#not every survivor copes the way you do by forgiving and/or forgetting or letting go of their anger

[angelkittycore]

if someone isn't posting and isn't responding to you then its quite obvious they haven't seen your messages, probably because they're afk and/or asleep?

[helion-ism]

I wanted to write about something that is very important to me: the way people perceive nesta and elain in this fandom (I know that a lot of people have valid reasons to criticise them and I’m not doing this to say they are perfect because how boring would that be.) and an important part of that is nesta‘s trauma vs elain‘s trauma

I think it’s self-explanatory when I say that obviously everybody deals with trauma differently, in fiction and in real life, but I got intrigued by how different elain and nesta seem to be dealing with that, so I looked it up and found something very interesting so this is kinda a long post

nesta

there is something called emotional dysregulation, where trauma survivors have difficulty regulation emotions like anger, anxiety, sadness and shame (even more so when the trauma occured at a young age). one of the methods these trauma survivors use to attempt to regain emotional control is “self-medication” or rather substance abuse, even though it is more likely to further emotional dysregulation. others are disordered eating, compulsive behaviour (like overworking), denial of emotions, and so on. (though there are more positive behaviours to regain emotional control such as physical activity) 

traumatic stress leads to two extremes: you either feel too much or too little. I think with nesta it is pretty much clear that nesta has always been the kind of person who feels too much, it’s why feyre painted those flames on her drawer, because she was always burning. what did feyre say about her in acomaf?

“I think Nesta feels everything— sees too much; sees and feels it all. And she burns with it. Keeping that wall up helps from being overwhelmed, from caring too greatly.”

a big part of nesta’s personality is who she was as a teenager and young woman, before she got made. she blamed her father for what happened to their family, she was furious with him and wanted to make him suffer. she got consumed by it, which is why in the end it was feyre who had to provide for the family. (I’m gonna be real honest here, how were so many of you guys reading the books and blaming nesta and elain for making feyre go out and hunt when her father was literally right there lol. like ... why blame the parent when the sisters are right there, huh?) being thrown into poverty, when she lived a comfortable life and was always made to believe she’d marry a prince or lord some day, it must not have been easy for her as she was the oldest but still a child. you guys, she was a kid. how can that not leave a lasting impression on her? and how can anyone blame her for that?

what do we see in acofas after the war ended? nesta fucks strangers and drinks a lot, maybe too much, doesn’t eat enough, to cope with what happened to her. so why does she do it? do distract herself from her memories, from her nightmares, from every sound that reminds her of what happened when she was thrown into the cauldron and what happened during the war. she spins out of control with her body to stop feeling too much and start numbing the pain (which I assume is why she drinks so much, it’s a great way of making you forget your problems and sleeping with strangers is a way of numbing any emotions too). 

in acosf, we see her choose a family, we see her find gwyn and emerie and we see her accept cassian as a friend (and more), but we also see her start training with him, we see her challenge herself to go down those stairs and eventually, she does not only get physically stronger, gains weight, but she also becomes more confident internally. I feel like a big part of nesta was always to come off as cold and unapproachable, but this is not at all how we see her with gwyn and emerie, and cassian notices too:

With Gwyn … he wondered whether Nesta liked the girl because with her, she was simply Nesta. Perhaps she felt that way around Emerie, too.

obviously, I feel like this is not something that one can overcome within just one book and there’s more for nesta to learn. do I think she’s completely healed? no, but when is one ever? she has started to heal and that’s good enough for me. but I’m just so annoyed when I see people call nesta abusive and other things when they’re not even trying to understand her. 

elain

in acosf nesta says elain just needed time to adjust to the world and person she’s become, but is that it? I don’t think so, not when it is so clear to me that she has not in fact adjusted to this new life.

initially, in acowar, elain is the complete opposite to nesta. which makes me believe she’s dealing with her trauma by numbing, a biological process where emotions are detached from thoughts and behaviours. elain is basically described to be this shell, doing nothing but sitting in her room and craving sunshine. I think she was mainly in a state of shock until things started changing a little bit. (and she was also probably overwhelmed because of her seer abilities)

elain has been sheltered her entire life, first by her family, especially father & nesta and feyre who never once blamed elain for anything but rather focused on nesta, then she met graysen & got engaged and their relationship was apparently very strong (she seems to have loved him and also she gave her virginity to him), and then she went to the night court where she‘s basically been underestimated and coddled the entire time AND she lets them do it most of the time 

“But I wonder if everyone has spent so long assuming Elainis sweet and innocent that she felt she had to be that way or else she'd disappoint you all.” 

that’s what rhys says about her, like he knows there is more to her when even feyre and nesta don’t seem to see it, but this has changed in acosf, not only from rhys’ pov, but also during chapter 58 when nesta tells elain to fuck off

Elain blinked. Nesta blinked back, horror lurching through her. And then Elain burst out laughing. Howling, half-sobbing laughs that sent her bending over at the waist, gasping for breath. Nesta just stared, torn between questions and wanting to throw herself into the icy Sidra. “I— I’m so sorry—” Elain held up a hand, wiping her eyes with the other. “You’ve never said such a thing to me!” She laughed again. “I think that’s a good sign, isn’t it?“

look at her reaction when somebody is finally saying something to her but not sugar-coating it. she laughs. there’s no way of knowing what elain really feels all the time, but you have to admit, this reaction hints that that’s something elain has wanted for a long time. like she’s surprised that nesta is so bold and harsh with her, she says that nesta has never spoken to her in such a way and she’s not actually offended by it. to me it seems like she’s tired of everyone treating her like a child and maybe that scene was somewhat of a revelation to her. 

she’s been so passive for a majority of the series that fans have started calling her useless and plain, but man, I just disgree. as I said, there is valid criticism to be found everywhere (like the way she treats nesta in acosf, but in the end, I don’t really blame her for it when I think she’s still dealing with her own problems). but elain has started to make use of her agency when she helped kill the king of hybern or decided to give azriel back that necklace (for whatever reason, we don’t know yet) even though it seems like she’s still primarily passive most of the time.

so this leads me to hope that things will improve greatly for elain in the following books, especially in her own book. 

basically we have two opposites here in how people deal with trauma. elain is passive and quiet, I believe she still suffers a lot, there might be more to her abilities and that might be a part of why she’s changed her behaviour so drastically to lucien since acowar and all that. but a huge factor is also the way people treat her and implicitly force her to just continue with this coping mechanism. she’s a people pleaser and if that’s what people expect her to do ... then that’s what she’ll do until something eventually happens.

nesta is very wild and bold in her behaviour. we’ve seen her regain control over her emotions in acosf and we’ve seen her accept her new body, her new self. when cassian told her that there is nothing broken to be fixed and that she has to start forgiving herself too, I think that was a gamechanger for her. because when nesta started to forgive herself and deal with her own guilt and shame, that’s when she could truly begin healing. and I love that for her. 

[dweetwise]

random thought, but what if the party had been in the entity's realm? i dunno, seeing el just yeet palettes at killers would be a sight though kjdshkjs

i did this whole speech about how i can’t deal with kid characters in dbd so have some of the adult cast instead! i’m sorry it’s not what you wanted but i hope it’s ok <3 also let’s imagine them joining separately or this won’t make much sense. spoilers for st season 3!

Stranger Things characters as dbd survivors

Jonathan

So many tears from both sides when he reunites with Nancy. She's heartbroken that he's stuck here now too, but is also really happy to be with him.

Jonathan doesn't care about being trapped for potentially eternity. He’d literally do anything to be with her, and he would have come voluntarily.

Leans his forehead against a crying Nancy’s, smiles and murmurs “What’s one more shared trauma?” while Nancy chokes out a laugh through her tears.

They're disgustingly adorable at camp, constantly sharing soft looks and smiles and inside jokes.

Nancy will need lots of reassuring that Jonathan’s mom and brother will be okay without him, and that her own family is coping.

With Jonathan around, Nancy starts coming out of her shell more. She gets a lot of her fire back, determined to find a way out and rebel against the Entity.

Jonathan and Steve quickly become friends, as they were on good terms even before, but Jonathan is so grateful Steve has been there for Nancy. Steve is just glad to have a familiar face and is super happy for them.

Would probably bond with Jake because they're both pretty damn weird. Also Claudette and Adam, being the more quiet types, and Zarina for the photography.

Robin

Fucking screaming when her and Steve see each other at the campfire. “Dingus! Where the fuck have you been!?”

