#no one is obliged to agree with me but... literally just active listening would fix this... say you heard me and we're good

[medicinemane]

Sometimes I feel like I'm going crazy

You have... very very very very very very very very smart people you know, and they're say something that not only isn't true, but literally is as opposite of the truth as it's possible to be... and you'll... gently inform them "hey, it's actually a bit more like this" and then they just kinda... go on saying literally the exact same thing

I'm not sure if it's just that... I often feel like I must be very bad at communicating, or people must just not notice/ignore a lot of what I say, but... I don't know

Like dearest friend, you've said something as absurd as... I don't know, it's hard to say without saying it, but honest to god about as absurd as saying the United States was a part of the USSR, that level of completely getting it backwards

...and it just doesn't seem to matter when I try to explain it... I legit don't even know if you read what I said

Really end up feeling like I'm going nuts sometimes

[love-takes-work]

When someone toxic needs a friend

I just wanna add a little personal reflection to the discussion of Spinel’s treatment in Steven Universe: The Movie.

A few signposts so you know where I’m starting with this:

A criticism I’ve seen: 

Steven was not particularly warm to Spinel. He did not hug her. He did not offer to be her friend. He spoke carelessly and triggered her toward becoming murderous again. He only cared about what she could do for him.

A perspective I’ve seen: 

LOTS of people with borderline personality disorder or strong feelings about abandonment personally relate to Spinel and are critical of Steven from this perspective.

Rebecca Sugar’s commentary on Spinel:

The thing about Spinel is that she’s a really toxic person. 

She’s so toxic that she’s literally trying to poison people. 

In my interactions with friends who have had a history difficult enough to make it hard for them to trust other people and sometimes even actively want to hurt others, it’s just a very difficult situation to navigate. In the case of Spinel and all of these characters, that’s extremely exaggerated because cartoons have the ability to be extreme exaggerations. I wanted to explore what it’s like when you’re trying to help someone who really doesn’t want to help themselves, who wants to embody the negative feelings that they have about themselves. I think that’s something really real. I hadn’t seen that in a cartoon before. 

Spinel, unlike many other characters, actually has the goal of hurting people, which is new territory for the show. She really wants to hurt Steven, and there’s a reason that she does—because she’s in so much pain. I just wanted to explore all the dimensions of that.

I also think Steven has his way of trying to handle and dissolve conflict. It’s not necessarily a good way for him to handle this situation. It really leaves him in a difficult state, and I think what I wanted to show in the way that they interact is that at a certain point, when you can’t help someone, you have to be able to protect yourself. 

Ultimately, he can’t really convince her to change. It’s something she’ll have to want for herself. But what he can do is protect himself from her, making it impossible for her to hurt him. 

It’s sort of up to you if you would like to love her. If you watch this movie and she, you know, frustrates you, that is totally fair. I want that to be a big part of who she is.

[From the AV Club interview]

So here are a few things I want to shed light on.

It’s very interesting that Rebecca intended Spinel to be read as “a toxic person” because so many fans fell in love with her, said they’d be her friend, hated intensely on Pink Diamond because of what she did to abandon the poor Gem, and sympathized with her directly. But Rebecca was looking at Spinel from Steven’s perspective. And that’s also what I did.

I’ve been Steven. I have VERY much been Steven.

When you meet someone who was done dirty, when you recognize the horror they’ve been through, when you see how much pain they are in and agree they have the right to be angry, it’s natural for empathetic people to offer themselves as comfort.

But when you’re Steven, you also know it isn’t YOUR fault either. Before you have the ability and experience to set boundaries, you can get sucked into other people’s stormy waters and think you’re helping if you drown in solidarity with them. What’s really important to preserving yourself is learning that you can stand on the boat and toss a life preserver. That it doesn’t ACTUALLY HELP to jump in the water and sink with them.

