#negative stuff where/when i can and like. fob makes me so happy :') they make life very worth it for me as like. cringe as that may be idc

[thekidsarentalright]

so crazy how fated everything surrounding fob and i have been like no it isn't parasocial we were literally written in the stars i literally understand them on a deeper level than anyone ever w r soulmates‼️

[leahseclipse]

Thnks fr th Mmrs - (Event Fic)

++

Pairing: Spencer Reid x fem!reader

Warnings: Not that I am aware of. (Please let me know if something should be added later on.)

Summary: Just two idiots in love, but none of them have the guts to say it. Eventually one of them will do it, a bit late tho- but, better now than never.

A/N: HELLO!! Here I am, roughly one month after my last fic, this work got all of us busy, which lead to a bit of panic on the last days, but (I think) we made it all in one piece.

This work is part of the Fic Swap organized by @imagining-in-the-margins, with the help of @sunlight-moonrise! I’ve had the opportunity to write for @spencer-reid-in-a-pool- which is AAAAAAAAAAAAAAA, I love her so so so so much. This was awesome to do. (And yeah, for those who got the ref, the title is from one of fob's songs. I had NO other idea and found this one cool.)

Word Count: 8.7k

++

        As much as I wished for it not to haunt me another day— I still had this one problem, written into my brain with bright red ink, unwashable, as it seemed.

I hated to recall that it still remained there, as if it was an unsolved case that someone would have put into archives and brought back up when they were clearing out the shelves.

Unfortunately, it didn’t get lost, I just forgot it was there, and my brain had the wonderful idea of presenting it back to me.

I appreciate it. That was— quite nice.

It wasn’t that I hated it, I just didn’t like the thought of having to deal with it at barely eight in the morning, just before actually dealing with the problem itself— in person.

That problem—couldn’t be someone else but the only one Spencer Reid, the resident genius of the team, or the baby sibling for some of my co-workers.

Once again, I do not dislike him, on the contrary, he’s one the closest person I have in my life to this day, I wouldn’t imagine my life without him.

The problem is mainly directed towards the love, sentimental kind of problem.

Especially when the concerned person isn’t aware of it.

It gets complicated when you can’t even hide your feelings when they’re near.

I get all nervous and weird when he’s in sight, the proofs are right there.

 I remember them all, from the time I broke a mug when I tried to reach it as he was talking or when I almost fell down the stairs when he came in to work one day, looking like a literal god— and wasn’t even aware of it, the list keeps going on for miles.

And I’m still there, sitting with my feelings, waiting for something to happen.

I’m not even sure that he feels the same way. 

I’m here, admiring him, thinking about what could happen if I could resolve myself to talk about it, if he felt the same way, but strangely and for an unknown reason; I can’t.

This issue has been happening all week, the last one, and probably the whole month.

It took me time to figure it out myself.

I only saw us as two good friends at first; we’d hang out together, had the same hobbies, have long conversations without caring about the time, to the point that people would think that we were together.

But I guess that I never realized that he could be more than just a good friend.

And as it couldn’t be more complicated, in these cases, if none out of the two dares to make a move, or talk, it won’t go much further.

Which is exactly what’s been happening at this moment..

I’ve been liking him for a while now, and my brain doesn’t know to do anything else but attack me with as many questions they can come up with at the same time whenever I dare to think about it. 

What if he does like me, but only as a friend? 

Is it going to be awkward between us?

Am I going to lose my friendship with him because of that?

What if he says no? 

What am I left with? My stupid feelings that will keep wandering around, reminding me of my love failure?

If all of these are the things waiting for me till I decide to stop bottling it up, I better have to solve that, soon.

But at the same time, if I take a glance at the negative side, I’m just thinking that it’d be better to keep our friendship as it is, and just pretend as if he’s only a good friend I’m quite close with, not a possible lover.

Since when did I allow myself to see him as that? I wasn’t doing that before.

What caused my feelings to suddenly appear?

He’s always been nice to me, as with everyone else he’s close with, and as far as I’m aware of it, no one’s been in my situation.

If it ever happened, I’m sure that it was purely platonic and didn’t go as far as I’m at.

It’s as bad as a math problem.

Kind of ironic, considering I both suck at figuring out how to say I love someone, deal with feelings, all that love stuff; and at maths.

But, as I think about it further, he didn’t do anything to keep me from crushing on him either, even if he probably didn’t do it because he liked me.

There’s a 50% possibility.

He’d take me in his arms to reassure me, help me with paperwork when I was tired, offer to drive me home, re-filled my mug for me, act close, and by close- not as close as he is with the others.

A different kind of close.

So...who wouldn’t think that way, that he could like me?

He could possibly like me, but about that, I don’t have a single clue to know if he really does.

I do want to try to ask him, in one way or another, but the thing is that , if he doesn���t like me, what is going to happen next? 

Awkward silence? 

Is he going to try to reject me as nicely as possible to not hurt my feelings?

It could be really nice if anything would help me to make all of this mess any clearer.

I don’t want to end up drawing away from him because I can’t help but be in love with him whenever I look at him, but at the same time, I can’t say that I am, in case he’s not in love with me.

Spencer’s one of the most important people in my life; I wouldn’t imagine a day where I wouldn’t talk to him, and even if we’re busy, I try to say hi to him, at least.

I can’t quite imagine not having him ramble about his favorite subject, happy as hell because I’m interested, listening to him, and even participating in it.

I don’t want all of this to stop because of a mistake I could cause.

So, this week will be the one.

I’ll somehow resolve myself to bring up the subject.

I’m sure he’ll understand, he knows me better than anyone else in the whole team, has always been there when I needed someone, he’s always listened when I needed to talk, he helped me out with a lot of issues.

He’s always been understanding, whether the issue would concern him or not, so this shouldn’t be a big problem.

It’ll be fine.

I just have to relax sometimes.

I’m stressing out too much, and I’m pretty sure that he doesn’t stress that much about that, or any subject he might think about.

I even wonder if Spencer already noticed the changes in my behavior and is just waiting for me to talk about it because he doesn’t dare to talk about it as well.

He could feel the same way.

He could.

There’s a chance, a good one, I guess.

It can end well, and I have to keep thinking about the good outcome.

There’s no way he’d react badly, I know him,— Spencer is not the kind of guy to do that, in general.

I trust him on that.

So, today...or later, will be the right one.

It’ll go well.

It’ll be win or lose, basically.

I sighed as I looked at myself for the hundredth time for the past ten minutes, finally resolving myself to leave the apartment before I’d end up being late.

Which isn’t something I’d like to happen.

My ‘love problem’ counts as at least ten problems more than getting yelled at by a superior (if I’m not overreacting, at least) so I don’t really need that to happen, on top of that.

++

I have never been delighted to walk into the office, only to find paperwork from last week waiting for me.

We usually had the whole ‘Garcia runs into the office and throws papers at us before we gather in the conference room and immediately go on a jet at whatever unpleasant hour’ or just purely lazy days where none of us have the strength for any kind of celebration.

But today happened to be a calm one, we just had to do whatever task we had left to do before we can allow ourselves to go back home to either sleep all day to fix our long broken sleep schedule, or do whatever event we might come with, such as dates or trying to find a guy in a party, for some of us.

It’s nice that we don’t have to worry about when we’ll be able to come back to work, we just go in, do our task and go home at whatever hour, a decent one.

I’d say that this happened to be more than convenient -in a way- for Spencer and I.

More time for talking, hanging out together, mostly what we do when not on an active case.

If I’m not mistaken, I think that I may have heard one of them saying that we were dating because of how frequently we’d be found together.

I did want to say we were dating as a joke, but I was afraid that it’d end up being awkward after that if- as said earlier when I woke up-, he didn’t feel the same.

But at the same time, whether he feels the same way or not, I don’t really have a reason to think about that as Spencer wouldn’t react badly.

