#no proofreading we die like men also if tumblr cuts off the last line of this i'll commit an atrocity

[pinkfey]

words: 3600+. art credit. summary: supposed to be a character study, veered a little too nsfw, so more like an adventure in learning how to write smut!! plot for about a single page.

Lily swirled her wine glass and cocked her head at him. If the gods of legend truly existed, they’d smile upon Caspian Attlee. His warm, vibrant skin that seemed happy to be his. His veiny hands–soft, like they had never seen a winter’s day. Feathery golden hair and doting brown eyes, yes, he was borderline saintly. Lily should have been honored.

She smiled, and it felt cruel. “You know I can never love you, right?”

The stars in his eyes never stopped dancing. His voice was gentle and sure. “I know.”

---

Six pairs of painted eyes bored holes in Lily’s skull as she contemplated the man reclined at her side. Contemplated his question, his future, her future. Contemplated the elaborate pearl jewelry that adorned each blonde head in the Attlee family portrait and how many years of work it would have taken for her to afford just a single piece. 

Lily swirled her wine glass and cocked her head at him. If the gods of legend truly existed, they’d smile upon Caspian Attlee. His warm, vibrant skin that seemed happy to be his. His veiny hands–soft, like they had never seen a winter’s day. Feathery golden hair and doting brown eyes, yes, he was borderline saintly. Lily should have been honored.

She smiled, and it felt cruel. “You know I can never love you, right?”

The stars in his eyes never stopped dancing. His voice was gentle and sure. “I know.”

Lily could have laughed in his face. He must have been mad to agree to this proposition. A marriage of transaction? Unrequited love? Perhaps not so unheard of in the court, but for an Attlee to willingly seek it out...

“What is it that you get out of this?” she asked.

“You.”

Her finger ran the rim of the glass. A simple answer. Too simple? 

Caspian rubbed his face with the hand he was leaning against. “That look on your face…” He chuckled a beautiful chuckle, dropped his hand. “Is it not enough that I admire you?”

“No one has admired me before.”

“A lie if I’ve ever heard one. You have met the nobility, haven’t you? They worship you.”

Lily listed a stiff shoulder. “The privileged love a story of rags to riches. Makes them feel better about themselves.”

“Do you think that of me as well?”

She peered down at the wine, inky in the dim light, then at the man beside her—the man asking for her hand in marriage, the man coolly draped against the lounge like it was just another Tuesday. How could she possibly measure the weight of Caspian Attlee?

“No,” she settled on. “But if not a sob story, what is it that you think of me?”

He worked his jaw, still smiling. Always smiling. “Well, I believe you are… Brave. Beautiful. Cruel,” he added with a wicked shake of his head. Then: “Fascinating. Conflicted.” His gaze dropped briefly, as if wondering whether he should broach his few next words. “You believe you are a possession. I disagree.”

This time, Lily did laugh. The gall.

Caspian’s easy expression remained and it was sobering. She couldn’t insult him if she tried. 

“I see you. Not the grand Lillian of legend, the Lily who drinks wine in the darkest corner of the room with the charmingest man she has no intention of bedding.” He dared to trace an escaped curl with his finger. “Lily,” he whispered, brutally soft. “If I can see you as I do now every day for the rest of my life, I will be happy. That is all I desire and all I can ask of you.”

Lily spared a glance back at the portrait across from them. She could not imagine coming from that lifestyle, but she could imagine obtaining it.

It could have been the wine, or maybe the pleasing lilt of his voice and the slender hand at her cheek, or maybe all three of these, that spurred her to lean forward. Her lips grazed past his own to whisper her answer in his ear, and when she pulled away, there those stars were in his eyes once more in their everlasting waltz. 

She wondered what he saw in her at this moment, her lipstick smeared on his cheek, her breath against his mouth. If all this time she was just a thing too sinuous to ignore, too much of a spectacle not to play with, or if every word he spoke was as earnest as her gut told her they were. Perhaps the latter would be a truth even harder to swallow than the former. He sees me, she thought. A little rosy-tinted, for certain, but she was seen. Loved, even.

Lipstick on his cheek. Stars in his eyes.

Gorgeous.

He stiffened when she caught his lips with her own, clumsy, but he gathered himself quickly, earnestly, adorably keen to please with open-mouthed kisses and hands that didn’t know what to do. This differed so greatly from Lily’s norm she couldn’t help but giggle. And Caspian, always smiling, giggled back, cut short by her taking his hand and guiding it to her hip. She watched him like a wolf—watched his throat bob as he swallowed and the trembling breath that followed—before kissing him again, chastely, gently. She pushed his shoulder and he fell back against the couch as she moved to straddle his thighs.

