#normally something like this wouldn't have hit so hard but after the dream this morning I'm in a bad place mentally

[jedi-bird]

Mother in law called me fat today. I'm literally done helping anyone in this family ever again.

[lizzieisright]

The happy end to this story! (childhood friends to lovers). Thank you for voting!

Palestine: what can you do

Morning comes way too early and your head is absolutely killing you. You sit on the bed slowly, scared you'll get dizzy, and try to remember how much you drank yesterday.

Instead you're hit with a brick to your face when you remember the end of the night.

Holy fuck.

You can't breathe for a second. Why the fuck did you confess to Abby? Did she kiss you as well? What the fuck? What the fuck happened?

You don't feel like you can even start to unpack all of that in your current state. You take a shower with a slight tremor in your body and keep your head empty: it's not hard when the headache is still pounding at your temples.

You brush your teeth and lazily slump to the kitchen, eager to drink something - dehydration is such a bitch. You make yourself tea and sit on a chair, staring at your table.

It's not true, is it? You had these dreams before when you'd wake up and swear something happened, but then details wouldn't add up and you'd come to a conclusion it was your drunk hallucination. This was probably one of them, right?

Should you text Abby and ask if anything happened?

Yeah, no. You'd rather die.

It eats you alive and if it's really happened, it'd be the end. No way Abby really kissed you yesterday - she probably left and your mind decided to sweeten the pill and played the same tape it plays every time you get too upset. It's pathetic and humiliating, but it makes you feel better. Usually.

It doesn't make you feel better now since your intuition is screaming at you, telling you yesterday was real, but you ignore it, because you can't afford hope.

And even if it was real, what's next? Hey Abby, do you want to break up wi-

The doorbell rings and startles you - and now you're terrified. You don't want to know who is there. (Because you know who it is.)

But you can't ignore the doorbell because it hurts your head way too much, so you go to open the door just to end this awful noise.

And Abby is there, smiling with a bag of a takeout next door she knows you crave on the hangover.

"Hi." She breathes out and there's her usual adoring look you can't handle. "How are you feeling?"

"I'm genuinely considering dying as an option." You joke, but you'd really prefer to be anywhere else than face Abby and yesterday's.. situation.

"Did you wake up not long ago?" Abby makes her way around your apartment to go to the kitchen and you're puzzled.

"Half an hour ago."

So did something happen yesterday or not? Is Abby being normal or is she pretending to be normal? Your dry ramen brain can't figure her out, so you decide to go with the flow and see what happens.

Abby serves the food and you sit down to eat. Your stomach growls and there is disgusting smell of alcohol when you breath out; you cringe and start eating, your mind is still half-empty. You feel like a zombie with no functioning brains and it's better than hearing your anxiety.

"Thank you." You say and take a large bite, because apparently you're very hungry.

"I broke up with Mia."

You choke on your food.

"What the fuck Abby!" You cough and it takes a few minutes to calm down. "You can't just say it when I'm chewing, come on. But also: What?"

"I went to her place just before I came here. We talked and I told her I can't keep dating her. She was upset, but she said she understood."

You blink. Your hands start shaking and it's not hangover. You press your lips together to not smile because Abby's words give you hope.

"So yesterday was real?" You ask, scared shitless.

"Yeah." Abby smiles and reaches out, tangling her fingers with yours. "You thought it was a dream?"

"Yeah." You admit and stare at your joined hands. "Are you being friendly right now?" You are cautious. You can't have any subtlety right now, you need Abby to be clear with you. After yesterday there's no space for blurred boundaries and friendly flirting.

"No, I'm not." Abby chuckles. "You want to hear it?"

"Yes." You sound like you're begging and Abby giggles.

"I'm in love with you."

You fold. Literally. Your body gives up and relaxes in the chair and you take a deep breath. It's real. It's all real, and Abby is here and she is in love with you.

"Will you be my girlfriend?"

"Oh my god." You squeak under your breath. "Yes. Yes. Fuck. Fuck, I will."

Abby smiles happily and raises your fingers to kiss them. You shudder and you feel like you're going to throw up.

Oh shit.

You run to the bathroom and empty your stomach. Abby runs after you, laughing, but keeping your hair out of the way.

"Really?"

"Shut the fuck up, Abby." You say and wipe your mouth. "I'm hangover."

Abby washes your face for you and kisses your forehead.

"Is it gross I still want to kiss you?" Abby murmurs and you feel your face heat up.

"Incredibly gross. I'll brush my teeth first."

Abby laughs and watches impatiently as you brush your teeth. The moment you finish she is turning you around and kisses you, wet and hungry, and your knees buckle. Abby is not shy and she is not trying to slow down, practically devouring you, pushing her tongue inside your mouth and squeezing your waist as if she is mapping you with her fingers. You're overwhelmed by all of this, but you respond eagerly and hug her shoulders. The kiss tastes like mint, but both of you don't mind.

"I guess your skills improved since we were 14." Abby teases you, but she is smiling happily. You are both panting, and you pinch her side enough for it to be painful.

"And you still drool all over my face."

"Well." Abby smirks at you. "You seem to like it."

"Maybe." You return the smirk and kiss her again, wondering if your God is a still a God if you can reach her?

You think she is.

[doctorbrown]

DOCTOBER '23 ⸺ 「 10 / 31 * NUCLEAR 」

July 16, 1945

When the countdown reaches fifteen, a hush as silent as death immediately falls over the crowd. Conversations grind to a halt mid-sentence and everyone's eyes drop, almost in-sync, to the ground. Emmett tenses on the towel he's laid out for himself, his muscles seized by equal parts fear and anticipation.

This has to work.

This can't work.

It's a dizzying thing to stand at such conflicting odds with one's own invention, to know that your hands have touched and constructed and breathed life into something that, if it works, could rob others of that same life in a heartbeat on a scale that had never been achieved before.

Should I breathe? Should I hold my breath?

What if six seconds is all they have left until the world ignites and burns itself to ash thanks to the hubris of man? He had thrown his lot in with the crowd that believed it wouldn't, but non-zero was still something.

Emmett feels like he ages a year for every second he's trapped in limbo, not knowing whether or not the past several years of hard work will have yielded the results they so desperately hoped for.

He believes it will, because he has to. Otherwise, what was this all for?

When the countdown reaches zero, the bomb is not the only thing that drops.

So, too, does Emmett’s stomach.

The light of an artificial sun paints the sky with a brilliance he has no words to describe and Emmett screws his eyes shut for a second, blinded. Bodies shuffle around him, his fellow scientists all let out a collective breath—they, too, must have held it—and Emmett comes back to himself, twisting and fumbling for his protective lens to get a proper look at the culmination of all this time and energy.

And when the shockwave finally hits, twenty seconds or a minute later, he's not sure, whipping Emmett's wild red mane of hair around until it becomes a secondary flame ignited by the blast, all he can see is Pandora’s Box being blown wide open for all eternity, releasing horrors that can never be sealed again.

The blast sounds like a beast roaring in his ears, but it pales in comparison to the pillar of flame climbing higher and higher into the air, glowing with a radiance that puts their sun to shame.

He’s never put much stock into stories of magic and fairytales. As a man of science, there was no place for such things; all science once was magic, unexplainable phenomena they had not the skill yet to understand. Everything had an explanation once studied and picked apart, but right now, his mind can only grasp at stories.

The rest of the morning passes in a blur. He must have spoken to people, because he’s been clapped on the back and thanked and lauded, but what he might have said eludes him. Most of the others around him are celebrating, and maybe he is, too, somewhere.

They did not destroy the world. With this, they can put an end to the war. Brothers and fathers and sons will come home, the fighting and bloodshed will cease, and humanity can move on.

Maybe they won’t have to use this weapon after all.

But what if we do?

With this successful test, even though the future of the device was still up in the air—will they or won't they?—it was clear that the world would never be the same. The tower where they'd hoisted it up had been vaporised. Nothing of it remained where, not an hour ago, it loomed in the distance, holding the weight of their hopes and dreams.

If it could do that to a structure that normally would be unshakeable, what would it do to the land? To humans? The data—the data said one thing, but numbers and figures did not prepare him for actually witnessing the detonation; it should stand to reason that it would be exactly the same in practise.

At some point between the rising of the real sun and the ride back to Los Alamos, Emmett has the vague recollection of being invited out for drinks; a celebration, they'd said, now that they've finally crested that daunting hurdle. He'd declined, wanting nothing more than to sit in his room to give his spinning thoughts the attention they deserved.

He had far too much to think about, and he was never too partial to alcohol in the first place.

When he can no longer suffer the suffocating feeling of the walls of his room closing in on him, Emmett steals out into the night, grateful for the cool desert air even in the summer.

A solitary figure leans against one of the buildings and Emmett would recognise that silhouette anywhere.

❝Emmett,❞ Oppenheimer says by way of greeting after taking a long drag of his cigarette, ❝I take it I don't have to guess at what brings you out here at this hour?❞

[tavarillasgalen]

after months with nary a thought about suicide, the ideations came back and it's harder and harder to get out of bed in the morning.

because when i broke up with my ex, i felt so free, so happy. i wouldn't take him back in a million years. but... he was the only friend i had. the only person i talked to.

and now, well. i'm just so lonely. it took 6 months for the loneliness to hit, but god, did it hit. trying to make friends as an adult is nigh impossible. i have my family, at least, but... no friends. and no real purpose.

i don't know. it would be easier if i was pursuing something new. but all of my dreams, i've tried for them and failed. and it is a lot harder to try again after failing, failing, failing, and putting in so much effort, so much work, only for nothing to come of it. of course, all you can do is try, otherwise what are you going to do with your life... just sit around on your laptop, doing nothing? been there, in the worst of my depression, never going back. but to try again, knowing you've failed at all these things before in spite of such effort, it is beyond difficult. it is hard to muster up the will, because you have to, but also... you failed. and you don't want to fail again.

i just. it is so hard.

i have no one to talk to, outside of family. i have nothing to look forward to. i have no real reason to get out of bed in the morning other than go to this job i've been wanting to quit and make money because you need money to survive.

and i know what they say, comparison is the devil, blah blah. and i know my relationship with my ex played a MASSIVE role in this. Massive, massive, massive. but i see other people around my age who have their lives together, who are doing things they love, who have friends and people to do things with. and i'm happy for them, but also just so sad, because i feel like i'll never have that. the last time i had friends was when the relationship was just starting.

so it's been almost 7 years since i had a friend who wasn't my ex. sure, there have been the occasional online friendships, but people get busy with their real lives and online friends aren't the same, because you have to, well, be online to talk to them. you can't go out and live your life with them. and i'm sitting here, reading this, and i'm like, god, really, 7 years since i had real life friends? 7 years where i basically only talked to one (1) person, not even family? no wonder i'm having such a hard time making friends, my social skills must be horrific.

and like, i don't know. logically, i know it isn't fair to compare myself to other people my age, because like... if i'd just left my ex when i first wanted to (or the 100th time i wanted to....) that would probably be me too. i know that i'm working on it. i know that i'm making efforts to build that sort of life for myself because to not put in the effort is to just rot away doing nothing which makes the depression a million times worse.

but i still struggle to find the point. it's increasingly more and more difficult to get out of bed. i know i should be proud of myself - look at me, doing things alone that i never could have mere months ago! look at me, only getting anxious about normal things instead of having a panic attack about going to the grocery store! look at me, getting back into my hobbies, reclaiming my life! look at me, getting promoted! blah, blah, blah.

and i know if i continue putting in the effort, eventually i'll catch up to other people my age. i know there are only 2 real choices: put in the effort for a chance at making your life better or not and you may as well just drop dead.

but just.

it's one thing to logically know that. and another to just... live in the shitty moment and try try try and hope that maybe, one day, eventually, there will be something to come from the trying.

but i can't help but feel like there's no point. i'll just fail again. so trying doesn't give me the rush of excitement it did the first time at all the potential. so rather than feeling like a goal i'm working towards, it feels like wasting time on another future failure.

so it's hard to get through the days lately. it's hard to get out of bed. it's hard to do anything.

but i'm doing it, because sure, i may have suicidal thoughts, but that doesn't mean i'm going to act on them.

but god, is it hard to go through the motions with nothing to look forward to and no one really to talk to.

[the-firebird69]

If our son had an electric motorcycle company electric motorcycle he can go across the country with the bigger one with only one charge and he said he'd stay at a hotel after driving straight for like a day and it'd be almost halfway at 70 mph no but if you went on some highways you have people go real fast he could be halfway almost and he can charge it in the morning and it'll make it so no one can take it sort of and then get something in the morning and he'd have to ride over to charge it up and probably 20 minutes and then he could do almost half again that's as fast as you can do it on that eBay and you'd probably have to stop overnight after going hard and heavy or you ruin the batteries by trying to charge it right away and people do it all the time but you're not you're not maxing out for hours

Thor Freya

We do have a model that he can use and it's zero fuel and he can drive the whole way and he could take naps and he's been doing that and it'll take him probably two days even at top speed they can get away with like a hundred miles an hour cuz tons of people do it now that bikes designed to do it okay so it's really easy but he wouldn't want to do it it's just a grueling experience. See you soon all this weird s*** about him leaving on his own and he has no way to do it and practically you can't have him get on an airplane cuz we don't control the skies at this time. And your threats would be meaningless. And so he's thinking you know like a camper if you had money or a decent vehicle and can and Ken's like great take like 3 days and then do it normally and they just be going fast now when they took the Kia it took them like 3 days to get to Mississippi from Florida no it was from New England and that was about 2,300 miles so that's almost 800 miles a day and they attracted and he was doing 750 miles a day he's going 80 the whole time they say how did you do that so I have decent tires and the car is a pretty good car and it sold a lot of cars people dreamed about escaping a lot of warlock but those cars and do not really unhappy they worked okay for a long time after the storm and they were mad but the storm killed tons of cars. Here it is in a nutshell we need you people to be aware that our people have to suffer with all your idiot decisions and you idiots made dumb decisions tonight that fleet's going to be there at 10:00 p.m. roughly maybe 10:30 p.m. and it's going to sit there and yell profanities and stupid s*** like that and suggest they don't did they say they're going to so they probably start getting hit and the other fleet will speed up like they usually do and get wiped out right now it's like 90% of your people that are left are lined up to try and get to the states by force and is going to be ugly because the empire is huge again

Thor Freya

I wish you luck my love and I have done the homework thank you though I appreciate it said luck is nothing to do with it and I hope it's more than that and it is we have a lot of force there and we have force all over even in the air and we are ready in place to help if we need to and the empire is protecting you at this moment from these crazy people and there's a lot of ships coming out it's hard work they're using a lot of energy and expert attention and the ships are full of ordinance and they are ready to fire on these ships going by the according them off and they're going along the shore to make sure that nothing attacks the ships and these people are being pulled out and house by house neighborhood my neighborhood they're not going to be here a lot of them left and people here are laughing at them and now they're not laughing. This is a gross enough to people we're used to them making mistakes but this was a huge mistake. Going after my husband's money has killed you all and he says take it easy Cochise I know the math on it but really you shouldn't call me Cochise even though he's I'm his partner in crime I'm a woman and Cochise is a man but that's beside the point he's actually right the money cannot be left with Max and the money you can't really use it anyways some people want to use the code that's on there and you'd be hard pressed to come up with a way around what they're doing and some people want to use their own code and that is what makes sense so you want to take the money out and put their money in and that's what the fight is about it's much more logical than what people are saying

Hera I wanted to say that all day and yes I was waiting to and yes your baby giant and that's your name around here and calling you it out loud and he regrets making it up but really they haven't started like genre and all sorts of games and stupid things over it yet and what I'm saying is you be surprised there's a whole bunch of stuff going on because giant giant names and abusive too that really they're saying all sorts of things and he gets bigger we're going to get whatever we want he's not big now and it's very sharp and it's larger it's going to be intense. And it's going to be a lot of fun and they say all sorts of things but really it's going okay. Anything with the electric motorcycle and the beer did not work it's because of the banks electric motorcycles the e-bikes and the banks together made a horrible concoction it's not our fault because they need to do it they still haven't gotten near one even though John rebelord said he did it turned out later he was lying but it kicked it off. And he did not get a sweet potato pie for me he's talking about Sarah and how she healed him for a long time kind of stopped a little and said you get it injured so often I don't know what to do and you're healing anyways found out he's doping with what could be Godzilla spice and he's turned into a massive creature and it is what he's doing and he doesn't get real big he does then small and it's going on for quite a while this song is going to end with him shortly The saga will be over and Star wars is beginning tonight when The invasion fails they go to a pod race cuz they have to try and get stuff from Tommy f and you get mutated and all sorts of stuff because they're out there looking today and they're still running the show and they're in Tunis lots of them and stay tuned this is going to be crazy

Is the show of Faith going on here now he's checking to see if you put the name he thought he did and he did but really this is a maddening thing he's concentrating a lot on what he's hearing and his reviewing and approving and working with her all sorts of things happening it's fast and we're doing it too. And what's happening tonight is you guys are in a lot of trouble your entire force overseas is heading your way internet and make room and very better yet you're in a lot of trouble means we think you're going to get hit out there and you won't have power overseas and you're going to get hit here and it's happening already and you're calling for more to come from overseas and pretty soon there won't be anybody there if yours they're going through remainders of yours where you left and according It off and using force and we are a part of that Force you are disgusting people. It's going to be over for you soon my car words you'll be kicked out of Florida in just a few days after that last attempt they're going to be very angry at you. Start going after the money with the help of foreigners and they're using it to get in here everything is smart and we need it desperately and also going to help take down empire defenses that starts up soon too and tonight is the beginning of The phantom menace, and we have a lot of characters in it and they're real kju and they really are good at using lightsabers and light swords and you people don't have training you spend a lot of time or yammering and following our sun around in the grocery store and make him ride his bike everyday and your fools All of You are pretty soon it's going to be evident but these movies are going to start up real quick one right after the other and tonight after the repel this Force they're going after your basis no they're going after them now to make you weaker so you can't do what you want with those ships. And holding back and suppressing Tommy F globally and they say if you don't like it we'll move in on you and giant armies are there and it's going to be a brawl and tonight it's going to be a great battle over Florida and there's going to be a lot of things happening that you idiots are not going to be aware of

Will published now so not to lose it

Olympus

[joaquinwhorres]

gazes (joaquín torres x reader)

SUMMARY ››››› It's become increasingly apparent to Sam and Bucky that you and Joaquin cannot take your eyes off each other. Unfortunately for them, you two have decided to be Professionals and that means keeping your eyes, hands, and lips to yourselves. No matter how difficult it is.

