up on my blog in the future. i won’t publish these asks mostly to avoid discourse or in the event false information is provided. sorta just safety precaution i guess

-you’ve done something bad

again, thank you for letting me know! if i post or say something questionable please feel free to message me and i’ll try my best to address the issue and adjust accordingly. i’m aiming to grow as a person so critique is welcome, both on me and my artwork. don’t just come up and call me an asshole or a prick or something, actually point out the errors and explain why they’re wrong so i can better understand and it doesn’t just turn into a defensive round of who’s worse, because i tend to be a very defensive person.

-i think someone is stealing/reposting your art!

thank you very much for telling me! don’t message them right off the bat, come to me first and i will deal with it. i’ve dealt with this shit tons of times and it’s tiring as fuck but i’d rather repeat the same stupid civil message over and over again than start a giant calamity over something and end up with someone getting hurt. if you do get involved please stay polite about it don’t throw insults just a simple “hey this art was done by princeofmints/tv-headache/zachary jack/dirtypip/(etc my other account names) and he doesn’t want his art reposted, please take this down or add proper credit.”

-can i use your art as an icon?

sure man. only on places like instagram, tumblr, or twitter though, and proper credit in an easy to see place must be given. if a piece of art is of my ocs or especially vent art though never use it for icons. thank you.

-can i repost your art?

the answer is “no” but i know you’re going to do it anyways. easy to see credit is mandatory. if you see somebody reposting my art please let me know and i’ll talk to them. if you want to use my art in things like image edits, i don’t allow that. want to use my art in a video? if it’s something like an AMV sure fine just credit me and inform me beforehand, if it’s something like a cringe/comparison video. no. i don’t want any association with work like that whatsoever. you may not use my artwork for fanfic covers.

-can i colour/finish one of your sketches?

no. even if you don’t intend on posting it. 

-what is [insert some form of media/fandom]

https://www.google.ca/

-why do you have an entirely separate blog for your FAQ? you know you can make blog pages, right?

i’m well aware of that and originally my faq WAS set up on a blog page, but unfortunately many folks proved to be either lazy or just couldn’t figure out how to get to a blog page on mobile so i had to set it up this way for accessibility purposes.

-tons of your videos are gone, what happened to them? will they come back? can you repost them?

i set old videos on private for my own sake, i don’t like having my old content available bc it just looks old and stale and i don’t like it. there’s nothing deep about it, i just don’t want people interacting with my old stuff. as deep is it gets is i just deleted videos related to fandoms i’m sick of bc the association is fuckin annoying. these videos will not come back into public. i do keep them posted for my own reflection sake, but that’s it. don’t ask me to bring them back. don’t whine about me not putting shit back out just bc ur a little sad n gonna cry. guilting people is gross, reevaluate yourself.

if you want a song from an old video, just ask me! I’ll happily let you know what the music is in case u liked ‘em and can’t remember the titles or artists. i’ve also got a playlist full of the music i listen to so u can comb through there n see if the songs u want are there

[syntymatitahna]

Just idk venting and ordering my thoughts don’t mind me. S pls don’t interact with this post if you’re still lurking thx (it’s sorta stressful)

In a way I find it kind of funny that billdip would be the dealbreaker ship because, yeah, Dipper was 12 for most of the series but like… He wasn’t introduced to me as a 12yo. And this former friend knows this, probably doesn’t remember though.

(I mean the point still stands that I don’t really find shipping billdip or the like to be like all that morally reprehensible anyway even if i totally understand why ppl would be uncomfy with it and they’re absolutely allowed to be and choose their company accordingly)

But yeah, she knows, maybe doesn’t remember, that I read a bunch of billdip fic before ever watching the series. I don’t think I even looked the characters up first.

Like I was hanging on IMVU and got to talking with some guy who mentioned shipping billdip, talked about it a bit and linked some aged up shipping art

And I was like “lol that seems like something I could dig”

And I guess it was a while later that I was bored enough to go looking for fic.

I didn’t watch GF until I started thinking that I really wanted to know the backstory, I believe. By that time I’d already read several fics.

So yeah. But idk. It’s true that I don’t find whatever like sebaciel shipping or something, especially morally objectionable? But also, I don’t care about ships with like preteens – I mean this in the sense of, I’m not interested in them in a way that when I hear about one I get curious. I’ve seen sebaciel and ereri and stuff like that mentioned a lot in tags in ship hate and ship posi posts due to having hanged out in the billdip tag a lot when i was actively shipping it, but i barely even know what they are… Like… Is sebaciel from that black butler show? And ereri is from snk i think? Maybe???