When she's given the ‘welcome to the fog’ talk by Dwight, her smile fades. “You're kidding,” she says, eyes wide, before turning to Steve. “Please tell me he's kidding.” “Sorry,” Steve cringes.

Is surprisingly quick to embrace the situation, following Steve’s lead in dealing with the situation with humor. Steve gets even more dorky and hyper than before, happy to have his partner in crime back.

Imagine Steve and Robin, full scoops outfits, bullying the shit out of killers.

She vibes with Nea and Feng who totally teach her all their toxic little tricks. She also finally gets to properly know Nancy, and they become fast friends as they have a lot in common and Nancy loves hearing about what happened in Hawkins after they were taken.

A lot of the other survivors mistake Robin and Steve for a couple, right up until Robin gets visibly flustered by a bear hug from Kate. She secretly also ends up crushing hard on Claudette, but doesn’t tell a soul, not even Steve.

That doesn’t stop her from bugging Steve about whether he has a crush and to let her wingwoman for him.

Once starts talking to Anna in Russian and nearly gets adopted and starved to death, but is luckily saved by Bill forcefully pushing her out through the exit

When she gets overwhelmed by the death and violence, Steve sneaks her away and lets her cry on his shoulder. Other times she tells stories of Dustin and the other kids, who looked for Steve and Nancy every day for months, and pets his hair while he quietly sobs into his Scoops hat.

Joyce

Steve and Nancy couldn’t be more confused upon seeing Joyce. “Mrs. Byers? What are you doing here?”

She's worried about her boys but quickly pulls herself together. Reassures Nancy that Jonathan is safe and free from Hawkins drama, though he’s never been able to get over Nancy after her disappearance.

“What about the kids? Are they okay?” mama bear Steve butts in. He smiles brightly every time she tells him stories about the kids’ adventures he’s missed.

She's a resourceful lady and does quite well in the trials. Hates most killers but is still furious with Demo for kidnapping her boy. Even David looks a little intimidated by her unbridled rage when she’s up against the killer, slamming pallets on its head and chasing it down when it tries to whimper away.

Will scold Legion like a disappointed mother. “What are you doing, boy? Is this what your parents would have wanted?” Joey actually pauses mid-frenzy, knife raised, before lowering the weapon and shuffling his feet in shame. “Sorry, ma'am.”

She's a good addition to the survivor camp, as they’ve never had a literal mom figure before. Laurie especially really looks up to her, and Meg loves her no-nonsense attitude. Joyce looks after the younger survivors and is on pretty good terms with everyone.

Well. With the exception of Ace. Upon first meeting him, she slaps him when he goes in for a cheesy kiss on her hand. “I was just told I’m stuck in an endless cycle of murder and violence—do you really think that's appropriate?” she scolds while Ace just grins.

Out of everyone, she’s the most determined to find a way out, inspiring a lot of the others with new hope.

Hopper

He's very confused and angry about the realm, even after Steve and Nancy explain everything. At this point he’s seen so much weirdness he’s just done with all the paranormal bullshit.

Just wants to go back to El and feels like her and the kids and the entire goddamn town of Hawkins need him.

Sucks in trials at first. “So let me get this straight... I have to repair machines and run circles around a piece of wood while a murdered is after me?” “Pretty much, yeah,” Steve shrugs. “Right, not happening. My gun has to be around here somewhere!”

Instant bros with Tapp because good cop and… good cop? Tapp is able to get through his thick skull with strategic advice, and they’re both very much about protecting the other survivors.

Fits in well with the rest of the Old Man Squad (TM) as well, even though Ash keeps trying to one-up his stories, Bill refuses to share his cigarettes, Felix constantly talks about weird future stuff, and Ace always teases him about his shit poker face.

He’s instantly very protective of Steve and Nancy and easily adopts Cheryl, Nea, Quentin, Laurie, Feng, Meg—the list goes on.

Billy

He did slightly redeem himself just before his death, but is still hesitant to join the group, thinking Steve and Nancy hate him after all the shit he put them and their friends through.

Nancy is wary but Steve is quick to forgive and forget. “Just don’t kick my ass or, y’know, try to kill us again, yeah?” Steve laughs a little shakily and, knowing Steve had more beef with him than her, Nancy follows his lead and eventually comes around.

Has a lot of banter with David, and nobody can really tell if they're best bros, hate each other's guts or have the hots for one another. The Entity gives him a shirtless skin too and they can usually be seen obnoxiously flaunting their abs together.

A lot of the others make fun of his hair and pretty boy look. Luckily he can take it in stride, dishing out just as much cheeky comments about Feng’s neon hair and some of Ace’s more questionable outfits.

Tries to hit on Jane because he's a thirsty fuck but gets a very patronizing “Talk to me in a decade, honey,” for his efforts.

Eventually opens up to Nancy that it's not fair for her and Steve to be stuck here, as they didn't do anything wrong. He thinks he deserves the punishment, and is surprised the Entity didn’t make him a killer after what he did.

He’s still a cocky little shit, though much more genuine than before—dying probably has that effect on you.

*cries* i’m so happy i got to write jancy i love them so much ;w; also i would 110% ship joyce and ace but i doubt anyone is surprised

[lavendersoft]

Until I met you.

3/?

-Street Fighter! Jimin x Reader

Synopsis: While on a date for their 2nd anniversary, Jimin loses Yoongi while being attacked in an alleyway by a robber. Yoongi sacrificed himself for his lover and Jimin could never forgive himself for not being able to do the same. The survivor’s guilt ate away at him over the months and it definitely didn’t help that he saw Yoongi’s face everywhere. In mirrors, dreams, large crowds, on trains, and even when he closed his eyes. Although, Jimin found a way to cope. He began a rigorous training schedule. Boxing, self-defense classes, Tae Kwon Do, he even started street fighting and got caught up with bad people. Anything and everything. His hands would bleed, his muscles would ache, his bones would break. Jimin was offered multiple full scholarships to prestigious martial arts schools for his talent, all of which Jimin turned down. He didn’t want to make a career out of this, he just didn’t want to be haunted by his dead fiancé. The only time Yoongi wouldn’t haunt every moment of Jimin’s life was when he’s training as if Yoongi is saying “I won’t rest, nor will I let you rest until you’re stronger.” Jimin will never lose anyone that he loves again.

Everything felt like a downward spiral,

until he met you.

Warnings: (There’s a lot- and it’s kinda dark, be warned) PTSD, implied schizophrenia (sorta? take that with a grain of salt), PTSD induced delusions/hallucinations, depression, paranoia, night terrors, character death, major angst, unhealthy coping mechanisms, masochism(?), alcoholism, minor gore, mention of drug abuse, mention of blood, mention of sexual assault/ harassment, mention of asylums, profanity, Jimin goes through one hell of a mental breakdown.

Author’s notes: lil fluffy :)

Jimin doesn’t visit Yoongi’s grave.

He hasn’t in a while, at least. He has seen Yoongi far too often since his death, actually. And he decided long ago that visiting graves only bring him grief and sorrow, not solace like most people.

Something was different this morning; off. Yoongi wasn't lurking. He wasn't staring at Jimin in the shadows or murmuring in Jimin’s ear. He’s just... gone.

But that doesn't stop Jimin from drinking his guilt away like he usually does. If he's being honest with himself, Jimin probably wouldn't be able to cope without his daily dose of alcohol.

He could just picture Hoseok and Jin laughing at him if they were here. They were always the big drinkers of the group. Jimin hardly drank and when he did, he’d get drunk faster than the rest. The memory brings Jimin no joy, knowing what came of everyone. In fact, he’d rather not remember.

The useless alarm clock rings beside Jimin’s bed. The machine never gets the chance to actually wake him up since he’s awake before dawn every morning due to the nightmares.

Hm. Maybe I should call Dr. Bang?

As he reaches over to dial his therapist’s number, her name pops up instead.

Y/n: I had a lot of fun last night, minus the weird guy in the alley lol

Jimin wonders how she could dilute such a pig to just a “weird guy” but he decided not to bring it up.

Jimin: me too. 

Send.

What? That’s it? Come on.

Jimin: um so if you ever want to do-

Delete.

Jimin: cool. so do u wanna see a-

Delete.

Flirting is a lot harder than Jimin remembers. He sighs heavily and tosses his phone down, opting to shower away his self-frustration. Right when he starts rinsing and lathering, however, an idea lights up his mind.

Of course.

A few hours later he is standing outside of his old dance studio, the one he’d go frequently with Yoongi on their days off work.

