#no i don't particularly want to talk to them hence all the screened missed calls. yes i do still need to talk to them occasionally.

[saltybiowarefantears]

me: why does my anxiety, stress, depression, etc feel higher than usual?

my phone record:

[margarethelstone-2]

Our Sleeves Were Wet With Tears | Chapter 1

“They both knew that it wouldn’t last, that, come tomorrow, the so undesired feeling of awkwardness would take over them again, to some degree at least. They would pass each other in the corridors and a nod and a smile would be all they might expect; they’d meet at the train station occasionally but fail to exchange more than a few words.

And yet somehow, it was fine. Because for the first time since Taichi’s confession, they could hope that the distance they had built was not that of resentment and sorrow, but of mutual respect and readiness to wait.

It was an agreement.”

A Taichihaya story set directly after the end of season 3. Based on the anime, not the manga.

Read under the cut and on AO3!

Chapter 1

Suddenly, like an explosion, the words Taichi said to me in our first year came back to me.

"Arata will come back someday for sure. Let's get stronger and wait for his return."

Let's get stronger.

Let's wait.

No matter how long it might take or how hard it might be, let's work, let's fight, let's be patient.

That's what Taichi had said, two years ago, as they’d sat on that train and gone home after their meeting with Arata, which only could have been called disastrous at the time. She'd had trouble believing him at first, so big her disappointment had been – so overwhelming the shock she'd felt when their childhood friend had as much as thrown them away from his house, despite all the effort they had put into coming there in the first place. And yet, she couldn't have disregarded his words completely, not with the sight of Arata riding his bike like a madman on the other side of the road and with the calm certainty echoing in Taichi's own voice.

It was his confidence that had made her regain her faith; his quiet presence and stubborn persistence that had prompted her to believe again, to follow the advice she surely would have disregarded if it had been nothing but words.

In a way, she was convinced that even if Arata hadn't shown up on his bike, or if she hadn't seen him for herself, it would have been enough to hear Taichi's comment to make her keep going.

After all, Taichi was never wrong.

She didn't always understand him – in fact, the last few months had shown her how little she did, how many things there were about him that she still couldn't comprehend, or things she had been too blind to notice. His confession to her a few weeks prior had been a blow, only made more painful by the following distancing that had led him all the way to giving up on karuta and their club.

The club they had built from scratch.

Had he really expected her to stay after that?

Her eyes welled up again, as she stared at the photo Arata had sent her – sent them both, she assumed, since it would have made no sense for him not to send it to Taichi as well. No matter how Arata felt about her, or how all of the sudden her two dearest friends had become rivals in more fields than karuta, the fact remained that Arata and Taichi were still friends to one another.

Or at least, she desperately hoped they still thought of each other in those terms.

More tears came and ran swiftly down her cheeks, the bright screen of her phone doing nothing to make her eyes sting any less, but then again, she could hardly bring herself to care. Vaguely aware of the other students standing around her as well as the glances they were currently giving her, she kept looking at the device, at the bright smiles Arata and his new teammates were giving her. They were so glad, so hopeful, so extremely enthusiastic...

They were everything the Mizusawa team had been in the photo she'd sent after they'd qualified for the nationals for the first time, even though she was pretty sure that she'd been crying of happiness in that one.

He will come back someday for sure.

The words came back to her again, once again proving that Taichi's guess hadn't been an incorrect one... Except this time, it was Arata's voice she was hearing and Taichi's name that was being pronounced. It was naive, foolish, even. For all she knew, Arata wasn't even aware that they had left their precious club and therefore, had no intention of going to Omi Jingu like he expected them to.

And yet... There was something about that message, or maybe about the way he looked in the photo that made her nearly certain that he did know, and that this particular email was not sent out to brag. It was meant to remind them of something – to prompt them to take action, just like their visit in Fukui had prompted him to do it before.

He had come back. And so would Taichi, in due time.

And she would let him, without nagging him or pressuring him, without begging him to come back for her sake. Right now, they both needed time to heal; and time she would grant him.

Right after she talked to him one more time.

She was back on her feet in no time, and running towards the library as if her life depended on it. She burst through the door with a force that was as unfitting to the place as it was characteristic of herself, a perfect reverse of her abnormally quiet behaviour that week. She came over to her desk with no hesitation, no waver in her step, and took the bag she'd left there before leaving right after. She missed the amused look the Empress gave her, as well as the proud twinkle of recognition that sparkled in her eyes.