WORD COUNT ››››› 3,716

WARNINGS ››››› sexy times implied

A/N ››››› Ok so these headcanons y'all have been sending me are incredible. I read these two back to back and I just had to write something connecting them.

The kid had no tact.

Sam wasn't exactly sure why he expected more from the guy who'd led into his theory that Steve was on the moon by referencing vague internet rumors, but even despite that, he'd assumed Joaquin possessed some sense of subtlety.

Instead he was over at the leg press trying and failing not to stare at Y/N as she bent over at the middle to help Bucky push deeper into the stretch.

"You know she could hit you with a harassment claim for staring at her like that."

Joaquin jumped, the weights dropping suddenly with a loud clang. Across the gym, Bucky laughed as Y/N whipped around to face the two men. "Everything ok?" Her voice sounded genuinely concerned, and Sam couldn't help but smirk as Joaquin turned towards her, giving a little wave.

"Foot slipped," he answered, and she nodded, turning back to Bucky quickly.

"Foot slipped," Sam mocked.

"Dude, you scared the shit out of me."

"If you paid half the amount of attention you give to Y/N to your surroundings, you'd have known I'd been standing here for three minutes."

Joaquin gave a defensive scoff. "I wasn't staring at her--I was just--" he stopped, searching for an excuse, and Sam raised his eyebrows.

When it was clear Joaquin couldn't find a convincing enough lie to end the sentence, Sam shook his head. "You know, if you talk to her, she might actually let you take her out."

"I talk to her," Joaquin protested.

Sam shook his head, uncrossing his arms. "No, I mean talk to her. Chat her up. You've gotta have some game, right?"

"I've got game..." His sentence trailed off as he turned to look in her direction, finding her standing over Bucky's feet with her hands on her hips. "But like, we're co-workers, you know? I don't want to make things awkward around the gym or the compound or anything."

"Joaquin," Sam said, laying a hand on his shoulder. "You're already making things awkward."

"He's staring at your ass again."

"And you're trying to get out of stretching again," you quipped, moving Bucky's leg closer to his chest. The super soldier tilted his head as if to acknowledge the legitimacy of your accusation.

"Doesn't change the fact that I think you're about to give him a heart attack."

"I highly doubt he's worried in the slightest about my ass. He's probably zoned out."

"He's definitely focused in...on--"

"On my ass," you finished, shaking your head. You might have given Bucky's claim a little more credence if it weren't for the fact that Joaquin Torres had been anything but the consummate professional towards you. He was friendly and upbeat and welcoming, and one of the few genuinely good guys you'd ever had the pleasure of working with.

You'd never caught him staring once, and it's not like the boy was exactly known for subtlety. Last time Bucky had asked him to cover for him so you couldn't come down and teach him the right way to train his body, he'd told you that Bucky had left the compound to get you a thank you gift for all of your hard work. All while staring at the gym door.

The heavy sound of weights falling against each other echoed throughout the gym, and you spun around to face the sound. Sam hovered over Joaquin's shoulder, the latter no longer working the leg press but instead looking as if he'd just received the scare of his life.

Bucky broke into laughter, and you smacked at his leg.

"Everything ok?" you called out, and Joaquin smiled, giving a sheepish little wave at you. "Foot slipped."

"It's a good thing he wasn't at the bench press. You might have killed him."

Your head snapped back to Bucky who was giving you a shit eating grin.

"You're an asshole."

"I'm right."

"Do you think if I ask nicely Wakanda will take you back?"

"So you know I'm right."

You chanced a glance back at Joaquin who was still talking to Sam before turning back around and placing your hands on your hips. "I'm calling Ayo."

You were running early.

Not to any event in particular, but just for the general course of your day. It was rare for you to wake up to your first alarm so completely refreshed, and with a fully awake brain, you found it much easier to navigate the morning. You were able to get dressed without crawling back in bed for a few more minutes, and didn't have to battle with sleepy indecision when choosing what you wanted to eat for breakfast.

One thing after another just continued to roll your way, leading you to the gym much earlier than usual.

And that's where the luck stopped.

Or maybe it didn't stop. But it definitely took a turn. Because while you fully expected someone else to be in the gym already, you hadn't expected just one person to be in the gym. And even if you had, you wouldn't have guessed that that one person would be Joaquin. And if, for some reason, you'd had the foresight to sense that, you definitely never would have pictured him to be running on the treadmill shirtless.

You stopped in your tracks, eyes falling to the bouncing dog tags on his chest and then lower to the well defined abs you'd somehow never seen before.

It felt like you'd seen just about every man in this compound shirtless. At some point, they all seemed to strip in the gym or during one of your group training classes you ran for those who weren't field agents. Bucky was shirtless half the time you worked together. It was so normal, you hardly even blinked an eye anymore. Seeing Sam without a shirt was more rare and quite the sight, but it'd never caught your breath quite like seeing Joaquin. Joaquin, who had never so much as worn a tank top in the gym, Joaquin.

And now here he was, chest bare and heaving, feet pounding rhythmically against the treadmill, hair still messy from his pillow and sweat. Your brain couldn't seem to function correctly, offering you images of the sight before you, only closer. Much closer. Hovering inches over your stretched out body as the headboard behind you rammed into the wall with the force of each thrust--

"Hey," Joaquin greeted, noticing you standing off to the side. You blinked, heat rushing to your face as he turned the treadmill down to a more leisurely pace. "Something wrong with my form?"

It was tempting to lie and offer to "help him fix it." Or to be completely honest and tell him you'd never seen a human form as perfect as his.

But neither of those responses were professional or even appropriate, and you needed this job.

You swallowed, shaking your head. "No, I was just wondering why you were wearing those," you said, gesturing to his dog tags, and allowing your eyes to fall to his chest once more. You followed a bead of sweat as it rolled down his body, heading to the waistband of his shorts. Joaquin reached to touch his tags, causing them to jingle together once more and pull your attention up to him.

"It's hard to let them go," he smiled, ruefully, hitting the button so the belt slowed even more. "I'd say it's a habit, putting them on, but at this point they're just like a part of me."

You nodded, wishing you'd taken this conversation anywhere but to the idea of dog tags and what they stood for. It wasn't so much a mood killer but a guilt inducer because instead of you feeling embarrassed and somber, all you wanted to do was grab them and pull him closer to you.

He must have read the conflict on your face because he gave a crooked smile. "Yeah, sorry, it's kinda morbid."

"No," you shook your head, clearing it of the daydream induced fog. "I probably shouldn't have asked."

"No, nah, it's cool," his smile grew into grin, as the belt came to a stop. He leaned his forearms against the console, staring at you as if waiting for you to continue the conversation. Which you were not equipped to do with a smiling and shirtless and sweaty Joaquin Torres right before you.

"Well, thanks for being cool about it," you said with a nod.

My God, something was wrong with you. They were just abs. And sure, maybe the abs belonged to the man who not only found the time to moonlight as a superhero but star in your increasingly dirty dreams of late, but it was just a body party that you'd seen a million times.

But never on Joaquin.

You blamed everything your brain was doing to you on Bucky and all of his stupid comments about Joaquin's supposed fixation on your ass. You wondered what he would say if he could see you now. "And I thought I was half machine. I could practically see your brain short circuiting." or "If that's what you're like when you see him half-naked, how are you ever going to--"

"Yeah, of course," Joaquin said, still smiling, his eyes lifting up over your shoulder as the other door to the gym opened and Sam came in. "Hey," he greeted with a jerk of his chin.

"Hey," Sam said, drawing closer, his eyes on you. You forced a smile on to your own face, and lifted a hand, not trusting anything that was coming out of your mouth.

"You're here early," the other man said, stepping onto the treadmill next to Joaquin's, and putting his water bottle down next to the machine.

Both of them were looking at you now, and it's not like you could handle staying in this gym any longer. "I came down looking for my water bottle. I think I left it here yesterday."

Sam raised his eyebrows glancing around the gym, and Joaquin stepped down off of the machine. "Do you want help looking for it?" he asked, and your whole body seemed to tense up at the idea, your brain transporting you to a future scenario where the two of you wandered around the room, Joaquin next to you or behind you, so close you could feel the heat radiating off of him, all the while searching for a water bottle that was sitting on your dresser.

"No." Your voice came out too high, but you tried to play it off, shaking your head. "I've already interrupted your workout enough. It's either by the weights or not in here."

"Alright," he nodded. "If you need any help looking around the compound though, let me know."

"Thanks," you said. And then you gave another stupid wave and beelined it for the weight racks because you had to get out of here.

You made a show of looking next to each section of weights, even bending over to check underneath of them as if it could have been knocked under somewhere. After you felt an appropriate amount of time had passed to be convincing, you straightened up, empty handed. You turned back to Joaquin and Sam, both watching you rather than continuing their workouts as you might have hoped.

"Not here," you called back with a shrug and then left the gym and headed straight up to your shower.

He was nothing if not predictable.

The minute Y/N bent over to check behind the weight rack, his eyes were glued to her. Or perhaps more accurately, the bright teal spandex shorts she wore. As she pulled herself back up from searching for her water bottle and turned to them, Joaquin quickly looked to Sam as if the two had been talking the whole time and then "casually" returned to her.

"Not here!" she said, shrugging and then walking out of the gym, her footsteps quick and purposeful as she left through the door Sam had just entered by.

"So, what'd I interrupt?"

Joaquin looked up at Sam as if remembering he was there. "What?"

"You know, when the two of you were sitting by this machine making eyes at each other? Did you actually say anything to her or….?"

Joaquin shook his head. "No, she just came in and, uh, we chatted for a second, and then…" he trailed off, as if not fully remembering any of the past ten, twenty, however many minutes.

"You just chatted," Sam repeated, the disbelief on his face edging into his voice.

"Yeah," Joaquin nodded.

"Anywhere in this chat you finally ask her out?"

"Nah, it didn't feel right."

"It didn't--she was practically taking off the other half of your clothes with her eyes," Sam sputtered, gesturing to Joaquin's shorts.

The kid laughed and shook his head as if Sam didn't know what he was talking about. Joaquin moved to exit the gym as well. "I'll see you later, man," he said, leaving a very exasperated Sam behind.

Bucky Barnes was a motherfucking liar.

"Let's grab a drink on Friday," he said.

"Consider it me making it up to you for being such a pain in your ass," he said.

"I'll buy," he said.

Mothefucker.

This wasn't just you and your favorite co-worker getting a drink. This was a goddamn set up. Because one hour and three mojitos into the night, Sam and Joaquin walked in the front door.

"I fucking hate you," you said, glaring up at his stupid smug face.

"Well, what a surprise, he grinned, as you shook a finger up at him.

"I told you in confidence I'm a flirty drunk."

He snorted, giving you a look out the side of his eyes. "You told me you were a flirty drunk after you sent me several highly inappropriate drunk text messages about what you wanted to do to a certain Lieutenant, who," the self-satisfied smile was back on Bucky's face. "Is making his way over to us right now."

"When I get home, I swear to God, I'm buying you a ticket to Wakanda."

Bucky quirked an eyebrow. "You're not going to do it now?"

"I didn't bring my credit card because you said you were paying," you huffed.

Before Bucky could respond, Sam and Joaquin were next to the two of you, greeting Bucky with hand slaps and one armed hugs. Sam came around and wrapped an arm around you first before sliding into the seat next to Bucky, and Joaquin came forward, giving you a quick hug.

Which was a first.

More than the feeling of his back underneath your palm, or the way he seemed to emanate warmth, you were done in by how absolutely incredible he smelled. But before you could fully identify whether it was his shampoo, a cologne, or just him, he pulled away and took the only other available seat near the group--the one next to you.

"I see you started without us," Sam said, raising his eyebrows at the assortment of glasses that sat before you. Most of them were Bucky's as he downed beers faster than should have been humanly possible.

"Hard drinker, huh Y/N," Joaquin teased, shooting you a smile.

"Pfft," you dismissed. "Only three are mine."

"Three?" Sam asked, leaning forward to better look at you. "How long have you been here?"

"An hour," you said, completely unnecessarily leaning forward too.

Bucky shrugged. "I got the time wrong."

"Guess we better catch up then," Joaquin said, and you sank back into your chair, narrowing your eyes at him in challenge.

"If you can."

They did.

You were outpaced fairly quickly against the two soldiers and one super soldier. The rum-induced fuzziness around the edges of your brain was compounded by having Joaquin so close to you. At some point he'd pulled his chair a bit closer to yours so that he could better hear the conversation, and you don't remember when it happened, but his arm had also slid around the back of your chair. To your relief neither Bucky nor Sam seemed to acknowledge this. In fact, Bucky was positively quiet and normal all things considered. Everything was going better than you could have expected.

Until the music kicked up.

Sam was the first to be dragged onto the dance floor. He was Captain America. Of course he'd been targeted by the stunning girl in the red dress who'd only had to come up and ask "Does Captain America dance?" to succeed in pulling him off to the dance floor.

Bucky was next. Although he wasn't tugged onto the dance floor by his hand the way Sam was. It was the sight of the person in the tight black number that did him in, luring him away to the dance as if drawn by a magnet.

And then it was you and Joaquin, sitting at the bar. Alone. Together.

You looked up from your drink, pushing the straw down into the ice to stir up the clinking sounds, and he took a swig of his beer before putting the bottle back down on the bar.

"Alright, let's dance," he said, nodding with his head towards the crowd, and you let out a disbelieving snort.

"I don't know how to dance. I mean, I can dance," you attempted to clarify, although you had a feeling words were failing you at the moment. "But that's real dancing, and I can't do that."

"I guess you're lucky you have a really good teacher asking you to dance then," Joaquin grinned, holding out a hand. You looked down at his open palm, hesitating only for a second before you slid your hand into his and jumped down from your chair.

He led you out through the moving bodies expertly, dodging couples who were clearly more into the dancing than each other and couples where the complete opposite was true. The small bit of space he found you was closer to the center of the dance floor than you'd usually feel comfortable with, but when he turned towards you with that look on his face, any of your residual anxiety had vanished.

"Ok, come close," he said, and you took a small step closer to him, causing him to laugh. "Closer." He gestured, and you moved forward some more, Joaquin's hands finding their way to your hips and pulling you even closer. His hands rose, one finding its way to your mid-back, pushing your elbow up to rest on his, as the other took your hand and placed it over shoulder.

"This ok?" he asked, eyebrows raised, and you nodded, trying to keep your attention on him, his instructions and his words, and not the way that you could feel just about every part of him from the way he was angled against you. His right side was flush against your left, and his knee pushed between yours.

