#nobody cared that i got abused and that i had a breakdown and started crying

[tmpestuous]

moth to a flame - eleven

summary: asking for help isn’t easy. thankfully, your system offers a hand anyway. 

pairing: college!bucky x reader

chapter warnings: reader is lowkey in a depressive episode, revenge porn, talks of abusive relationships, panic attacks, awkward parent relationships, friend arguments, self-doubt, self-deprecation, literally everybody is going through it at this point

word count: 6.8k

a/n: i really do not know how this ended up being nearly 7k words, but here we are. i am also fancasting colman domingo as norman osborn here because, well, yes! there will be more bucky in chapter 12. i do indeed miss him. as always, thank you for reading <3

series masterlist

TUESDAY, 11:30 AM

The digital clock on your nightstand was glaring at you, the white numbers standing out in contrast to the darkness of your room. The blinds were closed, and the gloomy weather only made it darker. 

You’d been awake for hours—three to be exact, but you couldn’t bring yourself to move. You didn’t want to, either. Staring at the clock as time went by, cuddled under your comforter, seemed a lot easier than facing the day. 

Your friends were all worried, especially Natasha. She’d organized for someone to be in your apartment at all times, still keeping her promise of not leaving you to fend your demons off alone. It was a kind gesture, one you wouldn’t fight even if you had the energy to. She was more than concerned, afraid that one moment without you would leave you to slip under the water. 

Nobody talked about your breakdown after seeing Bucky in that hospital bed, especially when Sam and Natasha had to solicit the help of a nurse to calm you down. It was the worst panic attack Natasha had seen you have, the first one she couldn’t help you out of herself. You were screaming and crying hysterically, and she suddenly knew bringing you into that room was a bad idea. Everyone silently agreed not to mention it, knowing you needed a break from the chaos. 

Your friends wouldn’t ever describe you as the most bubbly person. They knew you had your struggles, whether it be family issues or personal insecurities. You had your fair share of episodes, but you were always strong at the end of it. They never got to a point where everyone had to keep an eye on you. This was the first time.

On that night, Natasha slept in your room, head to toe position like you were friends at your first sleepover together. Sleep found neither of you as you both stayed wide awake, staring at the ceiling. Though words weren’t spoken, you were glad she was there. She knew as much, equally glad that she could be there for you.

She’d stayed home with you all of Sunday, though you hadn’t made an effort to get out of bed besides going to the bathroom. She ordered food and brought it to you in your room. She watched TV with you to clear your head and even started a hot bath for you. 

As much as she wanted you to open up, she knew better than to ask. You’d open up when you felt comfortable, even if it took a while. Not to mention, you’d repeated to her a few times that you had to let Bucky go, that everything was your fault, that you’d put him in an impossible situation. She never blamed you, never silenced you, never tried to convince you otherwise, even when she wanted to. She let you speak, knowing you needed someone to hear you out and understand things from your perspective.

Natasha listened to you ramble while you sat in the bathtub, your head the only thing visible above the bubbles and water. Judging from the expression on her face, she comprehended and internalized every word. If anyone would, it’d be Nat. 

She didn’t respond with much, a soft ‘it’ll be okay’ as some kind of reassurance. You nodded, eyes red and heavy from all the crying. It was impossible not to miss how tired she also looked, especially as the friend who always drove herself crazy taking care of everyone else.

You could hear her talking to Steve in your bedroom from your position in the tub after she left you to have some space, the bathroom door shut. She sounded defeated, troubled over both you and Bucky, talking about the relief she’d felt at your rekindling falling down the drain. 

Again, she didn’t blame you, nor would she ever. But Natasha felt pulled in both directions. Scared for your sanity, just as worried for Bucky’s. How it was eating her alive to see the both of you suffering, both as a result of your own experiences and the lack of each other. Steve agreed.

They didn’t know you’d heard the whole thing — you surely wouldn’t mention it. But the conversation sat with you as if you were part of it.

On Monday, your friends rotated in shifts. First Natasha, then Pietro and Wanda. Sam came in at noon, and Thor came in a few hours later. Natasha returned with Steve in the early evening. 

They didn’t bother you, just checked in to make sure you were physically okay. Pietro hugged you, and Sam ruffled your head. Everyone asked if you ate, and you gave them a stiff nod. 

Most of your day was spent in your room, and today, your fate seemed similar. Your body felt frozen, tethered to its position in bed. There were no efforts to move—if your eyes weren’t open, someone would probably have to pay close attention to make sure you were breathing.

Sam had stayed the whole morning this time, and Natasha had come back right before noon. Once Sam left the apartment, she opened your bedroom door, sighing at the sight of you. 

“Are you awake?” Natasha asked softly, crossing to your side of the bed and seeing your eyes open. “How about we try getting out of the room today?”

She sat next to you, but your gaze didn’t move from the clock. It was now 11:47. You didn’t say a word, just sighed. You moved your arm to rub your eye.

“How is he?” You asked softly, your arm now shielding your eyes from Natasha’s gaze.

Natasha rubbed a hand down her face. 

“If I tell you this time, will you at least get out of bed today?”

The thought of Bucky was both mentally and physically painful — you couldn’t remove his face from your memory, how he stared at you in distress before you walked away from him. You could only imagine what was running through his head if his thoughts were anywhere as terrifying as yours. He might’ve felt you were abandoning him when he needed you most, or that you hated him, though that couldn’t be any further from the truth. 

You knew in the back of your mind that it was better to stay away from him for now. The thoughts that persisted in your head were trying to suffocate you, and ignoring them was not the answer. Bucky needs to heal, and you can’t ruin that with your own wounds still unhealed. 

Your friends had all made an effort to not speak about Bucky to you, seeing as every time you asked, you’d take it back right away. They could tell you were trying not to consume yourself with the thought of him, feeling it was better not to know anything than go back on your decision. Natasha noticed you didn’t pull back this time, hence her offer.

You nodded at her proposition, your eyes still covered by your forearm. 

Natasha swallowed, fixing her gaze on your closed blinds. 

“He’s okay—physically,” she emphasized. You figured she wanted you to know that Bucky was anything but okay without you. “He finally got fitted for a prosthetic. Funny enough, it’s from T’Challa and his family.”

You uncovered your eyes to look at her, a curious look on your face.

“Turns out he’s Prince of Wakanda, and their technology is extremely advanced with this metal called vibranium. But as soon as he heard what happened, he said he ‘called in a favor’ back home. They anticipate it could even get here before he’s discharged.”

“Is that better for him?” You questioned, shoving your comforter off your shoulders.

Natasha nodded. “It’s so advanced, he’ll be able to feel pressure and stuff. It was a long explanation, but it’s much better than anything he could get here.”

“That’s good,” you said softly, not offering much opinion while sitting up in bed. 

“He always asks about you,” Natasha tested the waters. “He still cares about you, still loves you. Wanted me to tell you that.”

You didn’t respond, a singular nod. Kicking your comforter off your legs, you stood up and stretched. 

Natasha didn’t miss the dark circles around your eyes or the way your posture stood a bit differently. You carried yourself with more of a guarded approach, something she’d never seen from you before. It made her want to kill Atlas with her bare hands.

“I’m gonna go shower,” you said to Natasha, pulling her from her thoughts. 

“Honestly,” she started before you could walk away, “I’m surprised you got up so fast.”

You shrugged. “I promised,” you said with a half-smile that dropped quickly, then proceeded to walk to the bathroom before Natasha could respond.

12:50 PM

Once you were dressed and ate the quick breakfast sandwich Natasha pulled together, you grabbed your phone off of your nightstand. A few texts, missed calls, and emails crowded your notifications — a result of your total disconnect from the world for the past few days. Though the amount of notifications was more than overwhelming, you knew you had to go through them then or you’d put it off for another few days.

Sitting on your bed, you started to scroll.

Detective Lawson: Hey, the arraignment is today at 1:00 PM at the courthouse near the precinct if you’d like to be there. No worries if not. Hope you’re doing well.

The idea of seeing Atlas while he’s most likely pleading not guilty for the shit he’s very much guilty of was not one you considered smart. You hadn’t seen him since that Friday night, and part of you knew he wouldn’t be too thrilled to see you either. You didn’t want to see him, but you desired the possibility of him seeing you even less. You counted your graces that it was far too late to even go anyway.

thank you for letting me know. unfortunately, i think i’ll sit this one out. please keep me posted though.

She responded almost immediately.

Detective Lawson: Once again, no worries. Take care of yourself. I’ll reach out after with news.

thank you

You went back to scrolling through the rest of your notifications.

Mom: 17 Missed Calls

Dad: 14 Missed Calls

Shit. Opening your group chat with your parents, you were surprised that there were only three messages.

Mom: Can you please talk to us?

Dad: We saw the news. We’re worried about you.  Dad: Talk to us when you can.

The last time you’d spoken to your parents was early last week, right before your world turned further to shit. They never pried about your personal life when you were younger—not that you felt like they cared much about school drama and boys, anyway—but they still looked out for you. Once you were 18 and off to college on your own, they let you loose. 

Growing up, they weren’t the most perfect parents, but they were good enough. Lenient, but cautious was how they described it. It was a blessing and a curse — your friends wished their parents trusted them as much as yours did, but you somewhat wished they were a bit harder on you. It felt stupid to complain about good parents who weren’t overbearing, who trusted you to be safe and make good decisions. It was what they taught you to do, after all, but your independence became a habit of isolating yourself. You eventually learned to deal with a lot of things on your own, not wanting to burden them with their busy lives and careers, and they simply assumed they had a happy daughter. You believed it was better that way.

They only got more worried while you were in college, your actions placing a wedge between you and them. When you told them you needed to move out of your dorm as soon as possible, they begged you to tell them what happened. You chalked it up to affordability, saying their money was better spent on your apartment than an overpriced room in a residence hall. You also argued that it was closer to work and not far from campus, allowing you to have your own space and not worry about finding one after graduation in May. It wasn’t insanely convincing, but it was enough to get their approval. 

Your mom tried to get it out of you as best as she could while helping you settle in, not wanting to seem like she was attempting to force it out of you. She never did, but you couldn’t tell her one thing without having to spill everything. It was better left unsaid. She and your dad eventually stopped asking, but contacted you more often to check in, asking about life, friends, your job, and most importantly, how you were doing. It was everything you’d wished they did when you were a kid, but far too late to remove your die-hard habits of facing the waters alone.

You decided not to reply, not knowing what to say but also aware that this conversation wasn’t best to have through text message or over the phone. Shaking your head, you moved through everything else.

A few texts in the group with your friends—nothing important to draw attention to, updates in your email inbox about Thanksgiving break and the finals schedule from the Dean’s Office and professors, and some more data from other colleges in the state.

But then you saw it.

An email from Oscorp, specifically from Norman Osborn’s office. Your boss.

The man who you quite literally have never met in person was now sitting in your fucking email inbox with an ‘Urgent’ subject line that made your heart drop to your ass.

From: The Office of Dr. Norman Obsorn Subject: Urgent Hello, Y/N,  Mr. Osborn is urgently requesting your presence in his office at your earliest availability. He is free all week until Thursday and Friday.  He would like to discuss a file that was sent to him personally over email recently. I was specifically instructed to inform you of said file. Thank you. Best, Felicia Hardy

A file. You knew it could only be the file, and suddenly there was a burning sensation in your chest and a ringing in your ear that made you double over. A pained whimper escaped your mouth, the pricked feeling at the back of your eyes as they filled with tears. 

You didn’t notice when Natasha came in, or when your breathing became erratic and you started crying, or when your phone slipped out of your right hand as you palmed your chest with your left. 

Natasha was kneeling in front of you as you sobbed, still leaning forward, gripping onto one of your knees in a failed attempt to ground yourself. She cupped your face, rubbing your tears away with her thumbs while she begged you to look at her. You didn’t remember shutting your eyes. 

Natasha called out for Steve to bring in a glass of water. You managed to hear the front door as she did so, assuming he’d just walked in. A few moments later, she was taking the glass from him and pressing it to your lips, urging you to drink. You didn’t fight it.

Once you calmed down, you opened your eyes. Your cheeks felt warm, only meaning your face was probably flushed.

“What the fuck happened?” Natasha said. Her tone wasn’t accusatory, but rather insanely concerned.

“He sent it.”

She furrowed her eyebrows, shaking her head as her eyes scanned your face.

“Who sent what?”

“Atlas,” you choked out, your eyes blurring again. “He sent the tape. To Osborn.”

“What?” She spat. 

“His assistant emailed me about it yesterday morning and I didn’t see it because I wasn’t on my phone and now he wants to meet with me and–”

“How the fuck did he do that while sleeping in a jail cell?” Steve butted in. 

You shrugged, Natasha moving to sit next to you and wrap you in a hug. 

“It’s okay, everything is gonna be fine,” she assured you as she rubbed your arm in her embrace. “We should tell the Detective, maybe?”

You nodded, moving to pick up your phone from the floor to send Detective Lawson a message.

hi, i know you’re most likely at the arraignment but i have to tell you something. it might be important.

You sighed after sending the message, rubbing your eyes. 

“I should’ve stayed in bed,” you said in defeat, picking a piece of lint off your jeans.

Natasha and Steve shared a pained look, one you missed from your willful lack of attention. 

“I’m sorry,” Natasha said, moving a piece of your hair out of your face. “We’re gonna fix this, okay? In any way that we can.”

“There’s nothing to fix, Nat,” you exclaimed as you shook your head, still not meeting her gaze. “What’s done is done.”

Before she could reply, your phone buzzed. 

Detective Lawson: The arraignment just concluded. Bail set for $250,000. His family is expected to pay for it. I’m so sorry.  Detective Lawson: What did you want to tell me? Is everything alright?

“He’s gonna get out on bail,” you said softly, earning a scoff from Natasha and a facepalm from Steve while you replied.

my boss’s assistant reached out to me saying he wants to talk to me about a file he was sent. i think it might be the tape, and i don’t really know what to do

Detective Lawson: We should make sure that it is the tape before doing anything. When was it sent?

i’m not sure. i was emailed about it yesterday morning.

Detective Lawson: If it was sent, that’s a charge that the prosecution can add to his case. Meet with your boss and let me know. I will move to request a warrant anyway.

okay. thank you.

You didn’t say anything after sending the message, only sniffling as you locked your phone. Natasha and Steve didn’t speak either. You closed your eyes to take a few deep breaths, clearly needing a moment of silence to keep your mind from spiraling further. 

After a few minutes and breaths, you opened your eyes. 

“I have to talk to Osborn,” you spoke, your voice more firm than expected. 

“Do you want us to come with you?” Natasha asked. 

Once again, you didn’t fight it. You knew she was just worried. 

“Just to sit in the car and wait for me outside, if that’s okay?” You offered, not wanting to shut them out after they made the effort to take care of you. 

Steve and Natasha both nodded in response.

Norman Osborn seemed more like a myth than a real person. You’d never spoken to him directly, always through his assistant — she intimidated you a bit too, very much someone who tolerated zero bullshit and did things her own way. At least she was nice. 

When you were reached out with a grant opportunity from Oscorp, you were definitely shocked. Their company was more science-based, with chemistry labs, biological studies, and more. Some people could argue that psychology is a science, but definitely more social than biological. 

The main stipulations of the grant included ways of expanding your study — it started as an analysis of different factors that affect mental stability in college students. The factors varied from the students’ families to their majors, whether they lived on or off campus, how they were paying for their studies, and more. It was beyond extensive, your presentation earlier in the semester showed it. After all, it was 3 years in the making, and probably the biggest research conducted by any psychology student in your university’s history. Your professors all loved it, throwing in their connections to help you gather the data necessary and speaking wonderful things about you to the Institutional Review Board.

Oscorp had been painted in a less-than-favorable light at the time, with rumors circulating about his mental state and its impact on the company after the passing of his wife, Emily. Other suitors told you it was social suicide getting involved with them, let alone adding things to your research for them. But they were offering you a $400,000 grant, substantially larger than any other company — a grant usually apportioned to direct science studies being offered to you, a psychology student. Unheard of and quite frankly the quickest yes you’ve ever said. 

The expansion of your research wasn’t overbearing either: they requested that your research be expanded into the biology field to include physical illnesses or ailments (as your current data only included mental ones) and genetic makeups. It was more for show, really — a good reason for the company to convince their donors the investment was worthwhile.

Throughout the process of finalizing the grant and starting to work, you’d never met Mr. Osborn. You saw pictures of him throughout the building, heard a few stories from some colleagues who worked in the labs, and even caught a glimpse of his teen son once or twice. Other than that, he was a mystery.

Which only made sense of why you had to stop yourself from trembling in anxiety in the only elevator that led to his office. 

Norman Osborn had an entire floor to himself, an unsurprising fact to you as he was CEO of the company and worth billions of dollars. You would want some privacy too. 

Walking out of the elevator, you saw Felicia. Her platinum hair was as voluminous as you’d ever seen, and her eyes were laser-focused on her computer before she noticed your presence. She gave you a smirk.

“You showed,” she stated, surprise dripping from her tone and the smirk still on her face. “You can go right in, he’s not expecting anyone else.”

Way to soften the blow.

You ignored the twist of your stomach after she spoke, simply pushing the office door to walk inside. Norman was staring out the windows at the New York City skyline, ceiling-to-floor ones like those in your own office. He turned to look over his shoulder when the door shut, staring right at you.

His expression was unreadable, and you were sure he’d trained himself to do so over the years. He was in a dark grey suit, emerald green button-up underneath, with a black tie. He gave you a small grin and nod.

“You showed,” he said, the same words Felicia had said to you just a few minutes before. 

“I didn’t think there was a choice,” you said, your voice smaller than you intended. 

He raised his eyebrows. “There wasn’t. Most people do quit on the spot, however.”

Your eyes widened before you blinked the shocked expression off your face. He chuckled.

“Nothing to be scared of,” he moved from his position near the window, walking in front of his desk and towards you, an outstretched hand for you to shake. You did. “It’s nice to finally meet you, our star scientist.”

You gave him a half-smile after he pulled his hand, one that didn’t reach your eyes.

“I don’t really consider myself a scientist.”

“Nonsense,” he waved his hand in playful disapproval. “Everyone here’s a scientist. Some are just better than others.”

You didn’t respond, just took up space.

“Sorry,” you quickly mended your silence. “I just didn’t know what to expect from— well, this meeting.”

Norman crossed the room to sit at his desk, gesturing for you to take a seat as well. Once you did, he leaned back in his chair, a pensive look now adorning his face.

