#ngl it's self imposed derealization but in a weird way it can become a huge comfort

[silasbug]

i haven't been able to get outside much lately, i used to always try to take at least one walk a day

i really miss it, especially the evening walks along barely or unlit paths

one of the reasons i prefer not to wear my glasses (most of the time) is that it gives the world comfortable fuzzy edges

i don't have to see the dirt, the grime, the sharp details, it all sinks into a familiar blur

it's not surprising then, that i prefer walking at night, without clear vision, because it allows everything to meld together

i don't have to worry about anything

sometimes i find myself surrounded completely by the black, and i have to grope around to find my way, or squint to catch even the tiniest bit of reflected light

and sometimes that has scared me (due to believing in things, as i do)

but i like that fear

it can feel almost like sensory deprivation when i listen to certain ambience as i walk, makes me feel like i'm entering another world entirely

it's a full body sensation- my limbs will begin tingling, everything feels light and floaty, like walking through a heavy cloud

nothing feels real anymore

i like losing myself in that

i miss it a lot