#not being able to delete my old accounts where i said awful bigoted things as a kid bc i was just repeating my parents' words

[florenceisfalling]

the duality of "the internet saved my life" and "the internet irreversibly fucked me up"

[mygoodgrief-blog1]

OKAAAAYY SO: Last night one of my “friends” hacked my intstagram and used it to make racist and transphobic comments on a bunch of accounts I follow. The posts he commented on were undocumedia’s Insta, Caitlyn Jenner’s isnta, and some artists both visual and musical that I really enjoy. He used my account to say stuff like “Fuggin beans smh” and “not a real woman *gross*” and some stuff that is worse that I really just can’t even repeat. He’s a straight, cis, white-male and he says a lot of “jokes” that are very bigoted sometimes depending on who’s around, but we’ll get to why that’s important later. I didn’t find out that he did all this until I started getting @ from people responding to the stuff he said by telling me to kill myself, stuff, that I'm an “ogre” and that I’m “so ugly even snapchat filters can’t save” me. So not only was I getting hate from random strangers trolling me online I was also confronted with these horrible things my friend said using my page! He said that they were “just jokes” and he was even laughing about it. This was all happening at my house on a calm Sunday evening when I had invited him and some other friend over for a bonfire. He not only came empty handed with no booze for himself as a polite guest would, but he also brought his own friends without even asking and they all came in and go “where’s the beer? where’s the weed?” So I told them they could have what little vodka I had left but they weren’t getting any of my imported beer especially since I only had a 6-pack of it. To catch you up he not only invited his friends over with not even a heads up, he also took my liquor and ended up taking some of my other friend’s beer too, and then puts me and my Insta through hell. I found what he did and I was yelling at him calling him a racist bastard and a cuck. I told him to get the fuck out of my house and so his friends had to leave too. It ruined the night and I was up till 3 am looking over as many posts as I could to see if he had commented anything else because I wanted to delete it before I got blocked from an account I really like or something. Honestly I really do love Instagram and the connections you can make on it so to have him invade my privacy and turn it into a space where I don’t feel safe because I’m worried about getting hate comments is just so awful and really upsetting. I really don’t know what to do but I wish I had punched him. Worst of all is he wasn’t even sorry. His girlfriend claims that he’s sorry but at the end of the day he hasn’t said that to me and if he’s really sorry he’s 21 years old he should be able to apologize now if he’s a decent human being.