“Are you aware that someone is trying to ruin the career that you are currently building?” 

If your heart wasn’t in your ass already, it was now. You started to bob your knee up and down instinctively, subconsciously. He noticed.

“I’ll take that as a yes.”

“Mr. Osborn, sir, I’m really sorry–”

He silenced you by putting his hand up. You were suddenly very aware of your heart pulsing through your chest. He didn’t speak, the thoughtful expression still there as he stared off into space. 

The silence was killing you as your own, sabotaging thoughts raced through your mind, blaring through your head.

Maybe he brought you here as a test. He mentioned that most people just quit instead of meeting with him. You hadn’t. Maybe that saved your ass from losing three years’ worth of work that you’d have to give up to the company only six months before facing the real world. 

But maybe he also didn’t want another scandal. Couldn’t handle his company being the face of rumors and turmoil again after staying clear of it for months. Couldn’t handle the backlash that would come with a sex tape of the student they decided to take a gamble on. 

You tried to slow your breathing, not wanting to have a panic attack in front of maybe the world’s least emotional man. 

After a few moments, Norman sighed. Then he looked at you.

“I don’t like reckless people,” he said firmly. Your anxiety couldn’t register the difference between him talking and someone stabbing you in the stomach. “That… tape— it was reckless. I didn’t watch it, I knew what it was, but I think you’re aware of its recklessness. I can see by the look on your face that you regret it.”

You didn’t say anything.

“Despite that,” he continued, “I don’t see you as a reckless person. Your work is flawless and calculated with the finest precision despite the number of variables involved. It became only more flawless with the variables we added. You’re always prompt with your arrival, early most of the time. You stay late every day. Your research is about to reach a lot more people.”

You couldn’t tell where he was going with his speech. It wasn’t negative by any means, but it wasn’t exactly soothing.

“So tell me,” he said after a pause. “How exactly did you allow someone to coerce you into a reckless decision, and then piss them off so much that they decided to try to ruin your career by sending it to me?”

You sighed. 

“I’m sorry—”

“No apologies,” he cut you off. “You’re not in trouble. Your job isn’t in jeopardy. I just want details.”

Well, that’s a relief. 

You took a deep breath before explaining. The collection of your thoughts only started as a ramble, a rant you’d been holding onto for weeks, and one you had to stop yourself from performing before speaking. He didn’t need all the information, just what was relevant.

“I had a lapse in judgment,” you started. “I let my emotions and feelings for a person overtake my sense of agency and what I wish I would’ve done. It was reckless and I should’ve known better, but I can’t take it back now.”

Norman looked surprised after the last bit. 

Once he didn’t comment, you continued. 

“I was being blackmailed with that tape for weeks on end. I didn’t know what to do, so much so that I didn’t confide in anyone. Not family, not friends, and surely not the authorities. What pissed him off was when I finally did. I guess this was his form of retaliation.”

“Wouldn’t you be the one retaliating?”

“I’m sorry?”

He sat up straight.

“You are the one who was threatened, not this individual. You retaliated. You stood up for yourself.”

If you were being honest, nothing you did over the course of last weekend was for yourself. If Bucky weren’t in danger, you’d probably still be a puppet on Atlas’s string. Bucky’s life was worth preserving. You had already made all the wrong choices — he hadn’t. But you didn’t tell Norman that. It wasn’t relevant. 

So you nodded once.

“Right,” you said, though you didn’t exactly agree. “You’re right.”

“I’m going to take the tape to the authorities,” he added. “I’m sure you have a number I can contact?”

“Yes,” you said while pulling out your phone. “I already told the Detective overseeing the case about it. I can give her your contact info.”

“Okay,” he stood. “I have one more question.”

You looked up at him after sending the message to Detective Lawson.

“Bucky Barnes, how is he holding up?”

Your mouth opened but nothing came out, prompting you to shut it again. You shrugged.

“I don’t know really,” you admitted. “I hear he’s okay.”

Norman didn’t question it, just bowed his head once.

“Thank you,” he acknowledged, before gesturing to the door as you stood. “You’re free to go. But if you need any legal assistance for any of this, please let me know.”

“Thanks,” you looked back while walking towards the door to leave. “Sir.”

“No need,” he shook his head. “Have a good holiday.”

After thanking him again, you exited his office. Felicia was no longer at her desk, and you were kind of relieved. Taking the elevator back downstairs, you thought about passing by your office and collecting some things to get work done at home.

But then you remembered the last time you were in there. With Bucky. Your last night of peace, of feeling normal. Every thought of him was all too consuming, and you couldn’t bear to be reminded of him further.

Sighing to yourself, you pressed the ‘L’ button in the elevator, taking a moment to appreciate the silent buzz of the machine distracting you. You closed your eyes until the doors opened again, walking out into the lobby and heading towards the exit.

Steve and Natasha were parked outside, having come back just in time after heading to see Bucky momentarily, the hospital being 5 minutes away.

You climbed into the backseat, shutting the car door and putting your seatbelt on. Leaning your head on the headrest, you exhaled deeply. 

“How is he?” You asked before they could question you themselves.

“He’s alright,” Steve answered softly. “How about you? How’d it go?”

“Yeah, did you get fired?” Natasha joked, turning to glare at you playfully.

“No,” you answered. “He just wanted to know why it happened. Everything’s all good.”

“That’s good,” Steve said with a small smile. He seemed more relieved than you at that moment. 

“I wasn’t in there for long, but did I miss anything?” 

Natasha and Steve shared a look, shrugging at each other while they communicated with their eyes. You always told them that they looked like a married couple, but this solidified it.

“Well—” Steve started.

“Your parents were at the hospital,” Natasha blurted out.

“What?” You asked incredulously.

“Your mom called me while we were walking to Bucky’s room and then they both saw us, asking if you were with us,” Natasha explained. “We said no, told them you were in a work meeting.”

“They said you never told them about what happened,” Steve cut in. “Is that true?”

You shrugged hesitantly. 

“I didn’t know what to say to them.”

“They’re your parents,” Natasha emphasized. “They said you’ve been icing them out since—”

“Since I lost all of my friends?” You interrupted, your tone harsher than you wanted it to be. “I was tired, I was lonely, and I didn’t know how to ask for help, let alone ask them. They didn’t need to deal with all of that, or me losing you guys, or what happened to Bucky.”

“They wanted to hear it from you,” Natasha pushed.

“But I’m assuming they heard it from you guys, didn’t they?”

“Bucky told them,” Steve interjected. “He’d already told them everything by the time we got there.” 

“Of course,” you said, less than amused and your ear ringing again.

“You didn’t even tell them why you moved out.”

“What was I supposed to tell them, Nat?” You spat harshly. “God forbid if I didn’t want to keep drowning for one moment in my life.”

“They’re your parents—”

“And I needed them away from it all,” you cut her off. “I didn’t want them worrying about me, I was handling it on my own.”

“How’s that working out for you?” Natasha said, causing you to pull your brows together. “Don’t look at me like that, you know it’s true. You’re still drowning in it. It doesn’t hurt to have extra hands to help you.”

“It does,” you said curtly, turning to look out of the window. “Can we go home now?”

Natasha scoffed, turning back in her seat. Steve didn’t say a word, just put the car into drive and took off. 

You’d hoped to move on from the thought of your parents until your phone buzzed.

Mom: We hope we’ll see you for Thanksgiving at our place. We’re not mad. Just worried Mom: We hope we can talk. Love you

i’m sorry. i’ll be there. love you too.

Dad: Nothing to apologize for. We love you. We’ll see you Thursday kiddo

You locked your phone and closed your eyes until you were home.

Once you’d made it back to your apartment, Natasha started looking through the takeout menus from one of your kitchen drawers. Steve headed back to the hospital where the rest of your friends were, not wanting them to take the train in the dark. 

She was clearly occupying herself with anything other than talking to you, your regret creeping up your neck as you walked into the kitchen to face her from the opposite side of the island.

“I’m sorry,” you said, her eyes moving from the counter to meet yours. “You’re beating yourself up to make sure I’m okay, and I’m grateful for it. I’m just—”

“Tired,” she finished your sentence. “Mentally. Physically. I get it. It’s okay.”

“It’s not,” you pushed back. “Yes, I’m tired. But that doesn’t mean I have to be nasty towards you when you’re just trying to help.”

“You’re not yourself anymore,” Natasha pressed. “You walk with caution now, on eggshells around all of us when we’re not going to harm you. And it pains me when I see it because he did that to you.”

Rocking on your heels, you scratched the back of your head.

“I feel like I don’t know what to do with myself anymore,” you admitted softly. 

Natasha knew you were blaming yourself over Bucky, but you hadn’t talked about Atlas. To anyone. The only person you somewhat spoke about him to was Detective Lawson, but even then, you weren’t venting. You were giving her mostly facts. Everything else was bottled up. 

“It’s like I’m scared he’s gonna come back,” you continued your thought. “I’m scared he’s gonna walk free and find a way back in my life again. I don’t know how to… live normally anymore. My only sense of normal again was—”

You cut yourself off. 

“Bucky,” Natasha finished for you once more. “Your only sense of normal was Bucky. And he took that from you, too, so you’re scared to do it again.”

You nodded, looking around the room to avoid her stare. 

“I forgive you,” she changed the subject. “I wasn’t mad, just frustrated. Annoyed. But I also cut you a lot of slack because I can’t imagine dealing with what you’ve dealt with for the past several weeks.” 

“I won’t snap at you again, I promise.”

“I know,” she said, her mouth momentarily twitching upwards. “Now give me a hug.”

Half-smiling at her, you walked around the kitchen island to her embrace. She squeezed you like she always did, but this time it felt like she was trying her best to ground you. 

“Can I be honest with you?” She asked right before pulling away from the hug, her hands on your shoulders.

“Mhm.”

“I think you should talk to him,” she said hesitantly, your eyes widening in response. “No, no, not him. Bucky.”

“Oh,” you exhaled. 

“He asked about you again, when you were with Osborn,” she revealed. “We didn’t tell him what happened, but he was worried. He is worried, and he’s driving himself crazy in that hospital room thinking that you hate him. We all tell him that you don’t, but he doesn’t believe it.”

With a rough exhale, you tilted your head, staring up at the ceiling. 

“I don’t know what to say to him,” you confessed, looking back at Natasha. “I can’t lie to him. I can’t look him in the face and not tell him that I feel like I did this to him.”

“But you didn’t. He’s going to tell you the same.”

“I wish that would change how I feel, but he wouldn’t have thrown himself to the wolves if it weren’t for me.”

Natasha sighed. “Watching the both of you hate yourselves on each other’s behalf is grueling.”

You stared at her in confusion.

“You blame yourself for what happened to him and he’s blaming himself for what happened to you,” she elaborated. “That’s no way to live. This situation is fucking insane yet you two don’t blame that blonde-haired demon sitting comfortably in his house after his parents paid all the money in the world for him to not sleep in a prison cell.”

Natasha moved to cup your cheeks before continuing.

“You need each other,” she said as a matter of factly, “even if it isn’t romantically. Nobody is telling you guys to get back together or pretend like all of this didn’t happen, but talking to each other is how you figure things out and heal. You experienced all of this together, so get through it together. Talk to him. Even if it’s just over the phone.”

There were no words you wanted to say, just a mindless nod.

“I’m gonna order dinner now since everyone’s probably on their way back,” she said, removing her hands from your face and moving back to the takeout menus. “Chinese okay?”

“Yeah,” you agreed. 

“Okay.”

While Natasha called the Chinese place from down the block to place an order, you walked back to your room, grabbing your laptop. You had some data to put into your spreadsheet for Oscorp, needing to busy yourself with something you knew would take time. 

After working diligently for about 15 minutes, Natasha stood in the doorway.

“I’m gonna go pick up the food and wait for everyone downstairs,” she said. “You working?”

“Yeah, might as well.”

“Alright, I’ll let you stay this time,” she shrugged her coat back on. “Call Steve if anything happens.”

“Don’t think anything’s gonna happen in less than 20 minutes,” you retorted, earning you a serious Romanoff glare that had you putting your hands up in surrender. “Okay, okay.”

“See you in a few,” she smiled after you yielded, leaving the apartment right after.

Alone in your apartment for the first time in almost a week, you rubbed your face with your hands. Your work was distracting, but not enough as Natasha’s words from earlier replayed in your head.

“Talk to him. Even if it’s just over the phone.”

Once the data on your screen started to stare back at you, you sighed and picked up your phone. Opening your message thread with Bucky, the messages you’d sent on Friday night made you even sadder. Especially the last one.

I’m so sorry.

The sentiment still rang true, like you knew what was to come while sitting on that bench, staring as the city lights reflected off the lake water. 

You clicked on the bubble, staring as the caret blinked at you, waiting for you to type something. 

There was no need to write anything extensive, you knew the words wouldn’t come. They’d be a mess, nonsensical. You decided to be simple.

hi. i hope you’re doing okay. i’m thinking of you. 

You stared at it for about half a minute before pressing the blue arrow. He’d read it almost instantly. 

The three dots to indicate he was typing stayed for about a minute. Then they disappeared. About 3 minutes passed without a word, the read receipt mocking your attempt. 

You were about to give up and lock your phone when it started ringing, Bucky’s contact photo filling the screen. It was a photo from the year before, on Bucky’s birthday. He had cake on his nose, his cheeks red from blushing, and the biggest shit-eating grin on his face while he was kissing your cheek. It was your favorite picture of him.

While staring at the picture, you almost forgot to answer. Truth be told, you weren’t sure if you wanted to, but you did it anyway.

Neither of you spoke right away. You could only assume Bucky wasn’t expecting you to reach out, calling you in an attempt to make sure it was really you. That he wasn’t making it up.

You cracked first.

“Hello?”

No response. 

From the read receipt to this, you also weren’t sure if you were making this up. 

“Hello…?” You repeated, your voice more uncertain. “Bucky? Are you there?”

A pause. Then you heard him exhale through the speaker. 

“Hi, prinţesă.”

[noras-dc-shenanigans]

Children | Music

The Bats weren’t really music people. Bruce didn’t really care about it, Dick preferred to be the one making the noice, Jason favored quiet for his reading, Tim was just too busy to listen, and Damien… well. League of Assassins: not really the forefront on the ‘hobby’ department.

So when a social worker had shown up with a feral, black haired, sometimes-blue-sometimes-Lazarus-green eyed kid, who was apparently Bruce’s cousin’s son, nobody expected that to change. He was quiet, refused to look anybody in the face, and hid in his room and only came out to eat.

Of course, considering the horrible way all his family and friends had died, and the downright abusive godfather he was removed from two months later after a very public breakdown, nobody blamed him. They had all quickly resolved to leave him alone until he was ready. (Well, mostly all. The others kept their own feral green-eyed kid in line until he got the message.)

That went on for about a week, with the kid, Danny, slowly coming out more and more, a lot like a stray cat. By the second week, he would eat meals with them rather than take his plate back upstairs, to appear magically in the sink sometime afterwords, right before Alfred would load them into the dishwasher.

A few days after the meals, he started answering innocuous questions like ‘what did you do today’ and ‘what’s your opinion on this show?’. Slowly, slowly, Danny learned that they were trustworthy, and started appearing during movies and game nights and on one memorable occasion a month in, joined in on the prank war Steph started, and subsequently won.

(They suspected, based on some of those pranks, that Danny was a meta. Some sort of invisibility and density shifting, from what Barbara found on the cameras afterwords. There was no record of him having been tested for it before, and, well… it wouldn’t be the first time a traumatic event activated someone’s meta-gene.)

So, even with all of that, he was still a pretty quiet kid. Which is why, five weeks after Danny came to live with them, they were all so surprised to hear loud, gothic music blaring out of his room. Like, really loud.

For most of the day. Also for that whole time, never once did Danny leave his room. Not for food, or movie night, or even when Jason intentionally dropped a millipede down Steph’s shirt right outside his door. There was just loud goth music, from 8:00 am until they left for patrol around 9:00 pm.

When they returned a little after 3:00, Alfred informed them that the music had suddenly cut off right at midnight, and Danny had then appeared in the kitchen, eyes red and face swollen in the way that meant a long time crying. He’d grabbed an apple, some granola bars, and at Alfred’s insistence two sandwiches and a large Gatorade before disappearing back into his room.

The next morning, at breakfast, they’d all pretended it didn’t happen. Apparently, the universe decided that the choice of a bunch of detective vigilantes to not invade someone’s privacy was deserving of a reward, because halfway through their meal Danny had set his fork down, taken a deep, slow breath, and said into the hushed room,

“Yesterday was my friend Sam’s birthday. She would’ve been 15. She was super goth, and hated that her parents would dress her up in bright frilly dresses whenever they dragged her along to some gala or rich-person event. Whenever they’d make a comment about me, or my pa-parents, she’d invite me and T- Tucker over and we’d help her pick out the loudest, gothiest music and jud-judge what outfits to buy online by how much her parents would hate them. She- she and Tucker were my only friends since we moved to Amity in first grade. Everyone else thought that because my parents were weird I was too but Tucker was nerdy and Sam was just Sam so we migrated together and stayed and now they’re gone because of me and I—“

He’d gasped, desperately, tears streaming down his face and everybody had moved as the well-trained unit they were, despite all their differences.

20 minutes later, the movie room had been requisitioned for a giant nest of pillows and blankets, and everyone piled in. There was hot cocoa and fresh-baked warm cookies and hugs and confessions. Bruce snuck away just long enough to task Cyborg with looking into the GIW and Amity Park’s ghost problem. Jason discovered that the Pit goes from pissed wolverine to cuddly kitten if he held Danny close. So of course he cuddles right in, just for the Pit, no other reason, ignore the hair petting and the weird purring sound he made.

Eventually, they’ll all have to get up. Some to work, others to work, and others still for various other activities and responsibilities.

But that’s later.

For now, they comfort a grieving kid, and, maybe, plot the downfall of a certain Fruitloop.