Some folks are angry that Steven didn’t jump right into sacrifice himself on the altar of friendship in the service of an intense, literally murderous stranger who tried to poison him and his planet and lash out at his friends, robbing them of their rich pasts and their relationships because all of it hurt HER so much. It is SO easy to understand WHY SPINEL WAS ANGRY. But nothing she was doing to Steven, his friends, or the Earth was going to fix her problems, and furthermore, she FULLY UNDERSTOOD that it was NOT THE FAULT of any of the people she took her anger out on. It was irrational, yes, and that is part of her dysfunction. But also, in these situations, what helps explain it still does not excuse it.

Some have railed at Steven saying he somehow forgave genocidal tyrants like the Diamonds but couldn’t be friends with a damaged Gem like Spinel who just wanted friendship. The big difference there is that Steven got involved with the Diamonds when both parties believed he was a different person. The Diamonds believed he was the lost Pink Diamond, and Steven has also spent much of his superhero life believing he WAS his mother and was therefore obligated to accept punishment for her crimes or to clean up the messes she made. Now that he knows he is not her and that she did some pretty horrible stuff, he also wants the right to stop feeling responsible for every person Pink hurt in the entire region of space.

Steven gave Spinel basically compassionate treatment. He did not abuse her. He did not insult her. He occasionally coddled her when it seemed important (and though some said he was too businesslike while he pursued his mission, he was literally looking at the world ending within two days if he didn’t solve the problem). And most importantly . . . .

He let her leave the garden.

Spinel stayed in the garden all those millennia because Pink Diamond told her they were playing a game. All that time, she had visions of Pink returning so she could see her smile, hear her laughter. We see a sequence where she tried to follow Pink out of the garden and Pink manipulated her into staying willingly. We watch those feet leaving and one pair of feet staying behind. We see Pink disappear.

When Steven goes to leave the garden, Spinel follows in the same manner. Some have criticized him for letting go of her hands.

But he invited her out of the garden. He didn’t say stay. He said come with me.

As he sang about her deserving someone better, he was sincere. But he did not say the person to make her feel found should be him. He did not want to take on another person with thousands of years of baggage who would require a specific brand of attention and so much tenderness to avoid snapping. He did not allow her to be held by the hand and led out. He recognized that she needed encouragement to leave this place because of what was done to her, but he wanted her to take the steps.

Compassionate people are crushed all the time under the weight of needy people who make it hurt to love. People like Steven can acknowledge that Spinel deserves love and deserves to be happy without accepting that it’s heartless to stop short of personally doing it. Especially when you literally have to take physical, mental, and emotional damage as a general consequence of offering support and counseling. It is sometimes just beyond what you can do.

I made the mistake several times of getting very close to someone who treated me poorly while taking comfort in my presence. I cared that they were hurt and I didn’t know how to say “You deserve love” without stepping in and loving them. In EVERY case I was involved with, the person went from initially grateful to “why don’t you help me more?” shockingly quickly, and two of them deliberately tried to create situations where I would be trapped with them and isolated from others. 

I could get very personal here but I don’t think I need to. Those of us who relate all too well to Steven wanting to help others will have been in this situation. Your heart hurts for people who live with pain that has never touched you, but when they’ve made it clear with one of their first actions that they feel satisfied at the idea of ruining your life, trusting them could mean the end of you. Especially if they demand that you risk life and limb to fix and save them before you’d dare to call it love, and especially if they want to be fixed without feeling responsible for initiating any of it. Some people mistake suffering for working hard toward a goal. Both can hurt but only one is constructive. If I’m expected to spend extensive resources on someone, I need some partnership in the goal, and I can’t accomplish that with someone whose wish for companionship manifests as “I want you to feel as bad as I do, and will take steps to hurt you so I have someone to cry with.”

Steven risked his actual life while he didn’t have powers so he could go talk to Spinel, and he wouldn’t fight her when she wanted to fight. He protected himself while she spent her anger. He STILL put himself in the line of fire far more than a less compassionate person would. He took time and tenderness to listen to her story and sympathize with her, tell her she deserved better, bear witness to what she’d become after being treated like a discarded plaything, and bring her hope with promises of a new future and a way to feel found.

Sadly, Spinel flipped back to being murderous at the first sign that Steven might be about to prioritize someone other than her, reframing his reasonable needs as if he was planning to abandon her, isolate her, discard her. This was a trauma reaction, yes, and she isn’t entirely to blame for being upset because she was worried she was just being used and none of her actions were logically thought through. 

