#nooo dont kill yourself. you're so talented or smart or [insert 245343 things they attribute to you]

[gayspock]

the miserable burger

i feel like anyinterest ive had in anything ever has just been nothing but like a desperate attemptto be perceived in some way. do you know what i mean.like there was a therapy to art or writing maybe once or twice. but i feel like everyuting has always been eaten up by just some sad Want to make something that people might like or i mightlike or to somehow find this divine fucking interest and enjoyment thateveryone else seems to have. and its like i fucking hate doing those things actually. im not fucking godo at them and theyre a fucking chore. and i could never be any good at them, cuz at the end of the day that like. shallowness kind of runs through and its obvious when someones miserable and dgaf and theres no passion there. and it feelsthe same with like everything else to be frankly. im bad at alreadybut theres just thisrotten fucking stink that comes through the more i fail and the morefrustrated i am. and i fucking hate everything i try to do in the end hno matter what i try or how i try it and it just feels like desperate fucking attempts to try and find something i mightnot fucking hate and they all fail and fall flat on their fuckingfaceand doesanyone else burn with this sort of bitterness when people do have hobbiesor talents or anything they can remotely find comfort in becausegod i fucking wish i could care i fucking wish i could care so bad or jsut feel fucking something that wasnt miserable fucking dejection . i keep fucking wasting my fucking days doingthe most low stakes bullshit imaginable and i still fucking despise it. the evil fuckingloops. its fuckinghorrible being so alone when you cant fucking find anything yourself but also youre sort of alone because i feel like theresnothing there some days for someone to like and i start going crazy fucking clawing at thewalls. whys it so had to be a person like most serously whys it so hard to exist. just keep doing all the things people say are so much fun and so ufcking wonderful and spend your days stuck in places feweling some insane feeling of remorse that wont unstick itself or whatever go draw and fucking hate yourself go do this and fucking hate yourself go for a walk beg for it to be over i want to go to sleep so i never fucking experience anything ever again why would you fight for somethingwhen theres nothing there do you know what i mean . it never fucking worked, and i cant fucking go through the nhs again, but theres a part of me thatwishes i was back on venlaflaxineagain because i used to have the most vivid fucking dreams and they were horrible mos tof the time but maybe once a month you could get sucked into some life that felt so muchmore real than this one ever could be bc there was somethingthere that wasnt staring at a fucking wall and wishing this was done wait for it to pass wait fo rit to tpass wait for your whole fucking life to pass. and now what. i think im going to go take an edible and go for a walk and com back and start screaming