"Just follow me," he said, his head bent close to yours. Before you could even respond, he started to move, pulling you along with him through the dance. It was smooth and rolling and you'd never seen a guy able to roll his hips like Joaquin. He seemed to know exactly how to guide you, moving his body to push and pull yours along whenever you hesitated or felt lost, coaxing waves and movements out of you that you didn't know you could do. Each success was met with a small word of praise and a brilliant smile, as his hands shifted to hold you closer, and you wrapped your own hand around his neck to better feel and predict his movements.

It felt as if a fog had rolled in over the dancefloor, obstructing all else from view so it was just you and Joaquin, eyes locked to each other as you moved together, occupying the same space.

The song faded into the next one, and Joaquin stopped. You went to move backwards, to give him space and have him move on as many other of the more skilled dancing couples seemed to do, switching partners amongst each other. But he kept you close to him, hand sliding down to your waist.

"Now you can really dance," he teased, his eyes shining as they stared into yours.

"Only with you." It was supposed to be a self-deprecating joke, but it came out too quiet and earnest. Joaquin licked his lips, and your eyes followed the gesture, flickering between his mouth and his eyes.

You don't remember making the decision. You only remember, moving even further into his arms, and pushing yourself up to reach his lips with your own. He bent down to meet you, pulling you even closer and pressing his hard body into yours. His lips moved as slowly and sensually as his hips had, drawing you in and guiding you through a careful rhythm that promised much, much more.

Sam sat with Bucky at the bar. Joaquin and Y/N had disappeared somewhere amongst the dance floor, hidden amongst the crowd.

"You think it worked?" Bucky asked, raising an eyebrow at Sam.

"If it didn't we're screwed," Sam shook his head, taking a swig from his drink.

As if on cue, the two emerged from the swaying bodies, hand in hand, sweaty and much happier than they had been when Sam had left them at the bar.

"We're gonna head back to the compound," Joaquin said with practiced casualness.

"Yeah?" Bucky asked, and Sam swore there was mischief literally glinting in his eyes.

"Yeah," Joaquin nodded too fast and too many times. "Yeah, Y/N forgot about something there…"

"What'd you forget?" Bucky asked, turning to Y/N with a wolfish smile.

"Nothing. We're going to have sex," Y/N said, flatly, causing Sam to nearly spit out his drink. "And if you say one more word, I know a pilot who will fly you to Wakanda himself. No ticket needed."

Bucky mimicked zippering his lips into a smug look, and she rolled her eyes before tugging Joaquin out of the bar by his hand. And he followed. Eyes glued to her ass.

[calcifersfireplaceonao3]

Media: Resident Evil

Ship: Cleon (Claire Redfield/Leon S. Kennedy)

Rating: General

-----

“Oh, shit. Sorry, I didn’t want to wake you up.” Claire looks guilty as hell, hands still as she freezes in the act of sneaking under the covers with him. She smiles sheepishly when he pats the mattress next to him and wiggles in, trying to get comfortable. “I just keep thrashing around and I don’t want to kick Sherry super hard or something. Not- that I want to kick you either but, you know.”

“I wasn’t asleep. You’re fine.” Leon whispers back, scooching over to try and give her space, she was right about thrashing around, catching her hand before it can hit him in the face.  

“Everything okay?” She wrinkles her nose in the half light the motel’s neon sign is casting into their room when he snorts. “Yeah, dumb question. Still, can I do anything?”

“No.” He says after a pause. “I don’t think you can.” 

Claire is normally cheerful- whether naturally or forced, always ready to put on a brave or happy face. But now is a rare time where he can see she’s dropped it completely, wide eyes shadowed with bags that match those under his own, she’s… solemn. “I never hear you wake up from nightmares.”

He can hear her. Twice now she’s sat up, hands up, palms out and shielding her face as she gasps before realizing that she isn’t in a nightmare anymore. Usually she just wakes with a startled sound before rolling back over. Sometimes he thinks she might be crying. 

"I… don't sleep enough for that I think." Which isn't completely true. He dozes, he sees those people's faces, he wakes with cramped muscles in a cold sweat. "I just– I just can't."

"I get it." She whispers and he knows she does, gives her a smile as a thank you. And Claire is so much more perceptive than her college girl exterior implies, thoughtful even if she tends more towards being brash then he does– Claire doesn't offer empty promises or false hopes or try to fix him, she simply whispers goodnight, Leon, and closes her eyes, hands clasped close to her chest like she's praying. 

He doesn't expect to sleep. Expects that having her close will just remind him even more that it's up to him to keep watch, to keep vigil and stand guard so she can sleep through her restless dreams. He listens to the soft rhythm of their breathing, the only other sounds being a far off owl and the faint buzzing of the neon sign. 

The morning sun blares into the room and for once he doesn't start, he wakes slowly, mind foggy. It takes a moment to understand that the dark fan of hair and the weight on his shoulder is Claire, curled close and on the verge of waking too. She scrunches her face against the light, throwing up a hand to block it as she buries her face deeper into the crook of his neck before seeming to realize he isn't the pillow she thought he was. 

"Oh my God!" She starts, sitting up quickly and clamping a hand over mouth, whispering around it, "I am so sorry." 

And since it's Claire and no matter how embarrassed she is apparently she still has to laugh, "I'm sorry, it's not funny." 

"I don't mind, really, I don't." Who would? "You don't have to be sorry."

"Still, whoops." She's still giggling, "I wasn't crushing you all night right? You should have just pushed me over, I wouldn't have cared."

"You did drool on me." At her horrified expression he starts to lose his composure, dissolving into snickers until she realizes he's joking.

"Leon!" She pushes his shoulder when he starts to laugh for real, "Leon that's not funny!" But she's laughing with him before turning to greet a slowly waking Sherry and get ready for the day. 

Later, at the convenience store where they get their meager groceries he finally tells her, tells her that with her there he finally slept soundly for the first time. She looks at him with big serious eyes– for once hard to read as she thanks him for telling her. 

That night, when he can hear Sherry's breath slow to a sleeper's pace, Claire wordlessly extracts herself and slides under the covers with him. Neither of them say anything when he pulls her closer, his arm under her head and her breath tickling against his neck. This continues every night after. They both finally rest.

---

OOF sorry I'm late, @noahkennedys !!! Thank you for the ask, I love Cleon ;-;

[watermelonlovershigh]

Rose Has a Nightmare (singledad!harry)

AN: finally wrote for my singledad!harry series. its been in my drafts for a while and i finally got around to finishing it up. hope you enjoy...

This story contains: crying, comfort, fluff

{ dad!harry - singledad!harry - 2016 Harry but still has long hair - Rose age 4 }

word count: 1040

original story- Single Dad Harry & His Daughter Rose (journey through life)

After thinking he successfully got Rose to sleep in her big-girl bed, Harry is woken up to loud cries from his daughter who's having a nightmare.

Harry has been trying to get Rose to sleep in her own bed. They have been home for a few months due to One Directions hiatus and when they were touring, Rose always slept with either her daddy or one of his bandmates in their bus bunk. That was a normal accustom to her. All she'd ever known. So you can only imagine the struggle Harry has had with trying to get his daughter to learn to sleep by herself, in her big-girl bed.

Tonight, Harry thought he finally succeeded. He put Rose in her  bed and stayed until she fell asleep. Harry does this most nights, but tonight, it was already pretty late and Rose was still in her room. Meaning all was going well. Or so he thought.

----------------

It's currently three in the morning. Harry is asleep in his own bed at their London home. He has a body pillow to cuddle up with because he's the clingy type while sleeping. But his peaceful state of sleep doesn't last long because he's woken up to a loud, bloodcurdling cry. Harry jolts awake and his dad instincts go off fairly quickly, making him think something is seriously wrong with his daughter.

He's quick to jump out of his bed and run down the hall where the cries are getting louder and more heartbreaking to the ear. As soon as he steps inside, Harry sees Rose sat up in her bed, making grabby hands to her daddy. There are tears running down her face and she sounds on the cusp of a panic attack from how her breathing is coming out; uneven and gasp like.

Walking up to her bed, Harry picks Rose's small body up and holds her tightly to his chest. She immediately wraps her arms and legs around him and shoves her face in her daddies neck. He runs a hand up and down her back and then mutters, "Shhh my love, what's wrong? What's got you so upset?"

Through broken sobs, Rose cries, "Scary dream. You....you were gone and I couldn't find you daddy." When Harry hears her tiny voice say daddy, he thought he may burst into tears himself. She sounds so scared and vulnerable and Harry always feels the need to protect her. But in times like this, he feels so helpless and not in control of the situation.

Harry sits down with Rose on the edge of her bed and rocks them both back and forth, trying to calm her body down. When she has calmed down a bit, he whispers to his daughter in a gentle manner, "Baby, daddy isn't going anywhere, alright. I'm right here. Never ever leave you. Love you so much."

The reason this is so hard for Harry is because Rose is already growing up without a mother. So the thought of Rose being scared or even dreaming that her daddy would also leave her or disappear is enough to make him sick to his stomach.

Knowing she won't be able to fall back asleep in her room tonight, which he probably wouldn't let her anyways after hearing her horrific cries from the nightmare that occurred, Harry says to Rose, "Want to sleep with me my love? Cuddle with daddy in his big bed?" All Rose does is nod her head franticly and clings onto him more tightly. Harry reaches over and grabs her stuffed animal that her uncle Niall gave her and carry it with them to back to his room.

When they get into his bedroom, Harry goes to set Rose down so she can crawl in the middle of the bed but she cries out and clutches onto him saying, "No daddy." It's like she's scared to let Harry go in anyway, shape, or form.

Harry respects her wishes and just slides into bed with her body attached to his front. He pulls the duvet up over them, making sure to keep their bodies warm. Then instead of having Rose lay on top of his chest, he shifts on his left side and pulls his daughter into his chest that way. Her face burred into his neck and Harry's chin rests on her curly head. Harry slips her stuffed animal between their bodies and Rose grasps it in her tiny hand.

Before he can go back to sleep himself, Harry wants to make sure his daughter is alright and asleep. Therefore Harry rubs over her back with his large hand, going up and down, and hums to the tune of Hey Angel from One Directions last album, Made in the A.M..

When Rose's breathing levels out and Harry can feel small puffs of air hitting his neck, he know she has succumb to her sleep yet again. She feels safe in her daddies arms. Always has. Being raised by her daddy and other polite young men in her life, Rose has only ever found comfort by men unlike most girls who love comfort from a women, usually a mother figure. That can be scary for a young child to only feel comfortable around men, but Harry has and will teach her who she can trust and how to know who's dangerous or not.

With Rose laying on her side, face pressed into her daddies neck, Harry falls back asleep as well. He may not like it when she has trouble sleeping in her own bed, wanting her to be a big girl and learn to sleep on her own, but in moments like this where his four year old daughter in curled up, asleep in his hold, he couldn't be more happy. Plus like mentioned earlier, he's a cuddly sleeper so it's honestly very comforting for him. Harry just hopes one day it can be a special lady in his life that's cuddling him in bed and maybe they can make Rose have a mummy.

Masterlist (regular smut, fluff & sicfics)

My Favorite Harry Styles Fics MASTERLIST

Harry Styles Series - One Shots & Blurbs Masterlist

Harry Styles blurbs, concepts, & short stories Masterlist- (short writing with little to no dialog)

[stellocchia]

Yknow what? Let's try a lil trope I've seen surprisingly VERY little of in this fandom. (And by little I mean 1 fic)

Bodyswap.

Let's do uhhhhh

Clingyduo.

I think Tubbo should be reminded of the fact that Tommy exists and Tommy.... Well let's not pretend that he's doing well anyways so what harm can waking up as your estranged best friend in the fucking arctic commune that he's apparently living in do? Also gives him a chance to spend some time with Baba again.

Baba my beloved.

I'm officially back so I'm about to go through some of the old prompts I got here in the inbox, I'm not taking anymore though, 'cause they're kinda long to do.

You're right, there really isn't that much body swap in this fandom, is there? No role swap AUs either. It's peculiar.

Tubbo's morning was going great! He made breakfast for himself and Michael, then he played with him a bit, before leaving him with Ghostboo to go meet up with Techno for a tea.

That certainly wasn't a friendship he'd expected to develop after the Red Festival, but the universe always did have a way of surprising him. Normally the surprises weren't quite as positive as handing him the best defense he could hope for on a silver platter, but he wouldn't complain about it, that was for sure.

He started feeling sick as he climbed the stairs to Techno's front door. He was incredibly dizzy and nauseous, just like he got when he was so invested in his work he forgot to eat. He had breakfast though. He sat down for a moment, hoping it was just a wave of fatigue that would pass soon, that seemingly wasn't the case. His sight blacked out for a moment, and he found himself folded in two and retching on all over the floor.

That would definitely lower Techno's propriety value.

"Hm. I didn't think I hit you that hard..." a familiar voice spoke up in a tone Tubbo didn't recognize. It was light and playful, but also there was something wrong with it. It was like walking into a house and finding everything moved just one centimeter to the left. Just enough to be noticeable but not enough to make it impossible to ignore.

"Tommy? You're really out of shape" Dream. That was Dream. His hand was touching Tubbo's hair, tangling itself into them in a motion that was almost soothing, and, for just a moment, Tubbo pretended it was Ranboo there with him, consoling like he would any time Tubbo woke up screaming with half of his body ablaze with phantom pains. "Tommy, my Tommy, you truly are a mess without me..." but Dream had to ruin it.

Tubbo swatted his hand away. He stumbled away and got to his feet and, finally, his brain registered what Dream just said. "Tommy? I'm not Tommy!" he was sure it was his mouth that moved, and yet it was Tommy's voice that came out.

"... Did you hit your head when you fell over? Well, that's fine, amnesia could be fun-" before the man could finish, Tubbo turned tail and ran.

He needed time to think, time to figure this out. He needed somewhere calm, somewhere protected. He immediately turned right at the Community House, booking it for the portal. He could hear Dream behind him, calling out for Tommy and promising him death and immortality all in one breath. Tubbo ran faster.

Miraculously, he managed to make it all the way to Techno's cabin without slipping once. Dream had seemingly stopped following once he left the Nether, but he didn't trust that, so he didn't slow down once.

He was out of breath and terrified and when he saw his own body just chilling snuggled in Baba's tight embrace he decided he could add anger to the list.

"What the fuck. You leave me to get chased by the guy who threatened to kill me and just dip?!" he yelled, marching up to who he could only assume was Tommy now trapped in Tubbo's body.

Tommy looked up blearily. He seemed tired, exhausted really. "I mean, he did kill me and you had no problem leaving me with him..." he was bitter but there was also an undercurrent of resignation there as if he already accepted that his argument wouldn't be listened to so he didn't bother putting too much effort into it.

"I didn't abandon you!" Tubbo yelled once more. He knew as the words came out that they weren't true. He hadn't really spared a thought for his best friend in months, not even as Dream broke out, not even as his little family was reunited and he was offered a safe haven by the guy who freed Dream in the first place. Even just to say he assumed Tommy would be alright would be untrue, as that would imply he thought about him at all.

"Right, well, don't let me inconvenience your cushy little life here. I'm sure once Dream finds out I'm in this body he'll drop you as fast as you dropped me" Tommy got up, to Baba's great displeasure, and he walked away. He bumped his shoulder hard against Tubbo out of pettiness when he passed by him, and, surprisingly, it hurt. Only inside though.

[ares-would-be-proud]

Izzy said: Fairy! Im so excited for your dark content!! Since i saw it on your other blog, may i request for yandere bertholdt 👀 i feel the would make the most unsuspecting but worst (or best?) Yandere next to armin because he's so gentle and unassuming and shy, no one would ever think he has other intentions

Yandere Bertolt pt.I

{ Bertolt x reader | tw:yandere, tw:toxic-behaviour, tw:near-death experince, tw:murder mystery? Eh kinda, tw:manipulation tw:Emotional-rollercoster | Dark romance, fluff, slowburn, lowkey funny ngl | Canonverse }

{ "Roses" 1878 by George Cochran Lambdin 1830–1896 }

Securing the last belt around your thighs before attaching it to the one near your knees, you made sure to tighten it as much as you can before sliding it in the metal head.

Having the equipment room all to yourself, you took your time in double-checking everything was in place. Making sure your gas tanks were filled, carrying spare steel blades and tightening your boot strings.

The manoeuvring gear's parts made a clinking sound against each other with every step you took. Making your way to the nearby woods acting as the training ground, the sun shining made you shield your eyes with your hands, taking some seconds to adjust to the brightness.

The road was clear, with almost no birds or squirrels in sight.

It was one of those days when the wind seemed so fast as it swept by you, so much in fact that you could visibly see the few clouds swimming by as if they're racing each other. A perfect day to spend near a lake maybe, or in a field of flowers, but you had to spend it training in the woods with the other soldiers till your fingers ached from pressing against the handgrips.

