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ketso · 2 years ago

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Episode 13

I am waking up in my upmarket stylish pent suite in Sandton – within the most expensive square meter in Africa. I could honestly get used to this life. I mean... wow!

My daughter is now living with her husband. I still have casual sex with her father. I am driving a Ferrari and a Bentley. I am living it up! Suddenly, all those years behind bars were worth it!

I am making my way to Tholoana Kingdom today. I want in on some critical projects of the church. I'm thankful for the legal church that Laura and her family are running, but I'm ready for real work. I am meeting up with Thabi Mohale, Ona Mohale and Khotso Mohale. I'm sure Maboko Seete will be there too, but with him, all I can do is just look at him. I can't touch. I can't even let him touch. So, I'll dress in something nice so that him and I enjoy looking at each other.

I take a bath, lotion myself and dress up like the real Maphuthi Ngwenya. My bags are packed so all I do is just leave. I'll have breakfast when I land in the kingdom. I don't want to miss my flight.

As I drive out in my 2-door Bentley Continental GT Sport Coupe, I dial my daughter to check in on her. Only Thandeka the ex-wife needs Nathi to buy her cars and houses. Me… I’ve only ever wanted sex from that man.

"Hey mommy", she answers her phone.

"Sthandwa sami, kunjani?"

"I'm good. I'm still asleep. Why are you awake so early in the morning?"

"I'm going on a business trip, baby. My flight is in the next hour, so I want to beat traffic and make it there on time."

"Oh okay. Ubuya nini?" She asks me.

"Probably tomorrow. Why?"

"Senzi invited his parents over ukuvula indlu and ukuyithandazela. I was hoping that you, dad and Khanya would also come. Khanya and dad have confirmed. Khosini is still annoyed that it's you that is coming and not his mother. So, he won't be here. Will you be able to come?"

"Of course I'll be there, baby. I'd cancel my trip if you even told me it's today. Just text me all the details. Ngizofika." I say.

"Thanks mommy. Well, enjoy your trip and I'll see you tomorrow", she says.

"Thanks baby. I love you."

"Love you, mommy."

We hang up.

It feels good to be her mother. I know it's late. I know it's missing the building blocks. But I'm glad she's letting me in anyway. I'm happy that there's enough room for me and Thandeka in her life. I'm thankful that when only one of us can come to something, she chooses me.

My flight was good. I flew first class. Economy class sometimes gives me the hibijibies of prison. There's too many of us in one space. When I land in the kingdom, Khotso and Ona Mohale are the ones waiting to pick me up. Khotso is the one looking at me like a snack. I smile at him too. Yes, he can definitely have me. By the way, he's the single twin brother now. His wife, Remo, divorced him because he cheated with some soccer player's widow. Then he tried to marry that girl, but things didn't work out because Remo threatened that girl to the core. Apparently, she went madhouse on her... stalking her, moving shit in her house then hiding, messing with the breaks of her car and causing the poor girl to use taxis because she no longer trusted cars after accidents caused by that lunatic, driving her into a mental institution even. Lol! Remo made the side-bitch pay for the role she played in ruining her marriage. And when that Ndalo girl was threatened by social services to have her kids taken from her because of her being so unstable, she dropped Khotso and told him he wasn't worth it. So, the Mohale chief leader is single!

"Gentlemen", I greet them.

Some men-in-black creeps who are apparently the Mohale security take my bags.

Ona greets me with a handshake and smile. Professional, okay.

Khotso hugs and lays a kiss on my cheek. But it's that hug man... you know that hug that tells you that there will be more fraternising as the day goes on... I hug him back and even brush myself slightly past his penis. He holds me tighter. I think the deal is done.

"You look good", Khotso tells me.

"So do you", me.

"That means I look good too. We are identical twins", Ona says.

"Yeah, but you have two wives to tell you that", I say.

Khotso laughs. He still has his arms around me.

Ona looks at us, shakes his head then says, "We need to get going. You can fuck each other later."

I ride in their Maybach with them. They are both busy on their phones and tablets. So, I switch on my phone and check my messages. I have a few work emails that I reply to. I don't understand how a church can be run this corporate. I'd be keen to know if these people even pay tax. I should actually ask Laura. When I'm done replying to work emails, I check my text messages. Wandi has left me the details of her lunch what-what that she's planning. I reply and confirm, yet again, that I'll be there. She sends me smiley faces and asks me if I've arrived in the kingdom.

"Yeah. Just headed to my hotel now", I reply to the text.

