#no I am not qualified to say anything about horror cinema do you understand how much I HAVEN'T watched?

[gretchensinister]

Do we all know about that hobby/interest level where you are both aware that you know WAY, WAY more than the average person about the thing, but you don't want to say you're an [X] fan or you're into [X] or know a lot about [X] because, being in [X] circles, you also know/know of at least a dozen people whose interest/knowledge surpasses yours by like 10 orders of magnitude?

I don't have anything to say I just think this phenomenon is kind of funny

[nobody-wants-ice-cream]

Everything Wrong With The Umbrella Academy. Episode 8, I Heard a Rumor.

This episode is particularly brutal. Warnings include child abuse, domestic abuse, suicide, rape, gore, and manipulation. Keep yourself safe.

We Only See Each Other at Weddings and Funerals

Run Boy Run

Extra Ordinary

Man on the Moon

Number Five

The Day That Wasn’t

The Day That Was

Disclaimer: This is all in good fun! I wanted to do a really nitpicky re-watch of the series and found some really cool and interesting things I didn’t notice before. This is meant to have a Cinema Sins-esque tone. However, I did take off a lot more sins than Cinema Sins would have because I do genuinely like the series and the people that made it possible. So all of the good things got one sin off and all the bad things got one sin added. This is a really long post, so grab some popcorn. If there’s anything that I missed, feel free to add it!

I would also like to add that normally you wouldn’t watch a show this way. I am purposefully looking for mistakes, easter eggs, and other things that we’re not supposed to notice. I am watching not with the goal of entertainment, but for analysis. So most of the things that I sin, I am seeing for the first time.

Also, no I can’t do better. I am in no way qualified to give this level of criticism about anything. I am not taking this seriously. At all. 

I Heard a Rumor

Stormy Weather by Etta James. I adore this song. When I first watched the show I was so happy when this song came on.-1

I am also taking a sin off for the Emmy Raver-Lampman version -1

It looks like Allison genuinely adores her daughter. And Claire’s bedroom? I would want to have that room now and I am at least ten years older than her. -1

Speaking of, how old is Claire? Sin until we have answers. +1

The animations for the story of The Umbrella Academy defeating the robbers at the museum. -2

“While your Uncle Klaus got a little distracted.” What did Klaus do on missions again? +1

Allison carefully censors the mission so she is still telling the truth but doesn’t actually say that Diego used knives or that Ben used the horror to (presumably, we don’t know how much control Ben had) kill four people. Good job. See Reggie, this is how you don’t traumatise your kid with violence. -1

“Their leader.” Looks suspiciously like a villain from the comics. -1

“I wanna hear the one about the Eiffel tower.” Me too, Claire. Especially since the magazine clips we see suggest Five was there this time. -1

Mind control. ON A CHILD. This is what bothers me the most about Allison as a character and I am glad that she is moving past it. However, in no universe can I let this go. Depending on how Allison used it, Claire’s emotional control could be fucked for life. +40

Patrick behaves like a rational human being and doesn’t blow up at Allison for this in front of their child. He also divorces her in order to keep said child safe. Good. -1

“I heard a rumor you love me.” Who did she say this to? It doesn’t matter who, it’s still disturbing, but oh dear God who did she say this to? I think this is the second most fucked up thing we hear Allison say after the rumoring Claire scene. +10

Allison is going 120 kmh, or 75 mph, in the rain. If you have ever driven a car in the rain then you know exactly why I am sinning this. For those who don’t know, google hydroplaning. Allison could have died here very, very easily. +3

Title screen on a billboard! I forgot how cool the episode 8 title screen was. -1

Allison doesn’t bring her proof with her when going to confront Vanya, who has been shown to be irrational when it comes to Leonard. +1

Bird jumpscare. +1

“They want me to come back tomorrow be fitted for a prosthetic eye”. Leonard places emphasis on the words “prosthetic eye” to remind the viewers that Leonard is bad news. Good acting choice. -1

Leonard’s clothes look freshly bloody when the blood should be several hours old and therefore a more rusty brown color than a bright red. I think. I don’t know if that’s how it works with such large amounts of blood. +1

Luther’s bed is now magically big enough to fit both him and the rave girl. +1

Luther’s reaction to the rave girl. Rewatch this scene to get such a laugh at Luther’s face. -1

How out of it was Luther vs the rave girl? Consent issues on both sides. +3

Luther treated the rave girl to some wine? Or cranberry juice? How thoughtful. -1

I really, really hope they were safe though. There is no evidence to imply they were safe. (If you don’t know what I’m talking about then you’re too young to be watching TUA). +1

Klaus is such a little shit. “Wakey wakey! Eggs and bakey!” while ringing the bell. Peak sibling culture is doing this sort of thing while knowing that the other sibling is NOT going to appreciate it. Also, Klaus deserves his revenge after last night. -1

The little wave the rave girl gives Klaus. -1

Go back and watch this scene. Holy shit this is so underrated. This is the funniest thing ever. -1

“He popped his cherry! Now you’re gonna have to marry her” -4

Klaus doesn’t remember his first time. Consent issues. +3

“No dilly-dallying, alright?” I love Klaus. -1

Klaus makes french press coffee for Luther and Ben. Klaus is a good brother. -1

I would kill to see Ben’s reaction to Luther and the rave girl. +1

Five snatches Luther’s coffee and not Ben’s, ya know, the guy who can’t drink the coffee. And is invisible. Five is a dick to Luther or Five wanted to be a little shit to Luther after having to hear him and the rave girl. Either way, +1

He steals the coffee and he complains about it. +1

Ben! -1

“This is a bad idea” no shit. +1

The awkward pauses where Ben is presumably speaking don’t make sense here. +1

The camera trickery used to make Luther look like a giant compared to Five. -1

Five knows where the aspirin is “top shelf next to the crackers” because he was also hungover. I think. I can’t remember if FIve stopped back at the house, but presumably he and Luther had to go there to get the car. -1

Luther still isn’t getting up to get the aspirin even though he can listen just fine while getting it. +1

Ben adding to the dramatic tension of the scene in a uniquely humorous way that only this show can pull off. -2

Luther doesn’t believe Klaus about Reggie’s suicide. What reason would Klaus have to lie about this, Luther? +1

Five believes him right away. -1

Convenient Pogo backing up Klaus is convenient. +1

This has nothing to do with this very dramatic and important scene, but the mismatched chairs, while cute, don’t appear in any other scene. +1

Five calls Reggie a “sick bastard” under his breath. That’s one way to describe him. -1

Pogo kept this secret for a long time. Not telling the kids was a strange choice and I’m not sure why Pogo made it. On one hand, he would be respecting the wishes of his creator and friend but on the other he would be helping these people come to terms with their father’s death. Pogo’s character motivations are strange and I don’t understand them. +1

Luther said it best, “there’s always choice.” +1

Random thought I had, where was Harold’s grandmother when he was being abused and then going to jail because he killed his abuser? +1

Leonard says some nice things in this scene. If we didn’t know how manipulative he was I would give him credit for this line. +1

Agnes looks adorable out of the Griddy’s uniform. Costume/hair people, you did good. -1

Agnes keeps saying things like “we aren’t in a rush” and talking about seeing three years worth of stops to remind us that there is no time. Hazel looks heartbroken by it. -1

Allison abandons her vehicle. Do not take driving advice from The Umbrella Academy, ever! +1

Allison sees a random scarf from several cars away and immediately connects it with Vanya. Does she also have super sight? +1

The first time we see Allison get recognized by a random stranger for her acting is eight episodes in. +1

Cheddar (the cop Allison is talking to) is so enamored by Allison that he stops doing his job correctly. +1

“Jackpine cove” who named these towns? +1

Allison and Five have the same little shrug when they finish telling terrible lies. -1

Allison is a terrible liar. +1

Diego is still in jail. They’re talking about transferring him upstate. This is really bad news. +1

“Did she use that word? Contentious?” The definitions of contentious all say the word argument. Beeman says that Diego and Patch had an argumentative relationship. This matters to Diego. Why? +1

This conversation was written by someone who doesn’t understand the connotation of the word contentious. +1

Beeman encourages Diego to escape and go on the run. Are all the cops incompitent on this show? You have Patch, who hasn’t pinned Diego for obstruction of justice despite the show implying that Diego has touched evidence he wasn’t supposed to many times, Cheddar, who is so distracted by Allison freakin’ Hargreeves that he forgets that taking her along to a murder case is unethical at best, and Beeman who straight up encourages Diego to escape from jail. That last one is definitely illegal. +10

The parallel between Five and Leonard reading something they aren’t supposed to have in the bathroom. Both the apocalypse file and the journal are red, too. This means something but I don’t have the analysis skills to really go into it. If anyone wants to take a crack at it, go ahead. Sin removed because I know this is smart even if I can’t figure out why.-1

Vanya’s training implies that Reggie has been training these kids hard since they were at least four years old. +7

Current Sin Count: 73

Reggie doesn’t praise Vanya for breaking the glass, he just demands that she does it again. Say it with me now, Reggie is a dick. +1

Leonard straight up uses the word extraordinary. Sigh. +1

The description for how Vanya’s powers work (concentrate on a constant sound until that’s all you can hear and then use an emotional connection to target) is surprisingly good. This is the best description of somebody’s powers we’ve ever gotten in this show. -1