You wanted to get it over with, feeling nauseous. Probably because you managed to oversleep and miss breakfast.

It started as normally as any other training session went, pushing through till your autopilot took over. While fun at first, there's so much manoeuvring between tree branches to slash at 2d wooden cutout of titans you could do before it started getting repetitive.

And so you let your body take over and move on its own, taking you further and further towards the edge of the forest till you couldn't hear the sound of anyone else's manoeuvring gear except your own.

The high wind rustling the trees making the leaves fall distorted your visions as they fell on you, and the flashing sunlight that swept through the small openings between the leaves only made things worse.

Blinding you for split seconds, too bright in fact, that you had to close your eyes shut as it burned after the light fell directly against it.

It's only after a couple of seconds late, that the sound of something snapping registered in your brain.

You were slowly turning in the air, strong wind resistance coming from below as gravity pulled you down.

Things were moving too quickly to process, dread shot through your entire body in shivers, you could feel your heartbeat in the back of your throat as you came closer and closer to the ground.

No matter how many times your clammy hands attempted to work the pistol-shot, no hooks attached to the nearby trees despite the gears working as you heard its zipping noise.

The realisation of the situation you're in finally settled, you couldn't do a single thing, but watch the trees grow larger and larger by the second as you fell to your doom.

You've survived many expeditions and missions, you've escaped Titans teeth that were mere inches from biting your head off, and this is what will put you seven feet below? A mere fall?

...no, it wasn't just a fall, it was arrogance for taking it for granted. After all, overconfidence was a slow and insidious killer, sneaking on the second you let your guard down.

But was it?

A flash of today's morning comes before your eyes, your brain recalling the unusual spot your manoeuvring gear was placed, you were too sleepy to notice it at the time but now it's the only thing on your mind, did someone-

Before you could hit the ground, the familiar sound of pressured gas fizzling out followed by the clinking of metal swishing by.

One second you were almost slamming into the hard ground, the next you were caught by someone mid-flight.

Bertolt tightly pressed you against his chest with one arm, securing you in place while his other used his gear to reach the nearest tree branch.

Your hands wrapped around him, securing yourself even more. He didn't flinch when your nails accidentally scratched his neck from how hard you were holding him.

Despite how close you were to his chest, your own hammering heartbeat was the only sound you could hear for it was stuck in your throat as the adrenaline pumped through your veins.

You hesitantly let go the second your feet touched the ground, although still shaking you managed to find your balance again, yet, Bertolt's hand didn't leave your back.

You looked below at the wires dangling from your gear, their end visibly thinner than the rest of it. It still didn't register how a wire made out of iron could snap so easily…

Your thoughts were interrupted by the hand reluctantly turning your face back up, Bertolt's nervous eyes meeting yours.

"Don't look down too much, you'll get dizzy" he said, concern clear in his voice before stepping closer to you, his large body tucking you between him and the tree behind, as if you might slip away "are you okay? Did you get injured?"

A bit taken back by his dotting, you shook your head before thanking him for not letting you fall.

"Don't mention it please...it's nothing, really." That seemed to make the corner of his lips rise a bite, slight flushing to his ears. "Maybe you should get some rest, you didn't seem well back there."

Was he watching?

The thought disappeared from your mind as quickly as it came, the guy saved you from a head injury after all, the least you could do is give him the benefit of the doubt.

Not to mention, it was Bertolt. Has it been any other guy, Reiner or Jean for example, then your attitude towards this whole thing would've been completely different. Putting as much space as you can between the two of you after brushing off their hands.

Has it been any other guy...but it wasn't now, was it?

No. It was Bertolt, soft-spoken and easily flustered Bertolt, who got nervous in most situations and didn't reply to teasing.

Bertolt, who didn't say a thing when Eren stole his seat next to Reiner, instead settled to sit next elsewhere.

Bertolt, who always remained humble and downplayed his skills despite ranking in the top five and becoming a really valuable soldier.

Bertolt, who you've only ever said hi to before once before he seemed to panic and just awkwardly wave back instead.

Maybe that's why you didn't mind him being so close, he wasn't a threat and most everyone knew that. If you asked people to rank the top three men they'd feel safe in a room with, Bertolt would almost make it to everyone's top two.

And so when he offered to walk you back to your room, it didn't raise any red flags despite it meaning you'd be alone with him in the dorms while everyone was training.

-

The short walk went fairly nice actually, he kept a respectful space between you while making sure to walk at a slower pace so his height wouldn't force you to jog.

From the sweat collecting at his forehead and his hands fidgeting with the hem of his shirt he seemed to struggle to find a good conversation starter.

You could read him like an open book, it was quite endearing the way he commented over how nice the weather is, four times in a row while stumbling over his words. But you weren't that cruel and so you decided to grant him mercy, starting a topic yourself.

Talking about your interest, hobbies and things you'd do whenever those rare moments of peace and normalcy would arrive.

He shared his too, apparently, he's into journaling, finding it much easier to write his thoughts on paper than out loud.

One conversation pulled another, as he seemed to grow more comfortable the more you talked.

Although, he wouldn't meet your eyes for more than 5 seconds before turning his gaze away, yet you could feel them staring at you the second you turn your head.

Somewhere between your conversation, the subject switched to talking about life. Bertolt asked you if this is the kind of life you've wanted, words unusually firm that it made you pause.

The question was out of place, a huge switch from your previous fun topics.

Nonetheless, you answered, "I don't think anyone would willingly choose this life. It's more of...doing the most out of the cards you've been dealt, this just happened to be mine."

The sound of his footsteps stopped, you looked at his face, he didn't look away.

"Would you rather have a more normal life?"

The way he stood, his back to the sun with you in his shadow, an unreadable expression on his face, really brought out his height and large build that you've almost forgotten.

you unconsciously took a step back, he took a step forward.

"If by normal you mean a non-starving one where I'm not at the risk of being eaten daily, then yeah." You answered, time felt like it slowed down. The seconds stretched for too long as you watched his reaction.

He...smiled, a sincere smile, the kind that makes your eyes shine. Soft expression seemingly relieved as he continued walking, a slight bounce to his steps.

"I'd love that too, to have a normal life one day."

And then he proceeded to tell you about his dream, the normal life of peacefulness he seeks. Sharing as many details as time would allow, from the kind of person he wants to grow up to be, to the colour he wants to paint the house backyard's fence.

It was lavender.

When he mentioned wanting a dog, you couldn't decide what was funnier, the mental image of Bertolt with an equally almost as big kind of dog, or a small tiny breed that would fit in his hands. Taking him for walks and playing catch as the dog tackles him to the ground.

Some chuckles escaped your lips, and while Bertolt didn't know what you were smiling about, nonetheless he joined too.

-

Your time together was cut short when the dorms came into view. Feeling both relief for finally being able to rest and disappointment for having to end your conversation so soon, especially since you think this is the first actual talk you had with him besides saying hi before.

Bertolt, looking out for you, made sure to hold the door to your room open for you. Some part of your brain wondered how exactly he managed to guess which room was yours, the other simply couldn't wait to get into bed.

You sat on the bed, Bertolt invited himself in and closed the door behind him.

He took his time looking around your shared room with his eyes, staring at the titles of the books splayed on the table, taking in the smell of scented incense your roommate bought every month, the doodles, drawings and notes hanging by mere tape against the wall.

Finally, eyes landing on the top bunk bed, currently empty with your roommate having left too early in the morning for the preparations of their next expedition.

Well...after all you were too used to waking up by the sound of them opening and closing all the drawers in search of their glasses that they manage to lose each day, yet yesterday they made sure to sleep next to it.

Huh, maybe that's why you overslept.

Yet, Bertolt's eyes didn't move as he stared seconds too long, shoulders growing stiff and palms tightening against his side.

"They left for an expedition, a titan capturing one... I think." You explained, "it's supposed to last three days, but since it's led by Captain Hange...I wouldn't be too surprised if they still haven't left yet."

"Must be nice, having the room for yourself."

You agreed before adding "well, it still gets too lonely sometimes."

Bertolt looked like he wanted to say something, lips parting for a second before he pressed them close into a thin line.

An awkward silence filled the room, as you looked at Bertolt who seemed to revert back to his old nervousness.

"I think I should go, Reiner must be looking for me."

You thanked him again for his help, he avoided your eyes before mumbling a reply, saying it's really nothing.

Did you do something wrong? You couldn't help but think that, after all things were going so well just now. Why would he get on edge again?

As a final attempt to redeem yourself from whatever unknown act you must've committed for Bertolt to act this uncomfortable, you called out to him one last time.

"Hey, Bertolt. I know we technically just met but, just know you can drop by anytime okay? You seem like a nice person and we can be friends."

Oh god did you really say, we can be friends, what is this kindergarten again? Welp you fucked up, looks like it's another failure to add to the calendar, man and you've been keeping such a clean track of days without accidents.

You know what? No, forget it, you tried your best and you had good intentions so why should you ever feel guilty for-

"You really mean that?" Bertolt, whom

You've become aware was still in the room, said.

Not sure how to reply to this, you just gave a nod instead.

"I'd love that." He spoke with a soft tone. And despite his growing desire to move closer to you, he opened the door instead, sparing you one last sweet smile before he left.

And for a good minute there, his smiling face was all that occupied your mind, a fluttering feeling that came and went too quickly for you to acknowledge.

-

True to your predictions, the mission was apparently delayed till midnight for...undisclosed reasons. Although gossip spread faster than wildfire, and by dinner time everyone was talking about the argument Captain Hange and Captain Levi got into, the story got modified and exaggerated each time it was passed around.

"Listen, I was there and I saw it! Well...not with my own eyes but it doesn't matter." Your roommate said, too eager to spill you everything that they almost forgot to eat their food. "It was big, like Captain Miche having to restrain Levi kind of big!"

You gave them a silent look, raising an eyebrow.

"...okay jeez it didn't get this far but it felt like it did, like it almost happened." They poked their food with the fork, before deciding to try some.

Their pouting face almost made you want to tease them even more, just to see what corner you can back them into before they confess to making up half the story they've been telling you.

But a wrenching gut feeling suddenly shot through your body, coming almost out of nowhere, the kind you'd usually feel whenever a titan was targeting you.

Confusion was naturally your first response, there couldn't be any titans nearby. You swallowed down, no don't be silly, it doesn't even make sense.

Maybe...maybe it was one of those cases you studied in class? About people getting PTSD flashbacks at random times, or from small triggers?

The air seemed too cold and too hot at the same time, you forced your eyes to move around the room in an attempt to remind yourself everything is fine, that you're here.

Seeing your friends, fellow soldiers and veterans just sitting around, enjoying their food while joking with their friends, helped ground you to reality again.

Yeah...see? Nothing's wrong, everyone's having a good time so-

Your gaze met Bertolt's, dark eyes staring back but not at you. No, instead they were focused on your roommate. The knot in your stomach twisted.

Beside him, Reiner was murmuring something under his breath as he leaned closer to Bertolt, his stare following the other's gaze.

Reiner seemed unusual, drops of sweat collecting at his forehead while Bertolt was the opposite, the calmest you've ever seen him actually.

Reiner gave Bertolt one final look, lips moving too fast for you to attempt to even read. Bertolt nodded.

And then it was like nothing happened, both of them going back to their usual selves. Reiner's attention was stolen by Eren asking about his food, while Bertolt looked at Jean who sat next to him without asking before commenting on Eren.

"Hey, are you okay? You look…" your roommate said, concern in their voice before their hand found your forehead. "I heard what happened this morning, with the manoeuvring gear, I didn't want to bring it up but…"

You didn't have to be told twice, and so you reassured them it's okay, you'll get some rest, not like you'd complain about having an excuse to get a day off.

That seemed to make them satisfied, well...that and making you swear on the scouts' honour to take care of yourself while they're away.

After dinner, as you were headed to your room while your roommate had to get to the stable before heading out with their group, you passed by Reiner.

It wouldn't have been unusual, wasn't it for the fact he was fully in his uniform with gear ready that you had to do a double-take.

You swore you just saw him in casual clothes at dinner...was he also going on that mission? Huh, weird you can't remember seeing his name on the list.

-

The week passed by slower than you would've liked, with both of the survey corps Captains gone, most of the soldiers...really had nothing to do but waste time.

It was almost funny, wasn't it for the fact you were bored out of your mind.

Captain Miche rarely gave orders, the only time you'd see him is during training season when everyone had to do a round with him. While commander Erwin didn't really entrust soldiers who weren't close to him with his paperwork or even chores.

At least Sasha and Connie were making the most of it, whatever they were doing seemed fun…

Bertolt never took you up on your offer either, despite him seemingly having a positive reaction to wanting to be friends he didn't show up at all.

Yet you'd still see him hovering by, either being assigned the same chore together or simply happening to be in the same room at the same time. And despite how much you've thought about going up to him to start a conversation, you knew how to read between the lines. You didn't want to make him uncomfortable that's all.

He'll come when he's ready, is what you told yourself.

And well, you were right, eventually, he did.

Not only did he initiate talking, he even attempted to ask if you'd like to accompany him to the nearby town maybe.

With the way his hands were clasped behind his back and slight flushing to his cheeks as he summoned all his courage to ask you that, how could you say no?

-

It was almost like seeing an entirely different person.

Bertolt, in his casual clothes, as he strolled by you through the food stands, seemed a much more...healthier version of himself?

He looked at peace, the smile never leaving his lips. He even made jokes and shared his opinions without being asked.

Whenever you went to check something that stole your attention, he would quickly follow by to erase any form of distance. Whenever your eyes fell on a piece of accessories for too long, he'd suggest you try it on, putting it on you himself.

And yet, whenever his hand would brush yours by accident while walking, he'd almost stumble into the ground and quickly pull it back. Or the time you attempted to adjust the collar of his shirt and you swore his knees almost gave out when you stepped closer, reaching his neck.

Both of you tried different kinds of food, he even offered you his own if you seemed to enjoy a certain food. Saying he'd rather you have it.

Both of you being broke soldiers ment there are only so many things you can do in the town before quickly burning through your savings.

It wasn't long before he suggested going back, you agreed to take the long walk back to enjoy nature a bit more.

You've wondered how come Bertolt only seems the most comfortable when talking to you on walks, but the story he was telling you was too interesting for you to think about it now.

You listened to him talk, it felt like you could listen to him for hours on end before getting bored. For someone who rarely spoke, he surely did have a way with words when he actually did.

It was nice, comfortable and gave you a false sense of normalcy as if the world was okay for a short while.

One final thought you had just before the both of you parted to go to your separate rooms, was that if Bertolt was going to write about this day in his journal.

-

For each day of the remaining week, you and Bertolt managed to hang out more and more.

You went to the lake, a frog landed on him that you had to remove because he was too nervous he might crush it.

He took you to a nearby spot in the town, it seemed normal at first but he just told you to wait. Apparently, each after some dogs would frequent this spot and Bertolt has already made friends with most of them.

And on the last day, both of you actually just spent it...in his room. He had a really comfortable bed and feather pillows that you almost didn't want to leave. And despite sharing a bed he still would keep space between you, no matter the uncomfortable positions he had to sit in.

By the end of the week, the expedition group arrived during sundown.

Their heads lifted high, pride clearly across their faces as they rode their horses. Captain Hange especially seemed much more excited than usual, barely managing to stay still on their horse.

The mission was a success apparently, they've managed to capture two titans with zero mortality rate and minor injuries.

...well almost a zero rate.

You were called into Erwin's office in the middle of the night, when Moblit knocked on your door asking you to quietly follow him.

The night air was cold against your thin clothes, silence filling the usually busy hallways, now errly empty.

Knocking before he told you to enter, he seemed busy with some paperwork, instead offering you a seat and asking to wait shortly.

The curtains behind him were closed shut, the candle sitting on his desk seemed on the verge of burning out, melted wax collecting on the plate under it.

It wasn't till after some seconds that you realised you weren't alone in the room, Captain Levi was leaning against the wall on the other side, arms crossed.

The scratching of the pen against the papers would occasionally get replaced with the sound of dipping the metal head inside the liquid ink container, carefully wiping it against the opening to remove any overflowing liquid.

Your fingers fiddled with the red cushion on the armchair, leg slightly bouncing before you force it to stop each time.

Waiting...and waiting.

The back of your throat felt scratchy, only becoming aware of how dry your mouth was then. Attempting to swallow down as a form of relief didn't help much.

"Here, drink it." A glass of water was offered to you by Levi, handing it to you before going back against the wall.

Saying a small thank you before finishing the glass, you felt slightly better afterwards. Although the growing tension in the air didn't help ease your mind.