"Senzi's mom wants me to work in her office now that I'm marrying Senzi. Apparently, I have to be close to the first lady. I told her I'd work in your office instead. She's giving me hell and Senzi says he's not getting involved. He knows his mother doesn't like me. Why would anyone want me to work with her?" Her text message.

"Don't worry, baby. I'll sort it out. You'll work in my office." I reply via text.

"Thanks mommy. Enjoy your trip." Her.

I send her kisses.

We arrive at the Royal house.

"I thought I was staying at a hotel", I say.

"Why? We have enough room here." Khotso says.

"And we are just on time for breakfast. Everyone is waiting for us", Ona.

Who the hell is everyone?!

I am led to the dining table. Ja, everyone is here. Ona's two wives are here. Ona's twins and their wives. Ona's other four kids are here - including Thandeka's child - are all here. Khotso's two kids are here too. Then the grandkids are here too. This is a big table. And there's just a lot going on. The queen-mother passed away, so she's the only missing person at this table. Ona and Khotso did not take her death well at all, but everyone says that they took it better than they took King Mohato Mohale's death. But at least the queen-mother is now reunited with her man.

We are already digging into the breakfast and the table is very chatty.

"Aus'Phuthi", a child calls me.

I look up from my plate. It's Khotso's daughter, Rena.

"Yes?" Me.

"Do you have any children?" She asks me. But she's smiling at me. I heard she doesn't like anyone. I heard she's a bit of an ice queen.

"I do. I have one child. A daughter. But she's all grown up and married now." I say.

"I see. Do you miss her?" She asks me.

I look around the table. All the adults are observing us carefully. Khotso is even smiling at us.

"I get to see her every day, so at least she's still in my life. Plus, I didn't lose her. I gained a son too. So now I have two kids." I say.

"Is that how it works? So if I get married, my dad would gain a son and not necessarily lose a daughter? I thought getting married meant leaving behind your family and focusing on your new family", she says.

Yoh, this kid's questions. At breakfast vele? Her brain is this active so early in the morning?

"I'm not allowing anyone to take you away from me, baby girl." Khotso rescues me a bit.

"So, my husband would become Mr Mohale?"

We all choke on our food a bit.

"Did someone ask you to marry them, Lefatselabarena?" Ona enquires.

"Not really", she says.

"Not really?!" Khotso and Ona both say.

Ja no, this conversation.

"Someone tried. But he's not worth it. So, I'm not interested." She says.

Ona and Khotso look at each other. This child is a teenager. Khotso has told me that she is in grade eleven and is nervous about how she will be when she is in matric. He keeps telling me he was wild in matric to a point where a fellow matric student passed away at a weekend away where they were celebrating their eighteenth birthday. So he isn’t entirely excited about Rena turning eighteen or going to matric.

"Aus'Phuthi, have you ever been married before?" Moloko asks me. He's Khotso's son.

Yerrr!

"No, I haven't." Me.

"Would you ever consider getting married?" Moloko asks me.

I take a deep breath and say, "Probably not."

"Not even to our dad?" Moloko.

Now I seriously choke on my food. These kids stare at me, waiting for their answer. I'm just drinking water and trying to get the food to go down the right pipe.

"Well, we think that you are pretty and we think that you are cool. We wouldn't mind if you married our dad", Rena says.

I'm still coughing on the food I'm choking on.

Yoh!

Ona and Khotso set me up! I should’ve gone to that hotel.

…

We are in Shaka's office now. The pope. Maboko Seete is here. But he's son is here with him. They look like brothers. Zithulele is also here with his two sons. The Mohales are here with their boys. I notice that Reahile is very close to Khotso – much closer than what he is to Ona… and he’s biologically Ona’s. But I have also been told that Reahile just chose Khotso to be his father and Khotso is the one who has been raising him. Ona has tried to bring him closer, even letting Reahile stay with his second wife. But apparently, the minute that Khotso settles with a stable woman – stable enough to even live with Rena and Moloko – Reahile will move into that house with his wife and kids. I feel for Ona a bit. I’d die if Wandi chose another woman over me to be her mother. But bonds are bonds I suppose.

Thabi is here so I don't feel as singled out as I would have been had I been the only woman here.

Shaka finally walks in with his son, Ntuthuko.

"Sorry to keep you waiting", he says as he walks in.

We are all silent.

"Phuthi, welcome." Shaka says.

I nod my head.

"We heard your cry about wanting to be more involved in the church. We had you running mines before you did time. You are good at the corporate face of things. The crime side of things requires a lot of training. And right now, we don't have time." Shaka says.

I don't say anything. I'm slightly annoyed though.

