#no i aint doing another one bc im tired hahaha

[torialefay]

Thank you for saying what ive been thinking omfg.

Chris does everything he can. There's very few people in kpop that exudes the vibe that they love music and making music as much as he does. Being an idol is what he worked so hard to get and im pretty sure hes implied time and time again and even explicitly said that he wouldn't want to live if he couldnt be an artist (and that bleeds into shy he loves the kids so much, but thats veering off topic). Im just constantly baffled how many people want him to throw it all away (bc idk how harsh jype would punish him), you know, just tossing out his reason to live, to talk about the war. Yes, absolutely. There are so, so many people dying because of this war, and its truly horrifying, but how many people screaming at him are willing to do what they're demanding of him and the kids? I always see people talking numbers and statistics, but rarely do i ever see someone talk realism. There are plenty of people who could spend their time going out to find ways to help Palestine instead of going online to yell at 8 men who got famous for their music and anyone who supports them. Some of yall have never listened to "antivist" by bmth and it shows.

Yeah, Chris looked so tired in that recent clip and just in general tbh (same for the rest of the kids). Everytime i see a clip of Chris when he said "im going to protect every single one of you" or when hes being super flirty and trolling or recently when he said he cant fix all of their problems, i just think "this man is going through what i went through, just 5 years later than i did." I literally have done all that, but instead of to a massive fanbase, it was to my friends, lmao. Being fiercely protective and wanting your friends to feel comfortable enough to lean on you, especially since they've been so good to you, but its turned into exhaustion bc you met some people who took mad advantage of your love and now youve gotta set some boundaries and limits. Unfortunately, he's an idol, so setting hard boundaries can be difficult without someone saying he's too cold and uncaring with fans or something bc we know just how fair the media can be when it comes to Chris🙄 i aint know him personally and never will, but if my interpretation of those clips are true and if this trend continues, he'll hopefully find peace and a decent balance with mental health in about 5 years time🥲

i really REALLY hope so. i'm not gonna lie, it surprised me like a week or two ago when chris said on bubble: "i feel like my enfj is slowly becoming intj hahaha". literally going from what is supposed to be one of the most expressive & involved mbti's to one that is most associated with being less interactive and more reserved/cold when meeting people. i don't want to say intj's are hardened, i don't think it's like that. but maybe that they just have a harder shell. which makes me really sad. it makes me think he's getting so burnt out by being the one that's always there for everyone that he's slowly needing to draw back to himself.

i hope that whatever happens, he's becoming his most genuine self. but i also hope that he isn't turning one way or another simply because of what's been expected of him. he's so good to us & it hurts to think that he'd have to change bc of stays. but if it's not due to that, then i'm happy that he's doing what he needs to do & i hope he can feel okay with setting boundaries for himself 🫶🏼

[tinytigerrrr]

11 for 11 may 🙏, 15, 21, 23, 25, 28, 31, 38, 45, 48 😉 & 49!