Klaus is attempting to get the yarn on the needle and failing miserably. This is one of the simpler, if tedious, things we do in knitting. Therefore, it is completely understandable how a beginner can’t make heads or tails of it. -1

Five is still injured. The old man walk gives it away. +1

Five treats Klaus like a second in command. I want more of this duo. -1

“So how’d the crazy bastard actually know to kill himself a week before the end of the world?” We would all like to know the answer to that question. Five would be excellent at cinema sins. +1

“Don’t answer, that was purely rhetorical.” Nice cop out, show. +1

Reggie used The Apocalypse to make his kids do the dishes. Checks out. +1

Five and Klaus bond over hating doing the dishes and the person making them do the dishes. Sibling culture. -1

“Where have you been?” “Jail. Long story.” The looks on Klaus and Five’s faces! -2

Vanya breaks the monocle. Good job, kid. However, if you know the comics then you know why I am mildly concerned about this. -1

“That will conclude your training for the time being.” Meaning the next 25 years. Reggie, you suck. +1

Now Vanya’s powers are a bit more vague and imply that she has super hearing. +1

Leonard’s training routine actually includes some praise, which is a step up from Reggie. However, a step up from Reggie is still someplace in hell, so it’s still a sin. +1

It’s also a sin because it’s uncontrolled and Vanya is afraid of it, yet Leonard keeps pushing her. +1

Leonard uses the kind of language Reggie would use to describe Vanya’s powers. Checks out because he read Reggie’s book and is using his ideas to train Vanya. +1

Helen Cho’s missing person poster reminds the viewer that Leonard is bad news. +1

Vanya plays for the St. Pluvium Chamber Orchestra. First of all, no they have a conductor. +1

Second of all, “Pluvium” means of or relating to rain. The Umbrella Academy fights against the leader of the rain orchestra in episode 10. Who came up with that pun? That is absolutely hilarious. -1

Based on a post by @seven-valid-libras I think Griddy’s is across the street from this bar? I am not 100% sure. If it is then that’s a sin off because Agnes definitely has a bunch of drunk people coming in for doughnuts every now and then. I lowkey want to write this fic. -1

“Maybe they’ll brood each other to death” Is this a reference to the fact that Luther and Diego were both too emo for umbrellas in episode 1? -1

I feel so bad for Luther right now. Reggie really fucked with his head. +1

After hearing that Vanya’s boyfriend is a convicted murderer, Luther is more concerned for Allison than he is for Vanya. +1

Diego’s face when Luther says “you should have led with that!” [the fact that Allison went after a convicted murderer alone] -1

Luther is right. Diego should have led with that. +1

Luther breaks the door in his rush to get out of the bar. Checks out. -1

Mary J. Blige. -1

The shop is closing because Agnes is leaving? Who owns Griddy’s? +1

And if the shop is closing, then why leave doughnuts on the shelf? Are they gifts for the other waitresses who are now out of a job? +1

Agnes keeps a flamingo (presumably, scented) candle in a bakery. +1

Cha Cha was way too close to that explosion to not get some scratches at the very least. +1

Sergeant Cheddar is letting Allison stay in the room while he interrogates Mr. Luntz (the man that survived Vanya’s powers). +1

What kind of person allows themselves to be hired by some guy in order to beat him up in front of his girlfriend? Who does that? Are there people like that who exist in real life? +1

Allison doesn’t get pissed off when Luntz says that they started to hurt the girl (Vanya) too. +1

Sgt. Cheddar finally gets pissed off with Allison after she starts leading Luntz. This took way too long. +1

“What I really need to do is practice,” said every musician ever. Including me. As I’m typing this I’m putting off practicing. Vanya is calling me out. I deserve it. +1

Also, Vanya just got first chair and so far she still hasn’t learned the solo the day before the concert. That is such a mood. -1

The cracks in Leonard’s personality are finally starting to show. If Harold was smart he would let Vanya do this without attempting to manipulate her into more practice. +1

Vanya left her violin propped up in the middle of a sofa. That is a broken violin waiting to happen. +1

Where is her rosin? Don’t tell me she reuses the same rosin and doesn’t clean her instrument. Please. +2

Leonard doesn’t tell Vanya where he will be going. He just sort of leaves without a note. This would be fine if this universe had cell phones, but it doesn’t. Leonard is a dick. +1

Agnes would like to spend her (Hazel tells her it’s hypothetical but we know it’s not) last two days on Earth with Hazel. That is so sweet. But also, they met less than a week ago. +1

This is the turning point that makes Hazel an active character that wants to stop the apocalypse. Finally some character motivation that makes sense! Whoop! -1