But does someone ever “deserve” the friendship of a specific person who can’t feel warm toward them because of their OWN bad experiences? 

No! 

Steven has a big heart but he has his very own huge storehouse of trauma, and being physically attacked with his family and planet put in danger over the actions of his mother is at the top of the list. Instead of assuming that the person who has trauma the loudest is the most hurt, can’t we just acknowledge that Spinel’s and Steven’s respective traumas make them NOT the best match for friendship?

The ending of the movie, with Spinel going off with the Diamonds, might seem a little disturbing with all the codepencency floating around there, but if you want to talk about compassion, I think this is a good place for Spinel to start. 

She just wanted to make Pink Diamond laugh and enjoy her life. She longed to do that for so long and then it all ended when she found out she would NEVER GET TO DO IT. I think bonding with the other Diamonds and having a familiar, safe place to experience the kind of love she’s used to will be a good FOUNDATION for building herself into a person beyond that. For now, she needs comfort. I hope they treat her well.

[ardenttheories]

Though I believe the relationship between most of the hs fandom and the hs2 writing team is pretty toxic I think your 'us and them' attitude is going to perpetuate this. Your posts frame them as villain of sorts and the actions of some justify your distane of them all. I do not know the lives of these people nor all the beliefs they hold within themselves or if they all agree with each other. You need to lurn to be concise in your arguments and where to draw the line between fiction and reality.

The “us and them” mentality was founded by their attempts to isolate a significant percent of the fandom away from the recent content. This is not me perpetuating an ideology; it is me pointing out the flaws in what is happening, currently, and giving voice to the people who have been isolated by the writers and feel as if they are the only ones who feel the way they do. 

I have stated several times how things could improve, and frankly, I think I have been rather fair in many of my assessments - especially at the beginning, when most of the content was being released. But the fact of the matter is, it probably won’t change unless the writers can change the views of people like Kate or talk over her views in Homestuck^2 itself. Because the fandom isn’t the issue, actually; it’s solely in the hands of the writing team.

They are the people with the power, here. They decide what goes into the text, how things are presented, what views come through. They are capable of implementing every transphobic, homophobic, abuse apologist, anti-survivor sentiment we’ve seen in the comic so far - and they’re just as capable to... not do those things. They know their content is triggering. They know how much of the fandom can and cannot handle these things, and how much trigger warnings are important to individual people. And they have actively done everything they can to harm the fandom - have admitted to doing so, actually - that they possibly can. 

You do not take chapter-by-chapter trigger warnings away if you do not want to hurt the people reading your content. You do not respond to criticism by calling your fanbase transmisoynists because you don’t want to admit that your favourite is an abuser. You do not try to make everything you do better by claiming that canon is dead when you are writing the official story. 

What you seem to have completely misunderstood is that we are powerless in this relationship. Yes, we can complain; yes, we can plead; yes, we can try to appeal to them; but they are the ones writing the content. We are only the consumers. They can literally do anything they want to these characters, and they will, and have, merely to spite us. They can make the comic as dangerous as possible to mentally ill people as punishment for daring to say that they weren’t handling triggers well. 

I likewise do not know the lives of the people on the HS^2 team. I do, however, know most of their beliefs - because they do a damn good job of being transparent about it on Twitter. Their beliefs are toxic at best, and outright violent at worst. The problem is, of course, that it doesn’t matter if they don’t agree with each other on these views; they’re still coming through loud and clear. 

If the “good” writers are unable to stop the “bad” writers from pumping HS^2 full of untagged triggers, badly-handled sensitive content, incest, abuse apologism, transphobia, and victim denial, then that honestly says a lot about either: 

- How loud the “bad” voices are that the “good” ones are being spoken over

or 

- How quiet the supposed “good” voices are, and how much they might actually agree with the “bad” voices

I would also like you to, quite kindly, go through and read literally any of my posts. I have gone over several times the distinction between fiction and reality -and how, also, the opinions of a person in fiction tend to shine through in their reality as well. Kate’s abuse apologism isn’t just towards Vriska. She genuinely believes that. The same way as her transphobia isn’t just a fictional thing; she talks over transmen and masc-aligned enbies all the fucking time, and tells them that they don’t have a voice. Her racism is evident in the trivialisation of the BLM movement - and her outright hatred of Gamzee, who is very clearly meant to be an anti-black stereotype, as well as a representation of psychosis. 