Knowing him, he’d probably play along.

At my arrival at the bureau; everyone was scattered a bit around; which wasn’t to be seen on a case day, usually.

We just had to hope we wouldn't have a surprise case to ruin it all.

As I greeted everyone before settling at my desk, I noticed one person missing.

Spencer wasn't usually late, so...I didn't really know what might make him late.

Knowing him, he may have woken up late because he had watched tv till 2AM, and ran to the coffee shop to not look dead at his arrival. 

Yep, that’s him.

Let’s hope he won’t break a bone when he’s going to attempt to run to not be late, it’s...yeah.

So, don’t rush Spencer, it’s calm as hell here, you don’t need a trip to the ER so soon in the morning.

“Oh, hey!”

I turned around to be faced with Spencer, papers in hand. “When did you get there? I didn’t see you when I arrived like...five minutes ago. I thought you weren’t here yet.”

“Oh, I was doing copies. I’m sorry if I worried you, I should have sent a text.”

“No- It’s okay, don’t worry. You’re here...now.”

“Yeah, I’m here. Do you have a lot of paperwork? Figured out we could talk in between.” He asked.

“No, I don’t have a lot, and...sure, I could use a talk- I mean uh...talk, yeah.”

That was a shitty save.

“I’m glad, I didn't want to bother you if you were busy.”

“Even if my whole desk was covered in papers, you know I’d always find a minute to talk. I get easily distracted.”

Please don’t take it the ‘love’ way, or just...don’t think I get distracted by you in a ‘not-a-friend’ way— gosh, I’m not gonna be able to save it with whatever sentence.

“You know that’s the same for me. I always have a hundred subjects popping up just when I try to focus.”

“Yeah, same. It’s a bit...annoying.” 

“Depends. It’s not really when you’re in them.” Spencer admitted.

Is this an attempt at killing me right on the spot? You’re really going to kill me by being so damn nice.

“Oh...really? I didn’t know.”

That was shit.

“Well uh...now you do that it’s not always annoying up there and that’s your part of the non-bothering stuff.” He pointed out.

“That’s the- same for you, yeah.” I answered, slightly nervous.

“Didn’t know we had that too in common, that’s funny.”

Not so sure about the other detail you don’t know about-

“We learn new stuff everyday at least. I guess it’s...useful to know? I don’t know.” I chuckled.

“Yeah, there’s not much to do with that information, it’s more of a...fact thing-y. You know I like that stuff.”

I raised my eyebrow. “Who doesn’t?”

“Yeah, everyone does at this point, but that’s a quarter of what they know, I think that you’re the only one that knows the most about me, not everyone.”

You have to stop before I drop dead on the floor right now.

“I have to remind you that it’s kind of the same for you.”

“People are definitely thinking we’re together at this point, we’re pretty close so they have every right to believe that.”

“Does it...bother you?”

“Oh, no, not really. You’re a pretty girl so that’s kind of...nice that they think that a nerd like me could be in a relationship with you.”

Okay, I just stopped functioning right now.

What am I supposed to even say? You’re a literal god, you’re handsome as HELL- 

“Oh- you’re uh- good looking so, that’s...normal I guess.”

“You think so?” He asked, unsure.

Oh, please. Tell me you’re kidding, it’s impossible that no one hasn’t told you of your AMAZING handsomeness, the fact that you’re amazingly-

Yeah, we got it y/n. 

“Yeah, really.” I confirmed.

“Thanks, I guess.”

“No problem, Spence.” I said, as we both went to our respective tasks.

At least I avoided a heart attack, that’s what matters, he just has to stop being so cute and pretty, all the time because I’m gonna have trouble acting like I’m not in fucking love with him if he keeps going.

Just- breathe, and focus on your work. 

We’re gonna talk together, and it’s gonna be okay.

There’s no reason that a problem would occur, I just had a talk with him, and it went...almost perfectly smooth. 

The ‘almost’ part is when I almost had a heart attack, which isn’t the first I’ve had with him, and won’t be the last.

If he would just stop being so handsome all of the time.

I sighed, reading the paper all over again as I lost focus...again.

As I was reading, my pen in hand and the tip of it slightly touching the sheet— I didn’t even realize that I had been scribbling on the paper, as if I was in middle school and bored in class all over again.

It was kind of….fun. 

I didn’t get to do that everyday, so I’d say that it was diversifying compared to any other stressful day where these...doodles wouldn't even happen or to be thought about because of the amount and importance of the work.

I still think about him, even when I’m busy as hell though.

He’s always in my thoughts, I don't know how he does it because I’m pretty sure I don’t do that with anyone else in the bureau. 

Is that kind of over thinking considered as an obsession or not at this point? I’m not quite sure of it anymore, but...it's not "psychopath, stalker-like", he's just an important person that matters to me.

I just really like him, that’s all.

He also told me that I tend to be in his mind often, so...I guess we're even.

I guess so.

“Hey, is everything...okay? You’ve been staring blankly for a...while. Is that my-” He started to point out.

I panicked, quickly hiding the papers with other ones. “What? Oh, uh...I was-” I blurted out. “...thinking.”

“You’ll probably have to...print out new ones. I don't think Hotch will accept papers with scribbles, you know. I can print out some copies for you, if you want?”

“No- It’s fine, I can go, thanks for asking! It’s nice of you but uh- I’m going.” I answered, as I abruptly clicked back on the software to print out copies, and walked to the breakroom after...awkwardly waving.

Why the hell was I scribbling down his name like I was...a middle schooler having a crush on her classmate?

I have no idea why, but this was...kind of embarrassing at the moment.

I seriously have to stop worrying about each thing that happens.

He probably didn’t care as much as I did.

I shook my head as I arrived in the breakroom, now empty as Luke and Matt had previously left from what I saw a bit ago when I looked in that direction.

I didn’t mind, at least I’d avoid embarrassment because of how weird my expression probably looks.

So, everyone, please don’t come now, wait until I pick up my papers, that’d be more than appreciated.

++

Should I call Spencer?

I don’t want to be a bother, I know he enjoys spending time alone off work.

Would he be happy to hear me?

I don’t know.

I’ll call him later, if I’m settled on it.

I’ve been pacing in that small apartment of mine for at least the last couple of minutes, or maybe an hour, I don’t have the habit of noting the duration of my nonsense usually.

I don’t even know why I’m pacing again and again just to decide about a call.

I’m sure he doesn’t even do that.

Does that mean it makes me...crazy?

Not necessarily.

It could.

Maybe.

I’ll just- whatever.

Do something useful like cleaning your apartment and answering emails, and you’ll see if you have a minute to spare to call Spencer.

That works that way.

See, you can stop stressing.

Just do another task to distract yourself and have less things to worry about, so it’ll be easier to decide about the ‘call matter’ thingy.

++

I did not call him, if that’s what anyone wondered.

The only call I made was with Penelope, after she called me numerous times to ask me about the books we’ve been yelling about for a few weeks.

I had supposed she had also wanted to talk about Spencer, as the whole office had been conspiring about our possible relationship.

But, she held it off, and cut the call after saying ‘I better hang up or I’ll be talking about the book for another decade’.

Kind of looks like me and my thoughts with Spencer.

I hope I’ll get to let all of those out, if we ever have the chance to have a talk about the feelings matter.

I never had that many ‘things matters’, I’m even inventing some new words along the way.

Crazy what love can do, if that’s what started it.

I can’t recall that either, I’ve been more focusing on the matter itself than the name of it.

Love will do, I guess.

++

“What are you up to?” I asked, peering over Spencer’s desk.”

“Well, technically...nothing new. I’ve been reading that for the past week, I tend to do that with books I really like.” He closed it, looking at me. “Is that weird?”

“Not at all. I’m doing the same with shows and movies, and even- who cares if it’s weird? If we like doing that, we don’t have to worry about what others might think about it.”