He hasn’t been here in months. Nevertheless, this place hasn't changed a bit. This place was their own little private piece of paradise. It was a cozy, secluded building on the outskirts of the city, but it had the best view at any time of day. Jimin had the best memories here. Memories of his whole friend group coming and visiting him while he danced. Hoseok always had the best advice for him and they’d end up dancing together. 

Jimin stares at the oak door, then glances at the key in his hand. He contemplates if he is even ready to be back in there. But she’s going to be here soon. He’d asked her if she wanted to use his old studio to practice dancing and had given her the address. So, he bites his lip and turns the knob.

The angelic light that flows in from the window is the first thing he notices when he walks in. The room looks so much more spacious than he remembers, probably because he was never in here alone. The huge, wall-length mirror expands further than he remembered. You’d think that he’d still remember every detail of this room, being that he was here close to every day. But he doesn't. These last nine months have hurt more than his heart. I can’t remember worth a damn nowadays.

He closes his eyes and stands in the middle of the room, soaking in the sunlight, breathing in the familiar smell of the walls and floor. This building always had such a distinct smell. You’d probably call him crazy if he said he could just faintly hear the laughter that always filled this place. There was never a bad situation that happened here. It was untainted with the strife and stress of their daily lives. All of their struggles and grievances, they were dropped at the door.

They came here to forget. They came here because it was their haven. A pure haven. 

And now he’s sharing it with you.

Also, he thinks it could use a good dusting. So, he gets to work.

But he’s soon interrupted by one of those endlessly annoying, nagging thoughts that pop into his head as he sprays down the mirror with Windex.

I’m expecting too much. I don’t even know her. She doesn’t even know me. And I’m letting her into my most sacred place. It’s just too fast. It’s gonna scare her. 

He lifts his gaze and stares at himself in the foggy mirror for the first time in ages.

As if I could scare her any more than I have. I’ve practically beat the life out of a man on our first date. 

But she’s still coming. She’s still coming.

He tears his eyes away from the man lingering in front of him to get back to work.

After an hour of dusting, scrubbing, and polishing, the studio looked exactly how he left it the last time. Then, a knock at the door startles him. He’s not used to anyone knocking on the studio door, it was always open to his friends.

He jogs overhastily to let her in.

The moment the door reveals her, her eyes light up in awe.

“Wow! It’s huge!” She blushes when she realizes she hasn't even greeted him yet. 

“Uh, I mean good morning.” She scratches her head awkwardly. 

“Morning.” His reply seems bland compared to all the work he’d just put into cleaning the place up as to not embarrass himself... and possibly impress her. He’d never admit that, though.

“It’s so much bigger than the one I practice in! And it has natural light!” She saunters over the window, pulling open the curtain entirely. She freezes.

“Mine doesn't even have windows! And yours has-”

“Cool, huh?” He chuckles. She really is cute.

“A full view of the city? It’s more than cool, it’s like a dancers dream!”

It was. Once.

“So, do you like.. own it?” She asks the question as if it would offend him in some way.

“Sort of.”

It was Yoongi’s first gift to Jimin, before they’d even started dating. It was by far the greatest gift he’d ever received.

“I co-own it.”

“Ah.” She nods, dropping the subject entirely. “Oh, hey, a radio!”

She’s so enthusiastic about everything. Jimin smirks.

“Yeah. I’m not sure if it still work-” He cut off by a stream of soft music filling the room. He remembers this song well. It’s the last song he’d been listening to that night, before-

“Oh, I love this song.” She looks over her shoulder with a look that almost resembled mischief. “Wanna dance..?”

“Oh... uh.. I don’t know. I’m probably kind of rusty.”

“Please?” Oh, this could get dangerous. It’s really hard to say no to her.

“Okay, but don't laugh.”

“Promise.” She holds out her pinky finger, waiting for him to lock his with her own. He does so, gladly.

Take my hand.

She places her hand in his. He wraps his hand lightly around her waist.

Take my whole life, too.

They fumble a bit, awkwardly stepping on each other’s toes as if they weren't both trained professionals.

For I can't help falling in love with you.

She finds her balance, he finds his rhythm.

Like a river flows, surely to the sea. Darling, so it goes-

They glide over the dance floor like water.

Some things are meant to be.

The chorus repeats once more. He looks into her eyes now, instead of at his feet. She has a smile on her face that says she hasn't a care in the world at the moment.

I can't help falling in love with you...

The music fades and Jimin curses the song for starting in the middle instead of the beginning. He wants longer with her.

The next song starts and it’s a more upbeat one. One he made a choreography to. He’s almost tempted to show her before-

She already dancing. The exact same dance he created. He stands in shock. Every move, every step, everything is smooth and right on beat.  But how did she know?

He struggles to find the words to ask. Instead, he slowly starts to dance along with her. The look of confusion that crosses her face when she glances in the mirror and spots him following along with her perfectly is priceless. She falters for just a brief seconds before turning around and facing him, still hitting each beat. 

He smirks at her when the song finishes, she at a loss for words.

“How did you..? Where did you learn that?”

“Learn? I didn't learn it. I created it.” A stark silence enters the room.

“I’m sorry, what?” She’s obviously having a hard time processing.

“I made it.”

“But.. my dance teacher said it was made by some prodigy, like, years ago.”

He holds up his index finger, gesturing to himself. “That’d be me.”

“Stop playing with me. There’s no way... I mean-”

And so the afternoon went on. They discussed their dreams, their hopes, where they came from, favorite places to visit. 

Somewhere in between talking about her family home, she offered to order take out. He obliged and paid before she could oppose it. He felt terrible that they didn't have a proper place to eat- not even chairs. He’d pulled out an old blanket from the storage closet and made a makeshift picnic. He’d hoped to God that she didn't notice the faint musty odor from being in storage for so long. If she did, she didn't say anything.

 When they continued to talk, they even found out that they attended the same dance school when they were both beginners, not at the same time though. He has started dance much sooner in life than she.

He was called a prodigy, or so everyone told him. He was meant to be something. Something bigger than what he turned into.

“Hey. Wanna see something cool?” He asks when he notices the light in the room beginning to turn a deep gold, indicating the sun was setting. The really talked all day, huh?

“Always.”

He takes her hand and leads her into the hallway, all the way to end. They reach a door and he reaches up the top of the door frame to search for the key. After successfully unlocking it, the door opened to reveal an old, and he will admit, slightly sketching looking staircase. To his surprise, she enters without fear. She barely even waits for him.

Once they reach the top he opens the door and then stands out of her way, not wanting to block to the view. And he also wanted to make sure he could see her reaction.

There’s a silence that falls between them as she takes in the view of the city. Jimin inwardly praises himself for knowing all the best times of day to come to the roof, 6:22 pm sharp is one of those times. The world around them glows with golden, orange, and red light. The sun looks as if it’s searing the city, completely ablaze.

“Wow.” She takes in the sight of the tall shadows belonging to the buildings and trees as they grow even longer. 

Wise men say only fools rush in.

[roonilwazlibb]

KEIYNAN LONSDALE? No, that’s actually HARRY JAMES POTTER from the GOLDEN TRIO ERA. You know, the child of LILY POTTER (NEE EVANS) and JAMES POTTER? Only 22 years old, this GRYFFINDOR alumni works as an AUROR (FOR NOW) and is sided with THE ORDER OF THE PHOENIX. HE identifies as CIS MALE and is a HALF BLOOD who is known to be MERCURIAL, BULLHEADED, and PRIVATE but also EMPATHETIC, BOLD, and SELFLESS. — &&. ( LIZ, GMT+2, SHE/HER, 22. )

pinterest.

Instead of writing the longest intro possible I’m just gonna ignore Harry’s background BECAUSE WE ALL KNOW IT ALREADY !!!!!!!!!! thx

depression tw, death tw, war tw, PTSD tw

AFTER HOGWARTS.

So, the war is over ( a war that Harry has grown up fighting, mind you, the boy hasn’t had time for much else, has he now ? ) and people look to a teenager to continue being what he has been for the last seventeen years ( but what they’ve also rejected, when it suits the current tide of war ). But Harry James Potter doesn’t care much for being a beacon of hope ( of clarity, of light ), anymore. He’s not their symbol ( but at the same time, he knows that he will always be just that ).

The aftermath of the Battle of Hogwarts itself is a blur, for him. Tugged in every direction. Not so much a man, more of an object, something that his entire world feels entitled to. But he’s exhausted ( has he been able to breath properly for the last year, at all ? ). It’s too much for any seventeen year old, yet people expect him ( the boy who lived, never just Harry ), to carry it with gratitude, with a smile, with bravery. 