She liked this—catching him off-guard, watching those waltzy eyes of his fill with deferential awe. There was something distinctly delicate about kissing a man that adored you, and Lily would be mad not to treat it tenderly.

Lily rarely took her time with these endeavors. Kiss for a few minutes, fuck, then go. Reaver, on the other hand? Reaver was…

Not something she would think about right now. Right now was for her, for Caspian, for Caspian’s lips that tasted of sugared pears and too-sweet wine, and all the filthy things Lily wanted to do to them. She could imagine them wrapped around her fingers or put to work between her legs or...

Lily dipped down to pepper his exposed collarbone and he let out small, raspy sighs in response. A fascinating development. She toyed with his neck, drew the skin between her teeth, and was rewarded with a muffled whimper. Between those blessed noises of his and whatever intoxicatingly saccharine perfume he wore, she could not be held accountable if she bruised the entirety of his neck.

Those soft hands, rich hands, hands born to weather no more than a paper’s cut, ran up her hip to her waist, pulling her closer to him. That’s when she grinded her hips down against him and felt just how much he was enjoying this encounter. His grip tightened on her and he sighed once more. Such a lovely sigh. A gentleman even at his most unraveled.

She pulled back to get the full image of him as she continued to roll her hips. Oh, he was a mess. Disheveled hair, reddened neck, lips like wine, and at her mercy to boot. He looked at her with his lidded eyes and quickened breath and she couldn’t imagine denying him anything. Anything. If marriage brought her wealth, security, and a view like this, she would be a happy woman indeed.

Suddenly his eyes darted over her shoulder. His voice came out tight. “Uh, Lily…”

She whipped around to see that the door to the lounge was ajar. Gods. She contemplated if it was even worth getting up for, but the gossip alone would already be bad enough for Caspian. If they were caught, he would never hear the end of it. With reluctance, she clambered off him and shut the door, ensuring it was locked. No scandals, please and thank you.

On her way back, she set to work undoing the clasps and laces of her corset. When she caught his eye, she smirked at the tightness of his crotch. “Enjoying the show, Cas?”

He cleared his throat and averted his gaze as he wiped his palms against his pants. A flush had swept across his cheeks; it occurred to her he looked darling in red. 

“No, please,” she insisted. “Watch.”

Caspian Attlee was excellent at following instructions. He watched her slip off her skirt, her corset, her chemise. He watched her like he had never seen a nude person before, with a precious reverie, an unmistakable disbelief. This could have been his first time, but she doubted it. His clumsiness came not from inexperience, but because it was his first time with her. Lily was not sparse for beauty and this she knew well, but to see that she could have such an effect on Caspian—to have her beauty reflected in his very demeanor, reduced from a dashing aristocrat to this, bright-eyed like the very act of their intimacy was the invention of something new—was worth more than any pretty words he had to offer.

Her body bare, she undid the pin holding her curls back and swung a leg around to straddle him again, this time further from his waist. 

She went for his shirt, yanking the hem out from his waistband. “Off,” she said, and he complied. She loved that. One word and he listened.

As soon as he emerged from beneath it, he leaned up to kiss her, arms tight around her back, fingers splayed between her shoulder blades. He trailed down her jaw, her neck, her chest. Her fingers curled in his hair as he made for her breast, teasing her nipple in slow, coaxing circles. He went rougher, teeth tugging at her as he dipped his head back before returning to a gentle roll of his tongue. Gods, he was such an eager thing. A tongue like honey and velveteen hands.

“Cas,” she mumbled. “You’ll bruise me.”

He faltered and looked up at her with wide, adoring eyes. His lips were pink and wet against her breast. “Maybe I want to.” And he kissed his way back up, breath tickling her skin. “Vengeance and all.”

“I didn’t bruise you!” she protested.

“Mmm. I must be sensitive then.”

“That so?” She reached down to feel how hard he was and he gave a hoarse whine at the touch, resting his forehead against her. She used light touches, her fingers dancing across him, teasing and stoking his desire. Finally, she wrapped her fingers around him, giving him a few strokes with an earnest hum. “Better get these off.”

Nudity was no more intimate to Lily than a business agreement, but she knew a work of art when she saw it. Caspian’s body was soft and lean and haloed by gold hair in the candlelight. Blessed by the gods had been an accurate summation. She considered taking him in her mouth right then and there but her gut told her he wouldn’t last very long and so she tucked the thought away to revisit later. 