“You’re right, I shouldn’t worry that much.”

“I worry about small things too, you’re not alone on the ride.” I pointed out, sitting back at my desk.

“Glad to know I have someone I’m sure won’t judge on that.”

“I would never judge you on anything, well- aside from the ‘sugar’ matter we’ve been having for a while, nothing else.”

“You’ll be debating about it for a while then. I’m not about to stop having my ‘sugar with my coffee’, as Morgan says.”

“The amount you put in it is disgusting.”

“Not to me.”

“Well it is to me, and probably everyone else. How do you not get sick?”

“No idea. I’ve been doing that for years and never had problems of any kind. Maybe you’re all the ones that are weird.”

“Hey! You’re weird too. If you wouldn’t be, I wouldn’t be talking with you.”

“I’m less weird than you, at least.”

“Pff. Just get back to work, weirdo.”

I love you, weird genius.

++

No, I didn’t get to talk to him about the…’love matter thingy’.

We did spend a lot of time together but I didn’t get the nerve to find a way to ask, instead of going straight to the thing.

I have no idea if I was imagining things or if it was real but...he did look a lot like me, and...his look wasn’t the kind of look you’d give a friend.

He also seemed...nervous, I guess?

Would it be wrong for me to think that he could possibly like me, as well?

That’s better than always thinking he doesn’t, a little hope doesn’t hurt, it’s always nice to think on the bright side for once.

Maybe I could be right.

I kind of hope I am.

++

I didn’t think till now that it would be such a relief to see my whole desk cleared from most of the papers.

 I’ve turned in most of my reports- and that kind of sounds like I’m talking as if I’m in school and turning in assignments at the end of the day to be honest.

All of the papers that laid around were gone, and it kind of seemed like the work day had reached its end.

It kind of was a nice day, it’s nice to have days like that from time to time to take a break from all of the stress and shit from cases.

As I had gathered back all of my stuff, and all that was in mind was to walk out of here and rush to my apartment.

Just as I turned around, Spencer was standing in front of me; I didn’t even see him come by.

“You- gosh, you really scared me. Speak up next time.” I said, nervously laughing.

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to- Did you uh...get hurt?”

“No, I didn’t have- get anything. I’m okay, thanks- Are you going home too?”

“Yeah, yeah, I am and...I also-”

“You also…?”

“I wanted to talk to you...again, about something.”

I feel like that ‘something’ might be the ‘something’ I’ve been wanting to talk to you about for weeks.

“Uh, go ahead, I guess. I can’t really start the conversation as I have no idea what it’s about…”

“Okay, uh...I’ve been uh, wanting to ask, for a while, if you wanted to hang out, sometimes. I know we do, pretty often, but I’d be like...hanging out together, maybe dinner...” He looked elsewhere, searching for his words.

“...you mean a date? Is that...what you want to say?”

“Yeah, that! I just- I thought I’d be weird to ask you, just like that. I mean...it’s kind of random and I thought that- you understood the thing.”

Please, that’s what I’ve been thinking about for a decade, how could I not understand that-

“It’s not weird, I’m just...surprised?”

“Oh, I’m- glad? I just...didn’t think you’d accept and...I was kind of afraid that I’d make a fool of myself by asking you that.”

“Wait a minute though-  You’re really asking me out, right now? I’m not making fun of you, it’s just still...wow.”

I just thought you would never do it, or that I’d be the one asking and receiving a negative answer.

“I swear that I’m not. I’d never joke about that, especially to you, and since I’ve been thinking about it for a while. I guess I was afraid of the answer.”

“Please don’t laugh, or anything but...kind of the same thing was happening to me, about you.”

“So...we’ve been thinking about it, and none of us knew? Wow, that’s...I didn’t think that was happening all this time.”

“Seems so.”

“Have you been uh...thinking about it for a while, like me?”

“Kind of...yeah. I’ve...liked you for a while but, didn’t think you’d be interested. I’ve had a lot of male friends that were acting like you, but weren’t interested in me, so I thought...that was the case.” I admitted.

“You have no idea how much I appreciate you, and not only in a friendly way. I’ve liked you for a bit, and as I said, I was afraid of what you’d say, so...I told myself that waiting for the right moment would be better.”

“....yeah, same. I don’t think we’d ever get to have a conversation about it but- did you uh...resolved yourself to do it because of…”

“..the paper thing? Yeah, and no. It’s been on my mind for a bit. I just thought this would...kind of- be the right moment. I know that it's not the ideal place, but I just thought, it’s now or never.”

“At least...it’s cleared out?” I asked.

“Yeah, it is. I’m glad we know about...the feelings stuff and all.”

“You have no idea how I am. This is- wow, sorry, this was kind of sudden, and I...didn’t think that’d happen. Just this morning I thought about talking about it somewhere this week and now- did you read my expression or something and guessed or…? Because just as I thought about it, you talked to me.” I explained.

“I guess so. I’ve been thinking about it for a bit, and...I didn’t want to wait more as I wouldn’t have ever talked, as for you.”

“Would you have waited another week for me to tell it or would you have stepped in before?”

“I think it would have depended on where we would be. Because, if we were outside, I think that I would have preferred something nicer than a bureau, you know. Even if I like it, to be honest. But, I wouldn’t say it’s the best setup to ask someone on a date?”

I shrugged. “Not the best, but, it’s better than- I don’t know...a grocery store or something?” 

“Yeah- it’s better.”

“At least you’ll get a better shot at asking me out on another date after that one.”

“I’ll definitely do better.”

“I trust you on that one. But- I want to home right now though, I kind of miss my couch...and my fridge, maybe.”

“I’m with you on both ones- after you.” Spencer offered, as the elevator opened, stepping in after me. 

“Be careful with the whole gentlemen thing, you’re gonna have to bring me coffee everyday soon.”

“I’m already doing that with mine, bringing yours won’t hurt. You’ll probably have a bill at the end of each month.”

“In your dreams, Reid.”

++

The care that had been put by Spencer on our first date was truly amazing.

It looked like he planned it months ago, it could almost be seen as a kind of proposal if someone else would see it.

He insisted on picking me up himself, did not tell me a single thing about where we were going till we were there, which was weird...but made it exciting and fun.

I have to say that I was...quite nervous too.

I never even thought that I’d be here, on a literal date with Spencer Reid himself; I’ve had dreams about it, thought about it, but never thought it’d actually happen.

None of this was a joke, he was more than serious about it.

I don’t think that even one thought I had looked like this moment, he insisted for it to be an awesome first date we’d both remember for a while, and I wish it could have lasted longer.

Time went by, way too fast that when we both saw the time, it was already 10PM.

As we could have work, and that sleeping early would be convenient if we happen to be called in early, we decided to end the night there, even if none of us really wanted to.

“We should stay in next time. That way we won’t be tired, you know. It’s kind of late.” Spencer pointed out, as we walked to my place.

“You sure? It’s gonna be Grey’s Anatomy or whatever cheesy tv show I watch for the night.”

“I don’t mind. I’ll probably try to point out the mistakes, it’ll be like...a game night you know.”

“Oh, yeah. It could. But, I think I’m gonna be the one to lose as the only ‘medical knowledge’ I have from that show is from that show. And, as Google isn’t to be trusted, I’m gonna lose.”

“It could also include a...spot cheesy moments thing.”

“Season one is full of it. We’re gonna have a lot to talk about. I would have proposed Star Trek but apparently, there’s not much scientific errors, it’s pretty accurate from what I heard. We could settle on Doctor Who if we can’t decide.”

“Would you like it though? You told me you don’t watch it usually.”

“You could tell me about it, it could be good. We could also try Supernatural, it’s kind of mystery stuff with paranormal stuff?”

“Ghosts, spirit and the whole heaven/hell thing?”