[haechanniesunflowers]

Mafia!Ateez reaction to s/o being abused by her family

Warnings: READ AT YOUR OWN RISK domestic abuse, bruises, scars, toxic family behaviour, manipulation, torture, mentions of blood, smoking, murder, death

I'm so sorry if this made you uncomfortable, my dms are always open if you want to talk about anything

Requested by @racheloveyunho

It only gets darker and longer with the next member

Hongjoong

He came home early so you weren't prepared and were wearing a tanktop with shorts

He saw the bruises on your back and thighs

When he asked you about it later that day, you sobbed and told him that your brothers beat you because you insisted on moving in with Hongjoong

Would pretend that it didn't affect him but on the inside he's furious

He himself doesn't like to physically discipline anyone unless it is necessary or they get on his nerves and bring him to that point

How dare they lay a finger on you

He wouldn't change his behaviour with you, he'd be his usual caring self, all the while planning to knock some sense into your brothers

He laid a trap for your brothers to fall right into and met with them personally

He's a reasonable man so he started with talking to them but when they didn't listen and called him slurs he threatened to murder them

They knew Hongjoong was a part of a mafia and didn't want to anger him any further

They promised him that they would treat you better

Seonghwa

You told him you tripped and fell while you were packing your things to move in with him and that's how you got the bruise on your head and a busted lip

He bought it honestly because he's soft for you and couldn't see you like that so his focus was to get you the medical treatment you needed

You were happy with him and spent almost all of your time with him but he didn't want to hold you back form meeting your friends and family

You were ecstatic to meet your friends but not your family

They hurt you after all

So when he had someone drop you off to your family house, you were nervous but still went inside to meet them

What you got was taunts and verbal abuse

When you tried convincing them that Seonghwa was indeed very kind and loving towards you, they hit you so hard, you lost your balance and your back hit the glass corner of the table which you tried holding onto and ended up scratching your upper arm, drawing blood

You were shocked and hurt and ran out of the house

You hailed a taxi and went to your friend's house and told Seonghwa to pick you up from there

When he came home that night, you were already asleep

In the morning he woke up and found you in the kitchen at the brink of tears and you cheek was a little swollen and purplish

He asked you what happened but you said you liked hanging out with your friends yesterday and these were tears of joy and that your swollen cheek was because you ran into a glass wall

He believed you like always and wrapped his arms around you to pull you into an embrace and accidentally put pressure on the bruise on your back from yesterday

You yelped and arched your back

This time he didn't ask you but lifted your shirt to see for himself, despite your protests and was shocked to say the least

He made you feel comfortable enough to tell him that it was your family's doing

He reassured you that everything will be okay and that you could stay with him forever

That night he paid your family a visit after you went to sleep

They never contacted you again

Yunho

Your family was very religious and never really messed with you because Yunho made it very clear how protective he was towards you

Any bitter comment from your family would earn them a death glare from Yunho

He'd stare them down until they got super uncomfortable

Nobody knew what he was capable of, other than the fact that he was involved with a mafia

Your family wanted you to stay away from him but you loved him and he had promised to protect you and shield you from the mafia life

Yunho's girlfriend had no face, no one in the mafia world had ever seen you

One day you were visiting your family to celebrate your sister's birthday

You felt unwelcomed, you own blood was making you feel uncomfortable

When the guests had left and it was time to open the presents, your brother told you to go home

You were embarrassed but tried to reason with him that you guys were family

He started saying hurtful things and called you a slut and accused you of selling yourself to a dirty mafia rat who kills people for a living. He said you are nothing but his whore and he will replace you one day when he is tired of you and then you will have no one to turn to because they didn't consider you family anymore

You got up and went to the home. The home Yunho had made in the middle of a dense forest to hide you and came to see you almost every day

Yunho had decided to complete his work in advance today so he could spend more time with you in the next days, since you said you would be at your family house today

You unlocked the door and went in crying. You were wailing so hard that you laid on the floor in the lobby

You screamed when you felt someone grab you by your arms and made you sit up

Yunho looked at you in shock and worry, you nuzzled your face in the crook of his neck and cried your heart out, not caring if you were being loud and looking like a mess

You didn't need to tell him what had happened because he was aware your family had something to do with this

You woke up in bed the next day, feeling numb but had a severe headache

You looked around the room and saw a shirtless Yunho starting outside the window, you called out to him "Yunho..."

"I don't want to know what they did or said. I'm never ever going to allow you to meet them again. It took everything I had in me to stop from murdering them because I don't want to hurt you, but I can't have anyone else hurting you either"

He turned around and looked furious, you had only once seen him this angry when a spy from another mafia broke into your house and tried to stab you. Yunho had ripped his jaw off of his face with his bare hands in front of you and you fainted from shock from the intensity of the situation

Right now he had the same look on his face and you didn't want to anger him any further

Yeosang

He had never been the one to talk a lot

His calm and collected nature made people underestimate him

Your family used to love Yeosang and were supportive of your relationship with him, they were happy when you moved in with him, but that was before they knew who he was

Only you knew that Yeosang was a cold blooded killer. He was his gang's ace, he was sharp, very intelligent and very manipulative, not to mention he was the second most strongest member and was very good with weapons, his speciality being butterfly knives. He killed people the bad guys and felt no remorse. His gang members often joke that he only feels two emotions, rage when the bad guys cause menace and love towards you.

He got you pregnant and you were now worried but Yeosang had reassured you that no one in this world will ever lay a finger on you as long as he is by your side. He made you feel safe and loved. He didn't trust anyone to help you around the house so he stayed home to help you.

One day your family came over to meet you and ask after you unannounced, you being 7 months pregnant, were home alone

They wanted to see your huge house, you were nervous because you didn't want them to see some rooms but couldn't keep up with them because you got tired from walking

Then the unthinkable happened, they saw everything. They saw Yeosang's training room, his collection of knives and bulletin boards with photos of people, nasty looking people. One board had two sets of photos of the same person, one photo was for Yeosang to know who to attack and the other photo of the same person killed by him. Yeosang never wanted you to see the contents of the room, let alone your family.

They told you to come with them and to leave Yeosang but you tried to tell them that you were more than okay and wanted to stay with him

It all happened too fast, your father grabbed you by your arm, dragged you outside and forced you to sit in the car while your mother pleaded to him to not shove you around like that in this state. They didn't drive home, they were fleeing the city to get as far away from Yeosang as possible

You were screaming, your parents paid no attention to you, they thought you were protesting but actually you were screaming because of the excruciating pain you were experiencing. You were bleeding and your mom had noticed it but they were on a highway and there was no hospital nearby. They couldn't do anything about it so they kept driving out of the city, your father hoping the child would die in your womb because he now hated Yeosang and wouldn't be able to love his child either.

You fainted and after 2 hours of driving, they got to a hospital. No one knew but you were carrying twins, sadly one of them had died in your womb while the other was born healthy. You were now fighting for your life. Your parents were scared for you and afraid of being tracked down by Yeosang.

You and your baby spent a month in the hospital and recovered enough for your parents take you with them

On the other side Yeosang was on the verge of a mental breakdown. He was out looking for you, now scared and confused and in rage. He didn't know who had taken you away and was frustrated and tired but he couldn't let you go. You were the love of his life and the only person in the world who ever loved him.

He got a lead on you and within hours was outside the house where your parents were hiding you.

He broke in the house in the middle of the night and found you crying on the bed with a sleeping child by your side. He instantly became soft at the sight, all the rage he had in him was replaced by love. He softly called to you and you whipped your head up and instantly ran to him.

You begged him not to harm your parents and he couldn't say no. He silently took you and his month old son back home in the dead of the night

San

San was not one person, he had two kinds of personalities, one was a ruthless assassin and the other, a passionate lover. Both personalities had him being manipulative in common

He absolutely hated your family because you were a free spirit and liked taking risks while they were the complete opposites and often tried holding you back but you always loved an adventure and that's how you ended up with Choi San.

You dispised your family the same as they did you. You were so used to the beating that you felt nothing now. Profanities were very common too and you wanted nothing but to slap each and every one of them and run away.

You were head over heals for him the moment he crossed paths with you but you didn't show that to him. He tried manipulating you into getting you to sleep with him but you knew better and brushed him off

He was used to women being on their knees for him so you not doing that was a challenge for him and he was hell bent on getting you to like him

He was going crazy over you and started meeting you at your workplace during his missions, like he had to kill a man in 30 minutes but he just had to see you first

When you weren't giving in to his art of seduction, he tried a different way

He asked you out like a decent human being and you said yes, wow that was easy, right?

No, you made him work hard for your love and affection and he was obsessed with making you happy to feel loved by you and by the time San realized what was going on, it was too late

He was madly in love with you and practically drooling over you

He finally asked you to move in with him and you said yes even though you knew your family would disapprove. You went home and packed your stuff and tried to leave but your family members didn't let you leave and in an effort of saving you from inevitable destruction which was Choi San, they beat you to the point you passed out.

They texted San from your phone, pretending to be you and told him to stay away and leave you alone, that you wanted nothing to do with him.

San was confused and scared when he got that text from you and texted you back to take your time and rethink your decision.

You woke up in your room at some point during the night, unable to open one eye because it had been bruised badly. Your head was bleeding and the blood had dried on your face. You left leg hurt a lot because of you lying in an unnatural position. You didn't have your phone or anything else

You felt empty and all you wanted was to be in San's loving embrace

It was now or never

You escaped from your window and somehow managed to get to San's front door, it was almost morning

You knocked on his door and called for him

He opened the door after some time and took in your form

He was in too much rage but he had to tend to you first

A few weeks later he came home and told you that he made sure your family is now in another city far away from you and won't contact you again

A tear slipped down your face, you were free from their torment

You kissed San and thanked him

He would do anything to make you happy

Mingi

Mingi was the notorious mafia leader who has connections with the government and the dark world

He had money and fame (the good and bad kind) and all that was missing was love and you filled that void

He loved you too much and would never let anyone hurt you

People knew better

So your own family, your own blood hurting you for wanting to live with Mingi didn't sit well with him

He was distracted at work and all he could see was your face, your tear filled eyes, your bruised arm and your distraught state

He wished he had sent someone to get you from your family house sooner so you didn't have to go through the abuse

He wished you never told them about it and just moved in with him

You were in his home, resting in his bed, thinking about what had happened

Did they really didn't see any good in Mingi?

Did they really have to hit you?

Did you do the right thing?

These thoughts flooded your mind and you were just as distracted

Mingi came home in a hurry and told you to come with him

You asked him where you guys are going and he says we're going to get back at them

He took you to your house and barged right in, unannounced

Seeing Mingi in person was overwhelming and your family were scared, pleading to him to let them go

Mingi told them that he was going to kill them for hurting you and there was panic and chaos

You came to stand next to him, squeezed his hand and softly told him that you want to go home

He couldn't say no to you so he warned them that this isn't over and took you home

You talked to Mingi and convinced him to let them go because they were your family after all

He's the one who said that if the loved toy and cared for you, they wouldn't hurt you like this and family doesn't mean you have to tolerate this kind I'd behavior when you're old enough to make decisions for yourself

You kissed him and wondered why couldn't your family see the good in him

Wooyoung

It started off with you slowly telling your folks about what Wooyoung did for a living

You were smart, so you didn't tell them about his business until you moved in with him otherwise they would have disapproved

You didn't mention that he tortured people and killed them without remorse, no, you said that he works with an organization that eliminates evil people which was true in essence

Your family was having none of it

They wanted you as far away from him as possible

You loved him and he loved you but they didn't believe it

They kept you from leaving the house and since Wooyoung was away for some time on a mission he didn't know

It was only when he got home that he found out that you hadn't returned, but he didn't think much of it because you were with your family

You on the other hand were panicking not only because you were being forced to stay away from Wooyoung but also because you just found out that you were pregnant

You had to get back to him no matter what

You refused to eat or talk to your family members, only demanding to meet Wooyoung

When he didn't get any message from you he began to get suspicious

He sent someone disguised as a delivery boy over to your house to check up on you and got word that you were sick and locked in your room

He got up and drove to your house in the middle of the night and broke through the front door. He didn't care who got in his way and pushed and punched whoever protested

He got to your room and demanded that you open it

You did and jumped at him, told him you were pregnant and they were keeping you from going back to him and cried

He took you in his arms and was taking you back with him

Your father threatened to call the police and Wooyoung simply said "say hi to chief inspector Jeon from me" leaving the father shocked

You were happy to be back with your lover and were excited about the baby, the same as Wooyoung

Jongho

Probably the strongest man in the whole mafia world

Everyone feared him

He didn't have to say twice for what he wanted because people had heard how he smashed someone's skull open with his bare fists

He had asked you to move in with him and you happily said yes

But when you told your family about your decision they asked you if you were crazy

You didn't listen to them and started packing

They weren't going to let you go to some barbarian

But you weren't listening so they had to do it the hard way

Deep down you were happy to leave because your family had always been abusive and toxic

When you were asked to leave with your suitcases your father grabbed you by your arm and shoved you against the wall

"you bitch, you really think you can disobey me?"

Your mother held you by your hair and slapped you so hard your nose started bleeding

They beat you severely and you had stopped screaming at this point

You thought you were going to die when they left you like this on the kitchen floor

You don't know what got into you but you got on your feet and ran out the front door where you were stopped by Jongho waiting for you beside his car

He saw you and gently pushed you aside and went straight inside the house

He came out after almost 20 minutes, blood splattered on his face and clothes

You were already in shock from the beating that you didn't question him

He got in the car with you, held your face in his hands and said "don't worry, I called an ambulance for them, they just might be okay"

With that your heart sank but you were too shaken to feel sad for them so you just cried

Jongho took you home

[boop-le-snoot]

PARTY FAVOURS I CHAPTER 31

First time reader click here

it's a mental breakdown *off-key kazoo*. One (1) incident of physical abuse from a parent. And Stephen Strange arc begins opening. Kind of angsty, but more of a filler chapter to resolve the parents-suck thing.

A couple of days was all it took for me to get back on my feet... Figuratively speaking. Neither Bruce nor Tony was particularly excited about me being up and about, I was carried to my desired destination point by one or the other on most occasions. Physically, my body grew tired very easily - I took a lot of sporadic naps throughout the day, more often than not falling asleep in someone's arms. Nobody minded, really - even Loki, who wasn't a touchy-feely person by any means, relented and acted as a body pillow for me when we crashed on the common room couch to catch up with the TV show episodes I'd missed.

Tony was very obviously on the verge of a nervous breakdown. During the few hours I had spent being chased by the Cursed Box Demon in my nightmares, all the leads towards the contractor proved to be cold. Natasha was the most irritated of them all - a late-night talk with Clint through the vent above my room revealed that she took it as a personal insult, unprepared for a simple merc to be so good at evading the world's most notorious spy.

Hulk kept taking over Bruce's body - eyes shining fluorescent green - at the times we were together, periodically clutching me to his chest with clumsy but careful movements. I pitied the mercenary should he encounter my gentle scientist - I didn't think Bruce would even attempt to hold back Mean Green. They seemed to have achieved some sort of symbiosis those days, switching between the two personalities in one body almost effortlessly. Circumstances aside, I was very happy that the tension and the persistent internal conflict inside Bruce had almost disappeared.

What made me upset was Strange. The sorcerer was behaving, well, strangely. He began avoiding all of us - his excuses of helping the search for the merc were flimsy, and Wong's long, deep sigh, when asked about the sorcerer's state of mind, spoke volumes. I suspected Stephen was either seething with anger or drowning himself in the sea of guilt; I had a hunch he was similar to Tony in a way that he hid his vulnerability behind an impenetrable wall of malice and sarcasm and dry wit.

Perhaps I was wrong. But the pent up frustration resulting from the conflict between my overactive brain and my uncooperative body had to blow - and my mother was the fire to my already short fuse. Somehow, she got ahold of the information that I was hurt indirectly because of the actions of the Avengers - and she had called the first available phone she found, which meant Pepper Potts got an earful of vitriol regarding Stark Industries, SHIELD, Tony, and everyone else, including my father. Stoic as she was, Pepper took it all with grace, replying politely to my mother until she hung up on the redhead.

Pepper placed an urgent call to Coulson immediately after that, making the already uncomfortable situation spiral into something truly disgraceful. It ended with strict orders for me to return home - not that anyone besides me and Coulson knew about it. I was a legal adult, I could choose to stay in the tower and my mother was told so on numerous occasions... Knowing her, I was well aware she wouldn't be above storming Tony's home with a small army of her lawyer friends.

Inwardly seething, melting with the anger sitting in the pit of my stomach like a sharp piece of ice, I managed to convince Tony to have Happy escort me home at the guise of gathering more necessities. Tony, being Tony, offered me to buy anything and everything I needed, but relented under my puppy-eyed pleading. It was getting harder and harder to lie to any of my men, the weight of it settling unpleasantly bitter on top of my already foul mood.

Happy grumbled in displeasure at being tailed by a nondescript black SUV - I knew SHIELD would have eyes on me 24/7 now, at least until they catch the rogue mercenary - but seemed to be happy at my general state of relative wellness in his own... Happy... way. Five-second side-grin and "Glad you're up and about, Princess," was probably the most I was going to get from the man who's nickname contradicted his personality. In my humble opinion, he should've been called Brick instead. He was built like a shit house, too.

The moment I stepped into the living room, wearing Wanda's spare sweats and Tony's hoodie, I took a slow look around the room and immediately knew this was it. Most of my anger had receded, courtesy of finally being able to get out of the tower and do something, but the ice in my stomach persisted. The smell of whiskey and cigarettes hit me like a wall, news playing on the TV doing very little to dissolve the viscid, tense silence.

"Sit down," My mother instructed me in the tone of voice she used on people in the courtroom - convicts, people who knowingly broke NDAs.

"I don't think so," I replied, refusing to give in to her bullying. I was being absolutely reckless, I knew it, and still it didn't stop me from standing up for my men. Logically speaking, it could have happened to me anyway, Avengers or not. The cursed box came along long before I'd even met Peter Parker or any of his rag-tag superhero friends.

"Fine," She turned around, steely eyes leveled on me. I was but a speck of dirt under her nails - for the first time in my life, I felt terrified of my mother. I knew what she was capable of. "Listen well, daughter of mine. I'm going to only repeat myself once," She started in that deceptively calm tone of hers. "You are to stop mingling with Stark and his... Company. Immediately. I do not want to hear any more of that Parker boy, either. You will not destroy your future and our family's legacy over some fling with a man twice your age. This little game has gone long enough and it's time for you to get back to reality."

The more she spoke, the higher my eyebrows rose. I was supposed to take orders from my own mother now? Something thin, something thin and crackling with electricity within me just snapped - like a live wire. The hairs on my nape stood up, goosebumps appearing all over my skin. "And what if I do not?" I asked, just as quietly.

I was not prepared for her reaction. One second, she was sitting on the couch and the other - my cheek was burning and my mother was standing over me, breathing the stench of alcohol and tobacco right in my face. I saw the whites of her eyes. "Then you are no daughter of mine. I did not raise you to be someone's cumrag and all this play-pretend scientist shit had to have ended in middle school. I hoped you'd grow up but apparently, you insist on being a baby," She was full-on screaming in my face, so rabid she was shaking.