"Cadet." Erwin clasped his hands, "I apologise for calling you here this late, although considering the circumstances I'm sure you'd understand."

Opening one of the desk drawers, Erwin pulled out something wrapped in a napkin, the white cotton having a growing reddish stain in its middle.

"I offer my condolences."

-

[apixrl]

IT'S YOU.

hanta sero x fem!reader

WARNING(S): slight angst. mostly arguing / tension but fluff towards the end.

word count: 5.3k

song: it's you // gavriel

note(s): if u stan him ur immediately just so hot and sexc and if not ur just really stinky sorry not sorry

italian translation - translator !!

The heavy pouring rain waged war against your once dry and stylish jacket. The piece of clothing now resorted to an added weight as you strode forth to reach your apartment complex. Luckily you were only a street away, your hurried walk turning into a legitimate jog when the storeyed building came into sight. It was Friday night, meaning the day you worked overtime for the sake of earning a little extra as well as filling in for a coworker. Most of the day the weather had been miserable, the sky maintaining a mundane and drilling grey cloudy sketch that slowly collected into rain. Luckily your morning walk to work hadn't been affected by the downfall but the weather had chosen to stick around for your walk home.

Your jacket glued itself to your frame as its capability to keep you dry fleetly decreased, the hoodie underneath beginning to dampen ever so faintly too. Your pants were already taken to the rain, answering its call by absorbing the water into the fabric and making them exceptionally uncomfortable to wear. The pair of shoes on your feet struggled to bind together as they countlessly stepped in puddle after puddle, wearing and tearing with every step you took.

Cars passed by, tires causing gushes of water to hit the pavement. The street lamps did nothing to show your presence as they sped by, your body growing damper from the droplets of water hitting you. You briefly scolded the inconsiderate drivers in your head, eyes glancing ahead to meet an approaching individual. They were most likely a neighbour but given the darkness surrounding you weren't entirely sure, ultimately deciding to keep your head down and not draw attention to yourself.

In truth, this wasn't the only reason.

During the last week and a half, your want to socialise was relatively low, finding a lot of your spare time spent at home and in your own company. The separation from society was healthy for your recently plagued mind, spending afternoons finding all kinds of homely leisure to pass the hours by. It felt much more wholesome and enjoyable to endeavour in a story from your bookshelf or writing poetry in your journal straight from the heart rather than sitting aimlessly on your phone. Simply scrolling through social media to bore the day away.

Why the sudden stray from society to your own little world? Well... sometimes having a popular Pro Hero as a boyfriend came with its cons. Especially when hardships came between. As of the Tuesday approaching, it would be your ten-month anniversary with your partner - Hanta. Or what he was better known as; Taping Hero: Cellophane.

Yours and his meet was rather mundane truth be told. What started as a journey to purchase a recently released volume of one of Hanta's favourite manga comics took a drastic turn and became something much more meaningful. He caught you grabbing the final copy available, smoothly swooping in to attempt to charm you into giving him the comic (the ravenette had been to about five stores before that during patrol - a rather lousy thing to do but he justified his actions with lack of spare time). However, he walked out with a date two nights later instead, finding himself be moved by your own charms and attraction that Hanta urged himself to ask and not miss the chance.

From there, things were taken slow. His social status was shared pretty quickly, faster than Hanta felt comfortable with - liking the idea of you liking him for who he was over his fame and wealth. It didn't affect your perspective of the ravenette, since you had already fallen for him before such information could be told. It took a month before you officially became boyfriend and girlfriend, and life couldn't have been better for the pair of you. For the most part, your relationship was perfectly stable and as healthy as you could make it. But unfortunately, all good things must come with a cost.

See, one thing you were to learn with growing closer to Hanta was he kept his personal life extremely separate from his heroic persona. Such a statement was made very clear before you brought your relationship to the next level since the ravenette requested that if you were to become lovers that he would want it to remain private. So he could feel he had a somewhat normal life outside of his duties as a hero. Whilst becoming a Pro was his dream and the man loved his job, Hanta was also a sucker for peace and quiet too. Having that metaphorical and literal balance in his life granted him inner peace, and as his partner, you respected that.

At least at first, since you didn't think you would reach ten months together and still be hiding behind sunglasses whenever the pair of you wanted to see a movie.

You couldn't lie, it was endearingly sweet Hanta felt that way, partly anyway. The fact he cherished your love and relationship so close to his heart that it was only shared between you two. But your irrationality couldn't help but make you wonder how in a concerning way, Hanta's desire to keep you from his greatest achievement in life (becoming a top ten pro) almost felt like he was hiding you... like he didn't want you a part of it. And once that thought struck you as the ravenette rested peacefully beside you one night, it didn't shy away anytime soon. Given the fact you had spoken briefly about making yourselves public in the past with little to no issue, you didn't think you would cause harm by bringing it up again. But it seemed your choice of when to bring it up was poor, as it most certainly did not run smoothly between you.

Something about his day had irritated Hanta, and so you pinning such focus on the subject seemed to pass him over his limit. There were a few snaps here and there, which you didn't necessarily appreciate, and Hanta's lack of enthusiasm and care for your request made you all the more upset. So weighted emotions matched with the evident disagreement surely lead to Hanta storming out of your apartment with such a slam to the door you wouldn't have expressed shock if your neighbour's stepped out in the hall to see the chaos ensuing.

That was nine days ago, and so far neither of you had seen nor spoken to the other. You'd made attempts to contact him since then, attempts you knew before you tried would come out unsuccessful. But from observation, Hanta was surprisingly a complete mess when it came to emotions based on negativity. Whenever the ravenette grew angry or agitated he became a closed book, so hard for you to read that the only thing you learned that worked was to give him space. To let him get through his upset alone since he never seemed to allow for outer help and comfort to assist. Which you despised because you wanted to help him through his troubles. To be there as the big spoon or to be the shoulder to cry on. But stupid male pride got in the way, Hanta building a wall so high and thick between him, his emotions and you that truth be told you had no idea how to push through.

So you resorted to letting him get over it in his own time, knowing deep down he would come around eventually. It wasn't the first quarrel you'd had and hopefully not the worst, and you knew this was Hanta's way of dealing with it. Whilst you had been willing to wait it out, you placed that thought in your head thinking it to be only two or three days before Hanta made some sort of effort.

But it was nine. And that was beginning to concern you greatly.

You finally reached the stairs leading up to your apartment building, the relief flowing through your system so freeing and wonderous. All that was left was to type in the passcode by the main doors and you would be merrily under shelter, able to kick off your trainers and slip into some comfy sweats. Perhaps even make yourself a warm cup of cocoa and watch an episode of a show you needed to catch up on before the sweet release of sleep. Or so you thought it was going to go.

Twenty minutes later and your thumb grazed lightly over your phone's home screen, imaginatively stroking the black hair of a certain boy you loved dear as he smiled cross-eyed back at you. The photo was taken when Hanta took you ice skating in the countryside during the winter which previously passed. He discovered a secluded location hiding a spacious lake that had been glazed with thick, sturdy ice. After numerous times of losing your balance, Hanta deemed it amusing to take a photo with you as you sat on your backside in defeat. And whilst it did humiliate you, you adored Hanta's goofy looking face in the photo. Hence why it was your background.

You'd found yourself staring at the photo the night prior too, contemplating whether to try to call again or not. What if something was wrong? What if Hanta was injured and somewhere under repair at one of the numerous hospitals in the city? God... what if the doofus finally slung himself across the city as crazily as that Western hero he never shut up about and fell to his death? And your setback from social media was the reason you hadn't found out yet? See! This was a reason why you wanted to go public! At least in an emergency, somebody would know who to contact!

Your brows crinkled at that final thought, what began as concern moving back a step to annoyance and you settled on tossing your phone behind you on your bed in defeat. Proceeding to stand upright, you tugged the oversized hoodie (Hanta's hoodie not to mention) on your person and wandered through the rooms of your apartment to your kitchen. Where the bubbling of your kettle boiling water filtered your ears. The low hum calmed you as you leaned against the counter in thought, arms crossed over your chest and your eyes focused deeply beyond the wooden flooring.

Tap. Tap. Tap.

The noise went unheard at first, so occupied in your head you mistook the sound for the kettle boiling. But when the triple trill sounded again, it dawned on you that that was most certainly not how a kettle was supposed to sound. Snapping out of your focus, your head lifted to the kettle before it scanned the room around you. Nothing seemed different at all, and nothing inside your apartment had a reason to make such a sound.

Unless you had rats... then maybe that would make sense.

Please don't be rats.

Having no initial success, you blankly went back to your thoughtful state - the kettle finally boiling. Permitting you to fill the lavender painted mug that waited impatiently on the side, four heaped teaspoons of cocoa powder begging for hydration inside. Now actually having something to do you hoisted yourself off of the counter, stepping to the one opposite to do the task at hand. But then just as you were going to pour the heated water...

Tap, tap, tap, tap, tap!

This time it was more rushed and heightened, holding a lack of patience to a certain extent. It was there you finally trailed your eyes left, right and centre, your E/C irises landing on the french doors past your sofa which lead to your balcony. Doing as much as possible to downplay your panic by putting on a brave face, you manoeuvred from your perch in the kitchen and headed for the doors to glance outside. Thankfully the light on the balcony was switched on, giving you a glimpse of silhouettes to the arrangement of the outdoor area. At first, nothing seemed different at all. Just the usual setting your balcony always had. A few potted plants and a small sakura blossom which you'd been growing from the seed, as well as a glass table and four chairs. Not to mention the closed up umbrella and pole reaching for the stars above too. But looking over your observations, something went amiss. Since when did you have five chairs?

Squinting your eyes in a struggle to focus better, they were only set to widen as it hit you what you could see. There, perched on your balcony in a squatting position was a person... balancing perfectly on the thin pole as their head leaned forwards to occasionally peer inside the glass doors. It took a second or two for you to figure out what was going on. But the moment you recalled the fact you had a boyfriend with the ability to swing from rooftop to rooftop, your heart both plummeted to your feet and leapt to the heavens above simultaneously.

After realising what was happening, you moved to the lock of the glass doors and grabbed hold. That movement seemed to indicate shifting on the exterior because the person on the other side stood upright and casually stepped off the railing as though it were a stair. You swallowed thickly, clamping down on the inside of your cheek in worry that you could not see his face. Unfortunate for your nerves since at least then you could gain some form of presumption to what his expression read. So walking in blind, you unlocked the door and jiggled it open, the glass door sliding to the side easily. Quickly did the silent walls of your apartment be filled to the brim with the heavy downpour of rain and distant car horns in the distance. As well as the overhanging state of tension in the air as your eyes trailed up the slender frame of your visitor and meeting the ebony eyes you'd been missing for far too long now.

"What... what are you doing here?" You uttered out after a long twenty seconds passed. Upon opening the door no words were said, only the longing gaze of two conflicted lovers. Hanta stood before you with a discouraged expression, lips tightly pursed together with no catchphrase toothy grin to show. He was donning his hero costume, though his helmet appeared to be missing for reasons you didn't know why. But it didn't help Hanta one bit since his black locks were laced with the heavy downpour from above. You imagined his hero costume was drenched as well, damp spandex sounding all too discomforting in your head as you used it as a focus to ease the nerves you felt to the sudden visit.

"Hey," Hanta finally said after what felt like a millennium. What were his usual cheerful tones came out low and unsure, like the ravenette hadn't come prepared and was relying on other factors to push himself forward. With sunken brows and a clear of his throat, Hanta continued as he lifted his eyes to meet yours. "Can I come in?"

"Oh... right, sure," You stated blankly and stepped back for him to do so. At first, you wanted to ask him why he decided to come to your balcony of all things, but the look in his eyes had convinced you to wait for that chance. There was just something about those gorgeous orbs of ebony you couldn't say no to - conflict or not. Luckily your apartment flooring was hard, meaning any water from Hanta's shoes (or soles as his costume didn't use shoes) could be mopped up and dealt with later. Not that you were thinking about that at all. Your mind was too focused on processing what was going on.

"I was in the neighbourhood and you know that my tape is crap in rain so... I didn't know where else to crash," Hanta started once inside your apartment. He nervously laughed as though to ease inner feelings, hands meeting his hips in a lost attempt to make conversation. It was mainly due to the fact you hadn't properly greeted him, sort of dawdling between him and the sofa. You looked Hanta up and down and sighed, seeing how soaked he was.

"Here... slip this on," You lifted your hands over your head to tug the hoodie off, holding it out for Hanta to take. It was his anyway, and it would be a lie to say you weren't wearing it for his scent. Underneath the hoodie, you donned a simple black tank top you tended to wear during your morning jogs or times of exercise. The ravenette took it reluctantly, initiating you to head for your bedroom. "I'll go grab you some pants too. And a towel for your hair,"

"Oh... okay then," Hanta was genuinely astonished by the hospitality, watching you disappear down the hall. As you grabbed the aforementioned items, he began to remove the top half of his hero costume. It was true that Hanta loved his hero costume very much but when it came to the rain he wanted nothing more than to change the design completely. The spandex soaked up the rain and it took hours to drip out, not only dampening him but also multiplying its weight much more than double its usual. With his tape dispenser shoulder pads placed on the floor, Hanta stripped himself of his top half. Sighing when he discovered the rain had seeped through and dampened his skin. Luckily you entered the room shortly after, carrying some grey sweats of Hanta's and a freshly cleaned towel.

"So... is there any other reason you decided to scare the crap out of me on my balcony?" You questioned flatly, a hand on your hip as you held the towel out for Hanta, placing the sweats on the sofa cushion next to him. He mumbled a quick thanks, promptly starting to dry his upper half.

"Well yeah," The ravenette stopped momentarily to glance your way, ebony eyes finding you back at the countertop in the kitchen where you resumed the task of making cocoa. Hanta quickly expressed a sigh. "W-We gotta talk,"

"About?" You asked innocently, though you were fully aware of what was being implied. Chewing the inside of your cheek as you did your best not to make eye contact, Hanta furrowed his brows at you.

"I think you know,"

"Well, are we starting afresh or picking up where we left off? The moment you decided to storm out of here and slam the door shut?" You spoke in a passive-aggressive manner because truth be told, you didn't appreciate Hanta's way of handling your last discussion at all. So you were certainly planning on letting him know. Speaking of which, Hanta was now scrubbing his raven locks dry as his eyes closed in response. Almost like he expected you to react in such a manner. Though he refrained from biting back, knowing that would only make it worse. Not his aim for visiting.

"Starting afresh,"

"Okay then," Was all you said, stirring your spoon and tapping it quite obnoxiously on the side of the mug before dropping it into the kitchen sink. Then you moved to the fridge to grab yourself some squirty cream. The can practically empty, it reminded you how badly you needed to go grocery shopping the next day. As for a reply, from across the room, you could only see the essence of hesitance. Either from Hanta figuring where to go from that or ultimate regret for even coming. Your bets were on both.

"Look Y/N -," The ravenette began, relatively quick to dry the rest of himself off and to put on the remaining clothes. Just as he was prepared to skirt over to your side, his actions ceased upon seeing you setting yourself down on the armchair opposite. Hanta had a moment where he didn't move, unsure what to do before he resorted to sitting down on the sofa. Feeling it the only safe thing to do. "I don't want problems between us. It's the last thing I want, okay?"

"I um... okay," You said, fingertips tapping lightly against the ceramic mug filled to the brim with whipped cream and cocoa. Hanta met your gaze for a split second, hands proceeding to fiddle with the other much more prominently.

"But... I want you to know that I've been thinking about it and well... I guess if it'll make you happy, I'm willing to do it and go public," Hanta spoke through a sigh. Peculiar, because a week ago you would have probably broken into a bright smile and jumped straight into the ravenette's arms then and there. Yet, you remained in your seat and mouthed a small oh of... disappointment was it? Whilst you weren't certain what it was, it most definitely felt like that. Which was odd because the words Hanta had just uttered were the ones you had been waiting to hear for months now.

Funnily enough, it didn't take you long to figure out why. Because throughout the previous week and the lack of contact, that's exactly what had been the route of the problem. The way Hanta treated you during your last interaction and the lack of communication mixed with it. It wasn't the original issue anymore. Of course, you still wanted that. But you additionally craved a sense of closure for how you were treated.

"Hanta I...," Hanta's brows crinkled together in a frown, not shy to display his confusion to your hesitant tones.

"What? What is it? T-That's what you want right?" He replied.

"Yes, it's what I want. But that's not the issue anymore,"

"What do you mean? I'm not following...," His response made you scoff. Not exactly great for the situation at hand. You remained silent for a little bit longer, scratching the side of your head as you sat upright to elaborate.