“Yeah, there’s a lot going on. And...it's kind of in the title. I’d have to warn you though, I’m kind of obsessed with the main leads, so don't get jealous or something.”

“Don’t worry, I won’t judge you. It’s a judgement free-zone.”

You raised your eyebrows, staying silent for a split second.“...you judged me when I didn’t add any sugar in my coffee.”

“No, I didn’t.”

“Spencer, please- you looked at me weirdly, as if I committed a crime.” 

“Not in a mean way- I just put a ton, so, seeing someone putting none was weird.” He admitted.

“I’m judging you on that then. You’re putting way too much in that. It’s sugar with liquid at this point, it's melted candy.”

“I hate the strong taste.”

“Then drink tea.” I proposed.

“It’s too light.”

“Just end up drinking water.” I said, running out of ideas.

“No, I prefer to stay with my sugar with liquid.”

As you wish.” I agreed, as we came to a stop.

“So...we’re there.”

“Yep, we are. I’ll see you tomorrow?” I asked.

“Yeah, tomorrow.” Spencer repeated, coming forward to plant a kiss on my cheek. “Have a good night.”

“Spencer, you missed. You kissed my cheek.”

“Oh I- are you fine with it…?”

“Just kiss me, Reid.” I replied back, while one of his came on my left cheek, the other laying on my waist as he stepped forward once again, kissing me on the lips.

All of it was perfect.

It was only the two of us, the world around us had froze.

My arms ended up winding up around his neck as he brought me close, his warmth, smell invading my emotions, my whole thoughts.

I had totally forgotten about everything else, he was the center of my attention, I couldn’t allow myself to go on another track when he happened to be near me, this close.

Never have I thought that months ago, as I was crushing on a man I thought wouldn’t like me, would actually like me, and kiss me.

We were literally starting to date.

This better be real, I better not be in a coma after whatever accident I might have had.

Because this— this is way better than a dream, than I imagined.

I would be so mad if that wouldn’t end up to be real— but it is.

All of the things I’d feel, whether it was him, his hand on my cheek radiating his warmth on me, his breath, his lips slotting against mine, his arm enlacing my waist, the grip on my waist gentle, the feeling of the fabric of his jacket against my fingers, or even my own feelings, all of the memories, thoughts floating around, there was just way too many things to describe, but I could still list them all of a sudden if I were to be asked about the aftermath of it.

I couldn’t wish for a better moment like this.

I think that the fact that this moment was probably totally unexpected made it even more special for the two of us.

Neither of us will forget, ever.

This moment totally replaced the message written in bright red ink that reminded me that I still had these feelings laying around that I kept pushing away by fear of rejection.

The rejection seemed long gone, for me, he happened to be having similar feelings, probably fearing a negative event as well.

Turns out nothing bad happened for the both of us.

Only our truest desires, what we wished for but didn’t dare to as the bad ones were stronger.

The bad pushed the joy we could have really lived if the feelings were mutual.

And now, it is.

We both know that the other likes us, that the bad is long gone behind us.

I could tell that, from my side, because of this moment.

I didn’t want it to stop, ever.

I wished to live this kind of event that could give the chance for all of these amazing feelings to fill my whole mind.

No more fear, pain, sadness, just calm, reassuring, soothing feelings.

The ones that make you feel that nothing can hurt you anymore, that make you feel safe, happy, this is all I’ve ever wanted.

I didn’t even count how many minutes that lasted, I was too focused on...the wonderful person in front of me and all the feelings that came with it.

It was quite the overwhelming one, and for once, it wasn’t an unpleasant overwhelming, it made me feel happy.

Mostly because I’d never thought feelings could be so deep, numerous, amazing to think about, and then, even more happy feelings would pop up again, and again.

I’d almost forgotten we were still in front of my building, and that it was...really late.

I almost think that I didn’t remember the world had kept moving, that people walked by to see two people making out in the street.

I guess I sort of apologize, but don’t really care.

I was in my moment and did not care if anyone saw us.

When we both slowed down in our movements, ceasing after a few seconds; I slightly stepped back, letting his hand rest on my cheek for a little bit more when I put mine on his.

I simply didn’t want the feeling of his warmth to ever stop.

I did not want any of what this moment made me feel to ever stop after I had to experience it with no one but a person that deeply matters to me.

The only person I’ve ever wanted to feel this kind of amazing feelings with.

I didn’t want it to stop.

Not yet.

Not ever.

It was amazing.

He was amazing.

As we both started to take our breaths back, when his hand dropped from my cheek to my waist, joining the other, the feeling of looking in his eyes once again was astounding.

It was just a glance.

But, when you happen to be in total love, it isn’t just a simple glance, it’s always a special one.

What you feel about it won’t ever change.

I’m sure of it, in my case.

I wish I could be looking at him forever.

But...not that I want to ruin the moment but, it was really late, and windy.

Not the best time to look at each other for hours.

After a certain amount of time, Spencer had been the one to briefly break contact, before maintaining it once again, but with a different emotion plastered on his face this time.

“I’m sorry for...before, I panicked and I-”

Okay, here goes nothing.

“I don’t want you to go yet.” I admitted. “That's kind of the reason...I said and did that too. I wanted to kiss you but, it was also to feel you close a bit more, a four hour date wasn’t enough and I don’t think it’ll ever be.”

He seemed surprised at my confession.

Just say something, I hate it when there’s a blank.

Especially when I just said this to you.

“...if you want me to stay, just tell me.” He said. “I’ll be here as long as you’ll have me, as long as you want. Even for a whole week, a month, hell- forever, let’s be crazy.”

“You’d do that?”

“Of course! Why wouldn’t I?”

“I just feel like I would be bothering you.”

“You’re not. I’m actually happy to get to stay more. It’s not bothersome at all, on the contrary. I’m happy to stay.”

I’m happy too.

“Thanks for that. I really...appreciate it.” I admitted.

“The pleasure’s mine.”

“Wow, you’re playing it ‘gentleman-like’ now?”

“I guess so. I would also say it can be because I’ve seen a bit too much of Miraculous Ladybug when I was babysitting kids. Cat Noir’s nice.”

“You know lines of Cat Noir?”

“Yeah, I picked up a few one.”

“Really? You’re gonna say them all the time now?”

“Of course, my lady.”

“I’m never gonna get used to that. It’s weird hearing you say that.”

“But it’s romantic, there’s a lot in the TV shows you watch. The characters do that too.”

“But you’re not one of the characters, you’re Spencer Reid. You’re yourself. You don’t need to throw Cat Noir lines to charm me or something. Just you...is enough.”

“You sound like ladybug...and also Marinette.”

“We’re kind of them- well- kind of, as what we deal with isn’t...close to a kid’s show, but, we save people.”

“Oh, we should-”

“No, I’m not dressing up as ladybug for halloween.”

“...can’t say I didn’t try.”

“There’s no way I’m dressing up in a suit-” I argued.

“We would have been equal, I’d be in one too.”

“I’m not doing it-”

“...guess I’ll have to come up with something else then.”

“Yeah. We have at least six months to think about it so...that’s enough for me, I guess.”

“It’s short. We’re gonna end up one week before.” He complained.

“Stop worrying about that- just get inside with me, it’s getting cold.”

“I could give you my sweater and jacket, I don’t mind.”

“Just- get inside Reid.”

“I was joking!”

“Sure you do. Do you think I’d stay outside for another hour?”

“I just thought it was because you were cold-”

“I’m gonna check if you don’t have a fever when we get up- you’re out of your mind.”

“I’m perfectly fine.”

“Nah, you’re a bit tired, from what you said.”

“I didn’t actually mean it.”

“Sure, let’s get you to bed, grandpa.”

"I'm 32-"

"So?"

"I don't see why you call me grandpa."

"You don't have the reference? The meme, you know?"

"No, I don't."

"You're disappointing, Reid."

++

“Is it going to get worse in later seasons? It’s too calm.” Spencer pointed out.

