#not my fault I've been abused and neglected and forced to live isolated in my own mind
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#tag talk#I think I have a secret third identity which is “I never asked for any of this shit”#and they really just exist online like right now when I have no better way to express myself#conscientious objector#anyway I finally did a full shower and I'm dysphoric as hell and dissociating so fucking bad oughhfghtggggg I kinda wish I were dead but#but I'm so far past the point in my life where dying was an option so I'm stuck like this#two or three wildly broken identities in a fucking trench coat that fits all wrong#I'm stuck like this and I don't have an out I just wish I weren't like this I wish I weren't like this I wish I weren't like this#next year I really need to push for surgery because my current insurance sucks and I had the chance to pick a good one and I fucked up#so I'm stuck like this until next year cause I'm unguided. I was gonna say stupid but that's not true. I don't know what I'm doing but#but that's not stupidity. it's not my fault I'm doing this alone without the support I should have had my whole life#not my fault I've been abused and neglected and forced to live isolated in my own mind#it's not my fault it's not my fault it's not my fucking fault#but I will live. I will grab this life and hold onto it and force it to bend to my will#I am strong and I will survive and I will find happiness and if there's none to find I will craft it with my own spirit#I refuse to break again.
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