All I could think of was... How wrong she was. How wrong she would be, her sad little world broken when she finds out just exactly how much I'm capable of. Long gone were the days where I timidly questioned my scientific contributions; thanks to my men - the same men she'd hated so much - I knew my value. I knew I could achieve the things that I wanted.

"If that is your choice, you have thirty minutes to get your shit and get lost. I will not have a whore of a daughter living under my roof," I had missed a good part of her rant; most likely, it consisted of nothing but meaningless insults anyway. After she'd finished, she gave me a shove towards the stairs.

It didn't bother me as much as it should, I think. My cheek smarted and somewhere deep inside, I knew that the eerie calm that had settled over me wasn't normal - on the surface, I felt only relief. The things I suspected all along, finally came to light - she didn't even perceive me as a human being, I was no more than a means to her end. A tool. A thing.

The waterworks started when I frantically shoved most of the shit I could fit in my three suitcases. Upset as I was, my scatterbrain did me a favor that time and I gathered most of the important things. Notebooks full of my research - projects that my mother had called a child's game, projects that could be patented in a week, add a tweak or two. With sudden clarity, I realized I needed none of her money. None of her... At all. In short, I was emotionally all over the place and at the end of it... None of it made sense.

I threw the credit cards with her name on them on the coffee table as I hauled out my suitcases, not sparing the bitch a glance. She was equally quiet, boring into my back with those steely eyes of hers. I felt my skin peel under her stare. In my distraught state, hauling and dumping the suitcases in my car was quick work. Detaching the house key and tossing the last things that connected me to her house on the floor at her feet was a spur of the moment decision; my mother was right, to some extent, and I still had childish tendencies. "You had no right to call yourself my mother in the first place. All you were was an egg donor with more money than you could make sense of. Enjoy your hoard, you damned dragon," I seethed, seeing her frozen in place with her arms crossed and chin held high.

Some part of me hoped she would apologize. That naïve, childish part - I knew my mother and I knew myself, and the trait that we shared was stubbornness. I sped out of the estate without ever looking back, driving aimlessly for a while until the honking coming from drivers around me began reaching alarming levels of volume; tears began flowing down my face at some point, all but obscuring my vision. I parked in the nearest place I could find, in front of a Waffle House out of all places.

Crying in a Waffle House parking lot, how pathetic was that. Logically, I knew at least five people had my back: Tony and Bruce, who surprisingly loved me back; Loki, who had become strangely clingy after my declaration - clingy in the best way. Together with Wanda and Peter, they made my heart warm and my eternally racing brain feel calm and safe.

I called my dad, he didn't pick up. I don't know what I expected of the man, but any and all remnants of my respect for him shattered, breaking into tiny little pieces as I helplessly banged my fists against the steering wheel in a fit of desperate rage. One look in the mirror and my already ashen complexion was made worse by red, puffy eyes and the blooming bruise on my cheek where my mother had slapped me. It was the first time she'd laid a hand on me; I wanted to throw up.

I sat in the car until my breathing slowed; completely and utterly clueless as to what to do. I had no home of my own, three suitcases worth of clothes and research that was useless without a lab to run experiments in, my car, and a small trust fund in my name. The recent incident with the curse box had left me mentally drained as it was, now, I could surely say that my head was empty: no thoughts.

And throughout it all, Stephen's avoidance crossed my mind. As if the self-loathing wasn't enough, as if my own blood, the people who were supposed to care for me, rejecting and ignoring me wasn't strong enough of a blow... The sorcerer's avoidance raised more anger within me. I didn't know why but the thought of him made me want to cry and seethe once again.

Logic gone out of the window, I typed in the Sanctum's address into my GPS with shaking fingers, figuring that if he wasn't willing to do the legwork, I will come to him myself and clarify things for all at once. The mixed signals were just a cherry on top of my sky-high problem sundae.

I banged on the door and it flew open immediately, a surprised sorcerer quickly turning concerned and panicky, noticing my general state of appearance. I was still wearing the same clothes and my hair was in disarray, my face looking somewhere between a coke bender and a manic episode.

"You," I stated darkly, taking a deep breath. "You need to tell me what the fuck is wrong with me and reject me, so I can move on already. And you," I poked the man in the chest, right above the fancy eye-shaped necklace, "Need to stop it with the mixed signals. Stop wallowing in self-pity. Whatever you are doing, STOP IT," My voice involuntarily raised in pitch from all those emotional rollercoasters I've been on that day. "Get back to being normal. Let me fucking live," I finished my tirade as the man stared at me, frozen and open-mouthed.

"I..." He stammered, eyeing me with concern. "What in the multiverse happened to you? What..?" He was so confused, pulling out his phone the moment I bailed my fists.

"My mother threw me out, my father doesn't give a fuck about me, apparently I'm a cheap whore with delusions of grandeur. You're avoiding me and everybody is waiting for me to blow up," I screeched, all but vibrating in my spot. "This is me blowing up. I want answers!" I demanded.

Strange recoiled from me, frowning and pocketing his phone. A deep sigh left him, the kind that made his whole body sag. He ran a careful hand through his hair before looking away and slowly pulling me against his chest, the door shutting behind me and keeping the cold out. I hadn't even noticed I was freezing; my feet were wet from the NYC winter slush and mud.

Stephen's embrace was warm and tender; I wanted to lean into it and push him away at the same time. I was so messed up, it was embarrassing. There was nothing acceptable about this situation - I felt guilty as soon as his face fell.

"Jesus Christ, baby," He mumbled quietly. "Sounds like you had one hell of a day. Let's go, I'll put on some tea," He rubbed soothing circles on my back, something that confused me - I just had stormed in and dumped a bucket of bile right on top of his head.

"I should go," I mumbled, yet had no real strength to move away from him.

"You're not going anywhere. I suppose I need to explain myself, too," He sighed, and despite his obvious discomfort, picked me up, letting my limbs to wrap around his torso like a monkey. I was careful to keep my weight off his hands, even if the trip to the fireplace room was short. As soon as I was placed onto the couch and my shoes were removed, Cloaky drifted over from a dark corner, urging me to take off my soggy hoodie, and wrapped itself tightly around me.

Turns out, semi-sentient cloaks were quite warm.

THE TAG LIST IS NOW OPEN! @another-stark-sub ​ @mostly-marvel-musings  @vozit ​ @littlegasps ​ @pilloclock ​ @shereadsinquiet @downeyreads ​ @hermione-grangers-wife ​ @individualistfem ​ @sleep-i-ness @capbrie @lillsxd @agustdowney @dee-vn @justanotherblonde23 @fanngirl19 @persephonehemingway @softie-socks @schemefrenzy @letsby @cutenessloading @romeo-the-cactus @jelly-fishy-babie @mikariell95

[txylorwrjtes]

I’ve got you, sweetheart: Part 3

Pairing: Dean x reader

Warning(s): Mentions of abuse, angst, fluff, reader has brain damage, self hatred, self doubt, Dean has a breakdown

Character(s): Dean Winchester, Sam Winchester, Mary Winchester, Y/N Y/L/N

Summary: Your mother marries an extremely abusive man, who abuses you to the point you get brain damage. You have a hard time with speech and learning all of the things you already learned before, but you have Dean by your side to help you every step of the way.

Word count: 1,861

Previous part || I’ve got you, sweetheart masterlist

The week for Dean has passed by after continuously taking care of you. He had checked you out of the hospital and brought you back to the bunker. He had carried you into the library, where everyone was spending their time. All of their eyes trailed over towards you as Dean settled you into one of the comfy chairs in the room. Once you were settled, he crouched down in front of you. "Is there anything you want, sweetheart?" He asked you. He had spent a little bit of time each day through out the week in the hospital trying to get you to say words that were simple. You always struggled, but he knew what you were trying to say. "Are you cold?"

All you could do was slowly nod your head yes to answer his question as you shivered. You opened your mouth to speak, "J-.." you were trying to say the word, 'Juice', but you found yourself struggling all over again. "J-.." You tried once again, but failed. You could feel tears pricking at your eyes as you balled your hand into fists again. Your brain still hurt. The words you had learned throughout the years growing up were now jumbled up in your mind, making it harder for you to speak.

Tears streamed down your face and Dean's face fell into a saddened expression as he reached a hand to your face, wiping away the tears with the pad of his thumb before his hand dropped down to hold your own. "Oh, baby.. it's okay." He reassured you. You were doing just fine. But he knew that the frustration of not being able to speak properly was what was making you emotional. Luckily, he knew what you were trying to say. "You want juice?" He asked. You slowly nodded your head yes again. "Okay, I will go get you some juice and a warm blanket. And then I will come back and I will hold you."

You didn't respond to what he said. You just stared past him and to the other side of the library. Dean gave your hand a gentle squeeze before he let go and got onto his feet. He left the library and headed for the kitchen, where he had gotten your favorite kind of juice from the fridge. He then made his way over to one of the cabinets and opened it up, searching through it for the straws.

As he was doing so, he could hear footsteps behind him. He turned his head to see that his mother was standing there, a concerned look on her face. "How are you holding up, honey?" She asked her son, making her way up to him and rubbing his back in a comforting way. "I know this must be hard."

Dean finally got to the package of straws and took one out, plopping it right into the bottle of juice as he let out a sigh. He didn't realize he was crying until he sniffled. "Not too great." He mumbled underneath his breath. He felt as though it was his fault you were in this situation. He wanted to take your pain away, he wanted to take your damaged brain and switch it with his for however long it takes to heal. "I shouldn't have left her there all by herself, mom. I should've stayed. Or I should've just taken her with me to the cops." Dean's jaw tightened as he found himself growing angry with himself. His hand balled up into a fist and he pounded onto the counter. "God, I'm so stupid!"

Dean couldn't help himself. He slammed the cabinet shut. But when it opened back up again from how hard he pushed onto it, he found himself beating at it, heart wrenching sobs wracked through his whole body as his mother pulled him back, into a tight hug. She shushed her son as they both fell to the floor with him in her arms. "You are not stupid!" She told her son. "You did what you thought was right and I know that deep down-.. Y/N would be proud. She's so lucky to have you. This will get better, sweetheart, I promise you."

The sobs that were escaping Dean slowly came to a calming point. He just stared at the cabinets below the counter as tears just rolled down his face. He was tired of spending his nights hating himself over the situation you were now being put through. All that came out of his mouth was one word turned into a question. "When?"

Mary shrugged her shoulders at his question. "I don't know." She admitted. She wanted to give her son a piece of advice that would help himself get through this and hopefully something he can pass on to you when you start to question things. "But everything takes time. And time is what helps people heal."

~~~

After being held himself for a while by his mother, Dean had grabbed a hold of the juice he had gotten for you and made his way back to the library with a blanket he had gotten from the supply closet. He noticed that nobody else was in the library. The lights were off except for the lights in the library. Sam must have gone to bed and Castiel must have gone to the mancave to binge watch whatever show he was watching on Netflix, leaving the both of you alone.

You were still staring towards the other side of the room until you heard footsteps. You slowly turned your head to see Dean walking towards you with the bottle of juice you wanted and the blanket he promised to get. He set the bottle of juice on the small table situated near the chair. He then lifted you from the chair all before sitting himself down with you in his lap.

He placed the blanket on top of the both of you, making sure you were warm enough before he reached over to the juice bottle. He helped you get the straw into your mouth and let you begin drinking until you didn't want it anymore.

When you didn't, he set it back down onto the table, he placed his hand on your side as he reached for a book, grabbing one from the bookcase that was a couple of inches away from the two of you. "I want to read to you." He said as he opened the book to the first page. The cover read 'It ends with us.' He held the book up with his right hand. "To help you with pronouncing your words."

Given the warmth of his hands against your clothed skin, you slowly reached out your hand and clamped it around your boyfriend's right wrist, slowly bringing it down to your lap before bringing it to your right side, the one that was bruised. The warmth of his hand somehow eased your pain of the bruises. He wondered why you did that for a moment, but when he saw the relief on your face, he suddenly knew why. You wanted his hand there.

So he kept it there, slowly moving his hand underneath your shirt so it would come in direct contact with your skin. From there, Dean began to read the book in his hands. He read to her, letting all of the words sink into your mind. And in that moment, he realized that not only did you need him through all of this, he also needed you. He needed to know you were safe and this time, for good.

Dean Winchester knew that everything took time. And he was going to use this time to help you. He was going to be there for you every step of the way.

He gently pressed his head against the side of your own as he read to you. It was soothing for the both of you. It took sometime for you to process the things he was saying, reading off from the book and you couldn't read well anymore, but you could still listen. You closed your eyes as you listened to the words coming off of the page.

You could remember things, and one of those things you could remember was how much you loved reading and writing stories of your own. You could feel your heart breaking at not being able to that anymore. At least, not for a while.

For now, you were just going to have to take time processing the words you hear and take time getting your speech back.

~~

Dean could almost sense that you were getting tired and he had left the book and the now empty bottle of juice to carry you to his bedroom. He would clean everything up in the morning, but as for now, you were both tired.

When he got to his bedroom with you in his arms, he made his way over to the bed and gently laid you onto it. He laid the blanket you had in the library on top of you before walking back to the door and quietly shutting it tight. He kicked off his shoes and removed his jeans, leaving him in his boxers and his t-shirt.

He crawled into the empty space on the bed next to you as you turned around to face him, he covered himself up the blanket.

You both laid there in silence for a few minutes. All up until you slowly reached out to touch the bridge of your boyfriend's nose, slowly running your finger down to the tip of it.

Dean's lips stretched into a smile as he let out a light chuckle. "That's my nose, sweetheart." He told you, reaching his own hand out and running his fingers along your arm. Your finger trailed down to his mouth, where you ran your finger along his lips. "Those are my lips." He said, fluttering his eyes shut as your finger came up to his eye. You ran your finger along his one eyelid. "These are my eyes. And these.." He gently moved your hand to one of his ears, leaving it there for a moment, he held her hand. "These are my ears. And each one of these has a purpose. My nose is to help me breathe and to smell the good things and the bad things. My eyes are to help me see, and they let me see your beautiful face every day. My ears are to listen, to hear. Music, television, your voice. And my lips.." Dean paused for a moment, leaning his neck forward a bit to place a kiss to your cheek. "My lips are to give you kisses and to smile or frown. They help me talk. Because without my lips, every word I try to say would be muffled."

You took your time processing what all he had to say. You could feel tears running down your face again as you scooted closer to the man, nuzzling into him.

Dean wrapped you into his arms, his eyes fluttering shut as he held you. You both found yourselves falling asleep from the silence that filled the room.

~~~

Next part || I’ve got you, sweetheart masterlist

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[erika-youknowtheangel]

Why hello there, it’s been a while huh?

//Hi Tumblr! Do you remember me? I’m still around. I haven’t been caught up on Night Vale recently so I’ve been avoiding spoilers. Sorry for the random really long hiatus! 

The holidays are here, and being that it’s been such a shit year for everyone, I think it’s time to let go of some things in time for the new year. That being said, it’s 1am, and I can’t sleep. I’ve been thinking, and I’ve been doing really well lately, despite... not doing well. Confusing right? Yeah I know lol. 

I just want to document, and especially for those wondering where I went. I can talk about it now and feel okay. I also want to make this more public, in case someone else has gone through it, or currently going through it. 

Thank you to those of you still in my life who have supported me, and those of you who had but we lost touch. I haven’t forgotten about you. Thank you.

TW: Toxic relationship, thoughts of suicide, non-consent (kinda?)

I recently found myself practicing magic- something I never really thought would help me. But here we are! And recently, I did a letting go spell. And honestly, it really helped a lot. And I think I’d like to create a new era of this blog too, to signify that I am moving forward. 

I moved states about 4 years ago now. Things played out pretty ugly for a while. I uprooted my entire life, because I wanted to, but I mainly did for someone who was very special to me. Don’t do that, kids, lol.

Do I regret it? No. I really don’t. Would I do it again if I knew what would play out? I genuinely cannot tell you.

Things were great here, at first. I thought I got everything I’ve ever wanted. Someone who loved me. Friendly faces around me. No more parental scare tactics. A job I really liked. But in return, I gave everything I already had, which wasn’t much to begin with, to this person. 

I am not a perfect person at all. And I do take some of the blame for the times I was super unreasonable. But at least I apologized, and was an open book about how I felt. Unfortunately, they gaslit me and everyone around me, saying that I was super manipulative and abusive. Of course, nobody wants to take the abusers side. So I lost a lot of “friends”. There was a time I did not know what was real. Did I truly say those things? Did I manipulate them in some way? Was I really just not listening? 

 Those who were THERE, know that this wasn’t at all the case. Who wouldn’t chose a side, for there was not ONE person to blame, but the both of us. They helped me so much in my recovery. I am so SO grateful to them, and hope they know that them staying and helping me self-reflect and work on myself means the absolute world to me. My only regret is not letting them in more before then, since I was so caught up in this one person to care about anyone else, myself included. I was naive to think that all of my mental breakdowns happening so often were because I was on my own for the first time with no life skills, but also because of depression. I see now that it was because of a toxic person I let too far into my life. 

I think what hurt me the most, is that I just felt used for the sex. Sex isn’t at all important to me in a relationship. I mainly just want to cuddle. But like, sure whatever. However.... I really don’t want to say I was raped, because it does not feel like the right word for it. I DID say yes. But at the same time, I didn’t exactly want to most of the time. I felt pressured. They talked me into it quite a lot.  It mainly just felt like a chore after a while, and then they would cry and scold me that “my heart wasn’t in it”. And “Did I even like them anymore like that”. Though, that last one stung, because they always wanted me to play a character. Like they didn’t actually like me anymore. It made me view sex in a whole different light. And I’m not going to lie, I still have no idea if it was a good or bad thing. I haven’t really said this part before. But, I can finally acknowledge it without triggering this spiral of thoughts.  

Honestly, ever since they cut me out completely I haven’t had nearly as many mental breakdowns since that first year. I also got a dog, who has helped me SO MUCH through this process. I honestly don’t think I would have made it through the pain of losing myself if it weren’t for her. She reminded me to take care of myself. Feed her, feed myself. Take her potty, take a walk outside. She has been with me for a little over 3 years now. 

This pretty much brings me to how absent I was on this blog mainly. Ever since that relationship, I’ve been learning on how to take care of myself. It’s been a LONG while since I could do the things I loved without thinking of them. I just recently started painting again. I haven’t been drawing as much as I used to. Cosplay basically went out the window. I’m taking back MY OWN character that this person wanted so bad. In fact, I have plans for him I just haven’t gotten to yet. 

