#no but the only changes yall shld rly notice is that i might rb ninjago stuff or my irl's stuff sometimes

[benny-the-spaceman]

kinda wanted to talk abt smthn that's been bothering me lately but uhhhh i got a little longwinded and ik this isnt what most ppl come to my blog for so it's under the cut (for summary purposes it's mostly just me talking about how my ocd has been botherin me lately, nothin about anyone, just personal struggle ya feel? (: )

eugh, i hate ocd. i know i havent rly talked much openly abt it in a hot minute but it has been makin this acc difficult to manage sometimes, esp in regards to what i want to do and post. i keep thinking people hate me or dont want me to talk/interact with them for quite literally no reason, and it's the worst thing in the world. most of this isnt something youd see just looking at my blog, but it's completely changed how i post. i get rly nervous adding tags to posts or leaving comments/asks, i feel like if i post things that dont fit into very specific categories that people are gonna be annoyed and/or mad at me, and probably the dumbest thing, ive been struggling to post art at a time that isnt between 3-5 because im afraid that ill be breaking an arbitrary routine that i made up in my head which is obviously the end of the world (it feels like it for me). now, ive been working on these things. ok maybe not that much but im trying. and im not looking for reassurance or comforts or anything, ive lived with ocd my whole life, i know i can and will work through this. quite honestly, i just wanted to verbalize my feelings in some way here because it's uncomfortable to do so, and i know it's gonna make me anxious to do so, and i need to use this as a way to push myself to be uncomfortable. i want to stop obsessing over stupid details that no one except for my anxiety cares about and i want to be able to talk to ppl on here like a normal person again instead of feeling like i need to say or do very specific things lest people hate me for,,,,nothing? gotta love ocd logic. so i guess in some ways im using this post as a way to hold myself accountable, hope yall understand and also thank you for reading this far if you did, everyone in this community that ive interacted with has always been great, and i hope that i can continue talking to ppl here in the future (: