#needed to shout into some sort of void abt it all. nobody's home rn and i've just been like. crying from pain and exhaustion by myself

[mariska]

so fun and cool and good having incurable and difficult to manage connective tissue disorders and hypermobility at the same time......so awesome i love it........woke up yesterday literally screaming in extreme pain from a sudden dystonia flareup in the entire calf of my left leg (this has happened many many times before unfortunately so i know exactly what it is by now whenever it happens) and now the muscles in that part of that leg just dont want to move at all and i can barely take a few steps out of my bed or my recliner without feeling like its gonna trigger a bad attack again. past few weeks i've been dealing with a flare-up of the opposite kind of problem where my (full body) hypermobility has been making it very painful and difficult to brush my teeth because i have to stand at the sink counter for a few mins while i am doing that and the areas around both my kneecaps keep extending backwards way way more than they should and it hurts so bad that it makes me feel like my legs are going to give out on me entirely and i will just suddenly collapse. that hasnt happened yet thankfully. but. just sucks so much. i've had some success controlling symptoms like this in my hands and arms with both compression gloves and splint braces (for my carpal tunnel specifically but i cant wear them very often because i pretty much lose all of my already poor motor skills when they're on and i cant hold anything or use my phone or grab stuff im just like. stuck with unusable hands despite the pain relief) but i don't have anything i can use like that for my legs without making this specific calf area pain much worse. i have one of those air boots from foot/ankle injuries in the past but the top of it stops like EXACTLY where the pain and stiffness is the worst in my calf so wearing that would just add more pressure to the spot and trigger a flareup again. this is absolutely miserable i am so tired i've barely gotten any sleep for like two weeks because theres very loud daily construction involving sawblades and hammers and drills happening in one of the houses thats attached to my family's house and the work starts at like 7 am some days and goes on until the mid to late afternoon and the one pair of noise canceling headphones i have cant even block it all out because of how close it is to me anywhere in my house. i just want to sleep and not be in pain and not be completely overstimulated and entirely burned out 24/7. im so so tired