#no but I'm so jealous of that man because he had hannibal inside him😭

[ajokeformur-ray]

No but I'm jealous of the man in the back of the ambulance in season one who Hannibal saved. He was really there with his sleeves hastily rolled up, his fringe in his eyes, his hand deep inside someone, holding a vital organ and keeping someone alive with his grip.

Feeling those long fingers inside, wrapped around one of your organs, his deep and measured breathing as his grip flexes every now and then, making sure he doesn't let go of you, making sure you don't bleed out, his keen sense of smell better than any medical equipment he could use in that moment as a diagnostic for whether you'll survive this or not.

Those hands, which have killed more than he will ever openly admit to anyone other than Will Graham or himself, now cradling an essence of life with the intent to save, with the intent to be the doctor he used to be.

Hannibal's wrist dripping with your crimson blood, which rolls off and drips to the ambulance floor, the harsh artificial light above him makes him seem like an angel with a halo... An angel of death.

You feel him deep inside you, your body's pain both at the forefront of your mind yet also so distant, like you're not in your own body. The shock is nature's anaesthetic, a strong contribution to your survival. Internal organs should never meet sunlight. Hannibal is holding you, his dark brown eyes watching your every move. He savours every breath you take, knowing he's the only thing preventing you from dying. If he lets go, if he loosens his grip, if he so much as twitches a finger... You may die. You will die.

Hannibal gets drunk off the power, and his head tilts ever so slightly to the right as he decides to do as he was asked by Jack Crawford and act in your best interests. He will not kill you. But he considers it, and at least six of those methods he could choose right now make him smile.

But the world, and his reputation as a medical and psychiatric professional, are better if you survive this, and so he stays and he watches you, making sure you don't die.

You will always be able to feel the ghost of his grasp inside you, and nothing you ever do will quite feel the same. You'll spend the rest of your life chasing that feeling, wanting Hannibal so far inside yourself that only someone who opens you up could touch where he did, and a part of you will wish he had killed you. He will never be able to hold you that closely or intimately again... It's an ache like no other.

Hannibal will always wonder how your last breath would have tasted if he had chosen to let you die in that ambulance. The sorrow of a life unlived would have been bitter, he thinks, yet also some kind of sweet.

When Hannibal was able to let you go once more help arrived, he could feel you in the palm of his hand for hours afterwards, the ghost of you kept him company all night long, and he almost mourned the dishes he could have made with you.

Almost.