The fact of the matter is, they need to be held accountable. We cannot just say, “oh, actually, us vs them doesn’t work”, because us with them didn’t work, either. They have started this mentality, made it clear that they are not with us, and in fact that they actively want to hurt us. All we want is for them to listen to genuine criticism and accept it, to take into account what people are saying - what transmen, mentally ill people, poc, and abuse survivors are trying to tell them - and handle the topics they’re bringing up with slightly more care.

I’ve said several times in my posts that this would literally fix everything. If all we got was an apology, an “we, as a team, are sorry for the hurt we have caused; we have reinstated a better trigger list on each chapter, we are listening to views more closely and have retconned some events that were transphobic/racist/homophobic, or we will take more care with them in the future, and for those instances that did happen, here is an explanation that isn’t just denial or us saying that we’re the writers and you have to accept what we do”, then... we’d have nothing to be upset about. The fandom would be content, would support HS^2, would be more than happy to praise the writers and break the “us v them” mentality. 

But they haven’t, and they seem to outright refuse to do so. And why the fuck should we be the ones to give? If we don’t hold them accountable, they will never change. They will continue to implement harmful and toxic views into Homestuck^2 without criticism or care. We, as a fandom, should not be the ones to end the “us v them” mentality when we are the ones being actively hurt, when they are the ones with the power, when they began the mentality to begin with. 

Of course, if you don’t find that this ask sits well with you, I’d like to suggest some advice to you the same that the writers like to tell us about Homestuck^2 and its content:

If you don’t like it, you’re free to leave. You are in no way obliged to interact at all. In fact, this could be the perfect place for you to write your own posts! Because, naturally, mine have no actual sentiment behind them and should not be viewed in any capacity by people who don’t agree with me, specifically. 

(I want to point out, of course, that the above paragraph is satire. You can do as you damn well please, and this blog IS meant to be interacted with. But maybe now you can see the irony - and fury - behind HS^2 for fans. Imagine if every time I got an ask even vaguely going against my own views, I just turned around and said, “sorry sweetie, not my problem, go do your own shit”. After a while you’d get fed up, and I’d get a callout for actively ignoring valid criticism. I don’t see why, in this capacity, the HS^2 writers shouldn’t be faced with the same.)

[jazzybot4]

I'm organizing the walk out at my school and I want to know if you've got any tips. We're doing the March one first. I've got connections to the local news and two people running for congress will be there to support us. They've already pledged to give the spotlight to the students and teachers. I've spreading the word and giving alternatives to anybody who can't do it (writing to representatives, day of silence). What else can I do? What should I do in case of conflict? Should I bring signs?