They Call Me a Fool by Damon is another one of my favorites from the soundtrack. What can I say, I’m a sucker for jazz. -1

There is a parallel between Five leaving Vanya’s apartment and Leonard leaving her at the cabin. Her brother (whom I assume she loves) and the man she is infatuated with both leave her at some point without warning. The people who Vanya loves keep leaving her. +2

Vanya puts her violin down on a chair and lets the bow fall. Bows are expensive. +1

“I made a secret place just for you. None of your siblings get to play there.” Of course Reggie is framing it this way. He’s scared of her. +1

The further away from Pogo the camera is, the less real he looks. +1

Reggie and Pogo locked Vanya in this cage. +1

Vanya’s violin bow fell down but in the next shot it’s propped on the chair. +1

Sgt. Cheddar tells Allison to stay put but has no way to verify that she actually will. Also, if he’s such a fan then shouldn’t he know that she used to be a superhero? +1

Allison kept her proof about Leonard/Harold in the car again. +1

“I love you. And I wanna be here for you as your sister.” -1

“I love him.” Vanya you met him less than a week ago. +2

If there was ever a wrong time to bring up the fact that you took Vanya’s powers away and left her with a horribly low self esteem due to the poorly worded “I heard a rumor that you think you’re just ordinary”, it would be now! Now is the wrong time to bring this up! +10

Reggie used Allison to make Vanya powerless. Reggie is a dick. An absolute bastard. A complete scumbag. Etc. +20

Reggie has also been drugging Vanya since she was FOUR YEARS OLD. +50

Insert Reggie insults here. Feel free to come up with your own in the tags. Fuck this guy repeatedly with a rusty chainsaw. +20

Vanya is not in the right state of mind to understand that Reggie is the one that made Allison rumor her. +1

The final fight between Allison and Vanya is heartbreaking. Emmy Raver-Lampman and Ellen Page are excellent actresses. -5

Vanya’s skin keeps getting paler and paler. Foreshadowing. -1

This is the only time Allison attempts to use her powers in the show. To save her life. I would say that it is pretty justified. -1

Violin bows are not sharp enough to cut human flesh. Is this another part of Vanya’s power? +1

Gore warning! This is super fucked. Not gonna lie, I gag a little every time I see this.+4

Vanya is freaking out and then Leonard walks in. Vanya’s mental state is completely out the window at this point. +4

Leonard manhandles Vanya into letting her sister die (as far as they know) on the floor of the cabin. +10

Allison has definitely lost enough blood to kill her, yet she survives this. +1

Leonard went out to kill Luntz. +10

Nobody in the car (Five driving, Klaus shotgun, Luther and Diego in the back) is wearing a seatbelt. +1

Also, of these four people, Five is the most qualified to drive right now? Diego is sitting right there! And we saw Klaus drive the ice cream truck! Luther would have some trouble driving because he’s so large. But really?? +2

“Can you go any faster?” “Ask me again and I’ll burn you with the cigarette lighter.” The comic relief doesn’t really land here because the scene before was so dramatic and the music is still playing. To change the mood, the song would also have to change. +2

Independently, that is a pretty funny Grandpa Five line. -1

Including Ben in the scene where they find Allison bleeding out on the floor is a subtle reminder to the audience that if Allison was dead, Klaus would be able to see her ghost. The lack of a ghost means she is still alive. +1

Also, this scene has all the original members of The Umbrella Academy in it. Look how far they’ve come from the bank robbery. +6

No one is checking for a pulse right now. They’re just assuming that Allison is dead. +10

Overall Review: It goes without saying that this episode is fucking brutal. When I first watched it I had to stop and go do something else for a while because of the rumor reveal and the throat thing. That was really, really concerning. Props to Emmy Raver-Lampman. She fucking killed it this episode. If anyone was wondering if she was a good actress (ya know because of all the “come look at this” lines she kept getting) then this episode made it very clear that she can act and she does it very, very well. 

So, Vanya’s sanity is out the window, Allison is down for the count, and no one cares about the apocalypse right now. That last one is understandable because of Allison’s situation, but damn it really isn’t looking good for the Hargreeves siblings. 

Also, I want to talk about something. This is the last episode in which Allison and Vanya are both capable of speech. And in the eight hours we have known these two women, they have had multiple conversations. All of them have been about a man. Their brothers, their father, Patrick, or Leonard/Harold. Seriously, the two women in this show that are main characters never have a conversation that isn’t about a man. There is no excuse. With the fridging and this, you have to wonder if the writers on this show hate women or something? I don’t normally add sins post analysis, but I think I will make an exception for this one. +100

Total: 283

Sentence: Serious gore. 