“Uh...possibly. Season one is pretty calm, not- entirely, but...okay compared to later ones. There’s a lot going on in Supernatural, and it gets pretty hard when you get attached to the characters. The writers like to hurt us.”

“They’re taking all of the pain of the fans on twitter as inspiration.”  

I snorted. “I’m really starting to wonder if it’s not the case at this point.”

“I noticed they tend to do that at the end of seasons too. They throw in a cliffhanger where you think that the character is going to die, and then, they make you wait months...just to show they had a scratch on the arm.” He explained.

“It’s true...they did that a lot of times. I’m afraid of what’s going to happen after season one though. I bet it’s only going to get worse.”

“Probably. I bet they won’t be extra nice with letting them live peacefully.”

“You…” I stopped in my sentence, yawning. “...said it. Sorry- I’m a bit tired.” I said, rubbing my eyes.

"Oh you should probably- go to bed, yeah. I'll leave the bed to you, you know."

"Why would you sleep on the couch?"

"Uh...well, uh...I don't know."

"We're sleeping in the same bed, it's not the end of the world."

"...are you uh- sure?"

"I guess. I don't want you to be uncomfortable."

“I just figured that...it’d be sort of embarrassing, or even awkward for you.”

“I don’t get why it would be, it’s okay. Plus, you deserve to sleep comfortably if you’re tired as well.”

“Okay, then.”

I paused for a bit, thinking about a detail. “...It’s probably stupid to ask, but...which side do you usually prefer? Just so that, there aren't any problems if you sleep on a specific one, you know.” 

“Are you sure? I don’t want to be taking you side or anything, as you said, if you prefer a specific...one.”

“Why did you think I asked? And, in case we prefer the same, we’ll just settle on one, that's all I can think of.”

“...it wasn’t stupid to ask though.” Spencer reassured.

“Really? I...it’s not everyday that I ask that kind of stuff, especially as this situation doesn’t happen everyday. But, at least, I can say that I’ve already done it. It’s...something.”

“Yeah, same. It’s just...I don’t know, what would you call it?”

“Half stupid, half nice? I have no idea as well.” I admitted.

“...we can just leave it there, we’ll never find it.”

“True- Are you coming, or doing a whole routine like drinking water, going to the bathroom, tidying up everything, checking mails and all of the possible stuff that you could do?”

“Do you really think I could be doing that?”

“Kind of. Wouldn’t be surprising if you were doing that. But I’d say it’s a waste of time, if it’s 10PM, you end up going at 11:30 something. The least I’d do would be...water and bathroom. But again- I won’t criticize, it’s fine with me. Just don’t make hella noise.” I detailed.

“I just...check mails...a lot, yeah. Also uh...I make sure everything is ready in case we get called in so I don’t rush; so, I do a lot of stuff. But as if it’s a calm week, I guess I can skip getting the bag ready, and probably mails as I answer them later.”

“That’s...good to know at least. Less stress before going to bed.”

“Kind of. I tend to do all of the stuff I forget all day at night, which causes me to do a lot of stuff, being afraid that they won’t be done on time, so...it’s nice to have less stress.”

“Really nice after what you said.” I pointed out. “Are you sure you’re okay though? We’re only sharing a bed, it isn’t the end of the world, if that’s the thing that bothers you.”

“No, you’re not….it isn’t- It’s not the problem. I just, never really...did it, and...I have no idea why I’m stressing over that. It’s kind of stupid as we’re just gonna sleep.”

“You’ll be out like a light in two minutes Spence, it won’t be a problem if that’s what stresses you out. Also, it kind of is...the feeling you can’t describe, and me neither. It’s like...stress, awkwardness, a mix, you know.”

“Exactly, it’s kind of that.” He agreed.

“Didn't know we were thinking the same about that. Well, I guess we’ll see. We should go before it’s too late.”

“Yeah, we...probably should.” 

“Relax up a bit. Just chill.”

“I’m perfectly relaxed.” He argued.

“No you’re not. Stop lying, I don’t even need to profile you to know. You’re like a balloon ready to explode.”

“I really don’t see what you’re talking about, y/n.” He muttered.

“Did anyone tell you that you’re very convincing? Turns out they were lying, genius.”

++

“I think I’m the one freaking out now.” I admitted, out of the blue.

“I’m not really freaking out anymore. I guess I gave all of my stress away to you.”

“It’s quite thoughtful, thanks.”

“Maybe you’re just hot, who knows. I’m fine on my side.”

“I’m pretty sure I’m not hot, it was freezing cold outside, so it is inside. I know when it’s hot and when it’s not.”

“Uh then...try to take deep breaths? I don’t know what you could do.”

Why don’t you try to be less handsome, huh?

“I think it’s the awkwardness and stress mix kicking in, as I said earlier.”

“Do you want to talk for a bit? Maybe it’ll calm you down.”

“Sure, why not.” I agreed, turning to the other side to face him.

That guy has to realize that his face is what’s distracting me.

“What did you think about today?” He asked.

“It was...really fun. Quite more than I expected I think. I guess I’d be down for other ones.”

“I can’t guarantee I’m not going to slide one or two essays in it though.”

“I’m fine with it. You know listening to you...never bothered me. I don’t think it’ll ever bore me. Who doesn’t like a few facts?”

“Even when it’s all about science or pagan rituals? The cop looked at me weirdly and even asked what kind of doctor I was. Someone else had to talk to revive the conversation.”

You bet, not everyone’s used to it.

“I do remember that one. You looked pretty...proud about it when you finished the sentence. I swear that I would have revived it first or would have kept going. I know a bit about it. What did you say to creep him out?”

“I think that...there was candle wax on the tree, and I said the usual stuff, as a matter of fact, it was used to protect the birth day celebrants from demons, and that the celebration got rejected by Christianity as a pagan ritual’. That’s when he asked.”

That totally explains.

“It wasn’t embarrassing, don’t worry. He just...wasn’t used to that. That almost happens with every new person you meet. I’m out of the ‘almost’ I guess. I was surprised, but got kind of interested.”

“Again, that was surprising. Not everyone would have reacted like you did. I know the others try not to hurt me and listen to it until it’s enough.”

“It’s distracting sometimes, you can always keep going. But not too late, 2AM essays aren’t my thing. Sleeping at 2AM is.”

Getting to sleep at 2AM doesn’t even matter anymore, I’m just glad to be able to sleep.

“I’ll try then.”

“You better.” I warned, pulling my jacket closer to my body as I felt a few chills.

His gaze hadn’t left my figure, hence, he noticed. “...you’re still cold?”

“A bit, I guess.”

“Do you uh...want to...get closer?”

“If you don’t mind, I don’t know. I don’t want it to be embarrassing.”

“It’s not, I swear. I just don’t want you to freeze, I guess.” He admitted, raising one of his arms.

“Okay, thanks.” I slowly got closer, not wanting to invade too much.

“I said you could get closer, that is barely closer than before. Come here.” He pointed out, which I responded to with a sigh as my head ended up resting against his chest. “I told you it wasn’t weird.”

“I thought it’d be for you.” I answered.

“It’s not...anymore. It’s actually fine...now that you’re here.”

“...really? You were kind of stressed about it just a bit ago.”

“Don’t remind me, it’s embarrassing again now. Do as your brain is a computer and delete the file.”

You’re the computer, I’m not.

“It’s fun when you react like that, why would I stop?”

“That’s offending.”

“You, offended? I don’t think so. You don’t sound like it, you’re acting.”

“That hurted my feelings even more, I think my heart might die because of such cruelty. You should be careful with your words, my lady.”

“You’re starting to look like Cat Noir. It’s cheesy. I didn’t hurt anyone’s feelings.”

“Maybe I am Cat Noir, who knows.”

“Guess you’re gonna have to give back your power, you’re not supposed to say it.”