One thing I can think of that I haven’t seen a lot of is a ‘peacebonding’ process. So at things like Ren Faires, Conventions, and other costumed events, people who have mock or real weapons have a ribbon or zip-tie in a bright color, both to identify the weapon and to show that this person has agreed to not draw their weapon. I’m thinking that a bright orange ribbon or wristband would be a good idea, to show both each other and the media, the police, and anyone who you’re protesting with, that you’ve pledged nonviolence. That’s SO important. This is a protest against violence, against guns, against mass shootings. By openly declaring that you’re angry (rightly so), that you’re going to make the world bend to your will, that you’re going to raise your voice in opposition against a concept that has literally dogged your entire school career. You’re showing both solidarity, and declaring fundamentally war on violence. Even people who aren’t protesting actively, who want to show support, can wear a peacebond wristband or ribbon. Orange wristbands or zip-ties, with a clearly labeled peacebonding table. Anyone wearing a wristband is obligated to follow whatever peacebonding rules you put in place. No hitting, no throwing things, no drawing weapons. I’d say get your congresspeople and news media to actually remark on that also. That’s really the only idea I have for keeping you and your people visibly safe. As for things you can do while on walkout: Stage ‘study-ins’. In your local legislature buildings, at any gun show you’re nearby, something that is involved in your protest. Bring your schoolbooks, maybe a whiteboard or three, and if teachers want to show up too? That’s awesome. Until gun control laws are passed, keep up with your education independently. Ask your teachers what they would want to teach if they didn’t have a board-mandated ciriculum, and hold those lessons in public, maybe with a livestream service on so people can follow along. Social media is going to be your most amazing tool. Take pictures and video. Compose and practice speeches. Get outside advice (like you’ve done reaching out to me. I’m not an expert. I’m not a professional protestor. I’m not a techer. It’s been almost ten years since I was a student.) I’m maybe not the best voice, but I’m willing to stand beside the students of this country and speak out. If you want help editing speeches, if you want help with public speaking advice, if you want help with homework, reach out to me and others in the writing community. Find the kids in your group who like writing, and ask them to write you content. Speeches, twitter posts, poetry, music. Make the steps of your local legislature, your state capitol building, your school administration buildings a stage. Make some noise.It takes incredible rage and courage to do what you and your classmates are doing. Standing up to an authority that has ruled your entire life is hard. It’s not going to get easier. It’s not going to be a quick fix. Expect to be out of school up to a year. Don’t let your studies slip. Keep in mind: A GED is just fine for getting into college with, and acts like a High School Diploma. Study for the SATs and the ACTS and the ASFAB. The world is a classroom, and teachers are everywhere. Listen critically to what they say, do the fact checking for yourself. Don’t assume that an adult is telling you the truth. (Not even me.)  DO THE RESEARCH. Your facts must be infallible, as the accusatory party. Look your elected officials in the eye. Maybe wear the date of the next election your eligible to vote in on a sticker, or a sign.

[emilyelizabethfowl]

Fic Wars [LLSB] Chapter 1

This is the first chapter of a fanfic @littleladysongbird​​ and I are writing for the Fic Wars! The official event’s blog is @fandomficwars!

Fandom: Camp Camp Tags: Dadvid Ratings: G [general]

Enjoy!

On the last day of spring the camp was empty.

On the first day of summer there was two people and the Quartermaster.

Obviously, the campers weren't meant to come for another week or two, but the counselors had to prepare the camp and check if anything needed any repairs.

Or, to be precise, the counselor, singular.

Gwen still had some personal matters to tend to, and wouldn’t get to the camp until a day or two before the first campers would show up.

So who was the other person at the camp?

It was the one, who always came first and always left last, despite claiming to hate that place.

The one who always scoffed at his parents for sending him away for the whole summer and some more, even though he probably considered that their only good quality.

The person in question is, of course, Max.

***

“Ahhhh, I missed the camp!” David sighed, jumping out of the car. “Nothing’s better than some good old forest!”

“You literally take care of a park for a living.” Grumbled Max, clambering out of the car.

“But it’s not the same! Here… Here I just feel more alive than ever!”

The man enthusiastically circled the car and opened the trunk, revealing an old, neat bag and a small, freshly-bought backpack.

“I still can’t believe your parents let you go with your things in a trash bag!”

Max only shrugged, not looking at him.

“The backpack fell apart half an hour before you were supposed to pick me up, they had to improvise. And the trash back was the biggest bag we had at our place. Besides, you bought me a fucking new one, so there’s no problem now.”

David took the baggage out, letting Max take his backpack out of his hands. He closed the trunk, lost in thoughts.

“It really isn’t a good sign. Caring parents should always-”

“They literally called you to take me to the camp weeks before it’s starting, David. Which part of this is screaming caring parents to you?”

That seemed to get through the thick cocoon of optimism David submerged himself into, and his smile diminished a little.

“If I was your legal guardian, you’d be here now too.” He pointed out.

“Yeah, but you’d be with me and you’d actually want me to be with you. Knowing my parents they’re either on the airport or already at the plane to whatever place they chose to go to this year.”

They slowly made their way over to the councilors cabin. Few steps before the doors the smile came back on his face.

