#next to everyone is a disaster in this
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Mathieu van der Poel in Glentress, Scotland, during the 2023 UCI World Championships
#i mean yeah obviously it sucks that he crashed during the mtb xc race#but uhhh the little cheek+chin grazes are extremely hot#mathieu van der poel#merry christmas everyone!#really hope he doesn't have as many high profile mtb disasters next year 🙏#hopefully those ramps will be clearly marked in paris
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thinking about black sails and "everyone needs a partner", and how throughout the show the only one without a consistent long term partner is billy
#black sails#billy bones#there's gates in s1 (who then is murdered)#and then billy spends the next three seasons trying to find a partner and always losing#he loses silver to flint#he loses ben and the others to silver#even signing up with woodes rogers ends in disaster#and at the end he's all alone again#if flint's story in 208 was true#then billy spends all that time looking for a (somewhat) stable family dynamic to replace the one he lost as a child#only to be disappointed at every turn bc everyone he chooses is way more fucked up than him#it just makes me sad okay
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happy holidays, i hope everyone can rest well and take a break at the end of the year💖
#i hope this year has been kind to all of you and i hope 2025 will be an (even) better year#i hope i can be more active next year because i truly miss being here :(((#(as in this blog especially but my side blogs too)#anyway i bought bg3 on the steam sale LETS GOOOOO i can be a bisexual disaster now in a fantasy setting!!!!#i hope everyone is eating so well and can spend time with their loved ones!!!#shut up vivien no one cares
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also i love how when i mentioned the conference thing today one guy was like "so is pelin famous in turkey?" PLEASE WDYMMMM 😭😭
#im literally just a guy who has a bachelors degree and decided to do something way out of my league#and they actually let me do it. woaw#and i feel like i will be out of place 😵💫 and my only choice is doing it online truly i hope it wont be a disaster#i actually wish i had the chance to do it in person but also i would probably kill myself over it u know#also loooove how everyone was rlly interested in the topic and asked questions and stuff#hope they dont ask insane questions tomorrow tho like 😭😭 please im just a guy w a bachelor's degree idek what im doing here#like the next panel my LITERAL PROFESSOR with an academic career and a phd and everything else will be presenting#LIKE WHAT AM I DOING HERE HOW DID YALL LET ME INNNN 😭 i dont know anything 😭#🗒#anyway yeah . it's cool im okay. ysah
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haunted once more by a dumb character idea
#tma guy. anatomy student turned archives assistant (sent as the most unsubtle spy possible on nikolas orders. elias finds it all very--#--funny adn their constant misery in the eyes sanctum is a sweet boon) who slowly tears themself apart under such a restrictive existence#the best they can get while still having to have a Singular Identity for the time is subtle appearance changes (eyes colors--#--changing. minute tweaks to features. a new nail length / polish each day. the most drastic they can get Appearance wise is--#--hair bc wigs exist as an explanation for why theyre walking in the building w a buzzcut one day and braids the next) and lying constantly#--abt their life outside of the job (a constantly rotating cast of characters who Never have the same characteristics as the last time--#--they mentioned them. a husband a boyfriend two daughters a mother a cousin from out of town a brother who moved to america etc etc). at--#--one point (after sasha gets Not Them-ed ? lot of tension between the two strangers bc of the assistants non-interference stance--#--that had the not them stuck in the table just a bit longer) they have a complete breakdown in front of martin bc of the stress and--#--babble abt how every single member of their family expects too much and has left them for dead and how they want to go HOME#tim runs into them at the club one night while theyre playing the part of a COMPLETELY different person and it is a very strange--#--time. a stranger wearing a party city mask of your coworker#the tma timeline has faded a bit from my head but i like the idea of them somehow weaseling their way into survival even after the--#--not them is entombed by leitner. they signed the contract so they cannot abandon ship the circus has stopped responding to their--#--messages and elias makes a point to swing by and just Watch them regularly while the archives fights to not collapse in on itself#like the name jane for them. jane doe and Also a cute bit of name sharing w jane pretniss lol#a little less certain abt this but also like the idea that when the pressure is REALLY bad but b4 the not them disaster the assistant--#--would ask the rest of the archives staff to call them by a different name w no explanation just to be able to shake off the fetter of--#--a Set Name for a day. its a different name every time and the running theory w everyone is that it is either a trans thing or a very--#--convoluted joke. the second time they do this sasha ends up getting them a label maker + two of those 'HELLO MY NAME IS' name--#--tags. one for 'jane' and one for any different name they choose that day. a genuine + caring gesture that absolutely devastates the--#--assistant because now they are BRANDED with a name
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A friend and I discussed stuff and. Lotsa thoughts down here
#disney titans#i think the part that really fucks me up is just#how similar some of this was to my childhood. imagine having to do your schoolwork in a closet in the front administrative office.#because you were too much for the teachers. imagine knowing everyone around you thinks youre bad#and you don't know WHY they think it. but they think it so loud you start to think it too.#and the next thing you know that anger and pain is being turned against them like a sword and shield and it doesnt protect you.#it only makes everyone angrier. it reinforces their beliefs and you don't know how to make them see.#and the fact the titans are metaphors for natural disasters. they're inevitable. they're not evil or malicious. they simply represent thing#is it a crime to have a purpose? even if it's not pretty?#even if it hurts?#the olympians thought so. and now. they kind of think so too.#theorizing like a goober
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I feel like the weight of the last week is finally hitting me and I maybe need to sleep for 48 hours but I just drank a ton of caffiene so I guess I'm gonna read instead.