"Hanta... you haven't texted or called me in over a week. You walked out of here after a fight and practically went radio silent!" Was your protest, watching as Hanta fell back against the sofa. Unbeknownst to you, there was another reason he did this. An inner conflict he had yet to unveil. A prolonged silence ensued as if Hanta was trying to find the correct words to say.

"Because I needed space Y/N... time to think!"

"Yeah well we both did... but even calling just to say that would have been reassuring," You weren't finished despite trailing off, Hanta seeming to notice by the way your lips were faintly parted. "I know you have a busy schedule but... but...," The thought entered your mind for a split moment, doing much more damage than intended.

"But what?"

"It doesn't matter. I-it's stupid," You tried to brush it off, suppressing the thought further down into your system so it wouldn't win you over. Hanta didn't seem to like that though, his head tilting your way with his eyes boring into your own. He could tell when something was bothering you, just from your body language.

"No. Tell me,"

"You're not losing interest in me, are you?" It sounded ridiculous the moment you uttered the words, and it sounded even more ridiculous as Hanta's hands met the bridge of his nose in a heavy sigh. Quickly causing you to further your point. "I-I just thought that you not wanting to go public and being 'busy' was a nice way of saying -,"

"Don't even finish that sentence,"

"Sorry," The silence lingering between you both drowned out your voice, to which you looked down at your hands with a sigh. The ravenette sat upright rather abruptly, shifting onto his feet and coursing a hand through his hair. There was a clashing frown on his face as he reflected on the words he just heard.

"I can't believe you would even think that... that I'm growing tired of you!" Hanta called out in disbelief, near offended by the accusation. His body twisted to face you, eyeing you down for some sort of explanation or justification to what you said.

"It's hard not to when you're giving off all these... these signs!" That was your best response. Though you were set to be cut off by another sharp sigh from Hanta. One of many expressed that rainy night. You watched as he walked on over to the glass doors he entered moments earlier, observing the rain slashing harshly against the clear surface. It had grown even heavier since his entry, the back of his mind relieved to be out of the dangerous weather and inside closed doors. He didn't ponder on it long though, returning to the situation at hand and leaving the indistinct 'pitter-patter' of the rain behind him.

"Y/N have you ever thought for a single moment why I've kept you secret for so long?"

"You said you liked your private life to be away from your hero one... a-and I get that!" You replied urgently. "I'm okay with all the publicity and the social media responses and -," As though he expected that answer, Hanta interrupted you with a near saddened laugh. It caused you to frown and glare his way, about to raise your voice if not for his own voice filling the apartment.

"You know my job isn't just walking around being a celebrity, right?" Hanta glanced back at you. "I'm a hero for crying out loud! I protect people from danger! People like you!" The ravenette pressed a closed fist against the glass pane of the door, forehead inches away from the surface since Hanta shifted most of his weight onto it. You tilted your head, frowning.

"I know that but -,"

"But do you?" Hanta's tone came off harsher than intended to emphasise his point. But he was quick to abandon it, clicking his tongue in defeat to a battle in his head when he realised he had to explain his case. He'd been reluctant to say anything about his activities in the last week since technically not even the press knew, but lying wasn't going to get Hanta and you anywhere. So he surrendered to the urge and spoke. "Listen, the reason I didn't message you this week is that I've been working non-stop over some drug trades going on. One's that have been going on for a while underground and ones that have gotten good people killed. I haven't had the time to focus on us even though our fight has been in my head all week and I've been shitting myself over talking about it because I don't want to lose you! I couldn't imagine life without you, Y/N and I feel like an ass for treating you how I did last time we spoke! But I haven't been able to tell you that because access to my phone has been slim, and I couldn't-,"

"Hanta?" You stood up gingerly, only speaking up due to the change of Hanta's aura. He had started curt and sharp but slowly tumbled into a more emotional demeanour. The more personal his small speech grew the more it started to affect him, probably the impact of his own thoughts taking their toll. There was even a voice crack at some point, one you'd never heard before. Hanta took a deep breath, bracing himself to speak again.

"It sounds like a lame excuse but it's the truth. I didn't want to say it. But I can't lie to you," He continued. "It's cases like this that have kept me from wanting to go public. B-Because if those people were to figure out who you are because of me...," There was a stifled shake of a breath, Hanta's voice quietening in fear just at the thought. "I wouldn't be able to forgive myself,"

You were speechless. So speechless you weren't even mad anymore. He was finally... finally being vulnerable with you and that seemed to be enough for you to erase all your grudges. Sure, work wasn't an excuse for everything. But in a circumstance like this one - with the job that Hanta lead, you could understand his reasons and in spite of your worry you knew the rules. No mobiles on operations. And finally, he was confiding to you about why he struggled with the thought of announcing your relationship. So in a very reluctant manoeuvre, you plucked up the courage to walk up behind him and wrap your arms around Hanta in a sorrowful hug. Hanta tensed up at first, breath running short, but he didn't push you away. A hopeful sign.

"I'm sorry for making it such a big deal when you had other things to think about," You said, pressing your lips to the back of his shoulder blade and giving the surface a peck. You remained there for a good few, adamant seconds before retracting. "And I'm sorry for never looking at it that way... or considering your feelings on the matter,"

"Y/n it's fine... just...," Hanta seized the opportunity to turn around to face you, running a hand through his ebony locks with one hand as his other slithered around you to return the hug. "I'm sorry I made you doubt me... I feel like shit about it and it wasn't my intention at all,"

"No! No! Don't apologise. It's okay, " You brought a hand to fiddle with the string of his hoodie. As much as it wasn't what you wanted, you had to see Hanta's perspective and understand his feelings too. This was a two-person relationship after all and had you known his feelings ran that deep, you wouldn't have pressed the matter as much as you had. "Look, we don't have to announce anything to anyone okay? If it makes you comfortable and happy then I'm willing to remain a mystery a little longer,"

That returned some colour to his face, almost like Hanta feared you would oppose him even still and the situation would grow for the worse. With a small sigh of relief, he finally allowed a smile to press to his lips. A smile you knew all too well and had missed for a while now.

"Thank you for understanding," Hanta exhaled, pausing as his eyes hovered onto you with an ounce of playful intent. "And I guess we could be a little bit less discreet when we go to the cinema together," You smiled faintly, finally satisfied with the decision you had come up with. Better yet, a compromise. The very thing you had wanted to start with... clearly your concluding thoughts had been premature.

"Thank you... it means a lot,"

"Yeah... I love you," Hanta spoke gently, pressing a kiss to your forehead.

"I love you too," You stood on your tiptoes to lightly peck his lips, Hanta humming softly in approval as he returned the gesture. After a few seconds, you pulled back though, feeling a smile on your face as you did. It was enjoyable to kiss his lips again, another thing you had missed greatly in your week-long deprivation of your boyfriend.

"So, how does some hot cocoa sound? I can imagine you were sat on the balcony for a pretty long time," You pulled away from the hug, but kept hold of Hanta's wrist as you tugged him along with you. Hanta shook a fist in grateful triumph, sighing out in bliss at the offer.

"Oh, I thought you'd never ask! Hot cocoa sounds amazing," He smiled, pausing temporarily before adding on. "But are cuddles on the table too?" You glanced back at him, half expecting the request. But there was no way you were going to say no. You shook your head in amusement before answering.

"I think we're both in desperate need of cuddles, so I think so. Yes,"

"Amen to that,"

[jaesvelvet]

precious — park jeongwoo

warnings: lowercase,grammartical error,mention of death,nightmare

words: 1.8k words

pairing: jeongwoo + fem reader

it's nothing strange when jeongwoo stays with your family during holidays or school days. you guys' bonds are really strong, besides your parents are also best friends since high school so that's why both of you are close to each other.

it's usual summer breaks, jeongwoo hanging with you at your house, binging some netflix series. jeongwoo who is already bored watching the vampire diaries for thousand times, secretly glancing at his best friend.

he never thought of having a girl like you as his best friend (beside haruto of course) for him, you're perfect. sometimes he has a thought that he would never bored live in this world with you only. sounds creepy but that's how he loves his friendship with you.

turning 17 is a lot harder than jeongwoo ever imagine, he thought going through puberty is a lot easier. but trust him, it's not.

when he gets older, he realized that he saw you not as a best friend but as a girl he wants to date. he doesn't know when or why he fell for you but for sure he head over heels towards you.

"woo, stop looking at my pretty face"

"am i supposed to look at your damon then?" jeongwoo scoffed, flustrated you caught him looking at her

"um, yea?" you answer, grabbing a handful of popcorn from the bowl and stuffed into her mouth, without breaking the glance from television

jeongwoo let out a small laugh, seeing you, really into that show although this is their thousands time watching it

"im tired of these vampires, i'm bored" he confesses, lean back on the beige couch, once again he glances at you hoping you would respond to him

"you can't get tired of this, we're gonna binge this show until we're old," you said

"old? are you gonna be old with me y/n?" jeongwoo asked

without looking at the brown-haired boy, you nodded

"how about your future husband? doesn't he be jealous when his wife binge her favorite show with her guy best friend?" jeongwoo asked, when he sure his feelings towards you, he can't help but think about their future, if they ended up with someone else, does their friendship will last long? or they're gonna be like a stranger?

jeongwoo's question finally made you pause the show and turns her back to jeongwoo, staring at his relaxed face

"what?"

"i don't want to be married, no-one can't stand if i'm having one of those ruthless nightmares" you frowned and pout at the same time, jeongwoo can't help but smile as a response, he just wanna pinch your soft cheeks.

you suffer from nightmares, although it happens occasionally, when it's happened, you will call jeongwoo, face-timing the sleepy boy until the next morning because you're too scared to return to sleep and spent the rest of the night, crying. and jeongwoo is the one and only who accompany you till the next morning no matter how tired he is.

he never sleeps when you having a nightmare, he will take care of you and calm you down, you will keep apologizing to jeongwoo and treat him with good food the next day, and of course, jeongwoo didn't mind at all, because he hates seeing someone he loves suffering.

"so do you want to get married to me then?" jeongwoo asked, if haruto is here, he will screaming at the top of his lungs cause jeongwoo finally got some brave to make his move.

you let out a big laugh

"nope, i want to marry with damon" you stick out your tongue at jeongwoo, making the boy tickles your body.

the house filled with your and jeongwoo's laughter, although you guys didn't notice you guys are really at your highest of happiness now.

+.*

it's 4 am and you once again woke up because of the nightmare. however, this nightmare felt different, it made you shaking so bad and out of breath, your body all covered with cold sweats, tears slowly falling to your cheeks.

quietly you sobbing in your blanket, although all of your nightmares seem real, this nightmare felt too overwhelmed for you— usually, you would call jeongwoo but today you didn't, it because your nightmare this time is about him.

you never dreamt about anyone else, never! but tonight you dreamt about jeongwoo, you dream that he is dead. his soul left his body because saving you. all the scenarios from your dream keep playing in your heads and you want to forget it but you can't.

and that time you realized,

you and jeongwoo fit together like a puzzle piece.

+.*

you didn't sleep after the long night. you calmed yourself by watching some of your and jeongwoo videos together. you cried when you realized you fell way too deep at jeongwoo. his laughs are loud and annoying, he's too talkative, and he's too clingy. for others, he may be annoying but not to you, you could listen to his laugh, he's never-ending story while he clinging onto you every day and you feel weird if he didn't do that for a day. he also always put others first before him, he always cares about the people he treasure. how can you not fall for this boy!?!?

you grabbed ices cube from the freezer and put it on both of your eyes to get rid of the swollen eyes. although you knew so well jeongwoo would notice your swollen eyes but it's never hurt to try.

minutes later you heard jeongwoo's voice across the living room, greeting your mother. quickly you threw the ices into the sink and wipe your wet eyes using your sleeve.

you grab your mom's morning coffee and greet jeongwoo who already enter the kitchen, smiling widely as he saw you.

"jeongwoo, your voice is so loud my ears hurt!" you said trying to act normal.

jeongwoo grins and side hug you, jeongwoo frowns when he saw you drink a coffee? you hate coffee, even the smell made you mad.

"you drank coffee y/n? are you a real y/n?" jeongwoo look at you with a suspicious look and hit your head

"you ghost, get out from y/n's body, she sleeps and watching the vampire diaries all days it's no hope for you to control her body" he hit your head once again

"ouch! ya, park jeongwoo!" you slap jeongwoo's chest and put down the mug on the counter.

"that was my mom," you said making jeongwoo mouthing an 'o'

you and jeongwoo are now in your study room, studying for your guys' upcoming exam after summer breaks end. the room is so quiet, and it made you nervous. whenever you with jeongwoo, you guys are never this silent. usually, jeongwoo would sing or throw some stupid jokes that could lighten the darkroom.

you glance at jeongwoo, you lowkey surprised seeing the male is so focused on his study, jeongwoo is indeed a smart boy but you never see jeongwoo study so seriously???

"woo, you okay?" you asked

jeongwoo drops his pencil and finally look at you

"why?"

"um, the silence is too loud, you know"

"yeah"

jeongwoo continues his study after the short answer. his short responses making you shocked. never in your life he treat you like this

"woo, are you okay?" you asked again

jeongwoo sighed and his eyes bore into you.

"your eyes swollen, i thought we have no secrets at all? but i think we have now" he said and crossed his arms.

he felt upset when you didn't tell him why you were crying. he saw your eyes red and swollen in the kitchen but he didn't wanna ask, usually, you're the one who would tell him from a to z, what happens.

you bowed your head, you bite your lips. how you're gonna tell jeongwoo about your dream? you start picking your nails, all of a sudden you remembered your dream crystal clear, you recalled how jeongwoo's body full of blood, exited from his chest and his face so pale, mouth shaking while try to said his last words

'be safe y/n'

you shriek when the image of jeongwoo's death felt too real for you. you cover both of your ears and your face buried down between your knee.

"y/n are you okay?" jeongwoo asked, panic, he goes to your back and rubs your back, whispering 'everything is okay. he shocked and clueless since this is his first time facing this kind of situation but he copied everything you do whenever he felt blue.

after a moment you finally raised your heads and look at jeongwoo who worriedly stare at you. your face pale, trying so hard to forget about your dream and the fact that your dream feels too real not to help you at all. you quickly hugged jeongwoo, you buried your face in his chest, crying, and begged him to not leave you. jeongwoo froze at your sudden action but he still ensures you that he would stay.

"i got a nightmare yesterday" you finally speak up, your face still buried deep in jeongwoo's chest, too scared to face him.

"what? y/n why you didn't—"

you make a little space between you and jeongwoo

"the dream is about you woo! i dreamt you died last night and it felt too real! i scared, the dream wouldn't go away so i cried all night, i– still clearly saw your dead body in my dream. it all felt too real woo"

jeongwoo face become soft and his unsettle towards you faded away, he hugs you tightly and kiss your head

"i won't go anywhere, those dreams are devil trying to hurt my precious best friend," he said, rubbing your back to calm you.

you let go of the hug and look at jeongwoo with shy looks

"because of that nightmare, i realized something"

"what?"

"i don't love damon anymore, i love you" you confess making jeongwoo giggles

"finally i beat damon! come here bestfr—"

"no woo! i love you as a boy, man, or whatever it is. i love you not as a friend!" you said

jeongwoo froze, his smile faded

"i,i— you what? y-you love me?" he asked again

you shyly nodded

jeongwoo froze

his brain still processing all of your words. it's kinda strange when your crush has the same feeling as you

"woo, you're making me scared. say something"

jeongwoo looks at your red and swollen face, he smiled at how he is so lucky to have this girl as his girl?

"i love you too, i love you a lot and it's hard to keep it since you're my best friend," he said making you smile and tears falling on your cheeks

"please stay tonight i'm still scared," you said

"of course, now come here precious girl" jeongwoo said, wrapped his hand around you and kiss your head.

[impala1967dwinchester]

Sam Winchester: Thoughts

*Credit to the gif owner* 

Pairing: Sam W. x reader 

Pov: Sam 

Warnings: Fluff, Sam can hear the readers thoughts, Sam falling in love with the reader, Dean is here to help the plot

Summary: Sam gets cursed after the Dean, Y/n, and Sam hunt a witch. The next morning when he wakes up all he can hear is Y/n thoughts, and he’s slowly start to fall in love with her. 

A/N: Using @firefly-graphics Sam Winchester divider for this fic. This fic is sorta based on "What women want" with Mel Gibson. A good ol' Romantic Comedy.

Word Count: 2.3k

Main Masterlist Sams Masterlist 

Taglist: @sweetdetectivequeen​

A witch hunt couldn't possibly go wrong, right? Especially with the Winchester boys.