She took hold of his cock and massaged the length of it with her thumb, watched him tip his head to the side with a sigh and mutter, “Gods.”

Her lips traveled from his cheekbone to his jaw. “Caspian.” She picked up the pace, retracting her thumb to stroke up and down evenly. His breath hitched on the downstroke, hips jerking up to meet her in tandem. “Caspiaaan,” she repeated.

“Uh-huh?” How adorable he was when he trembled.

“You want to fuck me, don’t you,” she said. It was not a question.

He swallowed and nodded, breathless. 

She ran her spare hand up his chest and neck, coming to a stop to play with his hair. “You’re an educated man, Cas. Use your words.” As she stroked downwards, she twisted at the base. Like everything else about him, Caspian’s moan was rich and silvery, too pretty for someone like Lily to behold. The richest man in the nation, and here he was like putty in her hands, her exquisite plaything.

Sweat glistened at his brow and he leaned to bury his face in the crook of her neck, but she held him firm by his hair. He groaned desperately. “Come on, darling. Just say it.” “I want to fuck you,” he mumbled.

“Hmm? What was that?”

“I want to fuck you, Lillian. Or, I want you to fuck me. Anything, anyway, I just—I can’t... Please.”

“He speaks! And with such lovely manners, too.” She planted a kiss on his cheek. “All right, Attlee. You’ve earned it.”

She released him so that he could readjust himself for her to ride. Lily always made quick work of foreplay; seeing how much he wanted her was good enough to get her wet. No pretenses, no bullshit, she guided his cock, looked him in the eye, and sank down onto him with a pleased sigh. He fit snugly inside her, and flush against her clit so every thrust would cause friction. She brought his hands to her hips and placed her own on his shoulders for stability. He gulped. His lips were chapped now from panting. Poor, sweet thing.

She bent forward, no doubt moving his cock inside her, and took his face by the jaw. “Cas,” she whispered with a smile, rocking her hips back and forth slowly. His nails dug into her skin and she was certain a dear part of him was holding back, preventing him from encouraging her to move faster like he desperately needed her to. She tilted her head and shook it. “I am not a gentle lover.”

That pitiful, desperate look on his face could have motivated her to do anything, but he was more than happy with her sadism. He grinned up at her, brown eyes gleaming. “If I didn’t know that—” he sat upright to capture her lips once more “—I wouldn’t be here.”

She pushed him back down against the couch for the umteenth time—after all, a man is most beautiful when he’s either on his back or on his knees, and she would see to it he’d be on his knees later.

Caspian grit his teeth to stifle a groan as she started off with a steady motion and it sent her skin thrumming. Lily knew her knees would ache the following morning, but to get him to make such a heavenly sound as she had earlier, she would muster every ounce of willpower she had. Bless the gods for all those horrid nights hiking through the mountains. Without them, she wouldn’t have made it past more than a few seconds.

Lily never took her eyes off of him, watching for each and every reaction, like how when she bobbed up and down he would glance down and watch himself slip in and out of her, but when she grinded back and forth his breathing would labor. She held onto him fiercely, worked through the burning in her thighs to pick up speed. This position wouldn’t be enough to get her off, but if it worked for him…

She leaned forward to nip at his pulsepoint, earning her one of his velvety moans. He gripped her ass and jerked himself up to meet her rough rhythm, but she took hold of his wrists to keep him from taking charge. He hissed out a sigh that, if she didn’t know better, could have been colored by frustration.

“Ah ah.” She slowed their fervence to a gentle grind. “Do you want me to stop?” she asked, albeit more breathless than she anticipated as if she didn’t already know the answer. 

As she was beginning to learn, desperation looked good on Caspian. He seemed to swallow his exasperation. “Please don’t stop,” he whispered. “Please don’t stop.”

“I don’t find that convincing, Lord Attlee,” she deadpanned, releasing his wrists but halting her movements altogether. Now she was just being evil, and she knew it.

He hummed, resting his hands atop her thighs, absently tracing patterns against the skin as he gave her a look that appeared to say, What am I to do with you?

“You know…” He lifted himself up, just once, and it sent her lurching forward, bracing herself against the couch with an unsteady arm. He smiled up at her with those waltzy eyes of his. “I am the one inside of you.”

She scoffed. Wicked.

“How about we switch things up?” he continued, beginning to thrust at a ginger pace. “Give your legs a much needed break.”