That shows how many nights I’ve spent babysitting kids, especially Matt’s, they watch it way too much.

“Never said I was.”

I kind of wish you were, it’d be fun to see you in that costume.

“Spencer, you sound like him now. You’re definitely him, can’t change my mind about that.”

“I just sound like him, doesn’t mean I am.”

“I have the last word, stop.”

“Okay, I’m stopping. But you have to sleep first, I’m not sleeping until you’re asleep.”

“...bossy.” I spat.

“I’m taking care of you, I’m not bossy.”

“...what’ver.”

“Whatever, right.” Spencer repeated, hesitating for a bit before putting his lips on my forehead, softly kissing it a few times. “I totally agree with you.”

“Mhm.” I lazily said, growing a bit more tired.

“Good night, y/n.”

++

Nothing much had been planned for today; so when I had woken up, I really didn’t need to feel stressed about rushing into work as most of it would only be paperwork.

Spencer was still asleep. He had stirred up a bit when I stood up, but it didn’t wake him much. He was sleeping as a baby, even when I accidentally banged my foot against a shelf, nothing woke him up.

I exited the room with a chuckle, heading to the kitchen aisle to fill up a glass of water; sitting on the counter when I had the glass in hand.

It wasn’t really late, just about 8AM, I could still head to work around 9 or 10 as our work hours were to be chosen by us when nothing urgent was to be done; but, the limit was still about 10AM, the hour to be chosen more freely was around the end of the day.

Too bad we can’t head in somewhere in the afternoon.

I hate that work just for that.

I slightly jumped from the counter, peering over the bedroom to see Spencer still sound asleep, only his position had changed.

As I looked in the room, his sweater had been messily put on one of the chairs in the corner, almost at the edge of it.

Time to make jokes and steal a sweater. 

I slightly laughed, walking to the chair as I grabbed the sweater, heading back outside when I had the item in hand.

In a few seconds, I had put my head in the top hole, then my arms in the sleeves, arranging the sweater afterwards.

Good luck to get it back, Reid.

++

“Hey, did you-”  Spencer asks, before putting his eyes on me. “Is that my sweater, or am I having hallucinations?”

“That is your sweater, indeed. You’re not hallucinating.”

“Is it being rude to ask why you’re wearing it?”

“I don’t know, I like it.”

“And...is it possible to get it back later?”

“Not sure….no.”

“At least you were clear.” Spencer chuckled, sitting on the couch as I joined him after a minute.

“Last night was really nice. I appreciated the forehead kisses.”

“I just...felt like it would be reassuring, glad to know that. I could do it often if you’d like to. I don’t mind.”

“Every night, no matter the situation. If we leave and don’t see each other for a few hours, forehead kisses, even if we don’t sleep at the other’s place, forehead kisses- basically every time we have to separate for a bit. But- you can also do it when we’re together, so...correction, all the time.”

“Gotcha, all the time.”

“I may give you back your sweater at some point if you keep your promise.”

“I don’t actually mind, you can keep it. Just tell me when you take my clothes so I don’t think that some alien stole my clothes in the night.”

“I’ll send you a text every time I’ll be taking one. You might receive a lot though…”

“Just try to leave two or three shirts and some pants so I don’t have to go out in the street naked.”

“I will- don’t worry.” I said, laughing.

“Too bad I can’t take yours in exchange. I’m not a fan of...tops.”

“You know what? That’s not a bad idea. I’m gonna take everything in your closet and only leave pants and that top. Thanks for the idea!” I thanked, getting up from the couch as he tried to catch me when I started to run.

At least now, I can’t say that I had a bad week.

It was better than expected;

For...probably the both of us.

++

If you liked this fic, let me know here!

[rock-and-compass]

7.02 thoughts

Okay. Here we go. I’ve slept on this but it was written while I watched the episode.

Under the cut because of negativity

The suitably vague “Years Ago” – I don’t think we’re ever going to get an explanation as to why everyone’s ageing is funky and exactly how long has passed since Henry left town…

A bit of friendly sword-play turns into sulky teen pretty darn quickly – Henry doesn’t seem nearly old enough or mature enough to be leaving home… although I guess there is nothing like leaving home to make you grow up quickly. And boy does he grow up quickly!

“This isn’t an ending Emma, there’s more to come.” …You keep trying to tell us that A&E…

Hook and Emma are clearly planning on expanding the family and, I guess, not finding it so simple…. I think this is supposed to reinforce the “Emma is too pregnant to help” discourse that runs under the episode.

Good god, you just happen to have that magic message-in-a-bottle bottle lying around and just happen to mention it now. How many times would that little piece of plot convenience have come in handy?  dark swan; missing hook; wish world; baby Gideon . . . every other freaking time that a character has been missing, lost or trapped. The thing with fantasy is that it still needs rules – to make anything conveniently possible with a new magical item that is then never seen again undercuts the narrative and makes the story trite. If you want people to be summoned to other realms then establish a method via your story, not just produce yet another artefact that can miraculously do what you need done. One of the core tenants of this show was that travel between realms was hard – but they’ve broken that rule so many times while still pretending that it holds true that it has become ridiculous.

Another realm … more “years later” yep. Continue with the vague. And Henry’s “in love” already to the point where others are noticing. So no slow burn for Hella then.

Why would Henry say “Captain Hook” into the bottle? Surely is would be “Emma, Regina and Killian” as Henry has called him for, jeeze I don’t know the duration of the proverbial “years” that have apparently passed. But I guess this is why WishHook is suddenly also in this new realm…

And now we are suddenly in “Today” sheesh. The break-neck speed continues.

“Rogers” asking about Emma complete with CS theme has potential. Well Didn’t that turn out to be a big old tease?

“People should be given a second chance” Hello theme of the day.

Still don’t get why the step mother has so much control over Lucy. It’s annoying and doesn’t assist in building any interest in the Cinderella storyline.  The newcomers acting continues to feel contrived and pantomimic, particularly Lady Tremaine and Co.

Such clunky dialogue – “where’s my other mother?” not “where’s mum?” or even “where’s Emma?” Could they make it any more transparently obvious that this is an explanation session for those legions of new viewers that this spin-off has failed to pick up.  The writing really is subpar this season, even from Jane Espenson who I always thought was better than the rest.

Hmmmm – so Hook when covering for Emma’s whereabouts, lies to Henry, at Emma’s request, about “what really happened” so Henry doesn’t drop everything and go running back to Storybrooke but can “get on with his life”. I wonder when we will find out what this is . . . or is it meant to be the baby news. It’s very vague.  Still, nice to see Regina’s opinion that “Emma is wrong” get shut down so efficiently by Killian. If only people had done that more often in Storybrooke… One must suspect that Regina is not concerned with telling Henry the truth as much as she is desirous of using this information as a way of getting her son home…

What is with Weaver’s voice?

Who are these people???

Ugh. I really really hate that Wish World and everything associated with it – Wish Hook included! This is a massive stumbling block for me. I was on the fence before – if it had been Our Killian, I probably would have continued with the show. But not with this. I can’t go forward with a show when it has just become a mockery of itself. Killian and WishHook are NOT the same person. One is a bad joke taken too far. The other is a character that I genuinely love.  I can’t commit to WishHook even if he is magically made to resemble GenuineKillianJones. As WishHook himself says, with absolutely no logic to underpin his explanation, they may have had similar beginnings but life and experience took them in very different directions so nope, not the same person.

The biggest issue for me is that WishHook was created with a wish just a few “years earlier” in season 6 - he didn’t actually exist before this. HE DOESN’T HAVE THE HISTORY THAT THEY APPARENTLY WANT US TO BELIEVE HE HAS. HE LITERALLY DIDN’T EXIST BEFORE THE WISH WAS MADE. He is a theoretical construct created out of the malicious twisting of Emma’s once uttered wish that she was not the saviour. The Wish World was not factual. Emma would not have actually been that meek little princess if she had been raised by her parents – the WishWorld was an insulting, twisted fantasy that is now infecting the entire show and we are supposed to embrace that caricature, that glib joke of WishHook as our substitute Killian. Others might like it, but it’s not for me.