11 for 11 may, my god bless you my friend!! <3 And Also THANKS FOR THE ASKS!! <33 Sorry it took so long I really wanted to take my time hehe c: 11. Describe your ideal day. I think my ideal day is sleeping in late, what for me is normal, around 12pm. Then I wake up, eat a good breakfast, sit with my cat on my lap for smtn like an hour. And then I go outside, bcs the sun is shining. I meet my friends and we go picknick somewhere in the sun beneath a few little trees. I buy smtn to drink somewhere because its very hot and ofc I forgot my drink. Its so refreshing and I feel so alive and the world is so beautifull. Me and my friends, we laugh a lot and just enjoy the good weather, the nice day and the little foods. And than at the evening we bbq or eat smtn else nice, and have a good evening. We sit outside for a while, feeling the summer evening becoming cooler. We watch as the stars come out and think to ourselves if we ever looked up at the same stars together in another life. And then when it’s really late, I go back home, feeling the cool breeze against my skin while I ride my electric bike. At home everyone is asleep so I walk in very softly and there I see my cat sleeping in the chair so I walk to her and bent over giving her a gentle kiss on her little head. She makes mmrrr sound and I tell her I love her and that I had an amazing day. After that I give her some food and I go to bed. Maybe take a showe bcs it was so hot today. And then I lay in my bed, tired but very fufilled after such a wonderfull day. Storing the happy memories in my head thinking how blessed I am with my life. As I fall asleep I feel gratefull for today and all the beautiful things that brought it.  Yeah, I think thats mu ideal day. Friends, good weather, sunshine, little food, laughter, love, my cat lucy, summer - yeah smtn like that c: 15. What is your favorite compliment to recieve? I like all kind of compliments. Im a sucked for compliments. I know I do a good job most of the time, but there’s just smtn in me that really likes the validation? I know I don’t need it. But it just makes my soul shine like: Ohmygawd thank you so much this makes me so happy D:. But If I had to think, I think I like the compliment saying I have a good energy or vibe the most. Bcs its so pure and real and not everyone can sense/say that. And you’re energy is not smtn you can fake or make more beautiful. So its such a sincere compliment, that I think thats my favorite compliment to recieve c: 21. Tell us about your music taste. Bro, this is a long one HAHAHA. But I will keep it short: ‘Diverse.’ I think that describes my music taste the best. Because I listen to A LOT of different things. Just what I feel like or in what mood I am. And one thing I also like a lot is when a song makes me feel ‘free’. As if im totally cut off from the world. Thats a really nice feeling music can give you. And ofc songs that make me feel things. Bcs often then I can use it as inspiration. So yeah, thats abt my music taste haha c: Also! I like it when songs have a deeper meaning. Idk why, but thats just megical c: 23. Did you have a favorite stuffed animal as a kid? OH I already answered this one so I will just copy and paste it here! c: ‘’ YES! I HAD. AND I STILL HAVE IT! I dont sleep with it anymore but it has a honorable place among my other stuffed animals. It is a cow, that is formed like a teddy bear so its more cartroony instead of animal like, her name is Koetjeboe and you could play a musicbox song of A Small World from Disneyland. It was my favarite soung and whenever I felt anxious as I child I would play it and it would sooth my soul and fill me with happyness. Aaah good times c: I also had a cat, named, Poes, she is very very very soft, well was, nowadays she aint HAHA she looked like my cat when I was younger, Sjimmie, I loved the plush. Mom bought it for me in England in the Harry Potter castle. It was amazing c: So, I kinda had two, but Koetjeboe the cow is rly my birth stuffed animal haha c:’’ 25. What dream trip would you take with your wife? Honestly, anywhere with her would be a dream. And if she has somewhere wehere she really wants to go, I would just go with that c: Seeing someone you love happy is such a gift so I totally wouldn’t mind going anywhere. That is also because I have so many places I want to go, and almost every place interests me. I can’t think of a country or city or place I am not interested in visiting. I always loved to travel, and still do, so anything would be good c: But if she’s like: Hey what do you want badly? I would probably say somewhere with a beach. I love the sea and I love the beach. So that would be a thing I would love too hahaha. But yeah, anything rly, and the beach c: 28. What makes you smile? Oh boi, what doesn’t?! HAHA. A lot of things make me smile tbh bcs I get happyness out of almost everything. I can remember that I was crying and felt sad, and even then I smiled because it was such a special experience haha. But if I had to say some things I would say; My cat Lucy, cant help but smile whenever I see her, my friends, you super included <3, sunshine, good food, baby animals and honestly just life in general c: 31. How do you show your love? Again, how don’t I? I learned at a very young age to show love in different ways. Bcs I wanted to be a good person. And one of those things is showing love. So I do it with words, saying I really love someone or giving them compliments, thats a big one for me haha. I also like to really support my friends through words. Just supporting them for whoever they are! I also like to give things. It can go from small presents to food to many or big presents on their birthday. Also I like to help people, to give them advice or agai support them any way I can. I also show it through physical contact, as in hugs ans such. And I even sometimes lean toward just really cuddling up to someone HAHAHA But I don’t do that tbh, bcs at the same time it makes me feel uncomfy, but at the same time im like: Ohmygawd I love yo uso much just lemme huddle up against you to share my love with you and ahfgs. So amny ways HAHAHA some more difficult for me and others really easy. Like presents or food, hit me up, imma get you some nice flowers or some sweets or a book you really like bcs I love yu!

38. Who do you admire? Myself *smirk* HAHHA no kiddin. I admire my friends. Because those people have been through hell, or still going through hell, and still decide to be genuine good persons. I’ve seen from upclose what they have to deal with. And they still give so much love tot he world and people and want to help. Its really a blessing to have people like that around me. And I thank the heavens for that. So I would say my friends. Yes. (pls know you are in this picture too. Hello, going through hell still being super good person, ok.) 45. Do you have tattoos or want any? Yes, I have one underneath my feet. HAHA oke jokes, sorry HAHA. No I don’t have any. And I would like one yes. Im not sure what I want tho. I am always thinking of a tiger. Or a lotus flower. Or a little symbol on the inside of my left wrist. That last one I smtn I’ve had for years. I dont know why but I would really like that. A small thing on that place. But what that is gonna be, I have NO idea. OH and I want a smilie face underneath my big toe! Thats just one for fun, but I would rly like it haha.