[punkscowardschampions]

Libi & Bobby

Libi: I’ve just found my phone in the sea of costumes

Libi: How so many people need alterations and mending at this point 😱😱😰

Libi: I’ve got a… well, it’s not weird

Libi: but it is, but that’s not really the right word to describe it but I can’t think of said word so it’ll have to do

Bobby: Hang on, forget the play a sec

Bobby: What’s this message? 🤨

Bobby: is it the sender or what they said that’s making it feel weird?

Libi: That’s practically blasphemy Bobs! 😏 Mullans will have you helping Tom with his lines for that, poor boy… we’re all officially off book this week and he is not a little bit ready

Libi: Um, both?

Libi: I mean it’s Louie, so it’s not that weird he’d message me, I guess

Libi: We have messaged back and forth a bit, obviously, it isn’t totally random

Bobby: Sir would have to reckon I’m capable of something first, that’s a subject change though

Bobby: go on, what’s the but? What’s Louie said?

Libi: I was going on the assumption he’d forget you were deaf altogether and act like you’ll be able to hear Tom

Libi: He is quite loud in his delivery but still

Libi: 🙄

Libi: At least we have Ms Howe backing up all our other ideas

Libi: I think he’s asked me out on a date

Libi: Well I know because he said did I want to go to the cinema, to see that latest adaptation of Orient Express, and I thought he meant did we ALL wanna go so he corrected me when I started planning as such… which was awkward

Bobby: Mullan does dress a bit like you did when we met,‘course it doesn’t look as cute on him, but makes sense he’d also rob your 🔊 by chucking Tom at me

Bobby: well alright, awkward is the right word there, are you still gonna go?

Libi: I don’t know who that’s more insulting to 😂 shocking behaviour

Libi: I can’t really process it, I don’t know

Libi: Should I?

Bobby: Depends if he’s okay with you just going as mates

Bobby: he might be too 💔 and that’ll make it more awkward

Libi: It’d make the play really awkward

Libi: I’ve already put my foot in it with thinking it was a cast and crew thing

Libi: I can’t very well be like IS THIS AS FRIENDS as well, can I?

Bobby: 🤔 I dunno if there’s a way it wouldn’t be a 🤏 now but saying no and not making it obvious you still wanna be mates could mess up the play even more, you have gotta kiss, it’d probably be better if he don’t 💭 you think he’s gross or whatever

Libi: Right, maybe it sounds silly but I really do not want to jeopardise the play in any way, not at this stage

Libi: I really want it to go well for all of us, we’ve all put way too much work in for something like that to spoil it

Libi: I couldn’t just go, could I?

Libi: Not qualify it either way

Bobby: It’s not silly, everyone knows how invested you are, you’ve worked harder than any of us

Bobby: but you don’t owe the play going that far

Bobby: what are you gonna do, fake date him til after it’s over? Come on, Libs

Bobby: he must like you for real, one date would lead to him asking you out on another

Libi: I don’t think Jan would ever speak to me again if I stole the bit for such a pathetic reason

Libi: she’d judge me hardcore anyway and can’t have that

Libi: You’re right, I’ll have to let him down gently then

Libi: Whatever that sounds like…

Bobby: I know our lil 👰🤵 wasn’t legally binding but I’d rather you didn’t either

Bobby: I’d still be 💔

Bobby: for you, I mean

Bobby: Louie’s a bit

Libi: Is he?

Libi: I don’t really know him outside of the context of this play

Libi: like I didn’t know him before, I mean, obviously I’ve spoken to him as him now, a bit

Bobby: obviously I've had even less to do with him than you, but I've noticed when you're speaking to him as him you're not 😁

Bobby: even the 1 cinema trip might be asking a bit much of how 😇 you are

Libi: How much of an 😇 can I really be if I’m all 😒 😞 😔 😟 😕 🙁 ☹️ 😣 😖 😫 😩 🥺 😢 😭 😤 😠 😡 apparently

Libi: He’s a nice guy, I don’t know why I don’t want to date him

Bobby: In his pov or mine?