Three minutes later she was out of the room, out of the school, racing towards the train station that was bound to take her to Taichi's home. She made it just in time, red and sweaty, and barely able to breathe, and yet, feeling more glad with herself than she had in the course of those miserable few weeks.

The satisfaction only made her push harder after she'd left the train – she had travelled that distance thousands of times by now and still, she was sure she had never covered it in such a short span.

She had no doubt that Taichi would have called her an idiot for straining herself so badly.

Smiling against the new lump that rose in her throat, Chihaya wiped away the tears that threatened to fall down from her lashes once more and took a deep breath, hoping that her eyes weren't as red as she was afraid they were. After all, the task she was about to commence was not an easy one; she didn't need her appearance to betray her inner state when she tried so hard to keep it concealed.

Especially as she still couldn't be sure who would answer the door this time.

Bracing herself, she took the final step and rang the bell, while simultaneously summoning all of her strength and will in order not to spin on her heel and run away at this most crucial point. She had been determined before, and that particular thing had not changed; however, the longer she waited on the steps of Taichi's house, the more she wondered why she was being made wait in the first place.

If Taichi was home... if he knew it was her and decided to ignore it...

Well, that would have been enough to discourage the fiercest soul, while at the time, Chihaya couldn't feel anything but the opposite of that.

She was vulnerable and she knew it; and the more time had passed, the more afraid she became of how – and when – her weakness might take over her eventually.

Right when she was about to give in to her anxiety and run away for real, the door opened to reveal none other than Taichi's dauntless mother. The sight made Chihaya's head spin a little, but she pulled herself together quickly, for once feeling that her quest was more important than any of the glares or remarks she may receive in return.

Bowing low before her host, she choked out desperately, "Please forgive me for the interruption. I need to see Taichi. Is he at home?"

She knew it was not a perfect greeting and certainly not judging by Mrs. Pressure's sky-high standards. Still, she could not afford more; every word she pronounced made her come closer to breaking apart again, and the last thing she wanted was to make a spectacle of herself before any of the Mashima family members.

She supposed it was inevitable when she finally stood face to face with Taichi, but that was no reason to let herself crumble before that time.

"Taichi is at the cram school, preparing for his exams." Reiko's cold, impassive answer roused her from her musing. "He'll be going there regularly this year. Has he not told you that?"

"I-" Chihaya stuttered ineloquently, which obviously earned her another stern look from Taichi's mother. She shook her head and straightened up, intent on not bringing even more confusion into this already difficult conversation. "I suspected he might be doing that. I know how serious he is about medical school... But the last few weeks have been a little chaotic for us all, so we didn't get to talk much."

Reiko raised an eyebrow at her.

"Chaotic, you say?"

"Yeah – yes."

"And that's what you need to talk to him about?"

Chihaya felt her heart speed up – the feeling all the more unexpected as at the same time, she could swear her blood had run ice cold in her veins – however, she remained unmoved. Gathering her courage once again, she raised her gaze to look the other woman directly in the eye and replied, "It is. So if... If you could tell me when you expect Taichi to be back home, I will be most grateful."

She waited breathlessly, her whole body itching to flee. Taichi wasn't there; he wouldn't be there for some time, hence, there was literally no point of her staying any second longer than absolutely necessary. She didn't expect his mother to be particularly helpful, either, given the kind of attitude she had always displayed towards her...

...and yet, she stuck around anyway.

As long as Reiko didn't tell her to give it a rest and go home, she would not retreat. As long as there was the tiniest spark of hope to hold onto, she would not back down.

"I don't know that," she heard her answer at last. "He was supposed to return more than an hour ago, however, he called me to say that he would be staying longer. Apparently he has found his tutor to be extremely competent, so he wants to make the most of it before regular school work kicks in too hard. I asked him when he intended to return, but even Taichi couldn't tell me that. I would not expect him for another hour, however, maybe more... So I'm afraid you won't be able to see him at all today."

"I... I see," Chihaya stammered in response, her voice barely above a whisper. "Thank you for telling me. I'll be on my way then. Have a good night, ma'am."

She bowed again and turned around at last, quiet and stunned, her whole posture slumping under that unwelcome new development. She shouldn't have been surprised – shouldn't have been upset. She had assumed that Taichi might not be at home before she'd even reached his household, and the view of his mother opening the door for her had only confirmed her suspicions. The fact that Taichi had decided to stay at the cram school and study longer was hardly astonishing, either – she'd known him long enough to expect nothing less from him.