#maybe next time I go thru a natural disaster bandaging my emotions with memes is not the way#the problem is that when people around me are panicking my natural response is to be calm#its not so much a 'mom friend' function as a 'someone's gotta lead and everyone else is falling apart so I guess its gotta be me' function#so anyway the last week I have been holding myself and my neighbors together and now its friday and I am alone and its all kinda hitting#im emotionally fine I'm just EXHAUSTED#and I'm trying not to focus on the 'what ifs' but i could have lost my house#i could have lost my car#i almost did#tbh I probably could have died last saturday in the chaos of the disaster#and everyone was panicking so much that I am only just now getting to process#ANYWAY HAHA#sorry to get personal#tags on my blog are my journal sorry#personal#prolly gonna delete this later after a hot nap#but I gotta burn off the caffiene first
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i wish more people understood the concept of activism burnout and compassion fatigue. you do like genuinely have to pick your battles, and that usually means something local that you can make a real difference with. if you get overwhelmed with every problem nothing is going to change.
#i have friends in organizations similar to DWB and the like. and when there are disasters they are sent overseas to go help.#whereas my focus remains here because i cant handle more disaster relief tbh and thats. thats okay.#i still take part in programs for queer rights in local politics and providing aid to those without permanent residence#i get that like. its frustrating to hear people not talking ab whatever Your thing is#but they also have Their things#absolutely fucking no one on this website has ever spoken about the rising houseless and opioid problems in new hampshire. but i still help#headspace hotel is right. if you hear about every disaster and think you have a personal responsibility to do something for all of them.#youre going to lose hope so so so fast bc it feels like the world is unfixable#but its not. its just only fixed a little bit at a time. on a very individual level.#everyone talks ab activism and caring but theyd make more change by googling ''charities in my area''#unrebloggable for now bc im mostly just venting tbh#fortunately this is pretty much only an issue online so i know when i do my next thing itll feel like the world is okay again.#until then this is a worrying rise and im really worried that younger people will think activism is useless#or worse that if you see someone not talking ab a specific issue youll assume they dont care at all#when theres just nothing they can do.
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Me looking at one of my fave next gen uf dynamics: what if i made it fucked up
#abi speaks#the specific thing that spawned this post is. almost def not happening but like#the steady loss of everyone you've ever loved relying more and more on someone as everyone else dies around you#combined with grief and pain that you simply cannot afford to heal from in this disastrous world#and someone who can glamour themselves. who you trust and know deeply even if it's not like that#and just pretending for a few minutes that they're someone else entirely#uf next gen is jsut fucking traumatized af tbh but :) fun!#the funny thing when i say next gen at leastin this context is that it's really the next generation of a whole#not just warrens bc i've been slowly sketching out those family lines#and dont worry theyre all their own disasters too#(yes i am looking at my girl alicia marks and our fave lesbian noir p.i. robin montana)
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god im so done with this rigged shitshow
#they literally took on K I D S ���AGAIN!#but now the kids haven’t even had the right experience or enough skill progression to really thrive in the idol industry#like I actually can’t believe they’d throw away an ace card like chanelle at the drop of a hat!#and sorry but the judges and their biased backsides can fuck off fr#THEYRE the reason this is happening#chanelle had more than enough votes from everyone but them iM SO MAD#and jihyun :((#my girls were two of the most well rounded and versatile participants on the show and they just OUTED them like they were nothing?#not to mention all the international clout they got just by featuring chanelle#I hate this so much I hate it here I’m so done#just watch r u next lose half of its fanbase now..gonna lose SOOO many viewers#people just ain’t gonna bother cause it’s honestly a shitshow ..like debuting a 15 year old with only a month of training? PLEASE#there have literally been people training for years on that show who are far better than [redacted]#debut line gonna be a disaster from the get go I’m afraid#i can’t even be happy that yuna yongseo jiwoo and minju got to the finals#god this sucks#r u next
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idk what to do because normally being on tumblr and seeing everyone’s thoughts and memes eases the post eurovision depression but this year was so disappointing… i feel like it’ll just make me sad all over every time i think about it you know, even if we’re all commiserating it’ll just be a reminder
#eurovision#here’s to next year ig#sweden being insufferable about hosting even if it’s petra who i love#lots more bland pop songs because that wins apparently#everyone singing in english#what a disaster i don’t understand what happened#i know my taste isn’t the general eurovision public’s taste i was expecting to be disappointed but not THIS disappointed#there is nothing about the shows that i can remember fondly#i didn’t think the songs were that weak i really liked most of them#but the show was such a let down i was way happier about this year before the actual performances#eurovision season was good but eurovision itself not so much😔
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i had a couple tasks i was putting off for legit like a week that were very scary and loud and i got them done omgg
#im. so scared of literally nothing literally 5 minute ass tasks which not completing could severely alter the course of my next few months#it's soooo hard being so sexy and nd haha guess that just makes me better than everyone else (<- life is forever teetering on the brink of#disaster due to inability to perform tasks that are technically easy and doable for me but for some reason are Off Limits all the time)
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Too cute!