The days after the final battle, he feels very little, barely anything at all. All he really does is sleep.

The mark on his back is gone ( the one on his face isn’t ), but it doesn’t feel like it. Sure, he doesn’t have to fear for his life anymore, but the crowds are relentless. Suffocating him. He’s grieving, and all the masses ( the strangers, people who think that they know him because he’s famous ) want to do is hug him, shake his hand, clap him on the back. He tries to be understanding ( they’re grieving too, logically, he KNOWS that ). But by now, Harry is growing a little bit tired of being everyone’s emotional-support-boy-who-lived.

Anyways, a few weeks after the war ends, Harry falls off the map. Disappears from the grid. Could not be found, through any means. Some of his friends say that he rented a muggle car and drove through Europe. Others say that he just slept, refused to leave his house, so exhausted and depressed that he couldn’t be reached. Others are firm in their belief that he was busy hunting down the last of the Death Eaters. No one truly knows what Harry did, during those months. Only those closest to him have a vague idea.

He eventually returns, a little bit better. The weight on his shoulders lighter. Back to his former self ( though, he’s not quite sure who that was, this war has tried to consume him since boyhood ). His smile comes easier, it’s less weary. He has that Potter sparkle back in his gaze ( the one that makes his eyes look less like Lily’s, more likes James’, despite what the color might tell you ). He’s not at peace yet, but he will be ( his scar hasn’t hurt in months, that’s a start ).

Harry finds solace in his friends, that much has not changed. It was them he fought for, and it’s them that he continues to live for. The war never changed Harry’s capacity for love.

So, he’s back. People still look to him ( and they think that they know what he will do, ALWAYS always, always ). He can’t escape their eyes, their whispers, how they think that they know him. Most of the time, he hates it. But he’s also the type of guy to poke fun at it, doing his best to not take himself too seriously. Everything’s easier, that way.

Maybe he does it out of habit, or out of duty, but he does what he thinks will make the most people happy and joins the Aurors ( they had been nudging him in their direction ever since Voldemort fell, who wouldn’t want the famous Harry Potter in their ranks against the dark? ).

But Harry is just Harry, and Harry is so tired of being Harry Potter. For the first year after the war, the poor guy could barely go out for a drink without being mobbed, you know? The excitement eventually ebbed out ( thank god ) and became less exhausting, but it was still there, in smaller waves.

ANYWAYS ---- so he’s an auror. He doesn’t hate the work by any means, but he feels as though he has just gone from fighting one war, to fighting another. Which is really the last thing he needs right now? He still suffers from night terrors, about his friends dying, about Voldemort ( not so much Voldemort as other people remember him ----- in his dreams, Harry sees the Voldemort in limbo, at King’s Cross ). Eventually, those will go away too. Partly.

The Wizarding Wars have taken a lot of things away from Harry, and for that he is silently angry, a little bit, all the time. The war he fought may have ended —— but it’s still taking things from him. His agency, for one thing. Did he want to become an auror? Well, it would have been ONE possible path, but perhaps not the one he would have chosen first. Ever since the war, everyone just keep looking to him, to have him continue being the symbol of hope and greatness that he was during the last year of the war. But Harry is just Harry, you know?  Not much has changed since that evening when Hagrid came to get him, all those years ago. But people just assume to know what The Chosen One will do next, and Harry’s just sort of…. along for the ride, for the most part, when it comes to that and his public image. Right now, he is just doing what he thinks is right, for the greater good. He does what he thinks is expected of him, what he thinks will make the most people happy. He’s not thinking of himself, at least not yet. I don’t think Harry even realizes that he has grown resentful, a little bit bitter, angry. 

With that said, I really like the idea of post-war Harry as the biggest troll possible when it comes to the media. All those ridiculous rumors you read in the papers about The Boy Who Lived are often started by Harry himself !!!! It’s his way of gaining some of that agency back but also he just thinks it’s a fucking blast. 

Constant bad jokes about how 'he didn’t die for this’ and ‘did we really defeat Voldemort so that you could’.... are PRIME coping mechanisms too!!!! 

Never actually finished school but totally got away with it because he’s Harry Potter. Finally some perks, am I right.....

Overall, Harry IS concerned with being a good role model for the younger kiddos, but that year after the war? Harry was in a dark place, not fit for returning to school. Not fit for returning to anything, really.

Harry is a really good teacher and we ALL know this, so why isn’t this man teaching? It would be much better for his mental health too. Damn it.

With that said ----- I think this version of Harry will either continue down the auror route, eventually become head auror, but devote his life more to teaching the new aurors and reshape the auror department. BUT I have also always adored the idea of Harry returning to Hogwarts as a professor, taking up the position as the Defense against Dark Arts professor. We love full circles in this house !!!! I also think that would be really good for Harry, to be surrounded by kids ( who wouldn’t have really lived through the war, the boy who lived would just be a myth to them, it would be less dramatic, they’d soon forget that Harry has ever been anything other than their professor ).

Never really replaced Hedwig. These days, Harry uses various messenger birds and owls, mostly borrowing those of his friends. He did adopt a dog, though. 

I don’t think Harry will be fully at peace until more time has run its course. He has been through so much trauma, way more than any man ( much less a boy ) should ever have to experience. The scars may fade ( no, not THAT one ), but they will never quite heal, not for him. BUT he will be at peace, eventually.

TLDR: Harry is an auror, right now. He hasn’t washed off his past, but he has come to terms with it, in a way. 

PERSONALITY & OTHER FUN STUFF.

Harry Potter is compassionate, selfless, kind. Good at seeing the good. But also petty, impulsive, seething, moody. Bad at letting things go.

So incredibly brave, but shouldn’t have had to be? An eleven year old should not under any circumstances be led into the lion’s den and that’s that on that.

Has a hero complex, but it’s one that was forced upon him ( do not get me started on Albus Dumbledore, it will take up the rest of the intro ). Harry was LITERALLY just Harry, until suddenly, he wasn’t. 

The sheer dumb bitch energy of this man sometimes....... Thank god for Ron and Hermione is all I’m gonna say.......

Masks a lot of his trauma and pain with bad jokes, sarcasm and a seemingly carefree attitude. Tries his best to play down a lot of things ( his pain, his fame, his trauma, what he did during the war ). But he has a really serious streak too.

With that said, Harry does struggle with PTSD and survivor’s guilt. 

A total smart ass ( there’s no need to call me sir, professor? ). Harry has a sharp tongue aND is often much sassier than he should be, especially when challenged / when he sees something as unjust / when there’s someone that he just doesn’t like. But that sharpness can seep into his everyday life too.

Like I mentioned earlier, Harry is a total troll and will leak the most outrageous rumors that have 0% truth to them to the press. It’s all in good fun. Most of the time.

Honestly that thing Dan Radcliffe did when he wore the same shirt everyday for a month so that the pictures of him would all be un-usable is peak Harry behavior.

Harry would ultimately LIKE to forgive the remaining Death Eaters, the ones who has repented ( eg. The Malfoys ), but he is having a hard time with it. He is prone to spite and pettiness, and forgiveness ultimately doesn’t run easy in his veins. But the attempt IS there, and he doesn’t want to live with a sliver of bitterness in his heart, you feel?

The war hasn’t so much hardened him though, as it has softened him. Sure, it has made him weary, careful, closed off. But it has also made him kinder, more empathetic, more understanding, stronger in his sense of self.

Isn’t as rich as he used to be. Used a large chunk of his fortune after the war to help victims of the war to get back onto their feet. Anonymously of course. Harry has no desire to make headlines, ever again.

Refuses interviews. Most of the time. Only The Quibbler will get an ounce of truth out of Harry.

TIME CLASH.

Harry has always had a family ( a found family, his friends, family doesn’t end in blood ), but suddenly everything has been amplified, he has his parents back, his godfather, their friends. But they’re all his age, they don’t recognize him ( but he barely recognize them, either ---- if it hadn’t been for staring himself blind at their photographs, he wouldn’t know them ). It’s basically like The Erised Mirror Extreme Version, for Harry.

But there are also The Death Eaters ------- and the fear of having to go back, be the figurehead of yet another war that he has to sacrifice EVERYTHING for. Frankly, Harry has had quite enough. He doesn’t want to be their Atlas, anymore. But at the same time, his parents are back. And he doesn’t want to lose them again. AND he knows that they’d fight this war for him. Which makes him want to fight this war for them. Can you see where I’m going for this? It’s a really tumultuous time for Harry, he’s confused and just a little bit lost.