He could be the most ambitious, most stubborn person she'd come across, if only he chose to be – and, while her own ambitions made her hot-headed and inattentive, her greediness always making her spread herself too thin... Taichi could still remain organised and composed, setting up plans and following them despite the many obstacles that came in his way.

And given how determined he seemed to burn all of his bridges and cut all the ties now...

Focusing on cram school seemed like the most obvious choice.

And yet, as unsurprising as it was, learning that particular bit of information still managed to leave her feeling empty, as if all hope, all expectations she had built up so far had been sucked out of her by the use of one simple statement. Up until the very last moment, Chihaya had hoped that she might still be able to speak to him that day – even if it meant wandering around the place for the next hour, waiting for Taichi to return, even if it meant going to her own home and then coming back after she received the news of him arriving.

Now, it was clear that neither was possible.

Behind her, she could hear the sound of a door closing. She had to bite her lip to stop it from trembling, but refused to show the signs of resignation that were slowly but surely taking over her. She told herself that it wasn't much of a deal; after all, she and Taichi still attended the same school so if she tried hard enough, she should be able to reach him without that much trouble. It would be difficult and awkward, what with all those people around them... But it wasn't impossible.

If they could reach Arata and get him to respond, then approaching Taichi surely had to be possible as well.

She was mere feet away from the pavement when she felt her phone buzz. It was more of a reflex than anything else, but she pulled it out anyway, not even bothering to guess who it was that was messaging her now. It could have been her mum, or Chitose, or maybe one of the karuta club members wanting to learn how she was faring – after all, just because she'd taken a break from the game and left the club didn't mean that they had stopped being her friends. It could have even been Arata, for all she cared, sharing more information about his own brand new team or asking about why she'd decided to leave hers...

Any other time, she would have had a million ideas as to who might have been the sender and responded enthusiastically to each and every one of them.

Right now, however, there was only one person from whom she wanted to hear.

Sadly, he was also the one person who sure as hell wouldn't have contacted her.

Only after turning the corner did she stop to look at the device in her hand, while silently praying that the message would not require her immediate response, and certainly not a lengthy or particularly eloquent one. She stopped short at the sight of an unfamiliar email address and the message that demanded no reply at all.

It was an address.

"But who would..." she whispered, bemused, her eyes once again glued to her phone screen and a message she'd had no reason to expect. Her question lingered in the air, unfinished as she reread the message, once, twice, three times. She knew the name of the street; the name of the institution mentioned also rang a bell, even if she couldn't quite put her finger on it yet. She nearly jumped when the device vibrated again, announcing the arrival of another message, and from the same person no less.

Taichi's cram school isn't far off from here, you should be fine going there on foot. I take it you can find your way there.

Chihaya's eyes were wide as she skimmed that most recent email, now more than ever astonished with what she was reading. Who could have sent her the address of Taichi's school and with a commentary so direct and – in a way – casual? And now, after she had just talked to his mother and was sent on her merry way? Was it Rika, Taichi's little sister, who had overheard the conversation and decided to help her out behind her mother's back? They weren't exactly friends, if anything, Chihaya would have said that Rika's attitude towards her was just as haughty and belittling as that of Reiko... However, if not her, then who?

Surely, it couldn't have been...

"Mrs. Pressure?!" she cried abruptly, and so loudly that the passer-bys on the parallel streets could be seen startling at the noise. As for Chihaya, her brow rose even higher when she'd shifted her gaze back to the enigmatic email address which under closer inspection proved to be that of Mashima Reiko, indeed. The sudden turn of events made her head go dizzy, just like the sight of the aforementioned woman had just a few minutes earlier.

So she doesn't completely hate me... Chihaya thought, a weak but warm smile blossoming on her overly tired face. Or at least, she doesn't think it would be harmful for me to see Taichi now, which on its own is a big thing. Or does she...

Does she realise how unhappy Taichi is right now and thinks I can help with that?

"Or maybe she knows he hates me and wants me to find out for myself," she added under her breath, her lips curving in a grimace. "I can never tell what that woman really thinks."

She shook her head again, however, ashamed of the reaction she'd just displayed, and even dared to voice. Whatever her intentions were, the message Reiko had sent was a huge help, for which Chihaya decided to remain eternally grateful, regardless of how her talk with Taichi went in the end.

Plus, there was something about that email, something she couldn't point out but felt nonetheless, which seemed much more like a blessing than a trap to her.

