#no this time I'm actually serious you're a thirsty boy Robert

[lemongrablothbrok]

Oh, nice. Look at that thirst.

Led Zeppelin - Whole Lotta Love - Earl's Court 05-24-1975 Part 17

Okay, listen up people, Zep-heads, Jimbert shippers especially, because this video is un-fucking-believable in so many ways, and all of them good ways and I have a lot to say about it, mmkay? To start out, we have the boys coming out to do an encore, and Robert just...reclines on the platform thingy like the decadent demigod he is and eats whatever he's eating while Bonzo, the most laddish member of the group, in a fluffy robe, no less, declares that he finds football to be "a load of bollocks". Robert, almost certainly the most effeminate member of the group (I guess one might be able to argue that Jimmy - with his delicate features and willowy physique and soft speaking voice - might be a little more effeminate, but that's neither here nor there, the point still stands, and that point is that Robert is a pretty pretty princess), stands right up to defend the sport that he's so passionate about (side note: anyone know why he says "soccer" and not "football"? Because I can't think of another British person who calls it that. The first few times I heard him use it, it was during interviews with American interviewers and/or for American TV shows or publications, so I thought it was just for clarity so they know he's not talking about American football, but this is a concert in Britain with, I'm assuming, a mostly British audience. Anyone know why he calls it that?).

The song kicks off with Robert and Jimmy doing, as I referred to a few days ago on a post featuring a gif from this performance, "backwards humping", or, "the bisexual secret handshake". They are so shameless in their weird ass public courtship display that you might just miss seeing Jonesy's beautiful smile in the background (and if you do, take that video back a few seconds and freaking look at that gorgeous smile. You'll thank me later).

When we get to the first chorus, Robert freaking throws one arm around Jimmy's shoulder, pulling him close to share the microphone, and I shit you not, Jimmy's foot pops. And if that weren't enough, Robert pulls away for a second just to look at Jimmy's face and smile, only to pull him in closer again. Get a room, you dorks. Then when the second chorus comes around, they have the stupidest lovesick smiles on their faces, which are so close together they can probably taste each other's breath. Then Jimmy sort of pushes off with this shoulder nudge and one of them (Jimmy, I think? I sounds like Robert, but Robert's already in the middle of a drawn out vocal, so I think it's Jimmy) gives this soft little grunt/sigh/suspiciously sexual sounding noise. They spend a moment doing a short rendition of (I think?) James Brown's "sex machine" (worth noting/remembering here that Led Zeppelin have their own tribute to James Brown in "The Crunge", a song that gives off all the bisexual energy that's considered safe for human consumption), and then...then...

...we get to the theremin segment. The motherfucking theremin segment. The climax, if you will, of this entire performance. The part where Jimmy and Robert have hardcore sex right there on stage, right there in front of their audience, at least half of whom is probably male, and the vast majority of whom at least claim to be heterosexual, since this is the 1970s and there's very real consequences in store if you're a dude who goes around telling people out loud that one of the main reasons you go to Led Zeppelin concerts is to see and hear obscenely beautiful men fuck each other's brains out. Or even admit that you're aware that's just what's going on on that stage. Yes, this is the part where Jimmy does incredible things with his hands and long slender little fingers that make Robert moan and scream like a particularly horny banshee. Look, there's no getting around it. Even before I shipped it, I had to acknowledge (if in kind of a jokey-jokey way) that, wow, Jimmy is really dedicated to seeing how much and how hard he can make Robert cum. And Robert, in turn, is doing everything he can to let Jimmy know just how much and how hard he's cumming. Which is very much, and very hard. Some things to note are the way Robert not only mimics the sounds that the theremin is making, but also some of Jimmy's gestures, like when Jimmy puts both hands up in the air and then we see Robert doing the same. Meanwhile, the rhythm section are doing their thing, John Paul Jones' bassline providing the sort of bow-chicka-wow-wow type soundtrack to this auditory gay porn. Also, around 5:45, you can hear the bass do something that sounds an awful lot like "Achilles' Last Stand", which at this point hasn't been written yet, but that particular riff has been and will be used in concerts for quite a while before ending up in said homoerotic epic.

What really, really gets me about this performance, though, is what happens at around the six minute point, when Jimmy goes to grab his guitar back from offstage and Robert just has this look on his face. He's saying "ooh, ooh," slowly sauntering in Jimmy's direction, looking straight at him, his eyes filled with what can only be described as pure lust. This part isn't for the audience. Most of the audience can't see Robert's face with the direction he's facing, and those that can are too far away to be able to see it. He's not faking this. He's not pretending to be horny or desperate to be provocative, not in the look he's giving Jimmy, anyway. I'm not sure if the look in his eyes here is one that can be faked. Oh no. He feels it.

And then Robert gets back to singing, "Feel a little lonely, in the middle of the night. I need you darlin', to make things alright." And who is he looking directly at as he sings this? Just take a wild guess.

tl;dr: Robert and Jimmy are about as subtle as a rainbow fireworks display spelling out "WE'RE BISEXUAL DISASTERS IN LOVE"