"But I do understand your frustration of working at that church under Laura. Mining is dangerous for you right now. Putting you back there would attract more cops for you, and that's not good for us. I'm thinking a hospital", he says.

We are all a bit confused.

"I'm not a doctor, though". Me.

"You will be managing a hospital that we will be building. It would even make our organ trading a lot easier. Thabi will help you", Shaka says.

"I'm a queen. I can't be -

She's silent now. Everyone is staring at her.

"Will you be able to move to the kingdom? Permanently." Shaka asks me.

I was loving being close to my daughter. But I guess she can always visit.

"Sure", I say.

He nods his head then moves on to the next thing on the agenda. Thabi is not happy at all. At all.

We finish the meeting after about three hours. Then people leave the office. I just want to go and sleep. But the Mohales are my ride. Fortunately, we are driving back to the royal house. I'm dropped off at the guests' wing then they proceed with whatever business that they have for the day.

I spent the afternoon enjoying a nice long bath, romancing myself really with candles as I lotioned myself and dressed up in a cute dress.

There's a TV in here, so I find myself putting on some movie. I don't even make it past twenty minutes. I pass out.

I am woken by a presence hovering over me. It unsettles me because it instantly reminds me of prison. I count to ten before I open my eyes. I'm reminding myself that I'm not there anymore. I don't have to jump out of bed and immediately defend myself so I live another day. I turn around gently then open my eyes.

"Hi", Rena says to me waving her hand at me.

This child.

"Hello", Moloko says. He's even sitting on the bed.

These kids need to learn a thing or two about manners. I mean REALLY!

"We thought we would come and sit with you", Rena says.

I force a smile on my face. What I want to do is tell them to get the fuck out of here so I can sleep.

"We really like you. So, we want to hang out with you", Moloko says.

Gold star for me I suppose.

I sit up and pay them some attention.

"How has your day been?" I ask them.

"It was okay. I got 97 percent for my advanced programming mathematics test, so I'm excited. That thing has made me cry real tears in the past. Before this test, I was two marks away from beating the child that is first in our grade for the term. Now I caught up and I'm number one in my grade! My best friend, Ruri, is number two. But she's number one in English and Social Sciences. Oh, and design. But she has an unfair advantage. She's already a designer. She and her mom have a shop together. I wish my mother were still here", ja, Rena can TALK!

Lord, give me strength.

"You miss your mom, huh?" Me.

She nods her head, feeling so sad all of a sudden.

"I love my dad very much. But sometimes, I wish he could marry someone who at least has a clue. Someone like you." Rena.

She's starting. Moloko has just taken over the TV.

"Have you ever told him that?" I ask Rena.

"All the time. But you know papa. No one tells him what to do with his penis." She says, catching me completely off-guard and I choke on my spit. How old is this child again?

"You need to stop coughing so much", she says to me.

I make some space on the bed for her to climb in. She smiles at me then climbs in.

"So tell me, how can I do some of the things that you'd want to do with your mommy? I know I could never replace her. And I don't want to. But how can you and I have special things that we do together?" I ask her.

She cuddles up to me with excitement.

"You can tell me what the secret is to stay clean when I'm on my period. My teacher taught me how to use a sanitary towel. I didn't even tell my dad that I had started my period." She says.

This breaks my heart.

I wasn't even there for Wandi.

It's sad really. My baby and Rena grew up without mothers. But Rena's mother is a better woman than I am. She passed away. I was alive and still couldn't be there for my only child.

"You know what, I can do that. In fact, twice every month, I'll make sure that we have girls' weekend. Then we can chat and I can just be there for whatever you need... even if I'm not with your dad. Would that be okay?" Me.

"YEEEEEESSSSS!" She screams and says.

I laugh and hug her. She has a very playful spirit and a child-like excitement about her. I don’t think she will be an eighteen-year-old nightmare. I think Khotso can relax a bit. Rena is one of the good ones.

Khotso walks into the bedroom. Yeah, the kids left my door open.

"I hope they are not bothering you", Khotso says. Actually, they woke me up from some really great sleep, dude!

"Papa, Aus'Phuthi will be taking me on girls' weekends every month", Rena says.

Khotso smiles then says, "Really? So, when will she be spending time with me?"

"She said she doesn't need to be with you to do fun girl stuff with me", Rena.

"Oh really? But she's my friend. You are stealing her from me?" Khotso.

"Yep. Me and Moloko. I'm going to do mommy and daughter things with Aus'Phuthi now... like Ruri does with her mommy." Rena says.

Khotso and I look at each other. You can just see that a part of him is still in pain.

"I'm happy for you, baby girl", Khotso says.