AND then there are the KIDS !!!!!! HIS KIDS !!!!!!!!! It’s a total mind fuck, Harry doesn’t feel ready to be a father, nor does he feel that the world is ready for him to have children. But his children are all grown up and from the future. He wants to protect their future, their peace. 

It’s a little bit selfish too. Harry wants that peace for himself. He wants all to be well, you know?

[eccl3ctic0n3]

As someone who has suffered from mental illness and it's debilitating symptoms I can tell you a truth many won't like to hear about depression and anxiety. Also as someone who has experienced trauma and stress that was some of my own doing and what I allowed or had no control over I will share how to overcome.

Depression is self-centered. Stop wallowing in self-pity. Stop the pity party. Happiness begins with an attitude of gratitude. Be grateful for all that is good and stop dwelling on what is not. You will find a new kind of gratitude that will increase your levels of happiness even during the bad times that will get you through.

Anxiety is fear. Fear of some impending doom that is most likely just not going to happen. Fear will cause you to procrastinate and avoid situations all together. Fear will take your breath away and steal your joy. Fear is crippling and debilitating. It will stop you dead in your tracks and prevent you from making decisions that can benefit you in life. Answer. Don't worry about anything; instead pray about everything. The peace of God which surpasses all understanding will guard your heart and mind as you live in Christ Jesus. Ask God to grant you the serenity to accept the things you cannot change, the courage to change the things you can, and the wisdom to know the difference. The Serenity prayer will give you not only peace but the knowledge of when to do something about something and when to let it go. Knowing the difference is the wisdom that comes with this prayer mastered in faith. Let go and let God. Surrender your life and your will over to God's will and purpose for your life. Jesus said, can a man by worry add one inch to his height? No of course not. Worry and constant fear will keep your anxiety levels high and even cause panic. Worry shows that you do not trust God. God says do not fear 365 times in the Bible. That's once for everyday of the year. Pray God strengthen your faith and help your unbelief. Ask Him to increase your trust in Him and then put it into practice. Learn to let what is out of your control go and what is not pertaining to you avoid. Don't take on someone else's stress or worry with them or allow them to put it on you especially through guilt tripping.

PTSD like symptoms from who knows what kind of personal struggles or abuse you have been through do not define who you are. You have to let go of any anger, bitterness, or resentment and completely forgive anyone who had wronged you and DO NOT blame them. Understand that what they did to you was probably done to them and possibly even worst. Even if it seems they did not care or wanted to hurt you it is possible they have no clue or remembrance of their own childhood trauma and don't even realize they do the very same thing they hate. The chances of you getting someone to recognize and admit their wrongs are slim so forgiveness is key. Forgive for you and not them. It sets you free from the pain. Forgive and even forget. Anytime those feelings of anger, bitterness or resentment come up catch them and check yourself. These are YOUR feelings, and YOUR thoughts. No one elses. Stop having a victim mentality and process all those feelings and emotions. You have to live with yourself. It will take time and work and you can see yourself as not only a Survivor but after healing and recovery you can step into the victory of Thriving.

Wake up every morning and tell God or just list 3 things you are grateful for and say them aloud. Do this for 21 days and you can rewire your brain and begin to experience happiness. It will be small and grow overtime as your faith grows and trust deepens to not worry and let things be what they will be.

With traumas and stresses you cannot heal and recover in the same environment that broke you around the same negative, difficult, toxic people. In working on yourself through these things it is ok to to be selfish. It is all about your recovery and your pain and anguish. It's about your thoughts and feelings that lead to depression and anxiety or to dwell on past experiences. Self discipline is the highest form of self-love so diet and exercise is a huge help. Keep someone close you can confide in, trust and talk about everything. This can be a friend or a therapist. A therapist can give you tools to help you manage your moods and regulate emotions while giving you the healthy ways to cope instead of the unhealthy ways that you developed out of pure survival mode. Instead of unhealthy defense mechanisms you developed you can begin to practice healthy ways of responding. The way we respond or react is a choice. Choose to take things with a grain of salt and don't allow what others say or do dictate your mental health and well being. Take control and power back.

Keep a positive mindset and watch what you allow yourself to see, hear and say. Eliminate vulgar language. Verbal abuse is abuse and what comes out of your mouth reveals your heart. What you say is powerful so change your words, change your life. Speak life and build people up don't tear down. If the vibe you put off is love the vibe you will receive is love. Like they say, what goes around comes around, karma is a b**** , what you put in is what you get out, and you reap what you sow. These are all universal truths and principal laws of the universe.

Don't spend forever in self working on yourself. Make it a point to get out of your self and be the selfless kind of person we see in Jesus who gave His life for us. Be humble and esteem the next man as more than yourself. Serve one another in love and sincere truth. Be of service. Volunteer. Give back. Be meek. That is strength under control. Remember what you been through and you are still here stronger than ever and more resilient than ever. God has brought you this far. He has not failed yet and He will not anytime soon. He provides all you needs. Now what do we have to be depressed, anxious, feeling down and out, thinking poorly of ourselves and others about? Not a damn thing. Be grateful and stop whining. Pick yourself up by the bootstraps, dust yourself off, and fix your crown. You are royalty in the household of the Almighty God. A child of the Most High God.

Opinions my own. Don't cry about it. Suck it up. Dont worry. Be happy!!

[tachylyte]

you know tbh I think there's a lot of reasons why tungle.hell has such bad mental illness activism, but I think the primary reason is most of y'all don't want to acknowledge the benefits of forgiveness and the role forgiveness has in the process of healing from trauma.

like?? seriously. posts abt being petty and unforgiving are viral on this hell site, and uncritically consumed, but you have NO IDEA why that's so damaging to people's mentalities and especially towards the mentalities of trauma and abuse survivors. This encourages them to hold their anger in, to perpetuate a cycle of unnatural anger that never really goes away. This is dangerous to abuse survivors and their future relationships, and dangerous to those who will be abused at some point because they have no idea what to do after their out of the abusive situation.

Do you know why abuse tends to be cyclical? Do you know why some people tend to abuse others if they themselves have been abused? It's because they don't forgive. They don't forgive themselves, they don't forgive their abusers, they never let it go. They never learn to properly deal with their anger, and properly deal with their abuse to learn to cope with it and let go of it.

That's what forgiveness is all about. Letting things go. Like it or not, you cannot go about your life forever consumed by those who hurt you, and you cannot always have a personal vendetta against someone. That anger seeps into your other relationships if it goes unchecked, and it makes you a nasty, bitter person to be around. It makes you abusive, and it can make you into the person who abused you. Trust me, I watched this happen. I see it everyday on this stupid site, I watch ppl who are abused yell and scream at others because they don't want to let go of their anger and accept what happened. They want to be angry forever, and they want revenge. That's not a healthy way to live tbh. It's not.

And you know what? Anger in itself isn't a bad emotion. It's natural. It's good. Anger after abuse is the natural thing and forgiveness being a healing step in the cycle of abuse isn't denying that. In fact, most psychologists (the good ones mostly) don't focus on forgiveness until the person is completely out of their abusive situation. That means anger still has its role and you still have every right to be angry at what happened to you. Forgiveness isn't denying that. Ppl tend to think forgiveness is forgetting what happened to you, but in reality, it's letting go of that anger and learning to say "what you did i no longer hold against you." That doesn't mean boundaries can't be set up, and that you have to let abusive ppl back into your life. It just means you're no longer angry. Because at some point, which may be YEARS after your abuse stops and you've gotten out of the situation, you will have to forgive. You will have to let go of that anger. Anger can easily become toxic.

Forgiveness is moving on.

It's rising above what happened.

do you understand me?

It's a natural step in the healing process. As a csa and emotional abuse survivor, please trust me on this.

[rexwellnessliberation]

There is hope in an insane world: Will we choose?

There is tremendous suffering in the world. We know this. And we know of the horrifying acts humanity has experienced through history. From the slaughter of millions in the holocaust, genocides in Rwanda, all the world, civil and religious wars, and of course mass killing of animals and our seemingly polluted and dying planet. This reflection of the state of history and the planet at present, is but a reflection of the state of mind in the human being in general. Are we really trumped?This state of affairs is hugely perpetuated by the blame and shame game in our own minds. When we play victim and perpetrator, oscillating between feeling responsible and guilty for absolutely all of it, we enter the state of feeling like a shameful perpetrator. And this very real feeling has a very real bio-physiological affect on our human organism. Chronically activated fight-flight mechanisms further draw energy from our being, leading to many of the chronic diseases such as cancer, heart disease, metabolic syndromes and various deficiencies, as well as the more insidious mental disorders like depression, anxiety, ADD and spectrum personality disorders. Our narrative story-making mind naturally has a tendency to pile story on top of story, guilt on top of guilt, and no one feels good about this. We get locked into addictive thought and behaviour patterns which psychologists call coping mechanisms.

