#no im trying to . beat matador

[obsidiancreates]

Robin Hood: Man In Vents

@pineapple-psychic

"Gus." Shawn whispers as quietly as he can into the little mic pinned to his collar. "I see you flirting with the receptionist."

"Heh, one second." Gus's smirk slips right off as he turns and whispers back "You told me to say I'm security!"

"So no-one would question the mic and earpiece! Not to creep out some poor girl taking this jerk's calls all day!"

"I'm not creeping anybody out!"

"She's literally holding a tiny lipstick taser in her palm."

"Wh- where are you?!"

"The vents. ... Top of the wall to your right."

"Shawn, you're supposed to be in this guy's office already."

"I had to take a pit-stop, man, you were totally ignoring me!"

"Just get in there, if someone we know spots me we're toast."

"Dude, Lassie and Jules are totally busy with that other case with the dead bull or whatever."

"It was a dead matador, Shawn, and they're only busy because you put them on the wrong lead!"

"Yeah, so we're covered."

"Just get into that office!"

Shawn watches Gus turn back around with his 'Smooth Gus' smile and keep chatting with the receptionist- who's relaxing more as Gus talks to her, actually, and she realizes he's just Not As Smooth As He Thinks He Is rather than Trying To Be Creepy.

Shawn crawls through the vents, wondering not for the first time why Santa Barbara seems to make all their air vents big enough for over-30-year-old-men to crawl through with room to spare, and makes it to the office. He reaches into his pocket and pulls out his little uses-actual-tape vintage tape recorder, stolen from his dad's house, and hits record.

"No, look, if we sell more than this it'll look suspicious. ... I know, I know, but our payout won't be worth shit if we get caught. Just- have you taken care of the severance situation? ... Well, cripes, Monty, if you don't find a way to avoid paying out severance after this we'll have done it all for nothing! ... That's it, I'm coming down to your office. No, I don't give a crap if your wife is there, kick her out or I'll beat her ass along with yours. ... You'll take this talk from me as long as you live, if you don't want to become my next scapegoat."

The phone slams back into it's receiver, and the CEO storms out of his office.

Shawn tests the vent grate- if he did it right when he pretended to be the building inspector a few days ago, it should just-

CRASH!

... Whoops.

Shawn slides out of the vent and lands in a heap on the floor, springing back up as quickly as possible and going for the computer! This office is relatively isolated, but someone will have heard that. Gus posing as security can maybe buy him twenty minutes, but after that he's risking everything.

Gus would kill him for saying so, but all that makes this even more fun.

He copies the password he saw being entered in the reflection of the window when he came in to sabotage the vent, pulls out the list of keywords Gus's jotted down for him, and starts combing through the files as quickly as possible. He plugs his pineapple-shaped hard drive into the PC unit and begins downloading everything relevant to the insider trading and company self-sabotage.

"Dude, hurry up, I just got told over the walkie that there was a loud sound in the CEO's office," Gus hisses through the earpiece.

"I'm hurrying!"

"Hurry harder, Shawn! Oh, uh, hello, fellow security team. Yeah, Im uh, going to check out the disturbance myself. no need for all of us, right?"

"You're in fire, dude."

"Yeah, well, I'm a uh, black belt in taekwondo, so I really don't need any backup. Might get messy."

"Black be- okay I know that's not true, but I also know you've been sneaking out of cases more often than usual. Gus, are you taking martial arts classes without me? How is our partnership supposed to work if you become a lethal weapon of flesh and blood and I don't?"

"I'm not taking any classes, I'm buying you time," Gus hisses again. "Quit distracting me!"

"Fine. ... But we should sign up for some classes together after this."

"I agree, but shhh!"

"Fine. ... Okay, okay, I got it!" Shanw unplugs everything, makes sure his gloves didn't rip or leave any fibers behind- and then looks up at the vent. "Oh. Oops."

"Oops?!"

"It's uh- it's a little high to reach."

"Oh my go- you didn't measure a way up to your only escape route?"

"I was a little focused on the entire rest of the whole plan!"

"Figure it out fast, we're almost at the elevator!"

"Ah- stall for time! Pretend to pee yourself!"

"No, stop using that as a go-to distraction!"

"Well do something!"

"Ah- HEY! Ahem, hey, guys, uh, you know, I read in Men's Digest last week that elevators have been linked to Kidney Stones."

Shawn looks around frantically for something he can use to get up to the vent that won't leave a suspicious trail- nothing. Unless...

"Dude, I'm taking a risk."

"Another one?!"

"Trust me!"

Shawn pulls the wheely chair over to the vent and stands on it. It's just enough for him to leverage himself into the space. He hops off and grabs the vent cover, puts it on top of the headrest, and turns. He puts his feet on the wall, walks them up to the vent opening, and slowly walks his hands up to the top of the chair to leverage himself into the exit.

As soon as his hands reach the top he hears the elevator ding down the hallway. He hears Gus's rambling coming closer, and knows it's now or never. He takes a deep breath, winces in preparation for the on coming pain, and pushes off of the chair! He just barely manages to grab onto the vent as the chair goes flying across the floor back into place!

His push gets him halfway into the vent, the wind knocked right out of him, but he has no time to recover. He squirms the rest of the way in, and managed to re-affix the loose vent cover right as the door to the office opens.

Gus glances up at the vents and they lock eyes. Shawn gives a thumbs-up, and begins scooting backwards out of the line of sight.

"I'm never helping you with one of these again," he hears Gus mumble over the earpiece.

They both know Gus is lying. They're partners in crime-solving and in crime, and they always will be. Especially when it's something like this.

Now to figure out if blackmail or exposure is the best use for what they've gathered...