"Look lady, sit down before I shoot," Dean shouted, causing Y/n to flinch. Just enough of a flinch that I would be having a conversation with Dean later about no yelling so much.

The witch sat down, but what nobody noticed she was casting a spell under her breath. Dean, Y/n, and I had huddled together trying to figure out what we were going to ask this damn witch.

My back facing the witch. Dean looking over my shoulder looking angrily at the lady. Y/n had her game face on. She sometimes followed us around like lost puppies, but damn was she a fucking awesome hunter.

Sometimes better than Dean and I put together.

When I say that she followed us around like lost puppies I mean she never said what she thought. Dean or I would come up with a plan and she never put input in. Just kinda did what she was told. Reminds me of a younger version of Dean and myself.

Working our asses off for John, all for it to be for nothing. A good little soldier and that was all we were to him.

In the end, Dean just ended up letting the witch go since she hadn't any information. We all pilled back into the impala for the drive back to the bunker.

Y/n fell asleep in the back seat curled into a ball and looking rather peaceful. "Y'know I was thinking lover boy that maybe she could stay permanently with us," Dean said referring to Y/n in the backseat.

I just rolled my eyes before turning to look out the window. The drive was shortened by the fact that at one point my eyes were open and scanning the passing environment.

And the next minute I was dreaming a nice dream. I had a family a beautiful wife standing on our front patio, and watching our daughter and I play with our puppy.

It was nice, it was peaceful. But when I was looking around my dream, I noticed that every face was blank. Well, there goes the normal dream.

The shaking of my body woke me up. "Yo, wake up. Get your shit and go the bed." Dean said, pushing me closer to the passenger side door.

Stumbling out, I walked groggily to the back of the impala and grabbed my bags. Slinging them over my shoulder, I saw Dean try to pull Y/n from the back.

"Sweetheart, we made it home." Dean whispering. His hands falling underneath her knees, carefully picking her up out of the impala. "Open the door would Ya, instead of just standing and staring," Dean said still whispering.

I ran over to the door opening it. "Dude get some sleep, I'll get Y/n settled in, kay," Dean said passing me. Shrugging my shoulders and yawning as I walked to my room.

Stripping down to my boxers I collapsed into bed, loving the coolness of my sheets. Within minutes of my head hitting the pillow, I was out like a light.

Dreaming wasn't something that always happened for me, not since I first started hunting with Dean. But those weren't dreams those were more like nightmares, of people that I couldn't save.

I fell back into the same dream as before, still no faces. But the woman I assumed was my wife as a familiar voice, our daughter was what seemed like she was tops five or six.

Cute little thing, long brown hair like my own, wearing a cute sundress that was blue with green flowers printed on it. ' Dear, are you guys ready for dinner?' the woman asked me. I tried to not stare at the fact that she had no face, so I just hummed. Picking up our daughter.

'Tank you for playing with me daddy!' my daughter said to me bringing her small hands and arms and hugging me around my neck. Besides having no faces everything else seemed normal, my wife's voice seemed all too familiar and it was honestly getting at me. Before I was able to ask her something I was pulled from my dreams.

Waking up was a bitch. My neck was sore, and so were my shoulders. Deciding that today I wouldn't take that mile run, I opted for staying in bed just a bit longer this morning.

Finally getting up when I smelled coffee being made in the kitchen. Grabbing a pair of sweats that were laying around, I slipped my slippers on and went to go get some coffee.

The first thing I saw when I walked in was Dean dancing along to his horrible 70s and 80s rock. Flipping pancakes and sizzling bacon. 'God, why'd he choose no shirt this morning' "Huh? Did you say something Y/n?" I asked her, looking at her for the first time since last night.

She had her hair up in a messy bun, wearing a flannel of Dean, and a baggy pair of shorts. "No, I didn't say anything, Sam," Y/n said pushing her glasses up the bridge of her nose, continuing reading her book.

Okay Sam you have to admit that was odd and kinda creepy. Not that I mind being complimented, but still weird. "You gonna get your cup of coffee or just stand there looking like an idiot!" I heard Dean crack.

"No," I answered back grabbing a coffee cup that was next to the machine. 'Jeez Dean way to be an asshole towards Sam.' There it was again Y/n voice.

Turning around rather quickly which only hurt my neck even more. "Did you just say that?" I asked panic starting to overtake my body and instincts. y/n looked over at Dean, causing Dean to look over at me.

"Dude what are you going on about?" He asked me... eyes big I just waved his question off, "Never mind I think I must have hit my head last night." I said just wanting my morning coffee more than anything.

The rest of the morning went by fine. No hearing Y/n voice, but then again, she wasn't around for the rest of the morning. "I'm heading out to the shops; I need a new pair of jeans. If either one of you wanna head out with me that's fine too. If not that's okay too guys." Y/n said mostly talking and looking at me.

'Please come out with me Sammy' I heard. Ignore it, rolling my eyes before speaking again. "No, it's okay. Dean?" I spoke. "Nah, I'm fine dear. But thanks." Dean said using his signature wink.

As Y/n walked away I heard her voice again, 'Jesus Dean, stop with the nicknames, and the winking. Obviously, it's not working.' That was the last I heard the sentence.

Dean wants to be with Y/n. I don't, I can't see that going very well, Dean sees Y/n more as a sister than anything else. What does that mean it's not working?

Hours later Y/n came into the bunker carrying a few bags. "I thought you only needed a pair of jeans, Y/n?" Dean snarked. "I did, but you guys were running out of some things, so I grabbed some other shit." Y/n countered.

Well, I can't deny that Dean and Y/n do have a certain chemistry, one that she and I just don't have. "what did you get?" I asked moving the conversation along. "I umm... I got you guys some t-shirts, some more socks, and just something fun for both of you." She said shyly.

"That's great, thank you. Did you have an okay time?" I asked, 'No, Sam I didn't that's why I wanted you to go with me. So many gross old men hit on me.' I heard Y/n's face was only scrunched up for a few seconds.

"Yeah, I had a perfectly fine time. Really did enjoy the alone time." Y/n said winking at us. Dean just rolled his eyes and jumped up to go through the bags, but Y/n swatted his hands away.

Digging into the bag she pulled out pie for Dean and he took off with it like he was a squirrel. Y/n looked back over to me and then started to look through the other bags. "Here Sam. I didn't know if you already had this book, but I thought why not." She said, shrugging her shoulder in a cute sort of way.

"Here for a gift return, a Winchester hug, yeah?" I said laughing a little bit. "I don't see why not, I heard that they're hard to come by," Y/n said back rounding the table in an effort to get on a very one-sided hug.

I hadn't realized until recently how much shorter Y/n was compared to me. I could fully rest my chin on her head. 'God I could use this more often' I squeezed her in my arms. 'God, he smells so great' I heard again, she nuzzled her face into my chest. 'He gives much better hugs than Dean.' I heard.

Y/n was the one to let go of the hug, not me. I was starting to realize that it was in fact Y/n I was hearing just not the words coming out of her mouth, it was her thoughts.

That night I convinced Dean that I could make dinner. For the time I was at college and dating Jessica I had learned some good enough cooking skills. "Fine whatever you do just don't ruin my pans and pots!" Dean screamed from his bedroom as I walked away.

That night I cooked a shrimp alfredo, and chicken alfredo with noodles. Something simple but it was mostly all the food that we had left in the bunker kitchen.

"Dinners ready you two!" I hollered from the library, Dean running from the garage, and on the other side of me was Y/n walking down the hallway. 'Look at him, damn chiefs' apron' I looked down and saw that the apron said "kiss the cook" Damn Dean.

'I'd definitely kiss that cook.' I heard as she walked past me. I just followed her with my gaze, mouth slightly open. Hoping that it wouldn't fall straight to the floor.

"Well dig in. It won't kill you, Dean." Y/n said. Dean just put his hands up in defense it's not like he had said anything but we all know he was thinking it instead.

Dinner went by quickly, few words from any of us, and not many thoughts passing through Y/n's mind. Besides 'Damn, he's got skills, 'So much better than Dean would ever do' I snorted when I heard that thought. Dean looked over at me, "What's so funny Samuel?" He spoke.

I rolled my eyes, "It's Sam, Samuel sounds like an old fashion name" I said. "Nothing is wrong Dean." I finished. 'If nobody thought you guys were brothers, they should spend at least a few hours with you.' I heard.

"Can we not fight at the dinner table, please Dean," I asked. I was trying to lean into what Y/n was saying, or more thinking. By the end of dinner Dean had eaten another serving and was now on his second piece of apple pie and a glass of hard crown apple whiskey the Y/n had bought earlier that day.

"Good night you two love birds. Tweet tweet. I'm heading to bed." Dean said kissing Y/n's temple, and patting my shoulder he walked out of the library.

"I'm sorry about him, Y/n. He doesn't have a sensor." I said apologizing for my older brother. Y/n got up waving him off and grabbed the leftover dishware.

I followed behind her grabbing what she couldn't. "He's fine. He should know better, but he's okay Sammy." Y/n said. Not many people called me Sammy besides Dean and Y/n, but it always seemed sweeter coming out of her mouth.

Y/n started to wash dishes. "Can I ask you a question Y/n?" She hummed, so I continued on. "Why do you never say anything while we are on a hunt. You don't always have to follow out stupid ideas...." I said noticing that Y/n had now turned around and was facing me.

"Look I didn't mean it like that. I'm just saying that I'd like to know what you're thinking for a while. especially when we are on a hunt. Your opinions matter to me. I hope you know that." I said, crossing my arms across my chest.

'Shut up would Ya'. You don't know how much that means to me.' "I know that you can hear what I'm thinking." Well, that went south very quickly and my stupid facial expression doesn't help the situation. "How long have you known?" I asked.... We stood in silence beside the water in the sink running. "Since before dinner when I was thinking about kissing the amazing chef that made dinner. Because I would still kiss the chef." Y/n said. setting the plate down on the kitchen island.

'Do you want me to kiss you, Samuel?' She said in her thought. I hummed. Shaking my head, licking my lips in anticipation. 'Words Sammy Dear.' She thought. "Just come over here. If this is what happens when I can hear your thoughts, I may be okay with being cursed by a witch ever so often." I said before our lips crashed together.

Our kiss was short-lived when Y/n left mine. "What are you talking about the witch from last night's hunt?" I shook my head. "We need to go get that witch, kill her, get her to remove the curse. Whatever, because as much as it's cute somethings a girl wants to keep to herself." Y/n said, coming back up to my lips and pecking them.

"You're gonna be the death of me," I said, before following her over to the sink to help wash dishes. I think I might have fallen in love with you Y/n. I thought.

"Hey... I heard that." Y/n said. I rolled my eyes, "No you didn't." Confusion replaced Y/ns soft features. "Okay, what did I say then, Y/n?" I asked. "I think I might have fallen in love with you Y/n" Y/n answered.

"Damn it. We really gotta find that witch, Samuel." Y/n said.

Completed on: 04/11/2021

[shadowturtlesstuff]

You belong with me

so i decided to post wadsworth first. modern au cressworth- you belong with me taylor swift

Thomas throws his phone down on the bed with frustration swirling around him as he paces. I set down my pen and wait till he turns and spots me. We often find ourselves talking via paper throughout the nights, from questions about our day to helping each other study. It is also often we watch each other be angry at something, yet I've not seen him this bad before. Finally Thomas turns and catches my eye. He stands there for a second before smiling and I quickly move around my various workbooks till I find my notebook I use to talk to him. I take my sharpie and write: ‘Are you okay?’

I watch him shake his head ever so slightly, seemingly baffled at it, but he walks to his window and opens it. The wind brushes his deep brown hair and I can't help but want to reach out and run my hand through it. I curse myself for it as he motions for me to open my window. Moving my books and pens off of me and cursing at my stiff leg as I go and open the window. Somehow I manage to hit my arm in the process and I curse, which makes Thomas laugh slightly so I forgive my body for hurting me. 

“You have a wicked mouth Wadsworth. Did you not learn cursing is unlady-like?” he teases and I relax slightly because of it.

“Fuck you,” I scowl at his smirk and the frigid wind. His eyes light up at my temper. We live across from one another, if we were to reach out we could hold hands. Which we have done. When I got rejected from the specific school I was desperate to go to, Thomas had managed to climb into my room and hold me as I cried. He's only ever needed to climb over twice to cheer me up, the other times have been to study or watch some romance programme he thought was good. I hoped wherever was troubling was something that wouldn't resort to me having to climb over. As much as I would want to, my brain may have a hard time letting me attempt it. 

“I assume dear Wadworth, you want to ask what has made me so irate?” he asks, eyes focused on behind me and fingers tapping his window sill as he sits. I watch as his cat, ridiculously named Sir Isaac Mewton, jumps off his bed and onto his seat next to him. He grabs the cat and kisses the top of his head before holding him in his lap.

“Perhaps,” I say, moving so I rest my head on the wall, “perhaps I merely wanted to ask if Sir Issac was okay.” his eyes shift to mine and despite him still being angry they soften at my attempt at humour. I am not as good as Thomas at using humour to help someone, but he always does it for me. 

“Really? You always refer to him as a little pest, whereas as with me, I am your dearest person, of course you want to know how I am feeling. My son is good though, very energetic today.” he smiles down at his cat. I remember the day he brought him home, he made me go over to his house and we spent all night playing with him. Thomas did, I ended up studying and making notes for the both of us while he gave Sir Isaac a ‘grand tour’ of his new home. The smile vanishes off Thomas's face and once again his gaze goes past me. “I assume you saw the call, well that was William. Yes, awful. Apparently though, there is a rumour that I'm with Miss Whitehall. I don't even remember her first name, but he was convinced of our relation despite my protests. Madness.” I watch him scoff, anger once again taking over his features. His cat nuzzles into him and Thomas leans into his cat. If I wasn't also mad now I'd smile at the sight. 

“Is this the same William that had convinced everyone I was dating him?” 

“Yes.”

“Bitch. Why on earth is he such a problem? Where on earth does he even make this assumptions about us?'' I find myself standing and pacing, trying to quell my own rising anger. A year ago, William had been my lab partner for a few weeks, he was friendly, but people had got it in their head that we were somehow together, and he went with it. Gossiped about me, even Thomas, and then was somehow enraged I dared to stop those rumours and be angry at him. I'd come home one day when it was particularly too much, when my father had found out and lectured me about it, as though I was in the wrong for standing up for myself. He'd cancel my lesson with my uncle out of spite, and I stormed upstairs. Thomas had been at the window, as if he was expecting me. One look at his face made me cry. I managed to open my window and he'd once again climbed in and held me as I cried. Then he made us watch this awful romance film together and held me still as I fell asleep on him. 

“I have never once,” Thomas says, dragging me back from those awful memories, “shown interest in her, nor will I ever.” He drags a hand through his hair. “She's just- a lot.”

I huff a sigh. She is awful. Had been awful to Liza and I for years. With her short skirts, high heels and the most rotten attitude I have ever witnessed. It wasn't often that I'd hate someone like that, someone so different from me in nearly every way, but she has tried to make me feel that I don't belong because of my interest in science and not the traditional girl interests.. “That is the understatement of the year Cresswell. Beside, you wouldn't work, she's too- your,” I have no idea how to explain how excellent Thomas is, how wonderful his mind is and how kind he is. It's not a side he shows to most, yet if he was ever with someone like Whitehall, it would be disastrous. I take my seat again and find him looking at me, suppressing a smirk and raising an eyebrow at me. “What?” I ask. I shrink under his gaze, pulling my hoodie over my legs as I curl in on myself. 

“I’m what? I'd be delighted to know your innermost thoughts of me, Wadsworth.”

“Your absurd but fine I'll elaborate,” I roll my eyes as he shifts so he is fully facing me, eyes completely focused, no sign of the anger he had only moments ago, “your too kind, too witty and clever and Whitehall wouldn’t appreciate you enough. You-” don’t belong with her.

Ever since he mentioned the idea of being with someone else, real or not, I have tried to ignore how much it pained me that he would be with someone else. I never expected to want to be with him, yet lately the premise of dating him has seemed very pleasing to me.

“You forgot to mention how handsome I look, or how charming I am, but I'll take it,” his voice is deeper than normal and his gaze travels over me even though his eyes are on my own. Thomas pats Sir Issac and his cat jumps off behind him with a whine. His hand reaches out for mine and I lean forward, wind making my loose strands of hair fly across my face. His hands are warm as I take them but his smile warms me more. It is small but genuine and filled with the normal Cresswell charm mixed with something I can't quite name. 

“I don’t need to inflate your ego further Thomas.” 