Bobby: I’d say your reaction is loads better than being unbothered, that’d make you really 😈

Bobby: anyway being a nice lad he’ll understand and it probably won’t be long before someone else does wanna go out with him

Bobby: you can’t force or properly fake 💘

Libi: He’s probably going to ask someone else, you’re right

Libi: it’s not a big deal

Libi: I could say you really wanna see it too, that would work

Bobby: It can’t be a massive deal, he hasn’t known you THAT long, not before the play, like you said

Libi: Totally

Libi: it’s not like he’s 💘 or anything, just interested

Bobby: Yeah, he’ll be alright and so will the play

Libi: Thanks, Bobby

Libi: even if I still need to think of what to message back

Bobby: Just be as honest as you can handle without 😳

Bobby: lying isn’t a top skill of yours and you don’t want him to work out you are

Libi: I can’t argue with you even if I feel I should

Libi: I’ll try my best

Libi: I might leave it for a 🤏 bit

Bobby: can’t fault you for it, and I won’t need to ‘cause it’ll be okay

Libi: A woman’s prerogative, so I hear

Bobby: deffo can’t argue with that, it’d have me coming across like a nice guy ™️ ❌👏

Libi: 😬 it isn’t lost on me that I friendzone Louie’s character in the harshest way by being a murderess

Libi: I won’t bring that up though, hopefully he won’t be thinking it

Libi: 🩸👠 isn’t an association I’d love to bring into my everyday

Bobby: I’m more 🤞 Mr Mullan doesn’t hear about art imitating life ‘cause you’ll never hear the end of it

Libi: Oh no

Libi: he’s so…

Libi: he’s a lot

Bobby: See, an 😇 way of putting it 😏

Libi: I can see why China and him get along, is a less polite way

Libi: but as true

Libi: she’d much prefer femme fatale over hysterical American

Bobby: It won’t kill her not to get her own way for once

Libi: It might drive poor America insane

Libi: How are her and Sean now?

Libi: I cannot believe I managed to put my foot in it like that, I felt awful but she wouldn’t hear it and if I tried to apologize to him he’d have thought I was meddling more than he probably already reckoned

Bobby: 💰 on her mates going insane 1st how often she must stay with some of them

Bobby: not that I blame her for not going home and you shouldn't blame yourself for anything that happens between her and Sean, he knows what she's like and what's been going on

Bobby: I guess they've sorted it? I dunno, have to go off their insta stories more than whatever he'd actually admit

Libi: I have been wondering about that

Libi: if I should more officially ask my grandparents/offer her the spare room

Libi: or if that’ll be insulting, or they might say we shouldn’t put ourselves into people’s family affairs

Libi: glad it’s not just me 😅 again, they’re hardly the only on-again-off-again couple around that I find totally perplexing so it’s no dig

Bobby: 🤔 I was 💭 the same but I wasn't sure if it'd be weird coming from me as a lad, especially if they're off again when I make the offer

Bobby: I reckon it's a good idea though if you're allowed to

Libi: I don’t think she’d take it that way but emphasis on the I part, I see how she could and why you’d be hesitant

Libi: I think the best way is to ask her first, if she would want me to then ask my grandparents… the potential disappointment if they say no is better than me doing the wrong thing and making it worse, right?

Bobby: Her sister has told me that lads and girls can't be mates so she would probably have loads to say which we can all do without

Bobby: 👍 getting your grandparents involved more than you need to when you don't need to isn't a 🥇💡 you're totally right

Libi: She would think that 🙄

Libi: guess it makes her feel better that Jake doesn’t want to be her friend

Libi: Cool, that’s the plan of attack there then, an easier message to send for sure

Bobby: 💔 Jake doesn’t know about Louie asking you out, it might’ve got him to back off 🤏

Libi: Or get him to do the same

Libi: Wow, that sounded really conceited 😲😅

Libi: You know what I mean though, more that he’s that type of lad than I’m that much of a catch

Bobby: you can still be a catch even though he's a dickhead but hey

Bobby: least if he does ask you you've already practiced a rejection text, type of lad he is isn't gonna take a no as easy 😬

Libi: Don’t jinx me!

Libi: He’d probably just send me a bootycall and expect me to jump, right? Ick

Libi: You don’t behave like that, do you Bobs?

Bobby: 😲❗️ can’t believe you’d ask me that Libs

Libi: Come on, you’re my only insight into what boys are like

Libi: it seems pretty par for the course, maybe not Jake levels of extreme but

Bobby: Soz I’ve got no insight into bootycalls

Libi: Okay

Libi: I’m not mad about that

Libi: that’d be a LOT to process about you rn

Bobby: I’ve got no secrets I’m keeping from you, especially not 💘🔐

Libi: 😊💚💜

Libi: Lucie has turned out to be less cute than I thought

Libi: IMO anyway

Bobby: what’s she said or done that you’ve not told me about?