Maybe she was being a naive airhead again, but that was what she chose to believe.

"Alright, it's time for action then!" she told herself and slapped her cheeks, this time bringing to herself the attention of the fellow human beings walking down the street. Focused on her goal, she remained ignorant to their reactions and continued in the same manner, without a trace of hesitation in her, "If I get this right, Taichi is about twenty minutes on foot away from here. I can make it ten. I will make it eight!"

She broke into a run right then and there, not even bothering to put her phone away, and not because she thought she might need to check the address again. She was already late; she couldn't afford a second more.

She'd already screwed up so badly: when Taichi had confessed his love to her and she couldn't have brought herself to answer him openly; when they still practised together but she was too overwhelmed to respond even to the tiniest of signals; when she'd missed the moment when he'd made up his mind about leaving the karuta club; when she had ran after him when she'd finally learnt that but instead of trying to help and understand him, she'd once again focused on her own selfish needs and begged him not to leave her.

Day after day she'd gone on screwing up even more, unable to find the right words she should speak to him, or maybe simply having been too much of a chicken to approach him with the ones she'd had in mind.

He'd called himself a coward, while the only one deserving of that name was her.

I won't mess up again, she repeated to herself in between her long strides. I won't let my fears take the better of me. I'll get to you, Taichi, I'll find you and talk to you and make sure you hear every single word this time. So wait for me! Don't go home just yet, don't make me miss you again! I will reach you this time!

Her eyes were full of tears again, and not because of the wind and dust that blew in her face. She wiped them hastily, again and again, but it was of little use; and yet, while the dark smudges marked her cheeks, her smile grew wide, once again mirroring the hope that seemed to have left her. The faster she ran, the more tired she was, the greater and more positive the emotions that filled her heart became.

Taichi's words resonated in her mind but they were no longer a threat; somewhere along her feverish race they'd turned into a dare, a challenge she had to rise to. It wasn't going to be easy – she still couldn't give him the reaction he wished for, but she could at least face the truth of his feelings towards her and respond to that truth with a clear, honest answer.

He was her best friend in the entire world. And even if he still needed her to step away for a time, she refused to call it anything but a temporary change.

She was willing to give him space and freedom, if that was what he wanted from her – but she could not imagine a scenario in which she let their friendship end without putting up a fight first.

She wasn't capable of letting him go like this.

She was way too greedy for that.

And she cared for him too much.

"I love you," he had said. "I love the fingernails that you never grow. I love your fingers and your hair, and the mouth you open wide like an idiot. I love your face when you laugh. I love you."

He'd found so many ways to tell her the same, single truth, when he could have easily backed off. Taichi was clever, there was no way that he couldn't grasp her reaction from the very first moments of that stunned, hollow silence that had come over them because she couldn't have uttered a single word on her part. He'd known that she would not respond in kind, that she would not accept him, no matter how long he might have waited for her.

She knew their friendship meant the world to him, too, and so he'd had every reason to retreat and turn the tables again. If he had told her it was a joke – if he'd said that it was just a dumb prank and she was silly to take any of it seriously, she would have believed him.

And yet, he hadn't. In fact, he'd done the opposite, pushing forward until it was all out in the open. Every feeling he'd suppressed, every ounce of affection he'd spent years hiding from her, it was there; even if it hadn't resonated fully in his words, it'd still been reflected in his body, his expression, in the way he'd looked at her. Those big, bright eyes so full of tenderness she'd never been allowed to see, or maybe simply had failed to recognise.

"I love you, I love you, I love you."

He had given himself up, made himself completely and entirely vulnerable. Hers to take, and hers to reject. He had offered her his heart, even though he must have known how slim his chances had been.

She had taken that heart and crushed it, and hadn't even had the guts to tell him why.

She arrived at the cram school, one full minute before her proclaimed eight. She stood there for a while, panting, gasping for air she couldn't take well because she kept choking on her sobs. Her hair was a mess, long locks sticking out in all directions while her face was smeared with the mixture of her tears and the dust that had accumulated on her cheeks when she'd dashed towards her destination, the result only made worse by her constant rubbing when she'd tried to wipe the tears away.

She sure was glad that she wasn't wearing any mascara that day – though on the other hand, she very much doubted that it would have changed much.

Focus, she chided herself, simultaneously reaching up to comb her hair with her fingers and contemplating whether or not she should bind it. I'd say it doesn't matter how I look – I'm not here to make an impression, only to talk to him. But Taichi is perceptive... he will notice that something is wrong. And I don’t want him thinking about me today.