“I know but it would've been nice. I did say the inner most thoughts but we’ll get there. Audrey rose-” he looks down contemplating his words before he once again locks his gaze on mine, his dark brown eyes bright, “I dont belong with her, your right, my heart would never belong to her especially since it already belongs to someone else.” 

I blink at the honesty. I want to scream that you belong with me; but if Thomas is in love with someone else then I suppose I will have to find a way to deal with it. I try to keep the hurt of my face even as he smiles at me. 

“I-” Thomas lets go of my hand and stands. There's a silence between us until he motions for me to move. The idiot is going to climb into my house so he can tell me about his new found love. Like the fool I am, I'm going to let him talk about this girl who makes him look this happy. Even though it hurts that it's not me who is making him look like that. Even though I'm the one who makes him laugh when he is angry or upset. Even though I'm the one who knows his favourite songs, the books beside his bed and all his hopes and dreams.

He climbs over and sets himself on the window sill, giving me room to sit across from him. I do, even as I try to ignore the weight pressing down on my chest. “I hope you are happy with whomever has your heart Cresswell.” I say and mean it. I once again curl into myself, hoodie covering my legs as i watch him continue to smile at me, 

“Of course I'll be happy. She's amazing. Let me tell you all about her. I met her many years back and was instantly smitten with her emerald eyes and her quick witted mind. How she sings to herself every morning and how her dark curls fall across her face whenever she sits on her bed and reads. I adore her curiosity for the dead and how wicked her mouth is and how delightful it is to watch your mind at work. I love when she shows me a note through the window to see if I'm doing okay and-”

“Wait,” I blurt out, my mind catching up, “Thomas, are you talking about me?”

“Yes, finally! I thought I'd have to keep speaking forever till you realized it was you.” He starts laughing at my gaping mouth until I collect myself enough to scowl at him slightly for laughing. Thomas reaches out for my hand, moving closer to me until my back is pressed against the wall, my hoodie no longer over my legs as he rests his other hand on my leg, warmth seeping through me. “Wadsworth, darling, I have been in love with you for some time now.” 

Silence washes over us as we stare, trying to convince ourselves this is really happening. “I have something to show you.” My voice is barely about a whisper and I slide out of his grasp even though I don't want to. I walk to my bed where all my notebooks were left open and my notebooks sits. I open it out and let a piece of paper fall out. Facing Thomas I open the sheet slowly, watch him read the words. His eyes lit up at them.

I love you.

I take my place beside him again, his hands finding their way in mine once again. “I wrote that the night after you came here the second time. Something in me clicked that no matter what you'd find a way to comfort me. Not save me, but work alongside me. I wanted to tell you I just couldn't face it. But I needed to acknowledge it. So I wrote it down, and I look at it every time we use the note system; I try to convince myself to show you.” Thomas just stares at me, eyes flicking down to my lips every now and then. His hands are making circles on my leg, not entirely intentional. Thomas has always shown if he is excited or nervous by either tapping or making shapes on surfaces. The world slows completely as he leans in and presses his lips against mine. He pulls back ever so slightly, resting his head against mine and we are both smiling wildly at each other, pressing kisses until he leans further away. Thomas goes back to his side of the wall, which may as well be across the other side of the world, then he pulls me to him and I twist so that my back is against his. He holds me as we both look out the window, enjoying the freeing feeling of telling each other how we feel. 

“Now would be a perfect time to tell me how handsome I am, my love.” 

@fangirling-again @kittycat2187 @goatahoan @city-of-fae @the-hoofflepooff @padfoot-sirius-black-blog @purplecreatorhorsewagon @boredbookwormgirl @goddess-of-writing-wars @lovecakeandmore ​ @yikesitsmaddie @loveyatopluto​ @throneofsc @bookscressworth​

[msmarvelwrites]

Crawl Home To you 

Summary: “For as long as I live, I will be yours. You're stuck with me, unfortunately for you. I’ll crawl home to you, always.” 

Pairing: 1940’s!Bucky x reader

Warnings: High levels of angst, explicit sexual content (+18), foreboding fluff… A possible part 2?

Word Count: 1.2K

Author's Note: So this was a little request from @sweeterthanthis I wrote a few months back. I’ve finally figured out the hashtags so, rewritten and set up for a part 2, this is the new and improved fic. Let me know if a sequel is something you would like to see here, because I have some ideas. 

You swore the world around you slowed down just a little bit the day you met Bucky. Things you wouldn't normally notice, now embedded into your mind, the memories seared into your soul like scratches on a record. Moments you would never forget. 

Like how his crystal blue eyes sparkled when he smiled and said your name. The way it fell from his lips melodically and with ease. Like it was the most beautiful thing you had ever heard. Your heart swelled when he spoke it, and you thought you never wanted to hear another thing for all of your days. 

“Y/n.” He hummed against your neck, his warm breath bringing goosebumps in its wake. His hands roamed your naked form, bared for all of him to see. You were his for now and as long as he could have you. Only today was more imminent. Today he would leave, for however long and you needed to memorise his touch. Ingrain it in your memory so you’d never forget the way your whole body lit a flame when he hovered above you, his lips melting you from the outside, in. 

“Say it again.” You moaned, looking up at the man as he pulled his bottom lip between his teeth, taking you in. He was something out of folklore, something between real and angelic. If you could stay like this forever you could die a happy woman. The beautiful man buried between your thighs, his bare chest heaving as those mesmerizing stormy eyes rolled back in his head, completely blissed out. 

“Y/n…” He groaned, his hips bucking forward as you crumbled beneath him. Your whole body shook as he ground into you. Your arms laced around his neck watching in awe as he rode out his high. Seeing Bucky fall apart would be your demise, the familiar coil unraveling itself as he hit that sweet spot inside you pulling a scream from your lips. You didn't care if your neighbours judged your sinful ways or that you’d undoubtedly get dirty looks the next time you left your apartment. In his arms you would never have full control of yourself. 

And you only had today...

Waves of euphoria crashed over your body sending bolts of electricity to rip through your core as you clamped down on Bucky, his cock pulsing inside you as he let out a broken cry. Your name falling from his bruised lips, whining as he coated your walls with his hot pleasure. 

The room fell in a heavy silence, only your heavy breathing echoing around you as he rested his damp forehead on yours. His lips, slightly parted as he whispered his admiration for you against your flushed cheeks. It made your heart shatter into a million pieces. You knew however, when picking up the shards you wouldn’t truly be able to put it back together as it once was. Not after Bucky… 

You'd never be the same. 

A titlewave of emotion crashed over you as reality set in. It ripped you from your peace and hurled you into the thunderstorm of dread for what was to come. The moment you had prepared yourself for. Weeks of preparation and lingering kisses had led to this, but no matter how much you savoured the sweet taste of his lips, nothing was going to make this any easier. 

“Please,” You began, your eyes pleading with Buckys as he only shook his head. 

“Don’t say it, doll.” His broken voice only makes the lump in your throat choke you further. Many nights you’d lay awake wondering if, come morning, this would all have just been a dream. Bucky, his love, the way you felt whole when you were with him. And this time tomorrow that might be true. He would be no more tangible than a beautiful, heart breaking dream.  

“You don’t have to go, Bucky. You can stay. Stay with me.” You're voice wavered as a tear rolled down your cheek, searing the skin as it hit your pillowcase. You knew by morning the fabric would be soaked. 

“You know I have to go. We talked about this and-” 

You groaned, grabbing the pillow from beneath your head and holding it over your face in some attempt to save your dignity you knew you’d lose by the end of the night. You could hear the soft chuckle that vibrated out of Bucky’s chest as he pulled you against his body. There was so much you still needed. Time you would never have. The unknown was so dark and crippling, a million ‘what if’s’ spiralling around you. 

“I know we did. I know that… But nothing could have prepared me for how truly hard this would be.” You signed, trying your very best to not cry. You couldn't have this being what Bucky remembered. Lots of men went to war, and lots came back…

But what if-

No.

You couldn’t think that way. Bucky was strong. Stronger than most. And he would write to you, of this you were sure. He would be okay. You both would. 

“Petal,” He hummed, pulling the pillow away from your face and replacing it with his lips on your forehead. “For as long as I live, I will be yours. You're stuck with me, unfortunately for you. I’ll crawl home to you, always.” 

Your heart swelled at his words, tears freely streaming down your face now as you laced your arms around his neck. His lips rested on your shoulder, peppering your skin with chased kisses as he hummed a melody that would forever live in your mind. Your first dance. The night you had met all those months ago. The memory, now blurry and convoluted but the way he looked at you that night was still ingrained in your soul. So suave and carefree. Like the war raging outside your windows was miles away. Like nothing had ever touched his heart before you. 

“Bucky…” You spoke delicately, choosing your next words carefully as to not ruin yourself. 

“Y/n…” He moked your tone, his eyes filling with concern as your words halted in your throat, choking the air of your lungs. 

“Bucky, I…” You tried to say it. You really did, and yet somehow they were lost in the space between honesty and cruelty. Did you really? Was it the only way you thought he would stay? 

“My sweet girl. As if it had to be said.” He murmured, his lips crashing down onto yours, the salty taste of your tears mingling with his sweet tongue as your bodies melted together. Come sunrise he would take his leave, but for now you had him. For now would be enough. 

And in the weeks to follow you would try to convince yourself that was true. As you walked though the world without the man who had taken your body and soul. Who had crept into the deepest corners of your mind and layed down to rest. He would always follow you. Always find a way to remind you of the three words you never quite had the courage to speak allowed. Lost, but never again to be found. 

A promise unspoken and yet broken all the same.  

[happyselves]

Drugs ( part 1 ) { Daniel Ricciardo x reader }

" I'm a fucking mess sometimes, you needed me as much as I needed you. We were a drug for each other, but we need to heal and in order to get better I need to let you go "

You watch Daniel in the opposite corner of the room, lost in your thought.He was looking at you like he knew how much it was hurting you to be here, be there for him like you are a simple friend to him. You wanted more, you needed more and you knew he couldn't give you that, not Daniel Ricciardo. You had way too many long sleepless nights talking about it, he did not want a partner before the end of his career, yet until now you were hoping that he would change his mind,until last night. You had one of those sleepless night conversations again and it was the one that made your emotion's vase overflow. You hide so well how your heart broke in millions pieces last night. After all those years of friendship you had to let him go. He was hurting you and keeping you close " as a friend " . He knew now how much you were in love with him when you were doing so well hiding it all together. The smile, the touch, the gaze, you put your best acting for so long but you couldn't anymore. I was toxic for you when all he was, was the best friend you could hope for, always supportive, always here for you, but the more he cared for you the more he made you hope.

Last night was a mess, you both got drunk, both ended up on his room balcony in that beautiful hotel in Bahrain. You laugh for hours until the alcohol hits you both really hard and makes you confess things that you would normally keep to yourself. He starts by rambling about life outside f1, then it comes to your friendship and your brain isn't functioning properly, only your heart was able to make a decision. So when he started describing how perfect your friendship was for him and how essential you were in his life, your heart spoke for you but only in whispers.

You : You have no idea what's going on in my mind.

Dan : What did you say ?

And then you feel the alcohol effect, the one that makes you brave.

You : I said you have no idea what's going on in my mind right now ...

You waited a bit, not daringly looking at him, he was waiting for you to continue, looking at you with a curious gaze in his eyes, very intrigued that he patiently waited until you took a breath and gained enough courage to say what you had in mind.

You : You have no idea how much torture it is for me.

That where you saw his face close itself, the seriousness taking place like he just hit a wall in full force. He realised something, he realised that you weren't happy and his heart broke, you didn't need to say more he got it right away by the tears forming on the corners of your eyes. He realised that the friendship he thought was perfect wasn't, he finally saw after all this year how much you were unhappy. He was so selfish that even if he knew you by heart he didn't see the suffering you were giving him every time you too spoke during a sleepless night. Now he sees it, the pain, the hurt but most important the love and all he could feel right now was his heart aching and sinking into a dark hole.

He was losing you,

killing you,

torturing you,

helding you captive...

At this instant he hated himself so much for wanting to keep you just for him, no wanted to let you go, he wanted you only for him and it was unhealthy cause he knew that he couldn't give you what you needed from him. He felt sick to his stomach, he was toxic for you but you were a drug for him, he needed you to be well, to do well, to be happy. This man was confused because he didn't know how to explain his own feeling, he didn't know if it was love, possession, friendship, ownership, the only thing he was sure of was that without you he would be nothing. His mind needed to be clear, he needed to act fast before you left him for good, he needed to make sure of what he was feeling ...

So that night, under the stars, on this balcony, both of you were drunk. On this sleepless night, he grabbed the chair you were sitting in and brought it close to him with a firm attention to put an end to this. You got so surprised by his sudden gesture that you almost fell, he caught you with his arm like he always does when you are about to strumble. His arms having a firm grip on your waist he never let go of you, he didn't intend too even for a second until he was sure of what was going on between the two of you and you felt a tension building between your bodies. You dreamed of this for so long but living it was beyond every expectation because as soon as you ended up on his legs, it was like your soul left your body admiring this moment from afar, but you never felt more alive. Your skin was burning, your head spinning as the sight of him getting his face closer to you. He hesitates for a second that lasts an eternity for you before closing the gap between your lips and pressing his onto yours. They were soft, like kissing a cloud and your eyes shut themself automatically to make this moment captured in your brain forever cause you knew it would be a one time thing. You didn't want to think of this not right now, not when the man who was kissing you softly was here doing what you've always wanted and you were determined to show him how useless words were useless in this instant.

His lips still on yours, no moving like he was waiting for something, an approbation from you to make a move, you didn't realise that you were overthinking so much that you didn't respond to the kiss but the alcohol in his system wasn't letting him pull away just yet, and you were glad for it because you could react just in time and open your mouth to catch his lips, licking the dry spot on it, making them yours and only yours for what could last some longs minutes. His whole body relaxes and he releases a sigh he didn't know he was holding, his hands finally leaving your arm to fiercely grab your neck and making your forehead touch each other, deepening the kiss, introducing his tongue to the party. It was becoming sloppy and you were so intoxicated that your head was feeling dizzy but you weren't sure if it was because of the toxicity running through your veins or the way Daniel was eating you literally alive, like you let nobody do before. Your cold hands were finding their place at the hem of his shirt, pulling the last millimeters separating you from him. You wanted to feel him everywhere on your body as much as possible, the burning sensation was addictive and you needed more, you needed more of him ... again and again, savoring the few stolen moments.

But you had to let go, you couldn't breathe anymore, and he had too but it felt like he didn't want to. Coming back to reality was brutal for both of you as it seems to appear when you both pull away from each other, not moving your hands to lean on the contact, the fire and electricity who was roaming between your two bodies. At this point you couldn't open your eyes yet, you couldn't face him, face his terror of what you had just done, face the saddest of a lost friendship ...

His hand moves to caress your cheek, and like a fool, you lean to it, purring like a cat enjoying being petted. His thumb was stroking your skin, encouraging you to finally meet his gaze and when you do so, you've met the most beautiful brown eyes like it was the first time you were really seeing them from a close side. They weren't as light as you remember and his pupil was so dilated, yet so alive, sparkling like the sky during the 4th of July. He wasn't blinking and you weren't either, to scare to miss something , it was even more deep in the meaning that the exchange you just had, so intimate to lock eyes with each others, communicating only with your eyes, wondering what's the other is thinking, quietly battling to know which of you will break the contact first.

It end up being you when you felt your lungs lacking of air, opening your mouth to gather a huge breath of air which bring you a new clarity in your brain and made you jump out of his lap, finding yourself search for the balcony ledge, regretting right away the decision because you were already missing him. He was looking at you, his arms still up in the air where you were a second ago, still shocked from your sudden change of heart. How could you look at him and be around him after that ? You wouldn't dare to meet his eyes right now, deeply ashamed of what you just did. So you didn't and you left without a word, leaving him hanging on his own, leaving the room and probably leaving his life.

You spend the remainder of the night crying in your room, grieving the loss of the friendship you had with him, hoping to disappear from this place and not meeting him in the morning.

But that was without counting on the elevator taking too much time to come to your floor and the door of Daniel's room opening. It was too late for you to run and take the stairs plus you had too much luggages with you to carry. You pull on your best act, like nothing happened last night, hiding your puffy eyes and your miserable face as much as you can in the hood of your oversized hoodie ... his oversized hoodie. That thought made your eyes water again, you were about to betray him, leaving him alone but after like night.

That was where he called your name from the back of that room, and like an idiot you lifted up your head meeting his gaze from afar. He looked at you like he knew ... and your heart broke again replacing it with dust as the elevator's doors finally opened in front of you. You entered it, looking at him one last time.

MASTERLIST

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