"Loko, come on. Let's go get a snack. Daddy want to ask Aus'Phuthi to be his girlfriend", Rena says. I'll probably never get used to Rena's tongue. Like ever.

"Oooooohhhhh la la", Moloko says.

We all laugh then the kids leave, leaving just Khotso and I alone.

"You know, I'm going to fuck you. There's no need for you to suck up to my kids", he says.

"Wow! Now I see where Rena gets that mouth from." I say.

We both laugh.

He climbs on the bed and lies does next to me, putting his head on my lap now that I'm sitting up.

"She also told me that she wishes that you could marry someone who actually has a clue", I say.

"Yep, that's definitely something that came out of the mouth of Lefatselabarena Mohale." He says and we laugh.

"What broke my heart though is her saying that some girl that's her friend has an unfair advantage at one of the subjects at school because she has a mother." I say.

His face also drops.

"She told me her teacher taught her how to use a sanitary towel when she started her period", I continue.

He tenses up.

"You know, my daughter grew up without me too. She was a few days old when I went inside. I came out, she was seven. I went back in before she was even eight. I was never there. Rena's mom is a better woman than me. She passed on. She genuinely couldn't be there. I was alive and she grew up without a mother. She was raped. She was abused. She was moved from house to house every time Nathi's wife didn't feel like having her around. I failed her. I'm a bad mother. I'll never have any of those years back. And I know I'll never make up for it by being there for Rena... I'll probably never even let go of the guilt I feel inside of me for not being there for Wandisa. But, I'll do my best with your daughter - regardless of what happens between you and me."

He holds my hand.

I didn't realise that I was crying.

"You are a brilliant mother", he says.

I don't believe him.

"You were in jail, yes. But I remember a large portion of money from the church paying for some expensive boarding school for your kid because you blackmailed a shit load of people into making sure that your daughter was okay. There's a whole trust set up for her that you said you'd gift her when she goes to university".

I laugh and say, "then she chose to not go to university. I don't know what to do with that money now."

"The bottom line is that even from behind bars, you were a mother. You ordered hits on every man that touched her. You are not the ordinary mother, yes. But you are a mother. A damn good one. And she knows it. That's why she goes above and beyond to "tefa" now that you are around." He says.

I smile at him.

"Thank you", I say.

"Can we fuck now?" Him.

I just burst into laughter.

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beansnpeets · 2 years ago

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Idk if it's the crappy weather we've been having the last couple weeks or if it's just me, but I have just not been feeling good. Like I generally don't anyway tbh, but I've been really blue.

I feel very trapped rn. I'm relying on Jon for support and I don't feel like I'm able to contribute enough. There's an uncomfortable power imbalance between us right now. When I ordered that new treat pouch and a couple other things for the dogs Jon was mad that I was spending money on "stuff we don't need". Jon's the kind of guy that only spends money on something if it will in turn make him some money. He never goes out and buys himself anything as a treat, just to enjoy. Even his fancy Japanese car, he only bought it because he can resell it for more than he paid, even though it was supposed to be a special treat for himself. Now he is trying to get insurance to write it off because he hit a skunk and damaged the bumper and he doesn't care if they fix it, he actually wants it written off because it'll make him more than he paid for it in the first place. The only thing he cares about is making money and he gets upset when I spend money on stuff that isn't going to make me any. I care much less about making money and much more about actually enjoying my life. I don't wanna scrape and save every single penny forever and only buy bare minimum. That's miserable. I spend money on things that bring me joy, not cash. Jon doesn't buy anything for himself. Ever. He doesn't even go out and buy new boots and socks and shoes when he needs them. He lets other people gift him stuff before he buys it himself. He will literally walk around with holes in his work boots before he goes out and buys another pair. It's infuriating.

I'm just so tired of having to justify every purchase I make. Like I wanted a new treat pouch because I wanted a nicer one than what I have. It wasn't expensive, it was $25. Sprocket needed a new toy so I ordered her a nylabone. Oscar needed a soft crate to sleep in at night because if the cats step on him on the bed at night he gets grouchy. Sure, I didn't need the treat pouch, but I'd argue that the other 2 items I do need. And I got my tax return as well as my first cheque from my job. I know Jon's been paying for all our living expenses for a while now, but we needed these things and I wasn't going to ask him for money since that's all he complains about. Idk I'm just frustrated with this.

And I need a job so I can contribute and not feel like a freeloading loser, but I can't work a full time job AND keep up with housework. I literally can't. Every time I am working full time, no matter if it's physically demanding or not, I come home too exhausted to do anything else. Including things I enjoy doing.