Libi: Nothing compared to China, so nothing

Libi: I can see how they were friends though, before they dramatically weren’t

Libi: I wonder who Jake will choose, if he ever does

Bobby: I think he likes not choosing and keeping everyone dramatically in suspense 🙄

Libi: Begrudgingly admit he’s suited to his role in that respect

Libi: he’ll fall for someone totally out of left-field and leave both of them in the dust

Libi: if romcoms have taught us anything

Bobby: If it’s gonna be Am I better warn Sean

Libi: She hates him

Libi: which in certain stories WOULD make him 😍

Libi: but I can’t see it

Bobby: exactly it’s the plot twist everyone saw coming and the most obvious trope going, but thankfully we don’t live in a romcom

Libi: it does all feel a bit romcom rn, I think that must be what inspired Louie

Libi: not my preferred genre, tbh

Bobby: I’m alright with swapping Orient Express for whatever horror is playing, doubt he’ll be in another row of that screen waiting to spy on you

Libi: If anyone’s destined to be the stalker, right?

Libi: we better go, he’s not done anything wrong

Bobby: 📌📅 for when? How keen was he?

Libi: [Probably this weekend from whichever day he’s asked because keen is the vibe, sorry Louie]

Bobby: 👌😂

Libi: don’t be mean 😫😅

Libi: plenty of girls would be happy to go out with him

Bobby: Yeah and I’m not running him down to any of them, or you even really, I already told you I think he’s a bit

Bobby: 🤓🥀

Bobby: He gestures A LOT, is he one of those OTT doing shakespeare in the theatre type actors or what?

Libi: I guess the role is pretty...campy

Libi: I can see what he’s going for even if I’d suggest toning it down 🤏

Libi: It’s a good thing you aren’t slagging him off to the girls, he’d not stand a chance then

Bobby: Who am I that they'd be bothered what I think? Not ever asked or been asked, me

Bobby: and everyone knows the butler has always got a massive agenda anyway

Libi: Lots of girls think you’re cute though

Bobby: 😳

Libi: What? I can’t tell you you’re handsome

Libi: and that girls have obviously noticed that

Bobby: I guess 'cause I don't 👀 it I don't 💭 about it, I dunno but it's 😳

Libi: I get it

Libi: it IS weird when other people say it

Libi: @ Louie @ Jake

Libi: it’s not like when family say it but you know they have to say it, even if they mean it… 🤔 first and foremost it’s ‘cos they 💘 you

Libi: Saying we’ll get used to it sounds very big-headed but I guess it won’t freak us out as much from now on

Libi: 🤞

Bobby: I'm not sure there's a proper way for me not to get freaked out when other people notice me, even if it is only with their 👀 'cause I still forget I exist to them most of the time 🤷‍♂️

Bobby: but obviously the play was just the start for you, loads of lads are gonna wanna be more than mates with you everywhere you go, soon as they realise how great you are, so yeah, I better get used to that

Bobby: 🤞🤞 I find stuff to 📌📅 when you're on all these dates

Libi: Of course you exist to them! The school is just too bloody lazy to actually make it so more students can acknowledge and actually converse with you like everyone else 😤

Libi: though acting like they’re the issue when it’s actually the world at large is not helpful of me at all

Libi: Ha! I’ll still be sharing a stage with the likes of Lucie, I think the majority of the male population will find other places to look, Bobs 😏

Libi: Anyway, I’ll soon lose any points if I brush enough of them off like poor Louie 😕

Bobby: Alright, maybe I’m not fully 👥 but nobody knows me well enough for 💘

Bobby: and anyone who prefers Lucie knows literally nothing

Bobby: you’d score all ✔️ in everything that makes people 😁 and 😍 you’re not losing any points for Louie or Jake, don’t even worry

Libi: Yet

Libi: Pretty sure that’s the point of dating

Libi: not that I’m an expert on the subject 😅

Libi: you’re sweet

Bobby: You know what I mean, unless it’s a blind date you usually already know each other a bit, enough to be interested anyway

Bobby: nobody’s there yet

Libi: You want to start looking?

Libi: Lots of girls still like the boy to initiate, old-fashioned but works in our favour

Bobby: not my prefered genre either, it’s okay

Libi: 👍

Libi: We could go see the horror after, I’ve checked the times

Bobby: long as your nan doesn’t mind me keeping you out that late, I’m cool with it

Libi: She wouldn’t hold back telling you if she did by now

Bobby: True

Bobby: but don’t mention to Louie what a lucky escape he’s had there or he’ll fancy himself as Romeo next

Libi: Thank GOD we’re not attempting Shakespeare… what Lady Macbeth and the young lovers might inspire in everyone isn’t something I’m ready to find out yet

Bobby: he does put a silent character in most of his plays though, that’d make sir’s job of casting me well easy

Libi: let’s not make his job any easier

Libi: his creative ‘vision’ (as he puts it, I would never) is lacking in well, any creativity

Libi: casting potential included, of course

Libi: I think we’ve all made the best of though, don’t you?