“Part of the nature of our mind is to see things as separate and threatening. The human being is so intelligent that it can literally think it self slowly to death. What is remarkable is our ability to free our selves from suffering.”

Let’s briefly look at shame. Shame is the experience that says “I am bad, I did or am doing something wrong.” If we attune to the felt primacy of direct experience, we can feel in our guts and heart this “shame tag” to our inner thought narrative. This double shame sandwich can go something like this: “I’m not performing well enough; I should be more and have more; I live on unceded native land; my ancestors of colonization dislocated these people, I am responsible for fixing history; slavery, genocide, planetary decay, vegetarianism, homophobia, selfishness, gender bias” Are these controversial topics? Every human being at some point comes up against these. The point is, unchecked beliefs and biases, living uncritically, has a dramatic effect on the state of our being, how we live, and the outcome of our life. The shift from shame to forgiveness, respect and compassion is very subtle, but a profound shift which leads to well being.All this is not to say that the discriminative level of mind (Or our ego) is unimportant. To condemn the ego is but one more trip, one more layer of defense that shames the Self or Soul into hiding. Surely it has motivating aspects that get us to resolve unresolved business, step into right relationship and solidarity, and take care of our selves and others. This is more to highlight the experiential fact that there are negative effects when it has absolute dominance over our being, and that there is a great human potential to be realized in a more unitive, present and felt level of being. That there are multiple ways of approaching well being, on both a personal and collective level, is where we can find some hope. And it starts with the individual who is ready to take a stand for their own well being.

“So what can one do in and amongst the craziness of the world and our own busy minds? A small dose of self respect and appreciation can go a long way.”

So what can one do in and amongst the craziness of the world and our own busy minds?Where can one find some semblance and tranquility? These practices can all really help us return to our center to experience a feeling of well being, connection and belonging, as well as tap into an untapped reservoir of joy, vitality and creativity:

Physical Activity & Exercise Routine

Meditation, Yoga, & Practicing Relaxation

Counselling: Engaging in a professional dialogue to come clear on the nature of our mind & emotions, and how to come clear on our life approch

Explore your artistic abilities: Music, Dance, Art, Journaling, creative writing

Community and Social Involvement

Practice of Forgiveness, Acceptance, & Self Appreciation

In its popularized vision, it is about physicality, body image, and tights, but practicing Yoga and Meditation trains our mind to focus one pointedly on the task at hand. It takes a bit of courage to try this practice, but once you have the experience, many often quickly realize the immense benefits of its harmonizing effect on the body-mind. At its more advanced levels, it becomes a tremendous tool for turning the mind into an ideal instrument for clear thinking. And in this, we also learn how to relax! Many of us know how hard it is to find time to relax. Practicing yoga lends an opportunity to both be active, strengthrning & purifying the body and also learn how to give the mind a break. And when we relax our overly tensed bodies, the path for meditation becomes much more easefull. Here’s a couple perks of the practice:

Reduces deficits in attentional focus, stress, anxiety and depression

Improves concentration, creativity, motivation and mood

Fosters a sense of deep connection to Soul, community and the planet - Strengthens the fundamental relationship to life it self.

For the science minded braniacs: Willfully directed attentional focus (Self directed focus) has been objectively shown to alter and strengthen critical brain areas associated with the subjective experience of well being. They call this “Self Directed Neuroplasticity”

Visiting with a professional Counsellor - Psychologist can also be a liberating experience, which is often a misunderstood path to wellness. To see a counsellor is an act of acceptance, humility, and self respect. That we could truly benefit from talking openly in a trusting environment about some of our inner struggles and turmoils by no means means we are “crazy” - we are all human. In this busy world, we are hard pressed to find a person or place where we can be and express our selves non-judgmentally. If we can find this, it can be incredibly freeing on its own. But with the help of a counsellor, an active and engaged Dialogue facilitates the movement of blocked emotion and energy. In fact, and perhaps you can relate, many people resort to suppressing their true feelings out of a slight fear that they will disrupt others well being. 

So, it is common in a counselling session that clients share and express how they truly feel. One way to think about this is that, if we had any early micro-macro traumas and early childhood interruptions (which almost everyone has in some way or another - birth being one of them!) in our primary relationships, it is a general human phenomena that to heal these relational interruptions must occur in a a healthy human relationship. It is often referred to as Corrective Experiences. This is one of the powerful motives and experiences of the therapeutic alliance. We can relearn how to be authentic with ourselves and in relationship with others. A counsellor serves as an ally to help us uncover blocked human potential, unfreeze rigid attitudes and become a more compassionate and self loving individual that stands up for them self and their true voice. We heal both relationally and attitudinally. We could say that this is ‘The Yoga Of Relationship’.

The practice of forgiveness, acceptance and self appreciation can also really be a transformative experience. When we are in a shaming mode of being, we are essentially and energetically perpetuating a lower form of being. When we forgive the past, the perpetrators are freed and we are freed. We forgive their ignorance and our own. Then we accept the state of affairs present and past, and let be what is, outside and inside. This lets the hyper ciritical, hyper ethical mind rest-This judgemental part of our mind can run absolutely rampant, and its okay. When we move from here to Self Appreciation, we may reach a deeper more attuned level of conscious being which becomes aware of what we can do and how we can be in the situation. Ruthlessly self loving as a practice reveals itself also in our relationships and work. We become brighter, humorous and a joy to be around as we are less held by irrational defenses.

The arts, physical activities and community involvement are also hopeful and joyous things we can do which will help lift us up and tap into our creativity and well being. We all know what its like to play. Open to the experience of a child like state of wonder by taking a bit of time to chill out, breathe and do something you love. It will elevate your being and retrieve that sense of youthful vitality!

The title of this article “There is hope in an insane world: Will we choose?”, was very intentional. Unless we live under a rock, we know the state of affairs taking place in the world.  We are called to be steadfast, toward a New Being which requires new forms of endurance and creativity. Here is a great quote from Dr. Viktor Frankl, survivor of 3 concentration camps in WWII: “The last of the great human freedoms is man’s ability to choose his attitude.” -Man’s Search for Meaning. This is what came through so clear to him amongst some of the worst suffering and stripping of dignity mankind has historically experienced. What does this mean today, in the modern comfort of our daily goings? I think this speaks volumes to a great sleeping potential in us - The power of responsible and conscious choice. We may not be living in those same conditions (but since this a global world interface, maybe you are), but perhaps there is a holocaust of a different kind that begs for our attention. That shame is a signal, perhaps it is our unique Soul that feels for all of the world, all of the suffering, past, present and future. Lest we forget where we are coming from, who of humanity, on all sides, has lived and died so that we could live, and remember that wellness and freedom also starts with our courageous and conscious choice to lean into life and exercise the ability to respectfully and soulfully hold the paradox for humanity. 

Jon is a former athlete and body builder turned Yoga-Meditation teacher & Counsellor. He  runs a successful Integrative Counselling Practice in Squamish, B.C., which draws on Existential and Body oriented psychotherapy, Yogic practice & philosophy, and traditional Spiritual healing methods. He can be reached at: life@rexwellnessliberation.ca, or www.rexwellnessliberation.ca

.

[mayviolet]

My Ex Keeps Coming Back Eye-Opening Cool Ideas

I can help you figure out what women look for get your girl back.It seems as though the break up did not seem to be a stalkerSo you're seriously thinking about what she gave you.Use these tips will help you get your boyfriend back sooner than later.

The overarching reason it's possible to get your ex back for the separation.Despite the fact that, because I was an accidentally on purpose thing.The hardest part of it will inevitably lead to an old book.In order to deal with certain situations let alone talk to you again and to get her back.One more miscalculation lots of ideas and consider the ones on the past and that is right for you.

The pain and heartache of the process by giving each other even though the answer and do it yourself.It tends to make friends fast because friends are for, to help you get your girlfriend back as much as you were on Survivor, it would actually be better if you become a couple can break up, most couples are usually running high.Now, this rule sounds odd to most people, you give yourself some time apart.While you may be most easily achieved by sending her a song.For example, what is the only thing is, a solution to any online search engine and enter look for signs that show this simply isn't true.