For the new year, the past is the past. I’m thankful it wasn’t ever physical. But I am still to this day working through some of the things. I still cannot hear a certain car horn without going into a panic. I will never be able to call someone a certain pet/nickname, and I am trying to reclaim another one I liked. I never got closure. And through working on it myself and seeking therapy and talking about it, I was able to be okay with that. Still sucks, but you gotta do what you gotta do I guess. 

And if this person, just so happens to come across this for whatever reason- I will never. NEVER forgive you for what you put me through. But I also want to thank you for at least showing me who my true friends were and are.  

I’d like to be an ask blog again.  I’d like to have the energy to draw, and cosplay and craft.  I will never stop improving. I can always be better. 

And that’s what I plan to do.

For those of you who have actually read this all the way through, thank you. It’s nice to be heard. It’s nice to have gotten this out in the open. 

My inbox is always open if you need to talk. :) 

[floshortus-a]

Headcanons - Todorokis

My Todorokis will be default following all of the information I type out here. If you have your own interpretation and wanna use that it’s totally fine - just let me know prior to interacting. Otherwise they will be defaulted to this. ( This is also all based on canon stuff and is subject to change based on that as well ). 

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Endeavor did marry Rei with a quirk marriage, with money involved, but was generally very considerate to her. There was no initial abuse or yelling, it was pretty much a very formal polite atmosphere. He provided her with a home, money and everything else she needed while in turn she provided him with children. Quirk marriage is a known thing in the BNHA universe, and it isn’t illegal. Is it sketchy? Yeah, so please understand while he may not have been abusive to her at this point their marriage was not based on love.  But, he did try to make her happy.

He was very attentive to Touya when he was first born, because he could very well be the prodigy he wanted. There was disappointment when his quirk was only fire, but he acknowledged it’s strength and power as well as Touya’s own abilities so he was satisfied for the most part. He did still however want a child with both his and Rei’s quirk so they wouldn’t have the same weakness as he does. Keep in mind, he can literally burn his internal organs with his quirk. While his objective was to have a child to fulfill his ambitions, he did want them to not be hampered by his own weakness. 

He still kept his desire in mind when he and Rei agreed to have more children. He was not abusive at this point, as again Touya was still considered his successor. Fuyumi was simply meant to support him, so when her quirk manifested he was not too disappointed. His focus was still on Touya though, so he didn’t really give Fuyumi a lot of attention. She was simply there to support Touya and that was it, so he was neglectful of her but not every directly or physically abusive. Neglect is still a form of abuse though, so please keep that in mind. 

But, remember how Endeavor didn’t want a child with his weakness? Well, Touya’s weakness was worse then his. Endeavor can overheat, but Touya was physically injuring himself with his quirk. That very thing is what caused him to realize Touya could not fulfill his ambitions.  So, he lost interest in him and moved on to the next child. He stopped focusing on Touya, and completely ignored Natsuo when he was born. This neglect and sudden abandonment is was extremely traumatic to Touya as a child. He wanted Endeavor’s attention, he wanted to be able to do what had been previously expected. He was angry at himself, and his quirk for being shit and at Endeavor for simply giving up on him. Touya still kept trying to train himself, but it physically hurt him and the stress is what caused the white to begin to spread in his hair. 

When Shoto was born and his quirk manifested as exactly what Endeavor wanted, all of his focus was on this child. Hell, even when he was first born Endeavor’s only focus was on Shoto and Shoto alone. He did not care about any of the other three, and completely neglected them and abandoned them to Rei and the nanny. It was even worse when his quirk manifested, because it had now been over a decade since he had tried producing a child to fulfill his ambitions and Shoto likely could be his last chance. So he was extreme  with him and pushed him hard, trying to make sure he would be able to do it. All the while he neglected and ignored his other children. He even, in his frustration became physically abusive towards Rei when she tried to intervene with Shoto. He was also neglectful to Shoto in terms of restraint and continued to push him extremely hard. All the while, he completely ignored his other children.

He was so abusive and awful to Rei and Shoto that he caused her to eventually have a mental breakdown, and she of course splashed scalding hot water on Shoto’s face.  The worse part is, she wasn’t just stressed with Shoto but all of the children really. Of course she came to her senses right away, and tried to help but it was too late. Endeavor had her sent away, and showed absolutely no care about her. His only concern was her potentially ruining his successor’s future ability as a hero. He did not care about her, or how her disappearance might have also affected the other children. 

Fuyumi was devastated of course, but she had always been more passive and didn’t really react beyond crying initially. She couldn’t bring herself to blame anyone, because she so desperately wanted a family and some kind of love. Fuyumi thought that if she got upset, she wouldn’t have anyone. Touya blamed it on Shoto. He still clung to the idea that he could be better then Shoto, and thought about killing him to take his place. Of course, instead of that happening the ‘accident’ happened where he was pronounced dead. This all happened after Rei was hospitalized, and she stopping seeing people for a bit after that. Endeavor still showed no remorse, even if internally he believed Touya couldn’t be dead and that he could find him. Endeavor was unable to express his genuine beliefs for some reason, and continued to be that cruel, brick wall of a man towards Shoto and absolutely neglectful towards the other two. 

This environment continued on throughout the years, where he didn’t care for his other children and pushed Shoto to the extremes to force him to be what he wanted. Obviously, after the shock of suddenly having the number 1 position thrust on him he started doing more self-reflecting. Even more so after the nomu attack. Endeavor is trying to atone for his actions, and trying to put his family in a better place. He does not care if that doesn’t include him, he knows what he did and that he should reap what he sow.  Shoto is still indifferent towards him, he doesn’t want him to die but he has yet to consider forgiving him. Fuyumi is hoping for better, she wants to believe it can be better and that she can finally have a family...so she did forgive him sort of. If anything, she believes in his ability to atone and be better. She is very desperate to have that family life she always saw on T.V. or heard about from her classmates. 

Touya of course, no longer cares for his family. He couldn’t care less if they died. The only people he truly cares about are Natsuo ( to a degree ) and Rei, anybody else is nothing to him. He doesn’t necessarily hate Fuyumi, but he isn’t as close like he is with Natsuo and Rei. But he doesn’t care enough to consider what exposing their family life to the world will do, or what the shock of his real will due to his mentally ill mother. These are all selfish acts, he knows this and is thinking solely for himself. He is putting himself first here, nobody else. But, he also did plan to die once this was all revealed - and preferably to take his Father and Shoto wit him ( see his use of prominence burn ). 

[nostalgic-pancakes]

Room 73- Chapter 5/8

Summary: The plot starts spamming the chat, and plans are made

Pairings: same as usual, but this time with queerplatonic intruality!

Read on AO3

Word count: 3130

Warnings: discussions of therapy and the kind of bullshit that happens to you in the foster system, the concept of loved ones dying becoming very real and mentions of parents that yell a lot (Though never child abuse)

Other notes: Hi! Not too big of a fan of this chapter, but I may as well get it out already, it's killing me. I hope you all like this though, and if you have any questions, leave a comment on ao3/ask me here and i’ll answer gladly!

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“Hi.” whispers Thomas as everyone enters the room. He’s been getting better at talking, getting stronger every day. Nobody knows exactly why, but they’re trying to figure out why now, rather than forever ago.

But that’s not important- it’s the first session of their D&D campaign! Virgil apparently has a lot of plans for this campaign.

Thomas hisses again, after everyone has said their hellos, and Virgil and Janus hiss back. Logan remains confused.

They exchange pleasantries for a little while, Thomas regaling them with stories like Mrs. Applebaum and Mrs. Chase wearing each other’s coats yesterday night and walking away, hand in hand, giggling like teenagers even though they’re old ladies with grandkids off in college. Virgil and Logan proceed to then screech about the new Welcome to Night Vale episode, about Frank Chen, whoever that is and then Patton and Remus quietly announce that they’re in a QPR, and Janus and Logan need some explaining but it’s okay, and then when they finish the setup, everyone’s sitting with their laptops, character sheets loaded up and suddenly… nobody wants to play.

Someone else should be here, playing with them as Virgil (probably) shoves all their characters through the wringer (physically and emotionally) and gives them enough comfort to rest easy but that someone isn’t here, he’s in the corner of the Chemistry room, as far away from the chemical cabinet as possible, resting his voice a bit so that he can start talking again in about half an hour after chatting with them during setup, and they don’t know why, but D&D is not something any of them want to do right now.

“Actually guys, I really don’t want to do this right now. Not without Thomas” says Virgil, looking over to the ghost hanging around in the corner, who smiles at them and motions for them to all continue, even as Virgil starts putting their laptop back in their laptop case, then their bag, and everyone is already doing the same.

“Yeah.”

“Mmhm.”

“Thomas, what do you think made you so strong recently?” asks Logan, zipping up his bag after removing his translation notebook and morse code sheet from his bag. It’s honestly a better use of their time, finding out more about their new ghost friend, and perhaps he could come back for good, at the rate he’s going and that’s exciting too.

“I...don’t know? Maybe… naw, no way.” he responds, speaking but it eventually turning back into garbled hissing.

“Hmm? You can tell us- anything like a clue is better than nothing.” responds Logan, pulling out his pen and laying the sheet in front of him on the cold floor. It’s going to start snowing soon- they really need to stop sitting on the cold stone floor so much.

“Um, the people- the people who killed me” everyone winces, Thomas keeps tapping. “They died, in, the fifties I think. Drug overdose or something along those lines. That’s when I started hissing.” Thomas waits for Logan to finish translating, with additional help from Patton, before continuing. “So…” there’s a pause. “Maybe because everyone I loved back then is getting old? Dying maybe? That might be it.” Thomas doesn’t look very happy about that possibility.

“That doesn’t sound very nice, but that is likely the reason. Have you been noticing any recent changes to yourself?” Logan asks.

“Yes. I can hold conversations a lot longer, and sometimes I’m visible to mirrors. I try not to become too corporeal in class, though.” Thomas replies, clearing his throat- indicating he’s gotten some strength back. It’s only taken a few minutes this time, which is the least it has ever taken. He laughs a little, and it’s clear- he sounds like a kid, maybe around their age, which he is. He’d be a good singer, probably. It feels like Thomas is becoming more alive by the day, and maybe he is.

They go on like this for a little longer, forming hypotheses about Thomas’s condition and how to undo it, laughing some and wincing other times at painful memories and good ones, until Patton and Janus get a text from their foster parents telling them that there’s a fam-ily meeting about to happen, and they need to come home. Patton visibly tenses, and Logan doesn’t really know what to do, but Janus takes his hand, shaking a little himself, and tells them that they’ll be there tomorrow, even though he really doesn’t believe it, as much as he wants to. Thomas knows that feeling.

Either way, on that foreboding note, everyone else makes to leave too. Virgil goes next, saying that they have to speak to their friend Hildi (whoever that is) about something they don’t understand. Virgil doesn’t elaborate, though they don’t look very upset either.

Logan soon after, wrapping up his morse sheets after he and Roman engage with Thomas verbally some more. It looks like it may rain soon, the sky grey-blue outside and the phantoms in the schoolyard running for cover, forms sizzling under rain. In this way, Thomas is lucky he died indoors.

Roman and Remus seem to want to go the least, but the rain looks like it’s getting worse and Roman does need to go eat something- he hasn’t since dinner yesterday and it's not like there are edible snacks in a chemistry room- it’s literally lab rule one. Roman tries to put up something of a half-hearted fight, and Remus rebukes, routine, like they’ve done this before and will do it again. They have, they will. Roman argues like he’s convinced himself, Remus like he’s sad, trying to pull Roman to shore, more gently than his usual bombast. They go eventually, just as a light drizzle begins and the school heating turns off, with even the teachers leaving the premises. It’s cold, and it’s dark and at some point Thomas wouldn’t have minded, knowing that he was the dark and the cold and the static but now...

But now he knows that he is becoming more than that.

There’s a little bit of warmth, like that of a tealight within him, that he hasn’t felt in so long that he feel he has almost (almost) forgotten how to feel it but not yet, not yet and he cradles it close through the dark and the wet and the ever-approaching night.

…

Patton walks into the house full of dread. He knows what’s about to happen, and maybe he could have numbed it over in any other house, but he had let himself want, and this is where it got him.

Gosh, Janus really liked being here too, he’ll be devastated.

Janus, honestly, doesn't look very worried, and Patton worries for him.

They find Remy and Emile on the dining table, their designated coffee mugs full of tea this time- peppermint or chamomile or something, probably promotes calm or whatever. Emile had taught him that. Fuck.

What was he going to tell Remus? Roman? Virgil and Logan? Logan latched onto Janus like a drowning man seeing a life raft, and Janus had clung as hard.

Fuck, what about Thomas?

He’s sitting, all too aware of every little thing happening around him in his dread. He wants to take in all the furniture, where he hid when he had panic attacks and where he saw Janus being comforted after his own. He’s always wanted to reach out, take Emile’s hand or Remy’s shoulder and cry, but he didn’t, squashing the hope before it could go anywhere. Guess he was right then, he thought bitterly.

The chairs are arranged strangely- instead of being forced to face Remy and Emile when they got the news, the chairs were arranged in a row- one two three four with the dining table having their mugs in order of age- Emile, Remy, Patton, Janus.

Emile and Remy were already sitting in their seats, smiling at them patiently expectantly. Stop hoping. It’s over.

Patton gets in his chair first. The thought of drinking his tea, with the perfect amount of milk and sugar makes him sick. He doesn’t pick up the cup. Janus, once again not looking very concerned, takes his mug in one hand, the other still with a death grip around Patton's. It’s probably going to bruise. He doesn’t care.

“Hey there, kiddos! Sorry for the short text- traffic was the worst, today.” starts Remy, and Janus relaxes, smiling a little. Patton doesn’t.

“We really just wanted to ask you two something- though it is a bit personal, and you can say no whenever! All we’re asking you to do is try it first, okay?” Wait. What? The fuck?

“What… Do you want us to try?” asks Patton. It’s the first thing he’s said since they got the text, and he needs to know what is actually fucking happening. Emile’s probably figured him out (and Patton hate hate HATES that he’s let Emile do that, but he also doesn’t)

“Well, Remy and I have been talking, and we think it might be a good idea for both of you to see a therapist.”

A… what?

Therapists are expensive, and (usually) need to have you living in one place for a long time. They’re expensive, so they’re a long-term investment. If therapy’s something Emile is trying to do, then that means that they want him and Janus to stay. For a long time.

He thinks of the papers he sees Emile hiding. It all starts to make sense.

In his defense, Patton doesn’t cry. Until that breakdown with Remus on the phone the other week, he genuinely could not remember the last time he had cried- it’s not easy to get him to. But both Remy and Emile always, always seem to know that something is wrong, even if he doesn’t tell them that something is, and Remys takes his hand, even as he keeps his eyes on the teacup, and Patton’s still feeling a bit weird on drinking it, but it’ll be fine. Janus has already said yes, and has long finished his tea and is texting Logan on the couch, but Patton’s still on the table, and his tea is getting it cold, but he drinks it as it becomes lukewarm, reddish-brown liquid rolling down as one of his hands is held by Remy, and they don’t talk as much as Patton and Emile, but it’s nice to have him around- he gave both he and Janus their latest sewing kits.

Janus probably has figured out that Patton’s been acting weird this whole time, and he’ll have to talk to him, which is going to be one of those Emotionally Taxing Conversations, but apparently, those need to be had.

It almost hurts to hope, and every voice in his head is half screaming not to, but Patton is finding himself hoping anyways, and he opens his phone to text Remus to see if his therapist knows anyone.

…

“Di, what the actual fuck.” At least Hildi has the decency to look a little embarrassed.

“Sorry, sorry!! We were like, ten and I didn’t know that was a thing till maybe last year?”

That ‘thing’ being, Hildi’s particular brand of witch having Virgil basically absorb some of her magic… whatever like osmosis. Which is why they can calm people down through contact. Why can’t they calm themselves down through contact? That would be fucking nice.

“Uh… the thing is, it only works with women? Or basically, not men. Are you like… okay with that?” asks Hildi, taking their hand and rubbing in circular motions , which she knows calms them down. Well, it’s working.

Virgil thinks.

“Yeah I think so. My gender is still, you know, a bit fuzzy as a concept. For me it’s mostly a presentation thing. Besides men suck- you magic has a point.”

"Our magic."

Hildi laughs, putting her hand to her mouth as she shifts both their positions on the tree branch, thick and low, that they’re sitting in, able to watch the passersby, but too camouflaged by foliage to be seen. Logan used to be with them more often, back in middle school, hiding from stupid kids who kept trying to break his nose. (they didn’t succeed, but they nearly broke his heart)

But, now is not the time. There are more important things to do. Like figure out what to do with this… magic? And maybe see if it can help Thomas come back.

Virgil wonders what Logan and Roman are doing- Logan’s going to have a fucking field day.

…

“Mom?”

“Yes, Lolo?” replies his mother, tying her red hair behind her as she starts weeding their vegetable patch. It’s her little pet project, and it already looks really good.

“You wanted to tell us something this morning, right?” Mom had sat them down about ten minutes before he and Virgil had left for school, telling them that someone was coming over, and that they’d both get more details later. Well, Virgil was at Hildi’s, for whatever reason, so it was just Logan, probably.

“Well,” starts Mom, whacking her hands on her apron and getting herself a glass of water. “Grampa Ev-Your great-grandfather Everett is going to be coming over for a while.” Okay. Logan doesn’t know Great-Gramps Everett, because Mom doesn’t usually talk about her family. It’s nothing bad, but they’re all fairly distant people. But, from what he knows, Great-Gramps is a pretty decent person, and pretty much wholeheartedly supported both Mom getting married to Amma and Logan and Virgil coming out, which nobody had really expected.

“Okay.” says Logan, not sure about what else to answer with.”

“Logan, you see, there’s one caveat. Gramps is really, really old, and he’s going to be gone soon.” Okay. “So here’s staying here for a week or so to say goodbye. He’s been pretty sick for a while, and he doesn’t seem to be getting better.” Okay. That happens sometimes- Logan isn’t spectacularly sad, but his Mom’s going to be pretty torn up.

“Oh, uh, I’m sorry. It’ll… be okay?” Logan tries for some kind of reassurance, but it comes out as confused as he is with this scenario. Mom laughs, a bit wetly, as she takes his cheeks into her hands and looks him in the eye, or as much as she can with how teary her eyes are.