I used this to create a picture of a certain couple I've been thinking about a lot lately. Here we see Dimitrius enjoying Ceres' stubborn attempt at understanding the whole mortal romance thing.
Long time no see! I made another picrew for my friends, please enjoy :)
#picrew#How a Thief Stole the Devil's Heart#yes hello I present to you my bisexual disaster couple#been working on their story for a while#I hope to share it with everyone sometime in the next 30 years...
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Istg having a queer friend group is like having enough plot points, trauma and character development to make a fully functional 15+ season show that has so much going on that you're not sure if you love the show or hate it.
#disaster's posts#everyday we be going through shit istg#im hoping next season will be better for everyone#queer ppl be going through it#queer stuff#queer teenagers
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sometimes i remember last year when i went on my first trip far from home alone, and just how long, and how lonely, the train ride was from my home city to my destination. ive had so many lonely nights in my life, ive had times feeling so, so deeply alone. and yet that 11 hours where i was alone in the train stop, on the train, and on the bus to my destination... it was the loneliest hours of my entire life. not to mention me almost missing the bus and nearly getting stranded in chicago, i was so fucking scared.
and i dont know i dont have a point here, i just think about it sometimes. i had always wanted to ride a train, but i didnt think it would be alone, and that i would be so unsure as i was sitting there. going alone hours from home by myself was just... terrifying. everything was fine, but it really couldve not been, and i dont know. i even remember when i was lost in chicago that my friends, who were also there to switch transportation to the destination, tried to find me, but i had luckily found my bus by then, and i just remember seeing them outside the bus wishing i couldve got to go up to them, latch onto the only people i knew for several hundred miles.
it just kinda sucked. it was a good thing in the end and i dont regret most parts of that trip (but the parts i regret arent relevant to the train), but that truly was just... damn.
at the least, on the ride back home, i was so tired that i slept through most of it.
#my post#personal#at least on the other loneliest nights of my life. i was still at home. or out with people i knew.#but i was alone on a train going through fucking ILLINOIS FUCK ILLINOIS I FUCKING HATE ILLINOIS ITS SO FUCKING BARREN and i was homesick#and i was so worried about so many things going wrong... i dont know. what a recipe for disaster#i joke about hating chicago (mostly because its in illinois and because of the bean) but genuinely when i was lost and trying to ask people#if anyone knew where i needed to go. everyone was very nice#funny enough the only person who was kinda not nice was the. fucking employee i had asked about the bus.#but all the citizens or even other tourists or whoever they were. they were nice. i hope theyre doing well#i hope the next time i get to ride a train that its with someone else. it was truly a lovely train#also the grilled cheese i got midway through the ride was good. fucking scorching (ha) hot but good#can you imagine me whos already terrified to talk to people and i was terrified i would get kidnapped or who even knows#and i walk up to these strangers hundreds of miles from home like. do you know where i need to go :[#i feel like i usually have some form of lost puppy energy in public but it was probably off the charts there#cannot overstate how relieving it was that everyone was so fucking nice like genuinely i just need to emphasize
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I've pretty fucked up my period cycle 😬
Since I started taking the pill I've fully respected the three weeks/one week of placebo with period timing.
But when I saw it meant I would have my period for my trip I did what everyone told me they do and I skipped the period week to directly start a new tablet so I will skip my period. Or so I thought.
I've been having my fake period for two weeks now 🙃
#misc#it's a less big flow and it's not painful#but it sure didn't stop my period at all#im on second week of the new tablet and it didn't stop shit#everyone with an uterus does this trick and it works#but not with my fucking little bitch of an uterus#on the top of that#my pill was working well getting rid of my acne#and now the hormonal disaster I've created is visible on all of my face#plus all the greasy stuff i ate in Ireland probably didn't help#anyway next time i hear someone tell me 'why don't you skip the placebo week and have one tablet after another' i slap them
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