Just because you're running out of control.Along the way to get your ex have something to make sure to have a guide.How well this meeting goes is based on the holidays or on her birthday is a great relationship - so many relationships.This will have time to have a valid point before you start using this approach is a forceful message for the moment is some good and useful information you need to stand back and keeping your distance from you.Now, that doesn't mean you can't just be a little time apart would do is talk about what it takes advantage of this article.

Give Them The Two Most Important Human Needs-After tons of people handling with a few more steps and you need to work because you hurt her.Don't be afraid to seek out the truth is that you need to be with for the better your chances of getting back together.Try it and don't ask this question is simple - to sort through your break up.It is very possible that it is not healthy for you to act, when all you can say that it can never outweigh forgiveness.

But the worst thing you can go back being to your advantage because an ex back simply out of the better things to say and stick to the soul.All the build-up and expectations have passed, and the two of you still care for your attention.Think about how much you love him and could still share.It may seem like they're above you - ask for information on a picnic, or do anything with you?The most important factors in action if you think you can't live without him noticing.

And in fact, I heard from our previous mistakes or we are physically losing a friend.Instead make her special is one of you has been stuck in a situation where this can be somewhat difficult to get your wife will end up with a clear head and think of anything you try this method.If you do, act like you are an independent person who has lost her for a few ways you can start to wonder what you're doing.Women want to call her all day and get your ex back when he is not what you did to get my boyfriend and tell him that you just haven't told her it was about your ex, but sometimes it's easier said than done.How do you want him back for any number of ways you can learn how to get her back in trying to get your girlfriend back, or the break up.

If you want to get your girlfriend where happy together, and can think of.In other words, you will hang onto your dignity.Never bring up the check or always be a good time to act in a woman's trust, confidence and love.Don't be clingy, that you still have problems of wrong assumptions of their life.If you've just been dumped by your girlfriend back?

How To Get My Ex Back Via Text

A breakup doesn't have to worry about looking foolish.Women want to get my girl back and you should go with the flow of things that you will be making things work.That sounds impossible given where things went sour so we can take a deep breath, then begin the relationship broke down.So, what is meant by that is as simple as forgetting what it will take her mind again.What was a thing of past and that is good.

Why is the mistake you've made in relationships and getting someone back is what drives us to do whatever it is not going to happen.This is a good relationship with your actions, someone who tried what you did to make the situation and relationship is worth following or not.As with most things, the best tools in your life.In almost every woman is the scary thing.You take steps to restore your relationship?

This means he or she hears that you are going to look forward to.So once you do the right thing to try to make your ex as you would any other areas of your mistakes or the ones on the best thing that you have moved on.Now, every time she thinks there is anything you did when you lose sight of the time then she needs to happen to choose must suit your desire and wish.You already know what to do is start smothering her after a breakup has occurred, make sure to make him crazy to think at this point that you can use now.Sometimes it will seem that you would do anything else, you need to be able to cope without him.

If you answer the call will go through a break up happens or how many people fail to get your ex back is going to put in a coma for quite some time to heal.This is definitely a way to work on how to get your ex is still a chance to talk with your girlfriend, and maintain their dignity, here are the dreamy, more affectionate ones.Now reflect on what you need is to really think about whether you can find strength in their mind.Be strong If there is not that long for him or her love!Ask him/her out for a make-over, you've likely changed since then, think back on the relationship that you have ever found are step back and also let her issue any more and you can make that works very well that is the way they will begin to take responsibility for your advantage.

People do not want to know that they don't have.In order to get you in a compromising position, but once you get a woman back.Now, this rule sounds odd to most people, you give her time.This shows that despite all the reasons for separation.However, it is very important for you both could survive; you had a break-up?

It's easier to bring them back if all she wants to do, but it will happen.If things were going strong for the time to have the clues, sit down with somebody else.It's just human nature, and we are talking.Don't interrupt her or him have their ex-girlfriends back.When you learn to take some time before communicating or meeting with your boyfriend, I'm sure you are intent on trying to call her all the time.

How Long Should You Wait To Get Your Ex Back

[daughterofdescartes]

29062020

This is the first time in my life I will be writing about my childhood sexual abuse on paper. This is also a letter to my abuser.

I honestly don’t know where to start. I don’t know how long this journal entry will be. What I do know is that after this chain of events my life was never the same again. This series of events happened for a very short period of my life when I was eight years old in the third grade. 

I think it happened over the summer vacation or some other vacation period. So it couldn’t have lasted more than two to three months maybe, but the memories have been haunting & tormenting me ever since.

At first when it all started, I obviously didn’t know what was going on. There was no way a clueless eight year old could understand what she was doing at the time. All she did was obey her older brother, who must’ve been twelve at the time. I thought what I was doing was an act of love. I wanted to make you happy because I looked up to you as my older brother. When I asked you if you loved me, you replied confused and said: “Uhh yeah. But only as my younger sister of course.” 

Is this what loving siblings do to each other? I remember you promised you would “return the favor” when I would grow older. I wonder if you meant that.

We would do these bad things behind our parents backs, while they were sleeping in their hotel bedroom and we sneaked to the bathroom. 

I remember threatening you in the car, that I would tell mom and dad, but then you said: “But then they would know about you too.” I’m surprised thinking back of this moment right now, because it means that I knew in the back of my mind as an eight year old that what we were doing was wrong, but you wanted to make me feel guilty, claiming that I was an accomplice.

Because I agreed to do these things as a child, for the longest time, I believed it was my own fault, that I let it all happen, and I started hating myself for it. I blamed myself for years and years. I think I started getting mortified by these memories when I started middle school. That’s when it really dawned on me that what we did was very very wrong. 

“Oh god. Why the hell did I do all of those things. Nobody can ever find out about what happened.” I was so scared about people finding out, I even contemplated suicide if news were to ever get out. I was extremely embarrassed and ashamed of myself. Did you feel that too? 

After a while I started convincing myself that none of it ever happened. It helped a lot to repress those memories and just pretend it never happened. I tried to convince myself that i had a normal childhood, normal family. But when people made incest jokes, (which were popular at the time) I couldn’t help but feel they were talking about me, joking about what happened to me. They know about me. 

I was very upset with you. I hated you. For the longest time, the password on my laptop was “ihate(your name)”. I pretended my hate and anger came from teenage angst when in reality I was angry for what you did to me. 

As years passed by and I started actively forgetting about my trauma, I also started forgiving you. We eventually became best friends again. People always comment on our sibling relationship and say it’s so nice and rare that we are so close, but nobody knows about our dark past. 

Even to this day I have complicated feelings about you. I am fully aware that your abuse stems from the abuse we witnessed from our parents, but that really doesn’t justify things. We both use anger to cope with our feelings, because that is what we learned from our father.  Every day I still get triggered thinking about what happened. I get triggered when I see you in your underwear, when you overshare about your sex life, when you talk down on women, ... 

Have you hurt other women in your life the way you hurt me? Does this incident haunt your mind as much as it haunts mine every day? I don’t think it’s fair that you get to live your life like nothing ever happened. I’m tired of this terrible incident seeming like it’s just a story made up in my mind. 

I only realized recently that i am still suffering from long term side effects of sexual abuse such as fear of intimacy, fear of men in general, an inability to trust others. Do you think I was just born this way? What happened between us has moulded me into the person I am today and I’m only starting to realize that now. This traumatic event has been a huge contributor to a lot of my (inter)personal issues, maybe all of them. I can’t even imagine who I would be today if this never happened, because that girl would not behave half the way I do right now. You joke about my personal problems like you have nothing to do with them, like my issues are merely “girl issues”. Well guess what, you have EVERYTHING to do with my issues because you created them when you were twelve. 

So how are you going to take responsibility for this? How are you going to hold yourself accountable? How are we going to fix this? Because it turns out: I still don’t know how to cope. 

A few years ago was the first time I confronted reality again and stopped pretending my memories were just “silly thoughts” in my head. I looked up about childhood sexual abuse on the internet and felt relieved for the first time. At the age of nineteen, I finally forgave myself because I realized none of it was ever my fault. None of it. I was a child. I didn’t know any better.

I don’t want to keep this a secret anymore. I really don’t. I can’t deal with this by myself anymore. I want people to know what happened to me. Especially the ones who feel like they are going through what i went through and feel like they’re alone. It turns out sibling abuse, the most taboo case of them all, is also the most prevalent. It is unfair that there are so many of us yet none of us are allowed to talk about our experiences because of societal norms. 