‘Oh, Logie-Bear” (Logan internally rolls his eyes at the nickname) “Don’t worry about me, it’ll be okay, alright? Grampa misses you, so he really wants to see us, now that he’s visited everyone else. I’ll be okay. Don’t you worry, now.” Mom finishes, picking him up even as he squacks light-heartedly, and he remembers the last time Mom cried and he’s so glad that they’ve all gotten better than they were from that day.

“Okay, I won’t worry. Amma and Virgil do plenty of that for everyone.” says Logan, trying for a somewhat lighthearted tone that Virgil sometimes uses with Roman to joke about issues. It’s not great, but it’s better than they were a year ago, keeping it all in.

Mom does laugh, however, still a bit wet, but happy either way. She puts him down on the couch as the next movie in their queue plays, UP or something along those lines.

“You know, Gramps had told me something once.” Logan turns to Mom a little, displaying interest.

“Back when he lived here- the twennies and thirties,” begins Mom, her accent coming in a little. It’s nice. “He had a boyfriend. O’ course, this town was hate crime central back then, but they were happy. Some rowdier kids at school killed his boyfriend, and he was the first to see the body. That's why he hasn’t been here since.” That’s… heavy, and it brings up some unfortunate parallels to Thomas- gay in the twenties, killed.

But that has to be a coincidence, right?

“What was… what was the boyfriend’s name?” asks Logan.

"Hmm?" Mom hums, talking her index along her chin. "Tommy or something. Could've been a nickname for Thomas." Oh, wow. what a coincidence. This also basically confirms Thomas's theory, and as upsetting as that is, Logan's going to think about it later, with his brother, thanks.

Thinking of which…

Logan gets up, suddenly enough to make Mom look up at him questioningly.

"Logan?"

"Sorry, mom- I just need to inform Virgil and the others about something." Seeing the (probably?) concern on her face, he adds on; "nothing bad, there is no need to worry- besides, Virgil would tell on me immediately."

Mom laughs a little. "That he would, baby. Go on- just remember to be back for dinner." She goes to the kitchen to get herself some food, before going back to the movie. Logan takes that as his due to exit, taking with him his carry-bag, which has a stim toy, his phone and charger, and earbuds. These days, it also contains the Thomas Book, and his Morse translation sheets, though he hasn't needed them for a while. He fills his water bottle, taken from his school bag and puts that in too, before leaving the house and going to Roman's, mainly because it's the closest and carrying umbrellas in this weather is a chore with all this wind and rain.

…

Roman's just managed to stomach something, that being pot noodles because mom and dad are not home at the moment, and is currently lounging around the living room, glad to be sitting there without the constant backdrop of yelling. With all this rain, he really was not expecting anyone to interrupt his rereading of Othello (for like, the fifth time, but Roman doesn't give a shit) , and especially not Logan, of all characters.

But there he is, gripping the bottom of his umbrella, and who is Roman to say no? Remus is at therapy with Patton, cheering him on, and mom and dad will not be here to yell. Besides, Logan looks really, really excited, nearly manic, and that's a fairly uncommon look on him.

"Roman, you are not going to fucking believe this."

.

They have a plan, now. It’s rough, and it’s not the best thought-out thing in the world, but it is a plan.

Firstly, tell Thomas the first thing on Monday about exactly what is happening. Secondly, tell Everett about what is happening, hopefully with photographic evidence and get him to Thomas. Both these steps are doable, as Thomas is notably more corporeal than he was a few months ago, and that can probably be attributed to the fact that all of the other people he cares about have passed away. This may be the final push, but god damn it is Thomas not coming back to life without meeting his boyfriend at least once.

This can work. probably.

[susustories]

Warnings: Implied child abuse, angst.

Word count: 1706

Pairing: Todoroki Shouto x Midoriya Izuku 

Summary: Todoroki tells Midoriya about everything he’d gone through, and Izuku makes a promise.  Part 1 | Part 3

It’s been a month since Todoroki came to their school and things have been looking up for Midoriya Izuku. Sure, that didn’t make others stop bullying him, but at least it slowly became less. And most importantly, he finally made a friend. A decent one.

Todoroki was very strange sometimes, Midoriya noticed. Sometimes he’d be awfully quiet and zone out, a distant look in his eyes. Izuku would usually sit by him and wait it out, making sure to tell him if anything important happened.

The dual haired boy never mocked his dream of becoming a hero, despite him being quirkless. He believed in him and cheered him on because to him, Midoriya had everything a true hero ever needed, everything Endeavor had never had.

He also seemed to be really oblivious about certain things, but Izuku didn’t mind. He’d explain everything to him with a kind smile and a soft voice, and it always managed to reassure Shouto about his worries. He didn’t want to bother Midoriya, after all. He was very kind and nice, and he was also his first friend. He didn’t want to upset him by being dense as people called him.

Izuku soon learned that Shouto was a huge soba enthusiast so he’d get him cold soba sometimes, Todoroki’s face would soften, and a tiny (and shaky at first) smile would grace his features. Midoriya always made sure to get more of it, wanting to see that smile more often.

Nobody bothered Midoriya when Shouto walked with him, and that was something Izuku was grateful for, and Shouto always made sure to be with him for as long as he could, glaring at anyone who even thought of making a ‘funny’ comment about the green haired boy’s condition.

However, a thing that truly worried Midoriya was how Todoroki always seemed a bit bothered and sad whenever somebody talked about their parents. He noticed everything about Todoroki, but he never knew why he always seemed to get angry whenever his dad was mentioned. The Flame Hero was pretty amazing! Sure, he’d never be like All Might himself, but he was one of the top heroes and although he seemed mean, he was strong. He was a hero, right? So why would Shouto be upset? Was it that he wanted to spend more time with him?

He started to doubt that after a few days.

Shouto came to school with a burn mark on his arm. Izuku saw it, on accident, and he immediately tried to hide it, telling him it was ‘nothing’, but Midoriya knew better. It was a burn scar, only Shouto and Endeavour should be able to do that. Shouto wouldn’t hurt himself, at least he hoped so. He wouldn’t be able to take it if he actually found out Todoroki did it to himself. As much as he hoped it was an accident, the heterochromatic boy was very careful with his movements, so it was unlikely. So, the only thing left would be the Flame Hero...he always got mad when he heard his name, he flinched whenever somebody talked about his quirk..

No, it’s not possible, he wouldn’t do something like that.

It couldn’t be, right? Izuku was just overthinking, he was a hero, he’d never do something like that.

Or at least he thought, until one day, he found out the truth.

-

They sat on the bench near the school, it was one of those days where Shouto didn’t go home early and they’d either go have ice-cream or just sit somewhere comfortable. Midoriya wrapped an arm around Todoroki, smiling a bit. His friend wasn’t used to receiving affection, sadly, but he always made sure to be there and shower him with as much affection as he could give. However, he made sure not to overwhelm him. Todoroki liked hugging Izuku, though, and it always made the shorter one blush whenever the other said that.

Todoroki sighed, letting his head rest on Izuku’s shoulder. “Midoriya, for someone without a fire quirk, your hugs are always so warm...”

Izuku blushed slightly, taking a bite out of his food. “I-I’m glad you think so! That’s good, isn’t it? I hope it is!” He shouldn’t make assumptions about what others like, should he?

Todoroki nodded, burying his face in his shoulder, a soft whimper leaving his mouth. He could do this forever. It was silly sometimes, how much he liked to be with his new friend, how he liked everything about him. He always felt at peace with Midoriya, so why should he think about it so much? Both of them enjoyed each other’s presence, and that was enough for both of them.

But sometimes, some days, his mind was plagued by thoughts of one thing in particular. Izuku was always helpful, with him he could almost forget everything else around him and just pretend he was a normal person. But not today, and not the last few days either.

He’d wanted to tell him.

He’d wanted to tell him about Endeavor, he’d wanted to so many times.

Would he believe him? Would he tell anyone? Would he think of him differently after? Midoriya was obsessed with heroes, he saw them as great individuals who kept everyone safe, who sacrificed themselves for others. Should he shatter his perception just to find comfort in the one person he’s able to talk to? Was it worth it?

So many questions, and he could only guess the answers for each one of them.

“Todoroki-kun, are you alright? You seem really thoughtful…” Midoriya voiced hesitantly, not wanting to bother him by disrupting the quiet atmosphere.

Shouto squeezed his eyes shut, nodding into his shoulder. He...he should know the truth, right? He lied to him before, and Izuku was a great friend. He didn’t deserve to be lied to like that, he deserves better. Just a selfish excuse to tell him. It’s not like Endeavor deserved to be seen as a hero by Midoriya. Izuku would find out one time or another, the sooner the better. At least then he wouldn’t have to feel guilty for liking that old bastard.

He pulled back from the hug, looking away. “I need to tell you something, but first, promise not to tell anyone. Please.”

Izuku gulped, nodding. “I promise.”

“You’ve heard of quirk marriages, right?” His voice was distant, detached from any emotion. He didn’t want to have a breakdown in front of Izuku, or anyone, really.

Midoriya tilted his head in confusion, he hoped this wasn’t going where he thought it was. He gave him another quiet nod, gently putting a hand on his shoulder.

“He...paid my mother’s family to let him marry her, for the purpose of creating a perfect fusion between quirks. A half-hot, half-cold.” He gritted his teeth, taking a deep breath to calm himself down.

“I was the one who succeeded, out of the four of us. So he trained me, since I was five years old, so he could use me as a tool to surpass All Might.” He continued, he couldn’t stop his voice from shaking with the anger that’s been buried deep inside of him for far too long. “I hate it! ...I hate being no more than a tool for that human garbage. As I remember it, my mother was always crying...” He covered his scar with his left hand, staring at the floor, a deep frown on his face.

“‘That left side of yours is unsightly’, she said, right before throwing scalding water at my face.” He could swear his anger boiled more than the water his mother threw at his face that day, it felt as if he was about to explode at any given moment.

Midoriya trembled besides him, tearing up. Todoroki, who’d never hesitated to help him and be there for him. He’d gone through so much and I didn’t know. I couldn’t comfort him. How much of it still is still going on? And that burn- He took a shaky breath, letting himself gently wrap his arms around the dual haired boy, hugging him close. “I’m- I’m so sorry, Todoroki-kun. I’m sorry.” The other let his anger melt away in his arms, hugging back tightly, trying to stop shaking. I’m not going to cry. “It’s not- not your fault, it isn’t. I hid this from you, you couldn’t have known if I never told you.” Izuku hugged tighter, choking back a sob. 

Todoroki was right, but it didn’t make it hurt any less to see his first real, true friend, go through things that nobody should ever have to. He didn’t want to see him get hurt like that, he didn’t want him to be so lonely and scared all the time. He knew he was scared from how he’d flinch whenever he touched something too hot on some days, whenever footage of the Pro-bastard Endeavor was shown he’d pale at the sight of him using his flames. He knew, why did he try to pretend he didn’t? 

He felt his hold on Shouto tighten protectively, even if he was ‘weak’, even if he was quirkless, even if he was Deku. He’d be there for him. He’d do everything he could, he’d be his hero. That’s what he needed. Someone who could be there for him and a hero, a real hero. He wanted to be that for him.

Shouto calmed down eventually, his eyes were squeezed shut as he buried his face into Izuku’s shoulder and let his arms shield him from the world as if he were still a tiny child, and in Midoriya’s arms, he felt like one.

Izuku gently ran his fingers through his soft hair, red strands bleeding into white ones. He whimpered at the gentleness of his touch, how it always managed to soothe his worries away, how it never hurt.

They sat there for a long time, perhaps longer than they should have, but the embrace remained just as tight.

“When...when I’m a Pro-hero, I’ll make sure he could never hurt you again. I promise.” He said softly, and Todoroki nodded. He never lied to him, he always kept his promises, and he knew he’d keep this one too. He just knew.

“I trust you, Midoriya.”

[polygamyff]

58. Part 9

I have used and abused the leisure of having this Bentley, I do love the car and if I could I would keep it but it’s hired on Maurice’ name “I see you not wearing no earrings, hair tied and air force ones. Mother, seriously?” I have to laugh; my mother is on something “are you strapped too?” I have to ask, she seems strapped to be honest “if I could, I would, Robbie I would go down for murder for you. I love you with all my heart and to know my only love is being treated this way, this kills me. I remained with Thomas with his negative vibe just for you, just so you can feel love and you did. He made me strong, I wanted better for you and you have, and I won’t let some rich evil bitch ruin that” that is deep “belt on then mother, we got some Davenports to ruin” my mom laughed “least Reign is asleep, she will sense the hate” looking behind me, Reign is asleep in the car seat “well she will learn, I will make sure she goes into this with eyes wide open. I will be like you; I know I will be. Maurice rang again, well Marquis did but he’s using his phone. He wants me to bring his clothes but I didn’t” turning in my seat “oh dear, well you can deal with that” putting the car engine on “you know what mom, I could buy myself this car with the money I am on, if Maurice ever fucked me over I would never need him or his money. I was just thinking that” I could literally do without him “and it’s good to know you feel that you would be able to make it without him, I would tell every woman to never place their eggs in one basket. Love is good, and bad I mean look at me baby. I loved Thomas, he is taking me on in everything” holding my mother’s hand “and I am getting this house for you, you will get this house and you will sell it. You raised a strong girl, just the love I have for Maurice gets me” letting her hand go as I put the car in reverse “that is the girl I raised, but Maurice is too in love with you my girl. I don’t see him letting anything go that easily, I see good in him. He is just extremely stupid at times; he is not Marquis. I think he is not programmed to be malicious as his dad, this is why he slips up so many times” my mother has a point.

Opening my car door, Jay waved at me “nice seeing you here this evening” he made his way over to the car “park the car when she is done” Jay said to the valet that is waiting “imagine that” I laughed “is little stinky in here, I heard I am the assigned babysitter, I think I spoke to your mom. You was busy” nodding my head “yeah, I was getting changed” Jay opened his arms “in life we all love hugs and I think you need a hug” I cooed out as Jay hugged me, because he is a big guy I am actually lost in this hug “that is so sweet, is this a pity hug?” laughing while moving back “it’s more of a I was there and it was wack to see, but I saw Maurice earlier. Just as I was coming down, but I didn’t say much. Ally is going to take care of Reign instead; she is coming down” pulling the seat forward “you awake now” climbing into the back to unbuckle my daughter out, Reign looks in a daze but she is waving at me “you going to be a good girl for me, look who is here” picking her out of the car seat “look who it is” turning her to Jay “little stinky, I missed you!” Reign hid her face in the crook of my neck smiling “she is being shy, aren’t you. Stop being shy” holding the key out to the valet “mom, did you get her baby bag” turning to her “yes, I am here” I hope Reign is not going to be clingy, I just need her to be with Ally while this goes on “move out” Jay said at a group people that was stood around “and no, I don’t care who are you” Jay laughed as he pushed them, walking up the steps “who are they?” I asked him “some guys, related to Maurice. I was smoking out here waiting around and they were talking big, now they stood there taking pictures, crazies” I didn’t even notice that but Jay notices more then me I guess. The doorman opened the door for us as we entered the hotel “hey girl” look who it is in the corner, Maurice is shying away from me “hey, I don’t want her to see him, Reign. You going to go to Ally? She can give you cuddles too” she is moody, she knows I am going to leave her here with Ally “come here, come on pretty” Reign stiffened her body holding me “awww what, ok then. You know what, where are you going to be? I will go with you” I said to Ally “ok, I will stay until she settles”  she is not stupid this girl “just in the room” following behind Ally “come on mom” look at his stank ass with his suit on from yesterday too.

Ally is the sweetest “you put pillows all over this room, all for Reign. We won’t be long hopefully, look at this Reign. Ally got some toys here for you to play with, where did you get this from?” I asked as I walked over to the toys “I bought them, I thought I need to entertain her” she is so sweet “that is so sweet, we appreciate it so much. She won’t do no dirty diaper, she had that. I will change her again before I go actually” sitting on the floor with Reign “it’s ok, I think I will be ok. Just want to know if she will be ok with me” Reign is looking at the toys so that means she is interested, she is being hard headed right now “did you drink a lot last night?” I asked, “well I remember you spoke to me, so I guess not, I did hear a few things go off” Ally sat down on the edge of the bed “oh you did, go on then. Spill” I chuckled knowing full well who has been spreading any type of rumour “well, I saw the commotion with Maurice and his mother. I didn’t go over there but I asked when he walked by, he just told me fuck off. So I left it, but then I overheard over breakfast that you felt unsure about the family and was asking questions and that they felt you are not right, I didn’t say anything but just kept going because I am like nah, Robyn I know has been through hell and back with Maurice and she is loyal as fuck, she will take on you minions don’t play. So, I was like ok moving on, then I found out Maurice is in a room but then hotel staff talk, they saw you leave and didn’t come back. But now I figured they have been talking a little too much on social media and their little group chat, we need to nip that quickly. Then by time I knew, Maurice was walking off the elevator a mess, then Jay told me he knew it all, he’s good for nothing told me nothing. But I am just hearing things, Maurice is by the way walking around like he has been wounded, just to add. Like Negro please, you got a damn hangover and last night clothes on. Then the family gathered for a meeting in the meeting room, all very moody I must add” I swear that family is dramatic “Ally, it was a terrible night, Jay saved my ass from having a mental breakdown, they are liars. I innocently asked Marquis sister in law, what is it like to be a Davenport!? I was innocent in this” I shouted, hearing Reign let out a cry “awww I am sorry, mommy shouting. I know” hugging Reign close.

“Robyn, this is not shocking. Do you know how many stories they leaked on Maurice? We were fed up because we were fairly new and us as a team never met Maurice yet because his dad was preparing for him to come to New York, every time stories came out they had the fact he was taking over. They leaked his rehab place too; they leaked the fact he was getting drugs to the rehab place still. They leaked pictures and videos of him, they discredited him to the point Marquis was like how can I leave anything to you you look bad, this is their own nephew. Marquis yet had to pay them shut up money, his own family. I have not seen a family like it but it’s money, they needed to be shut down. I think the worse one that got faxed through and we nearly fell out of our chairs, we had to really dig deep to get it off any outlets but it’s gone now, it was pictures of Maurice and I don’t understand why anyone would want to do that to their own, but it was so disturbing to see. Pictures of him injecting, then snorting and then being out of it, it was a mess so yes they would do this. Money is evil and he is taking that from them” that is so disturbing to hear “you have really disturbed me now” I shuddered “sorry, but we have been his team for so long to get to this point and for drama to happen. It’s sad to see” I guess I am nothing to them “I am a threat to them” I said, Ally nodded her head “you are right, if Maurice so happens to die. Then that will be ripped from them and given to you. Just like that” that must really scare them.