48. Did you know you’re actually a gift tot he world, for real? IM NOT CRYING YOU ARE *SOB* Thank yo uso much frend!! It means so much to me to hear that I just can’t. My gosh. When I see yu imma hug ya big time. SOB 49. What’s your favorite memory? Ooh this is a hard one. Mostly because I have many good memories and also because Im actually pretty bad at remembering things HAHHA thats two opposites I know xD But uuh, oke I thought about it, but im so sorry i cant think of one RIP. But if I had to choose I would choose smtn that made me smile. That made me really happy. So one with Lucy, many with Lucy, or one with my friends, many with my friends, with my mom, traveling, and so fort. There are a lot and I wish i could show them all to you. Sadly I can’t. BUT We can make our own favorite memories. So lets do that, okay? <3

[matsunjun]

HELLO So I haven't updated in so long bc well been crazy busy during and after AX. But let’s spare all the details on that one, and just go straight to the most recent crazy adventure I had.

It was a Tuesday afternoon when I arrived to work at the Westminster branch. I was scheduled to work there from 12:15pm to 9:15pm. Not the best shift at a not so best location, but I learned to deal. As soon as I got there, office was not going well--Loopy (I now call LG that bc she’s loopy), had barely started diamond testing, when manager, LMD, was looking for the register. Loopy had forgotten to take it out, probably bc she was busy training new girl, so I brought it out for her. Then it clicked--this means she hasn’t counted Buy Gold Cash/Check or the registers. So, I did that for her. Next, I went through the emails and saw there was a transfer request from Home Office, so I got started on that. I found all 9 items and already started the whole transfer, when LMD got a call from DM, Mr. J. He was asking for me to go help out another branch in San Clemente. I have no idea where tf that was, and thinking it was nearby, I went ahead and said okay. 

Anxiety started to creep up on me as I asked LMD how far it was. She told me that she was told it was only 30min, and I was like oh ok, that’s basically how far I drive to this branch. But as I mapped it...it was.....30min by freeway...by local streets, it was about an hour and a half. INSTANT REGRET AND PANIC. LMD knows I don’t take the freeway, and so she told me to make sure to charge for mileage. I cry. So as soon as new girl returned from lunch, I took off. I set it on my GPS and began the travel there. It was local streets, so it was well and good UNTIL...WHERE TF DID THE CITY GO?

like NOOOO THIS IS A NOOOO BAD IDEAAA. The whole time I was panicking to WS, and joking for him to just come pick me up at work (and he actually said ofc, what time u get off?). And he said he’d pick me up, Uber to his car, then go home--which was ridiculous so I told him no and that I was kidding. The drive there was long and I was freaking out so it made me extra tired.

I finally got to the branch, and met 2 Sales people. They had no office and immediately showed me a receipt they printed---in landscape. They managed to fix it after several tries, and I saw the bundle of receipts lol. I tossed it bc they didn't need it. I went to my break shortly after I got there bc well---I was technically working since noon, and it was around 3:30 when I arrived there. After break, I did my best as an office person to get them all caught up on paperwork, emails, etc. Apparently they've only been open for 3.5 weeks, but their manager was on vacation and their office manager was on an 8 day vacation, too. I was like uh who tf would do that to a brand new store? it makes no damn sense. Anyways, at the end of the night, we were packing up and the salesperson I closed with, PGS, told me I packed the stuff better than others who have come to help out--even managers and district managers. That gave me a bit of an ego boost lol. :>

Anyways, on the way home was when shit hit the fan lmao. It was a long way home....in the dark. boiiiii BOIIII. I was so fucking terrified. I was at the highway, a lone car going 60-66mph on a winding road. Like I recorded that shieeet

NOOO MAN U SEE THAT? The furthest ive driven was 26min local street. THIS WAS A HUGE JUMP AND WAY OUT OF MY LEAGUE. In the video I was actually whimpering but hahaha. And ANNND, my music turned off and my gas light went on at this time, which FREAKED ME OUT EVEN MORE. Because I don't know where I am, I don’t know when I get back to fucking civilization and get to a gas station. What if I ran out of gas right there??

My fear/anxiety got so bad that I start to feel my body get paralyzed. My hands started feeling numb and started locking, so did my legs and my stomach area. WHICH MADE ME FREAK OUT MORE bc how can I drive like that! I drove faster hoping to get out of nowhere and hit a city. Once I start seeing other cars and little places, I immediately put a stop on my GPS for a gas station. I was legit crying at this point, hyperventilating, even. I made it to a gas station--one other car, no convenience store/people (which also scared me), so I had to pay in card. $30 gone for a full tank. As soon as I got in the car I just rested and called WS bc I was too scared and I don't have music as bg noise. He stayed with me til I got home. ;__; Which was at around 10:14pm (I left work at 8:30pm).

never aGAIN MANNNN NEVER

AND I STILL HAVENT GOTTEN THE STARTING HOURLY PAY I ASKED FOR HMPH

Today (well yesterday), Mr. R said Mr. J was telling him that he commends me for my hard work and for helping out at Westminster and I guess San Clemente, BUT WHERE IS THE PAY RAISE.

ALL THESE MANAGERS FROM ALL THESE LOCATIONS BE PRAISING ME AND SHIT BUT I AINT GOT NOTHING TO SHOW FOR IT

/SIGH

IM TIRED