She was off her game, but she would be lying to herself if she said the shift in dynamic wasn’t a welcome one. “I thought you weren’t one of the nobles that worshiped me,” she teased.

Lips latched to her collarbone as he lifted her and flipped her onto her back. Her damp skin stuck to the couch uncomfortably, but her thighs rejoiced at the reprieve.

“Who said anything about worship?” he said.

Fair enough, though a shard of her dignity withered away. Was it naive to hope he hadn’t just been using her for his own pleasure? Was it vain to wish his respect for her veered even into the bedroom? A shame. 

Above her, he was the picture of beauty. When he flashed his teeth it hurt. “At least get me on my knees first, Lily. But…” His right hand stroked her inner thigh from knee to pelvis and she was reminded once more of how soft his touch was. Then, instead of deigning to touch her clit, much to Lily’s frustration, he placed the head of his cock against her, intentionally skewing downward to coat himself with slickness before returning to slide himself against her, rubbing her with every movement. 

“Yeah, I don’t think we’ll need that,” he said.

Oh, so he was being cocky now? Wasn’t he just chock full of surprises!

But the feeling of him grinding down on her, toying with her, his breath against her skin, was enough to distract her from any irritation. She threaded her fingers through his golden hair and breathed through pursed lips, hooking her ankles around the small of his back. Then, without warning, he slipped into her, eliciting an embarrassingly unexpected noise from the back of her throat. He grinned, but she silenced him with the sharpest glare she could muster.

Bracing himself on his elbows, he pulled back out of her until just the head of his cock remained inside her. Lily exhaled, then gasped as he pushed back in. Caspian didn’t rush. There was no need to. He set a steady, even pace as he worked in her. His strokes were diligent, intentional, focused on his goal—so unlike lovers from her past who treated sex like a competition against an unknown contender. He ground into her with purpose, clit against his pelvis, and she dragged her nails across his back.

“Harder, Cas,” she said through labored breaths.

She could see the gears turning in his head. The idea that maybe he could have a little payback for all the edging she so confidently put him through. But Caspian was as merciful as he was kind.

Ever the good listener, he lifted her ass to provide a better angle and did exactly as he was told, gradually picking up speed until the sound of skin on skin enveloped the lounge. Lily gripped one of her breasts, eyes half-lidded as the smallest of moans escaped her, freed by the nonstop motion of Caspian’s hips on her own. He had said he wanted to fuck her and now he was getting exactly that. She liked it best this way, him pushing as deep as he could go as the sensation mounted in her.

“Just like that,” she thought, or maybe whispered. Did it really matter?

He bottomed out with every stroke, pressing hard against her clit, and each short whimper that escaped her grew louder than the last. Her eyelids fluttered and she bit her lip to save her from any other embarrassment, but Caspian brushed a thumb against her mouth and she released it. His head collapsed against her shoulder and she was once again drowned in the scent of his sickly sweet perfume just as she reached her unending, torturous climax, the tension in her muscles dissolving as she let pleasure overcome her in waves. Caspian rode it out with her, foregoing grinding for gentle thrusts lest her clit become oversensitive. Faint, she gasped for air and stared at the ceiling, other senses returning to her one at a time.

“See?” Caspian said, easing in and out of her still. “No worship needed.”

Her mind returned to her. She blinked at him, then erupted in a fit of giggles.

And Caspian, always smiling, giggled back.

“Oh. Gods,” she muttered, glancing about the lounge. She met his gaze with a teasing smile. “Just go ahead and finish in me already, Cas."

He was already close, so he thrust into her a few more times, increasing to a fervent pace as she cradled his face between her hands, talking him through it. “You’re doing so well,” and, “That’s it.” Finally, held himself deep inside of her as he came undone with another gilded moan. His arms caved in and he crumbled in exhaustion on top of her chest and, basking in the afterglow, Lily drew her arms up to brush her fingers through his hair.

Together, they laid in a thick sort of silence. Across from the lounge, six painted eyes stared at them in blank disapproval. The horrifying realization dawned on Lily that they just had sex in front of the Matron of the Attlee family. Well, her spirit, at least.

Caspian did not appear to have the same thought. His face still smushed against her chest, he appraised the portrait with disdain.

“Ugh. You know, once we’re married I can commission a painting of us naked.”

“You’re serious, aren’t you.”

"Of course, darling. We'll frame it right there, above the mantle."

"But then who would watch us when we're caught in the throes of such passionate lovemaking?"

Caspian propped himself upright, squinted one eye at the portrait. “Well, then, we’ll just put them in the bedroom.”