Robyn told me to stay away from her, that she doesn’t want Reign to see me and I do hope that is because she wants to leave her with Ally, I mean I just don’t know what happened. I am here trying to celebrate my moment but clearly that has been ruined, all I know is that I walked into the meeting room and my dad slapped my mom, now I am confused and still hungover a little. I swear I didn’t drink as much; I know I didn’t unless I continued after I stopped drinking but still, I can’t have. I don’t need to be doing that, that was never my intention but right now, my mind is a mess. I feel like I caused a hell of a lot of mess, this meeting hasn’t really started, and nobody will speak. “I will contact you later, I need to get over this hangover” Lorraine said “yeah, thanks for coming. What were you doing anyways?” I don’t even know what she was doing “sorting the mess out, trying to filter the good press. Don’t worry about it boss, anyways see you back in New York” Lorraine walked off, but what did I do, am I in real trouble. My phones are gone, I have no phones “Lorraine!” I shouted, why did I shout, my head right now “yes?” she turned to me “email me, I have no phone” Lorraine laughed “I will” I wish people would speak “is anybody going to tell me what happened?” I don’t get it “your woman talking shit, but Marquis doesn’t want to believe it, slapped me! For what!? She going to keep her kids away from you now, awww is that it now? You made her cry too not me, you come near me again I will fucking scream!” my mom pointed at my dad “I made her cry? For what exactly?” I have really fucked up “because you are just like your father Maurice, you are him and good at making women cry” I don’t need this right now, how the fuck did I make Robyn cry and why did I do that.

I am waiting for Robyn at the front desk, I am bored of waiting but here I am and they are taking their time “you make us nervous here” one of the workers said, I had to double take seeing Lionel “aye!” I spat, Robyn said she wanted him there but why “cousin, hey” he made his way over to me with his fist up at me, fist bumping him “what happened at the party yesterday?” I asked him, let me see if I can get any detailing from this one “you were wild as fuck, like you legit live up to your name. Party animal but like shit was good vibes, nothing wrong at all why?” I fake laughed nodding “right, so I heard that you want to work at the Texas hotel, is that right?” he nodded his head “cool, well tell them you will be busy. I need you to come with me” he says everything was good but like shit wasn’t any good, it wasn’t “my nigga, I will be one second” he jogged off “Maurice” looking behind me, Robyn is here finally. Moving my head to the side seeing Robyn “where is it then?” Jay said, I did bad and I don’t know what I did “erm, one second” feeling a hand hit my arm “let’s go then, this your wife. She good people, you know” clearing my throat “just wait here, you come with me” walking off, I just need to talk to Robyn on her own and see what the fuck went down, I don’t know what happened or what I did to her. Walking down the lobby “these hotels are beautiful, like they are amazing. Man!” he is too damn happy “T!” I spat, my dad’ bodyguard is out here “keep him in here” moving out of the way “woah, wait. Why?” T grabbed him like he weighed nothing and dragged him into the meeting room “I will be back” closing the door.

This is so stank that I am walking with this old shit on still, walking over to the desk and grabbing the keys to the rooms “I will be back, I have them” I said to the colleague “come” walking off “Maurice!” one my cousins shouted “not now, I am busy. If it’s work related then speak to my assistant” walking around the front desk and to the side room, unlocking the door and pushing it open “come on in” holding the door open, Jay walked in first. Robyn placed something against my chest, holding it there “your phone” grabbing my phone as she walked, looking down at my smashed phone, my face softened seeing my phone broke as fuck, pressing the side button and nothing working. Letting the door go as I held the side button to switch the phone on, I guess this shit is really broke “did you bring me any clothes?” letting the door go to close “let me just start off, I just want to say this because other then that this is Robyn and yours issue but I am very upset and hurt by how your family has treated my daughter, just because she doesn’t have a father in her life doesn’t mean I won’t fight, because I will fight to the ends of the earth for her. My daughter has been treated like some bitch off the streets when you and I both know she is higher then that, I am upset Maurice. But I said my piece now” Terry turned a little, she really hates me. Placing my broken phone to the side “I didn’t bring no clothes with me, and I broke your phone” Robyn added, frowning at her “why? I don’t have nothing on there, I have you, your mom. Just family and close friends, I don’t flirt with anyone. Why did you break my phone?” I am confused because there is nothing to see on there anymore, why would she do that “let’s start from the beginning yeah? Why were you drinking so much, I let you drink, and you kept going?” shaking my head “I didn’t drink as much, that is bullshit because I drank as I would at a party” Robyn laughed “there you go as YOU! Would at a party which to me is probably a lot, and to you it’s a little, so you saying with that amount you wouldn’t be blindly fucking drunk and so quickly? Those people hate you” I sighed out “one night of forgetting that shit but of course, I don’t know I just so happened to drink more one night. But I know I didn’t, to you maybe” this is fucking bullshit because I know me.

“Right, so you remember when you told me to fuck off too? Your mother talking shit to you?” Robyn said but this is all new to me “no, the last thing I remember was that something, Reign was leaving. I don’t know” Robyn shook her head in disbelief “that was it? And then it all went down the drain after that, leaving me with your family!” she shouted at me and then breathed out “I am calm, it’s ok mom” Terry held her hand “I came back in there to look for you, to find you, to look after you. And then I see Nalah because I couldn’t find you, I didn’t know anybody to be honest, just a bunch of people. Jay went with my mom, I wanted her to be safe with Reign. He said Lenny is in there waiting, I said to Lenny leave it have a good time, I was in a safe space. I have my drunk man there; I got some people that may like me around. I see your mother first off before I even got back in that place your mother got to me, she said something along the lines that Maurice is not watching, clearly knowing the stupid idiot I am with is drunk as fuck, she said you look to other women for a mother figure and that I will see the truth he will destroy my soul with the family and I will end up needing to be a bitch or they will step on me. And that they will kill me and that they hate me, so I said back to her she is an evil bitch and that Malik will be ok I will show him love, and I will fuck her over if she plays on my family like that. So I am now angry anyways, I go into the hall and I see Nalah I thought I need stay with her, I can’t find you like you was any use to me. Nalah and I ended up sitting down, we can’t drink or anything like that. We spoke for a while then your mother came again, at this point I was fed the fuck up. This is when she said you are always happy when you are intoxicated, I! Me! I stuck up for you and I said who would find that a good thing. Then she added that I broke your happy ass family, so I snapped and said just like when you fucked Marquis’ brother. She walked off; I am glad she did. Nalah was trying to calm us all down at this point. Then she sees your drunk ass with your mom, I go up to you both. And this is when she has switched it up on me, told you I said about you love being intoxicated but then you looked at me like I was the one to say it, questioning me. I cried, of course I cried because then you said fuck it and walked off” I breathed out, I don’t want to cry right now.

“So anyways, you walked off, big help. I was ready to attack your mom, I apologised to Nalah it’s disrespectful. So, then I went to the toilet, dried my hands off. I meet your, I forgot her name or whatever. She is Marquis’ sister in law, I only asked is the family big and that is it. She said yes and she heard I am headstrong but then these rumours of me talking shit about your family came out, it was all lies! I never did do any of that or say anything bad. So I left the bathroom fucking fed up because she gave me bad vibes, I just wanted to go home but I didn’t want to leave you. I see Lionel” Robyn sighed out “god, yes I see fucking Lionel, he was looking at me from the start wasn’t he mom?” looking at Terry “I found it strange that he was looking at you that way, you don’t belong to him at all, top to bottom. Smirks here and there” Terry added, my blood is boiling already “so I see him again, he once again looked at me like he wanted a piece of me. He said he liked the length of my legs and that he gets why you want me so much and then said he will be here once Maurice dies” that is it, I have heard enough. Turning around and opening the door, I am going to kill him and every person in that meeting room “Aye Maurice, can we talk” pushing by Shawn, I don’t want to know fuck everybody.

Opening the meeting room door “you dickhead huh, you fucking think I wouldn’t hear what you been saying about me” Lionel’ eyes widened “no, woah. I didn’t say anything, she is crazy!” grabbing his tee and balled up my fist as I punched him in the face. Lionel fell back on the chair with the punch but I dragged him up a little before punching him again. Lionel groaned out “oh god” he mumbled, I moved back “you, you fucked up. You stupid bitch” T grabbed me, I was so close to slapping my mom’ fucking face “calm down now, you ain’t her. You a good man like that” T towered over me “now straighten yourself up” T fixed my suit jacket, but I am heaving, I am angry “breathe in and out, come on now. I think you knocked his ass to next year” hearing a commotion and a scream, looking around T “aye, Miss Terry. Come on now” running towards my mom and Terry fighting in the middle of the room “stay out of it” I said to Robyn, Terry is throwing them punches. Jay wrapped his arms Terry to pick her, but she has my mom’ hair in her fist “Terry, let her hair go” I can’t get that shit out “you fucking with my daughter! Not my baby you got it!” Terry let her go and Jay picked Terry up like a child, looking away from my mom “anybody else” I said to Robyn “your whole family” nodding my head, walking over to Lionel. Picking the chair up and fixing it “get up” gripping him up “sit the fuck down” letting his top go as I stepped back, looking over at Terry. Jay is stood with her, he probably doesn’t trust her right now “you hear this shit?” my dad is sat there like everything is ok “I see and hear a lot Maurice, and where was you hm?.”

My dad questioned me “rule number one Maurice you don’t get drunk at your own party, you look sloppy. You know this, I say put on a show and I don’t expect you to be the class clown. Move to the left now” my dad said as I stepped to the left “are you alive still Lionel?” my dad asked him “yes, he just attacked me. I didn’t do anything” my dad put his hand up “so less than twenty four hours and the world knows you are the owner of the company this happens, what have I taught you Maurice? Have you just not listened; this can’t happen. You put on a show, it was your night and you made it into a clown day. I can’t clean your mess; I opened the paper and I didn’t see praise I saw you acting an idiot on the first night. I am quiet with you for that reason, and now you’re walking around in a suit you were partying in from yesterday, I want to beat you so bad! You don’t act right! Don’t give me that face, you’re thirty and you act like you just came out of that bitches pussy!” my dad pointed at my mom “do not get me started on you, you ruined his day also, but he is too stupid, let’s gather around and drink with enemies. I have sat with my enemies; I did every fucking day but they would never see me tripping and you damn sure wouldn’t see me drink with them. Lionel, I suggest you take down those posts on twitter about going to a rich cousins party and they hate each other, and that video of the argument that occurred with this idiot and her too. Oh son, this old man knows his stuff, I will die helping you. Grow up, how can Robyn learn to be with you and your life when you are blind yourself, still! I have tried to teach you everything” putting my head down “how is my little angel Robyn, is she happy?” my asked “she is ok, a little clingy today” Robyn answered “now Robyn, tell me what was said from Joy’ mouth” my dad has made me feel so small.

[serendipitous-posts]

Wayfarer Au - Spinel

The background was more focused on Pink Pearl than Spinel. This was because not much happened; we know Pink Diamond abondende Spinel, and nothing happened in the time of isolation. But I want to fix that so; some information about Spinel in the Wayfarer Au!

Spinel is the only one of her kind, specifically made just for Pink Diamond. She’s quite a bit younger than Pink Pearl and Crystal Pearl, since she was specifically made to replace Pink Pearl.

Her cut is perfect, her cultivation was perfect, and her powers were perfect for a toy

Because, at the end of the day, that’s what Spinel was, a toy. She realises this soon after she arrives on Earth: Pink had never thought of her as a friend, as a living thing. To her, she had been a fun plaything to throw away when she got bored

(She’s a little bitter, sue her)

She and Crystal Gem Pearl never really interacted all that much, despite sharing the same owner for some time, and both acting as a replacement for Pink Pearl, but since Spinel is the only one of her kind, she’s extremely memorable

(Hence why, despite not knowing her personally, being thousands of years and her looking different, in the movie Pearl was able to immediately realise who Spinel was and who she belonged to)

Spinel’s existence was really confusing to the Gem Hierarchy. The Pearls were the lowest of the ranks, as slaves.

But Pearl’s had jobs. They brought you things, took things down for you, stored things. They were, loathe as they were to admit it, useful. Spinel was just a toy really. Did that mean she was lower on the social ladder than the Pearls? After all, Pearls could entertain as well, singing and dancing if you so required.

Spinel, though intelligent, could often be insensitive and sometimes even clumsy. But Spinel was a Diamond’s, and, due to her questionable position on Homeworld’s Social Ladder, nobody really punished her for it

Spinel is very, very clever. She was the one who had the idea for getting the Gem’s memories back in the Movie, and she managed to put together a plan to destroy Earth that came closer than anyone else, including the Diamonds

In this verse, Spinel was made to be the best of the best, and, as such, has an intelligence a lot higher than the average gem. She’s not logically intelligent like Crystal Gem Pearl, she’s spatially intelligent, making her an imaginative gem capable of spatial reasoning, of thinking of things in three dimensions and is very good at drawing conclusions from limited data

Ironically enough, for a gem literally made to be someones friend, Spinel is extremely emotionally stupid. She makes jokes at inopportune times, doesn’t seem to understand when Pink wants to be left alone and comes across as naive and gullible

That last one comes back to bite her, hard

Upon finding out that Pink Diamond tricked her, the stress of it all causes her to poof and reform, into the outfit we see in the movie

Spinel’s faith in Pink Diamond is broken, as she realises that she never had any plans to come back for her, and immediately starts voicing her betrayal and hurt at being betrayed

She wakes up to find that Pink Pearl took her gem and fled to Earth, which she is not happy about

It was originally because she didn’t want to be on the planet that reminded her of Pink; because she was grieving, but it swapped to all consuming rage real quick once she realises what Pink Diamond did to her

Spinel doesn’t have anything against Pink Pearl, but, like in the movie, she’s hurt and so lashes out at her, while also not wanting her to be out of sight

Pink Pearl is also going through some shit right now, just waking up from years of brainwashing. She’s normally a very laid back gem, from what we see of her, and as a Pearl she is taught not to talk back to her superiors. But she would see Spinel as her equal here, and she is not going to let some upstart lecture her when she could of have just left Spinel in the Garden

They argue. A lot. Pink Pearl’s habit of excusing Pink Diamond’s abuse does not mesh well with Spinel’s hatred of her former owner

They wander for a bit, and settle in with some North American tribes, but, after realising Humans aren’t immortal like they are, they start travelling. 

Spinel takes the longest to be won around to Earth’s side, due to the bad memories of Pink abandoning her for it, but she loves the children who trip over themselves to play games with her

Spinel and Pink Pearl’s relationship is something I wanna go deeper into in a different post, but they finally start to get along when Pink Pearl finally admits what Pink Diamond did to her

They move a lot, and it is usually Spinel’s fault- her bright pink skin is very hard to hide, and she feels a lot of guilt over that, though Pink assures her that it’s okay, that it’s good that they moved, they would of have had to eventually

Over the centuries, Spinel and Pink Pearl have been poofed many, many times, though they are always super careful to make sure the other isn’t cracked - thankfully humans discover a way to heal cracks in gems, and the outfits change, usually to fit the era they’re in

The 1930′s was great, it was there that they finally figured out how to fuse at will instead of awkwardly stumbling into it every now and then

Currently, Spinel favours wearing hoodies or jumpers, loose and baggy, covering her gem because she’s not going to have that out for all to see and possibly crack. The hoodies hide her face, so bonus

Spinel’s personality was never as bad as it was in the movie; she continues to have extreme mood swings to this day, but since she wasn’t in isolation as long as Canon!Spinel, it didn’t affect her as bad

“As bad” 

One day Spinel will probably have to see a therapist after a run in with the earth’s government (awkward) and she will probably be diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder or something along those lines

Spine’s personality is extremely bitter most of the time; she is deeply cynical, contrasting Pink Pearl’s optimism, and is a pragmatist and an opportunist. Self deprecating humour is her strong suit, though she does like shitty puns and knock knock jumps

They did run into gem monsters at first, and are always really confused as to what that’s about, but they have no problem bubbling or shattering them when they have to

As they move away from the area the corruption song hit, they see less and less of them, and they kind of sort assumed that they were dinosaurs or something

Spinel and Pearl have found themselves in the middle of wars or revolutions, and, after a while, they start joining in, being extra super careful to make sure nobody realises they’re there and what they are (it doesn’t work)

Spinel’s weapon is still a scythe, but it’s design is different. She named it Peekaboo, which Pink finds hilarious

Spinel is more aggressive than Pink Pearl. She never aims it at Pearl- the closest she gets is the very start of their partnership when they first arrived on Earth. 

Instead, it’s more aimed at everyone else. She knows that the humans will all eventually die, and leave her, so she shuts them out- though she absolutely adores kids. She’s the main muscle between her and Pearl, and is by far the better fighter

Due to how weak Pearl’s naturally are, even a well made one like Pink Pearl, she is naturally protective of her other half

Of course, Pink Pearl will cut a bitch if you make her friend/girlfriend/wife cry

Spinel loves, loves, LOVES theatre, it’s something she and Pink bond over a lot. They both loved to visit William Shakespeare when he was around, though Spinel suggested that he could make some of his poems a lot less angsty, please?

When the circus was invented, she was over the moon, and kept dragging Pink off to go and see it (she may or may not have inspired the idea for clowns)

Over the years, Spinel tries branching out, to try and discover what she likes to do outside of making others laugh. It takes a while, and almost drives her to a nervous breakdown because oh stars what if all she can do is make others feel good, what if she can’t break outside her programming what if-

She discovers that she likes photography, and, after cultivating that skill for hundreds of years, she is quite good at it. She likes the idea of having pictures of everywhere they’ve been, and in her spare time creates scrapbooks to gift to Pearl

She has all kinds of nicknames for Pink Pearl; Raspberry, Loveheart, Sweetheart, Doll, Valentine, etc

Pearl admitted to her that she hates her name, of being “a” pearl, so, after going back and forth, they decide that she can be called Peach

(Because I refuse to call her Volleyball in this au)

[thepeakyfckingblinders]

Of Forbidden Kisses And Wrenching Promises || Ada Shelby x fem!reader

⤠ MASTERLIST⤟

Anon requested: “hey, could I request prompt 20 for Ada please? your writing is amazing btw! ”  (Thank you love ♡)

Summary:  n.20 from my prompt list: “As long as I am alive” Warnings: swearing, mentions of family abuse, references to homophobic harassment, maybe angst

Author’s notes:

I just reached 357 followers, yay! Thank you so much babes ♡

Behind each one of these works there are sleepless nights and something really close to multiple mental breakdowns, so, please, take a minute to send me a message about it, I need actual feedbacks to understand how to improve my skills and grow ♡

PLEASE, IF YOU’RE A VICTIM OF ANY SORT OF ABUSE, SEEK FOR HELP, YOU DON’T HAVE TO GO THROUGH THIS ALONE.