Bobby: What you’re saying is, where’s the blind-deaf solidarity if he’s gonna keep his 👀 shut the whole time 😏

Bobby: *you’ve made it loads better than it should be and deserve all the credit he’ll lap up on opening night

Bobby: that’s what I think

Libi: It definitely wasn’t a one-woman mission

Libi: you’ve done loads, for example

Libi: we’ll have our own afterparty of sorts, and he won’t be invited to make a speech 😏🙌

Bobby: Only props which anyone who takes art could’ve done but I’m not gonna say no to a 🥳

Bobby: is Louie invited?

Libi: I think everyone but the teachers will have to at least be offered an invite

Libi: wrap parties are tradition… I think 🤔😋

Bobby: what about China and Jake?

Libi: Yeah, them too…

Libi: In American films they go to diners, we could do an equivalent, not necessarily a party party

Libi: so we don’t look like we’re ‘taking over’ or whatever

Bobby: Let’s go to [somewhere that has an american diner vibe because I’m sure there is] they have the best 🍨

Libi: Yes! 💡

Libi: Who can be 😠😒🙄 at sundaes?

Bobby: J and J weren’t and they always were back then

Libi: Exactly

Libi: If they can manage to crack a smile, like

Libi: I won’t be heartbroken if certain people don’t want to do it but not going to be accused of any more cliquey-ness

Bobby: me either but I’d be 😁 if we were the only ones there

Bobby: which is why I’ll never be the main character of anything but a really low budget indie

Libi: I find socializing exhausting so I can only imagine how much more you do

Libi: Much easier staying kids and not being expected to do anything we didn’t 100% want to, yeah

Bobby: yeah

Bobby: have they done Peter Pan before? Be more fun than shakespeare

Libi: Not that I know of

Libi: we should ask Ms Howe

Bobby: Alright, but I won’t mention to her how I reckon Jake and Louie could fight it out for who’s gonna be the 🐊⏰ depending which one’s the fastest at taking your hints you’re not interested once this play’s over

Bobby: Or that China’ll have to be 🧚 if you’re Wendy

Libi: Ugh, don’t! She’d LOVE the outfit, if she could convince Mullan to let her wear it… 🙄

Libi: I’d cast her as Nana for the shade of it all, as I’m such a bitch don’t you know, but she’s far too lovely a dog to warrant such a miscast 😏

Bobby: Mr Mullan will probably wanna cast me when he realises it’s not a talking 🐶 she’d have a fight on her hands again 😏

Libi: I think you’d look excellent in a bonnet 🤭

Bobby: I’d rather be the lil brother with the 🧸 be a good luck charm and a weapon against dickheads if needed

Bobby: he’s too young to say much anyway if I remember right

Libi: You’d get to wear pajamas for the whole first act too 👍

Libi: Again, not to sound like a broken record about it, making Peter deaf could be really interesting and make the plot even more heightened

Libi: There’s lots of things he doesn’t understand about real life and real people because he’s immortal, if there’s that added communication barrier between him and the lost boys, it makes the way he is even more logical, in its way, it’s a easy, perhaps a little cliche way, to show he isn’t an ordinary boy

Libi: Not to mention the relationship he and Wendy manage to forge despite this would break the audiences hearts even more when they inevitably lose it

Libi: Clearly, I’ll have to write this persuasive essay for Sir before the next play is decided 😅

Bobby: 😲

Bobby: that’s SUCH a 🥇💡

Bobby: now I’m actually speechless

Libi: I’m pretty proud of that one, ngl

Libi: need to expand the 💭 but it’s got legs, right

Libi: I thought our last idea did but there’s less wriggling out of this, it being a fantasy and all

Bobby: Like you said, we’ll go to Ms Howe, convince her and let her worry about dealing with him, I’ll help you, transition year is a massive faff Jim was right

Libi: Is it nice to have the break though? After your exams last year

Bobby: 🤏 work experience is the best bit by far though and I don’t get many breaks there

Bobby: gonna have to start going 🛌 proper early like I’m 👴

Libi: ⏲ if you mean it

Bobby: 💔 but yeah

Libi: 💔 is easier to deal with than 🥱 in the morning

Bobby: Dunno about that, maybe when it’s Louie on the receiving end of the 💔 and you’re 🥱 of his 😍

Libi: Shh, don’t remind me

Libi: dreading this reply more than my homework

Bobby: [knows her well enough that he writes the kind of reply he knows she would send and it doesn’t even sound like a pisstake]

Bobby: ✔️

Libi: See, you’re a natural actor

Libi: that was a little TOO convincing, if anything

Libi: but I’m not in a position to turn down help 🙏🙌

Bobby: Not if you want me to come round and help with your homework before the ⏲ runs out and all

Libi: 😘