So i think it’s entirely possible that if I had seen GF before reading fic I wouldn’t have shipped it.

However… It’s also entirely possible that I would have shipped it even seeing the show first! I mean honestly… Bill is so fucking juvenile… And small… And not an adult human (or near-human? humanoid? organic humanoid? I’m not sure where the “too close” line goes for me but Bill’s a fucjing triangle that’s definitely far enough)… Like… It’s a bit like how I can ship Bob/Sunstreaker even tho it’s technically bestiality and if they were a human and the human’s pet instead of robots I’m pretty fucking sure shipping them wouldn’t even cross my mind lmao

But if someone else is shipping like sebaciel, my view on it is still “you do you, I don’t really care”. I just don’t give enough of a damn to really be bothered. Presuming the shippers really do have pedophilic feelings, shipping sebaciel is still the better option. So I don’t care.

Like, urrh, yes a child predator could use something like that to groom a child but not having skeevy shipping content doesn’t mean they’re out of means. It just means others might be out of less harmful outlets? I doubt all shippers who don’t age up are pedos anyway, just like not all incest shippers feel incestuous desire. (By far, probably.)

I don’t even get where in the tits the assumption that i’d involve myself with pedos even comes from like thanks for the vote of trust, seems like i really am untrustworthy because it always comes down to people being incapable of giving me the benefit of the doubt and taking things I say and reblog in good faith.

Not that it really surprises me. I know I’m unreliable so *shrug emoji*

It was the same last time, with, let’s just call him V. “I’m gonna give you the chance to explain yourself!” Fuck that, I shouldn’t have to constantly defend myself to you just because you have no faith in me. That’s not my problem. The whole situation was stressing me the fuck out. So while I could have explained, I refused to. And that was the end of that, more or less. I’m still somewhat salty about it all, clearly.

This is why I said Kitty is one of the best people I’ve had the privilege of meeting. She doesn’t make me feel like I’m friends with a fucking district attorney.

During the last year I’ve, honestly, started to think I’d like to contact V again, but I still have too much strong negative feelings about a lot of things so it’s better I don’t. Maybe in a couple years. I mean, I feel better about it all now even tho I’m still salty. So maybe in a couple years it’ll be fine. We’ll see.

I miss brainstorming with him. It was the best thing, and he got so into shipping my OCs too (or at least gave me that impression) and it’s still something that makes me feel confident in having fun with my characters even if some people would think they’re mary sues.

So yeah, uh, very mixed feelings about that lmao.

Siiiigh. Honestly the probably worst (or best?) thing is that every time this happens (a friendship breakup that wasn’t because of the other being super racist or ableist or just generally a shitty FUCK) I realise that I have in the past done the same thing that this time was the problem (for me).

With Mely I constantly hassled her about what she posted and reblogged. It wasn’t that I didn’t have faith in her, it was that she wasn’t as SJ-y as I was and it showed sometimes because she said things that I thought were just SJ 101 Things You Shouldn’t Say, Or Even Think, Really (lol). But I still hassled her constantly, which I can imagine was very stressful. It’s no wonder we drifted apart and she eventually just stopped talking with me.

And over the last few days I realised that I was very judgemental-like over one thing V liked, and it seemed to be important to him, like shipping is to me. Well… At least I’m learning.

I really should take the matter up with someone whose opinions on the thing V liked have more value than mine, really figure out where the issue lies. I can’t really think it’s inherently bad, it would wipe away too many things that seem quite harmless? Not that I think liking it is morally reprehensible anyway, just that some aspects are problematic (‘have problems’). But the way I see it it’s more the terminology than necessarily the trope itself? Like, the terminology thing seems pretty straightforward.

But yeah I should take myself by the nape and stop being a damn wuss. So what if I get a pissy response or get called a freak again. That just comes with the territory, I guess. I just kinda wish I could use a sideblog for sending asks rather than my main, because if the blogger sets the table for recreational bullies like wwc and that other blog the name of which i forgot did, i’d really rather it wasn’t my main they’d come to. This blog is too personal. Suppose that’s my mistake for making my main my personal.

Or for having an about like that.