She took a deep breath, then another. She straightened up and squared her shoulders, readying herself in the same way she had before ringing at the Mashima residence earlier on, her left hand still buried in the maze of fair strands, while she rummaged through her bag with her right. Somehow, she managed to find a – moderately – clean towel that she could use to clear up her face. She got to work right after, still unsure of how much time she actually had, yet determined not to waste a second.

She didn't have a mirror to look into and make sure that she was presentable enough. She was Ayase Chihaya, a pretty nitwit who never remembered to carry anything that girls like Chitose (her own sister) or Hanano (her surprisingly supportive friend) would have deemed indispensable in a young girl's bag.

A true beauty in vain who couldn't even make sure that she looked decent enough when it mattered.

She heard a noise coming from in front of her and raised her gaze instinctively. With her eyes fixed on the front door, she pricked up her ears, waiting for another sound to come and carry the information she was so eager to learn. Was it Taichi that had made the first one? Was it because he was close to the door, preparing to leave? Or was the sound a random one, and not an announcement of his departure? What was the chance that it had been him that had made it?

She waited impatiently but no other noise came. She supposed it was to be expected – the one she'd heard before was probably caused by some incident, like someone walking into a trash bin, so definitely not something people did every day. Besides, even if it had been someone readying themselves to leave, what reasons did she have to think it would be Taichi she'd see come out?

It was foolish to expect him right after she'd got there.

Timing like that didn't happen in everyday life.

And yet, as if to refute her scepticism with a miracle that should not have been possible, the door cracked open, and she saw Taichi standing in it. With one hand on the handle and one foot over the threshold, his body was still mostly turned to the inside of the building as he said his goodbyes to whoever was in charge. Posed like this, he obviously couldn't see her; but it was only a matter of seconds before he turned again and crossed the doorstep, and then he would have no choice but to face her.

For what seemed like a hundredth time that day, Chihaya felt her heart slow down so much that it seemed to have stopped beating at all, only to pick up its pace with double force a short moment later.

She wasn't ready to meet him and yet, all she prayed for was that he wouldn't run away from her before she could tell him what she had come to say.

Lost in her pleading, she instinctively closed her eyes and thus missed the very moment she'd been so anxious to come upon. It was right after her eyelids closed and her head lowered in a small bow that Taichi did turn around and saw her – and she was too busy clenching her fists and muttering wishes to witness it.

Too much of a mess to properly greet him.

She didn't see the shock that reflected on his countenance when he recognised her. His widened eyes and raised brow, the slight gap between his parted lips, the way his cheeks flushed against his knowledge and will – it was all lost on her, not because she didn't care but because she cared too much.

They stood like this for a while: he, unable to speak because of his astonishment and she, so determined not to miss her chance that she'd become unaware of the world around her. If Taichi had decided to walk past her, she wouldn't have noticed until he was a good few metres behind her.

She would have missed the chance the Heavens had granted her, and all because she was so afraid of that very thing happening.

And yet, the same Taichi who had done his best to ignore her at school – the same boy she'd expected to flee at the sight of her or at best, to say his 'hello' coolly and leave her behind right after – the same boy still stood at the top of the stairs that led to the building, eyeing her cautiously, unhurriedly, as if it was both the first and the last time he'd been given the chance to look at her like that.

His face showed a full range of emotions, from surprise to confusion, to anger, to eagerness, before he eventually managed to summon his trademark stoicism and successfully hide all of those feelings behind a mask of indifference he'd been forced to wear before her so many times before, for both their sakes.

Lost in her thoughts, Chihaya didn't see any of that.

"What are you doing here?" he asked. The simple question was enough to make her bubble pop and spatter into a thousand million drops, a soft, warm mist that now fell down around her. "Shouldn't you still be at school, studying? Or I don't know, at home?"

Unlike the burning feelings swirling inside her, Taichi's words were cold, icy even. His tone bore no emotion and his face was, yet again, an inscrutable mask, one that she'd come to hate so fiercely, because she now knew how much was hidden underneath.

"Why, Taichi? Why do you do everything alone?"

Why don't you trust us?

Why don't you trust me?

He hadn't trusted her before – how could she expect him to trust her now?

"I couldn't focus in the library," she replied, a little too fervently, just like she always did. "I tried for hours, but I wasn't learning anything."