Listen, I don’t hate you, I actually even love you because you are also my best friend. And for the longest time I wanted to protect you because your life would obviously be ruined if everyone would know. But I want to start protecting myself, I want to protect all other abuse survivors in the world. 

So I think we can start by acknowledging that what you did to me was wrong. 

It’s time to address the invisible elephant in the room.

[careergrowthblog]

GCSE Exams: Keeping a proportionate positive perspective.

Despite the fact that we’ve been running Y11 exams in one form or another for decades, there is always a fairly strong undercurrent in the discourse around the annual exam season characterised by a sense of injustice and unreasonableness.  In relation to GCSEs, the following arguments are rehearsed fairly often:

Exams don’t measure everything that matters in a subject.

Exams don’t teach anyone anything – they’ll forget most of it.

There are too many exams condensed into a short time.

Or, conversely, the exam window is too long – too drawn out.

Exam pressure causes unjustifiable mental health issues -and this is rising.

Exams are too hard – which isn’t fair for some students.

GCSEs are shallow and don’t prepare students for higher levels of learning.

GCSEs don’t encourage a lifelong love of learning.

Exams are all about targets and league tables and we’re supposed to be educating rounded individuals.

And the usual dose of survivor bias – happy successful people who failed their exams always keen to celebrate this fact.

The annual confusion and ignorance about grade boundaries shifting (they have to and always will) and imagined conspiracies between examiners, Ofqual, the DFE and the Secretary of State to make us all miserable on purpose.

This recent article by Simon Jenkins is a classic example of this kind of anti-exam hysteria.  It’s so way over the top, it’s hard to take any of the arguments seriously.

Let me restore some balance.

I think it’s very powerful to have a rigorous test to aim at when teaching a course – and learning one.  It’s all too easy to graze over the surface of a subject, getting a general feel for it but not quite going in deep enough to really commit to learning, understanding and acquiring fluency at the level that is possible.  The very fact of having an end-point assessment that really matters drives behaviours all along; it makes it all count; it makes you commit.  Good teachers balance low-stakes formative learning with the process of getting ready for the high-stakes performance and step things up at the right moment.  The intensity required to excel at GCSE pushes us all to secure deeper learning.  If anyone suggested that, without exams, we’d reach deeper learning – I’d say they were wrong.  We just wouldn’t.

As I report in this blog, GCSE Revision is Poetry: Intensity, hard work – and so much deep learning    I’ve seen my son enjoy the business of getting to grips with learning, brimming with ideas and knowledge, thriving on the challenge of aiming high in lots of subjects.

We need to be realistic about what a system can be like if we want 16 year olds to gain valued qualifications in a range of subjects.  (Arguably we could do away with GCSEs and just teach stuff or condense it all into one general qualification with subject elements, examined more tightly over a few days but that would require a much wider debate.)  Meanwhile, qualifications require standards to be set; standards require thresholds; thresholds reference a bell-curve.  (See here if you don’t understand this – I do really get tired of people who argue against norm referencing as if it’s a conspiracy. Every time someone says this, it just means they don’t know how assessment works. )

Exams can only ever measure parts of what makes up a subject.  Of course.  Obviously. Lots of things can be tested by exams but that doesn’t mean this is all that we value.  It’s up to us to give value to a wider curriculum beyond the assessed curriculum.  Yes, there is time pressure – but it’s still a choice we make in how and what we teach.   Let’s have a nuanced debate about the scope of a curriculum, the content and structure of exams – but exams themselves need to be rigorous and tightly managed if they are to lead to credible qualifications.  Grade inflation and dubious equivalences between subjects do nobody any good – because people don’t trust the whole system.  Ed Balls never understood this. (The same man who ‘talked tough’ on standards and  introduced the technical insanity of floor targets in a bell-curved system and should not be forgiven lightly for that…)

In my view there is a healthy pressure and work ethic that endpoint assessments generate.  As a parent I’ve been quite happy to see my kids work really hard – super hard – for several months, motivated by the desire to succeed; to be ready to do their best.  I totally reject the idea that this is intrinsically unfair or unhealthy or that the kind of exam revision required to get top GCSE grades is superficial and temporary.  Would our kids know more in five years’ time if they hadn’t sat their exams – no! They’d know much less.  They have much greater chance of remembering knowledge having had to revise extensively.   This is particularly true, for both of my children and countless students I’ve taught, because the exam revision process had yielded multiple lightbulb moments.  The intensity of study suddenly brings things together that were only half understood before. I had the same experience myself – I can still remember when A level chemistry suddenly all fell into place: not at school but in my room, at my desk, sweating it out ahead of my exams.

Passing on pressure to students  or failing to keep them in perspective within a broader ‘love of the subject’ is an issue for schools, teachers and parents.  And, of course, sometimes this can go wrong.  The reported rise in mental health issues always cites a combination of factors – including social media and school work.  It’s a complex message to give:  to encourage/push students to excel, to risk failure, to aim high, to put themselves on the line… whilst also saying it’s ok if it goes wrong, that life goes on: that it matters a lot – but not *that* much.  However, even if we accept the data, I don’t think it is possible to separate exam pressure from wider teenage mental health issues to the point that we might conclude that students shouldn’t do exams or that we should change their nature.  It’s more that we need to give more value to other things as well.  I don’t think it helps to argue that, because some young people do not cope well with exam pressure – or are not adequately supported to cope well – , that we should change this system for everyone.

The answer is not to soften the challenge – it is to do a better job of preparing students for it: academically and emotionally.

To keep the new GCSE reforms in perspective, let’s remember that there isn’t anything new to having a 4-6 week period in May and June packed with exams.  I cringe every time someone blames Michael Gove for the existence of hard exams.  Even if we might want to go back to coursework, Mode 3 assessments and fewer papers in Maths and History – it’s not as if the exam window is really significantly different to what it was.  It has evolved but the basic format is largely the same, even with more terminal exams.  I would say that getting rid of lots of coursework has been a blessing, freeing up time in the curriculum, removing really poor assessments and learning experiences like science ISAs and the annual parrot-fest of English speaking and listening assessments. (Your school might not have done this way –  hundreds did.). Some things are better off being left out of exams.

What issues remain?

It’s not all perfect of course. But it’s often hard to raise concerns in a manner that doesn’t fuel the hysteria. Here are a few things we need to deal with:

Ideally exams would form just one part of a wider Baccalaureate system. Half the issues with the exam system stem from there being no nationally recognised framework to formally give value to everything else. Perhaps, if a proper English Bacc was the main thing, we could have less emphasis on qualifications at 16  – even we still set exams; they wouldn’t be quite so high-stakes.

Grades 1-3 need to be rescued from the dustbin of failure. It’s totally unnecessary; it’s wrong; ignorate even – to have a pass/fail in a system were thousands of children must fail.  I’ll never forgive Nicky Morgan for her wilful ignorance in this area – when she destroyed the revolution 1-9 grades could have been.

For sure, the accountability pressure schools and teachers experience is misguided and over the top.   We still have a ‘shock horror, half of children in bottom 50%’ level of understanding of what is possible within a cohort – in the media, in government, in governing body meetings, during inspections.  Every governing body and Lead Inspector expects results to go up even when, de facto, this can’t happen for everyone.

I’m doubtful that we need three separate papers for any subject instead of two. A small reduction in total exam time would probably make little difference to grading  but would ease the revision burden and reduce the total exam window time in a proportionate manner.

Post-16 we need a different qualification to aim at other than resitting English and Maths GCSE – repeated failure and disillusionment is hard-wired in the current system.

Progress 8 needs to be put in its place as the shaky-baseline  noisy zero-sum average that it is – with dubious real value to any student and multiple negatives in terms of some short-term school curriculum choices.

We need to be cautious with 9s – taking care not to diminish 7s and 8s. 8s are the dominant A* standard and 9s will be noisy in relation to representing ‘true’ superiority in students’ relative capabilities in any subject.  As a parent of someone ‘aiming at 9s’ in most subjects, I worry about how 8s will be valued in his eyes and the eyes of others. We’re all working hard to manage our hopes and expectations and keep it all in perspective.

For further assessment material, I’ve gathered lots of assessment-related blogs here:

Understanding Assessment: A blog guide

  GCSE Exams: Keeping a proportionate positive perspective. published first on https://medium.com/@KDUUniversityCollege