“Well, all that matters now is that you are with me and I want you to be here!” He said cheerfully. “Let’s settle down our luggage and prepare for the best summer camp ever!”

Max’s groaned, but there was no emotion behind it.

***

“Alrighty, the tents are up! What’s next on our list?” David asked, wiping the sweat off his forehead.

Max glanced at his pad.

“Checking the camp activities’ sites for any damage,” he read, “You’re seriously doing that? I thought these stuff are just left until they rot completely, judging by their looks.”

“We never had any proper funding before.” The man gulped down what was left in his water bottle. “We never could do much to fit the safety requirements, but somehow it never was an issue during the inspections.”

He picked up the tool set and made his way over to where the camp activities’ stands were placed. Max obediently toddled after him.

“Campbell bribed them?” he guessed.

“Possibly, yes.”

“So he got no money to fix the stands, but he’s got plenty of cash to bribe the inspectors not to see any problems?”

David laughed.

“Yes, it seems so.” He said. “Apparently the Camp Critic Committee is very eager to look the other way if they get to avoid paying taxes in Thailand.”

Max was so surprised he stopped dead in his tracks.

“What the fuck are they even doing in Thailand?”

“Language, Max,” David scolded gently, going more by habit than any real hope for change. “I guess they do something with really high taxes to need the tax relief.”

“That really doesn’t help at all.”

***

“The last on the list is… Did you really put in ‘Remember to eat and get a goodnight’s sleep!’?”

David put the last stone, creating a pull circle around the place designated for campfire at the opening day of the camp.  

“Eating and sleeping schedule is very important, Max!” He said, wiping his hands on his trousers. “Besides, we need to check the mess hall anyway!”

Max just sighed and followed the way too happy adult to the most used building in the whole camp - second only when counting the bathrooms, especially after some more special meals made by Quartermaster.

But soon his mood got significantly better when they discovered that some of said meals got leftover from last year, and promptly took over the kitchen when no one was looking.

“No inspection will overlook this,” Max managed to gasp out while rolling on the floor, laughing his ass off.

David looked like someone just forced him to kick a puppy, looking around the molded shelves, trying to asses the damage.

“Yeah,” he agreed softly, “And it looks way to bad for us to handle alone. I’m afraid we’ll have to call a specialist.”

He tried to poke a particularly big piece of fungi, but reasonably decided not to when it attempted to eat his finger.

“Maybe two specialists.”

Max laughed so hard he started crying.

***

They ended up getting pizza that night.

Max ate silently, trying not to think about the last time they ate one together, and failing miserably.

Noticing his bad mood, David tried to cheer him up a little, or at least make him forget whatever was troubling him.

“Pizza might not be the healthiest of all meals, but it’s definitely one of the easiest to make and tastiest to eat!” he exclaimed, waving around his slice, ignoring the cheese slowly trying to escape on the ground.

Max stared at the poster on the wall, slightly irked by how askew it was. He was definitely going to level it the first chance he got.

“My parents say it’s the lowest of all foods and never let me get any.” He said out of social obligation not to leave David hanging.

The man gasped loudly.

“But it’s one of the very few things you genuinely enjoy!”

“Do you really think my parents give a shit about it?” he sneered, waving away some wisties that got to the cabin through the open window and very persistently tried to steal olives from his pizza. “I thought we established that already.”

David was silent for a while, sitting still enough for the wistie to try and steal the olive from his slice.

He obviously let the little creature have it, even though it was his favorite part. The man was simply too kind for his own good, literally.

“I just… I still can’t believe how anyone can treat their child that way…”

Max looked him directly into the eyes.

“I was an accident,” he said, voice unwavering. He took another bite of the pizza, feeding off of both the food and David’s disturbance.

“What?” he asked, probably still hoping he just misheard him, the damn optimist.

“I wasn’t planned. My mom didn’t want to marry dad, but she was forced to by her influential family. They didn’t want a scandal, they could’ve made her life a living nightmare if they wanted to, and she was perfectly aware of it. Mom never wanted to have kids too, and wanted to get an abortion, but she was having sex with anything that moved and grandparents wanted to punish her for it.”