Taichi turned his head away, huffing. "Nothing new there. But that hardly explains why you are here."

"You weren't at home. Your mum gave me this address."

"And why were you at my home of all places?" he asked again, his aloofness fading away a little in favour of genuine curiosity, although it was clear that he still wanted to keep some of his walls standing. "You haven't been there in ages, it's not like you've had a chance to leave something behind and had to pick it up. And no offence, but hell will freeze over before my mother invites you for a chitchat."

"I wasn't there to see your mum," Chihaya answered him. Her gaze was still locked with his and her chin was raised high, as if she'd wanted to prove that his frigid responses weren't enough to intimidate her... but her voice was quiet and certainly not as firm as she would've liked it to be. Still, she kept going. "I came to see you. And you weren't there."

"But why?" Taichi wouldn't give up. "Why didn't you just look for me at school today? Or, if it was more recent, why not tomorrow? Gosh, Chihaya, you could have called me..."

"Don't you act as if it was so easy to catch you between classes," she replied with annoyance, her usual fire kicking in again. "I barely see you at all. And it's not something I want to talk about on the phone, either."

Silence fell over them again, Chihaya's words still echoing between them. She was looking at Taichi now, and so this time, she could see the change in his features perfectly. The alterations weren't big: a slightly more focused gaze, the most insignificant narrowing of his eyes, the fingers that twitched as if they'd been about to curl into fists but were stopped violently at the very last moment.

Her own vision had never been anywhere near as good as her hearing; she wasn't the most observant person, either. In fact, most of the time, she was downright oblivious...

And yet, she hadn't missed any of his microexpressions this time.

"Stupid," he said eventually, thrusting his hands into the pockets of his trousers and fixing his eyes on the ground before him. "What could you possibly have to say that I need to hear in person?"

And there it was, the susceptibility he'd been trying so hard to conceal but failed to do so in the end, not because he hadn't worked hard enough but because Chihaya's senses made it impossible for her to fall for any pretence on his part. It wasn't just her hearing, or just the fact that she'd known him for years, or even that she was more concentrated now than she had been in the toughest, most demanding of matches – but the combination of all those, additionally supported by her own enhanced sensitivity, that had made it possible for her to see through his defences more clearly than when he had taken them down for her himself.

She did it against his will and against his wishes, and somehow, it worked miraculously.

"You're not a coward!" she exclaimed with as much passion as she could muster, loudly, confidently, despite the tears that were once again gathering in back of her eyes and the tightening of her throat that she couldn't have prevented. "You said you wanted to become someone who isn't one, but that would mean that you are a coward now, and must change to achieve that. And I refuse to believe that!"

She inhaled sharply and blinked in order to keep the annoying, salty drops from falling down too soon. Her golden irises shone with tears and zeal alike; captivated by the vision, Taichi failed to use his only chance to interrupt her speech this time.

"You're not a coward," she repeated, with the same tenacity ringing in her tone. "Even if that's what you think you are, or what you were back then... It doesn't matter anymore. It's all in the past, Taichi, because you have already changed. Without even realising it, you've grown, so much that sometimes I catch myself not recognising you, regardless of how long we've known one another. Just those last two years we spent together prove beyond doubt that you couldn't be further from giving in to your fears and giving up, which is exactly what cowards do. You're ambitious and determined, and you don't let failures get in your way.

"And if you still think this isn't enough," she picked up after another short pause. "If you still need evidence greater than that... Then know that telling me about what happened when we were in sixth grade – telling me about what really happened to Arata's glasses, and after all these years... That is the greatest sign of courage to me."

She didn't say anything else, letting her words reverberate, not expecting to receive an answer to her ardent, most heartfelt speech, but leaving it for Taichi to discern and interpret for himself. She hadn't come here to argue with him, after all. The subject was still too sore for them both and besides, she knew that no discussion could do them any good.

She'd come to meet him to tell him this one specific thing, because something in her had told her that it was important and that Taichi should be allowed to hear it as well. It was the one burden she could lift from his shoulders and therefore, she had to. She knew that, compared to all the misery she'd caused him, it was not even a beginning of repayment... However, she had to do something.

She wasn't going to do more, though. She wasn't wanted here anymore, she wasn't needed. She'd fulfilled her quest and was not eager to cross the boundaries again.

Slowly, attentively, she bowed her head and cast down her eyes, a silent 'goodbye' that was better left unsaid.

Then she turned and walked away towards the gate.

It took all of her strength not to break into a sprint again.