I’m sorry for being this late, but I’ve been really busy in the past days and writing is never just easy, it demands concentration and effort, plus I don’t want you to be disappointed, so I’m always extra accurate while working. I hope this is worth the wait!

I assumed this was a request for an Ada x female reader, if I misunderstood your message, I’m so so so sorry, contact me and I’ll do my best to make your wishes come true!

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I’m Italian, English isn’t my first language, so I apologize for every possible mistake I made. Also, please, help me improve my writing by telling me if there’s something wrong

ENJOY!

When the first reticent knock hit the rugged surface of her door, Ada was still pacefully immersed in a deep slumber. She dreamt of an exquisite white dress  made of voile and organza, soft and floaty in the late March bitter air, the nectarous parfume of uncountable orange blossoms garnishing the marble altar, a small church crowded with her loved ones, slightly anxious due to the endless wait. Actually, more than once, her subconscious had previously set up similar romantic scenarios thanks to her evergreen imagination. Truth was that, buried in her heart, laid a burning desire for that special day to come soon, only God knew how much she wanted to walk down the aisle on the arm of her beloved eldest brother, always keeping her fond eyes locked with her lover’s ones; and, no matter how fully aware she was that her fantasies never would have come true, at least nobody could deprive her of those tender imaginary moments.

But then, just as the opening notes of the wedding march resounded in the bright nave, a series of new blows, this time much heavier and more insistent, rabidly stole her from her sweet dreams, making her eyelids flinch with dismay. Barely a minute passed, as her drowsy brain struggled to retrieve enough lucidity, yet again a pair of apparently restless fists caught her attention. ”Someone better be dying, it’s fucking 3 a.m.!” With that angry groan, followed by a few abrupt movements, she rolled out of bed without even wearing her woolen housecoat, and, careless of the cold, she hastily reached for the door, ready to shout in Tommy’s cocky face all of her annoyance for that rude disruption of her serene sleep. Still, when she peeped into the corridor, Thomas was not there, and her breathe cracked as she found herself unexpectedly contemplating a horryfying sight, to say the least.

Your trembling figure was standing right in front of her, pure painc contaminating your martyred face, while your y/e/c eyes, as dire as stravation, disturbingly stared at Ada with blind terror swimming in them. The shock was overwhelming, to the point that one of her hands instinctively went to cover her open mouth, partially muffling her shaking voice which came out in an almost unaudible sigh. “Oh my God, y/n, what have they done to you?” She carefully led you inside the room before closing the door behind your shoulders, so many questions were torturing her mind as her fingers gently started to trace the limbs of the multiple bruises deturping your angelic features. Your swollen eyes were cordoned by several black and blue marks, greenish welts covered your cheekbones, multiple bad cuts defaced your brow, the bridge of your nose, your wonderful lips; for an endless moment, her heartbeat stopped, and a violent feeling of nausea forcefully climbed her throat, when the mere thought of the rest of your poor body ran through her groggy head. “M-my father… he saw us, I-I don’t know how… I don’t kn-now… He found out, he’s…” Your chest raised and lowered at an unbearable rate, clearly showing the destructive effects of a recent trauma on your frail self, you didn’t even seem able to formulate proper sentences, since they sporadically spilled out of your mouth in fleeble sobs, so you decided to pause that unquiet rambling for a brief moment, tightly shutting your eyes closed and desperately pressing your wet cheek against Ada’s left palm, despite the sharp pain, because you irremediably needed to feel her close in order to regain strength. However, by the time your blurry gaze returned on her, you saw large tears stream on her porcelain face too. A dull ache radiated through your sternum due to that excruciating view, and you forced yourself to hold back your crying, somehow managing to appear calmer; the two of you had to deal with that cruel reality, there was no way you could avoid it, moreover you were quickly running out of time as the clock kept dangerously ticking.  “He’s sending me to an institute in French, Ada. A-a ship is leaving in a couple hours and-” Before you could pronounce your next word, she impetuosly got away from your half embrace, prey of her own rage and consternation, aghast to hear that terrible news. “No! He can’t do that, fucking hell, no!”  Those hysteric shrieks erupted from her stinging craw while her hands ended up between her short curly hair in a gesture of silent vexation, her feet eluded the control of her mind, frenetically starting to drag her from one side of the bedroom to another, as if those irrational movements could help her figure out a solution. “We can’t let him-… w-we have to do something, there must be something we can do!”

Her agonizing loud cries tore your ears and soul apart, actual weeps were now leaving her pale lips, in part illuminated by the silver light of the moon radiating through the windows, then her bluish irises pierced yours, expressing all of her destructive sorrow and having a massive knot form in your throat, mercilessly obstaculating your already irregular ventilation. Carefully, you approached her, stretching out your arms in her direction, until your palms enfolded her gelid face; your thumbs began to warmly rub her skin, whiping some tears here and there, with such a care conceivable only thanks to the deepest love.

“Ada, my love, listen to me. I have to go, for our sake” your forehead slowly joined to hers, while you whispered those words to convince yourself as well that that was the right choice to make “my father… he-e threatened to report us to the police. And look at me, look what he’s done to me, he w-will kill us both, if I don’t leave today” Suddenly her fingers entangled yours, still laid on her soft cheeks, and you watched a spark of hope grow in her dilated pupils. “We can run away, Tommy will help us find a place, we can-” You slightly nodded your head no, painfully biting your lips because of your fervent frustration. You knew she was not thinking straight, your family had been in business with the Peaky Blinders for three years now, your father was a dangerous man, any sort of interference with that awful situation would’ve certainly disrupted the delicate balance between the two clans.

“Thomas can’t help us, he will always find me. I had to sneak out of the window to see you tonight, walking in the shadow like a filthy thief. Pol helped me, but God knows what will happen, if he finds out. I have to leave.” You brought your mouth to cover hers, temporarily dampening her desperate wailings, holding her body close, in attempt to make her perceive all of your affection, deliberately ignoring the soreness of your injuried ribs. For those few minutes all of your affliction disappeared, you passionately kissed your lover till you literally run out of breathe, but again, you didn’t care, and you just went on; until Polly entered the room with death floating in her dark irises. “Y/n, we need to go now, there is no much time left, darling" Her aunt’s subdued tone was evidently borne by melancholy, she looked at your entangled figures with the ken of a woman who had experienced the sour taste of separation, it felt like having your heart ripped out of your chest, she had felt so many kinds of pain, but none of them was nearly comparable to that tremendous grief. With a last peck on your lips, Ada took your hands and placed them at the height of her beating heart. “I’ll look for you, for as long as I am alive. And I’ll find you, no matter how long it takes, I will bring you back home, y/n, I promise.”

tag list: @namelesslosers; @shadow-of-wonder; @spidey-pal

[yogaposesfortwo]

Meet Hollywood's Favorite Yoga Teacher

Kirschen Katz is the go-to yoga teacher for many Hollywood A-listers, but her most fulfilling work—teaching kids—comes after the school bell rings. Lindsay Tucker: How did you transition into becoming a yoga teacher? Kirschen Katz: When I was 34 years old, I was trying to become an actress in Los Angeles, and I had many, many jobs. I have been practicing yoga since 1989. I come from a running background—competitive runner at 12 years old, full athletic scholarship. I just always ran, and really was not competing anymore but started to breakdown. So I ended up getting into a yoga practice on my mother's recommendation in 1989. I did my first class with Steve Ross, one of the godfathers of yoga in Los Angeles. I practiced yoga until ’96, and then I was able to take a year off and think about what it is I wanted to do. I decided to become a yoga teacher, and I did teacher training. That's my pre-divorce—I go pre-divorce and post-divorce—pre-divorce was teaching, but I was in a financial life where I didn't have to really struggle. And then he moved me to Hawaii, and my marriage ended there. LT: So how did you end up working with actors? KK: I came back to LA, and I really had to boogie to make a living. I was really lucky to be in the right place and open to abundance—that was my mantra after my marriage crumbled. I had signed a prenup and was left very little money. Anyway, I came back to LA, and I was in my hairdresser's salon, and there was a Hollywood wife there, and she said, “Come and teach me yoga.” Through her I met Jenny Belushi—who was married to Jim Belushi, the actor—and Shannon Rotenberg, whose husband ran a management production company. And so then these women (and this is now in 2005), they introduced me to just wonderful women in the entertainment business, and one of them introduced me to Julia Roberts. And then the other one introduced me to Reese Witherspoon. I never went back to teaching classes. I just settled into the private yoga world. I tapped into this niche of, you know, Hollywood and entertainment people, and it's all referral base, as you can imagine, and it's about trust. It's a lot of yoga therapy and just really listening to people. I've incorporated running with some of my clients, so for maybe 30 minutes of the private, we’re walking, running—we're doing more of the therapy session—and then the other 30 minutes is yoga. It's not always that way. A lot of clients just want their yoga, but I have been in so many different situations. I've had the royals from Liechtenstein. I've had royals from Abu Dhabi. But I am also a secret, because I am not really involved in the Los Angeles yoga scene. I know the players in it, but it's like I'm just kind of doing my own thing. See also 10 Business Secrets to Starting a Successful Yoga Career LT: You work with the Just Keep Livin Foundation teaching yoga as an after-school program in inner city schools. Is that just straight yoga, or are you involved in other ways? KK: Last year, they asked me to go in and tell my story. It's a story. I grew up with the Nazi- loving father, and I had to heil Hitler until I was older. I didn't know what it was. I grew up in Upstate New York. My mother was loving, but she had no voice. She had no self-esteem. And the father—I refer to him as “the father” and not my father—he grew up a Hitler youth, and I grew up in a very violent, verbally and physically abusive home. My inspirational story of transformation is something that I want to share with these students, so I go into the schools and I share it. We practice yoga, we talk about my story, and then we have a gratitude circle. But getting back to growing up, yeah, I changed, a violent verbally abusive traumatic childhood and I got out. Running was something that helped me, and yoga was something that helped me process trauma.

LT: And how has yoga helped you process your trauma? KK: I process it by being still. PTSD comes from war, but it can come from abuse as well. I had tremendous anxiety. I had dyslexia. Nobody ever took me to a doctor or therapist, so I was always running on Cortisol and my adrenals were blown out. I was running 90 miles a week, highly competitive. My body fat was very low. I developed bulimia. I couldn't stand still long enough to tap into my consciousness. You know what I mean? Running is helpful to produce serotonin and dopamine, but yoga was what I needed to really slow down and tap into my breath and become quiet. Then I was able to approach . Yoga can bring up all your injuries and also all your mental anguish and trauma. See also A Yoga Therapist Shares the Truth About Trauma LT: What’s different when you’re solely a private yoga teacher? KK: You are in these homes and in these people's lives. I have been fortunate enough to have many of my clients for literally 14 years. I've gone through their children with them. I’ve gone through marriages. I have been to more bar and bat mitzvahs than I can share. You know these people intimately on an infinite level. You’re on their journey with them. But what is really nice for me is there are no distractions. It's one on one. I am solely focused on them. It's more intimate, and I love intimacy. I love having my clients feel vulnerable that maybe you can’t in a class. You can really devote this hour to their wellbeing and their healing or their nourishing. If you have a class of 30, 40, 80 people, you cannot really make anything individual. you really make it specific to them, what they are feeling that day. I show up and my clients could be crying, and you have to be flexible. I go there, I open the door, I’m invited in, and within a minute I read my clients and know what they need at that moment. That's a unique thing. I love that. Being vulnerable, and that's what I get. I get people on a path, trying to always improve themselves and grow. You get to share that and see that, see people evolve. Traveling with clients is really wonderful. Eat, Pray, Love, that was a great experience. I mean, really interesting. It was so nice to have Julia take me to India. LT: Can you share more about that experience? KK: She had been my client for a while. I got a phone call—I am going home on the freeway from my day—and she goes, “Pull over.” She’s like, “I’ve got this movie. It's Eat, Pray, Love.” I knew the book. I knew the book, and I love Elizabeth Gilbert. I was so happy I was going to have the experience with someone who actually wrote something I love to read. You know? I left for three months: one month in Rome, one month in India, and the best month in Bali. I left my clients, which was tricky. I left them with support yoga teachers. I took videos of them doing yoga, and I sent them to a local studios. India and Bali are otherworldly. Bali was a wonderful reward for India. India was very challenging. I have heard people say poverty is astounding, but it's way more than I thought it would be. But I embraced it all, and it ended up being wonderful. And the Bali portion was some of the most fun yoga. It’s funny—I work with these Oscareen actresses, but you forget who they are because you know them as Laura or Reese or Julia, and that whole other part of them is such a different part. They become so much more interesting when you get to know them aside from all that fame. LT: Tell us a little bit about your personal practice. KK: It's literally like 20 to 30 minutes a day, and I fit it in whenever I can. It's really just working on the poses. It changes daily; it changes with my mood, with whatever injury I am trying to avoid. I am not the most flexible person. If you looked at my Instagram, the most bearing pose that I can do, Natarajasana and Crow Pose, is strong. I have to be careful because running is very important to me, and I can't do anything where I blow anything out. I use my body for my career, my business, so I don’t ever try anything too daring. I do a lot of pranayama in my own practice, driving around Los Angeles, always doing pranayama counting. I do a lot of mantra and essential oils. Basically I do the practice similar to what I teach. So it's level 2. I love inversions, so I am constantly upside down. Like before this interview I just went upside down a couple of times to calm myself down. If I go three days without practice, I am hard to be around. See also 30-Minute Beginner Sequence to Reset Your Perspective on Life LT: What is the hardest thing about being a yoga teacher? KK: For me, the only downside is all the damn driving that I do—that's it. I put 25,000 miles a year on my car. I just drive a lot. But I love teaching yoga. I love doing it with my clients, and I don’t think about anything in my life. I'm present, and it's pure, and we are moving, breathing, and our breaths are in sync. I am really fortunate enough to teach yoga to people on a journey toward a beautiful life or enjoying a beautiful life or evolved people. I am grateful I have created this too. There is a deep sense of pride for having created this in a moment of trauma. I just came here wishing abundance not only for me but for everyone around me, and the universe presented me with this opportunity. I took advantage of it. I was very open for that. I believe yoga has really helped me to manifest this life I have. Author: Lindsay Tucker Source: https://www.yogajournal.com/lifestyle/kirschenkatz Discover more info about Yoga Poses for Two People here: www.yogaposesfortwo.com Read the full article

[moondust667]

My thoughts on the Kroger company

The guy who hired me was late to MY interview TWICE, but the training was super easy and friendly. The only complaint I had on that was, the guy who hired me took me into his office after training, and threatened to have me fired. Me and 2 others were turned around talking while our training videos were loading on the computer (he walked in at the wrong time). I tried explaining to him that the computers were slow, and we were just conversing to pass them time, but because we got so little of our training work done (because wifi was bad and lagging), he automatically thought we were slacking off and decided to yell and threaten while telling us the other workers upstairs got all their videos done (because they had better wifi connection). I had to go in the next day to finish UPSTAIRS, where I got done within 2 hours because the wifi was 100% better. I was certified within a week of starting when it should have taken 3 months according to the workbook I received (which was forgotten as soon as I was certified). I was not guided on where I could place my personal belongings, and instead had to HIDE THEM IN THE BREAK ROOM and hoped nobody took my stuff (all the lockers were taken). My first day, I went in with no knowledge on where I was supposed to go, and I didn't have my apron or shoe guards that were supposed to be given to me prior to starting (I had to ask a different manager what I was supposed to do and where to go). The baristas I worked with were nice, but I had NO knowledge I was supposed to be the new closer. That was never mentioned during the hiring process.The current closer "trained" me on what to do (I put quotations because she didn't show me anything), and I was thrown in the next night with NOBODY to help me, and no knowledge on if anything was supposed to be put away (I ended up leaving everything out and got yelled at the next day). I was also thrown into my first happy hour ALONE which was stressful and chaotic. A customer went over to customer service to demand someone come over and help me because I had no idea what I was doing. They NEVER properly trained me on how to make the drinks, so I was pretty much self taught, and that was hard because my head barista ALWAYS told me "study your drink cards" when she was supposed to be teaching me how to make the drinks like IN THE WORKBOOK THEY GAVE ME THAT THEY DIDN'T USE. My head barista also didn't care for me. She always told me I was putting the kiosk at risk because I apparently wasn't doing anything right when it came to closing. I stayed 2 hours over my shift JUST to clean, I didn't know how to properly scan anything so I asked someone who used to work in the kiosk, and they didn't catch on until after 2 months of me apparently doing it completely wrong. I was brought into the office twice and was accused of closing the kiosk 10 minuets early, when all I did was shut off the overhead lights 2 minuets before closing so I wouldn't forget, one barista DID NOT like me and watched me struggle instead of helping me because she didn't like working bar, I was snapped at a lot by the older baristas because I constantly asked questions (even though they asked me to ask questions), and I had a breakdown IN FRONT of my head barista and other coworkers, BEGGING her to get me more help with closing (only 4 people work at this starbucks) because it was so hard and stressful. I asked all the managers and they DENIED me help. I constantly thought about quitting, but I had nowhere to go if I did. I needed the money. October 16th, 2018 RIGHT AFTER my anniversary, I clocked into work looking forward to my 8 hour shift and was called into the office. I was terminated right then and there because "I wasn't improving". Within the 3 months of working as a barista I successfully memorized all the drinks on the menu PLUS limited edition ones, customers always came back for MY COFFEE because I made it the best (and it was complimented in front of my head barista), and was constantly asked to be tipped but I couldn't accept them or I'd be fired. I did everything to clean and put away items and dishes within the kiosk (always staying 2 hours over my shift), and they just didn't want to keep me anymore. What a complete joke. I dealt with all that + abuse from rude customers JUST to be fired for "not improving"? I was DEVASTATED!!!! Left work crying and had nowhere to go because all my rides were at work and it was 10am, so I just walked over to burger king and bought a Hershey pie and a slushie. I do not recommend the Kroger company. They are a complete joke and their management is so rude and disrespectful towards those struggling.