David sat speechless, his pizza long since forgotten. Max continued before he could bet coherent enough to speak.

“And this is what she got. A sarcastic little shit. She was so ashamed of having me, that she forced her parents to let her move here.” He shook his head. “Can you blame her?” he laughed dryly.

“Yes,” David answered without a second of hesitation. “I can and I do.”

Now it was Max’s turn to look at him without a word.

“Are you serious?”

David didn’t even need to answer - the look on his face, more serious than any other time Max could remember seeing his face without a smile on it, said it all.

“She’s your mother. She should love you. She shouldn’t be ashamed - she should be proud of you.”

If Max opened his eyes any wider, he just new his eyeballs would fall out of the sockets.

“Proud of me?” he asked. “Proud of fucking what? Loving me? For what? I’m not exactly the loveable kind of a son!”

Knowing David, his hands itched really hard to reach and hug Max. But being aware the boy didn’t like this kind of behavior, he didn’t act out on this desire.

“Every kind of a son is loveable!” He said, every bit of passion he would’ve used in the hug going into that exclamation. “And you’re really intelligent and talented! Your crocheting is extraordinary!”

Max raised his brow.

“Newsflash, I’m an asshole.” He said simply.

“It doesn’t matter!” David countered, “You’re just a child! You deserve to be loved!”

That single word took Max back to all the hours spent on listening to his parents arguments. They never missed the opportunity to tell him he should be glad he was alive.

That he didn’t deserve the things they’ve been getting him. That he didn’t deserve the food, or the house he was living in.

That he didn’t deserve to be born.

“Max…?”

He couldn’t answer, but he didn’t need to; the man couldn’t stand watching the boy being miserable anymore, and wrapped his arms around him in what was probably the tightest hug anyone has given him.

Come to think of it, he couldn’t remember anyone but David even wanting to hug him before.

He let David hold him for a while, but all good things had to end sometime. He didn’t even know he was crying until he noticed the spot his tears left on David’s shirt. He winced, expecting to get punished for it, before he remembered it was David he was dealing with.  

“I don’t deserve to be loved.” He mumbled. “I can’t be loved.”

“Max,” David said quietly, “Max, look at me.”

The boy did so, however unwillingly.

He saw an emotion in the man’s eyes. Emotion he saw when other parents were looking at their children, but it was never directed at him.

“I love you, Max,” David said, his voice gentle, comforting.

“You love everyone!” Max tried to argue. He was used to disappointment, but this was too much. He didn’t want to be given love, just for the man to take it back at the end of the summer.

He wouldn’t be able to take it; He preferred to make it look like he hated David, like he couldn’t stand him.

Because when people don’t care about you, they forget. And when they forget, they can’t hurt you.

Max knew it far too well for a child his age. He wasn’t going to get his hopes up, and he wasn’t going to be let down.

Especially not by David.

“I do love lots of people,” the man agreed, “But that doesn’t mean I love you any less.”

That feeling, when you promise yourself that you won’t do something, and then you end up doing it. Max hated that feeling. But the hope he had, the hope for David to mean what he was saying, he hated it even more.

“And so what?” He said, as rudely as he only could, trying to discourage David from going any further. “So what? It won’t change a thing about my situation! Once the summer’s over, you and your precious love will be miles away!”

David looked like he wanted to say something about it, but he seemed to change his mind.

“But the summer isn’t over yet!” He said instead, “And it won’t be for another three months!”

Max couldn’t believe his own ears. He was doing everything he could to push the man away… But the man was holding on to him, and wasn’t letting him go that easily.

“You’re the bane of my existence,” he said dejected, for he knew it wasn’t going to end well for either of them.

But David just grinned, as if Max agreed with him.

“I love you too,” he said, confirming the boy’s suspicion. “But now, beds! We’ve still got lots to do tomorrow!”

The boy gladly accepted the end of their conversation, obediently going to sleep at Gwen’s yet unoccupied bed.

And soon the room is silent, save for the wisties stealing the remains of their food, the quiet sounds of two people breathing, and ominous sounds of Quartermaster moving outside.