I had a meltdown the other day and told him that he needs to be prepared to accept that this may be as good as it gets for me. And if he can't then our relationship won't work out. I am exhausted all of the time. I can't get shit done. I struggle to keep the house clean even when I'm not working. And even if I can get my doctor to say that yes I am disabled, I don't qualify for government assistance. Solely for the fact that I am living common law with my partner and my partner would not qualify. So either I stay and be a burden or I leave and live on government assistance.

This economy and this society that we have created around us is so frustrating to live in when you're poor. I didn't think it would be this impossible to get by. I've never had to struggle this hard before. I am incredibly unhappy with my life right now and I don't know how to change anything. It doesn't feel like there is any path for me to go down. I've hit the end. There is nowhere to go from here.

#personal #more poor person complaining dw about me

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serak-sarak-meta-sarahk · 3 years ago

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The other thing I found to be really cool while the economy evolved to anti trafficking regulations:

You can also form your fashion or sectors of your sports to brands who just didn't.

I had a big self bought Speedo and Billabong of all brands solo phase buying the brand.

I even had a big self bought day for self when I was trying to turn potential going out items or before work activities to anti trafficking stance sayers and got Speedo activities time while my former sport entered lawsuits. Speedo, having visited their office sets up the actual organization traffick in office to be anti trafficking as a brand. In history, they did get attacked as a brand when they didn't even push it on others and sold to all.

So I went into stores and researched and bought it on the consumer side as one boredom project. Then used it at my university as a non athlete. Who knows, their brand was actually so cool how their office worked anti trafficking.

It seemed so cool official credentials job for when they let people tour it.

So then as my sport entered lawsuits time seeming possibly, I had already said speedo never assaulted me. Their ads are more funny snd body positive focused and thats how their office is.

It felt good to be able to make that stance about a brand during a time. How I could within a sport say anti trafficking to their reps and be pushed that way

Being told food groups to focus on. The Speedo reps would even tell you show sets they knew that didn't in the filming process to form to more so instead at the need your presenting for anti trafficking.

So then even I could form my school learnings and wear choices and ideas of boredom cures instead of bull sitting my anger at people and how they act about the opportunity or what was white priviledge about it or the push to love boys like that for networking.

I really liked the option for little self avenues that ignored that there was the idea of a divide or a challendge between different types of women.

This was more so from actions I took my freshman year ending in one brand offering me an ambassadorship that I thought I'd stick with with how I personally thought my freshman year went with the FBI ideas from when I would talk to them or ask them about things. And maybe if I stick with this brand and working out type for working out just to have something extra to do, it will be good.

Random cspan blips at diners or house floor blip walk by streams really helped this idea seem legit. Like I wasn't committing to some illogical business model. Then it felt more job-ey even more.

Or even that Madam Secretary show. If I ever caught an out review if it, they even review that one on mall TVs into when i was in college, I was like I can just say I'm fan girling that show. With the vibe of that show on reviews.

The show just kind of repeats the house and scary movie vibes of the 2013 times anyways. So then I could stick with it more. The model of business I chose or just wearing the clothes at this point. And just kind of sit on it that the model wasn't weird.

It was a model I had seen or bought small type product ideas from that i was not wearing all the time and people would get excited over the idea of the model. When explained in full brand name entry convo start if it even gets that far because then it gets boring for the person asking.

Then I felt like Speedo if I told them I used them as the center of a free choose project with everything else I was thinking about while also reporting. This is when like trying to officially report jj when we were technically dating to him though i was worthless for trying to just break up doesn't feel snitch

Because like if I told a speedo rep after that I reported with my other modeling brand and how I was trying to make it like a jobey type shirt auto pitches at the compliments. On that side like I feel like they would be like at least with the brand goals you were trying to say with self you were reporting that guy when you chose our brand for your free choose project. And before you got to wanting to try to choose idea-y with the brand you tried speedo for a boredom cure instead of trying to go out socially if that was hard.

Then accepting these are times when school felt expectation. The fun time of your life vibe that they say college will be.

How they said all that stuff about "maybe you shouldn't have such high expectations for college." Well if they aren't seeming like they're going to intellectually be met when you leave the classroom isn't that why brands and stores and food places try to exist?

It kind of makes the whole Instagram ambassadorship conundrum another conundrum before the conundrum. And are they gonna drop out from boredom before I even get to the textile fabric and how much I actually wear it feeling cool. And talking to people about cars in it. Plus then I can even pretend like the Today show challenges add into anti trafficking for like parties. "It's kind of like the Today Show right now if you've seen the segments."

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