It’s like, in life, we are all products of our choices…. Let’s say you had a choice between two paths – Path A and Path B - you have to choose one and there is no going back. You pick choice A and follow that road until the next set of choices presents itself. Path A becomes your path and effects and influences the person you become.  All the possibilities from choice B cease to exist. That path is closed and all the potentials it offered become purely hypothetical. There is no alternate “you” walking down Path B. But this is what this stupid premise wants us to accept and the upcoming episode titled “The Garden of Forking Paths” would seem to confirm this. And it might make sense if there had been time travel involved but there wasn’t – it was a wish and a new wish at that.

And didn’t Regina discover that WishRobin was not “her” Robin - HE WAS NOT THE SAME PERSON and he ended up going back to the wish world where he belonged. So sorry, I can’t accept the Killian and WishHook are “the same person” as a justification for reinvesting in the show.  I was invested in Killian Jones, not a very poor wish-born imitation. Unfortunately, it smacks of the writers wanting their cake and to eat it too – they want Colin/Hook in the show but they also want to facilitate Emma’s exit and preserve CaptainSwan’s happy ending.  So okay, I’ll take the slice of CS cake and go away and eat it, but as a consequence, I’m good and full – I can live without the slice of WishHook.  

Colin is great as Killian but his “officer Rogers” is kinda bland and underwhelming. Sorry. I know I’m the minority on that one. Lol.

Ugh Rumple.

No. no one would pay $550 to see a kiddie ballet concert. And all this Hyperion Heights stuff is just a bit . . .  boring.

Gaaaaaaah how could a recently created wish version of Hook have a daughter????? Sorry I can’t buy any level of care for this silly plot contrivance. There is no logic at all.  And it all feels so emotionally manipulative – they tell us Emma and Hook are having a baby but we’re never going to see that one come to fruition so they fob us off with WishHook and his freaking WishDaughter trying to make mileage off the fact that mush of the audience would have loved to have seen Emma and Hook as parents.

Lol. Regina is such a loser. She can’t find a life outside her adult son. One might theorise that she isn’t truly happy living a ‘good’ life… And Henry continues his pattern of being the parent in this relationship when he suggests she stay in the new realm.  Yeah, another reason I exit at this stop. And she was added by CGI into the goodbye scene. Hilarious.

Oh Jaysus… the exposition in that final WishHook/Henry scene at the bar – we didn’t have time to show it all so we’ve got to tell it (and add in a dash of completely superfluous Roni in for good measure)

Final thoughts: The episode was underwhelming and not an appropriate tribute to Emma Swan.  I’m happy that Emma and Killian are happy in Storybrooke – though it would be nice to at least know the name of their baby. I’m glad they are free of Regina and Rumple and that the whole town gets to live in peace and far away from those two utterly horrible people. I wish the story was continuing in Storybrooke, not Hyperion Heights. With no Emma and no Killian in Hyperion Heights, it’s just not a place I’m interested in. But, can I just add that I was prepared to keep watching if it had been the real Killian in Storybrooke. Yep, I know that would have meant that Emma and Killian would be separated yet again, that the CS baby may not have been hatched . . . but you know what it would have given me?

Hope.

…Hope that one day there was a chance, ever so slim or remote, of seeing Emma Swan again. Rogers would have automatically bee an altogether more compelling character because he wouldn’t be an imposter – he would have been our Killian, with an opportunity to have a story outside Emma but also to keep her as an important part of the story, even in her absence. That would have got me back. As the story stands, with the ending we were given, I have literally no hope or expectation of ever seeing Emma and Killian ever again. I do feel the choice not to keep authentic-Killian in the story will cost them in the long run – I think it was a short-sighted narrative choice that allowed them to exit Emma with no fuss or consequence.  So yeah, for me, personally I would have preferred to have seen Killian and Emma as part of the curse (I would have made Emma an inanimate object ah la Beauty and the Beast or as a swan or a cat or whatever – They promised us that whoever cast this curse learnt from the previous one so what could have been a more important lesson that neutralising the saviour.) Yes the fandom would have been furious but they still would have had a reason to watch – I mean, those OQ fans are still begging for Sean to return… but they’ve exited Emma and Killian in a way that effectively silences the fandom.

I’ll accept the nice ending because it means that Emma and Killian get to live on elsewhere, but unfortunately, it also means I’m done with the show.  

[cisco-fics-4-all]

Sleeping All The Time

Hey everybody. It’s RJ. I’d like to say I’m back, but I’m not sure if that’s true, so I’ll settle with I’m here for now. It’s been a wacky ride, getting on my new meds, taking on more shifts at work, trying to get through the day with bitchy customers and a head full of psych meds. It’s honestly been exhausting, and I’ve been doing all I can to muster up the energy to come back, but it’s frustratingly harder than I anticipated. This little piece is a product of a long nap, and a few FOB songs to get me in the spirit. I know there are still a butt ton of requests waiting to be filled, and some asks waiting to be answered, and I’m not gonna ignore them forever. But for right now, I’m taking it one step at a time. So as a sort of...apology for all that, heres a small Cisco fic, hope you all like it.

“Cisco!” Pablo called as he bounded up the stairs, brandishing a very confused cat in his arms, “Cisco check it out, I taught Iggy a new trick! Cisco!”

“Shhhh!!!” Pablo froze, met with a scowling Francisco, the confused Iggy cat scrambling from Pablo’s arms. “Do you have no concept of an inside voice?!” Francisco demanded, gripping the tops of the banister so tightly, his knuckles were white.

Pablo eyed his doppelganger’s grip on the wood, and imagined Francisco would rather it be his neck, but was restraining himself. “S-sorry,” Pablo mumbled meekly, “I was just...I didn’t mean to-”

“Lay off him Francisco,” Cisco instructed firmly, “she’s still asleep.” Francisco did as he was told, but shot a lasting, smoldering look of warning in Pablo’s direction  before turning and dropping dejectedly on the couch. Cisco managed a small smile at his more chipper doppelganger, “what is it you wanted to show me buddy?” he asked politely, calmly, but Pablo knew Cisco, and even if he didn’t, he knew himself. All of the Cisco’s had similar nervous tells.

First was the hair tucking, whenever something was going a little sideways, you could find any Cisco with his hair down tucking it behind his ears carefully. Next was a common one, lip biting, nervous Cisco’s tended to nibble on their bottom lips, sometimes without noticing, which Cisco prime was doing right now as he looked down at Pablo. Third, and possibly less common among the four of them, but still obvious, was the pocketing. The two of them that were career engineers tended to be animated with their hands when speaking, but when they were nervous, those animated hands got tucked securely in pants pockets, probably Pablo guessed, to avoid worse habits like nail biting, or knuckle cracking. Cisco was displaying all three indicators, hair tucked, lip in his teeth, and hands snug in his jeans, and Pablo knew that a nervous Cisco was never a good sign.

“What’s wrong?” Pablo aked, ignoring the question about what he’d wanted to show his doppelganger.

Cisco seemed surprised at Pablo’s intuition at first, but then shook his head realizing it probably wasn’t too hard to piece together from his perspective. “Nothing,” he lied, shrugging his shoulders, “Francisco and I were just worried you might wake RJ.”

“Wake RJ?” Pablo repeated with a frown, “I thought she was awake, I just saw her eating cereal an hour ago.”

Cisco nodded and began to open his mouth to explain something, but Francisco butt in. “She went back to bed idiot, I didn’t realize that was such a hard concept to grasp.”

“Hey, thats enough!” Cisco snapped back, “you don’t get to treat him like garbage just because you’re worried. You know he’s not like us.”

‘Not like us’ stood out to Pablo, making his stomach turn with his own nervousness, his lip finding it’s way between his teeth. “Did you guys vibe something about RJ?” he asked softly, “something bad?”

Francisco made an exasperated noise, but kept his mouth shut. Cisco let out a weary sigh, giving his doppelganger another small smile as he shook his head, “No Pablo, we didn’t vibe something bad about RJ.” He glanced back down the hall towards RJ’s room, a place where all four of them used to congregate quite regularly, but now hardly ever saw. The twisting in Pablo’s stomach got worse, and Cisco seemed to sense it. “Come on, lets go outside for some fresh air ok?” Cisco suggested, nodding towards the back deck door, “I’ll explain it to you out there, alright?”

Pablo nodded hesitantly, climbing the last few steps he’d been stopped on, and following his doppelganger out onto the deck. The sun was bright and warm, and the sky a pretty shade of blue, with massive fluffy white clouds drifting lazily by. Normally a view like that could brighten Pablo’s day in a snap, but with all this strange secrecy about a problem Pablo had yet to know about, the view was unimportant to him. “Is RJ gonna die?” Pablo blurted out the question before he had time to stop himself, the worry in him bubbling to the surface like mentos in coke.

“What? No!” Cisco assured him quickly, “Jesus no...it’s nothing that serious,” he said the word ‘serious’, then seemed to back track and added, “ok well...it’s nothing that detrimental, I should say.”

“Cisco...” Pablo whined, tears brimming in his eyes, “I don’t want RJ to die, I don’t want her to be in pain at all, I just want her to be happy and healthy like always, I don’t want-”

“Slow down buddy,” Cisco quickly intervened, putting a hand on each of Pablo’s shoulders to steady him. “I just said she’s not gonna die, so take a breath and let that sink in before we continue, ok?”

Pablo nodded, doing as instructed while Cisco did the same. He held his breath for a count of ten, then let it out slowly, the twisting in his stomach eased only a little. “Ok tell me,” Pablo said swiftly, squeezing his eyes shut, “what’s wrong with RJ?”

He heard Cisco sigh again, felt his hands fall from his shoulders, then heard “There’s nothing wrong with her,” his eyes snapping open in a confused and accusing look at his doppelganger. “Ok well there is something wrong, but not like wrong wrong...it’s more mentally wrong than physically?” Cisco tried to explain it better, but knew he was failing, after all it was difficult to talk about someone elses’s struggle, you weren’t in their place, you didn’t know the extent of it. Cisco took in another breath, “Ok look, you know what depression is, right?” he asked, hoping Pablo wasn’t as much of a Disney prince as he seemed, and was familiar with the concept of such all consuming negative feelings.

Pablo frowned as if trying to do a particularly hard math problem in his head, “Yes…?” he replied slowly, “I mean...sort of...that’s the thing that you have because...well because of...umm,” He glanced sideways nervously, then whispered the name he wasn’t sure Cisco wanted to hear, “Dante.”

To Pablo’s surprise, Cisco smiled, even while nodding in the affirmative that Pablo was right. “Yeah ok, I do have it, and some of it is from losing Dante, but there’s other parts to it as well,” he nodded to the chairs positioned around the deck table, taking a seat himself.“The important part is that you know what it is,” Cisco continued, leaning forward with his elbows on his knees as he explained, “depression is a mental illness, it’s sort of like...you remember when we had that Harry Potter marathon?” Pablo nodded, not sure how Harry Potter was involved, but listening intently to what Cisco had to say. “Ok, well it’s like being attacked by a Dementor,” Cisco went on, “all the happiness is just sorta...sucked out of you, and you just feel like nothing is worth while, and nothing is good, and nothing makes you happy, and everything makes you tired, and just-” he paused realizing he was rambling, then shook his head, “basically it sucks, and there’s no cure for it, but you can sort of wrangle it into remission with medication and stuff.”

Pablo nodded, absorbing all of this information, and applying it to RJ. “So...RJ has depression?” he asked, wanting to clarify, “that’s whats wrong with her?”

Cisco nodded, “Yup,” he replied, then sighed as he sat back, “and right now, she’s having a hard time wrangling it, so she went back to bed because...well because it seemed like the best thing to do.”

Pablo nodded, then nodded some more, looking almost like a life size bobble head until he asked, “Isn’t she on medication?”

Cisco sighed again, nodding as his eyebrows drew together. “Yeah, she’s on new medication though, and it sometimes takes a while for depression meds to work, if they work at all.” He drew his lip up between his teeth again, gazing thoughtfully into space, “That’s why Francisco is so grouchy, he wants the meds to work for RJ, but theres nothing he can do to make sure they work, and you know him, hes always got a back up plan, only theres no way to have a back up plan in this scenario, so he’s stuck waiting it out and it’s driving him up a wall...it’s driving me up a wall too.”

Pablo frowned at Cisco, watching a sadness come over Cisco’s eyes as he continued to gaze at nothing in particular. He leaned forward, placing a hand on Cisco’s knee. “She’ll be alright though,” Pablo said rather than asked, “she’s always alright in the end, so she’ll be alright this time too.”

Cisco’s eyes focused on Pablo’s face, taking in the determinedly confident little smile Pablo had. “You think so?” Cisco asked, a small smile of his own quirking his lips.

Pablo nodded, “I know so,” he assured Cisco gently, “I mean, she’s got us, so we can make sure she is.”

Cisco’s smile fell slightly, “Pablo, theres no way we can make sure she’s -” but Pablo cut him off.

“Sure there is!” Pablo declared with a wider smile, “I mean no, we can’t do anything about her medicine, but we can do it in other ways,” he was practically grinning now, “we can keep her company, make sure she eats, make sure she sleeps well, make sure she smiles every so often,” he shrugged as if he were listing the simplest tasks in the world, “she’ll be right as rain in no time!”

Cisco let out a soft chuckle at Pablo’s enthusiasm. “You really think we can help her that much?” he asked.

Pablo nodded, “Absolutely,” he replied, “it worked for you didn’t it?”

Cisco smiled at that, “Yeah...yeah I guess it did.”

Pablo smiled back, “See, we can do it, one step at a time.”

“What are you guys so smiley about?” Cisco and Pablo turned towards the door, a groggy RJ gazing down at them.

“I’m sorry darling, I told Pablo to be quieter, but you know how he is-” Francisco was apologizing behind her, but Pablo had jumped to his feet.

“RJ, you’re up!” he rushed her with a hug, “I’m sorry if I woke you, I didn’t realize you needed more rest,” he took a step back, smiling at her the whole time, “do you need anything, water, a snack? Oh, did you wanna see the new trick I taught Iggy?”

RJ blinked at him, the sun and his chipper attitude almost blinding her. “Um...I am thirsty...” she admit, managing a small little smile.

“Ok, I’ll get you some water, or did you want something else? Tea? Coffee?”

RJ smiled a little more, “Tea sounds lovely actually,” she decided, “Earl Grey with milk and honey?”

Pablo nodded, “Coming right up,” he declared. He moved past her carefully, shooting a smile at Francisco as he glared suspiciously at him.

RJ squinted out at Cisco, “Were you two talking about me?” she asked running a hand through he sleep mussed hair.

Cisco nodded, “Yes,” he told her honestly.

RJ frowned, “Nothing bad I hope?”

Cisco shook his head and smiled., “No, nothing bad.”

RJ nodded, “Ok...good.” She scratched her head again and yawned, “Sorry I’ve been sleeping so much lately, I just -”

At that Cisco stood, shaking his head, and taking her face in his hands. “You have nothing to apologize for,” he assured her earnestly, “you get all the rest you need, we’ll be here when you come back.”

RJ gave him a pouty little smile, batting her sleepy lashes at him. “You promise?”

Cisco nodded, “Promise.”